#every day is a Christoph Waltz day

[christophfanalways]

In Honor of National Cat Day in the US - October 29, 2023!!

[fawnchives]

♡𓂃 𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆.

𝐆𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆, christopher sturniolo & fem!reader.

episode summary: sleepovers with your cutie pie, energetic, & borderline insomniac boyfriend.

parental advisory & ratings: fluff galore + established relationship between reader and chris, slightly suggestive, some swearing, & chris being the professional yapper he is.

♥︎ ⋆ ͘. behind the scenes. NEW LAYOUT + first time writing headcanons, i swear i’m a matt girl but chris lately? yeah.

◌ sleepovers with this man in one word? chaotic.

◌ but it’s that fun kind of chaotic — though the sleepovers usually start off pretty tame at first, him being all giggly and excited when you arrive, immediately grabbing your bags as both head to his room, catching up with each others lives while he helps you unload your stuff.

◌ with that being said, you two would end up gossiping for what feels like hours. though he grew up with all brothers, he definitely got his interest in gossip from eavesdropping on his mom and her friends.

“wait, so he’s dating her and her sister?” chris looks at you with a surprised expression. his elbows are propped up on each side of his pillow as his nintendo switch remains in the middle, paused on some sort of mario level.

“yes, but get this,” you grab your iced tea from his nightstand and scoot closer towards him. “he’s also dating her best friend. the dude is totally sleeze but hey, are we surprised?”

◌ taking pictures for your insta photo dumps.

◌ baking together! a little tradition you two decided to make after the first few sleepovers. he always make sure to pick up baking mix and other crucial ingredients two days beforehand.

◌ even though it always ends up a disaster…

“fuck fuck fuck!” chris shouts as you both race down the hallway, clothes halfway falling off your bodies from the fun that was had not too long ago. you quickly grab a kitchen towel and start fanning the smoke detector before it goes off as chris opens the oven, a thick cloud of whispy gray smoke escaping from the center.

“what the hell are you two doing in here?” nick questions as he and matt waltz into the kitchen from the living room.

“yeah, and why do your clothes look like th…” matt chimes in, face soon flushing red as the realization hits him. “forget it.”

◌ take out is usually ordered after you two nearly burn the apartment complex down, followed up by some tv or a movie.

◌ and of course, he yaps through the whole thing. you do too, which leads to neither one of you paying attention to what’s actually going on in the episode or scene.

“i don’t remember this happening,” you mumble as you lay back against of one chris’s pillows. “isn’t he from euphoria?”

◌ video games video games video games. every time you come over, this man would swear up and down that he’ll “smoke your ass” in mario kart — but does he actually? nope!

◌ he’s actually the biggest sore loser on the planet.

◌ pulling pranks on matt, you and chris know better than to mess with nick after a certain hour while matt is a little more tame. one time, while you two were in the middle of prank calling him, chris accidentally blew his cover after sneezing mid convo.

◌ doing your night routine together; skin care, hair care, etc.

◌ and if you’re the type of girl to sleep with an emotional support / childhood stuffed animal and accidentally leave it behind, he’ll snatch one of matt’s stuffed animals out his room and hand to you.

“i know it’s not the same as yours but look, it’s still cute and cuddly right? like those squishy-marshmallowy things?”

◌ matt tiptoeing into chris’s room in the middle of the night to rightfully take back his animal-shaped belonging.

◌ lowkey? nick taking off guard pictures and videos of you two being idiots and posting them on his snap and insta stories.

◌ cuddles galore. kid is actually such a snuggle bunny like oh my gosh? always cuddled up into you no matter what — especially when he’s feeling sleepy. the Baby Boy energy would be at an all time high. you’d be yapping away about some sort of friend group drama, pausing mid story when you hear him lightly snoring with his head against your chest.

“…and that’s when i told her that she should just go with the guy she was talking to before. i don’t get it, but see if i was—are…you sleeping?”

“…huh…”

likes + comments & reblogs are highly appreciated.

ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 tags. @sugrhigh @sugariea @1117sblog @emssturniolo @teapartyprincess4two

[starz2005]

The 4 main types of Brühlies

I've noticed there's some common traits between different fans depending on where they first got introduced to Daniel Brühl, ofcourse people have discovered him from all over but these are just the most common ones.Feel free to add more ☺️

1.The Alienist

• You probably love historical fiction and mysteries

• Book nerds

• Fell in love with Dr.Kriezler and that sent you down the Brühl rabbit hole

• Think he's the ultimate baby girl

• Some people think you're stuck in the 1800s but your fashion sense is just superior (don't show those ankles around Laszlo)

• The most sophisticated one at the party

• You're probably a writer(and play classical music to feel like you're living back in the day)

2.Inglorious Bastards

• You're a war history buff

• Probably also have a crush on August Diehl or Christoph Waltz (You know I'm right)

• Your film taste is better than everyone else and you make it known

• You probably prefer clean shaven Danny👀

• Fredrik Zoller isn't bad if you squint rightttt

• First one to watch The Zookeepers Wife

• Brag that you knew Daniel before he broke it big ;)

• Single handedly keeping the Inglorious Bastards fandom alive

3. Rush

• Do I even have to say it... you're an F1 fan

• Probably have a crush on the real Nikki Lauda too

• Know more about cars than all your friends

• You think Daniel looks like a hamster

• Probably have a stash of Nikki Lauda edits somewhere

• Definitely a cool AF person

• Go to races on whenever you get the chance

4. Civil War/ TFATWS

• You probably already liked a marvel villain(or a few) so you had to add a new one to the collection

• You're the life of the party I bet

• Defend Zemo from the haters every chance you get

• Let me guess...you ship winterbaron

• "I wish Sokovia was real"

• Impatiently waiting for more Zemo content

• You're either the sweetest person ever or actually terrifying (can depend on the day)

[chronicowboy]

Buck loves kids. He's always loved kids. Well, apart from ages eleven through fourteen, but in his defence, middle school kids are quite literally evil. Like spawn of satan evil.

Apart from Christopher. He's an angel.

But the point is, Buck's always loved kids. Its why he always volunteers to free little girls from claw machines or bundle little boys up in his turnouts.

He loves kids. He loves talking space with Denny, and pretending to know video games with Harry, and having very serious conversations with Jee.

He loves kids. Never thought he could have them when he was younger, assumed he'd be fun uncle Buck forever. He loves kids. Wants them more than anything, maybe more than a partner. He loves kids. That's why he—

Fuck.

"Hey," Eddie leans against his locker, back in his street clothes, unbearably soft in the morning light. "Chris is getting all antsy about his dance on Friday, could use a hand helping him calm down long enough to try his suit on?"

He raises a hopeful eyebrow, but all Buck can see is the memory playing in Eddie's eyes. The memory of Buck, teary-eyed and half-drunk, a week after his parents left the state, telling Eddie he'd never been to a school dance because he was always grounded. That he'd only ever made it to prom because he'd asked the daughter of one of his dad's colleagues and he wouldn't let Buck stand her up.

"Sorry, man." He smiles, he wonders how long both of them can keep pretending its not a grimace. "Looking after Jee whilst Maddie and Chim go house hunting."

"Oh." Eddie blinks, the corners of his mouth twitching up. "You could always bring her along. She might be a good distraction for Chris, and you know—"

"No." Buck clears his throat, looks very hard into his locker for the hoodie he knows he already packed into his duffel. "I mean, I just hardly get any time with her, you know? So, I just kind of want to..."

"Oh, yeah, sure. 'Course, man." Eddie doesn't bother with a grimacing smile, just lets the furrow crease his brows. "Gotta keep up the title of best uncle, right?"

"Please." Buck scoffs. "Can she say Albert's name?"

"Right." Eddie nods with pursed lips. "Definitely doesn't have anything to do with easier phonetics and half the amount of syllables."

"Wow. I thought you were supposed to be on my side."

And, see, he means it as a joke. The whole conversation is a joke, really. Like Buck desperately doesn't want his niece and his— His Christopher to coexist in the same space, in the warm embrace of the Diaz house, home. But he can't, he just can't.

Still, its a joke. Only Eddie must be done with his jokes because he steps in closer, lays a gentle hand on his bicep and ducks his head until Buck has to meet his eyes. Like the tsunami.

Like the start of it all.

"I'm always on your side, Buck." He murmurs, more of a breath than anything. A confession that makes Buck a little dizzy. And then, Eddie's patting his arm and sweeping out of the locker room just as Hen and Chim come in.

"We'll drop Jee off at eleven, Buckaroo?" Chim says.

"Yeah. Sounds good."

Two days after Jee-Yun gives him the best workout of his life, he shoots a text to Hen asking if she wants to take Denny to the Renaissance Fair which had finally reopened after dealing with the bee problem.

He doesn't mean to do it is the thing. Sure, in his probie year, after Hen had finally trusted him enough to let him meet Denny, they'd hung out all the time. He'd practically fast-tracked his way to uncle Buck. But then, Eddie Diaz had waltzed into his life and said I'm all he's got and the rest—

Well, the rest is history.

But the thing is, Buck's DNA is floating somewhere in the American healthcare system in a little plastic cup with a green lid and he's trying very hard not to think about all the ways that could break him into a million pieces.

Because there's something hollow and empty inside of him that's slowly been shattering ever since Connor said that he didn't have enough swimmers. And it crumbles a little more every time he thinks of Christopher.

He thinks of that night in his loft with a frustrated rant, and two indulgent Diaz boys, a missing couch, and a lasagne that took three tries to get it right. A night that had become routine for them. And now he hasn't seen Christopher in almost two months, hasn't seen Christopher since—

Since Lev.

Two months he's spent trying desperately not to think of the way he'd seen Christopher safe in Eddie's arms and collapsed into a heap because his job was done and that was enough. Two months he's spent trying not to think about the flash of happiness that came with the end of a tsunami. Two months he's spent trying not to think about how he's buried that realization for almost three years.

He just. Christopher is growing up, he's lying to his dad, and sneaking out to see his friends, and going to dances, and having crushes. And Buck is trying so hard to remember. To listen to the cyclical chant of guardian, not dad echoing around his skull every time Eddie turns to him expectantly upon a mention of his son.

Because he has an answer to Hen's question. Finally.

But, fuck, he doesn't even really care about his sperm anymore. He doesn't give a fuck about the abstract concept of a child biologically half his out there in the world, out of sight and out of reach. He just doesn't care. Because nothing will ever hurt as much as having everything he's ever wanted at his fingertips and still not being able to grab it for fear of it vanishing into thin air.

He doesn't care about not getting to raise his child because there's a child he actually cares about, a child he's been raising. A child that's not his, but could be—

Fuck.

So, he's at a renaissance fair with his friend and her son, picking out a sword so that his niece knows that she doesn't have to be a damsel in distress, but he's trying so damn hard not to think about a little kid—who's not really all that little anymore—sat in a barber's chair because he wanted to look good for his crush.

It feels a lot like pressing his thumb into the space between bruised ribs.

[forest-enchantress]

Hi,

I make period drama style gifs. If you use gif packs, please like and reblog them. Most of my projects are already ready, but every day I post no more than 190 gifs. Because that was the reason why my previous account was blocked.

I tried to make gif packs in a format more familiar to you with a link to a separate page. However, unfortunately, I did not succeed because of the large format of high-quality gifs.

I want to explain about color processing. Usually, I improve the contrast, brightness and saturation, but leave the naturalness of the film. I don't make the contours too sharp because I like the aesthetic of it looking like a natural image.

Actors in alphabetical order: part 1(A-D), part 2, part 3

Navigation

The arrangement of names may not be alphabetical

▶Page 1

Anne Hathaway Anya Taylor-Joy Asia Argento Astrid Berges-Frisbey Boran Kuzum Camille Rutherford

▶Page 2

Carla Juri César Domboy Cate Blanchett Charity Wakefield Charlie Rowe Chiara Mastroianni Christian Bale Christoph Waltz Ethan Erickson

▶Page 3

Dagmara Dominczyk Dan Stevens Ella Purnell Emily Blunt Ezra Miller Raffey Cassidy Rebecca Emilie Sattrup Rose Byrne Roxane Duran

▶Page 4

Frances O'Connor Gemma Arterton Hannah Taylor-Gordon Hattie Morahan Hugh Dancy Isabelle Adjani

▶Page 5

Izzy Meikle-Small James Norton Jane Birkin Joanne Whalley Lucy Boynton Jim Caviezel Monica Keena Nicolas Duvauchelle Sally Hawkins

▶Page 6

Adriana Tarábková Dakota Fanning Elle Fanning Gaia Weiss Gwyneth Paltrow Kirsten Dunst Léa Seydoux Pia Degermark Roxane Mesquida Rosamund Pike Samantha Gates Sophia Myles

▶Page 7

Annabelle Wallis Austin Butler Carey Mulligan Guy Pearce James Frain Katie Parker Kate Siegel Olivia Cooke Rachel Hurd-Wood Soko Sujaya Dasgupta Tom Cruise

▶Page 8

Adèle Exarchopoulos Anna Maxwell Martin Charles Dance Emma Williams Gillian Anderson Imogen Poots Natalie Press

▶Page 9

Anna Friel Catherine Mouchet Déborah François Dominic West Frédéric Noaille Joséphine Japy Kevin Kline María Valverde Paz Vega

▶Page 10

Ben Whishaw Clémence Poésy Elliot Grihault Emilia Fox Joseph Morgan Lambert Wilson Michelle Dockery Phoebe Fox Sophie Okonedo Tom Hiddleston Tom Hughes Tom Sturridge

▶Page 11

Calista Flockhart Charlotte Gainsbourg Christina Giannelli David Strathairn Felicity Jones Fu'ad Aït Aattou Greta Scacchi Helena Bonham Carter Holliday Grainger Michelle Pfeiffer Rupert Friend Sophie Marceau

▶Page 12

Angela Bassett Brooke Carter Cillian Murphy Danylo Kolomiiets Katie McGrath Keeley Hawes Maria Bonnevie Marta Gastini Miriam Giovanelli Olivia Hussey Oscar Isaac Peter Plaugborg

▶Page 13

Ben Barnes Ben Chaplin Bill Skarsgård Iben Akerlie Jakob Oftebro Jo Woodcock Lily-Rose Depp Reese Witherspoon Ruth Wilson Samantha Soule Tess Frazer Virginie Ledoyen

▶Page 14

Cary Elwes Colin Firth Daniel Day-Lewis Emilia Verginelli Hannah James Jonah Hauer-King Loli Bahia Lorenzo Balducci Rebecca Hall Robin Wright Rupert Everett Willa Fitzgerald

▶Page 15

Annes Elwy Claire Danes Eliza Scanlen Kathryn Newton Maya Hawke Romola Garai Samantha Mathis Trini Alvarado Winona Ryder

▶Page 16

Douglas Smith Eric Bana Gizem Karaca Jessica Brown Findlay Kenneth Branagh Kit Harington Millie Brady Natalie Dormer Poppy Delevingne Rachel Weisz Rosy McEwen Sam Claflin

▶Page 17

Aubri Ibrag Christina Hendricks Connie Jenkins-Greig Guy Remmers Henry Cavill Imogen Waterhouse Josie Totah Mia Threapleton Olivia Hallinan

▶Page 18

Essie Davis Fahriye Evcen Justine Waddell Natalia Sánchez Monica Bellucci Penelope Cruz

▶Page 19

Alicia Vikander Alida Baldari Calabria Christopher Abbott Emma Stone Jasmine Blackborow Kim Rossi Stuart Lili Reinhart Louis Cunningham Margaret Qualley Marine Vacth Mark Ruffalo Mélanie Thierry Ramy Youssef Scarlett Johansson Sydney Sweeney

▶Page 20

Antonia Clarke Cameron Monaghan Isolda Dychauk Olivia Colman Laoise Murray Madelaine Petsch Vanessa Redgrave Sophie Turner

▶Page 21

Emily Mortimer Jennifer Beals Kelly Macdonald Lena Headey Perdita Weeks Ruta Gedmintas Sarah Bolger Sting

▶Page 22

To do list:

Christopher Gorham under development (The Other Side of Heaven 2001) Harry Melling - The Pale Blue Eye 2022

✦Francesca Annis

Wives and Daughters 1999 — under development

All of these gifs were made from scratch by me for roleplaying purposes. Feel free to use them as sidebars and reaction gifs. PLEASE DON’T CLAIM THEM AS YOUR OWN.

