#everybody on it or 8 billion people die horrible deaths.

[sundancefemme]

we need to start tar-and-feathering oil barons im 100% serious

[scarlette-joel-writing]

Erased Pt. 7

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Requested by: Me

Warnings: Langu- you already know.

A/N This is not the end! I know it is going to seem like the end, and if you are content with this ending, you dont have to read further, But I repeat. Not the end. 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7  Part 8  Part 9 Part 10  Part 11

~

Bucky’s POV (yea bitches. We are doin it)

I have never been the type of person that could sit around and do nothing. That could sit back and wait for something to be finished. I don’t like feeling helpless and I don’t like being able to do nothing in a situation. It makes me all anxious and weird. I would much rather be doing something that is beneficial to the problem at hand.

But that type of philosophy doesn’t really work in this situation. Especially since everything that is going on is within Y/N’s mind and I definitely do not have the powers that she has. So I am just sitting here, on her bed, holding her hands and waiting for her to wake up.

It has been almost three hours since she went under, and I cant help but wondering if that is normal. She had said that she would need a few hours, but she has never done something this big before. She has never had to take out this many memories. Maybe she underestimated the time she needed.

She actually looks quite peaceful here. Her hair is all sprawled out against her pillows and her one arm is crossed over her stomach while the other one is holding mine. Her face looks peaceful and the only sign that she isn’t actually asleep is the fact that her eyes dart back and forth under her eyelids every once in a while. But apart from that, her body remains completely still.

Doctor Strange has been closely monitoring her vitals from the other side of the bed. Getting up about every 10 minutes to make sure that nothing has changes and that the cooling serum is still working. He had explained the basic premise of the different machines to me and had also explained all of the ways that they could go wrong very quickly if they weren’t closely monitored. I hadn’t cared much for that part of the conversation.

How could she have done this? How could she have risked so much just to save my mind? It would have been easier to just put me under and tried to wait Hydra out. Maybe in 60 or 70 years the organization would fall and then I could be brought back safely then. She didn’t have to go through all of this. Didn’t have to be hooked up to all of these machines, digging around in the memories of 7 billion people just to save me. I am not worth that much.

I pull myself out of my own thoughts and allow myself to look around at her room. She was right. Mine does look dull and boring in comparison to hers. She has a wall of bookshelves on one side, filled to the brim with books of all genres. Her walls are painted navy blue and the room is pretty dark. Some white Christmas lights hung up to give the room a soft glow and a wax warmer that makes the room smell of cherries. But what draws my attention the most is all of the pictures that she has hanging up in her room.

Another wall of her room is dedicated solely to framed pictures that have been hung there. Big pictures and small pictures. Black and white pictures and color pictures. Pictures of her and her friends. Pictures of her when she was younger. Pictures of places that she has gone and things that she has done. There are so many different things. I look through all of them and then my eyes come to rest on one in particular. It is at the very top of the wall and it seems to be new. I squint my eyes to look at it only to realize that it is a picture of me.

Me.

It was at one of the parties that Tony threw a couple months back. Tony had forced me to wear this all black suit that he had gotten tailored for me and so I did. Halfway through the night though I had gotten hot and taken off the jacket and rolled up my sleeves to my elbow. This is what the picture is. It is me standing in front of the bar with my flesh harm holding my jacket over my shoulder while my metal arm is resting in my pocket. At the time, it had seemed like a very normal position, but looking at the picture now, it looks like I was posing for the cover of a magazine.

Why did she take a picture of me? And more importantly why did she hang it on the wall?

“Bucky,” Steve pokes his head into the door of Y/N room and smiles at me, “can you come out here for a minute? We are talking about a new mission coming up and we need your input,” Cap looks down at the bed at Y/N and lets his tough guy demeanor fall for only a split second before he is back into business mode.

Steve had seen a lot of people die in the war. A lot of people with loved ones that never got to come home. And even after the war is over he has still seen a lot of death and destruction. Steve has kind of taken on the idea that things happen and people die but you have to keep moving to make sure that the world gets better. It is an idea that I haven’t fully adopted from him yet.

“I will be right out there,” he nods his head and steps away from the door. I look back down to Y/N to see the fact that she is still. I don’t want her to leave her, but I know that she is in the good hands of the doctor. She will be okay. Soon this will all be over and everything will be okay. At least this part of our lives will be okay.

I slowly slip my hand from hers and stand up from the bed. I check to make sure that everything is fine and that she doesn’t move, and after 30 seconds, I turn and walk away from the room as well. Everyone is situated in Y/N’s living room and they all turn to look at me.

“How is she?” Natasha asks and I can tell that it is the same question that everyone wants to know the answer to.

“She is doing good. Strange says that she is using up a lot of energy but she is staying hydrated and her vitals and body temperature are remaining stable so, she is good,” every one sighs and I have to give a small smile. These people really do care about her.

I know that Y/N wants to believe that they all just treat her like a child for the hell of it, but that really isn’t the case at all. They are just trying to protect her. She is the person on this team with the strongest abilities and it is a priority to keep her safe above all else.

“So, lets get started,” Cap says and I take a seat in the chair on the other side of the table to begin work. But my heart and head isn’t in it. They are still sitting back in Y/N’s room, holding her hand and making sure that I am there when she wakes up.

~

The high-pitched scream that rattles the glass windows comes about an hour and a half later. When all of us have finally gotten super comfortable and are going over the small details of the sting operation taking place in the middle of Afghanistan next week.

Everything goes dead silent for one small second before every single person is on their feet and rushing towards Y/N’s room, where the scream originated from.

Oh god. Something happened. Something happened and she is dying and it is all my fucking fault because I was the one that she was trying to fucking protect and god fucking dammit.

I push my way through the rest of the group until I am standing in the middle of the room, looking at an empty bed. Where the hell did she go? I look to Doctor Strange with wide eyes but he is giving me the same exact expression back. He just shakes his head slightly and points to the bathroom door on the other side of the room.

“Y/N?” I say as I take a step towards the bathroom door. No one else in the group dares to speak a word and no one dares to take a step forward. “Y/N, doll, are you okay?” there is no noise coming from the other side of the door and when I turn the handle, I can feel that it is unlocked. “Y/N, I am gonna come in, okay? I don’t want you to freak out. It is just me,” and then I open the door.

