#everafterwork

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Fun Things Overheard At My Office News Job On My College Campus

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Editor-in-Chief while talking to the Opinion Editor who is pitching her idea: -alright, alright, fine, “Jew Article” it is.

Our faculty staff advisor who almost fell out of his chair with how quickly he sat up and spun around: What?!?! Jesus- No-! At least- At least add -ish in there!!!

(Pitch on the Google Document was changed from Jew Article to Jewish Article)

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Managing Editor later talking to faculty staff advisor over a Zoom call for a 1:1 meeting while still in the office: -and I don’t want to dress up my professor in lingerie! 

Me, snapping my head up fast enough for my neck to crack: ...?

Managing Editor: Yes! You heard that right, Andrew! 

(Context: The Managing Editor also does theater work and was talking about some costume designing they’re doing for a teacher who is in the play they are working in/on. The teacher, apparently, also didn’t want to wear lingerie when their students would be among those attending.)

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Text from work: Can you come in a couple of hours early?

Me, suffering from a pulled back muscle and/or thrown out back, a bad chronic pain day, swelling in my fingers, and the lingering stress of waiting for my testosterone to be insurance approved: ...Sorry I’m busy right up until my scheduled shift. 

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

I got a job!! I’m working in the Deli again at another Jewel Osco closer to home and while it wasn’t my first pick, it’s work I know how to do and I know what to expect going in (plus it’s my highest paying job yet heckin’ booyah!) 

Also! While my birth name is still being used on forms and officially until I can change it, I’m allowed to have Andy on my nametag! While I still look way too babyfaced to really pass, it’s a step in the right direction and I’m super psyched!

(Although someone did call out my name and it took me a solid 10 seconds to remember that it was my name and then I had to try not to grin like an idiot.) 

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Tales From The Deli

What’s up! If you guys have been following me for a while then you know I’ve been working at delis for the past couple years because they hire quick and easy when no on else is. Today I bring you tales from my latest deli who, for legal reasons, I’m pretty sure I can’t name!

So, here we go!

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When I was first doing paperwork (after getting hired over a phone call because they were so desperate) the Personal Coordinator was telling me about the deli and the manager. The manager’s name was Jeanne and I almost had a panic attack because that was the name of my last manager who I feared/hated. It was not the same Jeanne, thankfully, but yikes.

When the PC (personal coordinator) called out to my new manager as she walked by, she said, “Jeanne! You have a new deli employee!” Jeanne’s response was a very lackluster, “Oh.” Cue my PC going, “They have deli experience!” Cue the new response of a very bright and pleased, “Oh?”

During my video training for like safety stuff I almost fell asleep. I half-fell asleep on one of them. It was so boring. I thought I was in school again dying. 

Had a customer with a “Keep America Great” hat that had “Trump 2020″ on the back. He was an Old White Man, had a southern twang, and was rude. I almost threw meat in his face on reflex. 

During Lent a customer called me Satan in the nicest way possible. I had offered him a sample of meat that he couldn’t have because Lent. I had done it to three other customers that day because I’m Southern and believe in offering food. The guy just laughed and said, “Good job tempting people today.” I just shot back with, “Hey, devil’s advocate, right?” He grinned and responded with, “Or maybe you’re the devil himself.” I was delighted. 

Once helped a customer who was stoned as fuck and basically I talked him into buying some stuff instead of just walking away. I love stoned customers. They’re like sleepy, hungry toddlers. 

I have a coworker I hate??? And I think she hates me too??? She has the personality of my birth mother and tbh I just try to avoid her without cursing her out.

There was this new guy and he looked so shocked when I gently corrected something he was doing wrong and then later told him he was doing a good job??? Like bruh, this is why people leave the deli so much. No one gives a shit about new employees. 

Last week I worked 10 days in a row - but I made good money! I guess! The 10 days thing fucked me up bad, though, because I saw my sister and stared at her like, “Why are you still here? Shouldn’t you have left for work??” It was Saturday. Bruh, the look she gave me... 

Spotted another Trump 2020 hat wearer. Again, almost killed him. 

My coworker keeps asking why I came back to the deli. Honestly? I don’t have a good excuse for him anymore. 

The 10 days in a row work? I think I died at some point during that week tbh. 

