#every piece has felt unique still yknow

[midnight-mourning]

DCA Promptober Day 6: Hues

Content Warning: Implied mentions of blood/injury, reader discresion is advised.

I'll be making a very pretty piece of art to go with a very NOT pretty piece of writing, what can I say, it's what I do best (I draw yah in and then BAM pain) Anywho, enjoy!

Word count: 414

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Light is such an interesting thing. How it captivates, illuminates. How its able to provide so much to the human eye, to all eyes for that matter. How it reassures you.

How it tricks you.

Blinds you.

Harms you. Unintentional or not. 

Light is a gift that can hurt. Can wound.

Just as it's doing to you now.

You hadn't meant to mess up, though no one ever does, you could argue. You'd just wanted to help. To talk. To understand.

Sun had warned you, countless times, to be fair. You had never believed him. Something about needing to see things for yourself. And you had, oh, you had.

You don't think it had been intentional, certainly not malicious. You knew Moon. You knew what he was like. Even if he had hurt you, something deep in your gut told you that it hadn't been his fault.

You know, the Attendant was a great example of light and how it shifted. Specifically the hues they represented.

Yellow. Blue.

Fun and adventure, fits of giggles and play.

Yellow. Blue. 

Cool and quiet, peace and rest.

Yellow. Blue.

You hadn't realized how deeply your care for the two had grown until you'd decided to drive back tonight and tell them. Though first, you had to deal with why Moon had been hiding for so long, why Sun had insisted on no naps and no lights off. You'd quickly gotten the answer to that.

Yellow. Blue.

Yellow. Blue.

Purple.

Black.

White.

Red.

There's so much red in your vision now. It's practically all you can see. It's to the point you can’t differentiate what's dripping into your vision and what's actually on your shaking hands. 

You can see movement in front of you, glancing up slightly you see it's indeed who you thought it would be. They're panicking, more worried than you are about what's been done. You can't hear them. 

It's causing the two of them to continuously flip back and forth. It's almost, comforting, to witness, even if you know it's anything but. Maybe because the idea they both care soothes you. Maybe it's because you can still make out the shifting hues beneath the heavy, heavy red.

Yellow. Blue. Yellow. Blue.

Your eyes feel heavy.

Yellow. Blue. Yellow. Blue. 

You don't want to close them, but know you don't have much a choice.

Yellow. Blue. Yellow. Blue. 

You smile through the pain. Maybe things will be okay when you wake up.

Yellow. Blue. 

Black. 

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yeOUCH (in more ways than one :)) Sorry all, my brain decided this is what we were writing when I wrote it at 1:00 am last night, I think she cooked ngl, maybe with a whole lot of onions, but she cooked fr fr. But anyway, if you want to read my other responses, see here. Thanks for reading!

[laurasbailey]

(feel free to not post this bc i don't wanna invite discourse to your blog lmao) to me the thing with ashton is that they feel like a character who would've been very fun and interesting in a different story, with a different party, but in this one just kinda sticks out like a sore thumb (from a storytelling perspective). for example their whole cryptic guarded and reserved thing is the type of shit i usually eat up, but in this context, with every other character being pretty open, some even to the point of over eagerness, you end up with a situation where i feel like i have a pretty good grasp on everyone's deal, except this odd one out. similarly the "i suffer in a very unique and special way and no one could ever understand me" thing ends up coming off suuuuuper grating when like. objectively. most of the characters around them had it worse to an almost comical degree. and obviously in real life trauma is not a competition etc etc but this is a story. so you end up with a character who sounds like a male loneliness epidemic think piece (and to be clear, not trying to imply anything about tal or ashton with that, I'm talking about this particular rhetoric thing only). which could all be very interesting in a different context yknow. but in this is Such a bad fit

i haven't thought about it from this perspective at all and it makes so much sense. in the mighty nein there were still huge secrets among the group that weren't revealed for 60+ episodes, bells hells is just not like that. caleb kept the details of his past secret from jester for an absurd amount of time bc he ultimately didn't trust that she would see him the same way afterwards. i don't think anyone in bells hells (beyond ashton) is capable of that? even laudna, who has one of the most horrific backstories across all campaigns, opens up about what happened to her fairly early. and whenever you compare ashton to laudna, like you said, it's almost comically jarring. when ashton said to her that she doesn't understand loneliness i was like ??? the woman who has been undead and ostracized for 30 years you mean ?????

i also find him to be very micromanagey and it especially stands out when nobody else in bells hells has an ego when it comes to leadership??? like when he tried to take charge in the effort to bring laudna back it felt extremely tone deaf when imogen, who had far more knowledge and influence in that situation, was standing right there.

