#every independent choice I make in a way that says she disapproves

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

I usually like living with my parents and don't even entertain the idea of moving out and then there are the moments that I recognize that the older I get and more I experience life outside of my house, the more I realize that my mother can drive me crazy

[cre8inghavoc]

What are friends for?

Note:

This is my first ever post, so please be kind! I've been working on this piece for a few days, and there will be more parts to come, but it may take some time to complete. The story will also include text messages between you and your friends (SMAU). I'll do my best to maintain a good length for the story, but there may be some shorter parts. Also, I'm new to this, so there may be a few errors, but I hope you enjoy the story! :)

Status: ongoing!!

Updates: Whenever I can, no set date.

WC: 2756

Description: Characters are aged up. Y/N's stuck in a toxic relationship with her controlling boyfriend, feeling lost and doubting herself. Now, she's facing a crucial choice: stay put or find the courage to break free and reclaim her independence. Pairing: megumi fushiguro x FEM!reader

Genre/Warnings: [18+] This story contains toxic boyfriend, cursing, name calling, self-doubt/hate, angst, breaking up, post-breakup, alcohol, drunk moments, new friends, dating!au, college!au, no curses!au, dark humour, dark jokes. SMAU.

Your friends have been telling you to leave your boyfriend for months now. They warned you about him, about his manipulative, controlling, and narcissistic nature, which contributes to his toxicity. They keep pointing out his flaws – how he always wants. No. NEEDS to tag along wherever you go, how he tries to control what you wear and who you hang out with. And don't even get started on the name-calling and arguments that seem to happen like every single day. But despite all their warnings, you find yourself wondering if maybe it's just his way of showing he cares… it was all out of love wasn’t it? If he didn’t care about you he wouldn’t act the way he does… 

Right…?

You're constantly caught in a loophole of conflicting feelings. On one hand, you can't help but notice the red flags they've been waving in your face. But on the other hand, there's a part of you that wants to believe there's genuine love behind his actions. He loves you?

Right…?

Still, you can't help but question: does all this make him a "bad boyfriend"? Sure, he's not physically abusive, but his mood swings leave you feeling like you're walking on eggshells. As you grapple with these thoughts, you can't help but wonder where to draw the line between love and toxicity.

"Y/N!"

You snapped back to reality as Maki's voice cut through your thoughts, finding yourself now parked in front of Yuta's house, a 15-minute drive from your own.

"Are you okay? You've been lost in thought the entire car ride here," Maki asked, a mix of concern and confusion evident in her tone.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I was just thinking about the exams coming up," you replied with a forced smile, though it didn't seem to convince her entirely. Luckily for you, she didn't question further. 

You made sure to silence your phone before heading out, knowing the argument that would likely occur with your boyfriend over your plans with friends. It wasn't news to you that he disapproved of your friendship with Yuta and Inukami, despite having plenty of female friends himself. Hypocritical isn't it. But today, you decided to take a stand. You were tired of the never-ending arguments and his controlling behaviour. It felt like you couldn't say or do anything without setting him off, and honestly, you were fed up with it.

You felt it was the right decision, even if it meant facing another argument later. You were determined to spend the day enjoying yourself with your friends, and if that meant upsetting him, then you were willing to deal with the consequences. After all, arguments had become a daily occurrence between you two, so what harm would one more do?

You didn’t quite know where this newfound confidence had come from. Normally, the thought of upsetting him would send shivers down your spine, making you hesitant to go against his wishes. But today was different. You were reaching a breaking point, tired of his behaviour and the constant strain it put on you. Mentally, you were drained. Ever since getting together with him, you'd been affected with a sense of unhappiness, a feeling that even your friends had picked up on. All they wanted was to see you happy again, but it felt like an impossible challenge to break free from his control and spend time with them. He dictated every aspect of your life, and you were beginning to realize just how suffocating it had become.

He felt like a never-ending storm cloud, hovering over you wherever you went, casting a shadow of negativity that left you feeling drained and miserable. It was as if his presence drained your strength, both physically and mentally, until you were left feeling defeated. You knew deep down that the only way to find a “cure” was to get rid of him, but it was far from simple. If it were that easy, you would've done it long ago, at the first signs of trouble.

Believe it or not, he wasn't always like this. That's why you were drawn to him in the first place. But as time passed, things only seemed to deteriorate. A part of you held onto hope that he would revert to the person he once was—caring, supportive, and loving. Yet, as months turned into nearly a year, nothing changed. If anything, it only seemed to worsen. 

Why? Why did he change? Was it something you did? Was it your fault? Did you somehow fall short? He always made you question your self worth. He made you believe that this was what you deserved—that you deserved to be hurt, to be broken. He convinced you that you weren't worthy of more.

You and Maki entered Yuta's house, using the spare key you both had. It was a common practice among your close group of friends; you all had keys to each other's homes. After all, you practically grew up together, so there was nothing unusual about dropping by unannounced.

Inumaki and Yuta greeted you warmly as you entered the living room, where they were too focused on a video game. As the hours passed, laughter filled the room, followed by playful teasing and occasional cussing at each other due to the intense gaming moments. You all talked about life, ate your favourite meals, and for the first time in a while, you felt a sense of happiness return. It was as if you were reconnecting with the positive, joyful version of yourself that had been buried beneath the weight of recent struggles.

"I'll be right back! Just need to use the bathroom," you announce before grabbing your phone and heading off.

"Do you want us to pause the movie?" Yuta offers, showing his consideration for your absence.

"No, it's okay! Keep watching, I'll be quick," you assure them with a laugh as you slip away.

Time flew by, and before you knew it, it was almost 9pm. Your peaceful day took an abrupt turn when you saw multiple missed phone calls from no other, your loser of a boyfriend. 

**5 MISSED PHONE CALLS AND MESSAGES BETWEEN Y/N & BF**

Luckily, Maki, Inukami, and Yuta were too engaged in the movie to notice your lengthened absence. However, tears welled up in your eyes as you read the messages, feeling the weight of self-doubt creeping in once again.

"I’m just a bitch. That’s all I am. I'm nobody," you muttered to yourself, your eyes red as you struggled to contain your emotions. You couldn't afford to show weakness in front of your friends. This shouldn't affect you, you reminded yourself. You knew this was coming, so why did it hurt so much?

Knock Knock

A knock on the bathroom door interrupted your thoughts. "Hey, Y/N. You okay in there?" Maki's concerned voice broke through your internal chaos.

Fuck.

Of course, Maki sensed something was wrong. She had picked up on it the moment she picked you up. She wasn't one to pry, though. She respected your privacy, and if you didn't bring up the issues first, she wouldn't force them out of you. That's why you cherished her friendship so much—she was the best friend anyone could ask for.

You wanted to tell her, you really did, but you knew all too well what her response would be, and frankly, you didn't want to hear it—not today. All you wanted was to be with your friends, to immerse yourself in their company and forget about your troubles, if only for a little while. You didn't want them worrying about you or your mental state. So you took a deep breath and plastered on a smile, hiding all the negativity like you always did.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I was just on the phone with my mom," you said, forcing a smile as you opened the bathroom door, only to be met with Maki's skeptical expression. Her raised eyebrow spoke volumes, questioning your excuse without saying a word. But she didn't press further. Instead, she offered a soft smile and placed a comforting hand on your back.

"You're missing the movie. We decided to pause it when you didn't return after five minutes. Come on, let's go," she said gently, leading you back to the living room.

You both made your way downstairs and settled back onto the couch, resuming the movie with the others. After a few minutes, Yuta stood up from his spot and took a seat beside you, leaning in closer to whisper in your ear so only you could hear him.

"Hey, I know you haven't been feeling your best lately, and I understand why... But I want you to know that you can always talk to me. To us. We're here for you, no matter what." he whispered, his words causing your heart to stop for a moment. A soft smile spread across your lips as he leaned back, his eyes meeting yours with warmth.

"Thank you," you replied softly, leaning your head against his shoulder as the movie continued. Resting on each other like this was a familiar gesture among your group—it was something you all did since childhood, a sign of trust and comfort. So when you leaned on Yuta's shoulder, it wasn't a romantic gesture—it was more like seeking comfort from an older brother figure. Your friends have always been there for you, caring and supportive, much like older siblings would be.

Finally the movie finished, with the time now showing 11:16pm—it’s very late, thank god you guys had no classes scheduled for the next two days.

"It's getting late, Y/N. Are you ready to head back?" Maki asked, her expression soft with concern.

Before you could answer, Inukami jumped in with a hopeful tone, asking if you guys could stay a bit longer. You could tell he was really loving the reunion, bringing back memories of all the fun times your group had shared in the past… just like before you got into a relationship. 

"Yeah, come on, Maki and Y/N! We haven't had this much fun in a while. It feels good for the group to get back together again," Yuta chimed in, his gaze shifting between Maki and you. The collective attention turned to you, though you knew it wasn't intentional—they subconsciously understood that the decision rested with you, or rather, with your boyfriend's expectations.

Even though it was late, the idea of going home to an empty house, knowing your boyfriend would be out, doing who knows what, filled you with dread. You knew it would only trigger more overthinking and anxiety so with a reassuring smile, you decided against it. Tonight, you didn't feel like going home, and that was perfectly okay.

"Fuck it," you thought, smiling back at them. 

"Why don't we have a sleepover?" You ask, breaking the silence. Their eyes widen in shock, the suggestion catches everyone off guard. It's been a while since the last sleepover, back before you started dating your controlling boyfriend. They've tried to organize some since then, but you always declined, due to your boyfriend's disapproval.

Of course. Typical.

Their initial shock quickly turns into smiles and nods as they exchange glances before turning back to you.

"Let's do it!" Maki says with excitement.

All of them cheered in excitement, and the lively conversation continued throughout the night until exhaustion finally led to all of you drifting off to sleep on Yuta's spacious and comfortable couch. Despite the cozy setup, you found it hard to sleep as your mind continued to race, clouded by thoughts of him once again. Unable to find peace, you quietly slipped outside to the backyard, just to get some air.

Yuta awoke shortly afterward, noticing your absence. He got up from the couch, careful not to disturb Maki and Inumaki and began searching the house, half expecting to find you sleeping in his room. But you weren't there. He started to slightly panic as he considered the possibility of you leaving without informing anyone. How did you get home? Was something wrong? Why would you leave without saying anything?

As his mind rushed with worry, Yuta made his way to the backyard door and spotted you sitting on the stairs. Leaning against the door frame for a moment, he gathered his thoughts before joining you outside, silently taking a seat beside you.

"Hey," Yuta says as he settles beside you.

You jump at the sudden sound, caught off guard by his unexpected presence. "Omg, Yuta," you playfully shove his shoulder, "don't sneak up on me like that."

"Sorry," he chuckles softly, "didn't mean to scare you."

"What are you doing out here this late?" he questions.

"Couldn't fall asleep so I decided to get some air."

"Something on your mind?" He asks with concern.

I smile at him. "No."

"Come on, Y/N. I've known you for years; you think I can't tell when something's on your mind..."

You both sit there in silence for a moment before he speaks up again.

"Is it—"

"Mhm. But I don't want to talk about him. I'm here with you guys today, and that's what's important. Not him," you state, trying to change the conversation away from your boyfriend.

Yuta gives you a reassuring smile and nods, but then an awkward silence settles between you. It's unusual; conversations with your friends usually flow effortlessly, so why does it feel so difficult now?

After a moment, you decide to break the silence.

"Yuta..." you begin hesitantly.

He meets your gaze with a soft look. "Yeah?"

"I'm thinking about breaking up with him, you know," you confess.

Yuta's eyes widened in shock, a spark of excitement shining in him. As your best friend, he genuinely cares about your well-being and wants what's best for you. They all do, and they know that leaving your boyfriend will bring out the best in you, bring back the real you.

"Really?! How come... I mean, I already know why, but I'm just curious after all the times we've mentioned it to you, you never really pa—"

"Yuta," you interject, giggling at his enthusiasm.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, and being here with you guys today reminded me of the times we used to have together before him and I got together. And honestly... I haven't felt happier and more relaxed in a long time until now. It's like when I'm with you guys, I'm constantly smiling, laughing, talking, and I never feel judged. But with him, I feel so... miserable. I don't even remember the last time he and I actually talked and had a laugh together. It's always arguments, and he's the one who always starts them over nothing."

Yuta places a comforting hand on your shoulder and gently wipes away the tears on your face. You hadn't realized you were crying. You tried your hardest not to cry for months, but while telling Yuta how you felt, you couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Shhh... it's okay, Y/N. I'm glad you feel like yourself when you're with us. You deserve so much better than that jerk," he reassures you, his words bringing a sense of comfort.

He never fails to make you laugh.

"Thanks, Yuta," you say gratefully.

"Hey, what are you guys doing outside?" Maki and Inumaki mumble sleepily as they stand at the door.

Yuta grins mischievously and glances over at them. "What's with that ugly grin?" Maki jokes, prompting laughter from everyone.

"MAKI!" you all shout in unison, teasing her.

Yuta can't contain his excitement any longer. "Y/N is planning on breaking up with her boyfriend!" he blurts out.

If Maki and Inumaki thought they were awake before, they're definitely wide awake now. They exchange shocked glances between you and Yuta, repeating the gesture several times. You can't help but smile; despite the gravity of the situation, you feel a sense of pride. Proud that you've finally gained the courage to do something you've been wanting to do for months.

"You're not messing with us, right? Because I swear to god Y/N, if I find out yo—" Maki begins, her voice tinged with concern.

You cut her off before she can finish her sentence. "I swear I'm not messing with you guys. I'm going to do it tomorrow night."

Yipeee!! Go Y/N!!! finally we've all been waiting for this moment.

im currently working on the next part so please be patient!

Also, thank you so much for reading!

[hrizantemy]

Since it’s most likely that we’re gonna get Elain’s book next and I don’t really talk about Elain a lot on this account I would just give my opinion on her and how I view her personally and what she means to me.

Elain reminds me of myself, especially in the way she doesn’t evoke strong personal opinions from me. This indifference isn’t due to her character being unremarkable, but rather because she mirrors aspects of my own past. As a child, my trauma response was to become the quintessential “good child.” I learned to suppress my emotions and opinions, striving to never say the wrong thing, never yell, get upset, or show anger. This coping mechanism was my way of navigating a turbulent environment, aiming to avoid conflict and earn approval.

Elain’s character embodies this same quiet resilience and conflict-avoidance. Her tendency to stay out of confrontations and maintain a serene exterior resonates deeply with my own childhood behavior. It’s this reflection of my younger self that makes it difficult for me to form distinct opinions about her—it’s like looking into a mirror and seeing a part of me that I understand all too well, but also prefer to keep at a distance. Through Elain, I see the echoes of my own experiences and the complexities of being the “good child,” always striving for peace at the cost of my own voice and emotions.

My sister reminds me of Nesta, which is why I love her so deeply. Despite being younger than me, she was always the opposite of the "good child" I tried so hard to be. While I focused on being quiet and compliant, she embraced her anger. Her refusal to suppress her emotions set her apart and, in many ways, protected both of us.

Nesta's fierce independence and willingness to confront difficult truths resonate with my sister's personality. My sister's anger was never just about being rebellious; it was a way of asserting herself and fighting against the constraints that I often silently accepted. Her courage to express her feelings, no matter how intense, made her someone I admire deeply.

Loving my sister for these traits is easy because, through her, I see a strength I often wished I had. Her ability to stand up for herself and others, even when it meant facing disapproval, created a balance in our relationship. She was the voice when I was silent, the storm when I was calm. My deep love for her stems from this dynamic; her unapologetic anger and passion were a counterbalance to my own subdued nature. Through her, I learned that it's okay to feel and express every emotion, even the difficult ones.

Growing up, I was forced into a parental role by my mother who was abusice, a responsibility that weighed heavily on me from a young age. Elain’s character resonates deeply with the trauma I experienced and witnessed, particularly through Nesta’s tumultuous relationship with their mother and grandmother. Nesta’s struggles with their expectations and the harsh treatment they endured parallel my own challenges. Both Elain and Nesta embody different responses to trauma—Elain retreats into gentleness and seeks peace, while Nesta confronts her pain with defiance and anger.

I don’t always agree with some of the things Elain does, similarly, there are aspects of Nesta’s choices that I struggle to reconcile with. With Elain, her tendency to prioritize peace and harmony can sometimes lead to decisions or actions that I question. There are moments where I wish she would assert herself more or take a stand against injustices. However, I understand that her desire to avoid conflict stems from a place of wanting stability and protection for herself and her loved ones. Her choices reflect her own coping mechanisms and the traumas she carries, much like my own experiences of trying to maintain calm in turbulent times.

On the other hand, Nesta’s defiance and sometimes abrasive behavior can be difficult to support. Her actions, driven by her own pain and anger, often clash with societal expectations or even with the people closest to her. Yet, I empathize deeply with her struggle to reclaim her autonomy and voice after enduring profound trauma. Her journey towards self-discovery and healing, though tumultuous, speaks to the resilience and strength within her.

In both Elain and Nesta, I see reflections of me and my sister a complexity—flawed, yet profoundly real. They embody different responses to adversity, and my understanding of them is shaped by my own experiences of navigating difficult circumstances. While I may not agree with every choice they make, I empathize with the reasons behind their actions and respect their individual paths towards healing and self-acceptance.

[astronartists-writes]

Helloooo:)

May i request a Twice reaction to their Fem! s.o being protective of them?(like in a healthy way, not possessive)

Have a good day:3

a/n: i was so excited when you sent me this because it was super early that i got this from when i posted everything else.

hope this turned out okay!

Masterlist

TWICE with a protective s/o

TW: mentions of sasaengs, mentioned worries about toxicity

CW: none! :)

fem!reader, race unspecified :)

Park Jihyo

when you first showed her your protectiveness, she was a little worried that you might end up being overbearing

but as time went by, and you were super chill about her living her own life, she realized that you weren’t someone she should be concerned about.

you were perceptive to her feelings, so the second she seemed uncomfortable, you would shoot a nasty glare at whatever was making her feel so

usually it was sasaengs

sometimes it was her stage outfits

the glare was always the first warning

if the glare didn’t work on people, you’d wrap an arm around her as a second warning.

if those warnings didn’t work, you’d start responding in place of Jihyo, your tone flat and dismissive

she thought it was hilarious

it eased any anxiety she might feel

because The Glare can’t really work on an outfit,

you would usually offer her your jacket, or would carry a small blanket around to cover her legs with while she sits

you always made sure to ask if she wanted your jacket or the blanket, giving her a choice of rejection

she’s an independent adult, and you treated her as such

you’ve got her back, and she feels safe when you’re around.

