#every time i stand stand with my backpack like this i feel like a penguin

[scootyfrooty]

they're the same picture

[alpacaparkaseok]

If You’ll Have Me || KSJ

➣pairing: Jin x reader (established relationship)

➣premise: Kim Seokjin. The love of your life. Your boyfriend of three years. The man who insists on taking you to the zoo for every milestone in your lives together. There’s just one thing...you have no idea what you’re celebrating this time.

➣warnings/tags: fluff, SFW, we live for Jin in this household if you haven’t noticed

➣word count: 4.3k

➣commissioned by @delacyrose224 as a part of army for AAPI! thank you so much for requesting this, I loveddddd writing this little story. I’m so soft for this man. you always have the best ideas!!

“We look like idiots.”

“Yeah, well,” Jin shrugs, handing you yet another t-shirt to try on. “That can’t be helped.”

You gasp, snatching the shirt away from him and heading toward the fitting room. “Rude! I meant with all of these ridiculous clothes!”

Jin’s laughter follows you as you close the door and throw on what feels like the thirtieth gaudy t-shirt from the zoo’s souvenir shop. This one is vivid blue, which you suppose is an upgrade from the caution-cone orange Jin had you trying on a few minutes ago.

“Ok,” you call out, “ready?”

“Ready!”

Peeking out of the little room, you notice Jin sitting on the little sofa in the waiting area. He grins up at you, already wearing a matching shirt.

“Do you like it?” He asks, lips pouting out a bit as he waits for your answer.

Avoiding looking in the mirror for too long, you manage a feeble, “Yeah…it’s not as bad as the others, I guess.”

That’s all Jin needs to hear. With a clap of his hands he’s jumping up and herding you toward the front of the shop. You don’t miss the amused glances people are giving you and your boyfriend, who pauses to grab a couple of baseball caps.

“Let’s see…” he brushes some of your hair back before sliding the cap onto your head, stepping back to get the full effect. “Perfect. And, it’ll protect your scalp from the sun!”

Like a couple of walking mannequins, the two of you head up to pay for the clothes you’re now wearing. Jin has a backpack on hand for your other clothes, which you unceremoniously shove inside before zipping it shut.

The cashier offers you a wide smile as she assists with the transaction. You know what she’s thinking:do I pity or envy her?

Honestly, it’s a toss up. Of course, there’s the fact that Jin often makes you do ridiculous things (exhibit A, bright blue zoo t-shirts with roaring lions on the front and waddling penguins on the back), but then again, you don’t stop him.

Rather, you egg him on. There’s something just so adorable about the way he gets so excited for such simple things. And for today, it’s over a trip to the zoo.

Of course, you’re excited as well. Mainly to see the meerkats, which Jin will never let you live down. When you told him that the meerkats were your favorite animal, he stopped and stared at you for an unnervingly long amount of time. You had begun to wonder if you’d somehow upset him when he burst out laughing, claiming that he could see it.

“See what?” You seethed.

“The resemblance,” Jin choked out between laughter. “You’re basically a meerkat in human form!”

With a smack to his chest, you glared at him and said, “Yeah well…you’re a walrus! Yeah, a walrus!”

Needless to say, he was extremely offended and didn’t speak to you for hours. In fact, the only thing that had brought him out of his misery had been you dragging him to the souvenir shop and giving him permission to get whatever he wanted. That apparently included getting you some items as well.

“Ah, it’s such a nice day,” Jin remarks the second you step outside. His hand slips into your seamlessly, a testament to the countless times you’ve repeated the action. “Perfect day at the zoo.”

Indeed it is. The sun is shining, there’s a cool breeze licking at the nape of your neck, and there’s fewer people than you’d expected to be here on a day like today.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that it’s Tuesday morning. It would appear that most people – the sane ones, at least – are busy with work and other weekday obligations. Neither of you are, though. Jin has a rare day off and he’d had the day circled on the calendar for well over a month at this point. You had made sure a long time ago to have this day off.

“When’s the last time you went to the zoo?” You ask, glancing sidelong at your boyfriend.

Perhaps it’s his undeniable good looks or the fact that you hardly get to see each other due to your hectic schedules, but you can’t help the little sense of wonder that comes over you as your survey him in the morning sun. Somehow, you really have no idea how he does it, he manages to pull off the shirt and hat. Sure, he looks silly. But he owns the look.

It’s a wonder that he’s yours.

“Hmmm…” Jin ponders for a moment. “I think it was the last time we went together.”

You gasp. “That was like…three years ago! You seriously haven’t been since?”

Laughing at your shocked expression, Jin shakes his head. “Nope.”

Three years ago, close to the time when the two of you had first started dating, Jin wanted to take you out on a special date to celebrate the beginning of your relationship. Without telling you where you were going, you had assumed there would be a nice restaurant, maybe some sort of play or whatever else it is that fancy people do when they first begin to date.

Oh, how wrong you’d been.

Assuming that just because Jin was…well, rich, you couldn’t be more wrong about his taste in dates. When he had parked in the zoo lot and led you through the entrance, you had been waiting for the punchline.

There wasn’t any. No, he had simply wanted to spend the entire day with you. Walking around, having an “excuse to hold your hand” in Jin’s words, and somehow making you believe that crocodiles’ tails could change color when it danger. (don’t ask)

“I still think that it would be so cool to live up there,” you point to the houses in the distance, overlooking the zoo. There was a neighborhood of stately homes just a little way’s away which the two of you had snooped on after your date to the zoo all those years ago.

Jin chuckles quietly. “What if a tiger escapes and ends up in the yard?”

You shrug. “I guess it makes for a good excuse to always keep a steak in the fridge. I’ll lure it away with that.”

“Absolute genius,” your boyfriend hums, making you scrunch up your nose at his obvious sarcasm. “So, where should we begin?”

“At the beginning?”

Laughing jovially (honestly, the best thing about Jin is the fact that he thinks you’re funny), the two of you set down a little path which will take you to a butterfly exhibit.

“Agh, I forgot how hot it is in here,” you mutter the second you step inside. Plants of all different shapes and sizes loom over and around you, home to several different kinds of butterflies. A few stray butterflies flutter overhead, making you temporarily forget the humidity of the greenhouse.

Jin ooh’s and ah’s over the bright yellow butterfly that brushes past him. “Did you see that? It nearly landed on my nose!”

“Aw, it recognizes a Disney Princess when it sees one,” you coo, earning a half-hearted glare from Jin.

“I thought we discussed this,” he grumbles. “I’m Flynn Rider.”

“Right. My bad. Who am I again?”

A giant grin splitting his features, Jin wiggles his eyebrows at you. “Mother Gothel, obviously.” The slap to his right butt-cheek echoes through the greenhouse, quickly followed by his yowl of pain.

Pretending to wipe tears from his eyes, Jin limps after you as you continue through the greenhouse.

“You’re lucky nobody was in here to see that,” he says. “They could send you away for treating me so horribly. I mean, look! I bring you to the zoo, I buy you a nice shirt, I let you choose where we go first-”

Whirling around to face your boyfriend only to find a knowing smirk already on his face, you glare up at him. He knows that he won.

“Yah! What do you want?” You ask, exasperated. Limping forward, clearly milking this for all it’s worth, Jin pouts down at you with big, brown eyes.

“Just one kiss.”

You gasp, feigning horror. “A kiss?! In this sweaty, public greenhouse?!” You frantically point at the butterflies which are your only witnesses in here. “In front of the innocent butterflies?”

Jin looks at you and shudders. “Wow. I think it’s official.”

“What?”

“We spend way too much time together. You’re impersonating me right now, aren’t you?”

“Was it that obvious?”

“Yeah. But I still stand by my condition.” Finally taking one final step, Jin towers over you. With a playful wink, he puckers his lips.

“Ugh, I hate you sometimes.”

Jin peeks one eye open. “You just said you loved me earlier.”

“Is it too late to change my mind?”

“Sorry, no refunds.” Then, taking things into his own hands, Jin cups your cheeks and swoops in for a kiss.

On your nose.

Sputtering as he steps away, you glare at him. “What was that?!”

Turning on his heel and heading toward the exit, you notice that Jin’s over-exaggerated limp is long gone. With a devilish grin over his shoulder, Jin says, “You were taking too long. But you still owe me a kiss, whenever I ask for it. No matter where we are or what we’re doing, ok?”

You can recognize a trap when you see one. However, you’re left with no choice. Grumbling out a “yeah, whatever” you follow after him.

After the butterfly exhibit you make your way to the reptile house, opting to get all of the hot and humid indoor places out of the way while it’s still morning. The Gila monsters make you laugh as Jin takes a video of the tongue flipping in and out of its mouth and sends it to Hoseok. The two of you know full well that the boy in question will no doubt scream in horror as he watches the video.

Hand in hand, Jin finally swerves off the path toward one of the final indoor exhibits: Animals of the Savanna.

Once you’re inside, you pull and tug at Jin until he’s relenting and allowing you to find the meerkats. To onlookers, you’re sure you look like a child dragging their disgruntled parent to and fro. However, once you spot the meerkats, any thoughts of maintaining your dignity in front of these people eddies out of your mind.

“Jin! Jin! Seokjin!” You hop up and down on the balls of your feet, completely missing the tender look Jin sends your way as you drag him closer. “Look at them! Woooow there’s so many! Aww and there’s little babies, too!”

Jin just hums along, smiling as he watches your wide eyes. You get as close as humanly possible, grinning at the creatures that occasionally look your way. Through it all, he maintains some sort of contact. Giggling without knowing what you’re laughing about. Just laughing for the sake of it.

He just…loves the zoo. Yeah, that’s it.

It had been a silly idea, to bring you here three years ago to celebrate the beginning of your relationship. In fact, you had looked at him like he was already bordering on crazy when he had brought up the idea of doing something special now that you had agreed to be his girlfriend.

“Don’t people usually do something special for anniversaries?” You had asked. Your hair had been longer then, a tell-tale sign of your youth.

Jin shrugged, completely under your spell without your knowledge. He found it nearly impossible to look away from you at times like these. “We can do that, too. Next year. But for now, why don’t we just celebrate the beginning?”

“Sure,” you mimicked his shrug, snuggling into his side on the couch. Despite his unaffected demeanor, he wondered if you noticed the way his heart was pounding as you rested your head against his shoulder. “I’ll do whatever, as long as it’s with you.”

So, after discussing it with his best friends, he decided to take you to a beautiful dinner looking over the Han river. There was a new restaurant that was outrageously fancy and delicious, and he wanted to treat you to the best.

When he arrived at your apartment that evening, just in time to hopefully catch the sunset on the Han if all went according to plan, he overheard you talking on the phone. Your window was open, and like the snoop that he was, he waited to listen in on your conversation.

He wouldn’t have it he hadn’t heard your mentioning his name.

“I don’t know what we’re doing tonight,” you admitted. You were quiet for a moment while listening to the other side of the conversation. “You think so? I don’t know, I’ve never dated someone like this. You know, like…rich. What do rich people do on dates? I’m a little out of my element here, I just hope I won’t make a fool of myself.” Your laugh had him hurtling to reality, and he realized in an instant that he couldn’t take you to that restaurant.

A part of him knew in that moment that you were going to be the rest of his life. You were it for him. And if you want something to last, you treat it differently.

A perfectly forgettable meal surrounded by gossiping netizens wasn’t what you deserved.

So what did you deserve?

That had been the question on his mind as he tried to hide just how sweaty his palms were when he knocked on your door.

“Oh, I think he’s here. I – yeah, I’ll call you after. Ok, bye.”

Seokjin has always been good at pretending that he has a plan even when he has no idea what to do. Which is exactly what he did. You had been absolutely adorable, bouncing in your seat as he set off down the highway, begging him to give you a hint.

When he’d seen the exit for the zoo, he turned down that road without a second thought. You looked utterly confused when he pulled into the parking lot, and little did you know that he was just as confused as you were.

He just prayed that you wouldn’t think he was the dumbest person ever for letting those reservations slip through his fingers for the fanciest restaurant in Seoul. Perhaps a date to the zoo wasn’t the right idea, perhaps it wasn’t romantic at all, perhaps-

Perhaps you were happiest with his hand in yours and a meerkat a few feet away from you.

He’s so tempted to cash in that kiss right now, with how adorable you look. But he bites his tongue, reminding himself that he has to save it for later.

Once you’re loved of meerkats is sated enough for you to be herded away, Jin leads you to a street vendor. “Eat up,” he says as he passes the bread cone filled to the brim with macaroni and cheese to your outstretched hands. He’ll never understand your love for the little abominations, but he caves and orders one for himself as well.

“Don’t you want to sit and eat it?” He asks as he spies you wandering off. You twirl around, licking the cheese off of your lips. And stupid as it is, his heart skips a beat.

“They’re gonna feed the penguins in ten minutes!” You respond, clearly expecting that to be enough of an explanation. Again you turn to wander away. You’re not worried about leaving Jin behind, though. His long legs catch up to you within a few seconds.

The two of you eat in relative silence as you watch the penguins waddling around. Once you’re finished with your food, you spend a good hour sitting in the amphitheater watching the penguins and wondering which ones the two of you would be.

“I’m that one,” you point to a particularly fat penguin attempting to get out of the water. “That looks like me trying to get out of my chair whenever I eat.”

Jin nearly chokes on his water at your remark, squinting at the penguin that has yet to be successful in getting out of the water. “How pitiful. Oh, that’s me.”

Another penguin appears on the ice, looking down at the fat one.

“Oh, have you come to rescue me?” You ask, sitting forward and resting your chin on your hands. Jin immediately begins massaging the small of your back, knowing that it’s a troublesome spot for you most days.

“Probably- oooh down he goes!”

The two of you burst into a fit of laughter as the penguin pears down into the water only to lose its footing and slip in alongside the previously struggling penguin.

“Yeah, that’s us,” you confirm, still laughing.

“Definitely us. We’re a mess most days.”

You lean back, taking up your usual spot on the crook of his shoulder and resting your hand on the inside of Jin’s knee. “At least we have each other.”

You say it with a teasing tone, but Jin can’t help the way it goes straight to his heart. Sneakily planting a kiss atop your baseball cap, he squeezes you a little tighter. “Yeah, that’s true. Don’t know where I’d be without you.”

“Probably still on land,” you remark slyly, peeking up at him. With slightly pink cheeks and zero hesitation you utter out, “I love you.”

He’ll never get used to you.

“Love you, too.”

From there you head over to the polar bears, which appear to be largely unimpressed by your presence. Jin drags you to see the hyenas, sporting some strange interest in the creatures. It only makes sense to sit and stare at the large tigers after that, your mouth ajar as you marvel at its size.

Then it’s the elephants and rhinos.

“Ugh, it smells like your fridge that one time,” you joke the second to get a whiff of the rhino’s habitat.

“It does not!” Jin shouts, drawing the attention of some of the other visitors. “My fridge smelled much worse.”

You can’t help but cackle at his remark. “I stand corrected.”

Toward the end of your visit you pass by to visit the monkeys. “If you squeeze my hand any harder, it’ll fall off.”

You try and fail to relinquish your grip. “Sorry, they just freak me out.” As if on cue, a monkey swings by in front of the tall glass window, making you jump and squeal in terror.

“Should we leave?” Jin questions, hiding his laughter.

You bury your head in between his shoulder blades, squeezing your eyes shut. “No, just go fast.”

He does just that, speeding through the exhibit until he’s announcing that you’re nearing the end. Slowly you look up, blinking at the now dark sky.

“Have we been here all day?” You ask in wonder. Checking the time, Jin nods.

“Yep. It’s about time to head home.”

Languidly making your way back up the path to the zoo entrance and exit, you swing your hands back and forth. “That was so fun.”

Jin raises his brows. “Really? I thought you were a goner back there with the monkeys.”

Faking a shiver, you revel in the way Jin falls for it and automatically pulls you in closer. “I thought I was, too. But I just thought of the meerkats, and I made it through.”

Snorting, Jin waves goodbye to a few of the staff members the open the gate for the two of you to leave. “Is that so? It had nothing to do with your big, strong, boyfriend protecting you?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Oh really.”

“No. Why? Did you think we had something going on?”

Rolling his eyes, Jin bumps you with his hip, making you giggle. “If not, this has been the most dedicated friendship I’ve ever experienced.”

“Dude, you have six best friends-”

“Ok, first you say I’m not your boyfriend, and then you stoop so low as to refer to me as dude?!”

Your laugh rings out loud and clear in the evening air, followed by Jin’s stupefied laughter. “You’re so dramatic,” you accuse, reluctantly freeing yourself from his grip as you near the car.

“Hey, you don’t get to judge me. It’s not like you’re my girlfriend.” Still bickering back and forth, Jin starts driving and heads off to the right instead of the left.

“Woah, where are we going?” You ask, frowning out at the night.

Jin shrugs. “Let’s go snoop around those houses again.”

“The ones by the zoo?”

“Yeah.”

You’re all too happy to go along with it. Clutching your hand atop the console, Jin maneuvers his way to the small hill overlooking the zoo.

“Wow,” you breathe out. “I forgot how beautiful this view is.”

Indeed it is. The city lights glow and glint in the distance, creating a warm blanket of familiarity. The zoo lights are shutting off, only a few left on here and there. The sound of music from floats up toward you as you roll the window down, drinking it in.

“The residents always hear the closing songs each night,” Jin supplies, somehow reading your mind as you wonder about the music coming from the zoo. “It turns off by ten on weekdays and eleven on the weekends.”

“How’d you know that?”

“I have some friends that live up here.”

You turn to look at Jin, eyes wide. “You do? How come you never told me?”

“They just moved,” he explains with a forgotten smile. “You wanna see their house?”

“Yes!”

Jin turns down a different street, slowly stopping before a beautiful home with colonial style columns in the front. Sure enough, there’s a sign in the front of the house with a red sticker stating SOLD for all to see.

“Should we look around the lot?” Jin asks, turning off the car and taking off his seat. “It looks like they’re not home right now, but they said we could look around if we wanted.”

“You told them we were coming?”

He shrugs, hopping out of the car and hurrying around to open up your door. “I mentioned that we’d be in the area.”

“Who are these friends of yours, anyway?” You ask, stepping out of the car. The house quite literally takes your breath away, and you turn around to capture the full view. The city is still visible, the zoo and its music appearing more like a memory than a reality. “Wow, this is amazing.”

“Uh,” Jin scratches the back of his neck. “Their names should be on the sign right there.”

Frowning, you ignore his avoidance of the question and skirt around him to walk up to the edge of the lawn. Crouching down, your eyes scan the sign for any names you might recognize. There’s a small paper, almost like a receipt, hanging from the sign. Smoothing it out from where it’s flowing in the breeze, you squint at the names that appear.

Sold to Mr. Kim Seokjin and –

You know that name. You know that man.

And the name beside his…

“It’s our names…?” You breathe out, not quite understanding. Straightening up, you turn to face Jin with a confused expression. “Why does it-”

There’s Jin, but he’s not where you left him.

He’s down on one knee, looking up at you with the expression he gets when he holds his breath. Behind him the city gleams as bright as ever, however it somehow dims in the face of what you see before you.

Jin, opening up a small box. And inside the velvety interior, a ring shining as though it were made of stars.

Suddenly, it clicks. The date to the zoo, where you’d first officially began this relationship. The house with your name on it, the way Jin had this day circled on the calendar for longer than you care to remember.

Jin can’t breathe, and he can tell by the way your chest has stopped rising that you can’t, either.

“I- I’d like to cash in that kiss now,” Jin stutters out.

In a rush of limbs and a mixture of laughter and sobs, you find yourself kneeling across from Jin and kissing him hard enough to bruise his plump lips. You’d feel bad, except for the fact that he returns the kiss with just as much fervor. When the kiss begins to taste of salt, you pull away to discern of those are your tears or his.

It’s both, you realize as Jin gazes at you, completely oblivious to the tears streaming down his cheeks.

“O-oh!” He exclaims, staring down at the ring box in his shaking hands. “Will you marry me?”

Without a single ounce of hesitation, you laugh, voice thick with emotion. “Yes!”

That’s all it takes for Jin to pull you in close again, attacking you with kisses at a speed you can’t keep up with. He pulls back, panting and eyes alight with pure elation. “And do you want to live here with me, then?”

You choke on a laugh, still crying and on your knees. “Of course I do, Seokjin. You- you bought me a house.”

“Yeah,” he sniffles. “I did.”

Then, gasping with wide eyes, Jin snaps his fingers. “I almost forgot!” Jumping up to his feet, he runs back to the car. You watch after him, too in shock to stand at the moment. Your glinting rings on your hand catches your attention, making you wonder when exactly he put it on. No doubt it was sometime in the midst of his breathless kisses.

Jin returns a moment later, dropping to his knees again. Nevermind the fact that there are plenty of places to sit. He has a lanyard around his neck, and he places another around your own.

“What’s this?” You ask, grabbing the little card hanging off of the end. Once you catch sight of it, you begin to laugh (and somehow cry) even harder.

Season passes to the zoo.

masterlist

[gashinabts]

Ask Me Out (m)

Words: 5k

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader, Idiots to lovers

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Mature

Summary: You and Taehyung get in a fight because you were allegedly cheating, the only problem is, who are you dating and who are you cheating on.

Warnings: Teasing, spitting, oral (f/receiving), fingering, DomTae, slapping, jealously sex

A/N: Just a small one shot, hope you enjoy!! This is my work no reposting this and my other works on any other platforms.

Holding the letter tight to your chest you breathe out a heavy sigh before giving the letter to Eunha. Taehyung texted her that he will meet with her across the administration building, instead here you are standing in front of her, counting the seconds of when this interaction will end. She opens the letter and you cringe at every second she reads it, you look off at a distance to see if Taehyung could be watching this scene unfold. “ What the hell is this Y/N? Where’s Taehyung?,” she crumbles the letter and there’s irritation evident on her angelic face.

The one con of being Taehyung’s friend is that you have to break up with his girlfriends since he doesn’t like confrontation, to see them yell at him or worst cry in front of them.

In middle school Taehyung told you to break up with Soojin for him on Valentine's day, that was the first time you got bitch slapped by someone at school. Taehyung went to visit you at the nurse office with a red rose. “ Where did you get that?,” you asked him as you pressed the ice pack closer to your cheek. “ I stole it from Jungkook’s valentine’s gift,” he says, as he hands you the rose and sits next to you. His hands gently take off the ice pack inspecting your pink slap mark. “ Ouch. This will be the last time I let you do this for me,” he gives you a boxy smile. Another con of being his friend, Taehyung could be quite the liar.

“ Well as it says on the letter, he wants to break up with you…” you trail off taking a centimeter back. You don’t think she’ll do anything crazy, Eunha was nice when she was with Taehyung, however break ups can change a person.

Eunha takes a step closer and takes the lid of her ice coffee and throws it on your sweatshirt. The cup is empty and the ice cold coffee makes you flinch, “ I knew you guys were sleeping behind my back. Tell him, ‘ The next time he wants to break up with someone, he should be a man and tell them in person,’” she bumps her shoulder against you hard as she walks past you. You groan at her comment and walk towards the center of the campus where the water fountain is, there are students who briefly look at your coffee stain white sweatshirt. “ Well she got you good?,” Taehyung bites his lip and you glare at him. He stands tall right next to you, with his neutral tone baggy pants and sweatshirt.  “ Hey I’m sorry I didn’t know she’ll react that way. Take my sweater,” he pulls his already oversized sweater and hands it to you.

You pull off your soaked sweater, “ That’s what you always say Tae,” then you put on his ugly dark green sweater. “ When are you ever going to have the guts to ask the girls you like out and also break up with them?” There’s also another thing he has a problem with, he needs to have someone, you, to ask the girls he likes out. It’s always awkward for you to tell them that Taehyung, the guy that you have a slight crush on, likes them.

“ Y/N, I can’t do that! Just imagine if I ask someone out and they straight out reject me. I would be traumatized for my whole life,” he takes your dirty sweater and walks with you to the apartment.

“ Nope. I can’t possibly see that. You are attractive and funny so I don’t see how you’ll be rejected,” you smell yourself and groan at the scent of ice americano. “ Look, ask me out right now,” you joke around while laughing to yourself. The short laugh becomes a gasp when Taehyung pushes you against a wall with his arm caging you in. His face is close to yours, you could almost count all the long dark eyelashes. Time feels like it slows down because the wind started to lessen along with chirping sounds from the birds.

“ Y/N. Go out with me,” he looks at you dead in the eye, his black curls slightly cover them. Without thinking much you let out a small okay and he backs up giving you space.

His face returns back to his bubbly self smiling, “ Do you want to order fried chicken and beer or pizza?,” he asked you while adjusting the straps of his backpack. The question takes you back and you pinch yourself just to see if this is a dream or an alternative universel. “ Fried chicken and beer,” you tell him, walking alongside him. There is silence between you two as he orders the food on his phone, he gives you the phone so you can review the order, you smile as he orders an extra order of spicy chicken since you are the only one that likes it. “ Looks good,” you say while handing it back.

You and Taehyung are watching a movie while eating the fried chicken peacefully until Jungkook barges in the living room from the front door, “ BAHAHA...Y/N you’re like all over everyone's snapchat. I even saw this video on my fyp on tiktok. Look it almost has one million likes,” he hands his phone while sitting down on the couch. ‘It’s the cheating for me’ you groan as you read the description. “ What the hell? Did you at least comment and tell them that I wasn’t the other woman?,” you ask Jungkook, the video plays and Eunha throws the coffee at you and your face grimaces.

“Yeah but like my comment got lost through the thousands of comments that are there,” he grabs a beer from the table, “ just live through your fifteen minutes of fame,” he chugs the beer. “ Ohh spicy chicken, my favorite,” his hands grab your chicken eating it with gusto.

You toss the phone on the couch, “ Y/N-” you ignore Taehyung’s voice as you go to your room. You take solace in your warm comforter hugging your stuffed penguin and taking a nap. The feeling of Taehyung’s warm hands wakes you up, he’s spooning you, hugging you tightly against his chest. You are used to Taehyung's skin ship at home, he typically does this when he sees a scary movie and has nightmares so he crawls into your bed or when the apartment is too cold and he doesn’t want to spend money on the heater. “ Are you okay?,” he asked carefully.

“ Yeah, I just hate how people don’t know the real story but it’s whatever I have you to make me feel better,” you sigh as you hug your penguin tighter.

He laughs and grabs the stuffed animal, “ You still have this raggedy thing?”

“ I’m not gonna throw him away. It was a present,” you take it back in your arms. Yeah, it looks beaten down but it was something special you cherished.

“ Man, I still can’t believe you dated Jungkook in high school. Doesn’t it feel weird to have that since you guys are not dating?,” he hugs you closer to him, you feel his warm breath against your neck.

“ Nah, we are still good friends even if he is kind of an asshole,” one of your hands reaches back raking your fingers against his curls. He hums deeply, “ Are you jealous of Mr. Penguin?,” you teased him with the question.

“ Kind of,” he mutters and snuggles into your hair. That wasn’t the answer you were expecting but you ignore it going back to sleep.

---

You grab an ice coffee for Taehyung and add sugar but a light tap halts you, turning you see a girl holding a phone zooming onto your face, “ Is this you?,” she asked you, eyes peering for a reaction. It was that stupid video from tiktok.

You laugh lightly, “ No, that is my twin,” you lie eaisly, you ignore her calls as you continue walking. You wait outside Taehyung’s office since he is talking to one of his students. The student adorably bows multiple times and thanks him, as she exits his room. “ She’s cute,” you comment as you enter his office with his coffee. He has his glasses on, along with his usual comfy aesthetic, there are a bunch of papers on the desk, and he looks the part as professor but clearly isn’t because he is a TA.

“ You are cute,” his large hand holds your hand giving it a quick kiss, while grabbing the coffee with his other hand and starts to gulp it. Today you were far from cute, you had no makeup, and you feel bloated because you were on your period.  “ There’s an essay due about the elements of Gothic architecture and she was having a hard time about what to write,” he moves his hand as he talks, he finally sits down on his desk.

“ That sounds fun,” you sarcastically state. Sitting down on the chair you look on his desk and there’s a picture of you and him at the Louvre, it was two years ago that you guys spontaneously took a trip to Paris.

“ Sorry you aren’t a fan of art history,” he nudges you with his leg, “ Anyways let’s go to this new hotpot restaurant,” he gets up putting his laptop away along with his papers. “ Should we invite Jungkook?,” you asked while putting your seatbelt on in Taehyung's car.

“ No. It’s Y/N and Taehyung time,” he firmly states but his sparkly teeth show as he smiles.

---

“ You guys look closer than ever, which is weird because how can you guys possibly get closer,” Jungkook comments as you wash the dishes. It’s obvious that he is talking about Taehyung. Taehyung had been more clingy with you, almost every night sleeping in your bed and taking you to random restaurants without Jungkook.

“ What do you mean? We are always like that, you are just jealous that we don’t take you out anymore and pay for you,” you finish washing the last plate, you put the gloves away to dry. Jungkook crosses his arms which cause his biceps to bulge and you throw your head back with a laugh, “ Is that supposed to intimidate me?,” you lean against the counter.

