#everyone deserves to be compared to xena warrior princess

[renegadepisces]

Bright Imagine: Kandomere accidentally meeting your family Pt. 2

You weren’t sure if Kandomere was flirting. You also weren’t sure if he’d meant what he said about coffee on Monday. 

Thankfully, an all points bulletin for a centaur brandishing swords in both hands as he galloped through the Natural History Museum prevented you from finding out. Of course, you were less thrilled at the prospect of missing lunch and lingering at the office well after dark. 

A notification from your phone tore your attention away from the mound of paperwork in front of you. You’d disarmed the centaur, but not without injury. The stitches you received at the hospital were not enough to get you sent home though. You’d put the cuffs on the centaur, so you had to deal with the paperwork. 

That meant forms for booking his swords into evidence, forms for cataloging damage to the museum, forms for turning him over to the hospital for drug screening - and you were certain he was on something - and more forms for processing him in jail. And then there were injury reports and the statements from your colleagues. The centaur would likely face an additional charge of assaulting an officer, which meant you could look forward to wasting an entire day testifying against him in court sometime in the future. 

You expected a text from Kandomere asking where your report was. He was usually the only other soul at the office this late. But it wasn’t Kandomere or anyone else in your unit. The notification was from your in-law, and your jaw clenched as you read it.

Heads up, the kids said they saw you on the nightly news while we were washing dishes. Are you ok?

Being on the news and the unwelcome attention that would bring wasn’t the purpose of their warning. You knew what they were really preparing you for. Any second now -

Your phone buzzed sharply against the wooden surface of your desk, only somewhat muffled by the piles of paper surrounding it. The caller ID image showed your sibling smiling broadly and grasping all three of their children tightly in a hug. It was one of your favorite pictures, but you were sure its subjects weren’t smiling now. 

Sighing, you accepted the call. Your sibling wouldn’t stop calling until they heard your voice. Maybe not even then. You did the same thing whenever they experienced a close call at work.

“Before you start, I am 100% totally fine. There’s nothing to worry about.” You told them, enunciating each syllable slowly and calmly in the hopes it would rub off on them.

It didn’t. 

“You went full Xena Warrior Princess on the 7 o’clock news, and that’s what you tell me?” Your sibling screeched, causing you to grimace and pull your phone away from your ear. 

“That’s a bit of an overreaction, don’t you think?”

That was clearly the wrong answer because you couldn’t manage to get a word in for 10 minutes while your older sibling ran through a laundry list of questions. 

No, you didn’t need to make a doctor appointment. No, you didn’t need to stay the night with them either. Yes, you were sure that you were perfectly well enough to drive yourself home from work. No, you didn’t have a concussion. You suspected that last one wasn’t quite true, but that was a problem for later. 

Finally, your sibling seemed pacified.You’d put him on speakerphone about 5 minutes into the conversation so that you could keep doing paperwork.

“Okay, fine. But turn on your camera. I want to see your face. The kids want to see you.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” you warned. “I caught a hoof in the face at some point. I’m sure it looks worse than it feels but it might not reassure them.”

You heard the anxious intake of breath from the other end of the line and cut your sibling off before they could wind themselves up again. 

“What if I show you my face and you tell them I’ll come over for dinner on Friday? The bruises will have faded by then. In the meantime, I can read them a bedtime story to distract them and you all can get to sleep.”

Your sibling paused, considering your plan. It was late and getting close to the boys’ bedtime. Your niece was hopefully already sleeping soundly in her crib at this point. But seeing news footage of your scuffle with the centaur had no doubt whipped them into a frenzy. You doubted they would sleep well tonight, and a pang of guilt echoed through you at the thought of them worrying about you. 

Your sibling agreed and did their best to stifle a wince when you flipped your camera on. You didn’t blame him. You gotten up from your desk since Ward and Jakoby brought you back to the station, which had allowed you to actively avoid all reflective surfaces. You didn’t need to see it to know it was bad. It felt awful. But you couldn’t let your nephews know that. 

