#every time i get to contribute to something is an event to me HAHA

[kimquatz]

14, 26, 28? ^^

(#14 was answered here!)

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended?

This happens less with illustration pieces, but character designs I make LOL.

I think the funniest ones I remember off the top of my head is that people thought my OC Hunter was somehow Tracer from Overwatch?? For an older OC of mine, I once got "Albino Haru from Free!" and "White-feathered Davesprite" for Mimuro LMFAO???

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)?

Plenty!! I once contributed to small scale Osomatsu-san zine put together by my buddies, the official Homestuck Aspect zine, [S] Game Over Reanimated... A lot of other notable "art events" were just freelance gigs I suppose ALSKDJA

[justagalwhowrites]

Someone New: Part of For You - A Collection of Requests Benefitting Palestine

Joel is new to Jackson and his family is eager to play matchmaker.

Event Terms: Commissioners could choose to donate between $15 and $50 via Ko-Fi for one fic of 1-2k words. Payment due after completion of the fic. Donation with a match by the author paid to PCRF upon completion. Commissioners had the option to choose to keep a fic private and all fics may not be shared here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female OC Ashley (NOT a reader insert)

Warnings: Smut :D Unprotected P in V sex. Daddy kink. Age gap (Joel is 56, Ashley is 40.) Light Dom!Joel and Sub!FOC. No use of Y/N. 18+ Only MINORS DNI

Length: 3.6k

For You Masterlist | Full Masterlist | AO3

A/N: Written as a request by the lovely @ashleyfilm! She requested "Jackson era Joel from the tv show, so Pedro, and me (Ashley, plus size, I’m 40, I have black hair and glasses, my eyes are blue green with some hazel, I have tattoos, I’m short. A little goth, wear all black where it’s possible in an apocalypse haha) in this scenario I have a cool exterior and I’m independent by nature, but when you get to know me I’m funny and loving, but keep to myself. Joel and I would both like each other but have no clue, while Tommy, Maria and Ellie would all know and roll their eyes at us, try and talk sense into us. Eventually we come together and I’d love some smut. Some daddy soft dom Joel, I’m sub, the only time I want to be told what to do is during sex. I like giving pussies a pronoun so like she likes it and her if you know what I mean. And some fluff would be nice too." Shared with permission. I hope you all enjoy!!

Tommy was starting to drive Joel insane. 

It had taken some adjustment, coming to Jackson. 

There was the adjustment of being back around other people at all, for starters. There was the adjustment to being a father again. There was the adjustment of being in a place he cared about, one where he wanted to contribute instead of forced to to keep FEDRA’s boot off his neck. 

It had been a lot to swallow and, not that anyone was asking, he thought he’d done a damn good job of it. Ellie was happy, going to school every day and making friends. He had his ways to play his part in the community. 

So what if he was doing it all on his own? It’s not like it’s a crime to keep to yourself, he wasn’t sure why Tommy kept trying to push him further than he wanted to go. 

He doubted it was because Ashley was asking him to.

Ashley, the woman Tommy kept damn near throwing him toward at every opportunity. Ashley, who was years too young for him to even be thinking about the way he did. Ashley, whose plush curves and bright eyes had caught his attention from the moment he met her, even as she kept her distance from Joel and, it seemed, just about everyone else in Jackson. 

It didn’t matter how much Joel would enjoy things being different, that the little time he’d spent with her had been some of his favorite since coming here. She wasn’t interested - couldn’t be interested - and he wasn’t about to force it. 

Tommy, it seemed, had other ideas. 

“I’m not sure why you won’t just see if she wants to go,” Tommy said one night as they sat in the mess hall for dinner. “What’s the harm?” 

“Don’t particularly feel like gettin’ shot down,” Joel replied, taking a bite of his mashed potatoes. “Got enough goin’ on without worrying about that, too.” 

“Worrying about what?” Maria asked, taking her spot next to Tommy. Joel resisted the urge to roll his eyes, knowing he was about to be outnumbered. 

“Joel won’t ask Ashley to the dance on Saturday,” Tommy smirked a little. “He’s convinced she’d say no…” 

“Who would say no to what?” Ellie joined them, too, sitting next to Joel. 

“Ashley to Joel and the dance, apparently,” Maria said, giving Ellie a knowing look. 

“Oh shit,” Ellie’s eyes went a little wide. “They’d be so cute together, Joel pretending to be a person who actually does something besides be grumpy…” 

“OK you tryin’ to get yourself grounded?” Joel asked, brows raised. Ellie rolled her eyes. “Because it sure seems like it. And I don’t need y’all match making for me. I am doin’ just fine without worrying about all of that. Leave it.” 

Ellie and Maria gave each other a knowing look that Joel was about to call them on when Tommy distracted him. 

“You’re going to the dance Saturday anyway, right?” He asked. “Just because you’re too chicken shit to bring a date doesn’t mean you should sit it out. It’s a big party, the whole town will be there, you should at least come by for a few drinks. You’ll miss out if you don’t.” 

“Yeah, I want to go!” Ellie said, turning to Joel and pouting a little. “You’re really going to make me go all by myself?” 

“I’ll go to the dance,” Joel sighed before looking between the others and gesturing between them with the fork. “S’long as you three are done meddling.” 

“We’ll behave,” Ellie smirked a little. “I promise.” 

Joel shouldn’t have believed them. He should have known better. 

But that didn’t make him any less surprised when he showed up to the dance Saturday evening and looked for Tommy and Maria, only to find them sitting with Ashley, her dark hair styled to pair with the black dress that seemed like it was made to highlight her every soft curve, curves that Joel had spent hours dreaming about exploring with his hands and mouth. 

He was going to strangle Tommy. 

“Joel!” His brother called, waving him over, as if Joel would have missed him. “Over here!” 

“C’mon old man,” Ellie teased. “Stop being such a fucking coward.” 

“We’re talking about your language later,” he muttered, letting Ellie lead him to the table, hoping that no one had put too much pressure on Ashley to put her in this position. 

“Well look who decided to join the party,” Tommy smirked. Joel ground his teeth. “Ashley, you know my brother Joel.” 

“I do,” she gave him a cool, tight smile and took a sip of her drink, looking back out toward the dance floor. 

“Hi,” Joel said before feeling like a bit of an idiot and pulling his eyes from her to turn back to his brother. “How are you Tommy, Maria?” 

“Oh, we’re good,” Maria smiled a little, looking more like Tommy than Joel thought was appropriate. He wondered if married couples started looking alike before too long. 

“Just peachy,” Tommy said as a new song started. “Oh would you look at that, I need to dance with my wife. Maria?” 

He offered her his hand and she smiled wider before taking it, giving Joel a meaningful look before being led onto the dance floor by her husband. 

“Oh, I think I see Dina,” Ellie said before clapping Joel on the back and leaving him there, alone with Ashley, before he had the chance to argue. 

Joel just stood there, awkwardly, trying not to stare at her, his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. 

“So,” he said eventually. “Um… that seat taken?” 

She looked at him, brows raised. 

“Just by your brother.” 

“Right,” he said, taking it anyway. She looked back toward the dance floor and Joel looked her over while he had the chance, how the darkness of her clothes seemed to suit her, the sharp intelligence behind her glasses, the beauty of the tattoos he could see on her exposed skin. He wondered what each of them meant, wondered what it would be like to take his time tracing over each one. 

“So,” she turned her attention back to Joel. “Liking Jackson so far? Been here… what, a few months now?” 

“Yeah,” Joel nodded. “S’good. Different than where I’ve been for a while but that’s a good thing. Ellie likes it, all that really matters.” 

She nodded slowly, taking another sip of her drink. 

“Seems like she’s a good kid,” she said. “Sure got a mouth on her, though.” 

“Yeah,” Joel laughed, leaning his elbows onto the table. “She’s somethin’ else. I tried telling her she needs to watch her language, this ain’t the QZ.” 

“That’s a hell of an adjustment,” she smiled a little and damn, Joel really liked to see her smile. More than he’d liked seeing a woman smile in… he wasn’t sure how long. “Trust me, I know.” 

“You spent some time in a QZ?” He asked, brows raised. 

She nodded, taking a final sip of her cocktail. 

“Portland,” she said. “I was there at the beginning. One night, I was sneaking liquor at industry night at my favorite club, the next it’s a war zone. Got used to it after a while, though. You were in Boston with Tommy, right?” 

“I was,” Joel nodded. “Took us a while to work our way there but found it eventually.” 

“And you both ended up all the way out here.” 

“Suppose so,” Joel said. He nodded to her empty glass. “Can I get you another?” 

“Yeah,” she smiled. “That’d be nice.” 

He went to the bar and got them both a drink before rejoining her at the table. 

Joel was surprised at how much he liked talking with her. For how much time he’d spent thinking about her and looking at her, he hadn’t spent much time actually talking with her. She wasn’t what he’d expected. 

Where he’d always known her to be a bit distant and cool, he was starting to realize that, as soon as he was past the caution she seemed to approach the world with, she was really very warm and loving, thoughtful and kind. They talked about music, about what they missed about before, the quirks of life in Jackson after living in a QZ. 

By the time Joel got her onto the dance floor, he was ready to get her home. And he was starting to think she wanted the same. 

“Can I walk you home?” Joel asked as the Tipsy Bison was almost empty and he wasn’t able to come up with any more excuses to stay. 

“You can,” she smiled. “But… I think I’d rather you walk me to yours.” 

He smiled back. 

“Think that can be arranged.” 

Joel draped his arm over her shoulders and the two of them walked slowly through the dark town, the streets quiet and the stars bright. 

“Well,” Joel said as they came to his front walk. “This is me. Still want to come in?” 

“Yeah,” Ashley nodded. “Yeah, I really do.” 

He smiled. 

“Good.” 

He took her hand and led her to his door. 

But things shifted as they made it inside. Joel tilted her face up, finding the right angle, thumb brushing her lips, waiting for her to make a move. 

But she didn’t. Her breaths got quicker, her eyes searched his and, after a moment, he felt like he couldn’t wait anymore. 

“I’m gonna kiss you,” he said. “Because it’s all I’ve been thinkin’ about doing for a while.” 

She just nodded quickly and he kissed her, covering her mouth with his. 

It had been a while since Joel had kissed anyone, even longer since it was a first kiss. But Joel could tell this was different, something special. It was like an electric current ran over his skin, sparking at where your lips met and shooting out through the rest of him. There was a sharp, sudden pang of need deep inside him, the drive to be closer to her, as close as he could reach. More than that, he wanted to know that she was safe, cared for. That she had what she needed and what she wanted because he was giving it to her. 

“Joel,” she breathed as they separated, just enough for him to look in those blue green eyes of hers. “Will you take me to bed?” 

“Yeah baby,” he said, want seeping into his voice. “Yeah, I will.” 

He kissed her again, his hands sliding down from her face to her arms to her waist, moving her toward the stairs as he did. He only pulled away from her when they needed to go up to his room, not wanting to stop touching her for even a few moments, his skin almost aching as he watched the round shape of her ass in her black skirt going upstairs ahead of him. 

Joel pulled her back against him at the top of the stairs, the few seconds she was apart from him too much. Her arms stretched up and went around his neck and his hands roamed over her back and sides, luxuriating in just how soft she felt, how he could find places on her that seemed made for him to hold. He guided her to his room, kicking the door shut behind him. He slid his hands back up her body over her arms, his callused fingers slipping over her soft skin. 

“You gonna let me make you feel good, pretty girl?” He asked, voice dark and low. “Because I want to touch every damn inch of you.” 

“Please, Joel,” she whispered, her fingers tightening desperately on his curls at the nape of his neck. “Please, I want you, I need you, I…” 

“Shhh,” he hushed her. “Don’t worry about a thing. Just let Daddy take care of you.” 

He kissed her again and found the zipper on her dress, sliding it down, down, down, until he could slide the straps down her arms and let the fabric fall to the floor. 

“Fuck,” he breathed, his eyes ranging over Ashley’s body, tracing over her curves and tattoos. “You are the most beautiful damn thing I’ve ever seen.” 