And the sight horrifies me. Y/N is sitting in the corner of the bathroom with her arms wrapped around her knees and rocking back and forth slowly. Her head is buried in her knees and I can see the way that her back rises and falls rapidly with each shaky breath that rings through the bathroom. I quickly block her from the others and close the door behind me as I enter the bathroom. “Y/N.”

“So many memories Bucky,” she lifts her head and I can see the look of fear that she has on her face. The look of a person that has seen everything. “So many thoughts. Everyone talking at once. Everybody talking about everything. No quiet. No silence. So many horrible things and horrible people and horrible memories all locked away in their heads. So many,” she is rambling and I throw all thought to the wind as I run over and scoop her up into my arms. Her arms snake their way around my neck to hold me in a tight grip. Not that I mind at all. This is the girl that risked her sanity to save mine.

“Oh, doll. I am so sorry. I am sorry that you went through that. But you are back now. You are safe. You can shut off the voices now. You don’t have to hear them anymore. It can be silent for as long as you like,” her face nuzzles into my neck and I let the feeling of having her in my arms encompass me. Her breathing slows and when she looks back at me, her eyes are rimmed red with unshed tears.

“The things that those people thought. The memories that they have of you. All strapped to a chair, electricity coursing through your veins to make you forget the person that you were and the things that you knew. The things they made you do. The experiments,” a sob catches in her throat at the thought of what they did and I just wrap my arm around her waist tighter and pull her closer to me once more. “They all had to erased,” her voice wavers and I want so badly to do something to make the sadness go away.

“You didn’t have to do that, doll. You could have just erased the code,” now she has all of those horrible memories in her head. Memories of me that I never wanted her to see. Memories of me as a person that I don’t even really remember.

“No. Now no Hydra member or any other person on this planet knows who the winter soldier is. Now no one on this planet besides you, me, and the team know that you exist or that the code ever existed. And you and I are the only 2 people on the planet that know that code,” she sets her face into a determined line and looks straight at me. “Now you are safe,”

I cant help myself. I lean in and capture her lips with mine quickly. It is a split second decision but I have to admit that it is the best decision that I could have made. Her lips are soft and sweet and when she kisses me back, I can feel my knees go weak underneath me.

Her hands come up to play with my hair and I can feel myself groan into the kiss as I try and pull her impossibly closer to me. We are all tongues and teeth as both me and her try and pour all of our emotions into a kiss. Her hands are moving down to rest on my chest and I am holding onto her hips to make sure that every centimeter between us is gone.

I never knew a kiss could feel like this. Could be so fiery and passionate and send shivers through my spine but still have so much emotion behind it. Still have something real. We stand like that for a few minutes, wrapped up in each other and never wanting to let go, before she finally pulls her face away from mine to breath. I will admit that as soon as her lips are gone, I want them back.

“Please tell me that that wasn’t a one time thing,” she breathes out and I can see the light slowly return back to her eyes. I can see the old Y/N coming back to me. She seems just as confused about what happened but the smile on her face tells me she liked it just as much as I did.

“I hope it wasn’t a one time thing. Because that was phenomenal,” I say and she laughs before she leans back in to give me a slow and lingering kiss that ignites my soul (cliché as hell, I know)

“I should save you more often,”

Taglist:

@jacks-on-krack @tbetz0341 @haleypearce @buckybarnesappreciationsociety @zestygingergirl @geeksareunique @jemjem-chan @rachelmc97

[negasonicimagines]

Buffy Dialogue Prompts

If you know me, you know I love Buffy. Here are some funny/deep quotes you can send in for requests. Just say “Buffy Prompts [1-3 numbers] please” or something, idk as long as you clarify where it comes from and which numbers you want!! 

1) “The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For Me.”

2) A: “What are you doing here?” B: “I-” A: “Five words or less.” B: “Out. For. A. Walk…Bitch.”

3) A: “Say goodnight, bitch.” B: “Goodnight, bitch.”

4) “ I may be dead, but I’m still pretty. “

5) “I’ve got a theory that it’s a demon. A dancing demon? No, something isn’t right there.”

6) “ Passion…it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us… passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments; the joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we’d truly know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank… without passion, we’d truly be dead.” (This can be shortened if y’all want or used in a different context than dialogue from one character to another [ex: reader is trying out for a play and uses the monologue, or it’s just inspiration for the story itself, etc.])

7) “ I’ve seen honest faces before. They’re usually attached to liars. “

8) “ Don’t be ridiculous. Martha Stewart isn’t a demon. She’s a witch. Nobody could do that much decoupage without calling on the powers of darkness. “

9) “ Funny. ‘Cause I look around at this world you’re so eager to be a part of, and all I see is six billion lunatics looking for the fastest ride out. Who’s not crazy? Look around. Everyone’s drinking, smoking, shooting up, shooting each other, or just plain screwing their brains out ‘cause they don’t want ‘em anymore. I’m crazy? Honey, I’m the original one-eyed chicklet in the kingdom of the blind. ‘Cause at least I admit the world makes me nuts. “

10) “ I want to take comfort in you, and I know it will cost me my soul, and a part of me doesn’t care.”

11) “ When I say ‘I love you,’ it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You’re a hell of a woman(man/etc.). You’re the one.”

12) A: “My diary? You read my diary? That is not okay! A diary is like a person’s most private place! You don’t even know what I was writing about! ‘Hunk’ can mean a lot of things, bad things. And, when it says that your eyes are ‘penetrating’, I meant to write ‘bulging’. And ‘[initial]’ doesn’t even stand for [character/(Y/N)] for that matter, it stands for [other name with the same initial], a charming foreign exchange student, so that whole fantasy part has nothing to even do with you at all…” B: “I- I wasn’t reading your diary.”

13) “ I’m the thing that monsters have nightmares about. And right now, you and me are gonna show ‘em why.”

14) “Funny how the earth never opens up and swallows you whole when you want it to.”

15) “Can I trade in the children for more cash?”

16) “And remember, if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel.”

17) (Can be romantic or not, same with the other quotes) A: “You’re a little girl.” B: “Woman.” A: “Little woman.” B: “I’m taller than you.”

18) A: “You have a plan?” B: “I am the plan.”

19) “I’ll make him die in ways he can’t even imagine… That would’ve sounded more commanding if I wasn’t wearing my yummy sushi pajamas.”

20) “What was the highlight of our relationship? When you broke up with me or when I killed you?”

21) “I was just thinking about the life of a pumpkin. Grow up in the sun, happily entwined with others.. Then someone comes along, cuts you open, and rips your guts out.”

