#everyone go say happy birthday to her while it’s still dec 13 !!!

[zreamy]

in honour of @asahicore day please enjoy these images i’ve taken while with asahicore (w the exception of lego sunghoon which i made for her while she was away and the targeted tshirt which is literally a screenshotted tumblr ad) i love this girl beyond 🙏💕⭐️‼️

[just-like-playing-tag]

A totally self indulgent compilation of my favorite works on this blog of the year June 13, 2020 - June 13, 2021

2019-2020

The following lists are all in chronological order according to the date each post was first published.

Top 10 panel edits:

#1: It's our first morning

Date: Aug 20th, 2020 Time: ~ 2:18 h I really like how this one turned out!!! The 2020 Emma b-day edit has a lot of major panel redraws, but this is probably my favorite. I I really enjoy how I made the shadows work!! And the ear banfage looks pretty neat. Nice!!! Immagine

#2: Norman birthday edit 2021

Date: Mar 20th, 2021 Time: ~ 2:21 h Awww, soft Norman :') There was a bit to redraw, but I think everything turned out pretty neat!!! I believe everything works out fine. Though looking back at it, the part of the ID I added is definitely top small :')

#3: Manga dub: Yuugo gets knocked out

Date: Mar 27th, 2021 Time: ~ 5:05 h Here start the Manga Dub redraws to which I gave my everything ahah. This one turned out nice! I think the shoes turned out particularly good eheh. I like how Yuugo's clothing lineart- for the texture, I wanted to go for something heterogeneous, but I'm not fully confident in the final result. Gilda looks very rushed but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#4: Manga dub: Yuugo makes his dramatic entrance

Date: Apr 5th, 2021 Time: ~ 4:02 h This is pretty cool!!!! The coat took ages to redraw, but sis it turned out perfect!!! I'm very proud of this.

#5: Manga dub: RayGildEmma hug!!!

Date: Apr 9th, 2021 Time: ~ 1:31 h Awww, a beautiful panel I was really happy to have the chance to redraw. Taking into account what there was to redraw, I'm actually surprised with how little this took! Ray's backpack was a pain to make, but I think it turned out fine. I'm very happy with Emma and Ray's heads!!

#6: Manga dub: Formalities

Date: Apr 12th, 2021 Time: ~ 5:31 h It is not always easy to give sense to Demizu's perspective, but I do my best!!! In this I am *so* happy with how Don and Ray turned out, they look neat! The background on the other hand... It took hours to make ahah. I'm not fully confident in the perspective, but I'm happy with the details I've added- I really did my best to make it look like athe other manga panels and I think it paid off!!!

#7: Manga dub: We may be weaklings, but we're still alive

Date: Apr 30th, 2021 Time: ~ 1:37 h This little Emma is so cute!!!!!! I think the redraw turned out pretty perfect. I'm really satisfied with how this one turned out, and it's such a cute little Emma!!!! She's so brave and optimistic, I love her. It's a shame this panel didn't make it to the episode :')

#8: Manga dub: Goldy Pond Gang

Date: May 7th, 2021 Time: ~ 8:44 h lmao This is probably the panel redraw I'm the most proud of ever :') Just think everyone turned out very nice!! The ceiling is not exactly perfect, but it still works somehow. I'm very happy with how Gillian's back turned out!! I don't really like the fading effect on the right, but 8h in I got pretty tired of working on this ahah

#9: Manga dub: This is Goldy Pond

Date: May 21st, 2021 Time: ~ 1:29 h I'm very glad for how the Manga dub has been challenging me to learn to redraw backgrounds, something I had quite literally never tried before. It can be a little frustrating, but it's so satisfying to see the final cleaned piece!! With this panel, I also learnt to use copy and paste, which is something I had never done before beyond texture

#10: Manga dub: Good morning doctor

Date: May 21st, 2021 Time: ~ 3:42 h This is another background that turned out pretty good!! That one Norman is one I knew I would have had to fully redraw sooner or lager- the background was a bonus ahah. I'm very happy with the final result!!

Top 5 edits as whole:

#1: The Promised Neverland manga ending edit

Date: Jun 14th 2020 Time: ~ 12h 41min (5h 45min of cleaning panels in the edit + 5h 37min of cleaning panels that didn't make it to the edit + 1h 19min of resizing) + time spent cleaning panels I've deleted the file of so I can't see lmao This is overall very nice!!! The concept of an Emma evolution through her back is cool, and I think overall the edit turned out very aesthetically pleasing. The concept idea came to me while I was working on the 2019 Emma's birthday edit, a long time before the manga ending announcement- back then I wouldn't have imagined using it in occasion of the manga ending, but I think it ended up making a nice tribute. The colors add a nice touch, since so far my edits had always been black and white- it makes a sweet closure. To make that edit I selected 76 panels of Emma framed from her back; I plan to make other versions of that edit using the discarded panels eventually!

#2: Emma - Chapter 181: Beyond Destiny

Date: Jul 12th 2020 Time: 2h 57min My last edit for the manga 🥺🥺 I think this one is my very "manga ending edit" because to me it really signed the ending of weekly chapters and their weekly chapter edits. It makes me a little sad to look at it, but it's also, I don't know, kinda sweet to see how I grew both in my panel cleaning and as a person since I first started my blog. I'm glad I got into TPN!

