#everyday I need to practice making his faces less stagnant and figure out how to organically do his wretched speech

[lolathepeacocklord]

MMY FFUCCKING MASTER ART GGRRRGGRGRRGG BITES AT IT STARTS FIGHTING YOU FOR IT LIKE A DOG WITH A CHEW TOY

Despite it all I continue to ball

[h-styles-babes]

TEN

It was no surprise to Sia that she practically bawled her eyes out while confessing everything to Mitch that afternoon. When her first tears had spilt, before she’d even got to her explanation, Mitch had taken her hand and stood her from the rolling chair she was sitting in. She’d willingly followed him to the couch that was set up against the far wall. He’d tugged her down beside him and let her keep a clutch of his hand. He sensed that she needed all the support she could get, and it holding her hand was enough for her, he’d let her squeeze the shit out of it all she wanted. He really wanted to offer her a glass of scotch on the rocks, since that was what this conversation called for, but it was only half noon, and it seemed a bit inappropriate when she was essentially still on the clock.

It took Sia nearly a half hour to spew out the whole devastating tale from start to end in a way that would connect for Mitch. She had to take multiple breaks to clear her eyes and blow her nose, but they’d become useless in the next few seconds, as her body readily produced more snot and tears. It seemed futile, but Mitch kept handing her tissues from the box on the table beside him, tightening his grip on her hand when he felt she needed that extra comfort. Mitch didn’t seem like much of a hugger or cuddler, so Sia was surprised when he slung his arm around her shoulder after freeing it from her grip, and pulled her body into his, guiding her to rest her head against his chest. He was skinny, so his chest was less comforting than she was used to, but she readily absorbed his comfort and warmth and used it to strengthen her resolve in telling him the whole morbid thing.

When she’d gotten out all she needed to, he just let her cry, rubbing soothing circles on her back as her whole body shuddered. Mitch couldn’t recall a time that he’d seen someone so emotionally tormented. He understood now why it was that Sia seemed so hostile toward Harry. And while he’d felt the need to remind her that she couldn’t really hold it against him because he didn’t know, Sia expressed it herself. She knew it was irrational to take the crushing sense of loss and anger at what had happened out on her ex-boyfriend simply for the fact that he hadn’t been there. No part of her clearly-thinking mind wanted to continue that behaviour, but emotions weren’t controlled by that part of her brain. Her emotions were raw and unfiltered and she honestly couldn’t help the visceral reaction her experience caused her to continue to have. She’d spoken at length with her therapist about it, and while she’d learned some coping techniques, the root of the problem still remained: she hadn’t told Harry. Both Sia and her therapist were pretty sure it was still a long way coming before that would happen, but she felt she was one step closer everyday that she was around him. Today had been a setback, but she was hoping it wouldn’t halt her progress completely. She needed closure too much to allow this to stop her from reclaiming her happiness.

Sia did her best to clean herself up before everyone was due back from lunch. She was starving, but she was just going to wait until they broke for the day to eat now, since she’d spent her lunch break letting her sorrows out onto her new friend. She apologised to Mitch about making him miss his lunch, which he’d shrugged off. She went to restroom attached to her room and applied concealer and reapplied her mascara that she’d cried off in order to have some semblance of composure when she had to face everyone again.

There was a knock on her bedroom door just as she was exiting the restroom, so she quickly went to open it.

Mitch was standing on the other side, a cup of tea in one hand—chai, she identified just from the smell—and a plate with two bagels with cream cheese in the other. She nearly started crying from his thoughtfulness. Her emotions were still raw, evidently.

“You’re too sweet,” she cooed, taking the mug from him so he didn't have to balance both things on their way back to the studio.

He flashed her a soft smile, a bit shy around the edges. “What are friends for?”

She gripped at his shoulder with her free hand and pulled him into her to give him a brief but meaningful hug. “I’m really glad we met, Mitch.”

His smile was larger this time, and he led her back into the studio, where everyone acted like a near blow out hadn’t happened just an hour before.

~*~*~*~

It was another two days before Sia and Harry talked to each other outside of the studio, and even there, their words were strictly for work purposes, only. Sia would suggest something about arrangement of instruments or a possible timing change for songs that seemed a bit too upbeat for the lyrical content. Harry would politely ask her to make the changes so he could listen, and then they’d all decide what the best route to take was for the song. It was civil and easy, since this was what both of them were most passionate about, but there was always an underlying sense of unease and tension between them, even when Harry would offer her a polite smile for her hard work.

