#every time i realize there are other people in the venn diagram of ace and autistic who know exactly what ive experienced

[isa-ah]

no human experience is original etc

[makingqueerhistory]

i just tried to find it and tumblr is infamously bad for searching posts so i couldn’t, but i saw a post the other day about terfs discussing using exclusionist arguments as the like “gateway drug” to terf rhetoric. like 1) getting people to accept diving then community but also 2) making posts vague enough that people could interpret them as about ace people when they were intending them to be about trans women so they would engage and eventually get to the openly terf content. in my search for the post, i also saw a lot of ace exclusionists complaining like “someone read my anti-ace post and called me a terf like can we stop doing that” so i think a lot of people have seen the association between the two even if it’s not 100% of terfs/exclusionists

I have heard discussions like this as well, and as someone who has had a decent amount of exposure to both TERFs and exclusionists, I can personally attest to the massive overlap in the TERF/exclusionist venn diagram.

I don't want to make assumptions, most of my experience with TERF/exclusionists comes from being the victim of/talking with the victims of their attacks, and I don't go out of my way to encounter them. What I can say with confidence is that they share a very limited view of the world. And when I say limited, I mean that as more than an insult, I mean that as a truly good faith criticism of their ideologies.

The fundamental disagreement I have with most people who are TERFs/exclusionists, once you take out all the bigoted nonsense, is that limited resources mean limiting our community.

In the reality we have been stuck with, limited resources are a real and ever-present danger, the scarcity of time, money, space, and care are all valid concerns. But I think it is in our responses to that danger that we show our true selves. Whether we see the limits and start whittling people away, coming up with arbitrary rules to decide who won't eat tonight, or we see the limits and have the imagination, bravery, and love to challenge them. To share more, to create more, to find more.

When people come to me and ask me to stop writing about asexual people, about transgender people, about aromantic people, often what they are doing is coming from a desperate need of resources for themselves. So desperate, that they can't see what has already been provided for them, so deep a need that it cannot see or accept any fulfillment and instead it changes its form into greed.

It can be a subtle change, so much so that people don't even realize it has happened.

But I do think the greed is real and corrosive. It's why one of the most well-known TERFs is not some career feminist who found the light, but rather an incredibly wealthy white woman who was born into a country that for a long period of history convinced itself that they were owed the world.

No one was ever losing anything when I began to write about asexual people in history. This project does not have a monopoly on queer history, and there are entire projects based on the history of each individual letter of the LGBT acronym. As someone who spends a good chunk of their time reading and flipping through this wealth of resources, I can say, the absence of one article from this tiny project every couple of months isn't causing any harm.

I could talk about this subject for days, I have spent days thinking about it, but I will just say that greed is one of the most unchallenged roots that cruelty grows from. Even the theoretical promise that I would write about asexual people every so often was enough to send hate and harassment to myself and other writers for this project. When two ideologies are as closely tangled together as of those of TERFs and exclusionists, it is worth looking at those roots to see where they lead.

[whelpokaythen]

hey if you are a part of the lgbtqa+ community please read

*and give some advice if you’d like, i dont feel like i have anyone else to talk to about my sexuality — please be nice*

so i’ve been questioning my sexuality since i was 13 and identified as bisexual at age 17 came out to my friends as bi at 18 and now im 21 and questioning again (which im aware is perfectly valid :))

although it was known to me before, and when i was younger, i cant help but continue to find that people everywhere talk about sex all the time. it feels as if it is the only thing that is worth living for. i assumed it was because of how in today’s society we live with hyper-sexualization in media but now im not so sure.

so i thought maybe i just have a low libido like maybe it’s a side affect of my depression or something else medical but then i had a thought that perhaps, i am asexual

and over the past few weeks i’ve read alot of articles about asexuality and some make me feel like that label could apply and others make it sound like it’s not quite “me”

like yeah we could have sex or we could go to the aquarium, y’know? like as long as im spending time with you

so because my mind has gone dizzy in circles around the deciphering of my sexuality i decided to list the things i know for fact (because what else is there to do besides overshare on the internet to a bunch of strangers?)