#3: Emma birthday edit 2020

Date: Aug 22nd 2020 Time: 8h 54min This one turned out so well!!! Though I used the same concept for all the trio edits, I think this one is the best one. The two panels on the left / two panels on the right alternation combo never fails ahah. The colors are nice (shout-out to my sister for making me a palette), despite the fact that it was hard for the lighter ones to make them work with the images without having those disappear. I'm very satisfied with the panels I chose for this, I think they work really good together! Also, it got me very happy to read everyone's comments saying they liked the fading effect in the last panel :)

#4: Emma + Eyes Close Ups [1/?]

Date: Jan 24th 2021 Time: 5h 55min This one was really nice!! Another idea I got when working on the 2019 Emma birthday edit I was glad to finally execute. Started the edit in September, finished it in December. I'm overall very happy with how it turned out... I hope I will be able to make more in the future!

#5: The Promised Neverland Parallels → (9/?) » 114 // 122

Date: Feb 23th 2021 Time: 5h 7min (panel cleaning only) Aaaaahh I really like this one!!!! A parallel I love very much, and I'm really happy with how the edit turned out. All the hair redrawing looks neat!!!! The gif is maybe a little excessive, but I think overall it's a nice edit. I like it!!! Fun fact, I completed it on August 26th 2020, but I couldn't find the right moment to post it ahah.

Honorable mention: The Promised Neverland Parallels → (5/?) » 08 // 16

Date: Aug 30th 2020 Time: 2h 52min (Second picture cleaning only; I deleted the first picture art file so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) I don't have much to say about this one except!! It turned out very nice!!!!! Love the pen lmao.

Top 10 analysis:

Too many analysis,,

#1: Post chapter 181 Emma analysis

Date: Jul 9th 2020 Mmmh a nice analysis. I think it was important for me to put down in words what I think of Emma's characterization and the manga ending, so I'm happy I did it!

#2: A long Oliver analysis because I love him very much

Date: Dec 6th 2020 What can I say I just love Oliver tons 😔😔💕💕 This was very fun to make!!!

#3: TPN s2 previsions

Date: Jan 14th 2021 Really love the effort that went into this + me proving that 11 episodes GP could have possibly worked + it's just a lot of fun to read again after s2 ended pffft

#4: More s2 delusional previsions lmao

Date: Jan 27th 2021 I think the points and previsions I made where pretty neat!! In my defense, it was pretty impossible to predict the anime would have ended with this season. I always feel honoured when friends and Anon ask for my opinion, I'm like "you wanna know what I think? Wow. I'm flattered (◍•ᴗ•◍) " Thank you to anyone who ever sent me an ask!!

#5: Why Emma not wearing pants is 𝕨𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘

Date: Jan 29th 2021 Really proud of this!!! Pants Emma is important!!!!!

#6: Post episode 5 manga Emma analysis

Date: Feb 4th 2021 A depressed analysis, but a necessary one 😔

#7: Norman analysis

Date: Feb 12th 2021 I love him!!!! And I'm happy I eventually got to put down in words what I love about his character. The day I posted this ww3.readneverland was in maintenance so I couldn't use the volume scans for it- the thought of that post having fan edited and fan translated scans still haunts me

#8: RayDon rambles

Date: May 12th 2021 I had a blast writing this and like. It's likely the post of mine I reread more often of them all. I love this ship tons!!!!! I'm satisfied with how I put down in words what I like about them. I LOVE THIS SHIP

#9: Chapter 58 analysis

Date: May 23th 2021 I've wanted to express this concept since like the first time reading the manga- I'm so happy I finally did!!!! This concept is one of my absolute favorite things about tpn- the feelings that people are good. The concept that kids who got to live in an healthy and supportive environment will always be inclined to kindness and altruism, because humans are just inherently good. From the Three Character Classic: “people at birth are inherently good”. I want to have faith and courage to hold on the goodness in myself, and to hold on the goodness in the world, no matter how difficult it to do that (Chloé Zhao).

#10: Norman and Lambda squad relationship analysis

Date: May 24th 2021 I think this was a pretty sharp analysis and I like what I did with it!!

Other stuff:

#1: Krone birthday edit

Date: Jul 15th 2020 This edit is so good ;; Like not perfect since it was my first attempt at coloring gifs but still I believe it turned out so good ;;;;;; The time and effort that went unto this is crazy, but... Maybe I'm happy to have dedicated time to something I like for a satisfying result.

#2: Get to know my ship- Wolfpack Trio

Date: Aug 24th 2020 Uuuh a good post. A good ship.

#3: Gilda + blank glasses

Date: Aug 27th 2020 This is such a cute nice compilation!!! I love looking at it. A few panels are missing but still :')

#4: Apollo Ray AU

Date: Sep 7th 2020 (Though it was written Sep 2nd 2019 lmao) I'm so happy I finally gathered the courage to post this 😭😭 I really enjoy what I did with this AU, so this one and its other installments are all posts I have a lot of fun rereading. More than everything, I was astounded and overjoyed by the positive response it got: that gave me tons of confidence to put my ideas out there, no matter how unique they sound!!! Here's to hoping I will be able to post my RayEmma Hadestown AU, by other big AU from late summer 2019 :')

#5: TPN timeline project

Date: Dec 2nd 2020 This is like. I don't know it's a lot ahah. Arguably the project I'm the most proud of ever making. I'm just so happy of all the months long hard work and of the final result!! The post didn't receive much response (though the ones I got were extremely kind and sweethearted so that totally makes up for it), but in the end I don't really mind? I'm just so proud I accomplished that idea :')

#6: TPN calendar

Date: Jan 4th 2021 A nice sum of the tpn timeline + everyone's birth dates!!! I really like how it turned out visually. It's a cute little tpn calendar!!!

