#every single thing in hollywood/la is fake

[strawberrystainedd]

“omg did this celebrity get plastic surger-” yes.

[babydollfoster]

First Date with Team Free Will

a/n: i honest to god don’t think i’ve posted a fic on here despite how much i talk about it >_<!! so here’s somethin i threw together in the span of a couple of hours because i’m on a rewatch and i’m halfway thru s4 and i LOVE the boys:( so here! proof i can write, not just talk about it! also afaik you can read this as any gender :) fem, masc, neither, both… don’t think there’s any defining qualities. much love!

pairings: sam winchester/reader, dean winchester/reader, castiel/reader

warnings: fluff, implied sexual content (w/ dean)

SAM

he’s SUCH a romantic. god, look at him, just- when he asked you, so sweet ‘nd kind, if he could take you out some night, how could you say no? dean gives his blessing by handing over the impala’s keys the next day and you and sam end up at a secondhand bookstore. you judge books by their covers and eventually settle on swapping something you enjoyed for the other’s; sam slips you a book called their eyes were watching god (“don’t- don’t give me that look. the title isn’t ‘cringe’! it’s beautiful. i promise you’ll enjoy it.”) and you hand rebecca over with a beaming grin, which falls into a look of surprise when you learn he hasn’t read it (“it’s a classic! how- okay, it’s a slow start, but you’ll love it.”) you grab takeout (your pick, sam insisted) and end up at a park, rolling a dusty picnic blanket out from the depths of the trunk and sitting under a tree, swapping quips and comments every once in a while. eventually, you end up with your head in sam’s lap and his hand in your hair, neither of you paying attention to your books no more, no, now you’re just… talking. it’s domestic and loving and romantic so you sit up, weasel your way into sammy’s lap and kiss him so delicately and he does the same back until you’re both almost devouring each other, literally stealing the other’s breath until you pull away, panting and giggling until sam whispers, “can we do this again?” and you whisper “every single day, sam.”

DEAN — MDNI, 16+

he sticks to the classics. he takes you out for dinner at the nearest diner and a midnight showing of whatever horror movie is out right now. you share a bucket of popcorn as you’re snuggled in the back right corner, cackling at cheesy jumpscares (“oh, i’m sooo scared.” “shut up, dee!”) and dry fake screams before you stumble back into baby after having smuggled in a flask of whiskey and collapse into the front bench, still too buzzed to drive, and kiss each other until your heads spin and the stars blur into one. eventually you pull away long enough for dean to drive you to the motel and you collapse into bed together; nothing happens, no, not on his first date with you. he wants to treat you right, sweetheart, but you’re both stripped down to your underwear nonetheless and hold each other close like it’s the last thing you’ll ever do. the next morning, on the other hand, once the headache has set in and you’re oh so beautiful in the morning light, dean settles himself between your legs and noses your thighs apart. who are you to say no when dean’s right there and ready, huh?

CASTIEL

cas hasn’t ‘dated’, not on earth, certainly not in heaven, but he rifled through his host’s distant memories and took some inspiration from when jimmy courted amelia. so when cas slips his hands into yours one darkened evening, standing on the sidewalk in light rain, and asks if he ���could take you out sometime’, you smirk and say, “how’d you learn that one?” but you agree nonetheless, and let the angel take the reigns. he whisks you away, dropping a message to sam and dean that you’re both in california and will be for the next three days and not to worry, he’ll bring you back unharmed (the boys freak, but you both ignore their calls). he takes you window-shopping, you eat at famous spots in LA and spend a little too much money, you sit atop the hollywood sign and learn the constellations, you teach cas how to have fun late one night at the beach and when you’re both breathless, backs covered in sand as you stare up at the heavens, he turns his head to you and asks, “may i kiss you?” and you whisper, “i thought you’d never ask.” and sure, he’s a little clueless, but he’s confident in how he has the rest of forever to learn how to please you, the way a human would.

taglist: no one yet! ask away :)

[firsttarotreader]

Hi :) can I share a bit of my knowledge about the "Pedro is really well trained in media relations"? I'm a stage actress who have a huge interest in the Hollywood industry for 15 years now, I even moved to LA for 2 years to try to get some gigs, I had read hundreds of articles and interviews and stuff like that regarding how the Hollywood "machine" works and here's some clarification: there IS something called "public image" and actors ARE "trained" to present their best one to the public because being an actor is not only doing a movie, you also sell the movie by "seducing" the audience with your personality and becoming their role model and/or dream boyfriend/girlfriend, it is a well built agenda. A good example of the fake side of it: actors promoting a blockbuster and saying they became super bffs. 9 out of 10 times that's a lie. Now, so my message dont get super huge, let me focus on Pedro: in my opinion based on everything I know he does have a built public image, he does play "mr nice guy" a lot but that doesnt mean he's not nice, it's just that when there's a camera he enhances that, he put up his best smile, his best goofy faces, I mean, the man said himself he wants to be liked by people. It's like a job interview, you'll not be 100% yourself, you'll show only the good parts. Now, do I think he lies in interview regarding his love life? no. He never even uttered the quote "I'm single", he gives hints because regarding his personal life he choosed to be private, he doesnt like to speak about it in a explicit way. And if my memory dont fail months ago a anon here wrote something very on point: he has said things in a 'mild' version to do not shock his most romantic fans and that's a PR move, he's being honest without being harsh. Being a single man and childless at 48 is not a good look for the general public, it gives red flag to a lot of women and Pedro knows that. He will not go around saying "I am single and I dont fucking care, I LOVE being single and children? NEVER!" can you imagine how some women would react? so yeah, he sticks with the hints. In short: Pedro plays the PR hollywood game regarding his behavior/appearence, I dont think he lies in his answers in interviews.

Now that I can agree with. Putting up a “mr nice guy” image is something almost every actor does. It’s not the same as “he’s lying in every interview” just to use that as a card to invalidate what he says when he says something they don’t like.

[pleasereadmeok]

This ‘Wonderland’ Interview to promote A Single Man is a gem.  Matthew Goode is a bit of a handful and swears his way through this interview with his mate Nic Hoult.  It’s very funny.  It’s often quoted (including his description of Colin Firth’s kissing technique!) but it’s difficult to find a clean scan of the whole interview.  This scan (from Natalie/ Fairchilds on ohnotheydidnt) isn’t very clear to read so I did a transcript several years ago - here:-

Wonderland Interview

Based on the 1964 novel by Christopher Isherwood, A Single Man marks the screenwriting and directing debut of fashion icon, Tom Ford.  Having debuted earlier this year at the Venice Film Festival to a standing ovation, the film has continued to impress audiences during screening at the Toronto and London Film Festivals.

Joining lead actor, Colin Firth, on screen are fellow Brits Matthew Goode and Nicholas Hoult who discuss the film, Tom Ford and being British in LA.

ON A SINGLE MAN

Nicholas Hoult: The only time I saw Matthew was when we were getting our spray tans.

Matthew Goode: Which were more regular than we were expecting.  I got on a plane with Colin [Firth] and then literally the moment we arrived, got in the car together, went to the hotel and suddenly – it’s like ten thirty at night – we have to go to Colin’s room where we’re having our spray tans .  Colin Firth is in his pants, I’m in my pants and it stays that way for an hour whilst we wait for this stuff to set.  He’s fucking great.  I love Colin.

We [Nic’ and he] never had a scene together but we were there the whole time.  I was only really fitting in around these guys.  Nic had a damn sight more to do than I did.

NH: No I just did more.

MG: [Laughs] It was a really fun shoot. I mean, maybe I’m looking back with rose tinted spectacles, but …

NH: It was a good fun shoot. Everyone enjoyed it.  I remember the night in Venice after seeing it in front of all those people and just lying in bed thinking ‘that’s something I’m proud of’.

MG: It’s seriously impressive. You watch it and you care and, it doesn’t happen to me a lot, but I watched it and thought ‘I’m in something that doesn’t stink!’.  I’m proud of that.

NH:  That’s a nice feeling when you’ve done something and you can say ‘yeah, proud of that’.

MG:  Fucking hell – sorry to interrupt – but I was reading a magazine or a paper or something the other day and it said “A Single Man obviously being screened and whenever Nic Hoult was on screen there were gasps over his beauty” [laughs]. And I was thinking, fucking Hoult is going to LA and get so laid! [Laughs]. He is going to be turning bush away left right and centre!

NH:  It’s all down to the fake tan again.  That’s where the performance stems for me.

MG:  That is a review!

NH:  Nothing about the acting, right?

MG:  They didn’t review the film.  It just said “I saw it.  I’m going to be reviewing it at some point, but let me tell you there were gasps over Nick Hoult’s beauty!”

ON TOM FORD

MG:  Tom is immediately interesting. If it’s all about someone’s cannon of work then most of the time you wouldn’t work with a first ime director, but if the script is good and you have a chat with them and they know which end is up and which is down, then great.

NH: I didn’t know who Tom was when I met him.

MG: Nick “fashion forward” Hoult!

NH:  I’d gone over to LA got off a plane and had dinner with him.  And I asked him how he’d got into directing and why he was doing this!

MG:  I love that.  Isn’t that great?  And that’s also like Tom.  He’s not the sort of person who is like, ‘well fuck you!’.

NH: He explained very humbly what he had done and I thought OK.  And then I looked him up after dinner and was ‘oh jesus!  He’s actually accomplished quite a lot’ so probably quite a stupid question, but he was very honest and modest and made a great director.

MG: It’s so good.  And so good for Colin.  And Julianne [Moore] is bloody great in it as well.  But the real star of it, it has to be said, is Tom. It silences immediately the people who were going ‘you self indulgent cunt.’  It’s like two massive fingers up to them as it is very, very accomplished.

NH:  It’s very personal to him as well.

MG:  Hugely personal as the main story sort of mirror images the relationship between him and Richard.  There’s a similar age gap.

NH:  He would always say my character is him when he was 18.  He’s connected to every character and he knows them.

MG:  And he wrote the screenplay and it’s starkly different from the book.

NH:  Matthew’s read the book, so –

MG:  That’s right!  I have. It is different.  I am always about the script, really.  But one of the really nice things about being involved is that it is a love poem to Tom’s partner, Richard.

NH:  Tom is very good in the sense that he is an actor’s director and knows what he wants you to do but is very giving to let you go off and explore things and try stuff out.  And you don’t feel too much pressure of failure.

MG:  That’s very true.

NH: ‘Cause the second you’re on set – especially when there’s only 20 days to shoot – to not feel the pressure, that’s a good atmosphere he created.  Something his assistant was saying the other day was that he’s very good at holding his hands up and would admit when he wasn’t sure what he was doing and kept everyone on side and made it a really great team effort.

MG:   I love it when someone’s like that.  It’s so far away from self indulgent as well when someone’s shooting into the 19th hour of the day and the ship isn’t sinking, but there’s a leak and it’s far better to say we do have a leak and I’m trying to sort it out rather than leaning on one side and saying everything is fine.  He is fucking great.

ON COLIN FIRTH

MG:  Colin was great.  I knew he was going to be good.  The moment I read the script, I was like, ‘this is something you haven’t done in a long time’ – just something he could really get his teeth into.   He’s such a subtle actor and it’s been a long time since I can remember him having something that central and serious.

NH:  It was a great moment when we went to the Venice Film Festival and got the message Colin was winning the best actor award.

MG:  I know.  The previous evening we had sat there and we knew it had gone down well because there was a NINE minute standing ovation.  And particularly when you’re not in the film as much as I am, then I feel like a fucking charlatan.  I stood there and am looking down and smiling and embarrassed.  Colin’s quite emotional and I tell you what – four minutes of a standing ovation gets a bit uncomfortable, but NINE?  ‘OK, Colin… fucking move. Let’s go. Let’s leave.’ And he couldn’t tell us that he had won and so he was being shy about it.

NH:  Yeah, he kept it very quiet.

MG:  The moment we found out and we were on the boat we were like ‘What the fuck?  You’ve won and you didn’t tell us!?  And he was like ‘ I know, I didn’t wanna.’  He was humble.

NH:  It was great.  It was a bit of an odd first day like you had in the sense that I had to strip off in front of Colin on my first day.  It sounds a bit seedy when I say ‘strip off in front of him’.

MG:  It does!

NH:  It’s part of the film, I swear!  And it’s handled a lot more tastefully that that might seem, but yeah it was a bit of an odd first day.

MG:  Everyone is going to say ‘oh it’s a gay movie’ which we then counteract with ‘no it’s not, it’s a film about love.’  But there is nudity and a bit of man kissing.  Frankly Colin kisses like a nymphomaniac on death row, but it was a real pleasure!

NH:  He’s got a lot of love!

ON JULIANNE MOORE

MG:  She’s a fucking hero.  She’s lovely. I didn’t have any scenes with her. I mean I’m only in flashback, so all my stuff was with Colin.

NH:  All my stuff is with Colin as well.   The first time I met Julianne was in Venice.

MG:  Yeah, she was probably in the middle of juggling six projects or something, you know, she never stops working.  She came in and shot two scenes, which were about 20 odd minutes of the film, and they did that in two evenings so she was in and out.  I never got a chance to meet her until I was at some party in LA and she is just fantastic.  And she’s married to a guy called Bart Freadlich who is a director in his own right.

NH:  He’s a hero.

MG:  He is actually fabulous!  My girlfriend spent the whole evening calling him Bert instead of Bart and he was like ‘you know, actually I prefer Bert!  Don’t worry about it’.  He’s lovely. They could throw their weight around, but they are actually family people and live in New York – they’re kind of anti Hollywood.

ON THE LIFE OF AN ACTOR

MG: There are a lot of Brits and Aussies at the moment who are working.  I don’t know what that means.  But we never think of ourselves.  When you get off the plane and you’re in America they ask ‘what’s the best thing about being a movie star?’ I am a jobbing actor, they have no idea! They make it sound like I get 500 scripts and am sitting there going through them all. If something comes up and they are stupid enough to give it to us or you love the script and audition but someone of a huge stature can come in and take it like Brad Pitt. Or Judi [Dench] – we’ve been up against each other a couple of times.

NH: I’ve never lost out to Judi yet.

MG: Only in a drinking contest! The vicious alcoholic that she is!

NH: Sam Worthington was telling me when he was in LA someone asked him why there were so many Aussies over there doing so well and his response was that it’s an awful long way to go to fail and not give it your best shot, basically.

MG: Oh. I was expecting some sort of knob gag in there, but yeah.

NH: It’s very true. I just got back from LA and every TV series has an English guy in the lead. Joseph Fiennes, Matthew Reece [RHYS]

MG: We’re good. We’re quite good…

N H: I can’t say it’s the training, because I don’t have any.

MG: You’re doing well! You make people gasp! You complete cunt. I hate that!

NH: You’re coming across very eloquent.

MG: That’s very nice of you.  OK, who used to live with Ewan McGregor and Jude Law and he has a TV show? You’re right about that. Though it makes it sound like ‘Oh you’re English.  Have a TV show’.  I’m sure they all have about ten auditions.

NH: I had an interesting day recently when I was at a BBQ and Jimmy Page and Roger Daltrey were there.

MG: Wow!

NH: I sat there and was very quiet because I thought if I speak to them I’ll make a fool of myself so it’s best to keep out of the way and then they can’t have any bad thoughts although they probably didn’t know I was there.  But I knew they were there so it was a good BBQ for me.

MG: I’d love to learn guitar. It’s one of those things I’d love to do. Though it’s not like I don’t have the time…

NH: [Laughs]

MG: I’d like to know all the chords.

NH: It’s difficult to get the fingering right… That’s what she said.

MG: And back to Dame Judi!