Im Nayeon

i feel like nayeon would be protective of her s/o as well,

so you being protective wouldn’t faze her.

it’s just natural

you always asked her if she was feeling uncomfortable with something, and did everything you could to help her fix it if she was

you could honestly be her personal security guard, you were that effective.

you once practically threw a bitch that was getting a little too close, and she was scared at the time, but laughed a lot when the video surfaced

all of twice’s stage outfits are kind of ridiculous sometimes, and you often complained about the discomfort of not only nayeon, but the other members as well

you knew how uncomfortable clothing that showed a lot of skin could be — especially short skirts,

so you empathized, even going to managers to ask if it was really necessary for the members to wear certain things

she felt very loved when you showed her your protectiveness, and always made sure to make you feel loved, too

Yoo Jeongyeon

personally feeling very protective of jeongyeon right now, hope she’s feeling lots better

so you make sure to give her plenty of space, asking questions once, and not pressuring her for an answer if she couldn’t give you one.

you treated her the way you treated everyone else,

only really being protective of the way people spoke to and/or about her

if you felt something was uncalled for, you immediately told the person who said it off,

sometimes you ordered them to apologize,

sometimes you told them calmly that what they said wasn’t very nice, and gave them a disapproving stare

tbh, not many instances happened where you had to tell them off,

so you tried to express your care for her in other ways

like making her food, getting her tea, sharing your clothes

jeongyeon would tell you clearly if you were to cross a boundary, and you would immediately make sure to never cross it again in order to avoid being possessive

she felt comfortable with you

you never once made her feel bad for not liking something, or not wanting something to be done,

so she was able to openly communicate with you with little to no fears

Hirai Momo

momo liked the two of you doing your own thing for the most part

being independent together was nice

she liked being able to depend on each other for things as well, though

like emotional support, and someone to always have her back

one of her favorite things was seeing you get protective

it usually happened at the smaller things, not the bigger things because you couldn’t be around for many of the big things

like if a bee or a wasp got too close to her, you were right there to move her out of the way

if you saw her shoelace untied, you’d get down and tie it for her so she wouldn’t trip

if you saw someone look at her in a way you didn’t like, you would put an arm around her out of the need to make sure they didn’t try anything harmful

she wasn’t helpless, but it felt nice to show her she could rely on you if she needed to.

Minatozaki Sana

because of her cuteness, you often felt very protective of her

however, we all know that sana is not innocent

she’s an adult, y’know

anyway

at first, she was a little irritated at how protective you could be

you were far more obvious about it than subtle

after a while, she got used to it, and thought about how you didn’t question her choices

you didn’t even try to control her

she liked it a lot

you liked to latch onto her arm in public when there were a lot of people, and she enjoyed holding your waist, poking you in the side every once in a while to get a cute little giggle out of you

the display of protection she liked the most was you tugging down a skirt if you thought it was riding up too much

she liked that you didn’t want anyone to even see the safety shorts, especially when you explained that you just didn’t want her to feel embarrassed if someone posted pictures online

usually when you did something protective, you tried to make it playful.

every once in a while, you’d poke her butt when you pulled her dress down

Myoui Mina

you weren’t protective of her too often because she’s not a very social person,

but you took every opportunity you could

mostly on days she was on stage or doing other activities and you were with her

she stayed home the rest of the time, and while she used to be mostly alone, having you around was something much appreciated

because you were mostly in the safety of your own home, you usually were protective about comments on the internet

she would look through them for things she could improve on — some people left some pretty good constructive criticism

but there would always be hate comments

it’s something to expect from being in the industry

not everyone is going to like you, and the people who don’t can be very cruel

she had learned to mostly not take comments about her personally,

but if you happened to glance at what she was doing out of curiosity and found a comment you didn’t like,

you’d get a little peeved

you’d tell her that she should mute those comments so she wouldn’t see them anymore

this resulted in a very brief argument, where you quickly apologized for the misunderstanding

and explained that you just didn’t want her to feel bad

she thought about it a little and nodded, thanking you for the concern, but explaining that the comments didn’t really get to her

so you’d shyly request to read them with her, dragging the people that left mean comments through the dirt

it made her laugh

if someone dared to say something about her in front of you, though... all hell would break loose.

your protectiveness in public only occurred when the members were being mobbed

you’d hold her hand to make sure she didn’t get pulled away, shooting glares every which way.

your protectiveness made her laugh in private, and made her feel safe in public

Kim Dahyun

you only really protected dahyun when she was frightened or startled at first

which was quite frequent

but after a while, you found yourself saying you’d go before her in things she was nervous about

and then even in things she wasn’t nervous about

the urge to keep her safe was just really strong at that point

she was never actually bugged about it

she liked having a doting girlfriend to hide behind

she even stepped in a few times when you looked nervous, too, eager to keep you feeling safe

she would not be able to do much for you while at high places, though

so even if you were also scared, you’d just clutch her hand and shakily walk with her across area that seemed sketchy.

she gave you a kiss every time you stopped,

and that motivated you enough to keep going

after the hell of high places, she wouldn’t let go of you, trying to show you just how grateful she was by praising you and comforting you

you didn’t feel so scared at the end of it, though

she was grateful for your protectiveness, and was just as protective of you

Son Chaeyoung

she is tiny, so it would be easier to lose her in a crowd than others

she’s responsible enough to not get lost, but you liked to hold her hand just in case

our chaengie is playful,

and so sometimes she’s a little bit too focused on messing around with you to notice potential danger

like a car coming down the narrow road

so you’d tug her out of the way, continuing your conversation without another thought

she usually payed a lot of attention to her surroundings, so the fact that she didn’t realize there was a car was surprising.

you didn’t mention it because you were just keeping her safe, but she was very flustered

if the weather suddenly got colder than expected, you always had a hoodie and a jacket on you

as soon as you saw her shivering,

you’d shed your jacket and hoodie, handing the hoodie to her wordlessly before putting your jacket back on.

you didn’t want her to get sick

she never gave that hoodie back, but she always brought it with her after that.

when people had you on edge, you wouldn’t leave her side

if they were decidedly too much, you’d hold her hand,

and if you really didn’t like a person, you’d straight up just tug her away from them with you (if they followed, you’d totally bark at them)

Chaeyoung found your protectiveness romantic, and wouldn’t trade it for anything

Chou Tzuyu

Tzuyu can hold her own pretty well

she can be quiet, and intimidating, so you weren’t actually protective in a way that people other than her could see

you stayed next to her when you were together, keeping it normal looking if she seemed endangered by anyone

if she needed to get out of a situation, she’d tap your wrist two times and you would get her out of there by any means.

she wasn’t allowed to be mean because of her job, but you could be as mean as you felt needed

another way you were protective was reporting harmful comments and/or posts to JYP directly

always under an anonymous alias

sometimes the two of you would end up looking through rumors and laughing at the ridiculous ones

like a secret boyfriend

that one you screenshot and sent to Tzuyu, who sent it to the group chat for the TWICE members so you could all scoff at it

when you asked if she felt overwhelmed by anything you did, she denied it

she felt comfortable when she was around you. she found your protectiveness sweet.

[parappah]

ok so i have a few thoughts about troy bolton from high school musical

I honestly think Troy has anxiety and that he's a people pleaser if not a complete pushover. and i feel like that shows in all of his relationships like with his parents, mainly his father, his relationship w gabriella, and his friendship w chad and like... whatever the situation is with him and sharpay. this shows in HSM1 by the like. dilemma he has with trying to choose between basketball and singing. like with basketball his interest in that is closely if not completely tied to his relationship with his father due to his father.... literally being his coach and its implied that Troy's father pushed him into basketball at a very young age and always pushed Troy to be the best into being the big star and that’s how Troy has always sought approval from his father is thru basketball. so when troy tries to pursue other hobbies that he might have not had exposure to because of his sole focus just being basketball, that puts his relationship with his father in jeopardy because that's the only thing their relationship is built on. And like of course that’s going to cause anxiety in Troy because he’s disappointing his father his coach his PARENT he feels worthless he feels like a failure like something is wrong w him for wanting to explore other hobbies and that shame doesn’t even just come from his father that comes from his friends and the entire school. My man troy’s entire personality his self image his entire humanity is based on basketball and other people’s views of him.

With his closest friend Chad, I won’t say that their relationship is also entirely based on basketball but like. Chad clearly hasn’t always been on Troy’s side at all times in the movies. In HSM1 he also gets mad at Troy for diverting his focus from basketball to other things (Stick to the Status Quo) and that whole nonsense with Gabriella and the webcam. And then in HSM2 when Troy is getting lots of attention from many different sources (which I’ll get into later). In HSM3 I think Chad takes a bit of a back seat but also he still expresses disappointment in Troy’s choices to go to a different college to be closer to Gabriella and seemingly choosing their relationship over a friendship that they’ve had since they were literally children. Like I honestly feel like Chad feels like Troy is constantly choosing other things over him and he’s justified in feeling like that even if the way he goes about expressing his disappointment isn’t always in the most…….tactful and considerate ways. But Chad definitely IS a major source of Troy’s anxiety and definitely affects the way that Troy views himself.

Ok so about HSM2 I feel like this is really the peak of Troy’s frustration and anxiety because it’s literally Troy being pulled in 75 different directions between Gabriella and getting to spend enough time with her and nurture their relationship, his friendship with Chad and being able to support him too in such a stressful work environment, trying to appease Sharpay, and also trying to think about his own future outside of everyone else (the college scouts and shit). Like this is literally everyone trying to rely on Troy and not being understanding that he’s under a lot of stress and he has other things going on his life other than them… but this is also affecting everyone else’s views of him because suddenly Troy is seen as unreliable and selfish and a bad friend/boyfriend who doesn’t actually care about his future. Like that total polarization from how everyone feels about him…. When he’s trying to please EVERYONE all at the same time because they’re all important to him in some way is seriously damaging… and the fact that no one else seems to understand what he’s going thru and all drop him like a hot potato when he doesn’t live up exactly to their expectations. This is exactly how it was in HSM1 too remember because as soon as Troy was trying to expand his horizons and do other things everyone turned on him!!!

Regarding HSM3 idk if I’m gonna write that much about it because when we were watching it we were mainly talking the entire time and pausing every 5 frames to take screenshots for art poses but like. Troy is under a lot of pressure to choose the right college. Like all of his options are between like… going to Julliard so he can nurture his newfound love of singing and music… going to a school that’s good for basketball because that’s what he’s worked toward for so long and also being a school that his bestie Chad is also going to… and then also a college that’s close to Gabriella because they’re in love and the center of each other’s universes or whatever bc it’s a high school relationship even tho they have their entire lives to become new people and find other relationships- okay that’s not the point but CLEARLY Troy has many decisions to make and it’s like. Does he want to please his father and his best friend does he want to please his girlfriend does he want to please HIMSELF…. And then as soon as he implies that he wants to choose something for himself for his own interests that gets everyone’s backs turning on him again. Troy literally cannot catch a break because ANYTHING he does to assert his own independence his own autonomy as a human being and make his own choices independent of anyone else’s thoughts are automatically disapproved of and everyone around him that he would expect to be loving and supportive just get angry at him. Like this constant cycle that Troy is thrown into would definitely cause him to be a people pleaser and a pushover because like. If he doesn’t do that then he’ll literally lose everyone and everything.

Anyway in conclusion this is basically why in every movie we have an angsty introspective Troy song (Get’cha Head in the Game, Bet On It, Scream). The dude goes thru a lot and no one else seems to care.

sorry i didn't talk about gabriella much because she's annoying and i don't think there's that much there LOL they barely have anything in common. like my friend luna said the only thing they have in common is the R in both their names.

[adenei]

Ch. 1 - How to Win a Witch in 10 Days

AO3 | FFN

Summary: “She’s going to find some unsuspecting wizard, get him to fall for her, and then do all the things that turn men away to get him to break things off! Won’t it be the best way to see what witches do that drives men crazy?” But what happens when the man in question is a blast from Lily Evans's past? A Jily Magical AU based on the romantic comedy "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days."

Thursday, Pt. 1

Lily Evans sits down at her desk. It’s a typical Thursday morning at the office of Witch Weekly for the ‘How To’ columnist. Parchment is strewn about everywhere due to a hasty departure the night before, but with a flick of her wand, the papers arrange themselves into neat piles. Satisfied with the restored order, she turns to her magical typewriter and the most recent article that lies next to it: How To Make the Transition from Hogwarts Graduate to Adult.

She smiles at her hard work and hopes that this time Amelia will go for her pitch. A new batch of Hogwarts students graduated last week, and this was the type of information she would have loved to have when she finished her education three years ago. Being a Muggleborn made the transition into life as an independent witch more difficult. There aren’t many resources to help young adults find their way in magical society, and even though she met with Professor McGonagall numerous times about her future, the meetings weren’t as helpful as Lily preferred.

Perhaps this is why Lily lives in a small flat in muggle London and commutes to the office via taxi or apparition to Diagon Alley every day, depending on her mood. She tucks the article safely into a desk drawer before setting about her first task of the day: coming up with new ideas for future articles. Grabbing a blank piece of parchment, Lily begins brainstorming as more how to article ideas begin flitting through her mind.

Lily always knew she wanted to be a writer. The excitement she felt after securing a job at the highly respected go-to magazine for witches was only to be rivaled with receiving her Hogwarts letter at the age of eleven. At least, that’s how she used to feel. Now, she’s stuck in a perpetual wheel of pushing out article after article on how to incorporate the newest beauty, fashion, and health trends that flow into the magical world faster than a Cornish Pixie prison break.

Lily shakes her head as she writes down another idea: How To Secure an Interview for the Job of Your Dreams. She’s sick of all the superficial fluff she’s been writing for the past two years. It’s time for something more.

“Morning!” Alice chirps as she passes Lily’s cubicle.

“Good morning!” Lily gives Alice a warm smile in return.

Alice Fortescue is one of her closest colleagues and friends at the publishing company. That’s the one perk of this job, working with some amazing people.

“Amelia called a staff meeting in thirty minutes. Have you seen Marlene?”

Lily feels as if a bludger has knocked the wind out of her. She was so preoccupied this morning that she didn’t realize her best friend of ten years wasn’t at her desk.

“No, she hasn’t shown up yet,” Lily worries.

Marlene has recently been dumped—again—and she is never one to take a break-up lightly, even if said relationship only lasted a few weeks.

Alice sighs. “I’ll get the coffee, you floo to her place?”

Lily nods and grabs her bag, following Alice toward the exit. She digs a knut out of her purse and places it into the slot before grabbing a handful of floo powder. It’s common courtesy to donate money to replace the office’s stock if you use it for anything other than transportation to or from your residence.

She tosses the powder into the fireplace and steps into the green flames, announcing Marlene’s address in a clear, firm voice. Lily prepares herself for the sensation of the ground dropping out from below her as she free falls into the imaginary slide that transports her where she needs to go. The trip is short, and within seconds she is stepping out of the fireplace into Marlene’s flat.

“Marly? You here?” Lily calls.

Her best friend tiptoes out of the kitchen, still in her dressing gown. She’s carrying a cup of tea close to her face to hide her puffy eyes.

“Oh, Marly, I’m so sorry,” Lily reaches out to comfort her friend with a hug.

Lily takes the cup of tea from her hands and steers Marlene to her bedroom. “I know how hard break-ups can be, but we’ve got a staff meeting in twenty minutes, and I’m not going to let you lose your job over another lousy guy.”

Lily doesn’t notice Marlene crawling back into bed as she busies herself with sifting through outfits in her friend’s closet.

“But what we had was special, Lil! I really thought he was different! He could have been the one!”

“How long were you seeing him?” Lily asks, trying to recall any details of Marlene’s latest fling.

“Only a week,” she pouts.

Lily freezes midway through pulling a dress from the closet. She knows this is Marlene’s M.O. but Lily still can’t help but feel frustrated.

“Marly, really—”

“Don’t! I know what you’re thinking, but he was special, I’m telling you! We even had sex and everything. It was magical. I cried…”

“You what? Marly, tell me it was just a glisten of tears,” Lily wills her friend to say it isn’t as bad as she thinks.

“Oh no, I full-on bawled,” Marlene responds, not even attempting to lie, “told him I loved him, too.”

Lily wishes her best friend is kidding but they have been friends long enough for Lily to know that she’s not. With a silent sigh, Lily switches gears. She realizes she can’t take the sympathetic route anymore. No, Marlene needs tough love. She strolls over to the bed with the outfit in hand and plops down.

“Marlene, I know you’re a hopeless romantic looking for your Prince Charming, but in order to find him, you’re going to have to put yourself together and get back out there. You’re not going to find him wallowing in bed all day. Now come on, you’ve got fifteen minutes to get dressed so we can get to work and not piss off Amelia. Alice is out getting coffee right now.”

Lily yanks back the bedspread, forcing Marlene to get up, albeit begrudgingly.

There, one potential crisis averted for the day.

Ten minutes later, Lily floos back to the office after ensuring Marlene goes first. They run into Alice on their way back to their desks, and there’s just enough time for Alice to dole out the coffees before grabbing their notes and heading down the hall to their boss’s extravagant office.

Amelia Bones is the no-nonsense editor-in-chief of Witch Weekly, who is well respected by her staff. Her office is spacious yet welcoming and not at all like what one might expect. Where a conference table and chairs should be, Amelia has sofas and squashy chairs, similar to the Gryffindor common room. When the writers meet to go over stories for upcoming publications, they gather there. The three girls barely make it in time, taking their seats on the sofa nearest Ms. Bones. It’s the only empty spot left.

Amelia clears her throat. It’s all she needs to do to command the attention of her staff. “Alright, let’s get started everyone. We need to go over assignments for the July issue. Dorcas, what are you thinking this month?”

Dorcas, the office suck-up, bounces up and down in her seat as she lays out her laundry list of articles. “I’ve got an exposé on gilly water with an exclusive interview from a mermaid who says it will help keep you thin, but I haven’t come up with a title yet. And Traveling by Portkey: What to Pack and Not to Pack. Then, I’ve also got an interview set up with Madam Malkin, who details the latest robe trends. Oh! And I almost forgot about my outline of A Look Into a Day in the Life of The Hobgoblins!”

Lily needs to remember to keep her face passive as Dorcas prattles on. Does she do anything besides work? Who has time for four articles? She has to suppress the eye roll that’s threatening when she catches Alice’s glance. It’s evident her friend is sharing the same thoughts.

“Wonderful, wonderful. Lily, what’s our resident How To girl have in store for us this month?”

Here goes nothing…

“Well, actually, I’ve been working on this piece that I think will be a great spin on the How To article. It’s about helping recent Hogwarts graduates find their footing after they finish their seventh year.”

She gauges the room for reception and notices blank stares coming from the entire writing team. Fighting to keep her facial expression passive, Lily chances a glance at her boss, whose opinion is the one that matters most. There’s an uncomfortable churn in her stomach as a result.

Amelia clicks her tongue in a disapproving tone. “Lily, Lily, Lily. How many times do I have to tell you that most of our clientele are in their twenties and thirties? No one is going to want to read something like that! That’s what they have parents and families for! Besides, aren’t the Hogwarts professors supposed to help the young ones with their career choices? That’s not our wheelhouse.”

“But—”

Lily wants to bring up the Muggleborn perspective, but Amelia doesn’t give her the chance.

“Lily, your job is to write the How To column for Witch Weekly, not to help recent grads find their place in this world. I hired you to write fun, upbeat stories that will help witches in all aspects of their lives, and that is what I expect.” Lily’s shoulders droop in disappointment as Amelia wastes no time moving on to her next victim. “Marlene?”

“Oh, um, I—I’m still thinking—” Marlene stutters.

Lily notices Amelia’s hard stare and speaks up on her friend’s behalf.

“Amelia, Marlene’s going through a rough time right now. She got dumped.”

“Oh, no. I’m so sorry, Marlene,” Amelia sympathizes as the rest of the group murmurs their respects to her unfortunate news.

Marlene grimaces as she explains, “Yes, I’m sorry, Amelia. I’ve been taking things a bit hard and haven’t really been eating. It’s just hard to move on when I thought he was—” she hiccups and Lily can tell she’s stifling a sob, “the one.”

