#every time one of the songs from this album came on in the car id so casually go to boom like 'oh so this one is about ___' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

creativeashproductions · 4 years ago

Text

If I Stay Part One // Luke Patterson

Summary: A beautiful day Luke visits a record store to relive the times he would buy an album, but he finds more than memories. He meets you and a connection blossoms between you two and then Reggie and Alex as well. All is well until Julie discovers something.

Warning: Swearing, talk of death and car accident!

Words: 2.6k

A/N: This is based off the movie If I Stay and the movie Charlie St. Cloud. Sorry for not posting sooner, my sister in law along with my three nieces were in a car accident. Thankfully the kids are okay but my sister-in-law in currently in hospital due to minor injuries thus far.

TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX PLEASE!

Masterlist

So, Julie’s life changed dramatically in the lost year and few months, firstly her family lost their mother. Secondly, Julie’s love for music faded until the melody and lyrics were haunting memories. Thirdly, after losing her place in the music program, she had to question her sanity. For in her garage lived three teenage ghosts to her disbelief and horror quite frankly; the ghosts grew on her so much she was in a band with them.

In the hours that Julie was attending school, the boys tended to tour the entire city. They enjoyed seeing the changes that had happened for the two and a half decades. Reggie really enjoyed the western-themed stores, even scaring a little girl with a floating cowboy hat that disappeared once on his head. Alex adored learning about the drastic changes within in the LGBTQ+ community, he had plans for when 2021 LA Pride came in June. Luke, of course, would go anywhere that had music such as music stores, record stores, concert venues and even followed a rock legend once.

“Ooh.” A voice spoke in the record store, “This would be the perfect gift.”

Luke turned to see you gazing at the Rock N’ Roll records with a passion in your eyes and an adorable smile that melted his heart. He couldn’t help but walk closer even if he had no clue if you could see him or not.

“Def Leppard? Definitely one of my favourite bands.” Luke spoke anticipating the usual one-sided conversation. His speculation shattered when you turned to face him with big eyes, “You can see me.”

You nodded your head, pushing your hands into your faded blue jeans glancing around the store, hoping the owner didn’t notice. To your relief the man was oblivious, Luke glanced over before stepping closer.

“You’re alive?”

“Mhm.” You spoke, removing a single hand to play with your burgundy jacket that cinched at the waist to give form. It was open to reveal a plain black shirt that left an inch of your midsection free, “I always wondered if ghosts were real. I got my answer.”

“This is so cool! My friend is the only person that can see my friends and me.” The grin was breathtaking on the teenage ghost. There was a connection between the two that was immediate and intense.

“At least you’re not alone.” You supplied turning to pick up the record, turning it around to read the tracklist. In the end, you decided you didn’t feel like buying it, replacing it you started for the front door.

A college-aged person walked in glued to the screen of the phone not replying as you mentioned a thank you before the door closed. Luke rushed to follow your steady pace in black hiking boots.

“Where are you going?” Luke questioned coming to the same stride as the girl that had taken his attention quickly. His interest had grown when he found he could hold a conversation with her.

“It’s a nice day. I thought I would go for a walk.” You replied, stopping to look around the street with curious eyes. Luke yearned for those eyes to look in his again because he swore he saw a galaxy in them, “Would you like to join me?”

Luke’s head was nodding in response with a new pep in his step as you walked down the street filled with all different kind of stores. Luke recognized Family Living Grocery store as the one that the Molina got their groceries, he and the guys had joined Julie on a trip once. It was one of his worst memories as a ghost, surrounded by snacks and food he couldn’t indulge in.

“So, what’s your story, Caspar?” You questioned stopping to look as at a beautiful dollhouse, “My cousin had one. We actually renovated it a while back for her unborn niece.”

“Caspar?” Luke teased, watching the nostalgia faded from your expression as you continued on the walk. His hazel eyes, greener at the moment, glittered at the different banter he had with you than the guys or Julie.

“Well, I don’t know your name!” You exclaimed turning the corner at a parlour with gorgeous stencilled artwork on the glass.

“Luke. My name is Luke. Hey! I know this shop!” Luke beamed, stepping back to take in the storefront. In the twenty-five years since he last saw it, the blue faded into a teal, but the door was still the same as it always was.

“You have a tattoo?” You asked, scanning his arms bare in the cut off shirt he wore. You couldn’t see any ink on his skin. Luke couldn’t help the smirk on his face at the blatant heated gaze.

“No. It was 1994. We just played our biggest gig at the time, and Bobby decided we should get tattoos.” Luke’s mouth twisted at the mention of his former friend, “Of course we were sixteen and Alex just about fainted in the shop. The guy took one look at Reggie and laughed at our fake IDs. Told us to come back in a few years.”

One of the few memories that weren’t tainted by the betrayal that Trevor Wilson had gone on to do a year after the tattoo fiasco. It was more than not being credited or his songs being stolen, but it was also that someone he wholeheartedly trusted turned his back on them. Luke frankly didn’t care how Bobby coped after that fateful night. Still, he changed his name and refused any mention of his previous music experience. That hurt a lot.

“So, you’re a ’90s kid.” You raised an eyebrow coming to a stop on the edge of the street, pressing the button to cross.

“Technically a ’70s kid. We died in ’95 a few hours before a life-changing gig.” The mood turned sombre as Luke thought back on that one night that life decided to raise both middle fingers at his dreams, “Death by a hot dog.”

The snicker fell from your mouth before you do anything about it but sobered up quickly in the view of his painful admittance.

“So, you’re seventeen?” You asked crossing when the crosswalk light flickered on. Your attention focused on crossing while listening to the teenager.

“Forever seventeen but I would eighteen physically, but if I had survived I would be forty-three.” Luke mused shoving his hands into his staple black jeans with the chains and his constant accessory of a blue rabbit’s foot.

“Oh, damn. I’ve seventeen as well.” You replied dodging pedestrians before humming a to a song you had heard recently but where you did was unknown. You didn’t want to bump into anyone.

Luke glanced down at his watch, somehow even in death it worked, noticing that it was around the time rehearsal would commence. The thought barely ended before a flash of light preceded Alex’s presence. You slightly jumped in response.

“Luke! Julie’s wondering where you are. We have rehearsal.” Alex was surprised that Luke wasn’t already at the studio. He was always the first one holding his guitar for the rest of them.

One glance at the girl beside Luke cemented a reason for his tardiness. Alex could see that you were the reason and a pretty reason too. Alex wished he had your jacket with such a beautiful colour, but the music was more important.

“Oh, man!” Luke panicked fearing that being late would cause Julie to leave the band after the whole school dance fiasco.

“So, Luke. I like your name by the way. I’m Y/N.” You greeted holding back from offering you a hand, your theory would have been proven correct. Ghosts can’t touch other people, all the movies portrayed that.

“Nice to meet you! I’ll find you soon!” Luke shouted seconds before Alex poofed them both away with a single hand on his bandmate’s shoulder.

A content smile appeared before you continued on your way, unaware of the lack of acknowledgement from people on the street.

The next few days, Luke would find you either in the record store or just out front during his free time. He hadn’t realized how lonely he was touring the music entertainment spots until he had your company. Soon you were joined by Alex and Reggie every once in a while.

The three were planning outings with their new lifer friend as Julie grabbed her songbook from her room. She was amused when the three wouldn’t shut up.

“What are you planning?” Julie questioned scanning their animated expressions, even taking in the slight change in Alex’s appearance.

Alex had a braided bracelet of the rainbow on his left wrist that definitely hadn’t been there yesterday. He even seemed calmer and less anxious, as well.

“What happened to Alex?” Julie questioned with a small smirk, “Did you bump into Willie?”

Alex shook his head, “No, Luke met this girl at a record store and then Reggie and I met her. She’s cool! There’s this app she showed us, and it had videos of anything you could imagine!”

Julie’s teasing smile faltered at the mention of Luke meeting someone before it returned once more. She pushed the feeling away as this girl had brought peace to the drummer.

“What’s her name?” Julie asked, pushing the songbook away to listen intently to the new piece of the boys’ afterlife. The three burst into stories of the girl.

“She took me to this cool place nearby where people store their horses!” Reggie burst out, clapping his head, “I already have a country song started! This is so a hit single for our future country album!”

Alex only released an exasperated sigh at Reggie’s idea that he voiced every single day since the beginning of the band. Luke was just used to finding sheets of songs from Reggie around the studio and often his songbook too.

“She also brought me a bag of clothing she had in her house that she let me go through. Apparently, her house is the place where cousins take their old clothing.” Alex supplied striking a pose in his new white sweater with a rainbow logo on the front.

Julie grinned at the positivity radiating off the two boys.

“Is she a ghost?”

Luke shook his head, “No. She’s alive.”

A spark of happiness flits itself inside of Julie before it dissipated because Flynn had already gently let the girl down about Luke.

“What’s her name! I’m gonna find her Instagram!” Julie took out her phone waiting as Alex supplied her the name. Her thumbs froze before she could type staring down at the black screen.

The name was familiar.

Laying on a bed on San Pablo Street was a girl with her eyes closed and a serene expression. This bed wasn’t just any bed in a home. Instead, this bed was one no one wished to be in. A bed with machines surrounding and right in the middle of those machines was Y/N.

The very girl that had met Luke, Reggie and Alex were in fact in the ICU of a hospital recovering in a coma.

“Why do you look like that?” Luke demanded as the colour drained from the lead singer of their band.

“Are you sure it was Y/N Y/L/N?” Julie gulped dread filling her veins as each boy nodded their head and the girl slumped, “I go to school with her. The thing is she’s been in a coma for two weeks now.”

You were outside the record store once more as the three ghosts appeared in front of you each looking the worst you had ever seen them.

“Did you lie?” Luke questioned stepping closer to the teenage girl that furrowed her brows in confusion, “You said that you are alive. Why did you lie?”

“Lie?” You asked, taking a step back from the odd energy the boys had. A look of distraught on each face, “What are you talking about?”

“Why are you here every day at this exact time. Never late, never early.” Alex questioned sick to his stomach as your brows came together.

“I- walk…” You trailed off thinking of the last week in deep thought paling as you had no recollection of going home or getting to the store. It was like you blacked out each time.

Actually, the last time you remember not being with the guys or at the store was two weeks ago.

“I don’t re…member.” You whispered, “I haven’t seen my family since…oh my god.”

Luke stepped closer, terrified as he reached out, hoping with his entire being his hand would go through you. It didn’t. Luke’s hand rested on your arm, still wearing that burgundy jacket. Your eyes flickered between his solid hand and the same outfit you wore for weeks now. Why would you be wearing a jacket and hiking boots in Los Angeles?

“My cousin had been saving up for a trip for her eighteenth birthday. She wanted to go skiing, so we split the cost between our families.”

As if a wall broke, you realized with horror that the college boy that hadn’t held the for you like you first thought. He hadn’t seen or heard you because in his world you weren’t there. No one had acknowledged you because they couldn’t see you just like they couldn’t see Luke.

“What else do you remember?” Reggie spoke up next, noticing that Luke was getting more upset. His eyes going so light the green appeared to be blue and glittered with tears and his heart dropping.

“My parents, my cousin and I were driving up the mountain in the rented car. There-“

Two Weeks Ago

Your head leaned again Lou’s head sharing the headphones connected to your phone blasting the carefully curated playlist. Lou had been living with your parents and you the last six months as her parents were travelling for work. It was a dream because she was like a sister already and vice versa; Lou as a surprise baby with her older sister being ten years older.

“We haven’t been to the slopes since we first got married.” Dad said glancing over at your mother in the passenger seat, “Didn’t we conceive-“

“Dad! Gross!” You shouted, wrinkling your nose as he glanced in the rear-view mirror to smile at your antics. Your mother’s laugh was probably one of your most favourite sounds in the world, it was warm like hot chocolate on a cold day.

“Did you see that video of the hologram band?” Lou asked, not paying attention to your family’s antics, “It’s super cool.”

“We still have half of our playlist to go through. You should show me when we get to the cabin.” You replied, “We could put it on the projector with the others.”

The others being your extended family, including the surprise of Lou’s parents. Your mother pointed out the snow on the mountain gaining everyone’s attention. It was beautiful compared to sunny Los Angeles.

Lou’s thumb was just about to click the video of Julie and the Phantoms against your wishes. You felt the fear before the yell, snapping your head up you watched as a pickup truck hit ice swerving into your lane. The screech of tires preceded the crunch of the vehicles hitting each other. Throughout the surrounding area, the echoes of the crash bounced off the mountains scaring birds away. Miraculously Lou’s phone survived the crash and played the electric video of ‘Edge of Great’ by Julie and the Phantoms. A song you would hum under your breath during your walks meeting the guys.

The snow turned red under four of five bodies. You lay nonconscious a stark difference in the burgundy jacket and black shirt you had painstakingly chosen that morning.

If I Stay Part Two (Final)

Tag List (PLEASE SEND AN INBOX TO BE ADDED!)

@safehavenmuse @siennanoelle01 @whiterose291 @mell-bell @blackhood5sos @ficrecsideblog @ifilwtmfc @deadpoolgirl23 @crappy-unicorn @sunsetcurve-h@elioelioeli0 @lovesanimals @popcrone818 @lolychu @deepsleepnat @tenaciousperfectionunknown @aunicornmademedoit @just-a-writer-here @simp4reggie @parkeret @faithiebrock01 @overlyhypedup @differentsoulrascalsalad @aesthetic-lyss @versaceapa @carleywhittaker @lostgirl219 @itsalexx21 @elllaoo4 @merxxleighann @mediocremunge @fantomlovesjuke4ever @dpaccione

#luke patterson imagines #julie and the phantoms imagines #jatp luke #luke patterson x reader #angst #agentsofsupernaturalmarvel #caitsy and ash productions #julie and the phantoms #luke patterson

619 notes · View notes

jonahlovescoffee · 4 years ago

Text

Night Changes | J.M.

a/n this fanfic is inspired by one direction’s hit song with the same title. u can also listen to jonah’s cover of the same song here.This is the first complete fanfic I’ve ever written in my entire pathetic life and it has been rotting away in my files app for a while now lol u can see how insecure i was (and am) to put this out here but here it is anyways :’) any constructive criticism is appreciated <3 happy reading!!

summary: the death of his friend’s girlfriend made Jonah realize that nothing in life is permanent, including you.

warnings: mentions of death

word count: 2136

“We're only getting older, baby; And I've been thinking about it lately; Does it ever drive you crazy; Just how fast the night changes?”

It was yet another ordinary weekend night where Jonah and his band were gathered in the little studio of Daniel’s home, busy composing new music for their upcoming album without a care in the world when Corbyn’s phone rang all of a sudden.

Corbyn’s eyebrows raised in surprise when he saw the caller ID on the screen before sliding the answer button to the right and excusing himself from the small room to take the call. No one thought much about it and proceeded with their songwriting process. However, when half an hour passed with Corbyn’s absence, that was when Jonah’s gut feeling told him that something wasn’t right. He brushed that thought off as quick as it entered his mind, trying his best to ignore the fact that he caught a glimpse of the caller ID and it was his girlfriend’s mother calling him, which was undeniably weird. As his roommate and best friend, Jonah could confirm that she had never called Corbyn unless there was an emergency. Heck, the last time she called him was when her car broke down somewhere in downtown LA and Corbyn was the only one she knew who lived close enough to pick her up.

His suspicion was soon proven right when Corbyn barged into the room seconds later with tears running down his cheeks nonstop like a river. Daniel, who was seated the closest to the door jumped up in shock just as Corbyn fell into his arms and started sobbing. The other boys made their ways to them as Daniel patted Corbyn’s back in attempt to calm him down.

“What’s wrong?” Zach asked curiously and Jack elbowed him on the arm. “Ow, what was that for?” Zach exclaimed, earning a glare from the other male that clearly said, “Can’t you wait until he stops crying to pry for answers?”

“She killed herself,” Corbyn managed to say between sobs.

“Who?” Daniel asked softly.

“My girlfriend,” the 4 boys’ breaths hitched in utter shock. None of them were expecting this news in forever. Madeline was the most cheerful and optimistic girl Jonah had ever met. She brought sunlight and joy into every room she entered. Were those traits of hers merely a mask to hide all the despair and anxiety underneath? It didn’t make any sense whatsoever.

“My sweetheart killed herself,” Corbyn repeated, mostly to himself with a hint of disbelief in his tone. It was evident that he was still having a hard time letting the fact sink in. “We just went out for dinner last night and now she’s gone. Forever. She didn’t even say goodbye. What should I do? How can I live without her?”

“She should’ve said something. I could’ve done so much to help her instead of letting her die just like that. I saw the scars on her hand last night but I assumed it was nothing serious. It’s my fault. I could’ve stepped in and save her but I didn’t. Why? Why?!” Corbyn screamed and tugged at his hair frustratedly.

Silence ensued, the only sound being Corbyn’s uncontrollable sobs. No one said anything because they knew that no words were powerful enough to comfort him for the time being. The most they could do was be there for him.

Jonah pulled up in your driveway in the middle of the night. He left his house right away after ensuring that Corbyn was sound asleep in his room in fear of his best friend trying anything stupid under the influence of tremendous grief. He knew that you were probably asleep at this hour and he should’ve waited until the morning to pay you a visit but he couldn’t wait any longer. Madeline’s death had made him realise that nothing in life lasts forever and he wanted—no, needed—to be by your side tonight to make up for the past few days of neglecting you because of work.

After some debating in his head whether to wake you up from your deep slumber like an ignorant boyfriend or just turn around and go home, he turned off the engine and rushed out of his car and onto your doorstep before he could change his mind. He used the same key you gave him months ago to unlock the front door and was then greeted by a silent pitch black, empty living room. He locked the door with a soft click behind him before tiptoeing up the stairs and entering your room. He made sure to keep his movements as silent as possible as he knew better than anyone that you were a terribly light sleeper and could be awoken easily by the softest sounds. He took off his shoes and joined you on the king-sized bed, wrapping his arms around your sleeping figure gently to pull you closer to him. He contentedly nuzzled your hair, inhaling the sweet scent of your shampoo that smelled like cherry blossoms and spring air. It was only then he felt truly at ease, with you perfectly safe and sound in his arms.