[whatstruthgottodowithit]

Why You Gotta Be Like That?

Fandom: RPF, American Actor, 

Pairing: Chris Evans x Female Reader

Characters: Chris Evans, Female Reader, Dodger Evans

Word Count: 1146

Rating: Teen & Up

Summary:  When we walk in and it's past ten, I'ma tell 'em it's your fault

Tags/ Warnings: My Writing, Halloween Challenge, Writing Challenge, Songfics, Kissing, Flirting, Established Relationship, Anxiety, Love, Fluff, Parties, Mild Arguing, Dodger is V Upset About Being Left Alone, Songfic, Lyric Insert Chronically Late, if youre someone whos always late just know me and u arent friends, Why You Gotta Be Like That? // Scotty McCreery

Notes:  This is part of my writing Challenge for Halloween 2022. All fics are based off of songs I love. The aim is to write one fic a day for 15 days straight. I’m doing a similar thing for Christmas but they will all be headcanons [requests welcome for that] Enjoy x  

15 DAYS OF SONGFICS FOR HALLOWEEN (OCT 15TH - OCT 31ST)

7:53.

Chris sighed as he looked at his watch. They were supposed to be at this party at eight and he was currently sitting on his couch drink in hand waiting for Y/N to waltz down the stairs. Chris hated being late. His anxiety never let him be late for anything. He always knew the best route to get to where he was going, he even scoped out parking beforehand most of the time. He’d give himself ample time to get ready and would be waiting to leave at the time he’d planned.

Then he met Y/N. It wasn’t that she was out to annoy him, she wasn’t even planning to be late. It was just that she seemed to misjudge. If they had an appointment she’d ‘just need a shower’ before they left. If they were going on vacation they’d ‘just have to swing by her mom’s for her passport’. Every table reservation he made he always told her it was a half hour before to get a shot at being on time.  He loved her to death but she didn’t half stress him out whenever they needed to be somewhere.

He took a sip of his whiskey and checked his watch again. It hadn’t moved, but Chris couldn’t sit there any longer. He got up and grabbed his keys off the sideboard and started pacing at the bottom of the stairs. Dodger looked up from his bed as he moved but seeing Chris holding the car keys he put his head back down moping at being left out from wherever they were going. Then she appeared at the top of the stairs before she walked down them at an agonisingly casual pace whilst Chris watched her. As she hit the bottom step he looked at her, his eyebrows raised expectantly.

‘What?’ she said with a wry smile. ‘You realise we’ve gotta be across town in 6 minutes,’ he said checking his watch again. She looked at him with a smile and placed a hand on his chest before saying, ‘Christopher, Christopher, Christopher, it’s called being fashionably late.’

As she walked away from him towards the sideboard so she could look in the mirror Chris took her in. If he wanted to argue with her or complain he couldn’t. The wind was knocked out of him. Her outfit wasn’t outlandish, after all, they were only going to a friend’s house for drinks. It was a simple pair of jeans and a white tank top but it was enough to get Chris’ motor running. She wasn’t paying attention to him. She was putting her lipstick on in the mirror as Chris watched her. Her hair fell down her back as she angled her ass towards him which was clad in tight jeans that hugged her frame. And up top, she had a simple tank top which as she bent over Chris could see her cleavage heaving in the mirror’s reflection. 

She caught him watching her and smiled.

‘What?’ she giggled turning around as he came behind her, his hands caressing her waist as he spun her around. Chris sighed with a smile as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

‘You’re so predictable you know that?’ he giggled. ‘I’m the predictable one huh?’ she said as she traced her finger down his jaw and to his chest where her hand stopped and rested against him. She could feel his heart thumping away underneath it. ‘Definitely,’ he said leaning down to kiss her but she pulled away smirking. ‘And how am I so predictable Mr Evans?’ ‘Dressing like that because you know-’ ‘I know that you’re gonna be down here pacing like a tiger,’ she smirked. ‘Because I hate being late,’ he said. ‘I know, I know,’ she said, ‘but you know I’m never on time I don’t know why it surprises you.’ ‘Oh it doesn’t,’ he said, ‘like you wearing that little number doesn’t surprise me. Trying to get on my good side. See, predictable.’ ‘If I’m predictable,’ she whispered leaning in close, ‘then how come I knew that this would get you all hot and bothered huh?’

Chris went to say something but he stopped at a loss for words. She was right. His heart was racing and his trousers felt incredibly tight and all she had to do was flaunt in front of him for a couple of minutes.

‘See…predictable,’ she said sultrily, leaning in dangerously close to him that he could smell her perfume. Chris ran his tongue along his teeth and then in a flash, he bent down, grabbed her by the legs and threw her over his shoulder. She giggled as he did it beating weakly on his back.

‘Chris!’ she giggled, ‘what are you doing.’ ‘I’m showing you how predictable I am,’ he said heading for the stairs she had come down not five minutes ago. ‘And the party?’ she asked giving up fighting and resting against him instead. ‘Oh by the time I’m done with you it’ll be 10 o'clock,’ he said smugly. They were in the bedroom now and he had thrown her down on her bed, coming to hover over her. Her hair was splayed around her and she was resting on her elbows, her chest heaving from laughing at him.

‘And what do you suppose we tell them?’ she giggled as he leant down and kissed her neck. ‘We could tell them the truth,’ he said, each word punctuated by a kiss. ‘Or?’ ‘Or something more believable,’ he said simply, ‘you made us late.’ ‘Oh really?’ she giggled though it was finished by a moan as he sucked gently on a delicate spot by her collarbone. ‘Like they wouldn’t believe that,’ he chuckled. ‘Guess it’s a good job we’re both so predictable then,’ she giggled.

I set down my whiskey and you kiss me, You lean your back against the wall, When we walk in and it’s past ten, I'ma tell 'em it’s your fault.

[nikibogwater]

Niki Blethers: Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio LET’S FREAKIN’ GOOOOOOOOO--

In case it was not already obvious, this was my most anticipated movie of the year. Heck, it was my only anticipated movie of the year. Having learned the hard way just how deeply disappointment stings, I don’t usually get my hopes up this high. But darn it, everything I heard about this movie prior to its release just filled me with too much excitement to ignore, and now that it is finally available to the wider public, it is my great pleasure to say--

HOLY MOTHER OF MARMALADE, DID THIS MOVIE LIVE UP TO MY HYPE AND THEN SOME

(Mild spoilers below the cut, GO WATCH THIS MOVIE IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT IT’S A MASTERPIECE)

First up: stop motion animation. We love to see it. And this movie doesn’t cut any corners with the stop motion. Even the fire is stop motion. The backgrounds are paintings (gorgeous ones at that), not just CG landscapes. The sets are so incredibly detailed I could’ve spent several minutes just staring at any given wide shot. There were very few instances where I could clearly see any effects that were obviously done in a computer. The animators and set builders went hard on this movie, and they have 1000% of my respect for it. 

Despite being a whimsical fairy tale, there is a pretty heavy sense of realism with this movie. Like, one scene, you have an overeager Pinocchio singing a cute little song about how excited he is to be alive, and then in the next one, he and Geppetto are walking past buildings plastered with posters promoting Mussolini’s Fascist regime. The way the film balances these two tonal opposites is absolutely genius, and I can’t remember a single instance of a jarring shift in tone. The light and whimsical always eases into the dark and realistic in a way that makes me feel like the two sides couldn’t exist without each other. 

Also speaking of realism, CAN I GET A HALLELUJIA FOR SOME HONEST-TO-GOODNESS CATHOLIC REP IN A CURRENT-YEAR CHILDREN’S MOVIE?!

This is obviously a personal thing for me, but I pretty much never see any accurate, respectful portrayals of my religion outside of films that are specifically made for Catholics. And I’ma be real with you, more often than not, the films made specifically for us turn out to be unbearably preachy or saccharine (and they’re never animated--another major point against them). To see a character who simply IS a Catholic (because this is Italy during the 1910s, so it’d be a little out-of-the-ordinary for him not to be), doing his little Catholic things, without it being a huge focus of the story or directly influencing the plot--ie, Catholicism being portrayed as just another normal part of every-day life--GAH. IT WAS JUST REALLY SPECIAL TO ME, OKAY? 

Also Geppetto locking Pinocchio in a closet because he doesn’t have time to deal with this, it’s time to go to Mass is a big fat Catholic mood. 

Okay, I’ll shut up about the Catholic stuff. Back to the movie.

If I had a nickel for every time David Bradly made me cry with his performance as a struggling father-figure overcoming the estrangement between him and his adopted son, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t very many, but it’s great that it happened twice. 

Ewan McGregor practically carries this movie as Sebastian J. Cricket. I knew he was going to be good, but somehow I failed to foresee just how good he truly is in the role. This interpretation of Jiminy Cricket as a mildly self-absorbed novelist who sees Pinocchio as little more than his house for most of the film is just *chef’s kiss.*

Ron Perlman as the Podestà was incredible. I actually didn’t realize it was him until three-fourths of the way through the movie, he just vanishes into the role so smoothly. And gotdang, is that character scary. 

Christoph Waltz clearly went all out with Count Volpe and I bet recording sessions with him were very fun. 

Gregory Mann did so great for such a little guy! It’s hard to find child actors, and even harder to find child voice actors, but he was fantastic, and really sold the character. 

Speaking of characters, OH MY GOSH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH WHERE DO I BEGIN

Geppetto is a very sentimental old guy whose only joy in life was his son Carlo. After Carlo is killed in a bombing raid, Geppetto completely collapses under the weight of his grief. Carving Pinocchio isn’t something he does out of creativity or joy, but rather the result of drunken and despairing rage. The scene is played out as a grotesque and heartbreaking moment, and I LOVE it. 

Pinocchio himself is a Very Real Boy from the start--by which I mean, he never shuts up, he gets into everything, he’s kind of a brat, and he brings unbridled chaos to Geppetto’s life in the way that only a young child can. I like it when movies portray children as, y’know, actual children, not just tiny adults. Yeah, kids are loud, they break stuff, they annoy the heck out of you, and they are also so, so precious, they’re worth every second of it. 

I’ve already talked about Sebastian J. Cricket so all I’m gonna say here is I felt the line “Oh, the pain! Life is such hideous pain” right down to my core.

This movie covers a lot of heavy themes, such as the difficulties of fatherhood, abuse, war, death, and grief. But it does so in a way that left me with a sense of hope. It doesn’t shy away from the reality of these things, but it assures you that you can endure them, that you can find immense joy even in the midst of great suffering. 

To get a little personal for the second time, the way this movie goes about presenting the reality of death and the grief of those left behind resonated with me very deeply. I’m the youngest child in my immediate family, and deep down, there’s a part of me that dreads the day when they will pass on and leave me behind. Barring any unforeseen accidents, I will likely outlive most of my siblings, and I’m lowkey terrified of that inevitablilty. So there was something oddly comforting about a film that speaks directly to my fear like that. A film that doesn’t sugar coat or try to persuade me that it won’t be so bad. A film that tells me my time with my family is so much more precious because it is so fleeting. 

So yeah, tears were shed, I’m not ashamed to admit it. 

I could probably say a bajillion things more about this movie, but it’s getting late now and I’ve prattled long enough. In conclusion, 10/10, easily the best movie of my year, and I truly think I can forgive Del Toro for Trollhunters: Rise of the Titans now. 

[rumple04]

Alchemy & Late Shows

OS Reader x Christoph Waltz

(Only fluff, no smut)

Inspired by “Emotional Interview” by @headoverhiddles

You are late to the studios of Jimmy Kimmel's Late Show. The traffic jams on the streets of New York got the better of your organization. You hate arriving late, especially when you are not responsible for it. Hair in the wind you hurry to join your dressing room so that the make-up artists try to hide your drawn features due to fatigue. Tonight, like every past and upcoming nights this week, you have to promote a film in which you shot. Yesterday you were alone against David Letterman, tonight at Jimmy Kimmel's and tomorrow at Jimmy Fallon's. Fortunately, tonight and tomorrow you are not alone since you are accompanied by your co-star Christoph Waltz. It is also the moment you come out of your dressing room perfectly prepared with a bun that you see it waiting in the backstage, tapping from the heel.

- Hi Christoph, you say as you approached to kiss him.

- Hi y/n, how are you?

- I was stuck in traffic jams at the height of Grande Avenue, I thought I would never arrive on time ! And you?

- I would rather be everywhere else than here, in fact. But I'm glad to see you.

You blush at these last words. You've been blushing for months at every sweet attention of your co-star. And, in fact - you've been trying for months to hide what you feel deep inside.

- Everywhere else, are you sure? Even in the burger restaurant where Joe (Whrite, the director of the film you just shot) brought us to last week?

- ... don't say that. But really, Kimmel's interviews...

- I know... Get ready, tomorrow is Fallon’s one.

- Dear me...

You know how much, Christoph hates these big Late Show, you don't like them so much either. Like him, promoting your work is not what you like to do the most, but you can't help but have a certain enthusiasm for sharing these shows with him. A man approaches to hang the microphones on your clothes. Christoph is always perfectly dressed. You think that you haven't seen him a single day badly dressed since you worked with him. Perfectly ironed shirt, perfectly cut pants, well-cut suit shirt. You're not bad either with your fitted blouse and your long high-waisted skirt. Without consulting you before, your outfits are in the same shade of color. Another man signals us not to speak anymore because our microphones are activated, and in the same movement we are invited to move forward. You hear Kimmel announce:

- And now, I know that you expect them as much as I do. They are featured in the new drama period by Joe Whrite: Pride and Prejudice. A thunder of cheers for y/n and Christoph Waltz!

You walk on the stage, a polite smile for Christoph, a shy smile for you. Christoph signals you to sit down first, to which you answer a complicit smile towards the audience with a hand wave to mimic a fan.

- Ah Christoph, always so polite! I must tell you that I’m really happy to receive you tonight, says Kimmel when the public stopped the applause.

- And we are delighted to be there, you hasten to reply.

-Yes, we will say that, adds Christoph, winning the laughter of the public.

- But I hope you are happy to be there! This is not the first time you have come Christoph since I had the pleasure of welcoming you a few months ago for the release of Django Unchained, and you there some time ago for the release of Sense and Sensibility.

- Indeed, you answer.

- I saw your film, of course, and what a pleasure to see you both shoot together! What an alchemy! Did you like to play together?

- No, really not. I can't stand the presence of y/n. Ironizes Christoph, still winning the laughter of the public.

- Really? Ask for dazed Kimmel.

- Stupid question, stupid answer, adds Christoph, crossing his legs.

You smile at him timidly and look at yourself a few seconds before you decide to add:

- No, you’re right. We really enjoyed working on this project.

- And it shows, precisely we have a small excerpt to show you! Answer Kimmel by turning to the camera.

The screen above us then shows the first images that your production communicated for the promotion.

"You appear reading letters in an Old England-style living room. You hear ringing and get up. A maid opens the door and reveals Christoph who seems confused, stressed and eager.

- Forgive me. I hope you are better, he says, walking mechanically towards the fireplace with the missing air.

- I'm better, thank you. Aren't you going to sit down? Answer by sitting near the living room table.