“Hmm, yes, that is a predicament, isn’t it?” Amelia agrees before perking up. “Write about it.”

“What?”

“You can make an article out of that, can’t you?” Amelia asks the question as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“N-no! I can’t write about my personal life!” Marlene argues.

“If she won’t, I will,” Dorcas chimes in. She sounds too eager at the prospect of taking on a fifth article.

Amelia’s eyebrows crease as she ponders Dorcas’s proposition. Lily is horrified that Amelia is even considering this and decides to step in.

“Or I can!”

“What?” Marlene looks at her with wide eyes as Amelia trains her narrow gaze on Lily.

“How?” her boss wants to know.

“Well, I—I wouldn’t write about the break-up, per se, since that wouldn’t be a good How To article, but what if I turned it into something different?”

Lily is grasping at straws, trying to come up with something that would prevent her friend’s dirty laundry from being hung out to dry. She finds herself stuttering and stalling until suddenly, an idea pops in her head.

“What if I wrote the opposite of getting dumped? Well, it wouldn’t exactly be the opposite, but I’d find a guy and do all the classic things that women do that drive men away. Instead of trying to win the guy over, I’ll get him to dump me instead. Then readers will know what to do and what not to do.”

Lily watches her boss for any indication that she approves. Amelia’s pensive look quickly turns to a conspiring smile as she points her quill at Lily with a gleam in her eyes.

“That’s brilliant, Lily, absolutely brilliant! You think you can find a man, win him over and get him to dump you?”

“Well, when you put it that way…” Lily doesn’t appreciate her boss’s insinuation that she’d be easy to break up with, but if it gets Amelia off Marlene’s back, she’ll take it.

“I can see it now. We’ll call it How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days.”

Lily is relieved, having succeeded in giving Marlene extra time to come up with a story, but the timeframe concerns her.

“Um, Amelia...why ten days?”

“Because we have to publish in eleven.”

She says this as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. And it’s only after Lily processes Amelia’s words that she realizes how impossible it all seems. She hasn’t dated anyone in a while. No one is even on her radar to date.

Looks like my Thursday is now going to be spent looking for an unsuspecting suitor.

Lily stifles a sigh as she attempts to focus on the rest of the meeting, but her mind has other plans. She fixates on whether or not she’ll be able to pull this off. It seems impossible, but she has no choice. She has to at least try.

As they exit the meeting, Lily, Alice, and Marlene are trailing behind Amelia, who is on her way to fetch her next appointment.

“If I’m going to pull this off, I need to find a guy tonight,” Lily expresses to her friends.

“Don’t worry, we’ll help!” Alice reassures her. “Let’s go to that swanky bar after work. The prospect of this article calls for a finer crowd.”

“Abbott's?” Lily shoots an incredulous look at her friend.

At first, she wants to protest, but Alice has a point. Lily needs to dupe a guy who’s not just out for a one-night stand, and there are no promises that she’ll be able to find that at the Leaky. No, she needs to glam up and go all-out to find a guy. One that shows promise, but not too much promise because she can’t let herself fall for him anyway.

Her thoughts are cut off as Alice and Marlene both stop, causing her to stumble into them. She looks up to see the source of their delay. Amelia has reached her destination, which happens to be directly in front of them as she greets two women. Lily isn’t quite sure why they didn’t swerve and continue around them.

“...Ah, Narcissa, Andromeda, it’s so nice to meet you! Come with me to my office so we can discuss the ads for this issue. I’m hoping you can help us spice up our pages through your clientele.” Amelia turns and sees Lily and her colleagues standing there. A friendly smile crosses her face as the three realize they’ve been caught eavesdropping and scurry to get back to their cubicles.

Lily returns the smile and looks to the two women to see the blonde eyeing her, a sense of intrigue dancing in her eyes. She wonders what that’s about.

“Aren’t you the How To girl?” the blonde asks.

Lily’s not sure what she’s expecting the woman to say, but it’s not that. It takes her a moment to respond.

“Um, yes. It’s Lily, Lily Evans. Nice to meet you.”

Lily doesn’t bother to extend a polite hand because of the blonde’s now scrutinizing gaze. She’s ready to turn and walk away before the awkward conversation can continue, but Amelia stops in her tracks.

“Yes! Lily is wonderful, isn’t she? She’s just about to start on her newest article: How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days. Doesn’t it sound exciting?”

The darker haired woman raises an eyebrow. “It does. What does that entail?”

Lily opens her mouth to speak, but Amelia cuts her off again. “She’s going to find some unsuspecting wizard, get him to fall for her, and then do all the things that turn men away to get him to break things off! Won’t it be the best way to see what witches do that drives men crazy?”

“That does sound interesting,” the blonde responds.

“Yes, fascinating,” agrees the brunette in a bored tone.

Lily doesn’t appreciate their judgemental stares and chooses to dismiss herself. “Thanks. It was nice meeting you,” she lies as she continues on toward her office.

The day is young, but she no longer has time to waste. She needs to develop her plan before setting out to find a wizard later in the evening. This is turning out to be the most peculiar assignment yet, but if Lily can pull it off, then maybe Amelia will give her a chance on the other articles she has in her queue.

You’ve got this, Evans. Now get to work.

[thefandomlesbian]

When was will abusive? Im not defending him I just want to know when

*cracks knuckles* Settle in kids. 

-Will repeatedly implies early in their relationship in an episode that JJ does not care about him unless she tells her colleagues about their relationship. She expresses discomfort at this, but he continues to press her, causing strife in their relationship. The canon makes it seem like she is being unreasonable, but in reality this is a huge issue of consent--JJ isn’t ready for her team to know she’s committed. She has her reasons. She works with profilers and is used to them knowing everything about her and not being able to keep any secrets, which gives them a lot of power over her in the field, because at this time she is just a liaison and has not been trained in profiling herself. Will disrespects her choices and is only satisfied when she finally caves. 

-Will forces her to out her pregnancy to the team, again before she is ready and without her consent. She is in the middle of a high profile case where they have begun to realize that the city is literally being struck in a series of terror attacks, and Will throws a fit when she refuses to leave and does not want to step down from her job. She does not ask him to leave his own work, but she makes it clear she isn’t willing to give up her career. He ragequits and abandons her there after an argument, essentially forcing her to choose between going after him or continuing to work the case. Again, the canon makes it seem as if JJ is the unreasonable one. 

-Will refuses to handle Henry’s febrile seizures alone and demands she come home. Febrile seizures are fairly common in young children, though quite terrifying for the parents obviously, and are generally not dangerous. Will demands she fly through tornado alley to try to get back to DC for a medical issue he should be handling on his own as an independent responsible parent. (Please note that this fandom loves to drag Haley Hotchner, but when Jack had medical problems, she took care of it herself and then notified Hotch afterward; she expressed her disapproval that Hotch had missed the appointment for his work, but she didn’t interrupt his crimefighting to demand his presence.) Yet again--JJ gets painted as a bad mother. 

-In the season seven finale, JJ reveals how much this criticism has gotten to her over the years. “I’m a mom first,” she says tearfully about Henry, wholly blaming herself for this, for not making enough sacrifices, when it’s Will’s fault that Henry was placed in danger. (I will always maintain that this entire episode would have been ten times more meaningful if it would’ve been about Hotch and his insecurities surrounding his relationship with Jack rather than focusing on JJ and her relationship with Henry, which she only had reason to doubt because Will and the canon continually told her she was a bad mother for having a job, though the same was never drawn into question about Hotch, even when he became a single parent.)

-Ironically, after years of having issues with JJ’s job, Will directly places himself in harm’s way after promising JJ he won’t do it. He lies to her face and jeopardizes the entire investigation to walk into the bank, causing her immense emotional distress and getting himself harmed in the process. He then makes poor character judgments (not unreasonable, but he shouldn’t have placed himself in this situation in the first place!) and places his son’s life in jeopardy. 

-And... as a result, he gets married, though JJ has previously refused to marry him, probably for good reason. 

-And I have drawn attention to this before, but I just wanna say it again--this fandom drags Haley Hotchner to the moon and back for “abusing” Hotch, but her character arc and Will’s line up in almost every way. She was unhappy with the way her partner handled raising a family--but unlike Will, rather than continuously harassing her partner, she chose to leave and settled with an amicable divorce. Just like Will, she made a poor character judgment and trusted an unsub believing he was trying to keep her safe--but unlike Will, rather than reuniting with her partner and falling in love again, she got to bleed out on the floor of her own home. Haley Hotchner is a victim of misogyny in the writing, and the only reason Will is romanticized is because he’s a mediocre, average-looking white man with an accent and the canon lens made it seem as if he was in the right every time he manipulated and verbally lambasted his partner on screen. 

[inspired-by-the-music]

For You: Stand By Me

Taglist: @jineunwootrash @angels-from-california @jayjaydawn

If you would like to be added to the taglist of any of this blog’s works, please ask!

Recommended Reading: For You: 4 O’Clock; these works have separate, independent, but deeply interwoven timelines.

Chapter 15: The Girl Who Woke Me Up

Sehun's POV

It wasn't like Lei to be late, but she was nowhere to be found half an hour into the New Year's party. Although she had been helping her mother set up just a few hours earlier, Lei was not by Manager Kim's side as she made frantic rounds about the room, tiptoeing carefully around Donghae's lingering gaze. Although she and Lucas were nearly inseparable, Lei did not stand by him as he downed another glass of champagne while laughing with Mark Lee at the NCT table.

I was about to send her a concerned text when Taemin said from his side of Jongin, "She is so beautiful."

Like everybody else at the table, I looked toward whoever managed to turn Taemin's voice into a lyrical whisper. It didn't matter that it was none of our business who held Taemin's heart. When somebody loves that openly, everybody wants to watch for a second or two— even me.

My jaw dropped as my eyes settled on her. She was Lei.

Walking beside Baekhyun, Lei held three hearts in the palm of her hand: mine, Baekhyun's, and Taemin's. And I don't even think she knew what she held, what she could destroy with a single touch should she so choose. I think she only felt the weight of my heart because I forced it upon her through forever-kisses at that Christmas Party.

But how— how light, how insignificant might my heart feel compared to that of her ultimate idol? How cold and callous and uncaring might my voice sound compared to his?

How dark, how dull might my love look compared to that of the boy standing next to her? How rough and careless and frozen might my touch feel compared to his when he catches her before she can fall?

My stomach twisted as I fought (and failed) to tear my eyes from the visual of Lei and Baekhyun. They matched so perfectly from head to toe that, had I not known better, had I not believed that she loved me, I would have assumed that she coordinated her outfit with him.

Their dark hair was parted on the left side. Their clothes were crafted from the same sparkling midnight blue material. Their silver masks were a perfect pair that accented their best facial features. Their flowers— their flowers were the worst part. Atop her head, Lei wore a crown of white roses accented by blue baby's breath; she looked like a princess. In the suit pocket over his heart, Baekhyun tucked a white rose; he looked like her prince.

At that moment, I realized that it is much harder to believe in coincidence than it is to believe in fate. At that moment when she was so far out of reach, it was easy to see that Lei and Baekhyun were written in the stars, and I— where was I written?

Suddenly, it was as clear to everyone in the banquet hall as it was to me at the foot of the stairs in Lei's house: they were meant to walk together. Lei and Baekhyun were meant to be viewed as a pair.

As whispers about them, some approving and some disapproving, overtook the party, the tips of my ears burned. My hands formed tight fists under the table. And all I can remember thinking is I have to hide my breaking heart. No, I have to keep it from breaking, at least for now, because it is in her hands. My heart is in her delicate hands, and the jagged shards will make her bleed.

It didn't matter that Baekhyun was standing right there, willing and ready to bandage her. It didn't matter that Taemin could stop the bleeding with a single smile. I didn't want to hurt Lei ever again; I didn't want to scar her anymore. If protecting her meant suffering silently— well— that wasn't anything I hadn't done before.

Quietly, Jongdae whistled. "Who knew that sweet little Princess Lei would grow up to be so pretty?"

Chanyeol laughed loudly as his elbow dug into my ribs. "Someone did, right, Sehun?"

Obviously, I wouldn't have responded to Chanyeol's jest even if I could have found my voice. I wouldn't have known what to say.

Afraid of saying or doing something to shatter the loving image I left with Lei on Christmas, I turned to walk away from the scene that threatened to destroy me. Of course, I wasn't going to hide forever. The plan was to stand some ways away long enough to untangle the knot in my stomach. The plan was to stand aside to remind myself that choices are as significant as fate, and I was Lei's choice. I am Lei’s choice. 

The problem, of course, was my promise to stand where she could see me. I won't go far, I told myself. I'll stand right there, right against that wall, and maybe— hopefully— wouldn't it be nice if she comes to me?

That's pathetic, isn't it— the fact that I still dreamed that she would take the first steps? I'm sorry that I wasn't stronger. I'm sorry that I wasn't bolder. Always, always I was aware of my inadequacies. Always, always I daydreamed about filling them with her. At that moment, however, it occurred to me that that was not right; it occurred to me that that is not love. Above all, it occurred to me that I wanted to give Lei the purest love in her life. 

And I— I didn’t know how. Nobody ever taught me how. 

On my walk, I nearly collided with Taemin. Despite his eagerness to escape the table, he said, "Excuse me, Sehun," through a small smile. The smile wasn't a forced display of manners; it was genuine. I could tell because little wrinkles formed around his eyes.

I had never seen a smile like that before. Although faint, it was not at all sad or indicative of a broken heart even though we were walking away from the same scene: the one we loved beside another. Taemin's smile was joyful, inspired merely by seeing Lei from afar.

I needed to be more like Taemin, I realized as my back pressed against the wall. I needed to learn to love Lei a little more quietly, a little more peacefully, a little more selflessly. Rather than loving her like the careless teenager I had been when we met, rather than relying on her for constant assurance in our relationship that endured storms over a decade, rather than hoping for her to meet me most or all of the way—

I needed to grow up. I needed to find assurance in the steady beating of my own heart. I needed to take the first step for the rest of forever. I would. I will. That’s the promise I made to myself, the promise I made in one of the hearts she held. 

I will love you. I won’t love you perfectly. I won’t love you through a smile as gentle as Taemin’s. I won’t love you with an unmistakable, inescapable warmth like Baekhyun. But I will love you in the best way I know. I will love you with every word I say. I will love you with the words I am not yet brave enough to say. I will love you so deeply for the rest of my life that you will never wonder how I feel. You will never wonder who hung the moon and stars in my sky. 

While Lei defended herself against Chanyeol’s allegation that she had broken my heart as if she could ever be cruel enough to do such a thing, I wrestled with the best way to express my feelings. A verbal conversation wouldn’t do; she enjoyed debating and pressing my buttons too much. I couldn’t very well write a song; that would require enlisting the help of someone like Chanyeol who had better knowledge of music production, and I didn’t want to share my feelings with him (or anybody else, for that matter). 

While Manager Kim captivated the entire room with her heartfelt good-bye’s to Super Junior and Heechul declared that she was resigning from her position as their manager because of her feelings for Donghae, I decided that I could best express myself in writing. Starting from the beginning, I could map out our stars, and there— there I would be written. 

There, I could point to myself on a page and say, ‘I belong here too. I love her too. Even if she wakes up tomorrow and chooses one of you, even if my nightmares come true and she outgrows me, once upon a time, she chose me. Once upon a time, she loved me. Once upon a time, we were the best love story ever written, and I— I— I will never forget that I was her first love, so you shouldn’t either.’

That’s what I wrote on the inside cover of the leather-bound notebook containing our story, by the way. That’s the first of my thoughts that Lei read in my handwriting; it made her break into laughing tears. By that, I mean she was gasping through laughter and tears. So I was also gasping through laughter and tears when she set the book on our bed, crawled to me, and cupped my cheeks with her soft, warm hands, whispering onto my lips, “My first love, my endless love, my Sehun— I am so glad the road led to you.” 

And I believe her. 

When I found Lei standing alone on the terrace where everyone gathered to watch fireworks an hour early at Changmin’s urging, I embraced her. I didn’t think much of the fact that somebody was always watching. I didn’t much care about lingering stares, and I told Lei plainly when she mumbled into my chest, “Someone is going to see, Sehunnie.” 

“I love you,” I reminded her in a whisper per her request. My heart melted into a warm golden puddle in my stomach because of the spoken nickname and because she didn’t push me away. She didn’t argue with me as I declared, “I love you so much that I want everyone to see.” 

That was a funny thing to say, considering that we were huddled together in the darkest corner where no eyes would have strayed. 

I dropped a kiss onto her flower crown because it marked her as a princess— my princess— and it didn’t matter that Baekhyun gave it to her. The affection, I hoped, I prayed, would make me her prince. 

“I love you so much,” I muttered against a rose, “that I want everyone to hear.” 

That was a funny thing to say, considering that I spoke in the faintest whisper that only she could hear. 

Lei giggled as she linked her hands around my waist beneath my jacket. Her laughter was, is, always will be the most beautiful melody in this world. I loved being its conductor. I loved being its audience. 

“I’m so happy, Sehun.” She said my name with the brightest smile I had ever seen. 

It so closely resembled the smile she gave me all those years ago when she first gave me her name. It was still too big for her face, and it made her look much younger than the scowl she hurled at Chanyeol in the banquet hall. The only difference was that she no longer spoke through a gap in her front teeth; the gap was closed. 

After assuring her that I was happy too— far happier than I ever imagined because she stood near— I said, “I miss your gap, Lei. You’re beautiful, and I wouldn’t change a single thing about you, but I really wish I could see your gappy smile one more time.” 

“There are plenty of pictures of it.” The tips of her ears burned red at the compliment, and I thought that I had to call her beautiful every day. From the dimple forming in her chin, however, it was evident that she knew the limitations of photographs. “You know, I miss my gap too. I hated it when I had it, but the thing is: I always picture myself with a gap in my front teeth.” 

I stared into her wide eyes, finding my lovestruck reflection within them. “I always think of you with stars in your eyes.” 

I heard her breath hitch as she held me closer. Breathlessly, she reached for my hand. “I always think of you with my heart on your hand.” 

After bringing my frozen, trembling hand up her lips, she left a ruby-red kiss mark where she once left a fingerprint heart. I wanted to carry that mark everywhere with me. I wanted to boast it to everybody, and I promised to learn how to do that. I promised to learn who to tell. I promised to learn what to say to make them understand how much it meant to me— how much it means to me. 

I think I have learned. I think I have made you understand. I hope that I have. Please, tell me that I have. 

Her gesture rooted in our past, her touch— still electric— made my heart flutter. Her touch, even as my favorite memory, still makes my heart flutter. 

Her touch compelled me to say out loud, “I fell in love with you the day you marked your heart on my hand, you know. All at once, I opened my eyes and realized I was on the edge of a cliff, and I—” I choked on my emotions, but I forced myself to continue— “I was so scared that you wouldn’t wait for me at the bottom.” 

The wind blew and filled my eyes with tears that I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to become an overtly sentimental person, but every wall I ever built around my emotions tumbled at her touch. I didn’t want to shed a single tear, but Lei brought both hands up to my face, wordlessly promising to catch each tear before they fell. 

Lei loved me. She loved me so much from the day we met, and I— I am so grateful. I did not know whether love was meant to be repaid, but I resolved in that moment under her moon and all of her stars to return every loving gaze for the rest of my life. 

