#every time ive felt i have to focus mostly on whatever im bad at and drill it into my skull but like. no i dont have to do that all the tim
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corantus · 6 months ago
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i was at a figure drawing co op on friday and halfway through i had the realization wait nobody is grading me right now, i dont have to make something that looks good, i can just vibe &focus on whatever i think is interesting. so i had more fun than the other times ive gone. and they had free beer there.
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gryphis-eyes · 2 years ago
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⊙ Message from spirits
⊙ Welcome to this very simple but (I hope) useful pick a card, I know its been a while and here is my last attempt to get back to tumblr haha.I don’t have more to say , hope you’ll get the message that will light the fire in your !
⊙ How to pick a pile ? There are differents ways to do it, you can do a little meditation while thinking about the 3 images, you can also use a pendulum, remember to listen to your intuition while chosing and reading the messages those are general reading so not everything will be for you or it will ask you to interpret it based on your situation
◇ Deck used : Rider Waite, Shakespeare Oracle, Phenix Oracle
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⊙ Pile 1 : The Cat
Cards ; 3 of cups, 6 of swords R " Tis true. The wheel is come full circle; I am here. ”
One day things go up and one day things go down, such is the nature of Fortuna’s actions. The cards are showing me those 3 muses singing with their cups full of sweet beverage while on the other side of the reading someone is struggling on their boat, going against this raging river’s flow. Some of you seems to be tired of life, you're always fighting, barely resting while other people seems to roam freely through life. Its not fair isn’t it ? I feel like the main issue here is that you're going through a though period and it affect your mental a lot, so of course our brain’s first move is to look at others and be like ”damn look at them, so happy and relaxed while im in this burning house”. Do not throw yourself heartlessly into this path which seems to be the only one, do not look at other, look at you. You might be afraid to do a specific thing (new project ?) Because others seems to do it better or the idea you got already have been done but listen to me ; nobody is doing things better than someone else, succes doesn’t mean its better it just mean it touch more people but it doesn’t mean it is made of quality. That’s why we always got people talking about underated movies, music etc, nothing is better, things are just different. What matter isn’t how amazing you'll do but rather how you will do it because you are not anyone else’s mind, look at the story of the hero with a thousand faces it has been done so so many times in fictions but people dont always realise it, why ? Because all of those fictions have been done by different people so that’s why lord of the ring is so different from star wars. To be honest I was thinking about telling you to go slower but the phenix cards are really telling you to move and just do it ! Be serious about this project wether it mean actually writing a story and publishing it or starting writing it, you got nothing to lose.
⊙ Pile 2 : The Owl
Cards ; 3 of swords R, hangedman ” for there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.To me it is a prison. ”
Ive heard ”a haunted heart” part from on the fence by tv girl in mind while reading your cards. I have no contexte about what happened to you but I can tell that it was a wild ride isn t it ? Sit down my dear its time to rest and listen. Whatever happened didnt happen out of the ”univers” cruelty or a ”blessing in disguise” what happened felt like an attack toward you (from your pov) wether its truly the case or not I dont know but I truly think the cards are reminding you to focus on the present since they are hiding the past from me. Do not search for the why, do not search for a blessing coming from it, what was good what was bad do not try to listen to thousand of readers who will tell you how to act (I mostly got those ”forgiveness” speech that every new ager are repeating). You dont need to focus on that past thing you need to focus on yourself and your needs from the present, not the needs you had 5 month ago. You should let your life calm down, put less effort in the world and put more effort for yourself wether its forcing you to have a self care moment or allowing yourself to have a lazy day or just sit down and do nothing but listen to music. The lyrics from ”after the storm” it carry the whole message im trying to give you. Basically, yes what happened suck but its not an excuse to give up on yourself.
⊙ Pile 3 ; The Snake
The lover, 3 of swords R
" The enemy increaseth every day; We, at the height, are ready to decline.There is a tide in the affairs of men, Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; Omitted, all the voyage of their life Is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat; And we must take the current when it serves, Or lose our ventures. "
It's time to risk it all my friend. I have no idea if It's a project, a ritual/spell (I get that most of you are into witchcraft or spiritual thing). See this snake going for the butterfly even if It's small and can avoid the snake’s strike easily, the reptile still go for it. It even look like the snake is using the obstacle in order to jump higher to catch the butterfly. (Idk why I get that you should try to watch samurai champloo). The advice here, is to look at everything that went bad or didn’t work in the past and ask yourself ”why” so now you'll be able to make your action more effective because you have grown a lot since the last time you try that thing or something similar. I feel a big burst of energy so its like everything is here, you just have to act. Like the snake, do not chase your goal or just walk around it until you saw the opportunity. Just go in front of it and strike ! With the Lover I see that this thing is dear to your heart or will light the fire in yourself again. You can do it, you have the power to do so, you can only gain good thing from this situation that will (above of making you happy) will heal something in yourself.
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moodr1ng · 8 months ago
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(triggering ed thoughts under the cut)
when im in an Alright ed period for a while (like, might be doing emotional eating but no bingeing or intentional restriction mostly just a regular bad diet lol) i sometimes get like. these random thoughts of "i wanna go back to my ed, i want the focus and stimulation of ed thoughts, i want to go back to controlling and restricting and enjoying it" and im afraid this will follow me for the rest of my life tbh. like. even when i seem to be doing.. not necessarily great bc lets be real my relationship to food is FUCKED, like the only time in recent memory i have eaten normally for any period of time was the 4 days last week i was staying with friends and they graciously cooked meals for us and didnt ask me to help at all which i truly appreciate as much as i also feel guilty about being burdensome to my friends lol, but aside from that brief moment of normalcy i am never good about food and i cant remember a time i was.. but rn i am like. as normal as i get like. its mostly takeout and convenience store sandwiches and canned foods eaten straight out of the can but its not disordered eating its just a shit diet brought on by extreme depression + adhd which paralyzes me from taking the steps to make proper meals for myself. but its not like, the worst, yknow? and while im like this i keep having these thoughts that i liked myself better while actively in the eating disorder. and ik its gonna come back, it always does, there will inevitably be a time i will download like, fasting apps and calorie counting apps and start trying to eat as little as possible and weighing myself every day. ik its gonna come back. but the sick thing is that i want it to. because when i have that control and focus and that framework on my life and that sensation of achieving something and working towards something i just like myself better. thats the ugly truth. i just like myself better when im eating disordered. and its hard to convince myself not to go back to it, to try to tell myself that its not actually good for me, because it feels good. and when i lose weight from it everyone else tells me its good. so. idk. ik this is not an isolated experience bc ive been in like, ed spaces like discords and subreddits enough but i still feel alone with it bc those spaces are very impersonal, so if youve felt the same way feel free to say hi or whatever (no pressure to! ik its a very private thing)
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starstaiined · 3 years ago
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deep asks: multiples of 2
2: what is your preferred method of non-physical self destruction?
i lay down, curl up, and let myself think of all the ways i've made other people's lives more difficult. every inconvenience, every way the world would be better if i hadn't existed. and i let the weight of that knowledge crush me.
4: tell me about your most vivid memory, good or bad.
it's warm, but not too hot. there's people mulling about, chatter turning into a comforting white noise. the hug is nice, it feels like home. we're led to a table, and conversation starts up. but the focus is more on the shared doodles and gentle three squeezes of the hand. time, for the moment, is paused. and everything is okay.
6: what is something that you’ve always wanted to do but have never been able to do?
enjoy a party. they're so draining and the noise is always painful and my skin feels like its going to crawl away and ive never been good at small talk. i wish i could be normal, wish that parties wouldn't bother me so much, but it can't be helped i guess
8: what is something that gets to you that you wish wouldn’t?
jealousy. ive worked hard to let go of it, to ignore it, but it still springs up. especially on bad days. it's just hard to deal with the burn and the ache and the guilt for both of them.
10: tell me about an insecurity you overcame.
public speaking. i had a deathly fear of public speaking and it made me nervous beyond belief, so i made the decision to join speech in high school. ✨ immersion therapy ✨. the first year was absolute hell, but i stuck with it and managed to overcome my stuttering and be a much more polished speaker. while it still scares me, i can hide it pretty well now and my stutter has mostly disappeared.
12: who do you wish you could connect with but haven’t been able to connect with?
my childhood best friend/first love. we got really close in eighth grade, and had a storybook teen romance that was never spoken about. she moved right before high-school and promised to keep in touch, but then disappeared off the face of the earth. i never got the chance to tell her how i felt, and i miss her like all the time.
14: ALREADY ANSWERED
16: what is a skill or talent you’ve completely lost or overlooked? why did that happen?
MY ABILITY TO SPEAK SPANISH. it was my first language and i was fluent when i was younger, but when i went to school the school told my parents that i needed to speak more english. so they switched to English only at home, and with time i lost my ability to speak in spanish and i hate it. i can fluently understand spanish, but my ability to speak it are out the window and that hurts.
18: what is something you can’t bring yourself to get rid of?
i don't really have anything that fits this. maybe the cards and photos from eighth grade with the best friend mentioned earlier? i also kept the balloon she gave me for nearly a year but then my mom threw it out 😔
20: tell me what you think others think about you.
it depends on who the people are. most people i don't know think i'm irritating, stupid, annoying, weird, etc. my friends usually think i'm a little naive and goofy, but also good at listening and offering advice. my family thinks im the smartest person to walk the earth and expect me to know everything and are genuinely surprised when i don't. i try to live up to whatever people expect of me, really.
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fletchphoenix · 4 years ago
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A Change Of Heart
BOOM CHAPTER 6! Hope y’all enjoy this and im SORRY you had to wait so long for it!! :( Its just been really busy at the moment but ive finally had time to update! Thank you for all your support and Onwards with the chapter!!!
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  Hugo was acting weird and Varian didn’t like that one bit. 
  Ever since their beach incident on Saturday, Hugo had been...way too awkward around him in classes or when they went out. Maybe it was him being dumb - but he couldn’t call it ‘mixed signals’ when Hugo had literally kissed him on the beach in the most romantic way he could’ve. A sigh left his lips, blowing his hair out of his face as Hugo, once again, kept his eyes on the laptop and ignored Varian’s attempts to hold his hand while they worked on their chemistry project. He groaned and leaned back into the pillows on his bed, moving his feet to Hugo’s lap who pushed them off and kept typing. 
  Why was he being like this? Did Varian say something to him to upset him? What was so wrong about him wanting to show affection to his...hm. He wasn’t really sure what to call his relationship at this point. They weren’t boyfriends but they certainly weren’t friends, the kiss having blurred those boundaries between them. Had Hugo changed his mind about his feelings towards Varian and he didn’t want to date or anything? It confused him to no end as he stared at the other boy, now leaning back against his green wall, his head resting directly under the shelf housing his prized possession - the Flynnigan Rider books. 
  “What’s going on?” Varian asked, propping himself up to look at the blonde with a frown on his face and his head slightly tilted. He didn’t get what he did wrong. What had he done in the past few weeks? He racked his brain to think of everything he'd done. He’d tried to kiss his cheek in the cafeteria, only to be shoved away. Maybe that put him off? He’d attempted to hold his hand under the table during chemistry, but Hugo had pulled his hand away almost immediately. Was that the problem? “You’ve been kind of...off at the moment. I don’t know if I’ve upset you or..” his voice trailed off as emerald eyes met his, his stomach filling with the all too familiar butterflies as a slight smile graced his features. Just the sight of Hugo got his heart racing a million times a minute. 
  “You haven’t upset me. I just..” Hugo bit the inside of his cheek, his eyes breaking away from the little battle they were having much to Varian’s disappointment. “I’m not out yet. Not to the school. And after the whole Zander incident and him getting beaten up..I don’t want to risk that happening to you, V.” he confessed, taking Varian’s hands in his own and rubbing the back of his hands gently. It almost sent Varian into a trance, the blonde raising his hand to place a kiss to his palm. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
  “I can protect myself, Hugo-” 
  “Yeah, but you shouldn’t have to. I like you, Varian, but I don’t want you to get hurt.” he whispered as he moved away from Varian. “Anyway, we should get back to work on the project. As much work as we’ve done, we kinda need to do a bit more than just a thesis.” His signature smirk fell onto his face as he looked at Varian, and Varian felt himself melt and all of his worries drift away as he nodded in agreement to Hugo’s proposal. 
  As they worked, Varian simply couldn’t focus. All he could really focus on was the sharpness of Hugo’s jaw, the glint in his eyes. Were his eyes always that green? The way he clicked his tongue in thought for a few seconds, before continuing to type whatever he’d conjured in his brain onto the laptop that shook in his lap. The laptop which had little stickers placed at random all over the back of it - little chemical symbols such as aluminium, bismuth, gallium, yttrium and test tubes along with some that referenced TV shows Varian hadn’t even heard of in his life. And he’d had A LOT of time to watch television during his break from school. He subconsciously propped his head against his hand, gazing at Hugo with nothing but love in his eyes. He really did have one of the most beautiful boys in the work to be his...whatever they were, huh?
  “What will it take to get you to work?” Hugo groaned in annoyance, turning his head to look at Varian. 
  “A kiss.” Varian bluntly stated as he grinned up at Hugo, who merely scoffed and rolled his eyes. 
  “Using my own trick against me, are we, Ruddiger?”
  “Yep.” Varian replied, popping the ‘p’ at the end as much as he could and leaning in closer to him. “You gonna do it or not? Because if not then...good luck finishing your project!” He declared as he rose to his feet, sauntering over to his desk with a smirk on his face as he heard Hugo’s frustrated groan from behind him. A shuffle sounded and before he knew it, a hand wrapped around his wrist and pulled him back onto his bed, shoving him to lie on his back before Hugo captured his lips in a rough kiss. 
  This was...very different to their kiss on the beach, Hugo nipping at Varian’s bottom lip and Varian’s hands threading through Hugo’s hair while the assault on his lips continued relentlessly. Slowly, Hugo broke the kiss, bruised lips meeting Varian’s as both their chests heaved to take in as much breath as they could.
  “You little shit-” Hugo growled breathlessly before proceeding to initiate another kiss. His cheeks were on fire as his legs wrapped around Hugo’s waist, desperate to pull the other as close as he could. He didn’t want this moment to end ever, Hugo’s weight pressing down on him. However, after a while, their rough kisses slowed into lazy, slow ones and Hugo shuffled down beside them. 
  Varian moved to rest his head on Hugo’s chest, the other’s flesh arm wrapping around him and his hand playing with his hair, strands twirling around his fingers as he placed gentle kisses to Varian’s forehead. “Hey..do you ever..think we met before this? Like..we met in another life I mean.” Hugo asked, his eyes focused on the ceiling as Varian tilted his head up to look at him with a confused look. 
  “I...I mean I’ve thought of it. You mean like soulmates, right?” He received a nod of confirmation. “I don’t know..it seems nice though. Thinking we were destined to be together.” He smiled as he kissed Hugo’s jawline, his hand reaching to cup Hugo’s cheek as he did so. “I like that idea quite a lot...sounds perfect.” He whispered against Hugo’s skin, him shivering at the sensation as Varian reached to take his prosthetic arm and intertwine their fingers. 
  Silently they sat, cuddled into each other before Hugo propped himself up slightly. “I should go.” he muttered, “My mom will want me back.” He kept trying to stand, Varian pushing him down gently and looking at him quietly.
  “Please stay.” he pleaded, his hands pushing down on Hugo’s chest and a look of desperation in his eyes. He wasn’t ready to let this go yet - he didn’t want Hugo to leave. Hugo simply nodded and hummed a quick ‘okay’ as he settled back into his position on the bed, Varian following suit and snuggling in closer to Hugo as he slowly fell asleep.
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  When Varian woke up the next day, Hugo was nowhere to be found. He’d presumably left during the night, leaving Varian in an empty bed. Well, mostly empty other than him and Ruddiger, the fat raccoon snuggling onto the pillow beside his head which was a less than welcome sight when what he expected was the beautiful face of Hugo in a deep, deep sleep. He should’ve known.
  What if Nuru was right?
   He’d heard about Hugo’s reputation, but he was sure that the other wasn’t playing him at all. He couldn’t be. Everything he did seemed far too genuine. Far too affectionate to be something that wasn’t true. But...but what if it was? What if he really was messing Varian around and was just trying to put another notch on his belt? He reached out to grab his phone and search for a text from Hugo, but his eyes met a blank home screen, a frown moving on to his features. Maybe he really was as bad as Nuru had told him.
