#ever since i dropped it in the toilet a few weeks ago it's been acting up a tad LOL

[umemiyan]

my phone is like refusing to charge and it's scaring me a lil bit

[muffindaddystyles]

KISMETS.

Harry Styles x fem!reader.

Slow burn, platonic love and jealousy clićhes.

Fluff! Fluff! Fluff!

Frenemies and dad!harry.

Author's Note: The concept's kinda weird but if you've watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S and Phoebe Buffay carrying child for someone. You've got it my pal!

MASTERLIST LETS TALK! PART 2 PART 3 PART 4

"Can ya stop breathing like, THAT!?" She whisper yells twisting to give him a sharp glare full of spleen elbow poking at his side abs, "Like what!?" He half squeaks peering down at her with doe eyes palms flat at sides to convey his surprise.

"Like a train engine whistling -- it's annoying." She mutters rolling her eyes and turning back to listen to instructor.

"Now, I can't even breath without ye' comin' fo' me throat?" He grits with a kink of brows and when she confirms with a no --- He gasps dramatically. It's gonna be a long journey of Hell for them. Harry hates her hormones. Little bitches.

Or

Y/N is carrying a baby for Harry and his girlfriend ---  but something went downhill.

//

Twinkling droplets of crystal rain pelts against the bricked road subsiding harsh noises of surrounding but a nettled groan caught everyone's attention ‐‐‐ stares turning in direction. Have you ever wanted to just disappear under a warm invisible cloak and enjoy the drollery aspects of life without worrying? Because this is what Y/N wants at the moment as she stands under the bus stop shelter with few people beside her and the british showers starts pouring mocking at her for not carrying an umbrella with her.

Everyone leaves when the bus didn't arrive — who remains behind's Y/N huffing and pouting wishing for rain to stop. When it didn't she muttered a 'fuck it' before risking catching a cold and stepping under the pitter patter with her books atop her head for less damage.

Trying to punch in the passcode of society's gate with shivery fingers perhaps it opens before that startling her wet-y self. Similar car drives near her and a head pops in from inside with his big goofy smile and crinkles by his charming eyes, "Ni!" She exclaims pushing away the drippy hair sticking to her lips with her pinky.

"Pet you're gonna catch a cold. Want me to drop ya?" Niall kinda yells over the rain's loudness. She sighs fog whirling infront of her. Shoves her hand in her trench coat's pocket to seek for heat instead it's all icky and drenching.

"No it's just a tiny walk away. I'll manage — call me will tell ya how my class went." She waves him looking at him from her shoulder while rushing away towards the most elegant house in the block. Niall gives her a thumbs up from before getting out of sight and she tries to hop over the puddles of water to make it to doorsteps.

The water she brings from outside pooling at the dark timber floor - it trails behind her past the pink door as she rushes jumpy-ly where the most hot's in the house and apparently it's more than she expected, "ouch. ouch my eyes!!" She screams covering them at the sight of Harry butt naked pinning his girlfriend against the wall near fire place. Her face turning into a tomato at the horrendous raid but she seems pissed and well . . displeased that Y/N ruined a mind boggling orgasm for her.

Before, they could disattach from eachother to unravel their humiliation Y/N jogged up to attic into the guest room slamming her forehead against the door to knock away the embarrassment. She always barges in Harry's house without announcing but sometimes she forgets he isn't alone everytime his girlfriend comes to live by every two weeks (it's his fault too that he never locks the main door as anytime anyone's coming at his place). Changes into clothes she forgets at her visits, tries to dry her hair with a towel that no-more smells like Harry but expensive fabric softeners and has a pep talk for a minute to show herself down infront of them.

Instinctive voices coming from the Kitchen and she pads towards it. They act like nothing happened. Like Harry wasn't dick deep into Chessie moments ago. Harry ushers her to barstool and hands her a cuppa tea moving on with a kiss to her head. It still gives her butterflies even though how many sense awakening scoldings she gave to herself at 3 ams.

"'M sorry." She squeaks with a wavering smile wrapping her palms around the mug. Harry cackles softly brushing the underbelly of his nose as Chessie cordinated the cutlery drawer, "'s okay moppet. we finished our business when ye' left." Y/N almost choked on her hot beverage gulping it down when Chessie shocked gasp throwing little socksies that were laying ontop of the counter at Harry. Are those of toddler? Adam's out of town so there's no way it could be his daughter's socks. Maybe Chessies's one of friend's?

"Should've called me t' pick y'up. Niall was loafin' around too —- wear it you're turnin' blue, pet." He comes back with a swarmy chunky knitted sweater Anne gifted him at his birthday handing it to Y/N and sitting opposite of her pulling Chessie with her wrist into his lap clearing his throat to bring Y/N's attention back from eyeing the socks on the floor. Her eyes flicker between them chest tightening at the love and glow that radiates from Harry when he looks at her.

No. She's not jealous. Mightyyyy bit yeah –- cause she could never be this lucky to have someone as Harry. He's the most caring towards her since ten years been her compass to the home she wanted, her anchor saving her from sinking and the sixth sense of a blind to her. In fact she thinks he's her soulmate and not every soulmates needs to be romantically involved some could watch them growing beautiful in love. Y/N's doing it. Admiring the maturity of his life with the person that truly makes him enough---or she thinks so.

"How was ye'r meditation class?" Harry asks (she took a semester off as she was unable to haul the burden'; Harry convinced her how her health should be her first priority) breaking a cookie in two giving half of it to Chessie who thanks him with a kiss in return, "Was good been feelin' great!" She chirps pulling the sleeves of the sweater that's drenched in cinnamon vanilla-y smell with lingers of what comes of as Chessie's scent. She assumes they cuddled shit loads.

To subside the gnaw in her brain down she finally asks the question pointing at the sock that nobody gave a heed to pick up, they stop chewing looking at eachother to come up with something. Chessie's face distressed knowing Harry wouldn't hide it from Y/N. He tells her everything and sometimes it could be too personal to share.

"Erm. . I bought 'em — 'cos. . " Harry stammers and Y/N smacks her hand atop her mouth avoiding from giving a shocked reaction, "Oh my goodness ye' guys are pregnant!?" It was enough to make Chessie flinch and hike down Harry's lap.

"No! 'S not what ye'r thinkin'." He shakes his head making Y/N confused. "Then you bought it fo' your fingers? Cause that's the only body part it could fit." She teases him to break through the insight tension around and he chuckles shaking his head grabbing Chessie's hand rubbing her knuckles how he used to when Y/N's anxious and over the edge.

"We want to have a family." His words low as he looks at Chessie but she shrugs in return as 'in it is what it is'. Y/N stomach twisted at that. The thought that one day He's gonna have a family of his own and the little bubble that Y/N would be privy to made her throat dry. Because she has no-one despite Harry and he deserves the whole world not just baby keeping Y/N everytime.

"So . .? What's the problem?" She raises her brows looking between them noticing Harry's fingers fiddle with the flower tea mats, "There are complications from Chessie's side." Chessie sighs in disappointment and Y/N ponders over the idea, clocks working and spindling wildly in her mind.

"I could do that for you guys — since I took a semester off --–" She puts the offer nervously and both of their jaws went slack Harry with an adoring grin while Chessie in hitting shock. "--Erm we could go through a traditional surrogacy."

"Are you sure?" Chessie asks squeezing her shoulder and Y/N nodded taking both of their hands, "Anything for ye' guys!" Harry's eyes glossing over and he leaves his spot sprawling his arms calling for her, "Gimme a hug pet. Life saver ye're - we're gonna take care of ye." They group hug tightly and excitedly.

Sometimes actions could speak much more than words because the lies that words hold could ruin the great bondages.

. . .

They went through the medical procedure two days after Her, Harry and Chessie being guided by their acquired doc. She was nervous and sweaty but Harry's presence beside her soothed out any negativity that was building inside her brain. By womb the babies would be Harry's and Y/N but legally Chessie's and Harry. She's just wishing that everything goes alright cause that happiness of them is million worthy to her.

People might call her stupid and brainless for going through sickness, crankiness, back pains and the pain during labour just to give those babies to someone else (she's too afraid to call them her's cause she knows her emotional attachments could be very destructive) but she loves Harry and love makes you do those thingies.

At the moment she's on the toilet seat eyes bolted shut counting threes with the pregnancy test in her wavering fingers. "Please it better work." A squeal of surprise leaves her lungs when her eyes fell over the two positive lines quickly dragging her panties over she tumbled outside where everyone's waiting for her.

"You guys are pregnant!!" Sounds dumb right? She announces loudly. Harry's and Chessie's heads perked up while everyone cheered beers spilling from the rims. She flashed grins to each one of them splitting her gaze away from Harry giving Chessie a celebratory kiss.

"Thank you. Oh my god, love! Can't belive it." Harry held her from shoulders giving her a toothy smile and it puts her off that Chessie didn't say anything just a nod along Harry. "Me too." She breathes out as he leads her to sofa sitting her cautiously. "We'll visit the doctor tommorrow." He reassures popping his head from Sarah's neck as she hugged him tight.

"We're gonna have a little Y/N and Harry running and pooping it's nappies soon." Everyone went silent. A grimace on Y/N and Chessie's face. Niall doesn't know when to shut up does he? Y/N's gonna strangle him alive. Harry laughed out aloud not caring about the thick tension in room, "I'll rip ye'r hair if you'll turn me baby into a golf freak Niall." His baby.

Niall raises his hands in defence, "No guarantees Harold."

. . .

They had a check-up and Y/N indeed's pregnant. Harry's over the moon. Kissing her forehead. Thanking her for millionth time – to the point she told him to let her watch telly in peace and shut up. Chessie bringing her organic vegan dishes that Y/N isn't a fan of but eats nevertheless under Harry's stern gaze. "'S not about them only I want ye' to be healthy too, pet. Can't be selfish now can I?" He'd insist.

When she'd be sick he'd be at her side giving her back rubs while Chessie stood at the doorframe of washroom. Y/N thinks since she's pregnant her womanly instincts has gotten more sharp as she sensed something's off between the pair.

He'd be at her flat early morning waking her up to have a morning walk with him not giving in her grunts and whines. Who'd want to leave their crispy warm bed to just be out in the cold? A fool like Harry only. Making her brekkie afterwards as a reward giggling and massaging her shoulders when she'd gobble down food like a greedy squirrel, "Easy there love. 'S all yours."

Chessie's back at LA. They had a small argument because Harry wants her to be participating in all of this as much as he's. But, her priorities are not set for this. They never were.

Y/N was at Harry's place nibbling onto chocolate cupcakes Anne sent specifically for her with a note ("my grandchild shouldn't be privy to their Nana's bakin' skills all my love to Y/N." along a winky smiley) when she spilled cold milk all over her nooked tee-shirt. Harry gave her his clothes to change into and baby wipes but she warded him with a scoff that water exists. She has become more feisty with each passing day.

Was discarding the tee when her gaze fell over the sveltest of bump in the mirror taking her breath away. It makes her realize it's all real. She never touches her belly in fear if she'd she will never stop. Now, when the pads of her fingers skim alongs the skin it strips shivers down her spine. She always wanted this. Not in this scenario though. Shaking her head of the thoughts she slips Harry's hoodie over it climbing down the stairs and it causes Harry to snap his head in alert. He stops chopping the carrots spinning to see Y/N standing feet away from him.

"My baby bump's showing." Her voice almost a whisper and it widens Harry's pupils as his hands fell in air midway between them hesitant to reach her, "Can I see?" She bobs her head shyly cheeks blazing red while revealing the bump for Harry to see. It's not like he hasn't seen her before. He has. But, this's more intimate than all of that. It made him fall on his knees. He's a sensitive person in general. Pure from heart but during this period it seems like he's pregnant not Y/N which's quite amusing too.

"She's beautiful." His gaze full of adoration. "She?" Y/N furrows her brow with a smile. He bobbed his head with a grin, "Think so our baby's gonna be she." Now that's the problem cause Y/N doesn't know which ours he's talking about.

"My pregnancy instincts says it's he." He scoffs, "Bet!?" She rolls her eyes forwarding her fist to do the hand shake they do while betting, "If you loose your pink macbook gonna be mine." They solid the deal with their traditional shake.

"Can I touch it?" Harry's asks politely. When she gives him permission he spreads his warm palms flat against her tummy tongue tied with the affection boozing in his veins for the baby that's not out in the world yet. Y/N eyes flutters and her fingers twitches by her sides from carding them into his hair. This's wrong she scolds herself. Her hormones all over the place.

"You wanna send a picture to Chessie?" At this his lips thinned and he gave her a curt nod standing up to fetch his phone, "Sure. But she might be busy..." on the verge of spitting his words in vile.

. . .

Y/N was reading a crime mystery book. Stroking the side of her baby bump carelessly. Cosy in her blanket hoodie telly murmuring in the distance. "Your dad's taste in books is shit, innit?" She peers down with a smile. It's the first time she's talking to them. "We'll read loads of good books together so that when you'll grow up – I could know what to gift you on Christmas." She tries to grab more popcorns from the bowl but it's empty. "Wanna be best aunt out there!!"

"Will you miss me? As much as I'll when we'll be separated?" Tears well up at her waterline. She huffs through her nose running her hand down her belly several times. It's coming; the breakdown she was toiling for days. "I know it sucks I cant be your mommy." Her cravings kicking in and all she want's a strawberry oreo icecream.

"Oh no. Seriously? I'm sad and ye' lil bean want an ice? Let's call your daddy and see what he got." She rings him and he picks up on the third one. Voice groggy from the sleep. She wants to feel bad but she isn't when all her taste buds could think of is strawberry flavour.

"'M cravin' strawberry ice-cream bad. . . Is it possible for ya to bring one?" He's already throwing duvets off his body reaching for his phone and wallet, "No worries pet I'll be there in tick."

"What the fuck Harry? It's three in the mornin'." Chessie groaned from beside him throwing pillow at her face. "We already stored her fridge with alot of food — " She squints about to change the side.

"She's carrying a baby for us Chess. Ye should know better since ya didn't wanted to." She sits up like bullet folding her arms against her chest.

"Thank you for throwing it at my face, H." He doesn't even spare her a glance walking outside and Chessie wants to scream at the top of her lungs. Why did she even agreed to this?

. . .

When he bought her ice-cream she throws herself in his arms kissing his cheek and he giggled in return feeling good when her bump pressed against him. They ate ice-cream with a bantering mess discussing names of the babies, the one that Chessie and Harry decided, him telling her about the little onesies they bought hearing that Y/N stood up taking out a little bag from the chests of drawers.

"I hope you wouldn't mind." She mutters showing him the lil knitted gloves and Harry slid his palm above her's wrapping them snugly, "I don't want ye' to think ya can't love on 'em 'cos after all it's ye'r womb they belong too." Her lip wobbles at his words and she stuffs her face against his chest fisting the hem. It fred away butterflies inside Harry. He sucka his lip. He shouldn't be acting like this. He has a girlfriend that he's gonna have a baby with. They're happy or atleast he thinks so.

They've been bestfriend for years and those feelings never drowned him. Is it because now she's having his babies? Maybe? Harry tries to convince himself.

When he looks down Y/N's drooling onto his shirt deep into slumber. He pecks her hair slipping his arms under her to hold her firmly against his chest. Laying her on the bed tucking her under blankets.

. . .

It sounds like multiple thuds as doctor hovered the ultrasound device over her gelled cover belly. Her belly growing way faster than it should. Her gaze glued at the ceiling fingers crossed. Harry and Chessie holding hands tight gazes fixed at the screen both of them confused at the disoriented image. They all were on the edge of their seats waiting for their turns. Y/N wished that someone could give her a huge warm hug to soothe her nerves down. But, in the first place she shouldn't be worried about the gender as it's none of concern but theirs. It's getting hard day by day.

"It's twins!" Doctor announces chirply getting a wave of silence in return. But, soon the room filled with happy giggles and gasps of Harry as he went to hug Chessie who's expressionless from shock. Y/N pouts wishing it was her. Smiling at doctor when she squeezed her hand in consolation. She's frightened though. How could she deliver two babies? To deal with the roughness that comes along them? Gonna be pretty hectic.

"We hit a jackpot, innit?" He grins down at her kissing Chessie's cheek last time before leaning down to hug her. "Gonna be super carin' with ye' now." Y/N gives a pat to his back in return awkwardly eyeing as Chessie left the room hastily.

. . .

It rakes against the wood harshly as Chessie glided keys of Harry's house towards him without a word. He puts the baby guide book aside arching his brow, "I can't do this anymore. I want an out." Dread. Seeping down Harry's bones.

Guarding himself down he grits, "What do ya mean you want an out? We agreed with full consent of yours Chessie." She shakes her head furiously.

"I didn't sign up for two of 'em Harry I could barely be there for one!!" He puts his elbows on his knees head lowering, "But you wanted to have a family with me didn't ye'?" His eyes tearing and she throws her head back in annoyance finding it difficult to make him understand.

"No. No – No. You wanted a family! Because of your continuous protests I gave in. Told you I wasn't ready for all of this bullshit now we are here." She emphasises. Harry stands up from his seat towering her pointing a finger at her.

He's rageous. Could burn this house down. How could she be so mean? Cowarding back at the last moment.

"Don't call it bullshit." He spits full of venom for the woman he mighty love and she snaps her head other way, "Congrats she finally ruined us and couldn't be more happy – now that she's having your mother fuckin' babies." He stumbles back knocking the coffee table lungs congesting.

"Don't drag her in all of this she's innocent." She laughs ironically looking him square in eyes yelling like a maniac, "Gave her your sperms now you can't hold back from fucking her. I knew it. You were fucking her behind my back weren't you?" She thinks of him like that? A cheater? He loved her and she always thought he was cheating her.

"Don't yell. I don't want to see ye'r cruel face when I come back home." He tries not to croak mustering strength to walk away from her. Exposing himslef to freezing weather locking himself in his car and crying his heart out. Sky crying along him. He punches the steering wheel brutally shouting "why's?" Head falling atlast as he thought of all his dreams shattering at his feet.

She caged him instead of giving him shelter. Replaced the butterflies he used to get from her with a burning hell in his pit, should've been mother of his children now she's just an ex.

The excruciating part is how he's gonna tell Y/N about this? She'll be crushed.

. . .

"Oh my god . . ." It was the roar of thunder that startled her but something else took her attention away. That tinsy kick protruding the taught skin of her belly, ". . . which one of you?" She was extra happy today. It's swimming in her head. It's just a thought but sharing it with Harry wouldn't kill someone. She wanna ask him if she could've one of the babies. It's just she's too much into the moment that she forgot she still have a degree to complete. A career to pursue and a life she always wanted.

When there's a knock at door she tries to stand up with the support of armrest a hand on her back. A gasp falling from her mouth at the sight of Harry's clothes soaked and another when he looks up with bloodshot eyes. Tears dried cheeks and heaving chest seeming utterly devastated.

"Pet what happened!?" She grabs him from elbow pulling him inside and he falls onto his knees smashing his cheeks against her showing tummy -- a sob recking through him, "Harry you're scarin' me. Tell me what happened is everything okay?"

"Chessie don't want these babies - sh-she didn't wanna ruin her career but atlast agreed . . . n-n now she doesn't want 'em 'n wants an out." He stutters. White noise deafening Y/N's ears and she steps back with expressions as if she's scared. Horrified of the future.

"It means she never had complications? She just didn't wanted her body to go through all of this." When Harry didn't fill in to her inquiry she flopped onto sofa from the shock shoving her face into her palms giving out a cry of hurt at her stupidity.

"God. I'm such an idiot!" He shakes his head crawling towards her with sad eyes and lil hiccups, "No please don'tcha say that. We'll figure it out yeah? Never wanted this t'happen." God. How bad he wants her to assure him that it'll be alright.

"You'll figure out what, huh!? Leaving them just like she did!?" Swear Harry felt a dagger jabbing it's way into his heart more upsetting tears spilling down his throat. "I hate you guys. They're none of your babies from now on. . ."

"Leave." She orders him wiping her tears roughly with the sleeve of her jumper. Running out of breath with each sniffle. Raises her hand stopping him to step forward and protest, "I said leave before I make you!!" He nods inhaling breath of remorse looking at the ceiling for a second then to her.

"Before, that want ya t'know. I still want 'em. They're mine. How could I not? love 'em. Hope ya'll forgive me." Then it's just sobs of Y/N taking over the buzz of telly as the door ticks. He didn't leave though. He's too afraid to. His back sliding against her door knees closing against his chest letting it all dawn upon him. His green luscious orbs hooding with sadness and the fluff of his curls.

Dunno if Y/N would be able to forgive him.

. . .

He woke up to a boot nudging to his thigh squinting up to find Niall stating down at him with consoling eyes. Poor Harry slept in the hallway. His neck sore and limbs stoned.

"Heard it 'lad. Was suspicious with Chessie long way." He helps Harry stand up patting his shoulders, "Y/N called ye'?" He grogs rubbing his eye with knuckles. When Niall confirms he quips with pleading eyes in a low whisper knowing he'll get his hair ripped if that furious little mama bunny will find him outside.

"Ye' think she'll forgive meh?" Niall chuckles to light up the situation, "'course H. Do ya think our pet's that ruthel—" He bites his tongue. Harry's gaze following the snap of his neck when the door opened revealing Y/N in a lilac chunky sweater. Puffy eyes and swollen lips. Harry feeling like a dickhead at her condition. It's all his fault. Then their eyes fall at the piping hot cuppa of tea in her hand.

With a stoic face she hands it to Harry and pulls Niall inside slamming the door at curly boy's face. So, she knew he was there sharing a door with her the whole night.

. . .

"Isn't it a good thing thou, love?" Niall smiles. He's chill in all of this. Watching it unwrap. They were meant for eachother Niall thinks so, "You wanted one of 'em and ended up havin' a whole bean can." She groans throwing her peach plushie at his chest. A smile swirming up her lips at his silly statement now that she's more stable less sad.

"You're the absolute worst, Ni!" He holds her cold hands tugging her close to make her look, "Want ya to forgive H. He did nothin' wrong, pet." When she pouts ruffling the silk strands of her rug with her feet he grabs her chin.

"Remember how happy he was? Don't go mad on him yeah?" She bobs her head not meeting his gaze. Meanwhile, there's knock at the door and Niall takes it laughing to himself softly at the box of doughnuts with a note.

"What is it?" He's already flopping beside her hooking his nimble finger around the white doughnut with rainbow sprinkles, "If I'd have known pregnant ladies gets treated this way. Would be havin' one baby every year." She smacks him in belly and unlatches the note reading it with a sucked lip.

Ye'r antenatal class's tommorrow. Don't forget to take ye vitamins :)

How gentle, calm and optimistic Harry could be needles her some.

. . .

Harry's waiting for her in the car fiddling with the radio. He isn't gonna lie. He's been going through a heartbreak. To cope with it he wants to accompany Y/N in her parent craft classes. When she waddles towards his car cosied up in a yellow baggy sweater and a cardigan Harry remembers she stole from him ages ago he mighty scrunched his nose in adoration at her cuteness.

Her nose pink and cheeks flushing as she slips into her seat, "Can you stop bringin' me stuff. I know how to take care of myself." She nips at him when he forwards her a kale smoothie. He doesn't seem to mind. Both, of them knows very well she's trying to avoid drinking it. She finds it yucky!

"Wanna take care of ya'll is all." He mumbles putting it in her side's cup holder. Ya'll .She regrets it instantly. Damn his puppy eyes!

. . .

"Mr. Styles and . . . Miss Y/N." The instructor calls them and they both raises their hand awkwardly as if in elementary school. "You're the parents of twin right?" She asks. Y/N wanted to say that their supposed to be parent ran off from the fear. But, she couldn't. Could never. It'll be like rubbing salt to his wounds. Bestfriends don't do that shit even in their most anger.

"Yes." She confirms. When Harry didn't. Scared if he might say something wrong. "Ok then! Lay your mats n' have a seat." Harry guides her with the little of his hand on her back. Her shoulder nudging his taut chest, and goosebumps pimples at her skin when his fingers brushes the side of her belly as he helps her sit down.

She takes an all rounder of the room and none of the parents looks like they're here to prepare for war unlike them. She shyly waves at the two mothers beside her and Harry twinges his lip equally flustered as her.

They start with relaxation and breathing exercises. Telling Y/N to let herself loose in Harry's arms. She fumbles with the hem of her sweater when his fingers gingerly winked at her sides and the lull of his breath hit her earlobe.

"Can ya stop breathing like, THAT!?" She whisper yells twisting to give him a sharp glare full of spleen elbow poking at his side abs, "Like what!?" He half squeaks peering down at her with doe eyes palms flat at sides to convey his surprise.

"Like a train engine whistling -- it's annoying." She mutters rolling her eyes and turning back to listen to instructor. "Now, I can't even breath without ye' comin' fo' me throat?" He grits with a kink of brows and when she confirms with a no --- He gasps dramatically. He hates her hormones little bitches.

It's gonna be a long journey of Hell for them.

. . .

"Are you hungry?" He asks turning the heat on knowing how cold her feet could get in the span of seconds. She huffs trying to buckle her belt and it squirms a fond smile out of him at her cute effort to be put in place due to her bump. If he'd coo. She'd rip him into tiny bits. It's better if he gazes away.

"Does it mean emptying your pocket?" She arches her brow sinking into her seat. "Bitso. . " He chuckles softly drumming at the steering wheel.

"Then I'd love to." She adds with a smirk. Clasping her hands atop her heart outta excitement. It makes him shake his poof of hickorey curls at her silliness.

They end up taking a takeout of onion loaded cheese burgers. Greasy fries. An iced-tea and a box of cookies from Babara's shop a block away from Harry's house.

"Wanna choose fo' ye'rself?" He asked her before going inside and she denied with a worried expression. Not knowing how she'll explain all of this to Babara who's her one of the good friends from UNI. Harry respects that. If she isn't ready to talk about it he isn't gonna pressurize her. They've been dodging the serious talk since she let him take to parental classes. Knows one day or another they've to decide how it's all gonna work.

. . .

Good food can make you more high than actual drugs. Licking their fingers off now they feel all sleepy and lazy sitting on the comfortable sofa watching telly with hooded eyes.

Harry's cheek smushed adorably against her baby bump ears tuned into what his babies are talking about.

"You know what? 'S not about winners or loosers. Bu' I won." She bubble hiccups slumping deeper with sugar rush hitting her. "Huh? Harry mumbles eyes drooping. The cotton balls of snowflakes glittering outside, collecting at the window and foging them up.

"I get to have babies of my bestfriend and this nice foodddd — 'n what did Chessie got? No babies and no happy feeling of being their mother." Harry shots up from his snooze blinking up at her and she quickly takes it back regret eating her alive, "'m sorry it slipped."

"No!!" He almost shouts cupping her cheeks making her look at him. His dimples deeps that someone could scoop them like an ice-cream. He gives her an eskimo kiss that makes her veins run with glittery blood.

"I wan' ye' to be the mother of me babies." No hesitation. No dithering. Just him asking for the tinsy bit of her heart. For her forgiveness. For the love they've kept blind eye for years. "We'll figure this out, yeah?" He murmurs their lips brushing and breaths kissing. Pulling back with a forehead kiss.