I held both of her hands against my cheeks because her touch made me brave enough to speak. “You said that I could walk with you anytime. And I just want you to know that I want to walk with you forever. I want you to know that I’m so sorry for—”

For trying to walk away. For breaking her mistletoe crown. For failing to regard her heart as the treasure it had been all along. 

But I couldn’t say any of those things she deserved to hear. My throat tightened around my words. 

Wiping my tears, Lei promised, “I forgive you. I forgive you, Sehunnie. Everything— everything painful is past, and now we are walking hand-in-hand on a path that doesn’t end.” Her thumbs stroked my cheeks, raising goosebumps in their wake. “Don’t carry things we don’t need, angel. Don’t carry things that will only hurt you. It’s okay.” 

Lei pulled me into the sweetest kiss. It lasted for about a millisecond, a blink in time, and I knew that was all we were, but God— God— we felt infinite. I think— no, I know this is love: when somebody makes you, a mere mortal, feel as though time has stopped; when somebody makes you feel as if forever, eternity, and fate were words written for you. 

“In case you forgot,” Lei said, “I love you too.” She beamed up at me, so I had to smile even as she winked in an attempt to dig under my skin: “In case you forgot, I loved you first!” 

Because I couldn’t argue with the truth, I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. Okay. You loved me first, but—” I caught her around the waist and leaned to whisper in her ear— “I’ll love you longer.” 

“As if,” she scoffed, pushing me away so I could catch the furrowing of her brow. “How can you even make such a bold claim? I told you, Sehunnie, I’ve loved you forever, and I’ll love you forevermore. What could last longer than forever?”

Feigning deep contemplation, I hummed through puckered lips, hoping that Lei would rise to kiss them. (Note: Lei never disappoints.) “Maybe forever in writing? I think I heard once that a love recorded on paper, in a film, or in a song lives forever.” 

“If you’re planning to write about me,” she said, “you should know that I’ve been writing about you too. I’ve been trying to map out or stars since we kissed in your car, but I— I can’t figure out how the stars aligned.” Her head went aslant. “But I also can’t figure out how we could have ended up anywhere else with anybody else.” 

It had been made clear to me that any misstep could have led Lei to Baekhyun or Taemin. Maybe she will find her way to them someday no matter what I do, but I gave no voice to those thoughts. Taking a deep breath, I soared at the imagination of Lei writing to pinpoint the correlation between the me of the past, the me of her dreams, and the me of right now. I hoped she was proud to have created a place where we could be together forever, even if someday we should wake up on different paths. 

It’s romantic, isn’t it, that we separately experienced the same epiphany concerning our stars? 

“Some things are just meant to be,” I figured, sounding unlike the version of myself who struggled to believe in things like destiny, the version I had been for almost all of my life. “You and I— Lei, we are the greatest meant to be I can imagine.” 

When I stepped into the warmth of the agency building from the winter snow, I quickly found Lei asleep at that table by the vending machine where we met. Her face was almost completely nuzzled into the bend of her elbow, into the cloud-soft baby blue sleeve of her sweater. Her dark hair sprawled over much of the table; it was so long then, almost reaching her waist. She shouldn’t have been recognizable, but I would have known her anywhere, from any distance. 

“Wake up,” I whispered into her ear as I settled into the chair next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist. “I’m here.” 

Once Lei sat upright and set to rubbing her sleep-swollen eyes, it was obvious that we couldn’t go out on an adventurous date. That much should have been obvious, I know, determined by our roles as idols, but I hadn’t shaken that image of her and Baekhyun standing together at the New Year’s party from the front of my mind. 

I wasn’t jealous anymore. That initial towering wave of nausea and the drowning sense of inferiority had passed without casting me overboard. It just occurred to me once the storm cleared and the sun broke through the clouds that I wanted to be the person by her side forever; I wanted to stand by her in the light; I wanted it to be obvious to strangers from a glance that we were meant to walk together. 

Rising to her feet and slinging her bookbag— the tiny pink Hello Kitty bag she carried since childhood, the bag still donning the keychain I bought for her tenth birthday— Lei groaned, “I’m exhausted! And I didn’t even realize it until I woke up.” 

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” I said as I followed her, “but there are more comfortable places to sleep, you know.” 

Lei had worked herself to the point of exhaustion, I know without a doubt, because she made no argument; she loved to argue. 

On our walk to the door, I reached for her hand, which was always much smaller than mine. She flinched at the contact probably because my hands were always cold, maybe because she wasn’t yet used to affection, hopefully because my touch was electric. 

As shocked as she had been at the start, Lei was the one who interlaced our fingers. Lei was the one who whined when I had to break the contact to open the passenger door and then round to the driver's seat. Lei was the one who reached for my hand as soon as I set it on the steering wheel. 

“I just want to feel you.” Her words blurred together drowsily, but her eyes shot open— wide awake— when I glanced at her. “Your hands are so warm, Sehunnie, and it’s so cold outside. I’m freezing!”

After turning the heat up, I said through a budding smile while starting down the familiar path to her house, “Nobody has ever called my hands warm. Then again, nobody ever held my hands before you.” 

“And nobody will hold my hands after you,” I almost said. Because I didn’t want to think of a time after her— I didn’t want to think of a time without her— I bit down on my tongue. I left those words unsaid. Unspoken words hold power too. 

“Your hand was warm at the drive-in too,” she told me. “Holding your hand made me feel like the moon and stars smiled down at us.” 

There was no moon and there were no stars that night, I remembered clearly, but I didn’t remind Lei. Maybe this sounds crazy, but I hope she misremembered a lot about those days before I could love her. In a way, I hoped she romanticized them; I hoped she saw them— I hope she saw the past me— through love-colored lenses. I hoped the stars smiled in all of her memories. 

With an almost childlike quality of honesty— the kind that I never wanted to argue with, the kind I only thought I had to argue with— Lei said, “Holding your hand makes me feel like spring has come.” 

Butterflies raged in my stomach and told me the perfect thing to say: “That’s funny. Looking at you makes me feel like spring has come.” 

I think that might have made her squeal had she not been drifting to sleep. Her head banged against the window every few seconds. 

“Lay back,” I tried to demand sternly, but my voice was nothing but a gentle whisper around her after Christmas. “Lei, lean your chair back and go to sleep. You’re gonna bruise your face or give yourself a concussion if you keep hitting your head.” 

Without opening her eyes, she argued, “I don’t wanna go to sleep! I wanna stay awake with you!” 

She was being rather childish, I thought, but she repeated that sentiment once we sat together on her living room couch, which was no longer tainted by the memory of finding Lucas atop her on her birthday. 

“But you’re tired.” Tightening my arms around her waist, I pulled her closer and encouraged her to lean into me, to fall asleep on me. “Just close your eyes, and I’ll go to sleep with you.” 

Lei didn’t resist my pull. Her eyelashes tickled the skin on my neck as she laid against me and allowed her eyelids to flutter shut. Without mumbling another word, she fell into that deep heavy-breathing sleep, and I wondered how many nights she had avoided sleep. I wondered how I was supposed to fall asleep with her laying so close. I wondered how I was supposed to close my eyes while my heart pounded in my chest, eager to break free and unite with hers. I wondered how I was supposed to breathe while her breath whispered across my skin. 

I was wide awake— I am wide awake— and I never want to sleep again.

[sullustangin]

Not a disaster spy.

Note:  I speak in lawful/neutral/chaotic alignments as seen in D&D.  I’m not getting into good, evil, or neutral, nor “Dark Side” or “Light Side” activities. 

There were more than a few reasons why I commissioned a piece of art that depicted some pretty gnarly scars on Theron Shan (and on my smug, Eva, but you don’t care as much about her, let’s be real). It’s part of a story I’m telling.  It’s part of my headcanon.  Also, it’s my own sort of protest against the habit of writing Theron off as a hot but inept spy.  He’s an impulsive fool despite being intelligent, which is why he ends up in bizarre situations. He always gets hurt because of this (but he’s always magically healed up in time for any smut). 

To be clear: Theron totally has issues due to his early life and an inability to play well with others; you can label him with attachment issues, intimacy issues, whatever keeps him a bit of a lonely character (which he admits).  Personal life -- disaster.  That’s canon, explicit and implicit.

What I object to are his skills and abilities being discounted because of that.  His professional life is far from being a disaster.  Director SIS Marcus Trant brands him as one of the best field agents, and long term, he ends up being operations manager for a covert base for an upstart independent government.

Reasons:

In the book Annihilation, Theron runs around in his boots and briefs trying to destroy the Ascendant Spear.   Hot, funny, and strangely effective.

But why?

Because Jace Malcom and Marcus Trant were ok with sacrificing a few planets of people “for the greater good.”  They let Ruan be attacked.  They planned on letting Duro be attacked, because they wanted the Pub fleet to focus on the Ascendant Spear, the Empire superweapon.  They watched a planet get wrecked and planned on doing it again.  It’s war.  It’s a lawful action, for the greater good.  It complies with society’s expectations -- the Republic leadership’s expectations -- in a time of war. Lawful neutral, probably.  Maybe lawful good if you squint and do the math about the Spear’s potential fatality rate, galaxy wide.

But Theron isn’t a lawful character -- he doesn’t just do stuff because society says it’s ok.  That’s why he goes off and does impulsive stuff because sometimes, society is wrong.  Theron is a neutral, leaning chaotic character -- he mostly follows the law, but also relies on his own intuition and gut feeling about what is right. Neutral characters balance what society says is right and what a person internally thinks is right.   Chaotic characters -- like my oc smuggler -- don’t rely on society’s views at all; it’s all about her gut and moral compass.  Theron at least considers lawfulness and order in his response, which is why he is (mostly) not a chaotic character.  He has his moments, though - no character is pure.  In contrast, Lana is a Lawful character in the context of the Sith Empire.  She does things that her society approves of.  She does like to think of herself as ‘her own woman’, but her behavior patterns are heavily informed by the Sith upbringing and training - she is Lawful but leaning Neutral on occasion due to her own sense of pragmatism.  She does not go by her gut alone. 

(Please remember I’m not addressing good/evil, Light/Dark side in this post.)

That’s why Theron ends up dehydrated with cramped leg and half naked.  He didn’t want people to die "for the greater good” when he personally could stop it.  So he and Gnost Dural fool Darth Karrid into participating at Duro, which means the Republic Fleet has to defend the planet, since its target is the Ascendant Spear.  The only way that happens is that Gnost-Dural is tortured, and Theron has to manually slice into the nearly uninhabitable bowels of the ship.  Hence the whole strip tease by the end of the incident.  

Consequences: 

In the example above, it’s mostly situational embarrassment for Theron, and the Jedi gets tortured. 

In an earlier part of the book, Theron is beaten up to keep his cover and acquire important information (and loses a few teeth in the process) and leaps off a building and probably fractures a few things -- he dislocated a shoulder too.  Still didn’t blow cover, and he is able get off Ziost with Gnost Dural. 

Every SWTOR player knows about Rishi -- it’s easy to argue that Theron doesn’t give up Lana because that could burn his Republic ally.  But if  you’re playing Imp side, what’s stopping him?  Flirting is nothing to this point.  Why not burn all the Imps down?  He could save his own skin, infiltrate the Revanites that way and save the Republic Fleet -- to hell with Darth Marr.

Because it’s not just “ooo rah Republic” informing his choices -it’s not Republic society saying it’s ok and lawful that makes him sit there.  It’s his own moral compass that says it’s wrong to burn Jakarro and the operative, even if Lana did give him up.  So he holds out under torture, even as Revan tries to make his descendant his ally. 

Theron had been in SIS for about 12-13 years by the time we get to Rishi.  We know he’s fallen from high heights and survived worse falls than leaping between buildings on Nar Shaddaa -- survived, not gotten out unscathed. He was a swoop racer for awhile -- that’s a risky hobby.  As an agent, It’s reasonable to assume he’s been shot at with blasters and possibly slugthrowers (if he came across a Mando), stabbed with traditional blades or vibro-blades, got burned if he was in an industrial area or a hot engine room or a chemical lab -- the list goes on.  After Yavin, we know that the one agent possibly more chaotic than he is, Jonas Balkar, ends up giving him a few broken ribs in the name of busting up an implants ring. 

So Theron does have very real consequences for his decisions, in all likelihood.  That’s what I wanted to reflect in the recent commission; although it happens shortly before the torture session on Rishi, it shows the viewer that this is a path he’s been on before, and not by accident. 

Cutting here because boy, did I have a lot to say about what happens AFTER SoR in terms of alignment/characterization.

The KotFE and Beyond: Consistency Issues

Theron registers his approval and disapproval on certain decisions in later xpacs, and he often takes the more benevolent “light side” end of things -- whether that’s based upon his societal expectations or personal moral compass is not as clear.  But he still does disagree with the Commander (one of the more obvious examples being  storming out of the room if there are too many Pub casualties on Corellia when the player is Imp side).  While it remains a touchy topic, the Traitor Arc does reflect his neutral-chaotic tendencies. He goes with his internal moral compass.

Electrocuting the Commander on Iokath was part of Theron gaining the Order of Zildrog’s trust. Theron’s smart enough and probably familiar enough with the Commander’s bio data to know how to make it happen and look bad enough without serious ill-effects. This is part of what he does as a spy, and there’s likely a guide on double agent sabotage somewhere in SIS -- how to look like you’re doing bad stuff without actually doing as bad stuff as requested.  This is also part of what he personally believes to be a better path -- certainly not by Alliance “what to do when bad things happen” book, which was to tell his Commander.   

Does Theron fail at Nathema?  Yes; there is a major loss of war materiel (the Gravestone and the Eternal Fleet).  But what would he have considered more important?  The loss of the fleet or the loss of the Commander and others if the Fleet was unleashed?  The loss of life or the loss of stuff? That’s where Theron’s neutral-chaotic alignment comes in. 

It also does matter how the player views the entire situation -- Theron’s boss also has a say in ‘success,’ which is why Trant matters in judging Theron’s previous actions. At the end of KotET, some people had been miserable that they HAD to either be a ruler or a peacekeeper instead of just getting on their ship and riding off into the sunset for more class-specific adventures. By the end of Nathema, some people were mad about losing the weapons and the power.  Some people were relieved that they weren’t so OP anymore; the writers had written story/character development into a corner, and ending the whole Throne/Fleet thing had to happen. (It’s still not fully out of a corner, in my personal opinion.)  

Theron doesn’t get out of the Traitor Arc completely clean, no matter how many stans we write about it -- the writing is what it is.  He assuredly gains a new scar.  But it is player choice as to the severity of the failure -- and the consequences: Theron can end up married, still in love with the Commander, dumped by the Commander but in the Alliance, exiled, or dead. Those were the consequences for what he believed was the right thing to do -- this was probably his biggest leap into the chaotic alignment in terms of decision making, and this was the most dramatic spectrum of consequences.

As a side bar, the latter xpacs suffer from writing issues; there’s a lack of nuance compared to the vanilla stories and even Hutts and SOR.  Although the writers did promise that characters would leave if there were enough negative actions, only Koth actually left because of something we did; Lana never leaves, and Theron leaves regardless of prior actions -- because he’s doing the  double agent thing. (I thought the opening speech on Umbara was ill-fit for most classes, frankly -- the writing got better as we got closer to Nathema, but there are plotholes that make me fume.)  Lana and Theron never leave because the player makes too many LS or DS decisions. I honestly wish that was a consequence, because not having a consequence for decisions hallows out both characters and makes them lackeys rather than the stronger, distinct characters they were prior to Popsicle Time. Lana never leaves no matter what. Theron ultimately remains gone by player decision, not by his own.  Koth was at least granted that autonomy, for which I respect the writing for Koth. 

Theron Shan is a good spy that accepts consequences.

Theron is good at his job -- the best at his job, around the time of SoR. Because of how Theron approaches the world, he takes risks so others don’t -- so others don’t get tortured, so other planets don’t get blown up.  It doesn’t mean that he’s some inept idiot that fumbles his way toward mission success. He  knowingly suffers for his choices that are a combination of by-the-book training and his instincts. He doesn’t complain about it, even when the player points it out on Rishi.  It is the job.  Spies do really, really strange stuff to keep their covers. He also doesn’t complain as he’s limping around after Nathema, nor does he object if he’s exiled or dumped.  He knows what he did.  He can live with it (if the player lets him). 

Spies that remain alive and get back to their home nations without giving anything important up to the enemy are successful spies.  We see this in pre-SWTOR media.  Rishi is a success for Theron -- although he is exposed, he remains alive and uncooperative.  The temporary Alliance between Marr and Satele gain massive amounts of intel, including Revan’s base on Yavin.  Later, Theron is able to keep the Odessen base functional and secret.  We even get to do some infiltration work on Zakuul -- the Alliance’s spies don’t give anything up while surviving and making it home with gains.  He succeeds overall at Odessen.  He fails at Nathema, though that failure is mostly interpreted by the player in terms of severity. 

Few spies are perfect and survive to become old men.  Even if Theron is killed at the end of Nathema, he did make it further than many; if we consider that Theron was about 37 or 38 at Nathema and he started SIS at 16, that’s upwards of 20 years in the field.  That’s a long lifespan for an active field agent, even in real world estimates. 

For those of us who let Theron live, then he still has potential for more spy escapades, though probably with some serious oversight.  We can leave that to headcanons, since Lana and Theron have taken a step back in prominence since Onslaught.  Theron will never be orderly like Lana; if you favor lawful characters, you will rarely see eye to eye with Theron.  He is not a by the book spy, and even Trant complains about that.  At the same time, the instinct, the skills, and personal conscience is there, which is why Theron is successful all the way up to Nathema -- and depending on the player, arguably still is. 

Personal life -- sure, a disaster. No doubt. But as a spy?  I don’t think disaster is an accurate assessment.

[aperrywilliams]

Hot Genius (Spencer Reid x Maxine Brenner)

(Not my gif!)

Masterlist - Requests

———————

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Maxine Brenner.

Request: I'm anon cause I'm shy but a quick fic where Prentiss asks Spencer and Max to act as bait for a serial killer that attacks newlyweds or married couples however you write it will be perfect.

Summary: Spencer is not very happy at Emily's suggestion that Max help them catch a serial killer. But despite his apprehensions, he has no choice.

Word Count: 3040.

Warnings: Some curses. Suggestive sex talk. Fluff.

A/N: This is my first formal request. Thank you Anon for suggest a Spencer-Max fic. I hope you’ll like it. I’ll take the boldness to tag @andiebeaword​  and @dreatine​ since it’s a maxcer fic.

——————–

"Thanks for bringing me today. With the failure in the subway it would have taken me a long time to arrive,” I said when we had reached our destination.

"Let's say you were lucky that today was my day off," Max replied as I opened the car door in the FBI parking lot.

"I know. Don't you want to go up for a while? Penelope will surely be happy to see you considering that you have not seen each other in several weeks.” Max thought for a few seconds about my proposal.

"Yes. It's not a bad idea. You could offer me a good coffee too. The one in this morning was a disappoint, I must say,” she replied, looking at me with disapproving eyes.

“Hey! The online order has taken longer than I expected. It was the only type of coffee in home this morning." I tried to defend myself, but without much success.

"I'm amazed at how imprudent are you Dr. Reid with such important thing.” Max shook her head, continuing in her disapproving tone.

"I'm sure you're going to torture me all week for this, am I right?". I answered before giving a defeated sigh.

"Of course I’ll do," she said, laughing.