He walks closer, “ Kinda, I’ve been working out,” he flexes it more. You roll your eyes and he stands right in front of you, “ So friends just invade other people’s personal space?,” his face comes closer to you, making eye contact with you. He’s provoking you and you just want to slap his smirk off his face. Jungkook lays his head against your neck, rubbing his nose against your neck, his body is against yours. “ This kind of reminds me of our first time, we did it in my parent’s kitchen when they weren’t home,” his hands gripped your waist.

You decided to play at his game, your hands reach his nape pulling his hair, “ But then you came the minute you put it in,” you whisper against his ear. You laugh as his face flush with embarrassment, you push him against his chest so he can give you space.

“ C’mon Y/N that wasn’t nice,” he groans, he tugs his situation in his grey sweatpants to not make it obvious that he has a boner. You stop laughing when you see Taehyung standing near the entrance of the kitchen, he has a blank face and goes to the fridge. Jungkook turned around looking at Taehyung as he quietly grabbed a coke, “ Hey Hyung, have you eaten? Y/N made dinner.”

Taehyung looks at Jungkook, “ I’m good,” he doesn’t even acknowledge you, walking away from the kitchen and you hear his door shut.

It’s quiet as you eat dinner alone and it is even quieter when you go to sleep by yourself. The bed feels more bigger and you might think it’s more comfortable but it’s not since you don’t have Taehyung hugging you like a pillow. The next morning you wake up late, Taehyung usually wakes you up and cooks you burnt toast with a shitload of jam but this time he’s already gone.

After class, you get his favorite coffee drink, and go to his office, there is another cute student talking to him. You peer through the window and see how happily he exchanges words with her. You wait until their session is done and she thanks him and he waves goodbye, you walk into his office. He looks at you but quickly reverts his gaze back at his laptop screen typing mindlessly. Placing the coffee on his desk, “ She’s cute,” you comment.

“ Yeah,” he says and continues typing, your heart lurches not expecting him to agree with you. There’s so much tension you feel like you are walking on eggshells.

“ Umm...are you okay?,” you ask timidly. You aren’t sure if he heard you since a minute goes by and he looks through his paper and then again types. There is sweat coming off your hands and wipe them down against your jeans,“ Taehyung?,” you speak just a decibel louder.

He closes his laptop, packing up his papers, throwing them harpazidly in his backpack, throwing the ice coffee that he hasn’t even got a sip of into the trash. “ I’m meeting with someone,” he brushes past you trying to exit his office. You grab his wrist before he can leave, “ Tae, are you mad at me?,” is the only question you can think of.

This is the first time he looks at you, it’s the first time he has ever shown anger at you, he yanks his hand back to himself and the feeling of the subtle warmth is gone from the palms of your hand. “ I just didn’t think you were the type of girl to cheat and try to fuck their ex in the kitchen,” he says seriously.

Cheating? Who were you cheating on? “ I wasn’t- Jungkook and I-,” you try to explain yourself but he wasn’t hearing any of it. He interrupts you, “ I don’t care anymore...I don’t want to see your face,” he jabs at you with a disgusted face one last time before leaving. There’s tears coming out and you quickly wipe them but they still stream down your cheeks. This is the first time in your friendship that you had a fight with Taehyung and it looks like it will be the last time you grab the tissue of his desk blowing your nose. The picture of you and Taehyung gleefully smiling in Paris is mocking you, you grab the picture and take it with you before he can also throw it away as easily as he did with the ice coffee.

You usually don’t like going to your parent’s house but this time you accept their invitation, planning to stay with them for a week, you already submitted all the assignments for classes and you could always look at the podcast lectures. There’s not much clothes you have to pack up since you hardly buy any new clothes and you usually borrow Taehyung's infinite amount of clothes, well used to. “ I’ll see you in a week,” you hug Jungkook goodbye.

“ Make sure you get some rest,” he walks you to the car, you nod and smile at him, waving him goodbye.

This is the last time you will ever visit your family, they make you do chores and take care of your nephews and nieces. It doesn’t even feel like you got any rest, you found a box under your bed and it’s filled with pictures of you and Taehyung, some of Jungkook but mostly of Taehyung. The more you shuffle through the pictures it gets harder to hold your tears. You have the urge to call him but you are afraid that he has you blocked.

---

It feels and sounds quiet in the apartment, Taehyung thinks to himself. Jungkook isn’t even making noise either which is odd since he is loud. He hasn’t seen you in three days, he was sure that he was going to eventually bump into around the house while you cook or get out of the shower but nothing, he hasn’t even seen light peek out of your door. He hears the door opening expecting it was you but it was Jungkook. Jungkook goes straight to the kitchen taking out a pan and vegetables out of the fridge, “ You want some Kimchi fried rice?,” Jungkook asks as he cuts some kimchi.

“ No,” Taehyung shakes his head and scrolls down on his instagram.

Jungkook sighs loudly, “ Wow this is going to suck. I have to start learning how to cook better since Y/N moved out.”

Taehyung drops his phone on the ground, “ What?,” he asked while walking towards the kitchen to where Jungkook is at.

Jungkook puts oil in the pan and adds onions, “ Yeah she moved out three days ago. She looked really sad, took everything she had and left.” Taehyung doesn’t believe him and enters her room, the bed looks empty, there are no comforters or pillows, he opens your drawers and is met with nothing, there are some skincare products on the table but those can easily be left behind. However there are pictures of you and Taehyung on the dresser, and he easily spots the one that he kept in his office. He walks back out and Jungkook looks like he is almost done cooking. “ You could be a real asshole Taehyung. Y/N would never do anything with me since she already whipped for you. The things you make her do and how she always does it because your Taehyung,” Jungkook says and finally turns off the stove.

“ What are talking about?,” Taehyung asked with hesitance.

“ Ask Y/N, why does she break up with people for you despite the many times she gets hurt from it. Ask her why does she spend so much money on your dumb ice americano? Ask her why she broke up with me in high school?,” Jungkook didn’t mean for the last question to come out but he’s tired of his two best friends being idiots. “ I’m going to eat in my room,” he leaves with a plate of Kimchi fried rice.

Taehyung sits in silence in his room thinking about your last conversation with him, and how he didn’t let you explain. How he yelled at you, how he threw his coffee, and how you looked like you wanted to cry. He hugged his pillow tightly desperately wishing that it was you and maybe if he thought hard enough you would appear.

---

“ Are you sure you don’t want to stay the whole week?,” your Mom asked while she helped you put your suitcase in your car. It’s the fourth day, six in the morning, and you don’t think you can last another day with her yelling at you to stop taking naps and to go grocery shopping with her.

Getting in your small car you sigh,“ Yeah, I have to go back. I forgot to turn something in for class,” you make up a lie.

“ What? Are you serious? Why didn’t you do that before when you came here, that’s very irresponsible-” Maybe on another day you can take her lecturing but not today.

“ Okay, bye Mom. Love you!,” you close your door waving at her as you leave the driveway.

It is expected for the apartment to be quiet since it’s early in the morning, you drag the suitcase quietly hoping that you won’t wake them up. Opening the door slowly, you are shocked to see a sleeping figure in your bed, your hand let’s go of the suitcase and you yelp trying to get it but it comes down crashing loudly on the wooden floor. Taehyung's head pops up from his small blanket, looking at you with wide eyes. “ I umm- I’m sorry. I’ll leave right now,” you pathetically try to excuse yourself. Taehyung said he didn’t want to see your face anymore so you hurry to pick up your things. Your shaky hands try to grab your suitcase but you are tackled into a hug, Taehyung’s arms engulf you trying to make you part of his body.

“ You came...I was scared that you were gone forever,” he whispers. “ I’m sorry for what I said. I was an asshole and didn’t let you speak. I hurt you in many ways that I never expected. Then Jungkook said you moved out…” he trailed off you couldn’t clearly hear him since his voice muffled in your hair.

“ Taehyung, let’s sit down and talk, okay?,” you asked him and brushed some of the strands of hair out of his face. He nods and sits down beside you and your bed, “ I wasn’t going to move out, I just went to visit my parents hoping that would relax me but it didn’t so I came back early,” you smile at him. “ Okay good,” he smiles back and scoots closer to you. “ Taehyung, I need to ask you something?,” you look away nervously.

“ Ask me,” he encourages and grabs your chin to look at you.

You swallow nervously, “ Are we together? I mean were we together? Since you said I cheated on you and I was kind of confused…” you trail off playing with your fingers.

He grabs your hands gently squeezing them “ Of course we were together. I mean we still are. Remember when you told me to ask you out?,” he asked, you nodded remembering it vividly, “ Well since that day we’ve been dating.” You didn’t think that was serious but it did make sense because of all the skinship he was doing and the places he would take out to eat. He did take you to the Han river and had a picnic during the night which you found oddly romantic but you didn’t think much into it.  “ Y/N, I’m sorry,”  he asked, kissing your hands.

“ It’s okay there was a misunderstanding. Next time, let’s talk before we act out on our emotions,” you tell him softly, before pecking him on his cheek. Turning quickly away so he won’t see you blushing in the morning sun.  “ Help me set up comforters,” you get up, grabbing the comforters off the floor. He helps you set it up while complaining about how he missed you while you were gone, crying in your bed until Jungkook told him to shut up. You place Mr. Penguin on the bed and lay down hugging it.

Taehyung turns your body easily around so you're facing him, “ I actually didn’t know we were dating, I thought we were joking around,” your hand caresses his sharp jawline.

“ Idiot. I would never joke around about dating you,” he scoffs and takes the hand you were caressing him with, bringing it to his lips, kissing it softly.  His lips move to your wrist, trailing up your forearm, arising goosebumps and leaving a giggly response from you, making him smile. Taehyung scoots closer to your neck so he can leave kisses there and you hug him closer when he kisses a particular spot that makes you squirm. The kisses trail upwards to your jaw, going closer to the area you wanted. He looks at you seeking permission and you pull him to feel your lips against his. It’s soft as you expected and you sigh happily at the feeling of his warmth. He pulls aways looking at you, “ That was nice,” he says as he moves over to hover you.

“ Yeah, it was,” you pull him down for another kiss, this time it’s more needier. Lips smacking at each other can be heard along with some heavy breathing. Your hands leave his tousled hair and go under his baggy sleeping shirt, feeling his naked back. You never thought you could feel Taehyung this way, but here are lightly trailing your fingers up and down his back. His mouth leaves yours kissing your neck and leaving marks here and there, he pulls the collar of your shirt down trying to get more access but gets frustrated. Laughing at him, you pull your shirt off, laying back down so he can kiss wherever he desires. His eyes sparkle at the sight of the swell of your breast, immediately leaving open mouth kisses that make you shudder with excitement. His large hands pull the cups of bra and his mouth envelopes your nipple, sucking while his other fondles with your other breast. Your pants are being louder and you can’t take anymore of the teasing. Your hands pull his hair as he lightly bites your nipple leaving you with pleasure and pain, “ Touch me Taehyung,” moaning at the end of the sentence.

“ Baby, I am touching you,” his lips leave your abused nipple and go to the other one giving it the same treatment. It looks like he enjoys you getting impatient since he is smiling at your frustration as you try to grind against him. “ No no no, touch me somewhere else,” you tell him shyly, you are never this coy with your partners but Taehyung just screams out dominance. His eyes darken and his mouth leave your nipple along with a string of salvia, his hand wipes his spit all over your chest. He sits up pulling off his shirt, his eyebrow arched, “ Where does my baby want to be touched?,” he asked, looking down on you. Your hand trails down to the button of your jeans, slightly tugging at it, refusing to tell him in words. His index finger tugs at the belt loop, “ You want me to touch your pussy?” Blushing at his words you nod, he takes off your jeans and looks at your panties, smirking at your evident arousal. He bends down and kisses above the hem of your panties before tugging them down your legs.

“ Please Tae,” you whine as he teasingly kisses the inside of your thighs, Taehyung finally listens to your words and eats you out like his favorite dessert, his hands holding your thighs up trying to taste more of you. Crying out in pleasure, as his tongue pays special attention to your clit and his two fingers slowly inched his way into your seeping hole. Afraid that you are making too much noise, you moan into your palm, his head lifts up and you whine at the loss of his tongue. “ Who told you you can cover your pretty mouth?,” Taehyung slaps your cunt, making you moan louder.  “ Sorry,” you meekly let out but you desperately want to be punished again. He chuckles at your apology, rubbing your cunt to soothe the pain, “ Do you want me to fuck this needy pussy?”

“ Yes, I want you so bad,” you drawl at your words, hips rising and riding his long fingers. His fingers withdraw from you, quickly taking off his sweats and boxers, as you finally discard your bra. “ Spit,” he commands, his hand is below your mouth. Following his command, his large hand wraps around his impressive dick and you can’t wait for it to stretch you. Reaching to your drawer, you give him a condom and he puts it on. Taehyung slowly enters you and you feel an immediate stretch, your nails scratch his back at the slight pain. He kisses you to relax you and smile at his encouraging words. Moaning at the slow thrusting, the pain is completely gone, wanting to feel him deeper you tell him to fuck you harder. His hips move at fast pace and you can feel him in your stomach, “ You’re so fucking tight, I’m gonna have to fuck you everyday,” he moans out. “ Gonna have to fuck you everywhere too, so Jungkook can no longer flirt with you,” he thrust deeper hitting that particular spot that makes your toes curl. Nodding deliriously you meet his thrust, eyes rolling back at the euphoric feeling of Taehyung fucking you good. Moaning his name louder, as he grabs your jaw forcing you to look at him, “ I’m the only one that makes you feel this good, right?,” he asked but he already knows the answer.

“ Only you, only Taehyung,” you scream out feeling his other hand rubbing your clit. “ No one else,” you confirm once more, pulling him down for a messy kiss. Your approach is coming, clenching around him harder, “ I’m gonna cum,” you claw his back more, “ Can I please cum?,” begging him.

Rubbing your clit faster, “ Yeah, fucking cum for me, scream out my name,” he gives your clit you couple smacks. Crying out his name you come loudly with your body shaking in pleasure. Taehyung's pace falters, groaning at your tight cunt swallowing him in, holding your body closer as he orgasms. Kissing you softly Taehyung pulls out, tossing the condom in the trash bin. “ How’s my baby?,” he asked while stroking your flush cheeks.

“ Good but kinda tired,” giving him a tired smile. “ Taehyung I like you so much,” you confess, holding his warm hand against your cheek. High school you would be so proud that you finally confessed to him.

Taehyung grabs your hand and kisses it, “ I like you so much more. I liked you since high school but I was afraid to tell you and then you started dating Jungkook. So I thought I can never be your type. But then you told me to ask you out, joke or not, I thought that was finally my chance to have you be my girl,” he softly speaks but there’s an underlying insecurity in voice. Your hands pull him close to your body causing him to squeal, his head is on top of your breast listening to your heartbeat, as one of your hands comb his hair.

“ I guess we are both idiots, I liked you since high school too. But here we are now in each other's arms, better late than never right?,” you sigh. His fingers trace shapes your stomach, “ Just gotta make up for the lost time,” he agrees and his hand trails down.

“ Yes but not now because I’m tired,” you grab his hand before it can go any further. He laughs and kisses your breast tenderly.

“ I’m just glad that Mr. Penguin got to see me fuck my girl,” he snuggles more into you with heavy eyelids.

You sleepy smile at his words, “ You are so weird.”

——————————————————————————

Do not repost, translate, or alternate my work in any way, onto any platform. I do not take plagiarism lightly.

[littlewinter1917]

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My blog is 18+ only. Minors DNI. 🔞 Don’t repost my work anywhere.

Series Masterlist

Words: 8.7k

Pairing: Steve Roger x Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Steve make the most out of the last days of summer and decide to visit the local zoo. But as fun and romantic as the activity is, you also have to face the fact that dating a well-known Super Soldier isn't always easy.

Warnings: It's pretty much just pure fluff, with the tiniest sparks of angst. Pet names (mostly Sweetheart & Angel) and some teasing. Maybe an undetected swearword or two.

If there are any warnings, that you think are missing, please don‘t hesitate to reach out and tell me, so I can add them accordingly.

A/N: This is my first time writing and sharing a story, so if you're reading this, I hope you enjoy!

“Sweetheart, are you ready yet?”

Steve calls out from the bedroom, hoping you’ll hear him while you’re getting ready a few doors down in the bathroom.

“Yes! I’m almost done!” you shout back, straightening your t-shirt and taking one last look in the mirror.

The excitement you feel is clearly written on your face, and you can’t help but let out a small squeal at the thought of all the animals you’ll be going to see and pet.

You are so caught up in your little daydream, that you don’t notice Steve’s approaching footsteps or the soft opening of the bathroom door.

With your mind still occupied, you turn around to leave the bathroom, only to be met with the sudden and unsuspected sight of Steve leaning casually against the door frame, smiling down at you lovingly.

“Good God, Steve!” you exclaim startled, clutching your hand to your chest, trying to calm down your now rapid heartbeat. Steve’s adoring gaze quickly turns into a more apologetic one, once he realizes that he accidentally scared you.

“Sorry Angel, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” he concedes, while gently pulling you closer and placing a soft kiss on your lips. “Hm,‘s not your fault.” you whisper against them whilst playing with the soft strands of hair at the back of his neck. Steve just hums at that, before tightening his arms around you and gently kissing your shoulder.

“So, you’re ready to go?” he murmurs against your skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake.

You only manage to nod in approval, not wanting to disturb the little moment of tenderness that engulfs the two of you. But once Steve starts to draw soft patterns on your back, you can’t help but let out a small sigh of content, snuggling closer to his chest and basking in the feeling of his gentle embrace.

The moment is short-lived though, as Steve decides to break the otherwise comfortable silence. “We should get going soon,” he mumbles, voice low, as he gently untangles himself from you.

Even though you try not to, you let out a soft whine, voicing your displeasure at the loss of his touch, making Steve coo.

“You can get all the cuddles you want Sweetheart, when we’re back from our little trip.” A small huff escapes your lips before you demonstratively hold out your pinky finger to him.

The sight of your stubborn determination makes Steve laugh, and the warmth of its sound fills both the room and your heart, making you smile.

“I pinky promise that you can get all the cuddles you want, Sweetheart.” Steve adoringly whispers, intertwining your little fingers, before pulling you into him again, gently kissing your forehead.

Your hands instinctively grab and hold on to him, trying to get him closer, and your honest display of affection and longing for him makes his heart flutter.

“Oh, Sweetheart,” he coos, “I thought you were excited about going to the zoo, hm?”

Oh god, the zoo!

You almost forgot about that completely, and by your wide-eyed reaction, Steve can clearly tell.

“So, you want to keep the penguins waiting, or… ?” he teases, and you playfully slap his side before reluctantly letting go and trying to move past him.

“You know, if you’d rather stay in today and have the zoo-date another time, we can always reschedule.” He says, his eyes searching yours, trying to communicate the same reassurance that his voice transports.

“No.” you chirp. The excitement from earlier is already back in your eyes, and you shake your head to emphasize your stand. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to keep the penguins waiting.” you add.

“Alright, then let’s get our things and get going. There is only so little time, and so many animals to see.”

“And plants!” you add enthusiastically, being almost equally excited about the small botanical garden that’s incorporated in the more tropical segment of the zoo.

“And the plants.” Steve agrees, while following you down the hallway, smiling.

🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋

While you were getting ready earlier, Steve had packed everything you two could possibly need into a big, sturdy backpack.

“I think we have everything.” Steve mumbles, more to himself than to you, while briefly going through its content again. “We have some sunscreen, sunglasses, water bottles and those sandwiches you helped me make, some snacks and fruits, money for the tickets, keys …”

He trails off, looking over the room once more, trying to think of anything he might have forgotten.

When he spots his baseball cap near the entrance, he speaks up again.

“Sweetheart, do you want to take a hat with you? The weather is supposed to get even hotter, and I don’t want you to get a heatstroke or something.”

“I think I’ll be fine, Stevie.” your voice is a little bit mumbled, since you’re currently kneeling on the ground, preoccupied with trying to tie up your sneakers.

“Alright! Well, I’ll be wearing mine, at least at the beginning …”

Steve doesn’t finish his sentence; he doesn’t need to – you already know what he is trying to say.

He’ll be wearing the cap not as a prevention for a possible heatstroke, but for the simple sake of at least some sense of anonymity, trying to lessen the chances of him being recognized.

It’s not like Steve hates the attention he often gets from the public. There are times when he is more than happy to stop for a quick photo or a handshake, but when he is out and about with you by his side, he does desire a certain sense of privacy, and so do you.

When you two first started dating, that was the hardest thing to get used to, and truth be told, you still struggle with it.

Obviously, you’d been aware of Steve’s public persona as Captain America, and the responsibility that the title entailed, long before you even started dating, but the visibility and public scrutiny that came with his occupation, was rather new to you.

Especially once the word got out, that the two of you were dating. Suddenly parts of the public interest that were initially focused on him also shifted on to you.

You used to joke, that if you’d get a dollar every time Steve and you get approached by people in public, you’d easily be able to compete with Tony’s net worth. And while you were obliviously exaggerating and making fun of the situation, Steve could also tell that it was taking somewhat of a toll on you.

To be fair, it wasn’t like you hated those encounters across the board. There were, and still are, a lot of times where Steve’s interactions with the public are nice to watch and take part of.

The number of times, for example, that random children would approach him, starstruck and starry-eyed, are as countless as they are endearing, which is to say, very - and, subsequently, many.

It always makes your heart gleam with a mixture of pride and joy when you get to witness those interactions.

You’re not quite sure if it is because Steve is naturally good with kids, or kids are naturally good with Steve, but each encounter is filled with a warmth and a gentleness, that makes your heart both melt and pop.

And so, you tend to stand there with your heart in a puddle, while Steve talks and engages with the children in such a carefree yet gentle way.

But there are also some encounters, that don’t spark as much joy.

Or none at all, if you’re being honest.

Those are usually the ones whose timing couldn’t be worse. Like getting approached while the two of you are having small romantic dates out in the park or in cozy coffee shops. Even your cute little trips to museums and art galleries once in a while aren’t spared from the casual interference of others.

There’s almost always someone, somewhere, shouting in both a mixture of disbelief and joy:“Is this Captain America?”

And then the heads start to turn, and the murmur starts, and your previous little date idea gets turned into a live meet-and-greet Captain America event.

And it sucks.

It’s not like you want to keep Steve all to yourself; it’s just that you don’t want to share him every single time you two go out in public together. Especially when it’s supposed to be a fun and romantic activity just between the two of you.

And so, because of that, Steve often tries to keep his recognizability somewhat more subtle and limited by wearing his baseball cap and some sunglasses, but there’s only so much that that supposed ‘transformation’ can do.

Tony once kindly offered that the department responsible for the Avengers suits and apparel could probably help, and come up with a more cohesive incognito look, but that didn’t work out too well either. Not for a lack of trying on their part, though.

You two had taken them up on that offer once, and they managed to turn Steve into someone so completely unrecognizable, that you almost walked past him when you’d come to pick him up.

Apart from his clothing, plaid trousers and a simple button-down shirt that emitted more the vibe of a hip history professor, the thing that threw you off the most was the 16 inches-long wig he was wearing. It made him look like Thor’s long-lost twin brother, and you could hardly take his appearance seriously.

When you finally managed to stop laughing, you pulled him into the living quarters of the compound, where the laughing continued, once everybody realized who they were looking at.

The Date to the planetarium that followed went great; not a single person recognized and approached the two of you. The only downside was that the date with Steve didn’t really feel like a date with Steve.

Apart from the reason that Steve’s long-haired wig made you feel like you were out and about with a beefier version of Jesus, rather than your treasured Super Soldier, the wig was also highly unpractical in a more tangible sense. Every time you turned to him and leaned in for a kiss, your hands and jewelry would easily get tangled up in his long strands of synthetic hair.

Neither of you were used to the hairy mess the Avenger’s apparel department provided you with – and it showed.

It did make for a fun date tough.

Steve was highly amused about the amount of double takes you had to do when you were looking for him.

You, on the other hand, had the time off your life once the two of you exited the planetarium, only to be greeted with a pleasant afternoon breeze, that took Steve – and his hair – by surprise. It looked like an unsuspected hair commercial in the making, and you almost tripped down the stairs laughing while trying to take a photo of Steve’s glorious mane in the wind.

All in all, it was a good time, but at the end of it, you both decided that it was neither worth the trouble nor a sustainable solution to your problem. And so, Steve traded his wig for his beloved baseball cap again, even if it heightened the possibility of him being recognized.

You knew that Steve was trying his best to give you some sense of normality in your experience of dating a super-famous Super Soldier, and you appreciated his efforts, even when they didn’t always work out.

Once you and Steve step outside of the Avenger’s Tower, you’re hit with both: The sudden brightness of the sun, and the common busyness and noise of New York City’s bustling streets.

One single ray of sunshine manages to find its way between the tall skyscrapers in front of you, making you squint. Instinctively you raise one hand in an attempt to shield your eyes from its blazing gaze.

Steve, who is already wearing his sunglasses, quickly gets out your pair for you and you gratefully take them. His attentiveness is something you’ll never get tired of; even when he sometimes has the tendency to dote over you, it’s rather endearing.

You make your way down the street. Hand in hand, because the craze of the city can otherwise easily separate the two of you.

Even without the frantic mass of people, that hastily bustles about the avenues, in a city that big, you will always seek out the shelter of your beloved Super Soldier, who still knows this place in a way you probably never will.

So, in an attempt to not get lost, or trampled, or abducted, your hand reaches out for his, and his hand does the same.

🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋

Steve navigates himself and you through the city like he’s done it a million times before, and it never fails to amaze you how good his sense of direction is. It’s something you’re obviously lacking, and Steve can’t help but teasingly bring it up every now and then.

This time around though, he doesn’t. Instead, he keeps talking about the little, newly opened Italian restaurant that you two just passed by.

“It looked really cozy and busy – that’s always a good sign, right? Maybe we can check it out this weekend.” Steve offers, while gently swinging your joined hands back and forth.

You hum in agreement, more focused on not getting jostled by the oncoming businessmen and -women.

Gripping his hand tighter, you curl up more into Steve’s side, seeking out the protection and safety of his tall statue.

Once Steve realizes what’s going on, he immediately pulls you close to him, wrapping his arm protectively around your smaller frame and making sure you’re okay.

“I can always give you a piggyback ride.” he offers, and you shake your head, laughing.

As inviting as that proposal sounds, the fear of the potential attention it might garner makes you decline his offer. You’d rather be subjected to the ongoing pushing and shoving of some careless pedestrians, than the unwanted attention and possibility of recognition.

“We’re nearly there, Sweetheart.” Steve gently encourages you, while keeping you as close to him as possible, leading you down the busy streets of New York.

You must have picked a good time to visit the zoo, because the line in front of the ticket booth is almost non-existent.

It doesn’t take long for it to be your turn, and Steve immediately takes charge, getting the tickets. The woman at the counter also hands him some pamphlets with certain attractions, and a small map, which he gratefully takes.

You softly tug on his arm, trying to get his attention, before pointing at the small bags with dry food, that are arranged on a shelf behind the vendor.

“Can we buy some of that food for the animals in the petting zoo?” you ask, eyes bright.

Steve instantly agrees, and the small squeal of joy that escapes your lips is like music to his ears. “There you go, Sweetheart.” he says, as he hands you your ticket and the small paper cone, filled with little pellets of dry food.

“Thanks, Stevie!” The way you beam up at him has his heart doing flips.

God, you’re adorable.

“So, where do you want to go first?” he asks, while looking down at the open map in his hands.

“The petting zoo!” you chime while clapping your hands in delight. You have to suppress the urge to just grab Steve's hand and drag him to the enclosure, so instead you softly bounce on the spot.

Looking up from his map, Steve’s eyes soften once he sees how you’re barely able to contain your excitement. It radiates off of you in a way that’s contagious.

Well, contagious to him anyway.

“Alright.” he approves, and that’s all the agreement you need, before sprinting into action, grabbing Steve’s hand, and tugging him along.

You only come to a brief halt at the doors of the enclosure, while you read the small signs that introduce some of the animals inside of it.

The petting zoo contains mostly goats, bunnies, guinea pigs and some piglets, but there are also two donkeys and one of them is called …

“Steve!” you joyfully exclaim.

“The donkey is named after you!”

The man in question furrows his brow, and you point him to the part on the metal sign, where the donkeys get introduced.

“See, Steve and Sally. Aww, he even looks a little bit like you!” you coo, looking at the small picture they provide next to the profile.

“I don’t quite see it.” Steve says dryly, and you huff.

“He even has similar interests to yours. It says here that he likes sunshine, early morning runs, pets behind his ears and bananas!

Biting your lip to keep yourself from laughing, you innocently look up at Steve, who regards you with a fake scowl.

“You’re being awfully bratty today, Angel.” he chides, yet his words don’t have any bite to them.

“Me? Never!” your fake indignation is riddled with the giggles you’re desperately trying to hold in. That mission fails completely though, once you read the Interesting Fact they provide next to each introduced animal.

“Oh my god, Steve!” you croak out between laughter. “He even tried to eat an American flag once. God, I love him already!”

Before Steve has the chance to reply, you’re dragging him into the enclosure. “Come on, let’s meet my newfound hero!”