He reached around and unhooked her bra, sliding the straps down her arms and dropping it to the floor before cupping her breasts, the fullness of her so soft below his touch that he couldn’t help but groan. 

“You gonna let me take care of you, baby girl?” He asked, voice husky. “You need me to take care of you, don’t you?” 

He wasn’t entirely sure why he said it but something inside him just knew, he could sense it in her. That she wanted someone to guide her, someone she could trust to take charge and give her what she needed.

He could tell by the way she nodded that he was right. 

Joel guided her down onto the bed before pulling his shirt and casting it aside. His eyes ranged over her body as he took his jeans and underwear off, too, his cock already thick and achingly hard. He worked himself, not able to stop himself as he drank her in, memorizing her. 

“Want you to touch yourself for me,” he said, stepping closer to the bed. “Spread those pretty legs, put your hand in your panties, show me how you like to touch yourself.” 

She took a hesitant, shaky breath and slid her hand down her body before slipping them below the fabric, stretching it tight over her pussy for a moment before her hand dipped lower. He could see the outline of her fingers clearly, watched with his mouth watering as they stroked her pussy lips before slipping inside. 

“There you go, baby girl,” he groaned, stroking his cock in time with her fingers. “You just keep on doin’ that for me.” 

He moved to the bed and she frowned as he reached out, looping his fingers around the waistband of her panties to start tugging them down. His eyes moved from her face, down her body to where her pussy lay just below the fabric. Her fingers were still. 

“I tell you to stop?” He asked. She groaned and he saw her fingers start to move again. “That’s my good girl. Want your pussy all nice and wet and full when I see her the first time.” 

He pulled her underwear down slowly, revealing her wet slit with two of her fingers buried deep inside herself as he did.

“Oh, there she is,” he breathed, casting her panties aside. “Fuck, such a pretty little pussy ain’t she?” 

Ashley just moaned, thrusting her fingers deeper. Joel licked his lips, desperate for a taste of her. 

“Spread her open for me, baby,” he said, spreading her legs wide and settling between them. “Lemme see.” 

Her hands trembled as she slid her fingers from her dripping entrance and delicately opened herself to him. 

“Fuck me,” Joel groaned, taking a thumb and brushing it over her tight little hole before trailing it up to her swollen nub. “Gonna take a lot before she can take me. Don’t worry baby, I’ll take care of you.” 

He pressed his mouth to her entrance, just a kiss at first, a taste of her musky sweetness. His thumb stayed against her clit, rubbing her in slow and gentle circles as he dipped is tongue inside of her. 

Joel started slow, easing her into it. His tongue worked deeper, his thumb harder. Eventually, he added a finger, then two, starting to stretch her open as her hips canted up against his face, her legs squirming, delicious moans and gasps pouring from her lips. He looped an arm around her thigh to hold her still, pulling her leg against the side of his head and leaving his nose to work her clit as his hand splayed wide on her plush thigh. 

“Fuck, I’m going to come,” her back was arched, fingers wound tight in his quilt. “I’m coming, I’m coming Daddy, I’m coming!” 

He smiled against her as he ate her through her orgasm, pressing his aching cock down into the bed as he felt her pussy flutter over his tongue. 

When her climax eased, he pulled himself from her tight, wet heat and rose to his knees, stroking his dripping length as she came back down to earth. He nudged her legs apart and down, leaving her fully exposed to him. He ran his fingers over her slit, gathering her wetness and bringing it to his cock as she looked at him, her eyes a little wide. 

“Is…” she swallowed, hard. “Is that going to fit inside me? I don’t know if that’s going to fit…” 

“It’ll fit, baby girl,” he said, working himself as he lined himself up with her entrance. “You can take it, so nice and wet for me. You just relax and let me inside you.” 

He pressed his cock against her tight center, moaning and just how hot and wet and fucking soft she felt. He watched, almost obsessed, as she opened to take him, the stretch almost obscene as he saw himself start to disappear into her body. 

“See baby?” He panted as he sank just the first few inches of him into her cunt. “You can take it, taking it so good for me. She stretches so fuckin’ pretty for me, so goddamn pretty.” 

Her hands flew to his biceps as he leaned over her, pressing himself deeper, her fingers scrambling over his muscle as he worked her open. Joel fought to think of anything but the fact that he was almost fully inside the woman he’d been longing for for weeks now. He couldn’t come too quick, he couldn’t let this end now. He had to take his time, had to feel her come around him. 

And then he was buried inside her to the root, the entirety of him in the entirety of her, her walls stretching to hold him. 

“There you go,” he praised her. He splayed his hand wide over her thick, soft lower stomach, pressing into her skin as his thumb slid down to her clit and started stroking it. “Did so good, taking me so well. You ever been this stretched baby?” 

“No daddy,” her nails dug into his arm. “Feels so good…” 

“Good girl,” he said, working her clit a little harder. She moaned and rocked her hips against him. “Aw, does someone need to be fucked? Someone need me to make her come?” 

“Yes,” she pleaded. “Please, please, please Daddy, please, I need to come, I need…” 

“I’ve got you baby,” he said, leaning over her and kissing her deeply, the taste of her mouth mixing with the taste of her pussy that lingered on his tongue. “Gonna make you come so hard for me.” 

He pulled back before thrusting forward, hard and fast and making her gasp, her hands flying from his arms to his back. But he stopped her, taking hold of her arms and pinning them over her head with one of his large hands. 

“You can use those when I tell you,” he said. “Right now, need you focused on taking,” he pulled back and thrust back in quickly. “This.” He did it again, fucking into her hard and fast. “Cock.” He did it one last time before grinding himself deep. “Tell me when you’re about to come.” 

He picked up his pace then, fucking into her deep and firm, grinding his hips down against her clit, feeling how her breasts moved against him as he forced her walls apart with each heavy stroke. 

Joel didn’t let up, too lost in her and just how damn good she felt to do anything else. He wasn’t even sure how long he’d been fucking her - just that it wasn’t long enough - when her breathy, desperate voice broke through the lust-driven haze of his mind. 

“I’m gonna come,” she keened, her pussy to tight around him that it almost hurt. “Gonna come, I’m gonna come Daddy, please…” 

He freed her hands then and she gasped, her fingers immediately finding the broad expanse of his back. Joel took her face in his hands and looked into those eyes of hers, unlike anything else he’d ever seen as he felt how her body took his. 

“Good girl,” he said, breathless and needy, too. “Come for me, come all over my cock, that’s it, so good for me…” 

The chorus of praise continued until she cried out, her whole body seizing as her channel gripped him so tight he was almost afraid it would force him out. But he held himself deep inside her, kissing her as she moaned into his mouth as she throbbed around him. His orgasm took hold, amazed for the half second he was aware enough to think that he’d been able to hold off this long, emptying himself deep inside of her. 

“Fuck,” she moaned, panting for breath as they both came down from their shared high. Joel had all but collapsed on top of her and he adjusted, pulling himself gently from her body and feeling their combined spend leaking from her as he did. He lay beside her and she turned to look at him. “That… I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything like that.” 

He smiled a little. 

“Me either.” 

She smiled back. 

“I think we’ll have to do that again sometime,” she said. 

“Only if you let me take you out first,” Joel said. “Don’t think I can get enough of you in bed. Think I’m gonna need as much as you’ll let me have outside it, too.” 

Ashley reached out and carded her fingers through his thick, shaggy curls. 

“I think we can make that work.” 

[rmd-writes]

Hi!! I always love what you write, so I'm very excited to see whatever this secret project is! But for now I do have a question about beta reading. How did you break into it? For a long time I have thought that I would enjoy doing that for different people, and I like that kind of fine-tooth comb editing work. But I am not a writer myself, just an avid fic enjoyer, so it feels like I can't quite bring as much to the table or meet other authors in a mutual kind of way. And I would never want to imply that an author needed that extra help or anything like that by just cold reaching out to them. Sorry that so much about me haha, I'm not necessarily looking for any advice (though if you had any I would certainly take it) but I am curious about how you got into it and what your experience has been like! Thank you!!

Hi nonnie! Thanks for the ask!

Can I just say to start with, that as an avid fic enjoyer, you absolutely can meet writers and other creators in a mutual way! Everyone has a place in fandom and something to contribute. It would be a very lonely world for creators if people weren't there to enjoy what we make (and hopefully tell us what they're liking those things). Personally, I appreciate readers so much and I especially love seeing regular names pop up in my inbox 💖💖

As for how I got into beta reading, it started back when a pal in Schitt's Creek fandom was writing a fic and worried that she was going to lose motivation to write it so I offered to sit in the doc and cheer her on. Please note that my motivation for doing so was entirely selfish because it meant that I had early access to the fic that I desperately wanted her to keep writing 😅 that eventually turned into me beta reading that fic (and all of her fics after that) for her.

I started beta reading more frequently in RWRB - I'd signed up as a beta reader for an event, but around the same time I also got to know other writers via a discord server. Sometimes people would ask for beta readers and I'd volunteer - I'm still a tiny bit dirty that @three-drink-amy snagged the beta rights to bleedingballroomfloor's baseball boyfriends fic right out from under my nose even though she is far better qualified than I to beta read a baseball fic - so much so that she helped me with the baseball scenes in my rwrb lawyer au lol (please know that I love them both dearly, there is no internet beef here).

You say that you don't want to reach out to writers and imply that they need assistance, but honestly, sliding into people's DMs and letting them know that either I'm very interested in X fic that they're writing and would they like someone to beta read it or that I'm available in general to help if they want it because I love their writing is how I've ended up beta reading for almost all of the writers I do that for!! People are generally just thankful to know that someone is interested in their writing! It can be a lonely hobby sometimes and having someone to live in your docs or send snippets to can help balance the need for wanting to talk about your fics with someone or bounce ideas off someone and wanting to keep what you're working on under wraps.

God, this is getting really long, I'm so sorry. I've been rambling and I'm not even sure that I answered your question.

You asked what my experience has been like and for the most part, it's been very positive! I get early access to fics (I often say that my favourite way to read a fic is in google docs 😂), I get to cheer my friends on and sometimes they even trust me enough to let me throw ideas at them and write them into their stories - sometimes I even get to do this without actually doing any editing and that's just as fun. I love beta reading, I think there's something really special about being trusted with the draft of someone's writing and getting to help make it the best that it can be (what that involves looks different for every writer I work with). 💖

And all of that doesn't even touch on how much I learn from the writers I've worked with - it's definitely helped me improve my own writing!

[its-shugo-chara-time]

Shugo Chara Jewel Joker Ch. 1 Review

I thought I'd go over my thoughts about the first chapter of the sequel.

So, can we first start off with how gorgeous this chapter cover is? Like I absolutely love how the same art style is still there but it seems more refined and...mature (I don't know how but it just does).

I'll be completely honest that I'm not super thrilled about them adding on another love interest to the sequel. It makes sense, but, not super excited about it. The fact that he already appears to just be a younger version of Ikuto feels a bit lazy on Peach-Pit's end. Sorry if that's offensive but those were just my initial thoughts.

I also really like that it's a sequel directly after the events of Shugo Chara Encore. I think exploring Amu's growth through middle school is such a great concept. The ~ cool and spicy ~ line still makes me smile every time.

It's so good to see Rima, Yaya, and Kairi!! AAAH THEY ARE ALL SO PRECIOUS, especially Rima. I always have adored her.

Also, Kairi and Yaya's dynamic is so cute. I think they balance each other out really well. I know some thought their "pairing", if you can even call it that, in Shugo Chara Encore random, but I think it actually works well. I'd love to see some of the chapters show how Kairi and Yaya are doing taking over the Seiyo Academy Elementary guardians, maybe even see who the new King, Queen, and Joker end up being.

And then there's the adorable prince. I spent so much of middle and high school years going back and forth between him and Ikuto as my favorite. I started off liking Ikuto then went to Tadase then back to Ikuto haha. Now that I am 26 years old, I can acknowledge that the age gap between Amu and Ikuto is definitely valid in people considering it problematic, which I would have adamantly disagreed with at 16. Now that I am a therapist and have seen a lot (to say the least), my opinion has changed. I can't deny the appeal of that relationship in a fictional setting but also can't deny that the age gap is not something that can be overlooked. It would never fly in real life. I'll just leave it at that.

