#eventho I havent posted about them as much

[inventedfangirling]

Hi!! You weren't active in a while. Hope everything is OK!

Heyyloo there! With all things considered I have to say I'm okay. As much as I can be in these disillusioning times. I did take a fall and got a back sprain last week but thats getting better.

The reason I've been inactive is because of what's happening in Palestine and how few things feel more important to talk about or amplify. I totally get boycotting and raising awareness and going on rallies while also simultaneously consuming and appreciating whatever media that one likes (and eventho im not reblogging them im of course continuing to enjoy and appreciate all the wonderful discourse and conversations and memes and whatnot on shows that the amazing people i follow here create and share) and ive been doing that on my own (away from tumblr) and in the meantime while ive also been prepping for exams.

So yeah all of that has meant i havent found much to post about. Hopefully a ceasefire will happen soon and the world will stop feeling so dismal and wrong.

That being said its been so heartening to see people all over the world coming together to raise awareness and fight for what's right and I truly do believe that things can only get better if we keep at it. So here's to the goodness in humans and here's to a free palestine.

But also, thankyou so so much for asking! You're super sweet to have sent this. I hope you're okay too, take care <3

[nukoffie-nuko]

sketch

[tryingtomakeittotomorrow]

My Mom is Gone

I havent posted or been on here in months.

I think my last post was in July sometime.

My mom had been sick with cirrosis for years, since i was a freshman in highschool. And in august she went into the hospital on the 6th, by the 10th she was in a coma, and by the 14th, she was taken off of life support and passed four hours after that.

she had been sick for years, but it was still a sudden death.

many times i slept in the hospital with her in the past because of her illness, and many times she came back home.

I had no idea that when she went to the hospital, that this time would be idfferent. that it would be her last.

I don’t know how to cope, I don’t know how to manage. A lot of times I feel like I am suffocating.

I have no one I can talk to, I dont even know how to express myself or what i’m feeling. I just know I have these massive breakdowns every so often when I’m by myself where I feel like my whole world is crashing down around me and no one understands.

I cant talk to my dad about it, I cant talk to my sisters about it, I don’t want them to be sad, or make them remember everything that happened.

I was with her everyday, morning and night that entire week because i was so afraid of leaving her by herself. and when they moved her into ICU on lifesupport and told me I couldnt sleep in her room, I slept in the waiting room and was there bby her side by the morning. when they moved her to stanford hospital and placed her in ICU, i still slept in the waiting room, eventho she was in the hospital in another city almost an hour away from our house because thats where her liver drs were, i was there. because i was so afraid of leaving her.

I seen so much that week, all the poking, the prodding, her losing her memory and not knowing where she was or what was going on. this woman that raised me and was always so strong, who taught me how to be strong and never take crap from anyone, was lying in a bed on life support.

and I don’t know how to navugate now. I don’t know what to do anymore because shes not here and it still feel sso surreal even now, 8 months later.

I turned 25 about two weeks ago, and it was the hardest thing because she wasnt there. so i spent the day at the cemetery with her. because i just wanted to be near her somehow.

i have no idea how im going to do this.

and i dont want to do this without her.

i miss her i miss her i miss her i miss her, God how i miss her.

and i wsih this was all a dream.

[kwanfairy]

CHOICE TAG

Rules: Answer the questions (if you want to skip one, feel free to do that too of course!). Tag 3 people (or more or less, you choose really). Tag your post with #CHOICE_tag so we can find each other’s posts! Have fun!!

I was tagged by @choi-hae - thanks love for always thinking of me (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

I’m tagging: @aamorella @moonsehyoon @kimbye0ngkwan

i know i havent interacted with either of you 3 yet and i feel kinda akward for calling you out like this so pls feel free to ignore.

1. Introduce yourself. You choose how much and how little!

hi hi im Bikki and i hate introducing myself cause i never know what to say lmao. im a pretty big loser with a big heart and an unhealthy obsession with anything dog related cause dogs are everything („ಡωಡ„)

2. How and when did you become a CHOICE?

ive started to get into kpop fairly 'late' (in 2016) and by the time undercover dropped a year later i was still quite confused and overwhelmed but i remember i really liked the song (and could not for the life of me tell bk and sehyoon apart in that MV wtf @ 2017 me LOL). fast forward to 2020 when favourite boys hit me like a truck and honestly it all is kind of a blur afterwards lmao. the aes of the MV had me fall in love with them instantly and i think i watched a bunch of 'funny moments' vids and stuff and it all spiraled from there

3. What is your favourite part of being a CHOICE?

4. What is your favourite A.C.E song? Do you prefer their title tracks or b-sides more?

this fandom mirrors the boys' crackhead energy like i have yet to meet a choice who isnt just as weird as the fools themselves and i absolutely love it (◡‿◡)

also: being choice means being a fan of ace and whats better than that

i really cant say. i like each song for very different reasons. i love Stand By You for its soft yet melancholic vibes. i love Golden Goose cause their performance on theshow killed me. id literally go feral listening to Hell if they finally. give us. a studio version. :) :) :)

5. Who’s your bias? What do you like about them?

my bebi Byeongkwan for sure eventho i also feel very drawn to Sehyoon cause we are pretty similar personality wise (i say as i dont really know him at all lmao). but best boi BK will put me into simp mode in -0.34 secs. i cant really say why i just love this gorgeous lil firecracker (ಥ◡ಥ) and im obsessed with ppl calling him fairy it literally makes me flatline cause yes yall are so right.....

but really, im a huge simp for them all (yes... even jun eventho it makes me gag to admit it LMAO)

6. What is your favourite thing about A.C.E?

how they play (and fuck) with gender norms and try out so many different things, esp style-wise. to me, it is such an aesthetically pleasing group(point proven with the siren teasers id say). i also love how natural they seem. like they dont bother about upholding a fake image. i esp get that feeling of 'just 5 dudes being friends' which i love so dearly during their vlives - its so refreshing and fills my heart so much

7. Which concept has been your favourite? What kind of concept do you want them to try?

8. Which A.C.E friendship is your favourite? Which one do you want to see more of?

id say undercover is pretty high up there (i mean pig tails crop top BK .......) but it looks like siren will take the crown once she drops....

i showed my anti(kpop) friend the intro:escape video and she said it gave her the creeps in a good way and ever since i have gone mad wanting a horror concept omfg

9. If you could tell A.C.E one thing, what would you tell them?

given that wowkwan are soft, tender, gentle boyfriends who have all my fucking uwus and therefore dont count, id say dongjun. wait nevermind these are husbands... ok junchan it is. i just love their father-son vibes

id love to see more donghun/sehyoon but only if grandpa doesnt call yoon fat or pig cause thats a big nono!!! or dongkwan cause i cant really think of any moments of them wth

how dare yall (¬_¬)

10. Which A.C.E member would die first in a horror movie?

11. Leave a small message for your fellow CHOICE!

i think its funny that everyone says jun but lets be honest.. the dumb ones usually make it longer dksdjkl

it for sure is sehyoon cause this airhead would probably get lost in his own thoughts without even noticing that he got separated from the others. the second his man BK isnt with him anymore to protect him its over for him lol

how are you all dealing with the teasers share your secrets cause im not doing so well :')

no but srsly the choice ive interacted with have been so incredibly nice and kind and patient with me and i love how this small lil fandom is so vibrant and caring both towards the boys and one another.