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The donkey is just as cute as in the picture, and even friendlier than you imagined. After you introduced yourself and Steve - you couldn’t help yourself from saying “Steve, meet Steve,” while pointing between the tall Super Soldier and the rather small pony-sized creature – you slowly started petting the animal.

The happy brays he lets out make you laugh softly, and your smile only widens once your eyes find Steve’s.

“Don’t you dare say he sounds like me too!” Steve exclaims, and that comment only fuels your giggles.

“I wouldn’t dream of it!” you say, while stroking the fur behind the donkey’s ears. “But you have to admit, he’s adorable!” you coo, before quickly adding: “Not as cute as you, of course, but it’s a close second.”

“Well, that’s certainly comforting to hear.” Steve retorts. “So, you’re not gonna leave me for one of those gray-haired fellas?”

“I already have my gray-haired fella at home, old man,” you counter, before whispering a small “almost.”

Steve still picks it up, and his reaction is instant. His strong hands reach out to you, playfully poking your sides.

“You take that back! You take that back right now!” he urges, laughing, as you try to squirm away from his grasp, the sweet sound of your giggles filling the air. Your antics only come to a halt once you’re breathlessly begging for mercy, and Steve pulls you in for a hug.

“You still have a lot of energy for a 103-year-old.” you whisper.

“Oh Sweetheart, you know, I can be relentless.” he counters, and you hum in agreement.

“You don’t actually look like a donkey.” you try to clarify. “It’s just that the donkey somehow looks like you.”

Before Steve can rekindle his attacks, you’re already apologizing again. “I’m joking! I’m joking!” you exclaim, as soon as you feel the tiniest brush of his fingertips poking your sides.

Hugging him closer once more, you whisper: “I’m sorry. I’m being mean. You’re still the prettiest man on the planet, and you always will be.”

Brushing your hands softly through his hair and gently cupping his cheek, you notice the small red tint that adorns them.

“Aww you’re blushing!” you quietly tease. “I guess I don’t call you pretty enough. I need to tell you that more, I think.” you observe.

His blush only deepens, and you coo again.

He really is the prettiest man alive. And the sweetest, and kindest, and bravest.

As you softly tell him all about your thoughts, his grip around you tightens, and he burrows his face in your neck.

“I love you so much.” you mumble against his shoulder, and even though you can’t see him right now, you know that he’s smiling.

“I love you too.” he whispers back, voice low, before gently kissing your forehead.

His lips lingers there for a moment before he speaks up again.

“I think we need to stop; there’s an older lady, who’s already giving us the stink-eye.”

“Oh, let her stare. If they look at you funny, you just look right back at them funny, that normally does the trick for me.”

“I’m not going to glare down a grandma!” Steve whispers exasperated.

“Well, you might not, but I certainly will, if she's making you uncomfortable.” you announce, and Steve just shakes his head, laughing.

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After moving on from the donkeys, you spend some time with the goats. Even Steve has to admit that they are rather endearing.

“Maybe we should bring Bucky with us next time. You know how he still gushes about the goats he had in Wakanda. I’m sure he’d enjoy some time here.” you suggest, while feeding a small brown doeling.

She softly munches the food right out of the palm of your hand, and the feeling of her rough tongue on your skin makes you giggle.

“If we would bring Buck, that’s going to be your liability, because I’m pretty sure he would never leave the goat enclosure again.” Steve observes.

“Can’t really blame him. I might have my donkey at home, but those goats certainly have character.” you tease.

Instead of answering, Steve decides to just throw some pellets your way.

“Hey!” you whine playfully, before making a counter strike. When you don’t hit your target, Steve just grins at you cheekily.

It’s that boyish smile you love so much, and it fills your heart with a joy that’s carefree and content. It feels just like the soft sunrays that are currently caressing your skin: Warm, light, and golden.

Your thoughts are only interrupted once another pellet flies your way, barely missing your face.

“Hey!” you exclaim once more, laughing, yet Steve’s eyes turn instantly apologetic when he realizes he almost struck your pretty face. You quickly reassure him that it’s alright, before walking over to the rabbits and guinea pigs, patiently sitting down next to them.

Rather than just grabbing one, you wait for one of the timid rodents to approach you instead. A small – and presumably younger – bunny seems curious enough, as he hops your way, and you manage to coax him with some food and a very gentle voice. His fluffy fur is in an off-white color with gray specks and his floppy ears twitch every now and then.

“Hey little friend.” you whisper once his wiggly nose brushes your open palm. It takes some more coaxing before he starts eating out of it, and you beam at that development.

Steve watches the interaction with a soft, adoring gaze.

God, Wanda was right. He really is head over heels for you.

But then again, how could he not be.

There’s a gentleness and kindness in the way you approach the world, and the fact that you’ve chosen him out of all people to trust the most, fills his heart with an endless amount of pride and happiness, that’s hard to put into words.

You’ve come into his life like a whirlwind, turning everything upside down and taking over his heart by storm.

Without your knowing, you made all of his previous priorities flip, until you were the only and most important thing on his mind. You still are, of course, and Steve is sure that this is something that will never change.

You’re the one.

The one who’s voice and laughter he’ll never grow tired of hearing.

The one who he comes home to after a rough mission, taking up the biggest space in his bed and in his heart – and he wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

You’re the most precious thing on the planet, and he’d burn it all down if he had to, just to keep you safe.

“Steve!” you softly call out to him, and his focus shifts back on you.

The small bunny is now sitting contently in your lap, while you’re sporting the proudest look.

“His fur is so soft!” you quietly mouth to him, and he smiles before making his way to you, gently kneeling down by your side. “Here! Feel!” you chirp, as you carefully guide his hands towards the small bunny.

“Do you think we could get some of those?” you carefully ask.

“Of course.” Steve agrees without really thinking - he doesn’t need to. If you want it, you’ll get it; no questions asked. He’ll even fight Tony on it if he has to, or anyone else for that matter.

“Really?” you beam.

“I pinky promise, Sweetheart.” he whispers before kissing the top of your head and standing back up. You follow suit, after carefully moving the bunny from your lap.

“Let’s just visit the piglets, and then we can move on to the bigger animals!” you proclaim, while reaching for Steve’s hand again, gently tugging him towards the small, baby pink piggies.

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Once you’ve finished cooing over the small piglets while simultaneously feeding and petting them, you and Steve make your way back towards the regular path of the zoo.

Steve had just gotten out his map again, trying to visualize the vicinity, when you spot the panda enclosure.

Nice!

“Steve, do we have to consider the map? Can’t we just walk around and go wherever our curiosity takes us?” you ask.

“You mean, wherever your curiosity takes you.” Steve teases and you let out a small huff while folding your arms over your chest, defensively.

“Not true.” you whine, before adding: “I can’t help it if I’m younger and pick up more things, you know.”

“Uh-huh” Steve hums. “And patience is a virtue that …”

“I’ve never met once in my life.” you finish the sentence for him.

“That is not the quote I was going for, but it certainly rings true too.” Steve agrees, before folding his map up again. “Alright, so where’s your curiosity leading you to, this time.” he concedes with a warm smile and your eyes light up at that.

“Easy, this way!” you say, before grabbing his hand, dragging him along once more.

“Steve, look!” you exclaim, while excitedly pointing at the wild cat enclosure. There’s a tiger that’s currently taking a bath, and it completely seizes your attention.

At the risk of sounding like a total lovesick fool, Steve has to admit that he’s way more encaptured by your endearing reactions to everything, than the actual attractions and animals themselves.

You two already visited the panda and bear enclosure, looked at some monkeys, zebras, hippos, and foxes, and now you’re leading him towards the area with the wildcats.

Lynx, lions, pumas, cheetahs, and some tigers are what’s initially advertised; still, he’s barely able to focus on that.

With your hands closely intertwined, and your soft voice that calls out to him, his attention has a hard time staying away from you.

You’re especially excited by the cheetahs, and you enthusiastically tell him all the facts you know about them.

How they’re incredibly fast and powerful, yet often also anxious and shy. You tell him how some of the cheetahs living in captivity often need emotional support dogs, to help them cope with their high levels of stress.

They’re the true scaredy cat-cats.

After your ramblings about the wildcats, you start gushing over their emotional support dogs. “They must be so proud!” you tell him. “Imagine being a dog, who ends up working with those cheetahs. How badass it that? Like a mouse who’s a therapist for a housecat, or a sparrow that takes care of an alligator…”

Steve smiles at your excitement, while listening attentively to everything you’re saying.

How did he ever get this lucky?

But as your speech slowly comes to an end, another sound appears. It’s faint, but Steve’s Super Soldier hearing still picks it up. He’s heard it enough times to be able to identify it – It’s the sound of your tummy rumbling.

“Sweetheart, are you hungry?” he questions, and you look up at him like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Dammit, I had hoped you didn’t catch that.” you mumble embarrassed, and Steve laughs.

“How about we look for a more quiet space, where we can eat some of our sandwiches and snacks.” he proposes, and you agree.

This time, Steve takes your hand, leading the way.

After some searching, the two of you managed to find a little bench, shaded by a rather sturdy oak. The tree doesn’t just shield you from the blazing sun, but also from the curious gaze of others.

It’s a romantic little space, as you look out onto a small park area, not too far off from the peacock enclosure. You’d stopped there briefly, fascinated by their colorful display of shimmering feathers, before moving on.

And now, you're sitting here, next to Steve, eating your little sandwich and sharing some small snacks. It's calm and peacefully quiet, apart from some faint bird-chirping and the remote sound of children’s laughter, carried over to you by a soft summer breeze.

“This was such a lovely idea, Steve.” you comment quietly once you’ve finished your sandwich.

The man in question smiles at that. “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, Angel.”

You hum in agreement, before popping some fresh berries into your mouth.

The satisfied sigh you let out is making Steve laugh. “Are those berries that good?” he questions playfully.

“No, but the view right now is to die for.” you say, while locking eyes with him.

“Hm, I guess you’re right. This little park area certainly has some flair.” Steve agrees, and if it wasn’t for the blueberries in your hand, you’d face-palm right now.

“I’m not taking about the park, Steve.” you clarify, while giving him a pointed look, and he blushes.

“Oh, I see … “ he mumbles, red-tinted embarrassment tainting his cheeks and migrating up to his ears. Who knew a Super Soldier could get that flustered – and look so endearing while doing it.

You weren’t lying though – even with Steve just sitting there, wearing a light gray t-shirt and some washed-out jeans, he looks like a god; Completely out of this world.

And it’s not just his sturdy arms and muscles.

It’s in the way his kind eyes light up, framed by those rich eyelashes.

It’s in the way he looks at you; looks at the world with such benevolence, such compassion, even after everything he’s been through.

Maybe it’s also in the way that those small rays of sunlight, currently shining through the tree crown, illuminate his skin, giving him a golden glow.

But whatever the reason may be, he certainly looks good. Especially, when he’s blushing like that, you think, smiling.

Once you two finished your small lunch, you’re eager to get back to the animals.

The giraffes and elephants are next, followed by the penguins and some wombats.

You and Steve have also established a small game by now.

One of you steps up to the informational sign of the enclosure first and reads it, before letting the other person guess what the Interesting Fact about the animal is.

It’s currently Steve’s turn at guessing, as you two are standing in front of the flamingo area.

“Okay!” you chime, as you turn away from the metal sign, focusing back on Steve. Your eyes are sparkling with excitement, letting Steve know that this fact is going to be good.

“So, flamingos are known for their pink color and dorky looks, but there is something else that makes this animal quite badass. What could that possibly be?” you challenge Steve gleefully.

He ponders your question for a moment, looking over at the pink birds. “Hm, maybe they can stand on one leg for over 24 hours.” he contemplates.

“Is that your final answer?” you question, and the playful glimmer in your eyes lets him already know that he’s wrong.

Still, he stays with his entry and nods.

“Well, that is incorrect!” you announce. “Or at least, that’s not the fact they have written down.” you clarify.

“Okay, I’ll give you three options instead, and only one of them is the correct one.” you offer.

“So, once more, what makes the flamingo so badass? Is it a) they all have pink belts in karate; b) they can drink boiling water; or is it c) they can hold their breath for half an hour when diving for food.” you question, expectantly looking at Steve, who’s scratching his head, laughing.

“Well, it’s either b or c, but they both sound so unbelievable, I might as well go with answer a.” He jokes.

“Sir, I need an answer from you now, the time is running up.” you playfully chide and it’s making him laugh even more.

“Alright, show host, you can log in answer b for me.”

“B? Are you sure?” Steve just nods, and it makes your smile grow wider.

“Well, contestant, you won’t believe me when I say this, but your answer is …. ding, ding, ding – correct!” you exclaim excited, while wrapping your arms around his neck

“Wait, really?” Steve looks at you, dumbfounded. “Uh-huh. Flamingos can apparently drink boiling water.” you reiterate, before pulling him closer.

“Congratulations, soldier, you’ve won the main price!” you whisper against his lips before softly kissing him, and the sweet action makes Steve smile into the kiss, as his heart melts in the blazing sun.

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Moving from enclosure to enclosure, your little game continues. There are wolves, deer, beavers, and burrowing owls, and each stop at the gates is filled with your playful antics and shared laughter.

You only come to a short pause, once you notice a small ice cream parlor in the distance, and it doesn’t take much convincing to get Steve to go there with you.

Actually, it doesn’t take any convincing at all.

The shop is small and features only a select number of ice cream flavors. You order 3 scoops each, before happily making your way over to the American bison enclosure.

The area is less crowded and actually quite peaceful. The scenery of the meadow with the occasional grazing bull emitting a sense of tranquility.

While sharing your ice cream, you two watch these seemingly serene creatures, who are just standing there, munching on grass, and lazily gazing at the landscape around them.

There’s a timelessness to them, you think. The way they just stand there, unbothered, like they’ve seen it all.

And maybe they have.

Steve gently pulls you out of your thoughts, when he offers you his last bit of cherry ice cream, holding out his cone to you. You gratefully take him up on his offer, while simultaneously holding your cone out for him.

Sharing is caring after all.

Once your ice cream is done, you and Steve continue sitting there, just talking until Steve suddenly leans closer.

He gently brushes some lingering ice-cream stains from the corner of your mouth with his thumb before licking it off. He keeps his eyes locked on you, and the action leaves your cheeks feeling heated, and your heartrate in a frenzy.

“Two can play this game, Angel.” Steve whispers, giving you a knowing smile.

You let out a small whine, before burrowing your face in his chest, trying to hide your embarrassment.

Steve just coos at your flustered state.

“Steve, stop. You’re giving me heart palpitations,” you mumble into his chest.

“No can do, Sweetheart. It’s only fair that you get a taste of your own medicine.”

You bite back your reply to that; otherwise, you two might end up doing something entirely different.

Unaware of the questionable thoughts in your head; Steve changes the topic, reminding you of the activities you still have planned.

“Do you want to go to the meerkat and prairie dog enclosure, now? Their feeding should start soon.”

You’re still curled up into his chest, basking in the feeling of his strong embrace, and the gentle smell of his cologne. “Can we just stay here a little longer.” you request, voice mumbled, and soft.

Steve lets out a small laugh, that makes his chest rumble and vibrate. “Of course, if that’s what you prefer. You just sounded so excited earlier when you heard about the public feeding.” Steve tries to clarify, making sure that’s what you really want.

Steve’s right. When he told you about the attraction earlier, you could barely contain your excitement at the idea of watching the small animals nibble on some food. But in that very moment, you didn’t really think things through.

It was only sometime later, when your excitement had cooled down a bit, that you realized that this endeavor might not be the best idea.

There’s obviously going to be a crowd watching the spectacle, and those are something to avoid when you’re with your beloved Super Soldier. The chances of getting recognized there, are just a bit too high, yet you’re hesitant to tell those thoughts to Steve.

You don’t want him to feel bad, and you know that he’ll try to convince you that it’s no big deal. You already feel selfish for feeling so protective of your relationship, and the fear that he might think you’re overreacting lingers in your mind, even though he has never given you a reason to do so.

“Sweetheart, what’s going on? You’re being awfully quiet right now.” Steve pries. He can tell something is wrong; he just knows you too damn well.

“Nothing!” you chirp, but the sound is off. It’s too high and anxious.

“Angel.” his tone is stern.

Steve doesn’t often use his Captain America voice with you, but when he does, it works every time.

Just like now.

Playing with the fabric of his gray t-shirt and looking anywhere but his eyes, you quietly mumble: “There’s going to be lots of people, Steve. Lots of people to recognize you…”

“Oh, Sweetheart,” he knows what you’re getting at, and it makes his heart twist in guilt.

“You know, we can still …”

“No, Steve,” you interrupt him. “We can’t, and I don’t want to. This day has been nothing, but a dream come true. We haven’t been approached once, and I’d like to keep it that way. If I have to sacrifice a meerkat feeding for that, I’ll happily do it.” You state, and Steve sighs.

“I’m sorry, Angel.” he whispers, voice low and tainted with regret. “Maybe you could go there by yourself, while I stay somewhere in the background?” he offers, but you just shake your head.

“Steve, it’s okay. I’d rather see all the other animals with you, then one meerkat feeding without you.”

He smiles at that, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I’m still sorry about this.” he mutters, guilt clear in his voice. You sigh. That’s exactly what you were trying to avoid.

“Steve,” you whisper, gently cupping his cheek, making him look at you. “This isn’t your fault. Stop feeling sorry about something that you have no control over, whatsoever. If anything, I’m sorry for being so sensitive about this.” you state.

“No, you have every right to be!” Steve defends, and the conviction in his eyes makes some of your worry ease away.

“Well, if I’m not allowed to feel guilty about that, neither are you.” you assert matter-of-factly, and this time the smile that adorns Steve’s face reaches his bright blue eyes.

“Alright, deal.” he affirms, before taking your hand, sweeping you up from your seat. “Let’s continue. There’s still a lot to explore.”

You’re about to walk into the reptile house when you spot one more open enclosure.

“Oh my God Steve, look!” you call out, while pointing at one of the llamas. “Aww, he looks just like Kuzco!” you observe, and it makes Steve frown in confusion.

“Sweetheart, that’s a rude thing to say about someone.” he softly chides, and you give him a puzzled look.

“What? Are you telling me you don’t know who Kuzco is?” you ask, dumbfounded, and Steve just shakes his head.

“Is he a work friend of yours? I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned someone with that name?" he questions, brows still furrowed in confusion.

“Steve!” you laugh, “have you not seen The Emperor’s New Groove?”

“No, I don’t think I have.” he confesses, and you look at him in disbelief.

“Oh my God! I thought Tony introduced you to the best works of this century’s cinema.”

“Yes, but I don’t remember a movie named like that.”

“This is outrageous. I can’t believe you’ve never seen this masterpiece! We’ll have to change that once we’re home!” you proclaim playfully, before taking his hand and walking towards the reptile house.

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Stepping into the building, you’re immediately greeted by a sudden temperature drop.

The rooms are a lot darker and cooler then the outside premise, and you can’t help but shiver as goosebumps form on your skin.

Instinctively, you pull Steve closer, grabbing his hand tighter.

The animals that follow vary from adorable to absolutely frightening. The small turtles and geckos make you coo, but the bigger lizards and snakes already sport a more intimidating look.

There are boas, pythons, and mambas, and you have to remind yourself that you’re protected by both the Plexiglas as well as your trusted Super Soldier.

🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋

Once you’ve finished exploring every room, you make your way to the small botanical garden. Its atmosphere stands in stark contrast to that of the dark reptile house.

There are colorful flowers and bright green plants and palm trees.

There’s light coming through the ceiling, illuminating the stone path before you, and the temperature is warmer and a little bit more humid.

After walking through the vicinity, hand in hand, the two of you spot a small, secluded bench. It’s placed next to a little pond, and a small bush of plumerias.

Sitting down, you sigh in content as you breathe in the sweet smell of the little white and yellow flowers. Steve gets out some left-over fruits, and you share a second, small meal. You can hear the soft splatter of water in the background, and it’s as relaxing as can be.

Looking at the man in front of you adoringly, your expression falters when you see the small furrow etched between his brows. He’s thinking about something, and it’s not a pleasant thought.

“What’s wrong?” you whisper, having learned the small signs of worry that sometimes cloud the face of your beautiful man.

Steve just sighs, before pulling you closer. So close, you might as well just sit in his lap.

“Was just thinking.” he mumbles, voice low, and still preoccupied with whatever’s going through his mind right now. “About?” you inquire, and the silence that follows makes you sigh in return.

“Steve, we talked about this. Don’t shut me out.” you whisper, knowing that your beloved soldier still has a tendency to keep his worries hidden from your view, trying not to burden you with it.

“I was thinking about the meerkat-thing.” he says, and you groan.

“No, hear me out, Sweetheart,” he continues. “You deserve the world, you truly do, and it pains me to know that everywhere we go, you have to sacrifice something, just because you’re with me. The meerkat-thing is just one of the many examples that reiterate that.”

“Okay,” you assess slowly, “what are you trying to say?” you carefully ask.

“I don’t know.” he whispers.

“I just keep thinking that you have to sacrifice so much, just in order to be with me. I wish I could give you more than that. I wish I could take you out on dates without us having to worry about being recognized, approached and disturbed.”

He looks at you with such turmoil and pain in his eyes, it makes your heart clench and curl up into a ball and cry.

“Oh, Stevie.” you murmur, before gently cupping his face and straddling his lap.

“Steve honey, listen. This whole getting-approached-by-strangers-thing sucks; I’m not gonna lie about that, but do you know what would suck a million times more? Not having you in my life! I could live without going out on anymore dates for the rest of my days, but do you know what I cannot live without? You!” you declare passionately, while looking into Steve’s eyes, which are somewhat glossy.

“Sweetheart.” he mumbles, voice thick with emotions, and you just pull him closer, nuzzling your face into the side of his neck.

“I love you, Steve. I love you even when we’re surrounded by what feels like hundreds of people, who all want a piece of you, and take over our dates.”

You feel a light wetness at the nape of your neck, and you gently brush your hand through Steve’s hair. Blinking away your own tears, you make a soft shushing sound, trying to calm him down.

“I love you. Don’t ever doubt me on that!” you whisper softly, and you feel Steve nod against your skin before whispering a small, timid “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I love you, and as long as you love me back, that’s all I need. That’s enough for me.” you try to clarify, before gently adding: “I know you feel a close kinship and obligation towards people, and you’re too polite to call them out when they approach us at the worst possible timing, but you’re allowed to tell some people off. The shield might be public property, Steve, but you aren’t. You’re allowed to have boundaries too.”

Your kind words fill Steve with a warm, fuzzy feeling, and it spreads on his face in the form of a soft smile. The love he feels for you keeps blooming and expanding, like the fragrant flowers growing all around you.

He’s not sure if he’ll ever be able to put it into words just how much you mean to him exactly, but he knows that he’ll try his damn best to show you every single day.

He hopes that that’s enough, hopes that it’s good enough for you. Losing you would be worse than dying, he’s sure of that. But all he manages to mumble out is a soft: “I love you so much.”

His words and voice are filled with such honesty, such devotion and conviction, you fear your heart might pound straight out of your chest, and into his lap.

“I know,” you whisper. “I love you just as much!”

He hums in content, and the silence that follows is the most comfortable silence you’ve ever experienced.

The two of you stay there, curled up in each other’s embrace, basking in one of the best feelings ever. Loving and feeling loved.

🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋

You’re not sure how much time has passed, when Steve speaks up again, but the sun is slowly starting to set, and it fills the garden with a golden glow.

“You’re ready to go home, Sweetheart?” he questions softly, voice full of affection.

No. You just want to stay in his loving embrace forever, but instead of articulating that, you let out a small whine, while shaking your head demonstratively.

The laugh that rumbles out of Steve’s chest is warm and hearty, and he softly smiles down at you.

“Come on.” he coaxes.

There’s something he’s sure he can beckon you with.

“I think they have a small souvenir shop near the exit with lots of stuffed animals.” he offers, and it makes you look up at him, wide-eyed and excited.

Gotcha. Steve thinks, a satisfied smile on his lips. The promise of stuffed animals works every time.

You slowly untangle yourself from him, before standing up and taking his hand.

“What are you waiting for, old man.” You playfully provoke him while he’s adjusting his backpack.

“Careful Sweetheart, or I might accidentally lose you in the middle of New York.” he says, yet you know it’s an empty threat. He would never even dream of doing something like that, not in a million years.

“Don’t underestimate the grasp I have on you.” you joke, referring to the way you’d normally cling to his arm and hand, but Steve thinks about how true those words are in a broader sense.

How you have the strongest possible grasp on his heart, in the gentlest way.

Unaware of his adoring thoughts, you drag him to the exit of the botanical garden, and he watches you with the warmest smile.

Once you step out of the garden your eyes instantly find, and fixate on the small souvenir shop, walking straight towards it.

The place is spacious and there are a couple of kids running around, shoving stuffed animals in their parents faces. The selection of stuffies is broad, but you already know what you want.

Steve thinks you’ll be going over to the cheetahs, yet he finds himself surprised, when he watches you walk towards… the donkeys?

He observes you carefully picking up a medium-sized stuffie and clutching it tightly to your chest, a satisfied smile on your lips.

“Stevie! Look!” you exclaim, as you turn your attention to him, holding the stuffie up proudly.

Little did you know, he was already looking at you the whole time.

Eyes soft and smile warm.

“Sweetheart, are you sure? Don’t you want something more… exciting?” he questions, as he points to the array of wild cats and panda bears.

“Nope!” you chirp, the look of content on your face clear as day.

He always wants to see you like this - happy, content, satisfied.

“Wait, Stevie! You should get one too!” you exclaim when you see him slowly make his way toward the checkout.

“The donkey will remind me of you when you’re gone on missions, but you need a stuffie that reminds you of me, too!”

“Sweetheart, you’re in the back of my mind 24/7. I don’t need a …”

“Not the point.” you interrupt him.

“You occupy my mind almost all the time as well, but it’s nice to have something tangible to remind you and to keep close sometimes.”

“Alright.” Steve concedes, before looking at the countless shelves of stuffed animals.

Which one should he even pick?

He thinks back to your interactions earlier, thinks about how soft you looked, with that small bunny comfortably sitting in your lap.

He thinks about how excited you were, when you told him everything you knew about cheetahs, eyes sparkling bright.

He thinks about how softly you’d kissed him at the flamingo enclosure, and how serene you looked while you were watching the American bisons - a dreamy look on your face, and ice cream in hand.

God, is picking your own stuffie always that hard?

His eyes continue to wander along the shelves when he spots it.

There’s a medium-sized cheetah stuffie wearing sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt with little plumerias printed on it.

That’s you.

Cool, adorable, and with a questionable fashion sense.

Thinking back at how you were holding him close in the botanical garden, the sight of the small flowers instantly fills him with the memories of your comforting words and touch.

That’s the one.

Steve makes his way over to the stuffed animal, and it’s even softer than he’d imagined.

“Oh! It’s adorable!” you coo when you see his choice, and Steve smiles.

That’s the one.

He thinks, as he watches you.

The one, who has complete reign over his heart.

You made yourself quite at home in there, filled it with your sweet laughter and your little smiles, the softness of your touch and the kindness in your eyes.

He keeps all these memories of you safely tugged away, underneath his rib cage, in that little treasure chest he calls his heart.

You’re both, his most prized possession, and the strong protector that watches over it all.

The guardian angel of his heart.

“Steve!” you call out to him, from the checkout.

“They say they have a 10 % senior discount for people over 60! Come over here, and figure this out, please!”

It makes him laugh, and there’s only one thought in his mind:

God, how he adores you.

---------------------------------------------

Ahhh, that's it! Thanks you so much for reading!

[themaribatpit]

Jasonette July Day 9: Pixie

Written by: The Maribat Pit  @jasonette-july-event

Prompt: Pixie

Rated: T

(By popular demand, a slight continuation of Game On @aespades, @certainmuffinbagelcalzone.)

A/n: Edits have been made because I noticed the paragraph errors AFTER posting this.

Marinette was really starting to miss the days of working with Chat Noir at that moment, and that was saying something.  “Bugaboo” and “My Lady” were starting to feel more tolerable when she wasn’t being called that every second of the day.  Being called “Pixie” regardless if she was Ladybug or Marinette, was really starting to get old, fast.  For reasons that she could not understand, that’s what Jason insisted on calling her.  Sure, she was a lot smaller compared to him, but that coupled with needing to hang back and let Red Hood and Arsenal deal out the heavier hits was starting to get on her nerves.  She was just as experienced as them, she had a mentor just like they did, and had been saving lives for just as long as they had.  Ever since she had joined them, she thought that she would be fighting alongside a team again.  Now she was either supporting them or using her sewing skills to add improvements to their suits.  She was in good hands, some might say hands that were a little too good.  All this frustrated her to no end because she liked Jason, she would have thought that someone who had been a vigilante from a young age would understand what it felt like to be constantly underestimated. 

“Unbelievable,” she snapped one night as she came home from another mission.  She pulled off her pink flats and threw them across the room as she entered her apartment.  She didn’t even get the chance to use her Miraculous, she was effectively closely guarded bait on that last mission.  She slumped on the bed in frustration and Tikki hovered over to her, her antenna drooping in concern.  “Some days I want to wipe that smile off of that stupid face, just to prove I can.” Marinette grumbled into her pillow.  She didn’t hate Jason, she knew that there was some good in him.  Roy was the more optimistic and cheerful of the duo, like Jason, he had also been mentored by a more experienced hero.  Jason was a lot more reserved and cynical by comparison, though he wasn’t a complete Ice Prince like his brother Damian. 