As he half expected, you stirred from your sleep, wiggling your body slightly before turning towards him, your arms habitually made their way around his neck even in your half-awake state. You couldnt help but smile when you felt him tightening his arms around you like he was holding onto you for dear life. “Hey, love,” you mumbled groggily, staring up at him with droopy eyelids in your pyjamas that had bunny patterns all over them that you were more than embarrassed to be seen in by anyone but you could care less since Jonah had been your boyfriend long enough to know about your preference for childish pyjamas over mature flimsy nightgowns. “What brings you here?”

“Just wanna see you,” he replied with a smile. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear and took a moment to drink in your beauty—the crinkle by your eyes when you smile, you supple lips and the freckles on your cheeks that were illuminated by the soft moonlight that shone through the windows—all ordinary features of yours that you had never been particularly fond of but were all made perfect in his eyes. He was lucky to have the chance of calling you his, but Madeline’s unexpected death that night made him wonder how long this could last? Without realising, he let his mind drift further into the sea of uncertainties of the future, getting more anxious by the second, especially when he was met with the thought of ever losing you one day.

“Jo, are you okay?” You asked worriedly when you noticed his tense expression. He offered you a meek smile in return. “Yeah, everything’s fine,” he replied, but his furrowed brows claimed otherwise.

“You’re not fooling anyone with that face, dear. What’s wrong?” You watched him stay silent for a while as if he was trying to come up with a suitable answer to your question.

”I just...can I stay over tonight with you?” He asked and you let out a hum in agreement, your hands rubbing soothing patterns down his back. Even after all this time, he still hadn’t managed to get rid of the old habit of asking for your permission to spend the night at your place although he knew that you would agree without hesitation every single time he did so. You wanted nothing more than to find out what was going on in his head at that moment but he didn’t look like he was in the mood to talk, so you pushed your questions aside for later.

Both of you stayed like that for who knew how long, unmoving, limbs tangled with each other’s as the cool night breeze wafted into the room through the opened windows. “Madeline died,” he said out of the blue, breaking the silence. Shock was an understatement to what you felt. You couldn’t believe your ears. You weren’t exactly best friends with Madeline but still close enough to hang out together occasionally when both of you were free from your hectic schedules, mainly because Jonah and her used to have a thing for each other back in high school before she got with Corbyn so there had always been a tinge of awkwardness between you two. Yet this news hit you hard all the same.

Tears welled up in your eyes before you knew it. “When?”

“Few hours ago,” Jonah answered, his hand stroking your hair with the utmost gentleness, which prompted your tears to resume falling. He let you cry it all out without a single complaint about your tears staining his shirt. “She took her own life.”

“Why?” You sniffled and he shook his head. “No one knows; I guess even the most optimistic person on earth has her invisible demons too,” he said with a sigh.

“Is that the reason why you came here tonight?” You wiped your tears away with the long sleeves of your shirt as you took several deep breaths to recompose yourself, bracing yourself for his answer. Old feelings die hard, that was what you always hear people said, especially your first love. Part of you were scared that Jonah still harboured feelings for her even after all this years and you were nothing but an emotional support rebound tonight.

“Yes and no. I came here after hearing about the news, yes, but I’m not here to mourn about her, for now,” he added the last two words hastily in case you get the wrong idea and thought that he was being rude. You were ashamed for feeling extremely relieved that his answer wasn’t what you expected. “I came here to make up for the past few days of absence and make sure that you’re alright. Have you ever, you know, done that?”

It took you few seconds to get what he meant. “Of course not, Jo. I promise you, I never tried self-harm before, and I never will,” you replied truthfully.

“Thank god,” he sighed with relief and planted a tender kiss on your forehead, “I don’t know what I’d do if you said yes.”

“You know that you’ll be the first one I talk to if I have anything bothering me, right?” You took his hand in yours while staring at him expectantly for an answer but none came. “Jonah, please don’t tell me that you seriously think that I’m someone who resorts to harming myself when the going gets tough?”

“I...I don’t know,” he admitted sheepishly which earned a sigh from you, a small smile tugging at your lips. You still couldn’t believe how this man in front of you—a confident rising boyband star—could get so worked up over a plain girl like you. He swallowed thickly before continuing, “Today made me question everything I know like how long this relationship can last—how long we’ll get to stay us until the world decides to tear us apart. We always said we’ll be together until the end of times but so did Corbyn and Madeline and look at them now. Madeline just....left without a word to anyone. I know it’s stupid but I just couldn’t bear the thought of losing you and now I’m being such a sap and you probably are disgusted —”

“Jonah, stop. You’re over-thinking everything. I’m not disgusted at you, not even one bit,” you raised a hand to his cheek and traced a thumb over it tenderly, knowing that this simple gesture never failed to soothe his raging emotions. “It’s normal to feel this way, love. But whenever you do, please remember this: there’s nothing to be afraid of because I love you so much, Jonah Marais Roth Frantzich, that I can never ever think of hurting myself because I know that that’ll hurt you; I love you so much that I started crying a little less, smiling a little more because I know that no matter how hard my day is, I’ll always have you to come home to.”

You watched as a tear escaped from him. “I don’t know what the future holds but I can promise you this,” you locked your eyes with his, your gaze filled with the utmost love and adoration in contrast with his worried one. “No matter how fast the night changes, it’ll never change me and you.”

“You promise?” His lips curled upwards into a small smile as he leaned in, leaving only an inch between your lips, your breaths mingling with each other’s. As always, butterflies erupted in your stomach at the close proximity as you mirrored his expression with a sweet smile of your own.

“Forever and always,” you breathed and he closed the distance between your lips, sealing the promise.

#corbyn besson #daniel seavey #jack avery #jonah marais #wdw #why dont we #why don’t we #zach herron #wdw imagines #jonah marais imagines

94 notes · View notes

12yeahiminluvwu · 4 years ago

Text

Bad Enough For You

pairing - pop-punk!jj x pop punk!reader

summary- JJ wants you all to himself, and he’ll do anything he has to to make that happen, even if it means reverting to his old ways.

word count- 2,265

warning(s)- swearing, mentions of alcohol, mentions of drugs,

----------------------

From the wings, JJ watched as the girl he had shamelessly obsessed over for months sang her lungs out and jumped around the stage like she owned the place. He could tell that this was her element. The stage was where she belonged. From where he stood, he could see her chest moving up and down as she fought hard to breathe but you wouldn’t know by the way she hit every note like it was second nature to her. He watched the way she got down on her knees, reaching out for the crowd and singing right to them. She was fucking good at this. It was no question why they were the most popular band in the little college town.

Y/n was somewhat of a mystery to JJ, even after all this time. He couldn’t figure her out, no matter how hard he tried. He watched countless guys come and go, none of them fitting her standards- of which he had no clue what they were.

He was always nice to her- which was his first mistake. Y/n wasn’t into the nice guy type. Unbeknownst to JJ, she liked her boy, and girls, as bad as they come. Her last boyfriend was a drug dealer from the southside of town who looked like he definitely had killed someone before. She never bothered to ask though, it was just better that way. His second mistake was trying to get her attention. She didn’t give it to anyone she knew wanted it, except for fans on stage. So there JJ was, shit out of luck. It wasn’t until one night after a hopeless encounter that he decided he’d start trying to be someone she would pay attention to. That had been a few weeks ago now. JJ knew how to be an asshole. He’d done it most of his teenage years back home on the island.

As the band was coming off stage, Y/n waited for the typical “Hey good job out there!” from JJ, but all she got was a cold shoulder. He didn’t even acknowledge her, even if all he wanted to do was spin her around and tell her how amazing she’d been. He had to be the bad guy now, because that’s the only way he’d get to her. She brushed it off quickly and made her way back to the green room, whereas JJ and his boys made their way onto the stage.

--------

“Anyone know The Band CAMINO?” JJ asked and the crowd erupted in loud chants and screams. The tune to See Through filled the bar and the crowd got even louder. She didn’t know it, but Y/n was the inspiration for the band singing this song tonight.

Now it was Y/n’s turn to watch from the wings. She kept her gaze on the blond bassist, silently wishing he would stop trying so hard to get at her.

The air in the bar was damp and smelled like sweat and cheap beer. It was packed wall to wall, for sure violating some type of fire code, but who really cared anyway. The only sound you could hear from here all the way down the block was the live music being played. Lights shined on the boys, illuminating every inch of their skin, making them look like absolute gods. JJ, as usual, had ended up taking his shirt off a few songs into the set, making everyone in the crowd go crazy. Y/n had to admit, the boy knows how to work an audience. He knows exactly what to do to drive them crazy, and if he wasn’t such a kiss ass off stage, she might give him a chance. She just wasn’t into the kind of guys who would drop everything and come running. She liked the chase. She liked feeling like she had to earn the attention of someone, she didn’t like when it came easy.

“Rebound feeling like a rerun, everything that we've done, funny how it all played out.

You're good at looking at me like I'm see-through but I gotta see you, I shoulda learned by now.” The vein in JJ’s neck was straining as he poured his heart into the song. In that moment, with the crowd roaring and the sweat dripping down his face, he felt like he was flying. He felt invincible, and for a moment- he forgot about Y/n. But only for a moment, because as soon as the next verse fell out of his mouth, her image came flooding back into his mind like a tidal wave.

“How do I get your attention? How does it feel to always have mine? How do I address this tension? How you're looking through me every time? Got me out here, got me thinking what I would do, got me in my head, got me wishing I was with you. God, I'm wishing I was with you.” Quickly, JJ glanced over to where you stood and before you could notice, his eyes shifted back to the crowd in front of him.

------------------------

Post gig was always JJ’s favorite time because he got to hang out with his boys and revel in the high that was performing live. The air was still thick from the events tonight but the boys didn’t care. The afterparty had moved from the bar to the band’s shared apartment and Y/n’s band was here too. JJ did his best to keep his gaze off of her, but her smile lit up the whole room, and he couldn’t ignore the way he felt when she was around. But he knew that if he showed any of that at all, it would send her running for the hills.

There she was, standing with a drink in her hand, laughing with the lead singer of his band and driving him crazy. He tried to focus on the music playing and the conversation he was having about how good Ashton Irwin’s solo music was, and how his album is going to be a huge hit, but he found himself drifting back to her every time. Excusing himself, he walked into the kitchen to make himself a stronger drink. He stopped cold when he saw who was standing at the counter, back facing him. Shaking his head, and ignoring the hitch in his throat, he brushed past her, reaching around the counter to find what he was looking for.

“You’ve been pretty quiet lately Maybank… any particular reason?” The girl asked from beside him. He looked over at you quickly, simply shrugging his shoulders. That was all he gave you, hoping it would be enough to keep your attention a little longer without looking too interested. You gave him a once over before continuing on with your night.

JJ had left you wanting more, believe it or not. You suddenly wanted to know why he detached himself from you. Was he losing interest in you? Or using reverse psychology to get your attention. Either way, it made your mind race. The more he drew away, the closer you wanted to get. This was the chase you wanted.

By the end of the night, you were drunk off your ass and had somewhat attached yourself to JJ. He paid you no mind other than keeping you from falling over every once and awhile.

“Do you need a ride home?” He asked as people started to clear out and head home. He hadn’t ended up drinking as much as he thought he would, and was completely sober.

“Probably…” You giggled and laid your head on his shoulder, wrapping your arms around his middle, attempting to pull him closer to you. On the inside, he was freaking out. His heart was permanently beating at a million miles an hour, his palms sweating and breath caught in his throat, but to anyone looking your way, he looked cool as a cucumber. No one would be able to tell that he was freaked out by the girl of his dreams hanging off him like they were in love.

JJ looked around and saw that your whole band had left and that you two were the only ones left in the living room.

“We should get you back home…” He trailed off, walking the two of you over to the couch and sitting you down so he could grab your things before helping you back up and out to his car. He reached across to belt you in and gently shut the door. Starting the car, the quiet hum of Bad Enough For You by All Time Low filled in the silence between the two of you.

“You know…” Y/n started to say and JJ glanced over at her before returning his gaze to the road. After looking at her ID for her address, he made his way through the streets.

“I actually think you’re really attractive, but you made it wayyy too obvious that you had a thing for me so I pushed you away… because it scares me when people show an interest in me… be-because usually people just leave in the end anyway…”

JJ was quiet for a moment. Had you just admitted that you liked him?

“Why, don’t we talk about this tomorrow when you’re sober?” He asked, parking his car in front of her apartment. Coming around the side of the car, he helped her up out of the seat and walked her to the door, grabbing her keys from her to open the door.

“Will you stay?” She slurred and he hesitated.

“I don’t know if that’s the best idea Y/n…”

“Please? We don’t have to do anything, I just don’t want to be alone when I wake up…” The look on her face was enough to make him do anything she asked him to. His heart melted and he nodded, walking behind her, hands intertwined, to her bedroom. She shimmied out of her skinny jeans and took her bra off under the baggy band tee-shirt that had been tucked into the pants, plopping down on the queen mattress. JJ kicked off his docs and shimmied out of the jeans he’d been wearing before climbing into bed next to her. She tucked herself right into his chest like it was her own little spot and was out in seconds. JJ, on the other hand, took a little longer to fall asleep. He started down at you, your cheek pressed up against his chest, hair all over the place. He’d never seen you look this peaceful, not even on stage. Slowly, he brought his hand up to brush the stray hairs out of your face. He just couldn’t get his mind to shut off. But eventually, his eyelids fell heavily closed and sleep took over him.

--------------------------

When morning came, you had trouble remembering where you were, and who you were with… Looking up at the person you were laying a slight rush of releifewashed over you, but then you started to worry about what happened last night and lifted the blanket in hopes that your clothes, and his, were still intact. Thank fuck, they were.

You felt JJ take a deep breath and closed your eyes, pretending to be asleep still, doing your best to ignore the pounding headache that resided at the base of your neck. You could tell JJ had a mini freakout, similar to yours, when he opened his eyes. But then his memories of last night came back. Yours came back in pieces, while his came back in a rushing wave. You remembered suddenly wanting all of his attention and doing your best to get it, until your bandmate kept handing you vodka sodas and before you knew it you were hanging all over him the rest of the night. If that wasn’t embarrassing enough, you somehow got him to stay the night with you. And now here you were, tangled in your bedsheets.

Slowly, you looked up at him, trying to gage the situation. He looked down at you, the smallest hint of a smile ghosting across his lips. You found yourself staring at them. The feeling of his fingers trailing up your arm sent shivers down your spine, and heat rushed to your cheeks.

“Uh, hi…” You trailed off, absentmindedly tracing shapes along his abs, sometime last night his shirt had come off, leaving him in his boxers.

“Hey.” He smiled. His voice was deep and scratchy due to the lack of use overnight, his nerves didn’t help any.

“Coffee?” You asked after a pause and he chuckled lightly, nodding his head. You nodded back at him before pushing yourself out of bed and making your way to the kitchen. JJ wasn’t too far behind you, taking a seat on the other side of the island.

“So… last night was interesting…” He began, trying to get the conversation flowing.

“Yeah, uh. I was pretty fucking drunk so. I don’t really remember anything I said…” You admitted from where you stood at your keurig.

“Well, to sum it up, you told me to stop being such a try hard and you think I’m hot.”

“That sounds like something I would say, yeah.” The two laughed and another moment of silence fell on them.

“Well, I would be down to go out if you are…?” She said and JJ did his best to contain his excitement.

“Yeah, that’d be cool.” He said and she smiled, realizing she’d been right about him just faking the hard ass act to get her to like him.

#pop punk!jj #pop punk! y/n #pop punk jj #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #x reader #outer banks #obx #jj maybank x y/n #netflix #jj #jj maybank imagine #jj imagine #jj maybank x you #jj maybank blurb

75 notes · View notes

sinceileftyoublog · 3 years ago

Text

Indigo De Souza Interview: Compassion for Different Modalities

Photo by Charlie Boss

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Calling from her home near Asheville, North Carolina earlier this month, singer-songwriter Indigo De Souza is getting ready to go on tour behind her terrific sophomore album Any Shape You Take (Saddle Creek). Like everyone, she’s anxious about navigating the current COVID-19 landscape, but how she and her band adapt to a live performance and play the multi-dimensional songs that make up the record seems to be of little concern. I guess if I was as talented as De Souza, I wouldn’t be worried, either. Released last month, Any Shape You Take is a stunning series of ruminations on love and relationships, platonic and romantic, that span a number of years in De Souza’s life. Raised in a conservative small town in North Carolina by a mom who was an artist, De Souza doesn’t shy away from the fact that her family did not fit in. At the encouragement of her mother, she leaned into her artistic visions, making music as early as 9 years old, releasing her first EP in 2016.

After self-releasing her (very appropriately titled) first album I Love My Mom in 2018, De Souza signed to indie stalwarts Saddle Creek, who rereleased her debut and supplied her with the means to craft a much larger-sounding follow-up. Working with prolific secret weapon co-producer Brad Cook, her first proper label release occupies an incredible amount of genre territory. “This is the way I’m going to bend,” announces De Souza on auto-tuned synth pop opener “17″ before, well, bending in a number of different directions. “Darker Than Death” and “Die/Cry”, nervous songs that were written years ago, sport fitting build-ups, the former’s slow hi hats and cymbals giving way to jolts of guitar noise, the latter’s jangly rock taking a back seat to yelped harmonies. Songs like “Pretty Pictures” and “Hold U” reenter the dance world, the latter an especially catchy neo soul and funk highlight, a simple earworm of a love song. In the end, whether playing scraped, slow-burning guitar or rubbery keyboard, De Souza’s thoughtful and honest meditations center the emotionally charged album, one of the very best of the year.

De Souza takes her live show to the Beat Kitchen tonight and tomorrow night (both sold out) with Dan Wriggins of Friendship opening. Read our interview with De Souza about the making of Any Shape You Take and her songwriting process.

Since I Left You: On Any Shape You Take, there seems to be a good mix of folks you’ve worked with before and folks you’re working with for the first time. What did each group bring to the table?