NH: [Laughs]

MG: It depends if you have a high action or a low action in terms of the strings.  It hurts. You’ve got to build up the calluses. If you get a low action one that would be easier.

NH:  Are we still talking about women?

MG:  Yes! [Laughs] I remember Billy Crudup got the part in Almost Famous and he had lessons with Peter Frampton but had to have lessons on the side because Peter was like ‘you are fucking terrible’. But that’s one of the nice accidents of the job is you can get training in things. And random travel.

NH: I got to do archery.

MG: You did! That was The Weatherman!

NH: No, for Clash of the Titans. I didn’t use it once.

MG: Oh yes, it was the daughter in The Weatherman.

NH: Yeah man, keep up.

MG: Sorry mate. That’s how pretty you are. I confused you with the female lead.

NH: He’s seen all my work.

MG: I have! I’ve got to learn how to do it. You are a master.  I did a Spanish film and it was all in Spanish [!] – I learnt it phonetically. Jesus, that’s my only skill.  The major skill I picked up is I can pay my rent. The older you get the more you realize there are a lot of people who hate their jobs.  I’m so glad I’m not – ha!  Famous last words! – it does seem to be going OK for now.  But bringing it back to what do you like about acting – to be honest, everything.

ON BRITISH TALENT

MG:  I think there is an element that we’re just so happy to work.  Certainly as for getting into film it was such an accident because I hadn’t worked in front of a camera.  For a while it was like what is the secret code to working on screen?  I have no idea what it is… but even ten films in I’m still sitting here renting and not owning a house.  I think that keeps you grounded.  As opposed to some American actors who are on a hundred thousand dollars doing some TV.

NH:  You don’t get comfortable so you feel you’ve got to keep on striving.

MG: I think we’re overrated. [Laughs].  There is an element over there if you walk into a room of Americans that they’re suddenly like ‘oh fuck they’re British and we’re steeped in tradition.

NH:  It’s odd that Tom got so many English actors for the film – we’re both playing American.

MG:  And Julianne is playing English.

NH:  it’s good he trusts in us to pull of the American accents.

MG:  Yeah, I mean – idiot!  In fairness you’ve done it before and I have done it a couple of times.  But it is odd.   If you think who he probably could have had –

NH:  He probably could have done better than us!

MG:  I’m sure he could have convinced someone with a much higher stature.  I think it was just we were willing to work for free, effectively.  And that’s also what makes Britain great.  We want to work and we want to please the director and often at times, yes we might have strong thoughts on character and script, but we turn up and are like, this is your vision and you are the director and we know where we fit in. Certainly the Brits, I find, we want to be told what to do or how it’s going to work rather than, ‘I’m the fucking star!’ I tend to find we leave our ego at the door. We tend not to pussyfoot around. We all like a drink. We’re steeped in that tradition as well. There’s a certain forbidden thing in America if you drink you’re an alcoholic. No I’m not, and I generally wait until at least half past one.

NH: On weekends. Weekdays, 11.

MG: There is a reason pubs are opened at 11 and it’s because you are allowed to start drinking at that time. Otherwise, they wouldn’t do it! Christ, can you remember back to when – you might not remember, actually. I gasp at your beauty as I try to remember!

NH:[laughs] I’m never going to live this down!

MG:Do you remember when pubs shut on Sundays at, like, 1 for two or three hours? Maybe I’m showing my age now. That is fucking madness. There would be a riot now.

NH:  So basically, we haven’t found a conclusion to what makes Britain great…  You’re a big X Factor fan though, aren’t you?

MG:  My girlfriend loves it.  She’s got me into it.  I mean it’s fucking hilarious.  You literally sit there and you don’t know any of these people but the music comes up and they get selected and you can be in tears and so happy that these people have been selected for the live shows.  I really like the over 25’s this year.  They’re fucking great.

NH:  Matthew Goode on The X Factor!

MG:  ‘He’s very much into the over 25s and what is funny is they are all male’.  But it is great.  But then it’s such a machine.  There is such a turn around.  Sometimes the winner gets completely forgotten and they have no career and then, obviously, sometimes they go shooting up.  But it is great telly!  Saturday night, a couple of beers and The X Factor.

[Pics - My edit of Ben Rayner photos/scan by Natalie Fairchild.] 

[angrylizardjacket]

fit by my side {Machine Gun Kelly}

@bitchylittleredhead said: Okay I hear your MGK x pastel!reader and I raise you MGK x Mother Nature!reader. Hella plants, strong love for animals, heckin soft, v kind, mom friend, sunshine child. (I just really really love soft paired with him, it’s so damn cute) also I love you I hope you are well 🧡 

Also This Concept

A/N: 3177 words. Gender Neutral Reader (they/them) ! im worried kells is OOC. also there’s no smut but it does get M rated, but there’s no genitals specified. gets quite sappy at times. also @url-under-construction i hope u like it and i hope its good.

----

When you meet Colson, he’s famous, but he’s not, you know, famous famous. You meet on the set of The Dirt; he’s one of the stars, you’re a production assistant and stand-in when they need it, and you don’t think for a second that he’ll even remember your name when this is all over. 

But he does; in rehearsals, you’re the one reading the lines for the characters they haven’t cast yet, and the first time the four main cast members see you, in your floaty, floral top, and your gentle aura, and then to hear you say, with absolute sincerity, ‘your mom’s a cunt’, it has them bursting out laughing. You smile, sweet and kind, and you step gently through the blocking that has the character you’re currently standing in for, stabbing Tommy - Colson - with a pen. 

Maybe the juxtaposition of you taking part in this whole production is what intrigues him.

When filming starts, you’re still around, and something about seeing you, amid this performance of debauchery, and yet you’re still sincere and gentle, your choice of attire making you stick out like a sore thumb amid the leather and grime. At first, he tries to play it off, that you look somewhat out of place and it’s eye-catching, but you bring the cast food and water and whatever they need, you go on coffee runs, and take a genuine interest in each of them, and by the time he realises that his mood lifts every time he walks on set and sees you there, he knows he can’t play it off as you catching his eye for completely platonic reasons.

He asks you out the week after Casie leaves from visiting set, having seen you interact with her, entertain her while Colson was in hair, treating her with just as much kindness and respect as you did everyone else on the production. It convinces him that your intentions are true, and he knows that he can’t finish this production without shooting his shot.

By the time the wrap party comes around, you’re calling him your boyfriend, at first tentative, looking to him for confirmation, but then you see the way he beams at how the words sound when you say them, and you grow more confident each time you say it.

It’s met with... confusion.

Really? 

It seems no-one saw that coming - if anyone, I would have expected Douglas - you hear, and frown. 

“What does that mean?” You ask; a frown is rare to see on your face, but you’re wearing it anyhow, and the woman your speaking to splutters her way around a sentence as she’s trying to backpeddle.

“I just- I mean, well, Kells - Colson - he’s so... Doulgas just seems more... refined? Not that Colson not, you know- you’re just -”

“I’m just what?” You ask, not accusing, more curious than anything else, and the woman’s voice dies in her throat as she looks you over; pale blue jeans and a pastel, patterned button-down that would have looked right at home in the eighties. 

“I’m just concerned for you,” she eventually says, laying her hand on yours like she’s trying to do you a favour, “Colson’s intense, I’m just worried you’ll get hurt.” You see what she’s trying to say, but her tone is so painfully condescending. 

“I’m an adult,” you tell her, tone understanding but firm, “and I appreciate your concern, but I promise I can take care of myself.”

The moment you can get out of the conversation, you find Colson, talking animatedly to one of the makeup artists, and you slot yourself into the space by his side. Automatically, without even stopping the conversation, he wraps his arm around you and pulls you close, and you gratefully take the moment to press your face against him, wrapping your arms around him without saying a word. It’s both strangely intimate and familiar, his thumb rubbing small circles against your side.

As he stops talking, there’s a lull, and you don’t have to look up to know the makeup artist is giving you both a strange look.

“Ignore me,” your voice is muffled against him, using one hand as if to waive off any last bits of hesitation. 

“They’re fine,” Colson assured, tapping you on the hip. He’s still oozing casual confidence

You’ve been together for almost half of filming, which isn’t exactly a short amount of time, but usually you try and keep things professional on set, so it’s nice to be able to be close to him in public. 

The rest of the cast know, of course, you’ve been out with them on several occasions, and they all have come to adore you just as much as you adore them. Something about hearing Daniel drunkenly assure you that if Colson ever hurts you, that there’d be a line of people ready to slap some sense into him. You try to brush him off, endeared by his drunken affection, but he turns suddenly to the rest of the cast.

“Hey, hey, hey - who’d throw down for Y/N?” He asks; without hesitation, Douglas, Iwan, and Colson raise their hands, eyes wide and alert, as if the offer needed to be acted upon immediately. The show of support has your heart swelling in your chest.

You find yourself fitting into his life back in LA easily; while beginning work as an assistant on a Netflix original series, you call into his house in the Hollywood Hills, delighted to be privy to demos and snippets from his next album. 

And you meet his friends, shake their hands and smile and chatter with them. They’re not sure what to make of you at first, no-one really is when you present yourself in conjunction with Colson, but soon they start to see what he sees in you. It’s endearingly genuine and thoughtful and honest and enthusiastic and -

“They’re like sunshine,” it’s Rook’s Instagram live, almost six months into your relationship with Colson, that really cements it to the public. Rook is smoking in Colson’s living room in the middle of the afternoon between recording sessions, and someone asked what your deal was. 

“I’m so sick of - and I know Kells is, and Y/N too, not that they’d ever say anything. ‘ve never heard them say a bad word ‘bout anyone, you know,” Rook hits the blunt again, his face scrunching up, “but everyone ‘round here’s so fuckin’ sick of people talkin’ shit ‘bout ‘em. For real, Y/N is sunshine, nicer than all of you motherfuckers put together,” and he laughs, but it’s clear he isn’t entirely joking, “- you know what?” He asked, eyes lighting up and standing abruptly, grabbing the phone.

“Baze, man, you seen Y/N?” He calls, and Baze responds from somewhere off-camera that you’re outside. The comments are going off, but he pays them no mind, heading out to the backyard, only to see you by the back fence, peering over into the trees, on your tip toes, one hand straining over the fence, in shorts and a singlet in sunshine yellow.

Rook calls your name.

You shush him loudly, and then, without looking at him, slowly wave him over.

As he approaches, he can hear the telltale sound of a bird chirping, and as soon as he gets close, he hears you whisper -

“I think they’re bluebirds,” you murmur, and finally look back at him, lowering yourself, surprised to see his phone held aloft. He tells you he’s live streaming, you wave awkwardly, which is when he sees the slice of banana you’re holding, “I’m not sure what they eat; do bluebirds eat banana?” You ask, a little helpless, looking at Rook, and then to his phone. 

After a moment, you step aside, and gesture for Rook to take a look over the fence, and sure enough there’s a nest with a single, rather sad looking bluebird with it’s wing bent at a strange angle, calling out pathetically, obscuring a few eggs, just out of arm’s reach. While he’s looking over the fence, also trying to reach them, and also trying to get the phone close enough to see if anyone watching the livestream could identify the bird or offer any suggestion, he hears your footsteps retreating.

“Stay there, I’m going to get Kells,” you call out to him, voice bright, “he’s got long arms!” And Rook bursts out laughing; you weren’t wrong. 

While waiting, he sits against the fence and answers a few more questions, until he looks up and sees you, expression concerned, and Colson uncharacteristically fond as he lets you lead him by the hand.

You show him the nest and ask for him to get it, worried the bird was hurt, and he obligingly reaches over the back fence to gently collect the bird nest, trying his best not to jostle the bird. The bird’s wing appeared to be broken, and Rook ends the live when you mention that you’re going to take the bird to the vet.

Already, the fandom is exploding from what had transpired. 

People are making suggestions as to what the birds should be named, people are claiming your caring and sweet personality is completely fake, people in the live managed to screenshot Colson’s expression as you’d lead him to the birds, how smitten he was with his hand in yours, and have started posting ‘get u a man who looks at u like kells looks at y/n’ all over twitter and tumblr.

“Bird update!” Several hours later, Colson posts a series of videos to his instagram story, “for those of y’all who don’t know, Y/N found a bird with a broken wing in a tree out the back of my place, we rescued it and it’s eggs, and took it to the vet,” and with that he flips the camera around, from a close up on his face, to show a large, cardboard box in the corner of the room. 

Peep Davidson was written in large, black letters on the side of the box.

The rest of the videos are outlining what the vet had told you all, and that the bird should only take about seven days to heal before you could put them all back into the wilderness. 

At that, he pauses.

“You worried about putting the birds back when you saw that cat the other day?” And he angles the camera to reveal you, laying with your head in his lap.

“The orange one?” You ask, voice heavy, as if he’d disturbed you when you’d been right about to fall asleep. You yawn, and he confirms, you give a little, lazy shrug and smile, “not sure where that cat is.”

“Fuckin’ hell, babe,” Colson laughs, “you gotta stop finding random animals in my backyard.”

“They find me,” you counter, and shift so you can press your face against his belly, humming contentedly as his free hand begins stroking your back. 

“Snow White-Cinderella-Pied Piper motherfucker,” how that is somehow the softest, most gentle words to ever leave his lips, is utterly baffling, but there’s so much love and adoration but you turn enough for the camera to catch your delighted little smile, “you’re-” he starts, “who’s that dude from that, that My Hero shit we were watching the other night?”

“Koji Koda, you weeb,” you tease him fondly, knowing exactly who he’s referring to, and that’s where the video ends.

That’s the day it’s confirmed for the rest of the world. There’s countless paparazzi photos, and hints, and speculation, but this is the first time he’d called you anything but your name, and they’d all seen you snuggling up to him, your head in his lap.

This also is the day the trend begins on his Instagram story of a photo of you, usually in his backyard, with whatever animal had decided to befriend you that day.

My partner. My backyard. No fucking idea who’s animal that is.

And he still goes out and gets fucked up, and sometimes you’re there, and sometimes you’re not. When you’re out together, it still doesn’t quite make sense; he’s hard partying and over the top, and it seems like it wouldn’t be your scene at all.

But then there’s photos of Colson and a few of his friends standing on the edge of a roof, announcing that they’re Kings, and you’re by his side, smiling and waving at the person taking the photograph. He manages to get himself injured pulling a stunt at a friend’s house party, but you’re in the back of some influencer’s vlog, straddling his lap with tissues in your hand, him holding you secure as you clean up the scrape on his forehead; it’s kind of sickening how in love he looks, as he watches the way you concentrate. When you notice his expression, your own softens, and you lean in to give him a kiss. 

And so you start to make sense, but people still ask why.

So when asked, you tell people that you support each other, and challenge each other, and yeah, that’s absolutely why you’re together, but it’s not the whole reason as to why you make sense.

Because no-one sees the way you hook your finger into his belt loop at the back of his pants at the house party, and you press a kiss between his shoulder blades, and he knows exactly what that means. He’s quick to make some flimsy excuse to leave as you step into place by his side, which everyone he’s speaking to immediately sees through. You play at being flustered, tucking your embarrassed expression against him as he slings his arm around your shoulders, and calls an Uber.

The drive back to his place has you both on edge with anticipation, his hands all over you in the back of the car while you try to hold a civil conversation with the driver. It’s killing you not to give in, but you know it’s worth it. 

“You’re such an idiot!” You announced, grinning from ear to ear the moment you get into the house, before the door’s even closed, and he slams it shut to press you against it. Kissing him feels like a cathartic release, but after a moment you shove him back, loudly admonishing him for taking part of a stunt that got him hurt.

“You could have been seriously hurt!” You keep poking him in the chest to punctuate your words, and he steps back each time, expression alight, pupils blown wide. He keeps reaching out, as if to touch you, to snag your clothes, like it’s a game when you smack his hand back every time. 