22) “No guy is worth your life, not ever!”

23) (This one obviously isn’t romantic. For context, Faith + Buffy had switched bodies and Buffy had to prove to Giles that it was her.) A: “Oh! When I had psychic power I heard my mom think you were like a stevedore during sex. Do you want me to continue?” B: “Actually, I beg you to stop.” A: “What’s a stevedore?”

24) “You have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone.”

25) “There’s no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate.”

26) A: “You help me out and I- I don’t kill you!” B: “Oh, tremendously convincing. Try it again, without the stutter.”

27) “Your brain isn’t connect to your mouth, is it?”

28) “Whenever [character, I imagine Fury] sends me on a mission, he says ‘please.’ And afterwards, I get a cookie!”

29) “We attack [enemy/authority figure] with hummus.”

30) “Ice is cool. It’s water, but it’s not.”

31) “The monkey’s the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that?”

32) A: “You can barely stand.” B: “Trigger finger feels okay.” A, to C: “You actually sleep with this guy?”

33) “To forgive is an act of compassion…It’s not done because people deserve it.”

34) “I could do that, but I’m paralyzed with not caring very much.”

35) “Is everyone here very stoned?” 

36) “It’s horrible. That’s me as a vampire?! I’m so evil, and skanky, and I think I’m kind of gay.”

37) “Where the hell have you been? This funnel cake is kicking my ass!”

38) A: “Have we met?” B: “Yes. You hit me with an ax one time. ‘Get the hell away from my daughter!’” A: “Oh.”

39) A: “I love a good entrance.” B: “How are you with death scenes?”

40) “I’m sick of this. I’m sick of being the guy who eats bugs and gets the funny syphilis. As of now, I’m finished with being everybody’s butt-monkey!”

[cksmart-world]

The completely unnecessary

new analysis

by Christopher Smart

April 14, 2020

TRUMP: FLIP A SWITCH AND BACK TO NORMAL

Here's how it will work: The president will flip a switch and we'll go right back to normality, as if none of this ever happened. Twenty million people furloughed by Covid 19 will go right back to work at places that will resume business as if it were Groundhog Day. Unemployment will fall to 2 percent and the Dow will shoot right up to 30,000. Employers will pay back rents and make right on past due loans. And the best part is the disease will simply disappear. Now, there are those frowny-faces who say if people jump back to life as we knew it too early, the virus will go back on a rampage, like an Australian wildfire. They'll say things like, the coronavirus hasn't changed and one person could infect an entire city, and faster than you can say pandemic, the entire country will be infected. But don't listen to those people, they're the ones who warned of the danger in the first place. President Trump is now faced with “the most difficult decision” of his life and will consult his Ouija Board and Big Business Buddies in order to know when the time is right to “Open Up The Country.” Then he'll host a big, national party like you've never seen. It will be very good. Very, very good. Just tremendous. Our numbers will be great.

DAMN THOSE GREEDY DEMOCRATS

Well, they're at it again, those blankety-blank Democrats who are trying to bankrupt everybody and everything with their horrible greed. We know this to be true because Utah Sen. Mike Lee said so: “They got greedy and now... the American people are going to suffer because of Democratic greed.” And when has Mike Lee been wrong about anything. Never — that's when. See, the Republican Party, which is hyper-sensitive to the trials and tribulations of the little guy — remember the trillion dollar tax cuts they gave to all those little, everyday millionaire people — want to put another $250 billion into a loan program for small businesses struggling to survive the coronavirus pandemic. But noooooo, the stinkin' Dems won't go along unless more money also is added for hospitals, state and local governments as well as food aid for families starving during the pandemic lockdown. Can you believe the out and out greed of those sonofabitching Democrats? It's bad enough they want to pass laws guaranteeing a living wage and universal health care, but during this crisis you'd think they'd quit with the partisanship shenanigans and do things the right way — Lee's way.

LEGISLATORS KNOW BEST (HOW TO GOVERN SLC)

This is what we know for sure: Government closest to the people is best, except when it isn't. That's been a Republican rallying cry since before they took the majority in Congress — back when they couldn't stop talking about term limits. Of course, in Utah the last person who remembered when Republicans weren't in the majority at the State House died with TV dinners and 8-track tape players. Although city governments, particularly Salt Lake City, are closer to the people, does not mean they're better — Republican legislators don't like the way they do stuff in the Capital City. For example, the Leg didn't like the way the Salt Lake City Council zoned the Yale-Harvard district to discourage McMansions, like the Garage-Mahal — so they undid it. And they didn't like the way Salt Lake City was developing its industrial west side, so legislators usurped control and called it The Inland Port of Congestion and Pollution. It's just a coincidence that former House Speaker Greg Hughes owns land in the area. So, it's no surprise that when Salt Lake City Mayor Erin Mendenhall ordered folks to stay home to stop the spread of the deadly coronavirus, that House Speaker Brad Wilson said legislators might undo that, too, because they know best. And besides, Mayor Mendenhall doesn't attend priesthood meetings.

WHAT KIND OF MAN

What kind of a man dismisses disease experts as they warn of a coming pandemic.

What kind of man misleads his people as a deadly virus washes across the land.

What kind of man seeks political gain while thousands fall sick and die.

What kind of man berates those who speak the hard truth of death all around them.

What kind of man brags of his 'fabulous' deeds while doctors and nurses cry out for help.

What kind of man can find within himself no empathy for the dying but sees them only as the wrong kind of numbers.

What kind of man takes credit for any success but blames others for his failures.

What kind of people would keep such a man for their leader.

Post script — So, this is the time when people put aside their differences to help each other, except when it comes to grabbing toilet paper at the supermarket — then, it's every woman for herself. Toilet paper is the new currency, kinda like cigarettes at the penitentiary. Want a surgical mask? You got any TP? During the pandemic of 2020 only essential businesses remain open — and that includes liquor stores. But some Utah State Liquor Store employees, who are on the frontlines of the deadly fight against Covid 19, have been wondering aloud why liquor stores are essential — undoubtedly they're teetotalers. Imagine if the liquor stores closed for even one week. Violent crime would go through the roof. Drinkers jonesing for their daily fix would be beating their husbands and wives. They'd be kicking over the neighbor's garbage cans and yelling at children and dogs. It'd be like putting a big sign in the window of the supermarket that said: “No Toilet Paper Here.” When times get tough, you gotta have booze and toilet paper — not necessarily in that order. Speaking of which, in countries that are a little more, shall we say, civilized, they don't use toilet paper at all — they have bidets. We know what you're thinking, who would sit on a water fountain? But if you ever had a case of Tourista in Turkey, as some on the staff here at Smart Bomb have, you would quickly be convinced bidets are the way to go. Wilson and the band will back us up on that (no pun intended). Further, you would come to believe that toilet paper is a capitalistic plot preying on people's most basic needs to sell a commodity that when used properly (sorry for the visuals) is by its very definition less than sanitary and by comparison with free-flowing water, completely lacking in aesthetics. But that's the way it is, here in America, where interrupting tradition takes a deadly plague.

