#eventually when she does reunite with her best friend shes scared to take the bandages off. a.qua shouldnt have to see that side of her...

[silverselfshippingchaos]

it's literally them

[aki-mochi]

Ch. 5: Broken Hearts

WARNING: some AoT Manga ending Spoilers 

Once Levi made it back to Hanji and his team, Zeke was secretly taken to an isolated cellar, knowing the Jaegerists would fight them off so he and Eren could meet and make the world a living hell. He glanced back towards Y/n as she silently followed him to a vacant room once Hanji had told them they would prepare for war in a few minutes. Y/n slowly entered the room before Levi, not being able to look at him at the moment. Her ears perked from the sound of the door shutting and the click of the deadbolt. Levi leaned against the door with his arms crossed as he eyed her form. He honestly didn’t know what to say until he heard her voice at a soft whisper, almost like she would scare off a timid animal.

“Levi…?”

“Hm?” He responded.

“You didn’t say it back…” Y/n fiddled with the sleeves of her shirt as she slowly turned towards him.

“Say what back?” He raised a brow.

“Uh….y-you know…” she glanced down with a frown.

He stared at her until it clicked in his mind. “Oh…my bad…but I don’t think I can…don’t get me wrong, I used to…” he trailed off.

“What are you saying…?”

“It’s just different now…I don’t know if I can trust you anymore….I don’t know if I can forgive you either for what you did to our comrades…” he frowned.

“But Levi, it was for you! You're irreplaceable!” She cried.

“But they didn’t deserve that. Not for me…you should’ve come to me once Zeke told you his plan.”

“But he had bombs in place already in case I decided to tell you! It was you or no one Levi!” Her eyes welled with tears buts he refused to let them fall.

“But we could've figured something out and it would’ve hurt less than seeing you run away with him.” His eyes flashed a glint of pain as he thought back at the time he saw her run away with that bastard.

“Levi please….you have to understand me….please don’t leave me…i love you….that's why I did it…..” Y/n couldn’t hold back the tears anymore as her hearts started to break, knowing what was coming.

“I’m sorry Y/n, but….I need time…I just can’t deal with this right now…you have to understand me too. It hurts to see the person that traded our friends’ lives for mine. Their blood is in your hands….and you forced it on mine too. It hurts knowing it’s you who did it.”

Y/n tilts her head down, not being able to face him anymore, tears falling onto the carpeted flooring. Her hands went up to her face as she hid behind him while she tried not to let him see her cry. Though it was inevitable as soft hiccups and quiet sobs filled the room as Levi stared at her dishearteningly. Levi slowly approached her until he was practically chest to chest with her. Reaching up, his fingers ran through her hair before palming itself at the back of her head. He tenderly brought the distraught girl into his embrace as he cradled her head into his shoulder as the other arm went around her waist, hugging her tightly. He let her cry into his shoulder, not caring if she got his clothes dirty from her tears as he held back his own.

“I’m…sorry….I’m so….sorry….” She cried.

“Me too…I know it hurts you just as much…and me leaving right now doesn’t make it any better does it?”

He felt her shake her head as his hold on her seemed to tighten slightly. He sighed as he rested a cheek on top of her head while waiting for her sobs to reduce as he stroked her hair. His other hand came in contact with her back and began to soothe her, rubbing his hand up and down tenderly. He held her securely until her tears had stopped before carefully pulling back to look her in the eyes. The sight of her puffy, red eyes and the reddened skin under her eyes and on her nose made his heart strings tug. He really didn’t want things to end like this between them, but he knew it was for the best right now considering they were still in the heat of war with Marley right now. Unable to look at her anymore, he stepped back and turned towards the door to leave. Reaching for the doorknob, he paused and turned his head slightly towards her to make sure she was listening.

“Y/n, I….” He paused. The words were caught in his throat. If he said those three words now, it would make it even harder on both her and himself.

‘I still can’t say it…’ he thought. Giving a sigh, he continued. “I know we’ll be ok again…someday…” With that, he left her in the room alone with a broken heart.

Y/n stayed in the room for a good several minutes, letting out anymore fat tears that had escaped their dam before Hanji had knocked on the door.

“Y/n, come on! We need your help to end this war!” The spectacled Commander exclaimed.

“C-coming Commander..!” She replied.

Letting out a sniffle as she wiped away her tears with her sleeve, Y/n pulled herself together and walked out of the room to be greeted by her friend Hanji.

“You alright? You look horrible.”