  Nuru, speak of the devil, sent him a text right at that second, the usual emojis and all caps typing when she was excited or wanted something from Varian. It was funny really, that him and Nuru had gotten so close in the small amount of time they’d known each other.
  Nuru : LETS GO TO TOWN!!! I’M BRINGING MY FRIEND YONG!!! TELL HUGO TO COME!!! 20 MINS!!! WE CAN WATCH THE FIREWORKS SHOW TONIGHT!
  Varian : Damn, okay. Calm down. Meeting in the town square?
  Nuru : YES!!!! SEE YOU SOON!!! <3
  Varian rolled his eyes and clicked onto Hugo’s contact, smiling at the sight of his name at the top of the screen happily. 
  Varian : Hey, Nuru’s told me we’re going to town today and we...kinda don’t have a choice but to obey her every demand. 20 mins at the town square. You wanna come?   Hugo : heh. sure i’ll come and bless you with my presence, hairstripe. Oh, by the way, sorry for leaving. Didn’t want your cop father figure to come and like,,,castrate me or something.
  Varian : Aha! It’s fine. I’ll see you later <3
  Hugo : Byeeeeee <333333
  Varian grinned and smiled widely, laying back on his bed with a happy sigh before he stood up and began to pack everything he needed for their day out. He yawned, shrugging the bag onto his back and trailing downstairs happily. “Bye guys! I’m meeting up with Nuru, Yong and Hugo!” he yelled out as he began the long walk to town.
  He couldn’t wait to see Hugo again.
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pbandjesse · 4 years ago
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Ive decided to just mark every email I get as spam. No one should be allowed to talk to me. Im still annoyed about AA contacting me to fill out spreadsheets, not offering to pay for that time, and then not even saying thank you or letting me know they got it? Im only sort of sure they did because I got a forwarded email from them of the original email. Whatever. Im allowed to be salty. I waited all week for a response and now its friday. 
Im not gonna focus on the things that upset me. Today wasnt even a bad day. It was just kind of blah. It went by fast. I wish my sewing machine was working. When I woke up this morning I got dressed and put the whole thing back together and thought it was working! And it was for a few minutes but then it stopped again. It was a bummer. But at least I got some of the fabric cut and pinned down. I am making good progress. I think tomorrow I will cut more fabric. Even if I cant sew it for a little while. 
I spent some time playing animal crossing. And had a phone call with Jess because she was really upset but it made me feel a little better to talk to her. Its been really hard to hear her so sad but the nuances of it are hard to read through text. 
A little afte rI got off the phone with her James came back from his 65 mile bike ride! I cant believe he did it. Like he is so strong. While he cleaned himself up I went back to the organizing and cleaning I was doing. That at least made me feel a little less blah. 
James made us brunch and we hung out in the dungeon. The weather is getting cooler and today was a little humid but it was really nice to have the windows open. We mostly just laid around. Made flu shot appointments for monday. But soon enough it was time for James to go to work.
I was feeling really unsettled. I had things I wanted to do but I also wanted to spend time with James and so I had been having trouble getting motivated. But once he left I tried to shake off my feelings. 
I vacuumed and did some other cleaning. I did some yoga. I felt good for the most part. 
I decided to take a walk over to walgreens. I got some stuff to give myself a manicure. We had a coupon that was expiring. And I had a silly conversation with the cashier because he wanted to know the background of my email address. So silly. 
I got home and was a little overheated. While it was a nice day the earlier humidity made it hard to breathe. But I cooled off and I spent a long time making my nails all nice and painting them with the hardening gel. 
I decided to order pizza for dinner. I got it with broccoli and I also got potato skins and churros?? I was feeling very anxious but also I was excited for food. 
When the girl called me that she was downstairs I went down and I couldnt get the iron door open? It is just to heavy. She helped me by pushing from the outside and we got it open and had a good laugh. And the food was good! I only had one potato skin and a little pizza and a churro. The churro was great. Good to know they have those. 
Once I was done eating I did the dishes and some organizing.  I packed some clothes for camp!! And once the sun went down I took a long bath. 
And now Im here in bed. Enjoying the breeze. The humidity is gone. And were expecting under 80 degree weather all week. I am excited for fall.  I hope you are all feeling good tonight. I hope you take care of yourself and wear a mask. And I hope tomorrow is great for you!! Goodnight!!
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therosevest · 5 years ago
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this isnt quite the ask meme so feel free to ignore it but i wanna hear about why u like either stranger things or it (or both im not ur mom)
omg i love you thank u for asking. im gonna put a keep reading on this bc i ranted a lot lmao
ok so stranger things was odd (ha); i remember when it very first came out during that july i was like ‘im not rlly into scifi so idk if i’d care for it’ and my sister was like ‘no, trust me, me neither but i started this and it’s really good’ so i started it while hanging out at her house and was absolutely glued to the screen and then i left and went home and proceeded to stay up until 4 am to finish it and was absolutely SOBBING at my screen. i was enamored by the aesthetic (so many beautiful shots of the fall landscape and a simple 80s wintery vibe and the christmas lights UGH poetic cinema) and i just felt like all of the characters were so fleshed out and no matter how much conflict there was or idiotic things they did i literally loved every single one (except like. Ted and Papa yk??). and they were such good friends and so so funny??? like dustin and lucas had a hilarious dynamic and mike literally going to jump off a cliff for dustin???? being so concerned for will and letting that take precedence over any romances (not just talking about mileven i promise) hello????? el sacrificing so much of herself and her energy for these people because they’re the first to truly treat her with unconditional kindness in her life and they’re her family now??? but they all had SUCH heart and dedication to one another, and i loved that because the boys werent super concerned with like toxic masculinity (not to be #deep like a lot of it was that they were kids but they love each other so much and don’t care when they’re bullied by troy and his gang; they are there for each other and the first season shows how deep each of their friendships run and i love it); like these idiots were big NERDS and so sweet and kind to el, and each other honestly. you know they all had each other’s backs, even when they were mad or bickering. it went against my expectations for an 80s-based show and the government conspiracy aspect was intriguing (despite the fact that i usually get lost with that stuff; same with the sci-fi aspect) and i adored all of the kids and the story was just so tight and developed so wonderfully. i think season 1 was phenomenal and thats where it becomes hard for me as it goes on; im bummed that it’s more mainstream and thus i can only expect them to abide by mainstream guidlines (in terms of how they handle lgbt/minority characters, the balance between plot vs character, how far they will go in criticizing american and other governments), but i do think it deserves the hype. it is a beautiful, wonderful show and i am attached to the characters and the actual story more than i have been with anything else. it easily became my favorite show and season 2 LIVED UP TO THE HYPE it was so so good!!!! i rewatch the first two seasons all the time (i honestly dont know how many times ive seen each season at this point (other than three which i have seen thrice, i believe); i simply adore each and every character and the different teams that form by the ends of the season and i believe that they did very very well with all of this up until season 3 (ive talked about my diasppointment extensively, so im gonna focus on the positive); and we will see how s4 goes.
as for It, i have a lot less background tbh but i still really love it. i remember watching the og miniseries years ago and even though i have trouble watching shows with a big “ensemble” cast (mostly bc the characters arent diverse so i have trouble distinguishing between them), i liked the story and i remember being struck by bev’s storyline. i dont remember why i wanted to see it ch1 so bad (probably because i’d seen finn in stranger things the year before, ngl) but i attached to the characters so quickly. i saw it with my mom and she was like ‘that was awful it wasn’t even scary, it was just corny’ and i was like MAYBE SO but i fucking loved the characters so so much. i said that over and over and over and was heartbroken when i found out upon further research that two of my favorite characters (though ofc its hard to ‘rank’ them when they all have such a special place in my heart) die in the book. regardless, i just loved the kid actors sm and i think i found it especially easy to get invested in the story and the cast because they’re my age?? idk i just find it a lot more fun (which is probably why im still more partial to ch1). and then i went home and found all of the stupid interviews with them and the videos they posted on their own youtube channels and i thought they were so funny and it was awesome that they were genuinely such good friends. again, i dont always get invested in horror storylines but i thought the fact that its really....a love story between friends and ch2 especially has a lot of commentary on homophobia (its absolutely not perfect but yk) because of adrian mellon coming from charlie howard and how they all come from more troubled backgrounds but find love in each other is just the BEST i am such a sucker for found family and i have genuinely not found a better example of that than the losers club. i love them so fucking much. again, im not quite as informed when it comes to It as i am with stranger things, but i still really really love the story and characters and the depth that they all have (except mike/stan they were slept on) (and eddie was deprived of a good gay story and just Happy story but whatever) and yeah anyway im just ranting at this point. i think that stephen king had some... interesting ways of writing this story that make me wary of finally just picking up the book and reading more than the first few chapters (ie You Know, and just... idk i don’t trust how bev was written (but maybe thats harsh of me considering i Havent read it)), but hopefully eventually i will so i can be more involved than i am now. i cant quite articulate all that im trying to say, but i really really do love the story and the kids.
send me asks!!
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dawnowar · 5 years ago
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Been on my January Diet for a week
I’m counting calories this time because I got so sick of WW that I just plain wasn’t doing it anymore for long enough i may as well save my $$$$. I’m eating sugar again (in limited quantities) and i couldn’t be happier. It’s not hard sticking to this at all and im just wearing my fitbit and trying to burn more calories than I eat. 
So i got a Planet Fitness membership cause its cheap in addition to my regular Jazzercise classes which i go to almost every day. The days I don’t go are usually Saturday cause theres only morning classes and I go out Friday nights and sleep through them... and Thursdays cause im in a different part of town and if i rush over, i get the worst instructor and if i go home and eat first I don’t get up. 
I’ve had gym memberships before and i mostly dont use them because if theres not a time to show up and instructor instructing me, i dont do any actual exercise, but PF is great especially for the price. You’re sure to get screwed out of a month’s money when you finally decide to cancel because you will inevitably cancel on the wrong day but thats hardly a tragedy and you can still use the memebership up until you’re really canceled.
As far as using it goes, the gym is friendly and clean and cheap and safe which is all my fave things. I signed up for a “class” which turned out to be a small group w a trainer for half an hour, but since i was the only one signed up, he gave me a personal training session for about 45 min. Said its like that at this location and if you sign up at a not-busy time you can basically get free personal training on the regular. 
Sounded good and then i woke up sore the next day! LOL and it was Thursday so instead of rushing across town to the bad Jazzercise instructor, I did an at home yoga class.. I got a groupon for $15 for a year subsciption to Yoga Collective where you can stream yoga classes and do em in your house. 
The price was right even if i only use it once, that’s about the price of a drop-in class in these here parts, but i was bummed to find out there’s no Roku channel for Yoga Collective, so i bought a chromecast for $35 so I can stream these workouts on my TV.
Even still, i have to use the Google Home app to mirror my tablet to stream it but it does it and it’s great and im sure i’m glad i bought it. I love Yoga but its really too damn expensive. The cheap yoga places memberships are $75 a month (the expensive ones are $100) and i’m already paying somewhere around $55/mo for Jazzercise. Used to have both when they were both $50 a month but going over the $100 a month mark for exercise seems like a lot to me. I may change my mind because i miss real Yoga.
But seriously, why does yoga cost that much im not really sure. 
So the Chromecast, for the record, does a great job streaming YouTube where the Roku channel is a nightmare. That alone might be worth the $35 i spent for it. 
Meanwhile I’m feeling thinner. Maybe not stronger just yet but after spending most of this Fall sick in bed with colds and sore throats and sinus infections, I not only gained 10-15 lbs but i got weak and flabby so it feels great to be back in action. I’m not quite at the fitness level i was at before, but I’m way closer to it than I was around Thanksgiving when I got sick for i think the 5th time and relented to just having to not worry about it during the Holidays and just know I’m going on a January diet. 
I really wanted to. The holidays seemed endless and I just felt fatter and flabbier as they went on and on...  so i got back on track pretty easily.
I’m weighing myself once a week on Mondays. Any more than that makes me a little crazy. Spent, i dont know.. decades.. trying to figure out how to not let the number on that scale decide how i felt about myself. 
I’m there which is great. I have a long and terrible relationship with my scale and I’ve found that I basically can’t weigh myself because i get obsessed with what number it gives me. Also i swear that number is +/- 4lbs at any given time..and because I’m talking about having 15 lbs to lose....that can really send me into some bad place quickly if i get a high number when I step on.
anyway its taken me DECADES to ignore the scale. and just do the thing where i watch what i eat and exercise. But ive also found that i have to weigh myself sometimes or I have no real confirmation if what im doing it doing any real good or not. Even weekly weigh ins seem counter-productive sometimes when I know what ive done and the number isnt gonna be good. Sometimes I gain when I do everything right. Which is the madding part. They’re good about not being judgy at WW but I hate that they still make you weigh in and they still put the focus on the scale even though they act like they aren’t doing that.. but you don’t make lifetime for creating healthy habits, you earn it by keeping your weight under a certain number and keeping it there. 
If you fall off, then basically they start charging you again. Which is reasonable. They don’t kick you out or shame you or anything but this program is about numbers, make no mistake. 
Anyway i learned a lot in my on/off WW time about how to just not diet in secret and not be ashamed of it cause literally everybody has struggles with their weight and if they don’t, they’re the weird one, not you. And getting on the scale isn’t terrible at all if you don’t let the number you see rule you. Because whatever it says you’re gonna keep eating right and exercising, and if you don’t you’ll start again tomorrow. and if you keep doing that you’ll get where you want to be eventually. 
I’m loving the exercise. Now that I’m active i want to do even more stuff but my body isn’t cooperating just yet. It wants to rest. I know i need to rest but my brain is so ready to do this. 
My knees also didn’t get the memo but theyre holding up well. Years of exercising w arthritic knees and ive figured out what not to do the hard way mostly already and im so much stronger than i ever was, but i still have problems sometimes and im trying to be careful.
My heel is swollen. It does that sometimes and i have to stay off it, but im not going to. This is an old injury that never healed right from about 5 1/2 yrs ago so it probably will never be any better than it is now. Its Yoga funny enough that messes it up worst for all the weight bearing one-legged moves. But i’ve got Tuli’s heel cups or heel cushions of some variety in all my shoes and yoga jellies and extra padding for my already-thick mat and its getting better while I’m still exercising so i’m not stopping, but i did ride a bike at PF the other day instead of doing weight-bearing cardio. 
I’m just trying to do something every day, and burn a certain amount of calories per day and eat less calories than that. Should work out. 
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comicteaparty · 6 years ago
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December 27th, 2018 CTP Archive
The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on December 27th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PST.  The chat focused on Inhibit by Eve Greenwood / evegwood.
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RebelVampire
COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!
Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Inhibit by Eve Greenwood / evegwood~! (http://www.inhibitcomic.com/)
Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!
QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?
there are many great scenes, but i am particularly fond of victor in the parking garage. specifically, i enjoy the unfolding of events once masha joins the party. i love the fact that victor freezes up and just flat out doesnt know what to do. not only does this fit with his character, but i actually think its refreshing for a protagonist with powers to still just be a regular person deep down who does not have the required training to deal with that sort of situation. not to mention i love seeing paulina's powers in action
spire
Agreed! The garage is one of my favorites too. I love how Paulina is breaking rules left and right- not just laws (lol) but all the concepts that have been established so far about how powers are supposed to work. I really want to figure out what's going on(edited)
RebelVampire
or is she breaking laws? as in the powers. obviously shes breaking the other sorts of laws like dont set ppls property on fire. but i will save theories on the powers for a bit later. i do enjoy that she throws a wrench already into what's established. tho i felt bad for victor that nobody is listening to him.
another scene ive been enjoying is the current flashback where victor is a bouncy child. mostly because i love how excited about everything victor is. like wanting explosions just cause its cool. and i think its just this real contrast that builds tension for the narrative since youre like "victor man what happened O_O"
spire
No one listened to him then and no one listens to him now. I would love it if someone took him seriously for once
I would also love it it someone let him REST
RebelVampire
yeah my heart really hurts for him. because ive been in that position of sitting there constantly trying to tell someone something and then being ignored.
although i really think ppl need to learn moderation in regards to their expectations for victor most of all
cause it seems like ppl either 1) expect nothing from victor and think hes a loser or 2) pull a nate and expect victor to auto be this extremely capable person despite not having trained for anything in years
Superjustinbros
*jumps in
Hello~!