Indigo De Souza: Brad Cook was co-producing. It was my first time working with a producer on something. That was crazy. He was very supportive of everything and very encouraging. It was nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of who wanted to encourage my vision. I also worked with Alex [Farrar] and Adam [McDaniel] from drop of sun studios in Asheville. They’re both just so sweet and talented. They were engineering but also helped with production as well. I ended up getting really close with Alex, and me and Alex finished out the album together doing vocal overdubs and random overdubs. It feels like he did a lot of production on the album and was a star for me in the process. They were all great to work with. It was interesting to me to have so many people working on the album.

What I realized after the fact, [though], was that it was kind of distracting for me to have so many brains working on it. It taught me I actually feel very confidently about my vision for songs, and I can trust myself to have ideas for my own songs. I think I was scared going in that I was going to come up blank in that scenario because it was such a high-pressure thing, getting on a label and making a high-production album. But I definitely thrived in the space. It was really fun.

SILY: It shows in the finished product. There are so many different styles and subgenres within the record. Do you listen to all the types of music that show up on this record?

IDS: Yeah, for sure. Mostly, I listen to pop music and dance music. That’s probably my most daily genre. I don’t listen to a lot of music daily, though. I listen to music probably a couple times a week when I’m in the car, but it’s so random, and the genres I listen to are pretty random. It depends on my mood. I think when I’m writing, it’s the same way, whether I’m writing a poppier or rock-based song. They’re different moods for me.

SILY: How do you generally approach juxtaposing lyrics with instrumentation?

IDS: With writing, it’s different every time the way they fall into place together. I do notice that one of the more common ways it happens is I’ll be going about my day and hear a melody in my head and start humming it and realize I’m making it up, that I have no record of it before. I’ll start attaching feeling to the melody, depending on what I’m feeling, and at first I’ll be singing gibberish with the melody, but I’ll usually get some headphones on and plug into the computer so I can sing into a microphone. I’ll mess around with the melody and sing random words until something true to me kind of sticks. That’s usually how it goes. Sometimes, I [do] sit down and it comes out in one breath, like the song is already written in my mind.

Honestly, it’s so normalized how songwriting is. It’s such a strange, magical thing that people can write songs that have never been written before. [laughs]

SILY: Thematically, there are a lot of songs on Any Shape You Take where you’re feeling doubts about a relationship, like on “Darker Than Death”. Someone’s feeling bad, and you’re wondering whether it’s you making them feel bad. And on “Die, Cry”, you sing, “I’d rather die than see you cry.” On the other hand, there are some songs like “Pretty Pictures” where you know your place more within the relationship, and you know what’s eventually gonna happen to it. How do you balance those feelings of doubt with knowing what’s gonna happen?

IDS: It’s funny, because the first two songs you mention were written a very long time ago when I was in the only very long-term relationship I’ve ever been in. I was very confused in that time and was having a hard time in general with my mental health. “Pretty Pictures” is the newest song on the album, a last minute addition because another song we had on there didn’t really fit. We looked through my demos folder and chose “Pretty Pictures”, the most recent song I had written at the time, and recorded it for the album. They’re totally different times in my life, and how you said it is definitely how I was. There’s a time I was more confused, and now, love is more simple in my life, and I can process things and see how they are, have compassion for different modalities.

SILY: I love the line on “Way Out”, “There are no monsters underneath your bed, and I’ll never be the only thing you love.” It’s a very logical statement in the face of unbridled emotion that can make you think illogically. Is that contrast something you think shows up throughout the record?

IDS: Within love, over time, I’ve realized that there’s not one person for anybody. There’s a lot of fluidity in the ways people can feel towards other people. That line is definitely a nod to allowing people to love many other people and not taking it personally.

SILY: From a singing perspective, you have a lot of different vocal stylings on the record. I found it interesting you led it off with a track where you’re super auto-tuned. Can you tell me about that decision?

IDS: “17” originally was this demo I made in 2016 or 2017. It was a very old demo. In 2018 or so, I brought the demo to my band at the time, and we created a live version of that song that was nothing like the recording that you hear. The recording was so weird and had a lot of auto-tune and higher-pitched and lower-pitched vocals. We had a live version we played for a while that’s on Audiotree. Whenever we were recording Any Shape You Take, we started to record it the live way and realized it wasn’t feeling right. We listened to the old demo, and it gave this wake up kick to everyone. We got excited by how the demo sounded because we hadn’t heard it in so long. We realized we wanted to record it based on the demo. So that song sounds very similar to the way the demo originally sounded.

SILY: What’s the story behind the album title?

IDS: There are so many layers to the album title. [laughs] It came to me mostly because the album takes so many musical shapes but also so many emotional shapes. It feels like a lot of the themes in the album are about change and acceptance of change and acceptance of a full spectrum of feelings of pain and grief and allowing people to take many forms. It was mainly inspired by the fact that I’ve taken so many forms in my life and am witness to the way changing forms yourself can either push people away or pull them in closer. I’ve always been so appreciative of the people in my life who allow me to take so many different forms and are still there to witness and care about me, whether we’re close to each other or far away. That’s the main reason I wanted to call the album Any Shape You Take. The most beautiful kind of love you can have is allowing someone to be themselves and shift in and out of things freely.

SILY: Is your live show faithful to the studio versions of the songs, or did you have to learn how to adapt the songs to the stage?

IDS: A lot of them sound very similar to the recording. We’ve been having so much fun practicing them and playing them live.

SILY: Is there one in particular you’re most looking forward to playing?

IDS: I love playing “Bad Dream”. That’s just a crazy song to play live because it’s so loud and rowdy. [laughs]

SILY: You have that falsetto in the middle of it, too.

IDS: Yeah. It’s so fun.

SILY: Anything you’ve been listening to, reading, or watching lately that’s caught your attention?

IDS: I’m excited that one of my favorite authors, Tao Lin, just put out a book I haven’t been able to get fully into. It’s called Leave Society. I just got it in the mail last week. Other than that, I’ve just been so, so busy with interviews and work on the computer and with my manager, staying on top of this crazy shift happening on top of my life. I haven’t taken in a lot of media. I was just watching Love Island recently because I wanted to shut my brain down. Somebody was telling me about Sexy Beasts last night, which sounds insane. I’m excited to watch that.

youtube

2 notes · View notes

clumsyclifford · 3 years ago

Note

just finished writing this and realized how long it got oh jeez i am so sorry. i promise it is just me rambling about nothing and does not require a lot of thought.

i made a playlist of r5's entire discography and am listening to it (in order) because there is something wrong with me. if only it had their very first ever ep on it (ready set rock ep you may have been slight garbage but i don't love you any less for it). oh god i realized i fucked up and didn't add the songs by "ross lynch and r5" from the austin & ally soundtrack. i'm already three songs into louder and they would have been between louder and say you'll stay. what do i have to do is actually one of r5's best songs and i'm pretty sure i remember ross calling it one of his favs fairly recently?? which was so valid of him. anyways. this is now an r5 song ranking. i'm bored and avoiding doing assignments. i'm going to name my top 10 r5 songs off the top of my head. source: me trying to remember every song they've ever released.

no. 1: easy love. nothing comes close. my fav song they ever made. they haven't made anything that even compares since (this is /hj. tde has some valid songs).

no. 2: wishing i was 23. what do you mean i only love this song because of my nostalgia bias no i don't.

no. 3: what do i have to do? i will not elaborate i do not know why i adore this song as much as i do it's just a cute song.

no. 4: repeating days. THE END. THE FUCKING END AFTER THE SONG ENDS THE "all i've got is cheap wine" PART ross sounds so vulnerable and him with just the guitar makes me so :(((((( it's so gorgeous that part makes the whole song and that makes it top 3 for me.

no. 5: i want u bad. THAT SONG FUCKS LIVE. I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT I WILL PROBABLY NEVER SEE IT LIVE AGAIN. (speaking of concerts i can't believe you bought concert tix and fucking forgot??? that is actually so fucking funny bella it made me laugh i will not lie)

no. 6: dark side. so so valid of them. it just fucks. it's so good. it makes u want to dance. u named a fic after a lyric from it which was so valid.

no. 7: did you have your fun? i love this song. no i will not elaborate. it is a sexy song. what's that one lyric from it that's hot. "love me, leave me, left me numb" some lyrics you love for no particular reason and for me that's one of those lyrics.

no. 8: f.e.e.l.g.o.o.d. this has alwayysss been one of my favs by them. since it dropped. some lore about it: the like crowd yelling that's in it they recorded live at a festival they played and i remember there being hype about this being an unreleased song when they had the crowd chanting "f-e-e-l-g-o-o-d" with no explanation. also another fun fact is that the final version of this is just a demo?? source: my slightly faulty memory remembering ross saying something about some demos being so good that you keep them as they are and it later being revealed this was the song he was talking about.

no. 9: i know you got away. sexy song. they released a vocals only version of it (that has apparently since been deleted?? i went to look for it on youtube and couldn't find it?? wtf r5) that has stuck with me ever since.

no. 10: loud. but more specifically the acoustic or live version. this was their encore song that they played to end every show. i MISS IT. it holds a special place in my heart.

honorable mentions: hurts good (a good song and THEIR LAST THEY EVER RELEASED VV SAD), wild hearts (fun fact almost picked a lyric from this song as my senior quote till i found out they didn't write this song), fallin' for you (YOU LIKE MISMATCHED SOCKS WITH POLKA DOTS YOU LIKE YOUR PIZZA COLD I THINK THATS HOT i never saw this song live and i'm still fucking pissed about it ok), do it again (it's such a sweet song :(((( "listen to the airplanes as we count the stars" gives me the same vibes as six feet under the stars), things are looking up (generally just a cute song!! this whole ep is just very good and very cute!! when i saw it live one time during the bridge ross was like "everyone shut up this is my favorite part >:(" and that was so valid of him) i can't say i'm in love (it's just a fun song!! it was a bonus track on sln from another country), trading time (this is the only song from the new addictions ep that i listed and u know what i'm Not sorry)

ok. i will spare you and stop rambling. other honorable mentions: if you have never listened to cool girl (feat. the driver era) by new beat fund i highly recommend. it's an okay song but it was one of the first songs released after they rebranded as tde and includes ross saying motherfucker with his whole chest. i will never again feel what i felt the first time i heard that song having listened exclusively to them as r5 whose songs they couldn't curse in because they were on a disney label.

in conclusion. i miss r5. ross saying fuck is kinda hot. i listened to the entirety of louder while writing this. i am sorry to dump this in your askbox. i still have multiple assignments to do and should probably go to sleep at a decent time. it feels fitting to finally stop writing while easy love is on. when i was 12 and this ep came out i thought "dirtbags" was a curse word and was scared to sing it. they changed it to "douchebags" live.

that's all. goodbye. have a lovely night. listen to r5's discography for clear skin thriving crops etc etc. sorry to lovepost about them in your askbox i only have (1) former r5 mutual that i still talk to (a very interesting but long story. she's the gemini bestie) and she will only lovepost about r5 once in a while. feel free to ignore my ask calling cody bellinger hot i was a different person when i wrote it i am now a changed woman. LOVE YOU MWAH - bella but she misses r5

hi hi im going to answer this with minimal thought because im tired but i dont wanna leave this sitting in my inbox forever but for the record all your r5 opinions are valid. ok lets go

1. easy love slaps ive heard it a couple times over the last few days (it played in the car today while i was driving sam n meghna to the airport) and it does fuck i can see why it's your fave

2. i do not know this song

3. A BOP A WHOLE FUCKIN BOP

4. oh i do love repeating days great choice i would have to hear it a few more times to get it in my head but i remember really liking it when i listened to the album it's on

5. also a banger and i'm glad my concert tickets situation made you laugh it made me laugh too imagine being this useless gldskfjgs

6. DARK SIDE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS GIVE IN TO YOUR DARK SIDE YOUR DARK SIDE IIIIIIIII SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT MEEEEE

7. ANOTHER FUCKING BANGER this one is probably among my favorite r5 songs maybe top 5 LOVE ME LEAVE ME LEFT ME NUMB (guitar moment) DID YOU HAVE YOUR FUUUuuuuUUUUUNNNNN i feel the same way about this lyric as you

8. oh shit thats pretty cool i dont know this song tbh i cant remember how it goes i know ive heard it once or twice but. id have to listen to it again so i will keep you posted on that

9. i do not know this one either

10. interesting choice for top ten but i support you, this song fucks and ever since you mentioned it it's been in my subconscious and randomly getting stuck in my head i think i need to listen to it to get it out. it does hit ur right

11. i don't know hurts good or wild hearts or things are looking up or i can't say i'm in love or trading time well enough to say anything about them. but i really like fallin for you it's one of those cheap fun songs but emphasis on fun, and also really like do it again one day ill write a fic based on that song

i have not listened to cool girl i put it on my to listen playlist so hopefully i remember to listen to it soon ill be honest though i dont think im prepared for ross lynch saying motherfucker w his whole chest like i think itll take me out. so. anyway. i hope you got your assignments done. thank you for the r5 lovedump feel free to drop in anytime with more

#this is a love-positive zone #we love love #here on clumsyclifford we support insane obsessions because we also have insane obsessions #ask #cubs anon #anonymous #lol i was telling my dad that i talked to rian and zack but said the most generic things ever #and i was like. i mean there were things that i would have wanted to ask but if i had then they would have known that--#-- im like super obsessed with them in a kind of creepy way. like i wanted to ask rian what time alex was born #...so we can figure out his rising sign so we can make his star chart #and my dad was like . why would you need that #and i said. you know for funsies #he was like do you think he would even know that #and i said well in our collective opinions we think alex wouldnt know what time he was born but rian and/or jack probably would #and my dad was like its a good thing you didnt ask him that. it would have been creepy.#and i was like I KNOW THATS WHY I DIDNT ASK BECAUSE I KNEW IT WOULD HAVE BEEN CREEPY BRO #so anyway #i dont remember why i started telling this story #its 1am im so tired ive had the longest two days ever #i need sleep im going to die #i cant believe classes in two days #end me

3 notes · View notes

zackcollins · 4 years ago

Text

i still love you || matthew tkachuk

masterlist

Author’s Note: I was listening to the radio yesterday and a song came on that gave me massive Matty vibes. I decided to go for it and write a fic based on the song because everyone probably still needs something to decompress with. The fic is a little bit different than the song but it still has the basic premise of the lyrics; hope that’s okay! GIF credit to matthewtkafuck!

Warnings: I don’t think anything is worth a warning but let me know if I’m wrong. I’ll gladly add whatever it is you think needs one!

Word Count: 1.8k+

Title/Based On: Austin by Blake Shelton

Additional: The reader can be implied to be feminine because of a couple of situations that I’m not going to spoil. As for one of the name of one of the characters I used in the fic. I named the character after the girl in The Reklaws since they came on the radio when I needed a name for the character. Hope that’s okay and I hope you guys enjoy this!

You had come home from work in the worst mood you could possibly imagine. Every one of your coworkers and a majority of the customers had tried your patience. You were ready to go on a destructive rampage through the neighbourhood by the time you pulled into the apartment complex parking garage.

When you walked into your apartment, you could hear your boyfriend, Matthew, playing a video game. By the sounds of it, it was Call of Duty because you could hear him talking to someone. You rolled your eyes as you walked into the living room. Your suspicions were confirmed when you saw Matthew wearing his headset and caught a glimpse of the zombies on the screen.

Matthew nodded to acknowledge you, smiling when you placed a kiss to his forehead. He quickly pushed you aside; you guessed it was because of the voice you heard screaming in his ear about the zombies approaching him. You huffed and sat on the couch beside him. You tried to lean onto Matthew for comfort but he shrugged you off of him and looked at you sternly. Your stomach twisted angrily as a feeling of hurt washed over you.

“I need to leave, Matt,” you said.

Matthew raised an eyebrow as he looked at you. He pressed the button on his headset to mute his microphone. “I’ll get the car keys. We can go to the movies or something.” He unmuted his microphone and told whoever he was playing with that he needed to leave for the time being. Matthew powered the Xbox off before sliding his headset off and placing it on the coffee table. He stood up and turned to head toward the foyer to grab his keys.

You sighed, grabbing Matthew’s forearm. Matthew stopped and looked at you. He furrowed his brows and frowned when he saw the distraught look on your face. “No, I need to leave.”

“Oh. Uh…” Matthew dropped his arm from your grasp, sitting back on the couch, and grabbing your hands. You wanted to protest but you were too stressed to put up a fight. “Is there any reason?”

“I just need to clear my mind,” you said, squeezing Matthew’s hands weakly.

Matthew hummed, running his thumbs across your knuckles. You shivered and felt a sudden wave of emotions wash over you. You suddenly felt guilty for doing this but you knew it had to be done; this was what you felt was best for you right now.

You looked at Matthew with hopeful eyes and he smiled back softly. He took one of his hands away from your hand, using it to cup your chin. Matthew leaned in at the moment, pressing a quick goodbye kiss to your lips. You were beyond crushed when it was over. A part of you wanted your last kiss to mean something more; the other part of you was glad it was over quickly. You didn’t think you would be able to hold it together if it got more meaningful.

Dropping Matthew’s other hand, you looked at him with a painful expression. Matthew looked back, his eyes matching your pained gaze. You sighed, stood up, and walked down the hallway to what used to be yours and Matthew’s bedroom.

In the bedroom, you went through your dresser and placed your clothes and some toiletries into a couple of suitcases. You wanted to grab as much as you could before you got cold feet and decided to stay.

It took fifteen minutes but you eventually had accumulated enough contents in both suitcases to be able to drag them out of the bedroom. When you appeared back in front of Matthew, he looked shocked to see the suitcases.

“Fuck,” Matthew said, running a hand through his hair. “You’re serious about this, aren’t you?”

All you could do was nod. You walked to the door of the apartment, looking back at Matthew. You felt your heart shatter when you saw the defeated expression on Matthew’s face. You wanted to turn around and run into Matthew’s arms; you wanted to stay here with Matthew. You knew you couldn’t because you had to take some time to clear your mind and figure out what you really wanted with your life before you continued this--or any--relationship.