“Got a gnarly cut though,” he pointed out, as his ass hits the kitchen island. His legs open, making space for you, and you step into it.

“Gnarly cut,” you murmur, tone surprisingly derisive, and you reach up to push his hair back from his forehead. His head tips back, leaning into your touch, the look on his face almost dreamy even as you’ve got a hand on his hips, pushing him back on the counter. 

Then you’re in his lap on the counter, hand fisted in his hair, lips on his neck, leaving bruises and bite marks. He’s trying to get you naked, efficient and desperate, but the moment he gets your shirt off, you push the fruit bowl behind him onto the floor, and push him back against the granite countertop. 

“You were worried about me,” he smirks up at you, admiring you with your hands planted either side of his head. 

“Because you don’t worry about your damn self!”

“Ooh, breaking out damn tonight? Must be serious,” he teased, deliberately riling you up; he loved this side of you just as much as the sweetness. Instead of responding, you reach up under his shirt and rake your nails harshly down his chest and stomach, delighting in the way he arched up at the sudden sensation, eyes falling closed. 

With one hand still flat against his belly, the other comes up to cup his jaw, gentle at first, before your fingers move to caress his throat, and you press yourself against him. 

“If you get yourself killed, I’ll kick your ass,” you whisper, lips inches from his as you press firmer against his throat. He grins, and sighs, the sound content and syrupy and so fucking into it, leaning up, to meet your lips with his, to feel the pressure on his neck just a little more.

And you bite, and you scratch, and you ride him on the kitchen island. The location is new, but the situation isn’t; once he’d discovered the righteous, sexual fury you’d been bottling up, he’d been more than happy to let you unleash it on him. Not to say that he didn’t give as good as he got; there’s been several times he’s had you swearing a blue streak, seeing stars, desperate and blissed out in equal measure.

But then there’s your dominant moments, the mean streak, and the teasing, the sting of your nails and your teeth and the way you push him around, into the mattress, against the wall without hesitation, and that he covets. No-one else is allowed to see you like that. To be tied up or blindfolded or or punished or pushed around, at your mercy, it’s as close to Heaven as he’s ever felt on Earth, because he knows without a shadow of a doubt that your heart is kind, that you’d never really hurt him in a way he wouldn’t like.

You make him feel safe.

And it’s not just the sex, you’re never dismissive of ideas or suggestions, seemingly always ready to help if he ever needs it, rather than judgmental. It makes him want to be there for you too. 

He wants to be better for you.

Which is kind of terrifying to consider.

“I love you,” he tells you in the shower, in the afterglow, soft, pausing where he had been washing your back where you couldn’t reach. It wasn’t the first time he’d said it, but he felt like he needed you to hear them.

“Love you too,” you say around a yawn, though the words are as genuine as they’d always been coming from you, and you lean back against him, leaning your head against his cheek in a moment of quiet intimacy. You try to kiss him like this, but turns your face directly into the shower, and end up spluttering and breaking the moment.

Colson chuckles softly, stepping back and pulling you with him, out of the stream of water and into his arms so he could kiss you properly. You’re still giggling as you’re wiping the water from your eyes, looking at him with fond adoration. When you settle your arms around him, you quiet down and bask in the moment, his forehead coming to rest against yours, warm and safe in his embrace, sensing that, in that moment, he felt the exact same way.

[ongaku-ato-kakikomi]

Hello! Could you write jade x fem reader where the reader’s parents are homophobic (christian,conservative) and find out you’re dating when she is over? sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, if it does please ignore me!!

(A/N): Hello, dear! Sorry for how long this took me to write. I hope you’ll like this little angst I created for you nonetheless. Enjoy! <3

Pairing: Jade West x Fem! Reader

You should have known that the dinner wasn’t going to end well.

Your parents have always shown their disappointment in your ‘friendship’ with Jade, both not liking her preferred style of clothes nor her ‘bad girl takes no crap from anyone’ attitude. They thought she was too violent, too disrespectful, but most importantly, too much of a bad influence on you. They couldn’t stop you from seeing her at school and hang out with her out of class, especially when you were all in the same group of friends, but it didn’t stop them from bad-mouthing her every single time she would leave your house or they would randomly meet her in town. However, they had somehow started to become more open to getting to know her for the past few weeks, your mother saying things like “Maybe we should give her a chance” and your father replying stuff like “I wanna make sure that this girl isn’t a bad influence for my daughter”. They ended up asking you if she could come for dinner one time to have a meaningful conversation, and that gave you enough hope to think that maybe they would accept the fact that she was your friend. 

She was way more than your friend, of course. You two had secretly been dating for months now, your friends always covering up for you two by ‘pretending’ to go on a large group hangout only to leave you alone for your date. And though your parents were starting to accept her in your life, you were pretty sure that they would become more radical and violent with you than simply bitter if they were to learn that she was your girlfriend.

And that’s exactly what happened.

Jade absolutely despised your parents, and she never tried to hide from you or from anyone else. She hated how conservative they were in every single aspect of their lives, forcing you to enter the typical mold instead of letting you shine your own way. She knew that they weren’t totally proud of you entering Hollywood Arts, even if only the most talented people can enter that school. But she loved you too much to ruin your only chance for her to let your parents hang out with her more, and so she tried her best to grind her teeth and fake smiles during dinner instead of saying what she thinks. 

You couldn’t hold her hand while you were eating, it would have been too obvious that something was going on, but you did your best to let her know that you appreciated her efforts simply by linking your leg with hers. It helped ease down her anger when your father made awful comments about people your age, and it definitely helped get rid of her irritation when your mother made a not-so-subtle comment about how you needed to bring her out for shopping.

She made it through dinner wonderfully, and you were so hopeful about the future for the two of you: Your parents will let her hang out with you as much as you want without so much saying a ‘mean’ comment, at least not as much as they already do. And then, after a few more years of hiding your relationship from them, you’ll be able to get out of here peacefully and move in with Jade in a little apartment while you'll live your dreams in LA. Maybe you’ll never see them again once get there, but why stay close to people who wouldn’t even accept you for who you are anyway?

Of course, everything crashed down because of a tiny mistake. It was a slip of the tongue, something Jade didn’t even intend to say in front of your parents. She wanted the pepper across the table from where you were and accidentally called you ‘babe’ when she asked you for it. Something very simple, really. Something that you didn’t even realize that had happened until you saw your father’s face turning to a boiling red.

You remember him screaming, but cannot quite remember what he said. All you know is that Jade didn’t let him get the upper hand and started screaming back, the two of them standing up at some point to scream even louder at each other’s face. You think your mother started to cry at some point, asking God what she’s done wrong for you to ‘turn our like this’. You remember how that was the thing that made you snap yourself, harsh words thrown out of your mouth towards your mother for all the bullshit emotions she and your father made you feel because of their Middle Age way of thinking. 

After your mother slapped you in the face, Jade tried to throw herself at her, screaming bloody murder to try and protect you from her. It didn’t take long before your father threw her out of the house, screaming at her that she will never ever see you again and that you’ll be transferred out of Hollywood Arts the very next week. 

She couldn’t do anything to stop it, and you couldn't do anything to stop it.

You ended being locked up into your room upstairs while your parents discuss what they were going to do with you, your mother confiscating your phone, and throwing out the idea of sending you to a ‘converting camp’ if you ever talked to her harshly again. Those words only made your tears grow faster as you hid under your bed covers to try to deny this whole situation, not quite believing that your parents would prefer to torture you in becoming straight instead of simply accepting you for who you are. 

You only wanted one thing right here and there: to get out of that place, to find your way back into Jade’s arms, and maybe start your little dream earlier than you wanted, but would you even be able to do it? You didn’t know if you were strong enough.

Toc toc toc.

The sound of something hitting glass makes your head look out from the covers, a confused frown on your red teary face. It’s another few seconds before you realize that someone may have just knocked on your window, your confusion only increasing seeing as your room is on the second floor. You don’t wait to stand up from your bed though, walking towards the origin of the sound only for your eyes to widen once you see Jade waiting for you to open the window.

“Jade!” You whisper her name as you open the window, not wanting your parents to hear you talk. “What are you doing here?”

You feel your tears come back when she throws her arms around you, holding you as close as you possibly can. “I came to pick you up.”

“What?” 

“I called Beck. He’s waiting for us in his car a few streets away.” She frees you enough to look into your eyes, anger and worry both mixing together on her features. “You’re gonna make your bags and come with me, okay? You can either stay at my house or in Beck’s trailer, I don’t care. All I know is that I love you and that there is no way that I’m gonna let you stay with these assholes.”

You give out a small giggle, your eyes sweetening despite the pain staying inside your chest. “You really came back for me?”

“Of course I did.” She gently holds your head before she kisses your lips passionately, your eyes closing for a moment to take it in before she parts away. “Now go get your stuff, babe. Then we’ll go kick ass.”

You don’t wait any other second before you rummage through your room to make your bags as quietly as possible, Jade helping you the best that she can. It only takes around ten minutes to get about everything that you can get in this one tiny place, your girlfriend promising that you’ll get the rest of your stuff back eventually, then you both fled out of your window and into the night.

You should have known. With Jade by your side, you’re strong enough to do anything.

[sturchling]

A new girl shows up and takes Lila's spot but instead of lying she's actually does them but she's two face and tries Lila worse than Lila treats Marinette and Lila looses her followers whenever she tries the same tactics and up like Nettie(who switched classes) Lila for the first time is genuinely miserable like Mari for real ( will give u an idea 4 a sequel after this)

Here you go! Sorry it took longer than I would have like, but I had sudden job interview. Now that it is over, I had some time to write! :)

Hope you like it!

Lila was happy with how things were going in her life right now. The class was completely under her spell. They believed anything that she says and look at her like she hung the moon. She had succeeded in making that pathetic Marinette miserable. Marinette was so miserable she even switched classes. Sure, Adrien knows she is a liar. But Adrien can’t say anything, since Mr. Agreste has forbidden it. Yeah, life was going well for Lila. That was, until, Sadie arrived

 ----------------

It had been a normal weekend for Lila, she had been coming up with new stories to tell the class on Monday. She was sure these new stories would keep the class singing her praises for a while. As she walked towards class, she heard the class already chatting excitedly. It is common knowledge that Lila doesn’t like attention not being on her. So, she got ready to tell another story, to get the focus back on her where it belonged. Not like the class was talking about anything important, probably just talking about whatever stupid thing they had done that weekend. But just as Lila entered the classroom, a new lie on her tongue, when she noticed someone new.

  ----------------

The class was surrounding a girl that Lila didn’t recognize, and this girl was sitting in Lila’s seat. This girl had long black hair that reached to the base of her spine, and blue eyes. She was wearing a yellow floral sundress, with a black cardigan and black flats. Lila was furious seeing this strange girl sitting in her seat. Lila had worked hard to manipulate her way into that seat by Adrien, and she wasn’t just going to let it go. She sauntered up to the group, “Well, hello. Are you new?” Alya turned, now realizing that her bestie had arrived, “Oh, Lila! Good morning. This is Sadie, she just transferred here from America. Her dad is a marine and has been stationed to guard the American embassy here in Paris. She was just telling us about some of her adventures. Can you believe it, it sounds like you two have been running in the same circles!” That confused Lila, what did Alya mean by that? “What do you mean Alya?” “Well, Sadie was saying how she has also worked for several go-green organizations, and has also helped out a bunch of celebrities. She also knows a bunch of Hollywood actors, from when her dad was stationed in San Diego. She even has tinnitus like you, she and her dad were visiting a friend at an air force base and she got lost. She wandered to close to a plane and nobody noticed her so her hearing was damaged. That is why she is sitting up front too. You guys can be desk mates!” Lila paled at that. She had worked so hard to get a seat next to Adrien. “But Alya, what about Adrien? Where will he sit?” “Don’t worry Lila, Adrien was fine with the seat change since another student needed to sit up front. He will sit where Marinette used to, near Nathaniel.” Lila was fuming, but she couldn’t exactly do anything about it without looking bad. So, she just smiled and played along, sitting down in Adrien’s old spot.

  ----------------

The rest of the morning hadn’t gone any better for Lila. She had tried several times to get the attention back on her, but no matter what she did, the class only wanted to talk to and about Sadie. It was infuriating. Not even Lila’s new stories were enough to capture the class’ attention. Anytime Lila mentioned something she had done, Sadie had done it too, but bigger and better. Worse yet, is that Sadie appeared to be telling the truth. The go-green charities that she claimed to help start, all had official websites and awards and Sadie was always listed on those websites as a founding member. There were even videos of her at some of the award ceremonies. Sadie also had pictures with every single celebrity that Lila had also claimed to know.  And not just one picture, like they had just happened to meet by chance, but several pictures. Some looked like they had even been taken at parties. And when Mrs. Bustier had finally arrived, Sadie had an actual doctor’s note for the tinnitus. The little brat had been telling the truth all morning.

  ----------------

Lila hadn’t been this angry since Marinette had challenged her. This meant that Lila would have to go to war again. This Sadie girl seemed just like Marinette. Kind and sickeningly sweet. Lila thought this meant that Sadie would be just as easy to destroy, but she was very wrong. The next day, Lila cornered Sadie in the bathroom and threatened her. “I don’t like sharing the spotlight newbie. So, you are going to stop trying to hog all the attention. I worked hard to become the queen in this class, so you can either bow down or get out of the way. I already eliminated that Marinette girl and I can do the same to you too. The choice is yours, you can either give me back the attention I deserve or I can destroy you.” Sadie just smiled at Lila, but in a way that felt very threatening. “No, here is what is going to happen. Alya told me all about your stories and it is clear that you are lying. I am the real deal. The rest of the class already thinks I am a saint. You may have been the queen, but your reign is over. I am in charge now. If you tell the class anything about this conversation, or try and ‘destroy’ me I can promise you the only one that will be destroyed is you. I may seem nice, but I am not some push over, and I will not be dictated to by some liar who is so desperate for a cool life that she had to make one up. As far as I am concerned, we are enemies. I am going to make your life hell-” Sadie seemed to want to say more, but just then Rose poked her head into the bathroom and told them it was almost time for class. Sadie quickly wiped the glare from her face and smiled at Rose. “Thanks Rose, I’m coming. See you in a minute Lila.” With that Sadie walked out of the bathroom, chatting happily with Rose. Lila was shocked. She had thought that Sadie was a goodie-two-shoes, she hadn’t expected her to be so cold and hostile. If Sadie wanted to be enemies, then Lila was willing to play that game.

  ----------------

Despite Lila’s best efforts, nothing was working. Sadie had quickly become the class darling and everybody loved her, much to Lila’s annoyance. And what was worse was that Sadie had started tormenting Lila. Lila had never gone so far as to physically attack Marinette herself, but Sadie had no problem attacking Lila every time the two were alone together. So far, Sadie had tripped her close to a dozen times, trapped her in two closets, and had even spilled food all over her. But the class never saw any of this happen. Sadie was really good at finding just the right moment to strike. Lila had tried talking to the class several times, but they never believed her. “Oh Lila, Sadie wouldn’t do that.” “It must have been someone else.” “Maybe you just got confused.” Lila was at the end of her rope.

  ----------------

What was worse was anytime that Lila tried to talk to the class, Sadie started to poison the class against her. It started small, Sadie started asking the class, “How could Lila say I would do all those mean things? Did I do something wrong?” The class fell all over themselves to tell Sadie she hadn’t done anything. Then the class began to wonder why Lila was so insistent it was Sadie. When Lila didn’t stop trying to convince the class, Sadie continued her assault, both physically and socially. She was playing the long game with turning the class against Lila. It was so gradual it was hardly noticeable.