RebelVampire
hey super!
Superjustinbros
Hey Rebel!
Pleased to be here~
spire
Hello~
Superjustinbros
And hello to you too, Spire!
RebelVampire
another scene that i enjoy was when julia, david, and victor snuck back in to the building to eavesdrop. on a technical level i liked the writing for it because it was a scene that moved the plot along but also served to show off the relationship dynamics that exist between those specific characters. so as a narrative construct everything in that scene felt like it had purpose to one end or the other.
Superjustinbros
I just want to say, the faces in this comic are incredible.
http://www.inhibitcomic.com/comics/2658763/chapter-5-pg-11/ Especially this one on the bottom right
And then they play bloody Laser Tag
RebelVampire
yeah the faces on the kid are really some fantastic exaggerations
Superjustinbros
Oh yes
RebelVampire
but suits them cause theyre kids
Superjustinbros
There's lots of fun to be had with giving characters over the top faces.
RebelVampire
QUESTION 2. Victor has been shown to be a drastically different person than he was in his youth. What is the past incident that several characters bring up that apparently resulted in a trial and inevitably got Victor kicked out of Urquhart? What does it have to do with Masha, and do you think Julia was involved somehow considering she’s also at Earl Estate? Is it the reason Nate and Victor’s relationship soured as well? Do you believe the incident is what changed Victor so much, or is it several aspects of his life? Do you think any of this has something to do with why Victor has failed to improve at Earl Estate? Also, why do you believe Victor’s inhibitors are now failing him so badly? Lastly, do you believe his missions with Nate will have an effect on Victor’s personality? How so?
Superjustinbros
tfw it's already time to answer question 2
I'll stop posting these to the chat now
RebelVampire
well considering adult victor has some issue controlling his powers when hes emotional, im gonna assume something of that nature happened. potentially maybe to that bully who keeps picking on young masha. cause i feel like victor is gonna stand up to them or attempt to and get mad and then accidentally severely injure them or something. idk about julia being involved
tho looking back it looks like she has all her fingers as a child
Superjustinbros
That seems like a very good interpretation.
Considering he does shoot out electricity at impractical times, at least from what I've seen(edited)
RebelVampire
as for nate and victor's relationship souring, i think theres more at work than just this incident. i kind of get the impression that nate just kind of likes taking things out on victor even when everything has nothing to do with victor. but i think basically all this crap combined to shake victor's confidence and that's a large reason hes not improving. cause he just has no reason to be confident anymore.
spire
I think Vic's self worth has been raised into a precarious position thanks to being a gifted (in this case- super powered) child, and with how much his spark-outs are emphasized through the whole comic, something terrible must have happened with a spark and that lack of control was touted against him, which makes it near impossible to repair his self esteem
RebelVampire
yes definitely all that. cause i feel by and large that victor has just given up on himself. which tbf i dont blame him cause literally nobody is doing anything to help really. like theres not a truly positive influence. although to nate's credit i guess he's trying? just ya know, in a super bad way
spire
Lol yeah. That's a good way to put it
Nate is helping but in the worst way. Vic needs some genuine, earnest support
As for Julia, I suspect she gave herself frostbite? Noor is very strict about Julia forming ice around her limbs, and she must have been moved to Earl for a similar outburst of her own powers
RebelVampire
tbh i think julia has more control of her powers. from the impression i get anyway. i kind of think julia is just reckless and doesnt think her actions through. though i mean might of been an outburst too. i could really go either way. and maybe its both.
though frostbite is way more tame than what i was thinking happened XD
i was picturing more encasing an ice and then shattering said ice
frostbite sounds more reasonable and less horrific
spire
Omg
Julia just thought one day that it would be cool to be a snowman
She didn't consider the fact that she can't move. Once she becomes the snow man ️
RebelVampire
that sounds like something shed do. even now cause i dont feel shes anymore responsible than she was as a kid
which ya know narratively speaking is kind of a good contrast with victor in a way
spire
Yeah
RebelVampire
cause victor has no control of his powers but has a sort of reserved control of himself. whereas julia has control of her powers but is an explosion of bad decisions waiting to happen
spire
I love that about them. Despite Julia's recklessness I think it's good for Vic to not be sitting alone in his room 24/7
RebelVampire
idk i agree and disagree. its good for him to get out and socialize, but im not sure the ppl around him are well-suited to kind of give him teh space he needs.
tho tbf im not sure the estate is the healithiest place in general
it kind of feels like prison
QUESTION 3. Victor’s life changes a lot when he’s forced to join Nate’s team. Why do you think Nate is so vehement about having Victor as a temporary member on his team? Is he honestly just trying to help Victor, or is there is some other hidden reason? What did you think the way the retrievals were handled says about the world and its view on Variants? How might the first mission change Victor’s perspective on Variants and how they’re treated (if at all)? How will it affect how Victor deals with other team missions and/or the course of the story? Lastly, do you believe that Victor will be able to makes amends and bond with the team, or will he continue to be chastised and treated somewhat lesser?
spire
The way that variants are trained at places like Urq and Miller to almost solely police their own community is disturbing. Vic wants no part of it and it's perfectly understandable
Variants are monitored so closely through their whole lives. it's invasive.
RebelVampire
yeah. and i mean...theres a degree i want to be understanding. i would not want untrained variants just walking around causing accidents and such. cause theyve shown that their powers can be damaging not just to others but themselves and also all the property around them. so i can understand that variants kind of need a special thing going on for everyone's protection
but man do those places feel like prison
like when you cant even let someone's mom see their kid off
thats a bad sign
spire
In that kind of environment a variant is pressured to do whatever they can to appear trustworthy. Even if Nate is trying to help Vic out I think he's ultimately trying to make himself look better by helping Vic succeed
RebelVampire
that could be although i feel theres easier ways then making under the table secret deals. tho tbh i think theres a mix going on here. like i think nate does want to help victor and wants to see him succeed. but i also feel like nate isnt altruistic either. more like he wants to help victor cause he feels like victor is his one failure that he cant leave to continue to be a failure just for the sake of his own pride.
Superjustinbros
“I think he's ultimately trying to make himself look better by helping Vic succeed”
This thought caught my eyes
RebelVampire
although it could also be that nate sees something of himself reflected in victor. cause nate did freak out when masha wasnt just flat out listening to his captain's orders. and i kind of feel that reflects his own feelings of being unsure of himself
Superjustinbros
Perhaps
RebelVampire
but i kind of wonder if theres an issue of dormancy at play in all this? cause if nate feels like he's losing his powers and position soon, that could be a prime motivator in whatever he feels hes got to do
like hes running out of his chance to do that one super awesome thing that immortalizes him in history
spire
Ooooooooo that's a very interesting thought
Reminiscent of thinkin you need to be ultra successful by the time you're 30
I hadn't thought of nates motivation that way before :0
RebelVampire
yeah and this is kind of an extreme case of needing to be successful by 30. cause in this case its kind of true in a way. since im sure if youre a variant the powers are kind of part of who you are. but by 30 you lose that and essentially have to redefine who you are as a person. and i think thats more true with the way their system is set up since their glorified prisons are so life encompassing.
spire
Yeah. That's got to be terrifying, knowing your whole identity is going to disappear one day, one day SOON
RebelVampire
yes. or so were led to believe. cause tbf i got sinister vibes from that scene with the doctor checking young victor for dormancy. so maybe all we know is a lie and dormancy is not a natural process but something forced upon variants.
spire
OOOOOOOOHH
Terrifying if tru
Superjustinbros
Yeah that scene creeped me out a bit
and it just came out of nowhere
RebelVampire
cause i agree with young victor. why are you checking a kid for dormancy if you know the typical ages for dormancy
and i feel that line is there for a reason
spire
I wonder if he's still wondering that now, 9 years later?
And I hope he is
RebelVampire
maybe hell remember it
Superjustinbros
Exactly, Rebel. (about the dormacy part)(edited)
RebelVampire
cause to tie in the 2nd part of that question, i def think victor is on the path to see the injustice in how variants are treated
those facial expressions in the van were already on the extreme i feel sorry for these people side
QUESTION 4. Inadvertently, Victor becomes involved with a dangerous arsonist named Paulina. What do you think Paulina’s powers are? Is she a pyro as many believe, or is there something funky going on with her powers like Victor believes? Why do you believe Paulina attacked Miller, and why do you think she’s so desperately looking for Chalice? Where do you think Paulina even came from given she isn’t declaring any facility as her origin? Why, of all people, do you think Paulina went to Victor specifically for help? Given Victor gets Julia involved, how might the residents of Earl Estate affect Victor helping Paulina or not? In general, do you believe Victor will help Paulina or not, and how will this choice affect the rest of the story?
Superjustinbros
I'm going to say maybe she has multiple powers versus most of the other characters that only have one
spire
That's what I was thinking too
Superjustinbros
I mean she really is mysterious, since her profile is still //||?⁄⁄/⁄\ | on the site
RebelVampire
idk. i mean its certainly possible. but im also willing to think that she has one power that doesnt fit any of the predefined powers the world established. so like shes a new variant type. or that she knows how to use her pyro powers in a way that nobody thought possible
but multiple powers is still possible
im just more willing to error on the side of it still fitting in with established laws and we just dont get the full picture yet
Superjustinbros
maybe like dark/gravity powers, or some power that's otherwise considered taboo?
spire
I think ultimately Vic's going to be looking for some truth and working with Pauli will appear? To get him some answers
Superjustinbros
Considering het background is nothing like the others
And yeah, maybe that ends up happening
http://inhibit.smackjeeves.com/files/what.png I mean can anyone translate this(edited)
RebelVampire
no but its probably just for the purposes of making her mysterious
and wont change to not give new readers spoilers XD
spire
Yes I believe that's simply to keep it mysterious for new readers
Superjustinbros
Yeah
RebelVampire
i think victor will def help paulina, although im not sure i get the impression paulina is gonna inspire victor to look for truth persay. though if she gets him to chalice, i think chalice will make him question stuff.
Superjustinbros
Maybe, just maybe.(edited)
RebelVampire
i kind of get the impression that paulina didnt come from any facility but instead has been living and training outside the system. cause we dont really know the process by which the facilities collect variants in the first place. like obviously we see victor's mom bring victor. but like...was it the law? was it under threat hed be taken anyway? how did ppl know?(edited)
and without knowing these things i can think of a lot of reasons paulina just skirted by the system
Superjustinbros
Definitely could be something outside the system, since it's still a mystery
spire
I'm wondering if the only reason Pauli chased Vic down to Earl is because she has blackmail to make him help her find chalice. If she asked anyone else she's obvs get turned in to the police or taken home?? Wherever that is???
Well, I guess it's not really black mail. So I don't really know
RebelVampire
maybe paulina just picked him cause hes the only variant she knows now who didnt immediately try to arrest her
and tbf
victor is a good choice cause he would seem easy to intimidate into doing what you want him to do
spire
TRUE LMAO
RebelVampire
tho i couldnt fathom why she wants to find chalice. i mean the assumption is she wants their help. but maybe she super hates them and chalice is corrupt and bad. and that there is no good in this world. or something depressing like that.
Superjustinbros
lmao
Plus he's the protagonist
RebelVampire
paulina got super meta and said "hey victor you feel like a protagonist. you can probably help"
XD
Superjustinbros
XD
Protagonist Syndrome in a nutshell
RebelVampire
that makes me feel bad for victor. victor seems like the last person whod ever want to be a protagonist
just wants to sleep in his room instead
spire
Hashtag relatable tbh
Superjustinbros
Yes
RebelVampire
since we only have 4 mins left, are there any final thoughts to share?
Superjustinbros
I'd love to do the same lol
I want to say this has been a great read so far, it's got great characters, lots of emotion, and lots of charm.
(And lots of good expressions)
Good luck with the comic, Eve, it's really going strongly so far.
spire
I think inhibit really nails what it feels like to be pinned by the expectations put on you by all levels of society, but still allowing itself to breathe and be funny and so human
RebelVampire
i think inhibit is a great story with memorable personalities. but most of all it has a relateable protagonist whose inner demons can speak to most ppl, and watching his journey is definitely probably something that will inspire hope
unless victor dies
then no hope
COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!
Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Eve Greenwood / evegwood, as well, for making Inhibit. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s efforts however you’re able to~!
Read and Comment: http://www.inhibitcomic.com/
Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/evegwood
Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/evegwood
Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Paypal Donation Link: https://www.paypal.me/evegwood
Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/evegwood
Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club
Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about Princess Pups by Lindsay Hornsby. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, January 3rd, from 5PM to 7PM PST for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!
Comic’s Main Site: https://tapas.io/series/Princess-Pups
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vitos-ordination-song · 5 years ago
Text
i look back on horror at who i was as a child a lot bc it was bad and i did bad things. but just now i felt kind of fond of little me and proud. bc i did survive and i was smart. 
i got sparked thinking about this bc i was thinking back to being really little. really little, potty training and earliest memories. i was so motivated to be perfect and actually i was good at getting approval. it’s sad bc thats what shaped the bad part of me. at this deep level i learned i did not want to be punished or disapproved of and so i tried to distance myself from my brothers who were punished and compared negatively to me. 
it’s weird bc for so long i felt shame about this. when i was in high school i apologized to my brothers in tears bc theyd often been resentful of me when we were young and i felt guilty for being the baby who got away with things while they were punished. from like age 2 to age maybe 10 i had a p bad superiority complex borne out of this and i just felt like a bad person for it for a long time. plus i didnt fully break out of the mindset til i let go of inferiority/superiority. 
i do see that i was just a child but thats kinda the part that feels like a horror movie. if i think of it being a child who was in situations i was and doing things i did, it feels horrifying. so most of my thinking back on being a kid are kinda disturbing. 
but im kinda getting back in touch w the part of myself i love for the past few years. and you know i survived for a reason. bc i love life and there are parts of me that are strong. what i was thinking about that started all of this was the kind of two-sided split nature of my childhood. what actual form did it take. 
i was absolutely obsessive about adult approval. to a degree that was v annoying to other kids but worked. i didnt necessarily SHOW that i was obsessed w it and i dont think i was even thinking consciously about it. a lot of my memories go in this vein. like i was good at memorizing bc that was asked of me. i could intense laser focus on things and memorize them. i remember frantically memorizing Bible verses at age 5 to win the Bible verse memorizing competition which the adults put on.
all of my strengths i had to be best in and all of my weaknesses were sources of shame i tried to improve on. i took very seriously morality as it was taught to me and made a great show of following it. i was often what you could consider teachers pet and basked in any positive reinforcement thrown my way. 
i was addicted to avoiding punishment and seeking reward. it was a response to my highly behaviorist, authoritarian upbringing. my emotional state in relationship with adults could vary wildly depending on how they treated me. i had a teacher in fourth grade who seemed to dislike and undermine me, like she wanted to break me, and i internalized my idea of her to help shape myself into someone who she would like. and it mostly worked. 
the intensity of my ability to do stuff like this cannot be understated. i learned to totally supress my sensory problems because they made adults annoyed with me and might lead to punishment (also i had to learn to deal with them alone because i had no help). i learned how to present a certain type of acceptable personality. 
i should note that i learned to do this first because of my parents. i learned later, but very young, that i had been easy to potty train. i was often praised both for being intelligent but especially for being “easy” and obidient. the perfect child. as compared to my brothers who wet the bed and had to be punished for it. ive thought for a while that the reason i was so obsessed with being perfect in school is that my mother homeschooled me and my brother for kintergarden. she screamed at him for being stupid. never me. 
being better was being safe. so i became this person who had to follow all the rules and be best at everything and i always wanted to be assured that i had earned love by my behavior. 
but the oddest thing about this is that i was a totally anti-authority, rebellious, and single-minded child. this is how the split in my personality manifested when i was little. any time i sensed any kind of unfairness i was livid. i undermined authority figures behind their backs with other kids. i got around rules however i could. 
the thing was, i think, even when i was very little, was that i knew it was arbitrary. the authority my parents wielded over me and my siblings was incomprehensible. i couldnt follow it. i just knew that they were in charge so they could do what they wanted. they were inconsistent in their punishments and rewards. sometimes they punished you for nothing and sometimes you got away with doing something actually bad. they weren’t fair. they just made it up as they went along. 