She lives for forehead kisses makes her shallow tin heart explode with glittery firecrackers.

She nods to give him the affirmation that she wants what he wants.

.

[missymurphy1985]

The Extra (part 9)

Warning - illness, mentions of death

Authors Note - I have personal experience of this horrific disease - I hope I don't upset anyone with it, but it's a topic very close to my heart.

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @peakyciills @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @cilleveryone @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06 @datewithgianni @heidimoreton

A month had passed since you'd deleted his number and blocked him. You were staring at the letter in your hand, shaking. You knew this day was coming, but you'd pushed it so far down that you had only truly thought about it when Cillian had told you he loved you.

You'd told Liane the truth. Why you couldn't commit to him, even though you desperately wanted to. Truth be told you'd fallen for him just as hard - and that's exactly why you'd pushed him away. It was bad enough you had to live with this, you couldn't force someone else to. She'd encouraged you to get tested - and you knew she was right. It was time you took your life in your hands once and for all. You'd spent too many years since your mother's and sister's untimely deaths burying it.

Picking up the phone, you dialled the number, heart pounding. The receptionist answered.

"Morning. My name is y/n y/l/n. I had some tests. I've had a letter to say the results are in?"

"Can I ask what the test was for?" The receptionist asked.

"My GP referred me. It's for the breast cancer gene. I'd like to know if I carry it."

"Let me check our records Miss Y/L/N. Yes, I have your results here. Would you be available to come in this afternoon? We've had a cancellation?"

"Can you not tell me over the phone?"

"I'm not allowed to, the doctor has requested to see you in person." Your heart lurched, that was never a good sign.

You immediately wanted to call Cillian, but remembered you didn't have his contact details any more. You called Liane instead. She would pick you up at 2pm and go with you to the appointment.

Sat in the waiting room, Liane held you hand to calm you. Your nerves were in tatters. This disease had already taken so much from you - your mum, your older sister, two cousins... You knew there was a strong chance it was going to take you, too. The doctor called you through.

"Your results are here y/n. And I'm pleased to inform you -"

"What?" You gasped. The doctor smiled and took your hands in hers.

"Y/n, you don't carry the gene. It isn't there - your chances of developing breast cancer are no higher than mine, or Joan Bloggs on the street. You're going to be okay." Even the doctor had tears in her eyes. Liane was gobsmacked. You just burst into tears.

"I'm not going to die?"

"Oh honey if I had the cure for that I'd be a millionaire!" She laughed, you did too. You felt like the world had just been lifted off your shoulders, taking a dark cloud with it. A dark cloud you'd been living with for nearly 10 years. The real reason you'd split with your ex. The reason you refused to get your breasts out for auditions. The real reason you backed away from a life in acting. You didn't see the point if you weren't going to be here for the long haul... But now?

Now you'd been given a new life. A new start. And your thrown away the best chance of happiness you'd ever had in one stupid click of a button.

Liane noticed your sadness in the car on the way home. You suddenly realised you weren't actually heading home though, you were on the M6 heading to Wolverhampton.

"Erm.. where are we going?" You asked, seeing the sign for Wolverhampton fly past.

"Road trip."

"Destination?"

"It's a surprise!! Do you trust me?"

"Always..."

"Then don't ask questions."

You rolled your eyes and figured you were probably en route to Bicester Village in Oxford. That was your happy place - a day of shopping, good food, few drinks in the evening... Before long though, your eyelids grew heavy. You always fell asleep on car journeys, this one was no different. Within ten minutes you were out cold.

You felt Liane nudge you gently, waking you. Opening your eyes, you looked around, expecting to see the car park. Instead you saw terraced houses, a green park, and a street sign with 'London Borough - Kilburn' on it.

"Why am I in London??" You asked. Liane shrugged her shoulders.

"Fancied a change - never been before! Just got on the motorway and drove. Been years since we've done that hasn't it! Just drove with no destination?" You grinned, remembering the random road trips you used to take years ago. You'd ended up all over the UK, even catching a ferry to Amsterdam one Friday night just because you were bored!

"So what's the plan?"

"Let's go explore!" She paid for the parking via an app on her phone and you both climbed out the car. The houses were all Victorian style and beautiful. The park was glorious - the sun shining on it beautifully. Liane suggested a picnic in the park first to line your stomachs, then cocktails.

"Aren't you driving us home later?"

"Yes - I'll be on the mocktails! Come on, let's go find food... There's loads of little deli places over there!"

Picnic done, it was cocktail time. Sadly, there didn't appear to be a cocktail bar anywhere near... But there was a nice looking pub over the road. Settling on a normal G&T, you both made your way over. Liane sent you inside to get the drinks while she sat in the beer garden out the back.

Heading outside with two G&Ts, you looked around for her but she was nowhere to be found. You quickly scanned inside again just to make sure you'd not missed her. Setting the drinks down on a bench outside, you waited. Must've gone to the toilet. Taking your phone out you sent her a text letting her know where you were.

Ten minutes passed - still no sign. You were worried now. A ping on your phone.

"For god's sake woman open your eyes and look in the corner!!" Liane... What the hell? You looked up and nearly dropped your phone. Sitting ten feet away from you, on his own... Holding his phone in his hand and staring at you the same way you were staring at him. In complete disbelief.

He looked back at his phone and shook his head. Both of you realising you'd been set up. Completely played.

He stood up, you were convinced he was going to leave but he didn't. He sat opposite you instead.

"Hey," he smiled.

"Hey..."

"Can I talk before you do?" He asked. You nodded.

"I know... I didn't... Fuck this makes so much more sense in my head..." He laughed.

"Can I talk instead?" He nodded. You took a deep breath and told him the truth. About your family. The deaths. The illness. The tests.. and the results.

"That's why I pushed you away. That's why I push everyone away. But you were the first one I pushed that I regretted... I regretted it so much because no one had ever made me feel as alive as you did. No one made me float on air like you did. No one made me forget about this cloud hanging over me like you did..."

"You thought I'd leave you if you had the gene?"

"My Dad left when my mom was diagnosed. He couldn't handle it so he bailed. Wasn't a great role model."

"Your dad's a dick. I'm not." His brutal, dead pan response made you laugh. In fact you didn't just laugh, you were in hysterics. He laughed with you, and took your hands in his.

"If I promise not to tell you I love you, will you let me see you?"

"No."

"Erm... Okay?"

"I want you to tell me you love me, if you mean it. Then I'll decide."

"Y/N... I. Love. You. I fucking love you. I adore you. I've had the most miserable four weeks of my life thanks to you!" He laughed.

"Yeah I'm sorry about that.."

"It's okay. You can make it up to me."

"You're giving me a second chance?"

"I never gave up on the first one. But this time, we take it slow. Get to know each other. I'll start by asking if I can take you out to dinner tonight?"

"I have nothing with me... All my stuff's at home..."

"Fair enough. Then we have two choices. You go shopping with Liane and get yourself something.. or go home and we can arrange to meet another time?"

"I'm already here, and shopping was on our to do list. Dinner tonight sounds lovely."

"Unblock my number. I'll text you the details later, okay?" He finished his drink and pulled his jacket on, quickly typing a text as you unblocked his number. If only you'd known it was that easy to get his contact details again... The message pinged through.

"Thank you..." You smiled reading it. He leaned over and kissed your cheek softly, before walking away. Glancing back, smiling, as he left the pub.

Liane was with you in seconds.

"You sneaky little shit, how did you do this??" You laughed.

"Anto contacted me last week, said he was sick of Cillian moping. We kinda worked together... Are you mad at me?"

"Not at all. Where's Anto?"

"Right here." Anto appeared out of nowhere and you threw your arms around him.

"Thank you. For everything?"

"No need to thank me. This was Liane's idea. Bit of a rush to sort once you'd got those results but luckily you live 3 hours away and you sleep like the dead!" He laughed. "Now get yourself gone - you have a date to prepare for!"

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

Scars That Heal || Eddie Kaspbrak x Reader Series

• Ch. 12: Changes •

A/N: The missing gaps in time are on purpose since they will be in book 2 as flashbacks, which will include references to events you have not read yet. All fluff and shenanigans this chapter to make up for last, I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: brief mention of nausea and gore towards the very end, but otherwise, tooth-rotting fluff!

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬

𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐭����𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐧

𝐀𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝𝐬

𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐦𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲'𝐫𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲'𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧' 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡

              - David Bowie, Changes

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

- 𝗠𝗜𝗗 𝗔𝗨𝗚𝗨𝗦𝗧 -

    "I still can't believe you went after Bowers," Richie scoffs.

    As he steps off his porch and onto his lawn he looks over at his best friend and takes another gander at the bruises and welts littering her skin. Her lip was still busted and despite his and his mother's efforts to clean her bottom lip of blood, it must have started bleeding again sometime during the night as more had crusted over.

    "Yeah, well," she shrugs. "It felt good,"

    "Yeah," he snorts. "It looks like it,"

    "You know what I mean," She elbowed him and he nodded with a little laugh.

    "What d'ya want to do? I mean, we could keep standing around here like a bunch of idiots, but-" he shrugs, hands falling into his pockets, and Y/n smiles.

    "I dunno," she shrugs. A wince falls over her face, a painful-looking one at that. "But I don't think I'm gonna be welcome back at the Capitol Theatre any time soon."

    Richie nodded, a ghostly look falling over his face at all that had transpired in the past twenty-four hours alone. He still couldn't believe she had done that. He still couldn't believe a lot of things but her being in his corner after what she had found out seemed a little harder to believe right now. Especially after the junkyard... But - Jesus, that was already a week and a half ago, it felt like only hours.

    He could hear her words from the park the other day in his ears and he suddenly felt the urge to pay her back. He smiled his charming crooked smile and hoped for the best.

    "You still craving fries?"

    "Always," she answered, a look of suspicion written in her features. "Why?"

    Y/n didn't know why she kept asking these questions when she knew the answer. She didn't at all like the look growing in his eyes or the stupid feeling of guilt growing in her stomach.

    "Cause I'm prepared to make a deal with ya toots,"

     "Oh, yeah?"

    "Sure am," he says, patting his hand over his left pocket. "I'd been saving up for a long weekend at the arcade but that's a bust. And I just got a raise on my allowance ━ that's again, toots. Allowance. It's the money you get when you do stuff for people, you might never have heard of it--"

    "Is there a point here, Rich? Cause if so, you better get to it faster,"

    "Point is, I'm packing and I'm also craving milkshakes. So how's about I treat you to the biggest pile of fries your staved ass has ever seen--"

    Y/n shoots him a knowing look, ready to detest when he holds out a finger.

    "If," he continues. "you take me there."

    "Take you there?"

    "Take me there," he nodded. "By piggyback."

    Y/n gave thought to this, all while hiding behind an unimpressed look. As much as she hated to admit it, she was starving.

    Richie shrugged. "Hey, you're the one always saying you don't want to feel like charity. Well, this ain't charity, this is work with a reward. Take it or leave it,"

    Her unimpressed look grows stronger in an attempt to buy her time. But it's useless, her stomach answers for her with a long growl and a smile sneaks up on her.

    She steps forward, crouching down a bit for him to jump on her back. "Alright, let's get this over with."

· · ─── ·𖥸· ─── · ·

    "You know, I was really worried about carrying you, but dude, you weigh like nothing. You're a fucking bean pole," Y/n says.

    She comes to a slow before straightened her back letting him slide off her back and onto the ground. The two of them had arrived at the nearest diner in the town square where they now stood.

    "Well, not to brag or anything, but," he fluffs his collar. "I took a massive shit before we left,"

    "Ugh!" a shocked and uncomfortable laugh breaks loose from Y/n and she sticks out her tongue in disgust. "Regretting this already."

    She threw open the doors and the two found themselves inside one of Derry's lesser diners.

    It smelled like sausage and coffee beans, and it had a vibrant red and black theme. There were maybe nine or ten people there, little kids included and they could hear the jukebox blasting a David Bowie song. Y/n had a hard time enjoying it with the combination of a full bladder and an empty stomach so she turns to Richie and nudges him with her elbow.

    "I'm gonna run to the restroom. Get us a booth?"

    "Do your thing," Y/n nods and disappears around the corner. As his eyes follow her, they land on the corner in question she had disappeared around where there sat the jukebox.

    He wanders over, eyeing the machine as Changes reaches a crescendo. A mischievous smile blooms as the lights from the window illuminated his face.

    "Three plays for a dollar, huh?"

· · ─── ·𖥸· ─── · ·

    When Y/n returned from the restroom, she had expected to find Richie lounging in a booth somewhere, feet up and bugging the employees. She did not expect to turn the corner and nearly collide with the boy as he stood at the Jukebox and feeding all his money into it.

    "Dude! I carried you here, you owe me fries!"

    "And you shall get them my liege," answered Richie in a Shakespearean tone. "But first!" He dropped the act and looked away from the Jukebox for the first time, wearing an almost evil grin. "A social experiment,"

    Y/n's brow furrowed as she watched Richie punch in the same Tom Jones song over and over and over. It was then she caught on to what he was doing. She held out a hand as her eyes watched the Jukebox.

    "Hey, hey, hey, wait," she said, stopping Richie in his tracks.

    He looked up at her with a pout. "Relax, toots. I saved just enough for their biggest basket of fries, you'll get them." Then Richie saw the look on her face. He could practically see the gears turning.

    "No, not that. It's just..." she said, eyes never leaving the list of songs. "Before you put in more, you should throw in one It's Not Unusual,"

    And that's when the afternoon went from good to great.

· · ─── ·𖥸· ─── · ·

    By now, the duo had ordered and waited. They now sat tucked into a corner booth with a great view of the street corner and the passers-by of Derry. Changes had long since ended, and the remaining songs in the queue had trickled out. Richie memorized the song queue and was silently counting down until the big moment as he sat across from his battered-up best friend.

    Her busted lip poked out in a bored pout, her chin propped up on her palm as she balanced her head on the table while looking out at the graying town landscape. It always escaped her how Derry could possibly look so gloomy on even the hottest, brightest days of summer. Until recently that is, the truth all too clear to her and her friends now.

    The thought of the Losers scattered all over this hellhole only added to the gloom. They should all be here, together. Pointlessly debating which condiment goes best with fries, not fighting over... Over what they had fought over.

    Y/n's eyes finally broke away from the manhole at the center of the little intersection outside and wandered over to Richie. He had stolen the salt and pepper shakers from a few empty (and not so empty) tables and was currently doing his best to construct a salt and pepper shaker tower. His tongue was sticking out from between his curled lips and his glasses were sliding to the end of his nose at the angle he looking. The tower was nearly three shakers high and Y/n could hear him muttering, 'where's Haystack when you need him?' under his breath.

    The gloom Y/n had been thinking so intently on was suddenly ebbed away at the sight, and the corners of her lips hooked into a small smile.

    At least she had her favorite Trashmouth.

    "If you keep undressing me with your eyes, I'm gonna catch a cold," said Richie, never once looking up from his tower.

    Y/n snorts. "You're unbearable,"

    Richie shrugs defensively. "Hey, you're the one who said we're stuck with each other," he clicks his tongue and winks. "No going back on that kind of deal,"

    "Oh, I meant what I said," Y/n releases her chin and folds both arms on the table. She hated getting all serious again, but she just needed to be sure. Her voice softens, trying to catch Richie's eye. "All of it, okay?"

    Richie's hand around the salt shaker stops, and he pries his eyes off the tower and to his best friend. Despite her intentions and promises, everything that transpired the day before -- good and bad -- flooded over him and made him tense.

    She suddenly offered him her pinky and a small smile.

    "Stuck forever?"

    Richie rolls his eyes. He didn't quite know who to blame, maybe just the losers in general, but he was going all soft and lame.

    "Like my ass and a toilet seat, toots,"

    He locked his pinky with hers and the deal was sealed forever.

    Y/n leaned back on her side of the booth and took a large swig of the complimentary water as her eyes returned to the streets. The chatter of the diner had died down a little. There weren't as many people since they got there, but they were still filtering in and out. But when Y/n had a hard time shaking off the images she had of her best friend in the state he had been, she deems it safe enough to lean forward and lowered her voice.

    "You know," she began picking at her napkin, making slow and tiny tears here and there. "I--" she sighs, not knowing how or where to begin. "I wouldn't blame you."

    Richie, having abandoned his shaker tower, frowns.

"I wouldn't blame you if maybe, it was -- or is hard to be..." she shakes her head again and rubs her forehead trying to find the words. "I wouldn't blame you if it was hard to be around me and Eddie," She blurts.

    "I'm gonna stop you right there," Richie says. "We're not gonna do that, okay? You have exceeded your sappy meter and you're gonna need to wait about 48 hours for it to charge up again. I think we've both had enough, right?"

    Y/n swallowed her words. She swallowed any promise she was holding out to him that their feelings for Eddie wouldn't change anything. That she wouldn't ever want to stand in their way, however true it was. And instead, she made a new one.

    "Let's just agree, whatever happens, happens. Let that be whatever it needs to be. Even if that means neither of us gets to see that adorable, asthmatic pipsqueak ever again. Deal?"

    Y/n fought the bittersweet smile threatening to appear. She could see it now. Richie knew what he needed to know about himself now, and that was already a lot for him to handle. She could see in his eyes he wasn't ready for the possibility of whatever was his feelings for Eddie Kaspbrak.

    Y/n's stomach turns to knots when the thought crosses her mind, but that only confirms to her it was time.

    She looks around the diner, looking for prying eyes and she still finds none. She leans in, voice lowered as she fiddles with her napkin again. "I'm uh--," she clears her throat. "I've never told anyone this, but..."

    She lets out a sharp breath. "Well, let's just say Eddie isn't the first Loser I've ever had feelings for,"

    Richie shakes his head, making a "what am I supposed to do with that?" face at her sudden shyness. She only gives him a solid stare until it finally clicks.

    Richie collapses against the seatback with a gaping, triumphant look.

    "No. Fucking. Way," Richie slaps his hands on the table and leans forward, and an ugly excited laugh comes barreling out of his chest. "You big homo!"

    "Would you fucking shut up?!" Y/n hisses, reaching over and shoving him back against his seat by his forehead. She looks around the diner and determines no one had heard that. Maybe except one guy in his forties, but that was most likely about him knowing they did something to the jukebox. He was sat with his young kids, looking tired and all too suspicious of their laughter at the jukebox. Finally, she laughs a little. "Beep, beep you moron."

    "You telling me you and Little Orphan Annie...?"

    "I'm saying," Y/n sighs, shrugging her shoulders. "I meant it when I said you're not alone, alright?"

    The look in Richie's eyes hardly changes.

    "No!" She answers. "No, nothing's happened but..." Y/n shook her head. "I had feelings for a really long time, up until about two years ago."

    "Wowza," Richie sighs, leaning back into his seat and plopping one hand on the table. He sighs. "We sure know how to pick em,"

    "Yeah, you could say that," Y/n laughs.

    In fact, that's all she could say. A million things ran through her head, things she wanted to say to Richie but couldn't. Cause when she looked in Richie's eyes at that moment she -- they both -- knew everything unsaid could remain that way. With one look they knew. They knew that they could both count on each other, have each other's back. And that included Eddie too. They knew that no matter who held Eddie's heart, they could both agree that Eddie's happiness -- and each other's -- was most important.

    The sound of brass instruments invaded the atmosphere, pulling the duo's eyes to the jukebox across the diner. Their faces lit up in matching grins, both of them nearly forgetting the psychological horror they had just unleashed upon the diner.

    "What's new pussycat? Woah, wo~ah,"

    And thus began the best meal they ever had.

- 𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗘 𝗔𝗨𝗚𝗨𝗦𝗧 -

    Y/n relished at the demanding burst of cool air that bombarded her sweaty skin as she stepped inside Keene's pharmacy. The grip on the money she had scraped together tucked tightly in her right palm grew tighter when the shopkeeper's bell announced her arrival. Her eyes fell to her injured leg, and by now her feet have already begun their journey forward towards the first aid supplies. The last of the bandages secured around her leg, and she winced at the faded and stained cloth that was in dire need of a change.

    Her eyes pick up from the ground when she hears a choked gasp only to find the boy that had been occupying her thoughts standing before her.

    "Y/n," His voice is meek and heavy with sadness, and you can hear the absence of breath in his lungs that she always seemed to create.

    Despite the staggering stampede of emotions she felt, she found herself releasing a chuckle. "Hey, shrimp."

    The name itself would have been strong enough to send hooks into the corner of his lips, tugging them into a half-smile had it not been for the sight before him; she was a wreck. Looked as if she had been put through an actual wringer and his heart stops for a moment, in fear. At that moment he is grateful he has his inhaler, Y/n had a talent for taking his breath away but he never would have dreamed of it happening this way. Already his mind is going at twice its speed, a mad swarm of thoughts that dizzy his head, and as quickly as he can he tries to pluck one - just one - thing to say to her. When he finally speaks, he is thankful that his voice has returned to him.

    "How's your leg?"

    He doesn't have to ask, the first thing he saw - the very feature that tipped him off about her - was the blood-soaked bandages wrapped around her left calf. He couldn't imagine why it would still be bleeding, much less this profusely given how long ago it had been. Perhaps it had opened back up. And Eddie felt it best not to address the new set of scrapes and bandages that were scattered across her arms and legs, though each one filled him with worry. But her eye... it was completely swollen, and several shades darker than a usual bruise.

    She grew rather sick looking at the question and instantly he was filled with dread. Had It gotten to her again? Was it something new entirely? Either way, he felt a great deal of guilt he hadn't been there, and more than anything he wanted her safe. Maybe, if it wasn't too crazy, be the one to look out for her. To protect her.

    "I just," she swallows thickly, eyes darting around to avoid his eye line.

    Eddie tilts his head, encouraging her to continue. She looks as if she's about to unload a great deal off of her chest, but after a moment she shakes her head.

    "Nothing," she lies. "Just need new bandages."

    Eddie's horrified expression does not waver, but only intensifies, zeroing in on her. He just simply can't ignore the state she's in. And while every instinct inside him screams to jump in and help, he knows that's not his call nor his place. But he had to ask, he had to know.

    "Are you okay?" He blurts suddenly. He mentally slapped himself. Of course she wasn't. "What happened...? You're leg? You're eye? Are you in trouble at home? Was it...?"

    She grows tense, and Eddie scolds himself once more when he sees her walls rebuilding themselves. He hated his stupid word vomit sometimes.

    "No, Eddie!" she says tiredly, sighing at her slight outburst. "I'm..." she sighs again, staring at the floor, looking almost... calculated.

    Finally, she picks her head back up, her expression flat, but her tone a bit softer. "Just Bowers. The usual."

    Eddie couldn't help but feel like she was lying. And that hurt him. But he understood. If she had pressed him about things at home he probably would have done the same. Eddie sighed deeply as well.

    He missed the way things were.

    He missed Y/n.

    He missed the feeling he got around her, the storm of butterflies and mind-numbing fits of laughter they'd bring out in one another. He missed the way his skin would tingle like every blood cell was on fire when their skin accidentally brushed together. Eddie missed the way he'd lose himself in thoughts about her like he was now.

    Eddie didn't realize it until that last thought crossed his mind, but this was the first time in weeks he felt something other than anxiety and fear. And maybe he was crazy, but when he looked in Y/n's eyes now he thought he saw it too -

    "I'm sorry, Eddie," she says, breaking him from his daydream, sending him falling back down to earth. "But I really need to take care of this."

    He glances down at her leg, the bandage still soaked with blood and he feels fear squeeze his chest again. She was leaving. And that meant he had to, as well. He would have to say goodbye and go back home to his mother. He could hear her haunted cries, whining at him and wailing. What took you so long, Eddie? Don't you know what you're doing to my heart?

    Eddie goes rigid at the thought when he realizes; the last time he saw Y/n... Those horrible things his mother had said to her and he... Jesus, what she must think.

    "Y-Y/n," he sputters desperately as she begins to limp around him. She had gotten no answer for once again he had gotten lost in his thoughts. But he couldn't have it end like this. He just couldn't. "Y/n, I'm sorry."

    She stops in her tracks and looks back at him, thoughtfully. A sad smile graces her face.

    "I know, shrimp,"

    Her eyes hold a thousand words, a million things she wants to say to him as he wants to say to her. But they die out, and she turns away.

    "Y/n!"

    He couldn't let her go, he just couldn't. Then why was this so difficult? He always had a mouthful to say, but around Y/n L/n, Eddie was always speechless.

    "I wanna..." he gulps, a pleading, sincere look in his eyes. "I wanna see you again." He admits.

    Y/n smiles sadly. Like she doesn't want to let him go either. But still, she gives him a pleading look after gesturing to her leg.

    "Eddie, I gotta take care of this,"

     His head sunk to the floor and he nodded, embarrassed. Of course, what the hell was he thinking? She didn't need him coming in and messing things -

    Her sudden sigh broke his thoughts. "Meet me outside in five? I could use some help,"

     A nervous smile broke out, stretching and hurting his cheeks and Eddie nodded when he met her eye. He was out the door without another word, back in the alley where he had first bandaged her up all those months ago.

    His mind raced with possibility and more unanswered questions. What would he do, what would he say? What had happened to her, and could he have been there to stop it? His face still burned with embarrassment when he thought of the things he let his mother say to her, how livid he was with himself.

    It was all he could do not to bounce off the walls from the jitters. The crates from the last alley visit, or at least some like it, remained and so Eddie eagerly took a seat. His knee bounced up and down at unnatural speeds as his mind raced, his eyes wandering the alley as the wind swept in a familiar summer breeze against his cheeks.

    "I really need to focus right now," he orders, his hands making delicate work of the bandage over the new kid's stomach.

    "You need to focus?" Richie snorts over his shoulder, causing Eddie's cheeks to burn.

    "Yeah, can you go get me something?"

    "Jesus! What do you need?"

    "Go get my bifocals. I hid 'em in my second fanny pack."

    Y/n leaned forward, balanced on her knees with a crooked smile that would with Eddie for days. "You have a second fanny pack?"

    The burning in his cheeks grew, and Stan joined in. "Yeah, why do you have two?"

    Eddie didn't dare meet anyone's eye, let alone Richie or Y/n's.

    "I need to focus right now and it's a long story. I don't want to get into it."

    Besides! He was telling the truth! He needed to focus. Who knows what kind of shit has gotten into this kid's system by now?

    Eddie had nearly finished with the new kid's bandages when he heard the jingle of the store bell.

    "Yep. Thanks." Came the hardened voice of Y/n backing out and towards the alley with a pressed and forced smile before turning for the alley and away from whoever she had been talking to. Eddie was the only one to have caught the small whispered words under her breath from the silence of the alley. "-for nothing, I guess..."

    Eddie shot up from his seat, subconsciously straightening out his shirt.

    "Everything okay? What was that all about?" He asked as Y/n finally joined him. Eddie sputtered, mentally kicking himself for prying. "I mean, you don't have to tell me or anything, it's just you seemed frustrated. You know what never mind, you probably want to get your leg fixed up, right?"

   Eddie stopped again, shifting on his feet when he realized Y/n must be waiting to talk. "Sorry," he mumbled. And to his great surprise, she smiled.

    "Don't be. I've missed your word vomit," she joked.