  ----------------

Eventually, when Lila still hadn’t gotten the message, Sadie pulled out the big guns. First, she started fulfilling the promises that Lila had made. She started introducing the class to celebrities in the field they each wanted to go into. She introduced Alya to people at the New York Times, Nathaniel to the editors at Marvel, and even helped Kitty Section get a meeting with some big-time music producer in LA. Then she started wondering aloud to the class why Lila hadn’t already done all this for them. When the grumblings in the class continued to grow, Sadie went for the killing blow. She accused Lila of attacking her. “Lila was so mad. She wanted to be the one to introduce you to all these people. She told me that if I keep doing this then she will make my life hell!” Sadie even threw in some realistic fake tears, not fake sobs like how Lila used to do. Now the whole class had turned against Lila.

  ----------------

Lila’s life had become miserable. She was the class outcast, the only time someone talked to her was to make rude comments or tell her off about ‘how she is treating Sadie’. Thankfully, her lies hadn’t been exposed yet, somehow. She was worried though. Sadie kept getting closer to exposing her with each day. In an attempt to stop that from happening, Lila stopped trying to go after Sadie. Sadie stopped going further with her stories about Lila, but she was still making Lila miserable. She kept tripping her and shoving her and now the rest of the class had joined in. Lila’s stuff was routinely destroyed to the point that Lila didn’t even bring anything she didn’t need to class anymore. Right now, Lila was on another ‘trip with her mother’ and skipping school. She had tried switching classes like that loser Marinette had, but her request was denied. All the other classes were full at the moment. She also tried to convince her mom to let her change schools entirely, but her mother didn’t want her to switch schools in the middle of the year. Lila was stuck and had lost all her power. She was no longer the queen of the class, but was treated more like a prisoner. Sadie had won the war.

[newmusickarl]

Album & EP Recommendations

Album of the Week: Grapefruit Season by James Vincent McMorrow

“I’m trying to be less prepared” stated Irish singer-songwriter James Vincent McMorrow this past week at his Rough Trade Nottingham In-Store show. This was mentioned in the context of McMorrow telling the audience of his decision to “wing it” for his first gig back post-COVID lockdown, rather than intensely rehearsing as he would previously. It turns out this new laidback outlook on life has been key to McMorrow coping better with the anxiety he has dealt with his whole life, but also to unlocking the songs that are to be found on his fifth album, Grapefruit Season.

During the Nottingham show to which I was lucky enough to attend, McMorrow made a point to say that this new album, his first in four years, is the one for which he is most proud, as he felt it was him being as open, honest and care-free as possible with his audience of listeners. This is evident almost immediately on second track Gone, which feels like the tone-setter for the rest of the album, centred on a striking refrain of “I give less f*cks than I used to, still give a lot of f*cks.” Discussing the track with Broadway World last year, McMorrow said:

“Gone is about the disintegration of relationships. In my case, the disintegration of my relationship with myself. No song or lyric I’ve ever written has come as close to this one at capturing how I feel about life - how I hear it, my fear of it, my obsession with it, my belligerent belief that I can control it, my quiet acknowledgment in the middle of the night that I will never control a single thing. And there’s nothing wrong with any of it. There’s absolute beauty in embracing the chaos and the decay.”

This freedom and “embracing the chaos” attitude have clearly helped McMorrow to hit a new creative peak, with many of the tracks on this new collection some of the very best he’s written to date. From the soulful guitar grooves of Planes In The Sky, the string-tinged piano ballad Poison To You and the infectious downbeat pop melody of Hollywood & Vine, McMorrow is constantly found in fine form. However, arguably the album’s finest moment comes in the form of Headlights, a gloriously produced, synth-driven track, which also features some wonderful gospel-like vocals and bluesy guitars towards the back end of the track. It’s quite dazzling, much like almost every track here.

James Vincent McMorrow has always been an immensely talented songwriter, but thanks to his moment of personal enlightenment he is sounding better than ever on this latest album. With unfiltered, sincere lyrics and inventive sonic explorations, Grapefruit Season makes for quite the audio journey.

Listen here

Montero by Lil Nas X

Rapper-singer Lil Nas X seems to cause controversy through simply being unapologetically himself and as a result, his debut album Montero has been one of the most hotly anticipated pop albums of 2021.

Having burst onto the scene with his breakout single Old Town Road, Lil Nas X has since delivered several massive singles in the build-up to this debut, with each one accompanied by a cinematic or visually extravagant music video. The reaction to these by some narrow-minded folk has been that of shock and outrage, with people seemingly appalled and astounded by Nas X’s openness with his own sexuality. Off the back of the bold, tongue-in-cheek video for the title track, some even suggested the singer was actively promoting Satanism through his work. This is all of course nonsense and if they were to listen to his debut album with an open mind, they would find that Lil Nas X is just a pop star that is willing to be refreshingly honest and candid about who he is and what he wants from life.

Both introspective and confessional, Nas X proves across every track on this record that he’s not only capable of writing great pop music, but he’s also not in the least bit afraid of showing his vulnerability to the listener either. This can be seen on recent single Sun Goes Down, where Nas X offers insight to his struggles growing up and fitting in, conflicted by his complexion, his homosexuality, and finding himself lonely and isolated as a result. There are several quite tender moments like this, including the brilliant guitar-driven rock ballad Life After Salem, however they are evenly balanced out with more upbeat moments like horn-backed single Industry Baby. There’s also some pitch-perfect collaborations to be found here with Doja Cat, Megan Thee Stallion, Miley Cyrus and, most notably, Elton John, all lending their talents at appropriate moments.

However arguably the strongest moment comes when Nas X dips his toe into some pop punk for the album’s sort-of centrepiece, Lost In The Citadel. With some stylish production, heartfelt lyrics and a killer mix of guitars and synths, it’s just a mightily well-crafted pop song.

Overall, this is a star-making first outing for Nas X, who was already well on his way to global success before this record had even landed. However now he is well on his way and importantly with this debut, he has shown he is not just a flash in the pan but a truly great popstar in the making.

Listen here

Silence by Alexis Taylor

And finally this week, Hot Chip frontman Alexis Taylor released his quite stunning fourth solo album, Silence, a record that comes from the other end of the spectrum to that of his electronic outfit. Built entirely around Alexis’ soulful vocals, a piano and some well-placed, understated string arrangements, there is no dance to be found here but rather a beautiful collection of ambient ballads.

The pick of these is the title track itself as well as Violence, the latter of which offers one of the most haunting tracks I’ve heard all year. Ending quite unceremoniously with the gentle crashing of the Wollongong Waves, if you need something peaceful and reflective this week then I can’t recommend this album enough.

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Tracks of the Week

Let’s Get The Party Started by Tom Morello & Bring Me The Horizon

Kicking off the singles front this week is a rock collaboration of gargantuan proportions as Tom Morello of Rage Against The Machine teams up with Sheffield metal behemoths, Bring Me The Horizon. Built on goliath-sized riffs and an anthemic chorus, this one is a straight up rock banger that will have you moshing out in no time.

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U&ME by Alt-J

Elsewhere, Leeds-based trio Alt-J marked their return this week with the first single from their upcoming fourth album, The Dream, which is due to drop early next year. My initial thoughts are that this track feels a lot like more of the same, with Joe Newman’s quirky vocals backdropped by some folky harmonies and guitar melodies. It is not a dramatic comeback or shift in style, but fans of their sound will no doubt still enjoy this one.

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Hall of Mirrors by Let’s Eat Grandma

Also making their comeback this week are the brilliant duo of Rosa Walton and Jenny Hollingworth, otherwise known as Let’s Eat Grandma. Hall of Mirrors is their first new music since their phenomenal 2018 sophomore album I’m All Ears, and sees the duo shift away from their experimental electronica over to the dreamy synth-pop melodies that they first started introducing on that wonderful second album.

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Godsend by Sundara Karma

Also returning with new music this week are Reading-based indie outfit Sundara Karma, who continue with the pop experimentation they started on last year’s Kill Me EP. With a heartbreaking chorus and some soaring instrumentation, it’s a comeback that’s both immensely moving but also quite triumphant.

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Earthlings by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Nick Cave & Warren Ellis have also announced a new B-Sides & Rarities album this week. Due for release in October, it pulls together all their best lost gems from 2006 to 2020, including this stunning off-cut from Ghosteen that features gentle tribal chanting over some truly transcendent synths.

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FAKE by Lola Young

Singer-songwriter Lola Young continues to be one of my favourite discoveries of the year so far, with this new single seeing her channel the late-great Amy Winehouse for this soulful and bluesy ballad. If you’ve not heard Lola sing yet, just check this one out and I guarantee you’ll be blown away.

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I’m Sorry by Josef Salvat

Australian singer-songwriter Josef Salvat also released his brilliant new single I’m Sorry this week, a pulsating synth-driven track with a wonderful neon-glow and 80s-style pop shimmer.

Listen here

Set You Free by Kyla La Grange

And finally this week, Kyla La Grange made her long-awaited return to the music world, releasing this absolutely amazing and completely unique cover of the N-Trance classic, Set You Free. Also comes accompanied with a typically artistic and colourful video from La Grange, which you should find the time to check out.

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[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Rumor Has It {11}

Chris Evans x Famous Reader Uriah “Riah” Tyler-Evans

Warning: Plot, Cursing, Angst, Slight embellishment of actual real-world media

Word Count: 3.2K

Summary: You and Chris have been married for four years after a whirlwind romance. You are both happy and trying to navigate marriage in the public eye while balancing your successful careers. In the entertainment industry, not everything is as it seems, the flash of a camera lens impairs vision. As scandal and flashing lights put a strain on your once fairytale marriage is it possible your Hollywood marriage can stand the test of the rumor mill?

**Inspired by a video seen of Chris and his co-star Ana De Armas on their press tour for Knives Out at TIFF where she kept touching his chest and face standing about five inches apart.

**NOTE: A WORK OF FICTION. NOT CREATED TO GARNER HATE OF ANY SORT.

**Loosley Edited/Proofread**

**Interactive**

Thank you guys for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊 ❤❤

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 You were reeling. You didn’t know if you were more furious or hurt. After everything, after the last few weeks, therapy, the revelations, the openness between you, your tears, and struggle this was where you were. Lost. Confused.

 After sitting in your office or almost an hour after the end of your FaceTime call with Chris examining the screen record of Chris’ background and the one from Ana’s picture you’d gone through every single scenario. You’d even branched out to scenarios of those scenarios and at the end of it all you’d settled on was something wasn’t right. Everything pointed to your husband being a liar, your husband playing both angles when in fact he as a low-down dirty asshole. You were reluctant to believe it especially with all you’d been through together in therapy. The emotions he’d expressed couldn’t have been faked. Only an actual sociopathic psychopath could have faked it. that possibility had you wondering if your husband was a sociopathic psychopath.

 This new light on the situation didn’t help you keep focus for the day. Concentration was pointless, working was pointless. Every couple of minutes you were thinking about it again. wondering where they were right now if they were together if they were laughing together about how easy it all had been. Needless to say, you were now looking at “platonic” actions in a whole new light. You now looked at the video of them together at TIFF differently, you looked at the interviews they did together and the body language differently. You even looked at the times they’d been together when you called him while he was filming. Your insecurities were at an all-time high.

 Those insecurities are what had you on a private jet bound for San Diego, two days before your scheduled trip to LA that was supposed to have you meet up with Chris. You’d followed your gut, insecurities, and fears here because you had a feeling something was up, and you refused to sit around and ignore it any longer. You’d played the dutiful wife, the wife who played the trust card. You’d played the faithful and devoted wife who did everything in her power to save and strengthen her marriage. It was time to play a different card, the stealth wife. You were going to get to the bottom of this one way or another.

“Hello?”

 “I hope you’re not just going to roll over on this one.” Your mother’s voice resonated and you sighed out in the backseat of the chauffeured truck.

 “Mama, for goodness sake,” you began before she cut you off.

 “What would be for goodness’s sake is you putting both of them in their place, especially her. A man can be as faithful as Jesus but there will always be snakes and Jezebels slithering through the garden of Eden.”

 You rolled your eyes. You didn’t have the time or patience to listen to her scripture riddles. “Mama, I don’t have time for this.”

 “Do you have time for a divorce?” You almost fell out. She had the uncanny ability to take it from zero to two hundred in two seconds. This was not different. Still, she had a point.

 “I will take care of it. I’m in San Diego now and I’m going to confront Chris.”

 “Take a beat, I say confront her first.”

 “What?”

 “Yes, both parties are equally complicit but sit with her, get a feel for her. You’ll be able to tell her intentions within the first two minutes. I’m not saying go and beat her ass off the bat. It’s what I would do, but there are ways to be tactful in a situation like this,” she suggested.

 You had thought to go to her and rip out her hair then give her a nice souvenir in the form of a face scar to be used as a reminder to stay away from your husband. You’d also thought to play devil’s advocate and go behind enemy lines and assess the situation from her side. You’d left both options open and decided to go to the horse first. Hearing your mother’s thoughts, you decided to go with her plan. You’d go see the snake, Jezebel, first.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Almost an hour later, you were sitting in a hotel room in front of a set table with an assortment of foods before you.  Your mind was racing but you felt strangely calm as if you were slowly gliding through the air in zero gravity. It would have been peaceful, but your heart felt heavy.

 “Uriah?” Her accent was very clear. You also heard her shock and confusion. When you turned to her she had a smile on her face. She was a pretty woman. There was no lying about it. You could see why men would fall for her and her big hazel eyes, striking bone structure, plump bottom lip, and exotic accent. Thinking about that you saw what would draw him in.

 You smiled widely and stood. “Ana. How are you?” She returned your smile and stepped to you with her arms out. Once before you, she threw her arms around you hugging you. It was unexpected and your first red flag.

 “I’m so good. How are you? Oh my goodness I love this outfit you look amazing.” She was being overly friendly. This was a sign she was overcompensating for something. You played her game and carried in with small talk.

 After a few minutes, the two of you sat down across from each other. “Chris didn’t mention you were here.”

 “I know. He doesn’t know. I wanted it to be a surprise. So please don’t tell him.”

 “Oh, that’s so sweet—so romantic.” Her smile slipped for a moment. You didn’t miss it. She smiled again and straightened her back coming back to being the picture of friendliness.

 “I wanted to have a bit of lunch together just us girls. It’s been such a long time since we chatted. I just wanted to catch up.” You knew it was believable. You were not an amateur actress.

 “That sounds nice.”

 “I remember a few things Chris mentioned that you liked. Cucumber sandwiches, dragon rolls, and that salsa from your country that you said you couldn’t live without. I hope it’s the right brand.”

 Ana’s eyes roamed over the food on the table with a huge smile on her face. “Wow, he told you about all this?”

 You nodded and sipped your tea, “He did. He talks about you a lot. I can see he likes you.” Ana looked at you and studied you as if she were searching for something. You suspected what she was searching for. You kept your cool.

 “Yeah, we’re good friends. He’s a great man. You married a keeper.” You slowly nodded and took up one of the California Rolls before you. It was one of the two sushi products you would touch. From your example, Ana did the same and made a plate with a little of everything.

 The two of you ate in silence for a few minutes. After some quiet, you chatted about the business, upcoming projects, silly stories floating around Hollywood, fashion, makeup, and travel. It all seemed normal. If you didn’t have the fact in the back of your mind that she was fucking your husband then it was possible to become friends. In another life, the two of you may have become friends. You may have been good friends.

 As you spoke about trivial things, you formulated the right path to go. You couldn’t be too direct, and you couldn’t be too passive. You had to find a way to ride the line between the two.