“Maybe it’s because they’ve been doing this for a little bit longer.” Tikki suggested, after Marinette complained about it for the umpteenth time.

“Batgirl and Black Bat are only a few years younger than me,” she reminded her, “and there’s no doubt that they could hold their own in a fight.  No one gives them stupid nicknames, just shortened versions of their real names out of costume.” Tikki awkwardly scratched the back of her head.  “I bet you that he barely remembers what my real name is.” Marinette was getting increasingly furious at the thought “it’s always ‘Pixie this’ and ‘Pixie that’. I know I’m shorter than him, but I have taken on giant robot dolls, literal monsters, and I once rode a dragon!” Marinette yelled. 

Marinette throws a pillow at Tikki, only for it to phase through her. “What does he think I do as Ladybug? Create Christmas presents with my Lucky Charm?!” 

 At this very unfortunate moment Jason happened to return back to their apartment with Roy in tow. “What’s got you riled up, Pixie Pop?” Jason quipped after seeing the frustrated look on her face. This was the last straw for Marinette, “Stop calling me that! Does it please you to demean me? Does it bring you joy to fucking bully me day in and day out?” Jason and Roy take a step back from Marinette’s outburst. Marinette continues “I have kept Paris safe ever since I was 13, I didn’t have the World's Greatest Detective or a Robin Hood cosplayer helping me. It’s always you two off saving the day while I’m the distraction. Do I have to remind you that I’ve beaten Robin and Red Robin?” 

 “So have we, right Roy?” Jason says look backwards to Roy. Roy meanwhile was slowly walking backwards with his arms up in surrender.

 “Don’t drag me into this please.” Roy pleaded. 

 Marinette continued her rant, “So why do you keep calling me Pixie Pop like I'm some pet or stuffed animal?” She storms up to Jason and pulls him down to her height by the collar. 

Roy sensed the tension and wanted absolutely no part in making it worse, “You know what? I’m gonna go get us some shawarma.”

Jason looked over at Roy “Really, Roy?” A slight scowl made it clear he knew Roy was essentially leaving him to face Marinette’s wrath.

“All I know is that they are open at four in the morning and I’m hungry, so I’ll be right back.” Roy said, and he left the room.  Just as he thought Roy was out of earshot, Jason heard sprinting down the hallway.  Roy had abandoned him to face the burning blue fire in Marinette’s eyes.

Marinette let go of him, she didn’t need them, she had made that absolutely clear. 

“I’m done,  I don’t expect you to understand what it’s like to be underestimated all of the time.” she muttered harshly, “to always be kept at arm's length, because no one trusts you to do anything right.”

Marinette had no idea just how deep her words cut him, and Jason couldn’t really blame her.  As far as she knew, compared to his brothers, he might as well just be ‘the one with the guns and leather jackets’.  He hadn’t really told her about what had happened all those years ago, he didn’t even like to think about it himself.  Roy was one of the few people who understood what he’d been through. It was true that both of them started out as sidekicks, maybe the red in their costumes helped them stand out from their mentor’s shadows.  Their time as young crime fighters had left their scars. They were blindsided when they found someone who had been a heroine since she was 13, and took to it with the same determination they had when they were younger, more innocent, more naïve. 

 As Marinette flitted around the room, gathering her things, every nerve in Jason’s body was screaming at him to stop her.   He reached out and grabbed her by the arm, trying not to think about just how small it felt around his hand.  “Look, I’m sorry,” he began. What could he say to her? That he knew exactly what that felt like? That the last thing they wanted was for her to end up like them?  That every hit they took in a fight was one that she wouldn’t have to, so that she wouldn’t turn out broken like they were?  The problem was she didn’t see them as broken, she saw them treating her like glass.  If she was put through the same ordeal, Jason had no idea what he would do.  If she shattered just like they did, then in a way, they would have failed her.  If she came out still whole, still brimming with light, then what did that say about them?

 Marinette pulled her arm away, “I’ll show you, then you’ll be sorry” she told him bitterly.  With her backpack in hand and shoes on her feet, she pushed past him and walked out the door.  

 Jason remains staring at the open door, regretting how he had treated her. He grew fond of her during their time together as ‘Red Arse Bug’.  She had a cute face, cute voice and she wasn’t afraid to get her hands dirty. “Stupid, stupid” he says to himself, facepalm at each syllable. Even with the now hostile relationship with Marinette, he knew he had to follow her. He had to stop her from making the same mistakes he did, so that she would not become like him. He put on his helmet and left to search for clues as to where Marinette would go and what she would do.

 Marinette wandered through Gotham city, unsure what to do now that she stormed out of the apartment she shared with Jason and Roy. She felt like everyone belittled her, Selena did, and now so did Jason. She needed to do something eye-catching, to prove to everyone that she didn’t need their help.

As she wanders past the Iceberg Lounge, she gets a spark of inspiration. If she could take down the Penguin single-handedly, nobody in Gotham would doubt her ever again. With unyielding determination she calls out “Spots On” and turns to Ladybug, ready to take on one of the cruelest crime lords in all of Gotham. Ladybug walks up to the front door and kicks it down, sending the door flying and knocking any unfortunate goons behind it. Penguin’s gang whipped out their guns, tire irons, pipes and anything that could count as a weapon and were now charging in to stop the intruder. 

 Marinette swings her yo-yo to wrap around one of the goon’s ankles, before swinging him around crashing him into several others. A guard points his rifle behind Ladybug, she spins around, sending her yo-yo towards the gun and pulling it from his hands. As the guards begin to group up together in an attempt to minimise the effectiveness of her yo-yo, Marinette looks up and begins to smirk. She flings her yo-yo upwards and hooks it onto a chandelier. She yanks it down, sending the chandelier crashing onto the unsuspecting guards. 

 Marinette dusts her hands and proceeds to walk through into the main hall. She proceeds to kick down that door too, she is then greeted by The Penguin surrounded by his gang. “I’m taking you down Cobblepot.” She shouts, swinging her yo-yo as if it was a lasso, preparing for a fight.

 The Penguin stands up from the seat of his large chair. “What are all you idiots waiting for?” He shouts all around him. He points his umbrella at Ladybug, and begins shooting his umbrella gun. “Get her!” The penguin roars, at this cue every gangster charges at Ladybug. 

 Marinette gracefully dodges and weaves around Penguin’s army, knocking each one out one by one. Until only The Penguin remains, she wraps her yo-yo around his umbrella, easily disarming one of Gotham’s most wanted. She walks towards The Penguin, slowly unravelling her yo-yo in anticipation of tying him up and sending him to Arkham Asylum. 

 The Penguin takes out a little remote control from his suit pocket, “It's not over yet.” he snarls and pushes a button. At that moment the entire building shakes.

“Born on a Monday” a voice groaned, followed by another loud thud. “Christened on a Tuesday.” the same voice groaned. Then a giant hand shoots up from beneath the floor, “SOLOMON GRUNDY” roared the giant as it emerged from the floor. 

 Red Hood and Arsenal had been watching the fight from a careful distance outside the Iceberg Lounge.  “Well, she’s managed to take on Penguins goons just fine,” Arsenal observed through the small pair of binoculars,  “she’s certainly had plenty of time to get very creative with that yo-yo”.

Red Hood’s hand was still itching to reach for one of his pistols, ready to jump in at the first sign of trouble. “By the way, how was your shawarma?” he asked sarcastically.

Arsenal looked over at him, raising an eyebrow “Hey, I’m not the one who said the one thing that just made her angrier, you were on your own there.”

“Nice to know you had my back.” he grumbled.

“Oh I do in a fight, you just decided to be an ass and poke the angry girl with a stick.” Arsenal pointed out.

Their banter was interrupted by an earth shattering thud, following a loud groan “Born on a Monday.” At that moment their blood ran cold. Red Hood and Arsenal rushed towards the Iceberg Lounge. Both worried for Ladybug and aware of what comes after that dreadful nursery rhyme. 

 “What are you two doing here? I can handle this.” growled Ladybug as Red Hood and Arsenal arrived. 

 Before either Red Hood or Arsenal could answer, they were interrupted by Solomon Grundy smashing the ground where Ladybug was standing. Ladybug gracefully dodged the punch, grappling onto a ceiling lamp to swing towards Grundy with a kick. 

 The giant grabbed Ladybug while she was mid-air and threw her towards her partners. Red Hood catches her, holding her tightly as the two fly across the room. He shields her from the shock, taking the brunt of the impact as they crash into the wall. 

 Red Hood groans “You okay?” Ladybug looks up to see she was relatively unharmed, but Red Hood had taken the brunt of the throw. Concern visible on her face as she sees Red Hood’s damaged helmet, and the bruised and bloodied face beneath.  

 Their quiet moment together was interrupted by Arsenal's cries for help. Every arrow he had in his quiver wasn’t making a dent in Solomon Grundy. Ladybug decides to cast Lucky Charm in desperation, and swings her yo-yo up. The ladybugs converge to form...a polka-dotted stick of dynamite. 

 “Arsenal!” She called. “Tie this to the end of an arrow, Red Hood and I will keep it busy.” She tosses the dynamite to Arsenal and tells Red Hood to tie Grundy down.

 Ladybug using her yo-yo grabs on to Solomon Grundy’s left arm while Red Hood uses his grappling hook to hold on to his right arm. Leaving Grundy exposed and immobile, giving Arsenal the opportunity for a clear unobstructed target. 

 Arsenal draws and aims the special Lucky Charm Explosive Arrow. The giant zombie growls “Arrow Boy no hurt Grundy.” 

 “Arrow Boy yes hurt Grundy” quipped Arsenal, before releasing the arrow causing a thunderous explosion into Solomon Grundy’s face. The giant slumps, Ladybug and Red Hood quickly release their hold and watch its body fall back into the hole in which it came from. 

 Solomon Grundy’s body lays motionless in the basement of the Iceberg Lounge as the three peer over the hole in the ground, “Let’s get outta here before the GCPD or worse, Batman arrive” Red Hood points to the front door, and the three of them leave the lounge to head back to their apartment.

As the three arrive home, they each find a nice comfortable spot to collapse onto. Jason claimed the sofa, slumped down Roy in the middle of the living room floor and Marinette sat at the dining table. “I vote for a week off.” groaned Roy.

“I second that motion” agreed Jason. 

“I still have design work to do.” Marinette told them, not really looking at either of them at that moment.  She was torn between appreciating their help, and frustrated that she hadn’t been able to handle the situation herself like she thought.

“Still that was one hell of a fight, and hey, you still managed to take on a squad of goons by yourself.”  Roy said, “I’m so proud” he said dramatically pretending to wipe away a happy tear. 

He nudged Jason in the leg, “um, yeah, good work” he said awkwardly, slightly lost in thought. Marinette smiled slightly, before turning her attention back to her little fairy friend perched on the table. 

“So does this mean Red Arse Bug is back together?” Roy asked enthusiastically, Marinette wasn’t really paying attention. 

The name still needed work, for one thing.  For once Marinette felt like her powers were being used in harmony with their abilities, but she wasn’t sure if it was a feeling that she should get used to.  Marinette could still vividly remember seeing Jason’s bruised and bloodied face beneath his helmet.  Jason stood up and walked over to the fridge, looking for ice to dull the swelling on his face.

“Not with that name,” Jason grumbled, not entirely sure if Marinette was willing to stay after their argument.  Someday, somehow, he would tell her the full story of what happened to him.  Right now, that was a whole Pandora’s Box that he just wasn’t prepared to open.  Nestled at the bottom of that box was hope, a hope that no one else would meet that same fate.

“...Lucky Shot?”  Marinette suggested as she carried Tikki over to the sofa and sat down.  Both Jason and Roy looked up, it made some sense, seeing as they both used projectiles and she had her lucky charms.  Jason tentatively made his way back to the sofa, ice pack in hand.

“Sounds better than ‘Red Arse Bug’.” Jason remarked, as he sat back down. 

“Well, let’s see if our little adventure made the news” Roy said, as he reached for the TV remote.  Jason tuned out Vicki Vale’s voice as she reported on the fight that took place at the Iceberg Lounge. 

As Roy slept at their feet, Jason knew if they were going to continue working together as a team, they couldn’t keep her in the dark any longer.  

“Hey Marinette.” Jason speaks softly. Marinette's ears perk in surprise, hearing speak her name for the first time. “I’m sorry, for what I said and how we treated you. You’re right.” He gestures to the sleeping Roy on the floor, “Both of us started out as sidekicks, we both grew up in the shadows of Batman and Green Arrow. Both old men with impossibly high standards, everything we did was never enough.”   Marinette listened intently as she shuffled closer to him on the sofa.  “We’ve both been to hell and back, Marinette. Literally in my case.” he explained, Marinette glanced down at Tikki for a moment, as if silently asking if her magic was somehow involved in this.  “But always remember, we have each other’s backs, just like The Three Musketeers.” Jason told her, Marinette giggles at his literary reference.

“Roy’s Porthos, you’re Aramis, I guess that makes me D’Artagnan.” Marinette chimes. Jason loved to see that hopeful smile on her face.  What scared him the most was the idea that something or someone would try and take that away from her.  They couldn’t keep treating her like glass, and they couldn’t keep treating her like a sidekick if they wanted to keep her from making their mistakes.  They were all going to fight like hell to make sure this world didn’t break her the way it broke them.  Marinette leaned in close and rested her head on his shoulder.  He felt her calm even breathing, fanning his neck as she slept peacefully at his side.

[collecting-stories]

Ulysses - JJ (Outer Banks)

Request: hi! i’ve never asked on tumblr before but i love your blog so i thought i’d give it a shot :) i love all of your obx imagines! could i please request something with jj where it’s just really fluffy and cute and general good vibes! i totally understand if not and i’m so sorry if requests are closed i’m still new to all of this! thank you so much xx

A/N: Basically JJ has a crush on an especially bookish girl and tries to impress her by tackling the novel Ulysses. 

///

“Give me like...I don’t know, what do you talk about when you’re flirting with a girl?” JJ asked, standing beside Pope and Kiara outside the small beach front bookshop. He kept pulling on the straps of his backpack and then loosening them.  

“When has Pope flirting with a girl ever worked in his favor?” Kiara teased.  

“Thanks a lot Kie.”

“Well like,” JJ sucked on his vape, trying to calm himself down, “what do smart people talk about?”

“Can I ask why we’re here?”  

JJ had texted Kiara and Pope that he had an emergency and needed them ASAP. Both of them had rushed through getting dressed and gotten all the way to the address he had given them only to realize JJ was standing outside of the bookshop. It wasn’t three weeks ago that, at a party on the beach, he’d seen you. JJ knew you from school, he’d seen you in classes. Once in ninth grade when everyone had to give presentations in front of the whole class he’d sat in the back listening to you talk about America in the 1960’s and told John B that he was going to date you. It never happened but he’d had a crush on you since then. And when he saw you at the party he thought it was some kind of crazy fate. He’d tried every dumb party trick he usually did and whatever jokes he could possibly think of but nothing seemed to work. You laughed but not in the way that suggested you were remotely interested in him or thought he was cool. And then yesterday he’d seen you in the window of the bookshop by chance when he was headed down to meet up with John B.  

“Her.” JJ pointed to where you sat behind the counter, reading.  

“I’m sorry, you called us down here to stalk some girl?” Kiara laughed.  

“You don’t get it Kie, I pulled out all the stops last time I saw her and she was totally uninterested.”

“What’d she say?”  

“Nothing really,” JJ replied. “It was what she didn’t say.”

“Invite her on the Pogue or something.” Pope offered.

“Do something, we look like creepy stalkers.” Kiara said, grabbing Pope’s sleeve and yanking him to the side just as you looked up, “JJ!”  

JJ’s usual fight or flight instinct seemed to malfunction when you looked up. He just froze, standing there with his vape hanging out of his mouth, staring at you with wide eyes. You looked startled for a minute before you offered him a wave. You remembered the party on the beach, he’d been funny and you had thought that he’d been interested but then he’d gone to refill his cup and never come back. Now he was standing outside the bookshop you worked in, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

“JJ!” Kiara hissed. She stood just out of view with Pope. “Go in.”

He looked at her, still wide eyed, “what?”

“Go the fuck inside before she thinks you’re a creep.”  

“Right. Right.” JJ sucked on his vape, blowing smoke out of his mouth and nose before heading inside. He could do this, he could manage this.  

The bell above the door chimed as he walked inside, trying to play off his unusual level of nervousness by thumbing through books as he passed them. He couldn’t tell if any of these were smart people books. What did smart people read? What had their English teacher that year been harping on him to try and read? Something about an island.

“Can I help you find something?” You asked, watching him bump into a stack of books near the self-help shelf.  

“Yeah, yeah,” JJ nodded a little too enthusiastically, taking his cap off to run a hand through his hair before fixing it back on. Play it cool. “Hey, do I know you?” Good.

You frowned. He hadn’t come back from getting a beer but you had done a fair amount of self-preservative talking, reassuring yourself that you weren’t completely unmemorable. “I was at the party a few weeks ago.”

“Oh yeah, cool cool. Uh, what are you reading?” He asked, looking at the closed book on the counter.  

“Walden, by Henry David Thoreau.” You held it up for him to see the cover. “So, did you need help finding a book?”

“Uh,” JJ looked around the area he was in, scanning titles on the literature shelf. Something had to sound smart right? What sounded the smartest? “This one.” He grabbed a book and set it down on the counter.

“Seriously?” You had known ‘of’ JJ for a while. You went to the same school and on the days when he did show up for class nothing about him suggested that he was doing some heavy reading in his spare time. “Okay.” The party was the first time he’d ever actually spoken to you and, as much as you had enjoyed hanging out with him, you still didn’t think he was on the fast track to reading complicated literary works.  

“Cool, thanks.” He nodded. Over his shoulder, outside, Kiara and Pope were standing at the window watching the two of you. Neither of them looked hopeful about the interaction. “I’ll see you around or something?” He asked once he had the book in hand.

“Yeah, I’ll see you around.” You smiled, hopeful that he might actually mean it.

-

JJ kept the book in his backpack for two weeks before he finally took it out and tried to read it. After a day of surfing, when he couldn’t sleep, he’d gone outside and sat in the hammock in John B’s yard, trying to read the book. It was almost too dark to see and he held a flashlight between his chest and chin as he tried to make sense of the story he was reading. When John B had heard about the encounter he had ragged on his best friend for days. JJ, reading? What was the world becoming?  

He looked for you at other parties over the course of those two weeks but he didn’t see you. He knew he could find you at the bookstore but he didn’t want to until he could understand what he was reading. If he could impress you, prove that he understood the stupid book, then maybe you’d go out with him.  

“You’ll have to read more books. She isn’t gonna listen to you sparknotes that book forever.” Pope had explained when JJ had told them his plan.  

“It’ll be fine.” None of the words even felt like they made sense at this point.  

On Tuesday, after two weeks of having the book and not understanding it he went back to the bookshop. If he wasn’t so frustrated by his own inability to comprehend something so stupid he would have been more nervous. You were reading something new this time and didn’t even look up when the bell chimed.  

You did look up when someone dropped a book on your counter. Buried in the sand, accidentally dropped in the marsh, bent up to loosen the spine, thumbed through while eating, and stained from a beer spill, the book looked like it had spent two weeks in hell and you almost had a panic attack at the sight. JJ stood there, looking almost as bad as the book.

“I don’t get it.”

“What?” You asked, bewildered.

“I tried...I read it twice. Front to back and I have no fucking idea what this guy is supposed to be talking about. Like what the fuck!” JJ exclaimed, voice louder than necessary.  

“I mean-”

“I only got this stupid thing because I thought if I could fucking read it than I wouldn’t sound like such an idiot talking to you and if I didn’t sound like an idiot, you’d go out with me.” JJ confessed.

“What?”

“None of it makes sense.” He groaned.  

“JJ, what?” You repeated, “you want to go out with me?”

“Yeah. And you were totally not interested at the party.”

“What are you talking about, I was too. You told me that stupid joke about penguins or something-”

“That's a funny joke.”

“No. It’s not. It doesn’t make sense.” You replied, “but I laughed. Then you left to get beer and never came back.”

“I did too.”

“No...you didn’t.”  

“Fuck! So, I read this stupid fucking book for nothing?” He asked as he realized that he’d rushed to conclusions.  

“I mean, if it makes you feel better, I’m super impressed you read Ulysses twice. Even if you didn’t get it.” You laughed.  

JJ ran a hand through his hair before shaking it out and looking at you, “so you wanna hang out?”

“I have two more hours in my shift, but after that I can.”

“Okay.” He nodded, looking around the small bookshop before settling on his torn-up copy of Ulysses, “so, do you understand it?”  

“I read the study that Stuart Gilbert did on it so, yeah.”

“Like a cheat sheet?”

“I guess.”

“Fuck!” He groaned, leaning over the counter and placing his forehead against it. “I fucking can’t believe I wasted two weeks on this shit.”

You laughed, reaching across to rub his back, “It’s okay. I can explain it to you if you want?”

“Please do.”

“Seriously?” You asked, surprised that he wanted to actually understand it.

JJ stood up again, hands pressed against the counter, “yeah you look super hot when you explain stuff. That history assignment in ninth grade was like, the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

You laughed, “You are a weird person.”

-

I’ve always wanted someone to read a book to impress me. It’s weird but...oh well. 

taglist: @poguesrforlife @freckled-and-daydreaming​ @jolomez​ @calumhoodsbuckethat

If you want to be tagged let me know!

[sams-sass]

Hear Me

Hi! Here is something I thought of and wanted to write down for you guys. Thanks for all the love! 

GIF not mine.

Summary: The case leads for Sam and Dean to find something out about you as Dean realizes something of his own. 

Characters: You, Sam, Dean

Pairing: Dean x Reader 

Warnings: None really, show level violence 

You, Sam, and Dean busted back into the motel room. You had spent the whole day looking into the lives of the victims and couldn’t come up with a single connection. Without a connection, there really wasn’t much to go on. All of the victims were female and had their throats slit and vocal cords removed. Other than that, they really had nothing in common. Different jobs, friends, ages, races, everything basically. You, Sam, and Dean had split up and gone to all the houses, it was a long day of listening to sad stories. You sat down on the bed as Dean handed you and Sam a beer before cracking one of his own.

“Maybe this isn’t a monster. Maybe its just a bad person doing a bad thing.” Sam said after taking a long drag from his beer.

“I don’t know, man. The lack of evidence, the stealing of the larynx specifically, the way the bodies were just tossed and not cared about. Seems pretty monstery to me.” Dean said back, his tone unsure.

“Sorry, Sammy, but I gotta go with Dean on this one. After leaving 7 bodies behind and not leaving a trace of evidence, especially since it could care less about the victims. It seems too lucky to be a human.” You weighed in coming to stand next to Sam.

“Alright so, lets go over it again. Dean, what did you find out about Beth?” Sam asked.

“Nothing man, she was a good girl. She wanted to be a scientist, she was studying physics, she had a boyfriend, craziest thing she did was sing karaoke at the local bar on Thursdays with friends.” Dean answered.

“Wait, she sang karaoke?” You asked looking up at him.

“Yeah, friend said she was good and that she loved to sing. What does that have to do with anything?” Dean asked giving you a confused look.

“The two girls I asked about, Jen and Grace. They were both singers too. Jen was a lot more professional taking gigs at bars, but she was also older. Grace was in her church choir. I didn’t think anything of it because a lot of people sing.” You answered

“Wait, my two were also singers. Hannah and Wendy both sang whenever they could. I didn’t think anything of it because what monster cares about singing.” Sam said nodding.

“Yeah….yeah the other two I asked about, uh Kelly and Dana they sang too. I ruled it out as a coincidence for same reason as Sam, what monster cares?” Dean agreed with the two of you.

“Holy….jackpot.” Sam said staring at his computer.

“What?” You and Dean said at the same time.

“There is a charity benefit concert thing coming up on Saturday, locally, and 4 out of our 7 victims were registered to be in it.” Sam said looking at the two of you, turning his computer so you could see.

“Well, that’s not a coincidence.” You said looking over the webpage.

“No, its not.” Dean shook his head next to you.

“This is a problem.” You sighed standing up straight.

“What is?” Dean asked.

“Every girl who is still registered is in danger. I think we need to be backstage.” You said letting your hip rest against the counter and crossing your arms.

“So what your saying is…we need a girl who can sing to go undercover for us.” Sam said raising one eyebrow and tilting his head in your direction.

“Concerts two days away.” You answered looking away, deep in thought. “I’ll sneak in the back and pretend to be a contestant. That way I can keep an eye on all of the girls and also feed you guys information as you’re in the audience.”

“You can’t sing….what if you have to sing?” Dead was confused, eyebrows furrowed.

“I can sing, I just don’t randomly sing in front of people.” You explained. “Now, if you will excuse me. I have some shopping to do and you guys have some tux’s to look into.”

“Tux?!” Dean said, eyes wide.

“Did you not read the part where it said it was a black tie affair?” You said grabbing your purse and heading for the door. You had seen a little boutique on your way in and knew they would have a dress for you. “Peace.” You said giving them a smile as the door closed behind you. You walked to the boutique to find a woman with a friendly face and a large smile. She helped you choose several dresses that you tried on. You found the one. It was a gown that hugged your curves and let loose where you wanted it too. It was a classic dress. You bought it and walked out of the store happy.

The next day the three of you devised a plan. Dean got a hold of the blueprints for the building and you two created a plan on the best way for you to sneak in. You then helped Sam to research on what this monster could be.  

“Oh my god…” You said looking at the webpage in front of you. “Well, goddess to be correct.”

“Goddess? What goddess?” Dean asked coming to stand behind you. He put his arms on the chair and leaned down. You could feel his breath on your skin, it was a slight distraction.

“Aoede, the goddess of voice and song. She was one of the original muses in Greek mythology. Said to collect voices of true song from those she deemed worthy.” You said reading from the page.

“Great. Another goddess.” Dean said pinching the bridge of his nose.

“How do we kill her?” Sam asked.

“According to this her only weakness is a gold blade dipped in the blood of a virgin.” You sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

“Why do these things like virgins so much?” Dean spread his arms out, annoyance on his handsome face.

“Don’t know.” Sam said shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders.

“I have a crazy idea.” You said biting your lower lip. “Well, out of the three of us, I have definitely had the least amount of sex. So, what about if we purify my blood and give it a shot?”

“It could work.” Dean said tilting his head to the side and raising his hands in a “whatever” gesture.

“I mean if it doesn’t we’re screwed….but we’re always screwed and I don’t have a better idea so, alright.” Sam said placing his hands on his shoulder and looking into your eyes as you smiled up at him.

The next day you spent getting ready, the concert started at 7 and you were nervous. You hadn’t sung in years and you picked a big song. You dressed in black slacks and a white button down with a black vest over it. You went to the concert hall two hours early and snuck in the back door. You waited for other staff members begin to arrive, then you quietly walked into the room and stood with the rest of the cocktail waiters and waitresses. People began to arrive and fill the room, you slipped away and grabbed your backpack out of the bathroom stall you locked it in and walked in the back towards the dressing rooms. You found an empty one and locked the door. You curled your hair and pinned one side back letting the others fall. You went for a bold makeup look, a dark smokey eye and bold red lips. Taking the gold jewelry that you kept from your previous life before you became a hunter, you added a necklace, earrings, and a bracelet. Then you slipped on your new dress and heels and opened the door as other contestants began to fill the halls. You needed to be quick to get to the band before people started taking their seats. You walked to the back and found the head of music, identifying him from the website you and Sam looked over. You quietly slipped him a 50 and whispered the song into his ear, placing your hand on his chest and looking up at him from your eyelashes. He nodded and licked his lips, letting his eyes linger on you for too long. You walked to the back of the stage with the other girls and waited.

People were now taking their seats as Sam and Dean looked around the room trying to find the seat with the best view to see the crowd. They walked to the back and took seats directly in the middle, looking around the room.

“Man, I hate wearing this thing.” Dean said tugging on his collar slightly. “I look like a penguin.” Sam smirked and looked at the crowd. The first few people came out and sang, they were all good, but neither Sam or Dean saw a reaction in the audience. Then you came on stage. Dean sat a little straighter in his chair as his stomach flipped. You were radiant, your dress was tight and showed off your figure. Your red lips were turned into a small smile as your heels clicked against the floor. The music started and Dean couldn’t look at anything but you. Your mouth opened and Dean heard the sound that suddenly made everything make sense.