    Eddie could feel the corners of his lips twitching up in a smile, and something happened to him he hadn't felt in a long time; flutters invaded his chest, making the air he breathed feel lighter and his stomach was doing flips. And he would have fallen harder had he known Y/n's stomach was doing flips right along with him, and a burning sensation lighting up her neck and ears.

    "Well, here-" Eddie said, snapping out of his daze, no longer able to stand by and ignore the gash in her leg. He supposed it really was like old times. He stepped aside, gesturing for the crates and taking the bag of supplies Y/n had handed over.

    "For real though," Eddie began, eyeing her nervously as he unzipped his fanny bag and begun fishing inside for hand wipes. "What happened, Y/n?"

    Her smile fell, and her eyes dropped to her lap where her fingers fiddled together. To Eddie, it felt like a long time before she finally answered.

    "A lot's happened since Niebolt, I'll leave it at that,"

    Eddie nodded, and stepped forward, lowering himself to his knees before her injured leg, and began unwrapping the first of the supplies from her grocery bag. "It feels like years ago,"

    "Yeah, it does," Y/n croaks.

    There's another small silence and Eddie feels a tug in his chest when her eyes linger over him. He only spares a moment to meet her eyes back before taking a deep breath and holding it. With a wince, he unraveled the cloth and quickly discarded it. He tried not to linger on the injury; the edges of her claw-like scars remained, but it looked as if they had been messily pried back open.

    Like deja vu, Eddie found himself battling to keep his lunch in his stomach, but the overall worry in his system for one of his best friends triumphed over it this time around. He dismissed the urge to gag and instead darted his eyes to Y/n in between his work.

    "So..." he asked, realizing he didn't really know where to start. "how have you been? Other than, you know," he laughed nervously.

    To his relief, Y/n smiled.

    "It's hard not being around the losers. I only ever see Richie anymore. Even Bev and I haven't really spoken since the fight, which has been really hard. We've been in each other's lives for so long,"

    As Eddie finishes cleaning the wound, his heart sinks a little at her words. True, he missed Beverly very much. But he also knew all too well what Y/n spoke of, and judging by the look in her eye as she softens at him, she knows it too. She gives him a gentle nudge with her foot.

    "He misses you too," she says, growing another small smile. "Won't shut up about you, in fact. Which is saying something... Guess I'm one to talk, though," she adds, watching him nervously out of the corner of her eye, and Eddie's heart skipped another beat.

    "What about you, shrimp? Dare I ask?" She says with a smile.

    Eddie, Y/n noticed, had been unusually quiet. By now, on any other occasion, he would have talked laps around her by now but something was keeping him. Maybe he just feels a bit out of step, she thinks, as she did. It had been far too long since things had been normal for either of them. But something told her he was now particularly quiet perhaps because he wasn't all that eager to share how things had been for him since the losers split. She couldn't imagine things had been well at home with his mother given everything that had transpired.

    So she didn't pry. She changes the subject, hoping to get his mind off of whatever might be bothering him. Her mind returns to his previous questions, and she bites the bullet.

    "Quitting my job." She says finally, stunning Eddie enough to pull his attention away for a split second. "You wondered what I was doing there. And aside from restocking, I was um... I was quitting my job."

    "You got a job at Keene's Pharmacy? When?" Eddie asked, reaching for a strip of gauze.

    Y/n seemed to think about it for a minute, counting the days in her head before shrugging. Leaning forward, she holds the gauze in places Eddie begins applying the bandages. "I guess a little over two weeks after Niebolt. I did little things around the store, this and that really,"

    "How come I never saw you?" Eddie asked, and Y/n shrugged.

    "He had me running errands most of the time," and she smiled a little. "But sometimes I'd stick around a little longer. I'd offer to sweep or restock the shelves or something. It's stupid, I know, but... I don't know, I guess I was hoping to see some admittedly cute... shrimpy little dude come walking in to refill his inhaler. Is that stupid?"

    Eddie paused, unable to hide the smile or the raging blush taking over his face. Y/n smiled to herself when she saw it, and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't feeling a little bit of it too. Finally, Eddie spoke. Or at least, he tried to. His voice came out hoarse and he cleared his throat, quickly shaking his head as he secured the bandages in place and began disinfecting his hands.

    "No. No, that's not stupid at all. I mean, I don't know if I'd say shrimpy, necessarily, maybe a little skinny but-"

    Y/n laughed, smiling hard at the boy she hadn't stopped thinking about for weeks. Like Eddie, she hadn't realized just how much she had missed him until now. But, she hoped, maybe she could change that.

    Eddie trailed off, his ears burning at her laugh but a smile on his face all the same. At this moment, everything was perfect. Or seemingly so, at least. And then...

    "Thanks, Doctor K,"

     He smiled, a sinking feeling in his chest knowing what was coming next as she hoisted herself back on her feet. "Yeah, of course."

    A silence falls over the two, a silence they know won't last.

    "I guess I should get going," Y/n says finally, gesturing down the alleyway. "I'm meeting up with Richie later, he's swinging by my place." And for a moment, she looks hopeful and Eddie already knows what she's going to ask. "You're welcome to come. We both really miss you,"

    Yet again, Eddie Kaspbrak finds himself with a million thoughts racing in his head, but no words on his tongue. What could he say that wouldn't hurt her? What could he say that wouldn't essentially admit he was still a coward who couldn't stand up to his own mother? What could he say?

    But evidently, he doesn't have to. Y/n can see it in his eyes, and any trace of hope deflates with her. She nods sadly, eyes now on the ground and her freshly bandaged leg. "I get it, Eddie. It's fine. You don't have to say anything."

    "Y/n..." He didn't know what felt worse; knowing he let her down, or the sound of her using his real name.

    "Really, it's okay,"

    But it wasn't okay. And Eddie knew that. Today he had been given a second chance with Y/n, and already he had fucked it up. Or so he thought...

    A smile returned to her face just before she left; it wasn't nearly as bright as it had been moments ago, but it was as real as any other he had seen all summer. And then she spoke. She spoke the three words over her shoulder as she disappeared out of view that returned a familiar spark to his chest.

    "I'll call you."

    There was hope yet.

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[magictehnique]

One Wish

Jax Teller x Reader

Disclaimer: I do not own SOA or the song. Just the plot.

This little idea came to me the other day. I hope you guys like it!

As a matter of fact I was the one who said I love you first.

It was about eight years ago don’t act like you don’t know. 

Y/n and Jax first laid eyes on each other in high school. Y/n was brand new to Charming and caught the blonde biker’s eyes walking through the halls in ripped jeans, combat boots, and a rock band t-shirt. Throughout high school, she became close to both Jax and Opie. Spent most of her time after school at TM. From day one her and Jax felt there was something other than just friendship between them. Hell, the club and school peers could see it. Many women tried to win over Jax, Tara Knowles included, but none of them could seem to catch his heart like y/n did. 

At one of the infamous Friday night parties, the two friends escaped up to the roof, for some time away from the rowdy men and women. By this point, Jax and Opie dropped out of school to prospect for the club. The two of them sat for awhile, just enjoying each other’s company. Jax being the first to break the silence, “so, you thought about what you are going to do after you graduate?”

Y/n thought for a minute. “I don’t know Jax. I know my family wants me to go to college, but I don’t know what I even want to do. Your mom has offered me to continue working in the office and tending the bar. Couple of the guys said they would teach me mechanics.”

Jax smirked, “they love having you around. You may not have grown up in the club, but you understand this life as if you did. I know it’s your choice but I know I would love to have you around more.”

Y/n smirked back and met his baby blue eyes, “what’re you saying, Jax?”

“I’m sayin’ I love you too much to let you go Darlin’.“

If I had one wish, you would be my boo

Promise to love you. Trust me I’ll trust you.

Y/n and Jax were married five years after the night he confessed his love for her. They didn’t have the easiest of relationships. The club had gone through a lot of shit in those years and theirr relationship was tested numerous times. In the end, y/n and Jax always pulled through. 

The wedding took place during one of the many lockdowns at the clubhouse. Y/n and Jax had been engaged for a few months. Both were sitting at the bar with Jax and Gemma, y/n looking around at all the family and friends gathered here. Gemma looked over at them and said, “so, have you guys set a date yet for the wedding?”

Jax was first to answer, “nah not yet. Been waiting for all the shit to die down. Not only have we had the Mayans starting pissing matches, the other charters have been going through shit.” Gemma nodded in agreement.

“What about now?” y/n said, breaking the silence. Both Gemma and Jax’s heads snapped to her.

“You mean like now? Here?” Jax asked.

Y/n shrugged her shoulders. “Why not? Our friends and family are all here. Chibs is ordained and could marry us. Nows as good as any. I don’t need some lavish wedding Jax. As long as I’m saying vows and kissing you at the end, I don’t care how it happens.”

Jax broke out into the biggest smile she had ever seen. He grabbed her face in his hands and gave her a passionate, and loving kiss. Gemma was beaming at the pair in front of her. She couldn’t have picked a better girl for her son than y/n. 

Jax separated from y/n and whistled, getting everyone’s attention, “hey everyone! Y/n and I decided that instead of waiting, we’re going to get married right here, right now. We love all of you so much and want you to be apart of our big day. So Chibs, you mind marrying me to my best friend?”

Everyone starting clapping and cheering for the couple. Chibs walked over and placed a hand on each of their shoulders. “I would be honored brotha.”

The rest of the night was spent celebrating y/n and Jax’s marriage biker style.

If I had one wish, we would run away

Making love all day. Have us a baby.

Three years had passed since the wedding and y/n picked up more hours at the office while Gemma took a step back. Clay was getting close to stepping down as president and the two wanted to have more free time to enjoy their “retirement”. Jax’s demands and time with the club had started to increase. Y/n knew it would happen, but it didn’t stop her from missing her husband. She made the best out of the time they were able to spend together.

She was sitting at the desk in the office, rubbing her temples to ease the headache she woke up with. Gemma walked in the door, “hey baby how are you feelin’?” For the past couple of weeks y/n hadn’t been feeling well. She was always nauseated and tired. The past few days she spent her mornings hunched over the toilet seat throwing up. 

“Awful. I haven’t been able to shake the nausea and the headache,” she replied leaning back in the chair.

Gemma looked at her for a second before replying, “when was the last time you had your period?”

Y/n’s head snapped up. “I don’t know, maybe a month ago? I think. I don’t actually rem... wait, you don’t think I might be pregnant do you?” Y/n replied.

“Only one way to find out,” Gemma reached into her purse and pulled out a  couple pregnancy tests. “I got these the other day at the store. Wouldn’t hurt to do them.”

Y/n grabbed the tests and headed towards the bathroom. A long three minutes later she was staring at all three tests bearing the same result: positive. 

Gemma let y/n take the rest of the day off and relax at home. She was happy Jax had been taking care of club business and hadn’t been at the shop that day. As soon as she got home, she was pacing back and forth, thinking about how she was going to tell him. Sure, they had talked about babies and how much they wanted kids. Any other time she would be ecstatic, but the club was going through shit and Jax already had enough on his plate. He had been getting home late at night and leaving before she woke up in the morning. She couldn’t think of the last time they shared a meal together. 

The rumble of a bike pulling into their driveway pulled y/n out of her thoughts. She turned around right as Jax was opening the door. He looked at her with a smile that quickly turned to a look of concern when he saw her face. “Hey darlin’, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

Y/n took a deep breath before answering. “You know how I’ve been feeling a little under the weather lately? Well I found out why. I’m pregnant Jax.”

Jax stood in shock. She could see various emotions flashing through his eyes; shock, confusion, fear, and happiness. “Wait, really? You’re serious, like hundred percent sure?” He asked, walking to her and cupping her face with one of his hands. 

“Yeah. I took three tests. They all came back positive.” Jax leaned down and gave her a hard kiss. He didn’t have to say anything else, the kiss conveyed everything.  

When they finally broke apart, he crouched down and lifted up her shirt, placing a few soft kisses on her stomach. Y/n ran her hands through his hair, eyes tearing up at her husband’s actions. 

He looked up at her and said, “you don’t know how happy you just made me.”

If I had one wish, I’ll make you my whole life.

Sitting on the picnic bench, Jax reflected on his life and how it’s turned out. He had no clue what he did to deserve the life he had. He looked across the lot where y/n was talking to his mom. She had their youngest child on her hip, the second oldest was playing with other kids in the play area, and his oldest was in the shop, learning how to work on cars with their uncles. Y/n was his rock in this life. She kept him grounded, always his support to lean on, always willing to help the club when she could. She never once tried to change him. Never once asked him to leave this life. She trusted him to turn the club around make it safer. Legitimate. And that’s what he did. 

If he had one wish, to go back and redo his life, he wouldn’t. Y/n, the kids, and the club were his whole life. He already has everything he could have ever wished for. 

[slapshot-to-the-heart]

Gold Rush

Finally venturing into writing for Brock, and so excited to put this out there!! Very appreciative of the encouragement I’ve gotten throughout this from @brockadoodles who had (rightfully so, man deserves it) made loving Brock her BRAND. If there was any hockey who’s made to be a dad, it’s Brock Boeser, and I’ve genuinely loved getting to put this together. Love hearing feedback and what your favorite parts were, so reblog and pop into my inbox!

word count: 3.8k+

Brock had loved kids his whole life. Being around them, looking after them, the first day a kid asked him to autograph his jersey was burned into his brain alongside precious few other memories, most of the others involving you. And anyone who had ever seen him with Easton could tell that Brock Boeser loved babies. He had wanted kids since he was old enough to know what being a dad was, and knew so strongly that was a path he wanted — needed, honestly, there was too much love in his heart to not share it with everyone he could — that he wouldn’t ever have let things get serious with you if that wasn’t a life you wanted for yourself. Parenthood wasn’t for everyone, and he never held it against the women he had dated who didn’t want to be moms, but it was for Brock Boeser. 

He remembered the day he brought it up with you, his voice soft and hesitant as your head rested on his shoulder, a blanket thrown haphazardly over their laps as Return of the Jedi played on the TV. “Do you want kids someday?” Brock asked. He spoke gently, not wanting to scare you off with thoughts of the future coming too fast for you to handle, wondering if maybe seven months into a relationship was too early to bring up the type of commitment that lasted a lifetime. But he had to, had to protect himself from getting more invested and one more broken heart in a relationship that wasn’t just headed down the wrong set of train tracks, it was going the opposite way entirely. But, as you spoke, it turned out that he never had anything to worry about, and Brock wasn’t sure if he’d ever been more relieved in his life. 

“I do,” you said, looking up at his face, trying to read his expression. “Always have. Not sure how many, I’ve always thought two or three sounded good. But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” 

Brock couldn’t help the way his heart absolutely swelled, the way you spoke of him in your future, with such ease and certainty as if you weren’t even entertaining a possibility that he wouldn’t be a part of it, that he wouldn’t be the one you would have children with. He twisted his neck, dropping a kiss on the top of your head. “We will.” 

So Brock loved kids, and you loved kids, and it had been established over a year before he put a ring on your finger that they were something in your future. You bought a four-bedroom in Shaughnessy, the idea being that one would be a guest room and two would be reserved for the kids, whenever they came along. “We can always add on,” Brock had said as you signed the papers, the real estate agent dropping the keys into your palm with a warm smile. And you knew that he would, you knew that Brock wanted as many kids as you were willing to give him. But you’d start with one. That was the plan. That was the plan, so a few months after you got back from your honeymoon in Scotland you went off of your birth control. Kids would happen when they happened, but you both knew you’d rather them sooner than later, and thus had begun your journey towards starting a family. That was the plan, so a year and a half ago you had swapped the pill for a stock of pregnancy tests, taking one a month and whenever you were feeling even slightly off for good measure, sure that your nausea and headache wasn’t the beginnings of a flu but rather your baby making themself known. 

When six months of trying came and went without a single positive test, you both started to get a little antsy, but you knew that these things took time, and you knew that it hadn’t been long enough for there to be any real cause for concern. But you still called your doctor, started exercising more and taking folic acid like she recommended, you and Brock both cutting down on your alcohol. “If you’ve got to do all this, it’s only fair I have to make some changes, too,” he had said. You loved your husband for many reasons, chief among them being the fact that no matter the circumstance, where you were or who you were with or how people were acting, he never made you feel like you were on your own. Everything was a team effort in the Boeser household. 

It was six months, and you were doing okay, and Brock was genuinely winning the award for the world’s best husband with how deftly he could calm you down every time you saw the words not pregnant show up on a pregnancy test, but then it hit a year of trying without success and you started to get worried. It was July, and you knew it was common in the NHL to try and time births for the offseason — if you got pregnant in the summer, your baby would have been born in the middle of a playoff push — but you honestly would have settled for any timing. So you visited a fertility specialist at the Mayo Clinic, a quiet recommendation Brock’s mom got from a friend’s daughter. You loved your own mom, but Laurie truly had been your saving grace in everything. A quiet, steady presence who offered more love and support than you could ever ask for, giving her advice only when asked and never once betraying your trust by telling anyone. But Dr. Gonzalez got the tests back, both yours and Brock’s, and said that nothing was wrong. “Unexplained infertility,” they called it. It was nothing anybody was doing wrong, nobody’s fault, not a matter of hormonal imbalances or obvious lifestyle factors or anything that would have let you blame it on yourself. Which, on one hand, was so good and so relieving, so desperately needed. You needed to know that it wasn’t your body, and it wasn’t Brock, that was keeping the two of you from finally being able to grow your family. But on the other hand, there were few things more hopeless or frustrating than hearing that they couldn’t find a cause. That meant that there wasn’t anything you could have done differently, true, but that also meant that there wasn’t anything you could do. It was a waiting game, and you were never good with being patient. 

Pregnancy scares were more common than people might know, if the experiences of you and your friends were anything to go by. There were high school boyfriends, college roommates, half of the people you knew had worried they were pregnant or had gotten someone pregnant far before they were ready. But now, when you were settled down and established and were building a life with the most amazing man you had ever had the fortune to love, and you wanted a baby, it wasn’t happening. The clinical definition of infertility was the “failure to achieve a clinical pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse.” You had committed the definition to memory over the past 14 months, and whether you knew it or not, Brock had too. You had always been good at tests. Good grades, always the essay the teacher used as an example in class, graduated top of your class at UBC. But this was one test you couldn’t study for, and one you couldn’t believe you had failed time and time again. 

Which brought you to December, normally one of your favorite times of the year but one that you had recently begun noticing all the doom and gloom in that others had always mentioned when speaking about the winter months. You still loved the holidays, Christmas and New Year’s and everything in between, but you thought that in your second year as a married couple, you wouldn’t still be a family of two. It was a year and a half since you and Brock had started trying for a baby, and there was still no luck. It was a year and a half, and you had started talking about options. Vancouver had some amazing fertility specialists, and adoption was something you had discussed looking into, but you had both agreed on waiting a few more months before taking that route.  

---

Which brought you to almost three weeks later, two days before New Year’s Eve, your head in the toilet and your husband leaning up against the doorway. “God, I feel like shit,” you said, leaning up against the wall when your nausea had finally seemed to subside. “I bet, last time I threw up was our honeymoon,” he said, trying to make you laugh. Brock had insisted on trying haggis in Scotland, saying he needed the “full experience,” but regretted that decision as soon as he spent the better part of the second night of your honeymoon in the hotel bathroom throwing up from food poisoning. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, gratefully taking the cup of water Brock handed you as you leaned up against the bathroom counter. 

You caught his eyes searching yours as you set the glass down, his face wearing an expression you had come to know well in the four years you had been together. There was something on his mind, but he wasn’t sure if he should say it. “Yeah?” you prompted, raising your eyebrows. 

He gave a tiny shake of his head. “It’s nothing, seriously.” 

Now it was your turn to look at him. “Brock, it’s going to eat you up if you keep it all inside. Spit it out.” 

“How long has it been since you took a test?” Brock asked gently. 

You should have known. God, you should have known that’s where his mind would go, and the worst part of it all, the part that made you feel even worse for getting your husband’s hopes up that maybe this was finally it, maybe it had finally worked, was that you couldn’t even blame him. You had been snappier at Brock the past few days, something both you and he had attributed to your overall weariness about the whole process, you had to practically slap his hands away from your breasts the other night while you were having sex, and this wasn’t even the first time you had thrown up this week. But it was flu season, and you worked with kids, and seemed to catch it more years than not despite taking the flu shot religiously each October. You’d be looking for a missed period, but they had always been light and you had experienced some spotting when Brock was on a road trip the week before. 

You pressed the heels of your hands into your eyes, shaking your head. “I don’t know...A month? A little over? I just hate that it’s getting so clinical, that’s not what it was supposed to be about, that’s never what it was supposed to be about.” 

Brock ran his hands up your arms, back and forth, the same way he had been comforting you for years. “I know, baby. And I’m so sorry if I ever made you feel that way, more stressed or disappointed in yourself, because it’s not your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. We’re going to have a baby one way or another, because I love you and I’ve never met anyone who’s more excited, and ready, and made to be a mom quite like you. And whether you have the baby yourself, or we adopt, or whatever path we decide is the right one for us, they’ll be ours, and they’ll be so loved.” Brock ghosted a kiss over your forehead, his eyes closing. “You don’t have to take another test if you don’t want to, the last thing I want to do is make you more anxious over all of this. But I think it might be good. I think it might help.” 

You breathed out deeply through your nose, shooting your husband a weak smile. God, he was so good to you. “I’ll tell you if I do.” 

Brock nodded, stepping towards you and wrapping you in his arms, whispering your name as he leaned his forehead against yours. “No matter what happens — tomorrow, next week, next year, I don’t care — nothing you do will ever make me love you any less. We’re good. We’re gonna be okay.” You could have filled a hundred books with the reasons why you loved Brock Boeser, and this was one of them. The way he loved you, so selflessly and sacrificially, without an ounce of ego and never expecting anything in return aside from your heart. You didn’t know what you had ever done in this life or any past one to deserve him, but there wasn’t a day you didn’t thank God for the privilege of letting you love this man. 

---

It was finally New Year’s Eve, festivities having taken over the city — really, they hadn’t stopped since Christmas — and hardly a flat surface was left undecorated with posters or metallic tinsel, or both for good measure, including almost the entirety of yours and Brock’s house. He had volunteered your place weeks ago as the site for the team’s New Year’s Eve party. It didn’t generally draw a crowd as big as the holiday party earlier in the month, which usually had not only the players’ partners, but children and whatever family was visiting at the time, so Brock had asked if you’d be willing, and you agreed easily. You loved getting to spend time with the team, and you were even more inclined than usual to gravitate towards any kind of distraction that would take your mind off of the stress you were under. The stress that you put yourself under, to be fair. So you threw yourself into planning and preparation, pulling out the ice chest from the garage and filling it up, making sure people were bringing enough champagne, cleaning every inch of the house with Brock until it was spotless despite the fact that you both knew you’d have to do the same thing in the morning. 

Some two and a half hours into the party and most everyone who was drinking was sufficiently drunk, the TV in the living room flipping back and forth between the broadcast from Times Square and Youtube karaoke that nearly everyone had been roped into at some point or another. You sipped your soda, half-sitting on one of your barstools next to Holly. “You’re not drinking?” she asked curiously. 

“I had some earlier, trying to pace myself” you said, waving your hand. “Someone’s got to look after that one.” You nodded towards Brock, who was having what looked to be the time of his life in your living room while badly singing along to One Direction. Holly nodded. You knew she probably wanted to ask more, but she was too tactful to push. “It’s so nice to see them all like this, just letting loose, having fun. It’s hard to remember sometimes that these are just guys in their 20s and 30s when they’re constantly off travelling or away at games, doing things most people their age only dreamed of. They don’t get the chance to be normal hardly ever. And the season can get stressful...It’s just good to see,” you said. 

“It is,” she agreed. 

You checked your phone. Twelve minutes till midnight. “You want to help me get the champagne ready?” 

Holly smiled. “Let’s do it.” 

Nearly twenty flutes of champagne later — you had no idea where Brock had managed to find all of the glasses — you walked around the corner, your head poking into the living room. “Champagne’s in the kitchen, everybody. Five minutes till midnight!” 

“Haven’t seen you in a while,” Brock said, leaning in for a kiss after walking over. 

You scrunched your nose. “Babe. It hasn’t even been ten minutes.” The second you had gotten back from refilling your drink earlier, Brock had dragged you into what turned out to be a very endearing but not-so-successful rendition of I’ve Had the Time of My Life in the living room, minus the lift. He wanted to go for it, and you trusted your husband with everything, but you really didn’t feel like spending your New Year’s Eve in the ER after having crashed into the Christmas tree. Dirty Dancing was one of the first movies you had ever watched together, so there was more than a little meaning behind the choice, but you doubted you were exactly making Jennifer Grey proud. 

“Ten minutes away from you is ten minutes too long,” he said, nuzzling his head into your neck. 

The fingers of your free hand carded through the hairs at the base of his neck; you loved it when he let his hair grow out like this. “Okay, babe, I believe you. How much have you had to drink tonight?” 

Brock pulled back, rolling his eyes at you in exaggeration. “Only two beers since the night started. I’m not drunk, I’m not even tipsy, I just love my wife.”

“Could be worse,” you quipped. You squeezed his hand as the two of you walked into the kitchen, after half of the guests had already grabbed their flutes and made their way back into the living room for the countdown. Grabbing your drink from the other side of the counter, you held it in your far hand as you and Brock turned back around, taking your place by the Christmas tree. You glanced towards the TV, where the Times Square ball was slowly inching towards the ground. “Anyone else think it’s a little weird that we’re all staring at a TV waiting for something to happen that already happened 3 hours ago?” 

“I don’t believe in tape delay,” Elias said. 

Quinn nodded seriously in agreement, but the corner of his mouth twitched up. “It doesn’t exist. That little notice in the corner, saying ‘this is a recording of an earlier broadcast? Fake.” 

You snorted into your glass as everyone’s attention turned back to the screen. Three minutes till midnight. “I was a little apprehensive at first when you said you’d put us down to host,” you said, leaning back into Brock’s chest, “but I’m glad you did. This is nice.” 

“I’m glad we’ve got everyone around,” he said, looking down at you. “What are you drinking?” he asked curiously. He hadn’t noticed before, too caught up in the euphoria and exhilaration of the night, but the more he looked at it, the more he realized that your glass looked different than everyone else’s. 

“Sparkling cider,” you said, your heart rate picking up. “I brought it in case any of the kids came.” 

“But there was plenty of champagne left?” Brock questioned. “We’re at our own house, it’s not like you need to be playing designated driver.” You let out an airy laugh, the kind that made Brock’s eyes immediately snap to yours because he knew you so well, he could read even the slightest actions, the smallest shift in tone, and he knew what that particular laugh meant. It was your nervous laugh. “What is it?” he asked, guiding you around the corner to the darkened hallway, the residual glimmer of the lights from the Christmas tree glowing softly on the walls. 

You looked up at him, the purest most radiant smile you had ever given him crossing over your face. “You’re not supposed to drink when you’re pregnant,” you whispered,  your top lip trembling and letting you know that you were only moments away from tears. 

Brock was speechless as he looked at you, the near-silence of the hallway a strange contrast to the growing noise in the living room as the clock ticked closer and closer to the new year. “And you’re...You’re not drinking because…” He faltered. 