He doesn't answer you and an embarrassing silence takes place. He remains standing as stressed as ever. He looks in turn at the emptiness and your eyes, then he takes the hundred steps. His discomfort is really palpable and you look at him not knowing what to say. He wants to say something but seems sick at the idea of opening his mouth. He sits down not letting go of your eyes. Then gets up. Finally, after a fierce internal struggle, he declares:

- In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

You remain speechless for several seconds in silence. He adds:

- By declaring myself in this way, I am fully aware of speaking against the judgment of my family, my friends, and I must say it - of my own judgment. The respective situations of our families are such that an alliance between you and me could only be perceived as highly reprehensible by society. My reason dictates me to consider it as such but I don't bring myself to it. No sooner had I met you than I felt an admiration and a passionate inclination for you that, despite my efforts - defeated any rational objection. I therefore beg you fervently to put an end to my suffering by agreeing to become my wife.

Eyes full of tears, you don't answer right away. Christoph is standing in front of you, in faith relieved to have delivered his burdens but at the same time anxious to see you not answer him right away. You finally answer:

- In such circumstances, I think it is customary to express gratitude, to feel gratitude. But I can't.

Christoph's shoulders sag slightly. He is hanging from your lips and it seems that this last sentence surprises and hurts him deeply. You add:

- I have never desired your affection and it is even reluctantly that you give it to me. I regret having caused you trouble but I did it unintentionally and I hope it will be short-lived, you add.

A heavy silence takes place in the room. He turns his back on you and joins the chimney on which he leans for a few seconds. Then straightens up. He is upset by your answer and turns to you.

- So this is the whole answer I would have the honor to receive. Can I at least know why I am repulsed with so little politeness?

- And can I know why with the obvious intention of offending me, insulting me you come to tell me that you love me against your will, against the concern of your reputation? ».

The screen turns off and you are covered with applauds from the public and Kimmel.

- Wow! It's breathtaking. What is the effect of dismiss Christoph?

You laugh and seem embarrassed. Christoph smiles gently and says nothing.

- This is only possible because it is written on the script, in fact ! You say by not daring to turn to your co-star.

- And you Christoph, how does it feel to be put back in place by y/n?

- My heart was just as broken as Mr. Darcy's, he replied to the heated applause of the public.

You laugh to hide the embarrassment you feel. You know that Christoph is joking, he always does it, but deep down you would like him to be simply delivering the bottom of his thought. Kimmel then adds to close the show:

- I am really delighted to discover you together in this new adaptation of Pride and Prejudice and I hope it marks the first collaboration in a long series. Ladies and gentlemen, y/n and Christoph Waltz!

You leave the stage and Christoph hastens to get rid of his microphone. You go side by side to your respective dressing rooms and he declares:

- Frankly, what did this interview bring? No relevant questions.

- It's true... you know that's what the public is always looking for. Showmen simply respond to the demand.

- You're right...

It stops at the height of your dressing room and you look at yourself for a few seconds. He adds:

- I would have invited you to eat somewhere but tomorrow is as busy for you as it is for me.

- Yes, unfortunately I think it would be wiser for us to go to bed early enough tonight. But we can see it at the end of the week, it would be a pleasure.

He doesn't answer, just smiles at you. He takes your hand and puts a kiss on it.

- See you tomorrow y/n.

———

Indeed, the day that awaits you is not easy. Each on your side has several trays to turn for the promo. It is only in the evening that you finally find yourself in Jimmy Fallon's studios. This is the last interview you have to give on your program. Unlike the day before you arrive early on site and while you are heading to your dressing room, some members of the technical team stop you to ask you for autographs and selfies.

- I'm really a fan of what you do. I love Jane Austen's adaptations and I find that your work really pays tribute to her, throws you a woman of engineer.

- Thank you very much, it's really nice!

- Can I ask you something?

- Yes, of course.

- Is... Christoph Waltz as grumpy as he lets it seem?

You can't help but let out a laugh. It's true that Christoph gives this impression. Moreover, he gives a lot of his person to always seem grumpy and sarcastic. However, this is not the attitude you know him on the set and behind the scenes. You don't want to undermine all the hard work of your co-star and you answer:

- He is adorable, but yes he is often grumpy!

The whole team laughs and with these words you enter your dressing room. It is only several minutes later, and after an intense makeup session that someone knocks on your door.

- Come in!

- So like that I'm grumpy? Announce Christoph by theatrically entering your dressing room.

- Wow, definitely the information circulates well here!

- Am I grumpy?

- I also said you were adorable!

- I hope so!

He smiles maliciously and comes to put a kiss on your forehead.

- We have to go, the team is waiting for us to put on the microphones, he says kindly.

You finish hanging your earring, you get up and you follow him. The team puts the microphones on you and just before he turns them on you touch Christoph's arm by whispering to him:

- Come on, it's the last one!

He smiles at you gently by placing his hand on yours. You don't have time to feel your heart beating the chamade you hear Jimmy Fallon announce to you.

- You loved him in Inglorious Basterds, and you loved her in Sense and Sensibility! They form an iconic couple in Joe Whrite's new adaptation of Pride and Prejudice! Ladies and gentlemen, I have the pleasure to welcome y/n and Christoph Waltz!

As the day before you enter the stage under a thunder of applaud and as the day before Christoph shows gallantry by letting you sit first. You find your colleague more relaxed than the day before.

- Wow! You are both beautiful, begins Fallon with a glittering smile. I'm really delighted to see you here!

- Same! You answer with a polite smile.

- You are definitely subscribed to the roles of the drama periods, aren't you?

- Maybe well, indeed. I'm not going to complain about it, it's an area that I really like both in audiovisual and literature.

- You Christoph, it's the first time we have seen you in this register. How does it feel to have played the legendary Mr. Darcy?

- It's...somewhat unexpected. I did not expect to one day be led to play such a "British" role as this one.

- And yet! You are brilliant in this role. Would you be interested in continuing to shoot films in this same register?

- I didn't know how to oppose it. What interests me is the story that a director has to tell. As long as I like the script and is good, I'm always in.

- The alchemy between the two of you is powerful. Did it feel on the set ?

Christoph lets you answer, his head slightly bent and a shy smile digging the wrinkle of his cheek.

- Uh... I think so. In any case, it's true that I had never felt such complicity on a set, you answer timidly.

The audience whistles at this statement and the musical group on the set plays some sexy notes. Fallon reacts:

- Wouuu! It's hot this way! Have you seen what is being said on social medias about you?

- Dear lords, answers Christoph. I don't have social medias and it's very good for me.

The audience laughs for several seconds after which you add.

- I'm on Twitter, but I was careful not to show him what is said there, you reply laughing behind your hand, timidly.

- It's very good because I have here some incredible tweets that concern you both.

- My god... answer Christoph by collapsing on his chair.

- Come on, I'm starting!

On the screen above them displays a screen of tweets :

"Who would have thought that an adaptation of Pride and Prejudice would be as hot as that of @y/n and Christoph Waltz?! ”

"Thank you @JoeWhrite for bringing us together @y/n and Christoph Waltz on a set! I don't know if I ship more Elizabeth Bennet and Darcy or literally the two actors! ”

"Joe Whrite: You're going to play the mythical couple of Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy!

Literally Y/n & Christoph Waltz being the hottest couple of Jane Austen's universe. ”

You couldn't be more red and more delighted than right now. You turn - enthusiastic - to Christoph who against all odds wears a small satisfied smile. Jimmy Fallon notices it and adds on top of the enthusiastic applause of the audience:

- You see, there are not only bad things on social medias!

- I’m certainly satisfied to have done my job correctly, he answers a little timidly.

- You are incorrigible! But you are not as reserved on other TV sets. Replica Fallon bursting with laughter. I have a small excerpt to refresh your memory.

"On the same screen appears an excerpt from Christoph on Ellen DeGeneres' set. The latter declares:

- You have great complicity with y/n, it's quite striking on the screen. Did you feel it on the set?

- Yes, in fact I must admit that I even have a big crush on her...

Christoph smiles slightly and Ellen opens her mouth wide laughing to the applause of an amused audience. ”

- What do you have to declare in your defense, applies Jimmy Fallon?

- Absolutely nothing, answers Christoph with a smile.

- And you there y/n?

- You will never be able to laugh at Christoph, you say, turning to him.

He looks at you with great complicity and puts his hand on yours. Fallon does not pay attention to it and starts the end of the interview.

- You can find these two lovebirds on the bill of Joe Whrite's latest film Pride and Prejudice of which here is a short trailer. Thank you for coming tonight!

Under the applause you get up and go behind the scenes. You do not dare to speak while you reach your dressing rooms. As you approach yours, Christoph approaches you and asks you:

- Do you feel like coming to dinner with me tonight?

- With pleasure, Christoph...

You find him disturbed, and gently you put your hand on his arm:

- Is everything all right?

He looks at your hand on his arm and in the same movement grabs it and kisses you tenderly. You feel all your muscles relax one after the other. You realize that for several months now, your whole body has been tense and was only waiting for that. He barely detaches himself from you and whispers:

-I'm sorry... I've wanted to do this for a while.

- Don't apologize, I've been dreaming about it for months.

[austerlitzborodinoleipzig]

Favorite Programs of 2023/2024 - Women's SP

I'm debating calling it a good year. There's actually a lot of programs on that list but would i call them masterpieces ? Not really, at least not all of them. While all these programs are good they're not groundbreaking. I feel like most of the field spent the season honing in their particular brand, or aesthetic, not doing that much of exploring with some exceptions.

Honorable mentions

Clare Seo (Simple Gifts) - NOT a Quaker song, thank you very much but a Shaker song (it's another Christian sect tho). I like it very much. I like the music, and Clare has gorgeous posture and musicality. It's very much Americana but I found it fresh.

Mao Shimada (Americano) - costume is the cutest thing. It's chock full of delightful moments and transitions. Looses points because the step sequence has imho too much of two-foot skating and stop-and-pause moments, but that's a recurring problem with Kaitlyn Weaver's choreo.

Seoyeong Wi (Pride and Prejudice) - perfect packaging for a young debuting skater and I'm surprised it's not picked more often.

Rino Matsuike (One Day I'll Fly Away) - One day Rino will choose music that is not a warhorse. Meanwhile I'll enjoy arguably the best skating skills of the field.

9th - Yu-Feng Tsai - Copycat, by Billie Eilish, choreo by Jun-Fei Ren

Arguably the best choreo in the junior field. Fun. Sassy. Unlike anything else seen this season. Okay, yes it was Billie Eilish but it was a song that's not usually picked, it was fresh and it was good.

8th - Niina Petrokina - Run, by Marvin Brooks, choreo by Mark Pillay

I liked her previous SP better, and I'm not that fond of the music but Niina wins this by sheer commitment to the performance. One of the skaters where the whole body is involved, especially during the step sequence. That's what the GOE bullets are supposed to reward.

7th - Young You - Otono Porteno, by Astor Piazzolla, choreo by Tom Dickson.

The attitude, the sass, the steps, THAT SPLIT JUMP. She did the right thing bringing it back.

6th - Haein Lee - Seirenes, by Christopher Tin, choreo by Lori Nichols and Carolina Kostner

First rule we should live by after this season : whenever Carolina and Lori are involved, they strike gold. Happened to Yuma, happened to Haein. Seirenes is eerie, moody and a very good vehicle for Haein. She had us worried for a moment but did the right thing bringing it back.

5th - Jia Shin - Fascination, by Fermo Marchetti, choreo by David Wilson

I never really got Jia until this season. This is I think her first program that made me go : "okay. I see now why other fans are obsessed with her skating. I get it". If you asked me, I would stop giving Jia twee instrumental pieces and moody ballads and give her waltzes, more classical pieces. Jia has the musicality to keep up those kinds of tempi. She has the lines to express that kind of music. She has the flow to match the rythm. The transitions in and out of her 2A ? Stuff dreams are made of.

With Fascination, I love the music, I love Jia in it, I love watching her hitting those notes, I love her inside edge Ina Bauer during her step sequence... I'm a new fan.

4th - Hana Yoshida - Koo Koo Fun, by Lazer Disk, choreo by Kaitlyn Weaver

I'm fascinated with the way Hana picks her programs because her choices are immaculate. For two seasons straight, down to her gala programs, Hana has picked bangers after bangers. Koo Koo Fun is outside the box, funny, stands out musically, the choreo is quirky...

Doesn't make it straight to the top because every time she skated to it, I found Hana a little bit too stiff for the vibe the program requires. She needs to skate with more abandon and fun and that will only come with experience. Her mind is already there, her body needs to follow.

3rd - Yelim Kim - Ladies in Lavender, by Nigel Hess, choreo by Jeffrey Buttle

I don't remember who on this website said that Yelim's skating makes them believe in a better world, but I do agree. There's something healing in her skating. Right now there's no skater in the field that can match the elegance and quiet dignity of Yelim's skating.

2nd - Loena Hendrickx - I'm Ninalu, by Mors Avraham, choreo by Adam Solya

Loena at her very best and when she's on she pisses everywhere on the stage. I honestly don't get the complaints about doing too much party programs. As long as she serves it as hard as she does, she can take us to the club anytime she wants. I don't care about versatility if a skater has found a niche they do extremely well.

1st - Kaori Sakamoto - Baby God Bless You, by Shinya Kyozuka, choreo by Jeffrey Buttle

Forget what i just said. Kaori wins it but virtue of trying and succeeding in bringing in a new style. The concept is cute. Skating to the string version is the superior choice, as the music is more climatic than with the piano version. And the step sequence shows how above the field Kaori is right now.

[firstdegreefangirl]

(as long as it ain't) One of Those Songs

The thing is, Buck will sing and dance to anything.

As soon as he walks into Eddie’s house, almost every time he comes over, he’s asking Alexa to play some music. That's exactly what he says: “Alexa, play some music.” He never makes a request, never picks a station. But every day he reacts like the little automated speaker has read his mind and found exactly the song he wants to hear.

(Eddie, on the other hand, lives in constant fear that his “digital assistant” knows too much and is going to take over the household one of these days. Starting with the music Buck listens to.)

This morning, it’s been some shuffle mix of … everything, from what Eddie can tell. Buck spent four minutes jumping around to Footloose, and somehow wasn’t out of breath after. Every time the Deep Blue Somethings sang “and I said what about Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” he’d stop whatever he was doing and spin around, even though it really didn’t fit with the tone of the song. It made Christopher laugh, and Eddie smile, and that was a good enough reason for him to keep doing it.

Eddie had never imagined anyone would be able to dance to One Headlight but when it played, he bounced between the balls of his feet until the last note faded out. When he shimmied his hips to Bailamos, Eddie wound up so distracted that his Cheerios turned to mush. He let Buck drag him by the hand until they had room enough to dance a lopsided waltz to Let it Go, both of them laughing so hard they were practically holding each other up.

And for all the songs in between, he’d toe-tapped and head-bobbed and let the music course through his body.

Which is why Eddie notices so immediately when the dancing stops.

Read the rest on ao3 here!

[christophfanalways]

In Honor of National Scarf Day in the US - September 27, 2023!!

[andrewmoocow]

Little Homeworld Life chapter 25: A Temple Divided (originally published on June 12, 2023)

AN: At long last, everything begins coming together in the first part of this two-part finale to Little Homeworld Life. Afterwards, we only have Snake Eyes left to cover before finally closing the door on Steven Universe: Alternate Future. Almost every single plotline we've been setting up throughout the entire series will reach what I hope is a satisfying conclusion here, from Black Rutile's control over the Internet, how the Crystal Gems' actions have consequences, the return of Cinnabar, and many more. I think this might be one of the darkest chapters of the series yet, so hold onto your butts as it all comes crumbling down.

Synopsis: With some new and old allies by her side, Black Rutile begins making plans for her latest revenge on the Crystal Gems by breaking them up using some long-forgotten secrets. Meanwhile, President Eduardo Suarez fights for his life against Black Rutile's human supporters.