Well, that about does it for another week of heroic deeds by doctors, nurses and EMTs who are risking their lives and those of their loved ones in the fight against the invisible enemy that is smaller than the head of a pin but has thus far claimed the lives of over 23,600 Americans (April 4, 8 a.m. MDT) and more than 118,000 worldwide. So, Wilson, plug in the guys and pull down your masks and take us out with a song for the times:

I see the bad moon a-rising / I see trouble on the way I see earthquakes and lightning / I see bad times today Don't go around tonight / Well, it's bound to take your life There's a bad moon on the rise...

(John Fogerty, Bad Moon Rising)

Addendum: During this difficult time for newspapers please make a donation to our very important local alternative news source Salt Lake City Weekly at PressBackers.com, a nonprofit dedicated to help fund local journalism. Thank you.

[rosekun25]

Fourteen Reasons why.

 April 9th, 2017

Dear Tumblr Diary, 

I’m watching “Thirteen Reasons Why.” 

I haven’t read the books since middle school. But my cousin from my Dad’s side of the family sent me the book I think a year ago.  Life always has a way of foreshadowing. I swear it does.

Anyway I’m reading the book too, putting off getting my food handler’s card because fuck that shit. 

Anyway Im watching this and its kind of triggering. I havent watched the part where she kills herself but I imagine I’ve seen worse. 

There’s a video I’ve seen Here’s a link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_PdYb0EL-Y

Anyway so far that part has hit me the most. 

I mean, It has. After I got out of the hospital nobody asked me if I was okay. I had to lie. I lied about everything so I wouldnt get sent away longer than they needed me to be away. 

I lied and said It was because I missed my great grandma instead of telling them it was because my world had shattered and nobody could hurt me anymore. 

I lied about the pills. I took 96. Well thats now many were in the bottle. I told them I didnt know how many I’d taken. I just lied lied lied lied lied. I didnt tell anybody why I did it. 

aTLEAST Until they couldnt send me away anymore. 

So here are fourteen reasons why I wanted to kill myself 

14. I felt like I’d do it sooner or later. 

I mean it was really weird. I’ve had depression for most of my earlier childhood. I remember not thinking I’d make it to 20. But here I am. I remember wanting to get married and have children but I didn’t actually think I would live long enough to actually do it. I mean I didn’t think I’d finish High School. 

13. I wasn’t beautiful. 

At least I didn’t think I was. I thought pretty girls were 100 pounds, blonde and didn’t have to worry about anything except which husband they wanted.  I guess I was sort of insecure. But not in the sense that I thought I was ugly. Just in the sense that I wasnt  beautiful. 

12. I was starving myself.

Well I don’t really remember this part. I just remember I was really really hungry. The doctors there said I hadn’t eaten for a month. But Im not sure that’s accurate. I mean I must have eaten at some point. I remember I drank tea.  But anyway. I guess i was displaying “Anorexic tenancies” or whatever I was half asleep I didn’t listen.

11. I wanted to die. (duh)

But it wasn’t in the sense of me actually wanting to die.  I mean when you’re young you learn about the circle of life, you watch ‘Lion King.’ Mufasa dies and you learn you wont be around for ever. I guess I just ’ wanted to hurry up and do what I was supposed to. 

10. At the time, my life sucked dick. 

I remember it. I was horribly depressed and doing my best to hide it. I remember I wanted nothing more than to just be held like a baby and told everything was going to be alright. But it wasn’t. There was a point in my life where I kept everything to myself. Everything. Even stupid shit like “Where do you want to eat?” or “Are you hungry?”. I just felt like I had to. Keep everyone safe, dont let anybody know you’re suffering sort of thing. 

Anyway my life sucked dick, because I was always hungry never sleeping and I was overworked. I also was verbally abused at my job. To the point where I would want to cry whenever I walked in the store. But more on that some other time. 

I also hated T or  C. If Im going back there. Im going back in a body bag. 

My Home life also sucked dick. I remember not having hotwater in the bathroom. I remember being cold every night because they refused to pay more money to turn up the thermostat. If I wasnt cold. I was so Hot. There were ants everywhere. On my clothes. In the kitchen. EVERYWHERE. I wasnt allowed to leave my house either. I couldnt just get up and go I wasnt allowed to leave except for school and work. I couldnt leave and it drove me fucking mad.  I didnt have much food to eat, If there was food it was all gobbled up by my fat ass Grandfather who liked to steal my things. I still dont know what he did with most of it. The dryer didnt work either so I’d have to go to school in wet clothes that were freezing. I hated it. Oh and not to mention every morning I’d wake up to screaming. Always screaming. Nobody could ever say “Good Morning Rose, you’ve to wake up now.” No. They were too busy screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming, 

9. I was so tired of everything. 

I was. Really. I still kind of am. Im tired of having to work all the time and having no money. I was tired of waking up every day and going to a school. I feel like I would have liked school better if I didnt have to wake up early and put up with all of that bullshit. 

The bullshit I am tired of here has literally went from 95% to maybe about 15%  Professors are honest with me, My coworkers all do their jobs and I dont get in trouble if they don’t. Really Imagine, getting in trouble because one of your coworkers didnt do their job right. 

The only bullshit I have to deal with is making sure I have enough hours. Which if you ask me isnt a biggie, also I make enough to take care of myself. Which is a lot better than where I was before. 

8. I was going insane. 

Now I know what you’re thinking “Omg, yeah sure whatever Rose. Everybody on Facebook likes to pretend they’re crazy for attention, Change your picture to Joker and Harley just to add edginess. 

But no. It was stuff I dont want to dicuss with you. I had horrible dreams and I wanted to do some horrible things. In a way, I honestly thought if I killed myself I would save everyone.  I still dont remember what I wanted to save them from. 