#7: Ray smiles compilation

Date: Jan 17th 2021 Ray's smile. That's it that's the post :')

#8: Trans Oliver headcanons

Date: Jan 24th 2021 MMMH really like this headcanon I think about it a lot

#9: Thoma and Lani theory

Date: Jan 28th 2021 I really don't want to brag but this is the best joke I've ever made :')

#10: My TPN AUs

Date: May 10th 2021 Ok you gotta admit those are very good AUs, I'm glad to have made a list out of them!!!

#11: Ranking Emma promotional art outfits

Date: May 16th 2021 This is one people seem to have liked a lot which makes me happy ahah. I'm glad to know we can all agree Emma deserves more pants outfits!! Please stop it with the gendered clothing :') This is the post I want to be remembered for

#12: TPN musicals AU part 2

Date: May 20th 2021 A GREAT POST I can't stretch enough how happy I am with those character-song associations. I hope I have time to make a part 3 in the future!!

#13: TPN Drive folder

Date: May 30th 2021 This was born as a way for me to have all the tpn extra contents easily accessible, but I'm happy to have shared it with people- I hope it will turn out to be useful to others too!

#14: TPN s2 recolorings

Date: Jun 12th 2021 A more diverse children cast is good for the soul :')

That's it, this year was really fun!! Thank you to everyone who supported me through it, I can't express how grateful I am for all the kindness and validation I received. Here's to many more months in the fandom!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

[phereinnike]

my name is lucia and my favourite saint is st lucy, but it's not because of her name, it's because of her eyes. i started wearing glasses when i was 2 yrs old, had eye surgery when i was 6 and i am obsessed with eyes and blindness. so lucy it is. i would say also because she's tragic, but aren't all saints tragic? and 13th dec is a great date, i love anything that's on the 13th and it's exactly 2 months before my birthday so that's a plus. lucy 💜

i also like st nicholas because he's the patron saints of seafarers (i'm making this up in english as i go, i hope seafarers is the right word) and kids and i live in a port town so he's obviously a big deal. also i like leaving my boot ony windowsill and finding candy on the 6th dec and i used to be deadly scared of krampus (really don't know how to say his name in english) and st nick is his enemy so yeah, nick too ❤

Oh goodness I’m so sorrry, I just saw this message! The tumblr askbox works as well as ever... which is not at all! 

I always love hearing personal stories about people and what they find comfort in, everyone has such a unique perspective on things that are important for them and that brings them warmth and the world just feels kinder knowing there’s so many things out there that even if they don’t bring something to me, are making existence brighter for someone else. Thank you so much for sharing yours with me! 

All saints are definitely tragic, a big thing for me while searching was trying to find a saint who was happy and that wasn’t celebrated for suffering and damn it’s difficult. 13 is my favourite number! so that’s definitely a neat date. And 13th of february is such a good day for a bday, so close to chocolate on sale to celebrate haha 

I live on a port town too so I see a fair amount of st nick around! In Spain instead of giving st nick the boot on the 6th of Spain we get our presents from the three magi, but we still live some cookies out for him. 

So far in all the research I’ve been doing I’m leaning towards St. Olga of Kyiv and St. Mary Magdalene!

[subtletruamadumping]

Family Group Chat

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This is a formatting-based poem, so it doesn't translate too well to Tumblr. I did my best to convey the same feeling using colors, spacing, and the limited amount of formatting that I can change. Some of these "texts" are lifted directly from real-life texts, calls, emails, and letters from my family.

TW: Religious imagery, homophobia

Date Written: January 16, 2022

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Dec 13, 2020

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Aww, look at this cute Puppy! Such a sweet doggie!

So sweet! What’s his name?

Grace! Punk cats are Rhett him. >:C

Cats are good at being punks.

Dane are Hannable

Cute

Dec 22, 2020

MERRRY CHRISTMAS!!

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU ALL ARE GOING TO BE COMING DOWN THIS YEAR

Dec 23, 2020

Sorry, we have to quarantine since everyone’s back from school over the holidays.

I have to work and can’t get any time off. Have a  great time!

PLEASE let me KNow if you are coming down for CHRISTmas.

I have the presents under tree alreaft!

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I can’t get time off so I won’t be able to come

Uuuhhhh, that suks! D:

Dec 25, 2020

MERRRY CHIRSTMAS!!

Your cousins were GOOD grandchilden and came to visitm e! Look at  all the fun they had!

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Merry Christmas!

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Merry Christmas

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WHEn are you visiting? Wehn is school out? Come visit!

Still in quartineten. 

We’ll let you know when we are available. 

Jan 1, 2021

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Feb 2, 2021

Wish your mother a happy birthday

Apr 6, 2021

Mom said you wanted to know my new address.

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Tnank you!

Tell me what you need and I’ll send it to you!

May 15, 2021

:C

I haven’t heard from you for a while.

Wish your sister a hapy birthday. 

I work a lot. Sorry.

OK well let me know wne to visit!

Aug 18, 2021

HaPPY BIRTHDAY!

Happy birthday!

It’s your birthday.

Thanks

Oct 3, 2021

Call me.

Oct 5, 2021

Call me.