The boys hadn’t quite learned to compromise yet, so you had to read two stories - one picked by each of them. Your sibling steered them toward mercifully short tales, and you channeled every ounce of effort you could muster into bringing them to life. At the conclusion of the second story, your sibling switched their camera away from the book and panned over the boys. 

Their tiny bodies were nearly still except for the steady rise and fall of their chests. Deftly and soundlessly, your sibling put the books away. You heard the soft click of them flicking the lights off as they crept out of your nephews’ shared bedroom. 

“Good job y/n,” they yawned. “Are you sure you don’t need anything?”

“Yes! You’re such an older sibling!” You hissed exasperatedly. “I have one more page to fill out, and then I’m going home.”

“No, don’t go home. You’ll go straight to bed and wake up starving at 3 am. Grab some food first,” urged your sibling’s spouse in a voice made husky from drowsiness. Your sibling must have taken the phone with them into their bedroom.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure y/n gets home alright,” Kandomere said from a few feet to your left. You hadn’t heard him approach, or even seen him since you left the scene of the incident. You wondered when he’d gotten back. Had you really been so out of that you didn’t notice?

“We’d appreciate that Agent Kandomere,” your sibling paused, and you could hear the smile in their voice before they continued. What they said next nearly made you fall out of your chair. 

“And you’re welcome to come with y/n on Friday if you’re available. They’ll give you the details.”

A stream of expletives flitted through your mind as you processed what your sibling had just done. You’d only narrowly avoided embarrassing yourself on a (maybe?) coffee date at the expense of your ability to move any part of your face and upper body without being in pain. How the hell were you supposed to get out of a family dinner? Your sibling had already told the kids, so you couldn’t cancel without gravely disappointing them. You couldn’t stand the thought of upsetting them like that when they were so worried about you. 

But you didn’t find the thought of Kandomere sitting down to dinner with your family much more tolerable. What if your sibling tried to talk cop shop with Kandomere over dinner? What if your nephews asked you to sleepover, which they usually did if you came over for dinner on a Friday night? What if they pulled up those silly selfies you’d taken with them? Or that ridiculous video of you slow dancing with them at your cousin’s wedding last spring?

Kandomere thanked them for the invitation and your sibling hung up, leaving you sitting in the suffocating silence of the MTF’s bullpen with nothing but your feverish embarrassment and Kandomere for company. You’d been avoiding eye contact with him since he made his presence known, so you were surprised when he pushed a steaming hot cup of coffee into your hand. You hadn’t noticed he’d been holding a cup in each hand. 

The comforting, sharp aroma of espresso wafted up from the cup. Your mouth started watering as the smell reminded you just how little you’d eaten or drank that day. 

“You remembered,” you whispered, and felt very stupid as soon as the words left your mouth. 

Of course he had. You always ordered espresso when buying coffee. He could probably smell it all over you. And it had been less than 48 hours since he ran into you with a cup of espresso gelato in your hand. The fact that he remembered you liked espresso was less impressive to you than the fact that he’d actually bought you coffee. 

He’d been serious. 

“Thank you,” you added hastily, eager to recover some sense of control over the situation, “You didn’t need to.”

“I keep my word.” He said, and you caught the faintest twitch at the corner of his mouth as he continued, “And you’ve earned it, going ‘full Xena Warrior Princess’ this afternoon.”

You groaned. You should have guessed he’d heard that with his superior sense of hearing.

“Xena would have looked cooler and not gotten kicked in the face doing it.” you laughed. 

“You looked good enough to me,” he insisted. 

You realized at that moment that both of you still had your hands on your coffee cup. The heat of the liquid inside seeped through the styrofoam cup and its cardboard sleeve, but you also felt the warmth of his fingertips brushing yours. 

“When I first tried Aikido, I made a smart-mouthed comment about the rarity of being attacked by a sword-wielding lunatic. It seems that I owe my teacher an apology, given what happened today,” you deflected, trying to smother the mounting unease his comment sparked with humor. 