i find some men attractive

i find some women attractive

i find some non-binary people attractive

i’ve figured out my “types”

personality of a partner is important but i think looks are important too (thats not shallow, right?)

the thought of sex sounds intimate and i would like it to be taken as a serious and personal moment, at least for the first few times

after dating someone for a while i’d like sex to be fun and funny and less intimate but also sometimes romantic and intimate

(dont know if this is because i am a virgin but) i will not have sex until im sure we could date a long while or until it feels right

i do not desperately crave sex

but the concept of it sounds nice

i do not masturbate more than like once every two months

i read and enjoy gay/lesbian/straight romance fan fiction (usually slowburn haha)

i’ve kissed people before

i like kissing people

i’ve cuddled people before

i like cuddling people

i am a virgin

the thought of oral sex is not appealing to me what so ever :/

i am a cis woman

i am also comfortable with labels such as gay (as an umbrella term), bi, sapphic (sorry if i use that wrong but it’s a comfortable label to me), femme, and now ace feels pretty comfortable too

and i’ve thought about demi-romantic which kinda fits but it doesnt seem right either depending, again, on the definion

basically i feel like a three way venn diagram

and i dont even know if this is a thing or if it is valid which is why i bring my case to tumblr so maybe someone can help or bring advice/comfort

like some people can be straight and ace right? so i can be bi and ace?

it feels safer to remain where i am under the bisexual umbrella but now that ace sounds safe too and oh man i just run myself in circles. then i breathe and i realize in the long run that the only title that really fits me best is “Me” so as long as i know that i’ll be alright :)

[poore-choice-of-words]

Happy Meet and Greet Monday, and Happy Pride Month! Give your OCs the floor to talk about their gender and/or orientations.

Happy Meet and Greet Monday! Destiny will take over form here for Apprentices.

Destiny pulls out a board with pictures of her teammates on it as well as some pride paraphernalia.

Parthenon: Is that one of my conspiracy boards?

Destiny: Don’t worry. I’ll put them back together.

Cas: Conspiracy boards?

Percie: One of.

Destiny: *points to picture of Cas with Nonbinary pride flag magnets holding it up* So Cas is nonbinary, but hasn’t listed a specific gender within that spectrum so for now xe will be known as Cas-gender.

Cas: I’ll accept that.

Destiny: *points to one half of a venn diagram colored in with Pan Pride colors with Helena and Destiny’s pictures in it* And Helena, Parthenon, and I are all Pan, which as you all know means we’re attracted to people regardless of gender.

Faraday: Who are you talking to?

Destiny: Parthenon *points to middle of venn diagram with Parthenon in it* Is also Ace, and so are Harold and Percie, *points at half of venn diagram with Ace pride colors behind it, Percie’s photo has a circle with the Aro Flag around it* Percie is also Aromantic.

Harold: How much effort did you put into this?

Destiny: Anita *points at Anita, in a heart with the lesbian pride flag* Is a lesbian.

Anita: Why am I in a heart?

Destiny: Because I love you.

Anita: Oh.

Destiny: And Finally El here is Bi. *points at El’s Photo with Bi pride magnets*

El: This is kinda impressive. How long did it take you.

Destiny: As a bonus, here’s Faraday, Jen, Matt, and Maria on the straight line of not cool enough. *points to their photos on a straight yellow line*

Faraday: Why is it yellow?

Destiny: Because it’s not cool.

More WIPs under the cut.

Humanless

Drake: I’ve just always been aware of not being attracted to just one gender. It’s alwayso been important to me what the gender of my paramour is.

Bobbi: On my opposite end, I didn’t realize anyone was attracted to anyone. I thought they were faking it, until I realized they weren’t, and I was just weird. Then Ieaned into it and focused my efforts on avoiding people.

Frank: I always thought I had no interest in women because I wasn’t attracted to humans, until...