7. I didnt have any friends. 

Now again I know what you’re thinking, “This bitch is tripping. She won Homecoming Duchess and Princess at the last dance!” (  Side Note: I also went on to win Prom Queen. But Everybody voted for me because I wasn’t allowed to run for homecoming queen because I tried to kill myself in the Bathroom.) 

I didnt have a Best friend. I didnt have somebody who hung out with me or came to my house specifically to play with me. I worked too much or somebody who ate lunch with me because they wanted to and not because I’d integrated into their little group because one of the members felt sorry for me and wanted to be my friend again. 

I knew a lot of people. But I was fiery, Passionate and emotional. People were afraid of that. Either that, or they didnt care enough to try and understand it. 

6. I was suffering from an unDiagnosed Mental illness 

It was Borderline Personality Disorder.  It was making me crazy. 

I still dont understand what it means. 

I know it means. 

But I dont understand it. 

5. I missed my Daddy. 

There. I said it. I FUCKING SAID IT. 

In my family, I was supposed to pretend he didnt exist. We all were. We didnt have Dads. We were just born. You know i didnt accept my Step Dad until My Dad stopped coming to see me. But what does that matter? I mean I wasNT  A BOY. HE DIDNT FUCKING WANT A GIRL. HE PROBABLY HAS 80 BILLION FUCKING DAUGHTERS! HE DOESNT NEED ANOTHER ONE!!!!!!!!!

But how am I going to forget the man who hated it when I cried? The man who bought me all of these presents because he knew he was never going to see me ever again. The man who bought me my first Barbie Car, my Hamtaro doll and my pretty Amethyst Birth Stone Barbie. All because he fucking knew he was never going to see me again. 

I havent seen him since I was two.  But I remember waking up in my hospital bed with Leslie telling him he had to talk to me because the doctors said they didnt know if I’d make it. I heard my auntie tell him in spanish and then he said “I dont talk to anyone who isnt blood.” and I wished I would have died again and again and again. 

4. I wasnt afraid to die. 

I mean honestly who is? Im Catholic now. I understand its the circle of life. Ive seen Lion King. But I honestly wasnt afraid to die. 

Here’s my philosphy on Religion and Death and everything 

If you’re a buddist and you die. You go do Buddist stuff. Buddist heaven, Buddist Hell. 

If you’re Jewish and you die. You go to Jewish Heaven because there isnt a hell. 

I know in church they tell you not to believe in other gods. But God mentions in the Holy Bible several times. So Meh. 

But I wasnt afraid to die. Im pretty sure my life had been clean and the only sins I really had were Hating my parents and Premarital sex. God wouldnt send me to hell for that. So I thought I’d go to heaven and party with Kurt Cobain

Because when a kid with Cancer dies, God doesnt send them to hell for dying of Cancer. So why would he send me to hell for succumbing to my depression? 

I mean atleast even if He was the God I think he is. 

3. By this point I was honestly sure nobody cared. 

The English teacher who carried me to the ambulance cared. I’m sure of that. 

But I mean nobody cared. I remember coming home to no food in the refrigerator and thinking “Oh well they’re making it easier for me now.” I remember nobody ever asking how I was.  I remember feeling numb I remember waking up that morning and deciding I was going to give life one last Chance. I’d missed the bus that morning and I had to call my  Grandmère to give me a ride to school because My Mother wouldnt teach me how to drive because she didnt want me to run off with my boyfriend and be happy. 

Because I guess bragging rights about your kids going to college are more important than your kids actually being happy. I’ll remember that when I have kids. If I live to have kids at least. 

Anyway I remember forgetting to take the pills out of my backpack. Im sure there’s an alternate universe somewhere where I did take them out of my backpack and I just went home early that day instead of killing myself in the bathroom. But hey what about the alternate universe where Hitler cured Cancer?

Nobody cared. Thats the point. Obviously if nobody noticed I was starving myself. If nobody noticed any of the signs that I displayed. 

But of course they all showed up to the hospital and cried crocodile tears. Then they yelled at me again as soon as I woke up. 

2. My life was over. 

“But you were accepted into NMSU! You were graduating Highschool! You had your whole life ahead of you!!!”

Did anybody ever think for just a second that I didnt want any of that? Honestly! Everybody was so proud. Nobody stopped and asked me if thats what I wanted to do. Because it sure as hell wasnt. I didnt want to go to college. Twelve fucking years of a system that made me kill myself in the Bathroom and you wanted me to do  eight more years?!  I wanted to get married and have babies. But I had to. You understand. I had to. I couldnt be like my sister. I couldnt stay in Highschool forever. I had to go to school because Men are useless now and I couldnt just get married out of highschool because as soon as they leave you’re going to need to take care of yourself! But I didnt want that. I wanted to get married. I wanted to have kids. 

1. Chance left.

Honestly this was it. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I could see it coming though. Yeah, I made fake accounts to try and talk to him. Yeah I was a thirsty hoe (Symptom of BPD btw). Yeah I kind of texted him until right before I did it. I mean I was 18 of course I was obsessed. He cared. He would kiss me goodnight, He would try to get me to eat but I never would. I wanted to be pretty for him. I wanted him to love me. He did for a moment. You know love is like a drug, A drug that makes you happy every day of your life. Even if all you do is fight. Maybe its because I’d never loved anybody before him. Not even my Mother.  When I lost that happy bubbly warmth. I wanted it back. I was so desperate to get it back. I didnt notice. I didnt notice all the terrible things that happened. I looked over all of the mean words, and abusive flags. None of those mattered, as long as I got that feeling of being warm, loved, safe, and protected. Because it made me want to live. If I couldnt live. I wanted to die. I wanted to die and be with that feeling forever. 

Maybe things would have changed if I had realize what a fucking scum bag he was earlier. 

Am I still Suicidal? Yes.

You cant turn it on/off contrary to the belief of everyone around me. I’ve been suicidal since I was a little girl. But will I do it again? I cant promise I wont.  

 Fourteen Reasons why  I want to live. 

14. I’m happy now. 

I dont know if I could consider this as happy as I want to be, I mean Im still single. I have no children. But I’m happy. I dont have all the money in the world but I can go get Starbucks. I can go out and eat If I want to and that makes me so happy. It makes me so happy to have access to food. 

13. I love my apartment. 

I love my apartment. I love everything about it. I do. Except the rent payment lol. I love that I can literally do whatever I want in this little one bedroom place. I love it. I love keeping it clean, I love putting up whatever I want on the walls and I love love love it so much. Im so warm and happy and there is always food here. 