I'm not going to lie, I was pretty disappointed when I first read this about her going to a new school. I was like NOOO I WANT TO SEE AMU WITH THE SAME CHARACTERS AND JUST SEE ALL THE RELATIONSHIPS DEVELOP MORE. Alas, though, I also can agree that the new school and new characters can be great for Amu's growth and journey. Plus, I mean, there's got to be an actual plot lol. So there's that.

I also love how Tsukasa is downplaying all of this. Like it'll actually only take a week or two. Or a semester haha. Also weird how he's just shipping them off with little regard for their actual education or wants. Did Amu's parents actually say yes to this? Haha. It's those little things that I think about that I wonder if anyone else does.

First appearance of the new mysterious cat boy. I wonder if they're making him (at least appearance wise) identical to Ikuto because Peach-Pit realized that Ikuto being with Amu is deemed problematic more so now or if it's just another distraction until Amu ends up with Ikuto ..or Tadase? I honestly have no clue what they'll end up doing. I also just wanted to say that if you all do ship Amuto or Amu with Ikuto, there is no judgment from me. I must acknowledge that it is inappropriate but at the same time, I also know the nostalgia and very cute story they have too. Their relationship is very sweet, but the age gap can't be overlooked. But anyway, still not thrilled about this new guy, sorry.

Oh my gosh look how cute they are!!! Amu's uniform suits her so well, I 100% support her wearing that the rest of the series. Tadase also looks super cute too with that coat. He looks more grown up, aw.

I don't know how all these children get to go to these academies that look more beautiful than some cathedrals. Also can't wait to see how this new cute villain guy contributes to this story. I wonder how he'll differ from the other villains like Nikaidou and Kairi's sister (why can't I remember her name?) or the Easter director guy. I think Nikaidou has been my favorite "villain" so far. I think he was the most developed one.

I like the concept of the X not disappearing and having this cultish academy where everyone already has guardian characters. Where did the X egg go though? Did it just disappear? Am I stupid because I seriously don't know why it's not mentioned after this haha like where did it go? And whose was it? Can't wait to see why all the students are desensitized to this haha.

Possible villain number 2. I like her character design. I kind of like how she's more passive aggressive toward Amu instead of how it was with Rima and Utau where it was full on aggression at the beginning. I don't think we've really seen Amu handle that dynamic and I'm curious how their relationship will develop. It's funny how Amu knows there's something off about her immediately. Amu definitely isn't naive like she can read that the girl doesn't have good intentions pretty quickly.

Okay, this conversation that Amu has with Rima is so cute though. Whether I can fully ship Amuto or not, I have to say Rima giving Amu relationship advice (albeit, not good advice haha) is hilarious and we need to see more of this please.

Gosh I love Amu's different faces. And that's she's a scaredy cat.

Can we just remember -

And many, many more amazing Amu reactions from the anime.

I'll close with, I still don't like new boy but I guess I can't say I permanently think that until he actually gets formally introduced. I hope he's distinctly different from Ikuto or else it just feels kind of pointless having him there.

Welp, that's my commentary! Sorry that was EXTREMELY long. It's also almost midnight where I live, like wow I sure can blab about this manga for a long time. Please comment or like if you at least somewhat enjoyed this little review. Or if you didn't like it. I'm open to suggestions haha, or light-hearted, respectful debates. I'm very new to being back on tumblr so if my formatting is horrendous I'm down for some advice. I also will be posting about the second chapter in the upcoming days so be looking out for that too! Excited to be back on here and see what you all think about the sequel :)

[acourtofthought]

Since we’ve been immersed with the IC for so long I feel like it’s easy for us readers to be like “I wish Elain were more like them” or that she “needs” to be brave. I confess I’ve wished she were more brave.

But the IC are very cutthroat. It goes with the territory. It’s more suited for feyre and nesta personality types from who they were since they were little. Once weare away from just the ic (no hate i love the ic. It’s fun to see diff councils planning, got-style!) we can see other leaders who take a different approach, it will be easier to see Elain doesn’t “need” to be any other way. No need to force it, she will fit in with others naturally.

This is why I think readers (inc me in the past) would fret frustrated that she’s not contributing to the cause. I understand when readers want to see what she’s got but they complain she’s only doing her hobbies. I have nothing against her hobbies, I love them anctually, but I admit that sometimes those critiquing her hobbies go too far and harsh! But o think they just want to see her thrive in a fantasy-esque way. Kicking butt (not literally) and then going back to gardening :D

I think because we see the other girls do their hobbies and also save the day were like “girls can do both!” But I think if Elain were to stay at NC she would only be performing her hobbies, bcuz the IC leaves her out of everything. It’s SJM way of saying “shes not entirely accepted here and if she stays all she can do is bide her time by baking/gardening”

so when I see people say “so what if she only bakes and gardens?” I’m like? So she’d be the only female character to not be involved with the major events going down? You really want that for her? The argument has gone way out of hand. The entire point is being missed. Of the story we’re set up differently and we got a good look into those providing food for the warriors I’d be down with her contributing through her cooking skills, but npthingggg has given an indication of that.

Elain doesn’t fit in with IC, and that’s fine. They’re not the only ones out there. So many other cool councils! (Imagine helion’s council!!) and It’s not a fault, the IC just different from her (she’s probly not as uptight as them :P) frankly, I imagine a lot of ppl don’t get a long with the IC, and they do not trust others easily. They’re a tough to impress clique haha.

I feel like maybe Elain understands that arguing with the IC is pointless especially if you’re not part of the IC so she doesn’t push it too much. She knows they’re not her people. They are very secretive and even though she’s family, they’re also very business. There’s still a part of my brain that does kinda want Elain to stand up tot the IC but I know once we get pov that will change.

Different leaders and councils have different approach. the other leaders might still be ruthless, in a way, since they’re fae living in tough times, but maybe in a different way from the IC. In a way that Elain can agree with, with a group who will value her input on how to handle a situation in her own way and understand her methods and reasonings.

I’ve been thinking about Elain character becaus I’ve read other characters like her who I’ve really liked/loved I couldn’t understand why I didn’t feel the same for Elain.

I just wish that readers would understand that all these characters are unique individuals and that doesn’t mean one character is better or worse than the other. They’re just different that’s it. I think it will easier to see when we get her pov and she surrounded by the right ppl to her style!

Ive sent an ask before and every time I think it will be short it never is! So much to say haha. Tried to space it out to make it easier for you :P

I enjoyed your thoughts, thank you for sending them! I think Elain has tried contributing to the cause but it's evident that she's not encouraged or supported the way Nesta was. I think if Nesta had volunteered something in ACOWAR or the beginning of SF they would have been falling over themselves with excitement. Instead they reached out to Nesta for help and she shut them down at times. But when Elain does it they're more like, "yeah but Nesta....." And in SF we do see her beginning to fight back a bit because I think she's starting to realize that they are never going to count her as one of them. I think she's too observant not to notice the difference between how she's treated versus Nesta. But just as Feyre was never going to come into her own in the Spring Court, I think Elain will never truly shine in the Night Court.

[naturalbornlosers]

actually. i dont normally get this personal so i might delete this later but geez i need somewhere to put this or i'll go insane.

we lost my grandfather a year ago and Christmas has sucked ass this year. i'm overstimulated and exhausted. my family doesn't even try to connect with me. it's like i dont fucking exist anymore to them except as a problem-solver ("can you help me find xyz?") or a piece of furniture or someone to dictate later plans to or a fucking memory pad ("don't let me forget,") or a problem. we try to eat dinner together and i dont open my mouth a moment in the conversation bc there's no opening for me, there's no topic i can contribute to, no one even tries to include me, and the only time i'm spoken to is to tell me plans we're doing later. i wanna make something with my family and it gets brushed off. i wanna do something, it gets brushed off. i bought us a game to play and we're taking it down when we take my grandmother back home bc no one could be assed to remember to play it even though i made sure it appealed to all of our interests.

my mom made a joke about "oh we're just giving you money because we have no idea what you want haha!" and while yeah, i am grateful for the money, it fucking SUCKS that every time ive talked to her about my interests - about our shared interests and hobbies, too - it sounds like it's gone in one ear and right out the other!! i've shown her in person things i would like to eventually get in the future, all year. and it's like… none of it matters. no one tries. no one tries when it's me, but everyone else gets thoughtful things and i'm even still planning to get more things for my mom and my grandmother. no one tries to engage with my interests. my interests actually get made fun of here and there or outright dismissed ("i'm sure [person] doesn't wanna hear about xyz" is said often when im infodumping) and everything i like is trivial. everything i like is fodder to be mocked by my moms husband and just goes in one ear out the other with my mom and my grandmother has no idea what to do with my interests.

and, fuck, now my family doesnt believe i have endometriosis or pcos bc my ultrasound came back fine even though i explained to them repeatedly that it may not show up on an ultrasound. they dont want me to get a second opinion. they dont think its worth it, trying to find out why im in so much pain i miss class/life events and why im so sick and fatigued every month i cant leave the house sometimes. i just sit around like a decoration. i get teased for being on my phone. i get teased for not eating the same things everyone else does. and to top it all off, my moms husband vaguely threatened me tonight in front of everyone and no one did a fucking thing. no one even acknowledged that he just flat out went "dont do xyz, if you do xyz, there's gonna be a problem" in a very clear manner of 'you are going to be in deep shit'. which is fucking tiresome bc he tried to kick me out three separate times in 2020. once bc my bathroom wasn't tidy enough (just a bit cluttered, but i dont have much counter space, so naturally it was cluttered), once bc he wanted to turn my bedroom into storage and have me move into the attic spare room, and once bc "this is my castle and i am the king and if you don't like it you can leave". this was during a time i had no friends irl, no bank account, couldn't drive, no job, nobody around i could go to… he knew full well he could just toss me out and no one would say a fucking word.

i'm learning how to drive. and then i'll get a job. and then i'll move out. and then i'll put this shit behind me. but i fucking hate being in a room full of my family and feeling like none of them know me. that i'm entirely alone. that i don't fucking exist and everything i am is trivial and doesn't matter. if i make plans, there's a high chance they wont happen or will get changed last minute and then i get mocked for being upset about it like i'm a child who doesn't get how the world works. i'm twenty four. i'm young for sure, but fucking hell, i'm not six.

i just don't wanna be here. i'm gonna keep on keepin' on. but i want things to change for the better and i know they wont until i move out. i just don't believe i will actually, ever, leave this house. ughh. i'll survive but holy shit i'm gonna be screaming the entire time.

[nabataprophet]

ooc; TOA Anniversary Munday!

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

tagging: you! come closer

---

Name: Limit

Pronouns: they/them

Birthday (no year): March 8

Where are you from? What is your time zone? east coast usa, babey. i attend college out of state but i'll always be in EST

Roleplay experience: over a decade now if i get any more specific i'll wither away into dust

Got any pets? three dogs (australian shepherd, shiba, chihuahua mix) and a cat (marble)

Favorite time of year: fall

Some interests and things you like: i draw sometimes i suppose

Some funfacts & trivia about you: i had eight and a half wisdom teeth. doctors hate and/or are fascinated by me

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? rhythm games, visual novels, mobage, rpgs

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: is "canine" an acceptable pokemon type sdfkjhfkhfsdk. vulpix is my little guy

How did you get into Fire Emblem? saw awakening at gamestop and thought it looked interesting. my brother and i had just finished virtue's last reward so we named our robins phi and sigma haha

What Fire Emblem games have you played? Fe4-7, part of 8, 10, awakening, fates (not rev), three houses (academy phase only), like....an hour of SOV, and had part of engage streamed to me (+watched the dlc)

First Fire Emblem game: Awakening

Favorite Fire Emblem game: Binding Blade stockholm syndrome real

Any Fire Emblem crushes? i'm not really the type to crush on characters tbh

If you’ve played the following games, who was your first S support?