“I’m fine, Hanji. Let’s kick Marley’s ass and bring peace back to our home.” She frowned.

Strutting down the hall to catch up with their team, Y/n refused to even take a glance at Levi as Hanji explained the plan to the group of what Eren might possibly accomplish by getting in contact with Zeke. Eren really had to fuck things up and take his half-brother’s side and ditching his friends he claimed to value most and how he wanted them to live long lives. Y/n scoffed at the thought, bitterly remembering how the bastard had laughed at Sasha’s death. Once Hanji had finished explaining what they could do to stop Eren, the team grabbed their gears and shifted off to find him.

Within the midst of almost a week, the team had been separated. Levi and Hanji weren’t able to be found anywhere as Y/n and the others tried their damndest to keep Eren away from Zeke. The second they made contact, a gargantuan skeleton of a Titan appeared as the walls broke to reveal the Colossal Titans inside, forcing them to march forward and killing anyone they came across by stepping on them. Masses of blood had been spilled from innocent people and no one knew what to do at this point but to keep going. By the time Y/n and the others had found Levi and Hanji, they were accompanied by a few Marley soldiers, the two kids that boarded the blimp and killed Sasha, as well as the fucking traitor who started all this shit, Reiner.

Y/n’s heart broke when she saw Levi’s horrible condition. Apparently when he had found Zeke again, he was too close to a thunder spear and had done severe damage to his face and had lost two of his fingers on his right hand. When Levi caught her looking at him as the rest were thinking up plans, his visible eye narrowed. He obviously didn’t want to talk to her still and it showed. Y/n looked away as the guilt still ate up at her as she silently ate at her soup while listening to the possible tactical plans they could do to throw Eren’s plan of a world wide genocide.

The war had finally ended and no one’s life was lost when it came to escaping the Colossal Titans and fighting Eren. Somehow Mikasa had convinced Eren to come to his senses and had cut the source of all Subjects of Ymir, making the Power of the Titans nonexistent. The curse was broken, and those who had Titan abilities are able to live longer than 13 years as well as the people who were turned into Pure Titans had turned back to their human selves. Y/n watched as people celebrated the ending of war but her heart still felt extremely heavy at the thought of Levi. She smiled sadly as people reunited with their friends, family and loved ones before she found Levi sitting against a rock by himself.

Swallowing her nervousness, she walked over to his broken form until she was a couple feet away from him, knowing he’d want his distance from her. It took all her willpower to not look away as he looked up at her from his spot. Neither of them said nothing for a solid moment until he cleared his throat.

“Just because this damn war is over, doesn’t mean I still forgive you for the shit you’ve done.” He spat bitterly.

“I…I know….I just came to see if….you needed help getting back…” she eyed his injured knee with hurt eyes.

Levi grunted, knowing his healing process was gonna be a pain in the ass. Giving a slight nod, he let Y/n carefully help him up to his feet, making sure he kept little to no weight on his injured leg as he limped beside her. Her arm around his waist securely as she had his left arm around her neck to keep him from falling over while she looked around for Hanji. Once she spotted their Commander, she carefully guided him over to her. The second Hanji had spotted them she instantly shouted for medical attention as she checked over Levi’s bandages for any signs of blood. Pretty soon, Levi had passed out once a couple of nurses had carried him away to do further inspections of his health.

“You should go with him. He’ll need some support.” Hanji placed a hand on Y/n’s shoulder, knowing the history between her and the stoic captain.

“As much as I want to, Hanji, I can’t…he’s still keeping his distance from me since the day I betrayed him…”

“And I understand both sides of the story. He just needs some time to calm down and eventually come back to you.” She smiled.

“I hope so….because I still love him…” Y/n frowned as she looked towards the direction the doctors carried Levi, wondering if he’ll ever return her feelings again and heal their broken hearts.

[wackygoofball]

Moodboard: Jaime x Brienne - Patients AU

Jaime Lannister may be a patient at the King’s Landing Hospital, but that doesn’t mean he is in any way patient. He is only “allergic to bullshit,” a note Jaime keeps adding to his medical report, even though the nurses strike it out every time, much to the young man’s dismay. He is there to get treatment for his injured hand, even though Jaime would much rather be back in the mountains, as climbing is his one true passion. However, that same passion is what got Jaime into the hospital because he sustained that hand injury during a hiking trip and now suffers from the aftershocks of infection and severe bone damage.

And no matter what Doc Tarly may say, Jaime will not have that amputation.

He is that hand, after all.