He chuckled and withdrew his hand from your coffee cup. His fingertips ghosted over yours as he did. In the dim after-hours lighting of the MTF bullpen, he looked much less severe than in the bright light of day. There was more than enough light even for your human eyes to catch the faint trace of a smile in his features though.

“Clearly there’s no need for me to ask your sibling if your impertinence is a lifelong trait over dinner on Friday.”

[faveficarchive]

The Other Side of Fortune

By Bongo Bear

Pairing: N/A, Xena & Eve

Rating: PG

Synopsis: A bit-piece on Xena seeing the other side of a war she helped win. 

The parade route wound around the city square three times before finally it settled in front of the main platform. The mayor, a stodgy balding fellow, eagerly stepped forward to deliver his speech commemorating the tenth anniversary of the defeat of their sworn enemy, the city of Aledale. His people followed Eli's teachings. Before they were conquered, Aledale honored the gods of Olympus.

"Ten winters ago, the final battle raged not a mile from where we now stand. We were losing until Eli smiled down upon us and gave us victory. Xena, Warrior Princess and Defender of the Faith, you were our protector then. Today we honor you. Please come forward and say a few words." The mayor extended his robed arm from the podium and pulled Xena up onto the platform. He presented her the keys to the city.

The Defender kept her back to the audience instead of soaking in the crowd's adulation. She even cringed slightly when thunderous applause rose up. She turned to the crowd and croaked out, "Thank you. I appreciate the honor you offer me, but I cannot accept it."

The mob chanted, "Xe-na, Xe-na, Xe-na." Finally, she accepted the brass keys and quickly walked off the stage.

"What is wrong with you? You're usually more," Eve said, "more polished than that."

"I know. I know." Xena shrugged off Eve's hand on her elbow. "I just need to get away from here. We're supposed to meet Gabrielle tomorrow."

As they shouldered their way through the crowd, the mayor yielded the podium to another speaker, a preacher man.

"The worshippers of the old gods made Aledale a den of iniquity. Our victory showed them the error of their sinful ways. We are now one city under one God. Eli showed us the Way and we all bask in his everlasting Light."

The preacher's voice faded into the distance as they walked toward the city's central fountain. Xena poured out a dipper of water into her hand and splashed the cold water onto her face.

"It could have gone the other way, you know." Xena said as she shook out the excess water from her hair.

"What do you mean?"

"A Galemedian messenger literally ran into me while I was camped in the forest near here. His mission was to deliver a scroll containing the terms of Galemede's surrender to Aledale's forces. He told me of their conflict and begged me to help. He said they followed Eli. Of course I helped. If that messenger hadn't come across me, if he hadn't told me that they were fighting for Eli, I would not have been involved at all."

"So you're saying that they were lucky to have found you." Eve said. "Well, don't knock good fortune, Xena. When at war, you need all the help you can get."

"I suppose. These keys," Xena said as she jangled them lightly, "don't feel right in my hands. I'm not sure they would feel right anywhere."

"The mayor and the townspeople would be offended if you didn't keep them. Besides, you fought for a good cause. How many battles can you honestly say that about?"

Xena shrugged.

"Where are we staying tonight? I saw an inn back there." Eve thumbed toward a side alley.

"I don't want to stay here. Galemede will party all night long. I want to rest." Xena eyed the buildings lying to the west of the city square. "Why don't we go across the river and look for an inn there? They seem quiet enough."

They crossed the long bridge over the river the locals called Fortune and quickly found an inn on the other side. Banners announcing the tenth anniversary festooned the posts supporting the front of the building, yet the inn itself was quiet. Judging by the number of horses tied up in front, Xena guessed that only a few travelers were taking up quarters. There was plenty of room for a couple more.

Xena approached the bar and asked for two ales. As the portly barkeep busied herself with filling the tankards, Xena said, "It's so quiet here compared to just across the river. Shouldn't you be celebrating, too?"

The woman suddenly stopped pouring the ale and set the large jug down. "What's to celebrate, warrior?" She looked Xena up and down. "Don't let the banners outside fool you. I put them up because I have to. There's nothing for us to celebrate here."