12. I love where I live. 

I love my town. Its big, its bright and i can get whatever I need to. I can go to walmart again whenever I want and I dont have to beg anybody to take me through the drive through or pay anybody to take me to the mall. I can go see movies and see the world. I love the world. I love the grass and the trees and the warmth of the sun. I can sit on my porch for hours, I can watch the rain, I can go outside. I CAN GO OUTSIDE!!!! 

11. I love being free. My freedom is my most precious possession, I don't want to die if I can be free. 

 10. I don't want to die until I find that person. My whole life I've been told There's a soul mate for everyone. When I think about suicide. I think about being dead, in a way, Death was freedom for me. But part of me doesn't want to leave that person alone. I can't. If He was made for me . Then he's like ME and if he is then I don't want to leave him alone. 

9. I have food. 

I know what you’re thinking “Whatever, I have a frozen Dinner in the fridge. Does that make me not suicidal?”

I have food to eat. Like I do. I dont have to scrounge around my house for a packet of Ramen or hiding a can of soup under my bed and praying it would be there when I woke up. I can wake up and eat whatever I want. I can make dinner and sometimes I just stare at all of the food in my refrigerator and smile. 

Side note, It’s now May 12th, school is over. Im trying really hard to finish this. It’s triggering. Like, Hannah Baker, Everything she does. I can see myself in her.  I could deal with the books. I could deal with the books because I had borrowed my friend’s book and typed the alternate ending and stuck it in my book. I visualized it in my own way. Now seeing it. It’s triggering. Did anybody notice? Did anybody try to? 

What about when I did it? Did anybody think? Did anybody try and look after me. I mean nobody noticed me stop eating so I doubt anybody noticed me writing wills in my psychology class, or me writing my suicide note over and over again. 

The final draft only had a few words by the way and nobody read it. 

They didnt even read the instructions I left for them incase I survived and had to go to the hospital which is why I had to wear the same clothes I wore when i did it. Which absolutely sucked. But i was glad I was getting out of the mental hospital, so there’s that. 

I still dont understand why shit like this cant happen in real life. I dont understand how people can make people suffer so much emotionally that they think suicide is the only answer.

This is really hard to write. I have to think of reasons I want to live instead of reasons I want to die. That’s hard. I want to die. Im so sick of this. But I dont want to die. I want to live.  

In a sense, I really feel like Hannah Baker. Because She wanted to live, she wanted life and happiness but she just dies at the end. I wonder if that will happen to me? 

I’ve had people ask me if Im sure I should even be watching a show like this. But I have to. I have to finish it. 

I read the book I know what happens. But I have to finish it for myself. 

8. Kingdom Hearts III will come out (Eventually) 

I have found joy in video games once again. I mean. Ive always loved video games. But I was playing South Park Stick of Truth again and I liked it. I liked it a lot and I wanted to... I wanted to play it so much. 

I’m sure they have video games in heaven but i wonder do they have midnight release parties? Do they have endings that arent perfect?  

Im sure they do. But being alive for them is different. 

Eventually though. Kingdom Hearts III will come out. Eventually.  Ill get to play it. Maybe Ill get to play it with my grandchildren and teach them about Sora, and Kairi, and Riku. 

7. I want to be a Mother. 

Thats all I’ve ever wanted in life. Really. I just want to hold my baby and raise her/him. I dont want them to have to come home and wonder if there’s food to eat, or if the house is going to be warm or when Mom is going to come home.

I want to have children and teach them and give them love and warmth and make them safe and give them everything I never had in life.  Like love, and chances. Chances to make something of themselves in a way I never could. 

6. I want to live to be an annual passholder at Disney 

I mean I’ve been to Disneyland Nineteen times and this summer it will be 20.  But I want to be able to wake up one day, have the day off from work and ask my kids if they want to go to Disneyland instead of school. I want to go there and have a great time and not have to worry about school or work or depression or anything.

5. I really want to do my bucket list. 

I mean there’s lots of cool stuff on it. But I’m sure they have most of that in heaven. But  I want to do it before I die. Like I want to visit Euro Disney in person and hang out in France. I want to walk up and realize I’m going to see the Little Mermaid on Broadway tonight. I want to be able to tell everybody about what I’ve done and inspire them to do the same thing.

(Update: It’s June now. I have to finish it. I had to stop. It was getting bad again. Really bad. I’m ready now. I really am.)

4. I want to get married.

Honestly thats been my life goal since I was a baby. That and being a ballerina but appertanly my dreams dont matter enough for us to stay in a place I could actually achieve them. I want to have a big fancy wedding which will probably dumb down to me getting married at the court house which I am totally fine with. As long as I am officially married and we honeymoon at Disney. 

Jesus Chirst I cant do this. I really cant. I fucking cant. . .  Why? WHY am I here? Why did I live? It’s fucking impossible did you know that? Am I still alive? Am I dead? I wont fucking know! I’m so much happier now! I really am. But I cant do this. I fucking cant. Why? Why am I alive? Why did I live? SO I could pay bills for the rest of my life? I hate being broke. I hate not having any money. I spent 20 dollars today to go out to lunch and that was a luxury. I couldnt afford that. Especially with all these bills. Why? Why is it so expensive to live in a 3rd world country with Iphones? Why? I dont have a car I have to ride the bus everywhere and spend a billion dollars on fucking everything. WHY? Why? I hate this. I hate this so much. I hate having to be mad at myself for going to the mall and spening 11 dollars. ELEVEN FUCKING DOLLARS! I bought a keychain today. I bought a keychain today and I wasnt supposed to do that!  I love my apartment, I love it, I wont leave it unless I’m in a body bag or leaving with my husband, But i dont understand WHY?! Why? Why do they want everything I have? Everybody just wants money. Everything is just money money money money, do I Have enough? WIll it last? Will I be able to do something with it? Why do you want all of my money? I can barley afford to live and everybody wants to make it fucking harder than it already is!!!!!!!!!! I cant do this. I really want to die. But i really want to live. I really want to live. But i cant live. 

3. I want friends. . .

I want best friends. I want the kind of friends where you all can just hang out together and do stupid shit. I want inside joke kind of friends, I want the sort of friends that make fun of you but you know they dont mean it. I want a specific place for us to hang out and laugh and live. 