"Okay. I deserve it"

When we crossed the glass doors of the BAU the first person who saw us arrive was Penelope. She couldn’t hide her happiness from seeing Max. Since we started dating, the two became quite close, even Max had joined more than one of the BAU girls' nights. I must confess it made me nervous at first, but the girls adore Max so I relax easy with that.

"Is not the great Max who deigns to appear in these places?". Penelope exclaimed from the other side of the bullpen .

"Hey Penelope. I think you are overstating a little…” Max replied to Garcia's questioning.

"Of course I’m not overstating. We have not heard from you in centuries! Besides, Boy Wonder is not one of those who talks a lot, so every time we ask him about you he only answers 'She is fine…’” Garcia complained.

"I have a very chatty boyfriend as you can see ..." Max replied laughing and winking at me.

"Ok, ok. Let's take advantage of the fact that you are here and we go to my Batcave to talk for a while”. Garcia was unable to finish speaking and was already pulling my girlfriend down the hall to her office. Max looked me muttering a 'sorry'. I just shrugged with a farewell wave.

I hadn't noticed Prentiss was outside her office staring at the scene that had just occurred.

"I see Penelope kidnapped your girlfriend." I turned to look at her and with a grimace drawn on my face I replied.

"Yep . So it seems"

"Well. Since you're here, shall we meet in the conference room? I need to discuss a case with you."

Luke, Rossi, Matt, Prentiss and I were in the conference room. Emily started talking about one of the cases that was torturing the DC police in recent days. We had worked on the profile just the day before, but apparently the police's efforts to locate the unsub were not being very effective.

“Given this context, we agreed with the police that in order to attract the unsub we need a newly-married couple in the club. It is the only way to get him out of his hiding place,” said Prentiss.

"Okay. But... ¿are we sure the unsub hunt there?" Rossi asked.

“When reviewing victimology yesterday the only crossing point was that club," said Luke.

"Wouldn't it be enough to stand guard and wait?" I asked hoping that the profile delivered the day before was enough to locate him.

"I think we would be making a mistake if we let the local police try to do that on their own . We know that the unsub is very methodical. You have to be subtle with him and the local police is anything but that from what we have seen” Prentiss replied.

"Well. So, will we have to do it? Who?” Luke asked.

“Until half an hour ago I had no idea about that. But now I know. Spencer and Max will do it” . Prentiss spoke as if she was talking about what she had for breakfast in the morning.

"Wait… what? Max?, me?... No. No way. Forget it!"

Prentiss was crazy if she thought I was going to accept something like that. Already this covert operation seemed like a bad idea to me, worse if I had to involve my girlfriend, who was not an FBI agent by the way.

"Spencer, please. We don't have many options and we have to act quickly.” Prentiss pleaded.

No options?, there is a whole building full of agents ...

“But Emily, it's dangerous. We all saw the photos of what this guy does to his victims. There has to be another way." I tried to reason with her.

“That is why you’ll be there with her and us monitoring the situation all the time. It’s the only chance to do this quickly and prevent more victims."

Great. The argument of the victims. Don't get me wrong, I’m fully aware of the importance of this work. But the risk was doubled if we added a civilian - my girlfriend by the way - to the equation.

"Why can't it be another couple? Luke with Tara, or Matt with JJ?”

“JJ is sick from Henry's flu. Tara is conducting interviews for the Georgia case.” Prentiss replied.

I could see the disapproving look of Luke, Matt and David on me. Sure, the antihero in the story was me now, refusing Emily's brilliant idea.

"What about you?" I asked as a last resort.

“Are you kidding?, I'm not for that kind of mission anymore. Also I’m not the target type of the unsub and someone has to supervise the operation,” Prentiss defended herself.

"Max won’t to do it...". That was more a thought to me than something I wanted to say out loud.

"We haven't asked her," said Emily.

At that precise moment, Max entered the conference room, accompanying Penelope.

"What is it I won’t want to do?" Max asked curiously.

"Great ..." was the only thing I could say under my breath. Knowing Max during this time I already knew what will be her response. Independent my opinion or all the protests I might have.

"Max. We have to talk about something…” Prentiss said inviting her to sit in one of the chairs in the room.

That was how that night with Max we were outside the club where we hoped to locate the unsub. Our cover was to pretend to be a newly married couple having a good time in that busy place.

I was reluctant to enter yet. Max could feel my hesitancy and took my hand squeezing it to look at her.

"Spencer... I know very well I’m not an FBI agent and I have neither the training nor the experience for this. But I'm just trying to help."

"I know. I know. I'm not mad at you for that. I'm rather... concerned. What if I can't protect you? What if I fail?”. It was a fear more than founded. There were so many things that could go wrong.

"Don’t think about that. You are good at your job and there is also a team behind supporting you right now. I promise not to do anything stupid that could put us at risk.” I let out a sigh.

"Yes, okay, okay. Let’s go to catch this bastard". I said , trying rather encourage me to myself. Max smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck.

“Furthermore, it’s not necessary that we should pretend much. Although these rings are fake, the kisses and embraces that we can give ourselves in there do not have to be," she said playfully. So she rose to his feet and caught my lips with hers. God, how I love those kisses!. I didn't want to be in that club at the time. I would have preferred to be in her place!.

"This will make it difficult to concentrate me..." . She started to laugh without letting me go. I caught her lips with mine again. When we parted, we hold hands and entered to the club. Just then, the audio in our headphones started working. Prentiss will be the one giving the instructions this night.

"Alright guys. Go ahead. Let's do this and let's do it fast. The first thing you have to do is go to the bar and order a drink. From there start a conversation and try to scan the place discretely"

The first obstacle was precisely finding a place in the bar. The club was crowded with people. How is it possible that so many people enjoy places like this? it was very hot, people sweating and the floor was a combination of germs and residues of perhaps what other things. Max did a good job finding a spot to access to the bar. Once there, I gestured to the barman to give us two drinks. We leaned against the bar counter and began to 'talk' as we slowly sip our drinks.

"What do we have to look at?" Max asked. I leaned down to speak into her ear so I wouldn't have to scream. The music was very loud.

“If our profile is correct, it is a white man between 30 and 40, with strong features. Tall. Semi-formal dress. He should be alone, but he should be confident. Hardly nervous. Very observant. He would have to be looking all over the place looking for his new victims. You have to look at those who watch couples either on the dance floor or here at the bar.” Max gave a loud laugh that at first shocked me, then she came over to speak in my ear.

"So I guess we should attract his attention, right?... I didn't laugh out loud because I found it funny, by the way..." she told me.

"Clever girl!" Prentiss chirped over our headphones. "Well lovebirds, while you look at your surroundings, take advantage of playing around a bit.”

The statement made me blush. Max gave a nervous laugh. I leaned closer and hugged Max around the waist as I rested my head on her shoulder. She raised her head a little to kiss me. Besides pressing her against my body, I didn't know much to do. I mean, I could think of millions of things to do... but not in a public place, if you know what I mean...

"Spencer, it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to kiss my neck so we can have a better view of the opposite side..." Max suggested.

"Are you sure ... ?"

"Yes... why not? ... not that we haven't done this before..." Max replied.

"I know, I’m sorry. I'm a little nervous."

It was true. I was nervous. I was with my girlfriend in a club and I need to pretend something I would love to be doing in private. How the hell is something like that controlled? Anyway, I took Max's suggestion and started kissing her neck slowly while my eyes scanned the place. She let out some giggles because of the tickle while she also was looking around.

"Spencer, near the bathrooms I see a suspicious man looking at us, red shirt, black tie and black jeans..." Max whispered in my ear.

"I see another one looking at us from behind the dance floor, black dress pants, white shirt and black jacket...". I replied.

“We have to clear doubts before any movement. Raise your bet guys,” Prentiss instructed. What the hell did that mean?...

Without warning, Max tugged at my hair so I had to look at her and then tugged at my tie and pulled me into one of the most passionate kisses I got in a long time. Just to make it even more believable - I thought – she raised slightly one of her legs and began stroking one of mine. I couldn't help but freeze for a few seconds. Max noticed my nervousness at her bold move.

"Hey hot genius, just think like we're on the couch of your place..." Max said as she started to kiss my jaw. The moment those words came out of her mouth we heard chuckles from the earpiece. I could only to dig my head into Max's neck trying to hide my embarrassment.

"Sorry, I forgot they can hear us..." Max apologized, also blushing.

"Don’t worry about us... you continue to do your own thing... at least what can be done in public... remember our mission." Prentiss replied trying to maintain her composure.

“Ok… the man who was on the other side of the dance floor came closer to us, now he is leaning against one of the walls that gives the back exit. The one who was near the toilets, in a red shirt, went with a woman to dance,” I said after identifying the unsubs.

"What do you think Reid, is he our unsub?" Prentiss asked.

"I'm almost sure. He is looking very eagerly at our hands and rings… and he fits the profile”.

"Perfect. We started phase 2 now,” instructed Emily. I took Max's hand and we walked to the back exit, making sure to stop for a few minutes near the unsub so he could get a closer look of us and hear us. With my hands I took Max's cheeks and after giving her a burning kiss I began to speak.

“Baby, I’m so happy I had married you. Now you are mine and nobody else, always remember that... only mine, understood?". Saying that was part of the character. The unsub hunted couples where the man showed possessive traits in the relationship and was what he sought to annul by killing them first in front of their partners.

"I know baby. I’m yours and nobody else's. Show me right now that I belong to you and only you”. Max replied as she put her arms around my neck and we kissed again. Convinced that the unsub had heard us, we began to move towards the back door without break our embrace.

As we stepped outside, the cold in the alley hit us. It was true that the club was burning inside and not only because of the large number of people on it.

I cornered Max to one of the walls, allowing her to have a view of the door so she could to notify me when the unsub left the club. Only two minutes passed and the unsub went out into the alley. Max's warning signal to me was a sultry "Oh, Spencer... baby." I took her by the waist again, pretending a fiery make out session in that dark alley.

"Is it time for the arrest?" I asked without detaching myself from Max.

"Not yet Reid. We have to wait for him to try to attack you before we can do something,” Prentiss replied.

"Great..." I muttered under my breath .

"Spencer... he is approaching very fast..." Max said quickly.

"Is he armed?..." I asked.

"He has a kni…". Max couldn't finish the sentence when I felt an arm pull me to turn violently.

"Leave her alone!" the unsub yelled waving a knife to threaten me.

“Hey! Hey! ... what's going on ?, what's your problem man...?” I said faking confusion.

“She is not yours! You don't deserve her. You are like all the bastards inside this fucking club. You don't really love her,” he shouted frantically. I had my eyes fixed on the knife while trying to get Max out of his sight with my body and arms.

"Take it easy man... nobody has to get hurt..." I tried to reason with him.

"Of course it is, and you will be the first!". My eyes and mind were so focused on the knife he was waving with one of his hands that I didn't notice his other hand that struck my face with a punch that knocked me to the floor.

Stunned I tried to get up quickly when I saw the unsub begin to approach Max. But I was dizzy, I couldn't find stability. Fortunately before he could touch her, Luke appeared out of nowhere and leaped him, knocking him to the floor. Matt appeared behind Luke to help him in the arrest and lead him to the police car. Prentiss approached Max to see how she was doing. I was still on the floor.

"If anyone cares, the bastard punched me in the face..." I complained as I put one of the palms of my hands on my now more sore face.

Max quickly approached to see how I was doing. Prentiss held out a hand to help me up.

"Let me see that face..." Max said as she saw what would be a big bruise in a few hours.

"Don't complain Reid, you will survive," Prentiss joked.

"This was not in the script," I protested. Emily nodded.

"Yes I know. The two of you did a good job, by the way. Max, you keep me surprising. Congratulations" Prentiss said smiling.

"Thank you Emily…" Max replied and then turned her eyes to me, examining if she found any other wound on my face.

"Spencer, like a reward for you good job in this case, tomorrow you have the day off..."

"How generous Emily…" I replied ironically.

"That's how I am. You know that. Well maybe that gives you enough time to finish what you started in there… right hot genius?” Prentiss sentenced, laughing and patting me on the back before leaving the place. With Max we both flushed like tomatoes.

"Sorry..." Max muttered.

"It's okay. Although you can be sure that even the director of the FBI will know about this tomorrow"

"So... what if let's put it into practice so they can speak with reason?, don´t you think?..." Max suggested winking at me and intertwining our hands to start our way home.

“Yeah, you’re right. I have no reason to protest for such excellent suggestion” I said with a eager smirk.

——————–

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Family (Caius Volturi x Reader)

You were born to a human surrogate who had been disposed of after birth. You were the hybrid child for Caius and Athenodora. Somewhere along the line the fairy-tale happy ever after was no longer a possibility. You weren't who your parents wanted you to be. You wanted to see the world, independent from everyone. You wanted the very choice to make enemies, not enemies by choice. You knew it had hurt their feelings when you convinced Aro to overrule your parents and let you leave. It was never the same between you and Caius after that. You wondered if he could ever forgive you by the longer time passed the more clear it became that perhaps he never would. 

It only got worse when you befriended the Cullen's. They needed time to really come round. Even then Athenodora, your mother, forgave you. She tried to reason with Caius. The two had raised you to be independent. They didn't get to decide to be cold when they weren't included in how you wanted to live. Caius seemed to take Athenodora's words all too literal. He had just about disowned you after that conversation. Maybe it was pride, or hurt that affected him but it was all the same consequences. Whilst it hurt you to know your parents were disapproving, you couldn't regret your actions. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't be sorry. You were one hundred and forty years old and had physically stopped aging at eighteen, thankfully just like Renesmee. Or at least everyone thought. You had begun to feel off. Symptoms of being ill. You hadn't been sick before and it terrified you. Nevertheless you kept it to yourself. Humans got sick everyday. You'd live. Life goes by its own path. 

Months had passed and you had been forced to contact your father and ask him to meet. Caius didn't want to meet you. You only made your existence known when you wanted something from him. He found every little details of your life trivial so naturally he didn't want the inconveniences that you always brought along. However it was Athenodora who insisted he went and tended to their child. Athenodora always saw the infant she raised even when looking at you now fully grown. You'd always be her baby. 

So he did. Caius brought Demetri and Felix and travelled to America. You met one another on the outskirts of the woods. "what do you want?" Caius wasted no time. "Or you could say hello." Your face twisted with emotion but your voice held the same spite it always had. "Hello, (Y/N). Now what do you want?" You didn't respond, nor could you look at him. "(Y/N)?" "Could you for two minutes stop being Caius of the Volturi. The terrifying leader of the Volturi for two minutes. All I ask is for two minutes and instead by my father. I'm really asking because I really need my dad." Your eyes flickered to his and he saw you were seconds from crying. Caius was silent for a moment before sighing. "What?" He asked much softer in tone. "I've sat around for two days trying to figure out the right way to tell you this. I've been alive for one hundred and forty years and this-" you shook your head. "I haven’t got the words. I don't have the words to be gentle about this so forgive me." "Enough with the dramatics-" "I am sick." You interrupted him, you told him in anger but it was his fault. "I've been sick for the past couple of months. Carlisle checked me over." You shook your head. "I'm not going to get any better." You looked at Caius who had no expression. "What is your diagnosis?" He finally asked. "There isn't one. This one was luck of the draw. Nahuel, Renesmee, they got lucky. They stopped again and so did I but... only on the outside. The venom slowed down the again of my internal organs but didn't freeze them. All this time we've thought I was going to live forever. My organs are failing. They're old and venom doesn't work on me. I can't be changed. This is it. I'm dying." 

Your words stuck with Caius for many reasons. Firstly, you had given him an insight as to how you saw him. You didn’t think the leader of the Volturi was the same person that raised you. You believed that Caius sacrificed the role to be a parent and when you weren’t who he wanted you to be, he sacrificed being a parent to once again pick up the role of being a leader. Two distinguished people. You were wrong. Caius had never changed and never gave up his leadership in the slightest. You had that outlook because it’s what he wanted you to see, growing up. No child should have ever seen the things Caius was responsible for and so he shielded you from it. Now that you were older and out if the Volturi, you saw the other side- him being a leader. Secondly, his whole world had changed. Within a second he knew he couldn’t punish you forever or hold a grudge against you. You were his only child and his time with you was limited. It was definite and his actions now affected everything. “I hate to admit but…I’m scared, dad.” You whispered. “I’ve lost sight to the point of everything. I was promised forever and never got it.” You swallowed back a sob. Caius was quiet and still for a long time. You were almost startled when he moved. “I did everything I could. You changed my life for the better. You’re my miracle and I don’t even believe in such things. I got what I had thought impossible. Every blink, every move and heartbeat, you made our lives better with your very existence and that is the point! That is the point of you!” Holding back more tears you quickly nodded. Caius grew quiet once again before taking your hand. “Don’t ever question your worth. You’ve done more than enough for more people than you think. I want you to come home and see your mother. I’ll tell her what has happened. She’ll know by your arrival. I want you leaving immediately, understand?” You nodded and Caius turned. “Dad?” Caius turned and you saw his eyes now pitch black. “I love you…I didn’t say it before.” Caius nodded, he forgave you for that long ago. “I mean it. Come to Italy immediately.” Caius was never one to say he loved you back but you knew. Deep down, you knew. 

Athenodora was barely composed when you came back. Her eyes were pitch black and she wasted no time pulling you into her arms as she mumbled two words over and over again. “My baby…” She needed time, both your parents did and you needed air. 

Seeing Alec in the gardens that night was bittersweet. None of the guard knew. Only Demetri and Felix. No one was to know unless yourself or Caius told them. You looked at Alec and knew you had to tell him. It had to be you. 

Once, you and Alec had been sweethearts. You were the same physical age as him at the time so it was tolerable to date. It was young love and that’s all there was to it. Even when it ended, the two of you continued to have a soft spot for one another. Alec was your first love. Nothing could take that from him. “Something’s wrong, isn’t it?” Alec didn’t look at you but he knew you were behind him. “What makes you say that?” You asked lightly. “We only hear from you when something’s wrong. Since you’re actually here, visiting, something must be very wrong.” Alec had always been observant. It was difficult to hide anything from him. So you didn’t. He appreciated that about you. You never insulted him with the attempt to lie. 

You sat beside him. “Okay,” you nodded. “You’re right.” “Whats wrong?” “I’ve been sick for a few months.” “You don’t seem sick. I don’t think you’ve ever been sick actually.” “You’re not wrong. It was terrifying. A tiny cold could have been the plague for all i knew.” Alec couldn’t help but smile at your humour. He had missed it. “I went to Carlisle Cullen. He checked me over and after a lot, we found out what’s wrong.” “I’m certain its not the plague.” You couldn’t help but chuckle. “Its not. So it turns out the venom in my system has slowed down the aging process of my organs. My organs are getting old, so I’m feeling the consequences of aging but it’s delayed. I’m externally frozen but internally not so much.” “Alright, so you’re here for Caius to change you? Or visiting before you go for a transplant. Carlisle does that, right?” You simply looked at Alec with a sad look and Alec stared back. “(Y/N)?” Denial hit him hard. “Alec, there is no options for me. Venom doesn’t work on me and there’s no kind of surgery that would help me. I’m half vampire. It doesn’t work like that.” Alec stared you down. He inhaled sharply, nearly rising to a stand but you caught him, holding his face. “Its okay.” “No, it’s not! What do you mean!? What’s going to happen next!?” You gently hushed him, trying not to cry as you saw his eyes darken to black. “Listen to me, everything is going to be okay. I’m going to be here for a little while and then I have to go back to America. I’m going to enjoy my time left and then I’m going to go-” Alec gripped your wrists. “No…” “and you’re going to be fine. I’m going to need you to look after my parents for me, okay?” You weren’t sure if Alec was really hearing you as he continued in distress. “You’re leaving me…” He said weakly, he couldn’t cry but you knew if he could, he would. You pulled him into a hug. “You’re so special to me Alec. I’m so sorry. I know you’re going to be okay.” He didn’t answer you his forehead against your shoulder. “You can be sad for a while but then I want you to be happy. I couldn’t have asked for a better family. If you need to be sad for a couple of minutes every day, that’s okay but that’s all you get. I don’t want you to stop everything for me. I want you to live for me, understand?” 