- Awakening: Chrom

- Fates: Keaton

- Three Houses: burnt out but the plan was dorothea or mercedes - Engage: maybe if my personal copy ever arrives lol

Favorite Fire Emblem class: dark mage(s) and myrms

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class? judging by the types i tend to like, a mage that just completely sucks ass JFHDKJHFDKJDF

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? golden deer??????

If you were an Engage character, which Emblem would you Engage with? the lyn writer is gonna say something totally surprising here and say lyn

How did you find TOA? thought it would be a funny bit to pull on n (it was)

Current TOA muses: Lyn and Sophia

Who was your first TOA muse? If you don’t have them anymore, could you see yourself picking them up again? Volug. He's snoozing now.

Have you had any other TOA muses? Miranda, who stands outside my door every since day

Do you think you have a type of character you gravitate towards? ........girls who have problems and issues LMFAOOOOO

What do you believe you enjoy writing the most? wouldn't you like to know weather boy

Favorite TOA-related memory: unscripted was my first event, so it'll always be special to me. lyn you'll always be famous for getting shot multiple times

How do you pronounce TOA? "toe-uh" and i stand by that

Got any delusions that didn’t see the light of day in TOA that you’d like to share? really want to write one of my diversity fliers one day

[blairsanne]

Writing Questions Tag Game:

Thanks for tagging me @residentdormouse ♥

What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you’ve ever had?

Um, so the two favourite ideas of mine are not things I can link you to because the first one, which is a faerie story about (among other characters) the fae prince of Winter, is a story I'm writing (I guess it's on hiatus) with my irl bff and it's not finished or available to the public. I don't know how much I should share tbh, but I love all the characters and the world we've built so much.

The other is just my special daydream OC character whose story I will never actually write because it's a mashup of various fandom lores and very complicated and while fun to daydream doesn't sound fun to write. She's a priestess who gets murdered on the altar of her world's gods by her bff and they revive her to kill him (he was a priest who took the power of the gods and then proceeded to basically demolish the world around him). She does so, but is essentially left alone in her world and becomes a guardian of sorts. Her role is to link herself to one person (anchor) in every one of the worlds/dimensions/realities that the collection of souls her gods watch over reincarnate into. She can call on power from the other realities to protect them from outside threats (basically, if the gods were creator beings, there are destroyer beings who want to devour the souls/realities). She ends up being kind of a tragic character though, since she's stuck between a bunch of "lives" so to speak and beholden to different people in different worlds but never able to settle down and be done. She keeps getting revived by the gods when she dies (with all her memories, instead of reincarnating), and she struggles with grief. Why is this my favourite idea? IDK but I keep thinking about it.

Is there a question you’ve been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes?

Well one time someone on anon complained that I wrote a self-indulgent mary sue oc into my fanfic and asked "who asked for [that]". To which I replied that I did. Because, you know, I write shit for myself first. As a fun hobby. I'm in no way saying that I write anything great, and if you think my writing is cringe, like, okay, you're right? Die mad about it, I guess? Get a life? Idk. I'm just having fun playing pretend with these fictional worlds.

What is your favorite part of being a writer?

Re-reading finished things because I write the type of stories I like to read, so it's really satisfying to get to reread them later. Close second is when someone else likes what I've written, that's pretty cool. ♥

What parts could you take or leave?

The agony of the time between posting something online and that first bit of feedback on it. Now that I actually have people looking at my stuff there's a little bit of like "well I hope at least one person does end up reading and enjoying this" and like... if not then it feels like why bother posting it online? (Honestly I started posting my BWOC fic in 2013 just so my irl bff could read it. I started posting my newer fics on tumblr in 2021 just so I'd move on and finish the missing parts of the story I had been writing... which hasn't worked, in case anyone wondered haha.)

What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

I am constantly coming up with stories in my head. There's something about writing them down and crafting them into something I can read again later that lets me put them down, if that makes sense. Like a brain dump. I don't need to remember just how that scene went or why that was happening in this plot, because it's written down now. I can revisit it later if I like. Or never.

Second-biggest motivation is when I'm writing a fic with someone else in mind, like a request or gift, or for an event, or just something I know that one person in particular will like. In the hopes I contribute something good to their day. (Even if it's smut.)

What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

I've honestly been writing since I was a child, so I wish I could tell you. XD

What I would say to someone new to writing is this: You get better at every skill by doing it. So, if you want to write, you're better off writing a ton of stories, badly at first and reworking, refining, revising, etc. than to wait until you're "good enough" to write the story you want to write. You can always write a version two or twenty-five, months or years later. Done is better than perfect, and shitty-first-drafts are better than forgotten ideas.

What is your favorite story you’ve written TO COMPLETION? Link it if you’d like and can!

Probably Homecoming, a smut-fic for Bofur in the Durin's Garage AU. Mostly because I haven't written most of my stories to completion, but also I love that fic.

What is your favorite out-of-the-box quote?

"If anyone can do it, so can you."

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

In one of my original fiction stories, one of the characters is an emperor who is basically taking over the world bit by bit, and has zero remorse about it. He believes that nobody can love him (for good reason unrelated to his status/warring) and has decided not to love anyone or anything either. At one point, frustrated with how passive his stolen fiancee is, he orders his brother to strangle her to death in front of him and then gets mad at her when she doesn't fight back (he orders the brother to stop, it was just like... a test?). He's very aggressive and believes that everyone only looks out for themselves, etc. so he does the same. (So her passivity sort of challenges him in a way. It's complicated.) It think it's a very toxic but easy-to-fall into worldview when someone thinks that the world is cruel to them, to decide to be cruel back. That's probably the most controversial mindset of my OCs, but that's sort of the point. Obviously I think he's wrong, and eventually things happen to change him.

If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

She'd probably be confused why we stopped doing forum-RPing and be completely amazed that a single stranger anywhere in the world had read and enjoyed something we wrote all on our own. Honestly I think little me would think I was pretty cool and living the dream. Maybe I should remind myself that more often.

I really value the community in fandom spaces, which I think is why fanfiction is so appealing. We all get to play with the same dolls in different ways and go "ah yes, that's a cool way you played" and learn from each other and grow, and it's all around a shared love of stories. Storytelling is how humans make sense of the world, and community is what makes life feel like it has meaning to me. So this is a pretty cool place to be.

No pressure tags: @laurfilijames @i-did-not-mean-to @i-am-still-bb @silvermoon-scrolls @sotwk @middleearthpixie @sketch-and-write-lover @enchantzz @lordoftherazzles and OPEN TAG to anyone who wants to do it. :)

[stellardeer]

very long personal vent post tw suicidal thoughts, tw eating disorders seeking support/advice tho

So I've been coming to grips with the realization that I truly am disabled and that my life may never truly be "normal". I'm going to write this out as the thoughts came to me, so I can.. better capture my emotions surrounding it, more as a journaling device for me than for any real relevant context.

I was thinking recently about how fascinating it is to me what different people consider to be "a long time", with respect to like.. a period of time spanning multiple days/weeks/months.

It applies to anything, but all of the examples I can think of apply specifically to like.. relationship-related events?

For instance, I've known people who get out of a relationship and might say something like "I need some time to work on myself I'm going to stay single for a while" and then re-enter the dating pool after 2 weeks.

I've talked about "taking it slow" with people who seem to think that me still being unsure about things after 1 month is unreasonable.

I've known people who get married after only knowing someone for 6 months, which seems insane to me.

I've (foolishly) attempted to make up with an ex and, after hesitantly asking for reassurance that things would be different, been angrily told "It's been 2 whole months, I can't believe you'd assume I haven't changed!!" (Which.. like, that response alone told me all I needed to know, spoiler alert: he had not)

To me, "a while" is like... 6 months minimum, like if I say I'm gonna stay single for a while, that's at least 6 months. If I say I want to take it slow, I mean for like the first 2 months we're basically still just friends, and it'll probably take me half a year to decide if I actually see the relationship going anywhere. My spouse and I were together for 5 and half years before we got married and even then, I still wasn't totally sure if it had been enough time for me to really tell if it was a good idea or not, but I really wanted him to have health insurance and I trust him so I did it anyway. I've been actively working on my flaws for at least 10 years now, and I don't think that I'd begun to even consider myself "changed" in any capacity until someone told me like 3 years ago that'd I'd "really got this 'being a person stuff' figured out".

And at first this was just like 'haha it's funny how we all have different perceptions of time' type thing. And I started exploring reasons that might contribute to that.

At first I thought that maybe my long-term memory had something to do with it. I don't have like a statistically accurate measure, but based purely on anecdotal evidence, I feel like I have a pretty above average long-term memory. Forget the short-term, I can't remember jack shit about what I'm supposed to be doing at any given moment, but I feel as though I'd be able to pretty accurately fill out a day-by-day calendar schedule of events spanning back multiple months. Thinking about this, I realized that 6 Months feels like an acceptable minimum to me for "a while ago" because my accuracy for details caps at about 6 months, beyond that things start to get a little fuzzy and I only remember the events that stick out.

But then I started thinking about my life for the past 6 months, and I realized that most of my days are largely the same. So then I started to consider how our perceptions of time are heavily influenced by our lifestyles. I work 40 hours a week and use my weekends for activities, with sparse weekday events here and there when I have the PTO for it. The work changes week to week, but it's pretty easy to remember what I've been doing for 6 months when only ~8 out of ~30 days in a month consist of something other than sitting at my computer and writing code. Someone who has a very busy schedule might experience "more" time because they are doing more things. It's a lot harder to remember what you did every day for a week if you did 50 different things, versus only having done about 5 different things.

But this led me to thinking about my weekends. And about my work schedule. And of course the "isolation under capitalism blah blah blah" came to mind, like how frustrating it is that I have to ration my freedom between 8 measly days per month because of how our society is structured. I realized that lately I've been scheduling my weekends out weeks in advance because I don't have any other time to do something, and I thought about how a lot of those days consist of only 1 activity, and how that's both a sad and laughable product of the fatigue that comes after 5 straight days of work. I can't even clean during the week because after work I just want to relax so I'll schedule a whole day on the weekend just to clean my bathroom and nothing else, haha! Isn't that funny and relatable? A whole day just for cleaning the bathroom, because I know that if I try to schedule more than 1 thing in the day it will be too much! Obviously I'm going to remember what I did, cause I only did ONE THING, lol. And I'm not even talking a deep clean either, I'm just wiping down the tub, cleaning the sink, and sweeping the floor, but I need a WHOLE DAY for it, hahaha! Isn't this a crazy universal experience??

Except that after repeating that again in my head, it really hit me that actually it is not.

Yes, it's true that a lot of people are affected by the capitalistic 40-hour workweek and have to relegate all fun to 2 days at the end of the week, and this is frustrating for anyone. But a lot of people are actually capable of doing a whole lot fucking more in 1 day than just cleaning the bare fucking minimum of 1 room. But I know that that's all I'm capable of. I know that I'm likely to not even be able to get started on that activity until very late in the day, and if I try to make any social plans then I'm less likely to complete the chore because I have to respect other people's schedules and they'll probably be wanting to meet up around the time that I would be just starting to work on my chore. So I can't plan anything else but that chore because I don't want to worry about how long it's going to take me, and I only end up doing the bare minimum to make it tidy and comfortable because any more than that will exhaust me. I'm already spent after cleaning only the tub, sink, and the floor. There are areas of my house that will more than likely NEVER be cleaned because I will never have the time nor energy to decide that it's worth cleaning. I clean my bathroom maybe once a month, because that's literally all that I can manage, there's no chance in hell I'm ever going to be able to waste effort on, idk, the top of the fridge?? The baseboards? The cracks beside the stove? They're all disgusting and likely will be til the day I move from here.

And I realized that even when I plan these Single Activity Days, I CAN'T EVEN COMPLETE THEM WITHOUT BEING MEDICATED ON MY PRESCRIPTION AMPHETAMINES.