Cast:

Noël Wells as Black Rutile

Della Saba as Aquamarine

Charlyne Yi as Eyeball, Ruby, Doc, Navy, Army, Leggy, Mega Ruby

Christine Pedi as Holly Blue Agate

Casey Lee Williams as Cat's Eye

Estelle as Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst, Famethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl, The Black Pearl Brigade

Shelby Rabara as Peridot, Squaridot

Jennifer Paz as Lapis, Laz, Zuli, Phoenix Lapis Lazuli

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Erica Luttrell as Sapphire

Tom Scharpling as Greg

Kimberly Brooks as Jasper, Dalmatian Jasper

Lauren Ash as White Topaz

Jon Wurster as Marty

Shanelle Grey as Sally Grove

Casey Robertson as Neil Michaels

John Kassir as Reginald Anderson

Lin-Manuel Miranda as President Eduardo Suarez

Wendie Malick as Vice-President Theresa Maxwell

GZA as Major General Wade Grant

Tim Curry as General Lloyd Waller

Amy Sedaris as Teal Zircon

Martha Higerada as Topaz

Jinkx Monsoon as Emerald, Chest Emerald

Hayley Kiyoko as Morganite

Melissa Fahn as Demantoid, Eyeball Demantoid

Kari Wahlgren as Pyrope

Olivia Olson as Citrine Twins

Avi Roque as Cinnabar

Gina Torres as Andesine

Awkwafina as Kyanite

Allison Janney as Pyrite

Zehra Fazal as Zoisite

Lena Hall as Bloodstone

Jodie Whittaker as Xenotime

Idina Menzel as Amazonite

Halsey as Tanzanite

Mia Barron as Apatite

Sarah Jessica Parker as Dumortierite

Cavetown as Diaspore

Barbara Dunkelman as Amber

Kristen Schaal as Howlite

Christoph Waltz as Francis von Bowling

Featuring Stephanie Beatriz as Arleen Suarzez

Xolo Mariduena as Huey Suarez

Leslie Grace as Riley Suarez

Peter Barto as Secret Service Agent

With Alyson Hannigan as Lavenderine

And May Calamawy as Chrome Chalcedony

--

One lovely summer day in Beach City, the Crystal Gems were getting ready for a party. But it wasn't just any party, they were preparing for Ruby and Sapphire's wedding anniversary party and the anniversary of their professional alliance with the Diamonds. The Gems were hard at work on making sure the party was perfect, but little did they realize that this party would be pooped on very soon.

"Okay Zirconias, just put that banner over to the right!" Pearl ordered the Heaven and Earth Cubic Zirconias to move a banner reading 'HAPPY ANNIVERSARY RUBY AND SAPPHIRE' into her requested position. Unfortunately, the two Cubic Zirconias were far too small to carry it and made it fall down. "Okay, maybe I should've told someone else to do it."

"What do you mean you're on a wedding cake shortage?!" Amethyst complained over the phone to a bakery. "Who in the world could possibly want that many cakes?! Oh, the Royal Family? Yeah, that makes sense. I'll just call someone else. Thanks anyways, choom."

"So, how's the happy couple doing right now?" Bismuth asked Ruby and Sapphire as the red and blue married couple oversaw the preparations.

"We're doing wonderful Bismuth, thank you." Sapphire smiled gently.

"Can you believe it's only been four years since we learned Rose Quartz was Pink Diamond?" Ruby asked. "Sometimes, I feel like it's been even longer. Like, way longer!"

"It does feel that way sometimes with everything we've done since then," Pearl added. "Between going to Homeworld, meeting White Diamond for the first time, starting Era 3, the Demantoid & Pyrope crisis, building Little Homeworld, the Spinel crisis, and fighting Black Rutile, it's just been too much."

"Hey Lapis, how's the weather looking?" Amethyst called to Lapis, who was high in the sky to check the weather.

"Looking pretty good, so far!" Lapis replied. "Though I think a storm might be coming soon." She added, pointing to some faint storm clouds in the distance. "Should we start worrying about that? I mean, can't have bad weather on a wedding anniversary."

"I'm sure it won't matter." Ruby declared. "No silly old storm can keep us down! Right, my laughy Sapphy?"

"Oh Ruby, you dog!" Sapphire laughed as Ruby held her one-eyed wife in her arms and kissed her. However, the storm would unknowingly become the least of their worries. Hidden in the distance, Black Rutile snuck into the beach house with a plastic bag full of Gem shards in her hand, hoping that her enemies were far away enough to not notice her entering.

"This had better work." Black Rutile muttered to herself while opening the door to the bathroom and grabbing the three bottles of the Diamonds' essence from the mirror. "I got a lot riding on these bottles to bolster my forces."

After filling the bathtub with water and pouring the essence in, Black Rutile pulled open the bag and dumped the Gem shards into the tub. She sat at the tub crouching in anticipation, hoping what she heard about how Jasper was resurrected after being shattered by a power-mad Steven was true. Suddenly, she saw a light emerging from the tub. "Yes, it's working!"

Black Rutile watched in excitement as Zoisite's deceased team of Phoenix Lapis Lazuli, Eyeball Demantoid, Chest Emerald, and the Citrine Twins were fully restored to life. "Happy welcome back day, my friends!" she exclaimed. "Allow me to introduce myself, I am Black Rutile! You may remember me for rising to the top of White Diamond's court only to realize how much of it was built on a lie by my Diamond's demented sense of humor!"

"I'm sorry, I'm going to need a refresher here since I just came back to life." Phoenix Lapis muttered while getting out of the tub and shaking water out of her hair. "Your Diamond did what now?"

"Listen to me, I shall explain everything along the way." Black Rutile stated as she helped the rest of Zoisite's formerly deceased subordinates out of the bathtub. "Just follow me to this place called Little Homeworld that I'm forced to reside in here on Earth."

"Oh, you bet I'm going to need a heads up." One of the Citrine twins muttered as Black Rutile led the newly revived Gems out of the bathroom and onto the Warp Pad.

--

"How's it looking, Howlite?" Bloodstone asked Howlite as the two of them, along with Apatite, Tanzanite, Zoisite, and Demantoid worked together on rebuilding Cinnabar's Rejuvenation Blaster, last used against the Black Pearl Brigade during Cinnabar's attempted takeover of Homeworld.

"Firing rate is at an optimal state," Howlite replied as she did some coding on the Blaster's reprogramming powers. "And at Cinnabar's suggestion, we've increased the permanence of the weapon's effects on Gems. Though there is one strand of code that we've yet to cover."

"Yeah, whatever, when can we test this baby?" Zoisite exclaimed as she took the Rejuvenation Blaster and pointed it around.

"Not yet Zoisite, you have to wait until we have built enough for everybody!" Demantoid yelled while snatching the blaster away. "Plus, as Howlite said, there is but one strand of code we've yet to fix." Just then, there was a knock on the door. "Can someone get that?"

"I'll get it," Apatite said as she walked over and opened the door to see Black Rutile standing outside. "Oh, hey boss. Need anything?"

"I'd like to see Zoisite, please." Black Rutile responded politely. "I have something she'd like to see." As Zoisite got up and walked to the front door at the mention of her name, Black Rutile moved to the side to reveal the assassin's old team behind her. To say Zoisite was overjoyed to see them again despite their untimely demises would be an understatement. Instead, she was overcome with so much joy, she started sobbing as she pounced on her old gang.

"Apparently, the Diamonds' essences can restore shattered Gems." Black Rutile muttered as she turned away from the touching moment. "Kind of renders everything we've sacrificed completely pointless, huh?"

"Not right now, in the middle of a long-awaited reunion." Zoisite cried softly while wrapping her former subordinates in a group hug just as Dalmatian Jasper entered the scene.

"Aw, we missed you too, boss." The chest Emerald said. "So, this Steven fellow is the reason you're stuck here?"

"It's not just him, but the entire corrupt system the Crystal Gems have forced onto us!" Black Rutile declared. "I have lost everything thanks to them! My status, my possessions, my armies, everything!"

"Basically, she's out for revenge." Dalmatian Jasper reiterated. "So Zee, this is your old team, huh?"

"Yes, I'd like you to meet everybody." Zoisite sighed happily before pointing to each member of her hit-squad. "This is Phoenix Lapis, that's Demantoid, this is Emerald, and those are the Citrine twins."

"We can talk later, it's planning time." Black Rutile declared as she walked inside her house. "The pieces are all about to fall into place once more. Let me ask you all, how were the Crystal Gems always able to save the day all the time?" she asked her minions. "Well, it's because they had the power of teamwork. Now, this leads me to come to a conclusion. What if we were able to turn them against each other somehow? All we need to do is break the weakest link."

"Finally!" Marty cheered as he emerged from the shadows behind Black Rutile. "I've been itching to make a move on those extraterrestrial dykes for ages!"

"The white man using slurs against members of a minority he hates so much." Sally Grove added dourly. "Typical."

"We are ready and willing to serve, my Rutile." Francis von Bowling proclaimed while Lennie, Milton, Rasputina, Konstantin, Pavel, and Leo stood behind him. Pavel held a tablet that had Neil Michaels' face on it.

"Anything to finally show up Pearl for all she's done to me." Neil groaned in exasperation.

"Good to see my team is still on the same page." Black Rutile declared deviously. "Now, Dr. Brenner, connect me to Mr. Johnson."

"With pleasure, my Rutile." James Brenner said sadly as he turned on Black Rutile's computer to show the white supremacist podcaster Reginald Johnson's face on it.

"Hello?" Reginald asked while adjusting his camera. "Oh hey, the alien lady! I've heard about you!"

"Ah, Reginald, so glad we could talk on this momentous occasion." Black Rutile answered. "You may know me as Black Rutile. Revolutionary, influencer, terrorist. I believe Sally Grove may have talked to me."

"Yeah, I've heard her talk about you, but I was barely paying attention because she kept going on and on about how just because I'm a white man, that doesn't mean I can get away with everything," Reginald said. "I swear, women on the Internet, am I right?!"

"I'm standing right here, white savior!" Sally complained. "Having us on the same team was a bad idea!"

"Both of you, shut up!" Black Rutile yelled at Sally and Reginald. "Reggie, are you and your followers all set for Operation: Olympus Down?"

"Yep, about 2,000 strong, give or take!" Reginald proudly stated. "Most of them are still ticked off that Ronald Crump lost to Suarez in the election! Even with all his men, that old fart won't see it coming!"

"So, remind me what this has to do with the president?" Sally asked Black Rutile.

"It's because he was there to help the Gems stop my plans the first time around, and I plan on getting my revenge!" Black Rutile answered. "In all my browsing of the Internet, I have learned one thing that ruled them all, that if you expose someone to anger long enough, they will learn to hate. And boy have these creatures been exposed to plenty of hate!" She began displaying many controversies over the years to prove her point. "Hatred, bigotry, war, destruction, all over the silliest of things like a video game, movie, or TV show with a cult-like fanbase torturing someone with a different opinion, corrupt businessmen destroying the environment, or feeling intimidated by a person of a certain minority being superior to them in every way imaginable."

Black Rutile then projected a chessboard from her visor with pieces representing the Crystal Gems. "To put it simply, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate shall lead to suffering." She began to rearrange the pieces, with Garnet, Pearl, and Bismuth on one side, while the other side had Lapis, Amethyst, and Peridot.

--

Back at the anniversary party, preparations were almost complete. All that was left to do now was to invite guests, buy decorations, find a cake, and get the party started. So far, almost everyone who attended the wedding had invitations written, along with a few friends the Gems made since then. Meanwhile, Greg was sent off to find a cake for the party.

"Okay, quick question everybody." Lapis wondered while making some RSVPs. "Where do we stand with the Diamonds right now?"

"I think they might still be upset with us for calling them out on how their treatment of Pink started all this mess," Garnet replied. "But thankfully, as far as I know, they haven't decided to get revenge and turn back to their old ways, as much as Black Rutile would probably kill to see that."

"Let's just send an invite just in case. If they don't want to come, that shouldn't be any of our business." Pearl said before sealing an envelope with Amethyst's tongue. "I'm just worried though. What if what they said about how we treated Steven was true?"

"Eh, what's past is prologue, or whatever that play said," Amethyst responded coolly. "I'm not ready to go through that whole drama again."

"Still, can you believe how long it's been since the Rebellion?" Lapis mused, making a nearby Bismuth start looking uncomfortable. "Feels like yesterday that I was sent down for a visit only to get chucked into the Rebellion, and then I got poofed and stuck in that mirror."

"Hey, uh, Pearl?" Bismuth called for Pearl. "Can I speak with you for a second? Preferably alone."

"Oh, of course," Pearl said as the blacksmith took her aside to have a private chat behind one of the destroyed stone hands. "What's on your mind, dear? Something about the Rebellion, I suppose."

"Well, it's about how Lapis got involved in things." Bismuth nervously stated to Pearl. "You know how she was poofed and put in that mirror? Well, it turns out I was the one who poofed her."

"What?!" Pearl squawked in shock before Bismuth put her hand over Pearl's mouth, hoping Lapis wouldn't overhear them. "Did you just say you were the one who poofed Lapis?" she said more quietly through Bismuth's hand. "How?"

"I didn't know how it happened either," Bismuth admitted sorrowfully. "I was just in the zone and mistook her for a soldier. It only took until getting to know Lapis better that I realized I'm basically the one who ruined her life."

"Oh, Bismuth, don't be too hard on yourself," Pearl replied soothingly, putting a hand on her rainbow girlfriend's chin. "I'm sure Lapis will understand once you open up to her. Did you really keep this from her for this long?"

"I just haven't had the heart." Bismuth shook her head while looking out at Lapis having fun with Peridot and Amethyst by dunking some fruit punch on Teal Zircon's head. "Just look at her, so happy and free. Do you really think I'm the kind of gal to do that to someone? No, no, a thousand times no!"

While Bismuth declared herself to not be the kind of Gem to keep such a terrible secret for so long, someone was planning to do that for her. Nearby, Morganite kept herself hidden behind another hand while eavesdropping on the two Rebellion veterans. "This is going to be juicy." She purred to herself before disappearing without a trace.

--

"Ay, dios mio, dealing with those Arasaka chumps and trying to stop their oil drilling was harder than I thought." President Eduardo Suarez sighed in relief as he ended another long day of work for the country he ran while walking into the Oval Office. It was a hard job to be sure, but a satisfactory one nonetheless as he loved doing what he could to help the American people. Plus, coming home to his family made even the most challenging of days more worth it.

"Papi!" Eduardo's children, 15-year-old son Huey and 16-year-old daughter Riley cried as they ran up and gave their father a welcome back hug.

"How was work today, Dad?" Huey asked his dad. "How much trouble did those Arasaka people give you?"

"Ugh, they kept me in their offices for hours!" Eduardo complained to his son. "They kept going on and on about how because they're so rich, they deserve everything! Newsflash Saburo, you're saying you're richer than the freaking President! Millionaires, am I right?"

"If I were you, I'd have just told them to shove off!" Riley added eagerly. "They don't know who they're talking to at all!"

"Now, Riley, no need to get so intense." The president's wife Arleen Suarez said as she walked into the office and kissed her husband-in-chief. "Just rest now, mi amor. You earned it after today."

"Thank you, dear." Eduardo sighed contently before he heard a knock at the door. "Come in!" A secret service agent then entered the room. "Good day, sir. Anything you'd like to tell me?"

"Mr. President, sir, there is someone who'd like to speak with you." The agent said in a robotic monotone. "Him and his army of more than 2,000 followers who voted for Crump in the election."

"I'm sorry, what?" Eduardo said before Reginald Johnson kicked down the door to the Oval Office and strode in with an exaggerated swagger like he owned the place before sitting down at the president's desk. "Sir, I'm going to ask you to remove yourself from my desk at once, por favor."

