#every character is getting one of these 2moro oops

[parkerwhitmore]

HSHQTASK35 — TATTOOS, PIERCINGS & SCARS

we all know parker is dumb as hell, but have you considered that being dumb as hell, drunk as hell & in the possession of a tattoo gun is a recipe for disaster?

tattoos.

parker has. eight tattoos going on nine, in the next few months. he’s basically a trainwreck when it comes to this. he doesn’t believe in the concept of “tattoos should have meaning” and will pretty much get anything he thinks is funny, not thinking of any consequences. basically, he’s the drunk idiot who stumbles into the tattoo parlor and ends up with... doodlebob. 

1. “SCOUT” 19 october 2014. richmond, virigina. 

this is a tiny portrait of scout in the movie version of “to kill a mockingbird” that he got alongside his sister, scout. he thought it was hilarious, and somehow he conned her into getting it, too. it’s on his right shoulder blade, and he’s been asked about it countless times when he’s at the beach. 

2. “TRAMPOLINE” 23 august 2011. morgantown, west virigina.

this is a tiny tattoo of a stick figure and a trampoline that, when parker bends his hand the right way, makes it look as if the stick figure is jumping. yes, it’s as stupid as it sounds and it entertains him for hours at a time. 

3. “COW ABDUCTION” 5 july 2009. richmond, virigina.

this is the tattoo he got two days after he turned eighteen. he went alone, and told nobody where he was going. it’s right above his elbow on the outside of his left arm. his mother went absolutely insane after she saw it, but he refused to get it removed or anything like that, and he went off to college that fall, so it became a non-issue. this was parker’s first true act of rebellion, the first thing he did that couldn’t be fixed with a bribe or his mother’s influence. 

4. “DOODLEBOB” 28 february 2011. morgantown, west virigina.

this tattoo of the famous spongebob character doodlebob was done in the basement of his fraternity house. one of his frat brothers, an art major, had bought a tattoo gun and wanted to try it out on someone. so, drunk idiot parker to the rescue! it’s, to be honest, a really clean tattoo for someone’s first try. parker claims it’s his favorite, but his matching set with his sisters is his actual favorite. this one is done on the inside part of the back of his knee. 

5. “SUTTON” 1 june 2016. washington, district of columbia.

during the first year of his mother’s presidency, he took sutton (after she’d turned 18) and let her pick out a tattoo to match with him. she picked dinosaur outlines, and he got a t rex making a face while sutton got a brontosaurus. they’re both easily hidden,on their ankles, and their mother has never noticed the matching dinos. 

6. “AVOCADO” 7 may 2019. dublin, ireland.

parker got this tattoo because he wanted to see how michael would fare in a tattoo shop while sober, to be honest. it was in the artist’s book and he simply chose it on a whim, but now he jokes that it represents how michael completes him. anyone who knows him better than on an acquaintance level would know that this is bullshit and call him out on it. it’s on the nape of his neck, and it hurt like a bitch. 

7. “PHI SIGMA KAPPA” 17 may 2015. morgantown, west virginia.

he got this tattoo, a simple one of his fraternity symbols, on his last day of college. he went to his commencement in the morning, already drunk, and got the tattoo right after alongside his other graduating frat brothers. they each got the exact image of the symbols on their bicep, and parker probably cried right after because he had to start campaigning with his mother in the fall and he didn’t get to be his own person any longer. 

8. “O SHIT WHADDUP” 12 november 2020. ibiza.

he will, at the end of this year, be getting this matching tattoo with @serpcntine. they’re two idiots who shouldn’t be left unsupervised, pretty much. it’s decently small and on his thigh, but it’s of the “here come dat boi, o shit whaddup” frog meme. parker is a garbage bin for this, i can’t believe serafina went for it. 

9. “TATTOO.JPG” 10 august 2016. washington, district of columbia.

he got this tattoo while drunk off his ass after his mother publically outed him. he pretty much pretends that bender didn’t happen, but when people ask why, exactly, he got that tattoo, he can’t give them the reasoning. he just felt like doing something his mother would hate, that’s the truth of the matter. it’s on his left ankle. 

on the topic of future tattoos, he’ll probably get one for michael eventually. and a lot more stupid ones. i almost gave him one of a cat meme, but i feel like he’s not ready for that yet. one day, his kids are going to be embarassed by his very existence and his tattoos are going to be like 70% of it. 

piercings.

parker has no current piercings, BUT in college he had an ear piercing and a belly button piercing. both were done drunk and as a joke.

scars.

parker has a TON of scars, all of them from stupid stuff. there’s one on the back of his leg from where he hit the edge while trying to jump from the roof into into the pool at his frat house. there’s one that he got from playing baseball as a kid, where he split open the back of his scalp after a baseball bat hit him. there’s one on his collarbone from the time he slipped while shaving and cut a straight line across it. there’s one on his shin from where he fell going upstairs at the castle in dublin right after he met aisling for the first time. basically, parker is a walking disaster. but we already knew that.