It had been barely a week after your visit to Italy before you began to slow down and Carlisle saw the tell-tale signs. You had begun to sleep a lot, you were losing strength at an alarming rate. You weren’t hungry or thirsty. He made the call to the Volturi. It was time. 

The Volturi arrived a few days later, and just in time too. Carlisle was sure you didn’t have much longer. It was the time no one was ready for. To say goodbye. Athenodora stroked your face lovingly as you stared back at her. “My baby…” She continued to whisper to herself with a heartbroken smile. Athenodora soon moved over so that Caius could join her at your side. Athenodora took your hand but your eyes were on your father.  “Dad?”  Caius nodded, wrapping an arm over your middle. “I’m here.” 

Alec was in the far back of the room, against the wall with his hand covering his mouth. He found it difficult to even be in the same room. The pain already solidifying and his sister couldn’t fix it. There was so much pain he didn’t know what to do with it other than contain it as best as he could. 

You mumbled incoherently, your breath becoming slightly uneven as the vampires around heard the shift in your heartbeat. “Listen,” Caius leaned in close to you making sure you were focused on him. “I’m so proud to be your father. I always will be.” Your lips tugged up slightly in a slight smile. “We love you, little one.” Caius said. Your breaths began to slow. “Love you.” You mumbled before you went still, your eyes losing the life in them. Athenodora inhaled sharply and Caius nodded, trying to accept the loss. “My baby…” Athenodora began to sob but no tears fell. Carlisle moved forward moving his hand over your eyes, closing them before stepping away. 

Alec was given some time alone to say goodbye before they left. Alec stood over you, still lying across the couch. He silently willed for you to move whilst he waited for everyone to leave…but you didn’t. He heard the door click shut behind him and he immediately doubled over, head on your stomach and biting back a tearless sob of his own. The pain tearing him up from the inside. “Okay…” He promised you. He promised he’d do what you asked of him.

[af-answers]

Four Times Artemis Tries to Convince Holly to go with him to Mars and the One Time he Didn’t

The First Time | The Second Time | The Third Time | The One Time he Didn’t

The Fourth Time

The fourth time was during their sting operation to find the Changeling Napper in the American West. Foaly’s e-mail had been the itinerary of a gnome named Rumi Mush, a fungus farmer on the south side of Haven. Agricultural workers received more topside passes than most other professions in the fairy world, because though Haven’s technology was great, there were some things (like fertilizer and new seeds) one had to get from the source. Mush had been to California a week before the kidnappings began, and the surveillance photos showed Mush bringing a large biohazard container topside. It wasn’t uncommon for his trade, but Mush himself didn’t work with biohazards like spores or bacteria. But that wasn’t the smoking gun.

Foaly had done a media sweep of the area. Two days ago, in the same little town where the A5 shoot let out in California, a human child had been abducted from its crib. A wood carving of a human child had been left in its place.

The LEP raided his house on the outskirts of the gnome district and found not only the four missing fairy babes crying in a locked closet, but the human child in a cage in the basement. There were more cages as well: apparently, Mush was putting together a menagerie.

When Holly put out a warrant for his arrest, Mush was on another surface run. They alerted border patrol, but he’d passed them hours before. Giving orders to detain him if he came back through, Commodore Short and a team of LEP Retrieval sprites suited up and took the fastest shuttle to the surface. The sprites complained the cramped quarters wrinkled her wings, and while Holly didn’t dignify them with an answer, she smiled to herself.

When they got to the surface, Mush hadn’t returned. To Holly, this meant either he knew somehow he’s been made and was on the lam, or he’d been caught in the act by humans. Both were worst case scenarios. Using intel about which babies lived nearest the fairy mound, the team split into three pairs, each taking a potential target.

“If you hear sirens, follow them,” she instructed over the comms.

She and her partner approached their assigned house downwind. Gnomes had excellent senses of smell; if their quarry caught a whiff of them, they were done. After all, he had the advantage of being magic-less and so could hide inside the house, not to mention the hostages he could take. She crept up to a window of the one-story brick house. All the windows were dark, but she looked in anyway, turning on her night vision.

“No movement,” she reported. “Check the other windows.”

Just then, a voice call alert flashed in the corner of her helmet, the icon ice blue.

“Not the time, Artemis,” she whispered, side-stepping a tipped over flower pot on the stoop of the porch.

“On the contrary, Commodore,” the Irish accent sounded even more pretentious over the phone, “you’ll want to hear what I have to say for once. The house you’re investigating is devoid of human occupants. Ms. Gregston won a all-expenses paid trip to the Bahamas this weekend, and she’s left her infant daughter with her parents.”

“How fortunate,” she snarked, straightening as the tension melted off her. “So I’m guessing Mush isn’t here either?”

“Oh,” she could practically hear his smirk stretch into a grin. “I wouldn’t say that. Look in the front window.”

Holly peeked over the cracking paint of the window sill into the front room. There, hog-tied inside a ring of candles, was Rumi Mush. Outside of the wax circle was a note, written in a woman’s hand,

“Come on in.”

“I’ll see you at the fairy mound,” Artemis said, then hung up the phone.

As her team escorted a handcuffed Mush into a police shuttle, Holly slipped into the woods to meet the hulking figure in the shadows.

“Hide and seek was never your game, eh big man?” she joked, tapping Butler on the thigh with her first.

“I was quite good at being ‘it’,” he said with a grin.

Holly turned her gaze on Artemis, who looked entirely too smug.

“What were you thinking, interfering with LEP business like this?”

The grin shrunk a few teeth. “If I hadn’t interfered, you would have had a hostage situation on your hands!”

“I’m not complaining,” she pointed out. “I’m asking what were you thinking. Why this case? Why now?” It had been less than forty-eight hours since their lunch conversation, but the boy— no, man— looked different now. Emotionally. Though he smiled and his shoulders were sloped back in a relaxed stance, her helmet sensors showed an elevated blood pressure and too-even breathing. Like he was regulating it manually.

She took off her helmet, tucking it under her arm before taking his hand. “What’s happened, Artemis?”

He looked up at his oldest friend, who coughed into one gargantuan fist. “I’ll go— wait by those trees. You know the ones.”

When he’d gone, Artemis sighed, his smile now tired. “I can’t beat Foaly’s sensors, can I?”

“Why would you try?” She activated her wings so she could hover at his eye level. “Does it have something to do with the space thing? Why are you so hung up on this Artemis? Why are you in such a hurry—“

“Hurry? I’ve been building this ship for four years!”

“And you can’t wait a little longer? You’re still young, your brothers are still young. If you leave now, you’ll miss most of their childhood.”

“All the more reason to leave now,” he joked.

“This all seems very reactionary for you, Arty. I’ve never known you to make such a big decision so flippantly.”

“Apparently I’m supposed to be flippant. Flippant is normal.”

Artemis ran his free hand through his hair— a rare gesture for him, as it mussed his quaff— and pursed his lips to keep himself from talking further (another rarity).

But that last word was all Holly needed. It was a word Artemis seldom used unless he talked about one specific person. “It’s your mother.”

Holly led him to the coffee house in the shuttle terminal. They got a lot of sideways glances, but Artemis had been on multiple Haven talk shows since his rebirth, so there was no outright alarm.

“It didn’t begin when I resurrected,” he said as she set a earthenware cup of hickory coffee in front of him. “It didn't even start after Hybras, it was well before then. I think Mother has considered herself a failure as a parent since Father’s return, and she’s been trying to rectify the problem— me— ever since.” He wrapped his hands around the cup, but didn’t lift it to drink. “First her behaviors were what I considered to be typical for a mother: buying me clothes I didn’t like, disapproving of my language, wanting me to socialize with people my own age. But when Myles showed signs of taking after me, it changed. Escalated.” He sighed deeply, and Holly realized this was hard for him, that he most likely had never voiced these thoughts aloud. She covered his hands with hers, but remained silent.

He took another breath, then went on. “She was already going to university for psychology and mental biology, so she took up some child psych classes. After her first class, she sent the twins to a private boarding school on the other side of Dublin. I know part of her reason was so the twins would be more socialized than I am. A noble goal to be sure.” He stared at their joined hands, a crease forming between his brows. “When the twins were suspended for criminal recklessness, I’ve never seen Mother so upset. Not only with the twins, but me as well. She would never accuse me of corrupting my brothers, of course, but after that she monitored me constantly. Every day she asked me probing questions, and I could feel her diagnosing me, trying to suss out how I was broken.” He pressed his eyes shut. “Do you know what it feels like, to have someone you love and admire try to change the fundamentals of who you are? To have someone make you question if you’re sensible or even real?”

Now Holly did speak. “Yes,” she said, squeezing his hands. When he opened his eyes to look at her, they were watery, the ice in his blue irises melting. “In my early days as an officer, Commander Root and my coworkers challenged every decision I made. If I showed emotion, I was acting like a girl. If I did something right, I was finally ‘thinking like a man.’”

“The commander said that to you?” Artemis asked, angry on her behalf.

She shrugged. “It was the way at the time. He apologized later, and no one on the force would dare make those comments now, but back then I was jeered at for acting like a woman, but rejected if I bucked gender roles. It was wrong of them to treat me as if my differences were flaws.” She said the next words gently, but firmly. “And it’s wrong of Angeline, too.”

He shook his head. “Your colleagues were prejudiced against your biology. I made horrible choices in the past, and Mother believes it’s her job to pick up the pieces.”

“You wearing Armani suits everyday and calling her ‘Mother’ doesn’t make you an evil dictator, Artemis,” she argued. “Your mother is upset because you are who you are independent of her influence. You took care of her when you were ten years old. You were saving the planet by fourteen. If she can’t see the amazing man you’ve become, it’s her who needs a shrink.”

The human blinked, then smiled, one side of his mouth pulling up higher than the other. “See? This is why I need you to come to Mars with me. Who else would put me in my place?”

She withdrew her hands and frowned. Her stomach fell like she’d eaten a meal of lead. “Wait. Was this all a ploy to convince me to go to Mars?”

He tilted his head at her, then laughed when he processed her question. “No, no it’s all sadly true. I must still have a way to go if you believe I’d tell such an egregious lie to trick you into running away with me. Or perhaps, you’re simply arrogant.”

Holly shared his laugh, her stomach light again. “Even though we shouldn’t change who we are to match someone else’s expectations, there's always room for personal growth.”

He finally took a drink of coffee, then winced when he found it was room temperature. “In all seriousness, the offer still stands. If there’s even a part of you that doubts, please think on it.” He produced a fairy credit chip to pay for their drinks, and Holly didn’t bother asking where he’d gotten it. He stood, still smiling sadly at her. The emotion was become a constant for him, and she didn’t like it. “The launch is scheduled for two weeks from tomorrow. Please let me know by then.”

She nodded numbly, her brain scrabbling to answer the unspoken question of whether she did doubt, when her thoughts finally snagged on two vital words.

“Two weeks?”

[feed-the-birdss]

The Promise

Author’s Note: I know it’s been awhile since I’ve been active, but life has been so busy, that I took a mini impromptu hiatus. That being said, things are starting to calm down now that I am more used to NYC life, and I am so excited to catch up on everything I’ve missed--especially @petals-to-fish story Fearlessly Red and @blitheringmcgonagall story We Can Be Heroes. Nonetheless, here is something I’ve finally had time to finish today!! I really hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think. I love all kinds of reviews!!

Read it here on fanfic

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn’t mine.

“Daddy?” twelve-year-old Lily asked quietly.

“Yes sweetheart?” responded Mr. Evans not looking up from his newspaper.

“Daddy, you need to promise me, from the bottom of your heart, that you will never let me marry James Potter, and I mean never, can you do that?” declared Lily.

Mr. Evans just chuckled, “Sure thing darling,” he said somewhat absentmindedly as his eyes still moved across the page of his paper.

Lily got up, walked around the kitchen table, and ripped the paper right out of his hands. “Daddy this is serious! PROMISE me, you will never let me marry him. I mean it. It can never happen. If I wanted to marry him, it would mean I’ve gone crazy!!” Mr. Evans stared at his youngest daughter with wide-eyed concern over her absolute resolve. Her bright green eyes, so much like his own, were piercing his soul, begging for his help, and he could never refuse his little girl when she was looking at him like such. “Promise me,” she repeated.

“I promise.”

           As a Gryffindor, James Potter was rarely nervous even though there was plenty in his life he should be nervous about. Fighting in a deadly war with his girlfriend and best friends—easy—the other side were a pack of idiots. Telling Sirius that he damaged his bike snogging Lily up against it and knocking it over—please—that would be more funny than anything. Running around with a werewolf every month as an illegal Animagus—don’t make him laugh—a child could do that—heck—he did it as a child. Disobeying Alastor Moody—if he can handle an angry McGonagall, Moody looks like a teacup pig next to her.

           However, it was one of those rare times that James Potter was nervous. After apparating from his flat, he walked up to a simple looking house in Cokeworth. It was dark out, so he could only just make out the shadows of the perfectly manicured shrubbery out front. Stuffing his wand in his pocket, and using his hand to, once more, attempt to tame his hair a bit more, he held a knuckle up to the door, knocked, and then took a deep breath.  

           You see, there was only one thing in his life that ever made James Potter nervous: Lily Evans. He’d gotten past the nerves for, you know, just generally being in her presence after a year of dating, and this year has made him realize that he always wanted to be in her general presence—for the rest of his life if he could help it. So that’s why he’s here, outside the Evans’ house, with a speech in his head, and butterflies in his stomach. He was going to ask for Mr. and Mrs. Evans’ blessing to marry their youngest daughter.

           After a few agonizingly silent seconds, James heard some shuffling behind the door followed by the knob turning and the door opening to reveal Mr. Evans.

           “James? What are you doing here? Is Lily okay?” Asked Mr. Evans eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

           “Lily’s perfect sir, but she is the reason why I’m here. Would it be alright if I came in to speak to you and Mrs. Evans?” James was surprised with the steadiness of his voice given the fact that the butterflies in his stomach turned to bludgers the second the door opened.

           Mr. Evans’ eyes widened slightly. James was pretty sure he was catching on. “Uh…sure son, let me just find her. Make yourself comfortable in the living room in the meantime.”

           James nodded and made the familiar walk to the living room while Mr. Evans scurried upstairs to find his wife. Sitting down on the plushy floral patterned couch, James tried to control his racing heart by taking deep breaths. He couldn’t help but crave a shot or two of fire whiskey to take the edge off, but Sirius refused to let him even look at alcohol before coming here citing his so-called low tolerance. Sure one shot in the past has made James do and say incredibly stupid things, but at least he was able to do those stupid things without bludgers pummelling around inside his stomach.

           He was starting to wonder if what he was about to do was another stupid thing in the long list of stupid things he’s done in his life. Now he’s back to having the same argument with himself that he’s been having for the last seven weeks—should he be asking for the Evans’ blessing? For one, Lily does what she wants regardless of what anyone else thinks. Two, she does not like aspects of her life being discussed without her. James loves these things about Lily. Her fierce independence is her sexiest quality in his opinion.

However, James also knows that while as much as Lily epitomizes a modern independent woman, she also values tradition. While she would never openly admit it, James knows that Lily loves it when he takes charge of a situation, how he always puts her first, how he’s protective of her, and how he loves to take care of her. She can do all of this for herself by herself, but James’ heart always soars at the small tug at the corner of her lips whenever he does one of those things. So, in that regard, the traditionalist in him, and the secret traditionalist in Lily, can’t help but feel that Lily’s parents, as the people she loves most in the world next to James, would want to be in the know about the biggest question their daughter will be asked in her life.

           Fuck, mentally exasperated James. Lily could still get pissed about this. He then shot up his hand at an attempt to stress-grab his unruly hair, but in the process of grabbing his hair, he knocked over a photo frame standing on the side table next to the couch he was sitting on. Quickly scrambling to right the photo before the Evans’ came down, he picked it up. However, he paused before setting it back down. The photo was of Lily.

           It must have been taken last summer because she doesn’t look much younger than she is now. It was of her curled up with a book under the tree in the Evans’ backyard. Such an image was so familiar to James. He can’t count the number of times he stumbled upon Lily reading a book under the tree by the Black lake when they were still in school. It was like she couldn’t read for pleasure unless she was under a tree given the amount of times he caught her there. With a small smile now gracing his face, James set the photo back on the side table with a steady hand and a calm stomach. Even just a picture of Lily could do that for James.

           At that moment, he could hear the unmistakable soft thuds of socked feet coming down carpeted stairs. Turning his head, he saw Mr. Evans returning with his wife in tow.

           “Hello James, dear. Lovely to see you,” she said kindly giving him a peck on the cheek as she approached him.

           “It’s good to see you too Mrs. Evans,” blushed James in response to her greeting.

           Mr. Evans did not make eye contact with him as he made his way over to the couch across from the one James was sitting on making James more sure that he knew what this was about.

           “What can we do for you sweetheart?” inquired Mrs. Evans with a sweet smile.

           Mr. Evans was still avoiding his eyes and was instead fixated on the carpet, making James’ stomach butterflies slowly begin to flutter again.

           With a deep breath, James spoke, “As much as I respect and cherish Lily’s independence and ability to make her own choices, you are both the two people she loves most in the world…Other than me of course,” James added with a cocky smirk to Mrs. Evans, who chuckled in response to his joke. Mr. Evans was now glaring at the carpet.

           James cleared his throat nervously once he saw that glare, and decided to switch gears back to seriousness and to stay on seriousness, “uhhh…right…now that being said, again Lily makes her own choices about her life, but because she loves you both so much, your opinions about her choices matter to her. So while she doesn’t yet know that this choice is available to her, I want her to know that you both approve of it before I offer her this choice.” Mr. Evans’ glare was only sharpening, so screw the butterflies and the bludgers—a  hoard of angry Hungarian horntails were now taking residence in his stomach.

           James took another deep breath to try and calm his thundering heart which he was quite sure could be heard all the way over in America, “So, with that, I hope I can get your blessings…um from both of you…in asking Lily to marry me,” James sucked in another breath as he finished his statement, and held it as he waited for their response.

           Mrs. Evans responded almost right away, “Oh James! This is so exciting! Of course we would love it if you and Lily got married. I mean, you’re bit a young, but you’ve known each other so long, and you make each other happy.”

           James just smiled back at her with glassy eyes behind his glasses. He didn’t realize how much he needed the approval not just for Lily, but for himself as well until he heard it from her.

           Then his heart stopped as Mr. Evans started speaking—looking James straight in the eye.

           “Darling, please don’t speak for both of us. I’m sorry James, but I’ve made a promise to my daughter, and it is for that reason that you can never have my blessing to marry her.”