"Sorry el Presidente, but you can't tell me what to do anymore!" Reginald yelled angrily while pointing an accusing finger at the president. "You and the rest of your kind have been a stain on our green Earth for way too long now!"

"Oh poo, another prejudiced douchebag." Riley snarked. "Look pal, if you think you can just strut in here and tell my dad how much you hate him for his race, then you're in the wrong place! My papi can have your ass folded like a bad hand of cards with just one secret service guy!"

"I'm not talking about his race, ya idjit!" Reginald roared. "I'm talking about guys like him who bend the knee to those damn Crystal Gems who think that they're the rulers of the Earth now!"

"Do not say that about my friends." Eduardo retorted firmly while slamming his hands down on the desk. "They are some of the nicest people I've ever met, human or otherwise. If it weren't for them, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now because a deranged sociopath would've destroyed the Earth!"

"And that's the problem!" Reginald argued back. "They may have saved Earth, but they're destroying it in other ways too. I'm only doing what's good for people like me and you here, amigo, because that Steven boy's peace-loving ways will be the death of us all! It's in our nature to fight and hate, Eddy, and you simply can't fight nature! The wind blows, rain falls, and the strong prey upon the weak!"

"And what makes you think you can talk down to us like that?" Arleen said, resolutely standing by her husband and children. Reginald simply smirked and snapped his fingers, letting his army of angry followers do the talking for him. Men and women alike were all armed to the teeth as they barged into the Oval Office and surrounded the president's family. "Okay, point taken."

"EVERYBODY SCATTER!" Eduardo screamed in terror as he punched one of the gunmen in the face, grabbed his gun, and started running. "We'll meet back up at the Washington Monument, just go!"

"But what about you?!" Huey exclaimed.

"Leave these bigots to me and the secret service guys!" Eduardo said as he fired at more shooters, their bulletproof vests keeping them from dying as the president ran for his life.

"AFTER HIM!" Reginald screamed while unholstering a rifle from his back and giving pursuit. "That boy ain't right, and I'm gonna set him right whether he likes it or not!"

"Yippee-kay-yay, hijo de puta!" Eduardo shouted before firing a cartridge's worth of bullets at the angry white man chasing him. As more secret service employees began joining the firefight, Eduardo's quick thinking kept Reginald on his toes until he passed by the sitting room, where he made a shocking discovery. "Oh no!"

"Dad, help us!" Riley cried as she, Huey, and Arleen were cornered by more of Reginald's men.

"Mi familia!" Eduardo yelled back as he tried to charge into the sitting room to save them, only for Reginald to wrap his arm around the president's neck while pointing a gun at his temple. "You monster."

"I'm just giving you a choice here, chief." Reginald purred evilly. "Either give up, or somebody's getting iced today. Either way, my TubeTube channel is going to make me a millionaire."

"So that's what this is for, just some dumb clickbait?" Eduardo hissed in disgust. "I can see it now in big capital letters across the Internet. 'PRESIDENT LEAVES FAMILY TO DIE' or 'MAN SAVES COUNTRY FROM PSYCHO PRESIDENT'. This isn't about us, it's about you and your online fame!"

"You could say that." Reginald concurred. "My offer still stands. Which one of you is going to die?"

"No one!" the secret service agent from earlier declared as he barged in and tried to free President Suarez while disarming Reginald. "In the name of the United States, I hereby place you under arrest!"

"Not on my watch, sheep!" Reginald screamed as he and the agent wrestled each other.

"Run Mr. President, we shall handle things from here!" the agent yelled as the SWAT team burst into the White House to combat the terrorist threat.

"Fine, I'll go." Eduardo wheezed in pain before struggling over to his captive family. "Be strong, you guys. I'll be back soon."

"We'll be brave for you, papi," Riley replied, trying to keep a brave face despite the overwhelming odds.

"When I woke up this morning, I didn't expect my day to turn out like this." Huey muttered disdainfully.

"You're stronger than they'll ever be, darling," Arleen assured Eduardo before the two shared a passionate kiss. When the husband and wife ended their kiss, Eduardo then charged at the window and broke it as he jumped out of the White House's second floor.

"Okay, that went worse than I planned," Eduardo muttered as he got up from the fall. "Ooh, I think I may have broken a few bones." Just then, a limo pulled up close to where he landed and his vice president Theresa Maxwell poked her head out the window. "Theresa?!"

"Get in!" Theresa yelled tersely while opening the door for her president. "I saw those guys on the news before they started storming the place, and I just knew they'd be coming after you! Now come on!"

Despite his injuries, Eduardo's willpower and drive to protect his family kept him going as he struggled towards the limo and got in. As soon as he closed the door, the limousine drove as far away from the White House as possible.

"Excellent," Reginald smirked as he looked out the broken window and watched as the president escaped. "That son of a gun can run, but he sure as hell can't hide." He then pulled out his phone to begin making a call. "Reginald to Black Rutile, come in Black Rutile. Operation: Olympus Down is almost complete. We seized the White House, but the president managed to get away."

"Doesn't matter to me." Black Rutile responded. "Just as long as he's too distracted to help the Gems when I take them by surprise. Black Rutile out!"

--

Back at Little Homeworld, Black Rutile had finished her call to Reginald before she looked over at the progress on the reconstructed Rejuvenation Blaster. "How's it looking, everybody?"

"Reconstruction has officially been completed, now to find a test subject," Demantoid replied. "Who do you suggest, my Rutile?"

"I might have a few Gems in mind." Black Rutile said just as Morganite entered her house. "Morganite, I trust that your reconnaissance mission provided some fruit."

"Indeed, madam," Morganite answered with a bow. "I have reason to believe that Lapis Lazuli's misfortunes can all be blamed on that one Bismuth that she claims to be friends with. No doubt a useful tool for our cause. Perhaps one we can use to bring one of the Crystal Gems to our side. Now that I've done your dirty work, it's time to hold up your end of the bargain."

"Ah yes, what I would give you in exchange for restoring your loyalty in me." Black Rutile remembered. "However, I'm going to need Demantoid, Pyrope, and Emerald here as well."

"We're right here, my Rutile," Emerald said as she and Pyrope entered from the darkness. "What do you request?"

"I have recently come to a realization." Black Rutile replied while contemplating her new Rejuvenation Blaster. "Some of these Gems under my thumb have gotten a little soft with the time they've spent here on Earth. And since I'm set to make my grand return, I simply cannot have such weak subordinates."

"What are you implying, Black Rutile?" Pyrope asked, fearing the answer she'll soon get.

"What I'm implying is that I have no room for such weakness in my forces." Black Rutile said as she made it very clear that she intended to use Emerald, Morganite, Demantoid, and Pyrope as the first victims of the Rejuvenation Blaster. "Hence why your services will no longer be needed. Or at least, your services as your current selves." With an evil grin on her face, Black Rutile fired at the four Gems and made them writhe in enough pain for them to poof. Everyone was left gobsmacked at her cruelty, especially Tanzanite, but to Black Rutile, this was just another day for her. "Will anyone else attempt to fill their shoes?"

"How could you do that to your own subjects?" Tanzanite said with quiet outrage. "I thought you were fighting for their freedom! This is not what a leader should do! And I should know, I served under Rose Quartz before learning how much of a liar she was!"

"Would you care to join them as well?" Black Rutile shut Tanzanite up with a mere point of her Rejuvenation Blaster. Even though she had finally started questioning her new leader, Tanzanite meekly shook her head before walking away, just as Black Rutile's four victims reformed with only one thing to say.

"All hail Black Rutile." Emerald, Demantoid, Pyrope, and Morganite droned in reverence of their leader, any trace of their former selves now seemingly erased. "All hail Black Rutile."

"Excellent, it's working!" Black Rutile cheered. "With this, I can brainwash as many Gems as I please, but I suppose one will be far easier than the rest. And I won't even need the Blaster!" Putting the Blaster down, Black Rutile called for another of her subjects. "Aquamarine!"

"Yes, my Rutile?" Aquamarine asked her beloved superior.

"Find me Lapis Lazuli at once and tell her everything she needs to know about her so-called friends." Black Rutile ordered Aquamarine. "It's time to break our weakest link."

"Tell her what?" Aquamarine wondered before Black Rutile whispered an incredibly juicy, long-buried secret into her ear. "Oh, that is just perfect! I'll tell her as soon as I find her!" With a spring in her step, Aquamarine soared out of the house and away from Little Homeworld in search of Lapis.

"Now then, anybody else has something to tell the class?" Black Rutile asked her subordinates around. "How about you, Holly Blue? How have you been practicing fusion with Cat's Eye?"

"Oh, it's wonderful, my Rutile." Holly Blue replied merrily. "She makes such a wonderful partner."

"By the end of the day, the two of us will be more unified than the Crystal Gems!" Cat's Eye agreed and the two laughed heartily.

"Those two, I swear." Andesine rolled her eyes at the duo. "So when shall we strike, my Rutile?"

"Yeah, I'm getting impatient here!" Amber cried. "I need to hit something fast!" To try and relieve her stress, Amber threw a punch at Cinnabar, who barely flinched at the attack.

"Can't say I missed you, Amber." Cinnabar coolly stated. "So, clarify this for me. Are we just going to wait until the secret's out for us to strike?"

"You read my mind, dear Cinnabar." Black Rutile smiled at her student. "I really missed you, you know."

--

At the exact same time, Lapis had just emerged from a startup party supplies shop with bags full of decorations for the anniversary party. "Wow, who would've guessed Peridot would want this much stuff? It's just only everybody in town and then some coming to the party." As Lapis prepared to take flight, she suddenly heard someone let out a familiar bratty cackle. "What do you want, Aquamarine?!"

"Nice little shop you found here," Aquamarine said as she perched atop the shop's sign. "Too bad it's on the planet where your life as you knew it ended, huh?"

"Uh, what are you on about this time?" Lapis asked with a roll of her eyes, practically itching to fly as far away from whatever bloviating Aquamarine was about to spout this time. "Look, I'm on a very tight schedule here, so if you have something to say, just make it quick."

"Very well then." Aquamarine huffed in frustration while puffing her cheeks. "Now, I have a question to ask you. Did you ever wonder who poofed you during the Rebellion, my friend?"

"No, I don't think I ever knew and I don't care," Lapis replied grumpily. "Now please, let me go."

"No no, I have something amazing to tell you!" Aquamarine yelled while pulling at Lapis's leg. "Did Bismuth ever tell you?"

"What did she tell me?" Lapis replied nervously before the smaller blue Gem dropped quite possibly the biggest bombshell she ever heard in her life.

"That she poofed you in the Rebellion." Aquamarine declared with a smirk, causing Lapis to drop her shopping bags in horror.

"Wait, you're kidding, are you?" Lapis asked as her reality began crashing down on her. "She wouldn't do that!"

"But she did!" Aquamarine replied with a cheeky, psychotic smile. "For you, the day Bismuth ruined your life because she saw you as a mere soldier was the most horrible day of your life. But for her, it was Tuesday."

"But, but why?!" Lapis shrieked in denial while dropping to her knees and clutching her head between her hands. "Bismuth was such a good friend of mine, but now you tell me she was keeping this from me for centuries?! How could she?!"

"She just didn't have the heart to admit it." Aquamarine shook her head sympathetically before placing a hand on Lapis's back. "Go on, be the bigger Gem. Tell them how you really feel."

When Lapis looked up at Aquamarine, it wasn't with tears of betrayal. She instead stared at the other Gem with fires of hatred and deceit. This was like when the Crystal Gems left her in the mirror for thousands of years without realizing a Gem was trapped inside it, only far worse. This time, they were trapping her in a cage of lies and secrecy. Without even a word to Aquamarine, Lapis flew back to the Crystal Gems, not even bothering to come back for the decorations because she was that angry.

"Excellent," Aquamarine smirked before, out of curiosity, she decided to take a peek at what Lapis bought from the store. "What is this?" she muttered while pulling out a chintzy napkin with 'TALE AS OLD AS TIME, SONG AS OLD AS RHYME' monogrammed on it. "A little on the nose, much?"

--

"What's taking Lapis so long with the decorations?" Bismuth murmured as she paced around the sand in front of the other Gems. "We plan on holding the party tomorrow, we can't start without the whole gang together!"

"Hey, I think I can see her now!" Peridot exclaimed while spotting Lapis in the distance flying towards the Crystal Temple. "Hey wait a second, why doesn't she have the decorations?"

"And she looks very upset too," Garnet added. "Something isn't right." As soon as Lapis touched down and marched towards the Crystal Gems with her fists balled up, Garnet immediately tried to ease the tension. "Hello, Lapis! It's a lovely day we're having today, storm notwithstanding!"

"Shut up, don't do that. Just don't." Lapis growled furiously, sending shivers down the Crystal Gems' spines before she snapped. "How could you have kept this from me?"

"Kept what from you?" Pearl asked, only for Lapis to immediately shut her up with a slap across the face.

"You know exactly what I mean!" Lapis shrieked angrily. "You all knew that Bismuth was the one who poofed me all those years ago when I first traveled to Earth, that was how I was left to be put in the mirror that Pearl found on the Galaxy Warp, stuck in her gem, and just left me to collect dust for thousands of years! But did anybody try addressing my trauma?! No, I was just left to play dumb games! After all, happily ever after here we are, gotta stay positive!"

"Lapis, calm down please," Bismuth said while trying her hardest not to yell back at her as the other Little Homeworld Gems gathered around to watch the conflict. "I was barely thinking when I punched you in the back, I didn't notice that you weren't just another soldier!"

"Hey guys, I just got back with the cake!" Greg cheered as he walked in on the Gems with a big wedding cake in his hands before he quickly realized what was going on. "Uh, what did I miss?"

"Lapis, we had no idea the mirror contained a sentient Gem!" Garnet exclaimed. "Just calm down and we can sort this out!

"How can I calm down when this is all your fault?!" Lapis roared, now at her absolute breaking point. "Anyone else care to take their side?"

"Lapis, I know it's hard, I know you're stressed, but you have to take a chill pill!" Peridot tried calming her best friend down. "Garnet, Bismuth, and Pearl didn't do anything wrong here!"

"I thought you were on my side, I thought you loved me!" Lapis yelled at Peridot as the storm finally came and rain began pouring down on the party.

"I do love you Lapis, I just want everyone to get along!" Peridot said before looking at Garnet, Pearl, and Bismuth. "But seriously, I thought we were all friends! How could you have kept this from her for this long?"

"Yeah guys, I thought you were better than this!" Amethyst added, now suddenly taking Lapis's side. "What? I thought the sides were a little uneven."

"Lapis, if you don't calm down and listen, I'll have to do it myself." Garnet threatened Lapis by summoning her gauntlet.

"Go ahead, make my day." Lapis retorted by summoning the rainwater from above and firing raindrops like bullets at Garnet.

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" all the other Gems began chanting at the brawling Crystal Gems before getting into a massive brawl themselves. Friends and lovers all quickly turned on each other as they began taking sides. Half of them sided with Lapis, Peridot & Amethyst, while the other half sided with Bismuth, Garnet & Pearl. What was thought to start as a lovely day for a wedding anniversary soon turned into a nightmare.

"Guys, the cake!" Greg yelled, trying to hide how he was unable to process everything happening by paying more attention to the cake quickly getting spoiled by the rain. But he wouldn't have to worry any longer as Teal Zircon was tossed straight into him, completely destroying the cake in the process. "Well, that was $616 wasted."

--

Elsewhere, the vice president's limousine finally arrived at One Observatory Drive, where a secret service agent opened the car door and allowed Eduardo & Theresa to leave.

"Oh gracias Theresa, you have no idea how glad I am you came in at the nick of time!" Eduardo said gratefully to his vice president. "It all happened so fast! I was just getting back from dealing with Arasaka, then those protestors showed up and took my family hostage, and apparently, they're working with Black Rutile too! We have to go back, Maxwell, we have to save Arleen and the kids!"