You waved briefly to Matthew before you walked out of the door and out on the relationship you had spent three years building.

Ever since you had left your shared apartment that night, you had avoided watching any of Matthew’s pre-, mid-, or post-game interviews. You didn’t want to make the ache in your heart bigger.

You finally broke down and called him about a year after you had moved out, deciding you couldn’t bear the separation any longer. The phone rang times before it went to Matthew’s voicemail. You sighed and were about to hang up when the voicemail message started playing.

“I sold the car. I’m bowling if it’s Tuesday. If you’re selling something, I’m not buying it. If it’s important, wait for the tone; you know what to do. P.S. If this is (Y/N), I still love you.”

The phone fell from your grasp, landing on the counter with a thunk. Hearing that last line made your heart rate speed up and your head swim. You couldn’t believe that Matthew would hold on to his love for you for this long. You wanted to call right back but knew that would do no good; if Matthew didn’t answer the first time, he probably wouldn’t answer the second time.

Instead, you picked up the phone and opened your photo gallery. You opened the album you had made for pictures of you and Matthew together. You skimmed through them, stopping to closely examine your favourite ones.

As you looked at them, you felt your eyes beginning to well with tears. The longer you looked at the pictures, the closer you were getting to crying. When you got to the last picture of you and Matthew, you allowed the tears to stream down your face. The picture was of you and Matthew holding one of his teammate’s children. You inhaled shakily before sliding off the barstool you were sitting on.

You walked down the hallway and into the bedroom beside the bathroom. You walked across the room and bent over the crib, looking in on your daughter. She was sleeping soundly, thumb in her mouth. You took your phone and snapped a quick picture of her and saved it in the album you had created for her.

You leaned down and kissed your daughter’s forehead, sighing softly as soon as you stood back up. You leaned against the wall behind the crib, crossing your arms over your chest. Letting out a shaky sigh, you squeezed your eyes shut.

“You look just like your father.”

After sitting and stewing about it, you decided to try and call Matthew again after three days. You owed it to him to tell him that he had a daughter, even if nothing came of the relationship between the two of you. He deserved to at least have a relationship with his daughter.

Much like three days prior, the phone rang three times before going to voicemail. When the voicemail message played, you were surprised to see that Matthew had taken the time to change what it had said.

“I’m playing hockey if it’s Friday. I’m going fishing first thing Saturday morning, so long as it doesn’t rain. I’ll be gone for the whole weekend. If you leave your number, I’ll call you back when I return on Sunday afternoon. P.S. If this is (Y/N), I still love you.”

All you left was your number. You felt like spilling your guts about the fact that Matthew had a daughter over voicemail wasn’t the right thing to do. You felt that was to be discussed when Matthew was able to respond during an actual conversation.

As the days went on, you were anxiously waiting for Sunday afternoon. You had deep cleaned your apartment three different times in an attempt to keep your mind occupied. You had also taken your daughter to your usual Saturday afternoon ‘mommy and me’ baby aerobics class but it felt tense this time. No matter how hard you tried to relax, you couldn’t. Every one of your thoughts was focused on waiting for Matthew to call you back.

When Sunday afternoon finally came, you had almost forgotten about the fact that Matthew was supposed to call. That was evident by the fact that you were in the middle of changing your daughter when your phone rang. When you pulled your phone out of your pocket, you nearly had a heart attack when you saw the caller ID. It was Matthew calling. You accepted the call.

“If you’re calling about my heart,” you said, taking a breath to stabilize your voice. “It still belongs to you. I should’ve listened to what it was telling me. Then it wouldn’t have taken me so long to know where I belong.” You paused again, trying to see if you could gauge a reaction from Matthew. His end of the line seemed completely quiet, so you continued talking. “And by the way, this isn’t the voicemail. This is (Y/N). And I still love you. So does your daughter.”

You heard Matthew choke on some air as he started spluttering to breathe. It took a few moments but he eventually regained his composure enough to form coherent words.

“I have a daughter?!” He asked, voice hoarse.

“Yes,” you replied. “Her name is Jenna.”

Matthew inhaled sharply. “Can I see a picture of her?”

Instead of answering, you pressed a button to switch the call to a video call. Matthew accepted the video call request but had a confused look on his face. It shifted to understanding when you moved your phone to show the face of your daughter. It quickly shifted to something heartwarming after that.

“She…” Matthew said, motioning around her face. “She looks just like me.” His voice was small, almost tentative.

“Yeah, I know,” you replied, sighing shakily.

“Jenna?” Matthew said. Jenna immediately took attention to the fact that her name had been called. “It’s daddy, sweetheart. Hi. How’re you?” Jenna giggled and tried to reach for the phone, a gigantic smile on her face.

You felt your heartbeat sputter at what you had just witnessed. It was the most precious thing you could imagine for the first ‘meeting’ between Matthew and Jenna.

“Where do you live now?” Matthew asked, drawing you out of your thoughts. “The team has our bye week after the game tomorrow. I can visit you and Jenna during it.”

“I’m in Yellowknife,” you said.

“Alright. I’ll get the first flight from Calgary to Yellowknife after the game.”

You felt tears falling from the corners of your eyes. You wiped them away as you looked between Matthew and Jenna. Matthew noticed the tears and exhaled softly.

“Our family is finally going to be together,” Matthew said, running a hand through his hair. “That’s a good thing, (Y/N).” You got too hung up on the fact that he said ‘our’ to respond.

If he really thought like that after having only known about his daughter for ten minutes, you were blessed to have Matthew back in your life.

86 notes · View notes

cal-puddies · 5 years ago

Note

idk if your doing requests but i’ve had this idea stuck in my head for a days and i think it would be such a cute imagine. you and calum are best friends but you both like each other and after the boys finish recording best years they all invite their girlfriends into the studio to listen to it and they tell you to come because they know calum’s contribution for the song was lowkey about you and while your listening he just looks and u and omg i’m in love with this man

“Hey monkey cheeks... hi little handsome!” You greet, walking into Cal’s. Duke comes right up to you and flops on his back for a belly rub.

“Hey jerkface.” Cal greets.

“How’s the album coming?” You ask, picking Duke up so you could keep rubbing his belly.

“It’s good. I think we’re really capturing where we are right now. Luke just wrote something killer, so I’m pumped.”

“Well Luke is a great writer.” You shrug.

“Yeah... you staying tonight?” He asks, gently touching your lower back.

“Eh... undecided but you know I can be persuaded.” You smirk. “Here, back to your pops, baby Duke.” You hoist the dog into Calum’s arms.

“What’s it gonna take to get you to stay?”

“Beg? Hours of oral? Not sure yet.” You shrug.

“You know id do either.” He smirks.

“Which is why I keep coming back to your bed.” You grin. You grab yourself a glass and make a drink real quick. “Have you had dinner?”

“Nope. Was just gonna see if you wanted to eat together.” He admits.

You help yourself to his fridge and decide to cook him something. “When’s the last time you didn’t eat take out?” You ask, moving easily through his space.

“Been a bit, yeah?” He laughs.

“That’s what I thought.”

You do end up staying the night, and Cal shows his appreciation for a home cooked meal with a couple rounds of oral, and a nice and slow session chest to chest. That usually meant he was feeling some type of way about something. You’d lay next to him and he’d be there with you, holding your or your hand, but you could also feel he was far away. His hand slides up and down your back, his lips kissing the top of your head until you turn to face him.

“You ok Monkey Cheeks?” You whisper.

“Yeah, I’m ok jerkface. Glad you came over tonight, Happy you’re staying.” He whispers back, finally meeting your eyes.

“Me too.” You press your lips to his chest, and he just holds you as you fall asleep.

He takes a deep breath while he watches you sleep, letting your scent fill his nose, your presence just surround him. He can’t shake the feeling that you belong there, but he knows he can’t ask you to be there right now. He can’t be there for you the way he wants to be.

And that starts the internal argument, Luke and Michael have figured it out, and Ash is working on it. Why couldn’t he do it?

But he could, he had. He just didn’t want that for you, didn’t want you sitting alone at dinner tables, and explaining to your family that he couldn’t be there because he was on tour, didnt want you ordering drinks alone at a bar while he was out across the world.

He takes you out with Ash for coffee and breakfast in the morning, he low key pays, but doesn’t touch you in any way, and you were used to it. This is what being with Cal meant, and you accepted it.

You miss him when it’s weeks between seeing him because schedules don’t line up, and you’d never want him to feel bad so you don’t tell him you wait for him. When he’s on tour he asks who you’re dating, and you’ll make up a date or two, but ultimately no one lasts long.

And he doesn’t understand that, because he thinks you’re perfect.

You’re sprawled on your couch one afternoon when Ash sends you a text.

- we’re previewing a couple versions of some songs tonight, why don’t you come by?

You weigh your options, you’d love to see all the guys but it’s basically a guarantee that you won’t get any attention from Cal. You’d like to see him anyway, maybe you could get him to go for a drink after. Luke and Sierra would probably go.

You decide you have to go when Sierra and Crystal both text and to ask you to come and Luke calls.

So you do a little make up, put on the good jeans, and throw on a t shirt you tie up.

You let yourself into the studio Ash directed you to.

“You came!” Luke says in his larger than life way while squeezing you and picking you up. You get hugs from the girls, Ash and Michael, and Cal hugs you so it’s not horribly awkward.

Luke and Ash talk animatedly about the songs they play for your, Wildflower, Best Years, and Not In The Same Way. And there were already a couple versions of each.

You can feel everyone’s eyes on you for Wildflower, but you feel Cal’s on you during Best Years, while you watch Luke’s face as he watches Sierra.

You glance at Cal out of the corner of your eye, and you don’t recognize the look on his face, but you don’t dwell on it.

“You all never cease to amaze me.” You admit, to Luke while everyone’s mingling.

“Thank you!” Luke grins, “think Sierra and I might be going for drinks, you should come, I’m gonna ask Cal too. Michael already said no and Ash needs to go do yoga, I think he said.” He explains.

“I’d like that. I’d just be going home to be on my couch.” You chuckle.

“No cant have that, come out for a couple drinks.”

Sierra comes over, “Cal’s in!” She stands on her toes and kisses Luke’s cheek and then she turns toward you, “what about you? Drinks? Say yes! Please!” She asks, before giving you a chance.

“Yeah, I just told Luke I’d go.” You chuckle.

“Ok! Good! I’m gonna ride with Cal, we’ll see you guys there.” She kisses Luke and turns and he grabs her hand. “So he can’t change his mind.”

“Fair... you wanna follow me?” He looks at you.

“Sure.” You laugh.

Luke gets you guys in VIP, and he gets his tequila on the rocks and lets you order what you want before you guys grab a table, waiting for Sierra and Cal to show up.

Luke talks to you about how work is going for you, and catching up. You’ve been around awhile, hanging out with Cal, a couple years now. But he knows it’s more than that, he knows the way Cal’s face lights up when you come around, or he gets a text from you. He loves getting to FaceTime you. And Luke knows it’s deeper than that. All of them have walked in on you and Cal having a moment or sharing a kiss, the long hugs goodbye. Or even just noticing the little touches or the grins when you lock eyes across the room. And he wants more dirt about it without outright asking you.

But Cal and Sierra show up and Sierra tells him to sit next to you.

“Hey,” he grins at you, face softening.

You’re there for about an hour and Cal keeps touching your thigh or brushing your hands together under the table, and then Sierra is asking for you to come with her.

“Good, girls are gone. Let’s cut the shit.” Luke says, leaning closer to Cal.

Cal finds it abrupt and he’s confused. “Excuse me, brov?” He asks.

“What are you doing with her? Are you gonna date her or just keep dragging her along? She’s so good for you Cal, we all see it. And she makes you so happy. And you deserve that. But she doesn’t deserve this.”

“We’re friends.” Cal shrugs.

“Nah, mate. No one believes that. You don’t even believe that you’re just friends. I don’t know what’s holding you back from her. You’re lying to yourself. You don’t think every one of us saw the way you were looking at her tonight? Even if we all didn’t already know, we would now.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do Luke! She deserves better than what I can give her right now, with our schedule!”

“You’ll figure it out. It might be tough but you’d do it to keep her happy... if she makes you this happy... I saw your face when you saw her here... you can’t string her along forever. Someone else is gonna give her everything you want to give her.”

Luke shuts up, because you and Sierra are coming back, and he doesn’t want you to hear this.

After another drink you look at your phone and laugh, “it’s so late. How does this always happen with you!” You accuse the table.

“Do you need to go? I’ll get an Uber with you.” Cal offers.

“Ummm...” you look at him and glance at Luke and Sierra giving you intense stares. “Yeah. I mean I can stay too, just didn’t realize it was already this late.”

“No, it’s fine, I’m ready to go.” Cal says, leaning into you.

“Yeah.. were gonna go too. You two stay safe. We’ll swing by tomorrow and bring you to get your cars.” Luke says. You grab your phone and your jacket and the four of you make your way outside.

“You coming to mine?” Cal asks, quietly, though he doesn’t know why because obviously all of his friends know about you. He pulls out his phone to get the Uber.

“Uh, no I think I just wanna go home, sleep in my own bed.” You shrug.

“Ok.” He nods. You all wait together til the cars come, hugs are shared. Cal calls Luke big fella when he wishes him goodnight and Sierra and Luke call him sweet boy. And you melt a little at that exchange. You love the way Cal is with his friends. You ride quietly to your place, only about a mile from Calum’s. He walks you to your door to make sure you make it, and he shoots you a goodnight text, which included a picture of him and Duke in bed.

And Cal can’t sleep. His mind is just going over and over what Luke said. And how you look at him, and you always come, and are always there.

And fuck, Luke’s right. You could have anyone, and he doesn’t want to chance that you’ll find that anyone while he’s gone on tour. You’d figure it out. This only doesn’t work if you don’t want him too. And he really doesn’t want to get hurt that way.

- if you aren’t already with her, go to her. Luke told me he talked to you. Sierra texts him.

He checks the time, it’s almost 3 am. You’re bound to be asleep. But he figures he’ll try anyway.

-awake? He asks.

- just barely.

-I’m coming over.

He almost waits for a response but he’s already climbing into the Uber when he gets a thumbs up from you. He lets himself in with the key he has and makes his way to your room.

“We gotta talk.” He says, slipping in your bed after taking his sweats off.

“It’s 3 am, do we really gotta talk now?” You chuckle. You lay face to face with him, because he has that serious tone.

“Yeah... I like you, a lot, probably more than like, but I don’t want to scare you, and I’m so tired of avoiding that topic just because I’m gone. It wears on me. When we were listening to Best Years earlier I just felt so strongly about that message toward you. And I know we’re comfortable doing this, but I don’t wanna hear about you with other guys and I’m happy when it’s us... and the guys know, they see through my shit. And my ‘just friends’...”

“Calum... shut up for a second.” You interrupt. You watch as he closes his mouth. You lean in and kiss him briefly on the lips. “We’ll try, I want to too. But we need to talk about it after I’ve slept, please.”

“Yeah... absolutely.” He agrees, pulling you back for another kiss.

#calum hood #requested #its kinda angsty #anon i loved this #thank you #cass #angst #but cal #right in the feels #5sos #5 seconds of summer #luke hemmings

115 notes · View notes

horansqueen · 4 years ago

Text

You & Me : chapter 29

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.8k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: id love your feedbacks now that theyre happy together and id love to know what you think will happen of what you want to happen so if you read these notes please tell me!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : 4 requests! :) thank you so much!

Chapter 29 : His chapter

NIALL

I kept glancing at her as I drove and I couldn't take that stupid smile off of my lips. Her hair was dancing around her head, sometimes tickling my arm, cheek and neck, and it didn't bother me at all. In fact, I enjoyed it. She put her hand out of the window as it moved in waves because of the wind and the speed of the car on the high way and I loved watching her. She was wearing her stupid heart shaped sunglasses but they were new because these had purple tinted glasses, unlike the pink ones she used to have, and the smell of honey and vanilla reached my nose from time to time. I loved it. I loved her. She looked stunning in the golden hour and despite everything we had been through, at that exact moment, I was so fucking happy I could start flying.

She reached for the volume when one of my songs came on and I laughed as she started singing loud. The smile she was wearing told me I was not the only happy person in this car and I started singing with her, tapping on the wheel as she moved her upper body with the music. When the song was over I felt her reach for my thigh and she squeezed it a bit before turning the volume down again and leaning back against the seat. I could feel her gaze on my side and I was wondering what was burning my skin more : her eyes, or the setting sun hitting on my other cheek?

"Was this song written for a specific one night stand or was it just general?"

"Slow Hands?" I asked, raising my eyebrows before chuckling. "Who says I didn't write it about you?"

"Pretty sure you wrote it when we were not together anymore." she said with a frown.

"No!" I quickly replied after trying to imitate the sound of a 'wrong answer' buzzer from a tv quiz. "I started it when we were together. I just didn't really plan to add it to the album but I ended up thinking that album needed a bit more grit, i wanted something a bit more.. daring?"

She raised her eyebrows as I exited the high way and replaced her hair quickly without much success. It was adorable and I loved it a lot but I didn't mention it.

"That's daring alright. Are you talking about your fingertips or mine?" she asked with a chuckle, making me laugh.

"You decide!"

She chuckled again and I could swear she also rolled her eyes but it was hard to see because of her sunglasses. I parked a bit farther on the road and her eyes left me to look by her window. She shook her head before looking back at me and smiling.

"What?"

"I don't know, I'm always amazed at the number of beaches we can drive by here." she shrugged. "I'm just not used to it."

"You like it?"

She licked her lips and shrugged a bit, glancing down and then looking up at me. "I guess, yea. But I miss London. All the time."

I moved my own glasses up on my head and she took hers off, tilting her head and sending me a soft smile. It was a stupid thought, but at that moment, I felt the need to say it.

"You can always find your home in me." I let out, reaching for her hands and squeezing them. "You're mine, too. You're my home."

Her traits softened and she slowly moved closer, holding herself with both hands on one of my thighs before her lips reached mine. She kissed me softly and I didn't try to deepen the kiss, I just enjoyed the way he lips pressed gently but firmly against mine.

