#everyone i know except my physiatrist and my mother thinks i'm not trying hard enough | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

inalucky · 2 years ago

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there's such a long list of interests and hobbies i've wished i pursued for years but never started. even the hobbies i have i hardly partake in because i'm constantly simultaneously exhausted and restless. i don't even do my schoolwork most of the time; the once in a while that i can force myself to do something it's that. i have all this curiosity and interest and people used to say i was so smart and i'm letting all my passion rot away but it doesn't feel like i can physically do anything else.

#i want to learn aboyt linguistics and philosophy and computer science #there are so many movies i want to watch and books i want to read #i want to pick up coding again #i want to play guitar #i want to write stories again but i haven't written anything for years #i want to paint more #i love painting i know i do #i know this one's outlandish but i want to learn to fence #i used to want to learn about the stars and space so bad but i never started learning about it and my curiosity rotted #i know even a normal person can't do of these things but they maybe could do two #i don't have an excuse for it other than my shit brain #it's not like i'm putting all my energy into schoolwork- i'm failing my history class #(despite finding it interesting as all fuck mind you. it's not like i don't care)#i don't have a part time job #i have friends who have a 4.0 and a job and all these hobbies and friends #why can't i do any of that?#something is wrong with me and the doctors agree but the doctors said the medicine would help and it doesn't #everyone i know except my physiatrist and my mother thinks i'm not trying hard enough #and honestly i'm not trying but i'm trying to try #i'm trying to try so hard and failing

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