2. I want to be infinite. 

I dont mean immortal. I mean I want to do things. I want freedom. People have freedom given to them while others have to fight for it. I want to take a roadtrip. I want to eat at gas stations with somebody and travel and see the world. I’ve always wanted to see the world but i’ve been locked up in this FUCKING TOWER for so long and now i’m afraid to get out of it. I am afraid to live because I’ve never been able to live before! Why are people born free when I could not leave my house to get the mail? 

1. I want to experience love. 

I have never loved anybody. For a moment, I thought I loved Chance. But I realized, you cant love somebody who has never loved you. So i didnt love my Mother, or My sisters and brothers or my grandparents. That wasnt love. It was forced affection. Because when you love somebody you make sure they’re in the car before driving away and asking if they are. If you love someone you dont kick them out of your car. If you love somebody you offer to take them home instead of letting them sit in 32 degrees watching their spit freeze, while you let your family treat them like shit just like you did. 

But I want to experience love. All kinds of love. I want to know why people like it so much and why the feeling is so euphoric. I want to be held and treated like I am a treasure. Like I am worth something. 

Is that love? I will find out one day. I want this. Even if its the only thing I will have. I want it. 

~

I’m on the second to last episode now, 

I wonder if the author wanted us to feel bad for people we’ve slut shamed.  I wonder if we’re supposed to think about it that way. 

I dont know about you but I hate fake people who pretend they’ve killed themselves.  I mean I know its a cry for help. But I wish they would go and talk to somebody instead of insisting they sliced their wrists 80 times and got sent to the ER even though their wrists are scarless and havent look liked they were cut ever. 

My therapist once sent me to the ER because I told her I was feeling suicidial. 

I thought that was utter bullshit. 

Because all I had learned to do was lie. 

Why are you suicidal honey? *Sniff* My greAT Gran died and I miss her so much and I wish I could talk to her and hug her. Oh baby it’s gonna be okay, Derek she’s not suicidal get her out of here. 

See? Then at my next therapy session I had to lie to her and tell her I wasnt suicidal. Which was another lie. 

Anybody who has ever asked me about my Great Grandma Elisa knows I hated going to her house and I didnt like her. I’ve never liked her. She was so mean to me. She really was. 

But i cant say I cried crocodile tears at her funeral. Or when They woke me up and told me she wasnt breathing and I knew she was dead, and I cried in my sleep. Something I didnt do, and didnt start doing until it was getting really bad again. 

Isnt that funny though? How i learned to just lie to everybody instead of telling the truth? 

~

I’m on the last episode now. 

I cant make you believe how many times I had to stop this and step away for a moment. 

It was honestly too realistic. 

Like just the things she said 

“I decided to give life one more chance.” 

I remember thinking the exact same thing. 

and watching it blow it. 

Thats always how my emotions have been. 

Hannah is stealing razors now.

I remember the day I bought the sleeping pills specifically to kill myself.

I didnt tell my Mom that. I told her I was having trouble sleeping which was true. 

I remember telling kids I thought I was taking too much.

I remember pouring handfuls into my own hand and just staring at them. I thought they were really pretty.  

I remember sleeping in class because I’d take too many on purpose. 

I remember hanging up on 911 

I remember calling my ex boyfriend. 

I wondered what would happen if he would have answered. I really do. 

Probably nothing, 

I still would have done it. 

I remember swallowing handful after handful. 

I remember being carried to the office and hearing your voice in my head. 

I remember dying and being at peace.

I remember waking up and screaming and crying.

Because honestly. Suicide doesnt hurt. No. aside from me not being able to eat for a couple weeks without throwing up, or choking up tablets everytime I tried to take a pill. 

What hurt was waiting. I waited for life to get better. 

It didn’t.  

Hannah baker is going to slit her wrists,

I’m mad. This isnt the way it happened in the books. She swallowed pills.

ItsnotrealRosemaryitsnotrealItsnotevenhowithappendinthebooks

This is triggering. 

I reserve the right to skip this part.

I cant breathe. 

Okay, Okay. 

I dont fucking get why people say this show glorifies suicide. We are literally watching a girl die. The worst part is this is how actual people have done it. Oh my god. Oh my god there’s so much blood. 

Her parents, Oh my god. Okay that was so fake.

American Horror story did a better job. 

Which is probably why it kept me from killing myself. I watched Violet do it and it scared me. It scared me so I didnt do it. 

You know when I first read the books I guess I was really confused because I thought Mr Porter raped Hannah. I was like in 8th grade. 

Okay so Hannah Baker is still dead. The episode is over. 

How are they going to do season 2? 

I mean Tyler is Obviously going to shoot up the school and Alex tried to off himself. It’s Obvious Alex isnt going to die.  It’s Obvious Tyler isnt going to kill him. 

~

I liked watching this. 

I mean aside from it taking me two months to finish because,  well it kind of was triggering.

Side note:

I am not contemplating suicide please do not message me or call the cops. 

Also for anybody who is. 

National Suicide Prevention LifelineCall 

1-800-273-8255

[theguidedarts-old]

Brithday Story 3: A Horrible Trequel!

This is the one you’ve been waiting for.

Things have been building up in the previous two episodes, so FINALLY we will be getting to the meat of the story. Get ready to chow down. Or not. It’s all up to you after all. 

You just pressed the button, and boom, your spaceship goes zoomy zoom.

[1] Waste Step 1, because you already did what should have taken at least 3590 steps in the introduction.

[2] Think about how nice your writer is for only wasting 1 Step- Oh bloody, she just wasted another step, when will this curse end?

[3] Nobody knows.

[1] Waste Step 1 Again. Oh, okay.

[2] Plot setup: As everyone should know, this is a direct sequel to the Birthday Stories that came before, and is a direct prequel to 4, 5, 6, and all of those. This is also mentioned in another post.

[3] Old Man says something. “Hi” You reply. “Hello.” “Why are we greeting each other, like we just saw each other after weeks of not?”  “Who knows.”

[4] Alright, down to business, you say. Okay.

[5] You walk over to the brand new control panel, and look around you.  You notice there is a sliding door where the door was, and now you notice that where there was a large hole, there is now glass filling said gap. OR something transparent material. 

[6] But.. This thing must be ancient? Like, it looks really old, like maybe one of the temples from that game you once played, or from that other game you played.

[7] Explore this room. There’s not much at all to see here, for now at least.. 

[8] Look out the window again. Now, it would seem you’re in space. You wonder how far away you are from the Old Man’s Island, so you ask him if there’s any way you two would find out.