"You're my home too." she whispered, letting her eyes fall down to my laps after moving slightly away. "Unzip your pants."

"Excuse me what?" I asked with a nervous chuckle.

"Unzip your pants." she repeated without skipping a beat.

"I parked here for a walk on the beach, not for.. whatever you had planned." I explained, raising my eyebrows.

"You're not gonna say no to a blowjob twice in a row will you?" she asked, losing her smile but I could still see how amused she was in her eyes. "I'm gonna start doubting my skills."

The left corner of my lips raised and I unzipped my pants, my eyes never leaving hers. Of course I was not going to say no but damn I just hoped we wouldn't get caught. Her lips curled into a big smile before she quickly bend down. It took her half a second to have her lips around my cock and my hand gripped the wheel tight as the leather made an annoying noise. I could feel myself grow hard fast and I whimpered low. She took my dick completely in her mouth and I let out a low 'Jesus Christ' when I felt her fingers play with my balls. I looked around to see if anyone was getting closer and finally blinked a few times, looking down at her head moving up and down on me. I pushed her hair out of the way to see her better and pressed my lips together, feeling one of my legs shake. She normally goes slow and makes sure I can feel her lips on my tip, under my foreskin and down to my balls but this time, she just went fast and hard, letting the tip of my cock hit the back of her throat every time she could. I gripped her hair and licked my lips before they parted.

"Don't move, I'm gonna cum."

Quickly, I moved my hips up and down, thrusting my cock in and out of her mouth fast and hard until my eyes closed and my grip tightened.

"Holy f-, swallow it." I whispered without thinking, only half a second before I felt myself cum hard in her mouth.

I pushed her more on my cock as I felt an intense orgasm hit me like a wave and when I let go of her head, she took my dick out of her mouth but let her tongue run on the length before moving down to my balls and sucking on one. I felt my cock twitch and let out a groan as I heard her chuckle.

I quickly put my cock back in my pants when she moved her head up and the smirk she was sending me made my heart skip a beat.

"You came so fast!" she laughed, making me grimace.

"Shut up! You went so hard on my cock how was I supposed not to cum?"

I could have delayed my orgasm but I didn't see the point, especially since we were in a public place, but I didn't mention it. Of course, it made me nervous to get caught, but at the same time, the thrill was amazing.

"Do you still want to go on the beach?" I suggested, trying to talk about something else, before she nodded.

We both got out of the car and I grabbed my cap, putting it on my head and reaching my hand out for hers. She looked at it for a few seconds and stopped walking before looking up in my eyes. Something stirred in my stomach when she shook her head slightly and my arm fell back on my side. Ouch.

"You just sucked my cock in the car but you don't want to hold my hand?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "No one will recognize us, no one cares!"

I didn't want to be rude but I couldn't pretend her behavior didn't hurt me a bit. I was normally the one who didn't want affection display in public whenever I was in a relationship but I never understood how the girls I dated could feel when I said that. Now, I had a good idea.

"I thought we... agreed that we would just.." she stopped herself and shook her head with a sigh. "I'm sorry Niall, i'm not ready for that, and you don't want that either. You hate PDA remember?"

My traits softened and I sighed, nodding slowly.

"I'm sorry, you're right, and I shouldn't have been so rude."

She licked her lips and after a few seconds, she followed me and we walked side by side on the beach with a small breeze against us. I kept glancing at her and after a while, I felt her fingers brush against mine.

"I love you, you know?" she said in a low tone, making me turn my head her way completely.

"I know, I love you too, I'm sorry, Olivia."

"I'm just.. I'm scared, Niall. Last time ended so badly, and now we're so happy. I don't want things to get bad after we make it official. I don't want what we have to vanish or even falter. I want this to last, and right now, it works, so, why risk it?"

I understood what she meant even if technically, it didn't really make sense, but I was pretty sure she knew that. I sat quickly in the sand, my knees up and holding myself with my elbows slightly behind myself, half laying down. She smiled and sat next to me in the same position, except she spread her legs out and crossed her ankles together. She was wearing soft black pants and her ridiculously dirty rainbow converse and I liked it without even knowing why.

"Okay, would you rather be always 10 minutes late or 20 minutes early?"

I raised my eyebrows and smiled slightly when I recognized the game. We used to always play that game when we were younger but as the years went by, the questions changed, and the answers too.

"20 minutes early, of course!" I frowned with a chuckle. "That was easy. Okay my turn. Would you rather have whatever you are thinking to appear above your head for everyone to see orrrrrr have absolutely everything you do live streamed for anyone to see?"

"That's an absolute shitty question." she complained. "Anything I think about appear above my head. That would imply a lot of people seeing your cock, though."

I let out a loud laughter and turned to her. "Are you thinking about my cock right now?"

"Of course!" she replied quickly. "Can't you see it above my head?"

We laughed together and she licked her lips.

"Mm, would you rather have edible spaghetti hair that regrows every night orrrr, sweat maple syrup."

I grimaced and shook my head. "This is horrible. Sweat maple syrup I guess."

"I guess I'd lick your armpits all the time, then." she shrugged, bringing a smirk to my lips.

"Oh I know you'd do it even now." I pointed out. I could swear I saw her cheeks turn a soft shade or red and chuckled. "You love my armpits. One time you literally put your face there and kissed it."

"That was an accident." she blatantly lied. " I was trying to kiss your... your shoulder."

"Liar. I was smelly too, I was just back from the gym." I added, knowing I was embarrassing her even more.

"Okay, Niall, your turn now!"

I laughed as I stared at her and finally pressed my lips together, trying to find a good question.

"Would you rather... have 10 orgasms every time you have sex but they're not that good, or just one every week but a fucking strong one."

"That's a horrible question and I'm sorry but I'm gonna go for the fucking strong one." she shrugged with a grimace. "I would be so annoying all week though, you wouldn't be able to live with me. I'd hump you all the time."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "How often do you masturbate?"

Her eyes roamed on my face and she pressed her lips together, trying not to smile too much.

"Normally maybe, twice a day?" she just replied with a shrug. "These days, though, I don't. You're the only one who makes me cum."

I turned to her and sent her a big happy smile that she sent back.

"I would kiss you right now." I pointed out, making her smile too.

"I would kiss you back."

We stared at each other for a while and she finally looked away, turning her head to the water for a few minutes as the sun was disappearing into the horizon. I knew we should get up and leave to find a place to sleep but I didn't want to.

"Would you rather marry a 10 with a boring personality, or a 6 with an amazing personality." she let out, turning her head to send me a smile again. "Choose wisely."

"You're not asking this about yourself, right? Because you're not a 6."

"You're right, i'm a 4, at best. No wait, Heidi said a 3, right?"

"You're still thinking about that?" I asked in a lower and soft tone before she shrugged and turned again to the water. "You really shouldn't. She was just jealous."

"Heidi isn't jealous of anyone. What she says, she means." Liv pointed out. "You know, just because I know you're out of my league doesn't mean I'm not confident, or that I hate myself. I know society's beauty standards and I don't fit in. I never will. You do though." she pointed out, turning to me. "You've always been the pretty boy, the one everyone liked and wanted to be around. I was never jealous I was fucking mesmerized. Because you were my best friend and no one else's. You had picked me."

"I'm still picking you. I'm choosing you every single day, Olivia." I pointed out, sitting up and crossing my legs, looking down at my hands. "And you have no idea how many girls I flirted with that turned me down." I chuckled. "Before I was famous and even now. You could be surprised."

"That's because you seem to always fall for stupid fucking bitches. You always choose them for what they physically look like. You never try to see deeper because for you, everyone is good. But it's not true. Not everyone is good, Niall. Some people will just use you and throw you away when they're done. Some people will pick you because you're rich and famous, and some other won't pick you because you're not glamorous enough. Why do you think Heidi wanted to date you so bad but was totally okay to let you sleep with one of her best friends?"

I looked up and frowned. "Wait, what do you mean?"

"Gia Christenson? That's literally the only friend Heidi has left, yet she sent her to flirt with you at that bar when we were dating? She gave her your number so she could send you nudes when we were camping? And you literally ended up sleeping with her a few weeks before you started dating Heidi?"

My lips parted slightly but I shook my head. No, Heidi hadn't done all that just so I would break up with Olivia, that was impossible. I didn't want to believe that someone could ever do that. To anyone. I was not such a bad judge of character.

"No I mean, it's a coincidence."

"It's not. And I'm not blaming her for our break up. She didn't force you do to anything, she didn't point a gun to your head either. But when you started dating her I couldn't help but think that she had gotten exactly what she wanted and I had lost."

"And now?"

"Now?" she asked, raising her eyebrows as she turned to look in my eyes with a sad smile. "Now I'm just not playing anymore."

We kept quiet again, just listening to the waves and feeling the slightly cooler breeze hit our cheeks. It felt amazing to be here, alone, with her, but her words kept resonating in my head. Was I that oblivious?

"I don't want to marry a 6 or a 10, no matter what their personalities are." I finally just replied with a shrug. "I want to marry you. No number. Just you."

The way she smiled at me and tilted her head, I knew she liked my answer, but I kept quiet and after a while, she got up and I followed her back to the car. The sun was gone and the sky was dark but I drove to the first motel I saw and grabbed our bags before putting my sunglasses back on.

"I'll give my name." she just said as we reached the counter.

I smiled a bit and nodded before she asked for a room, gave her name and paid for it. I stayed behind her slightly and finally followed her to our room as she opened it and let me in. I dropped everything near the bed and when I turned around she was locking the door behind us.

"How much do I owe you?" I asked, putting my hands on my waist.

"Nothing, I got my check." she giggled, making me raise my eyebrows. "The number on it was astronomical, I almost came just looking at my bank account."

"Okay but this is literally a suite." I pointed out, making her roll her eyes.

"A suite in a motel I mean who cares?" she rolled her eyes, sitting on the bed.

I walked to her and bent down to kiss her lips as her hands found my cheeks. I had wanted to kiss her for hours and feeling her lips on mine after that long felt incredible.

"You want to add more fluids to these dirty bed sheets?" she asked with a smirk, making me grimace before she started laughing hard. "I'm just kidding! I'm sure these are extremely clean."

"Yea not so sure anymore."

She got up and tilted her chin up to look at me. Instinctively, my arms wrapped around her waist and I pulled her closer to kiss her gently.

"Maybe we could sleep on the floor?" I proposed in a low tone, half-joking.

"The floor is probably even worse." she mentioned just as low before chuckling. "Come on, I'll fill the bath for us. I saw it on the brochure and it looks incredible."

"For a motel room suite, maybe." I complained as she moved away.

I heard her laugh again and opened one of my bags to get some comfortable clothes for both of us, leaving the sweatpants and shirts on top of my luggage. I finally grabbed my phone and looked at all the notifications popping up with a grimace. I deleted all of them and went to check my contacts. I clicked on Heidi's name and picked the 'delete' option before doing the same with Gia and a few other girls. I was not really sure who they were, probably because they were insignificant to me, and threw my phone on the bed just as she was calling me. When I stepped foot in the bathroom, the bath was filled and the lights were dimmed, which surprised me a bit, considering what kind of motel we were in.

I looked at her sitting in the bath, definitely naked but all I could see was her breasts out of the water and slightly covered with foam. I could still see her nipples and I groaned.

"Can't believe you didn't wait for me to get undressed."

She shrugged and smiled. "Your turn. Take your clothes off."

Quickly, I took my shirt off and laughed when I noticed the way she was looking at me. She didn't say a word and I took my pants, boxers and socks off before joining her. The bath was large enough and I sat in front of her, grabbing one of her feet and massaging it gently, my thumbs pressing against her sole.

"Mm, don't stop." she whispered making me laugh as she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the side of the bath. "I didn't expect that but this is amazing. Oh, and there's a beer behind you. Thought you'd enjoy."

I grabbed the bottle with one hand and she immediately started shaking her foot to get my attention back.

"You’re so needy."

"Shut up and keep going." she just replied, making me roll my eyes, a small smile still on my lips.

We remained in silence for a while, just enjoying the warm water and the presence of each other, but after a while, my mind went from blank to filled with questions and I breathed in.

"What are we, Olivia?"

She moved her head up and her eyes opened, meeting mine. She seemed a bit taken aback by my question but she shook her head a bit before tilting it.

"We're... two best friends who... love each other, and fuck more than occasionally." she proposed slowly, raising her shoulders up. "I guess."

"What if I want you to be my girlfriend, Olivia? What do I have to do for that?"

She breathed in and out slowly, still looking at me, and took her foot back. I thought she was mad but she moved in the water and got closer, placing her knees on each sides of me and sitting on my thighs. She looked down at my chest, bringing warm water on my shoulders and sighing before looking back up in my eyes.

"I love you, Niall. I'm in love with you. I want to date or fuck no one but you." she confessed in a very low tone. "But I'm not ready. And I don't know when I'll be. Or if I'll ever be."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and frowned a bit. "So we may never get back together?"

Her face changed and she licked her lips. "Shit happens, so we never know? I want to, and I'm trying. But I can't promise anything. It's too stressful for me. Can we just.. live today? You're going on tour, I'm about to film again and... we'll both be extra busy. We can have that discussion again after your tour?"

"My tour literally ends in september, Liv." I pointed out. "That's in over 7 months. What will happen if we don't see each other for weeks?"

Her eyes roamed on my face and she licked her lips again, as if she was trying to find the courage to talk again. "I'll do everything I can to come see you every time I have a few days off. You can come back here whenever you have a break, too. We can talk every day, text each other, facetime each other. It's not our first time apart, and... I know it'll probably be the hardest but if we want to make this work, we will, right?"

I stared at her, unsure if it was really possible but I swallowed. I wanted it so bad, whether we were official or not, and I was going to do everything I could to make this, whatever it was, work.

"I'm not gonna date, fuck or even see anyone else." she added. "Just you. I sort of expect the same from you although I can't force you but... if you decide you don't want to be exclusive I want to know who you... who else you're gonna have sex with, please? I'm honestly just scared of what an official relationship will do to us. The girlfriend and boyfriend title is just.. too big for me. For now." she paused. "Okay?"

"Okay." I whispered, nodding but feeling like shit.

She slipped her fingers in my hair and pressed her lips gently against mine.

"I love you." she murmured before kissing my cheekbone. "I love you." she repeated, kissing my jaw. "So fucking much." Her lips brushed against my neck. "More than anything." She went back to my lips. "I'm in love with you." I closed my eyes as she peppered kisses slowly and gently on my face and neck until my shoulders fell and I relaxed.

I felt her bring water over my shoulders again and she let her hands run on my chest, moving up on her knees. I kept my eyes closed until I heard a whimper escaping her lips and when I opened my eyes again, she was biting her bottom lip. I wanted to tell her that the song I had written was about marriage and that all I could think about since we went to that stupid wedding was how bad I wanted her to be my wife. It was ridiculous, knowing that I was not 100% in the relationship when we dated and that I was now in this 150% and we weren't even dating. I couldn't tell her that, though. Not after she had just told me she didn't want pressure and stress. Not after she had told me that she needed time and that she was not ready. But the words got stuck in my throat and I swallowed them hard.

"You okay?"

"Mmhm." I just replied, bringing one of my hands between her legs as I stared in her eyes.

She stiffened and finally bit her bottom lip as I slipped two fingers inside her, moving them in a fair rhythm and make her hips jerk slightly. I knew we were having a serious conversation but I was on the verge of spilling all my thoughts and feelings to her and I had no idea how to stop myself from doing that except by making her cum. I brought my thumb to her clit and stared at her seriously as her lips parted.

"Niall, I think we should wait until we get out of t-the bath." she let out in a mix of whimper and whisper. "I bought something special, just for you."

"Tomorrow. Today I'm just gonna watch you fuck yourself on my fingers." I argued as I kept brushing her clit with my thumb. Then I'm gonna finish my beer, I'll kiss you, wrap a towel around you and bring you in bed, and we'll talk in the dark the way we used to always do."

She reached for my wrist and stopped me for a few seconds. "Are you gonna sing something to me?"

I breathed in and nodded. "Any song you want. As many times as you want."

It took her a few seconds to nod and I reached for her hand, moving it away from my wrist as I started rubbing her clit again. "Come on, pet, do it now."

She started moving slowly up and down on my fingers and after a few minutes, I could feel her throb around me. The sight was amazing but I couldn't help myself and wrapped my free arm around her to bring her breasts close to my face. I ran my tongue on one of her nipples before sucking on it as she let out a louder moan. She started shaking and I felt her pussy clench around my fingers. I looked down at my fingers disappearing inside her and groaned low.

"Fuck I love your pretty little fanny. So fucking wet all the fucking time."

She started shaking and watching her body quiver from an orgasm was the most incredibly hot thing I have ever seen in my life. She came down from her high and I took my fingers out before she sat back on me and her mouth found mine again.

"You didn't tell me." she whispered, kissing me hard again. "Are you gonna see other girls while we're away? You're going to meet a few on tour..."

I grabbed her waist and pulled her away to look into her eyes and I could read in hers that she felt bad for asking me, almost scared of my answer. I wished she knew how I felt. I wished she knew I wouldn't do anything that could risk hurting her again, and I knew that just telling her wouldn't mean she'd believe me.

"You're all I think about. You're all I care about. Nothing feels good without you. I told you. That year without you was the most miserable of my entire life, Olivia. I have no desire to be with anyone else. So no, I'm not gonna see anyone. I'm not gonna kiss anyone. I'm not gonna fuck anyone. I'm not even going to flirt with anyone because I just don't give a fuck about anyone else."

"This is gonna work." she whispered, trying to convince both of us. "This distance thing I mean. We'll do it right."

"We will." I confirmed with a smile. "And every single night, I'm gonna sing about you."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan story #my fanfics #yam

62 notes · View notes

deeeelightfuldee · 3 years ago

Text

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? baking definitely. I want to get more comfortable cooking.

Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? yes. I used to be pretty good at doing my brothers hair-- even the fading. But I’m sure I’ve forgotten it all by now.

Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? probably my sister or my nephews.