You gently took both of your glasses, setting them on a side table before taking his left hand in your own, running your thumb over his wedding band. “I’m not drinking because I’m pregnant, Brock,” you repeated, your voice cracking. 

“Are you sure?” he asked. You felt a twinge in your heart, but you knew you really couldn’t be upset with him for not being sure. It had been a year and a half and there had been more than once where you both thought it was finally it, that it had finally taken. 

You nodded, squeezing his hand. “I took a test the other day, after you had asked me if I was going to. God, I wasn’t expecting anything different, Brock. I wasn’t expecting anything,” you said. “But three minutes was up, and I turned the test over,” his hand tightened almost imperceptibly around yours, “and I saw a plus sign. I’ve never seen one before, Brock, it’s never been positive.” You didn’t realize you had started crying until Brock reached up with the hand that wasn’t holding yours, wiping away a tear that had fallen onto your cheek. “But I didn’t want to get my hopes up again. Not until I was sure. So I found a midwifery center online, called — thank God they had a cancellation — and went in yesterday. I wanted to get it confirmed, but I didn’t want to do anything without you. I didn’t even look at the ultrasound, all I had her tell me was that everything looked absolutely perfect for seven weeks along.” 

It was your husband’s turn for tears now, neither of you paying any mind to the deafening countdown that was happening just steps away. “You’re really pregnant?” 

You nodded again. “We have an appointment again in two days. They’re going to show us the heartbeat.” 

That was what broke him, bringing Brock down to his knees in front of you, his hand slipping from yours as he brought it up to rest on your lower stomach. Where his baby was. Where your baby was. “I’m finally going to be a dad,” he said, as if the knowledge that both of your lives would be changed forever come next July was just now hitting him, as if he’d never known purpose and fulfillment quite on the same level until you spoke those words to him. 

You knelt down next to him, dropping a kiss on his lips just as the clock struck midnight. It wasn’t like any kiss you had ever shared before, not overwhelmed with passion or desire or want, nor the small, steady sort of kisses you had grown to love in your years as a married couple, the kind that said you’re my best friend in not so many words. This was a kiss of adoration, of devotion, of pure reverence for your husband and the life you had finally created together. “We’re having a baby.”

[mudhorn-djarin19]

The Unexpected - (Agent Whiskey x f!reader)

Summary: After you and Jack have a break up you realize you are pregnant with is child. What now? (Came to me cause we know Jack lost his child and sweetheart canonically. He loved them and deff seems like he would still want a wife/kids someday. So what if he finally gets it... but :X) Rating: Teen Warnings: unplanned pregnancy, mentions of abortion, and language Masterlist Join my tag list via here! You sigh as you make your way to Champs office with papers in hand. You didn’t want to have to transfer partners but it was necessary. You couldn’t work with Jack now that you had broken up. The two of you ended on fairly decent terms but there was still awkwardness and tension there. Approaching Champ’s door you knock waiting for his response. Once given confirmation you enter and sit in one of the big leather chairs in front of his desk.

“What can I do for you today Agent Sangria?” He says with a smile.

You place the papers on his desk and slide them his way. “I’m putting in a partner change request. Agent Whiskey and I as you know where an item and we are no longer. It would be awkward to continue to work with him.” Champ takes the papers with a frown. Looking over them he sighs. “Well I hate to see that my two best agents won’t be working together anymore but I understand. I will transfer you to work with Tequila from now on if that’s okay with you.” You nod, giving confirmation that Tequila was fine. You sign the papers needed for confirmation of partner change and thank Champ for his understanding. Heading out of his office you bump into no other than Agent Whiskey himself.

“Oh sorry da-... sorry.” He says, moving to the side to let you by.

“It’s fine.” You say quickly and continue on your way down to the cafeteria to meet Ginger for lunch. Not continuing the conversation much longer.

You make your way into the cafeteria, grabbing some food and then finding Ginger at a table in the far back corner. “Hey.” She says with a lighthearted smile. “Doing okay?” “Yeah. I’m managing.” You sigh. “I just put in my transfer request with Champ. Thankfully he understood and I’ll be working with Tequila from now on.” Ginger gently rubs your back, knowing your sadness. “I know it makes you sad. The breakup, having to do all this but things will be okay. Tequila’s at least a good agent. He’s nice and funny.” She says.

“Yeah I know he is. I am glad to be getting partnered with him.” You sigh. “I just hate this. If Jack and I didn’t get into the stupid argument about life I wouldn’t be here right now.” “Want to talk about it?” Ginger frowns. She knew you broke up last month but hadn’t heard the full story yet. 

“Jack and I got into an argument over the stupidest thing. I was discussing the next steps for us. Like moving in together, possibly marriage and even kids at some point far down the line. But he got all tense and acted like he didn’t want that. It hurt. I thought he loved me… I mean we were together for 2 and a half years.” You sigh, keeping your tears in check. “I wanted to create a picture perfect life with him.” 

“I’m sorry hun. You’ll find someone who wants to do that with you I am sure. He’ll realize his mistakes then.” She comforts. “I know I will but it’s going to be a while. There’s too much pain there. I’m still in love with him. It hurt to call it quits but I had to.” You say.

Ginger continues to console you throughout your meal, ensuring you all will be good within time. The next week goes by with ease until one morning you wake up feeling sick. You run to the toilet and throw up. You groan fearing you have come down with a stomach bug until it hits you… your period hasn’t come in over a month. “Shit shit shit.” You swear pacing around your bathroom in fear. You work at calming yourself down. Thankfully it was your day off from work so you could take the day to go get some tests and relax. Once you ate and got to feeling a bit better you ran to the nearby store and bought 4 different tests. You sigh and pee on them all as told. Placing them all on the counter when finished you set the timer for the designated wait time. It feels like ages until the timer goes off. You whine at the thought of looking at them but know you have to. You slowly walk over and look at them and see that all 4 have 2 lines clear as the day showing. Tears immediately fill your eyes as you drop down onto the floor. Clutching your chest you sob realizing you are pregnant with none other than Jack’s child. Sure you knew it was a risk when you had unprotected sex but you never figured it would have happened with you being on the pill. It must have gotten messed up somehow. You continue to sob trying to rack your mind around what is happening. What do you do? Do you keep it? Of course you do, you thought. You always wanted kids. Do you tell Jack? If you did, would he be mad? And if you don’t would he notice and figure out it’s his or assume it’s someone else's and you were cheating on him. You groan and pick up your phone, calling Ginger. 

“Hello? It’s your day off shouldn’t you be-” She says but stops when she hears your sobs. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?” “Ginger I…” You gulp. “Ginger I’m pregnant. I don’t know what to do.” “Woah holy shit…  Okay first off. Do you know whose it is?” She asks, already figuring the answer but wanting to confirm.

“Yes of course. It’s Jack’s. Who else's would it be?” You groan. “What do I do? I’m scared to tell him but I don’t know how to hide it from him. I want to keep it though.” She is silent for a minute minus her humming while she thinks. “Well he’s going to find out at some point. But in the meantime, we can see about maybe transferring you to be a tech agent. You definitely don’t want to be on the field if you are carrying a baby. Plus if you’re a tech agent you won’t have to be around Jack much.” She assures.

“Y-yeah. I guess that could work. Shit. I hate to make Champ put in another change for me. But surely he’ll understand. Poor Tequila though now he has to yet again find a new partner.” You frown. “He’ll be fine. Don’t stress. Champ will surely understand. Give him a call today to get it in motion while you're out. I got to get back to work now but if you need anything else don’t hesitate to call me. I’m here for you.” She says before saying her goodbyes and hanging up.

You sigh and immediately call Champ once hang up from your call with Ginger.

“Hey Champ, I hate to do this but I need to put in another transfer.” You sigh.

“Is everything okay? I thought you said working with Tequila would be okay.” She says.

“No no it is. It’s just… I can’t do field work for a while.” You gulp. “I just discovered a few minutes ago that I’m pregnant.” “O-Oh. Well…” Champ says unsure what to say. “Understandable. I can transfer you to tech agent or medical for the time being. Whichever you prefer.” “I’d like to be tech agent. I- It’s obviously Jack’s and  don’t want him to find out about this quiet yet. Not after what went down between us. He won’t be around me much if at all if I am assigned there.” You say.

“Okay. I will put in your paperwork today and you can start work in tech tomorrow first thing.” He states. “If you need anything else or any help you know where to reach me.” He says before ending the call.

Three months passed since you discovered you were pregnant making you now at four months and you were definitely starting to show some. You were enjoying your job change as a tech agent but wouldn’t lie about missing the action and being able to travel as an agent. Ginger had been kind and helped you out with anything you needed. Such as helping you shop for some supplies, going to doctors appointments for support and just being there for you emotionally through it all. She was truly the bestest friend you could ever ask for. By now practically everyone who you worked with closely knew you were pregnant but thankfully no one said anything to Jack, and you were still able to avoid him. You only had a few more months to push through and they were surely going to be the roughest but you’d manage. You still worried about what you’d do if Jack found out but that was a problem for that day.

Another two months passed and you were very much showing now at six months. It was hard to hide it and the pain was getting stronger. The baby was kicking a lot now. The day was going fine as you went over some reports from Tequila’s last mission you did tech for him until Ginger swore under her breath and hopped up from her seat.

“What’s going on?” You asked, turning in your chair to face her. She was heading towards the door when she stopped and looked at you. “I need to go to medical. We have an incoming emergency from the mission I was just working on.” You looked at her and processed what she was saying until you finally remembered that her last mission she teched on was Jack’s. “Wh-what happened?” “Hun, stay here and relax. I am sure he’s okay. I will explain later.” She says, quickly escaping. You frowned and looked down at your shaking hands. It may have been months since you two had broken up but your love for him was still there and you were worried he was seriously injured. What if he was? Would he recover? You worked at relaxing your mind. Ginger will tell you everything soon you assure yourself. You sigh and turn yourself back to your report to try and focus your mind.

A few hours passed when Ginger finally returned. “He’s okay. He’s tired and sore, got a few stitches and bandages but he’s alive. If you’d want to go see him you can.”

You thanked her and made your way down to the medical wing. You sighed and rubbed your belly, knowing now that you were going to see him he’d notice and you’d have to explain. The elevator dinged and you stepped off into the medical facility. You checked with the main nurse on what room Jack was in before heading that way.  You gently knocked on the door before entering and sitting down on the chair next to his bed. He was asleep, probably from medication that Ginger had given him. You reached out and gently grabbed a hold of his hand. That small gesture must have woken him because his light snores stopped and he slowly turned his head to look at you. “Hey. What’re you doing here?” He questions, voice raspy. He coughs then, explaining why his voice is like that.

“Hey. Um Ginger told me you got hurt on the mission. I just wanted to come and see if you were okay.” You said, still holding his hand.

“Oh.” He coughs. “Yeah I’m okay. She fixed me up. Just got caught in some crossfire. Got a few shots in me but all good now.” You nod and lightly smile. You hold his gaze for a bit until he works at sitting himself up. When he does he looks down and sees your belly. His gaze turns from soft to dark then, a glare across his eyes.

“I see you move on fast.” He grumbles.

“I haven’t… It’s-” You start to say.

“Oh? So then what?” He glares at you.

“No Jack.” You sigh. “I-it’s yours.” His glare softens as his eyes widen, mouth opening slightly. “I-I… what?” “It’s yours Jack. There’s no one else's it could be. You’re the only person I have been with in years. I realized not long after we broke up.” You frown and look down. “It’s why I transferred from being an agent. For the safety of us both.” Jack’s eyes are still wide as he takes this all in. “Why did you keep this from me?” He frowns.

“Why would I tell you? I figured you’d be angry or something. We broke up because we couldn’t agree on our future, remember? I wanted to create a future with you. Like this but, you acted as if you didn’t want such a thing and it hurt me. I knew from the moment I found out I was keeping it, I’ve always wanted kids of my own and I finally have one. I won’t ask you to be in the picture or pay for child support if you don’t want to.” Jack’s frown deepens and he shifts to sit on the edge of the bed, reaching a hand out to touch your belly. “Sugar, I am so sorry. I should have explained myself better months ago but, I just didn’t know how. I was scared. I still am, but I want this.” You looked at him confused.

“I want a future with you sugar. I want to marry you someday, have a little family and such. It’s all I ever wanted too. I am just scared to lose it all again after what happened in my past. It took me by surprise. I wasn’t sure how to react. I am so so sorry for not explaining myself sooner.” He states.

You lift your hand up to place over his on your belly. “So…” You start to say.

He nods. “Darlin’ I never wanted us to call it quits. I want you and only you. Well, I want you and this new bundle of joy we have now.” He smiles lightly.

Tears start to fill your eyes as you listen to his words. “I-I’m sorry. For getting so mad, not letting you explain and calling it off. I’m really sorry. I’ve spent the last few months feeling miserable. I missed you… I never stopped loving you.” You sob.

Jack leans forward and wraps his arms around you, pulling you as close to him as he can. “It’s okay. I am sorry too. I’m not going anywhere now though. I am staying right here with you and this little one. Okay?” You nod. “Yes, please. I want you to stay and be with us.” “I will. I promise.” He kisses your forehead. “Now, what are we having?” “A little girl. She’s due in 3 months.” You smile.

Jack’s eyes light up. “Did you pick a name for her yet?”

You shake your head. “No. I wanted you to pick it honestly.”

He hums in thought. “What about Elizabeth? It was my mother’s name.”

“I love it.” You smile.

3 months later when the baby finally came Jack was there through it all as he promised. You smiled at your now fiance. He had popped the question to you finally not too long ago and you both were finally living together. You smiled at each other as you handed him the baby. Tears fell from both of your eyes as you were both happy and where you wanted to be in life. Together with each other.

Taglist:

@sarahjkl82-blog @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @blackberries45

[cruecifymesixx]

Love and Leather /part eighty eight/

Word Count: 3.9k

A/N: Enjoy! Things will get better soon

Warnings: language, angst

Taglist:   @miserablecunt , @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol​,  @a-simple-salmon,  @hi-my-name-is-riley, @extremesadnerding, @thatbandchick39, @awkwrdcait, @countrygirlswonderland, @awesomealmostdopestudent, , @tashy-bear, @krazykatkay456, @terror-triplet, @shouttatthedevill @beachystars, @rodriguez025, @kickstart-myheart-sixx, @s-outhie, @anxious-diabetic, @awkwardblackgirls,  @shamelessobsessions, @jerseytaint, @criminalyetminimal, @trapt-in-a-dream,  @broke-n-bitchy,  @lovesick-heart0, @keepcalm-and-beyou, @miriampraez, @teenwolflover28, @lilyhw1, @herbertweeest, @random-internet-user-4471, @falcon-arrows, @talranocchia2001,  @waywardprincess666, @iluvmesomemarvelndc, @zoenicoles, @vamprlestat, @supersoldierballerina, @electradestiny, @marshbev, @n0-sh0rtage-0f-faults, @cruebaby, @ggorehorror, @valentines-in-london, @nassauartist  @cmft-jr-winchester, @bokkie92, @notworthyofyou1120 @xrosegoldwolfx, @mgkobsessed, @chaoticvybe,  @kellysimagines @thoughtsoftheantagonist, @sleepyjunhong  @meetthesixxter @sparxx27 @gingerspicetalks @kaitieskidmore1 @unknownoblivion @nevergoodenuffbutokaaayyy @sublimeprincesswasteland @kylieinwonderland @haileynicoleseavey17 @lavendersoundbarrier @youretheonlyonewhomakesme, @xxisxxisxxis, @dogmom2014, @cruesixxlover1991, @xpoisonousrosesx,  @m0rnlngstar, @love-struck-aries, @findingmyths,  @i-want-to-shoot-myself, @arianareirg, @fentitrbl, @patheticgay69 @rocknroll--baby, @redlipscrystalskies14, @samanthadegaro @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels @thechangingme, @idkmanhereisshitilike, @makaelahdelvalle

*Flashback*

*Moscow 1989*

"It's fucking bullshit!" Nikki shouts as he and the rest of the band come barreling through the dressing room door, "He's seriously going to let Bon fucking Jovi headline? Seriously? We deserve more than that!"

I glance up from filing my nails as each and everyone of them, besides Mick, looks pissed.

"Who the hell does Doc think he is? We're more of a selling act than he is! We didn't fly all the way out here just so we can be out at the bottom of the lineup. It's a complete waste of our time. We could be getting ready to promote Dr. Feelgood!" Tommy then joins in on the screaming match, well at this point I would say it's an ego match.

I move a piece of Nikki's disheveled hair out of his face as he sits next to me on the leather couch, "Fucking Doc promised Jovi that he would be headlining and bumped us down a few notches. If you can't handle managing big names than maybe you should get a different fucking job." Nikki explains to me as he swipes the bottle of sparkling water off the table and takes a sip.

I look around the room as Vince is staring off into space, Tommy is fumbling with his wedding ring and Mick is in his own little world strumming some chords on the guitar. I clear my throat a bit, "Baby, it's not that big of a deal.."

"Not that big of a deal?"

Nikki and I stare at each other a moment, "You know this event is for the fans, the kids that have never experienced American rock before. I don't think it really matters whose headlining and whose not, ya know?" I express my opinion gently as he just continues to stare at me, a dumbfounded look plastered across his face.

"You're just saying that because you like Bon Jovi." He snaps back with an added eye roll,

I chuckle a bit, "You're right, I do, but I wouldn't care if he was headlining or not. Just like I don't care if Mötley was headlining or not. Doc is doing what's best for business. The whole line up is star studded, Nikki. Whether your first or last it's not gonna matter to the audience. What matters is how good of a show you put on. Plus...with you guys being sober, not having performed in over a year and with the new album coming out, it just gives the band the chance to prove that you guys are doing better than ever before."

"How could you not care if Mötley was headlining or not?" Nikki questions, his tone shocked as I groan in annoyance.

"That's really all you took from that?" I eye him as his lips tug upwards in a small smile.

"It just fucking sucks Van. Our first big show out of rehab and he has us being the opening act for Bon Jovi. It's ridiculous. Doc was our manager first. We should take precedence. Not some fucking wannabe cowboy that sings power ballads."

*End flashback*

*Nikki's POV*

"She really wants to play soccer?" I look at Vanity as I lean against the doorframe of the bathroom, "Arianna hates when she gets dirty from playing in the backyard so why would she want to play soccer?" My nose wrinkles up in confusion as I watch Van brush her teeth.

She shrugs at me before spitting and rinsing her mouth, "I don't know. She just said she wanted to play so I grabbed the papers from the bulletin board at her school. I think it would be good for her Nikki. She likes staying busy so I think some little league sports would be good. We can still think about it and talk, the packet isn't due until April."

"No, no. I agree too. We'll just have to explain that she would have to stick with it and try to participate as much as she likes being active she is lazy sometimes." I notice she grabs her make up bag and start pulling stuff out, "You going somewhere?"

She turns her head looking over at me as she rubs cream onto her face, "Yeah? I'm going out with Jon...I told you like three days ago."

"Jon? Oh, right...right...the guy from the diner." I chuckle as she lets out an annoyed sigh.

"If you're gonna start already you can just leave me alone." Vanity tells me, eyebrow raising in mischief as she begins to put make up on her face.

I cross the threshold and pull myself up on the counter, "Where's he taking you? Somewhere romantic?" I tease her as she glances at me, "Oh? It is romantic tonight? That's cool...Donna's out shooting some stuff for Baywatch so she's kinda busy."

"I'm sorry you're lonely." Vanity smirks as she blows me a kiss, "And he's taking me to the beach. There's a horse stable in Malibu and we're gonna ride some horses and have dinner."

I let out an boisterous laugh, "Fucking seriously? That's the most corniest date I've ever heard of."

"Don't be mad because you didn't think of taking me first." She's quick with a comeback as I steal the blush from the counter when she reaches for it.

"Baby, If I wanted to take you on a romantic date I would fly us to Paris." I explain as I hand the container over, "Yeah...Paris, we could get some really nice wine, I'd take you to the best restaurant, get you some fresh flowers from the florist cart. We would take a stroll at the Jardin des Plantes after our dinner. You'd love it Van, there's twinkling lights and always people singing love songs." I explain to her as she glances at me smiling before rolling her eyes and looking back at herself in the mirror.

"Last time I was in Paris, I found out I was pregnant."

My eyes narrow as my head slightly tilts to the side, "During Dr. Feelgood? You knew you were pregnant then?"

"Yeah.." she nods as she starts putting the make up away and tousled her hair with her fingers, "And don't get upset because I didn't tell you. I had to take tests in Paris, remember? You thought I was sick from the sushi? I just had a feeling something was off and I also didn't want to tell you in case they were wrong. One test was negative so I just wanted to wait until we got back home and as you know what happened next." She chuckles a bit and looks at me, "Do I look okay?"

I sigh a bit, trying not to be upset "Yeah doll, you look perfect."

Vanity comes over and stands in front of me, placing her hands on my knees, "If you're gonna be bored go hang out with Tommy-"

"He's too obsessed with putting his head against Clems stomach since they heard the heartbeat at the doctors appointment last week." I explain as she smiles at me.

"You can't be mad at him for that. What about Mick? I'm sure he could use some company or Corabi?"

"No, Micks been wanting to stay to himself and Corabi got a girlfriend...I'll just wait for you to get back. You are coming home tonight, right?" I question her as she leaves the bathroom and I quickly follow, "Right, Vanity?"

"Yes Nikki. I'll be home. Do I have a curfew?" She looks at me over her shoulder before she walks into her closet to pick out clothes.

"Well...now that you mention it..." I laugh when she throws a pair of jeans at me before she slips a pair on and pulls them over her ass and hips, "So it's a casual date?"

"Mhmm...not that romantic like you think it is." She tells me as she pushes hangers back to look at sweaters. We both look at each other when the doorbell goes off.

"Nikki! Wait!!" She yells for me as I run out of her room with Anarchy chasing after me.

I run down the stairs, my eyes narrowing when I see a figure outside the glass paneling of the door, "I'll get it Van! You finish getting dressed!" I yell back at her, nudging Anarchy out of the way as I open up the door. The arrogant smile I had on my face dropped when I saw a dozen red roses and a pearly white smile hiding behind it.

"Jovi?" I stare at him as he chuckles, "You lost?"

"Uh no actually. I'm here to pick up Vanity." He explains, clearing his throat, "We have plans."

My hand grips the doorknob as we stare at one another, "Oh really? You're the guy she's been seeing? You do know it isn't a serious thing between you and her, right?"

Jon laughs at me as I glare, he holds the bouquet of flowers in his hand, "Look Nikki, I wouldn't want your feathers to get ruffled. We're just having fun with each other, that's all."

What the fuck was that suppose to mean? Fun? With each other?

"Yeah, well she can't go. She's sick. It's really nasty, she's been vomiting all morning and stuck on the toilet if you know what I mean. I think Arianna brought the bug home. So I'll have her call you, yeah?" I try closing the front door but he puts his hand out to stop me, "Get off my property before I call the cops."

I feel a hand on my side before I'm being pushed out of the way, "I'm glad you two were able to catch up." Van says, glaring at me before rolling her eyes, "Lets get going Jon." She smiles at him as he hands over the flowers and she's giving them to me "Put them in a vase for me would you Nikki?"

I reach for her arm and pull her back in, "Give us a minute would ya Jon? It's a family meeting." I glare before shutting the door in his face, "Seriously?! Bon fucking Jovi?!" I yell quietly as she reaches for the door handle but I grab her wrist.

"What? What's the problem? I'm doing what the therapist is asking us to do?" She fakes stupidity as she smiles at me, "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Why him? Of all fucking people? You know I don't like him." I speak through gritted teeth, "You could have picked anyone but him."

"That's not my problem Nikki. I am doing what you wanted so I am going to have fun on my date and I will see you when I get back."

My jaw clenches as she reaches for the door, I wanted to find the words to tell her not to go, to just stay with me and we'll figure it out but I just couldn't get them out of my fucking mouth. She looks at me before closing the door, hearing them talk before a car door closes and the engine starts. I grip the flowers in my hand before tossing them into the trash can.

*Vanity's POV*

I lean down against the drivers side window, feeling Jon put his hand against my cheek "I really had a lot of fun tonight. Thank you." I smile at him as his thumb runs over my cheekbone.

"Can't wait to see what you plan for the next date, I don't know why but I'm expecting it to be over the top." We both chuckle a bit as I nod in agreement.

"I'll have to think of something good then.." we both look at each other for a moment, before I lean forward to give him a kiss, "Goodnight Jon."

"Goodnight sweetheart, I'll call you."

I sigh a bit, waving bye to him when he drives out of the gates. I hold onto my purse as I walk up the front steps to the door, reaching for the handle as it doesn't open. I groan a bit and dig through my purse for my keys "Damnit.." I look through the glass, seeing them on the entry way table being illuminated by the kitchen light.

I step off the porch and walk over to the gate leading to the back yard but it's locked. Fucking Nikki. It's never locked. I try reaching over the wooden boards but I wasn't tall enough to grasp the latch. I sigh and go over to the door, pressing the doorbell and knocking loudly.

I hear a window open above me and i step back seeing Nikki, "Babe! Open the door. I left my keys here!"

"Oh you did? Well that sure as hell sucks." He says as he looks down at me.

"Nikki c'mon it's cold! Just let me in!" I shout back at him as I hear him laugh "This isn't funny! Open the door or I'm breaking it!" I hear him grumble before he leaves the window. I wait impatiently, ringing the doorbell again before the hallway light flips on.

"Why'd you forget your keys, Van?" He looks at me with a smug smile as he opens up the door.

"Because you were yelling at me." I lean against the wall "And we never lock the side gate so what gives? How childish are you to lock me out because you're jealous?"

"Jealous? Of course I'm jealous! How did you even meet him?! What the fuck Vanity, it's gonna get out to the press!"

"It's already in the press Nikki!" I shout back at him, "They already released pictures of you and Donna looking pretty comfortable at some god damn club! Everyone already knows! I met him at work Nikki-"

"So you've been lying to me?"

I stare at him as I laugh, "Are you joking me? Lying to you? I haven't lied about anything! I told you I was seeing a guy I met there!"

"But you didn't say it was Jovi! God, why do you have a thing for fucking rockstars! If it's not me, it's Tommy, if it's not Slash, it's Jovi. Whose fucking next!? How about I call up some of my friends and you can pick! You're nothing more than a glorified groupie slut who got lucky and popped out a rockstars kid!"

My shoulders drop as I stare at him in shock. Eyebrows raised and my lips parting slightly, "Hm." My eyes close with a light head shake as I reach for my keys from the bowl. I keep my purse on my shoulder as I turn from him and head back out the front door.

"Van, it's the middle of the night, I am sorry." Nikki's tone is panicked as he follows after me, "I'm mad and I didn't mean that. I said it out of anger." I feel his hand wrap around my elbow as my own hand reaches for the door. I tug my arm away from his grip and open the car door.

I stare at him for a moment, trying to come up with something to say, "Yeah, no. I'm not doing this." I sit down and shut the door, quickly locking it as I see him trying to open it. I put the key in the ignition ignoring the constant tapping on the window and my name being yelled as I put it in reverse and start backing out of the driveway. I'm not really sure where I was going, but I just knew I didn't want to be here with him suffocating me with apologies.