It was strange, to say the least.

On Thursday, they broke early since they’d gotten a lot done, but they were a bit stagnant on one song that Harry had mostly recorded. He was unsure how he wanted the song to progress and felt that it was missing something, but he had listened to it too many times to actually put his finger on what it was that it was lacking. Sia and the rest of the technicians were at a loss too, so they’d called it quits just after three o’clock, promising to listen back with fresh ears the next day.

Sia, however, thought she was onto something with the song, and was unwilling to just abandon it for the day, afraid that it would evade her the next morning. So, she stuck around in the studio after everyone trickled out. Mitch hung back and asked her if she was alright, but when she told him it was just work related and she was fine, he’d nodded with a smile and left her on her own.

She took the time to play the entirety of what they already had recorded listening to it all the way through twice before she realised it needed something underlaying it in the background. It needed to be quiet but present, just enough to drive the song forward but not overrun the melodic qualities of Harry’s voice.

With sudden urgency, she grabbed the laptop she had been making the arrangement on and went into the booth. She picked up the headphones and adjusted the microphone to better suit her height. She pressed play on the track she already had set up and sat in the booth for a good half an hour, recording her own voice to underly Harry’s on the track, hoping to get it perfect to give the song that little bit more that it needed. Her vocals were barely noticeable under Harry’s in the chorus, but it gave it all a sweet note that she’d realised they’d been missing. She made a note to have Harry stack some vocals with hers, as well, to make it more cohesive. She also recorded ascending notes to fill in the pause before the bridge, hoping to make it flow in a way that everyone had thought it had been lacking.

When Sia felt that she had enough to at least take to Harry the next day for a suggestion, she took the headphones off and pushed the microphone back out of the way. She was just closing her laptop when she realised there was a person on the other side of the glass that separated the recording booth from the control room.

Harry met Sia’s eyes, and when he realised the look he saw there was one of shock and embarrassment, he flashed her what he hoped came across as a reassuring smile. He pushed a button and leaned in closer to the mic on his side to tell her, “Yeh know I’ve always loved your voice. No need to be embarrassed.”

He saw Sia huff before she came out of the booth, rounding the corner and playfully rolling her eyes at him. He was glad she seemed to be in a good mood compared to how tense all their interactions had been lately. It was a nice change from the absolute shit show their recording session had been just a few days earlier.

“I was just tryin’ to figure out what to add to this song. Think it worked out pretty well,” she told him. She placed the laptop on the control set up in front of them and pressed play on what she’d recorded. She skipped ahead to the parts where it was relevant, and watched anxiously as Harry listened for the first time.

Sia had always been astounded at what an ear Harry had for music. What she had studied at uni for years, he was able to do with just his experience in the industry. It had always been amazing to watch him work, whether it be writing or recording, and being a part of the production of his first solo album was an honour, despite how contentious it had been up to that point. Harry had an innate sense of when something was good, and it was a thing to behold.

So, it was with bated breath that Sia watched as Harry listened to the changes she had made. It wasn’t until nearly the end of the song that a smile pulled at his lips and he turned to look at her.

“It’s really good. I like that a lot.”

Sia raised her eyebrows. “Really?”

“Yeah. I think that’s what was missing.”

Sia finally smiled at him. “Alright. Thanks.”

And that smile meant more to Harry than Sia would ever know.

~*~*~*~

Later that evening, after Sia had reemerged from the studio in order to fix herself some dinner, she returned to her room to take a shower. The humidity in Jamaica had her in a perpetual state of gross and sticky, and it was requiring showers nearly twice a day. Not to mention the havoc it was wreaking on her hair was more than annoying. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like for someone with textured hair. Harry’s short hair made it manageable but she was sure it would have been a riotous mess if it was still long.

Sia took her time too deep clean her hair and exfoliate and shave and all those things girls always want to have time to do in the shower but never really get a chance to do. She was just stepping out, with a towel already wrapped around her hair, when there was a knock at her door.

“Yeah?” she called out, wrapping another towel under her arms. She was assuming it was Mitch, possibly coming to suggest they go out on the sand and have a bonfire or hang out on the patio with a beer or glass of wine.