Yes, this is relatable for millions of other people in my shoes, but thinking about all this just like... really truly hit me how fucking DIFFICULT life is for me, and how I am fucking kidding myself at this point if I think I'm ever going to be Normal™.

I can't even get out of my fucking bed most days. Not without my meds anyway, which is FINE, but sometimes it can be hours before I even take my meds because just taking my meds is a whole fucking task in itself!!! But even though my meds help, they're also fucking killing me at the same time. I'm already fucking underweight, I have been my entire life, I've never been anorexic or bulimic or anything, I just suck at feeding myself, and my meds are sapping the fucking life out of me because they suppress my appetite, and leave me even more weak and crumpled at the end of the day than I might have been otherwise. I feel like at this point I'm choosing between having enough energy and motivation to make money and live while wasting away day by day until it kills me OR being able to eat but being UNable to do literally anything else with myself without being EXTREMELY exhausted and depressed.

And the worst part is that my social life is ABSOLUTELY suffering for it, like I can't even BEGIN to entertain the idea of building new connections right now (let alone maintain existing ones!!!!) because I'm in such poor health that it's all I can think about at all times. It's like I have to choose between my work, my animals, my health, and my social life, but the social life isn't even really on the fucking table, while also ultimately being the MOST crucial of all of those to my sustained well-being! Like, if I lose my friends I feel like I've lost at life, like what am I even doing it all for at that point, you know? If I lost my friends I'd probably go fucking insane with anxiety because I would have nothing to ground me. I feel like I've become the dad in one of those hallmark movies that can't come home for Christmas because he had to work and he has to relearn the importance of family, but it's not like I can just stop working because I need money to LIVE.

Like, could I find a new job with less hours? Sure, but I'm not going to be able to work less and still make the same amount of money, and given that I am completely independent now and would probably have to choose between losing my home and starving myself anyway, it's not like life would be any easier! I can't lose my home because I have nowhere else to go and I have too many animals to support, so quitting my job isn't fucking possible.

Could I rehome my animals to reduce some of my overall stress? I mean yeah, but they are literally the only thing keeping me alive right now. Some days the only thing that gets me to get up out of my bed is the fact that I HAVE TO walk my dogs outside, I can't have a fence, they have to be on a leash, and they are NOT gonna go to the bathroom inside, so I HAVE TO get up and take them out. And even then, if I somehow let myself get so negligent that I stopped caring if they shit and piss in my house, I HAVE TO feed them and I have to GET OUT of my bed to do that. If I got rid of my animals I would probably just fucking kill myself because I wouldn't be able to convince myself that I had a good enough reason to get up every day. Not to even MENTION the emotional toll it would take on me to lose what are basically my fucking CHILDREN, so NO rehoming my animals isn't even on the table.

So then it's down to my health or my social life? Obviously I'm going to pick my fucking health. It's a daily fucking STRUGGLE at this point to do anything BUT focus on keeping myself alive. I feel like I'm playing the fucking Sims on hard mode, like I'm doing all I can to fulfill my needs so I don't die and it's impossible for me to prioritize my friends because I'm doing everything in my power just to make it through each day. Which sucks SO FUCKING MUCH because for the last few years I've worked SO HARD on becoming someone dependable and reliable, someone who is helpful and compassionate and puts others first, and now I just CAN'T. I feel like I'm no longer deserving of the title of someone who "really got this being a person thing figured out".

And I KNOW that capitalism sucks and whatever and we're all experiencing social isolation and we're all tired, but I know for a FACT it isn't THIS FUCKING DIFFICULT FOR EVERYONE. I see my parents, I see my officemates, I see my peers, I KNOW that their lives are nothing like mine. It took me 9 years to finish a 4-year degree for a reason. I'm on medication for fucks sake, it isn't even a fucking question anymore of whether or not I'm fighting a disability, but I've been telling myself for so long "if I just start doing this" "if I can just get this under control" "if I just eat right and exercise" that eventually I'll be NORMAL and FINE and life will be EASY, but the fact that I've been telling myself that for almost 28 years is an indicator that there is clearly some OBSTACLE between me and "Normal", and it isn't as easy to overcome as everyone keeps trying to get me to believe it is.

I'm disabled. I have a disability. I struggle to take care of myself alone. I'm constantly in pain and constantly tired and I have been for my ENTIRE LIFE, this is NOT NEW, this is not just because I have a fulltime job now, I have been this way for as long as I can remember and the only difference having a job makes is that I am now OVEREXERTING MYSELF every single day just to achieve A FRACTION of what others can.

Like, obviously, I know that step 1 is talking to my doctor about maybe switching up my meds and/or talking to a dietician so I can try to get a handle on my malnutrition situation. That's going to happen, it isn't even a question, because if I keep going like this I feel like I'm gonna be dead before I'm 40. But I'm just at a fucking loss for like.. how to COPE? Like... how am I supposed to deal with the crushing reality of like.. "It's never going to get better is it?"

I was yelled at and beaten for so much of my life for being "lazy", and told that I was faking or that it was all in my head or that I just wasn't trying hard enough. Over the years, I guess I started to believe it. I convinced myself that I just hadn't figured out yet how to do Life right and that's why things were hard for me as a kid. But I really feel like a 4 year old that refuses to participate in anything athletic because it's uncomfortably painful and tiring cannot just be fucking Lazy. Should that not be a red flag that maybe something is fucking wrong with them? Even STILL I have people constantly telling me "well just do this" or "don't do that" as if I really have a fucking choice. I get people frustrated with me because I don't have the energy to do something, and it's like they think I'm just lying because I don't want to do it, not because moving around is painful to me. But I've been ignoring my own symptoms for so long because I feel them everyday and I've just forgotten that they're there, and all I can say is "I'm tired."

And part of me feels vindicated in knowing that something IS wrong with me. All I ever fucking wanted as a kid was to be believed, to be LISTENED TO when I said that I CAN'T do something, it wasn't just because I didn't want to. Part of me feels relieved to FINALLY be able to prove that I wasn't just fucking LAZY and I wasn't LYING all those years. But there's also a part of me that internalized all of that and I'm unable to accept that I can't do things by myself. I mean even in a best case scenario, I get the perfect little drug cocktail to help me live a fulfilling happy life like nothing is wrong and I don't need to rely on daily assistance, I know I'm not going to be able to shake the resentment for the fact that I can't function without the medication. It's like... a bitterness that I have to do things this way forever and others don't. The jealousy that I couldn't just be born Correct or whatever.

Not to mention, I've been shamed for so long for letting other people do things for me that I feel like it isn't even an option. I think that I would GREATLY benefit from having a live-in caretaker, because even with my meds, I can only do so much and I neglect ALL of my basic needs on a daily basis, not just eating. But for one, I don't even know what the qualifications for that are, I feel like I doubt my health insurance would cover it unless I was unable to work. And also, I would just feel embarrassed about it? I'm absolutely in favor of the idea that anyone who needs support should get the support they need, but the people IN MY LIFE are the ones who make ME PERSONALLY feel bad for having someone else help me do things, and given that I've been made to feel like everything is my own fault, I feel like I would be given a lot of shit for paying someone to help me.

I mean even just like.. hiring a chef would help me tremendously, I don't really have the space for someone who is actually live-in, and I have a decent amount of disposable income so I think I could afford it, but somehow even that feels wrong to me. Idk, I think that part comes from like.. a lot of people seem to think that hiring any service worker like that is inherently evil, but I'm not mcmansion fucking rich, I live in a goddam trailer park.

Idk, I think I'm finally reaching the end of this very very long vent post, and if anyone has actually read all of this I really appreciate it and if you have any helpful advice for like... coming to terms with the fact that something really is wrong with me, I'd love to hear it!

[ocd-kenobi]

hello!!! First of all THANK YOU for your incredible insights, your fics and answers and tags really gave me a much more critical and rounded vision on many sw characters and dynamics I had only considered veery superficially.

It felt kind of overwhelming at first for me to engage in such a huge fandom/franchise, so thank you again for your super interesting analysis and point of view.

Secondly, I don't know if you've been asked this already (I might have missed it and in that case I'm SORRY) but I wanted to ask you about Obi-Wan' specifically food-related ocd! (I've found this is one of the best, most immediate ways for me to understand a character, through their eating habits.) I do remember seeing his drinking habits tagged and discussed, but again, I might have missed the food bits.

Have a great day!!

Oh my gosh this is so flattering! I absolutely love your drawings and contributions to fandom <3 I'm glad my rambling is entertaining and has inspired you to formulate views on characters! That's so cool.

I have not been asked this! I haven't come across much in canon, but I'm happy to share some headcanons, under the cut. Content warning for food/disordered eating, but I'm going to actually try to keep this in "happy" territory for personal reasons haha.

I don't actually know what the food is like at the Jedi temple, but I imagine it's quite simple, frugal, and unchanging. I think Obi-Wan takes comfort in the dependable routine of his food being the same boring thing every meal, planned out and portioned for him. But I think the routine of it leads to him building up some anxieties around it. Like, if the space-potatoes on his plate spilled over and are touching his space-peas, he has to carefully carve them apart with his spoon before he can eat them.

Food on away missions is, one on hand, hard for him because he doesn't remember to eat if there's no set mealtime and/or doesn't feel entitled to asking Qui-Gon (when he's a child--this is a recurring issue in the Jedi Apprentice series) or strangers (when he's older) for food. BUT I think he actually really enjoys the actual meals away from home, because he has little expectation of what they'll look like, so if the space-carrots are mixed in with the space-beans, it doesn't register as something bad or something he has to control. He's not particularly naturally adventurous in terms of flavor/spice, but he likes fulfilling the duty of being polite and culturally sensitive by eating whatever is put in front of him.

Of course, there are exceptions to his resilience. In the ROTS novel, we learn that Anakin knows one of Obi-Wan's food allergies because it interrupted a diplomatic event one time; I imagine Anakin is constantly attentive to his food allergies and also to some of his weird Food Rules. Like, if they're eating at some palace for a mission and someone brings Obi-Wan a plate with a space-crustacean that has a shell-to-flesh texture thing going on that already has Obi-Wan's fingers dancing nervously on his silverware, Anakin recognizes that look from that one time they ate a similarly-textured space-crustacean three years ago and he'd observed Obi-Wan's hands doing all sorts of subtle rituals before and after each bite, so Anakin asks the server for a vegetarian option for himself, knowing that Obi-Wan would object to making a scene himself, and then he swaps his new plate with Obi-Wan's, pretending to have changed his mind again. Obi-Wan mildly scolds him for being fickle, but also smiles that half-knowing smile that makes Anakin feel appreciated and condescended to at the same time. Obi-Wan eats his meal easily and that's what matters.

Has a regular order at Dex's and if it's not available he just gets a drink. Likes spending time at Dex's to expose himself to real environments where food is made and eaten and nothing is sterile but nobody gets sick. It's good for him.

Still, if he has to eat a space-fruit from the market without washing it first, his brain provides a full imagined history of all the chemical and biological contaminants the fruit's flesh has potentially come into contact on its long journey from the fields on another planet to this market, and he has to just commit to swallowing them all. If he rubs the fruit on his sleeve three times before eating, it's magically a little better.

<3

[simonalkenmayer]

I dont mean to be impolite, and I'm not sending this as an attack by any means, but since you're aware of the term 'narc abuse' contributing to the stigma of NPD, why do you prefer to use that term rather than using the term 'emotional abuse' (which 'narc abuse' is most often described). You agreed with the anon proposing there is no alternative when there is: emotional abuse. I dont understand. It's literally emotional abuse. :(

As a comparison, I, as a schizospec person, would be hurt and most definitely be aware of it being a contribution to stigma, if someone called emotional abuse perpetuated by a schizospec person, 'schizo abuse' or 'schizophrenic abuse' or something alike; as both Schizophrenia and NPD are highly stigmatized, I made that comparison. I'm not sure why you'd be content with using such a term. I'm not really... upset, mind you, I'm detatched... but awfully confused. (Especially at the mindset behind this & your actions, haha, social skills are not my forté)

By the way, when did the experiment end and what did you do with the data? And, what now? What comes of everything? I recall surveys being sent out at one point.