[9] He looks at the control panel again, which just says, “103.49 KM away from START_POINT.”

[10] Take a closer look at the inputs. There is a screen, with a button. You press the button.

[11] The screen says: “Create new WAYPOINT?: START_POINT”

[12] There is a red and a green button. You press the green one, as you assume that means yes.

[13] The screen says: “WAYPOINT created.”

[14] Tell the Old Man of your achievements. You do this.

[15] The Old Man says, “Okay then, I guess we can go back if we need to then.”

[16] You then see a planet.

[17] Meanwhile: You just brought TWENTY-SIX (26) equally-sized outside of your house, and placed ONE (1) california king mattress in the middle of this icositehexagon, following the steps of a very helpful guide.

[18] You feel very sleepy...  And that mattress just sitting in the center of the icositehexagon... It beckons you. And you give in.

[19] You lay down on the mattress. As you do, you think you see the pillows that formed the shape... Floating. And then the trees and buildings around you going down... No, you’re going up! But you’re too tired to care... This is probably just a hallucination anyway.

[20] Have a very interesting dream. In this dream, you see someone that used to go to your school. You recognize this kid as the person that disappeared just a few months ago, on their birthday, with rocks teleporting around them.

You haven’t seen them in months, and at the same time, this experience is so real. 

You walk up to the edge of some platform you’re standing on, and see differently-colored rubber inflatable platforms, with a leather design on them. 

You don’t know why you know, but you know to jump on them. And you do, and when you get to the other side you have some sort of party.

[21] Wake up. You wake up on your bed, surrounded by pillows. It seems like these pillows created something of a bubble around your bed, protecting you from the spacey-elements. 

[22] Look around the room you’re in. You look around, and it reminds you of the temples of a game you once played, and also of a different game you also played once, or twice, or however many times.

[23] You walk over to a recess in the room, that looks like a sliding door would be there. The door opens, and you see the kid that disappeared months ago, as well as an old man you’ve never seen before but seems familiar.

[24] Back to the main character.  “Wow, look at that planet!” “Yeah, looks pretty interesting.” “Hi.” Says the person you did not know was in the room.

At this point, I’m sure everyone’s confused, so everyone will be named permanently today.

The main character is now named AA,  the Old Man is named OM, and the third person who intruded into the story by doing some ritual will be named CC. Back to the story.

[25] This new person surprises you. AA: Wha- How? CC: Well, so far it looks like I read something on the internet and it told me to place equal-sized pillows on the ground around a California King Mattress and then I felt tired so I went to sleep on it (because it seemed convenient enough) and then I was here. OM: Are you... Serious? How many pillows did you have? CC: Yeah, pretty much. OM: And you’re not offset by any of this? CC: Well, I kinda am, but hey, if you get a California King Mattress and 26 pillows, what do you think would happen? OM: Nothing? CC: Exactly.

[26] Look back at that planet you’re hurling at. You know, that planets getting bigger... and bigger... and bigger. You know, you should probably hit the fancy [STOP] button that the console’s telling you to press.

[27] Press it about 10 seconds before hitting the planet. You forget to specify a time! Everybody dies and it’s your fault for not being direct.

But I’m feeling generous. I’ll give you a second chance to fix your ways and not fail us.

[28] Press it exactly 10 seconds before you hit the planet. Something tells you that you need to specify the time exactly in order to not die. You do this.

[29] Put on your favorite jam. You are sure this song is great. Too bad you can’t hear it yet though.

[30] Question why this song is on your spaceship.  You have no idea, and stop questioning it. It’s not like this could be important at all.

[31] Get a better look at the planet. All of the sudden, the planet gets smaller. You move closer.

[32] Go closer when it gets smaller.

[33] This seems familiar.

[34] Nah, it isn’t familiar. It’s the exact opposite of the similar situation.

[35] You see, You’re fairly sure that this “similar situation” had a rock that was continuously getting larger. Yes, exactly.

[36] The planet gets smaller again! Go faster towards it. Close the distance.

[37] You ram right into the planet, but it’s so small by that point it doesn’t really matter. Right?

No. You idiot. This planet was Earth! You just destroyed Earth! You idiot! You weren’t supposed to go closer! You were supposed to observe as Earth got smaller and smaller until it got larger again, but look closer and realize you could go home but you ruined it and now everything is bad and the whole world is ruined.

[38] You really don’t care. Who’s this person to tell you what you do and don’t care about, anyway? It’s not like you had friends there or something. You have to go back in time to stop yourself from this happening.

[39] Tell the others. They say they heard the voice too, that you aren’t special. What are THEY to say, though, you’re a very special person and you will not let anyone tell you otherwise!

[40] Try to hide the fact that you are secretly guilty for the death of 7 billion people. Only 7 billion? I’ll have you know there at least 1 trillion species (source: https://www.livescience.com/54660-1-trillion-species-on-earth.html, and yes I know what MLA citing is and NO I am not going to waste my time doing it, as according to the plot of this story, Earth just stopped existing in time for me to conveniently not need to bother with MLA citing or any kind of citing other than putting a link there and hoping for the best. After all, it’s not like you’re going to be releasing this comercially, right?) so killing 7 billion people should not matter to you. You didn’t just threaten biodiversity, you ended it entirely. You monster.

[41] Go on a quest to save Earth before it’s destroyed, or something. Now, while we could compact this into one step, and we should, but the rest of this step will be shown in the... (to be continued in maybe the next guide maybe in 20 years.)

[42] Party. You succeeded. Now what? Well, it just so happens after your wonderful adventure, you found the same room that you found in your dream! So you party there.

[43] Take a closer look at the room around you. You’re in one of those kitchen/dining room double packages, from the 1970s or something. The door next to you leads to the path with the platforms that flash in and out of existence.

[44] Eat something. On your adventure, the Old Man, you, and “Couch Cook,” as they are now referring to themselves (they cooked a couch, it’s a long story) are waiting for one of the Old Man’s robot servant things to feed you a meal.

[45] However, you are kind of bored. So you talk to each other. 

[46] You talk about your adventure. However, since you the reader cannot comprehend what they are speaking about (since you were not there to experience it) you cannot hear their conversation.

[47] That or the writer is lazy and wants to get this over with.

[48] Probably, the latter.

[49] Waste the last step on something pointless.

[50] You go back to the temple.

The end.

Goodbye. Just wait for tomorrow, then it’ll make more sense. I guess.