However, she was surprised when her door opened, revealing Harry’s aforementioned flouncy head of curls, his eyes peeking in around the door. When his and Sia’s eyes met, they both widened, realising the precariousness of this situation. Harry seemed to come to his senses first, quickly trying to backpedal.

“Sorry,” he quickly said, fumbling to try to exit the room, walking backwards.

Sia caught sight of the mugs in his hands, the things that were making it specifically hard for him to back out of the room.

“Did yeh bring tea for me?” she asked, making him stop his awkward struggle.

“Uh…yeah. It’s that chai one from Clipper yeh always liked. Know it’s hard to find in America,” he said, slowly inching back into the room, dutifully locking his eyes in on her face. He didn’t want to screw up this new lighter civil interaction between them by letting his eyes wander over her nearly naked body. It was obviously nothing he hadn’t seen before but he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable by looking at her for too long.

“Oh my god, yeh serious? Don’t leave with that tea, Styles. Bring it in.”

If Harry was surprised by her invitation to stay and bring her the tea, he didn’t show it. He walked in and gently closed the door behind him, leaving it open just a crack to not make Sia feel like he was blocking her in or anything. He was aware of how great of an opportunity this was, considering they’d been at each other’s throats for the last two weeks and hadn’t spoken to each other since about a month after their break up. He wasn’t going to intentionally do anything to make her more uncomfortable than she already probably was or upset her in anyway, since she seemed to have a pretty short fuse these days. He came here with a peace offering. Making her angry would be counterproductive.

“Hope yeh still like your chai with a splash of soy milk. I made it before I realised it’s been nearly a year since I’ve made it for yeh,” Harry commented as he walked to the bedside table. He heard Sia walk into the small walk-in closet and figured he’d keep his back turned in order to give her a little bit of privacy.

“Don’t think any of my likes have changed in only a year, Styles,” she called back to him, quickly stepping into a pair of sleep shorts. She was apprehensive about Harry showing up here out of the blue, but she was going to take this as the opportunity to call a truce with him. Ellen and Mitch were right: It was time to make the amends that she could so she could start fully healing. She wasn’t prepared to tell him everything, but hopefully this was the first step she needed to take in order to move forward.

“Except for your like of guys named Harry Styles,” Harry scoffed, mostly joking. He knew he had no right to be bitter, but her abhorrence of him hurt in a way that he couldn’t fully describe and definitely wouldn’t admit to to anyone but himself.

“No offense, but yeh brought that one on yourself,” she called back. She’d finally slipped a shirt on over her head, so she emerged from the closet to see Harry sitting gently on the edge of her bed.

She took her hair out of the towel on her head and shook it out with her fingers, tossing the town onto the edge of the bathtub.

Harry sighed and watched as she walked over to join him, picking up the mug he offered her before taking a seat more toward the middle of the bed, folding her legs under her.

“I know. And that’s kinda why I’m here,” he told her. He waited until she took a sip of her own tea to pick up his own. He nearly smiled at the little satisfied grin she got after she swallowed but figured she’d find it weird that he was watching her that closely.

Sia raised her eyebrows at him. “To discuss why you’re not my favourite person at the moment? Kinda masochistic, Harry.”

He snorted. “Not like that. I just…wanted to say that I’m sorry for snappin’ at yeh the other day. I shouldn’t have done that in front of everyone. Or at all.”

Sia smirked at him over the rim of her cup. “Kinda deserved it. I knew I was pokin’ at all your buttons. I should’ve known better.” Her smirk dropped and she sighed. “I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t’ve done that. Yeh don’t deserve it and it was incredibly unprofessional.”

“Jeff wasn’t happy with either of us, but I begged him off. Told him we’d get our shit together.” Harry took another sip of his tea. “I don’t blame yeh for buggin’ me like that. May not have done it very nicely, but it was actually sound professional advice. Jeff just doesn’t want this to escalate to something that jeopardises the production schedule. I promised him it wouldn’t.”

“If he’d talk to me, I’d promise the same.” She scowled down into her tea. “Guess we know Jeff is the type to take sides. At least Ben is still actin’ neutral.”

“He’s my manager, Sia. It’s not personal. He’s actually been askin’ after yeh. Wants to make sure you’re okay, but he’s afraid of upsettin’ yeh.”

“Well, let him know I won’t bite his head off. And I promise not to create any more trouble.”