"Oh trust me, Eddy, I got all the help you need right here." Theresa confidently stated as she pushed open the doors to reveal Major General Wade Grant standing in the main hall in anticipation of the president's arrival. "Wade, I got him safe!"

"Wonderful, Terri, just the man I need to see!" Wade cheered as he took Eduardo by the hand and dragged him away. "I sent the SWAT team as soon as I heard what was going on, and I got worried for your safety. Luckily, help has arrived."

Wade then took Eduardo into the kitchen, where a group consisting of many secret service agents, some members of his cabinet, and General Lloyd Waller were all waiting for him. "Welcome to la resistance, Prez." Theresa declared. "Hope you survive the experience."

"President Suarez, it's so good to see you!" Lloyd cheerfully greeted Eduardo while rolling his wheelchair up to the president and shaking his hand. "Been quite a while, hasn't it? After I nearly got stabbed to death saving you from Black Rutile, I had to take a sabbatical during my recovery process and went off to Florida Island."

"It truly is a delight to see everybody here." Eduardo sighed happily before putting on a serious face. "But we can save happy greetings for later. We need to think of a plan to save my family and take back the White House! Any ideas?"

"Perhaps first, we can listen to this message from Black Rutile and an unknown second party." A secret service agent said while presenting a computer with Black Rutile and Sally Grove's smug faces on the screen.

"Black Rutile!" Eduardo said furiously while snatching the computer out of the agent's hands so he can talk with the self-proclaimed revolutionary one on one. "What business do you have taking my family hostage?!"

"I call it revenge." Black Rutile stated. "You were the one to instigate saving Steven the last time we met even though I convinced you he was a threat, so you are but one of many people I am striking back at for my misfortunes. In addition, my special friend Sally Grove here was the one to contact Reginald and help him organize his plan."

"Greetings Mr. President, you may call me Sally Grove." Sally introduced herself to the president. "Influencer, online critic, proud servant, and kindred spirit of Black Rutile. I never liked the Crystal Gems to begin with, or heck, anybody in general, but using them to prop yourself up just makes me sick. You're just like all the other men I've ever met."

"You take that back, young lady!" Wade yelled at Sally. "I don't know what your problem is, but if we weren't already on the verge of a national crisis, I'd use my military power to teach you a lesson!"

"You're only proving my point!" Sally complained. "You know, this can all be avoided if you agree to our demands."

"What are you suggesting?" Lloyd asked the two on the computer.

"Either surrender your presidency and allow me free reign to conquer the world or else your family will die!" Black Rutile threatened. "And to show that we mean business." Suddenly, one of Reginald's men took an agent by surprise by breaking his arms through the kitchen window and dragging him outside before giving him the mother of all vicious beatdowns.

The agent wasn't even given a chance to fight back because of how unprepared he was for an occasion. But then came the worst part. The agent tried to crawl back inside by opening the door, but the terrorist slammed his boot on the agent's back before slamming his head into the door well. And he did it again. And again. And again. And again. This brutal moment seemed to go on for hours until the agent was left possibly on the brink of death.

"That is how I mean business." Black Rutile concluded as the agent was helped to his feet by Tulip Dennis & Victor Molano before being dragged away to somewhere safe. "Either end your term early or horrible things will happen to you and everyone you ever loved. And don't even try to call the Crystal Gems for help, they're too busy with their own interpersonal conflicts to pay attention. Until then, that's all folks." The feed finally ended, leaving everybody in the vice president's kitchen dead silent as they began thinking about what to do next.

"So, what happens now?" Theresa asked awkwardly while trying to process the horrible sight they just witnessed earlier. While everybody started panicking, Eduardo was left catatonic with fear as he continued standing there fearing for his family, his country, and his alien friends.

--

"This is delicious!" Black Rutile laughed evilly as she and the other Rutile Rebels watched the civil war between Gems below them from the lighthouse. Though the way they say it, it was more of a childish feud that quickly went out of control.

"I guess abducting the Crystal Gems and holding them hostage won't be necessary, huh, boss?" Pyrite asked while arming her Rejuvenation Blaster. "They're already occupying themselves as is."

"Oh, don't be hasty, Pyrite!" Black Rutile replied as she aimed her sights on a random Gem. "Not until I'm sure it works perfectly!" With a target in view, Black Rutile pulled the trigger and launched a beam of light at a random Amethyst, making her writhe in agony before making her poof. "YES! YES!" She then turned to her subordinates. "Now Rutile Rebels, we shall strike!"

"Finally!" Holly Blue and Cat's Eye cheered before they joined hands and kissed, their forms merging into a tall, curvy, green Gem with bob-cut hair, a tight catsuit, high-heeled boots, a domino mask, and a pair of whips holstered around her waist. The fusion's name was Chrome Chalcedony.

The Rutile Rebels and their human allies then leaped into action, joining the struggle between Gems and pointing their Rejuvenation Blasters around before firing at random Gems. Left and right, various quarreling residents of Little Homeworld were shot down and reduced to their gems, much to the shock and horror of everyone else.

"Everybody, take cover!" White Topaz yelled while rounding up some Gems and racing them to safety.

"That's right, you pacifistic whelps, keep running!" Chrome Chalcedony laughed evilly as she and Bluebird Azurite kept firing at more Gems in their way.

"We might win this one," Teal Zircon declared intensely to Topaz. "you get to the panic room!"

"We don't have a panic room!" Topaz shouted back as Black Rutile cornered her and Teal.

"Aw, Teal and Topaz, I see you're already here." Black Rutile smiled as she presented the two with spare Rejuvenation Blasters. "Would you care to join this grand occasion?"

"I see what this is," Topaz said firmly. "This is all that your big plans were leading up to. Well frankly, I don't think we have a place among your ranks anymore."

"Ditto." Teal agreed before she narrowly dodged a blast from the Rejuvenator Blaster and began running for the hills. "Run Topaz, run like the wind!"

"I got you two!" Jasper exclaimed as she grabbed Teal and Topaz and dragged them to the beach house.

"Aw, you really do like me!" Teal replied cheerfully.

"Oh, be quiet," Jasper growled at the Zircon before she turned back and watched Lapis, Peridot, and Amethyst continue their fight with Bismuth, Garnet, and Pearl.

"I'm going to enjoy making you pay for what you've done to me!" Lapis snarled as she hoisted Bismuth by the neck with a wing forming into an arm and began strangling the blacksmith. "I am Lapis Lazuli, and I will not be anyone's prisoner anymore!"

"Please, I'm sorry, have mercy on me!" Bismuth choked and gasped mid-strangulation. "If you would just listen!" Suddenly, however, Bismuth was ripped out of Lapis's grasp by a massive red hand belonging to Mega Ruby. "What the?!"

"Surprise!" Mega Ruby laughed as she was briefly unfused to absorb Bismuth into her body, making the blacksmith's head stick out of the fusion's shoulder as a result. "Hey Black Rutile, we got one!"

"Perfect." Black Rutile smirked before looking to the rest of her troops. "Now, everyone round the others up!" Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Peridot were then brought forward in chains by Kyanite and Xenotime. "Looks like you were too angry at each other to see this coming, huh?"

"Of course, you'd take advantage of this!" Garnet snapped at the Rutile.

"Let's be frank, you were going to break apart anyhow." Kyanite laughed while slamming Garnet's face into the sand. "Hey CC, how's searching for the others going?"

"Unfortunately, they're a bit too good at hiding." Chrome Chalcedony declared as she emerged from the beach house with a particular book in hand. "However, I did find this on one of the shelves. 'When Your Child Wants Some Time Apart' by George Ikari, eh?"

"I got that book for Steven!" Pearl yelled at the fusion of Cat's Eye and Holly Blue. "Whatever you do, don't do anything to it!" As if Chrome wasn't listening, or maybe she deliberately didn't pay attention, she ripped the book in half with a grin.

"Looks like you all could use a little alone time," Chrome said with a snap of her fingers, allowing for all the Gems hit with the Rejuvenation Blasters to reform as mindless servants of Black Rutile. The Crystal Gems gasped in horror as various Amethysts, Jaspers, Pearls, Topazes, fusions, Rubies & Sapphires, Peridots, Lapises, Aquamarines, Bismuths, Agates, Demantoids, Pyropes, and various other Gems that previously wanted to live a free life on Earth had only one thing to say.

"All hail Black Rutile." The amnesiac Gems droned as they raised their arms and marched toward their former teachers. "All hail Black Rutile. All hail Black Rutile. All hail Black Rutile." Watching the onslaught from afar, Lapis shook her head with no amount of sympathy before changing her attire into a new dress bereft of any imagery connecting her to the Crystal Gems with a hooded cloak to hide her face as she flew away, abandoning the life she once knew as she left for parts unknown.

"Just so we're clear, this is still all your fault." Peridot angrily said to Bismuth.

"My fault!?" Bismuth argued with the tiny technician. "You were the one who interrogated her!"

"I only came along with Jasper to check up on the Cluster!" Peridot bickered. "If anything, she and Garnet are to blame since Garnet was so strong, it convinced Jasper to fuse with Lapis and they tortured each other as Malachite for months on end!"

"That is an unbelievably lazy excuse." Garnet coolly said despite how furious she was at the accusation. "Like I said, Pearl and I didn't know the Gem in the mirror was Lapis."

"And that made you try to take Lapis away from her only friend at the time?!" Amethyst bickered with Garnet and Pearl. "Face it, if you were honest with Lapis the whole time, this wouldn't have happened at all!"

"Will all of you be quiet already?" Xenotime asked.

"It's adorable how you keep blaming each other for your own follies instead of pointing fingers at the sociopathic monster in your midst who is getting away with everything as we speak." Black Rutile proclaimed before she looked over her shoulder to notice that Lapis had disappeared. "Chrome Chalcedony, be a dear and bring the Crystal Gems back to Little Homeworld while I follow Lapis."

"It shall be my pleasure." Chrome Chalcedony beamed as she lead the new and improved Rutile Rebels away from the ruined party while the rain finally stopped, and Black Rutile pulled out a hoverboard from her gem to follow Lapis.

Having been completely ignored this whole time, Greg was left shell-shocked at what he had just witnessed. All was quiet in the area that was supposed to host a fun anniversary party, but the storm combined with the fight had ruined everything. Then suddenly, a large orange hand patted him on the shoulder. "You, Steven's dad, wake up!"

"Jasper?!" Greg yelped at Jasper standing behind him. "Where have you and White Topaz been this whole time?"

"Saving Gems, what else." White Topaz replied before turning to the beach house. "I think they're gone, guys, it's safe to come out now!" Soon, the Lapis twins, the Black Pearl Brigade, the Diamonds' Pearls, Nephrite, Desert Glass, Albite, Beryl, Tiger's Eye, Serpentine, Larimar, Snowflake Obsidian, Monazite, Diaspore, Dumortierite, Skinny Jasper, Carnelian, Orange Spodumene, Cherry Quartz, Blue Chalcedony, Chrysocolla, Bixbite, Biggs Jasper, Grossular Diopside, the Cubic Zirconias, both the Watermelon Tourmalines, the Rose Quartz trio, Flint, Chert, Kunzite, and a Gem Greg assumed he never saw before all emerged from the beach house, all afraid of what could happen next. "We could only save these guys. The rest are all gone, all slaves to Black Rutile now."

"But they're not gone completely," Cap said as she stepped forward. "When my team and I were hit by those Rejuvenation Blasters, the effects seemed permanent. Then Nacre here, previously known as Shell, helped restore our memories. If that's the case, there's a good chance that will be the case with everyone the Rutile Rebels has shot."

"So what happens now?" Greg said nervously before looking at the big, bird-like Gem. "And who are you supposed to be? I don't think I ever saw you before."

"My name's Lavenderine, pleased to meet you." Lavenderine introduced herself by shaking Greg's hand. "Sorry that I'm seeing you for the first time in such bad circumstances, but-Ooh, is that cake still fresh?!" She raced over to the ruined cake and began pecking it with a huge, beaklike nose. "Hm, still some flavor left."

"Regardless, Black Rutile thinks she may have won, but we're all still here, together." Diaspore proclaimed.

"I don't understand. I don't understand how this all happened." Teal Zircon stated as she began making a speech. "How we go through this. I mean, I knew the Crystal Gems, and then they're just, they're just taken down by some crazy Rutile I thought was running a book club, and I don't understand why she can't just get over her horrible losses and live a quiet life." Everyone was taken aback by how profound she was sounding right now. "It's stupid. It's human and stupid, and, and Lapis was crying and not talking, and earlier I was having fruit punch and I thought, well, I got fruit punch all over me, surely that'll be just one part of a day we'll look back on and laugh. And she'll never see Peridot, or Bismuth, or the others, not ever, and no one will explain to me why!"

"It's tough losing someone to be sure." Dumortierite proclaimed sorrowfully. "But we are the Crystal Gems, and we'll always save the day! If she thinks we can't, we'll always find a way!"

"But that leaves the question." Laz declared. "What now?"

"I hope Lapis is doing okay." Zuli agreed as everybody gazed over the horizon with no clue as to what happens next.

--

Far away from Beach City, Black Rutile surfed the ocean on her hoverboard in search of Lapis, hoping that she'd be able to answer the terraformer's prayers for help and maybe add another Crystal Gem to her roster. "Now, if I were an insipid terraformer, where would I be?" Suddenly, she heard a loud rumbling sound and looked over in the distance, where she discovered a familiar building rising from the water.

"The Lunar Sea Spire?!" Black Rutile exclaimed before guiding her hoverboard to the fallen temple. Even though it was in ruins and a few Crystal Shrimp littered the spire, it was still relatively intact. "Oy, someone should pick up after themselves." The Rutile terrorist mused as she reached the very top of the tower, where Lapis was on her knees gazing at the sky. "Hello, Lapis."

"What do you want?" Lapis harshly asked Black Rutile. "Let me guess, are you here to mistreat me like the Crystal Gems did?"

"No, I came here because I have now realized the two of us are more alike than I initially believed." Black Rutile said as she walked towards Lapis and sat down beside her. "Think of it, the two of us were created to serve the Diamonds and were very good at it. But after coming to Earth, our lives just started falling apart and we haven't been able to get back to normal since."

"What, you want me to join you or something?" Lapis continued.

"What do you think, my dear Lazuli?" Black Rutile grinned before standing up and offering her hand. "Would you care to help me prevent any other Gem from suffering like we did?" Lapis then closed her eyes before turning her head and sticking her hand out to Black Rutile. As soon as Black Rutile helped Lapis up and walked her away from where she sat, Lapis was a Crystal Gem no more. Now, she was a Rutile Rebel.

--

With the Crystal Gems finally eliminated from the equation, Black Rutile now had full control over Little Homeworld. To make it better, she now had another former member joining her after realizing she and Black Rutile were very much alike.

"So what are we going to do with this, my Rutile?" Lapis said as she, Black Rutile, and Dr. Brenner stood together atop the whirly-bird tower, gazing out at Beach City and the surrounding area. "I mean, this whole place officially belongs to us now."

"Something that I've wanted to do for a long time now, and I need your help to do it." Black Rutile replied. "I want you to raise this insipid town to the sky! Use all the moisture into the ground to turn Little Homeworld into my flying fortress!"

"As you wish, my Rutile," Lapis said without a shred of emotion as she raised her hands to the air, making the water droplets in the ground rise up and burrow into the ground to make the town fly. What was once a happy little village for Gems to unlearn the old ways of the Diamonds quickly became an airborne dreadnought that Black Rutile could finally call home, and the Crystal Gems were powerless to stop her.

"Now then, let's begin the invasion!" Black Rutile commanded her new brainwashed troopers. "I want you to not stop until Beach City is annihilated!"