i wanted to do what i wanted to do and really i felt no attachment to their judgment on it--at least this side of me didnt. and it goes back just as far, maybe farther, than the feeling of superiority or desire for approval. i think that came more as i became afraid of punishment. 
i have very young memories of defying my parents authority. i just wanted to get away with it. and i almost always did. 
it’s funny because my entire family has always judged me for that but now i look back with some admiration. i mean i was obsessing with how to get away with things in my youngest memories, like age 3. all throughout my childhood i broke the rules to do what i wanted. 
when i was thinking earlier, what came to me was that i always acted to get approval so that i could get away with things and do what i really wanted to do. my main occupation as a child was reading. i was approved of for it. i read so much! i was such a smart little girl! and i could get away with spending all my time away from people in another world, the world of my books. i was quiet and out of the way so i was a good child. and that was one of the main sources of happiness in my childhood, reading, escaping, learning, being somewhere else. 
i waged a warfare against authority quietly. i learned to give them what they want and then do whatever i wanted when they looked away. i did it all the time. the side of me that wanted approval and the one that wanted freedom were somewhat dissociated so i didnt even fully realize i was doing it. 
i think what caused a lot of the change was falling from grace. in my own eyes, in my projected, perceived vision of God, and in the eyes of adults. it happened around age 10 and 11. i went from a very high to very low opinion of myself quickly. i think some of it was having a teacher who simply did not and would not like me, who wanted me to be smaller. she didnt like that i was disorganized and said i had terrible handwriting. she wasnt cruel but she wanted to destroy me for my own good. she constantly put me down and made me a subject of ridicule in class. 
i was also thinking more about Christian morality. the more i learned about God and heard about sin the more i felt i was a sinner. i felt bare and stripped naked, disgusting before God. 
i had humbling experience after humbling experience--internally as i reflected on my behavior and externally though rejection by peers, failure in school, and adult disapproval. it wasnt possible for me to feel approved of, perfect anymore. i could only be bad. 
i kept going further and further with this until i was reborn and rejected all of it. i stopped being Christian and rejected God’s authority. Christianity was the only worldview i had ever been allowed to imagine. once i stopped believing in it i was separate from every person around me. i could not, as a human being, have anyone’s approval. 
i wasnt the golden child at school or at home any more. i started getting in trouble in ways i never would have before because i was more defiant openly. a teacher took my kindle from me in 8th grade and i was punished for stealing it back. i had used to never talk back to my parents but i started to. i was angry. the dynamics in my family shifted and sometimes i was the scapegoat, sometimes i was the one being screamed at, punished, hit the most. me and my siblings played hot potato for it. golden child shifted around too. but i would never be the favorite again. by the time my parents went back to fawning on me, when i was a successful college student, i had no taste for it. 
starting around age 13. i had to become my own internal source of approval, authority, and being. i started to parent myself. i developed an internal parent who nurtured me and i sought out a lot of media about good and loving parents. i cried alone all the time but when i was calming down, i would stroke my own hair and talk to myself. i thought for myself and made up my mind about things. i had my own internal sense of morality that wasnt based on punishment and rewards. that made me a better person. before i had broken any rule with no guilt. i did not consider right and wrong of the action, only likelihood of punishment or reward. when i was giving myself approval, /i/ had to approve of my actions. 
idk ive just rambled a lot but i guess ive been thinking tonight about how ive reacted to environments and how ive changed myself as a person. i have these moments, shorter periods in my life, where something totally shifts in me. but that doesnt make long term effects just go away. i still worry about approval and punishment. i still punish and reward myself. these things are ground into me. inferiority/superiority too. but i saw through them and i have changed. 
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conflictcrafter · 5 years ago
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The Unexpected LAMAW of Madayaw and The lamaw that is deped
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the department of education has, and rightfully so, included retellings of the Darangen in the English 7 curriculum learning modules (but wrong pictures!). during one of our classes, particularly in section Gladiola, we talked about the epic and how the Meranaws in the time of the Darangen has put premium on physical appearance over anything else.
whenever we touch the Meranaws in my MAPEH 7 (2012-2014) and in my English 7 classes (2014-present), i'd always tell them about the Kapagipat, among other cool Meranaw stuff, to illustrate how magical and ritualistic and creative and cool the Meranaws are. i had to do this because a considerable number of my students are Maranaws and those who are not will have had the mis-educated, illi-informed idea that Maranaws—Muslims in general—are people to be avoided. i'd always tell them the opposite: that Islam is a religion of peace, and all my Muslim friends are nice and generous and very approachable; i'd always tell them, too, how unfortunate i was to not have been born in an ethnolinguistic group, still connected to its ancient traditions. but i digress.
ive seen and studied the works of Madayaw Cultural Ensemble, among other cultural dance-theatre groups in Davao. and since their piece Singkil sa Laya performed in SM Ecoland back in the infancy of Sayaw Mindanao sometime in 2011, their "tribe in focus" would, except in very rare cases, be Islamized ethnolinguistic groups (Meranaw, Maguindanao, Tausug). no problem with this.
but the plot is done over and over only in different characters and settings. their staple is always like this: a pair of lovers, disturbed by a bitter third party; man fights the third party; pair of lovers marry. this happened for quite some time that i'd marvel at the times when madayaw would not win, and be internally outraged when they do. ive somehow sensed that all they did was show glitz and glamour: no advocacy, no plot, no depth; with only one goal: to fool the eyes of some unaware luzon-based judges—ergo, win. (there. ive said it.)
at first glance of this piece, i told myself that it's gonna be the same thing since 2011. theyve hit the formula. and now this is their forte. and theyre never going to outgrow their motifs. it's lamaw (leftover food). napagkainan na.
but as i was watching it, (insert curse word here) kalami sa piyesa! i was slowly liking the piece every minute as it went. it was like being introduced to lamaw—at first abhorring it for its name—but later discovering that lamaw is not only leftover food but also an effin refreshing delicacy (lamaw is a multilingual homonym and homophone having polar gastronomic meanings depending on which of the philippine languages one is using, making lamaw physically and lexically "lamaw." hello, buwan ng wika na surface level lang pagpapahalaga ng karamihan! hello, schools! but again, i digress.)!
it depicts, in a sense, an etymology of the trance-dance ritual Sagayan: what's its purpose—the Kapagipat, which i always mention to my students—and the rationale behind the skirt-and-hat-wearing male baylans who perform the ritual. in detail, i laud this piece because:
1) it is ritual-centered. it picked rituals (Kapagipat and Sagayan) and established a narrative around it. not the other way around. by doing this, the ritual is preserved, and not the narrative. both should be preserved but it's the ritual that needs preserving now as it has been relegated to the background. and with that, the rituals' meanings and intentions becomes obscured in the long run.
you see, the Sagayan is one of the most obscured trance-dances in our cultural performance history. Sagayan is mostly seen during Meranaw / Maguindanao weddings and it has since been ascribed to such weddings. hence, if a cultural dance has a lemba (wedding celebration) commonly at the conclusion of the piece, it will always have at least two sagayan performers. culturally, it's intention is to ward away bad spirits but choreographically, it's only there to add a sense of cultural precision. nothing about its importance and its true meaning.
but this has put the Sagayan back to Kapagipat. this piece has educated us about the ritual trance-dance and why it looks like that. it has, so to speak, made an etymology of the dance. and this creative and educational decision transcends mere performance. this transcends Sayaw Mindanaw.
2) it attempted to show today's relevant social issues. specifically—
2.a) gender-roles. the process of transferring the mantle of Sagayan practitioner from female to male shows that males and females may share roles and must be open to the fact given the gravitas of circumstances. in the piece, the female baylan was at first defeated by the tonong-possessed person in her effort to cure / exorcise him. to defeat the tonong, she tricked it by making her male companion be the baylan, donning him with female clothes and a headdress that covered the face. in their second encounter, the tonong was confident that it was still the same baylan, only to be overwhelmed and defeated by the female-disguised male baylan.
the Meranaw community has, in the surface, clear-cut, black-and-white, male-female gender roles and it is not to be dismantled or to be ridiculed as this is their norm. but they are also fluid enough to recognize that sometimes gender roles must be reinvented to solve a crisis, and it is this utilization of gender clear-cut-ted-ness that brought resolution to the narrative.
furthermore, this shows that even before philippines was philippines, cross-dressing has been a thing already. and it's rather strange to feel strange about it.
2.b) preservation of community; depression, and suicide to the individual. prior to becoming a tonong (spirit to be appeased), it belonged to a living human body that has experienced depression and who has eventually committed suicide. he has experienced the community's rejection and misjudgment as shown in the second act.
on surface level, it tells us that villains are created by society. and as a society, we have a role in shaping and influencing the decisions of individuals. whatever we do to others, it returns to us. we reap what we sow—making their planting and sowing dance routine more than just petty choreography, it has served a very symbolic purpose (learn, peasants. mao ning art).
on another level. the society's alleged "discrimination" is not something shocking to the ancient Meranaws. you see, in Darangen, Prince Bantugan, being extremely handsome, has won the hearts of many women and men alike, and he is often being favored by the people more than the generally good but not as handsome king, Mabaning. the Meranaws in the Darangen are notorious in describing how monsters destroy villages, and it should not be a shock that ancient Meranaws may ascribe this monstrosity to unfortunate persons who happen to possess faulty facial features. this is merely an instinct to preserve community rather than a community hell-bent to discriminate with no reasonable logic.
as modern audience with no Meranaw background, we get the moral of non-judgement; for Meranaws, they get the moral of preserving community. i must commend Madayaw if this was a conscious artistic decision because (insert curse word here) this is genius layering.
3) it escaped the lamaw trap. like what i said earlier, i have become tired of seeing the plot of the pieces of Madayaw. to me, they have settled, like dust at the bottom of undisturbed water. personally, i feel that they only mostly win because they look so good and shiny. and this is what happens when artists never grow. they stick to what is proven effective, without exploring something new. this is what kills the artist if they cling too long to their aesthetics. isa lang ako sa mga naunang naumay.
but this is nothing i have seen before. like what i said, it has focused on the rituals, and made the narrative complement the rituals. not the other way around. this is already very intelligent. this piece has therefore escaped their tiresome kasal-kasal motif, which to me was effin lamaw.
now, they have evolved into the LAMAW (yes, all caps). this level is achieved (objectively by the artist and subjectively felt by the viewer) when something expected to be artistically low suddenly proves itself as something very highbrow. i say all caps LAMAW because to me, this is the most important level of artistic expression (more about this in the future kay gabuhat kuno kog akong kaugalingong art manifesto alongside verfremdung ni bretch, ostranenie ni shklovsky, surrealisme ni breton, ug uban pa. haha murag korek).
what im trying to say is that they have at last grown and they have grown magnificently with this piece. this has amazed and re-educated me. (insert curse word) nabusog yung mata't utak ko.
i commend the overt inclusion of spiritism in the piece, which i first saw in Sayaw Mindanaw back in 2013 in Saliyaw's first champion piece.
speaking of Saliyaw, another dance-theatre / folkloric group in Davao, i must say that no other group so far has exceeded their creativity in presenting new motifs in the cultural performance community. to note, they started the aforementioned spiritism / netherworld motif; the focus to Sama, an ethnoliguistic group in Davao that rarely receive the spotlight (although this can be argued, but i personally think that the resurgence of appreciation to the Sama has been brought about by Saliyaw's focus to the tribe back in 2014); and the multicultural motif evidenced by their 2017 piece that included the mutual influence of Bagobo-Klata culture to Japanese. creativity-wise, Saliyaw has done more.
take this with a grain of salt.
it is just so appalling that masterpieces, such as this, among others, are not common in educational institutions. and to be brutally honest, it goes down to the interest of the admins and teachers if they so chooses to discuss these extra things in classes. if this does not interest schools, the study of culture and consequently our appreciation of our identity goes to the gutters.
we, especially the schools in the cities, have been lazy in representing whatever sense of culture we have left in our locale. we have not moved on from black tights and leotards with malong sash to represent the Islamized ethnolinguistic groups. to appear cultural, we put malongs everywhere, not even bothering to educate the students which malong motif is appropriate for which occasion. we rarely take initiatives to encourage students who belong to cultural minorities to showcase their identity. worst, we add to the horrible mis-education that Muslims are bad and Atas are ugly and Lumads are uncivilized through our throwaway statements. and sometimes unaware teachers do that (insert curse word).
the efforts of cultural performers during Kadayawan and throughout the year is not trivial. it is an effort to preserve our identity and an opportunity to atone for our misjudgments towards ethnolinguistic groups in the land that we have grabbed from them.
i may have said something about the art of a cultural group but i still respect them as cultural bearers and as they also put forward the true essence of cultural performances: to educate and to make us appreciate our local culture and identity—which very rarely happens in majority of educational institutions.