Thoth: I knew for a long time I was only attracted to men. I just never really cared enough.

Syren: *Shrugs*

Nightingale and Peregrine

Mandie: I just always had a thing for all kinds of rebels, and that reflected in pretty much every significant other since prom when I left my date to dance with Kitty.

Moses: I like all sorts of people. I like, not everyone really I have standards, but there are double standards, that’s not what I meant. I don’t like one type of person, and the gender matters, but also doesn’t. It’s confusing.

Emily: *shrugs* I like women.

Odd Cases

Juliet: I don’t think about it a lot. I generally avoid attractive people.

Chase: I’m bi.

Rising Ark

Blossom: I’m Demisexual, so it takes me awhile to become attracted to someone, but I tend to fall hard.

Sam: I’m a trans man, and my previous employer was a little bit backwards about my transition, which is why Noah made it a rule that none of us go by our given names when we bought the ship.

Noah: I’m asexual, which is why I have the time to make plans and such.

Katy: I’m also asexual, so I had time to learn sword fighting.

The Widow: No.

Thanks for the ask!

[the-ghost-of-jason-todd]

On Identity Politics

honestly one of the biggest reasons people use to justify questioning someone else’s label and redefining it FOR them is “what if they’re wrong and they decide down the line that they’re x instead of y?”

i’m talking the “maybe you’re not non-binary like you think, maybe you’re just dealing with internalized homophobia” stuff, we’ve all seen some version of it.

“maybe you’re not a non-dysphoric trans person, maybe you’re actually just cis but you hate gender roles”

“maybe you’re not actually ace, maybe you’re just not ready to come to terms with your sexuality”

“maybe you’re not bisexual, maybe you just don’t want to let go of compulsory heterosexuality”

on the surface that kind of sentiment sounds caring and sympathetic, but it’s actually really insidious because it doesn’t often mean “i care about you and i just want you to know yourself” like people assume it does.  it really means something closer to “i don’t want people who are questioning/who’re going to change their mind to be in my space because i feel like it cheapens the label and cuts down my credibility”  or, sometimes: “i don’t think x is a valid label to choose and i think i can convince people who are ‘confused’ to come to my side, which will make us stronger as a whole”

that fear response sitting casually behind gatekeeping behaviors is there in almost every thread i see where there are themes of _____ vs _____.  like, TERF rhetoric?  radfems (often lesbians) are afraid that trans women dilute or pervert femininity, specifically feminine sexuality.  truscum?  trans people are afraid that resources will go to people who ‘don’t need them’ and not to people who desperately do.  biphobia/acephobia?  (often) gays/lesbians are afraid that other gays/lesbians don’t want to admit their sexuality and that behavior adds to homophobia.

note that all of these tie in to our opression.  if there was no misogyny there would be no reason to have TERFs.  it’s a defensive mechanism: the persistent worry that someone unsavory will get into a safe space is a fair thing to devote time to (a little time--basing your whole platform on exclusion like a TERF is a whole different issue).  our survival sometimes hinges on being able to weed out threats, to protect ourselves.  we have a history of police raids and active shooters in queer spaces, of COURSE we worry about that.

but the persistent worry that, for instance, someone who says they’re a lesbian is actually a trans man, or that someone who says they’re a woman is *gasp* amab, OR EVEN that someone who claims to be trans is actually just cis but with huge hangups about their body--it’s not a worry that’s really defensible.  TERF logic is not defensible.  it’s all built on dividing lines that just don’t exist.

now, i’ll be the first to admit: sometimes you can help people out by talking about big trends.  pointing out internalized homophobia is not the problem here.  neither is talking about your personal journey from non-binary to cis lesbian!  but the thing is, queer identity isn’t a ‘big trend’ kind of thing, and you can’t apply your own journey to anyone else.  people don’t choose to be queer on a whim because someone told them to (and if they do, they grow out of it pretty fucking fast, it’s not generally desireable to get spit on daily).  queer identities and labels are incredibly personal things.  each one is different.  and the secret ingredient, chemical X if you will, is the fact that paradigms are fluid as hell.  identities are fluid, hell PEOPLE are fluid.  