 “I hope everything is okay with your family. I heard the break Chris took was because of a family emergency,” Ana led a little over an hour into brunch.

 “Yes, it was. We went through some things that had the power to break us. It was important we took the time. I wasn’t sure we still felt the same way about each other anymore.” It was true. Sometimes you had to reveal something personal to open the gates. Ana’s hand reached out for yours and rested on top in a reassuring way.

 “I’m sorry. I had no idea. Do you want to talk about it?”

 “No, no need. I want to distract myself. How are things with you? Anyone in your life that makes this crazy life of fame better?”

 She remained quiet for a little while then toyed with the straw in her Fiji water bottle. Her eyes didn’t go back to yours though. “Things are okay. They could definitely be better. I never realized how much fame could be so lonely. You have millions of people watching you all the time. Tens of them around you but still you can feel--.”

 “Alone?”

 Ana looked to you and nodded with a melancholic smile. “Yeah. I don’t expect you to understand. You have Chris.”

 “He’s been pulling away for some time. It may just be our workload and our maybe we’re not the same people anymore. We might have outgrown each other. I understand.” It was a stretch but in the light of new details maybe it wasn’t. Ana watched you and you tapped into your actress side and played up everything you felt a little over two months ago.

 “Oh Uriah, I’m sorry. Do you think--.” Ana paused looked down timidly then bit her bottom lip before she spoke again. “Do you think he’s having an affair?”

 Bingo, you thought. Nothing you’d said since this brunch began had any path to eluding about an affair. The fact that she brought it up was suspicious. “Do you think he is? You’re with him a lot more than I am these days.”

Ana looked at you. you felt the air in the room change, her eyes got slightly darker. “How would I know that?”

 You shrugged and took up a beignet. You loved that the powdered sugar just melted in your mouth.

 “Wait, are you insinuating I’m having an affair with Chris?”

 “I never said that Ana. Why would I even say that?”

 Ana straightened her sitting position and held her head higher. You knew what was coming and you loathed it. Either you’d slipped somewhere, or she was seriously on edge about the topic.

 “Oh, I see. You asked me here under false pretenses to play nice and sugar me up hoping to get me to spill something. You told me some sad story about your marriage hoping it would give you the optic of the sad victim so I could feel sorry for you. Wow. These questions weren’t you being a friend or a decent person. You were trying to find out of I’m having an affair with Chris. I can’t believe this!” She sprang to her feet and walked away from the table.

 “You’re overreacting, Ana. I never accused you of anything. All I wanted to do was catch up with you.”

 “Bullshit!” She rolled her eyes, turned her back to you then looked at you again.

 “By you coming to me like this it shows how scared you are. Do you feel threatened by me, Uriah? Worried that Chris likes me more than you? Scared that our connection is better than yours?” She was trying to get to you, you could tell. You refused to play this game.

 “Look, Ana, I’m not here to play games with you.”

 “No, you’re here to see how much of a threat I am for your marriage. What you should be thinking about is do you actually have a marriage still?” She didn’t give you a chance to reply before she walked out the door slamming it behind her.

 “This bitch!” She just moved her next chess piece—the knight.

 ~~~~~~~~

When you got to Chris’ room that evening you were even angrier than you were at brunch with Ana. You should have thrown her out the fucking window instead of playing nice with her. Yes, a tactical approach was the best but a show of dominance and violence was always a good move. You hadn’t made one misstep. You didn’t take the con too far, you weren’t too passive or direct. She had always been on edge. She probably was suspicious from the moment she walked in. You knew better than anyone a guilty conscience would always see a threat even where there was none. You were a threat though. You knew now she wasn’t as innocent as she pretended to be. That made you wonder just what the fuck was going on.

 According to Chris’ assistant, he was busy doing some last-minute interviews and events for Knives Out. You took advantage of the quiet and time alone by thoroughly scanning his room, especially where the backgrounds of his facetime call and her image looked identical. There was no mistaking it in person. They were the same. After you roamed around the room wondering just what the walls would say if they could talk. Would they tell you all their sorted secrets about your husband and a particularly hazel-eyed co-star? Would they speak of his fidelity and boringness or would they speak about his betrayal?

 When you’d thought yourself weary, you moved on to ways to relax which included taking a long bath and feasting on room service. It was a good distraction but that was all it was—a distraction. One that you knew would end as soon as Chris got back. You would have to address the literal elephant in the room the picture.

 You were so distracted by the view from the living room window and your tumultuous thoughts and feelings that you almost didn’t hear when the door opened, and Chris walked in.

 “Uriah.” You looked to see him standing there dressed in perfect business casual wear with his hair perfectly tousled. You would never think he was unattractive. For a few moments, his eyes left your face and roamed over your robe-clad body and down your exposed leg. As he scanned you, he walked more into the room.

 “Hi.”

“You’re not supposed to be here in San Diego. I thought we were meeting in LA.

 “I know, I just—wanted to be here.”

 Chris sighed and sat in a seat across from you. you found it a little strange that he hadn’t seen you in a week and he hadn’t come over to greet you or initiate contact. As you were going to bring it up, Chris began speaking again.

 “Checking up on me?” His words rubbed you the wrong way. Turning around to face him you crossed your legs not caring that they were fully exposed.

 “Should I be checking on you? I wasn’t aware you needed checking up on.”

 He kept eye contact with you. You could see the tight clench in his jaw and the straight line of his lips. He was annoyed.

 “Did you lure Ana to lunch and accuse her of having an affair with me?”

 Closing your eyes, you sighed and cracked your neck. You’d just jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. The bitch had tattled and moved her second chess piece at the same time.

 “Don’t lie to me Uriah,” Chris warned through tightly clenched jaws.

 “I did not accuse her of anything.”

 “So, you did lure her to lunch and treated her like a homewrecker and threatened my career and name in the industry?”

 “Are you kidding me, Chris?”

 “Are you kidding me, Uriah?!” He sprang to his feet like a firework shell shooting into the air. You could feel the anger coming off of him.

 “I cannot believe you would do this! Why would you do this?”

 “Me? Why would I do this? Why would you do this?”

 “What are you talking about? What have I done Uriah?” You got off the couch and made your way to your purse for your phone. If he wanted to play the fool you would enlighten him. once you found the picture you shoved it in his face.

 “What the fuck is that?” You watched him as he scanned the post then rolled his eyes.

 “It’s a post.”

 “No shit it’s a post. Did you send her that sweater?”

 “So what? I wasn’t going to wear it, she liked it so I gave it away.”

 “And this?” You pointed to the background of the picture and then went to the still of his facetime call.

 “What about this? Why does your background which is here, identically match hers?”

 Chris looked at you like you were bat shit crazy as if he had no idea who you were.

 “Don’t look at me like I’m crazy. What the fuck is this?”

 He didn’t speak, he just stared at you.

 “I’ve suppressed the urge to ask the question because of everything we’ve been through these last months but come on Chris. I can only be so complacent.”

 “Ask the question, Uriah. I dare you.” It was another warning. You flared your nose and hesitated. You knew if you asked it you’d be right back where you were before therapy. The hurt on his face was evident. He looked as if he were holding back tears.

 “Ask it!”

 “Why do your backgrounds match?”

 “They are hotel rooms, I’m sure they are all identical.”

 “Bullshit!” You walked away from him and to the window.

“Did you come here to confront her--to confront me?” You clenched your jaw and fought back your tears.

 “I wanted to see where your head was and the opportunity arose to see where hers was too,” you explained.

 “Satisfied? Was her denial enough?”

 “She didn’t deny anything. She threw her cockiness around instead. Did she tell you that when she came running to you to get sympathy and create an even bigger wedge between us?”

 “This isn’t about her Uriah. This is about you. I thought you trusted me. I thought we’d moved past this and had turned a page and were moving forward. I thought we were stronger.”

 “I thought so too. I really tried not to come here with this. I debated it but Chris how can I look past this? If you were me, what would you have done?”

 “I wouldn’t come here accusing you or your costar or fucking!”

 “For the first half of our marriage you accused me of fucking Christiano! I just need you to explain this to me.”

 “I have nothing to explain. This wasn’t my room. She wasn’t here.”

 “So, she wasn’t in here dressed like that with you? You weren’t fucking her before this was taken?”

 He didn’t speak right away. He looked disappointed. He sighed and walked away facing his back to you.

 “I don’t think we’ll ever get past this.  The last two months were a waste of time. I thought we could move forward and be stronger because of the pain and the struggle but I don’t think we can.” He turned back to you in time for you to see a tear roll down his cheek.

 “I never lied to you. I’m not playing you either. That picture was not taken here. She’s never been in here.” He dropped his head and wiped his tears away. “I don’t think I should be here either.”

 He didn’t give you enough time to speak, he just walked out the door leaving you alone. You didn’t know what to think or believe at this point. You knew you weren’t crazy. You also knew that this bitch had shown her full hand. 