Later the following week, I find myself sitting in our therapists office clutching an iced coffee as I wait for Dr. Peterson to come in. I wanted to have a solo session as Nikki was in meetings with Alan and the band to discuss the production of the up coming tour and Arianna was at school.

Nikki and I haven't talked about our argument the other night, nor have we spoke more than 5 words to each other at a time. It makes me laugh because talking is easy, it comes naturally for the two of us as our own persons. Nikki had also been leaving after Arianna goes to bed and coming back early in the morning before she wakes up, my guess is he's staying at Donna's but at this point I've been finding myself asking do I even care anymore?

"I am surprised to see you by yourself." Dr. Peterson pulls me from my thoughts as I hear the door click shut and watch her walk over to her chair.

"Yeah-" I smile politely at her, "Thanks for seeing me on such a short notice too. I really appreciate it." I watch as she opens up her folder as she brings her glasses up to her face.

"At least I won't have to replace the candy dish mid session because Nikki decided to inhale the whole thing." She jokes as we both laugh a bit.

"I decided it would be better if I went solo on this one. Would save us both the headache and keep Nikki out of the dentist."

"Of course, so what would you like to discuss today?"

I shift on the couch as I cross one leg over my knee, "Well...Nikki and I got into a pretty heated argument the other night essentially over us seeing other people and I left because I didn't want to say anything I regretted like he did. I don't know...I'm just, I'm conflicted." I glance over at her, "The more him and I see other people, the more I don't feel like we have a chance of being together how we want to be. We're more distant than ever before. It's like there's some heavy, crushing weight over us."

"We-we rarely talk, only when it involves Arianna. Sometimes we have sex still so it's just confusing because he'll tell me one thing and do another."

"Okay...Have you two done any of the other ideas I told you about? Spending time with one another? Doing things you normally wouldn't do? Spending time together without Arianna? Adults need their time too, Vanity." She questions as I shake my head, "You two just jumped into seeing other people?"

"Well Nikki did, I didn't-" I sigh when she puts her hand up, "I forgot, don't place blame on the other person. Yes, we both did jump into seeing other people. I mean, we did hang out and spend time together alone but it was only once. He started getting busy with the album so we just haven't had the time."

"You haven't had the time? Or you just don't want to make the time?" Dr. Peterson asks as I look at her.

"Well...I don't know!" I chuckle a bit, "Nikki's busy. He has a lot on his plate at the moment."

She narrows her eyes at me, "He's busy? Is he even too busy for Arianna?"

"No, he's never too busy for her. He'd wipe out his whole schedule for Arianna."

Dr. Peterson leans back in the chair as we look at one another for a moment, "So...he's not too busy for Arianna and he's not too busy to make time to go on these dates from what you're telling me. So why do you think he's too busy to make time for you? Or are you worried he's going to tell you no, Vanity?"

"No, I'm not worried he would say no....I just don't feel like I'm one of his priorities, so why would he waste his time?" I shrug my shoulders as I look away from her for a moment.

"Okay....you've been going on dates too? How are they? Are you enjoying your time?"

I take a deep breath and exhale, "Yeah, I am. They've been really good and a lot of fun. He's really nice and pleasant to be around. It's like a fresh of breath air, but I feel so much guilt when I'm with him and I doubt Nikki feels like that." I roll my eyes as I meet her stern gaze, "I shouldn't assume how he's feeling." I mumble lowly to her.

"And has Nikki expressed how he feels about you going on dates? Has he told you?"

I nod a bit, "Yeah, he usually just jokes or teases me about it. But he got mad over the weekend that I was going on a date so we got into an argument. Nikki wasn't happy about who I'm seeing because he knows him and doesn't like him. He locked me out of the house, every door and side gate was locked. Even the garage. He kept saying I had been lying to him just because I didn't tell him who I was seeing.. I didn't tell him who I was seeing because I knew this would be the outcome." I lightly shake my head as a sigh escapes me.

"Vanity, I know you want things to work."

I stare at Dr. Peterson as my eyes swell up with tears, "Is that so wrong? That I just want to be together? For Arianna to have a family? I don't think that's a bad thing to want." I feel my voice get shaky and my bottom lip quivers as I look away from her.

"No, you're right. It's not a bad thing to want. However, is it Arianna who wants a family or is it you?"

My eyebrows pull together tightly in confusion, "What do you mean? I'm certain Arianna would want to see us together."

Dr. Peterson chuckles slightly as she glances at me, "You always use Arianna. Let's be honest, Vanity. You want a family because you weren't close with your own, same with Nikki and you are doing everything under the sun to have Nikki just want you, and only you. He's been your only support, stable support system. Yet, you don't know if you want him in or want him out. You're so worried about if he wants you that you probably don't stop and ask yourself, 'hey, do I even want him?'."

"Because he always says he wants me and only me. I'm sorry that I believe him?" My face scrunches up as I become frustrated, "My family was around enough. I wasn't completely abandoned like Nikki was. I just don't know why I keep thinking he's going to change, he never does. It's a never ending fucking cycle we're fine one minute and then the next we're not. It won't fucking stop." I grumble, slumping back against the couch as I look past her.

"Then maybe this is when you need to change instead of waiting on him. You decide if you want to take this situation into your hands and decide the outcome."

My eyes find hers, "Are you telling me to leave him?" The expression drops from my face and a frown replaces it as she doesn't say anything in return, "But I love him...and I barely knew how to function in New York without him." I blink back tears as I stare at the green and white pattered carpet, "I just- I wouldn't even know how to bring it up to Nikki without it turning into one big pile of shit."

"You could always do it here. It is a safe space, ya know?"

"I know it's a safe place...I'd just be scared he'd storm out of here and I'd find all my stuff thrown out in the street."

She chuckles, "I highly doubt Nikki would do that to you." I shrug at her words, "I'm not saying to jump to conclusions Vanity. Think it over, listen to what your gut, mind and heart are saying. I can only give you so much advice, it's your turn to decide if you want to take it or not."

I take a deep breath in as I breathe it out slowly, "I'll think about it for a few days and then I'll talk to him. And whatever happens, happens."

[thran-duils]

Use All of Me (P.10)

Title: Use All Of Me (Part Ten) Summary: Fem!Reader x Dark Mob!Steve Rogers. The Avengers are heroes saving the world but in this AU, they are also permitted by the powers in charge to have less than favorable business underneath their guise of mere superheroes. Steve and Tony are at the helm, keeping their empire’s wealth in check, both devious and perilous if crossed. Steve takes a liking to the reader at a party and it may be her undoing to her autonomy choosing to go home with him. Words: 2,259 Warnings: Dark AF, angst, emotional/mental abuse, smut, breeding, death

Part Nine || Part Eleven || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

“I gotta run,” Natasha informed Wanda quietly, pulling her aside.

“Is there a problem?” Wanda asked concerned.

“Not yet.”

“Okay?” Wanda said, cocking an eyebrow.

Natasha was not going to give her anything else at the moment before she talked to Steve. “It’s fine. Don’t let Y/N worry about me being gone. Help her enjoy the party.”

“Alright,” Wanda responded, and Natasha nodded, before turning on her heel and walking off quickly to make sure to be out of the house before Y/N and Natalie emerged from the bathroom.

On her way out the door to her car, Natasha texted Steve.

I’m on my way to Tony’s. Don’t leave until I get there.

Is there something wrong?

Not immediate. I’ll be there soon.

<> <> <>

Natalie pulled away from you after a while – she had to have let you cry for a good few minutes – and wiped at your tears. “Here,” she said gently, leaving you to go towards the linen cupboard. She pulled out a washcloth and grabbed a small handful of toilet paper too. You thanked her, sniffling, wiping at your tears before using the tissue to blow your nose. You were sure you looked cute with snot hanging out there.

“Look. What can you do? Realistically?” Natalie asked you quietly.

Your shoulders slumped and you whispered, “Nothing.”

“No, not nothing, Y/N. You can hold your chin up,” Natalie told you, her fingers pushing your chin up as she spoke. She paused before asking, “Are you willing to leave the babies behind?”

Chewing on your bottom lip, you pondered for a few seconds. You ended up shaking your head. “I… I thought so when this first all started out. But how can I leave two babies behind? They would financially be well taken care of, yes. But… I just can’t,” you said breathing shakily. “I don’t know if I could live with myself.”

“Well, I was only asking because I wondered if you did… if you thought Steve would leave you be. Even if you ran off.”

You shook your head again, giving a humorless laugh. “No, I don’t think Steve would leave me be. Bryce said he didn’t think Steve would kill me if I ran away. Which to me insinuates he would hurt or kill anyone else who tried to help me. I am hard pressed to believe that he wouldn’t want to kill me though. He’s not a man to wound, especially emotionally. Everyone talks to me like I’m… his property. That I’m carrying his property too.”

Solemnly, Natalie told you, “Some people treat others that way. That’s obsession, not love.”

“Or they’re all just misogynistic fucks. I mean… Pepper even told me that she dealt with it with Tony! He threatened to shoot me a couple weeks ago, by the way.”

“Excuse me?” Natalie demanded, staring at you in absolute shock.

There was a sharp knock at the door.

“Y/N?” Miriam called from outside the door. “Are you alright?”

“Yes. I’ll be out in a second,” you called back. To Natalie, you whispered, “Shit, we have been in for a long while.”

Natalie grasped your shoulders, “You go out there. I’m going to go upstairs and pack you a bag.”

“What?” you asked flabbergasted.

“You heard me. My cousin has a cabin in New Hampshire. I’m going to take you there and then we can figure out what we are going to do next.”

“I—” you tried to argue but Natalie shushed you.

“Go out there. Be with them.”

“Natalie, I can’t,” you hissed, thinking of Wanda and Natasha out in the living room. “You just told me I didn’t have a plan! Plus, Tony’s got technology everywhere and Steve won’t let me go. Did you miss me saying he would ki—”

“If we leave during this party while everyone is distracted, Y/N, they won’t know which direction we went.”

“Your license plate—”

Natalie covered your mouth and said, “We need to stop arguing about this and just do it. I’m not going to leave here without you. It has to be now.”

She stared deep into your eyes, challenging you to argue with her. You knew you were not going to be able to convince her to drop this idea, not with the fire burning in her eyes.

When she knew you were not going to say anything more, her hand fell. You swallowed thickly and turned to the mirror, wiping at your eyes one more time. “Good thing we already took pictures,” you muttered before going to the door and throwing it open.

Miriam’s brow creased seeing Natalie in there with you but you looped arms with her before she could say anything. “Sorry, I just needed to get some stress out. Poor Natalie had to endure that.” You threw a look over your shoulder at Natalie who was slow to leave the bathroom, mouthing her a thanks.

Your heart was pounding in anticipation.

<> <> <>

Natalie waited until Miriam and Y/N were out of sight before turning and going towards the entrance hall to the stairs leading upstairs. Quietly, she made her way up the stairs and searched around the second floor, looking for their bedroom.

There was a note on a door handle she passed by and she hesitated.

Don’t open until after you open your gifts. Love you, Steve.

Curiosity got the better of her and she opened the door, thinking it was possibly their bedroom and Steve had left her something on their bed. Behind the door though laid the nursery. She swallowed sharply seeing balloons attached to the crib, no doubt a gift Steve had left in surprise for Y/N. It was oak grey, matching the dresser.

Quickly closing the door, Natalie continued on, trying to not think about the cameras that she was more than likely being filmed on right now and what Y/N had warned her about Steve’s wrath. Getting her friend to safety was more important than worrying about the what-ifs.

<> <> <>

Finding Natasha gone quelled your nausea slightly but not entirely. One less Avenger on the premises was cause for you to be more hopeful about Nataile’s rash plan working. Especially since Bryce was in the theater room, engrossed in a Michael Bay-esque film.

You grasped Yua’s arm as the group merged towards the patio where the cake was waiting and another few yard games. You asked her quietly, “You came with Natalie, right?”

“Mhm,” Yua affirmed, holding your arm back.

“When you two leave, I am going with you.”

“What?”

“Not so loud,” you whispered to her. “You just… if you don’t want to get involved, then get a ride home with Miriam. Please.”

“’Involved’? Y/N, what is going on?” Yua asked, stopping you and making you face her.

You leaned in and whispered, “I’m leaving. Natalie is taking me. She’s packing me a bag – hopefully getting herself some clothes too.” You were being vague, worrying still about the security cameras. “There is a lot of risk. Now, think about it. I need to go cut my cake and act normal.”

Without another word, you left her there, moving towards the table where the rest of the ladies were gushing over how beautiful the cake was.

<> <> <>

Steve was on Natasha as soon as she pulled up and got out of the car.

“Can we go inside?” she asked, staring up at him.

It did not seem like he wanted to wait because he rolled his eyes but stepped back and she moved around him, him on her heels.

“What happened?” Steve demanded as he followed her through the front door.

“Where’s Tony?”

“Why am I being dragged into this?” Tony drawled as she walked in from the hallway. He was on the couch in front of the flatscreen, arms sprawled along the back of the couch.

“Because it’s your man too.”

Tony was interested suddenly, sitting up straighter. Steve stood off to the side of the couch, waiting impatiently for Natasha to get to the point.

She met his eyes and asked seriously, “Has Bryce talked to you? About Y/N asking him for help to leave?”

Steve’s face pinched. “No,” he said sharply. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh boy,” Tony breathed out, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I heard her. Talking to her friend, Natalie, in the bathroom. I was outside and doing some rounds to get some air. Thought it was a little weird they were both in the bathroom. So, I got near the bushes and heard them talking about it. Y/N was going on about how she feels trapped—” Steve’s jaw clenched at this, not going unnoticed by Natasha. But she kept speaking anyway. “And how she wants it to work with you but doesn’t think you’ll ever let her breathe and have her own space. Said she knows Natalie warned her about you, but you were too sweet, and she didn’t care about the warning.”

Steve scoffed, hands coming to his hips. He sucked at his teeth, shaking his head.

“So, what about Bryce?” Tony asked impatiently.

“She said she asked Bryce to help her leave Steve,” Natasha explained. “And he wouldn’t help her and made her promise she wouldn’t try to leave. But it sounded like she had another plan. Something about taking a train and stealing someone’s ticket at the station so she wouldn’t be on camera at the ticket counter – presumably so you wouldn’t know where she was going. She said something outlandish about living at a church and taking them up on hospitality and working for them to make up for it. Which, Natalie to her credit, told her that was a dumb plan. And Y/N agreed. But she wanted Natalie in the bathroom with her to use her phone, again presumably, so you couldn’t see the search in her phone.” Natasha caught Steve’s eyes again and told him firmly, “When you said she was rattled when this all first started, she hasn’t settled, Steve. She’s a mess of nerves. And she definitely sounds like she’s willing to be impulsive and reckless about it.”

It was silent in the room, Steve’s fingers digging into his hips. His jaw was clenched so tightly Natasha thought of him cracking his teeth.

“That little, conniving bitch!” Steve growled, his hands falling to his sides and he began storming towards the hallway.

Natasha stepped in his path and he stopped, rearing up to glower at her, his fists clenched at his sides.

“Move, Nat,” Steve warned her in a dangerous voice.

“I came here specifically to tell you so you would not lose your shit in the middle of a party,” Natasha told Steve firmly. “So, can you do me a favor and respect that? Cool out and think?”

“I don’t think this warrants me cooling off and giving Y/N any sense of calm,” Steve returned, his voice rising. “She was going to leave me and take my children away from me, Nat!”

Tony chimed in from behind Steve, “I think the problem here is Bryce not telling you,” Steve craned his head to look back at him. Tony looked right pissed off, rivaling Steve. “Woman is hormonal, standing on shaky ground emotionally. Bryce has his head on right – or at least we thought he did. Him agreeing to not help her is working in his favor but he shouldn’t keep that shit to himself. He should have told you the moment it happened. Just making her promise to not do something isn’t going to do shit, especially if she’s promising him. What is he to her? Her bodyguard? Whoopee fucking doo.” Tony shook his head. “No, that’s fucked up. He had a duty to tell you.”

Steve’s cell phone rang interrupting the conversation, and he swore under his breath, pulling it out of his back pocket. He furrowed down at it before answering tightly, “Wanda?”

Natasha took a step closer, trying to hear her on the other end of the phone. Steve’s face fell for a moment, like the air had gotten kicked out of him.

He recovered quickly, demanding furiously, “What the hell do you mean she’s not there?”

Tony was standing now, at attention. He was watching Steve nervously, thinking of a super soldier losing his shit and breaking shit in his house.

“How long?” Steve shouted, losing his temper. He shook his head furiously and snarled, “Twenty minutes doesn’t give them long to get anywhere. And why were you doing dishes? Where the hell was Bryce—never mind. You know what. Just stay there. Have Bryce and the security check the grounds again.”

He hung up, holding his cell in his hands tightly. Steve was trembling with rage, his hand threatening to crush his phone. Tony and Natasha were silent, waiting for him to react. He breathed in deeply, over exaggerated, turning on his heel to walk towards the counter. He placed his phone down, gingerly despite his anger. His hands planted, his fingertips digging into the counter like he wanted to tear chunks off.

“If she is not there…” he trailed off. Exhaling, he closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down. His hands came up behind his hand, trying to stop himself from breaking Tony’s countertop in half with his fist.

“The train stations,” Natasha suggested, keeping her voice steady.