Share my life, take me for what I am 'Cause I'll never change all my colors for you

Take my love, I'll never ask for too much Just all that you are and everything that you do

“Did you know she could sing like that?” Sam asked leaning in closer. Dean couldn’t form words at the moment so he just shook his head. I don't really need to look very much further I don't wanna have to go where you don't follow I won't hold it back again, this passion inside Can't run from myself There's nowhere to hide Don't make me close one more door I don't wanna hurt anymore Stay in my arms if you dare Or must I imagine you there Don't walk away from me... I have nothing, nothing, nothing If I don't have you

Your body was swaying along with the song and Dean couldn’t pull his eyes away, he was pretty sure he didn’t even blink. Dean was sitting there, mind swirling with images of you, quickly realizing he has been in love with you for years. Of course there was the playful flirting and smiles but this was something new. This feeling in his chest was growing in him and he couldn’t breathe. His arms were planted firmly on his thighs, holding him up. His green eyes gazing at you in a new light. You see through right to the heart of me You break down my walls with the strength of your love I never knew love like I've known it with you Will a memory survive, one I can hold on to I don't really need to look very much further I don't wanna have to go where you don't follow I won't hold it back again, this passion inside I can't run from myself There's nowhere to hide Your love I'll remember forever Don't make me close one more door I don't wanna hurt anymore Stay in my arms if you dare Or must I imagine you there Don't walk away from me... I have nothing, nothing, nothing...

You spread your arms out wide and looked through the whole audience. Dean knew you couldn’t see him, but God all he wanted was for you to look directly at him. His whole body was on fire and you were the only medicine. Don't make me close one more door I don't wanna hurt anymore Stay in my arms if you dare Or must I imagine you there Don't walk away from me, no Don't walk away from me Don't you dare walk away from me I have nothing, nothing, nothing If I don't have you

The entire audience was silent after you sang your final note before an eruption of applause surged through the crowd. People stood as they continued to clap, you took a small bow and waved as you walked off the stage. The trance Dean was in broke as Sam hit him in the chest lightly, getting his attention.

“Dude, black dress three o’clock.” Dean looked to where his brother was pointing, a woman with long auburn hair was exiting her row and heading for the backstage hallway. The two hurried from their seats and followed after her. When they walked into the hallway you were standing there, waiting.

“I saw her come this way.” You said as the brothers approached you. As soon as the words left your mouth Sam went flying towards the wall. Dean turned and grabbed his gold knife with your blood on it from the back of his pants. The woman walked out of the darkness and into the light. She was stunning. She had long auburn hair that cascaded in a waterfall of waves down her back, her eyes were a shining royal blue and her skin was a rich almond color with not a trace of impurities. As the two of you looked at her she waved her hand and Dean also went flying. Sam got up and charged at her with his knife, she quickly walked towards all of you and rammed Sam back to the ground.

“I just want your voice.” She said to you.

“Sorry, sis.” You said before you too were slammed into the wall. Dean charged at her and was able to land one blow in before she flung him across the room again. You tried to get up but couldn’t, there was something holding you to the ground. She continued to toss the boys around as you struggled against her hold. She pinned Dean to the ground and was holding her hand up, ready to strike when her head flung back as the gold blade entered her chest. She screamed loud and high, a light came from her chest and she burst into a ball of light that slowly dissipated. You stood there with the gold knife in your hand, panting slightly.

“Thanks, Y/N/N.” Dean said as Sam helped him to his feet. You nodded and the three of you quickly ran out the back door, someone must have heard something and was going to come and look. You all walked into the motel and Sam was the first to talk.

“So, Y/N.” Here we go. “Why didn’t you tell us you could sing like that?” He asked undoing his bowtie.

“What was I supposed to do? Be like oh, by the way guys: I’m a really good singer? Good morning, I can sing my little heart out, side note.” Sam laughed with you as you giggled.

“You’re amazing, Y/N.” Dean said, there was no joking in his face as he looked into your eyes.

“Thank you.” You tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear as you looked down and smiled, feeling shy. You licked you lips. “Hey, mind if I take the first shower?” You asked. Both boys said you could take it and you quickly stepped out of your heels. Undressing and getting under the warm water felt really good, it is always fun to dress up now and again, but you enjoyed sweat pants a little more. As the makeup washed off your face and the curls were rinsed from your hair you thought about Dean. He looked so good tonight in his tux and for a few moments you could have sworn he was staring. Your crush on him had been brewing for a long time and you didn’t know how much longer you could hold it in. How many more times could you see him pick up some girl who smelt like 5 dollar perfume? How many more times could you have him wink at you or kiss you on the head and not reciprocate? How many more times could you ignore the dance your insides did when he looked at you like he was tonight? You shook all thoughts from your head and got out of the shower, putting on sweat pants and a big shirt for sleeping. You walked into the room as Sam walked into the bathroom. You gave Dean a small smile and walked over to one of the beds. You both sat down and it was then that you noticed Dean seemed nervous. He looked at you and then quickly looked away.

“What is it?” You asked facing him and leaning your head, trying to catch his eyes.

“Y/N….I don’t know how to say this.” Your breath caught in your throat as your stomach twisted into a tight knot.

“What is it?” You asked, trying to sound calm as your palms got sweaty.

“I, well, I think I’m in love with you.” He said finally looking at you. “I mean it, Y/N, when you were on that stage tonight…I could hardly breathe. You are the first thing that pops into my head in the morning and the last thing that floats through my mind at night. I always thought we were best friends, but baby, you mean so much more to me than just friendship.” He moved so he was now kneeling in front of you. His hands resting on your thighs as he spoke. “Every time I hear your voice my day is instantly better, every time I see you after a case I automatically know its going to be ok. You’re the one Y/N, you’re the one for me.” His hands were now running up and down your thighs as his eyes held yours.

“I love you too, Dean. I always have.” Was the only thing you could think of to say. He laughed slightly and you did too he then leaned forward and pressed his plump lips to yours. Your mouths moved together in perfect sync, his tongue entering your mouth, you sucking lightly on his bottom lip. Everything about the kiss was more than you ever dreamed of. Sam clearing his throat is what broke the two of you apart. He gave an awkward nod as he pressed his lips into a hard line. He quietly grabbed his bag and mumbled something about getting his own room. As soon as the door shut Dean was on you again, his hand coming up to rest on your cheek as his lips found yours again. His fingers lightly brushed the back of your neck as you twisted your arms around him. You both fell into the passionate and warm bliss that surrounded you and succumbed to your feelings.

As Sam walked out of the office holding the key to his own room he whispered a ‘finally’ to himself as his mouth rounded into a smile.

Three years later

“Dean!” You screamed running through the halls of the bunker. You guys had found this place a few months ago and nothing felt as good as having something to call ‘home’, or so you thought. You ran into his chest as he grabbed your shoulders and pulled you away from him, checking you over for an injury.

“What is it, baby?” He said, worry etched into his face.

“I’m….I’m….I.” You tried but you couldn’t get it out so you just handed him the test. He took it from you and stared at the plus sign. Your fingers nervously twisted as he continued to stare.

“You’re pregnant.” He said matter of factly. “Oh my God! You’re pregnant!” He said lifting you in his arms and kissing you desperately on the mouth. “I love you so much, I love you, I love you, I love you.” He said as tears filled his eyes.

“I love you too, Dean Winchester.” Was all you could get out before his mouth stopped you from speaking.

[skiller0dani]

Heather | Zagene

M A S T E R L I S T YouTube Masterlist

angst  requests info

I’ve always been really selective of what I write about. But I’m done doing that lol. I’m going to write about what I want to write about, and if people don’t like it then they can go to another blog. 

And today I feel like writing something kinda sad about one of my favorite YouTube ships. Zagene, or Zach and Eugene from The Try Guys. There’s something so pure about how opposite they are. Also I love that Eugene “hates” hugs but like always is hugging Zach?? And just being cuddly towards him??? but sure, Eugene “doesn’t like” hugs. 

also I got inspired obvi by the song “Heather” so Zach’s imaginary girlfriend is named Heather. I couldn’t use Maggie, I love her and Zach together too much. 

Eugene didn’t hate her, he just wanted to. 

Honestly she was sweet, she was kind, and funny, and it was all his damned fault. He had helped Zach polish his Tinder profile after days of Zach’s endless begging. Eugene didn’t even know how deep his feelings ran until after Zach and Heather got together. He was the master at hiding his emotions, even from himself it would seem. Heather was quirky, wore penguin socks to work, once shaved her head just for fun, she was so perfect for him. They were both tiny, odd, and were much kinder than this world deserved. 

Eugene did not hate Heather, no matter how badly he wanted to. 

He wanted to hate her. He wanted to hate her when he saw her press her lips to Zach’s. He wanted to hate her when Zach shed his jacket to lay softly over her shoulders when the wind picked up. Eugene wanted to hate her, but mostly because of the way Zach lit up whenever she was around. He wanted to be the one making Zach come alive, he wanted to be the most important person in Zach’s life. Eugene is completely aware how incredibly selfish that is but he can’t help himself, he wants Zach all to himself. He wanted to hate Heather, but he didn’t. How could he hate someone who was always so unfailingly kind to him? If anything, Eugene hates himself for letting it go this far. He should have dealt with this stupid crush on Zach the first second he noticed it, but he didn’t. He let it fester and grow until it felt like a wound infected with flowers. Something that should be horrible, but isn’t. That almost makes it more horrible. 

Zach walked into the office that cursed day with the brightest smile upon his face. He waltzed right over to his standing desk and ignored the questioning gaze Eugene was giving him, he looked happier than he usually did. Eugene couldn’t help but ask. 

“What the hell are you smiling about?” He scowled, but Zach didn’t seem to notice. 

“Well good morning to you too sunshine.” Zach teased, the corners of his eyes still wrinkled with that faint smile. It bugged Eugene immensely. What on Earth had Zach in such a good mood today? He turned back to his desk, trying to ignore the smaller man sitting to his left, but it nagged at him for most of the day, like an annoying itch under his skin. Eugene tried to concentrate on his work, but every time Zach’s phone screen lit up, it caught his attention. Who was Zach talking to so much? Then came the question that sent everything in Eugene’s mind spiraling downwards. 

“Hey Zach, how was your date?” It was Keith who asked, and Eugene’s throat went try in an instant. Date? Eugene looked at Zach in subtle interest, watching Zach’s face crack into that beautiful smile once more. “Great, I’m seeing her again after work.” Ned and Keith congratulated him, and asked who would be the new Mayor of ‘Singleville’. Eugene couldn’t focus on anything other than the news that Zach has found somebody. Zach, his Zach, has found somebody? Who the hell even is she? She’s probably awful, it won’t last long. Guilt flashed through Eugene at the selfish thoughts plaguing his mind, but his heart yearned for Zach painfully. 

Eugene managed to ignore Zach and the new girlfriend for the remainder of the day, that is until she was meeting him right after work. As in meeting him at the office, and unfortunately meeting the other Try Guys as well. Eugene included. 

The first thing he noticed was that annoyingly, she was absolutely beautiful. Her eyes gleamed when she looked at Zach, her hand searching for him in some way, eventually grasping at his hand. “Hi, uh I’m Heather.” She greeted nervously upon looking at Eugene. She seemed put together when she spoke to Keith and Ned, but Eugene was far more intimidating to approach then the other two. Plus the deep set glare Eugene had on his face didn’t make him feel any more approachable. Zach shot him a pleading look, a ‘please don’t scare her away’ look. 

Eugene promptly ignored him. He was trying to scare her away. 

“Eugene.” He said coldly, his handshake brief as he towered above her. She really was tiny, even Zach towered over her. She couldn’t have been taller than 5,0″. Zach pressed a soft kiss to her cheek before shooting Eugene another look after excusing himself to gather his things. Poor Heather stood trembling in Eugene’s presence, and found herself inching closer to Keith and Ned. But Eugene was someone really important to Zach, so she wanted to know him. Even if Eugene didn’t want to know her. “S-So how long have you known Zach?” 

Eugene was hoping she wasn’t talking to him, but when he looked over at her their eyes met. 

“Longer than you.” Eugene snapped. He couldn’t help himself, it felt like they were competing for Zach’s attention. Eugene was going to win. 

“Oh don’t mind him, he doesn’t really like strangers.” Ned laughed nervously, Eugene was closed off to people he didn’t know so that was no surprise, but he was being extra bristly today and nobody knew why. Well, nobody except for maybe Keith- who’d had a hunch about where Eugene’s heart was located and Eugene’s less than welcoming attitude towards Zach’s girlfriend was all the confirmation he needed. Heather steeled her frazzled nerves and faced Eugene again. 

“Zach speaks very highly of you, he says you’re an extremely talented film director.” She says and Eugene feels disarmed for a moment. Zach has told her about him? What else has Zach said? 

“He embellishes my skills. I’ve had a lot of work on the projects I’ve directed.” 

“He also said you were stoic.” She smiled when she saw a crack in Eugene’s armor. She may not know how intense Eugene’s feelings for Zach are but she can certainly see that Zach is a soft spot for Eugene. She figures it’s in a brotherly way- and she finds that endearing. She’s wrong, but Eugene won’t tell her that. Heather opens her mouth to say something else but when Zach emerges with a large backpack slung over his shoulder- Eugene’s eyebrows pinch together in concern. 

“Let me-” 

“Eugene you don’t have to.” 

“Your back is going to hurt.” Eugene insists as he takes Zach’s bag and car keys, his eyes only briefly glancing towards Heather. Zach watches with heated cheeks as Eugene hauls his bag out to the car, “why didn’t you tell me Eugene has such a soft spot for you?” Heather asks with a small smile. 

Confusion is the first thing that crosses Zach’s mind. 

“He doesn’t?” Zach questions with a laugh but Heather merely raises a brow at him. 

“Oh he so does, he wanted nothing to do with me until I started talking about you.” She said and another blush roared across Zach’s pale cheeks. He drapes an arm over her shoulder with a nervous shrug. But when he sees Eugene sitting on the porch steps outside, he pulls away from Heather. 

Eugene hears the door creak open, and he already knows who it is by the scent of Zach’s cologne. He never wears cologne. He probably wore it for Heather. “You okay ‘Gene?” That was a nickname Eugene detested at first, but now he doesn’t mind it. Only when Zach says it- he snaps at anyone else who says it. 

“Mhm.” Eugene offers a glance over his shoulder, but Zach doesn’t move. Eugene feels his heart splintering with every worried look Zach gives him, he could never tell Zach why he was so upset. Sorry I’ve been in love with you for the last 3 years, so that’s why I hate your girlfriend, except I don’t really hate her because she’s actually not that bad! 

Zach sits next to Eugene and bumps their shoulders together. “You’re retreating back into yourself again.” It’s safer that way. Eugene wants to say, but he doesn’t. Instead he merely offers nothing more than a shrug, he needs to stop being selfish and just let Zach be happy even if it’s not with him. Eugene feels nauseated in Zach’s presence, he feels like Zach is cheating on him. He knows how ridiculous that sounds, but thinking of him with Heather, makes Eugene positively sick to his stomach. The anger rising inside Eugene is going to erupt from him any second now, why wont Zach just leave him alone? 

“Eugene whatever it is-” 

“It’s you Zach! Why the hell do you talk about me so damn much? There’s no reason your fucking girlfriend should know so much about me already.” Eugene snaps angrily, his face twisting as he glares over at Zach. The normal smile on Zach’s face has melted away, “I’m sorry- I didn’t know-” 

“No you did know you just didn’t care. You’re selfish Zach and you don’t think about anyone except for yourself. Now get your stupid girlfriend and leave me the hell alone.” Eugene nearly yells, the pain in his heart overwhelming him. He doesn’t dare glance at Zach, even when he hears a sniffle come from him, not even when Zach stands and hastily turns back inside, not when the door slams shut behind him. Zach was crying. Eugene made him cry. Eugene drops his head to his hands, feeling tears pushing into his own eyes. 

Nothing felt the same after Eugene’s angry outburst, and the last thing Eugene wanted to do was change the dynamic of his and Zach’s friendship. But everything felt different now. He didn’t know if he should talk to Zach about it or...apologize? Zach didn’t seem very keen on talking to Eugene anyway. Heather swung by the office more often, and despite what happened with Zach she still smiled at Eugene. She still brought him coffee when she brought everyone else coffee, she still told him ‘good afternoon’. She was still so damn nice. 

Damn her. 

It was late, and Zach was trying to get some work done, he found himself in the office but his back was starting to scream in pain. The stiffness in his neck had spread far down the length of his spine, and he winced in pain as he stood and stretched. Zach couldn’t stop thinking about what Eugene said, how angry he was. Zach wanted to know what was wrong, and he knew 100% it wasn’t because he told Heather about Eugene. It still hurt to hear the hurtful things Eugene said, but something else is bothering him and he was lashing out. 

“Oh hey babe.” Zach greeted after hearing his Vampire Weekend ringtone. Heather was silent, in all honesty Zach wasn’t sure how interested he even was in her. Sure she was beautiful, funny, kind, and the sex was okay but the entire relationship lacked that spark. It lacked that butterflies in your stomach moment, when Zach kissed Heather he felt no fireworks going off, no weak in the knees. It just felt like a kiss, and he knew he couldn’t keep this up forever. He has no idea why he asked her out in the first place. 

“Can we talk?” This question should make him nervous, but it doesn’t. 

Zach leans against the wall, the pain in his spine becoming unbearable by the second. “Sure.” He winces, Heather doesn’t mention it if she hears him. 

“I like you Zach, but I can tell you don’t like me. Because of Eugene.” Zach’s eyebrows furrow, because of Eugene? 

“What do you mean?” He asks in confusion, and it honestly breaks her heart that Zach doesn’t deny the fact that he doesn’t like her. 

“I have no idea how you haven’t noticed your obvious crush on Eugene.” The second the words leave her lips, Zach’s entire world seems to stop. Zach doesn’t have a crush on Eugene, does he? 

“Look it really isn’t a big deal to me, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” Heather says and she doesn’t sound angry, or even hurt but Zach knows she probably is. “Uh yeah okay.” Is all he can think to say, does he have a crush on Eugene? 

Zach feels like he should be more bothered by the fact that Heather just broke up with him but as soon as he hangs up the call, his back pain goes sky high. Zach collapses against the couch, his legs going numb from the pain. Zach reaches for his phone but groans, he can’t call Heather for help obviously and Keith and Ned are on double date night with their wives. 

That leaves only Eugene. 

As soon as Eugene hears the pain in Zach’s voice, and the gentle plea he’s out his apartment door. When he reaches the office, Zach is still on the floor, propped against the couch as he writhes in pain. Neither of them say anything as Eugene kneels down to take Zach’s hands, and neither of them address the spark that shoots through them at the feel of skin on skin. Neither of them talk about the fight, neither of them talk about the fact that Zach leaned into Eugene’s chest more naturally then he would have liked. Eugene scoops Zach into his arms, and he ignores how nice it feels to be the one Zach called for help, to be the one Zach wanted to take care of him. 

No neither of them talk about the obvious feelings stirring in both of their chests.

They don’t talk about it, but they should.  

[kisskissbanggang]

Standby pt. 4

[25Min. Read/6.7K Words – Bang Chan x Female Reader – Idol!AU – Half Plot, Half NSFW/Smut – Unfortunate Pining, Bondage, Face Sitting, Fellatio, Edging, Risky Situations, Acting Professional]

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Masterlist | Feedback

Every step you'd taken to get here was flashing before your eyes and burning to a crisp. Moving with your family to Korea, loving it enough to stay behind and pursue a degree even when they moved away, studying marketing and management in college, working your ass off to pay for school, landing the internship -- all the money, exams, all-nighters were gone. You were sure of it. Hyun-Jae was going to drag you into your shared hotel room and lock you there until she could put you on a plane to Antarctica to manage penguins. She wouldn't even have to worry about blacklisting you; the fans would probably take care of that tenfold. Some of the printed screenshots in the folder you'd been handed hadn't been very nice. Fat, ugly, foreign -- it was high school all over again. If you had been all or none of those things, you still wouldn't be good enough for them. No one would be. Interestingly, though, a rare amount of those screenshots also seemed oddly positive. You both seemed happy, content, smitten -- where were they when you needed the support right now? But, realistically, you knew that wouldn't matter at the end of the day. You weren't in charge of your fate in those regards.

Hyun-Jae juggled her hold on your arm to her other hand as she slipped her key card out of her pocket and slapped it against the door lock. You'd always suspected Hyun-Jae was partly excited you were a girl so she could split a room with you and make all the male staff share a room for once. It definitely seemed to help in a situation like this. Your room was more like a miniature suite, with two small bedrooms off a central bathroom and living room with a mini bar. Hyun-Jae dragged you into the room and pointed to the couch.

"Sit."

You rigidly sat on the couch as she pulled up the easy chair across from you. She pulled over an in-progress bottle of bourbon and poured two glasses.

"You did this, so you're not letting me drink alone." She took one glass and slid you the other. You took an obligatory sip of the drink. Hyun-Jae shot hers down and slumped back on the chair, rubbing her temples and perching her glasses on top of her head as she stretched. "I thought you'd be different," she yawned. The circles under her eyes matched yours.

"I'm sorry?" You asked, mostly unhearing but also, in a regrettable, small way, meaning it.

"Nothing," Hyun-Jae curtly replied as she stood up, "I'm going to catch the rest of rehearsal. Stay in this hotel, stay in this room if you can stand it. I don't have the time nor the energy to explain to you just how much shit you've created."

And with that, Hyun-Jae ghosted out the door, leaving you in her wake. What could you even do now? Did you even still have a job? You attempted to keep busy, first carefully answering frantic text messages from family and friends asking about bizarre rumors concerning your coziness with some idol. Your parents never really understood this career you wanted in the first place, and now you were stuck trying to gently explain how it might be over before it ever really began. It wasn't until well after rehearsal should have ended that you figured you should eat something. Should you get room service? No, you decided. You needed a change of scenery and a little fresh air.

You were catching the elevator back up after meeting the delivery person in the lobby, your food in hand, when the chime sounding the elevator's calling only one floor up made you flinch. Each dumb decision made in the past 24 hours hung on your shoulders like a cape, trimmed in good intentions and reckless decisions. Why did you have to choose this point in your life to be impulsive and spontaneous?

The doors slid open and you nearly considered running out when Minho and Jisung walked on, still wrapped up in robes and towels after relaxing in the hot tub, but they gracefully cornered you into the elevator car. You all stood in excruciating silence, them exchanging plenty of looks with each other and you just staring anywhere else possible.

"Are you alright, noona?" Minho asked you quietly before Jisung elbowed him in the ribs. You nodded reassuringly.

"I'm fine. Could be better." You shrugged, attempting to look stronger than you felt as you stared at the digital display, the numbers slowly ticking up.

"Not every day you torpedo a job, I'm guessing," Jisung said coolly.

The boys bolted upright as you let out a shaky breath, doing everything in your power to not finally cry, to not finally let go of all this pent up emotion, and especially not in front of them.

Minho smacked Jisung in the arm. "Good job, dummy. Stop being so protective."

Jisung still eyed you suspiciously. "You're not actually a crazy woman who's going to kidnap Chan-hyung, are you?"

"What?!" You and Minho both sputtered.

Minho reached back and swatted him in the arm again. "Now you're being protective and stupid."

Jisung raised his hands in surrender. "I had to be sure! And now I am. Noona," he quickly detoured towards you, "do you really like Chan-hyung?"

Your eyes darted back and forth between Minho and Jisung before Minho hit him one last time. "That doesn't matter; it's pretty obvious she does." He turned back to you, now calmly holding your shoulders. "What does matter is... Noona," Minho implored, "you didn't mean to fall for Chan-hyung, right? Like you didn't go out of your way to develop feelings for him?"

You shook your head firmly. "Like I would want to torpedo my job?" You asked, teasingly raising an eyebrow at Jisung, who was now using Minho as a protective barrier between you.

Minho nodded along understandingly. "Okay. That's all we needed to know."

"Yup," Jisung agreed confidently, "Wait, it is?"

"It is." Minho patted your shoulder encouragingly as the elevator rung for your floor. You watched as both boys turned heel and walked down the hallway, the two of them eyeing Chris curiously as he passed by them, heading straight for you.

You jogged down the hallway and attempted to duck right into your room when Chris bolted over and stopped you, his hand gripping onto yours. "Are you alright?" He asked softly in the hush of the hallway.

"I will be as soon as I get in my room," you struggled, trying to juggle Chris holding your hand while you tried to work around your takeout in the other, all the while attempting to fish out your key card from your pocket.

"I just want to make sure you're okay; this is a really shitty day and a whole mess and I'm worried about you and you won't answer me."

Chris was right. You had exactly five unanswered texts from him on your phone at that exact moment, all with increasing levels of concern.

"This is fine. I'm fine," you babbled, "I'm handling this. We wanted space and we got it sooner than expected but we're handling this. Just take care of you, and I'll take of me."

"Oh my god, would you just let me try to take care of you for once and be there for you?" Chris whispered in frustration.

"Trying to sneak in a quickie before the show?" Came a snide voice from behind the door. You both turned to watch as Hyun-Jae casually swung it open, stepping aside to let you in. You blushed deeply, wrenching your hand out of Chris' grasp and struggling to meet his eye as you followed Hyun-Jae into the room.

"Noona," Chris began warningly.

"Chan," she replied sternly, "you have to be in hair and makeup in an hour. Go relax before the show."

You could almost hear his agitation grow.

"He's fine," Hyun-Jae said, turning back to you, "he'll either jerk off or walk it off." You finally looked back at him as he turned to leave. It was rare to see Chris so frustrated, roughly pushing his fingers back through his hair as he stormed off. You set your food on the coffee table, eyeing Hyun-Jae as she sat and poured herself a drink.

"Oh, don't look so sore about it," Hyun-Jae waved you off as she took a sip, "it was just a joke."

"Excuse me if I'm not in much of a mood to joke about my personal life." You glowered as you paced the room.

"You should be when you drag me into it. By the way," Hyun-Jae noted as she leafed through some notes on the table, her drink in her other hand, "you're international, you're pretty open-minded, so I assume you're on birth control?"

"Uhh," you stammered, slack-jawed, "I am, but I don't need it."

"Because you're using condoms?"

Your cheeks burned.

"Ah." She finished her drink, a knowing smile escaping her. "You haven't actually done it yet. Well, that's good. One less mess for me to worry about."

"That's hardly--"

"What. It's hardly anything to worry about? I doubt it. There's too much time between now and us officially deciding your fate with the company."

You found yourself glaring as Hyun-Jae slipped the notes on the table into one of her folders and into her giant handbag next to your backpack. She'd actually wrinkled her nose when you showed up at the dorm with your backpack a week or so ago. You'd made the switch from your own big handbag for the sake of comfort and preference. She'd said you looked like a student. You'd reminded her you still were.

"Don't make it sound like I'm some animal. I can keep it in my pants." You muttered as you sat on the couch.

She shuffled things around in her bag before zipping it shut. "That may be, but like I said, there's just too many opportunities. And he's handsome, and he's charming, and you'll fall for it like you have been despite all the danger up until this point. He makes you feel special and like what you have is special, and you'll find yourself in bed before you know it."

"Why are you making him sound like such a monster? Or, for that matter, why am I suddenly such an idiot according to you?" You asked, your hands balled up in fists at your sides.

"Oh, don't get offended," Hyun-Jae smirked, "that's not a you thing or a him thing. I know damn well how much pressure these boys are under. I know how stressed they are and how starved for affection they are. It's an expectation of the business. Just, you know, they're usually smart enough to not fool around with the staff. I guess you have him really wrapped around your finger."

You stood up once again. "Oh, just because he acts --" you sputtered.

Hyun-Jae held up a hand so she could continue. "-- He usually acts in a way that benefits him. Do you know how goddamn hard I've worked to make sure fans feel like the only intelligent being Chan sleeps with is his computer?"

She waited only the briefest moment for a response before resuming. "He's married to the job, little sister, which helps when garbage like this happens. Fans have a hard time believing it, and I have less to clean up. At least, that was the theory. I foolishly believed you were married to the job, too. I guess you couldn't help it. Just like he couldn't. Really, I should've seen this coming. Thirty minutes to fix a stuck zipper? Who were you kidding? Who was I kidding? I'm going to get everyone ready for hair and makeup. No wild parties while I'm out."

With that, Hyun-Jae slung on her bag and set her empty glass on the table before breezing out the door, leaving you gawping in her aftermath.

In a matter of seconds, you impatiently tapped your foot as you sheepishly called up housekeeping to clean Hyun-Jae's glass that you had shattered against the front door. This was such an alien sensation. The fury seeping through you felt foreign, like it belonged to someone else.

You attempted to do anything to be productive, to distract yourself from your fear and anger and confusion. You answered a few more texts from family, futilely attempting to convince your parents you weren't going to be homeless and jobless and publicly shamed when you returned to Korea. You’d hoped, at least. Likewise, you ignored the six extra texts Chris had sent you, likely snuck in between stylists and makeup artists putting him through the ringer. Always concerned. Always sweet. Always caring. Each sent you deeper into doubt and confusion. This wasn't just some game to him. You knew it wasn't. So why were you considering it? Glancing at your phone, you considered tuning into the live stream for the show when it eventually started, but thought against it. That in and of itself would be inviting trouble. Instead, you took the first stress nap you'd had to resort to in years, waking up after what felt like ten minutes, only to find out it'd been an hour. How did Hyun-Jae get under your skin like that? How did she shoot through to the core of every dumb concern you'd had about this? It was frustrating that she could sound so right about things you could swear were wrong. You were an adult. You were capable. You were professional. The impatience for some relief, some peace of mind, was eating at you. You spent an inordinate amount of time flipping through television channels.