LGBTQ+ identifiers, unlike other identifiers like race, can apply to anyone at any time by design.  generally speaking, gender and sexuality are applied at birth.  we’re assigned a gender based on one physical trait (genitalia) and are then expected to fit into the corresponding social role, which includes a hetero sexuality where you’re supposed to marry the opposite sex and make 2.5 babies.  the fact that genetics hands you a mixed bag of random traits and SOCIAL NORMS sort you into one category versus another means that deviation from the ‘norm’ can be undertaken or realized by ANYONE.  you can’t wake up one day and say that you’re black now, lily-white genetics be damned, but gender and sexuality?  they only persist so long as you’re willing to play along.  for cishet people, that’s forever.  they have no serious complaints.  for queer people, it’s obviously a different story. 

what does that have to do with identity politics?  well, it means that anyone who deviates can pick up just about any label.  some labels are tied to specific cultures (hijra, two-spirit) and some are tied to specific circumstances (transfem/transmasc) but FOR THE MOST PART, it’s about how you, an individual, personally relate to gender and sexuality.  and the kicker?  there is nothing set in stone!  definitions change, people change, people learn new things, the closet exists, and you can’t worry about what everyone else is doing.  when someone else does some deep thinking and decides that they’re non-binary instead of transfem, it literally has nothing to do with you!  it can’t have anything to do with you because it’s an IDENTITY that isn’t yours, and the only reason you have an instinctive fear about people changing their minds is that deviation itself is terrifying.  

when the entire world questions you at every turn, you WANT to dig your heels in and define XYZ by carving it into a rock.  it’s a defensive position.  the cishet world won’t take us seriously unless we’re united and normalized, right?  they have to UNDERSTAND US as a prerequisite for ACCEPTING US and we really need the cishets to accept us so we stop dying.  every time someone else deviates the same way as you, you feel validated, and you feel more strength in numbers in a world where you are EXTREMELY marginalized.  but you need to watch yourself because someone doing it differently shouldn’t INVALIDATE you.  you might have an urge to call someone out on being fake or a liar or whatever, but that’s just blatantly not how it works because you can’t fake being human.  that’s all queer is, man.  it’s being human in a way that society doesn’t like.

 check yourself before you wreck yourself--be firm in your own journey.  realize that there is no one else exactly like you.  remember that no matter what we do, the cishet world isn’t going to welcome us with open arms, and an artificial divide between dysphoric and non-dysphoric won’t make the difference between acceptance and persecution.  neither will cis woman vs trans woman.  neither will ‘real’ identity vs ‘fake’ identity, especially not when real and fake are your own personal opinions.

we’re all deviants, yo.  bottom line.  queer isn’t a monolith, but neither is it an excel chart where The Community checks a box when you’re doing it “right” because it’s the “right” way that we’re all deviating from.  queer identity is more like a giant mess of a venn diagram that sometimes doesn’t even make sense, and that’s a good thing!  it actually makes us stronger in the face of oppression when we don’t have just One Approved Voice that they can silence.  i think it’s hella cool that a thousand and one different identities exist because the more queer people there are the less solid ground the queerphobes have to stand on.  and also, just as a general rule: if you enjoy calling people fake, you’re emulating our oppressors, and that ain’t cool.

TL;DR: remember that queer is deviation from the norm.  there is no way to deviate “correctly” and you need to let go of the idea that anyone else’s journey invalidates your own.  labels are self-defined for a reason.

[braindamageforbeginners]

Bad Film Reviews - Mission Impossible: The Next One

Cycle 7, Day 4

I think we need to have a discussion about informed consent and mind-altering substances in this country. I realise it might seem as if America is going on and on and on about this, but we need to discuss it again.