farce, no? ~~ video here http://bit.ly/2P0dOgL image source  https://www.facebook.com/sunstardavaonews/photos/a.716755768378759/2440892695965049/?type=3&theater
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set--suna · 7 years ago
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A Different Mask
Hi this is bad but I'm posting it anyway -- The world of the Phantom Thieves was a hilly one. There were challenges and calm, dangers and warm moments. But all the Phantom Thieves had one thing in common: they went through their pain together. They had been there for each other when nobody else possibly could be. When one Thief couldn't be there, there was always another to help with whatever pain one had. They were, as they say, thick as thieves. All the Phantom Thieves had reached one unconscious conclusion, as well: none of them had been through as much as their leader. They all agreed on it, even if they didn't know it. Akira Kurusu deserved the world. -- The group would always be there for each other. Akira knew that fully well. Yet he never leaned on them when things got rough in his head. They all relied on each other, but Akira couldn't bring himself to put his problems on their shoulders. Whenever his confidence wavered in a Palace, the team was always hyping him up. But that's all they saw. They didn't see his emotions outside the Metaverse. Those were his only secret. They didn't know about his nightmares. They didn't know the reason he listened to all of their problems was so they didn't end up like him. He wanted them to have someone to turn to. So he locked his feelings away to be the cool and collected leader he was. Supposedly. He kept his trauma inside. He kept the anger he felt when his friends were taunted and teased contained. He tried to make the comments from the kids at Shujin go in one ear and out the other. Whenever someone looked at him with that look of disapproval, he oh so tried to shake it off. But it all made him have days where everything just felt... numb. Like nothing he did mattered. These days were the days he thought about betrayal. Where he thought about his friends leaving him behind. Abandoning him. Akira Kurusu was scared. Today was a day where his feelings slipped themselves into every crack of his thoughts they could find. They partially distracted him at school, made his comments to his friends sound half-hearted when he truly meant them, kept his responses to Sojiro short, and made him reluctantly obey Morgana when he told him to sleep. "Hey, Akira, what'd you get on the third question of the test? I put B, but I'm not very confident in my answers," Ann sighed, resting her head on her hand. She had her mouth in a pout with her genuine look of unconfidence. "I got B, too," Akira responded. He sounded uninterested, but he really wanted to boost Ann's spirits. "Oh, great!" Ann said with a smile. "That makes me feel better." She spun back around when the next teacher walked in the room. He didn't miss her look of slight concern while she turned. "Welcome back. How was school?" Sojiro asked when the bell rang above the door to LeBlanc. "Good, as always," Akira responded, it didn't come out as he intended it to. Sojiro just laughed softly, "An answer I'd expect from you." He frowned as Akira moved towards the stairs, absentmindedly wiping away at a glass. "So, you ready to go to bed?" Morgana asked later. "Yep," Akira replied, sliding under the covers. "I'm tired." "For once," Morgana said sarcastically. "Goodnight." "Goodnight," Akira turned on his side and shut his eyes. He didn't see Morgana jump on the bed and give him a worried look. He just felt him curl up next to him and release a sigh. -- Akira had a nightmare. He was back in Okumura's Palace. A crowd of worker robots surrounded him and his friends. They had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. They fought and they fought to no avail. Akira had to watch as his friends fell around him, one by one. Ann was bleeding from a wound on her head. Makoto's arm was broken at the elbow, told by it's odd angle. Yusuke was so beaten he couldn't stand. Futaba was trapped outside the circle, not hurt but in danger. Morgana was struggling to stay conscious. Ryuji's leg had given out on him due to the stress. Haru was standing mostly uninjured, but her father's shadow was pestering her with "Okumura Daughter" duties. Akira was helpless he couldn't do anything. He was exhausted. He fell to his knees. "This is what brats like you get for meddling in the wrong business," Okumura walked to Akira. "You get beat." There was a gun shot, but Akira missed it. He woke with a start. He was shaking. He felt lightheaded. He couldn't focus. He pulled his knees to his chest and squeezed them tight. He didn't notice Morgana stir next to him. Morgana didn't move. He didn't want to move. He didn't want to risk Akira's panic getting worse. Instead he just pretended to shift in his sleep. Akira's shaky hand reached for the windowsill. He grabbed his phone and checked the group chat. Nobody had said anything since their final goodnights. He wanted to talk with someone, anyone. But who would be awake at this time of night? He gave in. Akira: Is anyone awake? Ryuji: yeah Ann: yep Futaba: mhm Yusuke: Yes. Haru: I am. Makoto: So we're all awake at this ungodly hour? Ryuji: i couldnt sleep Ann: Me neither Ann: I keep falling asleep and waking up again Haru: I get how you feel, I was just thinking of texting you all myself. Yusuke: I am only awake because Futaba is keeping me up with her constant messaging. Futaba: this is important stuff im sending you! Yusuke: You are sending me pictures of foxes in costumes. Futaba: EXACTLY Makoto: So in one way or another... We all are having a struggle with sleeping. Ryuji: thats what it looks like Ryuji: aww man i wish we could meet up Ryuji: im not even sure if i feel tired anymore Ann: I mean, it's almost 5, we could meet up anyways? Makoto: When did everyone go to bed? Ryuji: 10 Ann: 9:45 Haru: Nine 'o clock. Yusuke: Eleven Akira: 10:30 Futaba: ive taken naps throughout the day so im not really tired Makoto: I see. Makoto: Well, I guess we all got reasonable hours of sleep. Makoto: I will permit this once, and only because we are all in the same boat here. Ryuji: all right! Ann: Yes! I've always dreamed of doing something like this! Yusuke: Where should we meet? Ryuji: how about Akira's place? is that ok? the place doesn't open until 8, right? Akira: Yeah, it should be fine. Haru: What about Mona? Is he awake? Akira poked the cat with his finger. His hand still felt slightly shaky, but he was calming. Morgana meowed in reply, but rolled onto his side to look up at Akira. Akira: He's up. Futaba: Great! See you all there! Akira sat his phone screen down on his bed. Morgana now laid on his stomach, his tail swishing around. "What's up?" he asked drowsily. "Everyone's coming over. No one could sleep except you," Akira replied, semi-sarcastic. "Ok, might wanna fix that bedhead of yours a bit, though," Morgana replied. -- Futaba was quick to hop onto Akira's bed, sitting criss-cross for once. Ryuji sat on one end of the couch and Ann on the other, stretching her legs out across Ryuji's lap. Makoto and Haru sat on the floor by the sofa. Yusuke simply took a chair. "Man, I'm glad to be outta my house. There was no chance of me sleepin' anymore," Ryuji groaned. "Every time I shut my eyes, they just wanted to open again," Ann complained through a partial yawn. "I would fall asleep for an hour at a time. It's rare I sleep like that," Haru shook her head. "Do we all have something on our mind that's keeping us up?" Makoto questioned why this was happening. "Umm... not that I can think of," Ann answered. "There's nothing that would keep me up at night except Futaba," Yusuke commented. "Shut it, Inari," Futaba responded. Akira fumbled for words. He ran a hand through his hair in thought. While the others maintained a steady conversation on sleep habits, Akira was lost in his thoughts. He wanted to tell them. He didn't want to keep his emotions a secret anymore, they deserved to know. They cared about him and should know when he's feeling down. But how could he start? He didn't have to. "Akira? You ok?" Morgana asked, tail swishing. "You look kind of out of it." "Now that he mentions it, ya do, dude. What's up?" Ryuji is quick to follow up. Akira hesitates, "There... There's something I need to tell you all." Akira talked the most he had ever talked at once then. He told them about his nightmares of losing them and everything he's ever known. He told them about his emotions building up and how he felt like crap on those certain days. He poured his heart out in a matter of minutes because he wanted to stop hiding this. He wanted to stop being scared. He talked about the trial and being sent to Tokyo by his parents and how it made him feel so... abandoned. Betrayed. "Akira... You know you can talk to us, man," Ryuji was frowning though he was definitely concerned. "Yes, you will always be one of us," Yusuke spoke, sitting on the edge of his seat. "Mhm, text me whenever and I'll be sure to respond!" Futaba nodded encouragingly. "We will always be there for you, Akira," Makoto had slid closer and placed a hand on his knee. "Wherever we may be, we will always be willing to talk." Akira felt his hands get shaky again. But there was no fear or panic this time, just relief. They still saw him as Joker, their leader. Their tactician. Their friend. "I never would have known this affected you so much if you hadn't told us," Ann frowned guiltily. "Yeah, I feel bad," Ryuji looked sad. He faced Akira seriously. "Just worry about yourself, man, before you worry about what others say." "They don't know you like we do, anyways," Futaba added. Akira nodded. His face was hot. He was struggling to keep his shaky hands under control. He felt tears welling behind his eyes. Why was he still trying to keep his emotions in? "I'm glad you told us about this," Haru smiled at him warmly. "You can surely rely on us as much as we have relied on you, leader," Yusuke says assuringly. Futaba quickly hugged Akira's arm when he began to cry. It ended up with all of the Phantom Thieves on or around his bed. Ann was on his other side, head on his shoulder. Ryuji sat on the other side of Futaba, his hand lingering close to Akira. Makoto was kneeling in front of him, clasping a hand in both of hers. Yusuke and Haru sat in chairs on either side of her, leaning in close to fill the circle. Akira's free hand was on his face, wiping away tears that kept being replaced. Morgana squeezed in and curled up in his lap, nudging him with his nose. "We're a team, Akira. Teammates never leave another behind," he said, closing his eyes. The Phantom Thieves of Hearts had always had one thing in common: they shared their pain together. And they all awakened to one more thing; Akira Kurusu deserved the world.
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scarletrebel · 8 years ago
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a thing about rw.by
this is a whatever. not a meta or a theory or really a well-thought out critique. if anything I guess im just voicing my frustrations. if you like rw.by, please, please dont read this. you wont like what i have to say and i am in no way looking to upset rw.by fans, i just need a good old fashioned shout into the void. theres some things i liked in here too that actually came out whilst writing aha, so its not all my bullshit.
my main gripe with rw.by at the moment is the lack of character development for ruby rose. you know, the main character? which i think is the reason why my heart breaks a little that i dont love it as much as i used to. i identified so much with ruby. a little girl with a heart too big for her brain, who just wants to protect and help, having to come to terms with the fact that the real world doesnt make noble goals like that easy? thats my childhood right there. 
the latter is something that hasnt been touched on as far as ruby rose’s character development goes until this season, and even then it hasnt really been touched, or lightly brushed, its been mentioned. ruby thought saving the world wouldnt take that long, that the world wasnt as big as it is; she apologises to jaune for dragging jnpr along with her. all INCREDIBLE MOMENTS I was really happy about, but they werent expanded upon. it was like the writers wanted to hit a checklist of ‘make sure the audience knows ruby is naive and sad but hopeful’ rather than making it more engaging to learn about as aspects of her character, which is just lazy storytelling. 
show, dont tell. they’ve done that with juane. they’ve shown that he’s upset about phyrra’s death, they’ve shown him get mad at the situation and with qrow. he’s never outright voiced these things about his character like ruby has about herself, and we all knew she was a little naive. season one, weiss accusing ruby of being a bad leader and them showing the audience ruby trying to get better was so much better than just having her be like ‘im a little naive but ill fight for the greater good!’ like she has so blatantly been this series. 
like, why would she not get mad at her own uncle for keeping her in the dark about someone wanting to kill her?? ruby’s what, 16 at this point? 15 at the least? would she not at least be a little bit annoyed, and would that not show some character growth on her part if she was? my naivety ended, personally, when i stopped trying to be so dang optimistic, (this can become more complicated to explain, as obviously you still have to have hope in the world while keeping a level head and ruby is still young, but, thats another conversation) and if that moment hasnt happened for ruby after 1. penny dying 2. phyrra dying 3. her uncle keeping important information from her 4. her sister having her arm sliced off 5. her friends being split up from her 6. nearly dying to a foe way more powerful than she is, even with her silver eyes -- then when?! 
and lets just get it out of the way -- i dont fucking hate juane. i really, really like him as a character but i just fucking wish he got less of a spotlight because so much more attention is being payed to him and his journey and how everything affects him over ruby. it just is, and it sucks. i like theorising about his semblance, im pretty certain he’s really fucking powerful just like ruby is, but if he unlocks and masters his thing before ruby does i will be so pissed, and the only reason i say that is because it feels like thats the way its headed. 
juane is a lovely character. he’s heroic, he’s actually quite brave and smart, and he’s a good fucking friend. he’s a brilliant support character. but for the love of all that is holy, focus more on ruby when they’re in the same scene. about how he’s helping her on her journey, why could they not have had one conversation about phyrra on screen is my question. they did it really, really well it season one, and i was very loud about the fact that no, juane doesnt get more screen time or attention, but during season four it feels like he -- like everyone that isnt ruby or the other three titular characters -- has over ruby. 
just, please, rwby season five -- give ruby rose more character development. prove me fucking wrong and reveal that you were playing the long game, please.
also; i havent watched the last two episodes, but if it turns out the ‘’’cure’’’ to yangs ptsd is a new arm. fuck, man. please no. but i cant really comment on that yet so, we’ll see. i actually, up until seeing the preview for her spraying her arm and all that, really liked yangs journey. and taiyang is such a sweetheart i adore him. he was so patient and gentle and loving with yang, a few moments had me cringing but overall, an enjoyable part of the season. i hope yang gets to punch adam in the face. 
blake’s journey is one ive enjoyed also. and tbh, i think sun following her and thinking she was on a personal mission to take down the white fang is a very sun thing to do, and i think blake surprising us all by saying no im not gonna do that is a very blake thing as well. sun is spontaneous, carefree to a point and very dedicated to taking down bad guys. projecting that onto blake was his mistake, and im really glad that blake is the one to voice the audiences frustrations at how annoying it is that he follows and harrasses her into taking action (even when a part of us knows that she should -- a really, really well written aspect of blakes journey actually, i really liked it) (sun really needs to have a ‘okay im being a creep im really sorry’ moment but i dont see it happening. again; prove me wrong, guys.)
blake so, so needed to see her family. im glad she could see that and im not surprised that she wanted to run under the guise of ‘resting’ like. come on blake, we all know you’re scared shitless. her characterisation was on point, probably the most out of the four girls. blake was a+ in this season and im really happy about that, come to think of it aha. i hope she gets to punch adam too.
weiss im satisfied with too, although i really wish that ironwood and her got to talking. he didnt necesarily need to save the day for her, i would think that a guy fighting her own battles -- even if it is a ‘good one’ like ironwood -- would irk her, so it wouldve been nice for them to talk. (im still fucking salty about juanes ‘you can have her’ to neptune like lmao fuck off you fucking dudebros THAT WAS SO ANNOYING anyway) weiss being able to call off the thing she summoned before it hurt the lady would be a sign that yeah she’s getting strong but she’s learning control, so. shrug. 
papa schnee is an asshole, where is mama schnee?? and i FUCKING LOVED THE PLOT POINT THAT HER DAD MARRIED INTO THE FAMILY. please let this be an opening for a badass but subdued for Reasons mama schnee (although my hope is not that high)
my main, number one, OVERALL problem with rwby since the end of s3 to s4 is that they dont give the characters that need and deserve the most time and attention just that. i know its a small crew, i know that what they do and the time they do it in is amazing and admirable, and i do admire it and applaud it, they work so fucking hard and deserve praise for that. but they dont use their time wisely when it comes to assigning it in the narrative. and thats more of a writing issue, anyway. 
and another fucking thing. the majority of the interesting characters that arent the main four and are alive and have been developed or made mysterious enough to warrant interest from the audience are fucking men. and yeah, no duh jade, welcome to every piece of media for fucking ever. qrow is an asshole that everyone loves, raven is probably going to turn out to be a bitch -- the majority of salem’s ‘court’ or whatever are dudes. ironwood. ren got backstory over nora. blakes dad. adam taurus. for all that i love him, fucking juane. did we learn anything about phyrra that wasnt her explicitly telling us her backstory? no. we felt sad that she died because of her connections with other people, but, lets face it, mostly juane. im still adamant that she didnt die just for him, that she knew there was a bigger picture and genuinely loved him, but from a narrative pov him and his reactions was a bigger focus point especially in the aftermath with season 4. 
(ruby fucking unlocked an ANCIENT POWER BECAUSE SHE SAW PHYRRA DIE AND SHE DOESNT GET TO HAVE THE SAME EMOTIONAL SCENE ABOUT IT THAT JUANE GOT??? PLS LAST TWO EPISODES. GIVE HER THAT AT LEAST. PROVE ME WRONG.) 
i remember at a rwby panel at rtx one year, when asked about making a series that has four female protaganists, the guys said that they didnt see it that way, that they were just writing a story about a bunch of kids and yeah, i get that. but its not. 
its a story about four strong, tested, young women and they need to stop being oblivious to that because the narrative is fucking suffering. 
end rant/
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toussainttomove · 7 years ago
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“Some change is good, some not so much. But we have to meet new places, meet new people.” My 8 year old cousin Destiny :-)
First 
Happy New Year to all beings!!!!!!
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What an amazing gift to be given another 365 days of this life. Well it’s a great thought and belief to uphold that the year has just begun. I understand its all based on some calendar someone made up but the energy of our thoughts and love consciously directed to that thought of a new beginning taking place is something special so I appreciate that. 
This entry will be to reflect on the past three months. Well I will try to I am certain im going to miss something its only natural. I will then focus on looking ahead. The time ahead is going to be SCARY however we have the gift of each other to support us. Its the moment where we ask for support that we realise we have an arsenal of soldiers waiting to bring the collective vision to light. 
In October the most amazing thing was going to Sweden with Gracefool Collective.
All my preconceptions were destroyed. And I learned some amazing things about the culture in Sweden. I had some fears which yes connected to race and culture and all those things of experiencing the otherness society projects on each and everyone one of us at times but more drastically on the marginalised or minority fractions pf society.  Due to our identity we get identified with. 
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Identity can be a trip. Just decided to write this randomly. Its funny identity because in reality true deep reality all of us don’t actually exist as separate entities we are actually the universal god consciousness manifested causing and absolute riff raff on a piece of our selves manifested as a planet called Earth. Mind boggling because to reach higher heights of realisation you have to strip back this identity you are born into and taught to accept. You have to challenge everything you think you know to find the truth. Then return to that self with the most integrity and accept that body and life you have chosen to create then create it however you really want it. That my friend is the mission. 
bACK TO SWEDEN.............................
The people in the part of Sweden I was staying were really nice and had absolutely no animosity in their actions towards me. I felt so cared for and carried in the whole time I was there. I was going through my own stuff at the time which I have called the Surfacing Of My Deep Sadness. I felt like I was grieving something which I was actually. I was having such potent dreams of my fears and of journeys and ambitious I wish to take. It was the company i was with though that had me feel as if its all good to feel my sadness and let it be whatever it is. The GFC gave me space to go on my walk where I literally sat and cried by a lake. 
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This whole thing was deepened by some self analysis. Reflecting back it was definitely my pains and tribulations leaving my body in some way. I had a tough couple of years since graduating from NSCD and its been a proper test in myself to even continue living in England. But then the same place where I feel the uncertainty of my life is the same place I get my reassurance. My grandmother rest her soul was super inspiring she use to tell us to do what we love in life don’t have regrets just go out there and learn keep learning and growing. Her death marked the beginning of some new doubts in my story but also new depths to the determination that makes me do what I do. 
Much Love Ms Tets xxxx
On wards im not finished with Sweden. 
So we danced in a church at an event to celebrate Sweden’s diversity as they just let in some human beings from war torn places. So the community decided to band together and have a celebration in the church inviting refugees of all sorts of races and religious followings to usher in celebrating the fact we are all different but the same. 
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A glorious church opened in 1885. It was epic as we danced to Carmina Burana.