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

6/25/17, 5:30am - idk

Another long two weeks on the books. I really like this update schedule, it’s like just long enough that I don’t forget everything that happened lol.

 I had a really weird dream sometime this week. It was kind of amazing, so I feel like writing about it for a sec. I was on some like cobblestoney/brickey kind of streets. A little bit Doctor Who London meets Chapel Hill I suppose, and all around me people were starting to riot. I think it was a feminist riot like I had encouraged Cullen to do months ago, and people were starting to shoot at each other. I was like duck this and took off running, but as I made my way down these outdoor escalators by a target I got scooped up by a group of five girls. Each of them grabbed a hold of one of my limbs and held me down and the last had a bat and was ready to smash my junk to pieces. I was like crying or something screaming not to hit my balls because they were still fragile lmao. When all seemed lost and I was about to take a beating one of the girls got bit by a fucking zombie on the neck and started gushing blood. All the girls freaked and I knew it was my time to get the fuck out of there so I bolted like hell. I ended up finding a laundromat tucked into a corner of this outdoor mall and so I decided to build myself a barricade there. I let in a little girl and her family, and they helped me move the washers and dryers, stacking them up (I guess I was superhuman or they weighed like nothing) to build a giant barricade at the entrance. We were safe from the zombies for a while, but some government agency started taking them down outside. What looked like an enormous leech made its way inside, and I held it up to see that it had a big mouth and teeth in the center of its belly. One of the zombies tried to make a big enough crack in the washers to get in, and I held up the leech who ate the zombie whole. But the government or somebody was trying to get us to come out of our hiding spot, saying they only needed one of us. When the family decided they were going to get rid of me because they didn’t know me I decided that this was bullshit because it was MY hiding spot, and furiously threw the leech out of the place. It landed in the middle of a small platoon of guys and exploded, turning them all into zombies. Then I was like holy shit this got even weirder and I woke up lol.

____

So anyway, Sunday I managed to get a nap in before heading out to pick up frankie. we talked for a while while fonzi was getting ready and all headed out to this food truck rodeo. We had some of the most delicious shit. Not gonna elaborate too much, but there were these pork belly bun sandwiches that exploded with a crackling of meat flavor and rounded with the savoryness of the fat in every bite. Holy shit I could eat them like every day of my life lol. We spent a good couple hours there, started doing this meme where Fonzi decided that Frankie looked like a celebrity from new york because her hair is all blonde too now. Since Sean and Angel didn’t come to meet us, we decided to hang out at angel’s for a bit. Just chilled and talked for a while while we deliberated whether or not to go swimming. When we finally decided to it was sunset, so his pool was closed, and then we tried to go to my pool but it was padlocked. Pretty damn disappointing, but we walked around catching fireflies and listening to music, which was nice. I took frankie home, but missed a turn and then a road was closed so we ended up detouring through chapel hill, and I decided we needed to stop and take a walk through the arboretum. Ended up going to one of the little grassy openings and in this big oak(?) tree up above us the fireflies must have been mating. In that particular tree they lit up every couple of seconds, making it sparkle in the night. There were so many fireflies that it was like a constant twinkling, like moving christmas light strung up between the leaves. It was beautiful. But not romantic in any sense unfortunately. lmfaooo she called me out asking if I was going to try to make out with her while we walked into the garden and I tried to play it off coyly like “who me? You were the one who kissed me last I remember.” and she had forgotten about this time that I may have actually imagined in my head so who fucking knows. The long and short of it is it seems like there isn’t an ounce of me that she’s attracted to. So that might work really well if I randomly decide to take her up on her aloof offer to move in with her in Boston one day. Who knows. I stll don’t know what I want to do.