Oct 6, 2021

Call your mom.

Oct 10, 2021

Have your mom call me.

Oct 11, 2021

Call me.

Why are you ignoring me?

I’ve done so much for you.

Oct 13, 2021

Call me.

Call me.

Oct 17, 2021

Call me.

You’re so ungrateful for eveyrthign I’ve done for you.

I sent you a card on your birthday and you can’t return my call?

Oct 18, 2021

Why won’t you call me?

I work at night and sleep during the day. You know this.

Then why are you wasting your time texting me now?

Oct 19, 2021

I see how it is. Nothing to say to me?

Nov 2, 2021

Still refusing to speak to me?

Nov 2, 2021

Is there something you need to talk about?

I miss you and there’s no reason for us to go months without communication. That’s crazy. I may not agree with your decisions but that doesn’t mean I can’t be a part of your life. I don’t want you to turn out like your older sister. She didn’t like what I had to say so she just abandoned me and spread lies behind my back. She’s kinda a turd to be honest. I  don’t want you to act like that.

Just get in touch.

You disagree with who I am as a person. Not my “decisions”. Being bi isn’t a decision. It’s just me. Comparing me to her is hurtful. I don’t keep in touch because you’ve shown over and over that you don’t respect me. You can’t bring yourself to accept me for who i am and that is not unconditional love. i won’t change or pretend to be different just to make you happy.

You’re the one that cut off communication and won’t let me explain myself. You’re the one that judged and blamed me. I never compared you to her, I said I didn’t want to be like her. I have every right to my own lifestyle just like you do.

Who’s really being unaccepting?

Do you accept that I’m gay?

It’s not like I’m living in denial that you’re not. You can choose that for your life and be gay all you want. I’m still your mom. Does that mean I’ll let you bring home a girlfriend? Nope. Does that mean I’m going to stop being Catholic or vote for LGBT issues? Nope. That’s my right just like how you have yours. I still respect you but I will always vote against liberal bills for LGBT rights. People like that are ruining society and shouldn't be allowed that kind of stuff.

God sent you to me as a gift. Even if you don’t agree with my beliefs, God and I will always be ready when you’re ready to come back. We can still have a relationship even if we have our differences. When you're done being mad at God and spending your life in sin, let me know.

You harp on me for not communicating but you aren’t doing it either. The last time you called, i  answered. Working on a few differences is fine but this is more than that. It’s our very morals that are different. 

But does that mean that you should just hide and not even speak to the other person? Isn’t that why the world is so angry? Because people with different ideals and different morals refuse to speak lovingly to one another? I can still respect you despite being morally different. Why can’t you? If you continue down this path, don't expect to ever be able to talk to your siblings again.

I said we could talk. I just said that you also have to put in some effort. The last time you called, I answered. You know I work 3rd shift. Even if you didn’t mean it, it felt like you were comparing us. If you are confused about why I’m upset, look back at your texts.

Nov 6, 2021

Pray for me.

Nov 14, 2021

Love you and miss u!

Nov 25, 2021

HAPPY THNAKS GIVING!

Happy Turkey Day! :)

Nov 27, 2021

Call me.

Nov 28, 2021

Call me.

Dec 1, 2021

Call me.

You on’t gert any christmas presents if you don’t.

Dec 4, 2021

Call me.

Dec 6, 2021

Pray for me.

Dec 8, 2021

Pray for me.

Pray for forgiveness for your sins.

Dec 9, 2021

Pray for me.

Dec 12, 2021

Are you coming for christmas???

Your grandgaper and uncle I really miss you :(

I have work.

Are yous ure?

Dec 15, 2021

Pray for me.

Dec 17, 2021

Pray for me.

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Look this prayer is specifically for grandparents! :D

Dec 19, 2021

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Look this prayer is specifically for grandparents! :D

Dec 20, 2021

Look this prayer is specifically for grandparents! :D

Dec 21, 2021

Pray for me.

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Look this prayer is specifically for grandparents! :D

Dec 22, 2021

Please let me know if your coming for christmad! If not  giveme a call!

I don’t want to talk and  I’ll be working over Christmas.

:(

OK Such a shame.

I guess you won’t be getting any money from me anytime soon.

Dec 25, 2021

MERRY CHURHMAS!!

Merry christmas!

Dec 27, 2021

Here’s a prayer I think you need.

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Dec 28, 2021

Look at all the fun the good grandchildren had! Your cousins sure know how to pary!

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Jan 1, 2021

You have turned your back on God and your family, my dear.

Your actions have consequences.

Auld Lang Syne

[standuphippy]

2018 Favorite Shows

This year I continued my effort to catch a few bands that I’ve liked for years but never got around to seeing and it was very rewarding. These shows included Saint Etienne, Protomartyr, Agnes Obel, The Love Language,  Erasure, Johnny Marr, The The, and The Dickies.

Not everyone comes to Los Angeles on a regular basis so I was thrilled to finally catch Young Galaxy, Dawn Landes, Retirement Party, Samantha Crain, and Sidney Gish.

It’s also worth mentioning that I saw a lot of great openers this year: bands I checked out because they happened to be on the bill and they turned out to be great. Weaves, Thin Lips, Petal, And the Kids, Jess Cornelius, Ed Harcourt (never miss the opening act at an Afghan Whigs show!), and awakebutstillinbed all belong in this category. But the following list is of the shows that were really special to me, in no particular order after The Jesus Lizard.