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We had the pleasure of being accompanied by a huge choir and a huge orchestra. We had mini us (children dancers) who supported some of our movements. At times it was as if we were accompanying the music not it us which is only natural in such a grand production. Big up Gracefool Collective for calling me up to take part in this project. 
We hung out with the choir’s younger people who were in our age range. We danced sang and simply acted like crazy kids. I did some research and learned about the boarding school these young peeps attend. It is simply heaven, being in the choir is a must along with learning to build boats, houses and other wood crafts next to learning an instrument or a form of music technology. Best bit is you basically come and go doing courses as you can in certain period of time. from 6 months to a year to 2 years and you can take a break between and come back. I met students who were 30+ in the same class with people 18+. 
I feel people would benefit from being in a class where age isn’t a variable to the power dynamic of student and teacher. That’s just me. I honestly feel it should be expert and students. Teachers sometimes are rubbish if they are not experts. i say this because the most effective teaching ive had in my 26 years (my birthday was on the 24th of December) was my dance training years. From Park Lane College with Briony Marston to Dance Studio Leeds with Pauline Mayers to NSCD where I was spoilt actually with a platter of teachers who are all experts at their craft. 
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Anyways back to Sweden. GFC lived together in a house we were given by the church. This project was paid by the way and was probably the best paid project ive been on in a while. Everyday we ate together and it was another person’s duty to cook the food. Swedish money made you think everything was expensive when really it wasn’t that bad. We had per diems which helped support our group food shopping which we almost did everyday. Eating together was brilliant it was so good to return to each other and do the circle of merit. This is something the GFC practice where you sit in a circle (at that moment I fell in love with it because I love circles) and you say something you cherish from the person on the left’s work today. It was so healing and was perfect as it just kept us respecting and feeding each other positive energy. 
We even had a vehicle which I named the Gracemobile. Check it out
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Thats a serious vehicle.
Next is Nameda!!!!!!!!!  November
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If you don’t know what Nameda is then check my past post. We are a family designing something to help the rest of our family. tHE HUMANS. 
Last we were together was in Berlin. This time everyone came to London (ive moved to London ahhhh). This was awesome, seriously wicked tings. The movement team which is the team im a part of had to facilitate 8 individuals travelling the mad city and enjoying their time here. It got crazy to be brief as we were really provoking what the hell we are designing. It was useful as lessons were learned which is always something good. 
We came to this:
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Every training we do we need to ask the question. How can this practice support self development? Once you identify the questions to ask next the investigation for the answer will take place. It seems so obvious but when you’re in a room with 11 other people dancing and learning, yogaing and sweating, presenting and challenging. You tend to not realise all the growth that is taking place because of being in that space. To create a space where the growth can be looked at to find where those growing pains are coming from is super necessary especially as we want to design something that works but isn’t uniformed as everyone is different so everyone are at different places in their personal development. 
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There is Saara overseeing our participants of our last Movement Elements in November. It is such a challenge to say hey im going to facilitate other people physically and spiritually driving themselves to find more depths to their being. Such a task we have taken on or it has taken us. These sessions invite people who want to move but have never danced or done yoga or anything they want to make the world a better place and learn about spirit but they don’t know where to turn. So we come to hold these sessions simply to share whatever we have experienced in our curiosity with movement/voice/prayer/community. We love doing these sessions. Personally I asked the universe if I could do more to help people because when im performing I don’t know if it does much a part from really entertain people unless its a specific piece of work like Windows Of Displacement where I am analysing a very sticky situation humanity has got its self in. But then again telling a child they just spilled the milk and they should try being more careful with the milk might not actually stop the child from spilling the milk again you get me??? Anyways thats why workshop spaces are really fun, i get to truly connect to people and understand them. 
November seemed like it was all about new spaces and stepping into who you are by being in new spaces. So I have moved to London which happened in November. New spaces new beginnings. Straight away I got a job working with Theatre Rites and 20 Stories High on a new production. We did a weeks R an D and it was super fun. Have no pics from that though because I don’t. 
So here’s a pic with some of the participants of our Healing Justice sessions. These sessions are around movement but its more specifically on healing the wounds society has forged on us from the self deprivation we all suffer from at times. Mostly women come to these sessions because well from my reality I have experienced it seems women are the most attacked in society. This makes sense because the earth is a woman and she is being treated like shit so naturally the society will treat the human manifestation of the Goddess Empress the same. Its the fragmentation of perception of our reality. The sea is our deep unknown subconscious and so is space. 
We market the session to the most marginalised people in society and so it can be tricky to get a full house. The sessions are free by the way as Healing Justice has charity status. This session was on water so yh the movement journey was pure healing vibes. good times with good people makes for a good reason to keep going living and spreading love.
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December made me excited and tired so me and Saara said okay lets find a week and go to Morocco. If anyone knows me they know ive wanted to go to Morocco since like forever cause I was an Arabic/African/Nomadic/Sufi in a past life or in some past lives. Im serious!!!!
So we went and it was magical to say the least. I was swarmed by people trying to sell me weed or hash everywhere I went. I was called Bob Marley so much that I thought someone traveled back in time and made me the legend himself. Low and behold that to only be a mere imagination. We stayed in some beautiful places and some not so beautiful. 
We hunted GNAWA music which is a spiritual and resilient musical culture. This as the people of morocco call it is the African man’s plea from the first slavery which took place in North Africa. We ended up finding a Master of this music and I sat with him and played the cojan as he tapped out some riddims with a lighter, yes a lighter. The other musicians and myself had to follow his direction it was really funny. 
oKay
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I think that is pretty much everything. I am 26 now another year as past. We are all older hopefully wiser. for New Years me and my beloved did some personal things. We have had a touch year personally and professionally and all we are praying for is to grow grow grow and to be in charge of our work and make steps as gigantic as the moons trajectory around the earth. 
I am going in to be a student this year building up my singing practice and movement teacher practice with two trainings. One in singing and the other in Yoga like Water. The universe kind of sent them to me rather than me going to them. I am serious they kind of just happened from me being in the right places at the right times. Breath taking and forever giving is the universe. Cherish it we must and give thanks. 
SAHAAAA!!!!!!
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comicteaparty · 7 years ago
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May 3rd, 2018 CTP Archive
The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on May 3rd, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on Suriska by Claire Burn.
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Featured Comment:
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Chat:
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
COMIC TEA PARTY START!
Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning~! Today we are discussing Suriska by Claire Burn~! (http://suriskacomic.com/) For those new or in need of a reminder, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer, and you can pay them no mind if you wish. If you miss out on any though, they’ll be pinned for the duration of the chat once they’re posted~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comics that the community makes~! As a bonus, each chat a top comment will be picked and featured in the archives and on an ad for CTP! All that being said, let’s get started and have a great discussion!
QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?
🌟Draco Plato🌟
I really liked Freyja checking the stove multiple times, I laughed out loud since it's something I've always done when leaving the house.
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
yes that was a moment i connected with too. not that ive really checked the stove but ive had to deal with other similar issues of checking things a dozen times. im glad for the timing of that too cause it really helped explained why corin going missing got to her so much
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Hello there! I’ll be there in a bit, currently AFK for the time being!
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
kay~!
🌟Draco Plato🌟
I've really enjoyed learning more about Freya as a character too, I feel like there's a lot of depth beneath her that we're just starting to uncover
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
yeah. there are a lot of interesting elements to her character. mostly because i hmm why shes in the town. like corin is understandable because corin's anxiety is a bit more debilitating. whereas freya seems completely functional and yet somehow stuck
i think my favorite scene is less a scene is the one where freya busts into johann's place and just doesnt say anything. shows him the picture and hes like "well shit ive been found out."
🌟Draco Plato🌟
OH! I liked that too, it also added more layers to the story. And yeah, overall I find Corin a simpler character since it's pretty clear why he is the way he is and his debilitating anxiety, etc
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
another scene i like for its effect on the story itself is the story about the origin of the snow. i really liked that it gave the town a sort of history, even if it might be a fictional and fantastical one XD
🌟Draco Plato🌟
Yeah I did think that was really good for expanding the lore of the story~!
wishjacked
I have a really strong love/hate relationship with the scene where the old man at the train station recognizes Corin and asks about his parents. It's really funny in the most painful way imaginable
And I like Freya a lot!! I'm interested to see where her character goes-- I think there are a lot of hints that she's not as functional as she appears at first, and I'm interested to see where that goes haha
🌟Draco Plato🌟
Oh same!!
Omg that scene at the train station, that old man was ridiculously awful in his questions, from bad to worse
felt so bad for Corin
wishjacked
Like the oven thing was funny, but weirdly drawn out compared to a lot of other jokes, and she also has that scene in the bathroom where she has this weird, disjointed cause-and-effect logic that because she left the soap out, it caused something totally unrelated and bad to happen. I've wondered if those things have some deeper meaning to her character or world lol
Me too, I was dyyyyiiiiiing for that whole scene
🌟Draco Plato🌟
same, same, I feel like there's something to delve into there behind her little ticks
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
that is true. the stove thing i get, but the soap out did throw me for a loop. so its a good point that her problems may go a bit deeper. albeit shes at least not so tormented shes staying home all day. i imagine it takes her like an hour to actually leave her house though
that old man scene though, man, i erased that from my memory
it just made me so uncomfortable
like old man where is your human decency O_O
🌟Draco Plato🌟
yeeeeah, like geezus 0 sympathy for the poor kid
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
yeah. i mean youd think corin just told him the weather was not so great, not that his parents died tragically O_O
🌟Draco Plato🌟
altho there was a part of me that thought as a writing choice that was low hanging fruit for showing his anxiety heightened and why he has it and I thought that maybe it could have been added in more strategically than so forced
but that was more my thought on a writing analysis viewpoint
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
tbf i actually wondered if that was the true dialogue and if we were getting an unreliable narrator effect going. like the old man was actually being nicer but corin's anxiety translated the words to something else.
http://suriskacomic.com/62.html
especially after that scene it makes me feel that inclination stronger
wishjacked
oh, that's a very interesting thought!!
🌟Draco Plato🌟
I did wonder that too Rebel!
wishjacked
Honestly I took the scene at face value bc I straight up am that old man. and thaaaaaaaaaaaat's why I have no friends XD
🌟Draco Plato🌟
LOL!!!
wishjacked
there tends to be a really strong "unreliable narrator" feeling in general-- beyond Corin's anxiety rewriting speech bubbles, Freya's narration is just snarky enough that I'm not quite sure exactly how biased she is in her representation of her town and etc
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
hmm im not sure i got that representation from freya. her items i took more at face value. that being said, i do think shes suffers from a sort of complex in how she sees herself? like she got super pissed about johann not trusting her and thinking she couldnt handle the secret and what not, and something about it struck me as kind of odd. tho i couldnt put a finger on what
🌟Draco Plato🌟
I was surprised how agreeable she was to covering up for an affair
and how nonchalant she was about it, since that's a rather big deal
it made me wonder where she lies on a morality line
which i thought was intriguing
cause my first assumption is she'd be very anti it so it went against my expectations which i like
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
that is also true. not to mention its a very risky secret to keep. the about page says this towns population is 150. and small towns of that size generally make it hard to keep secrets of that level
🌟Draco Plato🌟
right! So I'm interested where that story route will go
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
QUESTION 2. Throughout the comic we see the portrayal of mental illnesses, from Corin’s anxiety to Freya’s OCD tendencies. Was there any aspect of their portrayal you particularly connected with? Why? Do you think Corin and Freya will be able to learn to cope with their illnesses better? If so, what do you think has to happen for them to be able to get a better handle on life? Particularly in the case of Corin, what do you foresee as potential conflicts he’ll have to face in regards to his anxiety, and do you think he’ll triumph over them?
as for the first question
once again http://suriskacomic.com/62.html
that page
ive been there. where no matter what people are actually telling you all you hear is how worthless you are. not fun times. and i thought that was really a lovely way to illustrate it. the sudden change in color schemes really sets the mood. and the messy handwriting for corin's added thoughts really i think emphasis the volitile nature of them
🌟Draco Plato🌟
yeah I felt that was relatable as well(edited)
to a much smaller degree than what Corin has though, but I've been there with crippling anxiety before
My hope is that by the end of the story he'll have learned to cope with it but I could see the creator not taking that direction as well
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
itd be a shame if corin didnt learn better coping mechanisms though. :< like, what a horrid life to live with such anxiety. not to mention from the sounds of it corin moved there to change himself, so hes not gonna be changing himself if that happens. granted i dont expect him to ever be fully "cured" (for lack of a better word). just still, itd be nice if he could go outside or open the door without thinking about how people secretly all hate him or something.
🌟Draco Plato🌟
I do think he needs to change for it to be a compelling story arc for him
cause a lack of progression in his condition would just be overly sad especially with the background he came there to change
but if the change character is Freya and not Corin I could see the story not helping Corin in his condition
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
yeah thats true. and tbh im not sure corin is in the right place to change as far as his anxiety goes. im really torn about that. cause on the one hand being able to go to a remote location could be a good mental break. but on the otherhand it can also worsen the anxiety. however corin progresses.
im interested to see how corin handles being on a train
cause thats not really a place where you can actively avoid people in super close proximity
🌟Draco Plato🌟
I think there's also a small chance Corin could be the "antagonist" of the story
if he flips out to such a degree
that it hurts those around him
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
alrighty, I'm here at last
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
hi super~!
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Hi Rebel! Thanks again for doing the CTP
Before I jump in I want to say I like the winter aesthetics of this comic.
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
corin is kind of the antagonist. he did hide that letter. which is...like i get he doesnt want to go but he didnt need to deprive freya of the reunion. hes an adult so she technically cant tell him what to do.
yeah its really nice to see a winter setting, especially one where ppl are actively dressed for it
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
^
🌟Draco Plato🌟
yeah i like the winter aesthetic too, and yeah that really made me question Corin on the morality line, that he hid the letter from her just because he wasn't sure if he wanted to go or not. It made me feel he was super self absorbed and doesn't consider his actions and their affect on other people
also who was he mailing the letter to in the most recent page?
it had a sinister feel to it the way it was portrayed
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
considering he was looking at a magazine catalogue thing that had a thing that looked like a radio for 19.99, i assume he was mailing a letter that said "plz give me this product"
🌟Draco Plato🌟
oh! was that it, i didn't notice, I wonder why it was made to feel like such a big deal then panel and tone wise
I guess it could have been done that way because of him over hearing the conversation too
I just didn't think it was that relevant to him since he wouldn't have known the tickets were for him and Freya
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
well to be fair the next page may directly say "these are for the farthas so they can go to their reunion" and then corin may be all gasp
i kind of thought the tone was sinister too although i assumed that was an artistic choice to express corin's anxiety. cause when you arent a fan of people, going out where there are people is probably gonna be a sinister undertaking
🌟Draco Plato🌟
yeah, maybe the next page will piece it together better, that could change a lot. I think if his anxiety was the focus there'd have been more focus panel wise on his expressions and less on the letter and mail box
I was actually surprised it didn't focus on his anxiety more
since it seemed like him going there would be a big deal
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
thats true. on a side note and kind of off topic, i like the pattern on corin's hat. like i think its just a really nice detail.
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
>On Page 59 >Chills at around -20 Is that in F or C
🌟Draco Plato🌟
probably F since the creator is from the US
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Holy Christ
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
QUESTION 3. Suriska may be a small town, but plenty trouble seems to be afoot even so. Do you think Corin will ever hear the end of the whole town going out to look for him? Do you think Corin will be able to maintain employment, or will his employer eventually let him go? In regards to Freya who discovered Johann’s affair, do you think she’ll actually be able to keep the secret? If so, do you think she might take advantage of knowing it since she already got free train tickets out of it? Do you think there are any other shadowy things happening within the town? Regardless, do you think being in the town will help Freya or Corin change perspectives on their life? If so, how can this particular town help? Alternatively, do you think the town is actually making their individual ruts worse?
well it is a winter town. those temps are expected
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
A part of me feels sorry for Corin.
also yea
He just looks like the guy that goes through a lot
🌟Draco Plato🌟
I bet something spooky happens because it's a small town, small town stories generally like to focus on the spooky
someone will die or something supernatural will happen
O_O
also it seems like the witches will be proven to be real or something since it had such a long introduction of importance
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
twist: the winter story was true and corin is gonna run into a fox and corin will bring more winter
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
omg Page 68 tho
🌟Draco Plato🌟
yeah, omg yeah that's probably it rebel
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
and the stuff about an affair
🌟Draco Plato🌟
I feel like the fox/witch story had such a long focus was because it's going to become a big part of the story
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Now that you mention it, maybe(edited)
🌟Draco Plato🌟
also the guy in the story looked a bit like Corin
so i feel there's a connection there
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
mmm
I smell foreshadowing
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i actually got the opposite impression. i cannot see the fox/witch story becoming part of this story in its current course. cause that was the only moment where anything remotely supernatural was even mentioned. and since the rest of this comic is so ingrained in real life issues, it would just be too out of the blue to me to bring it up again
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
what if that was only part of the story
and there's a continuation
of sorts later on(edited)
🌟Draco Plato🌟
I do think the supernatural turn would actually be unwelcomed since that's very common and I prefer it being rooted in reality for what it has been so far. Buuuut small town stories, they love to go into the supernatural and that was a long focus on the fox story
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
still would doubt that. cause again, its delving into the supernatural where 90% of the rest of the comic has nothing supernatural about it.