"Hold on one second, Black Rutile!" James finally spoke out against Black Rutile. "I have tolerated your antics for so long because I believed that maybe you'd listen to me and change yourself for the better. But alas, your plans have finally convinced me otherwise. Brainwashing all these innocent Gems was bad enough, but now you convinced an emotionally vulnerable Gem to join you?"

"What can I say, preying on the emotionally vulnerable was how I gathered my subjects." Black Rutile shrugged. "And I don't think I appreciate your tone, doctor. I'm afraid I'll have to cancel all future appointments from here on out." She turned to Lapis. "Lapis, show the doctor where he stands now."

With any sense of emotion drained from her, Lapis grabbed James by his shirt collar and tossed him off of Little Homeworld to his possible death, only to be saved at the last minute by an orange blur grabbing him in the nick of time.

"Who can stop me now?!" Black Rutile laughed her loudest and most monstrous evil laugh yet as the entire Rutile Rebels gathered behind her in triumph. "WHO?!"

Faraway from the flying Little Homeworld, a certain human girlfriend of Steven had just returned home from college for spring break.

--

And so, the curtain draws as we end part one on possibly the darkest note I've written for any of my stories yet. The Crystal Gems have been turned against one another, Lapis has joined Black Rutile, the president of the United States is at war with a terrorist who I admit to taking a few cues from Monsoon from Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance while resisting the urge to make him say "Memes: the DNA of the soul", and Black Rutile has officially taken over Little Homeworld. In their darkest hour, will the remaining Gems led by Jasper, White Topaz, Teal Zircon, and Topaz find the strength to stand up for what is right and save the world? We'll just have to wait and see.

[docrotten]

Godzilla, Kong, Sasquatch, Dracula, and more – HNR for February 20, 2024

Welcome to HNR season three as Doc and Dave cover the weekly HORROR MOVIE NEWS on Gruesome Magazine. This week, we have news about Godzilla, Kong, Sasquatch, Dracula, and more. Please let us know which news item interests you the most and, please, like and subscribe. Every click will help us find more horror fans just like you!

HORROR NEWS FOR FEBRUARY 20, 2024

GODZILLA X KONG: THE NEW EMPIRE trailer 2 arrives!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqrpMRDuPfc

It's a comedy, sure, but it has horny Bigfoot…afoot: the SASQUATCH SUNSET trailer is here!

https://variety.com/2024/film/news/sasquatch-sunset-trailer-jesse-eisenberg-riley-keough-1235908282/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgfkthLpeXw

Larry Fessenden provides werewolf aplenty with BLACKOUT (trailer)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxqeLCAWx7M

RABID FIRE

Dracula returns to the big screen once again, this time from director Luc Besson and actors Caleb Landry Jones and Christoph Waltz.

https://variety.com/2024/film/global/luc-besson-dracula-caleb-landry-jones-christoph-waltz-1235905722/

SMILE 2 adds Dylan Gelula, Raul Castillo, and Miles Gutierrez-Riley to the cast.

Dylan Gelula was last seen opposite Nicolas Cage in Dream Scenario Raul Castillo from Cassandro and Miles Gutierrez-Riley from The Wilds They joins an ensemble that also includes Naomi Scott, Lukas Gage, Kyle Gallner and Rosemarie DeWitt, as previously announced. Slated for release on October 18, 2024.

https://deadline.com/2024/02/smile-sequel-adds-dylan-gelula-1235823168/

https://deadline.com/2024/02/raul-castillo-miles-gutierrez-riley-cast-smile-2-1235825677/

The Boiuna hunts Kiana Madeira and Jessica Roth in TITAN

Mike P. Nelson (V/H/S/85, Wrong Turn) is set to direct from a script by Alan B. McElroy (Star Trek: Discovery). When a team of young doctors embark on a local humanitarian mission through the Amazon rainforest, it soon becomes clear that not everyone – or everything – is happy to see them. Their arrival draws the attention of an ancient predator, the “Boiúna”. This ancient killer, dominant on land and water, clashes to reclaim the jungle. The ensuing fight for survival blurs the roles of hunter, prey, and hero.

Kiana Madeira was featured in the FEAR STREET trilogy. Jessica Rothe is best known for her role in the HAPPY DEATH DAY movies.

https://deadline.com/2024/02/kiana-madeira-jessica-rothe-titan-vhs85-resident-evil-producers-1235824064/

Director Renny Harlin returns to Sharksploitation with DEEP WATER featuring Aaron Eckhart and Ben Kingsley

Molly Wright (Lionsgate’s The Best Christmas Pageant Ever), Angus Sampson (FX’s Fargo), Kelly Gale (Lionsgate’s Plane), Li Wenhan from Chinese-Korean K-Pop group UNIQ, and Chinese actress Nashi (Creation Of The Gods I: Kingdom Of Storms) also star. An eclectic group of international passengers whose plane, en route from Los Angeles to Shanghai, is forced to make an emergency landing in shark-infested waters. The terrified group is forced to work together and overcome their differences if they hope to escape their sinking plane and the frenzy of sharks drawn to the wreckage. Renny Harlin’s directorial credits also include A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, Die Hard 2, Cliffhanger, Deep Blue Sea, and Exorcist: The Beginning. And the new THE STRANGERS trilogy.

https://www.screendaily.com/news/aaron-eckhart-ben-kingsley-star-in-renny-harlins-deep-water-for-simmons/hamilton-productions-exclusive/5190457.article

BEWITCHED is set to reboot for Sony TV from writer-producer Judalina Neira (The Boys)

https://deadline.com/2024/02/bewitched-series-reboot-judalina-neira-overall-deal-sony-pictures-tv-1235825041/

Jaume Collet-Serra (Black Adam, The Orphan, The Shallows) teams with Blumhouse for THE WOMAN IN THE YARD for January 10, 2025

Danielle Deadwyler (Till, The Harder They Fall, Carry On) stars. The movies is scheduled to be released in theaters on January 10, 2025. The plots remains a secret…

https://variety.com/2024/film/news/danielle-deadwyler-cast-woman-in-the-yard-blumhouse-1235910935/

Check out this episode!

[whatstruthgottodowithit]

I posted 409 times in 2022

That's 309 more posts than 2021!

138 posts created (34%)

271 posts reblogged (66%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@missmaywemeetagain

@whatstruthgottodowithit

@caitlin1996

@headfullofpresley

@likeasinkingstarbeyond

I tagged 302 of my posts in 2022

Only 26% of my posts had no tags

#my writing - 108 posts

#elvis presley - 72 posts

#elvis - 60 posts

#elvis presley x reader - 56 posts

#austin butler - 51 posts

#elvis x reader - 51 posts

#the other evans girl - 38 posts

#fluff - 33 posts

#my posts - 33 posts

#angst - 30 posts

Longest Tag: 46 characters

#james potter is a bit of a dick but we love it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Why You Gotta Be Like That?

Fandom: RPF, American Actor, 

Pairing: Chris Evans x Female Reader

Characters: Chris Evans, Female Reader, Dodger Evans

Word Count: 999 // Rating: Teen & Up

Summary:  When we walk in and it's past ten, I'ma tell 'em it's your fault

Tags/ Warnings: My Writing, Halloween Challenge, Writing Challenge, Songfics, Kissing, Flirting, Established Relationship, Anxiety, Love, Fluff, Parties, Mild Arguing, Dodger is V Upset About Being Left Alone, Songfic, Lyric Insert Chronically Late, if youre someone whos always late just know me and u arent friends, Why You Gotta Be Like That? // Scotty McCreery

Notes:  This is part of my writing Challenge for Halloween 2022. All fics are based off of songs I love. The aim is to write one fic a day for 15 days straight. I’m doing a similar thing for Christmas but they will all be headcanons [requests welcome for that] Enjoy x  

15 DAYS OF SONGFICS FOR HALLOWEEN (OCT 15TH - OCT 31ST)

7:53.

Chris sighed as he looked at his watch. They were supposed to be at this party at eight and he was currently sitting on his couch drink in hand waiting for Y/N to waltz down the stairs. Chris hated being late. His anxiety never let him be late for anything. He always knew the best route to get to where he was going. He even scoped out parking beforehand most of the time. He’d give himself ample time to get ready and would be waiting to leave at the time he’d planned.

Then he met Y/N. It wasn’t that she was out to annoy him. She wasn’t even planning to be late. It was just that she seemed to misjudge. If they had an appointment she’d ‘just need a shower’ before they left. If they were going on vacation they’d ‘just have to swing by her mom’s for her passport’. Every table reservation he made he always told her it was a half hour before to get a shot at being on time.  He loved her to death but she didn’t half stress him out whenever they needed to be somewhere.

He took a sip of his whiskey and checked his watch again. It hadn’t moved. But Chris couldn’t sit there any longer. He got up and grabbed his keys off the sideboard and started pacing at the bottom of the stairs. Dodger looked up from his bed as he moved but seeing Chris holding the car keys he put his head back down moping at being left out from wherever they were going. Then she appeared at the top of the stairs.

She walked down them at an agonisingly casual pace as Chris watched her. As she hit the bottom step he looked at her, his eyebrows raised expectantly. ‘What?’ she said with a wry smile. ‘You realise we’ve gotta be across town in 6 minutes,’ he said checking his watch again. She looked at him with a smile and placed a hand on his chest before saying, ‘Christopher, Christopher, Christopher, it’s called being fashionably late.’

As she walked away from him towards the sideboard so she could look in the mirror Chris took her in. If he wanted to argue with her or complain he couldn’t. The wind was knocked out of him. Her outfit wasn’t outlandish, after all, they were only going to a friend's house for drinks. It was a simple pair of jeans and a white tank top but it was enough to get Chris’ motor running. She wasn’t paying attention to him. She was putting her lipstick on in the mirror as Chris watched her. Her hair fell down her back as she angled her ass towards him which was clad in tight jeans that hugged her frame. And up top, she had a simple tank top which as she bent over Chris could see her cleavage heaving in the mirror’s reflection. 

She caught him watching her and smiled.

‘What?’ she giggled turning around as he came behind her, his hands caressing her waist as he spun her around. Chris sighed with a smile as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

‘You’re so predictable you know that?’ he giggled. ‘I’m the predictable one huh?’ she said as she traced her finger down his jaw and to his chest where her hand stopped and rested against him. She could feel his heart thumping away underneath it. ‘Definitely,’ he said leaning down to kiss her but she pulled away smirking. ‘And how am I so predictable Mr Evans?’ ‘Dressing like that because you know-’ ‘I know that you’re gonna be down here pacing like a tiger,’ she smirked. ‘Because I hate being late,’ he said. ‘I know, I know,’ she said, ‘but you know I’m never on time I don’t know why it surprises you.’ ‘Oh it doesn’t,’ he said, ‘like you wearing that little number doesn’t surprise me. Trying to get on my good side. See, predictable.’ ‘If I’m predictable,’ she whispered leaning in close, ‘then how come I knew that this would get you all hot and bothered huh?’

Chris went to say something but he stopped at a loss for words. She was right. His heart was racing and his trousers felt incredibly tight and all she had to do was flaunt in front of him for a couple of minutes.

‘See…predictable,’ she said sultrily, leaning in dangerously close to him that he could smell her perfume. Chris ran his tongue along his teeth and nodded and then in a flash, he bent down, grabbed her by the legs and threw her over his shoulder. She giggled as he did it beating weakly on his back.

‘Chris!’ she giggled, ‘what are you doing.’ ‘I’m showing you how predictable I am,’ he said heading for the stairs she had come down not five minutes ago. ‘And the party?’ she asked giving up fighting and resting against him instead. ‘Oh by the time I'm done with you it’ll be 10 o'clock,’ he said smugly. They were in the bedroom now and he had thrown her down on her bed, coming to hover over her. Her hair was splayed around her and she was resting on her elbows, her chest heaving from laughing at him.

‘And what do you suppose we tell them?’ she giggled as he leant down and kissed her neck. ‘We could tell them the truth,’ he said, each word punctuated by a kiss. ‘Or?’ ‘Or something more believable,’ he said simply, ‘you made us late.’ ‘Oh really?’ she giggled though it was finished by a moan as he sucked gently on a delicate spot by her collarbone. ‘Like they wouldn’t believe that,’ he chuckled. ‘Guess it’s a good job we’re both so predictable then,’ she giggled.

I set down my whiskey and you kiss me, You lean your back against the wall, When we walk in and it's past ten, I'ma tell 'em it's your fault.

143 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

#4

Anything Like Me

Fandom: American Actor, RPF

Pairing: Austin Butler x Pregnant Female Reader

Characters: Austin Butler, Female Reader, Original Female Character, Lori Butler, David Butler

Word Count: 1750 // Rating: Teen & Up

Summary:  It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my pay back if he's anything like me

Tags/ Warnings: My Writing, Halloween Challenge, Writing Challenge, Songfics, Pregnant Reader, Dad Austin, Idk Austins Dad Please dont come for me, Parental Loss, Grief, Death of a Parent, Pregnancy, Love, Angst, Fluff, Established Relationship, Childhood, Worry, Divorce, Self Doubt, Insecurities, Child of Divorce, Anything Like Me // Brad Paisley

Notes:  This is part of my writing Challenge for Halloween 2022. All fics are based off of songs I love. The aim is to write one fic a day for 15 days straight. I’m doing a similar thing for Christmas but they will all be headcanons [requests welcome for that] Enjoy x  

15 DAYS OF SONGFICS FOR HALLOWEEN (OCT 15TH - OCT 31ST)

‘So,’ the doctor said as she placed cold gel on my stomach, ‘halfway there now. Are you excited?’ ‘Definitely,’ Austin answered from beside me. He was sitting on a stool, his hand interlaced with mine as I lay on the examination table ready for my twenty-week ultrasound. I looked at him, watching as his eyes lit up as he looked at the doctor, already a proud father. ‘And what about mom?’ she said as she started fiddling around with the ultrasound machine.  ‘Yeah,’ I said, ‘though my backs already hurting so I’m not looking forward to being any bigger.’ ‘I’ve told her she needs to take it easy,’ Austin said, rolling his eyes. ‘I am!’ I protested. ‘Yeah, which is why I found you painting the baby’s room at 3 am,’ he chuckled. ‘I couldn’t sleep,’ I defended,  looking at the doctor as I explained, ‘heartburn.’ ‘A mother’s curse,’ the doctor chuckled, ‘I can prescribe you some antacids that should help. But he’s right, you should be taking it easy.’ ‘Okay, okay,’ I said, ‘I didn’t know it was gang up on the pregnant lady day.’ ‘Well how about we stop all that and have a look at the baby,’ the doctor said. She swivelled the screen around so we could see.

The sonograph came on the screen and I took in every inch of it. The baby looked different from our last scan. Our last one had been very early in my pregnancy and due to Austin’s work schedule, we hadn’t managed to get back here. The baby had been a tiny thing with a big head, little arms and a hint of a tail. Now it looked like a baby, albeit tiny. A lump formed in my throat as I watched it moving on the screen and when I looked at Austin there were tears in his eyes.

‘And here's the baby's heartbeat,’ she said, clicking a button so a fluttering thump echoed around the room.  ‘Woah,’ Austin said softly as he held my hand underneath his chin.  ‘So,’ the doctors said, knocking the sound off. Austin pulled back but kept hold of my hand, ‘baby seems happy and healthy. Mom's blood work and measurements seem on target. Would you like to know the sex?’ ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘No,’ Austin said simultaneously. We looked at each other in shock.  ‘You don’t want to find out?’ I said quietly, we hadn’t spoken about it beforehand. We’d shared our ideas on names but hadn’t landed on anything. I just figured that we’d find out at this scan and then decide from there. ‘No,’ he said, ‘I wanted it to be a surprise.’ ‘Babe this whole pregnancy was a surprise,’ I giggled. ‘I know, I guess I just like the wonder of not knowing,’ he said. My eyes searched his pensive face. There was something more to it I could tell but I didn’t exactly want to get into whatever it was in front of my OBGYN. ‘If you want I can write it down and you can take it away. That way you can look at it anytime you want,’ she said. ‘No,’ Austin replied quietly, ‘it’s okay. Hit us with it.’