~~~~~~~~~

***If you want to be tagged please SEND AN ASK SO IT WILL BE EASIER FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK OF. Thank you for reading!!! ❤️❤️

~~~~~~~~~

TagList: 

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[jlf23tumble]

Top 10 Niche Interests

Fixations? Obsessions? This is incredibly hard because I have wayyyy too many niche interests, so instead of stressing about it, I tried to channel the 10 things that immediately speak to me and maybe aren't so obvious from what I post here, like how much I'm obsessed with wigs, doll furniture, incredibly specific blogs, all forms of clothing with pockets, swimming pools, whimsical bus stops, over-the-top bathrooms, etc. etc Instead, I opted for some specifics that feel a little more evergreen and long tailed, like, so LIFE-long tailed that it's tough to nail down when or how they became part of the national psyche. I thank @alienfuckeronmain​ for the initial tag, and I'm tagging her AGAIN for round two because I know she has a billion additional niche things, and she'll post them, and I'll scream because it'll trigger five other things I neglected to post here, and I'll probably post my own round two, arggggh, insert aggressive sighing. Anyway, I tag ANYONE who wants to do it, just tag me so I can see! 

1. Indoor Trees

I have no idea why this concept PULLS so hard because houseplants are kind of meh to me, but you want to plant an entire-ass TREE indoors, in the place where you live? Me, too, and I'd add a conversation pit plus a combo gold/red bathroom, among other things, and, bam, we're in my imaginary dream home, which I have literally, constantly ALWAYS mentally constructed from the time I was about six or so. (If you're curious, it has multiple themed rooms, and the closest I've seen to it recently is the outstanding Dita von Teese AD feature, but Amy Sedaris’s apartment comes close, too). There are two (2) 1960s houses in Long Beach with magnificent indoor trees, but I can't find them online, so have this modern interpretation and cry with me about how I can't visit the multi-story fake tree inside Clifton's Cafeteria for a good long while:

2. Conventions of Fans of Any Kind

One thing that I don't think I'll ever lose is how much I *love* people who are fans of SOMETHING, people who have a passion and create something about it or cosplay it or simply gather to celebrate it and connect to other people through it. The Internet provides in all kinds of ways, but I'm talking specifically about IRL conventions and the way my heart pitter pats when I first walk in those doors, SWOON! And it doesn’t matter how big the convention is or how random, I've been to smaller events like CatCon and the My Little Pony convention all the way up to biggies like WonderCon and Comic Con, and I have yet to be disappointed. I might know jack shit about what I'm walking into, but I want to see the merch, hear about the panels, and check out the people who are fucking PUMPED to be there. Sadly, I think it's gonna be a lonnnnng time until these come back, but I can live vicariously through my old photos, sigh:

3. Dutch Wax Fabrics and African Fashion

I'm not the snazziest of dressers, but textiles, colors, and patterns have been an obsession that has soothed my visual soul for as long as I can literally remember. Wax fabric marries all three of those touchpoints, plus throws in a healthy dose of style, and I count myself lucky to have seen two big exhibits on the subject (this was one of them), oh, how I wish there were more! For sure, there's a fucked up underlying colonial/imperialist history here, but there's also humor and color and vibrancy, a reclamation of sorts, and multiple levels of fashion that take my breath away. I cannot do the different patterns justice at all, but the fan motif is one of my faves:

4. Hearst Castle vs. Madonna inn

These two fall into my #home tag because they're where I'm from, and they speak to me as equally sublime and ridiculous, camp and kitsch writ large and small, different (yet similar!) versions of Xanadu that two rich white men built as shrines to their own personal "taste." And the irony is that a lot of people shit on Alex Madonna for being tacky (the Madonna Inn is...uh, something else), yet praise WR Hearst for all the high-class art and architecture, most of which is fully lifted from desperate churches between and after world and yet they're both more or less the same concept (lodging for weary travelers, self-aggrandizement, questionable taste-mixing). Hearst Castle edges out slightly for me because it's bigger and has spectacular scenery and history, plus it gives me doses of LA noir thanks to the way Hearst killed a guy in a jealous Charlie Chaplin-related rage and Hedda Hopper covered it up, all kinds of old Hollywood shenanigans happened up there, etc. But I'm low-key an expert on both houses of the holy, I'm OBSESSED with both, and we can leave it at that. I mean, come on:

5. Snow Globes

I had to cull my personal collection slightly just to fit it all on the dedicated shelf in my bathroom, and I seriously need to refill all the water lines, but nothing beats a snow globe in terms of memorable souvenir, especially when you put it in a bathroom. The majesty!!! The jewel of my collection is the one from Sherwood Forest because WHY NOT celebrate a historic place and moment in the basic way?? He robbed from the rich to give to the poor, and the gift shop about 100 feet from the tree he hid in does the same! The circle of life! The irony of all the watermarks on this blessed image...protect:

6. Highly Specific Museums

Look, we can all agree that the more venerated museums in the world are a form of garbage in terms of what they represent, what they've done, and who runs them, but I'm here for the museums that collect and celebrate things that tend to get overlooked. There are too many to list that I love that are still thriving, so I'm going to say goodbye to four recently departed faves. RIP to the Pez museum, I'm so glad I saw you and purchased your stale candy souvenirs. RIP to the museum of terrible food, you were a pop up when Phoenix and I saw you, and I will forever think about the worker describing people literally vomiting during their visits. RIP to the currywurst museum in Berlin, I've had currywurst exactly once and it was not for me, but I respect the Journey you took me on, including obscure east German TV shows that helped make you so popular (??). Finally, RIP to the velvet painting museum, there's no way to mince words, the person who owned you was crazy AS FUCK and had zero clue how to run a business, but I'm so glad I saw you multiple times and purchased my own velvet treasure (not this exact one, but remarkably similar):

7. Liminal Spaces: Grocery Store Edition

Confession time for those who don't know me all that well, I'm a big time voyeur, and nothing fills my heart with joy like a walk at 7 or 8 pm, the witching hour when people haven't pulled the curtains, and I can scope out their decorations/furnishings without it being "weird." Another confession is how much I unabashedly adore grocery stores in other countries and will spend at least an hour wandering aisle by aisle, falling in love with how much everything is different yet completely the same:

8. Agatha Christie Novels:

As a child, I was a fairly compliant reader--I had to read something for school? Okay! For my mom? Sounds good! But the books that sparked the initial fire for me to read something purely for myself were second-hand (probably fourth- or fifth-hand, judging by cover art) Agatha Christie short story anthologies, which were the gateway drug to full Agatha Christie novels, then other mystery novels, and so on. But getting back to Agatha, I obviously loved all the stories, but every decade spawned incredibly good cover art (like, exceptionally good), and this particular artist's are right up near the top for me (I go back and forth on a lot of the '50s and '60s ones):

9. Scopitones

I link my obsession with scopitones both to my love of music videos in general and a shop in Austin, TX, that sold DVD compilations of them in particular, but either way, they're underappreciated and kitschy all in one! Francoise Hardy and the rest of the ye-ye's are my forever girls for this medium, but seemingly every country cranked them out, both actual set videos and "live" performances? If you don't know what they are, scopitones were machines that played music videos in French cafes in the '60s (??), so it was sort of your proto-MTV way to see your faves sing and dance. Oh, Francoise...so moderne!!

10. Cover Songs

I have so much patience and love for cover songs of any stripe, the more genre-bending and/or surprising, the better! My only minor beef is the trend in slooooooooowing down songs to make a point, but even those ones have a special place in my heart if they're effective. Live Lounge feeds my hunger the best, but my meta fave for representing this concept is Pulp's Bad Cover Version, which was already lyrically INSPIRED, a song about bad cover versions in terms of relationships, but then they did a video that was a visual "bad" cover version, with actors lip synching over an audio "bad" cover version, and all of it just worked? The cover for the single is someone in the band as a boy, making his own bad cover version of a Bowie album cover, it's meta meta meta, and I love love love, here's the video, if you're curious. In the more sublime cover category, I'm absolutely addicted to all of Orville Peck's covers, I truly hope he officially releases them sometime soon, but I wholeheartedly support any artist who does it:

[dlwritings]

Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts | Tom Holland  (pt 2)

masterlist found here

pairing - Tom x reader word count - 2,714 warnings - this is pretty fucking dirty idk | spanking, choking, hair pulling, oral (m and f receiving), fingering, uhhhhh yeah have fun A/N - for an anonymous request and @professionalphangirluniverse​ who even gave me a solid line to use

summary - After your interview with James Corden, Tom was furious. In his eyes, you had given the wrong answer to a very important question. Still, you didn’t think you regretted it.

(part 1)

Tom was fuming backstage.

The minute you put the fish in your mouth, he felt his fists clench at his sides. It should’ve been a simple answer: a firm and immediate yes. Not only did you just insult him and make him question every single time you’d had sex, but you did it in front of millions of people.

Tom was irate.

He understood where you were coming from. At least, he tried to understand where you were coming from. You had a pretty good-girl image in Hollywood and had a lot of fans who were young girls who looked up to you. It wasn’t exactly in your best interest to talk about your sex life in any capacity. Still, you were fine with saying fuck and damn on the show, but you couldn’t admit that you had (great) sex with Tom?

Once you were done on the show, you and Tom made your way back to the hotel you were staying at. It was almost 4:00 in the morning by the time you got there. The entire car ride was spent in silence, and you hoped that Tom would break it when you got to the hotel. Instead, he immediately stripped to his boxers and went to bed. You were too exhausted to have this fight, so you hopped in the shower and decided to let him cool off.

You didn’t think you had done anything wrong. You hadn’t meant to offend Tom by not answering the question. Truthfully, you didn’t know if Tom was the best sex you ever had. He didn’t stand out as extraordinary against any other guy you had slept with -not that there had been many. The thing was, you weren’t exactly a vanilla kind of girl, and no guy you had ever been with had indulged in your kinks, so it wasn’t like Tom was bad. He was, well, he was just like everyone else. It was probably a bit your fault for not communicating more of your wants in the bedroom. You just didn’t know how to talk to him about it.

The next day, Tom acted like nothing had happened. You were grateful for it. You had a few days left in LA set aside as a vacation for both of you. The last thing you wanted was for him to be angry through it all. You both woke up early and went into the city to find a good place for breakfast. The rest of the day went by in a blur. You spent a lot of time shopping downtown and exploring the streets of LA. LA used to be home for you, so it was nice to be able to show Tom a place that was so near and dear to your heart.

After eating a nice dinner, the two of you headed back to the hotel. You had been wearing wedged sandals and a maxi-dress all day, so you were ready to change into something more comfortable. “It’s been such a good day,” you said to Tom as you walked over to your suitcase. “Don’t you think?” When Tom didn’t say anything, you turned to look at him. As soon as you faced him, he grabbed you by your waist and shoved you onto the bed.

He immediately started kissing your neck, and your hands instinctively went up to his hair. He kissed across your throat, leaving a few purple marks in his wake. He mumbled something on your skin that you couldn’t quite hear. “W-What?” you breathed out. Tom pulled his lips away from you and looked up at you. His eyes were dark.

“Who’s better than me?” he repeated. You felt your face flush, and you let out a sigh.

“There’s no one who’s been better than you,” you said.

“But you couldn’t tell James that?” he countered, raising an eyebrow at you. You could tell he was trying to keep his voice light, but you knew him well enough to know that he was not happy.

“It’s not a big deal, Tom,” you said.

“To you it’s not a big deal,” he said. “To me, I just got emasculated by my girlfriend on live TV.”

“Oh, because your masculinity is so fragile,” you said with a roll of your eyes. Tom clenched his jaw and looked down at you. His eyes soon softened a bit, and he hung his head. “You’re not really mad, are you?” you asked. It was more of an observation than a question, but you phrased it carefully in case you were wrong.

He sighed, “No. I’m not mad. I’m embarrassed. Have you been faking it with me?”

“No,” you said honestly.

“Don’t I make you feel good?” he pressed.

“You do,” you assured him. “It’s me. It’s-” You groaned and covered your face with your hands. This time, it was your turn to mumble something Tom couldn’t hear.

“What was that?” he asked. You took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

“You can be rougher with me,” you said, trying your best to appear confident. “I won’t break.” Tom furrowed his eyebrows at you and licked his lips.

“You mean that?” he said. His voice was low, his words chosen carefully. You felt your cheeks turn pink as you nodded. “What do you want?” he asked. You pressed your lips into a tight line and avoided looking into his eyes. Tom grabbed your chin, and you immediately looked at him. “Tell me what you want, or I won’t do anything,” he said -ordered. You swallowed thickly.

“I, I want you to spank me,” you stuttered. “And, and you can choke me, and pull my hair. You can tie me up, or, or edge me if you want to?”

“Shit, (Y/N),” Tom breathed out. He slightly palmed himself, needing to relieve a bit of the tension that the mere idea of doing those things to you had caused him. You pressed your thighs together, and your breaths became shorter. “I had no idea you were so fucking filthy.”

You felt yourself blush and brush a bit of hair away from your face. “So what are you going to do, Tom?” you whispered.

Tom chuckled, “I’m going to make sure you never have a problem answering that question again.” You raised an eyebrow at him as he stood up from the bed. You propped yourself up on your elbows. “Take off your dress.” You inhaled sharply and licked your lips, but didn’t move. It was like you were stunned frozen. “Was I not clear?” Tom said. His voice was low, his eyes angry. “Take off your fucking dress.” You stumbled to oblige, sitting up and and undoing the button at the back of your neck. You pushed the dress off your shoulders and shimmied it down your body. You moved to take off your bra, but Tom grabbed your arm and stopped you. “Did I tell you to take that off?” he asked. You pressed your lips together and shook your head no. “I didn’t think so.”

Tom sat on the edge of the bed and patted his lap. “On your stomach, darling,” he said. You did, laying across his thighs nervously. Your heart was racing in your chest. He covered your ass with his palm, kneading it slowly. “I bet that herring rollmop wasn’t very tasty, was it?” he asked. You shook your head no. “Punishment for not telling the world how good I make you feel. Not sure it was punishment enough though.” Tom lifted his hand and delivered a sharp slap to your ass. You whimpered, balling your hands into fists. “Don’t make a single fucking sound,” he said sternly. “I think five is enough, but if you make a noise, I’ll add another. Do you understand?” You nodded, squeezing your eyes shut. Tom rubbed your ass gently and brought his lips down to your ear. “The safe word is London, okay? You want me to stop, you say that word and I’m done. Okay?” You nodded. “I need to hear you say it.”

“Okay,” you whispered. Tom, seeming satisfied, pulled your panties down your legs. He rubbed your bare ass and slapped it again, a little harder than he had before. Each spank increased in force, and you had to bite your lip so you wouldn’t make a noise.

“Good girl,” Tom said softly after the fifth spank. “Now, get up.” You did, moving off of his lap. Tom unhooked your bra with one hand, letting your breasts fall free. “On your knees, hands behind your back,” he commanded. You could feel yourself getting wet at how firm and demanding his voice was. You obliged, sitting in the position he wanted. Tom stood up from the bed and walked over to his suitcase, getting out one of his ties. He walked back over to you and tied your wrists together. It was tight enough that you couldn’t move, but it didn’t hurt. Tom stood in front of you, rubbing his face with his hand, like he was admiring his work. He quickly stripped himself of his t-shirt, trousers, and boxers so he was standing naked in front of you. You swallowed thickly, not being able to look away from him. Tom grinned at you, certainly loving the power he was currently holding. He walked over to you and grabbed your arm, helping you off the bed before gently shoving you to the ground on your knees again. He tapped your cheek, and you obediently opened your mouth. You took him as far as you could, gagging slightly as his tip hit the back of your throat. Tom moaned and grabbed your hair, pulling on it roughly. “Is this what you wanted?” he asked. “You wanted me to fuck your mouth while I pulled your hair? You’re fucking filthy.” Saliva started dripping down your chin, but you kept taking him like he wanted. “You gonna be a good girl and swallow for me?” he asked. You nodded as much as you could, still moving your mouth along his shaft. Tom guided your head faster, his grip in your hair tightening. As he let out a throaty moan, he came in your mouth. You swallowed as much as you could, only a little bit escaping the side of your mouth. Tom pulled out of you, swiping the bit of cum off your lips with his thumb and sticking it in your mouth. You sucked it until he pulled it away.

Tom helped you off the ground and brought you back over to the bed. You got on your knees and Tom got on the bed in front of you, laying on his back and motioning for you to move up to his face. You did it awkwardly, doing your best not to fall over clumsily. You straddled his face, wishing you could grab onto the headboard. Instead, your hands remained tied behind your back, and Tom gripped your thighs to keep you in place. He slapped your ass again before attaching his lips to your core. You let out a soft whimper, hanging your head at the feeling of his tongue inside you. He licked from the back of your cunt all the way to your clit, then sucked your clit between his lips. You whimpered, trying to move your body against his face. You could feel you were getting close, and you were desperately chasing your high. Tom could tell, because he soon pulled away and pushed you onto the bed again. You fell onto your side awkwardly, only being able to sit up again when he grabbed your arm and helped you.

With virtually no warning, Tom slammed into you from behind. He had one hand around your waist and the other gripping at your neck. He put just enough pressure where you could feel every labored breath you were taking. He brought his hand down to your clit and rubbed it quickly, his balls slapping against your ass. You whimpered, Tom feeling the vibrations against his hand. It egged him on, his thrusts becoming even harder. He felt you clench around him, so he quickly pulled out. You whined, feeling tears coming to your eyes. You pressed your thighs together, trying to relieve some tension. Tom turned you around and shoved two fingers into you, using his other hand to rub your clit. “Tom,” you called out. You lifted your hips in a desperate attempt to get closer to him. He was kneeling at the foot of the bed, his eyes staring at your dripping cunt.

