#evening lads she’s back with more shitty analysis

[moonflowerlesbians]

Adding onto this:

An episode later, we see Dani stammering through an explanation, an apology. She’s talking to Eddie in the car. He starts by asking what he did wrong to make her like this. He lashes out while she’s at her most vulnerable, and his blows land. They land hard.

She’s already dealing with her own guilt for not being the way she’s supposed to be, the way she’s expected to be, and Eddie validates those feelings in the worst way. It’s her fault she’s not performing up to his expectations.

Her voice cracks on “I love you.” She means it, but it’s also a reminder of what she’s done. That she doesn’t love him the way she should.

Dani is polite. She thanks her waiters with Midwestern charm. Presumably, Eddie was raised similarly, which is why his “Fuck you, Danielle,” carries so much weight. He’s met her at her level of not performing social norms. She’s tried to do this as best she can, and he’s angry (it’s justified, but still.) He blames her for being “like this” even if he doesn’t know the extent.

Okay, okay. She can fix this. She can make it right. But Eddie is literally pulling away.

“Jesus, you’ve done enough.”

Dani’s never been enough. She’s never been exactly what everyone wanted. Now, she’s finally done enough, and it’s because she hurt someone she cares about. But it’s also because she’s allowed herself to think about what—who—she wants. She’s finally putting her own wants first, but in doing so, she’s disappointing the only family she’s had.

So she lets him go, apologies falling from her lips.

He climbs out of the confined space, and he dies half a second later.

(Additionally, this is probably one of the big reasons why Dani really, really hates being trapped in the closet. Also, what a fuckin’ metaphor, amiright?)

His hand, the one with his engagement ring, twitches. Their wedding, their relationship, this part of Dani’s life is over. She watches it bleed out in the street.

That’s what she gets for trying to act herself for once. Pain and hurt for herself and the people she’s cares for most.

It’s no wonder she’s hesitant to reach out to Jamie, or anyone, really. Doesn’t need to hurt anyone else with something that’s only caused her grief.

But that’s why Jamie seeing her, understanding, and accepting is so, so important.

Before Jamie gets in her truck to finally head home, the tension is there. They could’ve kissed, but Dani would’ve had to initiate because Jamie would never push her. Besides, she’s probably been burned by coming onto someone she shouldn’t have.

But Dani isn’t quite ready yet. Her fists are clenched at her sides, and she sort of follows a step or two behind Jamie as as they walk down the drive. She’s letting Jamie lead. When it becomes clear the door to the truck is as far as Jamie will take them, Dani’s at a crossroads. Jamie’s face is illuminated in yellow, while Dani is in the dark, quite literally a guiding light that Dani is drawn to.

So, she reaches out.

Jamie isn’t quite sure what’s going on, so, again, she doesn’t push. She lets Dani take her hand, and she stiffens before she realizes this isn’t someone making a rash decision. It’s a terrified woman looking for comfort with her, and she relaxes, opens her body more to Dani.

When Dani drops her hand, Jamie nods almost imperceptibly and opens the door both to her truck and for Dani.

“Who the hell knew?”

That Dani had it in her? That Dani wasn’t a as straight as she seemed? That Peter-fucking-Quint would be the thing that brought them to this moment? That Bly’s new au paire just might be worth it?

She’s smiling as she gets in the driver’s seat.

Dani watches her, still nervous that she’s just royally messed up the foundations of the first solid friendship she’s had in god-knows-how-long. But Jamie gives that that thoughtful little smirk, and the fear diminishes just a bit.

It was presumably the first time she’s shown this part of herself to another person, and that’s understdanly frightening. But Jamie didn’t recoil or throw accusatory words. She smiled. She accepted this part of Dani. It felt like approval. She’d shared a secret part of herself with the world, and the world hadn’t thrown it back at her.

Jamie gave her a safe path to explore, patient and caring. And Dani, lip still trembling, smiles, too. It’s small, but it’s there. She watches Jamie drive away.

[fandom-will-be-my-fall]

Spill your heart out about Walter.