Bit of background, I’m on the chemotherapeutic drug Temodar this week (I’m on it five days out of every treatment cycle), and, even though I’ve griped and complained and described the effects of this drug, on numerous occasions, it’s worth noting that the psychological effects (memory issues, trouble focusing, exhaustion, etc) do build up, so, by day 5 on Temodar, I’m much, much worse than on Day 1 or 2 (today is Day 4). And, even though an extract from a quasi-legal drug makes life much better, I still think driving under those circumstances is a bad idea. New idea regarding consent, both sexual and medical: people who shouldn’t drive can’t give it. I say this because my oncologists are located in an area inundated with traffic between the hours of.... well, forever, really, but 4-6 pm is the witching hour down here.  However, they (my doctors) are located a short drive (or long walk) from a mall, which contains a movie theater. So, like yesterday, when I see a physician late in the day; it’s not uncommon to go the appointment, then spend an hour or so sleeping in a movie theater (or seeing a movie, if there’s something I want to see). So, Dad proposed seeing Mission Impossible: Tom Cruise is Still Working to kill an hour or two (this film wasn’t anyone’s first choice)(an idiom to describe the franchise, as it turns out). I figured, I can’t drive anyway, I like action movies, spy movies, and bad movies (and this film met he Venn Diagram of all three). Now, when this was in the planning phase, I was fairly sober (as sober as one gets on Temodar, anyway), and I figured, hey, worst-case scenario, I get some karma points with Dad and have a nap in a noisy theater. Some of you can probably see where I’m going with this (and I apologise if I’m stepping on anyone’s toes, but this really did make me realize there’s a world of difference between okaying something and living through it)(in other words, experimental chemo isn’t as bad as this film).

I got out of the appointment with Radiaiton Oncologist perffectly coherent and alert, got into the theater, and leaned back in the seat. Imagine my horror at coming to my senses In the middle of a Tom Cruise action movie. The basics: This is a film. Starring Thomas Mapplethorpe (yes, that’s his real name). It’s the third - no, fourth - really, they’re at four, now? one in the series. I saw the first one in theaters at the age of 11 (I mean, uh, I rented it at Blockbuster; I’m not that old), and still have no concrete memory of it, except that it involved lots of prosthetic masks. This film involves anarchists trying to destroy the world with nuclear weapons, and it involves three spheres of uranium as a MacGuffin (NOTE: The theater management will take you from the theater if you start singing AC/DC’s “Big Balls”). 

DISCUSSION POINTS: 1.Anarchists are the villains? Really? Didn’t we get over that one after hanging Sacco and Vanzetti? Are we really still ignorant enough to confuse “chaos’ and “anarchy?” 2. Speaking of anarchists, Henry Cavill is the villain, and if he cut his time short on the Batman v Superman set short to grow a mustache, I kinda feel sorry for him. I kind of feel sorry for him, anyway, because H. Cavill is the only documented person whose real facial hair is much less convincing than the fake version. 3. As someone who just finished a round of  medically-required radiation therapy, Americans, as the folks who are typically on the grill-master end of nuclear weapons (as opposed to the flash-fried end), we need a little more realism in this. I don’t mean that the characters should all die slow, horrible deaths of leukemia or radiation poisoning over the course of three hours (although that might be a slightly better film; I’d have compare my note on the film  and my day-to-day journal during my radiotherapy to figure it out), but I do think that, maybe, perhaps, the characters might acknowledge - or at least try to avoid direct exposure - to the dangers of uncontrolled, radioactive substances. Even if it’s just taking a few steps from the lethally-radioactive briefcase.

We could go through the plot and characters and why they’re all direct threats to the American public, but I honestly don’t have enough time. Instead I offer a drinking game, find a spy/action film buff, and drink whenever they point out when this film blatantly steals from another, superior spy movie (they rip off the bathroom fist-fight scenes of both True Lies and Casino Royale, there’s the cell phone-controlled vehicle from James Bond, etc).

Tomorrow, I’ll discuss My Big Backyard, and the horrifying creatures therein (tentatively titled; My Father, the Disney Villain).