"Huh?" Eve asked.

"We must be in Aledale," Xena said.

"Yeah, welcome." The barkeep waved her hand around the dimly lit common area. As their gaze traveled around the room, they noticed the large cobwebs in the corners and the thick dust on the shelves. And through the large windows, they could see only a few buildings had candles lit in their front rooms. In the distance, a firework exploded over the central square in Galemede proper.

"It's changed. It's not as I remember it at all," Xena said.

"Don't know when you were here last, warrior. But you should know that old river Fortune is fickle. Some years she rises like a lady and lays rich silt on our farmlands. Other years, she's complete bitch and lays waste on a whim. Both cities have been rebuilt many times over."

"A real hopping place," Eve whispered into Xena's ear.

"I would love to celebrate something, but we can't even mourn our war dead properly. My boy's lucky. I found his body before corruption took hold. Most were buried in a mass grave." The barkeep continued, "Have you seen the cemetery over in Galemede? Notice the marble statues honoring their generals? It was paid for from the taxes levied on Aledale's commerce. Half of what you're paying for the ale you're drinking goes straight into Galemede's coffers."

"Well, Galemede did win. It's only fair that they recoup their losses from the lo..." Eve suddenly shut up when she felt Xena's elbow in her ribs.

"Say it, girl, 'losers'! That's what we are. I know it. We all know it. We're reminded of it every year."

"Doesn't Galemede share some of its good fortune with Aledale? You're all citizens of Galemede," Eve said.

"Some of the tax money comes back to us. We built a new school last year," the barkeep answered.

"See, it's not so bad, right?"

"Galemede sent some teachers over here to instruct our children in the way of Eli. But most of the adults still worship as we always have. In secret. That's how we worship these days. We will be the last to do so. Our children are becoming strangers to us."

"I'm sorry," Xena said.

"Don't be. We deserve it. Maybe you don't like our cause. Maybe you don't like us. We fought just as hard and as bravely. What good is that when there is no honor in losing? Though, it could have been worse. Galamede could have enslaved instead of assimilating us." The barkeep fell silent. She stared into space, her eyes only seeing the past.

She sighed deeply and came back to the present. "I talk too much. It doesn't matter anymore. Will you be wanting more to drink?"

Xena and Eve shook their heads. The barkeep gathered up their empty tankards and waddled into the back room to wash them.

She called over her shoulder before disappearing behind a ragged curtain, "The room at the end of the hall is available. I'll bring up fresh linens when I'm done here."

Xena and Eve walked to the back of the inn and found their room. As they unpacked their saddlebags, Eve said, "You did the right thing ten years ago. Galemede winning the war proved that Aledale was wrong to continue to worship the old gods. The Olympians never cared about people. Eli cared about everyone. Ares, Zeus, Athena, they were all evil. I'm glad they are gone."

"Even Aphrodite?" Xena asked.

"Except for her. She was Gabrielle's friend. When the rest weren't treating us mortals like toys, they were trying to kill us."

"The gods had their faults. I should know, shouldn't I? The gods were selfish immortals. That's a fact, regardless of the outcome of any war I fought. Winning this war proved nothing except that I'm a good commander and Galemede's soldiers were competent enough to follow my orders."

"Eli meant for you to fight, Xena. I just know it. You were his instrument to right a terrible wrong. It's really that simple."

***I 

The next day, Eve woke up with the sun. Xena was not in the room.

She went downstairs to question the barkeep when Xena walked through the front door. Eve caught a bag of provisions tossed in her direction.

Eve said, "You should have woken me up. I would have helped you buy more supplies."

"Nah, I didn't want to wake you. Besides, I had something to take care of. It's done now. I'm ready to leave whenever you are," Xena said.

"Give me half an hour to eat something and get cleaned up. Then I'll be ready."

After they left Aledale, the barkeep went to the cemetery like she always did each morning. She carried a bundle of flowers she picked while they were still wet with dew. As she knelt to place them on top of her son's grave, she found a set of brass keys.

Finis