The doctor turned back to the screen and hit a few buttons so the image remained still. Then with a dainty finger, she pointed at a little bump. I squinted trying to determine what it was but she said, ‘you see that thing right there?’ ‘Yeah,’ we nodded. ‘That means you’re having a boy,’ she said. The lump in my throat returned. A boy. A little Austin. I could picture him now in my mind. A cheeky little thing with blonde hair and crystal blue eyes. 

I was already in love but as I looked at Austin he didn’t seem to be in the same headspace. He caught my gaze and smiled weakly. I squoze his hand and he kissed my fingers but said nothing. My mind whirred at whatever was the matter with him but I decided it would have to wait.

✵✵✵

Austin was quiet on the way home from the hospital. I had decided to let him have some space. To let him think. That was hours ago. Since then I had done two loads of laundry, ordered a ton of baby stuff and just finished putting dinner in the oven. As I placed the oven mitts on the side I wandered around downstairs and discovered Austin was nowhere to be found. 

I trudged upstairs and found him sitting on our bed with a box of keepsakes in front of him, the contents of which were spread out around him. I lingered by the door frame watching him for a moment before he noticed me. He looked up at me with a small smile.

‘Hey,’ I said as I padded into the room. I put my hand on his cheek and he kissed it scooching over so I could sit next to him on the bed. ‘Hi,’ he mumbled.  ‘You okay?’ I asked. ‘Fine,’ he said. I looked at him and quirked an eyebrow.  ‘Are you sure?’ I said, ‘cos you’ve been awfully quiet.’ Austin sighed and leaned back against the headboard pulling me with him. I fell against him and tucked myself into his grasp as he moved my hair off my face. ‘I guess I’ve just been a little bothered,’ he said quietly. ‘About the baby?’ I asked, feeling him nod against me, ‘what is it?’ ‘I don’t know,’ he murmured, ‘I guess I never really thought about having a boy.’ I pulled back from him, my eyes searching his face as my brows knitted together, ‘what?‘ ‘I know, I know,’ he said, ‘it’s stupid.’ ‘No, it’s just you gotta have realised it was fifty/fifty shot,’ I giggled leaning back into him. He smirked and nodded as I traced my fingers over the back of his hand which was gripping my waist.  ‘I did,’ he said quietly, ‘I guess it just worries me.’ ‘What does?’ ‘Having a boy.’ ‘A baby’s a baby,’ I said. ‘I know I know,’ he sighed, moving so he could look at me, ‘I guess I just thought that with a girl at least you’d know what to do. I guess with a boy I feel like I should know what to do. How to lead, you know.’ ‘That’s silly,’ I said, ‘boy or girl we’re not going to be prepared.’ ‘I guess,’ he said, ‘it’s just…’ ‘Just?’  ‘I guess I’m worried he’s gonna be exactly like me,’ he said.

I pulled up a little and peered up at his face, my mouth agape. The idea of him being a mini Austin had been a wonderful one to me. 

‘Aus, you’re the best man I know,’ I baulked. He rolled his eyes, ‘yeah but I was a handful.’  ‘I’m sure you were,’ I giggled.  ‘I don’t think there was a summer where I didn't have something in a cast,’ he said. He fumbled around on the bed, producing a photo of him proudly showing off his casted arm. ‘Kids break their arms Aus,’ I said. ‘It’s not just that. When my parents split up I was a nightmare. I got into fights, I pretended to be ill to get out of school,’ he said. ‘That’s all normal kid stuff,’ I said but he shook his head. ‘I guess. It just worries me…because I was so close to my mom but not my dad. I guess I don’t know what to do with it because I’ve never had that sort of relationship you know?’ he said. I nodded as he continued, ‘when they split up I was so angry. I refused to play football like my dad wanted me to. I knew it wasn’t his fault but I was so mad at him. And I put on my mom a lot but she seemed to know what to do. My dad had no idea where to start. And that made me angrier. I was his son and he just ignored me hoping the problem would sort itself out. Then I just acted out more. Staying out too late, dropping out of school against his wishes for acting. I put my mom through the wringer because he didn’t get me.’ ‘Just because your dad was like that doesn’t mean you will be. It doesn’t mean that you won’t know what to do. What you didn’t have you can give our baby. And you’re not expected to do it on your own. I’m here. We’re doing this together,’ I said, placing his hand on my belly as I looked at him. His face fell and he dropped his gaze from mine causing a pit to form in my stomach.

‘What if it’s not?’ he whispered, ‘what if we split up? What if I lose you?’ ‘Aus-‘ ‘Don’t say it won’t happen. I never thought I’d lose my mom but I did,’ he whispered. I sighed as I felt tears in my eyes. I tucked myself into him so I could hide my face from his gaze, allowing him to cuddle me tightly, his lips on my head. He kissed it gently.  ‘I can’t promise that. No one can,’ I said quietly after a moment, ‘but your mom didn’t want to leave you. They didn’t want to get divorced. No one does. But we don’t have control over everything. But we can choose to react differently. Better. We can support our kid just like your mom supported you. Be the parents we needed when we were younger. Okay?’ ‘Okay,’ he mumbled, kissing me again. ‘Even if he puts us through hell. If we have countless sleepless nights. We’re going to keep going. Because one day he’ll be grown up, sitting on his bed looking through memories and pictures worrying about if he’s gonna be a good dad,’ I said. ‘I bet you’re right,’ he said. ‘I always am,’ I chuckled. ‘I’ll remember that,’ he smirked into my hair. ‘You should. And I for one am ecstatic to have another little you running about,’ I chuckled. ‘Yeah?’ he said. ‘Oh definitely,’ I said, ‘blonde hair, blue-eyed and a cheeky smile.’ ‘That's what you think about me as a kid?’ he chuckled. ‘Am I wrong?’ ‘No,’ he said, ‘but I’m sure you were just as cheeky.’ ‘Oh honey,’ I whispered, ‘if you were worried about having a boy let me tell you. A girl like me is no walk in the park.’ ‘Don't I know it,’ he chuckled.

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191 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

#3

Dating Elvis Would Include (Headcanon)

He was the smoothest guy you’d ever met

Those cheeky lil smiles and his pickup lines would have you hot under the collar but you’d refuse to let him know it

Playing hard to get would drive him crazy

‘You think that’d impress me?’ ‘It impressed the other 500 women there so yeah’ ‘well I ain’t any woman’ ‘noted’

But after teasing him you’d finally let him take you on a date

And boy was it something

He’d be super chivalrous

He’d 100% buy flowers on the first date

Opening doors & pulling your chair out

Always having his hand on the small of your back

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211 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

#2

219 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Liability

Fandom: Bullet Train

Pairing: Tangerine x Female Reader

Characters: Tangerine, Female Reader, Lemon

Tags: Bullet Train, Arguing, Friendship, Insecurity, Fucking, Fingering, Smut, Mild Angst, Kissing, Interupted Sex, Aftercare’s a bit shit, Moustaches, Tangerine & Lemon, Lemon & Reader are tight, established friendship, Female Reader, Penis in Vagina Sex, Fucking against a wall, quickies, if one of y’all speaks Japanese I am very sorry, Readers Codename is Peach

Summary: Reader and Tangerine fight and make up

Notes: that bit where tangerine 🍊 gets interrupted yeah it’s a bit different

‘Whoever killed him has that suitcase,’ Tangerine said.

‘A diesel,’ Lemon said, clicking his finger and pointing at me. I smirked as Tangerine’s jaw tightened.

‘A Diesel definitely has that briefcase,’ I said looking at Lemon who sat across from me.

‘Will you stop comparing everything to Thomas the fucking tank engine?!’ Tangerine snapped as his fingers pinched the bridge of his nose. Lemon and I fell quiet for a moment as we watched him heave a heavy sigh. Silence fell between the three of us, well four if you counted the contractors dead son who was sitting beside us blood staining his cheeks. Finally, Lemon piped up, ‘Well it’s not an Edward who’s got it is it?’

‘For fuck-‘ Tangerine started but I cut him off.

‘Oh don’t be so narky,’ I snapped back, ‘besides the blokes dead now nothing we can do about it. I say we find the briefcase-‘

‘Oh so the white death can chop off just one limb each instead of both-‘

‘Well what do you suppose we do? We can’t magic him back to life but we can find the briefcase it’s on this train somewhere for fuck sake,’ I said, irritation riling inside of me.

I loved Tangerine. Adored him but sometimes he was really fucking irritating. Always looking on the black side of things. Always worrying. We’d always got out of things before. Why would it be any different this time?

‘Yeah well maybe if you had kept track of it like you were supposed to we wouldn’t be in this fucking mess,’ he spat.

‘Oh is that right? All three of us were responsible for it not just me. Because this job was for the three of us if I remember rightly.’

‘Well maybe I liked it better when it was just the two of us,’ he grumbled.

‘Tangerine-‘ Lemon interjected but I was hot on his tail that rage bubbling up.

‘Oh is that right?’ I said, ‘you’d rather it was just you? Just the guys?’

‘You know what…yeah,’ Tangerine said. His jaw was set and his eyes stony.

‘I’m just a liability huh?’ I said. My arms were folded now trying to hold myself together. I could feel the ache around my chest as I looked at him, almost egging him on to say all the things I’d worried about since I’d first joined the boys.

‘You’re not a liability-‘ Lemon said, looking between me and his brother as if we were two tennis players slinging the ball across the court to one another.

‘Well she’s not a fucking help,’ Tangerine said in a low voice that almost sounded like a growl. If I wasn’t so angry I’d be turned on with how he looked right now. His jaw was clenched, his eyes dark and flaming. His arms were pulsing against his shirt, tight and taught against his muscles.

We locked eyes for a moment, neither of us wavering until finally I broke contact. I turned in my seat grappling with the coat I had thrown across the head rest.

‘Peach,’ Lemon said as I stood up next to Tangerine who rolled his eyes. I was trapped in my seat and he didn’t seem to want to move, no doubt seeing that as giving in somehow.

‘Move,’ I said, looking down at him with a look of disgust.

‘Look Peach,’ he said, holding a large hand clad in thick rings in front of me.

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870 notes - Posted September 5, 2022

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[jjorbles]

(Repost) Why James Bond will never fight Blofeld again

Note: This article was originally posted October 20th, 2015 on the Agony Booth, which I used to write for. Since that site is sadly no longer with us, I’m reposting my old articles here. Obviously, SPECTRE has since been released and you could tell from the title my speculations were VERY wrong here, so I'm mostly reposting this one for irony's sake.

Next month, a new James Bond movie comes out, and I’m pretty excited about it. I like Bond movies more often than I don’t, but what’s really got my attention is the title: Spectre. Say no more. A title like that can only mean the return of a villain not seen since the Connery era.

The Bond films, for the majority of their history, have been mostly self-contained stories. Ongoing plot threads like the ones seen in the Daniel Craig movies are a fairly recent development. But back in the early days, every time Bond hit the screen, he was menaced by the Special Executive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge, and Extortion. (They’ll never mention that SPECTRE is an acronym in the new movie, of course, because spy movies at some point decided they were too cool for acronyms, but they should, because it’s awesome.)

Whoever was after Bond in any given movie inevitably answered to a mysterious mastermind whose face was always concealed, identifiable only by the white Persian cat eternally in his lap. Until You Only Live Twice, that is, when Bond finally came face to face with SPECTRE’s supreme leader: Ernst Stavro Blofeld.

Even if you’re not at all familiar with classic Bond movies, I’m willing to bet the image above is very familiar to you. But it probably doesn’t conjure up images of terrifying villainy or superspy intrigue. It probably just reminds you of this guy.

It’s been a while since the Austin Powers movies were popular. Hell, it’s been a while since Mike Meyers was popular. But the franchise still holds a place in our collective consciousness. You can go most anywhere in the United States, extend your pinky finger and demand “one meeelion dollars!” and you can generally trust the reference will be understood.

Why am I bringing up Dr. Evil? Because, dear readers, Dr. Evil is the very reason why we will never see Blofeld in another Bond movie again.

No, never. Yes, SPECTRE is returning to the Bond franchise for the first time in decades, complete with their signature octopus signet rings. Yes, there’s been much speculation that Christoph Waltz, cast as the film’s main villain and presumably SPECTRE’s leader, will be playing Blofeld. And yes, he’s even seen wearing a very Blofeld-esque collarless jacket in the trailer. But Waltz has publically stated that his character, Franz Oberhauser, is most definitely not Blofeld, and I believe him. Because honestly, how can you possibly bring Blofeld back in a post-Austin Powers world?

Sure, back in his day, Blofeld was the Moriarty to Bond’s Sherlock Holmes, his most persistent nemesis, and responsible for arguably the greatest personal tragedy 007 ever endured: the murder of his wife Tracy on their honeymoon. But unlike other famous arch-nemeses of pop culture, Blofeld has the odd problem of being weirdly obscure despite his massive influence. While Bond himself has remained a constant presence in pop culture, Blofeld hasn’t been seen since 1983, allowing him to become largely forgotten. So many villains since him have copied his iconography that he’s somehow become overshadowed by his own legacy.

Dr. Evil is the most obvious example, every bit as much a thinly veiled caricature of Blofeld as Austin Powers was of James Bond himself. The cat stroking, the gray suit, the bald head, the scars, the penchant for exotic lairs, doomsday weapons, and elaborate death traps, they all invoke the original image of the SPECTRE head. But a close second in infamy is Dr. Claw, rival to Inspector Gadget. Claw copied the earlier appearances of Blofeld, appearing only as a chair with its back to the audience, a single arm visible for yet more cat stroking. And his evil spy network MAD was an obvious reference to SPECTRE itself.

But you’ll notice a distinct difference between both those examples and their source: Blofeld wasn’t a comedy character. Aside from one weird moment where he dressed as an old lady for some reason (Diamonds are Forever was not a good movie), he was a legitimate threat to be taken at least somewhat seriously by the audience. Donald Pleasence in particular gave him a subtle, creepy menace. But Dr. Evil is a comic farce, and Dr. Claw is a literal cartoon character.

In fact, of Blofeld’s many imitators, almost all of them are parodies or spoofs. The “villain with a cat” trope has become universal shorthand for comedy villains. The Great Mouse Detective, Bolt, Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers, and hell, even the friggin’ Spice Girls movie did it. Giving your villain a fluffy cat to pet is now one of the quickest ways to inform your audience that they’re not to be taken seriously.

With that is mind, is it any wonder Spectre bowed out of bringing back the evil organization’s iconic leader? The moment a bald, scarred Christoph Waltz walks onscreen carrying a cuddly kitty cat, theaters nationwide will burst into laughter. It would take modern audiences completely out of the movie. So for the sake of maintaining immersion, it’s perhaps best that they leave Blofeld at the bottom of that smokestack Bond dropped him down in the opening of For Your Eyes Only. Tragic as it is, he’s an idea too dated to work anymore.

Which is not to say we’ll never get some version of Blofeld in the future, but at this point, he’d have to be stripped of everything that makes him unique, so what would be the point? Suppose that at the end of Spectre, Christoph Waltz does indeed reveal that his real name was Blofeld the whole time, Cumberbatch-Khan-style. It’d be a cute Easter egg, but without the cat, the look, and the hidden volcano fortress under attack by ninjas (seriously, if you haven’t seen You Only Live Twice by now, you’re missing out), he’s not really Blofeld anymore.

Now, if somehow Waltz’s character loses his hands during the movie, gets a pair of robotic replacements in a post-credits teaser and decides to start calling himself Dr. No? That would be legendary.

[kattrito]

Georgetown (2019) dir. C. Waltz.