How many long term relationships have you been in? blegh. not many. Whenever I’d know that it didnt have long term potential, id drop it. no sense dragging out the inevitable.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? so for the longest time I kept my room super dark. I slept well. once miller died and kile broke my heart, I couldn’t sleep without the tv playing. I needed to hear something calming and voices talking so I wouldn’t be left with my thoughts. I still can’t turn it off.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? i think its easy to say “forgive and forget” but the reality is that once we have endured trauma we don’t easily forget. I think its kind of unrealistic. I’m trying to forgive kile but thats going to take.. i dont know how long. As for what it was... it was just betrayal.. lying. for six+ years. lots of laughing at me.

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I like some of her songs.

Do you know your blood type? o+

Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. its coming up.

Have you ever been pregnant? I dont think so. I was really late after my assault but who knows.

How old were you when you first went on a plane? like 7ish

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Yeah, student loans. 15k feels so daunting right now.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? One is. My mom.

When was the last time you went apple picking? highschool maybe?

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? money.. or a trip.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work? definitely not.

How many bedrooms are in your house? four.

Are you smart about computers? I know some stuff.

Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? oh heck’n yeah

Do you own a Xbox 360? I had one from my brother for a little while but I traded it for the gamecube since Kile was going to send me one of the 15 he had lol. That didn’t end up happening, but its OK i really dont need more gaming.

Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? oooooooo.. probably not.

So, do you need a nap? all day is full of naps to try and get over this.

What would you rather be doing? school

What sport are you the best at? maybe volleyball or swimming

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Nope, im the baby.

Do you complain a lot? no, i try not to. I find complaining to be the most unattractive and yet common human trait and while there are definitely situations worthy of complaining, most of the time it just makes a situation worse than it actually was.

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? temple

Do you like fruity or minty gum? definitely minty

Are you looking forward to any day of this month? i was really looking forward to Kile’s birthday on monday, but since we arent talking anymore then there is no joy in that. all the other special dates have been ruined by covid.

Have you ever gotten detention? Nope. homeschoolers and detention arent a thing.

Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? oh sure. heartbreak, deaths, assaults, etc.

Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? no, i can’t be super picky because not every store carries clothing long enough for me.

Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? i havent got a clue

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I mean I’m very fond of cats & dogs

Ever cried so much you threw up? this is what happened the whole 2-3 weeks following finding out about Kile.

Who is your best guy friend? I suppose now that would be Nathan

What do you two do when you hang out? drives, game nights, get food/drinks, or just talk.

What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? Her

Do you even like horror movies? not particularly. I’ll watch them if someone else wants to but its not my preference.

Do you live in the country? i live in the suburbs i suppose.

What is your favorite accent? Some southern and British accents. <same ... i have no idea how I made the font like this.

Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? Not that I can think of.

Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? diet coke

What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? my family celebrated during the day and then I think nathan took me out on the town

Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? nope.

Do you take a lot of pictures? man. this question is hard. I used to love taking pictures of myself. I had much more self confidence and some of it was because kile LOVED my selfies -- or so he said. and I just had so much fun doing that. Since the heartbreak, I’ve maybe taken 10 selfies. I just don’t have any self confidence in my looks anymore. its so different now. most of my pictures now are of other people or scenery.

What kind of face wash do you use? cerave when I want to. otherwise i use water and a very particular type of fabric.

Does drama always seem to follow you? No, i dont think so.

Does anybody in your family race? like cars? running? no.

Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom.

How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” I think i got it like 2x and it was a dollar.

Do you have a laptop or desktop? Laptop.

Do you like your parents? i love my mom.

Do you secretly like someone? No.

Would you ever date your best male friend? I don’t see any romantic feelings developing between nathan and I

What are you currently listening to? I have gilmore girls on.

Do you want to be single? oooof. Um. I am torn on this subject. On the one hand, i really am ready to be loved, held, protected, cared for, etc. I love the idea of building a life together with someone and us both protecting our unit. I miss supporting, cherishing, loving on someone. Yet on the other hand, im fine being single. I have so much insecurity about myself lately that I dk that anyone else needs to deal with that baggage. Idk

Did you go out or stay in last night? I stayed in. ill be staying in for some time.

Have you pretended to like someone? romantically, no. professionally, yes.

How is your heart lately? Sad. heavy.

Are you wearing socks? not at the moment.

What do people call you? Di, diana, dee, ana, di-nan-na, dine-uh, deenah.

Do you get stressed out easily? no, I really dont

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? yes

What is wrong with you right now? im sick. im heartbroken.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? not that I know of. if I do, it’d be from like middle school. I never shopped there but people tended to give gifts from there.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? Alone. maybe I havent found the right sort of person to share a bed with.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Yes, several times.

Did you get any compliments today? No.

Have you ever gone to a beach? many many many times.

What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? not my thing. at all.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Yes.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Yes.

Do you have long nails? they are healthy length. I want to grow them out a bit more.

Do you like the gender you are? Yeah.

Do you generally look nice in photos? Not anymore

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? no haha

What colour are your father’s eyes? Blue.

If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? uhhhhm, blue october

Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? maybe not anymore.

What’s your favorite hot beverage? hot chocolate from dunkin

Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? i did. no comment.

Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? oooooohhhhhhhhh man i love both.

Do you think you’re important? I mean i offer some importance to this world but eh.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Hmm no idea.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? no

Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No.

Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? Nope.

What was the first thing you ate today? I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday

If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? for the longest time it was to spend the day driving aimlessly and getting food and talking about everything and nothing with Kile. now, its just.. idunno. blank.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? I’m not doing well.

What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? There’s a few things related to school.

Is there anything that you wish you could take back? not really, no.

What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? this whole covid nonsense going away, heartbreak to soothe, and my miller back.

If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? i dont know.

When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I just changed it up so itll be a bit.

Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? Fast.

Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ yes. several times.

How many drugs are in your system? lol lots of meds rn to kick this. usually none.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? the same as today.

Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. i dont like the idea of bite marks but hickeys were fun for a time. in not visible areas tho.

Do you call anyone baby? Not anymore.

What’s your current mood? Bleh.

What were you doing before filling out this survey? Watching gilmore girls

How late did you stay up last night? I took PM meds at i wanna say 8? maybe 7? I don’t remember.

When was the last time you cried really hard? its been a few weeks since ive cried about Kile. I’m in the numb stage.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? hahahahahahah

1 note · View note

naturaldisasterfanfiction · 4 years ago

Text

21. Part 2

Placing my bag on the table in my kitchen, everyone is ever so quiet, not a word is being spoken. They know I didn’t know want them here, I said to it to them. Especially Keeis, I said for him that he can have his bitch in this home but nobody else, there is a shift that has happened now, they were laughing but not anymore, maybe it is me. I am angry, I just feel like I want to beat a nigga up. Turning around slowly, looking around the room. They are all staring at me “you had a good holiday with Royalty?” Keeis asked, I want to fucking beat his ass “I want every bitch out of my home” I said, I don’t care who they are “what did I do? I literally been sat here and even cleaned your home” Krista said “if I wanted a maid I would have paid for one, don’t fucking piss me off, get the fuck out” not only did I have to leave Robyn, now I got these fucking idiots here. Grabbing my phone from my pocket, seeing the caller ID “what’s up?” I answered the call from Ant, he ain’t called me in a while “heard you was back bro, where you been? You want me to come up?” pulling a face “uh nah, I am good. I just came back now; I need to sleep and whatever” which I do “sleep? Chris you don’t sleep, anyways. I have a little something for you, Drake got his album coming out, he lost your number and he is asking for you to get on the track, I heard the beat. Perfect for you, come down. I said for him to wait until you come back, I honestly feel like this song will be a good one. Two legends coming together again” I sighed out “I am going to sleep, so I am good with that” I am being deadass with it too “don’t be fucking stupid Chris, everyone talking about how you dumped your son in Germany and took Royalty to Mexico, you look bad. Drake need you on a track, fucking grow up nigga. He is paying well too, come over” he put the phone down, it is just a song and I suppose it would be good money.

I don’t like this home; I just feel bad vibes from it. From police raids, orgies, drugs, it’s just a mess and I don’t like it. I went to my bedroom and there was some peace there, but I don’t like the vibe, but I need to go and meet up with Drake in the studio now. Walking down the steps “I’m going now, and Krista if I see you here I will fucking drag you out myself” seeing TJ doing whippets on my couch, I sighed out shaking my head. I am stuck between being in my home alone or having these here and I am not winning in this. I would go to my mother’ home but she will question me and talk shit so I can’t be bothered “Keeis” walking over to him “what’s up?” he said “you think I am a joke, like when I speak to you am I just a fucking joke to you?” I asked “nah” his ass is on some shit, he is always fucking high “right” standing next to him, staring at him in annoyance balling my fist up. I punched Keeis in the stomach, which was a low blow and winded him, his girlfriend screamed out. Keeis fell forward “seeing as nobody listens to me, I said get out. All of you” staring at them, I am being deadass. I rather be alone actually, I can’t deal with the drugs in my home anymore, it’s just throwing my urges to my face “you punched your own cuz? Chris what the fuck?” Hood said, staring at Hood and he knows I am being deadass with this.

Watching from the cameras, they left finally but they think I am a crackhead, an unhappy one but I’m not, I just wanted them to go and get out of here away from me. They left their mess here, it’s like they only listened when I had to act in violence which sucks but whatever. Robyn hasn’t even got to London yet; I am missing her like crazy already but I don’t want to trigger her again and she is crying so I will just keep it to myself. Now I need to find out about car shipping, I want to send one of my cars, maybe two to London because then I can drive my own cars there, I mean I sound crazy because they may tell me to go but I doubt it, then again I don’t. Looking down at my phone ringing in my hand “Robb” I wonder if he is calling to talk to me or was it Keeis crying down the phone “hey cuz, Keeis said you punched him? Why? We family, he ain’t like the people you hang with” raising an eyebrow “you don’t call me, and you call me for this? How about you ask Keeis, I told him to keep niggas out of my home and he invites them, like you no good nigga calling me for that, get off my nuts bruh” disconnecting the call, I now know that my family will assume I am having a breakdown when that is wrong, I am just done with it.

Watching Mijo walk over to my Bentley, he is laughing and I don’t know why, I thought I would come and pick up Mijo and take him with me, see what is good with him “I was like who the fuck is this dark skinned nigga, you turned into a dark skinned nigga, wow” dapping him as he sat in my car “well Mexico was hot, you should see Royalty, she worse then me” placing my phone in the middle panel smiling “good hearing you after so long, I called you but then you didn’t pick up. I saw you was on holiday with Royalty, you know how good that is to see!? You took little queen on holiday; I loved the pictures too. Family first, you know that” nodding my head “yeah, thanks for coming with me to the studio. I kicked out the OHB niggas you hate, I am just done bro. I am done with that life, I am sick of it. The drugs, I ain’t had that shit for weeks. Can you tell?” looking at Mijo smiling “you look happier, I can see it” he nodded, I sighed out “and I clocked some shit right, I read your post. And it read really rubbish feeling bih. And I was like huh, so I am reaching but then shade room comes on my feed and are clocking shit saying r is for Rihanna, so I am like Robyn Rihanna Fenty? So now I am like huh? Nigga, you did that shit on purpose” Mijo and I both looked at my phone that is now ringing, he gasped and so did I, like I didn’t know I have her number “noooo?” he said, picking my phone up from the side “nooo” he said again, answering the call “hello shawty, you get there?” she should by now “we’re going to land now, I just thought I would tell you because it’s late and you should be asleep” she is right I should be “I will be going to sleep but I need to go to the studio. Let me know when you’re in bed” I want to know every moment “were them idiots there?” she asked “of course, I punched Keeis but I will tell you this tomorrow. I need to go inside” Robyn groaned out “that is no good Chris, ok. I miss you already” smiling lightly “I miss you too, love you” I wish I were with her.

Mijo doesn’t know if to laugh or what, he is in shock “that was Rihanna, like what? Uh, no!” his face dropped “no fucking way, no Chris. Oh my god!” Mijo shouted out jumping in the seat “what?” I said ever so innocently, Mijo placed his hand over his mouth like he is holding in a scream. What is wrong with him, is he ok “Chris?” he moved his hands back “what?” is he dumb “I have worked it out, I know you fucking assholes! I know you both so much, oh my god. She is pregnant, and I know you. You both had sex at the party, she is pregnant, you are the dad and you put this shady picture of a ring. You eloped with her! Rihanna is being shady with who the dad is oh my fucking god!” I had to laugh, because he does know us “you kick my car anymore I will have to kick you out” Mijo is too excited “I am just fucking siked!” he shouted, I didn’t even need to say shit “so tell me, am I wrong?” he said, I shook my head smiling “but you can’t tell a soul Mijo, I am ditching Cali and going to London. I came here to take care of some stuff” I was not expecting this reaction from him, my face softened “are you crying?” I said “fucking happy for you, you two idoits! You go Chris, don’t look back. Hear me? Don’t fucking look back, I was scared I would lose you” Mijo grabbed the back of my neck “you don’t let a fucking clown ruin this, or anyone. You go to London and be the dad you are, you do it!” he pointed at me “I am happy for you, nobody fucking knows you like I do” Mijo got me choked up here now.

Getting out of the car, we got to the studio eventually “come here, my nigga fucking did that” Mijo attacked me in a bear hug “yo” I said laughing as he hugged me “I fucking saw the post, I just started adding shit together. I fucking know you both Chris! I ain’t dumb” patting his back letting a sob out, I just thought Mijo would also have shit to say because nobody is ever happy for me “fucking crazy shit but happy for you, you go there and you get the life you deserve. You deserve the happiness ok” Mijo moved back “nigga, I got my family now. I want you to have your family, I ain’t here for that shit anymore. I see you drugged up, I hate that. I had to leave you, I had to go away for my kids. You know how happy I am to be sat on the couch with my kids jumping on me and baby mother there? Happy as fuck, I tried that shit and I was close to losing it. Maleah needed me, and I needed her. My son is a cool nigga but he also needs the right path. Now it’s your time, I want to thank Riri man, that fool don’t know what she done. That hurt me, you were so lost. I want you to go, don’t fucking look back at those niggas!” wiping the tears that fell nodding my head “I didn’t think you would be happy for me, you was so negative about the party, you was just not happy about us you know” I said because he really wasn’t “I didn’t want her to play with your mind because you was already a fucked up mess Chris, I was scared for you because you get crazy lost but this!? Wow, you both did it, you did it without a care both of you. I knew it” Mijo ain’t stupid, he does know us “so you legit going to just run to her yeah?” nodding my head “I am straight moving without anyone knowing, Robyn will be the one to announce it, and then everyone will find out but you know now. Royalty knows, she was there for the day. I have pictures” digging into my pocket “wow! Little queen knew before me? I understand, I am so fucking hype. Like this is what you needed” opening my photos, and it’s the first picture to come up “this is us” turning the picture to him “oh wow, look at Rih yo. She looks well, I mean wow” I grinned “that’s my wife, I am happy. I am just sad that I miss her but I am happy. Appreciate you bro, I am sorry for being a dickhead with you” I have been a dickhead to Mijo, I haven’t been here for him as a friend but when I call he is here for me.

Dapping Ant as I made it to the studio session, I just want to get it over with and then I can go back home “you are glowing” he said, nodding my head laughing “well, it’s that holiday glow. Royalty loved it there” walking into the studio seeing Drake’ people, to be honest it is full of his people but it doesn’t bother me, we don’t have no issues now, we are cool with each other but I hate that nigga still, he wants to use me, I can use him too. He a whole goof “my nigga Chris” dapping Drake and then he hugged me “I lost your number; I text Ant for it. I am sorry but you’re here, I am very happy you are here. I heard this song and I said it would be perfect for you” he talks too much “cool” walking off to sit down, I didn’t tell Robyn about this because it’s not relevant and also she don’t need to know right now, she won’t care about it anyways. Sitting down on the couch “let’s hear it then” I said to him, Mijo sat next to him “you looking good breezy, happy? Is it the new cologne, I don’t know it’s something about you” Drake pointed laughing, this nigga is weird at times, but he is a whole goof I guess.

Staring at Drake and then looked at Mijo, he doesn’t know what to say and I have to keep my calm “what you think?” Drake asked, hearing his verse makes me want to punch him in the throat “uhm” rubbing the top of my head “don’t you think that is like a low blow, I mean who cares about Rihanna right?” why do I sound like the logical one here “Drake been tasting his tears from the amount of times he been crying that much, we had to ask him are you the dad. Shit, he ain’t the dad” one of his friends said “but you blatantly made a diss song because you’re upset, I ain’t going to be involved in that” shaking my head “it’s not a diss song, I love Rihanna I do but she played us, she plays everyone. She uses me, and then get pregnant by some random person and has the nerve to hide like anyone cares, she didn’t even clear up the rumours that I wasn’t the dad, I wish I was but that is not the point. She is a bitch, she played petty with me. I am too, and that isn’t the song, I just wanted you to hear it” I can do this, I am not going to let nobody stop me with this “right” I breathed out “Drake, you know Rihanna think she above everyone but she still be running to you. She thinks she a bad bitch, but came to you” they are massaging his ego “you invited me to a Rihanna hate club? You set me up or some shit? I ain’t fucking with this” getting up from the couch “she dogged you out too Chris, you telling me you haven’t?” I need to go, I shouldn’t have came to this shit in the first place. Side eyeing Ant as I left the room, I am being so calm right now but he deadass clowning my wife that she is a whore and a single mother, he called my child fatherless “I am proud of you” Mijo said behind me, I am really trying to remain calm.

#Chrianna FF #Chrianna #Chrianna Fanfiction #Fanfiction #Fanfic

10 notes · View notes

reality-imagined · 5 years ago

Text

Getaway Car - Peter Parker

Young Adult!Peter Parker x Agent!Reader

Based on Getaway Car by Taylor Swift, I suggest listening to it before to get in to the ~tone~ of what’s going on. Also, Endgame never happened, goodbye.

Word Count: 8.5k

Rating: T+

Warnings: Violence, Use of guns, Hints of murder?, Maybe slowburn?, romance

Synopsis: Peter (who is 23 now) is struggling to find his footing in the team now that he’s older and he’s tired of being the kid damn it. Peter decides his next mission is going to change how his team views him, but things never work out just how he plans, does it?