Something new happens for a change when someone from the military appears on Jaime’s floor, who soon turns out to be a woman, even though she easily passes for a guy. The tall blonde wears a thick bandage on the left side of her face and otherwise isn’t really pretty to look at, but Jaime will admit that even in baggy army pants, those legs seem to go on forever.

At first, Jaime reckons that the female soldier is just here for visit, maybe for some colleague who got a worse injury than her and was brought here, or to talk to some medical colleague as she is busy going through reports, seemingly knowing what to make of them. However, that is when Doc Tarly approaches and starts to fuss that the woman never should have gotten out of bed, after all she is “a patient, not the doctor,” though the blonde woman isn’t having any of it: “They wouldn't show me my report - and now I know why. That medication is far too low. I told you specifically to go for the highest dosages possible.”

“And I already told you over the phone that I want to increase the dosages over time so that your system can adjust. Those are strong medications, which take a toll on the immune system...,” Sam insists, but the soldier, yet again, won’t have it, "You don't have to tell me that, but you may recall that I have places to be, so I will not ease into much of anything. I have a schedule and a flight booked back to the warzone, and I have any intention to board that flight. So we should get started ASAP so that I am finished with the treatment by the time I get on that plane.”

Jaime watches the exchange in perplexity, only to blurt out asking, "Wait, I get sent out of the office when I talk to you like that and you take advice from her, Doc? That seems unfair!"

"I am a doctor myself," the woman retorts, pointing at the pass clipped to her uniform reading Dr. Brienne of Tarth. "Hence, the case is quite different. And who are you anyway?"

"Jaime Lannister. You can become my best friend if you tell the Doc that he won't get to chop off my hand. He seems to listen to you,” Jaime bargains. “Or at least you manage to scare him!”

"I don't have time for this," is all she has to say before turning her attention back to the dark-haired doctor. "Sam, with all due respect, I need a higher dosage. We should tackle this with all measures necessary. I need to be back in the warzone ASAP."

"How about we start by you actually acting like a patient for a change and return to bed? And then we discuss the dosages another time, yes?" Sam suggests, and Brienne, if very reluctantly, starts to walk ahead. Jaime watches the two leave, only to see how Dr. Tarly almost has to catch her from falling as she staggers back to her room. It may be that she is strong, but there is no doubt in Jaime’s mind that her condition is serious, very serious.

As he has nothing else to do, Jaime starts to pick up interest in the female soldier, even more so when he catches her video chatting with someone and suddenly sounding almost sweet, which stands in stark contrast to her bossing around and not wanting to talk to anyone, himself foremost.

Brienne, for her part, doesn't want to get involved in much of anything, focusing all of her efforts on getting out of the hospital. After all, she has more important matters to handle than sit around and wait for Sam to come around doing things more closely to the health plan Brienne set up before she was forced to relocate to the capitol. And Jaime Lannister only ever proves to annoy her and keep her from just that, acting as though he owned that floor, waltzing his way into her room without ever knocking, asking her all kinds of questions Brienne does not want to answer.

“You, sir, are a miserable pain in the ass.”

“But at least I have a great ass.”

However, things start to warm up between the two when Brienne helps out Jaime when he has a dizzy spell following another spike in his fever due to the infection without calling in the docs as Jaime doesn’t want to get yet another lecture about how he should follow through with amputation. Thus, she helps him back to bed and tends to him, taking the time to listen to him and his problems, which is a change for Jaime. As the two continue to talk, she can’t help but note that Jaime, for all his outgoing nature, never has anyone coming for visit.

“That stands to reason. I don’t want anyone to come and by now people have understood it. Took long enough to train them in that regard.”

“Why wouldn’t you want that?” she asks.

“I don’t want them to see me being all miserable and pathetic,” Jaime explains. “Tyrion, my little brother, took it the hardest. He is about as stubborn as I am and wanted to come by when I told him to stay home. We speak over the phone regularly, but I want to be at the top of my game once I see my brother again, if only to prove him wrong.”

"Because he also think you should have the amputation,” Brienne concludes. “And you want to show him that you don’t need it.”

"I am the only one who seemingly thinks I shouldn't have my hand chopped off,” Jaime huffs. “In fact, I seem to be the only one who wants me to keep that hand. But that’s the thing, there are no men like me, only me.”