“Then can we promise each other to put all our personal bullshit aside? Just for now, at the very least. I realise callin’ this truce doesn’t fix everything, but I just wanna get rid of the tension for now. So, if we could just tentatively be work friends, I would love it and really appreciate it.”

The way he was gazing at her, with those bright green eyes, all pleading and sparkling, it made her heart skip just like it always had when they were together. They were entirely too pretty for his own good, and she knew that nearly every person he’d come across had fallen sweet victim to that gaze. It was hypnotising and captivating. It could get him whatever he wanted, but Harry was too good a person to use it to his advantage.

Damn him for hurting her, but he was a one in a billion type of person.

“Yeah. I’d really like that,” she agreed. She flashed him a small smile that Harry hesitantly reciprocated. She chuckled at his apprehension. “I promise, Harry. We can deal with all our ‘personal bullshit’ after we’ve produced a kickass record. So, as long as we’ve agreed, we act like friends and get this done. Then, when it’s over, we can deal with…everything. If we’re feelin’ up to it.”

“I never wanted us to end up like this, Sia.”

The tears that swam in Harry’s eyes had a lump forming in Sia’s throat. She had to cough to clear it.

She nodded. “I know, Harry. I know.”

[ma-ballin]

"The Power of No"

James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher’s The Power of No (2014) tells the intuitive, holistic towards health, abundance, and happiness: saying no to harmful and ineffecient things that sap your energy and saying yes to the things that uplift you. Below is the full Blinkist version of the book:

What’s in it for me? Enhance your life with the power of saying “no.”

Have you ever been in the situation where someone asks you for something, and you know that you should decline, that you should just say no, but you can’t? Maybe it was the last time a friend asked you to help paint the kitchen during your exams, or when you had to run errands for your sarcastic boss.

The truth is, we’ve all been there, and learning how to take hold of those moments and just say “no” is one of the greatest feelings imaginable! But these blinks take it a step further. It’s not just about saying no to a particular situation, it’s also about saying no to scarcity, and to needless noise. It’s about saying no to the things that harm you. In the end, by learning not just how to say no but also the power of no, you’ll find it’s easy to say yes to yourself.

In these blinks, you’ll discover •how to embrace more silence in your life; •why a bookstore can change your future; and •what a gratitude diet is.

Saying no to bad relationships leads to health and true love.

We all know that there are some things that we should do more often than others, but in the end it all comes down to everyday choices. When faced with these choices, it’s easy to get pulled into situations you would rather avoid or to ignore your well-being. But if you want to get the most out of life, you should choose life.

Choosing life means not pursuing habits that quite literally cause you to die, like poor nutrition or smoking. By abstaining from harmful foods and smoking, you are less likely to die from heart disease or lung cancer, and will have chosen life.

Another way to choose life is by ridding yourself of negative and abusive people. Say no to the people who drain your positive energy or stir up feelings of guilt or fear. It frees up resources, like your time and energy, that can be directed towards your inner circle.

But how do you know who belongs in your inner circle? This exercise will help you figure it out:

List all the people you engage with at least five times per week. Then rate how these encounters make you feel on a scale from one to ten (ten being the best).

Start focusing on the people you’ve ranked higher than eight by spending more time with them. Spend less time with everyone else on your list, and distance yourself even farther from those ranked lower than five.

Taking distance from these kinds of people may be a challenge at first, and like any major change in behavior, starting to say no might require you to overcome destructive behavioral patterns. Take one of the authors, Claudia: She had always pursued unavailable men. In the most extreme case, she pursued someone for almost two years, convinced she was in love with him despite having seen him just four times!

Eventually, she realized that she was addicted to unattained love, and started saying no – first to this particular man and then to her addiction.

To say no to her addiction, she went to a support group, which helped her prepare for a real relationship based on love, honor and respect. She’s now been happily married for over five years.

Saying no to other people’s expectations empowers you to follow your dreams.

Have you ever wondered in the middle of a project: “Is this really me? Or am I just trying to please my boss by laughing at his stupid jokes?” Maybe you’ve had similar feelings about one of your relationships.

It’s time to stop doing things you don’t want to do by using your assertive no. If you ignore what you really want and keep doing things you don’t want to do, you may begin disliking the person you are trying to please or disliking whatever it is you are doing for them.

Not only does the assertive no help you avoid the unpleasantness of doing tasks you don’t care for, you can also prevent other people from feeling bad for making you do things you don’t want to.