Even then you were only mildly sated. New texts arose from friends -- was the sex good, was he really that sweet, did he buy you gifts -- and these were too instantly exhausting to even humor. You looked at your phone again. What could checking the live stream hurt? You loved watching the show from the monitors or backstage in the wings. It felt odd to not be there. You wondered how the boys were doing, or how the rest of the staff was doing. For that matter, how could Hyun-Jae turn on you like this? How could she act like you were some dumb slave to your desires and as if she knew best? You couldn't help it reverberated in your head, and you weren't sure what made you more furious -- Hyun-Jae's biting platitudes in general, or the fact that you felt a little exposed from her condescending diagnosis. You spied your phone sitting on the coffee table. It wouldn't hurt to check the stream. Really, it could probably even help you feel better. At the very least it would distract you. Maybe two minutes. Just two minutes.

You snatched your phone and clicked through to the live stream as you sat back down on the couch. The boys were all doing splendid, but your eyes shook as you caught Chris. Chan. Whatever you wanted to call him, his energy was sucking the life out of you. Since when was it possible for him to look this intense and cocky? You were used to a tall level of energy from him, but this was as if he were possessed. He was performing like an absolute beast, grabbing the camera's attention each time it passed. The sweat on his brow, trailing down his neck and down the collar of his shirt, smudging off his foundation as he danced and hyped up the crowd -- you all but threw your phone at the easy chair across from you to calm down. You checked the time. How had you watched for fifteen minutes?!

Fine. He was gorgeous and talented and you were stupid. The joke was on you. Egg on your face, practically frying, you defeatedly got up, grabbed your phone, and exited out of the live stream. You decided to try and take care of some leftover paperwork. Admittedly, this filled enough time until well after the show should be over, but only in that you caught yourself spacing out and reading the same sentence on multiple occasions. It was getting late. You grabbed a beer from the mini bar and headed for the shower.

You couldn't help it, Hyun-Jae echoed in your mind as you simmered under the steaming water, absently sipping on your beer. Having skipped a hair wash and mostly in it for therapeutic reasons, you were able to towel off and immediately hop into some pajamas without dripping too much as you ordered room service. Sure, you could've ordered delivery again, but you didn't want to risk running into Hyun-Jae in the lobby.

Only a few minutes later, a knock sounded at the door. Puzzled, you crossed the room and opened the door, gasping as Chris herded you back inside and clapped a hand over your attempted yelp. You watched, hushed as he softly reached his foot behind him to gently click the door closed.

"It's okay, it's okay," he quietly reassured you, "it's just me."

You peeled his hand off of you. "I can see that, Chan!" You angrily whispered back. "You need to get out! Hyun-Jae--"

"-- Is entirely busy for the foreseeable evening."

You stared, wondering what the explanation could even possibly be.

"Jisung just happened to lose his wallet at dinner after the show."

A commotion passed by the door and you both stopped to listen. "How can you lose an entire wallet, Han?! We were at In-N-Out for five whole minutes! Oh my god the stylists are going to murder you if they find out."

The small herd outside passed the door, Jisung exaggeratedly apologizing all the way down the hallway. You finally got a good look at Chris. He must've been fresh from a shower, smelling amazing and looking cute in just sweats and a t-shirt, his shoes not even tied, and you just wanted to kick him out even more.

"Is everybody going?" You asked incredulously, not sure why you were still whispering.

"Not everyone. Just enough to be annoying. For instance, I'm at the gym right now, Changbin is taking a nap, Felix is reading, and Seungmin is busy doing a broadcast."

"I'm sorry, she took none of the English speakers with her?" You couldn't help but be amused. Hyun-Jae's English was good, but certainly not perfect but any means, and only got worse when she was stressed or frustrated. It was another of those things you suspected she took for granted when having you around.

"Nope, and that was definitely on purpose. Everyone with her is running full distraction tactics."

You crossed your arms impatiently. "For what purpose, exactly?"

"I needed to make sure you're okay," he powered through despite your rolling eyes, "And we need to talk. I mentioned needing time tonight and Minho suggested an entire crazy scheme, so I took a chance."

"Yeah, an insane chance," you huffed. "What is there to even talk about? We fooled around a little and the fantasy is over now. We're being professional about this, remember?"

Chris looked at you, the floor, anything as he attempted to start the fifty thoughts running through his mind, absently reaching for your hand and wincing as you snatched it away.

"It's fine that it happened," you said, softening a little. "We couldn't help it."

You were met with a scoffed laugh as he backed up out of your personal space. "Yeah. 'Couldn't help it.' We accidentally fooled around on multiple occasions now. Couldn't help it."

"You know what I mean. Don't be obtuse." You replied sharply, your eyes narrowing to keep from tearing up. It was hard not to feel miserably vulnerable.

"And I absolutely didn't mean to fall for you," he continued, refusing to meet your eye. You both knew he was a sympathetic crier. "I couldn't help it. I'm just an idiot who keeps wanting to be with you and I -- I'm sorry, but can you please put on a robe or something?"

You were thrown off by the request, looking down to see why on earth he would ask. Admittedly, you preferred to wear comfier pajamas when you were sharing a room with Hyun-Jae than what you normally wore when you slept at the dorm. You hadn't thought much about your flimsy tank top and shorts when you first put them on, but you suddenly felt exposed. You shot Chris a quizzical glance as you ran into the bathroom to pile on your robe.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, massaging there as he gathered his thoughts. "I'm sorry. I've been dying since this morning, and especially after yesterday. The show only made it worse; I'd rather not be distracted. It's not your fault."

You couldn't help but smirk at his brazen confession. Honestly, it hurt to see him so distressed. He deserved a break, anything to lighten the mood. Gently, playfully, you nudged his shoulder, trying to lift him back up a little. "What," you smiled, "couldn't just take care of it yourself?"

His smile returned as he nudged you back, pretending to get all choked up again. "I tried! I really did. I think I'm developing a problem preforming under pressure."

"Is that so? I'm sure you're just being a baby--" you laughed, stopped short as you noticed what you were doing. It's like you were watching from outside your own body as you saw yourself playfully grab Chris' dick. Every voice in your head that knew better started shouting over each other as it throbbed at your touch, but the moment your eyes locked all the noise dampened. Even though you quickly grabbed your hand away, he got ahold of your arm and kissed you, softly, once on the lips, as if it were the most normal thing in the world, like you'd been dating for years and this was just another night. This should stop. You knew you should stop, that this was a slippery slope for both of you.

So how was it you found yourself backing Chris against the wall, kissing him fervently, giggling and playing with each other like this was Seven Minutes in Heaven? You couldn't help it, Hyun-Jae condescended in your mind. Fine. Couldn't help starting it, couldn't help finishing the job.

Your pushing and pulling at each other led Chris to easily nudge you back, his hands in your hair as he kissed you hungrily. He was just as easily turned to step back, a few easy steps to send you both tumbling over the arm of the couch and onto the plush cushions. Laughing into each other, you resituated yourselves, Chris sat up with you resting on his lap, your tongues eagerly wrestling as you caught yourself firmly rolling your hips against his, his growing hard-on pressing up against you.

"Mmph, no-no-no, wait," Chris half-pleaded, half-laughed, his hands holding tight onto your thighs to still you, "be careful or I'll cum. I'm near death, remember?"

"Oh? I thought that was the whole point," you cooed, "isn't that why you kissed me?" Your hands trailed down his arms, a cute shiver running through him as you laced your fingers into his.

"No," Chris chuckled, but not without an edge of seriousness, "I kissed you because I really want you and --"

"Oh, so you don't want to cum?"

Chris gave a nervous laugh, his eyes wild at the implication. "Nope, not what I said whatsoever."

You quickly shushed him with a kiss, raising his hands in yours up over the top of the couch. Sitting back, you admired how cooperative he was, still keeping his hands in place as he watched, mesmerized by you untying and opening your robe. "Still distracting?" You asked cheekily, satisfied as he silently nodded. "Oh, no, I guess it's easier to get distracted than I thought. Looks like I'm getting distracted, too."

Chris watched, momentarily excited and curious as you lifted the hem of his shirt, his intrigue turned to shock as you quickly pulled the shirt only halfway back over his head, acting as an improvised blindfold and binding, as minor as the effect may be. It didn't cease to impress you that he could be so compliant, dutifully waiting in place. "There," you marveled quietly as you let your free hand drift from his collarbones down to his navel, "See? Now I'm plenty distracted."

"Don't think this is making me forget that I wanted to talk about this whole mess," he breathed, waiting for your next move.

"Gee," you pouted sarcastically, "aren't I so lucky you're dying?"

The smallest whine escaped Chris' throat as you resumed grinding your hips against his, the pathetic sound pretending to be an exasperated chuckle on its way out. "It's so bad, I feel like I'm buzzing."

"Oh yeah? Let's see if we can't make that any worse." He couldn't quite see your sly smile as you let your robe fall from your shoulders and onto the floor. His skin was smooth, cold as marble as your fingers danced down the graceful lines of his torso, teasing and winding their way into his sweats to fish out his blushing, leaking length. The sight almost made your heart stop, Chris heaving for breath and practically sweating as he obediently waited for you to give him some relief. It was so easy, so natural to lean in and kiss his lips, to savor his shivers and wavering breath as he let you take control.

You pulled off your tank top, the cool air of the hotel room making your nipples rub pert against him as you resumed kissing him. "You're so warm," he marveled quietly against your lips. He hardly registered you raising your hips a little, just enough to slip the crotch of your shorts to the side and tease the head of his member against your soaked entrance. Instantly, he went rigid under you. "So warm," he repeated, shuddering through a hearty moan. It took so much restraint not to just drop yourself onto his length, but you knew better. Predictably, your resolve proved stronger than his own, unable to stop his shallow thrusts up into you until you bucked him back down.

"You're going to have to slow down if we're going to enjoy this."

"Oh, come on, baby, please help me," he begged.

"I thought you wanted to talk, though," you teased, subtly grinding down on his length. Thankfully, he couldn't see just how much you adored him in this moment, just how pleased you were with how he stretched and filled you just right. It was a little frightening, dealing with the reality that it might not be so easy to let go of these feelings you had, especially with him underneath you and so ready to be yours.

"I do, it's just--" Chris struggled, a clandestine drip of perspiration catching your eye as it rolled from his neck and down his chest, "I do want to talk, I just need you so badly right now."

The cute desperation in his voice helped keep you on track. "Good. But you definitely can't cum yet. Won't it be so much nicer to earn it?"

"Tell me how to earn it, baby," he offered quickly.

"Count." The command was so simple, he looked so cute being understandably confused.

"What, I --" he stammered, desperate for whatever would make you do something as you lifted yourself almost entirely off his length, "One... Two, three," he carefully counted. You barely bobbed the head of his cock in and out of your pussy, the soft ghost of pleasure making his voice waver. "Four, fi-- ah, fuck!" Chris' jaw clenched, hissing as you dipped him full into your depths.

"Good job," you praised sweetly before lifting your hips back up. "Now start again." The counting achieved just what you were hoping: Chris was creating so much anticipation for himself that one of these rounds you could drop on the count of one and probably kill him.

Chris swallowed hard, his Adam's Apple bobbing in his throat. "One, two--"

You were both startled at the sound of the door knocking.

"Hyun-Jae?" Chris gasped, well out of breath for more than one reason.

You took a second to come back to earth, sighing in relief as you figured it out. "Room service. Sit still and be quiet. In fact..." You plucked his shirt the rest of the way off before pulling your tank top back on. Moving quickly, you snatched the bathrobe off the floor, pulled the plush tie from it and fixed it around his eyes, binding it to his wrists up behind his head. Next, you swiftly dropped your shorts, grabbing your panties and stuffing them between his teeth. His shock thoroughly muffled, you admired your handiwork as you bundled the bathrobe closed over you and answered the door just enough to thank and tip the porter before snatching the tray of food. You kicked the door closed once again and set the food on the table, casually nibbling at a french fry as you shed the robe once more. The sight of Chris tied up and waiting for you on the couch really was something to behold, something that filled you with a sudden sense of doubt. All this over you? Would he be this person for anyone, so eager to please and be pleased? You shook yourself out of it. You were chosen each time before this, you were chosen tonight, so it would be you and you would enjoy it, no matter how much your conscience told you this was a dumb fantasy to play into.

You strode over to Chris, his chest barely trembling under his regained confidence, having apparently taken a second to calm down. You gently tugged your panties from his lips, amused by his persistent and goofy smile even amidst all this.

"What took you so long, babygirl?" He chuckled, muffled again as you playfully shoved a french fry in his mouth.

"You definitely don't get to cum if you say that again," you laughed as you set yourself back on his lap.

"Speaking of cumming..." he alluded with a smirk. How was he still so cute even while blindfolded? You stroked his hair, your fingers gliding back to the improvised binding behind his head. You grabbed ahold, pulling him down to lay flat on the couch.

"Since you won't stop asking about it," you lightly scolded, "then we can work on you again after you learn to hold your tongue."

Just as he began to ask, you got up, smoothly turning and swinging a leg over to slowly rest your pussy down against his lips. He quickly got the idea, licking you hungrily as you quickly got his length just as hard as you had previously left it. He groaned and whined under you as you barely stroked him, barely licked his length, only occasionally bobbed him deep into your throat like he seemed to enjoy so much just that morning. His thighs were shivering as you clutched them still, and you once again couldn't help but get distracted. Chris, still wearing his untied shoes and sweatpants, gladly eating you while you sat on his face. It was hard not to feel smitten again. How did you keep getting consumed by this feeling? You earnestly shook yourself out of it, getting the hell over it by jerking his cock perfectly for just enough strokes for him to sound devastated when you stopped. The sound brought you closer to a peak you hadn't expected but gladly welcomed, allowing Chris to rush you to an orgasm with his quickly learning tongue. You decided he more than earned a little affection, sitting up to reach back and lace your fingers into his hair as you ground down on him.

"Chris, Chris, please don't stop," you sweetly begged, letting yourself fully give into your infatuation for just a moment. If you couldn't enjoy it now, when could you? For all you knew, you’d be fired the moment you touched down in Korea, if not even sooner. Your moans reached their own peak along with your orgasm, practically silent with the force of your convulsions on top of him. You collapsed off of him, regaining your breath as he did the same. You sat yourself back on his lap, lovingly kissing his lips as you slowly teased his length back inside you. "You did so well, baby boy," you soothed with only a hint of a laugh, stroking his hair as he got used to being deep inside you again. "Your turn now, right? Remember how to play our game?"

"Count?" He asked quietly, almost unsure of himself.

"Yes, baby boy, count."

Your excruciating game lasted three rounds before you gave him a short break, Chris flushed from his cheeks to his chest in the prettiest way when you heard a faint buzzing from deep within the couch. He was practically in tears when you finally took him fully inside you, only ever truly fucking for just enough thrusts to torture him when you stopped. You started him counting again as you dug around, finding that his phone had fallen into the couch cushions. Six whole missed texts from Minho.

>Hyung

>Hyung!

>HYUNG

>get out of there noona got a phone call and says she has to get back

>get out of there NOW we're pulling up to the hotel

>i don't know how long you have we only managed to hide her key card hurry up

You quickly sat up, barely noticing that Chris had taken the opportunity to surreptitiously grind his length into you.

"Baby," you urged, your adrenaline already rising, "we have to--"

A knock at the door.

"Room service?" Chris laughed.

"Hyun-Jae." You replied in horror.

"God damnit!" He growled, quickly pulling his arms back forward and untying himself, easily showing how much of his restraint had been pure obedience. The door knocked again and you hauled Chris off the couch, pulling him across the room. "What do we do?!" He whispered.

"I'm figuring it out!" You replied, your hushed tone still revealing too much anxiety. Sprinting into the bathroom you turned the shower onto the hottest temperature. You pulled him along and swung open the hall closet door. Chris didn't even protest as you pushed him inside. "Be quiet, hide, and I'll get you out of here."

A knock sounded once again, more intense this time as you could hear Hyun-Jae rummaging through her bag on the other side of the door. You were both breathing hard, nervous out of your minds, and you hurriedly grabbed his hand to squeeze it. You leaned up, giving him one more reassuring kiss as you returned his phone to his pocket. "We're going to be fine. You're going to be fine. I got this."

"Don't forget we need to talk," Chris reminded you, quickly cupping your face and kissing your forehead. "There's important things that I've been thinking about that I want to tell you."

"Of course we'll talk. I promise. But just hide for now."

He nodded and you quietly shut the door before you ran back into the bathroom, stripped, got under the stream, then jumped back out and into your robe the next time Hyun-Jae knocked. One big breath, and you opened the door.

"Took you long enough, little sister," Hyun-Jae teasingly clucked as she walked in, still rifling through her bag. "You missed it, that was the most chaos I've been put through all at once in a long time. First Han loses his wallet, then I.N. asks if we can stop somewhere for milkshakes, long after we'd already left In-N-Out. Lee Know and Woojin will not stop bickering about something I couldn't figure out, and Hyunjin is just there, asking if we can do a million things at once. What an absolute nightmare. I have no clue what got into them."

You watched warily, seating yourself on the couch and picking at your tray from room service, the food now cold from sitting. Hyun-Jae sat in the chair across from you with her bottle of bourbon and two more glasses. She poured you each a glass and offered you yours.

"I'm sorry, for what it's worth. For being so hard on you."

You took the proffered glass and cautiously sipped at it.

"It's just, I guess, I was always under the assumption that you were going to be different."

Your eyes narrowed. "You said that earlier. What does that even mean?"

Hyun-Jae sighed. "Of course, you're aware that you're not the first person I interviewed for your position, or even my first intern. I read your profile and application and fell in love with the idea of mentoring you. But I had to be sure, and I was lucky you worked downstairs. So I brought the group to the cafe one day, and you're there, and you make these googly eyes at Bang Chan, and I wonder if this will spell trouble. I gave you too much money while he talked to you, and you chased me down and gave me my change after I walked away from the register. So, I think, you're definitely worth interviewing."

A blush had crept over your cheeks. You never remembered ever making any sorts of eyes at Chris before you formally met, but Hyun-Jae was good at her job for a reason. Maybe she saw something you didn't.

"And I interviewed you," she continued, "I'm good at interviews, because they're fun for me. I'm sure you remember. I came on real strong and real hard, but the important thing was we held the interview while going out for lunch. I had you look up directions and make reservations while we talked, and despite all the multitasking, it didn't faze you. And I was so impressed, little sister. I still am. So I thought that was a perfect omen, that even if your eyes wandered sometimes, that you would always keep your priorities in order."

"They are in order... Unnie."

"I'm glad," she sighed. "Because I got a phone call from management. You're okay for now. I pulled some strings and you should be good as long as you lay low for a little bit. Social media is starting to quiet down, and it seems that only the positive stuff is persisting. So for the time being, you’re in the clear."

A deep sigh escaped you, a giant weight lifted off your chest. But you still felt like you were in hot water. "I'm really grateful, unnie. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"I just," Hyun-Jae fidgeted with her glass, "I know how easy it is to fall for. You get close to these idols and you really feel for them. I've seen it happen a lot. But it's never destined for anything good. I've been around long enough to know that much. What did I tell you when I hired you?"

You stared right into the floor as Hyun-Jae rose from her chair. "You said you'd always do right by me, unnie."

"That's right." She strode over to you at the couch, petting your hair before setting a hand on your shoulder. "I'll always do right by you, even when you let yourself do something as reckless as fall in love."

Your heart sank in your chest as you downed the rest of your drink. "I'm not in love, unnie."

"Good," she gave you a reassuring smile, "I'm glad you're keeping your wits about you. Let's get ready for bed. We've all had a long day."

With that, you were sure Hyun-Jae leaned down to give you a rare hug but, to your horror, she reached lower, grabbing Chris' shirt that had fallen just under the couch. You watched, speechless as she casually walked straight to the hall closet and opened it. Chris' eyes darted from her to you, back and forth. He looked sullen, heartbroken and even frustrated as he met your gaze. Wordlessly, he grabbed the shirt and walked out of your hotel room.

You felt the air punch out of your gut. Why did he look so devastated? Everything fell into place as you let yourself fall back into the couch. Hyun-Jae walked back over, refilling your glass.

"Everyone does it, little sister. You just need more practice."

[To be continued.]

[dc41896]

Cotton Candy Carousel

Hi guys!! So the fair is currently going on in my hometown and I got inspired to write a little quick imagine, so I hope you guys like it:)!

Pairing: Lewis Tan x Black Reader

Warnings: None (nothing but fluff!)

Word Count: 1,558

“Pop the balloon, get a prize! Give it your wife or girlfriend and maybe she’ll share her fries!,” yelled the older man as he stood beside the carnival game, waving his hand back and forth holding a few darts. The annual state fair had finally come to town and knowing how much you loved it, Lewis thought it would be a nice date for you two. Plus with him leaving soon to shoot his next movie, both of you were actively searching for fun things you could do together.

“Ha! That’s debatable,” laughed Lewis as you both walked by making you dramatically gasp. “Um I do share with you sir! When have I not offered you my food?,” you ask, looking up at him with arms crossed.

“What happened literally 10 minutes ago babe?,” he countered mocking your stance with a smirk.

“Ok that was different I asked you three times if you wanted something to eat and what did you say? ‘No I’m good, I really shouldn’t eat this stuff anyway’,” you answer, trying your best to imitate his voice, but of course failing and making him laugh. “Then you had the audacity to try to take some of my fries!”

“You didn’t have to smack my hand away though,” Lewis responds, peering down at you with puppy dog eyes as he pokes out his bottom lip.

“Uh uh nope, the sad stray routine won’t work. You know you were wrong,” you dismiss turning your back to him, feigning you were angry. The act didn’t last long though, from Lewis making you giggle as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and repeatedly pecked your cheek and down the side of your neck.

“You know what makes a great make up gift? A teddy bear won by showing exceptional skill in a game of darts!,” interrupted the older man. “C’mon love birds you know you want to.”

Seeing that you guys were still near his stand, he heard your lover’s spat, which he couldn’t help but quietly laugh at from how much it reminded him of himself and his wife when they were younger. Looking from the booth to you, Lewis takes your hand as he walks you over to the counter and retrieves his wallet from his pocket. “Alright you got me, how much?,” he asks, dimples showing from his bright smile.

“$5 for five darts,” the old man, who was called Jim according to his nametag, answered. “Babe I wasn’t really mad I was just kidding, you don’t have to try to win me anything,” you add just as money and darts are exchanged from hands.

“I know, and it sounds like you’re doubting my throwing skills ma’am,” he responds with a smirk flexing his biceps and making you roll your eyes in return.

“I’m not, I’ve seen you with throwing stars I know your aim is great. But is it better than mine though?,” you retort as you hand Jim the money to get your own set of darts. “Ohh we’ve got a competition on our hands ladies and gentleman! Alright lovebirds on your mark, get set, throw!,” Jim announces as if he were the host of a game show.

Laughing, you and your boyfriend both begin throwing darts towards the colorful balloons in front of you. At first, you started off tied with each of you easily hitting two balloons. The tie soon broke though with you missing your third and fourth throw while he made both, automatically making him the winner.

“And the winner is the young man in the white tee!,” Jim shouted as Lewis raised his arms in the air, clearly excited. “Since you got all of them, you can choose anything from this wall, and for you little lady you get to choose from this wall.”

“Can I get the small Nemo?,” you ask to which Jim immediately hands to you with a smile. “And can I get the penguin?,” Lewis requests before being handed his prize.

“Babe how are we gonna get on any rides with that giant penguin?,” you ask with a laugh. While yours could easily be put in your small black, leather backpack, the penguin would need its own seat from it being about three feet tall.

“You guys can leave it here if you want? I’ll keep it off to the side so no one can get to it, and when you guys get done just come back by,” Jim suggests pointing to a far off spot away from the other prizes. “Thank you sir, we’d really appreciate it,” Lewis answers with a smile as he hands over the plush toy.

“No problem, you guys have fun!,” he responds, waving as you guys leave to explore what else the fair had to offer.

Hand in hand, you passed by more vendors who tried to get you guys to play games, or buy what they were selling, and fans who asked for an autograph or picture with Lewis to which he happily said yes. You also rode some rides, including Pharaoh’s Fury, which you screamed on for a good portion of the ride. Seating what had to be about 50 people in what looked like a boat with Pharaoh heads at each end, the ride would swing back and forth until it became high enough that it would do a full turn.

Being the thrill seeker he was, Lewis begged you to ride it with him and somehow convinced you it wasn’t as bad as it looked. You definitely did not agree, and was glad to have both feet back on the ground when it was all over.

You also went through the Fun House, a personal favorite of yours, where Lewis somehow managed to bump his head twice making you clutch your side in laughter. “I could be concussed and you’re laughing at me,” he joked with his hand on his head as he chuckled with you.

“And I could’ve gotten whiplash from the Pharaoh ride, so I guess we’re even now,” you countered reaching on your tip toes to kiss the sensitive spot on his head.

The final ride of the night was of course the Ferris wheel so you guys could see the night sky and the lights of the city buildings. There was a momentary silence as you gazed out to the people below, reminding you ants scattered about, as well as the lights from all the other rides and booths. You thought Lewis was doing the same, but your phone buzzing would show you otherwise.

Clicking on the notification from Instagram, you are directed to a picture of the side of your face with you looking content and glowing from the surrounding lights of the side of the Ferris wheel.

lewistanofficial: When she’s looking out and admiring the beauty around her, but you’re more focused on the beauty herself @(your IG name). Really gonna miss these moments (even when you smack me for stealing your fries lol) when I leave to shoot

Looking up from your screen, you meet Lewis’ soft brown eyes and dimpled smile as you slide to get closer to him. “You’re such a big softie you know that?,” you ask pushing a bit of his hair back at the top of his head.

Shrugging, he lets out a small chuckle before closing the remaining space between you to kiss your lips, sending what felt like electric butterflies through every inch of your body all at once.

Seeing that it was close time for the fair to close, you guys made your way back towards the parking lot hand in hand. You made sure to get the penguin, whom you both decided to name Dino and would act as your shared son, before you left and thanked Jim again for holding him.

Passing through the gate you both were approached by a woman around your age with a young girl following close beside her, sniffling and wiping her eyes. “I’m sorry to bother you, but have you seen a brown teddy bear? My daughter and I were literally about to leave, but she realized she lost her bear and refuses to go without it.”

“No I’m sorry we didn’t, but here,” you answer as you remove your backpack to take out the small Nemo toy you won. “I know it’s not your teddy, but you can have Nemo if you want?”

Slowly removing the plush fish from your hand, the little girl smiles softly before hugging it to her chest. “Thank you,” she squeaks grabbing her mom’s hand. “Mommy if we can’t find Skuffles it’s okay.”

“Okay, we’re still gonna check the lost and found though to see if he might be there,” she responds before looking up at you two. “Thank you so much, that was really kind of you.”

“You’re welcome, I hope you find Skuffles,” you respond with a smile before exchanging goodbyes. Finally in the car and ready to leave, you feel eyes on you as you turn to see Lewis smiling at you in awe.

“What?,” you giggle fidgeting with your seatbelt. “Nothing you big softie, just that you’re amazing you know that?,” he answers brushing your cheek with his thumb.

“Eh I’ve been told,” you shrug, softly laughing along with the love of your life before pulling out of the parking lot and heading back home.

Taglist: @honeychicana @melinda-january @themyscxiras @lady-olive-oil @fumbling-fanfics @crushed-pink-petals @lovelymari4 @ellixthea @jojolu @jnk-812 @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @nina-sj @itshinothey @wildfirecracker

If anybody else wants to be added to the taglist, only wants to be tagged for certain people I write about, or have asked to be tagged and don’t see your name, don’t hesitate to let me know! :)

[jeagerism]

from the 200 dialogue prompts : fluff 8 + 34 w peter parker 🤧🤧

eeee ok! welcome to the two times you tell peter a pick up line, and the one time he surprises you.

---

You realise you have a crush on Peter Parker sophomore year. Specifically, end of sophomore year, on the day the whole school gets their yearbooks.

The hallways are full of students, yearbooks open to the three pages dedicated to signatures - right between the sponsors and the baby pictures most parents had sent in. Your pages are bare, aside from MJ's loopy handwriting and the freshman from your PE class. 

"Hey." The locker door next to yours opens, and Peter peeks his head around it a few seconds later. He's grinning, yearbook under his arm.

You hum, closing your locker and leaning against it. "Hi."

"Do you, um...will you sign my-my yearbook?"

Peter's a friend, someone you've known since middle school. Someone who you've had every english class with since you were twelve, someone that sat by you during lunch on your first day because he'd seen you eating alone. Peter is a friend, and friends sign each other's yearbooks.

"Sure", you hold yours out, "you can sign mine, too."

Peter pauses, and then reaches into the pocket of his backpack for two pens, shuffling closer to you. He hands you the pen with the blue cap and trades yearbooks with you.

You stare at the empty white space surrounded by other signatures, all in variations of colored ink and thickness. You could stick with the custom words of "have a great summer", signing your name below and leave it at that.

And you're going to, until you notice the way his eyelashes are so long they skim his cheeks with every blink. Or the way he smells like the cinnamon cupcakes from the bakery downtown. Or the way his hair looked really, really soft.

So, you could do what everyone else does. Or you could do something bold.