Brienne thus also reveals the nature of her condition to Jaime soon enough: She got caught up in a wildfire explosion while in the warzone. The issue is that wildfire, a very potent, actually prohibited bio weapon, keeps eating away at tissue even after the explosion is long since over. Sam is one of the few experts who specialized in treating this kind of injury, using his knowledge from his previous research on Greyscale, which is why Brienne was brought to King’s Landing for treatment.

“If I had stayed in the warzone without getting special treatment, I may lose more and more facial tissue and look even more like the beast I used to be called as a girl than those kids ever would have known.”

And while Brienne bears the highest respect for Sam and values him as a colleague and friend, she would rather have him choose a more aggressive treatment, one that works faster. She can take it. She has to because she has any intention to be back in the warzone as soon as she can.

“I have someone waiting for me there.”

“Your… boyfriend?” Jaime asks cautiously. Because he assumed that it was her sweetheart on the other end of the line who managed to make her sound all sweet and kind for a change.

“No, not my boyfriend. Just a boy,” Brienne answers. “Podrick Payne.”

She took care of him when she found the young adult alone and abandoned in the midst of the warzone, with his family dead and no one to take proper care of him. Thus, Brienne decided to take him into their military camp under the pretense that he was her trainee, wanting to become an army doctor himself. However, she is well aware that the military only ever tolerated that because she was the one raising her voice, after all, Selwyn Tarth is one of the most respected members of the army, and Brienne remains uncertain about Podrick’s safety for when she is not around to make sure of it.

To make matters impossibly worse, jurisdiction and bureaucracy keep eating away at her about as much as the wildfire: When Brienne had to go to King’s Landing, she had to leave Pod behind as he didn’t have papers on him by the time he was found and he is a young adult already. Furthermore, Brienne is not his foster or adoptive mother in their books – and neither does she consider herself such – which is why he was not granted the privilege to come along, even though her father already made phone calls on her behalf. Ever since, Brienne has been fighting both the wildfire and the jurisdiction, which only ever makes matters worse for her, redirecting energy she would rather focus on getting better on worrying about Pod and making phone calls. Yet, Brienne remains determined to get back to the warzone to finally be reunited with Podrick and stay there until it’s figured out and she can take him away from there at last.

As time progresses, Jaime and Brienne grow closer and closer as both can connect to one another in unexpected ways, sharing in the frustration over their respective injuries and apparently mindsets, too. And while they continue to fight over the smallest of things, they agree on the important matters.

Brienne eventually gives Jaime the honest if heartfelt advice to have the amputation because then he can fight. She knows people who serve even with prosthetics.

“Why not climb mountains with it?”

She would rather trade with Jaime because then she could just get over with it. The vicious thing with her kind of injury is that it keeps spreading and she has to rely solely on the medication to work. There is nothing Brienne can do other than endure, whereas Jaime can put an end to the suffering and start over new. By contrast, she can't start over, and Brienne knows that if she goes with the wildfire burn not under control, things may turn truly ugly for her as the infection may well end up killing her, which is why she both has to get to Pod fast while at the same time has to get truly better before she can, so that Podrick can finally get the life he deserves.

Jaime, in turn, gives Brienne some good advice when he keeps reminding her that she has to think about herself, something that Brienne completely abandoned ever since she joined the military and especially ever since Pod stumbled into her life. And for the first time in a felt eternity, Brienne finds someone who is not a doctor who keeps supporting her, who won’t leave her side when she is getting the chills from the treatment or takes her hand when she goes through the extraction treatment that Sam designed to get the bad tissue so that new can grow, which is truly torturous to endure.

At the same time, Jaime finds someone in Brienne who is apparently a doctor, but not his doctor, who tells him that he is worth more than this hand and that there are alternatives for him. Brienne supports him by telling him the truth while at the same time leaving the choice up to him. She doesn’t pressure him and understands his reluctance to have the amputation.

And so, it isn’t until long that they find comfort and a bit of healing in each other’s arms, a bit of bliss in otherwise horrid situations as both still have to make the truly tough decisions with regards to their health, their future.

However, Brienne's deadline is drawing to a close and things are still not looking too bright for her. While the spreading of the wildfire has worn down, there is still continuous tissue damage happening, which is why it is essential that she stays on the medication and constant observation. Brienne is grows frantic, even though she tries to overshadow it by being her overly determined self. Jaime notices of course, and more than anything he wants to help the woman he apparently fell in love with in the hell of this hospital.

Which means that both now have to make some life-changing choices, not just with regards to their health, but also about what they want their life to look like after they leave the hospital. And it is not yet out whether there is a chance of healing for either one of them, or the infections spread too far already…