A few more deep breaths and Steve had the calm about him to say, “Someone else needs to drive because I’ll probably rip that goddamn steering wheel off.”

~~~

Tags: @imsonick , @alexakeyloveloki, @kvzctam, @ironlady1993, @taintedgenre, @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @roxyfan14-blog 

[aenngelic]

I will protect her at all costs (chapter 2)

Disclaimer: please don’t hate me for it, if you don’t ship them please just don’t read it ok 🥲

contains: slow burn, Sniper falling in love with Kuon, Snipers view/thoughts, sexual fantasies, nudity, lemon stuff overall

It is a very long chapter I’m sorry

Note: please feel free to message me if you have certain romantic moments to include in the story! (Already running out of ideas oops)

It did not take long for us to find a bag of supplies. It was on a coffee table in some sort of lobby area. It seemed as if this building probably was meant to represent some kind of hotel, which I thought was a good thing, because that meant that there would be beds and showers to be found here as well. To our surprise, the bag contained mostly candy, which I wouldn't interpret as a balanced meal. However, the girl seemed to like this finding. It was only a matter of minutes before the chocolate residue stained the corners of my companion's mouth in a brown color. However, I preferred to smoke a cigarette at first and watch the girl devour her own body weight in the form of chocolate.

" This is fantastic! It feels like forever since I last ate chocolate! I faintly remember dieting before I entered this world too, so this must have been probably weeks since I held chocolate in my hand." Kuon said with delight. It was amusing to watch her enjoy sweets. Kuon's carelessness may be a burden at times, but her innocent character makes up for it.

" you partly remember your life prior to this, don't you?"

" Yes, not much to be honest. I'm sorry you can't," Kuon replied in a concerned voice.

"Tell me about it."

She gave me a visibly puzzled look before straightening her back so that she was sitting as straight as a candle on the sofa across from me, staring at her hands somewhat lost in thought. She seemed uncomfortable that I had now brought up this topic. Unfortunately, I could not take back my question. "Well," she began, "to be honest,the life I remember has not been the greatest, I guess." Kuon abruptly shook her head. " That's not true either. I was born into a rich family and had many privileges. My father owned a large company and had very high expectations of me from the very beginning. One day I was supposed to take it over. I was probably pretty lucky compared to other people. I was probably a big disappointment for him. My character was just not strong enough in his eyes. I also remember not really having any friends either, because I was privately educated. And anyway..." I could literally hear the lump in Kuon's throat as a tear began to stream down the girl's cheek.

" i'm sorry. You know, I didn't really mean to end up crying."

I felt my heart break once again, watching the girl grieve. I was surprised now, though, to find out that this yet seemingly uncomplicated high school student was actually carrying a lot of emotional baggage. I did not hesitate as I jumped up from my seat to calm the blue-haired girl. I really hated it like the plague when she cried. Trying to preserve my Coolness, however, I grumbled, "oh girl. What's wrong?"

I placed myself to her left, and pressed her against my shoulder while running my hand over her hair a few times. There was no way I could bring myself to face her, though. It would be too embarrassing and, after all, I was far from being the Prince Charming who would dry her tears with a silken tissue. Besides, I could not withstand the sight of her teary eyes. So there I sat, a weeping teenage girl wetting my blazer with salty drops of grief on my right, awkwardly staring off into the distance.

"It's, it's..." she stammered, not being able to form a word. "You're the first person I've been able to trust, and because of that, I'm kind of..."

She took a deep breath, "It makes me so unbelievably happy."

Almost for the second time that day, a cigarette nearly got stuck in my throat, but this time I was able to suppress my urge to cough. The girl seemed to really like me. But did I like her too? I would be lying if I said I did not care about her. And if she got killed, I could never forgive myself. It was astonishing how one could form such a strong bond with another person in such a short period of time. However, pouring out my entire feelings in front of her would not come close to the cool lifestyle I was pursuing.

" i'm also happy to have met you, Kuon.", i finally decided to answer after a moment of figuring out how to respond.

Kuon's face, which was still streaked with tears, started to smile again, which made me feel much relieved. However, it took her a while to completely stop her wailing . We remained in this position for a while, until at some point I realized that the girl had fallen asleep. Her head had lowered in the meantime even further toward the ground, so that after some time she was no longer leaning against my shoulder but much rather against my belly. When I noticed this after some time and looked down to the girl, a cute sight presented itself to me. Admittedly, on the one hand it felt nice to act as this girl's pillow. On the other hand, it triggered an immeasurable amount of embarrassment in me. But cool guys do like to take care of girls' comfort, don't they?

Therefore, I decided I'd rather not wake her up and hardly moved at all. I looked out the window to my right, watching the sunset and reflected on certain issues. I was thinking about Rika as well as the two girls we were trying to find and, of course, about Kuon and so many other things until my eyes started to close.

When I regained consciousness, the night must have settled in. Before I could even perceive my surroundings properly, I swiveled my head once to the left and once to the right and let my gaze wander through the room. Because the moon was particularly bright this night, everything around me had taken on a deep blue tone. It was so quiet around me that I could have heard a pin drop. In the next second I realized that I should not have fallen asleep in the first place. Somebody would have had to keep watch, after all! Crap! If an enemy would have come along the way, it certainly would not have been good for me and Kuon. I looked down to my thigh where the blue-haired girl was supposed to lie. I felt her place her head on my thigh at some point during the night, but when I looked down at my thigh, I could not find any girl. Where the hell was Kuon? A rational thinking person, as I was one, could of course assume that my companion did not necessarily have to be in danger, but could also have simply visited the toilet, for example. Nonetheless, my alarm bells started ringing immediately. Kuon was, after all, a young girl who, apart from the "rail gun", did not posses many possibilities for self-defense. So of course I was worried.

Without thinking much, I hopped up from the sofa, on which I had been napping a few moments before. In quick stride I wandered through the poorly lit hallway without really having a clue where I was heading. My head was foggy from the idea that the girl might be in serious danger. A few days ago, I probably would have accepted the fact that she was suddenly nowhere to be found and continued my journey. And now my stomach was already twisting at the thought of her getting in trouble.

Nevertheless, a short moment later, my heart pounding madly from the ever-repeating scenario in my head, I heard a noise at the end of the corridor. A soft, high-pitched humming was heard, drowned out by the pattering of many drops. Light emerged from the crack of a door on the left. Was she taking a shower? The feeling of relief spread through my chest, followed by some degree of annoyance. Why did the girl not wake me up? I took a few steps towards the door, but before I was about to reach for the door handle, I remembered that I should not do so. A gentleman never violates a lady's privacy. So I decided to wait.

I leaned against the local wall, one leg bent. Then I let my thoughts wander, while the pattering of the raindrops in the bathroom right next to me showed no indication of stopping anytime soon. A lady of high society must spend quite a bit of her life showering, I thought to myself. And before I knew it, the image of Kuon suddenly popped up in my head. In my imagination I pictured her body, wondering what it looked like completely naked. A bar of soap running over her plump breasts, leaving traces of foam on her soft, wet skin. A body swinging under the hot rainfall like a leaf in the wind, presenting its vivid buttocks. I wonder if she was shaved? Hardly had I been able to finish this dirty thought of mine and get mad at my filthy thinking when my ears picked up the sound of footsteps in the distance. And they were coming ominously closer.

Damn, I thought to myself and was about to reach for my rifle, only to realize that I forgot it next to the sofa where I had been sleeping. I had been so upset about her disappearance that I could seriously forget the most crucial item for our survival.What was I going to do? For a brief moment I was at a loss. Escape proved almost impossible at this point, since I was at a dead end and I could not force the approaching enemy down with any surrounding objects. Besides, if I escaped, it would only be a matter of time before the enemy would track down my helpless companion. In the next moment, almost instinctively, I reached for the door handle that led to the bathroom that Kuon had still claimed. Perhaps there were objects in the room that were suitable for fighting, or perhaps we could be lucky and not be found, I speculated in the heat of the moment. So I tore open the door and rushed into the bathroom, greeted by a hot haze that took over the entire area.

"Kuon!" I called out in a hushed tone.

Without hesitation, I pushed my way through the door that separated the shower from the rest of the bathroom as if I was walking through nothing. Until that moment, I had hardly given a thought to the circumstances of this situation. But at the latest, when finally the naked body of a schoolgirl jumped into my field of vision, I quickly realized this again. I was just about to violate Kuon's privacy. An obviously shocked girl looked towards me, that from 1 second to the other tried to cover herself desperately.

"Mr.Ma-", she was about to say, but I interrupted her raised voice by pressing my hand to her lips as quickly as possible.

While I was still in the act of stepping into the shower, I flicked the light switch in the same movement so that no sign of our presence could escape from the room. Maybe they would not find us here, I hoped at this point.

"There's someone out there," I whispered to the naked girl in front of me.

" if we are quiet, maybe we won't be found. If we are, then..."

Kuon replied to me with an unintelligible "Mmm" , which resembled the sound of a frightened gasp. My body had pressed so close to hers by now that I could feel the wetness of her skin soaking through my shirt. I had directed my face facing away from her so that I could sharpen my hearing for the footsteps I could hear. Furthermore , I did not want to add unnecessary tension to the whole situation. It was uncool enough to interfere with a naked girl taking a shower even if it was an emergency. My hand was still resting on her lips and even though I was wearing gloves and looking away, I could clearly feel the warmth building up in Kuon's cheeks. She was obviously blushing in this moment. But having her pressed against the bathroom wall while forcing my hand tightly onto her lips and not even keeping a distance of not 2 inches, I could not blame her.

For quite a while, we did not move at all. We listened closely to the footsteps, which came a little closer and finally slowly moved away from us again. Temporarily it was even so quiet in this bathroom that we could hear each other breathing. Kuon's breathing was fast and almost verged on hyperventilation in this situation. Because there was hardly any distance between our bodies, I could literally feel her chest rising and falling in short intervals. With each rise, her breasts brushed my upper body a slight bit. I tried, as always, to keep my composure and block out the fact that Kuon was completely naked. Only when several minutes had passed did my posture loosen and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Okay, we should be safe for now," I stated and let go of the girl.

I flipped the light switch and had to swallow.

Kuon had been naked before too, but it was only now that the danger was gone that I could really comprehend this fact. She had tried to cover her breasts with her hands and had simultaneously crossed her legs, looking down with a shameful expression on her face. However, the concealment attempt seemed to be unsuccessful for her. Although I only caught a glimpse of her appearance before I turned away from her as quickly as possible, I saw her entire beauty for a moment.Her breasts were in relation to her otherwise so petite body, large and plump. She had a narrow waist and perfectly shaped legs, in combination with her smooth, fair skin. And so she shaved, I could still tell. What remained most imprinted on my mind, however, was the look on her face.I of course preferred to see her friendly smile a thousand times more than this face that expressed pure shame. But I could not help but adore the sight of her big sparkling dog eyes looking at the ground helplessly.

My breath stopped for a moment, but then I quickly cleared my throat, my gaze already averted from her, scanning the room for a towel. I tried to hide the fact that I actually wanted to slap myself for the thoughts I was having. Luckily, my embarrassment was not visible through the mask. I had to change the subject immediately before the situation became even more awkward:

"Sorry, Kuon." , I mumbled. I was surprised myself by my harsh tone. It took me a while to recollect the words.

"You should let me know next time you decide to go somewhere else."

"Oh yeah right. I didn't mean to cause any trouble.", Countered the girl who also seemed to be a bit embarrassed. So it wasn't just me who was feeling uncomfortable about this situation. Without giving my companion another look, I threw a towel right over my head at her. I had a precise aim.

" I'm going to get my rifle. I forgot it in all the hurry near the sofa."

Just as I was about to open the door to step out, the girl interrupted my process by grabbing my arm with unusual intensity.

" can you come back here afterwards? Please?"

"That's what I was planning on doing anyway. I'll be waiting right outside the door," I replied, a bit puzzled by this question.

" but I have -." she interrupted herself, shaking her head slightly before continuing.

Then her facial expression regained its former composure, whereupon she gave me her typical, beaming smile. I could tell, however, that she did not mean it honestly. How I could tell that, I had no idea myself though. But did she want me to stay here with her?

" no you're right. I'll hurry up and be done in a few minutes," she said. While she was talking, she wrapped the towel around her body in a quick movement, fastening it in front with the help of a knot.

I had meanwhile turned my gaze back to her. Although Kuon was now dressed, it was difficult for me not to inspect her from top to bottom. Her entire body was still drenched in a hint of wetness, so that her skin was reflectingthe bright bathroom light. It was also slightly red from the hot shower water. I wondered if the red tint to her cheeks was also caused by that, or if I was responsible for it.I could not help but notice the way the towel just managed to hide all the places it was supposed to cover and yet was far too tight. If she bent over, a special view would present itself to me. Immediately I dashed this disgusting thought from my head. If I continued to reduce myself only to her appearance this could end in negligence on my part and I would not be able to protect her properly.After all, that was the most important thing. I also discarded this thought. Had this strange girl really become so important to me? Nevertheless, there was no place for interpersonal relationships in this world.Before I could get any further into this train of thought, I turned away again and finally walked out of the room. I was in need of a cigarette.

[wlntrsldler]

unrequited (draco malfoy/ cedric diggory series)

PROMPT: You and Cedric grew up together. After the tragedy of the Triwizard Tournament, you’re left feeling empty without your best friend. Draco Malfoy steps into the picture. Will the feelings be reciprocated? Or will it be unrequited?

WARNINGS: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, angst, fluff, sadness???

PAIRING: draco malfoy x reader and cedric diggory x reader; hufflepuff reader

WC: 2.2K+

UNREQUITED MASTERLIST

-

PART 6

You walked past Myrtle’s lavatory, expecting her to be alone. You slowed down once you heard her sweet voice in the midst of a conversation with someone else. You heard Draco’s voice, panicked and erratic, ranting to Myrtle about the letter he received from his father a few days ago. You didn’t know Draco knew of Myrtle, much less be friends with the ghost. 

“Myrtle,” You heard Draco say. He ran his fingers through his blond hair, eyes struck with terror. He dropped his head in his hands, voice muffled by his palms, but not to the point where you could no longer hear him. “They want me to become one of them and I-” He took in a sharp breath, looking up at the ghost who was working to console him. “I don’t think I can do it.” 

“So don’t do it, Draco.” She offered, not truly understanding the extent of his task. 

“It’s not that simple.” Draco didn’t tell her the full truth, in fear that he might lose the only friend he’s made in Hogwarts. It was odd, their friendship, but somehow it worked out for the best. “I can’t disappoint my family.”

Draco stumbled upon Myrtle in his first year, ashamed that Harry rejected his offer of friendship. It shouldn’t have mattered to him as much as it did but it was his first encounter with the people he was going to spend years of his life with and he already managed to mess it up. His mother had placed a kiss on his temple before he left for Hogwarts, reminding him that he’ll be alright. He missed her terribly, his mother. She was the only one who showed him love all his life. 

His mother and father would argue downstairs, loud and booming voices shaking the portraits mounted on their walls. The house was large, abnormally large for their small family. Draco would try to distract himself in his bedroom with Dobby the House Elf. He played games with the elf, trying to preserve as much of a childhood as he could while his parents screamed bloody murder below him. Dobby would offer a sincere smile, placing a hand over young Draco’s shoulder in comfort. Draco would feel bad whenever Dobby showed him kindness, always vividly remembering how he would mistreat Dobby in front of his father. The elf didn’t seem to mind. 

When he got to Hogwarts, he got tired of the Slytherin boys quickly. All of them kissed the ground he walked on, trying to get on his good side so they’ll have the honor to say that they’re associated with the Malfoys in one way. Draco hated it. He just wanted a friend, not followers. But he realized it would have to do for now. He’s bound to make friends somehow, right?

The adventurous child he was, he explored Hogwarts on his own. That’s when he found the abandoned lavatory, closed off from students. He walked in, hoping to get some peace and quiet, humming the tune his mother used to sing to him when he was a child. He walked around, playing with the knobs and switches he found inside before being startled by Myrtle emerging from one of the toilets. 

At first Draco was defensive, refusing to be friends with a ghost, but when Myrtle offered him friendship, his lonely heart couldn’t help but accept. Draco taught her the song he was humming after Myrtle expressed her enjoyment of it. He spent the rest of the day there, talking to Myrtle about how he missed his mother and how all he wanted was one friend. 

During the second week of his first year, he saw you. That’s the first time you caught his eye. You were sitting beside a boy- whom Draco later learns is Cedric Diggory- smiling and laughing at a joke the boy told. He thought you were beautiful. Yellow was your color. 

He tried to look for you in his classes and was disheartened when he realized you were in none of his. So every night, without fail, he would search for your shining smile throughout the Great Hall. Even just a glimpse of you would make Draco’s day. He would never admit it but even at a young age, he knew he wanted to be with you. 

But of course, you were in love with Cedric Diggory. Everyone could see that and Draco knew he had no chance of being with you, not that he would ever put himself out there like that. Him with a half-blood Hufflepuff? His father would throw a fit. So Draco knew what he needed to do- admire you from afar. 

Over the years, Draco started to visit Myrtle less and less; not because he found friends of his own but because people started noticing the absence of the Slytherin prince more often. He did try to visit Myrtle at least twice a month, especially when he was growing tired of putting up the Malfoy facade he had to wear. He would tell Myrtle about the girl he was smitten with, never letting your name slip out of his lips once. She would giggle, not taking the young boy’s declarations too seriously. Draco was happy for that, oddly enough. He was afraid that if Myrtle ever encouraged him to go after you, he’d do exactly that and end up with a broken heart. He wasn’t ready for that, knowing his heart wasn’t near being whole yet. 

He didn’t speak to you for the first few years, never having the right excuse to do so. However, in your fourth year you started to befriend the Trio. It gave him the opportunity to talk to you. He knew he would seem suspicious if he was rude to the Trio but spared you from the insults so he decided to pick on you too. He always did try to keep it fairly mild, opting to call you a “pathetic Hufflepuff,” which is significantly nicer than what he called your friends. 

But when you all weren’t looking, Draco stared at you longingly. He looked at the Trio, jealous of their bond and loyalty towards each other. Sometimes he wonders if things would’ve been different if he just didn’t let his father’s smug voice do the talking for him the first time he met Harry. He looks at them, seeing the life that he wishes he had- maybe the life he could’ve had if he wasn’t a Malfoy. He would turn his head and see you and Cedric, love practically shooting out of your eyes. Draco would drop his head in envy, wishing that he was worthy enough to feel such love. Maybe not today, he would reassure himself to stop the tears, but maybe one day. 

Soon, he would repeat that to himself. 

When he found out Diggory died, a part of him was relieved. He liked to think that was the side he got from his father. He wasn’t that heartless. He wasn’t heartless at all. But he can’t lie and say he mourned for the Hufflepuff boy because he didn’t. He barely knew Cedric, the Golden Boy. He never even spoke to him directly. Draco didn’t feel the need to mourn. 

But when he saw you the following day, hobbling out of Hogwarts, his heart broke into pieces. You left the year early, unable to stay on the grounds without bursting into tears. He began to think of you and the pain it must’ve caused you. No, Draco wasn’t heartless. 

He saw you the next year, standing in the garden in a robe too big. It was the first time he saw you since that day. His heart gave out on him. The girl he knew barely there. You were just a shell of her, walking around aimlessly through life. The look of love in your eyes was replaced with emptiness. It was almost as if they changed colors, sucking the life out of you. You were wearing Cedric’s robe, he was sure of it. He let you go that night, knowing Umbridge was the last thing you needed to deal with. 

“Draco?” Myrtle called again, waving her hand in front of his face. “Are you there?”

He regained his train of thought, “Sorry?”

“I said just play it by ear, then.” She repeated. “See what happens when you get back home this summer.” 

You decided to walk in, having done enough creeping for the day. “Draco? Myrtle?”

Draco snapped up, grabbing his wand to point it at you. He lowered his hand when he realized it was you, “Merlin, Y/N. Don’t scare people like that.” 

“Sorry,” You replied sheepishly. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

He tried his best to avoid you since Potions, not knowing what to do now that he’s faced with a realization. Draco didn’t know if he loved you. How could he when he had no model of comparison? He’s never known what love was. All he knew was that he felt something in his chest every time he saw you, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. The day in Potions when he smelled you in his Amortentia was an awakening for him. Maybe he did love you… but it wasn’t like he knew how to deal with that, much less act on it. 

He looked at you, the blush on his cheeks spreading down to his neck, as Myrtle’s wondering eyes flickered between the two of you. “It’s alright. What are you doing here?”

You smiled shyly, pointing up at Myrtle. “Wanted to talk to my friend but I see she’s a bit preoccupied.” 

“Nonsense, I was just on my way out.” Draco shook his head, making his way out the door. “I’ll talk to you soon Myrtle.” 

As he was half-way out of the door, Myrtle called out for him. He turned around to respond. She gave him a look as if to ask, “Is this her?” He merely nodded, ducking his head to prevent you from seeing the blush on his cheeks. He waved a small goodbye and walked out of the lavatory. 

You let your eyes linger at the spot where Draco last stood. Once you peeled your eyes away, you grinned at Myrtle, who returned the favor. 

“What’s going on, Y/N?” She asked. You could tell her focus has been split between you and whatever her and Draco were talking about before your interruption. You couldn’t blame her, you seemed to have forgotten your reason for searching for her. 

You shrugged, “Just wanted to say hello.” 

“Well, hello, Y/N.” She replied, still only half there. She began to float around the lavatory, staring out the windows. 

You sat on the floor, watching her. Cedric’s journal was placed on your lap, waiting to be opened. You looked down at it and flipped to the page where you last left off. You’ve been reading it quite a bit since the first day you did. It was comforting, having a piece of him still with you. A piece that was authentically him, not just something you fabricated in his death. It was actually a part of him. You didn’t need to search too far. 

You’ve gotten to the part before your first year at Hogwarts. He spent the day comforting you as you cried to him, worried that you’d be placed in a house different from him. Or worse, a house that reflected your family history. You didn’t want that. Cedric held you in his arms and told you that you’re a Hufflepuff, no matter what anyone says or what history wrote. You were a Hufflepuff. 

You scanned the page, noting some lines that caught your attention:

“Y/N got sorted as a Hufflepuff. I knew she would.” 

“My best friend is at Hogwarts with me. Life just got so much better.” 

“I’m taking her to the secret passageway tonight. I hope she likes it.” 

You thought about the first time Cedric took you there. You were a goody-two-shoes, to say the least. You were worried someone was going to catch you out there late at night but he assured you that you’d both be alright. You sat beside him, admiring him as he picked wildflowers from the area beside you. He gave them to you, tucking one behind your right ear, then doing the same to himself. You giggled at his action and rolled the lone flower between the pads of your fingers. 

He sighed, wrapping an arm around your body as you laid your head on his shoulder, “I’m so glad you’re here.” 

“Me too, Ced.”

You were pulled out of your thoughts when Myrtle situated herself beside you. She hummed a familiar tune as she made her rounds in the room. A switch flipped in your brain, suddenly remembering where you heard Draco’s song before. Myrtle was humming it the day you met her.

“Myrtle?” You asked.

“Mhm?”

“Was Draco the friend that taught you that song?”

“Indeed.” 

“I didn’t know you two were friends.” You admitted, a little shocked at what you found out today. 

“Like I told you before Y/N,” She said, a sad smile playing on her lips. “A lot of lonely souls find their way to me.”

-

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[bbhyeoliskooks]

Can you do a Beomgyu Imagine where you try to break up with him cause he keeps ditching plans with you to hang out with his friends and he begs you for a second chance and doesn't leave until you agree?

ᓍृ∗੭ᐝ 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞, 𝐃𝐨 𝐓𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐌𝐞 ᓍृ∗੭ᐝ

You find that it’s best if the two of you break up.

You find that it’s best if the two of you break up.

*·✧ ऀืົཽ *✧.**·✧ ऀืົཽ *✧.**·✧ ऀืົཽ *✧.*

Pairing: Beomgyu x Reader (female)

Genre: 3 cups of angst, but the 4 cups of fluff overwhelms it in the end !!

Warnings: a cheesy and cute ending, cursing 

Song: Best Part

(Yo, even if this seems like a lot of angst... you need to read to the end !! It’ll be all worth it, I promise. Also, I’m so sorry to the anon who requested this that it took long... I didn’t expect it to, so I hope it’ll all be good in the end! Also, unedited due to school !!)

*·✧ ऀืົཽ *✧.**·✧ ऀืົཽ *✧.**·✧ ऀืົཽ *✧.*

For heck’s sake, where did you go wrong?

Where or what did you go wrong in your relationship?

You don’t remember doing anything destructive that would damage your relationship with Beomgyu, so why did he keep ditching you for those friends with his?

Every day he would arrive home late, his newly dyed blonde hair tangled in a mess as if had been doing something extensive for the whole day. He would place his jacket you gifted him last year on the tall chair beside your bed while you asked him how is day went. Only doing that would snap something in him, believing that you were being a pest. 

You got used to it, more or less.

On nights where you would actually beg him for cuddles or a little bit of attention, he would push you off to talk to his friends on the phone. Being nosy, you would try to listen to what they were saying, but Beomgyu would whisper quietly before going to the bathroom. You wanted to go there with him, perhaps pretend to use the toilet, but he would only shoo you away to go to the one downstairs. If you remembered correctly, the longest one was until three in the morning though you weren’t counting. 

You checked the electric bills the next morning, and the one for his phone was off the charts compared to normal. Maybe he had to do a favor for them, but it was a constant cycle where he would ignore you almost every day just to "help” his friends.

Not being able to anything but watch your heart slowly but surely break, you picked up a few clues that could possibly help you in this mess.  

First was the ever growing curiosity that worried you, but he would only push you off since it really wasn’t your business. Each time he would glare at you as if you had done something wrong, and the part that frustrated you the most was that he was adamant on not telling you! Then was the fleeting glances he would send you when he checked his phone for messages. They would usually come during the time where you two had a date inside, so that just extremely brought down the romantic atmosphere you put up.

Third, but not the last was that he’d get angry at you when you snooped a little bit on his phone as he took a lengthy shower. This happened on the other day, specifically just a week ago. You could understand him since it was his privacy, but he was receiving a few texts from someone named Mira. There were no emoticons or emojis at the end of her contact but when you called for him to pick it up he rushed towards you, his lips tightly painted in a line. There was this mean snarl on his face when he aggressively grasped it from you, telling you to screw off.

That night you cried alone, nose dripping with snot and pathetically lingering as you waited for your boyfriend to come back and say sorry.

It must’ve been worry or something of the sort if you were acting like this. You weren’t jealous since you knew you could trust him, but why was he being suspicious? He never kept any secret from you, telling you right away because he wanted at least one person to know. 

This kept going for a few weeks already so, quickly you got frustrated. Wasn’t he your boyfriend? Definitely not his friend’s, and you were his girlfriend. Trust was vital but with the time he kept losing to talk to his other friends, you couldn’t bring up the issue. There was nothing else you could do but feel your strong relationship crumble little by little each time he avoided you. 

So... for the last time, where did you go wrong?

*·✧ ऀืົཽ *✧.**·✧ ऀืົཽ *✧.**·✧ ऀืົཽ *✧.*

“Hey, Gyu? Do you want to get ice cream today?” You tugged a little on his soft, winter seasoned sweater as he sent you a small grin. You noticed right away that it was not genuine, but you ignored it in hopes that he wouldn’t say something rude about it.

Well, at least he smiled at you now! Maybe he was going to say yes for today! You specifically checked his schedule for an answer yesterday, so you hoped that he could spend time with you and only you. You even pulled out your puppy dog eyes today, so it was going to work!

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I want to hang out with my friends today. I hope you can understand.”

He put on his heavy jacket, not caring to say goodbye to you. He seemed too anxious to leave, running to the front door. Little did he know that he took your broken heart with him, purposefully forgetting to kiss you on the cheek as a goodbye. You hid your frustrated tears well this time. 

You opened the door shortly after he left to see him excitedly get into his friends’ car, but you noticed that there was a woman in the front seat. You had never seen her before, who could she be?

You internally slapped yourself on the forehead, becoming frustrated at yourself for thinking too deep about this. But the fact that he had forgot about an important date weighed on your mind, and you concealed your feelings hoping that he would do something sweet for you later. 

Even in melancholy situations like this, he never failed to call you his princess... not to mention, that it was your third anniversary too.

*·✧ ऀืົཽ *✧.**·✧ ऀืົཽ *✧.**·✧ ऀืົཽ *✧.*

Weeks had gone by, and he still kept this up. The long phone calls, the glares, especially the sudden disappearing whenever both of you had a date- it was safe to say that you were drained from it. 

You came to the conclusion that he didn’t love you the same way anymore. He couldn’t when he kept pushing you away from his life, but what was the cause? When did he stop seeing you like that? Were you too boring for someone like him?

There were too many what ifs and questions that kept repeating over and over in your head which caused a pounding headache in your head. You felt a little faint, although forcing yourself to do the laundry which had been laying there for a while now. 

You strolled tiredly to the room where Beomgyu was scrolling and texting on his phone. Of course, he was... you rolled your eyes, putting in some effort to have a sing-song voice in front of him. 

“Hey, could you give me your shirt? It’ll go with the laundry I’ll do tonight.” 

“Um, sure. I could do it, if you’d like!” 

Well, that was disgustingly sweet for him to offer! So now he was going to pretend that he loves you, huh? You snarled at him, grimacing at how innocent and pure his eyes were when he glanced up at you from his device. “No, Gyu. I’ll do it myself; just leave me alone.”

Beomgyu gulped nervously at your cold, snappy tone. Something must’ve been bothering you, but he didn’t want to say anything in fear that it would annoy you even more. Instead, he threw the shirt he was currently wearing towards you, to which you caught with ease. You muttered a thank you under your breath while he went back to texting his friend.