By the time you decide, Peter's already done, smiling up at you politely, waiting. You scribble down a few words, and hand his book back. When he gives you your own, you read over his words with a smile.

thanks for making english bearable this year. see you next year.

And below that, his name. You smile, and glance up just in time to see his eyes scan your own words. A blush creeps up his neck, his cheeks pink.

are you a camera? because everytime i look at you, i smile! see you this summer, peter!

But Peter smiles, and looks back up at you. "See you this summer", he breathes, and his shoulder brushes yours as he walks away.

---

He kisses you for the first time on Halloween.

Another rerun of Halloweentown plays on the television, and you and Peter have already started on the extra bowl of candy you'd brought for the tricker treaters.

He's so close you can smell the cinnamon icing he'd spilled on himself earlier tonight. But you seriously do not mind, so you leave it be.

"I have a secret."

Peter raises both eyebrows, turning his head. "Yeah?" You nod, and he moves the candy bowl from his lap, facing you. His hand hovers over your own for a second, before it drops back into his lap. "Well...what is it?"

You begin to speak when you stop, wetting your lips. "I, um..." Noticing your hesitance, Peter smiles at you.

"If it makes you feel any better, I have one, too." He shrugs, "same time?"

Nodding, you look down at your fidgeting hands. In your head, telling him this had seemed a lot easier. The words had came out perfectly, and he'd reacted in the perfect way, and things were good.

But reality was never like that, so you find yourself nervous, barely able to look him in the eye. Halloweentown still plays in the background, but neither of you are paying attention to that anymore.

"On three?" Another nod. "Okay. One."

Oh god.

"Two."

This is bad. Why did I say anything?

"Three."

He's gonna hate me.

"I have a crush on you."

"I'm Spider-Man."

There's a pregnant pause.

"You're what?!"

"You have a crush on me?!" Peter throws his hands up, shaking his head from side to side. "Wait wait wait, I-"

You stand, eyes wide, heart racing. Partly from the fact that you just confessed to your crush of a year, but also because your crush of a year is fucking Spider-Man. "You're a superhero! You fight crime and wear spandex and shit!"

"It's not spandex", he objects, "and what about you! You have a crush on me! And you're just now telling me when I've been freaking out about the way I get nervous over you for two entire years!"

You suck in a breath, and then slowly slide down next to him. "Oh."

Peter gulps, sinking back in his spot. "Yeah. Oh."

And, well, here's goes nothing.

"Hey, Peter?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I borrow a kiss? Promise I'll give it back."

So, you have your first kiss with Peter Parker, aka Spider-Man - you're still not over it - on his couch, like two middle schoolers, lips sticky with candy, over the sound of Halloweentown in the back.

---

Senior year creeps up on you faster than expected, so due to this, you dedicate the last week of summer break to hanging out with Peter.

"Stop moving."

You huff, flopping onto your side and brushing hair out of your face. "I can't fall asleep."

Peter's eyes are closed, cheek smushed against the pillow. "I can." He slings an arm across your waist, and tugs. You make a startled noise, pulled into his chest, nose skimming the skin of his neck. He hums, nosing your hair. "There we go. Sleep."

You wait a few minutes, his body slowly relaxing again, breaths slowing as he falls back asleep. Reaching underneath the pillow for your phone, you check the time. 1:37 A.M. You sigh, unlocking it and opening Instagram.

1:55 A.M.

"Turn your brightness down." It's the fifth time he's asked, he knows this, because each time he's asked, it's gotten significantly brighter.

You look up from your phone. "Female penguins have sex with other males to get stones for their nests." The dazed look he gives makes you smile.

"Okay?"

"Mhm." Going back to your phone, you scroll for a few minutes longer before you break away from him, stretching out on your back. "I am bored, Peter Parker."

He sighs, shaking the blanket from his shoulders and propping himself up. "Sleep. Please. So tired. Nearly two in the morning. Stuff to do tomorrow."

"But I'm not tired, dipshit."

"Oh my god." He lets his head fall back to the pillows with a groan.

You glance over at him. "You could stay up with me and ease my boredom." Your tone is hopeful, and his eyes sleepily flutter open. "Please", you stretch out the word.

"Okay, sure." He's nearly asleep again as he says this.

"Okay."

"Yep." His voice gets softer.

2:30 A.M.

You cross your arms, staring down at his sleeping face with a bored expression. He'd fallen asleep awhile ago, but you'd been too enamoured with photos of baby animals to notice.

"Peter."

His nose scrunches, and he rubs his cheek against the pillow. Rolling your eyes, you call his name again, getting nothing more than a twitch of his cheek. You lay down beside him, cuddling up to him. His arm finds it's place around you again, fitting you against him.

With a smile, you tangle your legs in his.

"Why are your feet so cold?" He huffs out the words, shoulders rising to his ears. His eyes open to meet yours, and he looks so clearly exhausted that guilt ebbs at your chest.

You snuggle closer to him. "Sorry", you whisper, pressing your lips to his jaw in apology. "You can sleep now. Won't bother you."

Peter shakes his head. "You're still not gonna sleep." He cups one of your cheeks in his hand, "you okay, sweetheart?" At your nod, he explains himself more. "Like...nothing going on? Nothing you wanna talk about?"

You smile. "I just can't sleep, that's all. Promise." He rubs his thumb across your cheekbone. "I don't know why, it's just been bad recently, I guess."

He doesn't say anything to this, but he holds you a little tighter.

2:47 A.M.

"Hey, honey?"

You blink up at him. "Yeah?", your eyes feel the tiniest bit heavier.

"You don't need keys to drive me crazy." He kisses the crown of your head after this, tucking your head back under his chin. Your eyes fall shut at the feeling, cheeks warm at his line. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Peter."

4:41 A.M.

His eyes open, still heavy with sleep. They land on you.

You're knocked out cold.

---

[hashtagonlyingotham]

I failed my college final the other day. I was studying so hard for it and burning the candle at both ends to complete all of my other papers and projects and then the big day came and I ....slept in. Yeah, I was that exhausted. I woke up two hours after the final ended. I tried to talk to the professor about it, but he refuses to let me make it up. That was a huge chunk of my grade. I failed the class. I have to retake it next semester. All that work and for that to happen? It hurt. A lot. Especially when I had to tell my parents.

After four solid days of curling up in my bedsheets and wallowing in misery , my friends dragged me out of my room and took me to a bar to try to cheer me up. I don’t condone irresponsible drinking but after that much academic stress, I went off the wagon. I drank like it was the end of the world, more than I ever had before in my life. Like, I was GONE. And then something went down. I remember a loud noise and some people screaming, and some really pushy dudes, but not much else? But there was a point where I couldn’t find my friends and I stumbled over to who I thought was the bartender to ask him where they went. He stared at me for the longest time and said he had no idea. I asked him for another drink, he turned me down, and told me I’ve had too much already. I tried to bribe him with some gum and pizza coupons I had in my backpack, but he refused. I tried to do some kung-fu moves on him in a moment of drunken rage but I ended up just falling over and bumping my head on the pinball machine. He then picked me up, gave me a band-aid and told me he’d find a ride for me.

I black out for a little bit and then I wake up in some sweet-ass car. The bartender is behind the wheel, driving me home. He’s wearing the weirdest uniform I’ve ever seen any bartender wear but he’s nice, and he tries to make the situation less awkward by asking me stuff about my life. I end up confessing the whole “blew my final” thing and talking about how worried I am about my GPA, how I’ll never graduate, how the scholarship I got is wasted on my talentless ass .... everything I’ve been secretly thinking since the semester started but haven’t admitted to anyone, including myself. He listens, though, and he’s real patient, and when I’m done, he says some things. Like, really profound shit. I can’t remember everything he told me, but I remember it made me feel better. Like, the best I’ve felt in a long time. I tell him he’s the greatest bartender I ever met and I try to give him some of the coupons from earlier as a tip. He ends up taking one just to humor me. It gets quiet, I get tired. The last thing I remember is falling asleep in the passenger seat. It was cozy. I liked it.

The next morning, I wake up in my apartment with a hangover, a bruise on my forehead and a phone with literally hundreds of missed calls from my friends. I go to the living room and I find every last one of them sleeping on the couch or on blankets on the floor. I wake them up to ask what the hell is going on and they fill me in on what happened the night before.

The next morning, I wake up in my apartment with a hangover, a bruise on my forehead and a phone with literally hundreds of missed calls from my friends. I go to the living room and I find every last one of them sleeping on the couch or on blankets on the floor. I wake them up to ask what the hell is going on and they fill me in on what happened the night before.

Apparently, the Penguin was up to his usual shit in the area of the city we were in and The Batman came to put a stop to it. The fight got intense and somehow eventually spread over to the bar we were in. The screaming I heard? Civilians trying to get away. The pushy people? Henchmen, probably. I got separated from my friends because they had all evacuated the building and in the chaos, none of them realized that I wasn’t with them until ten minutes later when they all met up at some park. Upon realizing that I was missing, they had all panicked and tried to reach me by the phone. I didn’t answer because I was too drunk to remember my passcode. But they kept trying and trying because they didn’t know if I was hurt or dead or worse.

At this point I’m just standing there trying to wrap my head around this, with my jaw open. But here’s where it gets really crazy.

So eventually, after a solid hour of them trying to contact me, they get a call from my number from someone that is not me. They ask my friends who they are, who I am, and where I can be “dropped off.” They ask who he is, he won’t answer that question, but he promises to get me home safe. They make a plan to have me brought to my apartment.

So they’re all waiting outside in the parking lot, waiting for the car to bring me home. They don’t know what they’re looking for but they were told “you’ll know it when you see it.”

And then they see it.

The Batmobile - THE Batmobile - drives up to them. The Batman himself gets out, waves to them, opens the passenger’s seat, and there I am, in a drunken slumber, buckled up, snoring inside with a bandaid on my forehead.

The “bartender” with the weird uniform? Yeah. That was the Batman. I tried to bribe and Kung-fu my way to a drink with the Batman. The Batman gave me a band-aid. The Batman took my coupon. The Batman listened to my problems. The Batman was my designated driver home.

Only in Gotham.

P.S. After my friends went home, I got a knock on the door. I answered it and it was a pizza delivery man with a fresh pie for me. He said it had already been paid for (with a tip included for him), mentions it was “made special”, and leaves.

I open it up. The pepperoni and sausage toppings spell out a single message: STAY IN SCHOOL

Batman if you’re reading this, I’m going to graduate, WITH honors, and when I do, you’re invited to the after party.

[awesomelittlebabygirl]

Story I wrote- Hope you like it :)

It’s the morning and I just woke up from the night before. I contemplate getting out of bed on my own or waiting for daddy. I decide to surprise him and slip out of the bed in my room and waddle over to daddy’s room with a diaper between my legs. It’s wet from the nighttime wetting. Once I see your still sleeping, I jump onto the bed and give you a big kiss on the cheek to wake you up. Once your up you notice I wet the diaper and its in need of a change. You smile at me and say “oh looks like baby girl wet her diaper. Go get me the baby powder and diaper baby” You tell me in a sweet and babyish tone causing me to melt as I giddily go skipping to where the supplies are at. I grab what is asked of me and walk back, more like waddle back over to you with the supplies. I am then told to lay down on your bed after a towel is placed on it so I don’t accidentally get it wet or dirty while you change me. I lay still during the change as you take off the wet old diaper, roll it up and throw it away in the bin before wiping down my bottom and pussy of any yucky so there is no risk of infection or rash before you lather my bottom with baby powder then tape up the new diaper snug around my bottom. Once your done I giggle and look up at you “tank you daddy!” I squeal feeling much better with a new diaper. “me hungwy daddy!” I say to you then splurt out what I want even though it may not be healthy. “waffles please daddy with lotsa syrup? Pleasssee?” I say, more like beg to you in the most cute babyish voice I can muster in my little space. You look at me for a moment as your deciding if that is the best choice. “alright but your not getting a lot of syrup and your having fruit with those waffles along with some juice young lady.” I pout but nod “okay daddy!” you smile that there is no argument from me and tell me to go play with my toys while you cook the food.  I scurry off to the living room where some of toys are at in boxes. I dump out the small puzzle boxes. I open one up on the coffee table in the living room. I set the pieces onto the table before I start putting it together. Since it was like 20 pieces I got it done fairly quickly. I put the pieces back in the puzzle box though left the box on the table instead of putting it away. I then went to the box that my dolls and made a little story with them that the girl and boy doll were going to a movie then went shopping and the guy had to hold all the bags. It ended with the guy falling on his face with all the bags. I then got bored. Leaving all the toys on the floor I got up and ran over to the kitchen where your cooking and pulled onto your leg. “daddy!!!!” I whined “what baby? Daddy’s cooking. Daddy doesn’t want you to get hurt.” I pout and whine again. “can I watch tv daddy? Please?” You sigh “alright pumpkin go ahead and watch some of your cartoons but once breakfast is ready that’s no more” you tell me in your stern voice. I smile and thank you before running back over to the living room. I turn on the tv to whatever was on which is Phineas and Ferb. I cant pull my eyes away from the tv. I get so entranced into the tv that I don’t notice your walking over to me or hear you tell me that its time to go eat. All of a sudden in the middle of an episode where it’s the best part the screen goes black. I instantly whine loudly and look up at you. “daddy!! No! turn it back on! that the bes part!” I whine almost to the point of tears. You don’t listen and pull me up to my feet. I continue to whine as tears start falling. “daddy! N-no!” I whine as you start telling me “you can finish it later pumpkin. Its time to eat.” That only makes me more mad as I want to finish it now. I drag my feet as I continue to make a scene in our home. “no! I wanna finwish it now!” I cry out, stomping my feet. You realize trying to reason with me is out the window so you swat my bottom sternly to get me to stop. I whine from the smack to my covered bottom. “ you better behave young lady! Does the baby want a spanking?” you ask me with a stern look. I quickly shake my head “nooo. Daddy but me wanna fwinish the cartwoon!” I say adamant that I want to see how it ends. “you will but after your done eating breakfast” you tell me. I pout and sulkily walk with you to the dining room table. You put me in my high chair and secure me in place before setting my plate of waffles with some syrup and fruit on the high chair table along with some juice. I start eating with my baby fork before eating with my hands. My hands get all sticky and dirty from the syrup. I go to grab my bottle of juice and slowly drink with my sticky hands holding the bottle. You chuckle and smile at the cuteness overload when you look at me. When Im done with the bottle you take it from my hands along with the plate and fork that were on the high chair table. You put them in the sink before coming back over to me with a wet wipe cleaning my hands. I squirm and giggle at the weird feeling of the wipe. You then pick me up out of the highchair and carry me off to my room to get me ready for the day. I whine softly when we walk past the tv. “shh. We are just going to get ready for the day sweet pea then you can finish off the episode hun” you tell me. I go quiet at that. You set me down on the bed before you go looking in my closet. You pick out a cute yellow and white dress for me and some white fluffy socks. I help take off my sleepwear before you put the dress on me then the socks and before I can run off you brush my hair then put them into two pigtails. “twank you dada! I a princess!” I squeal before hugging you and running off to finish off the episode I was watching. Once the episode is done you suggest we go to the zoo. I squeal excitedly as I think that is a great idea. We both put on our shoes and you grab my diaper bag just in case which to others may look like a regular old backpack. You get me buckled in the back before getting into the driver seat. You drive us to the zoo. The whole way listening to Disney songs. Once we are there you take me out and instantly grab hold of my hand. “always hold my hand baby. Don’t want you getting lost.” I nod in silence before we go walking into the zoo after you pay for our admission. We look at each and every animal as we walk through. Some of the animals scare or creep me out so I hide behind you. Once we get to the gift shop is when I get even more excited. I pull you along towards the Stuffed animals that look like the zoo animals we just saw. I start grabbing two to three of the stuffed animals, basically one of each. The koala, the lion, and a penguin. You stop me and bend down to my level “only one sweetheart. We can come back another time for the others you want” I instantly start tearing up and shake my head “no… no… daddy wan all them!” I say nowhere near where I can let two of them go. I hold onto them tightly. “im going to give you to the count of 3 to pick only one of them sweetie. If you cant behave its corner time and early bed time for you… 1… 2… 3…” at the end of 3 you see me still holding all three stuffies very tightly. You sigh before pulling them out of my hands and lifting me up onto your hip. I cry into your shoulder as take us to the car. I get buckled in and you drive us home. Once we are inside you instantly tell me to go to the corner and wait there for 30 minutes. I go to the corner and stand in the corner with my nose facing the wall. I get bored halfway through and whine loudly. You sternly tell me to stay put and that you will get me when the time is up. Once the time is up you come get me. I turn around and make grabby hands at you. You pick me up and carry me to my room. You take off my dress and put me in a cute panda onesie after you change my diaper. You then kiss me goodnight before leaving me in my crib and lock me in so I don’t wander off when im given an early bedtime. I cant fall asleep for awhile until I get bored and get comfy falling asleep under the covers.

[script-a-world]

Hi! I've been debating writing a story set in a snowy realm, but there's a bit if a problem: I've never actually seen snow in person. Does it crunch or slush when you step in it? Does it smell? Does it accumulate quickly or slowly, or does that depend on the intensity of the storm? If anyone could answer these and maybe add bits of their own experience with snow, I'd really appreciate it!

Saphira: ASMR for snow can help with that! But as someone who grew up on a wet little loin-cloth of NY, let me tell you about my experience with snow.

There are two main types of snow when it falls. There is the damp, heavy snow, and there is light powdery snow. The damp and heavy comes down harsher (think blizzards and hefty fall) but they are better for building. Snowmen and igloos in the yard, crisp angels... Perfect snowballs. Round and firm and smooth. The light and powdery snow usually comes down in flurries first, and when it comes down hard, it looks like rain in slow motion.  Powered snow is more Hollywood snow- looks lovely but can't be used for much else.

Now snow does more to the ground than cover it. Unless you had a particularly heavy snow, you're not really going to get the "oh wow a foot of snow in every direction!" For about every inch of rain, you get what, a quarter inch of snow? Less than that? Normally what we would get is barely more than a 'dusting', what we called up to an inch for a standard snow. (This varies dramatically for different environments. I would research areas like the New England Area or Northern Canada for different experiences.) With a dusting you could really see how the rest of the ground reacts to the cold temperatures.

Feral: A lot of people, though not all, can "smell snow" before it falls.  To me it's crisp, a little bit ozone-y. Mental Floss has an article about the actual science behind it. 

How fast snow accumulates is going to depend on the type (heavy snowflakes versus the powdery stuff versus what I usually get which is essentially raining not-quite-hail ice crystals) and the amount of fall as well as how cold it's been. If it hasn't been consistently below freezing, the ground might be too warm at first for the snow to begin piling up immediately.

Saphira: Yes, a lake might freeze over, but it's usually just at the edges. Puddles and little bits of standing water are what really freeze. You know the bits of water that gather at a curb? All thin ice, often "black ice" that is hard to see. Everyone from ages 3-70 steps on them to make them crack. I dunno. We just do. Icicles? Everywhere. Anywhere water could run off of (a roof, the bumper of a car, parts of a fence) they hang like tassels. In heavier snows they are thick and bold, or if it was a steep surface. They are longer before they are thicker. Anyone from 3-70 breaks them off. They're just so break-off-able. Sometimes they're just the right size for a pretend cigar. If you find a BIG one, you will challenge your friends to a dual. Unspoken rules. Also the grass freezes over. Any grass that is exposed will get dew like normal, that freezes almost immediately. Grass is crunchy.

After the plows have been through, all the snow that was on the street will be piled up on the sidewalk or next to it. There will be fewer places to park. They will be these giant banks of ashen snow. They're tall and gross. There will be smaller ones on corners, especially at street lights. People will trample small, narrow paths over the banks to allow people to get over them easier. These also happen at bus stops, or anywhere that people jaywalk often.Then the slush comes. Slush is the aftermath. Slush is the melt, and the dirt, and the decay of snow. It gets in your boots and splashes like rain water and spite. I hate slush. It's gross, it's ugly, and it seeps out of piles of Plow-snow. In a place with a lot of soil, the slush gets soaked up by the soil. The places where it's all pavement and drains? Slush is snow-swamp. Slush is everything we hate about the Everglades, but cold.

Finding the right scent for snow is hard, but it's very similar to rain. It's as if the rain-scent had a cleansed ghost. I only smell it before the snow, because after that the dust of the street-plows kinda kills the serenity of it. As far as sound, only the top of the snow crunches. It happens when some of the snow freezes after being on the ground. Anything beneath that (if you have heavy snow) is a fwhoop. That is the sound of your boot sinking into the abyss. Now you're standing knee-high in snow, with your pants soaking up the water that melts from your body heat. This is why snow-suits were invented. You look derpy but you are invincible to snow's evils. 

I don't like snow. It's cold and now matter how much comes down, I still have to go to work. 

Constablewrites: It doesn't necessarily have to be that cold when it's snowing. It's the wind, man. It cuts right through all your warm layers and makes your face hurt. I'll regularly look at the forecast and say, "Oh it's 40F it's not that's cold" and then I'll step outside and the wind hits me and oh god why. Insulating layers under your clothes are the key, but then you can get uncomfortable warm inside, especially when you're somewhere with a lot of people. Winter sweatiness is the worst.

You know intellectually that ice is slippery, but the first time you actually slip there's that moment of primal terror as you really understand what it's like. Walking on ice must be done very carefully. Penguins have the right idea: put all your weight straight down. There's an art to waddling.

Snow is like a houseguest. For the first few days it's quite pleasant, but once you're on the second month or so you start hating everything and everyone. But that might just be me.  

Tex: Crunching and slushing depend on the type of snow, as well as things like the time of day, how long since last snowfall, and your location (Arctic Circle - snow on top of perpetual snow, Midwest US or Central Europe - snow can melt and then fall some more). It accumulates quickly in winter storms, and slowly during snow flurries  and other instances of calm to no winds.

The wikis for snow and classifications of snow are a good primer on the topic. Liftopia and Thought.Co  each have their own basic guides on different types of snow, though this is mostly from the perspective of snow sports such as skiing and snowboarding.

Some places are uniquely suited to lots of snow (ScienceDaily), while others are not - snow is as much a product of geological formations and as it is latitude. Snow melting and then refreezing is what gives it that "crunch" when you break through the top layer, and is usually caused by exposure to sunlight + refreezing (from nighttime temperature drops, wind, more snow, etc).

The wind and cold will absolutely do damage to your face if you leave it unprotected - you can get ice burns and windburns, if not outright frostbite. Usually slathering on some thick cream on your face will help, since the moisture will keep your skin hydrated, which reduces the chance that high winds + snow will shred your face. I've gotten both ice burn and windburn, and the feeling of your face heating back up once you're inside can be incredibly painful. (Does that stop me from going outside without a hat? Usually not.)

The walking thing. It, ah- you don't actually have to waddle and hunch yourself over. I'm still not quite sure how that idea became popular - the reason why a lot of people fall over is from a combination of things: putting weight on your heels when walking, wearing the wrong shoes, having the wrong posture (that hunching over thing, conversely also leaning back too far such as puffing your chest out and throwing your shoulders back), and going too fast. I walk straight up - even with a backpack that's often heavier than a small child - and the only times I've ever fallen over are when I've misjudged how icy the ground is, or the evenness of the ground under the snow. The trick is mostly your foot movements; don't roll your feet, try to keep the weight evenly distributed in your feet, and if necessary balance a little bit on the balls of your feet in the cases of uneven terrain so you don't immediately fall flat on your face. If it's windy, tug your hat/hood over your face more (or hold it close to your face, I've done that a lot), curve your shoulders a little bit inward, and duck your head so you can see where your feet are.

There's a genuinely wide variety of snow weather, and I've experienced most types - from the nor'easter of 2003 (1  2 ; my family had to climb through the window to dig out the front door, and had gusts of -60F/-51C - still went to school with only a small delay for the snowplows to clear the roads), to barely Cold TM but lots of freezing rain and black ice, and to slush that sometimes freezes in patches and sometimes doesn't do anything but sit there and make you miserable with its existence.

Depending on where it snows, though, there are... different reactions, and it's not always because of how used to it a region is - I've personally seen panic everywhere from places that regularly get a meter of snow every winter (from locals that are several generations into living there) to places where clouds are rare, much less precipitation of any kind, so infrastructure capabilities don't always have much to do with it with people's ability to cope with weather. Places that regularly get snow just... kind of force you to adjust or convince you to move to climates with gentler winters. People that are used to it and don't panic tend to keep themselves stocked with necessities - rolling blackouts are frequently a thing, as are breaking waterlines from neighbors that neglect to set their faucets on drip despite often getting notices from the city before inclement weather.

I've compiled a mountain of links (in a google doc) from both imgur and YouTube for you to sift through, with the pertinent ones marked with a star.

Lurelay: Snow can be incredibly heavy too, even the light and powdery kind. I have seen whole buildings collapse under the weight of it and sometimes it can grow meters tall on the roof. If the weather gets warmer you will see tiny streams of molten snow drip down the edges of the roof but the snow on top seems to still be intact. Fire- and policemen frequently have to step in and help to push down the snow. Sometimes our rivers freeze, although it has to be extremely cold for that to happen (around -10 to -15 degrees Celsius). The river will still flow underneath and fish can survive in the depths, but the top will either be completely frozen or broken in huge ice floes that float down with it. Lakes and other still waters usually freeze more quickly.

Snow will make seeing at night easier because it reflects light. There's also an element of quietness that comes with it, because snow absorbs a lot of sound.

Miri: Snow’s reflective quality is the part that causes me the most trouble. Part of my walk to work goes through a field area that can be a flat area of undisturbed snow at times, which means it’s just white everywhere. Snow blindness is a thing. I’ve had panic attacks in the middle of it looking around because it suddenly feels endless because your vision is just swimming with reflected light and everything in every direction is just white. Plus, you have no way of knowing if it’s snow all the way down, or if the bottom layer is ice and you’re going to lose your footing. It also makes it really important to have good curtains because it can make it feel bright as day in the middle of the night with all the light coming in the windows at night. Sometimes that’s how we notice it’s been snowing.

[rodrigohyde]

What To Wear On A First Date

The first date is often a nerve-wracking experience, and for a good reason; what if the person you are sharing your time with on a date becomes the person you spend all your time with, forever? That setup puts a lot of pressure on making the first date memorable, for all the right reasons. After all, it could be the story you end up telling over again with each new friend you meet as a couple down the road.

There are many reasons you should care about how you dress on a first date, and some, while obvious, ring truer than ever. Dressing well sets the right tone because it demonstrates your respect for your date and lets them know you are invested in their time. If this is the first date after a divorce or break-up, remember, you deserve a chance to rewrite your own history.

Choosing the right outfit will give you the confidence to walk into the date with the right attitude and behaviors. When we wear a suit, for example, we’re not merely choosing to wear a two-piece; no, we’re choosing to put our best selves forward and say, “We deserve to be happy.” We walk taller and generally set out to show the world we are a sophisticated man of value.

Today, we’ll be talking you through a few simple style rules for most first date suggestions to help you set the right tone.

What Color Outfits Are Most Attractive?

The next point I want you to think about is color, and the impact this has on our phycology. All around us, color plays a pivotal role in how we think, feel, shop, and even eat. In restaurants, red is often used to grab your attention and invoke a primal desire; one that can often be satisfied by gorging on delicious food. Orange and yellow also make us hungry -- which is why so many fast food joints use them.

In the romantic world, colors also signify compatibility. You may be familiar with peacocks; the males use brightly colored plumes to attract and seduce their female companions. Scientists confirmed that our perceived chemistry and attraction is often linked inextricably to what color outfits we wear. And it should come as no surprise that red is the top of the lover's list.

What is most interesting about red, however, is that it has a unique effect on men and women. Red indicates passion and desire, in women, but worn on men, it invokes status, power, and virility. This is why you will see kings and other political leaders wearing red robes and suits; in ancient Rome, leaders were called coccinati, meaning “wearing red.”

So, if you want to pick a date night outfit that will hold their attention, and make you feel seductive and powerful, then red is an obvious choice. You don’t have to dress head-to-toe in red, either, to make an impression, a red accent or accessory goes a long way. And fellas, watch out for the “lady in red” -- if she is wearing this color, it may mean she wants you to see her -- and only her.

Here are some solid choices for colors to wear on a first date:

Dark Grey: Black is tempting to wear thanks to its flexibility, but often looks too stuffy and formal; dark grey, however, offers a chic and complementary option in its place.

Navy: If you want a sharp look that cuts the mold, navy is the year-round color of choice for dapper men. Navy pairs with almost any other color exquisitely.

Pastel: Something is refreshing and wholesome about pastel blue or pink, and is an ideal summer color palette that is fresh.

Patterns: Don’t be scared to try out different polka dots, which are classic yet always look clean.

Once you pick your poison, it’s time to consider how to dress for the right season, and how to tailor your date night outfit for any time of the year!

Dressing For The Right Season

Fashion varies with the seasons, out of necessity. In winter, expect to see lots of thicker fabrics, layers, and warmth of color. In spring, expect to see much brighter, fresher colors and lighter fabrics. Depending on where you live, this fluctuation can vary, but as a rule, you will want to switch out your outfits throughout the year to match the weather and seasons.