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Maybe the story could have some kind of greater meaning
🌟Draco Plato🌟
I've read a lot of comics before that have turned supernatural though in the middle
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
rather than just connecting Corin to it
🌟Draco Plato🌟
so it wouldn't be that strange
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
also yea
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i did think the focus was long, but it can come up in other ways. like maybe corin will use the story as an inspiration to go on a journey. thats more realistic
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
^
🌟Draco Plato🌟
yeah it definitely could be used in other ways
I'd rather see the story be an emotional journey for the characters without the use of a supernatural trope
but again I don't think it'd be uncommon for it to go there
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
I'll say I'm for the emotional journey part(edited)
🌟Draco Plato🌟
I mean Corin could also just flip out and start murdering people saying he is the fox or something
the story is pretty wide open atm
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
true. i mean maybe the supernatural will come up. i cant really even say this is the middle of the story cause who knows how long its going to be. for all i know were still technically in the beginning.
🌟Draco Plato🌟
Maybe Corin doesn't want to go on the train so he runs away into the woods and he meets the fox
and then he goes on a journey with the fox
and freya has to find him
and then he gets over his anxiety by realizing he still has freya left or something
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
yes that could be a possibility. the story couldve just been there to be there. add to that winter lore
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Maybe the fox could be Corin hallucinating or imagining it(edited)
and it speaks with him
🌟Draco Plato🌟
Fox could be the manifestation of his anxiety
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
^^^
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i do think the story is going to go the route where corin has to leave the town. imho i dont think the town is helping him at all atm. especially freya cause shes kind of an enabler of just letting him laze about the home. like....hes 21 and she treats him like hes a teen or younger. and i personally think those conditions make it hard for him to grow.
🌟Draco Plato🌟
yeah I agree, Freya is an enabler since she doesn't require him to do anything to help around the house or anything
so it breeds stagnation
He needs to make an emotional journey alone most likely
cause the demons are first and foremost inside himself
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
yes.
at the very least if he stays in town everyone will constantly remind him about how he ran away and the whole town searched
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Yea
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
cause man did that town look excited about it XD
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
I'm thinking he migrates to someplace a bit warmer
if I had anything to say
🌟Draco Plato🌟
yeah, omg Like geezus this town(edited)
he'd be lucky to go somewhere warmer, lolol
oh you asked about if he'd lose his job or not, I actually thought it was amazing he even had a job with his level anxiety. Was legit shocked by that XD(edited)
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
lol
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
im confused a bit by the geography of this town. in the sense is this town just experiencing winter atm or is it like eternal winter.
🌟Draco Plato🌟
same
I couldn't tell if the curse made it an all year thing or just seasonal
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
which is what i thought the point of the fox/witch story was more. to create something about the seasons
🌟Draco Plato🌟
yeah if there was a concrete answer regarding it i missed it
but it makes a huge difference
cause if there really is a curse and it's an all year thing than that already puts the supernatural in
if it's related to the curse that is, and not just hey we're winter all year cause of geography, etc
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
for some reason the town really reminds me of alaska
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Me too
I thought it would be someplace in Canada
🌟Draco Plato🌟
I was thinking more of sweden or switzerland
based on their haircuts and clothes
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
but Alaska was what came into my mind first
the clothes looked more Russian to me
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
was skimming the beginning for clues, theres a magical thumb that covers the location
so im gonna assume it doesnt matter
maybe its symbolic
suriska the town is a state of mind
🌟Draco Plato🌟
lolol
i'mma assume it's fictional until otherwise stated
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Yea(edited)
Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨
(It might be estonian, based on the fact that they mention Kalavinski which... is a giant rubber boot in estonian apparently)
🌟Draco Plato🌟
a wild Kabo appears
Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨
Only briefly!
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
eey Kabo! o/
also lol, is that really a thing?
🌟Draco Plato🌟
okay yeah that adds up with their clothes
Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨
But yeah, I was figuring northwest Europe somewhere. Originally I'd thought Nordic, but Estonia makes sense too.
erm, northeast.
🌟Draco Plato🌟
norway would make sense too cause of her name
Kabocha, Marquess of ✨Sparkle✨
............ directions, man, what are they even
Right?!
🌟Draco Plato🌟
like duuur why didn't i connect that even thought it earlier
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
My mind will forever think
some kind of cross between Alaska and Russia(edited)
🌟Draco Plato🌟
so the name Corin is Irish
that doesn't help
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
fartha is also an irish name?
well assume europe
thats good enough
🌟Draco Plato🌟
somewhere in europe, yus
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Yea Europe sounds good
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
in regards to corin's job, it does sound like its a pity job so his performance may not matter
🌟Draco Plato🌟
yeah i like when that was brought up cause it made it make more sense to me
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
tho i wonder if he's 1) getting paid and 2) contributing to household utilities and such
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
^
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
QUESTION 4. At the beginning of the comic, Freya forcefully declares that she and Corin will be going to a family reunion, whether Corin actually wants to go or not. Do you think Freya will actually get Corin to go, or will Corin magically vanish come time to leave? If Corin doesn’t go, will Freya go alone? If they do both manage to go, do you think the reunion will go well? What do you think in general will happen at the reunion? Speaking of which, what do you think the other members of the family will think of Corin? Do you think something at the reunion will make Corin have a new perspective on his parents’ death? If there is no reunion, how do you think this will affect Freya and Corin’s relationship with their family?
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Hmmm
I think Corin would make some excuse to go and just
🌟Draco Plato🌟
I bet we don't see the reunion, lolol
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
stay on the side
🌟Draco Plato🌟
and corin will run off and freya will have to find him
cause I think it's unlikely the story will shift away from the small town
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
idk i feel like the reunion is a potential future still. albeit i consider the liklihood of corin actually going to be slim
i could see freya just going "fine whatever stay here by yourself"
and then she goes to the reunion
🌟Draco Plato🌟
since the small town is mentioned so predominately in the about Is why i think they're going to stay there
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
unless his personality takes a full 180 by then
🌟Draco Plato🌟
cause the town is itself a character
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Is that so?
🌟Draco Plato🌟
"Suriska: population 150. It's neither Freya nor Corin's definition of paradise, but it is their home... if you could call it that. Apparently it's where you end up if you try to change your life for the better. What does it take to get out of this rut? It might take spite, it might take snowstorms, or it might just take a reevaluation of your morals."
ALTHOUGH
"A slice-of-life comic about trains, bad weather, and insecurities."
that's the tagline
which makes me think they'll get on the train and get in a bad snowstorm and get stranded, lolol
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Hmm
Why do i keep thinking Corin should just do photos of the snow and mountains for a living
with a camera
and store all the photos somewhare
like to give people a taste of what life looks like up north(edited)
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i dont forsee that working. it doesnt look like the town really has many electronics of any sort. like theyre still using landlines
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
also yea
you do have a point
🌟Draco Plato🌟
plus making a living as an artist isn't the easiest thing, lol
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
double-point taken
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
just cause they go to a reunion doesnt mean they cant come back. and you can still make the town predominant if the characters talk about it. like i imagine freya's family has lots to ask about it. so in that context it still makes the story part of it. but man, i bet you if freya did go to the reunion she would tell her sister with the foot thing all about johann's affair. make it even thinking nobody will ever meet
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
I wonder what time era this takes place in, or if the residents deliberately don't use much electricity in case the power goes out or something and it'd be hard to repair
🌟Draco Plato🌟
Personally I'd like them to go to the reunion, i think it'd be interesting,
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i assume its modern times but that their town is super remote. cause if you have a remote enough town you dont get a lot of stuff we consider common
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Yea
🌟Draco Plato🌟
that's what i assumed too
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
ya know
theres a way for the reunion to happen and them to not leave
freya's family comes to them instead
and everyone has to cram into freya's tiny house
🌟Draco Plato🌟
hahah that's true
altho trains being in the tagline makes me think that's going to be a huge thing
so one way or another they're getting on a train
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
yea
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
maybe. i mean the trains are already kind of a thing
cause it was part of corin's job
🌟Draco Plato🌟
yeah but then you'd say train stations
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
not necessarily? its a tagline. its supposed to entice not be 100% to the letter accurate
🌟Draco Plato🌟
yeah, I know
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i do think someone is getting on a train
cause now these tickets are a big deal too
🌟Draco Plato🌟
yeah that did increase the importance of the journey
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
I always liked when stories go on trains IMO
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i wonder what freya would even do if corin just stayed in bed when theyre supposed to leave and said "nope not going"
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
I'd be curious about that too
🌟Draco Plato🌟
I wondered that too, if she'd make him go forcibly, but there is a point I don't think she could physically make him go
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Yea
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i actually kind of hope freya goes and corin doesnt to a degree. cause i think him having to be alone and take care of himself might be good for him. or more id just be interested to see how he copes for a weekend. cause im slightly worried about his eating habits XD
🌟Draco Plato🌟
oh you know what
corin could stay and freya goes but the train gets in an accident due to the storm and he'd have to deal with the loss of freya too potentially
but freya doesn't die, just has to deal with being stranded
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
although ya know, being so far from home might be hard for freya. cause she cant exactly check the stove while shes hundreds of miles away
tho led my mind to comedic routes. imagining her trek across the snow for miles to get home. corin is like "omg youre okay" and first thing freya does is check the stove and sighs in relief
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Hmm
That would be cool for a scene or two
Also I wonder what kind of foods they eat
prolly all warm stuff
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
well corin had a muffin. i assume its normal stuff that they eat. tho i imagine they do stick away from cold stuff just for matters of practicality
on a side note
im really impressed corin dresses so lightly
cause corin does not have any heat insulating body fat going on really O_O;;;
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Yea
MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑
I made it home before 10pm. ^_^;; Just wanted to say, I didn't have much free time this week, and so I didn't get far into the narrative, but that's partly because after I read the bit at the start with the kid and the teacher I thought if I don't stop now and do some marking, I'll read too far and be even more behind at work.
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Oh hey Math! o/
Welcome to the final six minutes
MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑
Enjoyed the start though! Curious to see what others have to say about it.
Better late than never?
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Also yea the beginning was cute
especially with the kids
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
hey math~!
MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑
Apparently it goes to trains passing in the night.
🌟Draco Plato🌟
Hi Math~!
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i did like the part where freya gave the kid coffee and then tricked her completely away from wanting to grow up so soon
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
^^^
That part got me especially
🌟Draco Plato🌟
hahah i liked that too, but didn't think it'd work in real life XD
MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑
We teachers can be tricky.
🌟Draco Plato🌟
also took offense since i don't drink coffee, gosh
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
aside from loading the kid up in caffeine
I don't drink it either
MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑
I also don't drink coffee, wooo.
🌟Draco Plato🌟
i drank more coffee as a kid than an adult freya, gosh
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
I loved cappuchino growing up
MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑
Anyway, I'll let you get final thoughts out.
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
(I don't like warm drinks)
Great comic overall, hope to see it continue.
Everything about it was really pleasant to read
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
my last thoughts are that i really like the patterns on all the clothing. its that little bit of extra detail that adds some character to the setting and people existing within it
Superjusting of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
^^^
MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑
Nice.
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
COMIC TEA PARTY END!
Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party time is now up~! Thank you everyone so much for reading and joining this week’s chat~! We want to give a special thank you to Claire Burn, as well, for making Suriska and volunteering it for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Claire Burn’s efforts however you’re able to. All that being said, if you would like to continue discussing this week’s comic, we highly encourage you to do so~!
For next week, Comic Tea Party will focus on Linked by Kabocha. As always, please use the next several days to read as much of the comic as you would like. We hope to see you next Thursday on May 10th from 5PM to 7PM PDT for the chat~! Until then, happy reading~! Comic: http://linkedcomic.com/
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comicteaparty · 7 years ago
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September 28th, 2017 CTP Archive
The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on September 28th, 2017, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on Radio Silence by Vanessa Stefaniuk.
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RebelVampire
Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning. Today we are discussing Radio Silence by Vanessa Stefaniuk~! (http://www.radiosilencecomic.com/) For those new to CTP, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer so pay them no mind if you wish~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comics that the community makes~! Each chat a top comment will be picked and featured on an ad for this chat, so let’s have a great discussion~! With that said, let us begin with this first question~!
QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?
wishjacked
YAYYYY, the Radio Silence chat!! Full disclosure I didn't get the chance to read it this week, so I'm a little rusty on the early chapters, but it's been one of my favorites for a good while and I'm so excited to talk about it!!!
This comic has such a good sense of pacing-- it feels a little weird to say ALL the scenes are my favorite, but honestly the entire comic is fantastic scene after fantastic scene, so it's really hard to choose!!
RebelVampire
im glad you enjoy it. i personally find the pacing harder to get into. not that i think its bad or anything persay, cause its a really well-made comic. i find it really borderlines between being paced as if its a story and paced if its a documentary. so for me its a bit hard at times cause i cant decide what its trying to be. but thats one of the few critical things id have to say about it
MathTans
Hellooooo. Favourite scene is tricky, but I'm going to go with the one where Wren insists she's staying in the same room with the band, rather than going with Liz. Feels like it shows the group dynamic, while also hinting at Wren having some sort of relationship (even abandonment?) issues.
wishjacked
That makes sense!! Especially with the video narration of the prologue, I agree that the narrative framing does feel a liiiiil disjointed at times.
MathTans
One thing I'll say I'm impressed with is how, while some characters do seem to be a bit more central, there's time devoted to all of the band members. That's a balancing act that I don't think I'd be able to pull off.
wishjacked
And hello, MathTans!! That's a good favorite scene, I wouldn't have thought of that
RebelVampire
@math ah yeah that was a nice scene. it kind of resonated with me a bit cause ive been in wren's position of having mostly male friends. and sometimes you just want to hang with the bros and forget about the teensy tiny detail youre female
MathTans
I thought the prologue was clever, but I can see where you're coming from. Like, Shy was having issues dealing with graduating and the band... and then there's a bit of a time skip and they're celebrating the fact that he's finished. Which is fine, guess I just thought more might happen with that. I'm not sure what more, but it felt bigger somehow.
My mind works different sometimes. ^.^ That's cool, Rebel, seeing it from that perspective.
RebelVampire
yeah i do like how the prologue was. it may give me mixed feelings on how the story is paced and framed, but i thought it was an ingenius way to throw out exposition stuff about the band's history without it seeming weird(edited)
wishjacked
I really really love "how the team met" prologues so honestly whatever the narrative dissonance it might cause it is so worth it to me as a reader. I love all its little backstory hints, and I think it gives a lovely introduction to each of the characters!!
MathTans
Starting with Brent's hair being cut too is kind of clever, when they flash back his hair is longer again so you can tell when that's a thing. ^.^
wishjacked
And YEAH, REBEL, SAME HERE. if all my bros are hanging out I want to be included too!!!!!!!!
RebelVampire
one thing i also like about the prologue is you can get some quick sense of all the characters. for a lot of comics that start with a sizeable cast like that, you either usually gotta take a long time for intros or you get bombarded and have to work at it to keep all the characters straight. but i never really felt overwhelmed in this comic. like the prologue was just long enough for me to get a sense of each character and their role without it feeling it dragged. so when it starts jumping into the rest of the story, i felt like i had a good grasp on at least why each person was there. so even if i didnt remember a name at first, i could be like "oh yeah thats the bassist, and thats the etc."