Almost fifteen minutes passed by when you separated all the clothes since you were too preoccupied with your thoughts. Your eyes landed on his shirt beside you. It was a bit dirty with a few speckles of brown on the side, but you figured it must’ve been his friends pranking him like they did every once in a while.

You grabbed the shirt on its side, inspecting it closely in the black of the room. There was a prominent spot on the sleeve, and you squinted your eyes to see it. Once you realized what it was, you dropped the shirt smack dab on the floor in repugnance. 

It was a lipstick stain, hell it was a fucking rouge lipstick stain!

Hiding your face in your hands then threading your fingers through your hair was enough to show that you were frustrated. He was being unfaithful to you, and it was right under your nose! You rubbed the tear that had already fallen out of you right eye. This was it. This was the evidence that you had been searching for, for a long time.

Jumping to conclusions wasn’t the best but... certainly you could because he had been avoiding you this whole time. With the way he was acting lately, it was no doubt that he had probably lost interest in you. Of course you felt guilty that you suspected him of cheating with you, but this- this just took the cake. It was the icing on the top, telling you that hell, he didn’t love you anymore.

He was cheating on you with another woman. For how long now? You didn’t want to know, trying to save a bit of blissful ignorance from the happy scenarios you made up in your head every night before you went to sleep although he was right next to you. So close, but still so far away was a good way to put it.

The fancy perfume that wasn’t your own proved it all, as well as the lipstick stain on the side of his shirt’s sleeve. 

Straightaway, you sprinted into the room, bumping into the closet door from how fast you were running. Your cold hands quivered while you gathered a few clothes from the hangers. Beomgyu sleepily walked in, rubbing his eyes at the sudden brightness from the light of the room.

“Princess...? Is there something wrong?” Hearing his voice was enough for you to dash out of that condensed room. 

Crap! You totally forgot to be quiet when he was sound asleep. There was no time to worry about that though, as you snatched your phone on the drawer beside. Your boyfriend furrowed his eyebrows at your hastiness, perplexed at what you were doing when it was the middle of the night. He grabbed your quivering arms while you struggled to get the suitcase under the bed that you two shared.

A suitcase? What would you need that for? Unless you were leaving... all of the fatigue that dragged him down simply disappeared when he noticed that you were putting more and more of your possessions in. 

“Y/N? Y/N, what are you doing?!” 

“Leaving, Beomgyu!”

“Stop it! Why are you leaving?”

“Because... because- you already know! Stop pretending that you don’t want me to leave!”

A mocking scoff was permitted from his mouth, and he tapped on your shoulder several times to get your attention. You weren’t being serious, right? 

“Y/N! You need to listen! I don’t fucking want you to leave!”

You continued to ignore him, shoving whatever things you could fit in that suitcase. “That’s your fault, not mine! Don’t expect me to stay with you when you ruined us!”

He ruined the two of you? You were pulling on his leg, he was sure of it. There was nothing that he did to hurt your feelings, if he remembered accurately! He searched his memory, but nothing turned up. “What are you saying?”

He waited for you to answer him, but you only threw your phone into the back of your pockets ignoring him like he did to you for weeks. Rolling his eyes at how strange you were being, he snatched involuntarily at your hands that was weak against his will. 

“Stop putting more clothes into that damn thing and talk to me!”

“And what for?! Talk about our breakup? Because we’re over- if you haven’t got the memo.”

If you had said that when he was wide awake, he would be on his feet flinging you on the bed so that you would talk it out like adults... not in that way though!

“O-our breakup?! We aren’t breaking up! You can’t do that!” Those were the only things he could say in his hazy mind, willing to put up even a weak fight so he wouldn’t have the love of his life leave him for good. 

“Watch me, then! You know that I can, and I will! You can’t stop me from-” he instantly wrapped his arms around you when he comprehended what you had said. You can’t leave him! He was just about to do something for you, you couldn’t leave now when things were going his way for the first time!

He inhaled the familiar scent of your shampoo that you applied just earlier today when your relationship seemed perfect. To Beomgyu, of course, not knowing of the pain he unintentionally put you through. Still he went on, tears of agony trickling against the both of his cheeks. He was having a difficult time breathing through his nose and mouth, clearly in disbelief that you were actually going to leave the door of his heart. 

“Princess... please. Please, don’t leave me. You promised you wouldn’t, so please just don’t leave me.”

“Beomgyu, stop it. I-I said,” you harshly scratched against his arms, desperate to leave the embrace that used to have you in euphoria. Used to.

“I’m leaving! I was so stupid for always staying with you when you called me a pest every single fucking day! I don’t want to be with someone I love if they can’t even give me what I deserve!” Finally you pushed yourself out of his grasp, backing up into the wall so he wouldn’t pull a manipulative move like that again. He can’t just say that when he knew he was breaking your heart for the other slut he was seeing!

The fact flew past his head, and he just held on even tighter to you in fear that he was going to lose you. “I don’t understand. Why do you need to leave? Did you suddenly stop loving me? Tell me! You know that we’re absolutely perfect for each other, and that’s the way it should be.”

“We were, Beomgyu. We were perfect until you cheated on me.”

“Cheated on you?! You think I would cheat on you?! Wow, that says a lot about your trust with me.”

“Can you really blame me though? These past few months gives the whole package away, not even a damn hint. And then the repulsive perfume that was leaking off your shirt for sure isn’t mine, there’s nothing to say. It’s so obvious you’re spending time with another woman you love... while I’m here waiting in the wee hours of the night for you to come back.”

“Y/N, I-” “you what? You’re sorry? Sorry isn’t enough to make me stay.”

With one harsh push away, you grabbed your suitcase ready to leave. The front door was just right there, so you rushed to open the doorknob. He couldn’t see you like this when you were about to break down! You promised long ago to yourself that he wouldn’t see you cry, and you planned to keep it unlike him and his promise to love you forever.

When you were just a footstep away from unlocking the door, you heard a crescendoing yell from your ex. 

“No, listen!”

He ripped the bag from your hands, all of the clothes that you had managed to pack falling out. Mistaken and shocked that he had arrived home early, you easily forgot to zip it up. You went to grab them smack dab against the floor, but he had grabbed your hand tightly so that you weren’t able to go away from him for the last time. 

You hissed at his seemingly icy touch. He really had the audacity to do things like this when he hurt you in the first place! “Why the fuck are you ordering me to do when you’re cheating?”

Beomgyu shook his head back and forth, searching for the answer on the wall as if it were there to tell you what he had been doing. “Y/N... please understand; that’s not it.”

“Then what is it? Explain the shit that you’ve done to me this past month! It’s crystal clear that you’ve stopped loving me a long time ago, and I can’t do anything about it! So, what did I do wrong?! Please, do tell me! I don’t want my last memory of you to be in vain-” before you could end what you were going to say, he smashed his face against yours in desperation, kissing you so you could be quiet. He was planning for it to be one that caught you off guard for a little while, but that didn’t happen since he was too caught up in what was happening to realize that he still had things to say. 

You responded back to his kiss eagerly, submitting to the warm lips that pressed passionately against your own. It had been so long since he had done something like this, you couldn’t get enough when he only brought you deeper. A couple of seconds had passed when the two of you had to gasp for air. He reluctantly pulled away, smirking a little bit just to tease you when you turned red at the embarrassment of him knowing you loved his kisses. 

“That was the only way to make you shut up, princess. Consider listening to me, and I’ll tell you the truth.”

He took a deep breath of air, the pace of his breathing becoming quicker when he tried to speak. You looked away- anywhere from his twinkling eyes, feeling extremely disappointed in yourself for getting affectionate with him once again. The train of thoughts that reminded you over and over again that he was a cheater was shattered when he gently tucked a hair strand behind your eyes, afterwards brushing his thumb against your cheek. 

“I’ve been ditching you to go to my friends because I wanted to surprise you. I thought that it would be a short and sweet month of preparation since they kept helping me, but some things got in the way. I guess the stress got to me, and I yelled at you. I’m sorry...”

Oh no... your heart dropped to your stomach, horror only an understatement at how rude you were being. Immediately, you had to apologize for being such a dumb idiot for not trusting in him. He was being so kind to you while you accused him for being with another woman. You felt terrible, now knowing that he only wanted to make you happy. That was until he placed a blissful kiss on your hand, the edges of your lips becoming a small curve from how truthful he was being. 

“I’ve been meaning to do this for a while, so I asked one of their girlfriends to help me with one of these things.” You tilted your head, a bit puzzled at his statement. “Like what?”

“Just close your eyes for a second.” He booped the tip of your nose lovingly, and you glared at him to hurry up and stop teasing you. “I don’t see your point-” he quietly chuckled at your endearing stubbornness. “Just do it, please?”

You heard the shuffling of his clothes, growing confused each second. Once he told you to open your arms, you found him kneeling in front of you, his eyes shiny and pure from the tears that had fallen down. Even in the dim light of the room, you could see that he was smiling softly. 

When your eyes roamed farther down even more, landing on the luminous diamond perched in his hand, you raised in eyebrow in confusion.

Wait, was that a ring...? 

Its band was golden and shimmering overwhelming the darkness surrounded the two of you. It was the middle of the night when you decided to leave him, but you couldn’t when he suddenly pulled that beautiful thing out! There was a diamond in the middle, reflecting many bright colors off the moon when he pointed it towards you.

You gasped in shock. Where could’ve he had the time to buy something as gorgeous as this? Surely, he wasn’t going to say those sweet words...

“You’ve always dreamed for this moment to arrive, right? Well, I guess I should say them now just so that you know that I truly, dearly love you the most.”

“We can’t end like this because of my foolish ignorance. If we did that, I know my world will fall apart without you. You really are the coffee that I need in the morning, I can’t do this without you.” 

“We’re soulmates, and you can’t ever say that we aren’t. You’re going to be bind to me forever, so I guess I just have to ask this one time.” His voice trembled when he looked back at you, the courage that he had built up for a while crumbling when you raised a surprise eyebrow at him. He wasn’t going to be surprised if you rejected him from the way he had been treating you, but he just needed to ask. 

“Will you marry me, princess?”

Waves of realization rushed over you again and again while you watched one of the tears in his eyes fall out from how happy he was to finally ask you the question that you’ve been pining for all your life. He was going to marry you after three years of your relationship! For the first time in forever, you didn’t need to wonder what life could be without him because you knew that he was going to be by your side until the two of you went to heaven together as breathtaking angels.

This journey of prosper was going to be difficult, but yet it was so beautiful. He was yours, and you were his. Even if it takes a long time for the two of you to really fall in love with each other, you’re glad that it’s him and only him. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

You threw your arms around him in pure joy, relishing in the way that he had hugged you back with the same, reciprocated love. Giggling, you hoped never to let go of the warm embrace he enclosed you in, tightly gripping the back of his head as if he would disappear any second. You shut your eyes, sniffling silently at the precious feeling he had gifted you after a stressful argument. Only he could make you feel this special, if not being your fiance wasn’t enough. 

What other answer could be, if it wasn’t already a yes?

“O-of course, my prince!” 

With one strong, effortless pull, he took you into his arms and swung you around while you both laughed from the euphoria that was rushing through your veins. His smile was so big this time, and you took the opportunity to reciprocate the same delight. It seemed as if everything had stopped in time, reminding you that everything was going to be fine.

He slowly set you down on the floor again, holding you in his arms as you gathered your effort to stand up straight. There were tears in his eyes, but he didn’t want to show you, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. 

“Thank gosh, you said yes. I’ve been dreaming you to say that for a long time...” He somehow brought himself much more closer to you, his nose pressing against your cheek. There was a faint smell of his cologne from the sweater that he owned, and he inaudibly groaned in your ear. Your saccharine perfume was always the best for him, whether you realized it or not, but he found it absolutely precious whenever you wore his home clothes looking so innocent like that. You just grinned at his little wish, pecking him on the cheek. “How could I not? You said it yourself, we’re soulmates.”

Like the many times in rough patches of this relationship, you realized that you couldn’t go wrong in this relationship as long as you remembered to trust Beomgyu. 

*·✧ ऀืົཽ *✧.**·✧ ऀืົཽ *✧.**·✧ ऀืົཽ *✧.*

Posted: 9/29/20- 8:18pm

Tags:

[hitozy]

never give all the heart ‹ masterlist › take, oh those lips away

𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐥 .

At night in the comfort of my room - soon to be my old room, I close the door and let go. The pain, the heartache, the loss takes over my whole body - but the tears I had been hoping to expel are nowhere to be seen instead numbness covers my body.

As I shower, I don’t feel the temperature of the water, only how my arms feel like lead. I dry my hair and put on my pajamas on automatic. I can hear that outside the door my mother, my aunts and my cousins are chatting excitedly about my wedding. I can hear Jae laughing as if 3 hours ago Iwaizumi had not been begging her, on his knees, to pick him.

The sick feeling in my stomach that I’ve had since that moment acts up and I run to empty out. Finally, finally while I lay my head on the toilet I feel it. The tears running down my cheeks, the sob in my throat and it doesn’t stop. It won’t stop, not when I drag myself back to my bed, not when I wrap myself around my comforter, not when I curl up in a ball and clutch tightly against my chest the shiba inu plush Iwaizumi won for me before he left. The memory bursting right through me.

                                                       ―

Going to the festival was a tradition for us, the games, the smell of fried food and sweat. Next week Iwaizumi would be leaving, moving to California for University. 14136 KM, 8783.8 miles, 11 hours and 18 minutes of distance. I won’t see him until he’s finally ready to come back, until the road toward his dream is paved.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

His deep voice snaps me out of it, amusement marrying his features.

“Huh?”

“You seemed miles away all of a sudden, I was thinking of ways to bring you back. You okay?”

“Yeah, I'm sorry,” I laugh bashful, “I was just thinking about how far California is.”

Iwaizumi stares at me for a while and takes me hand, he drags me along with him to a game stand. A large shiba inu plush was marked as the grand prize, “How about I win you something? That way, whenever you miss me and can’t reach me, or need a hug, you can hug the plush and imagine it's me. Yeah?”

“First you have to win it, Hajime.”

He laughs freely, “As if I’d ever lose!”

                                                       ―

                           The tears only stop once I fall asleep.

                                                       ―

Mother has been giving me worried glances ever since I came down this morning. I tried keeping the mood light and happy but I knew from the mirror that my crying was noticeable. No one commented on it, it seemed like another unspoken rule, ‘Never upset the bride-to-be on her wedding day.’

As I’m getting ready for hair, makeup and the dress my phone rings.

my one: how r u feeling, mochi?

I feel like crying again just by reading the old nickname he gave me as kids, when I asked him about it years later, he squeezed my cheeks with one hand, “Because your cheeks are squishy, like mochi! It's cute!”

mochi mochi: nervous, you?

my one: its all going to be ok, don’t worry ur pretty little head, alright?

mochi mochi: all right, i’ll see you in a few

my one: yeah, u can’t miss me, i’ll be the one at the end of the aisle

mochi mochi: i’ll be the one in white

my one: hey, mochi

my one: thank you, you didn’t have to agree to it or offer, but i’m glad it's with a friend and not a stranger

my one: i’ll always be your big bro and if you find someone during the way that fulfills you like a husband should - we’ll drop this whole thing, alright?

my one: love u mochi, see you soon

I can’t answer this, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. I love you, only you. Why...

I place my phone to the side as soon as the stylist comes in with their crew to get me and my family ready. I hear rustling in my left and then her voice. Jae. 

“How are you feeling little cousin?!” She smiles brightly at me, as if she hadn’t broken Iwaizumi’s heart last night. As if she didn’t know she had stolen my husband’s heart.

I laugh nervously, “This is all very nerve racking, Jae.” Mostly just you and Iwaizumi.

“I bet! After all those years of pinning after Haji-kun, you finally got him and not just the high school version, but the mature hunky! Lucky Ynnie~ I bet the wedding night is going to be superb for you two ~”

“Yeah…”

My mother shushes at Jae, “Don’t tease her like that Jae, she’s already nervous with the wedding! She doesn’t need to worry about their… nightly activities!”

Jae bursts out laughing, “Nightly activities!? Auntie we all know its sex!”

“Yes, sister, don’t be a prude, we are all adults.”

As your aunts and older cousins argue with your mother, Jae winks at you, “Don’t worry cousin, Haji-kun is a gentleman. He will be gentle and sweet with you - or you could always ask him to wait, it’s not like he won’t respect it! He loves you so much!”

I laugh and it's a bitter sound but thankfully between the make up crew and my family, Jae doesn’t hear it. 

Nor does she hear me mumble, “I bet you’d know all about it, huh.”

                                                       ―

My father cries the moment he sees me, wearing my mothers old wedding dress and grandmother's veil. “Papa… don’t cry.”

“Hajime truly chose a beautiful wife,” I turn and spot his parents glassy eyes filled with emotion, “I’m sorry you have to give her away, LN-san.” Don’t look so nostalgic, don’t look at me like that, if you knew what I knew you’d be beyond yourself. I’m not worthy, your son doesn’t love me.

“If he makes her happy, I have no objection.” The unshed tears disappear at your fathers bravado and the fake laugh you let out makes your chest hurt. Oh Papa, please don’t say that, please. “Well, my butterfly, are you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be, papa.”

Oh, I am very weary,

Though tears no longer flow;

My eyes are tires of weeping,

My heart is sick of woe;

My life is very lonely,

My days pass heavily,

I’m wearing of repining,

Wilt thou not come to me?

Oh, didst thou know my longings

For thee, from day to day,

My hopes, so often blighted,

Thou wouldst not thus delay!

Appeal by Anne Brontë

taglist ! ​​ @daphnxy​  @zukoslosthishonor​ @i-am-a-hoe-for-shinya @mrsdoradominguez-barnes @anejuuuuoy

[lostinaseaoffictionalbliss]

Twisted 4

Summary: Dean just dropped a major bomb. Is he right? Did you just do the unthinkable?

Pairing: Sam Winchester x green eyed!fem!reader

Word Count: 1087

Warnings: unprotected sex (wrap before you tap) p in v, oral, dirty talk

You stood there looking like a deer in headlights. Dean's words bounced around in your head over and over. She might be my kid! Your mom had never really told you much about your parents. All you knew was that you had been adopted and your parents were from the area. Could he be your dad? If so had you just had sex with your uncle?

Oh God! Did you sleep with your uncle?! The thoughts swirled and made you sick. You took off to the bathroom, dropping to your knees by the toilet. The contents of your stomach quickly came up. You groaned and hacked at the vile taste. Tears welled in the corner of your eyes. You felt disgusted with yourself. No matter how sexy Sam was if he was your uncle what you had done was wrong.

Sam watched you and frowned. He wanted to come take care of you, but he had to figure out what Dean was going on about. "What do you mean might be your kid? She's twenty and you're thirty-six."

"I know that," Dean hissed. "Ever since you mentioned the town I kept feeling like we've been here before. I couldn't really remember and didn't think it was that big a deal. At least not until I got to the damn apartment. There's a picture of her and her mom. I recognized the mom. At least I was sure that I did. So I really looked the picture over. I did know her. I was sure of it. So I got dad's journal after ganking the ghost."

"And?"

Dean sighed and turned onto the road with the motel. "It was over the summer when I was 16. You were sick and staying at Bobby's, but I was with dad. We stayed for two weeks. I hooked up with her mom."

Sam glanced toward you again. You did have green eyes like Dean, your smirk was similar, and you wanted pie. "Dammit Dean. I might have had sex with my niece," he whisper-yelled. He began to pace back and forth. His stomach churned. Your age hadn't bothered him, but you being related to him certainly did. Every part of him was hoping and praying Dean was wrong.

"Yeah well I'll be there in a minute and we can discuss it more." Dean ended the call.

You looked up at Sam as he walked in the bathroom. "Sorry." You took the cup of water he offered you and sipped it. "So you're my uncle?"

"Maybe. I'm not sure. Dean seems to think so. And look if you are then we didn't know. We didn't do anything wrong. At least not really. We acted on our attraction."

You sniffled. "Yeah, but...I wanted to do it again. Part of me still does and I know that's not right."

"No." He sighed. "But we will figure this out. With hope Dean is wrong and our attraction won't be looked at as a bad thing."

You nodded and took another sip of your water. You really wanted that to be the case. Because despite your disgust a major part of you still wanted Sam. No one had ever made you feel as good as he had.

Dean walked in a few minutes later and found you two still in the bathroom. "Uhh why are you in here?"

"Got sick." You finally stood and walked out, sitting down on the bed. "So what makes you think you're my dad?" You gazed right at Dean, studying him almost.

Dean gazed right back at you. "Our eyes and smile are really similar. Plus I knew your mom a long time ago. Hooked up with her while I was in town. Tasha Morrison." He pulled out the photo of you and her that he had taken from his apartment.

You grabbed it and looked down at it. You stared for a long moment before laughter began to bubble up from your chest and escape. Your shoulders shook from the force of it. Tears fell down your cheeks. This time in relief instead of disgust.

She's laughing! Dean thought. She thinks being my kid is funny?!?! Oh God,  did my brother have sex with my daughter? This is truly 50 shades of fucked up! I think I'm going to be sick. Yep, I'm gonna be sick. My brother FUCKED my daughter!! Goddammit. He went to the bathroom to do what you had been doing right before he arrived.

Sam just stared at you like you had grown a second head. What the hell was so funny?! This whole situation was strange, gross, stomach turning, and confusing. Not one part of it made him want to laugh.

After a minute you finally stopped laughing. You sat the photo down and wiped your tears away. You took a few breaths to calm yourself and regain your composure. A small smile graced your lips when Dean rejoined you and Sam. "I'm not your kid."

"What?. But your mom and I…" Dean looked at the photo and then you. "Plus our similarities."

Sam turned to you. "I'm just as confused as Dean right now. Care to share?"

"I can't explain how we have similarities other than it's just one of those things that happen. You and mom didn't make a kid. I'm adopted. She was my first foster parent and she decided to keep me. I was eight at the time. She doesn't know and neither do I what happened to my birth parents." You leaned back and looked at both men, letting the information sink in for them.

Sam gazed at you and slowly began to smile. "I'm not your uncle? Dean isn't your dad? That means what we did wasn't wrong or gross. Means we can do it again."

Dean raised a brow. "Really Sammy? You find out she's not mine and your mind goes straight to having sex with her again. Fuck's sake."

Sam shrugged. "What can I say? She was fucking good." 

You felt your face heat at his words. "Thanks. You were amazing too. Best I ever had."

"I'm gonna go get a drink. Leave you two alone," Dean mumbled and headed for the door. He had gone through one two many emotions in the past 45 minutes and he didn't want to deal with anything else. 

You snuggled up to Sam and smiled. "Food and getting to know each other before a second round. What do you say?" 

Sam kissed you softly. "Sounds like fun to me." 

***

If you like my works please reblog. Shares are great, but they don't spread my works. Also my Master list is in my bio.

[tamorasky]

Rise to Me Chapter 8 - July 1943

Summary: 1947. It had been nearly four years since she had received a letter from her sister. Now with the end of the war and her impending wedding, Anna Rendelle is more determined than ever to find her sister.

1943. All her life Elsa Rendelle had been told to be good, know her place and to marry well. When an opportunity arises to make something of herself, finding herself in Occupied France as a part of a larger network of secret agents.

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Anna/Kristoff, Elsa/Honeymaren, Anna/Hans (Briefly)

AO3

It is the same every morning since she arrived six weeks ago; 5 miles up the hill and back, around the loch and then the dreaded incline where Elsa had twisted her ankle during her first week at the lodge. Her feet have never been so blistered in her life resulted from the damp runs every morning, seemingly to be on the verge of infection.

However, as she washes her hands after using the toilet, Elsa reflects how she no longer lingers in the back during the morning runs any longer. Never in her life had she ever thought she would have the stamina to run every morning. Elsa wonders if she could beat Anna now; as children, the younger Rendelle sister always was much faster.

Wiping her hands on the starched towels, Elsa glances at herself in the mirror, ensuring her issued shirt was tucked neatly into her khaki trousers. Her hair braided into a single plait as always, whisps already escaping from the tight braid.

The young woman makes her way to the dining hall, avoiding eye contact with the men passing her in the corridor. They are not allowed to engage with the other male recruits. In the dining hall, every woman is situated in their usual spot, a single empty space beside Honeymaren for Elsa.

The brunette's eyes drift to where Elsa stands in the doorway, offering a smile at the blonde woman. Elsa reciprocates the gesture, ignoring the pounding in her chest as she moves towards her spot.

Honeymaren and herself had become fast friends during Elsa's time at Rhubana Lodge. Despite Elsa's initial reluctance to become close with the other woman, Honeymaren remained insistent.

A week after her resolve to stay away from Honeymaren. Elsa had been alone in the dormitory, changing into her nightgown quickly before the other women flooded into the room from the shared bathroom. The door to the dormitory swung open to reveal Honeymaren, still dressed in her uniform.

Without a moment, the Haudenosaunee woman strode across the room towards her bed. Unbraiding her hair Honeymaren huffed, unable to take the silence any longer. The brunette woman walked to Elsa's bed, capturing the other woman between herself and the two beds.

"Whatever I did to you, I'd rather you tell me than go on acting like a couple of adolescent girls." Honeymaren snapped, standing only inches from Elsa.

"I-um… I'm sorry?" Elsa asked, taken aback by the other woman's outburst, her thighs pressed against her nightstand. Honeymaren glanced over Elsa slowly. With a sigh, she stepped back and sat on her own bed.

"Listen, I get it." The brunette sighed, her gaze dropping to her knees. "I can be…a little intense, and I apologize. I just…I felt like we were really connecting."

Elsa stared at Honeymaren, unsure what to say. The blonde stepped away from her nightstand, sitting on her bed across from the other woman. "It isn't you. I just… I've never really had a friend before. Not since I was eleven years old."

"I mean…if you'd rather continue the way you are, I'll respect that an-"

"No!" Elsa's head snapped up as she interrupted the other woman. The two women’s gaze met, eyes wide and surprised. "I-I just mean, after nine years i-it would be nice to have a…friend."

Honeymaren smiled at the blonde, reaching across the gap between their beds to take Elsa's hand into her own. "I'd like that too."

Since that night, the two of them completed everything together, they ran together, which became Elsa's motivation to speed up. The morning runs with Honeymaren was becoming her favourite part of the day.

Elsa takes her seat next to Honeymaren, glancing around the table to get some indication of what the girls were discussing. The blonde unfolds her napkin, neatly placing it on her lap in a manner that would not get her in trouble with Madame Bisset, who watches over the girls.

Eating meals is a constant lesson throughout the day. Leftover gravy is sopped up by bread and they are to never ask for butter as it was no longer served in France. A small mistake could get you into trouble with Madame Bisset. She recalled an evening they were given wine with dinner- an obvious test by the command to see if the girls became reckless when inebriated. Three girls were sent home the next morning.

She doesn't bother to grab a piece of baguette that morning, only drinking her coffee instead, rather quickly. As a university student, Elsa had grown accustomed to not eating breakfast, opting instead for black tea or coffee in the morning.

Honeymaren cocks a brow at her friend, observing her. "You're in an awful hurry."

"I have to retake codes." Elsa huffs, taking another short sip of her hot coffee. Honeymaren groans in response, rolling her eyes.

"Again? How many times is this now?" The brunette asks, picking up her porcelain coffee cup.

"Twice now." Elsa sighs, placing her coffee cup down. "I have to pass this round, or they'll send me packing."

"Well, what are you struggling with? Maybe I can help you." Honeymaren offers, reaching out to her friend. Elsa resists the urge to inch her hand closer to the other woman's but keeps it still on the white tablecloth.

"No, this is something I have to do myself. I just need to prove I can transmit." Elsa explains, reaching for her coffee once more.

"I'm sure you can do it. God knows you're clever enough." Honeymaren comments, tearing another piece of her baguette. Elsa finds herself smiling at the compliment, tucking her hair behind her ears with both hands.

In her first week, Elsa would have been at peace with the idea of being sent home. She could have returned to Oxford, work in the shop over the summertime and reschedule her visit with Anna in London.

But now, after 6 weeks of the morning runs, intensive training from morning until night. Most of her time is spent in front of a radio and studying to be a wireless telegraph operator. There were things she had learned never imaged, how to set up dead and live letter drops and the difference between the two, how to establish suitable rendezvous sites.

Much to her surprise, after a few weeks of training, her hands no longer shook when setting an explosives charge—her shooting and grappling slowly getting better every day with Honeymaren's guidance and help. Elsa would not have gotten far in the program without her. Lying and maintaining her cover story had come naturally to her. After years Elsa had gotten accustomed to lying to herself and others.

The only thing she is failing at is codes.

"Headquarters is here." One of the girls who shares a dormitory with the two women, Alexandra, announces abruptly. "Something must be wrong."

Honeymaren and Elsa's gaze follows Alexandra's to the balcony, overlooking the dining hall where a short woman stands, looking down on them. Elsa recognizes her immediately. Yelana.

"You've met her?" Marie asks Alexandra.

The raven-haired girl nods. "She found me in a typing pool in Bristol. You?"

"At a library in Essex," Marie responds.

It dawns on Elsa then, Yelana had selected each girl personally.

"Yelana decides everything for us," Honeymaren states, drawing the surrounding girl's attention. "She designed the courses and decides where we are deployed and what our assignments are to be."

The girls finish their breakfast quickly before meandering towards the lecture hall, where each desk had a radio sitting on the surface. Their instructor had the assignment printed and placed on each desk, a code to be deciphered and sent. Yelana stands in the corner of the room, watching all of the girls intently. Elsa takes her seat next to the window, taking a deep breath as she settles herself, immediately putting on her headset.

The radio in front of her is similar to one which a person could listen to music or the BBC on, only this one laid flat inside a suitcase with more knobs and dials. A small unit is at the top of the set for transmitting, another below it for receiving. The socket for the power adaptor is on the right side, and there are spare kits, a pocket containing extra parts in case anything were to happen. The pouch also includes four crystals, with the ability to be inserted into the slot on the radio to enable transmission.

Elsa closes her eyes, trying to calm her pounding heart from nerves. She has one last chance. Glancing down at the piece of paper, carefully scanning the retest. It was a text of a Shakespeare poem:

From this day to the ending of the world, But we in it shall be remember'd We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; For he to-day that sheds his blood with me Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile.