I’ve been sitting on this since I first heard the song, and I’ve been itching to post it! xx

It had taken some time for the other members of the team to start taking Peter seriously, and even though they regarded him with a little more respect, they couldn’t help but still see the youth around his eyes. A facial feature they often used to fuel their jokes. Peter understood that it came from a good place, a place of caring and inclusion, but it didn’t reduce the sting any less. They praised him like a child when he achieved even the smallest task, making him feel (childlike). But even worse, any mistake he made was highlighted and turned into a lengthy lecture by each member - scolding him to be diligent and be more “mature.” They often blamed his age and lack of experience, completely missing the fact that these lectures did not assist Peter in his training at all. Only infuriated him, particularly when another member made a similar mistake, but was only brushed off by the others as “bad luck.”

Nonetheless, he worked overtime, harder, and more diligently to try to get the team to see him as more than just the youngest Avenger. He took on all the missions he could, small or large, to add more experience to his resume. Maybe, just maybe, if he could catch up with the team on experience they would finally remove the “rookie” title from his name. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually took a weekend to enjoy things other 23 year olds enjoyed. At this point, Ned and MJ quit offering invites out, knowing Peter would relay that he had a “classified” mission to go on and wouldn’t be able to make - but next time, definitely. The best way to keep up with their friend, they found, was to check the headlines and new stations - Spider-Man saves the day once again! Peter wished the team would revere him as the media did.

So, when a file came across his spot at the team table for a solo mission, Peter didn’t even have to open the file before he agreed. A solo mission. If he could knock this out of the park, in record time, then this would be the moment they finally regarded him as a full-on member of team. This would be his ticket to the big leagues and meetings that only involved Steve, Natasha, Tony, Thor and Banner. He would finally be an Avenger not only to the world, but to the other Avengers as well.

He stayed up the entire night, memorizing the file and the target. It wasn’t a simple mission to say the least, but it wasn’t impossible. Despite his lack of recon experience, he figured a quick conversation with Nat would help him in this area and he’d set course to Vienna by the end of the week.

Ned’s birthday dinner would just have to be rescheduled.

Y/n couldn’t exactly remember what invited her into her line of work, whether it was the influence of her family or a set of specific skills she had somehow stumbled upon. Either way, her job was her life and there was rarely a mission she declined. She worked for many people, a lone ranger who swayed elegantly back and forth across the line of good and bad. Sure, the number of tasks on the ‘bad’ side outnumbered the opposite tremendously, but she did experience being the good guy every now and then. She found that those jobs, where she saved the day, tended be more difficult anyway. Y/n by no means regarded herself as a hero or vigilante, just a girl trying to make a living and hopefully cash out on a beach somewhere with a mojito in hand by the age of thirty-five.

She ignored the hype of the superhero’s that everyone seemed to talk about nowadays - the Avengers? Really, were they going to release a Christmas album this year? She scoffed at the idea of being a part of a team like that, and she was surprised when she first heard of Black Widow’s involvement. Y/n had once looked up to the lethal red-head, but now having seen her join the band of ironically-clad heroes, decided that she was quite opposite of Natasha Romanoff and should probably rely only on herself for motivation. She would never be good like them, even if she wanted to.

It didn’t take long for the news of a new-age, extra deadly nuclear weapon on the market to reach her ears. And not long after that, power ridden billionaires and dirty country leaders alike requesting her services. The highest bidder bought her out of course, and she pictured that sunny beach being closer in her future than she had originally planned. Even though she was only 23 and still had a bit of baby fat in her cheeks, she knew exactly how to infiltrate this particular wealth-monger and had a new persona and ID ready for her flight to Vienna in only a couple of hours.

She didn’t think this mission would take her all that long and she could practically taste the mint mojito on her tongue.

Establishing his identity as a possible buyer to the evil guy holding the future of the world in his expensive briefcase took a lot longer than Peter had expected. He wasn’t used to being so exposed on the field, even if his mask was his only missing accessory. The thought that someone would recognize him, even with the possibility of that being in the negative percentage range, still had him on edge any time he met with another individual who got him closer and closer to his target.

Peter was thankful that the extra missions and time spent training with Steve and Bucky, shaved off the extra teenage weight he had. It didn’t take long for his face to thin, his jawline to sharpen, and his body to become more lean. He had finally lost that awkward, teenage lank to his features and he blended in easily with the people around him. Peter managed to get his last contact to trust him enough to snag an invitation to an event held by his target. It was a lavish event in a ballroom nearly the size of the compound back home. People were dressed elegantly and Peter straightened out the lapel of his suit jacket once again, an expensive number that he happily charged to the team’s mission expenses.

Peter surveyed the area as discreetly as possible, missing the functions that his mask, which was tucked safely away into his jacket, gave him when it came to surveillance. He wondered briefly if Tony could mock up some glasses for him next time. By the look of the crowd, chatting idly to each other, he figured that the target had yet to arrive. He wished he was more skilled in the social aspect of recon, his socially awkward tendencies once again coming up to bit him on the ass. Making way to the bar, he politely- and clumsily- excused himself as he nudged people from his path. Suddenly becoming anxious at the thought that his falling demeanor would give away his intentions.

Y/n stirred the drink in front of her gently, a small, polite smile on her face as she looked over the crowd. She already knew her target wasn’t here just yet. She had spent the evening in his lavish penthouse the day before and new of his schedule for the day. She had played dumb and innocent when he said he had meetings to go to before he would meet her at the party. The bug she placed on the lapel of his jacket as she passionately kissed him goodbye let her know that the last meeting with a buyer fell through and that the device she was after would be in attendance with him tonight. So, she donned a sparkly, gold number that was eye catching but allowed her to blend in with the people around her and sat herself at the bar as soon as she arrived. Smilingly gratefully the people that he had previously showed her off to, only to keep up the appearance. Inwardly grimacing and keeping the best smile she could. If she had to spend one more moment with the man and this twisted entourage, she would blow her cover and his head.

She was about to stand, the sleek watch on her wrist letting her know that her target was approaching the ballroom. The sight of a man, likely around her own age, stumbling up the bar, halted her movements. He dropped down on the stool with tense shoulders and a bead of sweat on his temple. His eyes scanned his surroundings before shooting his head to the bar tender who asked what he would like. The man visibly faltered and Y/n could instantly tell that he was new to the game that she herself, was currently playing as well.

“He’ll have an old fashion.” her voice spoke without her mind’s permission. The bartender replied a quiet ‘yes ma’am’ and began preparing a drink that matched the one she still stirred with a little red straw. The man before her stared at her with wide, startled eyes, body tense and almost ready to spring from his seat and run. “Camille.” She smiled, her fake name falling from her lips as elegantly as if it were her own, a gentle hand rising for him to shake. He stared down at her hand, before he seemed to snap out of reverie and quickly grasp her hand in an awkward shake.

He didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t expected someone to talk to him while he was here. She was beautiful, gorgeous even, and he only wished the confidence that exuded from her was contagious. By the look in her eye, he could tell she was picking up on his nervousness. It was at this point, mid-thought, he realized her hand was still in front of him, so he quickly grasped it. Flinching at his own awkward movements and released her hand from his jerky grasp as quickly as he held it.

She raised a manicured eyebrow at him, and he quickly realized he never gave her his own name. “Pe, I mean, Paul.” He tried not to show the mistake on his face and only inwardly grimace at his own stutter. He had picked out a cool undercover name before setting out on this mission, but found that he stuttered just has he had moments ago during his first task. Meaning that he was stuck with Paul.

“Paul.” She replied slowly, nodding with a small smile playing at his lips. He only hoped that she wasn’t all that perceptive and this was just her confident personality. Otherwise, his cover was blown and he’d have to hightail it back to the compound with his tail between his legs. “What brings you here Paul?” She smiled down at her drink before looking up at him. Social awkwardness once again kicking in as her beauty was getting the best of him. His imaginative James Bond ego quivering and failing him as he sat staring at her. He hadn’t even noticed the bartender place his drink in front of him. An old fashion? What a suave drink to order, he’d never had one and would’ve never thought of it. He felt that the drink was her own version of a vodka martini, shaken not stirred.

She hadn’t intended to play with him like she was, a cat toying at the mouse. She couldn’t help it. His cover was increasingly crumbling and he had a handsome face behind the worried eyebrows and sheen of sweat on his forehead. His fake name wasn’t all that bad, but by the grimace and his stutter she knew that it wasn’t the one he had planned. She briefly considered calling him out and asking him with his other name was supposed to be. But that would end her little game and that wouldn’t be fun. Besides, her target had already walked in and was in a deep conversation across the room. She could toy with the handsome man in front of her for a few moments longer.

It took him an alarmingly long time to reply to her questions and she couldn’t help but wonder how in the world he had gotten this far with his lack of experience. “I uhm, work.” he managed before taking a deep gulp of the drink she had ordered him. She let out a giggled as she witnessed him trying not to cough of the tart taste. She nodded, taking a sip of her own drink and sparing a glance at her target.

He noticed and followed her gaze, his eyes comically widening as he landed on the man she was surveying. Ah ha, so they were after the same person. Her competitiveness tried to rear its ugly head, but she kept calm. A smile spreading on her lips as he looked back at her, eyes not as wide but still holding alarm. She wished she could tell him that he was being so transparent. He was lucky to have stumbled upon her, had any other informant witnessed what she was - they’d have ended him before he could have even sat down. Competition in this line of work always ended with the opponent last’s breath and had the curve of his jaw not enticed her, then this scenario would’ve played out differently. It wasn’t her place to advise him, however. He wasn’t a friend, colleague, or even a blimp on her professional radar. There was no telling who he worked for or the nature of his visit and the last thing she needed was to get caught up in the mess of an undercover whatever he was. Agent, would not have been a word she used to describe him.

His mind whirred with the realization that she was gazing at his target, with calculated eyes. She gave off vibes that were similar to other agents he had been around, but she couldn’t possibly be undercover? A girl who looked like that? She couldn’t have been any older than him, but her face was hardened with the life of operations, he realized. Not like Natasha’s or any of his other members, though. There was an innocence, but also edge, that held her posture. Maybe she was undercover and she was that good. He didn’t know what to do or say, the alcohol from his drink pooling in his stomach. Instantly regretting never taking Thor up on his offer of Asgaurdian liquor to build up his tolerance. Her glass was empty and by the way the bartender quickly retrieved the glass and replaced it with another indicated that it wasn’t her first drink of the night.

He had no idea how to proceed, her eyes were watching him and he felt that his every move was being scrutinized. He felt vulnerable, despite the technologically advanced suit that clung to his skin beneath the expensive tuxedo. He thought briefly about pulling out his phone and dialing for backup. After weeks of working towards this event, everything he had achieved began crumbling down before this beautiful girl with an agenda of her own.

No, he wasn’t going to let a pretty face ruin his chances of earning the respect of his team. He wasn’t about to call the team to come rescue his ass because he knew he’d never hear the end of it. He was going to see this through, even it meant having to take out the girl who was still smiling at him. That thought made the alcohol in his stomach churn harder.

She was running out of time. She wanted him to make the first move, curiosity getting the best of her and momentarily causing her to lose focus of her task. But he was taking too long and her target was talking to a buyer that she knew would seal the deal and she needed to start planning her tactic on how to get her target and the briefcase alone. His eyebrows furrowed and she could tell he was gathering he thoughts to speak, but a window of opportunity opened, just as her target walked into view just beyond ‘Paul’s’ head.

Y/n tried not to sound to rushed, but she knew her, “If you’ll excuse me” was too harsh and she could feel his eyes on her retreating figure. She put emphasizes on her hips, whether it was for the man at the bar or the man she was approaching - she wasn’t quite sure, but secretly hoped that it had grabbed both of their attention.

“Have you had a nice evening?” She spoke in a smooth voice that sounded nothing like her natural one. Placing a gentle hand on the upper arm of the man she had been seducing for the past few weeks. He smirked down at her, attempting to sultry in nature, but she found nothing about this man attractive. Not like the man who she had spoken to at the bar. She inwardly chided herself for getting distracted so easily.

She only gave him enough attention to leave him wanting more, suggesting about wanting to see him ‘in private’ for a moment, voice full of seduction as her hand sliding down his arm to his own. This would be her moment to grab the briefcase and make a fast getaway. She briefly hoped that ‘Paul’ wouldn’t get in to too much trouble for not accomplishing his mission. The man agreed, pulling her towards a nearby door. She looked over her shoulder, curious to see If he was still there. And he was, now standing, watching with wide eyes. she couldn’t help it, as she pulled the door closed - she sent him a wink and cheeky smile.

‘Camille’ - 1

‘Paul’ - 0

No, no no no no. NO. Oh God, no. I really fucked up. No! SHIT.

Peter quit attempting to mask his anxiousness as the girl and the briefcase disappeared behind a door guarded by two men nearly twice his size. How could he just let himself get distracted? Let the mission get away from him like that? What was he thinking? His inner voice sounded eerily like Steve’s as he chided himself for being so naive. He tried mapping out a scenario to get into the room. Maybe there was a window? He was about to sprint to a bathroom to don his mask. Maybe Karen could scope out the scene and give him some advice. But before he could even move an inch, chaos broke out.

The door his eyes somehow were still trained on busts open, guns being pulled out from random places and random people. Shots ringing out in different directions. Party goers who were just bystanders ducking and screaming. He watched as she elegantly avoided attacks, brief case clutched in her hand as she used it to defend herself and seek an exit. He tried not to focus too much on the blood that stained her gold dress. He could tell that she was struggling to get out of the sea of chaos, her eyes jotting around the room wildly as she fought gracefully and skillfully that wound have Natasha praising her movements.

Peter found himself jumping across the bar to a near window - busting it out with elbow and easily jumping to ground beneath him. He tried to think too much about his plans suddenly altered to aiding the beautiful girl in the gold dress.

Just make it to the door, just make it to the door. Y/n’s voce sang in her head and she weaved and battled her way through the chaos. She wished she had packed more than the small hand gun clasped in her other hand. It had been useful for injuring her target enough to retrieve the briefcase but now, she wished she had more heavy artillery. It took longer than she had wished for her to reach the door, hoping that backup had not yet been called her path to the car would be easy and quick.

She found the opposite as she kicked open the doors. The lavish driveway before her was nearly filled with more agents, all after the silver briefcase in her hand. She surveyed the scenarios, trying to find the quickest way out but fell short as more attackers came trudging her way, bullets starting to fire out in her direction. She was so focused on her next move she hadn’t yet noticed the sleek black Audi revving up towards her. Not until it was stopped in front of her.

Y/n’s hand rose the gun up to aim at the driver, deciding that taking the car was her best option at the point but she faltered as she realized who was staring down the barrel. His hand was raised in surrender as he opened the door across from him, other hand steadily on the wheel, bot flinching at the sound of bullets ricocheting off the exterior of his car. Everything in her past and all the training she had received told her this was a bad idea, that she could not possibly trust this man she had only meet moments ago at the bar. But as agents started to descend upon them at a faster rate, her options were limited and all it took was his sincere, “I’ve got you.” to get her to drop into the car.

Her door was barely shut before he revved the engine and speed off, dust and debris flying up being the wheels, a rapid sound of bullets dinging as they drove away. It was then she noticed that the car was somehow bulletproof and her stomach fell at the idea that maybe Paul was more high level than she had thought. She clutched the briefcase to the side opposite of him just in case, hand on the door, ready to open it and roll out. A sudden outburst of laughter cause her to stop, looking over at him with concern.

His face was lit up with a smile and his eyes crinkled as he let out his chuckle, “Well that’s not how I planned this day to go. What about you?” He looked over at her, smile still on his face. She didn’t know how to react; she had never see someone look so… so beautiful and naturally happy. His laugh was contagious and she found herself breaking out into a smile of its own volition.

“Not exactly.” She replied in a small voice. She knew she needed to ask about his next play, next move, what he thought was about to happen. But she didn’t want to. Not yet, at least. For the first time in her life she was enjoying a wholesome moment, where, despite the circumstance, she felt connected to another human being for once in her very short life.

Peter knew he needed to tell her that he was going to have to take that briefcase, that the world depended on it. But he couldn’t say anything just yet. He liked the way she smiled at him, how her eyes seemed to light up when they met his own. Despite his many infield successes, for the first time he felt that he had done something right. He had made his own decision for once, not based on what he thought the team would praise him for, but what he wanted to do. Peter didn’t regret his decision one bit, at least not in this moment.

Camille’s silence gave him hope that she was trying to hold onto to this moment as well. He wasn’t sure of the destination, or what would happen next. All he knew was that he was going to continuing driving as far as he could, as long as she stayed right there in his passenger seat.

“We need to get rid of this car.” She spoke quietly, looking out her passenger window. We, he thought looking between her and the road quickly. “They’ll try to track us down. I wasn’t able to… extinguish the target. He’s going to come after us.” She added, looking over at him. Hesitancy filled her eyes but he didn’t hesitate to agree. Even though Peter knew that this was going to end in one way, he decided that the right decision could wait just a little bit longer.

“I know a buyer that will cash out enough for both of us to profit.” Peter spoke, not sure where this idea had come from but just fleeting enough to decide that it was his best option. She didn’t reply instantly; he had broken the veil that she had put over situation. Forgetting about what brought her into the car and the cold metal of the briefcase seeping through her dress on to her skin.

“We can talk logistics later. Let’s… figure out how to lose our tail.”

He nodded in agreement and while they sat in silence, their minds are screaming.

A night, turned into two days, and two days morphed into a week.

She had never had a partner before, romantically or professionally. Yet, she adjusted to Paul’s presence rapidly and tried not to let that scare her too much. In the past, very little scared her. But the way her heart thumped when he smiled at her, frightened Y/n. It was all unrealistic, meeting him at a bar where they were both undercover - after the same prize. But she somehow found comfort in knowing that maybe his past was just as murky as her own. She began to trust him; feelings began to bloom in the most unlikely of circumstances. She felt free, untethered to her past. It was liberating, beautiful, and terrifying.