“What do you want?” he asked. Your eyes were screwed shut, but you could hear the smirk on his face.

“I want to cum,” you whimpered. “Please.”

“Not yet,” he said. He would speed up his fingers until he felt you start to tip over the edge, then he would slow them down until you caught your breath. He did this almost three times before tears started to fall from the corners of your closed eyes.

Tom licked his lips as he watched you. His dick throbbed, but he wanted to put you through a little bit more before he came inside you. He didn’t know how much longer he would last. He palmed himself with one hand as he fingered you with the other. He eventually stood up and continued fingering you, using his other hand to press against your throat. Your eyes started rolling to the back of your head, your hips lifting desperately. You weren’t sure how much more you could take. You wanted to last longer, because fuck were you turned on by all of this, but your arms were cramping behind your back and you felt like you would burst into tears if he didn’t let you cum soon. When he deprived you of reaching your high for -what you were sure was- the fifth time, you couldn’t take it.

“London, Tom,” you whimpered. “London.”

Immediately, Tom pulled his hands away from you. He helped you sit up and untied your wrists. He sat on the bed and pulled you onto his lap, holding you close to his chest. He pet your hair and kissed your forehead as you struggled to catch your breath.  “Are you okay?” he asked softly.

“Mhm,” you hummed, your eyes staying closed. Tom chuckled and pressed his lips to your temple.

“You want to cum now?” he asked. You nodded, opening your eyes and looking up at him through your eyelashes.

“Be gentle,” you breathed out. Tom smiled, his heart swelling at how innocent you looked. He couldn’t believe that you could go from moaning as his hand smacked your ass to softly asking him to make love to you. He nodded, pressed a soft kiss to your lips, and laid you down on the bed. You smiled up at him as he lined himself up with you. When he thrust into you slowly, you closed your eyes and arched your back slightly. Tom smiled as he watched you, his heart filled with immense love. He pressed some gentle kisses across your neck. You hummed softly, threading your fingers in his hair.

“I love you,” Tom cooed, bringing his lips up to meet yours.

“I love you, too,” you whimpered. Tom brought one hand down to your clit, rubbing it to help you reach your high. Your toes curled, and your hands trailed down to Tom’s back, digging your nails in his shoulders.

“Cum for me, darling,” he encouraged. “I’m gonna let you cum now. So cum for me.”

You quickly felt that pinch you had been itching for all night as you came around him. Tom groaned and finished as well, his cum coating your walls. You both caught your breath, and Tom slowly pulled out of you. He quickly put his arms around you, pulling you close to his chest. You kissed his skin as he ran his fingers through your hair. “Was that what you wanted?” he asked softly, a smile audible in his voice. You giggled and nodded.

“Yeah,” you whispered. “That was exactly what I wanted. In fact-” You playfully sat up and reached for your phone. “I think I should call James right now and change my answer.” Tom just laughed and pulled you back down, holding you tightly and peppering kisses across your smiling face.

[hoochy-coo]

But this whole relatability schtick is a facade and an illusion. A celebrity and a regular person can never be the same, the socioeconomic difference plays a huge part. I don't know why people can't acknowledge that anymore. I would never look for likeness or sameness to live vicariously through someone that will never walk in my shoes for a single day, and probably would never want to.

Even regular people, who either came from struggle or were relatively average, who suddenly rose into fame, they slowly lose that " relatable " air about them, and youtubers are the first example for this, the reason youtubers are so popular is because the whole idea of it, being a regular person who goes to college/highschool/ or has a run of the mill 9 to 5 job, creating youtube videos that are entertaining or about things they like is so appealing towards the consumer, because you it feels REAL. It feels like a nice next door neighbor, or an eccentric classmate that you like.

But then like everything in life, when the youtuber rises up to fame and starts getting all these brand deals, starts living this lavish lifestyle, they normally change! And that OKAY! Just imagine you are young and you've never had shit and now your literally living in LA and the bank account is stacked, hell I would change 180 degree too, anyone would! My point is, even those celebs/influencers that may have been like you at some point, when they rise to fame, they are not like you anymore and it doesn't matter how hard they try, it's the reality of it.

We should stop expecting humans to be anything less and other than humans. You will save yourself so much heartbreak if you just don't try to force relatbility where is none okay? So stop commenting on your favorite youtubers comments like " SINCE YOU MOVED TO LA YOU CHANGED! " SINCE YOU GOT 6 MILLION FOLLOWERS YOU CHANGED ! " of course they changed, it would be abnormal for them not to change!

And stop applauding these celebrities for doing " normal people " things, like, it's some sort of achievement for them " omg they eat from macdonalds " " omg they wore 5 dollar shirt, soooo humble ". They're still living in their gated community in beverly hills, and that's it.

Please don’t think I disagree with you guys that celebs dressing down is fake and boring, because I completely agree! I just understand why they do it from a marketing perspective, that’s all! Social media has truly blurred the lines for GP, and now agents/teams feel like they have no choice but to promote the celebs in a way that is public-friendly. 

I think this whole shtick of appearing ‘relatable’ and ‘normal’ is especially big with the younger demographic so it’s the celebs that have a big teenage fanbase that are laying it on thick. Imo the core issue is that we’re getting more and more celebs who have a very limited set of skills but have a strong pull with the public due to their “vibe” or social media presence. For example, SelGo’s career is largely reliant on her fanbase. No hate or shade but she’s mediocre at everything, so whenever she releases a project, she and her team are depending on her fans to go support it instead of banking on said project to pick up steam with the GP. If anything, I think she’s the most well-marketed star to come out of that lineup of Disney child stars. She’s teen/kid-friendly but she media plays just enough to make headlines with the older crowd as well. Celebs like that probably feel the need to present as relatable to an extent because if their teen fans don’t feel like they can ‘click’ with them, then they’ll lose interest and ditch them for a newer, younger star popping up every couple of months. That’s probably why industry juggernauts like Bey and Rih don’t give a fuck about appearing regular. Like sure, they’ll eat McDonalds and have a bad hair day once in a while but they don’t go out of their way to show that to us. They know their relevancy doesn’t hinge on fan support because the public is behind them. 

In terms of Youtubers/influencers, I think that’s a bit different. With celebs, we see them come up as a part of the Hollywood machine - they’re managed, they’ve got a team, they’re media-trained, etc. We know on a subconscious level that they’re ‘packaged’ but with influencers, they pull in an audience by being the more approachable/relatable sector of fame. People consume Youtube in an entirely different than they do Hollywood. They’re supposed to give us two different things but now, all these influencers are pushing to integrate into the industry like they are too, Hollywood. So if people started following an influencer because they feel like they could empathize with them in some way, and they lose that as they start to grow then I think it makes sense that people would lose interest. I do agree that it’s natural for these people to change after some success and money and that people should stop commenting under their content like they’re shocked by that. With that being said, if you can no longer connect with them or any level then what’s the point? Unless you were watching purely for the content, there are a hundred other influencers who are pumping out the same type of videos as they are. The market is oversaturated and as viewers, you can basically have your pick of who you’d watch next after you’re ‘over’ a certain influencer because they’ve ‘changed.’ With celebs (the successful ones I mean), at least they’ve developed a distinct selling point that you can’t find with anyone else so people stick around because they may feel like they won’t get that with other celebs.

[adastramumu]

“ man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides ”

ian cruz desantos

(ALSO KNOWN AS IAN CRUZ)

age: 29

pronouns: he/him

sexuality: bisexual

occupation: actor/model

species: warlock/necromancer

faceclaim: tyler posey

death tw, drugs tw, violence tw below the cut

Growing up in a small town not too far from Los Angeles, Ian DeSantos had only ever had one dream: to see his name in lights. Every cent of chore money went in a piggy bank marked for a bus ticket to Hollywood. It was an impractical dream, one made harder by the realities of his life. It would be hard enough to draw attention to his undocumented mother, but the powers that ran through his family would make them the perfect target for hunters. The DeSantos family had been blessed, his mother had always said, by the Holy Spirit of Death. Seeing ghosts had always been normal for Ian, just as normal as the powers that grew more with every year, but the rest of the world surely wouldn’t see it that way. If he followed his dreams, it would mean pushing away the heritage of his mother’s family away.

Still, the silver screen called, and while Ian’s identical twin followed the obvious path, Ian cashed in all the money he’d been collecting and made his way to LA. One year, he’d promised his mother, and then he’d join his brother at whichever UC he’d matriculated to and become a dentist or a insurance broker or whatever boring degree would set up a safe, comfortable life back in his hometown. He landed a commercial here and there, but with just three months left of his time in LA, he’d need to take a risk. Ian had auditioned for the show on a dare from his roommate and suddenly he’d found his face plastered on billboards. He had started going by his middle name already—Ian Cruz—to distance himself from his family, but he’d still been concerned that it would be too easy to trace him back to his roots. The lie had been a snap decision in the first interview that had asked about his family—he was the only son of a single mom, raised in Arizona. It would keep his family safe, send anyone that came snooping off in the wrong direction. He’d even go so far as to hire someone to play his mother at red carpets and dinners with girlfriends. The more successful auditions, the more posters with his face on it, the more important it became.

Starring in a music video had been his manager’s idea, but those four minutes would grow to be among the best things Ian had ever put on film becuase it was there he met Lettie. She caught his eye the second he’d walked onto the set and it showed; Twitter had immediately loved them, their chemistry apparent through the screen. It was everything he’d ever wanted, a loving partner, a movie career, and yet it still felt like something was missing. As the two of them moved toward marriage, it became more apparent to Ian exactly what that was: he missed his family. He snuck back home to visit when he could, but the thought of building his own family on a lie while he distanced himself from the family he’d come from didn’t sit well. Ian had known inviting his brother for a camping trip outside of Vancouver while he was filming was a recipe for disaster. Still, if there was anyone he’d thought he’d be able to trust, it was the one person he’d known longer than anyone. He’d only left his brother briefly to go for a run and had come back to an empty apartment and nothing but anxiety. The pictures hit the tabloids within days: Ian DeSantos leaves club with mystery blonde, Ian DeSantos taking drugs, Ian DeSantos punching a man. He’d had no viable choice but to claim the pictures as his own and hope Lettie would understand.

She hadn’t. Really, Ian knew he shouldn’t blame her. Without context, “I have a twin” sounded like the world’s weakest excuse. He was trapped in the web of his own lies. He’d introduced her to his fake mother, how could he have expected her to feel? The months slipped by and the rumour mill still churned—Ian’s name was never far from anyone’s lips and it seemed like his reputation kept taking hit after hit. His team pushed for rehab, more to rehabilitate his public image than anything else. Ian really couldn’t disagree, but he sure could be really fucking mad. Sneaking out the window and hitchhiking three hours to the nearest tolerable town was a half-baked idea at best, but it sure beat spending the next three months staring at the same four walls. Bellport rang a bell, but Ian couldn’t quite put a finger on why. Determined to keep a low profile and ride out a few months, Ian rented an AirBnB and hunkered down. What surprises could a small town really hold? 

[mattrusso]

Oh hey! It’s [ MATTHEW “MATT” RUSSO. 29. CISMALE. HE/HIM ]. They’ve lived in Silver Lake for 8 YEARS and are originally from JERSEY CITY, NEW JERSEY. They are a MUSICIAN/SINGER and in their downtime love VISITING MUSEUMS and SMOKING WEED. They look a lot like PENN BADGLEY and live in SILVERWOOD TERRACE.

hello friends my name is dia, i’m stuck here in the cst tz rip, and i finally just gave in and got disney+ so that’s where my life’s at rn!!! matt is a more or less brand new muse so bear w me while i figure him out a little more but below you’ll find some stats, a brief background/bullet intro & some plot ideas at the bottom

full name: matthew walter russo nickname: matt, russo birthday: april 19, 1991 zodiac: aries hometown: jersey city, nj sexuality: pansexual height: 5′11 career: frontman of indie pop band kafkaesque

the band: called kafkaqesque, created by matt and three of his friends back in high school in new jersey. they’re an alternative/indie pop/rock band with a mix of sounds like penn badgley’s actual band mothxr, broken bells, catfish and the bottlemen, tame impala, the 1975, that kind of vibe. matt’s the vocalist and occasionally plays guitar/keyboard etc. they started gaining fame right out of high school in 2010/2011 thanks to a couple of eps and popular singles, and in 2012 their debut album went viral, topped charts, and they blew up. successive albums released in 2014, 2017, and this past january solidified their place near the front of pop culture. they are nowhere near as famous as people like billie, ariana, taylor, harry, etc etc but as far as actual bands go, most people have heard of them even if they don’t actually know their music (and they probably do know a single or two from the radio).

background

matt was born and raised in newark, new jersey, and his family was a mess. his mom had gone to law school and done relatively well, barely scratched the surface of the profession, and then settled for doing paperwork in a law office once she had matt when she was 29, and then a daughter, matt’s sister, a few years later. his dad did weather on the local news. both were conservative republicans, and neither approved of it when matt’s already rebellious behavior as a child turned into cigarettes and drugs and punk music (and liberal ideologies the horror!!!!!!!!) in his teenage years. to this day it’s never gotten to a point where they don’t talk anymore, but it’s very very tense and ever since matt moved to los angeles 8 years ago, he’s made a point of not seeing them often bc they just try to make him feel guilty for what he’s chosen to do with his life

he’d never enjoyed the whole school thing, so matt really had no problem skipping college altogether to focus on his music, which was already gaining in popularity not six months out of high school. at 20 he and his band, scouted by a label, went to LA to record their first real album, and when it became an instant success they decided to move out there in 2012. aside from touring every other year, he’s been in LA ever since. eight years in and he still hasn’t fully gotten used to the surreality of life in hollywood and he has such a love hate relationship with it

personality etc

matt generally has longer hair and some scruff--the gif i used up top is the mood

he’s a lonely boy. romantically. he’s really close with his band members, they’re his best friends, but relationships are rly hard for him bc being vulnerable is rly hard for him outside of his music

like someone he’s dated for instance is much more likely to hear him finally apologize for something in a song on a new album than in person yfetugdshuja

goes through relationships pretty fast bc of that and is more likely to sleep around but also have more than one fwb situation probably

can usually be found in loose band tees and jeans. he frequently looks unkempt. probably gets dragged for it on the internet

can come across as kind of an arrogant shitbag in interviews and stuff and in his pretentious lyrics but in person he’s actually pretty chill (if chaotic) and makes a point of being really kind to fans, and he generally tries to use his platform to do some good stuff

used to do party drugs a lot more but has cooled down a bit as he’s nearing 30. in his very early 20s (when the band was first taking off) he got a little too into the party drug scene and had a lot of messy relationships and at some point his bandmates got together and were lowkey like yo.....you gotta stop or ur out!!! their 2014 and 2017 albums were probably a little different than the first and this last one bc he was clearly on drugs the whole time but he got a hold of himself and it’s still a thing he struggles with sometimes but he’s generally just smoking a lot of weed now

plot ideas

stans, fans, and people who actively hate him/his band pls thank u !! he can be rly pretentious and superior and annoying lowkey so fr give me ppl who hate him

an ex who broke up with him bc they couldn’t handle the lifestyle, an ex who was just using him for fame, any kind of angsty ex situation revolving around things of that nature

a few rly close friends besides his bandmates

record label ppl, agents, etc etc anyone in that world

a couple cousins or other extended family members would be?? fun?

past hookups/one night stands either on good or bad or awkward terms

people he parties with, people he regularly smokes with, a dealer perhaps 👀

also just any kind of angsty stuff?? fake friends, unrequited feelings either way, exes on rly bad terms, someone who turned him tf down, maybe someone he did dirty once on his way to the spotlight or like someone who has dirt on him?? ANYTHING

[ofmara]

*record scratch* *freeze frame* yep, that’s me. BVCNJ hey lads ~ i’m ally, i’m twenty2, my timezone is est, i use she/her pronouns & full disclaimer: i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing! just keep that in mind when you read this.. trash lmao. anyways! if u wanna plot, feel free to hmu on d*scord at HE IS SO BIIIIG 😩👌🏼🧡#2581 or yk use the lil chat thing on tumblr if u wanna start small or w/e FDCNK no pressure. moving on..

mara’s pinterest: here!

content warning: ..none?? who am i???

( ariana grande & cis female. ) oh my god look, it’s mara de luca! she is a 24 year old singer/songwriter from queens, new york. they were first associated with the met cartel 3 years ago, and the tabloids are always saying she is so impulsive & irreverent, but their stans on twitter say that she is actually really magnetic & passionate.

first thing’s first.. i haven’t written a coherent intro in a fucking Minute, so i’m offering premature apologies for the shitshow that’s about to follow, especially since i really waited til the last second to type this out even if this blog’s been Done for a week smh ANYWAYS!

ok so! mara is what i like to call ‘a textbook new yorker’ in that she’s Loud, she Loves Her Family and she’s Unapologetically Herself. my character inspirations for her are joey from netflix’s the circle, fran fine from the nanny, molly gunn from uptown girls and a little bit of cher from clueless sprinkled in there ( mainly bcos of this gifset lmao ). since i came up with her a few weeks ago, i really had so many different personalities for her but like.. let’s keep reading to see that literally all of them were apparently Not True ~