The Jesus Lizard, Sept. 29, Crystal Ballroom, Portland OR “Happy Birthday, Sabina.” Seeing The Jesus Lizard has always been an incredible experience but the reunion shows they’ve played over the past year were excellent even by their standards. The crowds came with high expectations: you could feel the excitement in the air before the band set foot on stage. (I’ve never had so many strangers strike up a conversation the way they do at TJL shows.) I’ve loved this band from the moment I heard them (thanks, Dad). I saw them play many times when I was in college. They were a standard by which I measured any other rock band. I’ve seen a lot of live music in the 25 years since I first saw them. They are still the standard. They never disappoint. It’s hard for me to articulate my feelings without hyperbole because it’s hard for me to believe that I’ve found a band that’s so consistently rewarding. In Portland, there was a profound synchronicity between the audience and the band. They delivered an epic set that included both “One Evening” and “Lady Shoes,” while the audience did the Dudley dance for half the duration of its namesake song, then staged a clap-a-long during “Fly on the Wall.” They keep getting better and no one else comes close. 

Fever Ray, May 25, Hollywood Palladium, Los Angeles, CA One of the great debts I’ll always owe Pitchfork is that they introduced me to The Knife. Not only the band's music, but in 2006 they clued me in to the band’s 4-show U.S. tour with a front page exclaiming “THE KNIFE IS COMING”.  On that tour, and the first Fever Ray tour three years later, Karin Dreijer hid in the shadows, obscured by darkness and makeup. The Knife had changed their approach by the time they hit the road in 2014, and it was a wild technicolor spectacle for people who wanted more aerobics in their dance party. There were so many performers onstage that it wasn’t always clear who was singing. Dreijer was never more out in front than on this Fever Ray tour, supporting the excellent 2017 release, Plunge. Flanked by backup performers, she seemed jubilant throughout the entire performance. Remarkably, all of the tracks from Fever Ray’s subdued 2009 debut fit neatly next to the new material. The version of the band that was onstage made everything in the catalog uniquely their own. Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to last. Dreijer cancelled the second half of the tour citing “general anxiety and panic attacks.”  It’s a shame because this Fever Ray show was her best yet. Few artists reinvent their art the way Dreijer does. hopefully she’ll be ready to hit the road again in the future.

Let’s Eat Grandma, Sept. 4, Moroccan Lounge, Los Angeles, CA Every once in a while there’s a show where everyone knows something truly remarkable is happening. The audience is ecstatic and the band shares these glances where you know it’s special for them too. This was one of those shows.  Let’s Eat Grandma released one of the best records of the year and delivered a performance to match.

The Dickies, Sept. 8, Whisky A Go Go, Los Angeles, CA I finally saw them after 30 years of fandom and they lived up to my high hopes. They played most of their greatest hits circa 1989′s “Great Dictations”. No “Killer Klowns from Outer Space” or “If Stuart Could Talk,” but a great set nonetheless. Their cover of “Paranoid” is a steamroller live and was definitely a highlight until the woman next to me was knocked down by an errant mosher and one of her pinwheeling arms hit me right in the balls.

I saw them again a few days ago on a bill with Mac Sabbath, PPL MVR, and Captured! By Robots and they played “If Stuart Could Talk”. I guess if you’re on bill with that many high-concept acts it’s time to break out the arms-length penis puppet.

Poster Children, Sept. 18, Hotel Café, Los Angeles, CA Poster Children should be huge. Their first three records, Flower Plower, Daisychain Reaction, and Tool of the Man, are classics, and their latest, Grand Bargain!, was one of my favorite records of the year. Their Los Angeles tour stop was at Hotel Café, a small club known for lighter fare. Upon seeing the tables in front of the stage, Rose asked, “You guys know what kind of music we play, right?” The set was a mix of classics and cuts from Grand Bargain! and I lost my mind when they played “Dangerous Life” in the encore set.

Samantha Crain, Dec. 13, The Echo, Los Angeles, CA An artist I’ve waited a (relatively) long time to see and she was worth the wait. I loved last year’s “You Had Me at Goodbye” and it turns out she has a deep and excellent catalog as well. The Echo wasn’t crowded and there was no one else in my line of sight so it felt very intimate. My only complaint was that she was opening for another act; I would have loved a set that was twice as long.

Basia Bulat, Feb. 23, Bootleg Bar, Los Angeles, CA I’ve loved her music for 10 years and I’ve tried to see every show she’s played in Los Angeles. It’s a quest that’s included venues such as Old Style Guitar Shop, It’s a School Night at Bardot, and even a Bob Odenkirk comedy revue at Largo. I’ve seen her at Hotel Cafe, The Echo, and The Bootleg (3 times). I’m trying to show you what my commitment level is so you can fully understand how embarrassing the following story is to me: The show last February was a gig that she performed while she was in town recording her new album. She effortlessly translated her work for a solo performance where she alternated between guitar and piano. As always, she sounded amazing. The piano was pushed up against the stage, so when she played it, she was only a few feet away from where I was standing. She asked if anyone had heard her most recent record, “Good Advice.” We had. The audience seemed very enthusiastic: before the show I overheard people recounting other shows of hers that they’d attended, one couple had opened for her many years ago, etc. “Well, sing along!” she enthused. “Good Advice” has a bridge where there is a back and forth vocal. The lines are repeated and slightly offset, so that if one person was singing, she’d have to clip the outgoing line to get to the next one, and there are about six of these call and response couplets in that part of the song. I knew this is the part of the song she was talking about. When she got there, I was feeling pretty confident that we were all gonna nail this and it was going to be a fucking magical communion between us, her longtime fans. She hit the first one, and sang “Any sense I had at all is gone,” and I, anticipating being part of a chorus, sang the echo line. Over the course of the five seconds it took to recite the line, I realized that I was the only one singing and everyone was listening. I could feel people turning towards me. Basia Bulat was saying, “Yes, yes, yes!” and smiling as she played. I was shaken and missed the next cue. Now the pressure was on and there was no way I was going to be able to rejoin and not mess up, so I stayed silent. I stood next to her in shame, knowing that every line I didn’t jump in on made the situation increasingly awkward. Basia Bulat shrugged and did the rest of the lines herself.