           James’ shock was consuming. He knew Mr. Evans wasn’t particularly fond of him, but he believed it was just because he was sleeping with his youngest daughter, not because he actually disapproved of him. Adrenaline started coursing through James’ body, but despite the heart-aching rush that was practically paralyzing him, he responded calmly, “Sir, if this is about you, as her father, promising to protect her, I assure you, that not only would I never get in the way of that, but I will protect her too just as she protects me.” James’ tone became increasingly desperate, ”Please Mr. Evans, I only want to make her happy, and I know I can do just that.”

           “I know, but protecting her is not the promise I am speaking of here.”

           “What promise are you talking about? Don’t let the poor boy suffer for your stubbornness. If you won’t give him your blessing, you better give him a damn good reason,” protested Mrs. Evans.

           Mr. Evans bowed his head, rubbed a hand over his face, and let it out with a heavy sigh, “The summer after Lily’s first year at Hogwarts she begged me to promise her to never let you marry her. No matter what,” he finished in a tired voice.

           James just sat there. The only indication that he gave to show that he had actually heard what Mr. Evans said was that his eyes were as wide as saucers. Is this guy fucking kidding me? James thought to himself. Lily was fucking twelve! If his parents still held things he said when he was twelve against him, he was pretty sure James would have his broomstick destroyed for finally cleaning up his act and becoming head boy.

           Mrs. Evans, however, after her momentary shock at her husband’s admission began to laugh.

           Mr. Evans glared at his wife, “What on earth could be funny to you? This is no laughing matter.”

           The laughing abruptly stopped. Mrs. Evans stared at her husband in utter disbelief. “Please tell me you’re joking,” she practically begged.

           “Of course not! I would never joke about a promise made to either of my daughters!” bellowed Mr. Evans.

           “Not about the promise you daft fool!” yelled back Mrs. Evans, and with that yell, James had never before been so reminded of Lily by another person. Mrs. Evans continued, “Tell me that you’re not actually serious about keeping a promise made to a twelve-year-old.”

           “Again, I would never joke about a promise made to my daughter.”

           “Oh dear lord!” Mrs. Evans exasperated with rolling eyes, “You do realize that if I had known you when I was twelve then I probably would’ve asked my father to promise me to the same thing. And let’s not forget that you once also promised Lily that you would sleep in her closet every night until the monsters went away, but we both know that you snuck away after she fell asleep each night.”

           “Well that’s because the monsters went away by the time I left,” replied Mr. Evans stubbornly.

           “My point still stands darling, you can’t hold the requests of a twelve-year-old against the young man sitting in front of you here today.”

           It was as if Mr. Evans was reminded of James’ presence, as he returned his glare back at the boy that sought to break a promise.

           James took this as his cue to chime in, “If I may sir, I…uuhh…respect your…um…determination on keeping your promise to Lily, but I think…no…I know Lily sees things differently now. Also, we both know that, promise or not, Lily will marry me if she wants to, and I am pretty sure she does otherwise I wouldn’t be asking.”

           “And what makes you think that my daughter, the girl who once claimed that she’d have to have gone crazy to ever want to you, wants to marry you boy?” inquired Mr. Evans menacingly.

           James laughed. That sounded like something Lily would say. He paused before answering the question, thinking carefully about his words. While he knew he didn’t need it, he still wanted Mr. Evans’ blessing. He wanted his future father-in-law to know, that the man that he is today, is worthy, as anyone could ever be, for Lily.

“We’re in love, and there’s a war going on.” James’s shoulders stooped with a heavy sigh at this knowledge, “this war has put everything into perspective for the both of us in terms of what matters most, and that’s each other. You both know Lily,” James smiled fondly, “she doesn’t do anything half-assed. She loves with everything she has, and we’ve both been looking for ways to show that our love for one another is certain when the war has made everything else uncertain, and I believe one way to do that is marriage, and I think she would agree with me there.”

           Mr. Evans’ shoulders too stooped with the heavy burden of war. He looked at the boy who so clearly loved his love his daughter, and thought about his promise to Lily.

When Lily first told him in a letter from Hogwarts just last October that she was dating the infamous James Potter, he spit out his morning coffee in shock much to Petunia’s utter disgust. However, he kept quiet thinking that Lily would come to her senses and remember what she once begged of him. Yet Lily’s genuine feelings for James became harder and harder to deny as the days of then dating him turned from days, to weeks, to months to now a year. Clearly, Lily either didn’t even remember the promise or just simply didn’t care about it. Whenever she spoke about James on the phone or at one of their afternoon teas, her love for James permeated every aspect of her being. She couldn’t contain it if she tried. It was in the way her eyes lit up as she spoke his name, or the way her voice would always have a hint of mirth in it as she told him stories about their time together.

James was right, Lily does love with everything she has. And his Lily wouldn’t love just anyone, it was clear that James had grown up alongside with Lily’s opinion of him. So deep down, Mr. Evans knew the promise was moot early on in their relationship. Nonetheless, like any loving father with a daughter, he stubbornly held on to any somewhat valid excuse he had to stop his little girl from becoming a woman. Lily would be so mad at him if she ever found out about this. As she should, his conscious spat at him.

           Not wanting to disappoint his daughter by denying her something she possibly wants, Mr. Evans looked back up to James with a heavy heart, “You’re a good man James. A better man than the one it seemed you might’ve become given the type of boy you were.” James held his head down as a shameful blush colored his cheeks, “So,” Mr. Evans cleared his throat conspicuously to get James to look him in the eye as he said this, “I guess if Lily’s okay with me breaking the promise, I can make this one exception for her. So you have my blessing, but only if she says yes to marrying you.”

           James just nodded in complete shock with the turn events. To him, it just looked like Mr. Evans went from hating him to grudgingly accepting him all in the span of a few minutes.

           Mrs. Evans, at an attempt to diffuse the lingering tension, clapped her hands in excitement, “Wonderful! How and when are you going to ask James dear?”

_____________________________________________________________________

           “James! You didn’t actually believe him did you!?” Lily barked with absolute mirth in her eyes.

           “He can be so bloody convincing when he wants to! You of all people know that!”

           Lily guffawed. James usually would’ve been annoyed that she was laughing at him, but when she laughed like that, he couldn’t help but laugh with her.

           As soon as Lily’s laughter subsided to the point where she was no longer in danger of laughing off the cliff, she and James continued their walk along the Cliffs of Cornwall hand in hand.

           It was a rare sunny English day, so James suggested that they apparate to Cornwall, just the two of the them, and enjoy a walk together. It reminded Lily of when they first started dating, and they would just walk around the Hogwarts grounds talking, teasing and laughing for hours. It’s how she fell in love with him.

           “Do you think Dumbledore ever trims his beard, or is that tip at the end of it, his virgin stubble from when he was a tween?” questioned Lily seriously.

           James eyebrows scrunched together in thought, “I mean the ends of his beard are quite brittle. So I bet that his virgin stubble…like…crumbled off long ago maybe? Still, I doubt he’s ever trimmed. Grooming doesn’t seem to be high on the man’s list of priorities now, if ever.”

           “See, that’s where I think you’re wrong!” exclaimed Lily. They’d had an argument about whether or not Dumbledore cares about his appearance only too many times before. “Look at the man’s robes James! They’re always so impeccably stylish. I bet Dumbledore takes great pride in his appearance. The man is a Gryffindor after all.”

           “Gryffindor’s pride does not count pride in appearances Evans. Pride is much deeper than such shallow concerns.”

           “Of course it does Potter,” scoffed Lily rolling her eyes up to the beautifully clear blue sky. “You, of all people, are telling me that Gryffindors don’t take pride in their appearance!? James, forget the fact that you’ve lived with Sirius for over seven years, but you used to purposefully mess up your hair to give it that tousled windswept look you used to think was soooo sexy,” declared Lily with a sarcastic tone towards the end of her sentence.

           James put his hand to his heart in mock hurt, “Lily, love of my life, do you mean to tell me that after all these years of me purposefully and artfully messing up my hair, you don’t find it sexy?”

           Lily’s eyes just twinkled back at him teasingly as she smirked at him.

           “I beg to differ. I mean, Hell, you were messing it up yourself in bed just this morning,” argued James. He stopped walking and stopped Lily from walking forward herself by dragging her into his embrace. He then put his forehead against hers. Lily’s breath caught at the closeness, and she leaned further into his embrace, closing her eyes. His warm breath washed over her wind-chilled face as whispered, “Just admit it, you think me messing up my hair is unbearably sexy. You even thought that when you allegedly hated me back in the day.”

           Lily’s eyes opened, and she leaned back slightly to look him in the eye and grin as she replied, “In your dreams Potter. You and I both know that something big would have to happen for me to admit that.” Lily then pecked James’ bewildered face on the lips, and started walking again, “C’mon James, we should probably apparate back soon.”

           “Marry me.”

           Lily then turned around with an expression that mimicked James’ bewildered one from moments ago. She wasn’t sure if what she heard was right. The volume of the blowing wind and wavy ocean could’ve muffled any sound. “What?” She asked James, carefully walking back to where he stood at the edge of the cliff with his hand in his pocket and a look of pure determination on his face.

           It was then when James knelt down on one knee, and lovingly reached for Lily’s left hand to hold in both of his as soon as she reached him.

“Lily, there’s a lot of fucked up shit happening right now, and with this war, not much is certain. But I am certain that I love you, and that you make me happier than anyone ever should be in a war. So, Lily Marie Evans, will you marry me?” He then pulled a small red velvet box out of his pocket and opened it to reveal a ring.

           Lily looked from him to the ring with tears in her eyes as she vigorously nodded her head, “Yes!” She screamed into the billowing winds and crashing waves. James chuckled in absolute glee as he shakily slid the ring on her third finger and stood up to pull her in for a celebratory kiss.

           After a few blissful moments of heated kissing, Lily pulled back and breathlessly said, “Also, of course I thought you messing up your hair was sexy. I mean, annoying at times, but still, incredilby sexy,” she laughed.

           “I fucking knew it Evans,” he chuckled before he went back to kissing her.

______________________________________________________________________

           Mr. Evans quickly made his way over to the ringing telephone in the living room, “Hello?” he answered as he picked it up and held it to his ear.

           “Hi Daddy,” replied his youngest daughter.

           “Hello poppet! How are you my love?” he asked.

           “Brilliant actually!” Lily continued, “I would have loved to tell you this in person, but since I have to work all week, and I want you and mum to know as soon as possible, I am settling for over the phone, but James and I are getting married!”

           Mr. Evans sighed. Just as he was about to reply with his reluctant congratulations, Lily cut him off before he could.

           “Also, James told me about what happened when he asked for yours and mums blessing.” She chuckled. “You didn’t really take my request seriously did you? I was honestly shocked you even remembered me asking you that!”

           Mr. Evans spluttered, “Lily you were a very tenacious child; so we were forced to take everything you said seriously. Regardless, any request of my daughter’s is one I would go to any lengths to fulfill. You should know that darling.”

           Lily was still chuckling, “Oh come on dad! You just wanted to give James trouble. While I appreciate you honoring years old requests, I will let you off the hook for any others you may still have up your sleeve. I have learned to settle my own issues by now.”

           Mr. Evans smiled, “Okay, darling. Whatever you say.”

           Lily laughed again.

           “I am happy that you are happy my dear, and I am sure your mother will be thrilled when she gets home. Any thoughts on when you will have the wedding?” He asked.

           Lily’s constant chuckles suddenly ceased making Mr. Evans nervous, “Actually…Daddy?”

           “Yes sweetheart?”

           “I do have one more thing for you to promise, and I will be holding you to this one for sure.”

           Mr. Evans gulped anxiously, “What is it Lily?”

           “Will you promise to walk me down the aisle?”

           He couldn’t stop the tears forming in his eyes, “I promise.”

[rin-archives]

God’s Menu | Chapter 4: Mistake

“Kim Jennie and Minhee Jeon.”

The male staff who looked through the names on the list put a mark that both of you have arrived. You were waiting to see if the guy would recognize you but he was so busy doing his job that he hardly looked at either of you for more than a second.

“Is it possible for us to be seated together?” Jennie asked with a smile on her face.

“Of course, ma’am. Right this way please.” he led both of you to Jennie’s table which was where the couches were. Your eyes slightly widened when you saw the spot. Jennie was going to take all of that for herself if she didn’t ask you to sit with her. “Here you are.” Both of you took a seat next to each other and settled yourselves down. 

“Would you like us to serve the appetizers?”

“Yes, please. That would be wonderful.” Jennie smiled again until the waiter left. “Ugh, my cheeks hurt from smiling too much.” she cupped her cheek with one hand and started massaging them. Sometimes you wonder how she can be sophisticated and adorable at the same time. “You seem to be a natural though.” you said.

“Well, in the industry that I’m in, I have to keep smiling and put on the best attitude.” she giggled, taking the glass of water in front of her and took a sip. “You were looking at him for a long time. Actually, not looking - you definitely were staring. Do you fancy him?”

Your cheeks flushed out of embarrassment and you quickly shook your head. “It’s not like that. It’s just...he was one of my customers a few weeks back. He and the other two guys kept coming to the cafe. If not him, just one of the other two.”

“Oh? Could it be that the cafe is near here?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe? I don’t explore during my break.” Jennie shook her head in disapproval. “You get an hour break and you don’t even go out? Not even for a walk?”

“I don’t have the time. I spend that hour getting started or finishing on homeworks or projects.” she sighed again. “You need to take it easy once in a while. I know that we work in different environments, but you’re going to burn out first before I do. That needs to be fixed.”

You were about to say something until your appetizers were served by a different guy this time. He had a serious look on his face but you thought it’s because he’s working. But he also had this cold aura around him. Jennie caught you staring in which she cleared her throat before reaching for her glass again. You snapped out of it thanks to Jennie and you also drank your embarrassment away.

“I’ll order us some wine. Looks like you need it.” you heard her chuckle. She called the attention of the waiter who served their appetizer and ordered a pink moscato wine.

30 minutes into the soft opening they had closed the doors since they had expected their guests to be in the restaurant already. The lights dimmed down and you saw another familiar face who stood on to the makeshift stage holding a microphone.

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for coming to our soft opening. We hope our appetizers are to your liking. My name is Bang Chan, the owner and founder of The Haven. You can call me Chan for short.” Chan smiled the brightest smile you’ve ever seen and it made him show his dimples.

“I believe we have all our guests that we’ve invited. We will be serving the main course in a bit. We hope everyone enjoys their meal and if there’s anything you need, our waiters will be happy to serve you. Have a good dinner everyone.” After his speech, everyone applauded and he went to the back.

The main course was served to every table. When the main course was brought to your table, you couldn’t ignore how appetizing it looked. It looked like it was perfectly cooked because it smelled great and it was decorated beautifully. Your mouth was watering from both the smell and how it looked. It was your first time eating a meal that’s probably worth more than your tuition fee at university. The wrong feeling in your gut had completely vanished and taken over by your stomach grumbling. If this is what it’s like to eat in a fancy restaurant like this, you didn’t want to make any regrets and waste time on contemplating if this was really okay.

Ever since you started living independently, you only knew how to cook the easy ones. But being someone who didn’t really have the time to buy ingredients you settled for microwavable meals - which wasn’t healthy still.

Jennie who had already started eating caught you staring at your food. She wasn’t sure if she should be worried that you weren’t eating but she knew why you were acting like this. Like what she said earlier, they work in different environments and live in different environments, so she can understand why you looked so stunned. You got your senses back and finally started eating.

The food was delicious - no it was beyond delicious. From the appetizers to the main course, it tasted amazing. Everything just melts in your mouth and you had no trouble chewing and swallowing what you ate.

Time passed and you were just about to be served your desserts. According to the menu, the dessert was going to be brownies with your choice of ice cream flavor on top. Before they were served, you noticed a bunch of security heading towards the entrance. A couple of other guests noticed it too as some were trying to take a peak from their tables by stretching their heads. Meanwhile you and Jennie were just looking at each other wondering what was happening.

“I wonder what’s going on…�� you mumbled.

Chan came back on stage to assure everyone that the situation outside is being taken care of and they were about to serve the desserts.

“I don’t think I can take another bite.” Jennie sighed feeling full while drinking water from her glass. You on the other hand were determined to finish your last brownie. The brownie tastes so good and it just melts in your mouth. It was not too soft, not so moist and not too dry - which for you was the perfect brownie. You were proud of yourself for finishing everything while Jennie was shocked that you were able to finish all the food that was served. 

“Where does all of that go?”  

You were about to answer her until the  - approached your table. “Excuse me. Oh-” it looked like he recognized you for a moment. 

“Are you Ms. Jeon Minhee?” You gulped but tried not to be obvious about it. “Yes.”

“What’s going on?” Jennie asked, she was ready to fight back if she had to.

“I’m sorry to disturb you ma’am, would you mind following us to the back please?” he said. You and Jennie looked at each other worriedly. You were about to stand up but Jennie stopped you. “Not until we know why you need to speak with her to the back.” she said, unleashing her stuck-up attitude. Before he could answer, Chan came forward with a calm expression on his face. “It’s okay Changbin, we can talk to them here. But we’ll let the other customers leave first.” He said, which you and Jennie agreed to. Chan personally served you both coffee while you waited.  

You waited for about half an hour for the customers to leave with Jennie trying to keep her cool. Once it was just the two of you, the waiters closed the restaurant doors and shut the blinds. Chan, Changbin and another guy that looked familiar to you too - approached you and Jennie. “Our apologies for keeping you both here but there’s been an issue in regards to the invitation that was sent to Ms. Jeon Minhee.”

Uh-oh. This is what you were worried about from the moment you received it. “What seems to be the issue?” Jennie asked before you could. Chan looked at you with the same calm expression as before. “You’re not Jeon Minhee the actress, photographer and a model?” You gulped. There it was. It was only a matter of time until they found out that you weren’t the right Jeon Minhee they invited. “No, I’m not…” you responded timidly.

“The other Jeon Minhee arrived earlier and sort of caused a scene earlier. That’s why we had to talk to you.” Chan continued to explain. “Well, certainly this isn’t her fault - right?” Jennie eyed them all. “Jennie, it’s okay. Why don’t you go home first.” you timidly smiled at her. 

“I’m not leaving you behind-”

“Really. It’s fine. I’ll text you later.” you insisted that she goes home first only because you didn’t want to be more embarrassed. Jennie dejectedly sighed, got up from the couch with her bag and walked to you for a kiss on the cheek. “Just say the word and I’ll bring the other girls here straight away.” she whispered quickly before finally leaving the restaurant.

After watching her leave, you turned your head back to the three young men. You stood up and gave them a 90 degree bow which they were taken aback with your action. “I’m sorry! I tried to tell you through email to confirm if you correctly invited me. Mr. Han said you did and I thought I was in the clear.” you rambled all of that in one go. Chan and Changbin looked at the third guy next to them - who you assume to be the one named Mr. Han - gave him a certain look that said “why didn’t you tell us”.

“I’m sorry about this ma’am, but you’re gonna have to pay for all of this.” Han suddenly said. You stood straight again with widened eyes. “W-what? But -- “

“Hold on, hold on. It was our fault, so we’ll think of a way to settle this.” Chan quickly spoke up. He looked at you with a soft smile. “How about we talk to you about this tomorrow morning? Does it work for you?” You nodded rather quickly. “Great. Can we meet you back here at 9 AM?” You nodded again. 

“Okay, then that settles it. If you could follow Hyunjin, he’ll escort you outside and call a taxi for you.” You turned around and saw a really tall man with long blonde hair waiting for you with a small and friendly smile.