The message has to be first coded through a cipher containing a small satchel, each printed on an individual square of silk, one inch long and wide. Each silk held a key, a printed one-time cipher to change each letter to another: in this specific one, a became m and o became w. Each cipher was to be used to code the message, then be discarded. Lighting a match, Elsa burns the silk cipher as she had been taught.

She begins to type out the message, trying to recall the key in her head as she types. Elsa spent weeks learning to tap out letters in morse code, practicing to the point that she taps her fingers against the table at mealtimes. She struggles to keep her fist print consistent, which she needed to perfect to pass security checks.

Radios could be interchangeable. If someone has the coils and crystals to set the frequency, they could send and receive messages. One's fist print and security checks are the only way in which headquarters can confirm the other person.

Elsa's fist print is light on the first part of each word with pauses between sentences. Each agent had a security check unique to themselves, a quirk in which a reader could identify the typist. Elsa is to make a "mistake" and typing r on the thirty-fifth letter in the message. Her second security check was substituting k where a c belonged every other time a k appeared.

With shaking hands Elsa finishes her retest, hoping to God she will have passed this time. For the first time since arriving, she feels quite pleased with herself, noticing Yelana watching her closely.

The older woman rips the teletype's transmission, scanning over the paper as she marches towards Elsa. "You've gotten better. But it's still not good enough."

Elsa huffs in frustration, but before she has a chance to ask what Yelana meant, the older woman reaches over and pulls the telegraph key from the wireless. "What are you doing?"

Yelana does not answer her, picking up a screwdriver to further dismantle the set. Elsa watches in confusion as it is torn piece by piece, screws and bolts clattering on the floor. The other girls watch in silence, stunned by the older woman's actions.

Without any instruction, Elsa stands from her desk, beginning to collect pieces from under the table as Yelana tears apart the machine Elsa had worked with from the beginning. As the older woman finishes, she glances back at the blonde.

"Put it back together."

"I-I'm sorry?" Elsa stutters, her brows furrowing in confusion and anger.

"You have ten minutes to put it back together again." Yelana walks away from the young woman without another word. Elsa stares at the pieces of the wireless, tears threatening to form in her eyes in humiliation. She sits back in her seat, not wanting to cry in front of the various girls staring at her.

She tries to recall the manual she studied at the beginning of her wireless training. But is unable to remember any of the instructions to place the machine back together.

"You need to start here." A voice startles Elsa out of her trance. Honeymaren is by her side, holding up a panel so Elsa could reattach the baseplate.

"You don't have to help me," Elsa says, noticing Yelana staring at the two of them with interest.

"I do. If you were to leave this place, I'd go insane." The brunette insists, her eyes boring into Elsa's. "Screw the piece back into place."

Elsa nods, screwing the baseplate into place. As she works to reassemble the machine, Honeymaren hands pieces back to her, instructing the blonde how to put together the radio again. Humiliation floods through Elsa as she puts together the device, but it helps with Honeymaren by her side.

With the Haudenosaunee woman's help, the machine is fixed within the time-limited set by Yelana. Elsa glances at Honeymaren, offering the woman a small smile in thanks. Her eyes drift back to the radio, hoping to God it would transmit.

Holding her breath, she taps the telegraph key. A quiet click resounds through her ears, much to the young woman's relief as the code she entered registers. It works.

Elsa looks up in a moment of triumph. For the first time in her life, she can prove someone wrong, that they are wrong about her. But Yelana is no longer in the room. Glancing back at the radio, Elsa feels tears in her eyes once again.

"Why does she hate me so much?" She whispers, clenching her fists on her thighs. Her face hovering over her lap, her chest constricts. It was a question that she frequently asked herself as a child.

"Hey," Honeymaren calls, placing her hand on Elsa's back. "It's not personal. Come on, sweetheart." The brunette woman guides Elsa out of her seat, offering excuses to the instructor as they leave the room.

The two women ignore the curious looks of the men they pass in the corridor as they meander through the hall towards the washroom. As they enter the women's bathroom, Elsa leans against the wall, burying her face in her hands.

Honeymaren rushes towards the sink, grabbing a towel and wetting it with warm water. She rings out the cloth, ignoring how the water burns her hands as she brings the fabric back to Elsa.

"Look at me," Honeymaren commands, but she doesn't touch Elsa, allowing the other woman to pull her hands away from her face. As Elsa's hands fall from her face to her sides, Honeymaren steps forward, wiping the blonde's face with the warm cloth.

"Y-you don't have to." Elsa hiccups, suppressing the urge to sigh as the warm cloth touches her face. Honeymaren offers the other woman a small smile, continuing to wipe at Elsa's face.

"I'm sure it isn't personal," Honeymaren states, pulling the cloth away from the blonde's face.

"W-what?"

"In class, you asked, 'why does she hate me so much?" The brunette explains, walking back toward the sink to warm the cloth once again. "I don't think it's personal. It's her job to be harsh with us and ensure we know what we're doing."

"But we don't know what we are doing!" Elsa snaps, not noticing the way Honeymaren flinches at her outburst. "I don't even know why I'm being yelled at because I don't know what it is I am supposed to be doing."

"I know." Honeymaren quietly responds, the warm cloth still in her hands as she stands by the sink. "None of this makes sense, and I know you want to return home. But I believe that whatever it is we are doing here is important."

"I…I just know if I can do this anymore. This morning I was certain of myself, and now…I just don't know." Elsa sighs, hanging her head once again.

Honeymaren chokes back the urge to yell that every woman in this program feels the same way; no one knew what they were doing and always seemed to disappoint themselves. Huffing in frustration, Honeymaren throws the cloth in the hamper under the sink.

"I understand if you feel that way. Excuse me." The brunette walks towards the door, glancing over her shoulder to Elsa. "I should be going back to class."

Elsa watches in shock as Honeymaren pushes through the door, leaving the young woman alone. Watching the door, Elsa's brows furrow in response, wondering what she could have said to send the other woman away.

Wiping the tears from her eyes with her sleeve, she pushes away from the wall to stand in front of the sink. She turns on taps, holding her hand under the running water until it becomes warm. The young woman splashes her face with water, staring at her reflection in the mirror.

It is still an odd sight to see her face bare, having not worn makeup since she arrived in Scotland. Her eyes are rimmed with red and puffy, indicating she has been crying. She reaches for a new cloth, wetting it with water before pressing the towel against her eyes, hoping to reduce the evidence of her tears.

She wonders if she should pack up now and return home without another word. Leave this place behind and return to everything she knew. Elsa hadn't felt this way since her first week in her training. Back when she was alone and afraid of all that was to come.

Glancing up at herself, Elsa recalls that lonely girl she has been since she was eleven years old. The girl who had to do everything herself and never rely on others because they would always reject or disappoint. Just like her past friends, schoolmates, guys she went on dates with, her parents.

Everyone…except Anna. And now, Honeymaren. Honeymaren, who had spent so much time making sure Elsa endured and succeeded in this place. Yet…she had never done anything for the brunette. She owed it to her to continue. With a deep breath, Elsa discards the towel as she decides it is time to return to class. Her eyes are still puffy from her tears as she withdraws from the sink, uncaring about it at this point. She steps towards the door, slowly crossing the threshold as she looks down at herself.

"It isn't personal." A voice beside the ladies' washroom nearly startles Elsa out of her skin. The blonde glances to the right, Yelana standing against the wall with a cigarette held between her fingers.

"Then, why me? I know for a fact that the girl next to me is doing worse." Elsa huffs, frustration building up inside of her once again.

"Because I know you're capable of doing better," Yelana explains, taking a drag of her cigarette. The younger woman watches the smoke bellow towards the ceiling, almost casting a fog over the lighting. "I spent two weeks in Oxford watching for you and talking to your professors about you. You're smart, Miss. Rendelle, I know you can do better."

"You're not going to ask me to leave?" Elsa inquires. She had been certain only moments ago that she would be dismissed.

Yelana shrugs, "Not unless you want to leave. You would be free to, no more training early in the mornings, no more ciphers. Go home to your sister and work in a shop for the rest of the summer."

Elsa doesn't respond right away. Instead, her gaze goes to the ground, examining her military issue boots. "I want to stay."

"Alright." Yelana comments, her tone giving no indication of the small smile crossing her features. "Go back to the lecture hall and complete your lessons for the day. I'll talk to your instructor, but I want you to stay behind, and we'll work on your wirelss."

"Why?"

"You need more practice. From everything that I've seen in your reports, you're nearly excelling in every training aspect except the wireless. You need to excel with the radio. Any mistake could immediately jeopardize the SOE and forfeit your own life." Yelana explains, taking another drag of her smoke.

"Honeymaren says that the average life expectancy is 6 weeks for a wireless transmitter. Is that true?" Elsa questions. Forgetting the rule, Yelana had snapped at her during their first meeting: never ask questions.

Despite this rule, Yelana nods with a sigh. "We thought that perhaps sending women into the field would be less conspicuous. The men tend to be shot on sight."

"And the women?"

"We don't know yet. We've only had one woman die in our operations; her ship was sunk in the Atlantic." Yelana explains, dropping her cigarette to the hardwood to butt it out. Elsa stares at the action, slightly horrified that the older woman had dropped the smoke onto the floor.

Elsa nods, deciding she had asked enough questions, not wanting to agitate the woman in front of her. "I'll see you after lessons."

"Good luck," Yelana calls as the young woman begins to walk away from her. Elsa meanders down the corridor towards the lecture hall, confident that she can do this.

Everything hurt, her head, stomach and hands. Yelana had drilled her on the wireless all evening. They had even skipped dinner until Elsa got everything correct. The blonde meanders down the hall, exhausted, as she makes her way back to the dormitory.

Elsa pushes open the door to her dormitory, expecting everyone to be settling in for nighttime. As she opens the door, laughter echoes throughout the room. She quickly enters the room, closing the door behind her to avoid the girl's laughter to be heard.

Four of the girls and Honeymaren sit on the ground in front of beds in the back right corner. They sit in a circle, with Honeymaren resting her back against the wall. At the sight of the blonde, the Haudenosaunee woman beams, waving her over to them.

"Elsa! Come join us!" Honeymaren calls across the room. Slowly, Elsa steps towards them, her brow rising as she inches closer.

"What's going on here?" Elsa asks, staring at the girls on the ground, all of them holding mugs. The youngest girl, Beth’s, cheeks are flushed while Diana slowly sips from the cup.

Marie stares up at Elsa with a grin, reaching behind her pulling out a clear bottle filled with a clear liquid. Elsa's mouth nearly falls open at the reveal. "I got us a bottle of gin!"

"How?" The blonde gawks, excitedly stepping into the middle of the circle and taking a seat next to Honeymaren against the wall as she grabs the bottle.

It isn't good gin but is probably better than most can get in these current conditions.

Marie takes the bottle back, whistling at one of the other girls, Joy to hand her the last empty mug. The dark-haired girl stretches across the circle, passing the white cup to Marie. She uncorks the bottle, the pop echoing through the room, before pouring two ounces into the mug.

"You're rather generous." Elsa comments, taking the mug into her grasp.

"It will probably be the last time we can do something like this, so why not splurge a bit." Marie shrugs, pouring herself some more liquor.

Elsa takes a sip, enjoying the taste of pine in her mouth as the liquor trickles down her throat; she hadn't had gin in a very long time. Honeymaren brushes her index finger against the back of Elsa's hand, slowly and lingering for a moment.

"How did things with Yelana go?" The brunette inquires, barely above a whisper as the other girls begin to converse.

"Good, I nearly expected her to take out a ruler and hit me across the knuckles. But it went well. I think I've gotten the hang of it." Elsa states, smiling at her friend. "Thank you for taking me down this afternoon. And I’m sorry, I'm going to stay."

"Of course." Honeymaren leans in, touching her shoulder to Elsa's briefly. "And I'm glad you're staying."

"I am too." Elsa's gaze remains locked in Honeymaren's, resisting to urge to lean against the other woman. She clears her throat, glancing back to her drink before taking another sip.

As the night continues, the women get slightly tipsier as Marie becomes more liberal with her pours, having cut Beth off at round three. The women chat about their lives back home, although they are not supposed to.

Alexandra turns to Elsa, having noticed that neither the blonde nor Honeymaren have spoken about their lives. "What about you two? Any guys for you back home?"

Elsa hesitates to answer, unsure what to say. But Honeymaren speaks first, "Nah, I don't have time for any of that back home." Everyone looks to Elsa, waiting expectantly.

"Well, um…there is a guy back in Oxford who I went on a date with," Elsa explains, not noticing the way Honeymaren's eyes widen and brows rise slightly at the information.

"What's his name?" Marie asks, rather eagerly due to non-existent her romantic life.

"His name is…. David. He was in my civil law class, and we've only been on one date, but I-I don't know." Elsa shrugs.

"Is he handsome?" Beth leans forward, bumping against Alexandra on accident, earning a glare from the ebony-haired woman.

Elsa hesitates, unsure how to answer that, but everyone stares at her with undivided attention. "Y-yes, he is rather handsome, I suppose."

"So, what are you unsure of?" Honeymaren asks, her gaze downcast to her bare feet and voice flat. Elsa glances at her friend, her chest tightening at the other woman's disassociation of this conversation.

"Well…it was something he said on our first date." Elsa's brows knit together as she recalls the memory. "He implied that I was only in university to get a…MRS degree."

A series of groans emit from each of the girls, Joy and Marie throwing their heads back in exasperation. Only Beth stares at Elsa with some confusion, cocking her head slightly.

"W-what is that?" The slightly inebriated girl asks.

"An MRS degree," Alexandra states, pronouncing every syllable for the youngest girl to clue in.

The blank look Beth responds causes Joy to sigh. "It is the idea that women only go to university to find a husband."

"Oooooh, I get it." Beth throws her head back, causing her to lose her balance. With a yelp, the young woman falls onto her back. Alexandra rolls her eyes at the 18-year-old, clearly growing frustrated with Beth.

"If I were you, there wouldn't be a second date upon your arrival home." Marie takes a sip of her gin, finishing the contents of her cup. A groan escapes from her as she attempts to pour herself another helping, only to find the bottle of gin now empty.

"Yeah, I don't think there will be." Elsa shrugs her shoulders, trying to seem disappointed but ultimately couldn't find it in herself to care.

"Well, ladies." Marie sighs, slapping her thigh. "it seems we should turn in for the night before Madame Bisset enters the room to check on us."

Elsa glances at the clock hanging over the door, 10:15. Bisset would be in the room to call lights out in nearly 15 minutes. By that time, every girl in the room would be required to be ready for bedtime.

Joy and Alexandra help Beth from the ground, escorting the girl to her bed on the other side of the room before retreating to their own. Each girl carries their mugs to their bedside tables. It was the only piece of dishware they were allowed in their rooms for water.

Elsa opens her trunk, grabbing a clean nightgown from the chest and discarding the garment at the foot of her bed. With her back turned against the other women, Elsa slowly unbuttons her issued shirt. She tosses the shirt into the truck, rolling her neck as she stands in only her khaki pants and bra.

She had gotten over the fear of changing in front of others in her fourth week, it was a frigid night, and Elsa had been exhausted. She hadn't cared to even think as she stripped down into her undergarments and her nightgown in front of everyone. Elsa hadn't looked back since.

Her pants and socks join her shirt in the truck, closing the lid as they fall to the bottom of the chest. She slips on her nightgown, shoving her arms through the long sleeves before reaching behind her to unclasp her bra. Shimmying the support off her shoulders and reaching up into her sleeves to free her arms of the bra.

The undergarment falls to the ground as Elsa bends to grab the garment, her locket swinging away from her chest as she bends over. She places her bra on the top of her chest as she stands back up.

With a sigh, she settles herself on her bed, leaning back on her hands while looking up at the ceiling. The mattress sinks next to her, pulling the blonde's gaze from the roof to the figure sitting beside her.

Honeymaren sits next to Elsa in her nightgown, her chestnut hair free from its braid and hanging freely to her lower back. As if it hadn't been cut in a long time. Elsa resists to urge to reach out and touch it, despite wanting to; she doesn't trust herself.

The brunette's gaze rests on the locket around Elsa's neck, staring at it curiously with furrowed brows. "Is there a photo of your beau in there?" Honeymaren points at the silver heart with her forefinger.

Elsa looks down at herself, placing her hand over it. "No, it isn't. I don't have a beau. As I said earlier, it was only one date."

"You would be surprised how forward many men can be," Honeymaren states, leaning back on Elsa's bed with her mug in her hand. "Whose photo is it?"

The blonde smiles, reaching behind her neck to unclasp the necklace to hold it out to Honeymaren. The brunette places her cup on the bed, resting it against her thigh as she takes the locket, inspecting the roses engraved on the outside.

Upon opening it, Honeymaren sees a photo of a girl, freckles spattered across her face and hair braided into two plaits, her eyes wide as she smiles for the camera. "She's beautiful."

"My sister, Anna," Elsa explains, watching closely as Honeymaren examines the photo of her sister. "She lives away from me in London. Last I heard, she had gotten a job working in a factory."

Honeymaren reaches over, handing the necklace back to Elsa. "You must miss her."

"I…" Elsa trails off, unsure how to answer. "I really do miss her. We haven't been close since we were children. But I was hoping to mend that the week I was called away."

"Perhaps when all of this is over." Honeymaren offers her a reassuring smile, placing her hand on Elsa's thigh.

"I hope so." Elsa nods, staring at her sister's photo once more before clasping the necklace on once again. Honeymaren slides to the edge of the bed, standing abruptly and reaching across her bed towards her nightstand. The brunette opens the drawer grabbing an item.

Honeymaren sits on her bed across from Elsa, glancing down at the item in her hand as she hands it to the other woman. Elsa takes the flat object inspecting it closely. A photograph of a tall, slim young man, grinning ear to ear as his dark hair falls into his eyes.

"My brother." Honeymaren offers with a smile, staring at the photograph.

"He looks like you." Elsa comments, handing the photo back to the brunette.

"Not really," Honeymaren shrugs. "I'm much better looking than he is." The two women giggle at the comment, staring up at one another once again

"Is he involved in the whole racket as well?" Elsa inquires.

"No. He's only seventeen. I know he'd like to be, but if anything were to happen to him, I don't know what our grandfather would do." Honeymaren explains, her gaze falling back to the photograph.

"Your grandfather relies on your brother?"

Honeymaren nods in response. "He does. But I know Ryder would take any opportunity to leave the reservation. He's been trying to leave since we left school."

"My sister's always been like that too." Elsa comments. "After our parent's died in '41, she was to remain with a close family friend in Harrogate. It's where we went to boarding school, but instead, she packed up and left for London. She's only seventeen and hasn't even finished secondary school."

"Ryder almost dropped out, but the government demanded we attend. We went to a boarding school…at least that's what they called it, but he hardly could manage the militaristic style of it all."

"Yet he wants to enlist?" Elsa inquires, her brows knitting together.

Honeymaren shrugs, her brow rising slightly. "He wants an adventure, leave the place controlled by a government that stol-required us to leave home for their schools. Being paid to go to Europe doesn't seem like a horrible option."

The door to the dormitory bursts opens, revealing Madame Bisset on the other side of the door. Her hands on her hips as her eyes scan across the room.

"Au lit maintenant!" The older woman's voice resounds throughout the room as she flicks off the lights. Elsa shifts her legs onto the mattress, slipping under her woollen blankets as she settles in for the night.

"Goodnight, Elsa," Honeymaren whispers to the other woman. Elsa turns her head toward the other woman, staring at her in the dark.

"Goodnight, Maren," Elsa whispers back, staring at the outline of Honeymaren's figure. As she reflects on their conversation, Elsa can't help but be more curious about the woman's upbringing. Wanting to learn more about her closest friend's life.

Author’s note: So the entire thing about the wireless radios was something I read from a novel over the summer, the issue is I spend a lot of time reading novels like this over the summer so I need to go back and find which it is from. But just wanted to state that isn't my own knowledge it came from a book. 

The Shakespeare poem is actually used in that book as well for ciphers and I was gonna change it but was like FUCK The St. Crispin's Day Speech is perfect (Band of Brothers)

Thank you for reading!!!

[iamtrebleclefstories]

This is me Trying

53: “I love you, but I don’t know if I can trust you l anymore.”

This one shot was written as a birthday fic for @choosingmywife it originally was not supposed to be the angsty (lol) but I really love how it came out and I hope you enjoy it!!!

Takes place in an AU 12x24 where Jo never went out to the bar

“Jo still hasn’t given you a reason?” Meredith asked as she and Alex laid in the grass.

“I don’t need a reason. She doesn’t want to marry me. I’m done. It’s over,” Alex shrugged. “Maybe it’s nobody’s fault. Maybe you only get one.”

“One what? Soulmate? Or true love?” Meredith scrunched her face. “Well, then who…?”

Alex turned his face towards Meredith, an unimpressed expression on his face. Meredith wrinkled her eyebrows, “Izzie? Alex, Izzie wasn’t your one true love. And even if she was--”

“What was Derek?” Alex interrupted. “Are you telling me you think something like that’s coming around again?”

“That was different,” Meredith sighed.

“How?”

“I have never loved anyone more than I loved Derek and I probably never will love anyone that way again,” Meredith turned on her side, balancing on her elbow. “You loved Jo more the moment you met her than you ever loved Izzie. You know that, I know that, everyone knows that. Jo’s your post-it. So what if you don’t get married? At least she’s here and she’s alive. I’d give anything to have Derek, no matter if we were married or with other people. At least he’d be here. At least my children would have their father.”

“I have to go back home and get my clothes for the wedding,” Alex deflected and stood up, offering a hand to Meredith. “Let’s go.”

***

It had been a week since Jo had seen Alex. Ever since she rejected his proposal again, he’d been crashing at Meredith’s house. Even in the hospital, Alex had done his best to leave whenever she’d enter the same room. It was a stab in the chest if she was being honest. She thought that after four years together, Alex would afford her the decency of having a conversation with her.

She hoped that conversation would happen today. She knew he’d be coming home soon. Today was Amelia and Owen’s wedding and Alex would be coming home to get his suit and get ready for the ceremony. They needed to talk. They needed to work through this just like they’d worked through everything else that they had been through.

Because it wasn’t just the two of them anymore. She’d found out about her pregnancy two days ago. Stephanie found her puking in the bathroom and all but dragged her to take a blood test. A few hours later, Jo had received the most life changing news ever. She was pregnant. She and Alex had made a baby.

There was a little person occupying her uterus at the moment and as terrified as she was, Jo wanted this. She wanted this with Alex. She wanted a future and a family and to be happy. For the first time in her life, she had someone that she felt safe enough with to even entertain that thought. She just hoped that she hadn’t thrown it all away before it even began. The fear of that had her pacing around the kitchen as she waited for him to arrive.

Jo was brought out of her thoughts when she heard the loft door slide open. Alex walked in with his angry face on, avoiding eye contact with her and going straight to grab his duffle bag from the top of the wardrobe.

“I want to have kids with you.”

Alex stopped what he was doing, “What?”

“You said that you wanted a baby, and I want one too. You would be an amazing dad. And that’s what you’re worried about, right? That I’m not all in? But I am. And I love you,” Jo put her hand on Alex’s cheek only for him to pull away. She recoiled slightly in hurt.

“Are you gonna tell me why you won’t marry me?”

“I told you that I love you--” Jo let out a shaky breath as Alex turned back around to gather his clothes again. “And that I’m not going anywhere. Because I want a life and a family with you. So isn’t that enough? Can’t that be enough for you?”

Alex continued to pack his clothes, “You know, I was with Mer this morning and I was thinking, the two of us, we’ve been through hell. You know, all kinds of drama--crazy family stuff, we both almost died, losing people we love.”

“No, y-you’re not losing me,” Jo protested. “I’m right here.”

“The point is, we grew up. Mer and I are grown up. We got through it. And hell is behind me. It’s in my rearview mirror, and I’m not going back. I’m done,” Alex shook his head and sighed. “I’m not--I’m not some idiot kid anymore, Jo. I’m a man, and I’m done with games. I’m done with crazy. I’m done with losing. I’m done with drama. I don’t care about your secrets and your excuses and your drama. You know, I-I’ve had that.”

“Alex, if we could just--” Jo’s eyes began to water, this was not how she imagined this conversation going.

“I just said I don’t want to do this!” Alex shouted. “I--I have never had one second of anything real in my entire life. I want truth. I want--I want a wife and a house and a family! Amelia and, uh, Owen’s wedding today--I want that!”

“You think I don’t?” Jo felt the tears start to run down her face. “ I just told you that I want a family with you. I want to have kids with you. Alex please, I’m here. I’m real. What we have is real and we need to fix us because we’re going to have a b--”

“Stop talking about fixing us. I don’t want to fix us! Because all I see is that these past few years have been a lie. It’s not worth it!”

“You don’t mean that. Alex, if you would just listen,” Jo begged. “I love you! You’re the love of my life.”

“Jo, stop it! Let it go. Let us go. I love you, but I don’t trust you anymore. And I can’t be with someone I don’t trust,” and with that, Alex gathered his things and walked out the door.

***

Alex walked up the steps to the loft and sighed. Owen’s little speech about granting Amelia the benefit of the doubt had really struck him. For the past week, he’d been cruel and mean and nasty to Jo. He had avoided her and glared whenever she got too close. Today, he’d really messed up though. He said some things that he wished he could take back. He acted in ways and hurt her in ways he swore he’d never do.

He was nervous as he reached the sliding door. He was nervous that she wouldn’t want to listen to what he had to say. He was nervous that he might get agitated again and say something even worse than before. He was nervous that he’d mess up the one person who ever loved him for exactly who he was.

Alex opened the door and was surprised to find the loft empty. He looked around for a moment before he heard a small noise in the bathroom. There was a retching sound, followed by a soft whimpering. Furrowing his brows in concern, Alex made his way over to the bathroom and found Jo hunched over the toilet seat, eyes closed.

“Jo?” Alex placed a hand on her back hoping that she’d look up at him. When she didn’t respond, Alex grew concerned and knelt down next to her. He shook her shoulder and attempted to grab her attention. He reached out for her chin and realized that her eyes were closed. “Jo? Jo! Baby, come on. Open your eyes for me.”

Jo remained unresponsive, so Alex picked her up from the floor and brought her to the bed. Worried, he checked her vitals to see if anything was out of the ordinary before he did something unnecessary out of panic like call an ambulance. Finally after a moment, she opened her eyes.

Jo looked up at him in confusion, “What are you doing here?” She rolled over so that her back was facing him. “You left me. You left me after you promised we’d be together. You left me days after telling me that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. And you made it very clear that you want nothing to do with me and my excuses or secrets.”

“I know that,” Alex’s face dropped. “I’m sorry, Jo. I was angry and I hurt you, but I didn’t mean any of it. I came back because I don’t care what kinds of secrets you’re holding onto. I trust you. I do, regardless of the reasons you have for saying no. I love you. You love me. And that’s enough. I don’t know when that stopped being enough.”

A couple moments passed and Jo felt a few tears slip past her eyelids as she readied her confession, “I want to marry you, but I can’t. I can’t marry you because I’m already married.”

“You’re married?” Alex asked dumbfounded. “Jo, what the hell? We live together. We’re always together. When do you even see him? Because we’re together a little too often for me to just be your dirty mistress.”

“It’s not like that,” Jo shook her head. “I’m married to a man who almost beat me to death. And I can’t divorce him because I ran away from him. I ran away from him eight years ago and never looked back. I changed my name, I moved to a different state, I left everything behind because I was scared for my life. That’s why I can’t marry you. Not because I don’t want to, but because I can’t. If I try to divorce him, he will find me and he will kill me. Because I disappeared and I humiliated him.”

Alex looked at Jo in shock and sadness, “Oh, Jo.”

Jo let out a quiet sob, prompting Alex to immediately wrap his arms around her. He held her silently for a few moments as she cried, pressing light kisses on the top of her head and feeling like a complete and utter asshole for the way he’d treated her in the past few days. Minutes passed and Alex thought she’d fallen asleep when Jo finally spoke again.

“I’m pregnant.”

“What?” Alex furrowed his brow, wondering if he’d heard correctly.

“I’m pregnant,” Jo repeated. “That’s why I said the thing about us having kids earlier today. I was trying to tell you that I’m pregnant. I don’t know how far along, but I’m guessing five weeks.”

“You’re pregnant?”

“Yeah. I found out two days ago,” Jo nodded. “I don’t know if we should keep it, though.”

“What? Why wouldn’t we keep it?” Alex shook his head and looked at Jo for an explanation.

“Because we’re a mess, Alex. We’re a ticking time bomb,” Jo felt more tears run down her cheeks. “Before today, I would’ve had no doubts about keeping this baby. But now… you left and it was so easy for you. What’s going to assure me that you won’t leave again? That you won’t leave me with a baby to take care of by myself. If we’re through, we deserve a clean break, because you’re right. As much as I want this, as much as I want a family, maybe I should let us go. Maybe we aren’t worth it.”

“No, Jo. Babe, listen to me. I was angry. I didn’t mean any of it,” Alex cupped Jo’s face in his hands. “I came back. I came back because I love you and I want to be with you, no matter what that looks like. You’re here and you’re alive and that’s all that matters. Not if we ever get married and make it legal. This is what matters, us. And I’m sorry I made you feel like you didn’t have me. I can’t promise we won’t fight again. I can’t promise that I won’t blow up and say some things I shouldn’t have said. I can’t promise that I won’t storm off or go spend the night at Meredith’s again. But what I promise you, is that I will always come back. Always.”

Jo took a steadying breath, “You’ll come back?”

“Every time. Every single time. I swear,” Alex pressed his forehead against Jo’s. “I told you once that you got me. That’s still true. That’s not gonna change. You have all of me. And a part of me can be ugly sometimes. But I’m going to be better. I’m going to do better. This right here? This is me trying.”

Jo closed her eyes and thought about his words before burying her face in his neck, “We’re gonna need a bigger house if we’re gonna have this baby.”

“You want to do this?” Alex squeezed her a little tighter to him. “We’re gonna have a baby?”

“We’re going to have a baby,” Jo released a breath and chewed on her lip. “That’s okay, right? It won’t mess things up?”

“Of course it’s okay. It’s great,” Alex felt his eyes water slightly as he placed his hand on her still flat stomach, linking with hers. “There’s nothing I want more than to have a family with you. Every time I picture it, it’s with you. We’re already a family. We’ve been each other’s family for a while now. Now our family gets to grow.”

“I’m sorry I kept things from you. I’m sorry I hurt you by not telling the truth from the beginning,” Jo said after a moment of silence. “I promise, from here on out, I’ll be honest. I know how important that is to you.”

“I'm sorry I said what I said. I’m sorry I made you feel like you were alone in this,” Alex hugged her closely. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop being sorry for making you feel alone. I know you get squirrely when someone tells you that they’ll stick around because you’re trying to brace yourself for when they leave. And I know that my actions made you feel like I was gone. I don’t ever want to prove you right. I won’t prove you right.”

Jo locked eyes with Alex for a minute before allowing her mouth to curve up into a small smirk, “If you did, I’d hunt you down and kick your ass.”

Alex let out a laugh, “I love you.”

“I know,” Jo shrugged and smiled smugly. “I love you, too.”