I humiliated myself in front of an artist that I’ve long admired, but it was still one of my favorite shows of the year, because she’s brilliant. The reason I go to every show I can is that she always seems like she’s about to have some greater degree of success. If there are any casual observers in the audience when she starts, there are only fans when she walks off the stage. I still believe that it’s only a matter of time before she’s playing in a theater or a place with a greater separation between the artist and the crowd, so I'm going to continue to catch all the shows that I can. I’ll just try to do a better job of reading the room.  

The Breeders, April 7, Observatory, Santa Ana, CA The last time I saw The Breeders they sucked but they put out such a great album (All Nerve is easily one of the year’s best) that I had to see this show. I’m glad I went because they was amazing. They have so many great songs that a live set is an embarrassment of riches. They even played “Gigantic.” There was a woman standing next to me for the duration of the show and we chatted while The Breeders were setting up. Once they started playing, she would turn to me and say something I couldn’t hear and I would smile and nod and she would issue this crazy laugh. So The Breeders were great but after every song I looked into this mass that was all eyes and teeth and hair in blue light. She looked like Sheryl Lee in Fire Walk With Me and it was terrifying.

Kyle Craft, March 4, Moroccan Lounge, Los Angeles, CA

I have bad luck seeing Kyle Craft in that he’s played here fairly frequently and it rarely works out that I can attend. I’ve seen him twice, once a few years ago when he was on tour for his debut album Dolls of Highland and then this year when he was supporting his follow up, Full Circle Nightmare. Both shows were excellent. He’s got a great band and they’ll give you a full on rock show. Craft is  one of those artists that you should see when you can, not only because he’s a great performer, but because his muse moves quickly. His first release was a double album; he played it almost in it’s entirety the first time I saw him. When he came back for this show, he played one song from it.

Lydia Loveless, June 10, Casbah, San Diego, CA Lydia Loveless, June 11, Troubadour, Los Angeles, CA

My daughter had a dance recital on the 10th and when it was over I dropped her and my wife off and tried to break the land speed record to get to San Diego in time to see Lydia Loveless. I arrived just as she started her first song. Forty minutes later, I jumped in the car and drove back to Los Angeles, as I had to work early the next day. It was worth it because although Lydia Loveless has recorded many exceptional cover songs, I’ve never heard her play one live, and at this show she performed her cover of Justin Bieber’s “Sorry.” These shows were solo acoustic performances, and she was opening for Justin Townes Earle. She doesn’t play on the West Coast very often, so I always try to catch whatever I can. I love her records and she’s fantastic live. These shows were excellent but shows with her band are unbelievable.

Belly, August 9, Teragram Ballroom, Los Angeles, CA

I had written Belly off as a live band, I was disappointed with a show that I’d seen two years previous. I liked their new album, Dove, and since I had the night off I figured I should check this show out. I’m glad that I did because it was the best Belly show I’ve ever seen (twice in 1993 and once in 2016).

Loma, April 8, Bootleg Bar, Los Angeles, CA

Silence is respect in Los Angeles, and Loma got a lot of it. Jonathan Meiburg (Shearwater) Emily Cross and Dan Duszynski (both of Cross Record) crafted this delicate record and as captivating as it is, I feel as though I didn’t truly appreciate it until I saw this show. Who knows if the three of them will ever make another record together. See what you can when you can.

[patrick-weeks]

Dear Family, You’re Being Manipulated

PREFACE: If you are a family member I IMPLORE you to read this in its entirety. Yes, I know it’s long, but I think if you have the time to release your relentless judgement on my mother, you have ten minutes to listen to the other side. You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Period.  I want you to read this in order to LISTEN, and COMPREHEND—NOT so you can figure out how to rebut. If you are a friend, this will be a bit TMI for you, but I can’t stop you from reading it. Continue with discretion if you decide to read.

I was going to hold off making this post until after the holidays to spare any family reading this from negative emotions during a supposedly happy time of the year, but when Abby, my TEN YEAR OLD sister is sobbing in the bathroom because her grandmother texted her and called her a “nasty little girl” on Christmas Eve, that’s not something I feel is possible anymore.

SHORT VERSION OF PART I and II: (again, if you are a family member, PLEASE read the full parts).

Tommy has been abusive to my mother, my sister, and I for as long as I can remember. He is a manipulative narcissist. He used money to manipulate us, and the household was always extremely toxic. After the divorce, he claimed he wanted to rebuild our relationship. I foolishly bought into it, but it was all insincere and manipulative, I later found out.