Mon - work. Tony told me at the last minute I wouldn’t have patients that weekend, so I had to work mon and weds and take a hit on tuesday to follow through on my date with Katy

Tuesday I kicked some fucking assssss in doubles. Carried my buddy Will hard to get some experience for BMR. And Katy came after she got off work! I got to introduce her to ashleigh, it was sick. I was so fucking happy to have her there and so excited to get laid and so tired from burning out from doubles that I got demolished in singles and took off. Butttt unfortunately katy wasn’t feeling well so she fell asleep on me like Immediately when we got home. Was nice cuddling up with her though. Was torn for a while because I felt like I should be trying to hang out with Ashleigh and Aaron instead. Decided not to because she wasn’t feeling well and I should try to make her feel better because I’m a sappy fuck.

weds - work

thurs - had another really low key day with Katy. kinda just hung out until she got off work and then we just slept again. Bleh.

Luckily since I got the weekend off, it left me free to see Tony and Morgan for their birthday!! It was a fucking awesome weekend, showed up just in time friday night to smoke and go to dinner with everybody. Everybody fucking cheered when I came in the door, it’s like nothing ever changes with us I love all of em so much. Finally got to meet Tony and Morgan’s S.O.’s, and I like them both a lot. Once we were all a little stoned and being a little awk Laura made this hilarious offhand remark “ok, welcome to the conference. These are your friends.” that both became a great in-joke and also made me feel less terrible for being socially inept when I got high as balls for the first time in forever lmfao. Dinner was insanely good, we got like a whole bunch of small dishes at this place Pasteur or something, ate family style and got to try so many different dishes. I remember steak tar tar and this rib that was like eating caveman bacon on a stick being incredible. Also fried pickles and all sorts of stuff. Had a couple beers there, went to a bar and bought tony a tequila shot, got home, pulled the liquor out of my car and everybody got toootally fucking wasted. I don’t remember all that much, a little bit of a nostalgia fest with Alex for a while. Tony made the clutchest move ever ordering us a pizza super late in the night. But not too much later after gorging myself I puked my guts out and crashed on an air mattress with Erica lol. Was probably drunk enough that I might have tried to make moves otherwise, even though she has a bf now apparently you know me -_- . She’s lookin suppper fit nowadays. I think she’s still uniquely the only girl I’ve rejected in my life. Back when I was just a pure little kid and didn’t want to do anything sexual without it being special yet. Fuckin weird typing that now lol it doesn’t sound like me at all.

Saturday was river day, bought some beer and hiked with it about a mile to this river and spent most of the day there smoking drinking and chatting. It was fucking gorgeous out there, and everyone looked great together laying around on this rock. Got to know Dana and her gf much better, and tony’s gf. I think I drank like 5 or 6 beers floating around in the river, it was a lot of fun trying to ford across (it had poured that morning so the water was flowing pretty fast) without spilling any beers lol. Towards the end of us hanging out in the lake me and Laura floated around in this raft morgan had brought, and alex was reeling us in and casting us back out again like he was our dad. Such an excellent day. Until then I hadn’t told anyone about my vasectomy because I didn’t want to take attention away from everyone else, seeing how it had become such a talking piece on our family vacation and how much of my conversation with frankie had revolved around it. But I mentioned it in the river and said that it was because once I found out it was reversible I felt like the onus of birth control shouldn’t be put on the woman. Everyone was just like “huh wow that’s fucking awesome I totally agree,” and I like swam away for a bit instead of discussing it further. But when we were hiking back up to our cars Mike told me “yknow you might’ve started like a revolution back there with the vasectomy thing.” I was pretty fucking drunk and a little high so I honestly wondered if he was just fucking with me for a second, but I really appreciate that he said that after all the shit I got from my family. So that was a long ass afternoon of being out in the sun, and everyone got exhausted and fought to stay up but seemed like after we got back at some point everyone took a turn of getting too high and getting zonked out on the couch. I took a nap in Tony’s bed until his dad got there and got to see him for a bit. More great food was cooked, but I felt bad that I was so tired because I kinda wanted to rage again, especially since some new people came to hang that night, but not people that I knew. As a present Tony got the fire pit from their old house, and it was really neat to have another fire and sit around it with everyone. Sunday Tony and Morgan and some people cooked an enormous breakfast for everyone. Hung out with Mike and Erica and all talked about how good we look now lol. Eventually we said our goodbyes, I stuck around after everyone had left to chill with Mike and Tony for a while because I had nothing to do back at home. Katy decided she didn’t want to chill. I had waited on my dad for a long time to see him for lunch and so I didn’t smoke too much but got a little inebriated and watched nearly a whole season of Silicon Valley with Mike and Tony and his gf and Mary.  Sun - came back at 4, got home at 7, idr that night. Mon - Stayed up until like 6am watching Doctor Who, had to go to chapel hill for a JKCF function at 9, barely slept at all but met some new cooke friends so that was cool. Went to raleigh w/ will to play melee, got suuuper fucked. Went 0-2 in singles AND doubles, the worst placing I’ve had in... well ever, but it’s been months since I’ve had one that bad. Tues - Had a redemption tournament at Geeksboro. Got second place, actually won a little money. Disappointed that I threw away a few games that might’ve given me first but had a lot of fun. Katy told me she was sick that morning, and since she had been no fun to hang out with the last week and she bailed on our plans for Sunday and that day I decided to break things off with her. She was confused and hurt, of course, but I was just like “this is bullshit you’re treating me like I’m not a friend” and we hashed things out about her worrying about me having too strong feelings and that we’d just be friends who have sex and watch cartoons and stuff. So we’ve still been snapping every day but I still haven’t seen her in a while. I’m glad we’re still friends though, I was feeling helllla fucking self conscious for a hot minute.