They were at a gas station, filling up the car that Paul had hotwired only hours before - their 3rd car in their trek to no-where. She was grabbing snacks, finding out that he had a rather childish palette and also discovering that maybe she had grown to be too uptight for her age. Somehow, the scared look on the cashier’s face didn’t alert her. Y/n never noticed them reaching for the telephone, a picture of her face plastered on the television behind the counter. WANTED in big red letters. She didn’t notice until it was too late - until he was busting in the door, yelling for her.

Instincts kicked in, she reached across the counter - grabbing the collar of the poor workingman and bashed his head in to the hard surface between them. Anger getting the best of her before she gathered as much of the junk food in her arms, dashing out behind Paul who looked shocked at her actions. She tried not to think about that too much. Sirens were getting closer and she could see the lights getting brighter. It felt as if it was taking him twice as long to get the engine started. Sparks flying for the stripped wires underneath the steering wheel as he desperately tried to get the car moving. She heard the bell of the station’s door ring - the telltale sound of a shotgun being loaded.

“go go GO.” she screamed, in time with the sound of the engine bursting to life. His foot immediately in the gas, dust flying up behind them as he maneuvered the car unto the road again. Siren closer than ever - blue and red lighting up the darkened interior of the car. The shotgun rang, but missed.

He was running from the police now. He was an Avenger, and he was running from the police. His moral compass was begging for him to stop this, but something in his heart told him to keep going. See how this played out, it would be worth it. He tried to remind himself of that. He managed to lose the police, and with directions from Camille, they found a new car and decided it would be best to turn in for the night. The sound of the shower was the only thing that filled the room as he sat at the edge of the bed. Phone in one hand, heart in the other, starting at his hazy reflection in the severely outdated boxed TV.

He could call his team right now, and they would fix everything. It would be simple and quick, painless even. He had almost convinced himself to do it. The pros outweighed the cons and this would be the right thing to do. But the sound of the shower brought him back to the moment, his thoughts flooding with the idea of her. Her. The girl who had consumed his conscious for the past 9 days. The girl who he knew nothing about, but felt everything for. He could see the life and the world in her eyes. The girl who had him rethinking his choices, who he was as a person. He had gone against every single one of his morals, but had never felt more free.

He acted as if he wasn’t lying to himself.

Her phone rang out a gentle tune just as she was about to get in the dingy motel shower. Hopes that the warm water would give her clarity on her next move. She couldn’t think straight in his presence. Never once had she formulated a plan that wouldn’t only benefit herself, but she found all her ideas ensured his safety - even if it meant risking her own.

She didn’t say hello, only answers the blocked number and placed the phone to her ear. Eyes locked on her reflection in the mirror. The voice on the other end caused her pulse to ring in her ears.

“I will find you.” The voice of her vengeful target hissed, “You’ve forgotten the power I have. The length of my reach. You will never be safe. I will get my property.”

She couldn’t think of a reply, the idea of letting Paul know was her first thought - but she immediately pushed that idea away as quickly as it came.

“Then make a deal.” She replied quietly, hoping the shower masked the sound of her voice. She knew she was in no place to bargain, but it wasn’t in her nature to turn over easily.

A harsh laugh echoed through the receiver, “You will give me my property and I will consider letting you live.”

“You forget that you have no idea who I really am. The reach that I have. I could end you, no matter who you’ve poisoned with your money. Did you think I was like those other girls you like to parade on your arm? Oh, baby, I am the best and worst thing you’ll ever have. I could end you in seconds.” She hissed, letting all the pent-up emotions she had kept to herself unleash. “I’ve kept this going because I like this little jet-set Bonnie and Clyde thing that’s going on right now. It’s entertaining… but I get bored real easy. And the last thing you want me to do is get bored.”

He didn’t reply instantly. Sat there in silence, mind probably going wild trying to worm his way out of this one while she stood there confidently. Reflection smirking back at her as she waited for him to catch her bait. She couldn’t live up to any of those threats, but what he doesn’t know will make her rich. After a few more beats, a quiet and defeated, “What do you want?” came through.

She smiled wickedly at her own success. “I want 1.2 million wired to an account in the Caribbean’s and 250k in cash at the drop off. You and I both know that I’m cutting you a deal.”

And she was, really. The highest bidder, and the reason she was even in this mess, had offered 2.3 billion for the retrieval of the item. The small device had that much power and a small part of her, the part that she referred to as still being human, felt that maybe she should to turn over to the good guys. She imaged that those Avengers guys would know what to do with it.

But 1.4 million was more than enough for her to sit her ass on beach for a couple of years. She had a fleeting thought of asking him to join her.

There was silence, as he thought over her demands. Neither of them wanted to budge, but he was the desperate one now.

“I will send you a location and you will be there within 24 hours.” came the hoarse words from the other side of the line. She had ruined this man with only a few minutes of her time. It made her feel powerful.

“One last thing.” she tried to keep her voice from wavering, “My partner walks free.”

“I didn’t call you to get a lecture. I called you get help.” Peter spoke quietly, standing outside the motel door. Eyes zeroed in on the slight crack he’d left open in the door to see when she came out of the shower. His heart was pounding and was regretting his choices in the past 4 minutes.

“This is really bad kid.”

“Yeah, Steve. I know. But I- I don’t have an excuse, okay? I did what I did and now I need you to help me.” Peter was all but pleading, irritation growing in his veins. Why wouldn’t he just agree to help already? It wasn’t like Captain America was one to leave a friend in need. I mean look at what he did for Bucky all those years ago. He could easily help Peter out with this, why was Steve hesitating?

“Who is she? Who does she work for?”

“None of that matters. Just know we’re leaving in the morning and I’ll tell you where- “

“You know I’m going to have to bring her in Peter. She’s a felon and-”

“And so am I as of 9 days ago.” Peter hissed back, defenses coming up to protect a girl he barely knew. He should’ve called Tony, he chided, listening closer into the room to make sure he hadn’t heard the shower turn off. He thought his enhanced ears could hear her talking, but it had only taken one night for him to realize she liked to softly hum in the shower. He couldn’t control his wide smile when he came across that little quirk.

“You’re a kid and you make mist- “

“You’re lecturing again.” Peter deadpanned.

Steve sighed, thumb and pointer finger pinching the bridge of his nose tight as he tried to sort this out in his mind. Thankfully no one knew exactly who Peter was, so if he made this quick and low-radar, then there would be little to no knowledge of Peter’s position as an accomplice. When Peter explained that he was with the girl who Steve had seen on the news, Steve suddenly felt his age kick in as his heart began beating out of his chest. What was the kid thinking? Of course, media and information systems didn’t know much about her, and even with recruiting Nat to get intel, still very little came up. But, there was just enough out there to know that she dealt the same services that Romanoff had once dealt herself.

“Send me your location tomorrow. Nat and I will be on standby.”

Peter felt the weight of the world on his shoulder fall off, his shoulder visibly slumping with relief. The shower turned off only seconds later.

“Steve - one last thing.”

“Yeah, kid?”

“You’ve gotta let her go.”

The gradual light coming through the cheap curtains woke her up first. The dusty room congesting her nose and making eyes itch. She turned over, noting that Peter was facing her - but still fast asleep. She had grown used to sharing a bed with him, she almost found… comfort in the heat that his body created under blankets. Keeping her usually cold feet warm for once. She peered at him, the sunlight behind him making his brown hair glow lighter. She wondered how crystal his eyes would look in sunlight. Not that she didn’t find his happy eyes already one of his best features. His face was relaxed and there was a small snore that resounded as his chest expanded with his breath.

She used to find that annoying with the other men she had been with, but with him, she found it endearing and grounding as she tried to fall asleep herself. She was wrecked. Her world turned upside in a way she had never anticipated. She had no family, or friends. She didn’t have personal connections that kept her in one place. But his presence made her want to be still for once. To enjoy moments like the sunset or a good movie on TV, commercials and all. She was finding contentment in the simple things, things that often bored or disinterested her, and it scared her.

His phone buzzed crossed the room and his eyes opened immediately with sound. She noticed that he had an ability to react before her, see things she couldn’t quite, and even pick out some noises she had never noticed. He heard sirens several moments before her hears could even try to pick up a sound. She figured that’s why whoever worked for chose him, despite his lack of experience, for the job. Y/n didn’t try to play off that she wasn’t looking at him, opting to give him a small smile and continue to study his face. She couldn’t read his emotions, but she could tell he was in deep thought, despite having only woken moments before. A small crease between his eyebrows.

It wasn’t until she noticed him subtly shifting closer to her that she pinned where exactly his thought might be. For the first time, she felt nervous about someone kissing her. Heart thumping as he neared, his eyes darting across her face to try and detect any hesitation. There was none on her features and she wasn’t opposed to the idea, but all these feelings she had felt, and tried to push away. She wasn’t sure what a kiss would mean to them. Y/n made no effort to stop him, even moving closer as well, hoping that he would take the move. Because for the first time in her life, she let someone else make the decision.

His nose nudged against hers gently, her eyes falling shut at the soft caress. She felt his thumb at her chin, tilting her head up slightly before placing his lips against her own. It was soft, and sweet, and gentle. A kiss she had never experienced before, one that made her chest feel hallow and full at all at once. That made her hands tremble and body calm. He continued to kiss her like she was fragile, and even thought she was the farthest thing from it, Y/n enjoyed being treated that way, cared for that way. Her hands came up to his neck, pulling her body closer to his, legs intertwining. Neither of them had the intention of going further, this felt more intimate than any other experience either of them had ever had.

Camille pulled away from him with a gasp, his eyes opened to find hers still closed, taking in the moment. Something about the way she looked that morning, peaceful, controlled, had all those emotions he had been pushing away come back into reality. He was nervous she would reject him, which he had experience more than enough of in his lifetime. But she didn’t falter as he moved closer and it gave him all the confidence in the world. Neither of them spoke, even after she opened her eyes to look back them. Voices trapped somewhere between their heart and mouth, unsure what to say, but wanting to say everything all at once.

His phone went off again, jolting him back to reality. Back to the realization that more existed outside of this dingy motel room and this moment with her. The weight of it on his shoulders once again, he only hoped she didn’t noticed the change in him. He gently rubbed his thumb across her bottom lip, before forcing himself to move away. She didn’t say anything, only moved to get up as well. The air in the room felt still, calm but at the same time a tinge of something that could build up to tension. Peter felt content in himself and with her, but everything beyond that door, that is what made him anxious and unsure.

Little is spoken between them as they gather their things, Peter saying that they need to get a move on. She follows along, neither agreeing or protesting. He wondered vaguely about her lack of communication. The past few days she had spoken up about his decisions, particularly those she disagreed on, but always let him know her thoughts. The radio silence worried him slightly, but he tried to push that way. There were much bigger things for him to worry about.

Y/n received the drop-off location about the same time that Peter got up to answer his own phone. It was a nicer hotel that had amenities like a bar and indoor pool. She rolled her eyes, of course the target would choose a location with a high rate of witnesses. She had wanted as little fallout as she could get, this was going to be a little more difficult that she had anticipated. Peter’s voice saying that they should probably get going brought her back into the room. Her thoughts still clouded her brain, strategies, exit points, things she often had a few days to prepare for, swimming around her head. She complied, not saying anything. Only stuffing her few things into duffel bag, they stole from a gas station a few days back and followed him out of the door.

The had been on the road for 5 hours now, when she decided to speak up. “I think I found a good hotel for us to stop at?” She flashed him her phone briefly, just enough for him to glance at before looking back at the road. One hand firmly on the wheel, the other on the gear shift. She briefly thought back to first time their stolen ride wasn’t an automatic and Peter became flustered behind the wheel, hands shifting sporadically everywhere, eyes darting about because it had been 10 minutes since they broke in and they still hadn’t drove away. She had been able to control her laughter just enough to direct him in out to get the car moving without flooding the engine, and proceeded to give him tips as he tore out of the parking lot. Peter was still red faced for 3 hours after. He looked almost proficient driving now, shifting gears smoothly and precise. Her eyes trailed over him, shamelessly checking him out before turning back to her phone.

Peter pretended not to notice, but a small smirk graced his lips despite it. She pretended not to notice.

“That looks a bit expensive.” He muttered.

She tried to stay nonchalant, if she showed a desperation to stay there - it might tip him off. “I think we deserve a nice bed and a bath in a hotel that’s actually clean for a night, don’t you?” She turned on her charm, as guilty as it made her feel. Never once had she manipulated him in the time they spent together since the Gala. It made her heart break to see him react like she wanted him to as she trailed her nails lightly up the forearm resting on the console between them.

He audibly gulped, “Y-yeah. I guess you’re right.”

She had to look out her window to hid the frown that fell on her lips. For once she felt guilty in doing her job, for once she felt dirty. He deserved more than coy smiles and deceit. He was making her soft, and she couldn’t tell if she hated it or loved it.

They made it to the drop site with 2 hours to spare, it was earlier than Y/n had expected but she became grateful at seeing just how busy this hotel was. She needed to strategize and it didn’t help that the lady at the front desk told them they’d have to wait another hour before their room was ready.

“Please enjoy our bar. One complimentary drink on us for your wait.”

Y/n could practically feel the anxiety radiating off Peter as they sat themselves at the bar. The irony of it didn’t go unnoticed to her. Even more so when Peter passed the drink voucher to the bartender and ordered an old fashioned. She smiled at him and laughed lightly, looking at her with an emotion that made her stomach flutter. She went to say something, but her phone vibrated in her jacket pocket. She excused herself to the bathroom, pausing for a moment to take him in. The way his curly hair framed his face, particularly that one curl that always stayed in his face. The way his brows scrunched as he concentrated on the TV across from them. The way his mouth looked as he took a drink of the old fashion. She wanted to remember him like this, not the face of disappointment and betrayal that he would have by the end of this.

She was hoping, praying, everything and above, that this would be last time she would see him. Before she could stop herself, she gently grabbed his chin after he set the drink down, turning his face to hers. She had caught off-guard, his eyebrows furrowing with concern as he noticed the inevitable look on her face. She tried to hide it, but she knew she was failing. She gave him a small smile in attempt to soothe his thoughts. She pulled him close, placing a gentle kiss on his lips, then his cheek before pulling away.

“Don’t wait for me.” She whispered, before getting up to leave.

He laughed lightly, slightly confused but called after her that he’ll find her when the room is ready. She didn’t reply, but kept walking. Tears in her eyes and throat and chest constricted as she kept a sob locked down.

Peter watches her walk away, noting that he steps look heavier than usual. Concern enters his mind but doesn’t have time to linger as his phone goes off on the bar infant of him. It’s Steve, saying their arrival is less than 5 minutes. He’s grateful that she’s not here, meaning he sneak out with the briefcase that holds the device. He hoped he would be able to see her one more time before he had to leave, but he doubted that would happen. He was lost in his thoughts of her when gun fire deafened his heightened hearing. He reached for his ears before jumping into action. People in the lobby were scattering.

Gun fire was going off from two ends of the hotel. Peter recognized the uniforms of some, others looked like civilians carrying military grade weapons. It was a set up. Peter panicked, calling out for Camille and attempting to go in her direction. A firm hand stopped him,

“Where’s the device?” Steve’s voice was firm, but there was a relief sound to it. The kid had made it out unscathed and even though shit was hitting the fan, Peter wasn’t in the crosshairs. Peter spun to wear the briefcase had been tucked at his feet at the bar, but faltered when he realized it was gone. He paled, trying to retrace everything. His eyes fell on Steve when he realized… “Where’d she go?” The relief in Steve’s was gone, his face was hard and he was now in mission mode. Peter fumbled but couldn’t make words. How could she? Why would she? Is the reason that-? Steve didn’t wait for an answer, pushing Peter of the way so he could set off on tearing the place apart to find her. Peter knew he wouldn’t though.

Chaos was erupting around him, but all he could do was sit back down at the bar. Defeated, hopeless, lost. He reached for the old fashion and downed in one go.

Another hand on placed itself on his shoulder and Peter spun around to get ready to argue with Steve, but stopped in place.

“You’ve got a lot of explaining to do, Paul.” the mask of the Iron Man suit lifting away to reveal a tired and irritated Tony.

“How’d you- Did Steve?”

Tony started fiddling with a blueprint of the hotel, heat signature popping up and showing a crowded room on the 8th floor. “Your girlfriend called.” Was all he said before jetting off in the direction of 803, what was to be his and Camille’s bedroom.

It happened all too fast. Before Y/n knew it, guns were going off and she was fighting 10 men on her own. She took down the target in one movement, leaving him bleeding on the floor and his men scattering for revenge. What she wasn’t aware of was the onslaught of S.H.I.E.L.D. tactical teams barging in on the place. She had called Stark Industries, at their last gas station stop. Leaving a voicemail with a very concerned lady that detailed what was about to down, telling them that no matter what - her accomplice had nothing to do with anything and he knew nothing.

Y/n knew not to trust the target, and knew that she couldn’t return this device to him. She kind of liked this stupid planet she lived on, and didn’t want to see it’s destruction in her time. She only hoped that the Avengers would go easy on Paul. She had to leave him there to get away herself. And that left knots in her stomach but traitors like them never win. She managed to grab the money bag and, just as an explosion happened at the hotel door, shoot out the window of the room. Escaping just as Tony and Steve, equally surprised to see the other’s presence, enter the room to see the men she had taken out.

It took Peter a moment for his brain to catch up with his body as he darted after Tony. His stealth suit coming in handy underneath his clothes. It didn’t take him long to catch up, but he was frozen in place as soon as he arrived. The room was trashed, bodies lying across the floor. Tony and Steve stood beside the bed, the briefcase Peter recognized that was supposed to have the device between them, opened. They looked at him, waiting for his move.

Peter stepped up to the bed to find the device still safely tucked away, a note taped to it.

“I’m sorry” scrawled in quick but neat letters.

Tony nor Steve spoke as Steve gathered the suitcase, closing it, and then putting it their own protection case. They left, Tony gently patting Peter as he stood there, staring at the note in his hand.

#adult!peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker fic #mcu peter parker x reader #marvel fic

95 notes · View notes