Think about the last time someone was helping you out when you knew they didn’t really want to – maybe they were helping you paint your house or babysitting your children. Did you really appreciate their help? Or did you just feel guilty for being a burden?

You don’t have to conform to other peoples’ expectations. You are unique; choose your personal storyline, one that fits your unique wants and needs. So, if you don’t want to go to university, don’t. Follow your passions instead and forge your own path.

One way to figure out what that path should be is to go to a bookshop and discover which books you’re interested in. If you find yourself continually drawn to coffee table design books, maybe you should look into something like industrial design or architecture.

When you listen to these personal inclinations and start exploring your interests, you’ll simultaneously increase your mental muscle as well as your appeal to other people. Remember the last time someone spoke about something with an infectious passion? Enthusiasm is attractive! And when people like you more, they’re more likely to trust both you and what you say, as well as enjoy your company.

Saying no to scarcity and noise allows for abundance and silence.

More food, more money, more gossip – nowadays it seems like everyone wants more of everything. For most of human history, that desire was fueled by a real scarcity of resources. Today most resources aren’t scarce, yet we still suffer from our historical scarcity complex.

Saying no to scarcity means shifting your attention away from what’s missing and towards the abundance around you.

One way to focus on abundance is to count the blessings in your life, or even something as mundane as the cars in a traffic jam. The important thing is simply to perceive and recognize the palpable lack of scarcity in our lives.

But why should you focus on abundance over scarcity? By focusing on abundance, you also enrich your life. This goes beyond the optimism of seeing the glass as half-full; rather, you realize that there is plenty of water, that you won’t die of thirst and that you should be thankful for the water.

You should also say no to noise, i.e., everything that impedes you from being at peace with yourself and the universe. The idea is to replace noise with silence.

Try to be aware of the noise in and around you, like negative thoughts that fill you with fear or regret, or troubling news reports. News of a plane crash, for instance, can make you anxious about your flight the next day. To be more at ease, just switch the TV off and don’t watch that two-hour documentary about the dangers of flying.

In addition to allowing for a more peaceful state of mind, silence also allows you to listen with an open heart. One way to practice this is to try giving your full attention to everyone around you for 24 hours, even the cashier in the supermarket or the waiter at dinner. Be with them in silence and make them feel like they have your attention.

The look of a lonely person feeling noticed for the first time in a day is one you won’t forget!

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” - Serenity Prayer

Learning to say no allows you to say yes.

In the previous blinks, we saw how something as simple as saying no to the right things could drastically improve your life. In a way, you could say the word no has its own power.

As we’ve seen, this power of no is derived from three elements: discernment (the ability to perceive the abundance in your life), compassion (the basis for listening with an open heart) and health (abstaining from the things that harm you).

But implementing these three elements can be difficult. Thankfully, expressing gratitude can help sustain your commitment to the Power of No.

Start by listing all your problems – your cheating partner, your neighbor’s loud parties or your stagnant job search – then list all the good things in your life, from breathing fresh air to having a roof over your head.

Then go on a gratitude diet: Start each day by thinking about ten things you are thankful for. This will help you focus more on the good in your life and say no to the bad.

To get the most from the Power of No, you will need to involve all four of your “bodies”: the physical, the emotional, the mental and the spiritual. In order to serve and care for all four bodies, try using the alien technique:

Imagine yourself as an extraterrestrial special agent on a mission to save lives. But to reach your goal, you must possess the body of a human for one day.

On the first morning in your new human body, you become acutely aware of what the body needs: a little bit of physical or mental exercise, a green smoothie or perhaps a resolution to a problem that is causing undue stress.

With this knowledge, your mission becomes clear: “Go for a run,” “Read a book,” “Get the smoothie and meditate for a while” or “Solve the problem.”

In the end, using the Power of No, you’ll be better equipped to say yes to yourself. You will shine, be loved and be proud of your contributions to the world!

Final summary

The key message in this book:

We make countless decisions each day that have drastic effects on our lives. We must learn to say no to the things that damage us so that we can say yes to health, abundance and happiness.

Suggested further reading: Choose Yourself by James Altucher

Author James Altucher explains that after the 2008 global economic crisis, you can’t wait to be chosen; you have to Choose Yourself. This means you have to take full responsibility for your own success and happiness by reclaiming control of your aspirations and dreams. To do this, the book gives you both tools and effective practices to stay physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy.

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