If the weatherman is forecasting rain, be sure to adapt your outerwear to suit and pick out a waterproof duffle jacket; or if you know it will be hot, look to cooler fabrics such as cotton or linen. It’s amazing how much an outfit can be changed with a quick addition, such as a straw hat in summer, or a woolen scarf in winter. Play around with accessories to get into the seasonal groove.

Here is a quick rundown of what to expect in each season:

Winter: With cooler climates and the potential for snow and ice, layers and warm fabrics are your best bet. Layer undershirts, shirts, sweaters, or jackets for seamless outfits that have lots of dimension and style. Accessories include leather gloves and woolen scarves.

Spring: The air is crisp but refreshing; here, layers will continue to be your friend, but switch out heavy wools or tweed in favor of cotton and linen. Dark demin works well all year round but is offset with pastel shirts or nautical jackets nicely.

Summer: Bright colors and short sleeve shirts signal summer. Pair Capri pants and slicked back hair for summer vibes. Floral prints and patterns are also a fun way to play up the playfulness that summer brings.

Fall: In fall, revert to long-sleeved shirts and pants, but have a good time with boots and leather jackets. Layers will keep off the chill, and look best in autumn colors such as brown, red, yellows, and in textured fabrics, like this suede bomber jacket.

​​ Stock Up: Fratelli Orsini Everyday Men’s Italian Lambskin Cashmere Leather Gloves, $59.95 at Amazon.com

Stock Up: Original Penguin Sunshine Woven Shirt, $39.49 at Nordstrom.com

Stock Up: Mott & Bow Slim Button Down Collar – Kent, $69.00 at MottandBow.com

Stock Up: Bonobos Moto Bomber Jacket, $198.00 at Nordstrom.com

Now that you have the groundwork covered for what to wear year-round, it’s time to get into specifics of what to wear on your date.

First Date Outfit Ideas

In the following sections, I’m going to breakdown the expectations of what to wear; check out these first date ideas for more inspiration! Before we get started, I want to remind you that while looking good is a key aspect of the first date outfit, you should aim to feel confident and comfortable in what you wear; a man can dress in a thousand-dollar suit and still look cheap if he isn’t feeling it.

Being prepared means trying on an outfit, in its entirety, before the big night to make sure you get a feel for what you are wearing, and to give yourself time to make any changes ahead of the big event. For guys who are dating regularly, having a foundational outfit that allows you to switch up a few items is always a great idea.

The Casual Date

The casual date refers to a relaxed date activity, not a sloppy outfit. The casual date often takes place in the great outdoors and might include a picnic at the park, or a walk on the beach. While relaxed, this is not the time to show her what your day-off attire looks like; instead, look for dressier versions of comfy weekend clothing, such as indigo washed jeans, and dress them up.

Stock Up: American Eagle Flex Slim Jean, $29.96 at AE.com

Darker jeans give a nice, pulled-together look that is both casual yet date-appropriate, and can be worn with a short-sleeved shirt for a look that is not too formal, but also shows you know what you are doing. Switch sneakers for leather kicks to take this look from drinks with the guys to the appearance of a casual dating champ.

The Coffee Date

The coffee date is like the casual date but is one of the few exceptions where your date might also tie-in with other events in your schedule, and not necessarily with the person you are dating. This is also the date you might pick if you are meeting someone off Tinder for the first time and want to see if they check out to what they’ve shown you online. Tip: skip the coffee if you know your date well!

For this date, I like to deploy my favorite outfit that I know gets compliments. Again, this is the exception to the rule; the coffee date is only a 30- to 45-minute meet-and-greet, so there’s no overbearing need to turn up looking extra dapper -- unless, of course, you want to. Pay close attention to your wallet, watch or backpack to make sure your outfit works seamlessly together; it’s all in the details.

Stock Up: MVMT Oath Watch, $140.00 at MVMTWatches.com

The Dinner Date

When going on a dinner date, you should always wear a jacket. Depending on the restaurant, the price-point will offer insight into what kind of jacket is appropriate. If you’re going all-in, then you’ll want to keep reading for my formal date attire tips. For most restaurants, however, a chic blazer for men or a repurposed suit jacket are more than sufficient when paired with dark denim or tan pants.

Stock Up: Vince Camuto Slim Fit Stretch Knit Blazer, $225.00 at Nordstrom.com

If you are going out to lunch, you can sometimes get away with a tailored sports jacket, but in most cases, you will want to invite your date out for an evening meal to set the right tone. An easy way to let your date know what to wear is to invite them to an event for dinner, and use that event to gauge the right attire; for example, dinner and movies will be less dressy than dinner and opera.

Stock Up: Ted Baker Salut Slim Fit Bomber Jacket, $279.00 at Nordstrom.com

Keep my simple style rule of wearing a jacket in mind, as we venture into a few scenarios. These will round-off your outfit perfectly every time.

To The Movies

When going to the movies, a leather jacket is a solid choice. You can wear a black leather jacket with jeans and a tee-shirt for a timeless look, or a brown-leather jacket with casual pants for a hip look. As you arrive at your seats, you can take your coat off. Choosing a jacket that is not too tightly fitted or tight means a comfortable transition from standing to sitting.

While you might think that the movies are a great opportunity to sit in the dark, remember that your date will still be paying attention to you in the lobby, and so on. Your jacket is an excellent way to make a style statement, as you will likely be face-to-face or sitting side-by-side. Avoid the temptation to wear a hat with a great jacket as this can complicate an outfit.

Stock Up: Marc New York Summit Leather Jacket, $395.00 at Nordstrom.com

Stock Up: Schott NYC '50s Oil Tanned Cowhide Leather Moto Jacket, $880.00 at Nordstrom.com

For Drinks

Much like the cinema, you can wear a casual outfit when going out for drinks. When standing at a bar, I like to wear a pair of leather loafers that accent my outfit, without making me feel like an overdressed penguin. You’d be amazed at how many people will comment on a good-looking pair of shoes while you wait.

Ted Baker Daiser Bit Loafer, $240.00 at Nordstrom.com

If you are going to a sophisticated wine bar, for example, you can afford to dress your outfit up with a nice watch or a bracelet . If you’re just hanging out at your local bar, this is a rare opportunity to wear a sports jacket. The outfit is largely going to depend on the kind of bar you’re going to, so don’t forget to go check it out ahead of the date if this is your first time going.

The Formal Date

The formal date is all about the fit; just as any formal occasion has clear rules and expectations, you are going to want to pull out all the stops and create an outfit custom to you. The formal date is a time to shine and can start at the classic two-piece suit, through to a full-on tuxedo. For a black-tie or formal event, do not expect to go without a visit to your tailor.

Even a simple suit-and-tie event can be red-carpet-worthy if the cut is correct and built for you. The formal date is a time for black, shiny brogues, and everything to be buttoned up, tucked in, and dust guarded to within an inch of its life. In return, you can expect to make the greatest returns on your investment, as most dates comment that this is the look they are attracted to the most.

Stock Up: Florsheim Salnero Wingtip, $110.00 at Nordstrom.com

Where To Source Date-Night Outfits

Thanks to dating apps and websites, more people are dating now than ever before. Dating is no longer something we do on a Friday night; dates happen during the weekday, at lunchtime, over breakfast and on the way to another event. That means you need to bumper your closet to accommodate all of these situations and to create new outfits from their ashes. I’m including a few simple tips you can use below to always make sure you have an appropriate date night outfit on-hand, and to breakaway from another trip to the mall:

Subscription services: Pizza isn’t the only thing you can order to your door. Mail order services, like Trunk Club, can provide tailored solutions on a one-time or on-going subscription basis. I’ve seen everything from trendy boutiques to formal vendors offering mail order items.

Thrifting is in: Where people once shunned wearing second-hand clothing, thrift stores have made a revival under the newer, chicer “vintage” apparel label. Go to second hand shops for a cool accent piece at a discounted price.

Your own closet: You’d be amazed at how many times I hear guys say, “I’ve got nothing to wear,” and they have a closet full of clothing. Try on different shirt and pant combos, or switch out a pair of shoes to see how a quick swap can change an entire outfit.

Finally, there are certain things that never go out of style, and these include: being respectful, showing good manners, being chivalrous, and ensuring your date has an excellent time. Put their needs ahead of your own and be attentive, listen to what they have to say, ask questions, and generally set an example for what a great man you are.

Dress to Your Physical Strengths

Choosing the right outfit can play up your best features, and make your date that much more attracted to you. The first date is a time when you are sizing each other up as potential suitors, and anything you can do to gain the advantage is going to make sure you get the results you want – like a second date!

If the thought of picking something to wear makes you nervous, it’s time to take a deep breath and remember that while clothing is a fantastic accessory you can use to show off, it should also be about feeling comfortable and presenting your best and most authentic self.

What Not to Wear on a First Date

I do want to cover a few quick tips on what not to wear on a first date, because even the best men make mistakes. This could be a topic for its own article, but for the sake of brevity, and in the name of common sense, I’m only going to cover some ground rules. These style staples can stop you from ruining an otherwise excellent date night outfit, and are often overlooked.

Not grooming correctly: Why go to all that effort to create an excellent outfit if you haven’t covered all the bases? Check out these grooming tips for single men to find out what women want in their date. You’ll be amazed at the results!

Cologne: Again, this could be an entire article, but no cologne is a happy mistake. Too much cologne is a problem. Apply cologne an hour before you leave the house, and only use a small amount. You don’t want to overdo it.

Wearing too much: Seconding this point, less is always more; that goes for your jewelry, accessories, and even your tan. Too much sends a desperate “try-hard” signal, and won’t give off the same cool air of sophistication that a more minimal choice can.

Being under dressed: While many guys fear the embarrassment of turning up to a date overdressed, I promise that your date will appreciate the oversight. What won’t be appreciated is if you turn up and haven’t put in the effort to groom yourself or dress appropriately .

Reusing an outfit: If you’re meeting for drinks after work, and sport the same suit, or you always start your date night conversation with, “This is my lucky date night outfit,” I can bet you won’t get a second date. By all means, go with what works, but make sure you are wearing your outfit off the rack.

Making an Instant Impression on Dating Apps

Nowadays, all first impressions are made through a touchscreen. The popularity of dating apps like Bumble, Tinder, and Match has put the pressure on men to showcase their best fashion via dating profile. Those who step up their style game in their photos have the highest success rate in sparking conversations that eventually lead to first dates, but don't go pulling out your finest threads from the closet and setting up a photoshoot right away.

You must learn the dos and don'ts of dressing for your social dating profile. To guide you on the right path, we got Damona Hoffman, Match dating expert and host of the Dates & Mates Podcast, to break it all down in her own words. Follow suit, gents!

Dos

Dressing Down Everyone is trying so hard to look like they’re not trying too hard that they end up looking like they don’t even care. Yes, you want your profile to be a real reflection of who you are, but you should look like the best representation of yourself, just as you would on a date. 

The Right Fit You don’t need to have a shirtless bathroom selfie However, you should have clothes that give a sense of your body type and fit appropriately. If you’re not sure what your best size and fit is, many department stores and clothing chains have personal shoppers and stylists that you can book appointments with for free, so don’t be afraid to ask for help. Also, remember that few people can wear clothes right off the rack. Take advantage of their in-house tailoring as well to make sure you get the perfect fit for you.

Wearing Sunglasses Sunglasses are a big mistake in your profile. First, she needs to see what your face looks like. Second, she needs to trust you to go on a date with you. Wearing glasses not only makes it seem like you’re hiding something but it also hides your face so you achieve neither goal.

Wrinkles Depending on lighting, wrinkles in a profile shot can be even more apparent than IRL. Looking like you just rolled out of bed and couldn’t be bothered to iron is one-way ticket to a left swipe.

Don'ts

Same Shirt, Same Style We know men fall in love with a color or style of shirt and then buy an entire wardrobe of the same style but try to vary it up in your profile. Your profile should show different kinds of looks that plant the idea for different kinds of dates with you. Each picture should give her a deeper understanding of who you are and what you look like or it doesn’t belong in your profile.

Stopping at the Shoes Women love shoes, so I’ll never understand why men will dress to the nines and then wear raggedy, beat up, dirty old shoes with their clean new look. You have to consider your outfit from head to toe and have shoes that represent you well.

The Plain White T For years, I’ve coached my clients to follow my 3 C’s rule of profile photos. The first C is for color. If you dress in bold colors, you’re more likely to catch her attention. Research indicates that red is the most eye-catching color – we immediately stop just like we would if we saw a red light on the road. Instead of the plain white T, go for the red t-shirt instead to turn more heads.

What Does Your Shirt Say? T-shirts with slogans or large designer logos risk turning off more women than they turn on. Be mindful of what your shirt says about you before you even open your mouth. 

from Style channel http://www.askmen.com/style/fashion_advice/what-to-wear-on-a-first-date.html

[possibilistfanfiction]

stardust brought to life (we have only just begun)

[museum au part 1/2—lexa works at the museum of natural history & clarke works at the hayden planetarium. lexa’s seen some shit but yknow they get to fall in love, all that jazz. v hap, v gay]

//

stardust brought to life (we have only just begun)

.

what we do know, and what we can assert without further hesitation, is that the universe had a beginning. the universe continues to evolve. and yes, every one of our body’s atoms is traceable to the big bang and to the thermonuclear furnaces within high-mass stars that exploded more than five billion years ago.

– neil degrasse tyson, astrophysics for people in a hurry

//

your shoulder still aches.

you try not to think about that, though, especially right now, because it’s the first snow of the year and it’s beautiful, and clarke waves to you, her cheeks flushed pink from the cold. it almost knocks you off your feet, how pretty she is, so you casually lean against the railing so you don’t fall down the stairs.

‘hey lex,’ she says, settling next to you, seemingly happy to stand on the stairs instead of heading to the planetarium where she’s supposed to be.

‘good morning, clarke.’

‘always so formal,’ she says, then tugs on your arm lightly before starting up the stairs. ‘octavia is in the café today, let’s get coffee for free before kane is here and can tell us not to.’

‘clarke—’

she rolls her eyes, tugs on your hand. ‘you can get hot chocolate or tea or whatever if you’re still on your insane kick to give up caffeine.’

‘that’s not—’

she stops and turns toward you, glaring. it’s soft, though, made softer by her tone: ‘it’s the first snow, lexa. live a little.’

you sigh and scuff your boot on the marble stairs once, then nod. ‘whatever. fine.’

clarke laughs and takes off again.

your stomach hurts sometimes too, aches all the way into your chest, into your shoulder, but you try not to think about that either. you think about the size of the universe instead, about how last year there were 23,237 recorded live trees in maine.

clarke doesn’t let go of your hand all the way to the fourth floor, and it maybe hurts a little less.

//

you’re trying to eat your pizza slowly, but you’re sweaty and starving and your hands are barely warming up from the cold but you don’t really care. anya had convinced you to join this stupid intermural hockey league this year—‘you can’t keep making excuses, alexandria, for the things you still love,’ and for a moment you were sure you weren’t talking about hockey’—and you’d wanted to get in a fight right then and there earlier when you’d seen clarke and raven and octavia cheering on the bleachers.

anya had laughed when you’d checked her into the boards, especially because you were on the same team, but the game is over now and you’re at a pizza place near the park that clarke had suggested, and she’s drinking wine and laughing and she’d convinced you to have some too.

you all walk to the subway together, and clarke doesn’t hesitate for a moment before giving you a long, warm hug, the same as always, even though you’re sweaty and probably smell terrible.

you have the impulse to kiss her cheek but you don’t, and when you’re icing your shoulder later that evening with anya, passing a bottle of bourbon back and forth while you watch reruns of game of thrones, she laughs a little when you smile at your phone.

‘is that clarke?’

you debate lying, but you’re really bad at it and you’re also drunk, so there’s no point. ‘yeah.’

‘she’s hot.’

you sigh and anya grins.

‘keep showing her those big hockey muscles,’ anya says, and you roll your eyes when she flexes, ‘and i’m sure she’ll reciprocate.’

‘fuck off.’

‘unbutton that polo every once in a while, lex.’

‘suck my dick, anya.’

she takes a swig of the bourbon and then hands it to you. ‘just take your shirt off during one of those sleepovers you chaperone.’

you cough on your mouthful of alcohol, and it burns all the way down your throat. ‘there are children there.’

anya just laughs, delighted, while you sulk, trying not to cough more.

‘you have abs, lexa, children or not.’

your cheeks burn and you try not to smile. you don’t let her have any more of your bourbon that night.

//

raven invites you to a post-finals party. you think it could either be the best or worst idea you’ve ever had, willfully allowing yourself to get drunk around clarke, who will also be getting drunk, but you really do try to act your age every now and again.

apparently, you’re having this party at clarke’s parents’ apartment, because they’re out of town for a conference her dad is presenting at. as you walk with raven, she tells you all about his work in robotics, because they’re friends, you guess? she keeps rubbing at her hip as you walk and you fish around in your backpack and find your trusty bottle of advil, offer her two without a word. she takes them without pausing, throws them back and swallows them without any water or anything, and then just keeps talking about stem cells and nanorobotics and she’s let you talk her ear off about endemic plant species in south africa, so you smile into your scarf all the way down park avenue.

//

clarke’s parents’ apartment is huge, as far as you’re concerned. you grew up in a little house in a little town on the coast of maine, and you didn’t want for anything—you’d had your tide pools and hockey skates and books, a pretty girl you loved and your uncle who would let you walk to the top of the light house with him at night.

but this is something altogether entirely, and you feel a little out of place in your sweater that has a hole in the sleeve and the same boots you wear everyday to work in the winter. raven doesn’t seem to care at all, though, and clarke skids in from the kitchen wearing a t-shirt (a very tight, lowcut t-shirt that leaves very little to the imagination) and jeans, wool socks with little penguins on them, and she hugs you both at the same time, groaning when octavia changes the music blaring to bodak yellow because ‘i love this song too, guys, but it’s not even 9 and this is the sixth time they’ve put this on.’

clarke takes one look at the little bundt cake you’d brought—you’d made it in your dorm kitchen, it’s full of quinoa and pumpkin and you’d bought real powdered sugar over the top—and seems to kind of melt.

raven laughs. ‘griffin, how drunk are you already?’

clarke shrugs, tugging you both with her to the kitchen where lincoln smiles, so handsome, as he mixes drinks while octavia sits on the counter, swinging their legs and rapping every word to bodak yellow.

‘my parents took me to brunch before they flew out,’ clarke starts to explain.

‘and then we just kept goin,’ octavia says, turning to you with a grin. lincoln seems far more sober, but you think he might just be better at faking it.

‘well i guess we better catch up,’ raven says, and clarke and octavia cheer, handing you both a shot.

it feels like a bad idea, but it also feels like a really good one.

//

clarke’s parents’ apartment has a rooftop garden, and it affords you an entire view of central park and the rest of the city, which you discover because clarke takes you there later, when the place is packed and you’re pretty sure you’ve heard bodak at least twelve times. you know you could call anya if you wanted to go home, but clarke is smiling and you should be cold, because it’s supposed to snow and it’s windy, but you’re warm.

‘anyway, okay, so like, yes, i want to be a surgeon,’ she explains, ‘but also we’re so young, you know, and i want to spend time with my friends and not have my mother breathing down my neck before residency in a billion years, because she’ll probably rig it so that i get matched with her program.’

‘it is one of the best in the country,’ you say, taking a sip of your beer. ‘you said so yourself.’

clarke leans close with a fond huff. ‘you’re supposed to be on my side, lexa.’

you laugh, and the motion brings you close to clarke, closer than you’d really meant to be. you swallow, suddenly far colder and more sober than you’d been seconds ago.

clarke’s eyes dart to your lips, and then your eyes, and then your lips again.

the wind whips your hair around your faces and you credit that for the tears in your eyes as you lean forward and kiss her.

you know that the moon is 1/4000th the size of the sun, but that the moon is 4000 times closer to the earth than the sun, which allows everyone on earth to see them as relatively the same size. it’s the only place in our solar system that this happens, and you think about this as you kiss clarke in the dead of winter, the stars pulled down into streetlamps and headlights.

the city, usually so loud, quiets.

//

you kiss her for a long time, until one of your sniffles snot from being so cold and the other laughs and she leads you back into her parents’ apartment. the party is winding down and you’re getting sleepy and when people start to leave and she invites you to stay the night, you want to say no but then you think of how tired you are and how much you want to be held.

she leads you to her old room, which is full of paintings and sketches and polariods, certificates of awards for a variety of academic achievements, a letterman jacket from her highschool still slung over her desk chair.

you run your fingers over it as she goes shuffles through her drawer for pajamas for you. ‘what’d you letter in?’

she laughs. ‘chess. i was nationally ranked, actually.’

‘wow,’ you say, delighted. ‘that’s—‘

‘—nerdy, i know.’

‘no,’ you say. ‘i was going to say impressive.’

‘sure, sure,’ she says, laughing. she turns and hands you pajamas and you want to ask, maybe, how she can sense you don’t want to have sex, because you’d just kissed her for at least twenty minutes on a rooftop in manhattan and most people would probably get some mixed messages from that.

you’re so drunk you don’t really care about going into a bathroom or whatever at this point to change, because you’re pretty sure clarke doesn’t care at all, so you start to take your pants off while clarke changes too. ‘did you letter in anything?’

‘hockey,’ you say.

‘right,’ clarke says, slightly muffled by her shirt. ‘makes sense.’

‘do not tell anyone this, but i also lettered in jazz band.’

clarke lets out a laugh. and you turn to her as you slip into some of her worn, soft boxers. they’re a little big so you roll them up and she takes a deep breath and then lets it out through her nose. you smile—you’re a little pleased and a little apologetic—and then she starts to ask another question, something about a saxophone or a trumpet, as you pull your sweater over your head. you’re drunk so you’d forgotten, for the first time in years, but when you go to deposit your sweater in a pile on top of your socks and jeans, clarke is quiet and fighting between staring at you and the corner of her room.

‘you’re my same age and you’re from maine,’ she says, things seemingly clicking into place.

you take your sweater and pull it over your head again, and your hands start shaking and your eyes press with tears.

‘lexa,’ she says, stepping toward you quickly, which only makes your heart race more. you’re drunk, you’re drunk, and you know you’re safe but your ears are ringing. ‘i’m sorry i just—i didn’t—god,’ she says. maybe she notices you trembling, maybe she notices the way you’ve seemingly forgot how to button your pants, but she straightens up and says, ‘lexa,’ just firmly enough of your to meet her eyes.

they’re so blue. you want to find comfort in them, and maybe you will, but everything is too loud right now.

‘i have to go,’ you get out, barely, all gritted teeth and you remember what it was like to choke on your own blood.

‘lexa,’ she says again, differently this time, pleading. ‘i’m sorry.’

you shake your head. ‘i’m not mad,’ you say, and you’re surprised you were able to express a thought as coherent as that. ‘it’s not—i have to go.’

she very gently helps you button your pants and then nods. ‘okay.’

you breathe a sigh of relief because clarke is kind, because clarke is fun and young and wild but she’s gentle, and your brain is trying to convince your body that it’s about to die again, but later you’ll remember this moment with such tenderness.

‘let me get your coat. i’ll get you a car too.’

you follow her out, nodding, maybe, and she helps you into your coat, walks you down and makes sure you get into a black towncar, makes sure her driver knows your address.

when you get to your dorm, you knock on anya’s door and she lets you in, mostly asleep, without a word.

‘you’re here,’ she tells you, helping you out of your clothes and into her bed, while she sets up a little nest of blankets on the floor. ‘you’re in new york and it’s winter and—‘ she pauses for a moment, then lets out a laugh— ‘you have a hickey on your neck, for sure.’

it shocks you just enough, happily, that your heart slows down a bit. ‘from clarke,’ you say, and her name feels solid on your tongue, quiet and present.

‘i never would’ve guessed,’ anya drawls from the floor.

it takes you a while to fall asleep and you have nightmares, but you do have a hickey from a very pretty girl when you wake up the next day, so.

there’s that.

//

it’s all very confusing: one minute you’re holding your piece of pizza, walking to the table you always sit at, every day, with your girlfriend and your friends. you’re tired and your hip is sore from hockey, your eyes hurt from reading the same history primary sources over and over again on the shitty library computers. costia is beautiful, though, and the pizza today looked less burnt than usual, and your uncle had promised to take you fishing this weekend.

one minute you’re holding your piece of pizza, and you’re sixteen, and then there’s a very distinct series of pops, a single click, and your pizza is on the floor because you can’t feel your hand. your arm is on fire and it takes you a few moments, but then everyone is screaming and there are so many pops, and it’s loud.

it occurs to you that you were shot, that this is a school shooting, that all of your classmates—your friends—are dying. Dead.

costia is rushing to you and then there’s another pop and you’re doubled over, because you can’t breathe and you can’t see because pain is shooting up from your abdomen and everyone is screaming, everyone won’t stop screaming, and costia is brushing hair out of your eyes but you can’t breathe, and it hurts.

‘lexa,’ costia is saying, ‘lexa.’

you swallow and you nod and costia is crying, and she presses down on your shoulder and then on your stomach, and you think you might pass out from the pain.

‘don’t go to sleep,’ she says, and her tears are falling onto your face. ‘don’t fall asleep, lexa, please,’ she says, chokes out on the edge of a sob.

‘it’s okay,’ you say, taste the copper and iodine of your own blood. you don’t know what drives you to say it, because there are so many gunshots and you know there are so many bodies but you can’t look away from costia’s perfect skin, her dark eyes, her pretty mouth. you don’t know where your friends are, and it registers somewhere that you might die, that you were shot and you have to have massive internal bleeding because you’re coughing up blood and you can’t feel your left hand.

but costia is saying your name and trying to keep your blood in your body. she’s saying your name, over and over again, her hands pressing hard into your skin, your gut. she’s saying your name until she’s not, until she’s slumped over you in a single instant.

you want to scream, and you hadn’t been scared until now. you want to scream but you can’t, and her breathing is ragged and she coughs up blood into the crook of your neck.

‘it’s okay,’ you say again, as clearly as you can, as best as you can, and you feel her nod, just slightly.

one minute ago you were sixteen years old, thinking about pizza and calculus and the federalist papers, walking to a table where you were going to sit with your friends and kiss your girlfriend, tuck your hands into the pockets of your letterman as you walked home.

costia’s breathing stops, you feel it stop, and it’s so loud, but you hear her heart stop. maybe you don’t, maybe that’s not possible, but you’re sure you’re going to die, and costia already has. it makes you feel sick, but she’s on top of you and you can’t move anyway, you can’t feel your hands or your legs and you can’t breathe.

one minute ago you were a child. you think you are going to die.

you will never be a child again.

//

anya tells you that you were asleep for four days. when you wake up in the hospital—in boston, with your shoulder shattered, your arm in a sling, two of your fingers still numb, your stomach cut open and stitched back together, from three different surgeries—when you wake up in the hospital you don’t think you’ll ever breathe again.

anya tells you, solemnly but without crying, that 27 people died. your friends, your classmates, people who have annoyed you since kindergarten.

you don’t have to ask if costia died because you know she died, but you ask anyway. your uncle is slumped over silently on the other side of your bed and you’re shocked you have tears left in you but you do, and the sob that works its way through your body burns.

they send a therapist in to talk to you, and you know you have ptsd and you tell her that you don’t know if you’ll ever feel real again, that you don’t really want to try to fall in love again. that you used to care about calculus and hockey ap us history, that all you wanted to do after school was make out with a very pretty girl in the back of your jeep. that you were excited about pizza.

she sits down and she sighs and she tells you that those things might never go away. but you tell her, a few weeks later, while you’re squeezing a stress ball as hard as you can, even though your hand isn’t working quite right, and your entire abdomen still aches when you try to stand up straight—you tell her that you still love trees. the ocean. your tidepools and all the words that have gone along with them.

you get to go home. it’s not the same—it’s hollow and it’s empty and gustus offers to move so you don’t have to go back to the same school. but you’re better enough now to wander along the craggy cliffs with your arm tucked around his study one. you have to pause a few times climbing to the top of his lighthouse, but you make it.

there’s a meteor shower, and you should’ve died.

you will never be a child again but there are shooting stars. you watch them above your head, and you watch them fall silently into the water below.

//

clarke finds you on sunday morning, far before the museum is open. she has flowers and two coffees and you’re blushing already.

‘first of all, i don’t want to trigger anything,’ she says, in a rush, and it makes you smile, ‘so i just wanted to say i think you’re beautiful and maybe some time you could stay and i promise not to ruin it.’

she kind of thrusts the bouquet in your face and you grin. you’re thrilled, because clarke is usually so confident and sure, and maybe she likes you just as much as you like her.

‘someone shot me and half of my school,’ is what comes out of your mouth, even though you hadn’t intended for it to at all. you hurry to keep talking after that one. ‘you didn’t ruin anything.’

she sighs in relief. ‘okay,’ she says. ‘i’m still—you know.’

‘yeah.’

she waits a beat for you to say anything else, and when she senses that that’s it, she smiles gently and wraps her hand around your arm. you’re holding a bouquet of chrysanthemums in the dinosaur room and a pretty girl is laughing about the compsognathus, and you correct her because they lived during the jurrasic era, not the triassic, and when you’re kissing her again, beside the triceratops skeleton, it doesn’t feel nearly as terrifying as the end of your world, as the end of anything at all.