Take care,

Emily

Emily, is it?

Please scroll back and view the discourse for the last few days. You know…the discourse to which you’re replying, I make my point very clearly in every single post on the topic. Strange that you didn’t catch it.

Here it is again: emotional abuse is a very broad term for an entire array of behavior patterns. Narcissistic abuse is a specific pattern of both emotional and potentially physical abuse. Emotional abuse is not specific enough. If we want to stop the thing, we must name it, and in the case of narcissists, they like to conceal their actions and deny treatment.

One facet of both NPD and narcissistic behavior, is that they refuse to take accountability for the outcomes of their behavior—behaviors that can only be treated if recognized. So by calling it emotional abuse, you’re in fact, playing directly into their version of events and supporting their delusions that they are not responsible. It negates their culpability for their specific pattern of behavior. It feeds into their poor mental health.

When it comes to mental health, there is a line in the sand. Narcissists are recognized by the harm they do. A man can beat his wife because he is mentally ill. Doesn’t make the action acceptable. If we call him a wife beater, are we stigmatizing his mental illness or are we naming his actions and forcing him to take accountability? Are we going to pat him on the head and say “it’s alright, your illness did it to you”? No. We are going to call his abuse what it is, and recognize that as a society, negative behaviors ought to have a negative stigma attached.

Narcissists play games. They love to try and get their victims to trip up or second guess themselves. Gaslighting and manipulating the truth are one of their most favored types of abuse. Like this carefully constructed ask, for example, containing careful clues as to how you missed my point the first ten times (“whoops I’ve been gone! What happened to the surveys? My heavens when did you end the experiment that you’ve been talking about ending since March of last year! *gasp*). This ask, written ostensibly by someone who cares so very deeply about this issue and my opinion on it, using sympathetic language and a personal story about how their own very different mental illness is stigmatized—something that has nothing to do with this particular issue—just pops into my ask box after somehow completely ignoring the point I have made in every single post on this issue, that asks me the same question again, like someone trying to bait me into “slipping up” or someone who wants to mitigate the abuse that narcissists do. This ask which just so happens to have appeared in my ask box after both Izzy and an “anonymous proxy server” visit my blog, go to the main page directly, and then click my ask box link.

Fascinating coincidence.

Narcissistic abuse is a specific thing. Social media creates a popularity culture, this combined with anonymity creates an ideal circumstance for narcissism to evince itself. Narcissists often evidence superficial charm and charisma and flourish in social media environments, and so often, the abuse that appears in online space matches narcissistic abuse patterns extremely easily.

Case in point, Emily. Case in point.

[pyrrhiccomedy]

Tabletop Stuff: How To Create A Good Player Character

So you’re a player starting a new campaign, and you need a new character! Or you’re part of an existing campaign, but your last character just ate shit fatally, or otherwise left the party. You want your new character to be fun to play, loved by the DM and the other players, and to contribute positively and dynamically to the action. But character creation makes you sick to your stomach. You’re worried about creating a character who is unlikeable, boring, or who somehow, despite your best intentions, never really gets involved in the plot.

“Yes, thank you, I feel nauseous with dread.”

It’s mad easy to make a quality PC. But first you have to realize that the characters you like to read about or write about are not necessarily the same characters you will succeed at playing. The table is a totally unique creative environment where you, the player, do not control any variables in your environment, you don’t have a lot of time to think about what your character is going to say, and you don’t have any control over how other characters respond to you.

“So what does that mean?”

1 - Don’t make a point of “challenging yourself.”

This is not a novel!! Or your fanfic drafts!! Or any other space where you can hem and haw and agonize over every line, in the name of creatively stretching your wings! You are at the gaming table, other people are waiting for you to take your turn. Your character should be someone you can quickly and comfortably slip in and out of. 

Do you feel stupid or bad when you try to act cocky? Then don’t make your character cocky. Do you hate chatting people up? Then don’t play a face character.  You may have many favorite characters, in media and in your own writing, who act totally against your own social impulses. That’s great! That’s a wonderful escapist fantasy! But you have 2 seconds to think of something to say at the table, and then you’re committed to it and you roll your dice. 

There are thousands of great and distinct characters who don’t specifically do things that you, the human being who has to say all the stuff THEY say, hate doing and are bad at.

2. For God’s sake, make them care about stuff.

Jesus. Jesus. Emmanuel. Lord God. “My character has a hard time trusting people.” “My character has a hard time lowering their walls.” “My character is an aloof loner.” “My character doesn’t like other people.” “My character is fixated on one goal and doesn’t care about anything else.” “My character doesn’t get emotional.” Stop it. Stop it. I’m dying. You’re killing me. Look at me, I’m turning blue. Stop.

The only thing - the only actual thing - your character has to do is care. No, not about themselves, or some shit from their backstory that doesn’t involve anyone else. About everything! They should have an opinion about everyone they meet, and every situation they end up in! Don’t make it a battle for your character to get emotionally invested in the other characters in the campaign, don’t make a character who will consider a lot of the events and institutions in the world irrelevant to them. 

If you find yourself saying “my character just has a hard time connecting because [FILL IN ANY REASON AT ALL],” you fucked up. Make them care. Your DM created a whole world for you to care about it. You and your friends give up hours every week to go on an adventure that’s meaningless if you don’t emotionally buy in. There are plenty of ways to play a character who’s damaged, or has trust issues, or has an overriding singular drive, that doesn’t preclude them from making quick emotional connections. 

3. Give them the drive to act.

Make them active. Make them brave ( “I’m terrified but I’m determined to overcome my fear” is also brave).

Caution is your enemy. Adventures are not cautious endeavors. Heroes are not cautious people. Put your finger on the scale of action vs caution to make sure that they are always talking the other party members into action, not out of it.

4. LIFEHACK: HOW TO MAKE LOVEABLE FLAWS.

I recently figured out how to trick my players into giving their characters serious, but loveable and relatable, flaws. I said, “Hey, haha, what’s something that’s funny about your character? Like, something that’s just kind of ridiculous about them as a person.”

Comedy is rooted in tragedy. But comedy is tragedy you can get your arms around. Ask yourself, during character creation, what you could make fun of this character for. What’s something genuinely absurd and garbage and self-destructive about them, but in a way you can laugh at? You’ll come up with an achilles heel for them to overcome that will make the other people at the table fall in love with them, instead of just feeling frustrated with their constant bullshit. 

----

AND THAT’S IT ACTUALLY? 

- Don’t deliberately make them hard for yourself to play

- make them the kind of person who gets emotionally invested about stuff

- make them people of action

- give them a flaw you can laugh at

If you want to bounce a character concept off of me go for it, but if you just treat this like a checklist, I think you should be fine.

[noxiatoxia]

Any wayz!!!!¡! i recently unearthed a fic i half finished where kaoru goes into a depressive episode and locks himself in his room, similar to the concept we were talking about before. except hikaru, after trying lots of things to get him to communicate, just starts writing letters and pushing them under his door daily. its easier for him than talking out loud bc it feels less lonely than talking to himself outside kaoru's door.

anyway the letters tell kaoru about whats happening outside and in the host club, messages from the others, telling him how much hikaru misses him. and sometimes hikaru will draw him a little story comic of one of his stories to make kaoru smile, even though he's kinda trash at drawing. hikaru can only hope kaoru isn't just throwing them out, since he pours all his heart into each one.

and kaoru does read them. even though they break his heart. so sometimes he sees hikaru push one under the door and will just stare at it from his bed, sometimes not going to get it for hours at a time, scared to read it because of how emotional it'll make him. seeing how much effort and care hikaru puts into every single one, his attempts to make him smile, to make sure kaoru is updated about everything going on and the events of each day (even the silly things), to writing messages from the club word for word. its how hikaru shows his love and support.

it hurts kaoru that hikaru's still putting so much effort into making him happy after all kaoru's efforts to fade from his life, but he loves him for it at the same time. its just like hikaru, isn't it? to be so stubborn that even after weeks of not hearing a word back from his brother, that he would still put 100% effort into his letters? even with no guarantee kaoru's even reading them at all?

a part of kaoru, the part he'd been trying to squash down since he started this whole plan, hopes he'll never stop sending them. that hikaru won't ever give up on him.

maybe i should finish the fic,, didn't have many hopes for it but after writing all this,.... hmmm..

ANON!!!! THIS IDEA.... I LOVE stationary in stories. smth about a story told thru letters. MAGNIFICENT. (btw, if you ever finish that fic, i'd LOVE to read it. Love me some kaoru angst)

Hikaru always puts 100% into his letters, like you said. It's a little hard for him, because he's not a writer. Not only is he simply not great with his words, but he hates physically writing. He's super impatient and he feels he can't get the words out on the paper fast enough, so he prefers typing bc it's faster (im projecting) and of course, kaoru knows this. which is why it's extra special receiving a daily letter from him.

Each letter starts out the same. A basic how are you doing? Are you okay? I hope you're okay. I miss you a lot. And then Hikaru begins to give a detailed explanation about his whole day.

He'd talk about school- "We started reading Soseki's "the gate" in our literature class. It seems like something you'd like. In fact, I'm sure you've read it before" "we're prepping for an English test. It's so hard!!! I'm no good at English like you are. People say Japanese is harder than English, but I say that's just not true. At least Japanese makes SENSE!!!" "Today in math we're starting a new unit on grid transformations. Remember when he briefly covered them in middle school and you hated it?? You've always sucked at math, haha! Dw, I'll do your homework for you :) just do my English, kay?"

Of course, he'd talk about the host club the most. I think Hikaru probably became less of a host and more of a helper once Kaoru stopped coming to school in general. He can't ever get used to being a solitary host; he hates being alone. So, instead, everyday he spends it hanging around a different host, sometimes contributing to the conversation but mostly just helping out. Sitting next to Tamaki or Haruhi, standing next to Kyoya, sitting across from Hani and Mori. Of course he'd mention each letter how much the Host club misses Kaoru, and how everyone always asks how he's doing.

"Today I spent the day with Hani-senpai. I just brought him sweets n stuff. The guy ate 5 bowls of ice cream in fifteen minutes. FIVE!!! and he didn't get brain freeze!!! what is he!?!?" "I hung out with Haruhi for the host club today. I almost fell asleep because her conversations are soooo boring. but also, that could just be because I haven't been getting good sleep lately. it's hard to sleep without you and without knowing youre okay. ugh, i should have said that at the host club today as my excuse. i think the guests would have loved it, haha" "I spent the day with Renge out of curiosity. I always wondered what she does at our club the whole time... draw doujins and craft merchandise, it seems. I guess Kyoya-senpai put her to it. by the way, if we were animals, what animals would we be? i said fox but maybe wolf too... Renge said she saw us as hedgehogs"

And then, he'd end off every letter with a drawing/comic. Something to cheer Kaoru up. He'd also include extra paper if Kaoru ever wanted to write back... he hasn't yet, but Hikaru still hopes.

The idea gave me ~inspo~ so I drew a shitty cringe little comic in the style I think Hikaru would draw/write in... it's based off one of their stories Hikaru made up as a kid called "fox through time" in which a genius fox (named Dr. Foxtor) creates a time machine, intending to rewrite the past. In the original story, her future self comes back to the exact moment she finishes her time machine to stop her, and then there's some epic battle, but Hikaru made a parody comic in hopes to make Kaoru laugh....

ID in alt and under read more

A 6 panel crudely drawn comic on notebook paper. The first panel shows a doctor fox in a labcoat with a remote. "Finally!!! I have made my time machine! All I have to do is press the button…"

The second panel depicts a second fox in a black hoodie and glasses. She is pointing at the doctor fox, who looks shocked. "STOP!! I have come to prevent my mistakes…"

The third panel has the doctor fox exclaim, "Whoa! It's me from the future… That means my machine works!! Wait…"

The doctor fox then points and asks, "What is the most popular official Cinderella game in the future?"