SHORT VERSION OF PART III:

I moved out/was kicked out of the house due to a verbal altercation between Tommy and I, where he admitted he didn’t believe he did anything wrong, proving his attempt to rebuild a relationship was founded on lies. My mother and her fiancé came to pick me and Abby up, and we left that night.

PART I: Background

As many of you know, my mother (Julie) separated from Tommy Weeks in July, causing quite a stir within both sides of the family, and within my sister and I. My mother had been realizing the necessity of this split for years, but wasn’t financially stable enough to do so and was in perpetual denial . However, after acquiring a new job and some soul searching, she made the decision.

I was immediately happy about this decision. I have had a terrible relationship with Tommy for my entire life. He has been physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive to me for all of my childhood and adolescence. This includes, but is NOT limited to:

- constant screaming, name calling, and degradation all throughout childhood (Age 4-18)

- several instances of aggressively striking my face, usually more than once at a time (Age 6-13)

- sitting me down to tell me directly “I don’t like you” (Age 9)

- multiple instances of degrading me about my weight in ways that were NOT constructive(Age 11-13)

- telling me during a car ride that “I’m not important” (Age 15)

- choking/strangling me against a wall to the point of light-headedness (Age 15)

- body slamming me onto hard wood flooring after a long physical struggle due to a verbal altercation that escalated into violence (Age 16).

These are only the most significant things I can remember off the top of my head that have stuck with me into adulthood. The abuse was chronic, and is PERFECTLY described by this post entitled “The narcissist playbook.” Read if you would like to further understand the kind of emotional and psychological abuse, manipulation, and degradation that occurred in the household:

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/a916w9/the_narcissist_playbook/

The environment of the house was always one structured in fear. We had to walk on eggshells in order to never upset him. Him being upset meant verbal degradation and physical pain. You could never critique any action of his or he would get mad. He would combat any critique of his actions or character by reciting how much he does for us.  He used gifts and money to manipulate us. He would make us feel like a monetary burden, and would constantly guilt us of how much we cost him. If you had any problem with him, you were unappreciative for what he does for you or what he’s bought you. Money was always his biggest manipulative tool.

Now that that’s out of the way, I hope you can understand how toxic this household was. If he was like this to his son, you can only imagine what he was like towards his wife. I don’t believe there were any instances of physical abuse between the two, but there were absolutely years and years of verbal and emotional abuse towards my mother (again, perfectly described in the link above). I would not wish the amount of suffering she’s been through on anyone. But, due to everyone’s immature lack of understanding that there ARE two sides to EVERY story, my mom was judged relentlessly for her decision to divorce. Especially by her close family members who turned their back on her, again, without knowing what goes on behind closed doors.

PART II: The Divorce and Rebuilding

After the separation, Tommy broke down the next time I saw him and sobbed in my lap, apologizing profusely. He admitted ���he really fucked up.” He BEGGED me to let him fix our relationship. This was really hard to immediately come to terms with, due to the life I just previously described. After what must have been two hours of this, I gave in. I decided that I would give him that second chance at our relationship. He started going to therapy for his anger management problems. I would visit him across the street, where he was staying, every two or three days to have hour-long conversations with him. I was stunned. I felt like a relationship was actually developing. I felt he truly meant the kind things he was saying to me.

Then, I went to college. My first semester were the absolute best months of my life. However, I also had a lot of time to think and consider my relationship with Tommy. He would call me often, and usually always end up trying to talk about the divorce. Eventually all talk on the phone turned VERY anti-Julie, and I began to realize I was being manipulated yet again. This was very off putting, and I began to ignore some of his texts and calls, not wanting that daily dose of negativity he tried to give me. He would always call or text me about my mother, trying to get me on his side. This was a slow realization, but it finally came to fruition when he told me “When your mother gets hurt and hits rock bottom, I’m not gonna be there when she comes crawling back.” I was extremely taken aback. I explained how it’s cruel that he wants and is expecting that to happen. I told him I couldn’t be in support of that mindset. This led the conversation to me telling him how I had this creeping feeling that none of relationship building he had done was genuine. He insured me this was not the case. I was still very suspicious, but I did not completely abandon hope at that point. There started to be more instances of aggression, including a phone call where he screamed at the top of his lungs at me while I was eating in the dining hall, because I was upset with him because he betrayed my trust (long story, not worth it). This was when I had the feeling my suspicions were correct, considering he had promised to never scream at me again a few months prior.

Winter break arrived, and he came to pick me up. I didn’t put up any walls, and I didn’t fake any feelings. I was stern and short in my interactions with him because I was upset by his recent actions, and he noticed. He could tell I was slipping from his manipulative grip.

PART III: Moving Out

On December 20, 2018, I moved out/was kicked out of my childhood home (I say moved out/kicked out, because I was told to leave and to get out, but I was happy to do so and put up no resistance.).

That night when Tommy came home, he attempted to make conversation with me in my room. I did not want to make conversation with him, as all of these thoughts about manipulation and betrayal were at the forefront of my mind, considering I was supposed to go to Florida with him and my sister for a week, starting Dec 26. I was dreading this trip, as I knew it was just a way to get us on “his side.” Keep in mind, this was also Abby’s birthday present, and he promised he would take her.