“Alright. I’m really sorry for the trouble.” You bowed again before getting your belongings and exiting the restaurant with Hyunjin.

Once you were out of sight, Chan sighed and looked at Jisung with a straight face. “Seriously?”

“Sorry hyung. I should’ve consulted you.” Jisung looked down feeling sorry for his mistake. “Forget about it. We have to think of a way to make it up for the real Jeon Minhee and think about the situation with that girl.” Chan patted his back, assuring him that it was alright and mistakes happen.

“You know...I feel like I’ve seen her somewhere before.” Changbin said as he also thought you were familiar to him.

masterlist | chapter 3 | next

[dearlazerbunny]

Lie to Me (Ch. 23 of 28)

Pairings: Loki x Reader

Genre/Ratings: M eventually (aiming for a slow burn here); warnings for kidnapping and subsequent anxiety/PTSD (will be marked before every chapter)

Words: 1300

Summary: If you had to guess what the captured, traitor, trickster god Loki Laufeyson wanted or needed at this moment, a babysitter would be far, far down on the list. (Set after the events of Avengers 1.)

SHOUTOUT TO @molmcb and @jessiejunebug, I’m too tired to think of something clever to put here tonight (pt. 2)

Requested Tags: @deraniel, @iamverity,  @yasnooshka24, @wegingerangelica, @themusingsofmany , @dark-night-sky-99, @tarynkauai, @stuffandstuff-stuff, @angelicshinigami, @my-current-fandom-is, @geekysimmerthings,           @lokis-butter-knife, @help-i-need-a-social-life, @vodka-and-some-sass

Loki has stood in Asgard’s grand throne room too many times to count. Some of his earliest memories are of his small self hiding behind his mother’s skirts as he and Thor look on at various proceedings: Odin meting out cruel justice, or citizens presenting complaints, or yearly celebrations they were always turned away from once the hour struck late. This room was an idol to him, once. His endgame. Young hopes and dreams are embedded into every tile that paves the floor. As years passed, the gold that once shined so brightly in his eyes began to dull; warm words crystallized to stone and ice. It became a cancer that consumed his mind and turned his hand to darker thoughts, darker desires- something to conquer and claim rather than bow to and serve. He always knew, truly, that this throne would be his undoing, one way or another, for better or for worse.

And if he is being honest with himself, he always knew it would be for the worst. That nothing would ever end well for Loki Laufeyson.

But even as he is marched to the dias in the center of the room, flanked by thousands of citizens come to see their fallen dark prince meet his fate, his head is held high. The chains wrapping his form do not seem to weigh him down, and his eyes are alert and clever as ever. His armor gleams, his demeanor is calm, and his feet step lightly towards his doom. Because in every other face in the crowd, he sees your own- watching him with soft eyes, giving him courage where his usual boldness has failed him. He walks as you would want him to, as he would want you to see him: proudly, and without shame.

A prince is still a prince, no matter where he comes from. He may not be the prince his father wanted, the prince his mother deserves, or a prince Asgard would accept. But if he is still a prince in your eyes, even after knowing how deep his scars truly cut- then royalty he must be.

And so as he faces his father on his throne, Frigga at his side, and Thor by the other, he does so, for the first time, as their equal.

A hush falls over the crowd as he stops in front of Odin, and his escorts step away. He does not kneel. He does not bow. He simply inclines his head, and in a rare moment of understatement, speaks: “I believe you wished to see me?”

Odin’s gaze is disapproving, of course, but Loki thinks he catches a glint of amusement amongst the sadness mingling in Frigga’s eyes. Thor seems torn- his face is as unreadable as thunderclouds. “My son. It is under grave circumstances that you return to Asgard.”

“Only as grave as you wish it, All-Father. In a word you could transform this funeral into a feast. I am sure your guests would much appreciate the turn in mood.” Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the Warriors Three shift uncomfortably, and trade glances. They stand on Thor’s side, no doubt for his support, but Loki briefly wonders if they will mourn his sentencing. Perhaps not as he stands today, but for the mischievous, innocent boy they knew in their youth.

The rumble from Odin’s annoyance echoes throughout the hall. If the room was silent previously, you can now hear a pin drop. “Loki Odinson. Today you stand before the throne of Asgard for your trespasses against not only our home, but also Midgard, as well as myself and your own brother, Thor. To what do you say to these accusations?”

“I do not deny them. Indeed, I accept these charges as stated.”

The only indication of Odin’s surprise is a slight shift in his posture. “Will you not defend yourself?”

“I see no reason to, as the allegations are not false. I have wronged many and allowed destruction to befall many more. My guilt is clear, and my conscience heavy. As such, I will accept my penalty without complaint.”

“Hm.” His judge’s eyes are piercing, and cold. “It seems you have managed to maintain a mediocrum of dignity during your exploits.” For a moment, a familiar rage flares in Loki’s chest. He swallows it in a breath. “Very well. In consideration of your crimes, you shall be stripped of the immortality Idun has granted you, as well as the magic you so clearly covet. The rest of your days will be spent amongst your peers in the dungeons of Asgard. This is my decree, and this is my judgement.”

Immediately, those in attendance begin to murmur amongst themselves. To rescind one’s eternal youth is a grave penalty, and only used in the most serious of cases. The goddess Idun is the keeper of the apples which give the gift of youth and radiance, and she does not poison her prized fruit readily. Loki grimaces. He and the goddess haven’t been on the best of terms since he had a hand in her kidnapping by a giant, millennia ago. No doubt she will be only too happy to aid in his punishment.

When the double doors to the throne room open again, a breeze smelling of blossoming fruits and lavender floats in, easy and warm as the height of summer. Loki stands aside as a girl- twelve at most, with long hair braided into a crown and gauzy skirts that trail behind her- approaches the royal family and bows low in the old style. In her arms she carries a rough-woven basket filled with softly glowing apples.

Idun turns to Loki and regards him coolly. “Trickster. We meet again.”

He bristles at her use of his nickname. You call him Trickster out of fond exasperation, with a twinkle of a laugh in your voice. Her tone is not so kind. “Indeed we do. Have you been well?”

She doesn’t seem to know what to make of his casual conversation, but her face remains neutral. “My trees bear fruit, and so we live well,” she says simply. “Though it seems you will soon be excluded from such life. Are you prepared for the consequences?”

Reversing immortality is painful at best and lethal at worst. Odin could plan on torturing his son for decades in his dungeons, but there’s no guarantee that he will first survive the poison apple. “He does not have the privilege of choice,” Odin rumbles. “Prepare your spell.”

“Very well.” She inclines her head towards her king, then studies her basket carefully, eventually selecting a fruit that appears slightly plumper and fuller than the rest. Cupping it in her palms, she grazes its divine skin with a thumb, then brings the apple to her lips and begins to chant.

Aesir watch in morbid fascination as the healthy fruit begins to turn sickly and necrotic. Its golden sheen is replaced with a green-gray pallor, and it shrivels as though left in the sun for a thousand years, dripping hazy black smoke and droplets of acid that leave pockmarks on the floor as it leaks from her hands.

Even Idun doesn’t seem to take any pleasure at handing Loki the cursed apple. “May Heimdall smile kindly on your fate,” she whispers, and then retreats, as though she cannot bear to look.

Ash curls around his fingers and fills the air with a dead smell. “Eat,” Odin commands. “Accept your punishment with grace.”

Frigga looks as though she wants to cry, and Thor’s knuckles are clenched so tightly his skin has gone white. Loki looks at neither of them as he takes his first bite.

It tastes of rotted flesh, and acrid juice burns his throat and dribbles down his chin. Immediately, he can feel his stomach churn and his chest tighten as the curse works to undo thousands of years worth of magic. By the time he reaches the core and spits out the seeds into his palm, he feels as though fire is consuming his soul inch by inch.

The king nods in satisfaction. “So it is done. The All-Mother will oversee the revoking of your magic.” This time, Frigga visibly flinches. She cannot blatantly disobey her husband, but to have a hand in robbing her son of his pride and joy, a pride and joy that she herself fostered and nurtured from his infancy- it tears at her heart like nothing else. “Do you have anything to declare before you are taken into custody?”

Despite the agony curling around his person, Loki lifts his chin in quiet defiance. “I do.” He pauses, to make sure every eye is on him. “You call me Loki Odinson. You call me your son. But I believe we both know that I have ever been your son in name only, not in blood, love, or loyalty. I may die tomorrow, but I will die free, because today I declare my independence from the names that have haunted me for millennia. I am not Odinson, nor am I Laufeyson. I am Loki.” Loki’s eyes flare with pride as he fights to keep his voice steady. “I am singularly my own. I claim me for myself and no one else; with no unfulfilled names to carry with me to my grave. When I am stricken from Asgard’s history, remember me well as my own lord, master, and king.”

“GUARDS!” Odin roars, enraged by his words, but Loki simply smiles as his armored escorts drag him from the room by chains and lead him into the depths of Asgard’s castle. Yes, he may die tomorrow. But he will die liberated, with his last words ringing in all of the nine realms’ ears.

                                                             XXX

Frigga comes to visit him. He isn’t sure if she’s allowed to do this. He should ask, but most of the time he can’t do much more that shiver on the floor of his cell, arms wrapped around himself, jaw clenched to keep his teeth from rattling out of his skull.

At first, he curses Idun, but in his more lucid moments he admits she is only following his father’s orders. So he goes back to cursing Odin in between each painful breath.

Frigga can ease his pain slightly, but healing magic can only go so far when your very DNA is being re-written. She speaks with kindness, with love, and with pride, helping him through the worst nights when his stubbornness threatens to fail him and his resolve wavers as stars do in the sky.

“You spoke bravely, my son,” she whispers, her fingers against the barrier in front of her as though she might reach out and touch Loki’s face. “I have rarely been prouder. You have walked such a long road, and carried mountains on your shoulders that are all but invisible to others. And yet, you still find the courage to face your father as the prince I know you are. You have come so far.” In his chains, Loki clings to her every word. “Your love is looking up at the sky in awe, though she may not know why.”

Y/N. Just thinking your name eases a little of the sting that’s worked his way into his bones. As on Earth, you give him the hope to see another day.

“You shun the name of Odinson, and I cannot blame you for that. But I would be honored if someday, you would consider taking my own, Loki Friggason.”

Y/N Y/L/N. Loki Friggason. Two names to murmur in the dead of night to keep his heart beating until the sun rises once again.

A/N: Update 2 of 2 for tonight, sorry about that! The Idun kidnapping story is a real thing and you should def look it up, it’s a RIDE

[queeruma]

Okay, so an anon sent me this ask:

Can I ask if canon materials say anything about Uma and Ursula’s relationship? Do you have hcs about it? I never read the third Descendant book so I don’t know much about her

and I wrote up this post, posted it, immediately realised that tumblr had fucked up all the formatting, deleted it, and then realised that by deleting it I’d also deleted the ask. I’m sorry anon, my brain is not functioning properly, but here’s my answer, hopefully formatted correctly this time:

Hi anon! So I thought I could answer this in like 10 minutes, and then it turned out that I have a Lot of thoughts about Uma and Ursula’s relationship, and here we are almost two days later (this post kind of just turns into Uma hcs at the end sorry about that)

Yes, between the movie, Rise, and Uma's Wicked Book, there's actually quite a lot of information about Uma and her mother.

Under a cut because this got long:

Within the actual text: Uma's relationship with her mother is… complicated, to say the least.

On the one hand, Ursula is about as far from a loving, caring mother as one can get. She has been forcing Uma to work for her, without pay, since Uma was 'so little she could barely see about the counter'. She is verbally abusive, berating Uma and humiliating her over her losses to Mal, and we see in the film that she's not above harming Uma physically either. And Uma seems certain when she's speaking to Ben that her mother does not care for her at all.

"All those days spent working at Ma’s restaurant, serving up gruel and scrubbing the floors, and I’ve never gotten paid a coin.” - UWB “Uma had worked at the Fish and Chips Shoppe her entire life, from when she was so little she could barely see above the counter, until she was old enough to wear an apron, carry a tray, and take an order.” - ROTIOTL “Uma was glad to have the place to herself. If Ursula were around, she would only be raging and complaining about how she had been saddled with such an ungrateful and useless daughter. Ursula never ceased to remind Uma how often she’d lost to Mal. When she’d learned Mal had been chosen to go to Auradon, Ursula flipped her tentacles. Uma never heard the end of it.” - ROTIOTL “Things I wouldn’t miss about the Isle: (...) Ma yelling at me” - UWB “My mom doesn’t care about me either. Well, not unless she needs someone for the night shift.” - D2

On the other hand, we see a certain level of respect between the two of them. Uma seems to be proud of her mother's strength, and is very comfortable showing her heritage as 'daughter of the sea witch'. Despite her mother's treatment of her, we never see Uma being afraid of her mother (contrast with the core four in the first movie, who definitely are). Uma remembers her mother taking her to Hook's inlet to watch the crocodile wrestling, and (repeatedly) telling her the story of her defeat at Eric and Ariel's hands. She states that her mother taught her about the importance of negotiation. Ursula, lamenting over her loss in her final battle, tells Uma that they would be 'Queens of the Seas' if she'd won. Given that unlike most of the villains, Ursula doesn't seem to be trying to manipulate Uma into anything in particular, I take this to mean that Ursula would have given her daughter what she felt was her due.

And, most importantly, Ursula has one single piece of her nautilus necklace left when she's on the Isle, and she gives it to Uma when Uma is a small child. Uma likes to hold it when she's feeling anxious. There's clearly more than just antagonism between them.

‘Uma was special: she was the sea witch’s daughter, a force to be reckoned with!’ - ROTIOTL 'The gold was warm against her skin, and she felt a faint echo of its former power. It had the sense and shape of her mother's wrath.' - ROTIOTL “No, last I saw her was on the news when she was blasting you with her magic!” Ursula laughed. “Good for her!” - EFTIOTL “That’s my mom! At least Maleficent recognised her power.” - MSB ‘“Mama was really something, wasn’t she? Back then?” said Uma.’ - ROTIOTL “Ma used to take me down to Hook’s Inlet when I was a kid, and we’d bet on the crocodile-wrestling matches there.” - UWB 'She recalled her mother telling her about that final battle (…) Prince Eric had taken the wheel and rammed his ship right into her heart (…) Uma always held her breath at that part of the story, wondering how it was that her mother had survived such a battle. Because even though she'd lost, she'd survived. Prince Eric hadn't destroyed her completely.' - ROTIOTL ‘Her mother had taught her about the power of negotiation, or as she’d described it, talking someone out of their greatest treasures and giving nothing of value in return.’ - ROTIOTL 'Queens of the seas, Ursula would lament. We would be queens of the seas if not for that awful Triton and that terrible Beast.' - ROTIOTL ‘(...) the locket she wore around her neck. Inside was a tiny piece of junk that her mother had given her as a child. “It’s all I have left,” Ursula had said at the time. Uma never understood why a sliver of metal mattered so much, but she liked holding it when she was anxious.’ - ROTIOTL

I think Uma's outfits also say a lot about her relationship with her mother. The core four pretty much exclusively wear their parent's colours, even after they've rejected them. We already know that colour means a lot in these movies, considering the thought they put into the shades of purple in Mal's hair and clothes in D1. Every VK either wears their parent's colours - Harry, Celia and the core four - or they don't resemble their families at all - Gil and Dizzy.

Uma's purple undertone, her hair and skirt resembling octopus arms, and the mesh undershirt with holes that mimics octopus suckers are all there to reflect her status as Ursula's daughter. She's proud of her heritage - but there's probably a practical reason as well: there's an element of protection in reminding people of her mother.

However, I think it's telling that her main aesthetic and colour are all her own. The pirate hat, the tough leather jacket complete with epaulets, the chunky belts, her sword, and the overall teal theme, all make it very clear that Uma is her own person, and no one who looks at her is going to forget it. She's not going to ride by on her mother's reputation all her life - people will know her name, not just her parentage.

Her symbol also demonstrates this mix of nature and nurture. Mal, Evie, Carlos, Jay, Harry, and Gil all have symbols that refer directly to their parents (Gil signs off UWB with a bow and arrow, presumably a reference to his father's skill at hunting). In contrast, the skull and crossbones - crossbones in this case being a trident and sword - with a wave in one cheek, an eyepatch, and octopus arms below it is 'the unofficial symbol of Uma, daughter of Ursula - pirate queen'.

--

As far as headcanons are concerned, I can’t really list them? I just have a kind of general ‘this is how Ursula affected the way Uma’s life went’ hc:

I think all of Uma’s better memories of her mother are from her very early childhood. By the time Uma and Mal stop being friends, Ursula has already pretty much checked out of everything; I don’t think she ever tries to manipulate Uma in the way Maleficent and the other villains do their children. She leaves the work in the shoppe to Uma and retreats into her Auradon soap operas. Uma is used to seeing other parents on the Isle put effort into their relationships with their children (that is never actually a Good Thing but baby Uma doesn’t know what decent parenting is) and she wonders if Ursula’s lack of manipulation is her mother neglecting her because she sees her as worthless.

So Uma kind of decides that she’s going to be as independent as possible, because if she makes her distance from her mother her choice, she doesn’t have to confront the possibility that Ursula is neglecting her because Uma isn’t good enough for her. And because I loathe the canon Uma and Mal backstory with the passion of an anti-vax parent for essential oils, here’s my take on it (credit for the idea that Maleficent encouraged Mal to end their friendship goes to @edream93 in her wonderful fic ‘We’ll Light the Fuse’ - it partly inspired this hc):

Uma and Mal were good friends from a very young age, and there was some genuine affection and trust between them, which Maleficent obviously did not approve of at all.

She allowed it for a while because they did get into a lot of trouble together, but as Uma drifted further away from her mother, she became concerned about Uma’s influence on Mal.

See, Uma might have started out distancing herself from her mother to protect her own feelings, but she also actually began to care less about her mother’s opinion of her.

Maleficent, who wanted Mal firmly under her control, knew that if the two girls stayed friends, Uma might encourage Mal to question her mother’s authority.

And if there’s one person on the Isle talented at subtlety and manipulation, it’s Maleficent. Mal and Uma’s friendship was doomed to end the second Maleficent decided she wanted it to.

I also think Ursula’s F- parenting plays into Uma’s feelings about Auradon. Uma is genuinely right about the Isle - it is unfair and morally abhorrent that the children of villains are fated to live in a ‘fate worse than death’ for the crime of being born to the wrong people. She and the other descendants of villains unquestionably do not deserve to be there.

But Uma’s desire for freedom and revenge isn’t just based on her rational disapproval of the Isle. It comes from a huge amount of anger and pain, and it’s admirable that she manages to use those negative feelings (along with her love for and loyalty to her crew) to motivate herself. She is equally furious and terrified - Auradon abandoned her, Mal abandoned her, her own MOTHER abandoned her - and either she didn’t deserve it, in which case she has to be angry at basically the whole world, or she did, in which case...

yeah, she tries not to think about that.

Luckily, between her friendship with Harry and Gil and the loyalty and respect she gets from her crew, more often than not she’s able to believe that she deserved better she deserves so much better she deserves the whole fuCKING WORLD.

Ultimately, Uma is a very practical person, and any feelings she has about her mother, positive or negative, will not stop her from getting off the Isle and going after what she wants - whatever that ends up being. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the octopus-inspired elements and purple undertones of her D2 look are gone in D3.