she was born into a very tightly-knit family & grew up constantly surrounded by them. she’s got three older brothers, meaning she’s the Baby of the family, so she’s been uhhhhhh doted on all her life! we stan! that said, she’s never known what its like to be on her own, especially considering that her family was right by her side every step of the way as she slowly grew her career from childhood. she got her start singing the national anthem at a knicks game when she was 8 and slowly built from there. her parents were always suuuper supportive and did all they could to help her achieve her dreams, even though they were struggling to make ends meet.

her parents own a small bakery in queens that they started when her oldest brother was little and have been a staple in the city ever since. though they’re a somewhat popular spot for tourists and locals alike, ny real estate isn’t cheap, so paying rent both for the store and their apartment above it has always been a struggle, especially once they started dedicating a good portion of their money to plane tickets and agents and all sorts of necessities mara needed in order for her dreams to come true. the extra expense was difficult on her brothers as well, though they made a point never to complain when they had to get a second or third job to help pay the bills.

ANYWAYS she grew up veryyyy close to her family and the sacrifices they made on her behalf didn’t go unnoticed, so the first thing she did when she finally Made It was buy them a bigger space for their bakery ( since her parents Love working it even if its rough sometimes, buddy ) and a new house so ;) we love a Family First mentality!

HOWEVER!! when mara first moved to LA in like?? 2015 or something?? idk timelines.. but anyways when she first moved to LA she was.. how u say.... Depressed cos like even though she was Living Her Dream as the artist she’s always wanted to be ( she lived in queens w/ her family up until after her first Big Break cos she’s a big time daddy’s girl ) .. she was essentially on her own since her family stayed in nyc :/ yk, where they live? yeah. so she was on her own for the first time... Ever & it was scary and stressful and essentially, she wasn’t doing great mentally or emotionally, even if she put on that *ari vc* fake smile.

that was untiiiiiiil she got her first ~ hollywood boyfriend ~ aka someone famous who helped both with her career and as a salve to the constant loneliness the bitch always feelin. long story short, he didn’t last long, but she Needed to feel Wanted so she got Another ~ hollywood boyfriend ~ until it became, like, Her Thing to Always be attached to someone in the tabloids and the press and on Entertainment Tonight. we love a codependent bitch! that’s also kinda how she got to be part of the met cartel cos she immediately attaches herself fully and completely to everyone she meets & falls a little bit in love with every person who has ever said hello to her, so.. Yeah! most of her friendships were likely formed because she just would not leave them alone ( she’s clingy and needy As Fuck, but she knows she is, so she’s constantly worrying about it aka she’s always wondering if people really like her cos she’s been said to be “too much” and “annoying” by some people who.. weren’t interested in being her friend ) anyways.. feel free to lmk if u want ur chara to hate her cos she will fully have her feelings hurt but still want them to like her cos shes a, say it with me kids, people pleaser ~

its v clear why i thought of joey & fran for inspo ( espeeeeecially fran, now that i think about it: i.e. constantly searching for love, lovingly obnoxious ) but as for why she’s like molly gunn... bitch is uhhh naive as fuck and will trust anyone who is even a little bit nice to her so peep her constantly seeing everyone through rose colored glasses and immediately feeling like her heart is broken when they turn out to be someone completely different lmao! also yk in the little mermaid when ariel was like “but daddy, i love him!” ??? YEAH, that’s mara to a fucking T, m8!

i could quite literally go on and on for hours, but to keep it short and sexy, here’s her stats page & i’ll follow up with a list of some little tidbits of info.. some Quirks, if u will..

she hiccups when she cries & BOY does she cry often BVJNCDKM

cannot cook a single mf thing to save her life? yeah.. her parents wanted to let her work in the bakery but .. she burned everything so she was cashier ;)

can quote the entirety of bring it on: all or nothing & as a segue from that, she is very chatty during movies if she’s with even one other person but Silent when she’s alone

will challenge anyone and everyone to mario kart wii as long as she gets to play yoshi ( she has a vendetta against baby peach )

is Constantly Freezing, so she’s always in thick socks and turns the heat up high when she’s at home

has a cavalier king charles spaniel named piper ( yes, i'm using a fc for her dog )

i’m gonna b p selective with which ari songs she’s released both bc i dont like All of ari’s songs & for character purposes ( rip in peace, sweetener )

is classically trained on the piano and sometimes just plays classical music for fun, making up silly lyrics at parties and whatnot lol she’s just Fun & Quirky like that

owns every season of the o.c. on dvd

she has a car but i havent decided if she ever drives it ( or what kind it is, tho i assure u my virgo ass will be researching it at some point ) since she really just barely passed her driver’s test

is constantly in the tabloids for one dumbass thing after the other mostly as an excuse for me to make tabloid edits but like... i love that for her & will 100% be down to include any and all of u if u lmk u wanna be in one

and many more, but i’m really just sitting here rambling UGH EW so lms for plots cos i’m unprepared & i don’t have any wc’s! very on brand for me, i must say

[migleefulmoments]

More Crissmyglitz Wedding Guest Angst: part 2

OMG they won’t let it go. Crissmyglitz-Guest Gate. The ccers are still obsessing over the #CrissMyGlitz guest list. As I pointed out in my first post (X), every single photo posted in round one of Crissmyglitz-Guest Gate was taken while Darren was working. That’s right, every single photo the tinhatters presented as “Darren and a real friend” was taken at work. For a fandom who constantly remind the world they are astute and ALWAYS PAYING ATTENTION TO DETAILS, it was a supermassiveblackhole.  

In part 1 they presented Elvis (X), Alan Cummings (X),  Jenna Ushkowitz (X), Laura Osnes (X). In part 2 they added Jane Lynch, Matt Bomer, Matt Morrison, Kevin McHale, Lena Hall, Ricky Martin and Edgar Ramirez.  Idk what was worse, that they didn’t learn any lessons after part 1 or that the fandom egged them on in utter delight.

cc-still-going-strong

Keep on.

I love your guys’ game 🤣🤣🤣 

chrisdarebashfulsmiles

I like this game  

(This got SUPER RIDICULOUS LONG so under) 

This is the LAMEST shade ever thrown and they were eating it up. Abby spent her Sunday adding to the nonsense and trying out sarcasm. She brought up the algorithm nonsense again and I can’t stop shaking my head.  The fact that it’s easier for them to believe that someone wrote an algorithm to determine the guest list for Darren and Mia’s wedding rather than simply to acknowledge that they don’t really know Darren at all is absurd. Rational people would see Darren’s guest list and realize that they got it all wrong.  Rationale people don’t see wedding photos and spend 7+ months proclaiming it’s all fake because he clearly is much better friends with former coworkers, Edgar Ramirez and Lena Hall than he is with Jennifer Coolidge and Pamela Aldon based entirely on the fact that nobody posted social media pics with Jennifer or Pamela. 

Mysterious absence part 2- Let’s do this…

1. LENA HALL

(see part 3 (X) for further information)

ajw720

(Opening Hedwig LA 11/16 from Lena’s IG)

(From Lena’s Twitter and Instagram July 28, 2016 (X). They were Flying to perform at DNC see pic below) 

(AGAIN- same night as #1-Hedwig’s opening night LA 11/16)

(Dec 12, 2016-I don’t know the context of this one. It is obviously her photoshoot and he popped in for a pic.  See below: another pic from this photoshoot posted to her IG. This is actually a nonword photo)  

ajw720:guess the algorithm eliminated her for joking weekly that DC had all the privileges of homosexuality but none of the responsibilities…… 

(Oh ho ho ho...the shade of it all).

chrisdarebashfulsmiles: Probably.

ajw720: Or perhaps it eliminated her as when D was kissing her on stage, he was giving his PBB the finger?  Remember that time 

(No, actually I don’t because that is nonsense. Darren flipped someone off from stage? Right because that is such professional. You believe that perfect, well-mannered Darren Criss would flip off his fiancee while working? That’s very inappropriate behavior during working hours, especially in front of a big audience of people- each with a cellphone. It’s also very risky to flip off the woman he is engaged to- the cc secret might get out.  If Darren is terrified to come out and terrified to breach THE Contract, why would he risk if all just give Mia the bird? Giving someone the bird is hardly a satisfying diss for anyone over the age of 12).

flowersintheattic254: Maybe the algorithm excludes those who like way too many posts on that had Ch/ris in them? 

(OMG- Lena “liked” some pics of Chris....a pig just flew by my window. It’s almost like Hollywood is a small town and people know each other. 

(No dates so it’s impossible to know what the context of the posts but that is typical of the tinhatting- they aren’t concerned with accuracies)

leka-1998: When the difference in chemistry is undeniable even in pics that show nothing but hands, that’s probably an issue. 

(I have never in my 51 years heard someone claim a married couple had no chemistry as evidenced by their hands in a photo taken specifically to show off their nail polish or that a PR photo for a Broadway show showed more chemistry than the actual couple. I mean seriously?)

(I will give this one to them as as personal photo )

(Is “hand chemistry” a thing? I’m only speculating here but is the degree of hand chemistry a function of the depth finger-penetration-on-finger-penetration?  Cuz.....that would make total sense amiright?)

cc-still-going-strong: Keep on.

I love your guys’ game 🤣🤣🤣 

(Blergh) 

ajw720: Seriously is that his wife on the left…..oh 

(hahahah nice try Abby, you have every single photo of Mia memorized- its actually a very sweet photo) 

(I can’t with this entire post. She wasn’t invited because he kissed Lena on stage as per the script? Oh wait- no- she was not invited because he kissed Lena on stage and he flipped off Mia (how they know he is flipping off Mia is anyone’s guess. I like to imagine he is flipping off the tinhatters). But wait- is he actually flipping off anyone? No, no he actually isn’t because that would be terribly unprofessional. Darren is at work and his bosses would not appreciate him flipping off anyone the audience. No actor who wants a career is going to  flip off someone in the audience while just-fingers crossed- hoping the message is received by the intended person and not a critic or investor.). 

(Work Pic. He is NOT giving anyone the finger- his finger is actually just in the shadow from Lena’s outfit). 

(Lena is working: As for Mia banning Lena from the wedding- in a recent post by Lena,  she talks about catching up aka they don’t haven’t spent much time together lately and notice the Mia hashtag) 

(The tinhatters like that she alls Darren wifey but in fact she calls all the Hedwig’s “Wifey”. She has a lot of Hedwig photos on her social media- the vast marority are NPH).

(Lena’s Christmas photoshoot as mentioned above)  

(I probably should have led with this but I wanted to prove them wrong in all the ways possible  Lena was busy on February 16, 2019 performing at Lincoln Center. She may have very well been invited. See my update (X) 

2. EDGAR RAMIREZ

 leka-1998: Yet another person missing on February 16

(PR for ACS: A photoshoot for promotion aka PR) 

(I am not sure about this pic. Darren posted it on his Instagram and Edgar responded  “love you brother”- that’s sweet and all but what does it prove- nada. I am sure they really had a great time together filming ACS and felt close, but they haven’t maintained that relationship-at least not publicly -since they end of awards season. I’ll give the tinhatters half a point for this one- but  bear in mind- I’m being generous because it looks like a PR pic) 

(PR for ACS; ”GQ Style & Hugo Boss Celebrate Amazing Spaces”- see photo below). 

(PR for ACS Emmy: This is from the 2018 Emmy “For Your Consideration” on 3/19/18.)

(PR for ACS. This is hilarious....so Edgar is doing a red carpet interview and Darren walks by him and Edgar walks away with Darren. OKAAAYYY-what does this prove? Again, they are at a work event- so far all the pics with Edgar are from work events except maybe 1) 

(PR for ACS- photoshoot. While the sentiment is sweet, Edgar hashtagged it #ACS and #Emmys. OMG how much ccproof do you need to understand that this is PR? ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION? Me think not cuz he freakin’ tagged it for you and you still don’t understand that it was promotion for the Emmy. He-lar-E-ous!)   

chrisdarebashfulsmiles: I like this game 

(of course you do- it’s catty, bitchy and pointless.  I’m glad it makes you happy because this has been eye-opening as to the extend that you are collectively super bad at separating Darren’s personal life from his work life) 

ajw720: @leka-1998​ this friendship seems very contrived to me, constantly calling each other brother, they aren’t nearly as close as say D and J/ennifer C/oolidge or B/en F/eldman or P/amela A/ldon…………… 

(Ohhh ho ho ho sooo funny. It’s so funny I forgot to laugh...har har har aha  Since Jennifer, Ben and Pamela actually got invites to the wedding, it is clear that they are indeed close to Darren or Mia, soooo the joke doesn’t actually work. As for Edgar being his closest friend because he called him “brother” during a big ACS promotion push-I’m not feeling it.  What is so baffling to this “stupid stan” is how the tinhaters CAN’T SEE the details right in front of their faces.  The Darren-Edgar love-fest was hot and heavy during the promotion of ACS and then it stopped all together...THAT is the definition of PR. I am sure they actually did like each other during the production of ACS, but when the project ended they both moved on to other projects and other friends. I’ve had coworkers -and I’m sure many of you have too-that I adored and I never wanted lose the connection we shared while working together but alas, the romance fizzled after we no longer had the workplace in common. Obsessing about the meaning of the almost-2-year-old photo of 2 strangers is pretty silly)

ajw720: The Algorithm is a very scientific way to figure out the wedding guest list-no doubt it knows who D is closest to and would not lie….. 

(The problem is simple- there are no social-media pics of Darren (or Mia) with Jennifer, Ben, or Pamela which means, according to the cc-logic that it didn’t happen-aka they aren’t friends. In order to explain why the trio were in fact, at the wedding, the THE Algorithm was created. This Algorithm is a very scientific way to figure out the wedding-guest list-no doubt it knows who D is closest to and would not lie. The cc posse hate it when they don’t know what is going on Darren’s life which is why we are talking about a fake “CrissMyGlitz Invitation” algorithm 7 months after the wedding).   

ajw720: @chrisdarebashfulsmiles It is seriously my new favorite game and there are so many people that the algorithm eliminated.

(Seriously? There are what- 2 or 3 photos that aren’t definitively traced to work This game isn’t working out the way the posse believes it is. This is however, THE definition of confirmation bias clouding their judgment).  

3. KEVIN MCHALE

ajw720:Poor KM didn’t make the cut either. Perhaps his invite was eliminated by the weird algorithm for tagging d at his 30th right below c, yet d not pictured? He clearly considers d a good friend as he invited him to the party.

(Did Kevin suggest he was devastated to miss the destination wedding of his former coworker? Kevin and Darren went out with their former-Glee castmates maybe once or twice in the last four years- they are hardly besties. I don’t remember Kevin and Darren as being particularly close while Glee was in production. They are literally former coworkers.)

(Kevin inviting Darren to his birthday party doesn’t indicate that he “clearly   considers d a good friend”. It seems like I remember the party was a surprise party?) 

ajw720: Thankfully I think they’ve made up as d had no problem straddling him recently.

(OMG seriously? They are former coworkers in which some level of friendship exists. Darren straddled his leg while sitting on a very crowded seat- he wasn’t riding Kevin while they had sex in public.)

(ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION? Darren invited the Glee peeps that he has consistently been close to over the years - Max, Harry and Chord).

ajw720: So many mysteries. But hey D&M’s new straight couple besties, Al/len & his wife, made the cut!

(Nope, no mysteries at all. Darren simply cared more about inviting people that mean something to him and Mia rather than those who mean something to the tinhatters.)

flowersintheattic254:  @ajw720 I expect old habits die hard with K and D. They were always flirty and fun. Maybe Mr and Mrs Le/ech are stricter regarding lap sittering. That’s probably why (nods head).

(nods head and wonders if tinters were drinking early on Sunday because this thread is petty, dumb and not at all funny or clever.) 

ajw720: @flowersintheattic254​ they are WAY too comfortable together, way more chemistry than D has with his bride.  I’m thinking that was the algorithm’s issue.

(Comfortable? Chemistry? WTF, he looks like he is passing a kidney stone and Kevin is coaching him through it.) 

flowersintheattic254: @ajw720 especially when you consider that the only similar pose with M has D holding his own arm to his chest. No chemistry at all!!!!

(Do you guys actually believe the nonsense you write or did you give up on 2/16/19 and you're just blowing smoke up each other’s ass now because I gotta tell you, the second-hand embarrassment is really uncomfortable now)   

 flowersintheattic254:It’s the pic on the boat with the fam. Can someone add it as I cannot find it?

leka-1998

ajw720: Not even close, if i didn’t know, i would say KM&DC were the couple and i t think the algorithm knew.  It is magical how that algorithm works.

(Ooooh right...it’s so confusing, I can totally understand your befuddlement!) 

(In all seriousness, watching this fandom’s toxic nonsense is like watching Kellyanne Conway and Lindsey Graham defend Trump’s baloney.  Everyone knows they are full of shit but we are powerless to stop it. The damage they are doing will take years to repair- if not decades)   

(Oh....Will you look at that. That is a screenshot taken from a video that is actually cute and shows a smitten Darren cuddling with Mia. Color. Me.SHOOK) .  

4. MATT MORRISON

standingoutsidethefire: I thought of another ..

That the algorithm just didn’t seem to include ...

standingoutsidethefire: Clearly these two don’t have any affection for each other

standingoutsidethefire: Not friends at all

standingoutsidethefire: I get why MM wasn’t included ..I really do 

(Maybe a personal- photo though likely at an show or industry event)

ajw720: Hate each other

(Once again, almost all -if not all - work pics)

5. MATT BOMER

leka-1998: “He’s just a really, really good, grounded person, and I think someone who I’ll probably always be friends with.”

- M/att B/omer

(Holy shit, Matt said something nice about Darren when asked about him by during an interview... no doubt when they worked together either on Glee or ACS) 

(According to Bride’s Magazine, “How to Make Your Wedding Day About YOUl” June 2017. 

5. The guest list is one of the most difficult decisions. Should you invite your mom’s work associate? Great Aunt Gertrude whom neither of you have met? Everyone from the gym? Communicate communicate communicate. One piece of tried-and-true advice is ALWAYS invite the person who said nice about you to the national media. You won’t regret it and most likely that person will give you the best gift).  

(Work event) 

(Work event)

(Wait -isn’t this Blaine and Cooper?)

(Work event)

Leka-1998: But the great algorithm said no.

ajw720: My understanding is they despise each other, cannot stand to be in the same room together. 

(Nobody ever suggested that).

ajw720: #funny #so many of the univited #queer

(seriously “#queer”? No, not cool)

flowersintheattic254

True they have clearly and from the beginning disliked each other intensely.

ajw720: But see @leka-1998​ there is D calling him handsome, we don’t want to have anything that even hints at d talking about a boy in that manner at the sham mockery, i mean nuptials……………….  Because D is the STRAIGHTEST MAN ALIVE!!!!!

(OMG,,the sarcasm isn’t working).