Okay so I basically got this question in what, January?? but I’m answering it now since I just rewatched the movie and have inspiration, sorry for the late reply Anon

Okay so, to start off this post with some keyboard smashing because that my primary go-to for expressing my emotions

sgklhfsgjksdlgdghkjlgjhOHUFLUSKHDGSLIDRGKJGKFSDHGlhjglksdhkglshglllllfa. knjcthxiudhusmnvsoidhéytbvonjyxclkkvbr. haeylicfvshdkgikc

HANDSOME BOY. HANDSOME. ‘NUFF SAID.

I could legit stare all day at his beautiful face… look at him. Enchanting sky blue eyes… fluffy, wavy brown hair, cute round cheeks, lovely smile… those hidden freckles that you can hardly spot and only in certain screenshots but nevertheless they’re there to raise the cuteness factor… ALSO HIS LASHES. MAYBE IT’S NATURAL?? MAYBE IT’S MAYBELLINE?? WE SHALL NEVER KNOW

Here you may be able to spot the freckles if you squint hard enough. I have 77 screenshots but this is the best example I could find.

Secondly… well, he’s a sticc. A short sticc at that (though still slightly taller than me bc I’m smol), but a sticc regardless! And that seems to be the most attractive cartoon body type for me. Don’t judge me, I just have a thing for twinks, I’m… twinksexual or whatever.

Look at him! He would fit through my doorcrack.

(Maaaybe the reason for me liking sticcs so much is partially the fact that I like the idea of a boyfriend I can protect and support, physically and emotionally. I’m mad at the universe for not letting me scoop him up in my arms bridal style and smooch the HECK outta him.)

I’ve encountered a few posts that claimed he’s got cake but, come on. That concept has canonically been proven to be false, even by Lance. This man is flat and you can pry this opinion off my cold, dead hands.

Speaking of hands! I like his big ol hands. Nice shape. They look soft. I wanna hold them.

According to a DVD commentary, and the visual facts, he has no shoulders whatsoever. Back in Venice Killian was able to restrain him effortlessly with only one foot on his chest, even as he kept struggling ans squirming and generally put in as much effort as he possibly could. Before then, he claimed the database was the first thing he has ever caught in his life.

Conclusion, our boi’s very much NOT athletic. Which makes sense for a scientist, braining all day and stuff, and because he probably barely even eats, or sleeps which are by the way both pretty concerning implications but anyway.

STOP BEATING UP THIS POOR FRAGILE LAD FOR GOD’S SAKE. Makes me want to protect him even more. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but you get what I mean.

Now, on to the actual reason I’m so head over heels for him, a.k.a his personality.

He is one of the sweetest, kindest, purest boy characters I have ever seen in fiction, if not THE number one himself. (All my other cinnamon roll crushes are, or have been a villain at some point and WILL resort to violence if provoked.) Look at him, his pacifism… is unbreakable. He’s dead set on making the world a better place, by peaceful ways, and helping humanity. If that’s not a quality to be cherished then IDK what is.

And he’s just such a refreshing character. He likes pink, K-dramas, glitter, kittens, things that aren’t traditionally “masculine” (but is never made fun of those things in particular in the movie) and I love that. Nothing’s sexier than a man who’s, despite society’s shitty standards, openly and unashamedly himself!

His femininity is, if anything, just another turn-on. (This didn’t intend to sound sexual… but oh well.) I love his little hand gestures and mannerisms, dorky ramblings, the way he says “yep” popping the “p” at the end, all the small yet significant traits that were incorporated into his character. Bless you, SiD creators, bless you.

Have I said that he’s a genius?? Which is pretty obvious but c’mon, he graduated at 15!! He can modify human genes!! He successfully turned a man into a pigeon on the first try!! (The serum wasn’t the first prototype but we can assume he didn’t experiment on living humans with the previous ones.) And he’s still just 20!! Like what is that if not hella fucking impressive???!??

His inventions, to the untrained eye, may seem “stupid” or “childish” but alas! The observer couldn’t be more wrong! Because despite the odd designs and themes they’re all highly effective, as we have witnessed in the battle against Killian. And he is extremely creative for coming up with such ideas! Told you he’s brilliant!!

Which makes me all the sadder about how much they underappreciated him at the agency. In his words, nobody ever listened to him, or gave him a chance. They just left him and his “weird” ideas next to the men’s bathroom and called it a day. How could they be so blind? Didn’t they see the potential in his inventions? Oh well. Maybe I’m just being a smartass bc I have more knowledge, living outside that universe. But I’m totally right.