In the fifth panel, the future fox looks thoughtful. She says, "Umm… well, there is just the one on GBA…"

The final panel depicts the doctor fox in the air mid-jump, throwing her remote on the ground and smashing it to pieces in a blind rage, exclaiming an angry "AUGHH"

[druid-for-hire]

new hadestown au: BIKER ! EURYDICE, in which she’s a rogue lone-wolf biker dwelling in the urban jungle of a Neo Tokyo-type city called Hadestown, wracked with biker gangs, violence, poverty, corruption, and civil unrest, still recovering and rebuilding from an apocalyptic event many years ago. Heavy-handed with the AKIRA inspirations here, haha.

She fights for herself on the dangerous streets, an illegal racer with a consistent top-three placement and a reputation for ferocity that earns her the money she needs to scrape by. And then she meets Orpheus: a dopey bartender who has no place being in her business.

okay okay okay i’m gonna be jumping around a lot here. be warned. thanks @supercantaloupe, @regzillas, @birdmanlyss for your contributions! (sorry if i missed someone it’s been a while)

she's a lone wolf in a city infested with biker gangs and it's brutal

she's run over plenty of limbs in her day

then there's orpheus, this gentle, kind-hearted soul, an indie musician and shes like. fuck. now i gotta keep this bastard safe

puts a long pipe with a mess of bolts and metal on the end in his hands and tells him he'd better buckle up and learn to fight the road

this sort of thing is common among biker gangs to cause destruction and knock people off their bikes onto the road. other types include mallets, hammers, baseball bats, etc

shes small but knows a lot of self defense and is very good at handling herself on the road

besides teaching orpheus to steel himself and yes use that pipe on people, push them off and jam it in their wheels and let it break if it does, she's gotta teach him to hold on while she pulls all this crazy shit on her bike

she avoids taking him on the road because having to fight people gives him so much stress but he also stresses about her so it's all weird

the first time orpheus sees her run over someones arm hes like ""???????????????????!!!!!!!!"

"Don't worry it doesn't happen often" "WHAT IS 'OFTEN'"

she has a red songbird on her helmet and flowers on her jacket

and flowers painted on her bike too probably

or patterns like on the album cover

orpheus thinks it’s the prettiest shit he’s ever seen

so eurydice races, right? everyones like “who is this tiny little upstart” and then she takes off her helmet and shakes out her hair and everyone loses it

somethingsomething ig hades (who is something of a crime boss here, similar to Tombstone from the Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon, but not so unambiguously villainous in nature) becomes a contractor and he catches her in like, a bad contract that's hard to get out of without some kind of consequence

and now orpheus has to topple a capitalist again

anyway she like, meets orpheus in this little bar he works at

it's about lower middle class, so it's not too bad but it's still mostly populated by like, poorer people and bikers, etc.

they meet and it's cool and fun blah blah Come Home With Me shit

also this is a scene:

biker!eury: we gotta cross through downtown orpheus: what???? but there's a riot going on there! right now! eury: that's too bad, it's the fastest way! that's why you get this! (tosses him her pipe weapon) orpheus, barely catching it: sajskhsfdfs ???? eury: and i am gonna take this. (kicks open a trunk and takes out a rifle) orpheus: ???????!!!!???!?? WHERE DID YOU GET THAT AND DO WE REALLY NEED IT eury: Yes we do now come on orpheus: H-HOW did you get it eury: (loads gun) no worries orpheus: No i have many worries HOW DID YOU--

actually, on this emergency ride, orpheus proves surprisingly competent with her pole weapon—ruthless even, and eurydice wonders just where and how the hell he learned that

the conversation she has with him about that is the same one where he shows her his old, old scars

(besides ruthless—orph has apparently learned how to pose and intimidate. he does stuff like putting the tip of the pole-pipe to the asphalt as they’re riding, skipping on the road and creating sparks)

eurydice loves her bike more than certain relatives 

certain complications lead to it being destroyed by hades as punishment for doing him wrong. and it destroys her. that is her most trusted sacred bike, that thing has been with her since she was a teenager

once she repurposes that devastation into white-hot anger orph has to physically restrain her from hunting hades down and breaking his kneecaps with a thick lead pipe

he's never seen her this absolutely devastated and furious

he goes to persephone for more work because he wants to buy eurydice a new bike

he keeps it a secret from her until he leads her out to a garage, hands over her eyes

(some of these bits are copypasted from my friend @regzillas​)

orpheus takes his hands off and says Tada!!! it's just like the old one, there's no painted birds but she can do that. She just stands there in total silence mouth open, and orpheus goes 'so? do you like it?' before she bursts into tears. and at first orpheus is like :O!!!!! oh no!!! do you not like it? and eurydice through sobs just says 'nobody's ever done something like this for me’

it's... beautiful, it's touching, it's deep and it's love and she's so in love and she loves him so much, and she cries and holds him close and takes him in and she's so overwhelmed by her emotions, full of the care that orpheus so freely gives to her; and it's a breath of newness, fresh air in the cycle of dread and bitter anger that haunts the city (but she's still going to find hades and shoot him in the foot)

he just holds her and kisses her head

they spend the day painting it, the day after he buys the bike

hand-painted. and they both leave their handprints in paint on it, like carl and ellie do on their mailbox in the beginning of Up

a significant amount of time is spent thinking of a good name

theres lots of joking and eurydice playfully shoves orpheus and he falls over into paint

okay i wrote something like. Obnoxiously long for orpheus. i sort of have his backstory in this down, but i don’t have anything for eurydice unfortunately :( suggestions are welcome! but first: Hermes

biker!au hermes owns a chain of bars, several of which find their patronage among the ruffian youth, several of which are more refined and serve the middle class, and another several of which serve the upper crust hermes has a hand in every world and it serves him pretty well, and his chain is a bit of a channel of communication and its unspoken rule that whatever socioeconomic class or gang or organization you're a part of, hermes' chain is neutral territory no fighting allowed

eurydice walks in and hermes just gives her a Look and taps the 'no fighting' sign and she huffs

hes >:( if anyone does try to start shit. the honor system is strong enough that usually the other patrons will just throw them out, and if there are really problems, they'll hear from hermes personally

he maintains a very strict "no bitching in my fucking kitchen" atmosphere

and now, Orpheus

this really is kind of akira but without the government conspiracies; the city is a neon corrupt hellscape that’s still struggling to rebuild after an apocalyptic event that wiped it all through. the city is wracked with frustration and violence and anger, there are still urban ruins everywhere and the scars of rebuilding and struggle are plain in every corner of life; plain to see are the shells of ruined buildings, gigantic boats levelled from the sea and left in the middle of inland sectors.

orpheus was abandoned by his mother at an early age—kind and timid, he had to learn fast how to be suspicious and cautious in cruel ways. he couldn’t land himself a spot in any of the groups that other ragtag raging folks had eked out for themselves, still too hesitant or ungraceful or young for any of them. sure, he made friends, sitting and talking with lots of people, but never got to really team up—all he could do was just fight for himself in the blown out corners of the city. weapons made from whatever he had. a young child already spitting blood and teeth in hadestown’s vicious ground-floor landscape.

hermes is his mother’s close old friend, though the times they see each other are few and far between. when he saw him, hermes hardly recognized her son, wild-eyed and clawed and alone in one of the city’s more dangerous neighborhoods, with a pole full of screws slung over his back. how did she lose track of her kid for so long? he thinks. and takes him in.

hermes eventually realizes that his mother didn’t lose him. meanwhile, tiny orpheus, kind-hearted orpheus, despises hermes at first. he’s full of suspicion and desperately wants to lean into hermes’ kindness, but the streets have taught him to hold back. he spits curses at him, though the words slide right off hermes’ shoulders. it’s not genuine.  just frustrated. and picked off of the delinquents that were his friends, just like most everything else about him.

(hermes knows he’s gotten his trust when orpheus starts getting soft, when he’s crying over littler things; it means he’s been deemed safe to be vulnerable around, and he damn near starts crying himself.)

orpheus owns a little vespa! it’s covered in stickers, some of them worn out and old, some places with just the adhesive and the fuzzy white paper from where he tried to pull them off. some of them aren’t even proper stickers and just shit he peeled off from places while he was wandering around and stuck onto the vespa

even in canon i see him as the kind of guy who like. you look at him and think jesus how is this guy still alive he’s so noodly and soft, but he’s unexpectedly sort of street smart

anyway i mentioned this before but didn’t elaborate. biker au orph, to eury's surprise, does have his collection of scars, since he had a bit of a rough go at life

also he’s just ungainly and runs into shit

you can see em on his sketch page. he has a bit more than what’s shown, but what’s visible is a little slash across the bridge of his nose onto his cheek, and two on his left forearm. he probably has a stab scar in his side from just getting fucking knifed. the ones on his left forearm are from when a drunk coming out of a bar charged him with a fork

eurydice also has scars. kind of hard not to with the kind of life she lives

ok thats it. For Now. i don’t know how persephone or the fates or the workers factor in, if at all. I barely know how Hades factors in, mostly what i’ve said so far and that he does what he does to support himself and persephone. ah well! just have this

as this is extremely based off of AKIRA, i verily recommend listening to the movie’s soundtrack. besides the fact that it slaps hard as hell, the opening song, Kaneda’s Theme, has the perfect vibes for the city and the tone of eurydice and orpheus riding at night through it

[maivalkov]

I have seen not long ago a post about "spain's dark side" so...your opinion about that? (I kinda have a feeling of knowing why himaruya came up with that and, if I am right, I am not sure if I like it. It's not that I don't like the dark side thing, but if the reason is what I think, then I don't fancy it)

Great question! Please excuse the length of this response in advance, and if I go off on any tangents. To directly answer your question: I have a horrible feeling that Dark Spain is inspired by the Spanish Black Legend/La leyenda negra, and I don't like that at all. You've really hit on an important topic here, so I'm going to extend this discussion. I call this upcoming piece: Why I don't like Dark Spain and why we, as fans and creators, need to be mindful of how we enjoy our beloved series.

Side note before we begin: I'm going to be talking from a writer's perspective, since this is what I mostly do. My opinion is just that, nothing more. Some will agree with me, others won't, and that's okay. If you're happy with the terms, let's crack on.

Part 1: "Dark" characters I'm not against 2P or "dark" versions of a character if it's required for a particular setting. Let me show you what I mean, using some fic plots I just pulled from my head: Example one: You've got this gritty, fantasy gangster city plot. You use a real city as your location, but the characters are human. Antonio's the leader of a huge criminal organisation and therefore he will do incredibly bad things. It's trigger warnings ahoy. Is this portrayal okay? Sure. (read on before you hit that reply button) Example two: You're writing a horror fic. Antonio's a sexy merman who's more likely to decorate his cave with your entrails, than serenade you on a beach. Is this plot fine? Absolutely. It's dark af, but you're writing sexy merman horror. It kinda’ comes with the territory. Did you see how I wrote "fantasy" and "human" in bold? And did you see that I used Antonio, not Spain? There's a reason. I personally believe in this: When your story uses Hetalia characters in their human form (i.e: Antonio is just Antonio, he does not represent Spain), there's much more freedom and flexibility. I've read many excellent works with darker themes who use real locations alongside human versions of the characters, and do so brilliantly. They're wonderful stories, and they don't cause harm. They're fiction. Fantasy. Fiction. Did I mention fiction? On the flip side: When we are writing the characters as country personifications, who represent the people and the history, we must take proper precaution. The same applies to writing about historical events. (To be continued down below.)

Part 2: Dark Spain

As someone who's been in fandom 10+ years now, my problem with Dark Spain is this: a number of creators back in the old days seemed to agree with my Black Legend theory/concerns, and yet they willingly made content for it. Not everybody did this, but I certainly saw some who thought "wow dark crazy Spain because Inquisition", applied it to certain ships because "ohh angst leads to romance, what a plot" and that is wrong on so many levels. If you know the Spanish Black Legend, then you know how bad this is. It's an incredibly difficult topic because it is, in the simplest sense, massive propaganda designed to seriously damage a country's image. I welcome Spanish input on this, but personally I think using this as some edgy portrayal of Antonio in your fics is insulting. Don't bloody well do it.