MathTans
That's true. Seeing them in the order they appeared helped with that also, clever that Shy (the last one) was used as narrator as well. Something else that I found interesting... I don't really have a favourite. Like, with a band there's the tendency to say "that's my favourite member" but for me they all have their points, going both ways.
wishjacked
Yes, I agree!! I think it also really helps that the character designs and artist's style make it easy to visually differentiate between folks
MathTans
I probably relate closest to Shy, but then there's the piercings, and no. I get Wren's tendency to have difficulty letting go of the past, but she's also high energy, which is not me. Matt's cool in standing up for people and looking out for the group dynamic, but he's also doing that in a leadership role, and so forth. It's interesting. No real fave. All just well rounded.
RebelVampire
yeah i do like that, that every person in the comic is visually very distinct. like even all the guys have different hair styles which is a boon to me cause when it comes to male characters i tend to find its easy to make the hairstyles too similar and thus all the guys blend.
MathTans
Matt's beard took a few strips for me to get used to.
RebelVampire
i really like the contrast between shy being, well, shy yet being bold enough to get non standard piercings. like i really like this comic went out of its way to portray an introvert as something other than a dorky, shutin
MathTans
Good point, nice that they're not just trotting out stereotypes.
Wren seems bisexual. That's an interesting angle too.
It was done really clever, kind of in the background of the prologue with her and that female member of the Sirens. Then we have the more "traditional" m-f relationship being teased at, but that history was still there, able to come forwards without being out of left field.(edited)
In my opinion anyway.
RebelVampire
yeah. in the case of wren in particular i like how smartly her past is incorporated with how her character is portrayed. so even though she is who she is, theres small details like the insomnia that you can really tell are caused by stuff that happened in the past and shaped who she is today
QUESTION 2. While a lot of the focus is given to Shy, the other characters aren’t without their mysteries or pasts. Wren has hints of a life filled with abuse, Matt has a mysterious video call with someone, etc. Which character’s past are you most interested in uncovering? Do you think it’ll be uncovered or will it forever be a secret? Do you have theories on their pasts or how they’ll affect the story later on?
MathTans
I think Wren's is going to come out, probably sooner rather than later, what with her visualizing Sirens Girl (I suck at names) and it morphing into someone from her past (which was a neat effect). I'm of two minds about that, I'm interested, but I wonder how much it will change her character dynamic with the others for them to know about it, and I kind of like the dynamic how it is. I think they'll do a good job with it though.
RebelVampire
i do think wren's past is gonna come out to at least shy. idk if i think itll be soon though. i think shell continue to avoid it for a while longer.
MathTans
I think some of the Brent and Willow past stuff has been referenced, but might come more to the forefront later, now that she's around them more. Colbie seems to have family issues, including his mother passing, though I'll admit I'm less interested there - in part because I find myself shaking my head sometimes at his character (dude, pay attention to time, and it's not all about Wren-dating). Matt somehow makes things interesting no matter what he's doing.
Yeah, in particular because Shy's kind of oblivious. "Wren's crying? Oh, here, I just gotta take this call."
So I shake my head at more than Colbie. Like, don't get me wrong, it's great and makes them human, and it's probably good that it gets me invested. I've even shaken my head at Wren (the piercing). Just, oy, priorities Shy.
wishjacked
Ahaha, I was actually going to say I was most interested in Colbie!!
RebelVampire
the only time i felt myself truly shaking my head is when brent pulled the "im disappoint in you" thing with shy. cause i just felt for someone so close to shy, he still doesnt quite get what an introvert means when they talk about a relationship being draining.
MathTans
To each our own. I can see Colbie being set up for later plot, with the money chats too.
wishjacked
I felt like both Brent and Shy were understanding that conversation completely differently.
RebelVampire
yeah i have to say colbie is one of the characters im a bit more intrigued by cause hes the one who has the least past hints. like brent has willow, wren has these abusive things, shy has the sammy stuff. but colbie (and matt too to a degree), have slight hints but then its just left sitting as plot threads to focus on shy and/or wren
wishjacked
Yeah! I just like Colbie to be fair, he's a goof
MathTans
I can see that, Rebel. At the same time, it needs to be someone close to Shy who pushes him. But I wasn't really sure about Brent's shipping. (I'm still not. I think Colbie might have a thing for Wren, and the only reason he's not putting it out there is because of how they're in the band together. Which might be a problem if Wren and Shy do get together.)
Colbie needs to be more self aware, in my opinion. Whereas Shy's the reverse, he doesn't get other people too well.
RebelVampire
yeah the wren/shy shipping thing im not sure where its going. like wren did get sort of jealous about sammy, but why? does she like shy? does she just want shy to only be close to her as a friend cause she needs that? or is this gonna develop into some sort of toxic, co-dependent thing because of wren's past abuse where she clings to shy cause she feels hes safe
so many ways it could go
yeah i agree colbie's character flaw is hes not really that aware.
which i really liked that scene where him and matt were talking about money
and it just didnt click with colbie that ppl would feel indebted to him despite him saying "nah bro its cool"
MathTans
I'm not sure if it was jealousy? Like, Shy showed her a picture and said Sammy was somewhere that Wren knew she wasn't, so was it all, 'Is Shy playing me? Is Sammy playing Shy? Why am I even doing this to myself?' Like, I don't think she's in a good place where relationships are (boundaries need to be clear, though I don't think she's the type) but yeah, could go a few ways.
Truth. Money, much like politics, is the way to start arguments without trying.
RebelVampire
yeah. which in this case its sad cause its not even like colbie wants to be vindictive about it. just wants them to have some cool band stuff.
tbh of all the characters i want to know wtf is going on is matt
cause of that video call
cause he clearly has something secret
and i feel like its one thats gonna tear the band apart
like whoops surprise hes dying or something
MathTans
I thought maybe that was just another call to his relative in the US? Could be I'm misremembering.
RebelVampire
it could be. i was unsure what their relationship was
but either where there are secrets to be had cause she did ask him if hed said anything or something like that
MathTans
Gotcha. Guess I wasn't focussed closely on it. I mean, I have a suspicion that there will be some sort of falling out, after that which might be when Matt brings up some secret - though maybe that will help to pull them together?(edited)
RebelVampire
okay description says she's matt's cousin and apparently its a crossover with another comic of some sort?
http://www.radiosilencecomic.com/comic/104
ah yeah its the page after that
where she asks if matt told them and hes like "you crazy of course i ahvent"
RebelVampire
QUESTION 3. The comic puts a lot of emphasis on navigating relationships. Given that the main characters are in a band together, this puts extra pressure on them to have harmonious relationships while practically living on top of each other. Do you think the group will be able to maintain cordial relationships and succeed as a band? Will the band’s success affect their relationships positively or negatively? Are there other ways you think their work as a band will be affected by their relationships or changes in them?
MathTans
Riiiight. Now I follow.
RebelVampire
idk. i mean i could see the secret being nothing too. it was just the one mystery that gave me pause
MathTans
Heh, "harmonious" relationships. I see what you did there.
We all read different things into it, that's what makes it good!
I do feel like something's going to drive a wedge. Whether it's the characters' pasts, Shy-When-Colbie, or something external, I'm not sure, but something, and Matt will have his hands full as Brent is sad about it. But maybe they'll pull together after that?
RebelVampire
right now im considering that maybe ego gets to someone. cause even tho they all seem down to earth to a degree, a lot of bands break up cause someone gets too big of a head once their fame starts taking off.
or something could happen
like say for instance someone is like "we wanna sign matt for a record deal but just matt"
and matt is like no but the others are like no matt you should do it, its a great opportunity
cue all dem tensions
MathTans
Yeah, that's possible, if a bit cliche. Pretty sure Matt wouldn't go for it though.
Unless he's got that terminal disease or something. ^.^
Speaking of the band though - OMG. Actual written music in the comic during concerts? Audio tracks to listen to on the side? Thematic music as well? Daaaamn, that can't be easy. (Can it?) Like, whoa, talk about extra workload.
RebelVampire
nah i was honestly just mentally comparing radio silence to nana which is also about a band and as much as i love nana, it does not portray written music that well. even in the anime they kind of cheat it which is sad.
this comic went all out with the music
http://www.radiosilencecomic.com/cast
i appreciate that the cast page even has little playlists for each character
MathTans
Gotcha. Yeah, I'm not as well read in terms of other things out there. ^.^ But I do have a music minor so I have a sense of things. Also, yeah, noticed that on the cast page. Lots of extra thought there that I wouldn't have even considered. Much kudos.
I wonder if the characters came first, inspiring the writing of music, or if it was the other way around. Or some combination.
RebelVampire
id assume some combination.
hard to say tho
MathTans
Probable.
Like, there was even a guitar riff recording at one point.
RebelVampire
it really depends on how the development for the story played about. but usually its a symbiotic thing. so theyll usually tangle up where say the characters coming first influences the music which influences the characters which influences the music and so on
MathTans
Well, points for authenticity or whatnot.
Also, mouse rollovers. These things take time to think of, I know. ^.^
RebelVampire
yeah. it a really detailed comic. although i think the music aspects i think its good they took the time for that.
since thats pretty integral to the story
that the band part of it feels legit
MathTans
yis. Adds credibility too, towards knowing the genre you're writing in.
I wonder if anyone doing the writing/drawing were in a band, or know someone who is?
RebelVampire
ah according to the about page a family member composes the music for the comic
so they know someone who at least knows about music
MathTans
I think I rememer reading in the below-comic remarks that it was original music. Impressive.
Also, the languages! (I keep tangenting here, but...) I don't know from German or Scottish but it's cool that the characters speak it, and that it's translated in the below-comic remarks.
RebelVampire
yeah i like that they kept the theme of diff languages considering theyre in europe and closer to where ppl speak those languages
i took german in college so shy was kind of nostalgic to a degree when he spoke it
MathTans
More of that authenticity angle.
RebelVampire
i have to say i really liked that touch that the barista or w/e at the counter replied to shy in english instead of german. cause this is actually a discerning cultural phenomenon in germany atm where english is becoming super widely used in business instead of german
MathTans
Really? I didn't know that. I thought maybe the counter person was just used to speaking to tourists or something. Neat.
(I was in Germany years ago for a relative's wedding. I let my wife do all the talking and just smiled hopefully.)
RebelVampire
it might have just been a tourist thing. i cant say for sure the comic knew this culture thing. but even if it was unintentional i thought it was a nice touch. not to say for sure i know how widespread it is either. i just know from taking german that its a concern thats going on.
which to be fair its easy to mix the languages cause german and english both have the same germanic roots
MathTans
That's fair. Also, truth.
Maybe if they get Sammy to say something to show she's not German that'll cause her house of cards to fall.
RebelVampire
QUESTIONS 4. In the most recent events of the comic, Shy is rekindling a relationship with an old friend named Sammy. However, the rest of the band is clearly suspicious of Sammy’s intentions, which the comic shows is a well-founded suspicion. What do you think Sammy’s end game is by getting close to the band? Do you think Shy will eventually see the light? Or, is this going to be an issue that causes a rift in the band for a while?
MathTans
makes marks on his segue sheet
Seems like she wants to get close to Matt, for some reason, since he's the leader. Maybe she hopes to take his money or get free meals? Real tough to say. She doesn't seem the brightest bulb, but she can think on her feet, which makes her dangerous.(edited)
I think Shy will be forced to see the light, meaning confronting the fact that his childhood actually sucked because the one person he thought he could count on was horrible, and he'll withdraw, and that's what will force Wren's childhood issues into the light, and they might either bond over it, or it'll be a huge wrench between them. Possibly Brent gets them to heal each other.
RebelVampire
it could be sammy just thinks matt is hot and wants to date him. is just a matt fangirl in disguise. she definitely isnt the brightest bulb cause i think to anyone with eyes its clear what shes up to by flirting with matt. unless youre shy. then its just a friend being a friend
personally i dont think wren will be able to do much for shy cause i just dont think shes emotionally fit at the moment to handle it. but i dont think shy is gonna be that crushed and if anything, i think the rest of the band will remind him that theyre his friends now
his really cool friends
wishjacked
Ahaha, sorry, had to head out for a bit.
MathTans
I suppose that's possible, yes. And yeah, Wren wouldn't really make a good psychologist, I was thinking more in terms of levels. Like, it's bad for Shy, but bad in a different way (or worse?) for her.
Yay for friends. ^.^ wb, wj.
wishjacked
Sammy has been a very strange addition the the story, her intensions are still so... Vague?? Like it seems like she's lying about a lot of things that aren't necessary for any kind of plot... why would it matter that she lives in Germany, for example? Why would she need to specify that false detail? It's just... what? Sammy, whY?????????
MathTans
Because Sammy wants to be someone she's not.
Heh, maybe she's been playing some guitar? And wants to make music with Matt?
RebelVampire
yeah i have to admit if shes just trying to get close to the band, theres no reason to lie about being in germany
LOL omg
this is some elaborate plot so she can give them her demo tape XD
/crack theory
MathTans
Maybe not so crazy. She read up on all the members.
wishjacked
And I feel really bad for when Shy inevitably uncovers the truth about her, but it's a relief to me that the majority of the rest of the team easily sees through her act. I think that'll make it much easier for them to all bounce back-- you can already tell that a lot of the band is already protecting anyone from being more hurt by her than necessary.
I love that crack theory and I accept it
MathTans
Yeah, that's true. Matt definitely stands up for the others, he's good people. Awkward that it's happening the same time as Wren's issues.
RebelVampire
tbh tho i think that trait of matt's will create conflict. if not now, then later. cause while its nice he wants to protect his friends, he may be a bit overly aggressive about it. which for wren is okay, but for someone like shy i think thats gonna come off in a bad way
MathTans
I can see that.
Also, quick aside about Liz? What was the deal with her and that woman with the Sirens?
She may have things going on too.
RebelVampire
oh man, that moment really bugged me. wanted to slap that woman (i think here name was pandora?) so hard. cause the business person in me was like "this is so unprofessional what are you doing @_@"
yeah its pandora
MathTans
Yeah, like wtf. I wasn't sure, was she implying she and Liz were an item? Or was she being flirty just to prove a point somehow.
Like, to get even more under Liz's nerves.
RebelVampire
i got the feeling they were an item but just guessing. they clearly had a past relationship of sorts
wishjacked
I read it as a power play-- Liz seemed disgusted by Pandora, and Pandora seemed to both know and relish the effect she was having on her.
MathTans
Hm. I also wonder a bit about having Wren be bisexual and Liz be either lesbian or bisexual too. Though I suppose there's Willow. Maybe I'm just worried because there's lots of guys in the cast who seem straight.
Could've been a power thing too.
wishjacked
oh, I do know that the author has said Liz is aro/ace.
MathTans
Poor Liz though. Has to deal with all the bookings and venues, and then the interpersonal things on top of that.
RebelVampire
maybe they were business rivals in the past
MathTans
OH! Gotcha. That's interesting then, and different from Wren (I gather). Still wonder about it being the females who go against the norm, but aro is good for representation that you don't see a lot of.
Maybe. There's that past coming up again.
Also, I hate myself for saying "the norm". Like, I'm too into mainstream or something. Blah. Must be tired.
The tourism stuff coming up could be interesting. I won't know if Sammy's lying, I know so little about the area. ^_^
RebelVampire
to be honest i dont know how sammy being a bad tourist guide proves much XD if someone said "hey rebel, show me the landmarks around town" id be like "there are landmarks here?"
MathTans
Maybe she does too good a job, that's how they know. No person who lives here knows about that stuff.
Matt's cunning though, I like that. Also, his fondness for symmetry.
RebelVampire
theyre like "wow its like you read wikipedia"
MathTans
(Shy's asymmetry could bother me too. ^.^ )
RebelVampire
Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party is now complete~! Thank you everyone so much for joining this week’s chat~! That being said, if you would like to continue discussing the comic, we encourage you to do so~! We want to give a big thank you to Vanessa Stefaniuk, as well, for volunteering Radio Silence for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Vanessa Stefaniuk’s efforts. If you have questions, concerns, or suggestions about CTP, please feel free to PM me, or e-mail me at [email protected].
With that said, next week’s Comic Tea Party will focus on Galebound by Respheal. Please use this week to read as much of the comic as you would like. Hope to see you next Thursday (October 5th) from 5PM to 7PM PDT~! Until then~! Comic: http://www.galebound.com/
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