Got a coworker who’s a slob. I’m gonna kill him if he keeps expecting me to clean up after his messes. Don’t give me that whole, “Guys are just messy.” bullshit bitch I’m a guy too and I still clean up on shift because THAT’S MY JOB. 

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Lmao guess who has a job after one interview? Got myself a student worker job in the math lab doing secretary work after a 30 minute meeting with the director I think I am adored.

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Lmaaaooo a co-worker tried to start shit about me to the manager and to make a very long story short, every other one of my coworkers said that I was great to work with and I never caused any problems and that they liked me. Now the coworker that started shit is getting very close to being fired.

I was super nice to her at work today and took the southern mentality of kill ‘em with kindness.  

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Lmao almost forgot I made $23 in cash tonight at work. One dude paid me $20 to clock him out at the end of his shift and then left and then another chick gave me $3 to clean a meat slicer that she didn’t wanna do. I did either no work or just did what I was going to do anyways and got paid for it. 23 is more than I make in two hours’ work. 

Whatever money or luck post I reblogged recently? It works. 

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Deli Workers vs Housewife

I was 40 minutes later getting out of work because of a customer trapped in the store with us. The doors were locked and she was looking for a cashier because she had to make lunches for her family tomorrow. The store had been closed for 20 minutes. 

I just... This same lady ordered food from us in the deli 4 minutes until closing and then came back two more times to one, tell us we gave her the wrong thing, and two, tell us she needed a quarter pound more so she ‘didn’t have to come back Friday.’ It was me, a new returnee after three months away, and another guy who was on his first day in the deli. 

This lady delayed us by 20 minutes and forced us to keep taking apart and putting back together the slicers. She was hellspawn. She then came back just as we were leaving and asked us if there was a cashier around. It was 9:18 and she had a basket full of items. The store closed at 9. 

I spent TWENTY MINUTES dealing with this lady and telling her that no, she could not take the items home with her and come back tomorrow for, as my co-worker helpfully chirped in, that would be stealing. Suburban housewife from hell who was local and had shopped there for years did not like the accusation that she was stealing. 

I had to spend my time looking for someone to call to handle this situation and when I finally did, he said to take a picture of the ten or so items and then send him her name and number. I agreed to do so and from behind the counter this woman, “Hey! I have to agree to whatever you decide!” Ma’am... You can leave here with your items and your cards. DON’T FUCKING COMPLAIN. 

I did as told, we bagged the items with a paper bag that should have cost money but I was too tired to say anything, and then I showed the lady how to exit through the side exit that is typically used by employees. 

A few things occurred to me during this time. 

1. I don’t care if you have a family I have a job and you can just drive to the nearest 24/7 supermarket. Did she not realize this? Why?

2. She deserved this for making us do so much work for her past closing time. She also came in 10 minutes to close, so, you know, fuck her.

3. Six hours. Six hours on my sore feet and I just wanted to go home. I have homework to do still. Please... I didn’t sign up for this. We’re deli people. We don’t know how to use the cash registers and even if we did we’re not in the system and they’re shut down for the night. 

All in all, it was me, a new hire, and the cleaning crew against a housewife needed to make lunches tomorrow for her family. 

I so wish this was a submission to ‘things-I-dreamt’ but no... No. This is my life, now.

Oh, yeah, and then my sister and I got home and we entered the house from around the block and cut through neighbor’s yard because there was a PRESENCE in front of our house. Like... Cloud of darkness demon I will steal your children vibe. 

There is no moral to this story besides the fact that housewives always win and family owned stores attract terrible amalgamations of darkness. 

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

This is the thousandth time I’ve clocked out of work almost an hour past my assigned shift. No one else in the entire STORE has to stay that late, but because we’re in the Deli we have to make sure everything’s perfect.

I would place disparities upon their character if I didn’t sign a paper contract saying I couldn’t discuss the place of business in which I work in a negative light. 

But, no, yeah, fuck Blue Goose. 

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Nomii-Today at 10:36 PM

clocked out 43 minutes past my shift today and the list of injuries include a flare up of the scrapped off skin on the back of my hand, a smashed pinky, a nail torn hole in one of my toes, and hot water burns all along the meat of my hand and right above the palm under the fingers- oh, and the bottom of my feet are fucked up where my socks were rubbing against the skin and causing too much friction also fucked up neck and one section of my back that hates me right now

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Never doubt how well I manage to injure myself due to my natural state of clumsiness paired with a bad day.