(Please note that the fandom is MUCH better now, but it doesn't change the fact it has, and could still happen. I used past tense for a reason, as I do think things are improving.)

Russia is another character which suffers this treatment, and I do think we have a responsibility to be considerate. Many countries have done awful things, mine (the UK) included, and yet our characters have escaped receiving this Dark persona. It's not fair, it really isn't. It's a poor judgment call on Himaruya's behalf if my theory is true. If I'm wrong, then this argument is void. Either way I feel like Himaruya should've specified how and why Dark Spain came about. Part 3: Historical writing

Here's where it gets interesting. I'm not saying "don't write historical hetalia fanfiction", and I never will say it because historical fiction exists. You can go in your local bookshop and boom, people are making real money off it.

I'm not one of those lucky sorts, but I am contributing to that genre myself. Despite lots of magic, fantasy and general artistic license, my story Gatito can be considered historicaI.

It's set in England, 1569. Spain and the Netherlands are two of the main characters, and yes, their conflict is referenced. It coincides with the timeline, and all the while I write them as personifications, I can't pretend that tension between them doesn't exist. If I did, that'd probably be even more insulting to their history, and no doubt confusing for the reader.

The main plot is a daft mash of Arthur misusing his magic, a vile fictional man from Antonio's court who wants his head, and poor Netherlands and Portugal get wrapped up in the drama along the way.

The Dutch conflict is featured, but not the plot. The event is occurring right in the middle of a fictional disaster which Antonio is trying to overcome. It's acknowledged, but it's on the side, to put it simply.

I use human names (Antonio and Abel) and explore that situation from an emotional, human perspective. I do not claim that Abel is a victim, and no one thinks he is either. Personal HC time here: I don't think any of the characters look back at their history and think "wow, poor me". Everyone's made mistakes, and they've all played a role in hurting someone else. My history teacher once told me this: The more you look, the more you see. There's many sides to a story, and even to this day, I doubt historians have truly, faithfully documented events so that it's fair on every nation involved. That's why we need to try and learn history from multiple perspectives, and why when writing hetalia characters during a historical event, we should show the reader as many viewpoints as possible. If you don't, then... well. I frown at you. More on this in part 4.

Part 4: Conclusion/advice

I won't pretend to be a saintly figure in the fandom, and this rant is a bit of a mess, but I hope you get what I'm on about. Thank you if you're still reading.

I'm going to finish with a bit of advice that has helped me have a positive time, and allowed me to create works for a series I really love:

1- If your story is historical, and you purposely want to paint a country in a bad light, think before you do. Don't slander another country for the sake of your comfort character or ship. If your story is set during a battle then yes, they can moan about the opposition, but don’t go hardcore. You know what I mean.

2- Research, research, research.

3- You want to write a particular character. Their human name is unconfirmed, or you don't know a part of their history, but you want to write about it. What should you do? Talk. I had this very dilemma regarding Portugal's surnames, and I just asked Portuguese mutuals on Tumblr for help. I received numerous valid responses in under an hour, and I felt better for it. 10/10 highly recommend.

4- If you've gotta' write Dark Spain: Keep. It. Fictional. If you don't believe my theory behind it, cool, crack on. But if you agree with me, then yeah, I've said it enough. Respect the country.

5- DO explore history. It's fascinating.

6- If you write historical hetalia and you feel that something might be misunderstood: PLEASE USE DISCLAIMERS, END NOTES ETC. I write number 6 from experience. There is a scene in Gatito where a significantly stressed Antonio attempts to summarise the Dutch conflict. He's being blamed for countless fictional issues, and rather than think things through, he blames himself for Abel's pain as well. He does it on a purely emotional basis. Have you ever had that really bad day, and things keep getting worse? Someone comes along and says "you did x y z and I'm mad", and rather than argue your side, you accept it?

That's Antonio in that scene. I know it is, because that's how I intended it to be read. His answer is flawed, to say the least, but in his human heart, he can't help it. I used the end notes as a warning/apology/explanation for this scene. I don't want it to be misinterpreted, and I don't want to disrespect Spanish history.

7- If someone does comment/ask about a sensitive, historical part of your work: don't rant. And don't get offended. I believe we all need to talk more. Have conversations about HCs, how we would write/imagine different scenes, and use it to improve your work.

8- Have fun, and be sensible. Thank you again for reading, I hope this helps to some extent. I know I've thrown my opinion out here, but if you strongly disagree with me, don't @. Move on, embrace what you believe, and everyone's a winner. (This really should've been number 9 on the list haha.)

[isolaradiale]

The dark hues of the evening blended to lighter, softer blues of dawn. With every minute, the creatures of the museum began to slow until they stopped altogether, all at once. Whatever they were doing, they dropped it, and began to move their way to the places they had been before the museum took a turn for the lethal.

The artwork climbed back into their frames, stepped onto their pedestals, and walked back into their display cases. A light rain outside washed all the street paint away, color emptying into the drains in the city. Landscapes let their prisoners out, shutting the windows to their world.

Those unlucky enough to earn a spot on the Wall of Shame reappeared in the lobby, their wounds appearing as colorful splashes of paint, and nothing more.

As the oranges and golds of the sun trickled in through the ornate windows of the museum, a blaring voice interrupted the stillness as the intercom museum sparked to life.

"Goooood moooorning, my lovely little visitors! The door to the museum will be opening shortly. Please make your way back to the lobby in an orderly fashion, and be sure to grab all your belongings!"

As Capella promised, the large wooden doors opened once again, releasing all the prisoners of the museum.

"Thanks for visiting the Tempus Museum! Janus, did you want to say any parting words?" "I'm mortified enough as it is, thank you." Came a muffled voice from behind, sounding much less enthused.

"Aww, somebody's cranky... Well, suit yourself!"

As if to add *Extra Enthusiasm*, as everyone exit the doors, they passed by Capella's invulnerable form as she personally waved everyone goodbye, stickers glittering in the morning sunrise. Janus was still sitting at the reception booth, head in his hands and rubbing his temples.

"Bye bye! Goodbye now! Goodbye! Buh-bye! Bye now!" was the chorus that trailed off as she spoke, bidding farewell to the museum's visitors...

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Thank you, everyone, for participating in our recent event: Canvas! As a reminder, you will receive event participation IF:

You've written a starter, thread, mini, or interacted with someone else using the event setting for parts 1, 2, or both.

You've written a 500 word drabble using the setting of the event for parts 1, 2, or both.

You did not have to participate in both parts to receive event credit (so if you only wanted to participate in part 1, it still counts!)

Remember that for participating in the event, you can give yourself 100 stars to use in the marketplace!

A few things have changed as a result of this event, also:

The Tempus Museum has decided to make its home in the Archimedes ward, for now, not far from the Theater of Calliope. Its structure and function is largely the same, but the Optimized Tools won't be there. The artwork won't come to life and attack you, either... during the daytime, that is. You can check out its full description on Archimedes' page!

Janus still takes his place as the museum's curator, and does his best to accommodate guests of the museum. It's not uncommon to see him taking and teaching courses and workshops in the museum, either! He's still polite and eager to help with anything involving the museum and its activities, but if asked questions about the Stars or Spirale, he'll politely explain that he doesn't want to get anyone into trouble. As in the event, on the odd chance that someone is hostile and violent toward him, they'll instantly be killed, and will respawn back in their room.

Thanks again for participating in Canvas! We hope you had a great time!

Frequently Asked Questions:

"Do the things we made turn back to normal?"

Yup! If you didn't destroy it in Part 2 of the event, whatever you made will turn back to normal.

"Will our artwork try to kill us at night?"

Nope! If you took it with you, it's of no danger to you. If you kept it on display at the museum, it's also no danger to you (or anyone else for that matter.) Only the original stock monsters of the museum come to life at night. But unless your muse breaks into the museum, you have nothing to worry about.

The monsters still have their damage invulnerabilities, so unless your muse has a death wish, maybe don't break into the museum without some serious planning. Shady art theft rings will buy your stolen artwork for a hefty price, though, so whether it's worth the risk or not is up to you.

The more often your muse breaks into the museum, the more the monsters will recognize their patterns. Breaking into the museum more than two times is almost impossible, and should be reserved only for the most cunning of thieves.

"What if we made weapons or jewelry? Can we take those back home too?"

Sure! Just know that the weapons will go back to being fragile, and will shatter if used in combat. Any jewelry will look very convincing, but if you try to sell them to anyone, they'll identify it as a fake. Not that they won't buy what you have anyway, but it certainly won't be worth the price of actual precious stones and minerals.

"Can we go back to the museum?"

Yes! It's open to the public from sunrise to sundown, unless there's a nighttime gathering at the museum (which you're free to come up with on your own if you'd like to use it in a setting for a thread.) You could also theoretically break in or sneak in, or hide until the place closes, but you run the risk of running into the guard patrols... or worse.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ (Epilogue)

As the visitors left the building, Capella skipped over to the front desk. Caelum emerged from the darkened corner of the lobby to join her, with the rubber stopper on his cane making soft thumps on the elaborate stone tile.

"Well, that was fun! Thanks for letting us use your museum, Janus." "You're... welcome, I suppose." "Good good! I'll come back here when I make more pieces to show off to the lovely people of our Spirale."

Punctuating this, her hands went up to playfully pat his cheeks.

"Ooookay! Well, until next time! And as for you, Dr. Caelum, I'll see you at this afternoon's meeting or whatever, right?" "Aha, yes I'll be there."

Saluting the both of them, her form vanished into a series of pixels, leaving the other two at the desk. Now that she was gone, the AI turned to give a pointed look at his father.

"...Mmm. Still angry, eh?" Came a chuckle, but the other didn't look so amused.

"You know, at one point, I would have congratulated you for feeling slighted. And I would have celebrated you experiencing such a thing. But you've been around for so long that these things come naturally to you now, don't they? Feelings like being angry... Now I just feel bad when you're upset like any other human."

Another more cheery laugh, and he walked himself over to the doors, motioning the other to follow. With the crowd gone, he could finally step outside and stand on the steps.

"...I am sorry for causing you trouble." "I know." "Good, I'm glad that came across." "I'm still irritated, don't get me wrong." "Yes, yes. I don't doubt it." "And I'm not sure if anyone will come back after such a thing. I wouldn't blame them. I just wanted a place to contribute to this whole thing, and now it's all..."

Sighing, he sat on the first step, watching the rest of the street illuminate in the warm glow of the sunrise. He only realized the old man beside him was trying to sit down when he gave a little huff of effort, and immediately helped his father down beside him.

"Ahh. Much better, thank you." "I could have gotten you a chair..." "Haha, that's alright. If you can sit on the steps, so can I."

For a while, the two sat in silence, watching the streets of Archimedes begin to wake up. Cars stirring, cafes opening, people walking their dogs.

"...Are you doing alright over there?" Janus asked, not turning his head.

"About as well as I can, mmhm." "You still have your migraine medicines down there, right?" "Mmhm. Dr. Lyra has been taking good care of my health, don't worry." "She's the nice one, isn't she? That's a welcome change from the other facility..."

A hand went to the Ai's shoulder, patting it reassuringly.

"Instead of worrying about my health, you should direct that concern inward, Mortimer. You have a place where you can walk around, do all sorts of things humans do. Talk to people, make friends. Play games, read books, paint your lovely canvases. You're not confined to the life we lived three years ago."

Silence followed for a little until the young man leaned against the older one. He must be pushing 70 at this point, right?

"...Are you in a place where you can refer to me by my name? And not that Star code that they made?" "Well, no. Not really. But I don't think anyone's listening. So I don't care~" "Ha! Rebellion got you into this mess, didn't it?" The AI replied with a laugh, earning another from his father.

"Well. Messes that they were, I can still sit with you without you being stuck behind a screen. So even after all the hells we've been through, I'd call that a success. Wouldn't you?"

A smile cracked on his face. They have gone through a lot.

"A success... it's nice to finally call something a success again, father. It's very nice."