When I came down to eat dinner, it was just him and I at the table. He asked me if something was wrong, and I said no. He said it seemed like I was mad at him. I said I wasn’t, I was just miserable whenever I came home because of the negative energy due to the divorce. He proceeded to be highly, personally offended by this statement, and rambled for a few minutes, and then proceeded to bring up almost every single past major argument we’ve ever had, all of which have been previously resolved. He was looking for a fight. Then when we were talking about the reason our relationship is bad and the reasons for the divorce he said, very dramatically, “You know what Patrick? I did nothing wrong.” Smile on his face. No remorse. He blatantly admitted that every single thing he had shoved down my throat for the past six months about being sorry and wanting to change and accepting responsibility was a lie. My true feelings came out. I told him pretty much everything I said in Part I of this post. He was screaming and I was battling to be heard. I called him out on lying to me for months and he responded with “You know what? Fine.  Go live with your mother. Leave. I’m done with you. I’ll see you on the other side.” Abby obviously heard this altercation and called Mom, who called the police to come and make sure nothing violent happened. Mom asked me if  I wanted to go with her and Abby, and I said yes. I left that night, and only returned the next day to retrieve all of my belongings from the house. I am now living with Abby and my mother in her apartment.

That same night I moved out, Tommy texted my mother:

So, clearly, he intended to break his promise to Abby in this moment, and go without her.

Also, the next day, he revoked his co-signer signature from my student loan, took my phone off the phone plan, and asked me to return the key to the house and the key to my car. I feel these are natural consequences of ending my relationship with Tommy, but I figured I’d include it for details’ sake. He also said Mom could have custody of Abby.

PART IV: Christmas Weekend

Two days later, I overheard Tommy facetiming Abby, asking if “Mommy had said anything about letting you come over for Christmas?” This was highly confusing as he had just claimed he was going to Florida without Abby for Christmas (this was unbeknownst to Abby at this point). My mother texted Tommy a direct quote of what he said: “You can have Patrick and Abby for Christmas. I’m going to FL.” He responded:

Two days later, he found out his leave wasn’t cancelled:

He facetimed her and told her they were now going, making her extremely excited, as she’s been looking forward to Harry Potter World for months. However, this was clearly EXTREMELY manipulative. In good conscience, we could not let Abby make the decision to go without knowing the full truth of how Tommy originally planned to go without her. We showed her the first text where Tommy stated he would go to FL without Abby. She read the text, and immediately stormed out of the room, crying. She locked herself in the bathroom, and I attempted to talk to her from outside the door. After calming her down, she let me in, and showed me that she texted Tommy.

He then adamantly attempt to FaceTime her, and she adamantly declined.

Notice the gaslighting: “You’re mad at me for no reason.”

Tommy’s mother then texted me:

Notice the lie: “She told your dad that your Mother said he was using her.” I have provided all screenshots, you can see clearly that Abby tells Tommy he used her on her own accord, she does NOT say “Mom told me you used me,” she says “You used me.” And, when she said those things to Tommy, she was locked in the bathroom, alone.

Notice the monetary manipulation (seems familiar).

Notice the strawmanning: “I’ll let Uncle Eddie and them know you don’t want anything to do with them either.”

Notice the self-victimization: “You two have hurt us and We do not deserve this!”

and then she texted my mother:

Notice the listing of material objects. Gift/monetary manipulation.

Tommy then texted my mother throughout the day:

Notice the blaming: “Are you going to let me take her to FL or not.” He places the blame on Mom because it’s impossible for him to admit that Abby doesn’t want to go because of him. It HAS to be someone else manipulating her or us forcing her to stay here, because he can’t possibly be at fault.

My mother then responded to Tommy:

Notice the blame-shifting: “You have lied to her.”, “It is you who is using this child.”

Then Tommy’s mother texted Abby:

These are the most infuriating screenshots of the whole post. How cold does your heart have to be to insult your ten-year-old granddaughter. Absolutely disgusting and vile.

Notice the monetary/gift manipulation.

This is Abby’s grandmother. Abby is ten years old. This speaks for itself. Abby ran into the bathroom sobbing. Just a reminder that this is Christmas Eve.

My mother then texted Tommy:

Notice the removal of blame and backpedalling: “I didn’t know what I was going to be able to do.” “I didn’t know if I was going to be able to come down.”

Notice the blame-shifting: “[you] started manipulating her yet again.” “You were just waiting…to make her upset”.

Then he defends his mother, rather than his ten year old daughter who was just insulted by her grown family member:

“The only reason Abby is being nasty is because of you.” She WASN’T “being nasty.” All she did was say no. But this middle-aged man can’t take no for an answer. I do not have an ounce of sympathy for Tommy. Just complete pity.

My mom sent her final response to Tommy:

The last texts sent, as of right now, were from Tommy’s mother to my mother. They were more attempts an intimidation, and more attempts to get a reaction. Mom did not respond.

And that’s it. We are going to have a wonderful, peaceful Christmas without Tommy.

I hope this post has highlighted how EXCELLENT Tommy is at manipulating. He has a LOT of family members wrapped around is finger through his manipulation and lies. I hope, after reading this, you realize that he is being deceitful, and that you are being blinded by his cunning ability.

After reading this, I honestly can not comprehend how you can be “on Tommy’s side,” or endorse any of his actions. He was a depressive weight that has been lifted off all of our shoulders. All of us are exponentially happier without him. Keep in mind, I was willing to give him a second chance. I was in support of his therapy for his anger management issues and genuinely thought he could change. I genuinely believed he was changing. I was fooled. Shame on me.

Happy Holidays,

Patrick Weeks