Weds - I hung out watching Doctor Who most of the day, but went out to the bar Ashleigh was working to hang out for a while. She introduced me to her friend who was kinda plastered and seemed like she was leaning for a kiss on our introductory hug. So I was like woooooooh baby I love gboro people I can’t believe I have to play catchup at fucking 11pm lmao. Chugged a few free beers for this Shocktop promotion, and since I hadn’t eaten anything I got just tipsy enough that I could flirt with her without feeling like a Total asshole. We were chatting about some music and stuff, went inside and danced for the tiniest bit, and then she basically kissed me three times. Nothing egregious or any tongue or anything because I was still wary of her being a little off her ass, but I realized I got a text from ashleigh saying “come talk to me.” I was like “oh what’s up?” and she said “well it doesn’t matter now, it’s just that she’s married, they’re in a rough spot but I didn’t realize it was That rough.” ha haaaaaaaaaaa goddamn just my luck lol. She ended up puking on the side of the bar, I made better friends of a few of the regulars and played pool with them, I hung out with Aaron when he showed up at the end of the night and got to hear about the drama between him and his old roommate, and I sang a bunch of karaoke. Another fucking wonderful night, fshoooo. Got a philly cheesesteak and passed out, was super hungover the next morning lmao.

Thurs - got off work early story of that girl that I posted Fri - work, getting ready for bmr, finally got my spare setup in the office at work I’m so fucking happy it doesn’t make enough noise that it disturbs the patients. I’m gonna be a god one day lolol.

Also just as a benchmark I’m 4 episodes into season 8 of doctor who now. Comin along nicely. Def the hardest I’ve binged on a show in a longggggggg time.

OH and last I learned how to solder on weds. Finally did the work on that controller mod and it fucking brokkkkeee kinda tragic, I had to throw out the guts of the controller that I learned to play the game on. I thought I was going to be fucked for a while, but luckily Will had my back and lent me one of his spares that works even better than the one I had before. Might have actually been lucky as fuck despite being out $50 on the microchips and soldering kit lmao.

Anyway my life is amazing, I’ve been doing personal finance numbers in my head a lot but I think that’s because I’m just reassuring myself that I don’t have to worry about money much anymore. Eating well, still not doing much french fries, trying to quit soda. Started doing pushups+situps+pullups before my showers, so maybe I’ll be a little fitter, even. Life’s pretty great. So fucking excited for BMR2 next weekend, hopefully I’m gonna kick some ass. Gonna be a muchhh nerdier update next time I get on here lol.