And I was honestly ready to throw hands with Lance for hurting the boi even further. (I’d stand no chance whatsoever, but still.)

Oh no baby please don’t cry.

He did cry in that scene though… you could see a tear rolling down his cheek and if it wasn’t for the machine beeping… He did have a pretty rough day afterall. But HEY, if we dwell on it too much the scene loses its comedic effect!! A guy gets sad over a stupid soap opera, har har har!! Now let’s move on, keep it fast and snappy for the kids, don’t let them overthink it!! Can’t have any emotional breakdowns onscreen. Keep it lighthearted y’know. Then let’s kill a random side character and have our dear protagonist almost die twice.

(Well jokes on you Blue Sky! I’m no kid, but a devoted fangirl who can and will overthink any material of my fictional faves at any given opportunity.)

You know what else I love about him though?? His love for animals!! And pigeons, especially Lovey!! He loves her so much, gives her gluten free breadcrumbs, nuzzles her, the first thing he does when he finds out Lance can talk to the pigeons is ask if she loves him too!! Like… That’s so pure and wholesome.

This here. THIS RIGHT HERE. BROTP forever.

(Not gonna lie, I used to be crazy for pigeons for like, an entire year or something. Not as in looking up all the facts there are about pigeons as I do nowadays with cartoons, but I’d feed them regularly and write my little observations on their behaviors. Did you know they sometimes scratch their neck with their leggies like dogs do?)

I think I’ve summed up mostly everything I love about this nerd. Oh wait, almost forgot the sass!! I love how sassy and smug he can be sometimes, in like, a really harmless way but it’s still a very nice characteristic.

Since I’ve ran out of coherent things to say, here’s an incomplete list of things I want to do to Walter Beckett. Put at the end of this post so those of you who were only here for the analysis part and not the selfshippy gushing don’t have to read further:

kiss he

like seriously

just kiss he a whole lot

cover his whole face in kisses

one kiss for each of his freckles. a finishing kiss onto the tip of his nose. then repeat the cycle

hug him. hug him like the world is ending. hug him so tight he can barely breathe

then ofc let go and apologize bc I would never hurt him on purpose

cuddle him

hold him close, let him lay his head on my chest

run my fingers through his hair

listen to his breathing

discover that he’s fallen asleep on me and smile fondly, then soon drift off to sleep myself so we can wake up entangled in eachother the next morning

fuck he

pin him to a wall and snog he

make him go cherry red

fluster he

compliment him. praise him. appreciate him. he’s a prince, a hero, an angel, a wonderful human being and he needs to know this

feed pigeons together

listen to his scientific ramblings and bird facts

write him love letters and give them to him. maybe read it aloud myself if I’m feeling brave so I can see his reaction in real time

serenade he

be the love of his life, and have him be mine

just… soft things, man

cook something for this malnourished sticc

make him small handmade gifts

they’re nothing like his gadgets but I tried

draw he

have him be my muse in general

not like he isn’t now but it would be lovely if he was real too

carry him bridal style

be the feral cryptid that lurks in his house when he isn’t around

sing along to cheesy pop-song together really badly

watch cheesy rom coms

flirt with eachother clumsily until we’re both laughing at our awkwardness

or, alternatively, shower him with compliments until he literally cannot handle it

have sleepovers together

give him hand kisses

be of emotional support

[thegreenfairy13]

We Only Come Here To Sleep

A new Gobblepot fic cause I need to do something on the weekend. 

Summary: Three infants have been murdered and their bodies have been found at various places in Gotham City. The public, as well as the mob, want to see a culprit for different reasons. After everything Jim Gordon has been through, one wouldn't think an ordinary case would take its toll on him. But it does.

Read the first chapter on Ao3 or here: 

In the end, it wasn’t one of the Riddler’s elaborate schemes, or one of the Joker’s ludicrous plans. It wasn’t Bruce Wayne and his determination to become a vigilante, or even the Penguin and his golden empire of crime. In the end, it was a usual case, an ordinary crime that did James Gordon in.

Gotham City seems to know only two seasons. Through most of the year, there’s an icy wind sweeping through the city, biting into the grim faces of her inhabitants. Most of her days are dark, giving the impression of an endless night.

But then comes the summer. And for a few weeks, Gotham will be tinged with yellow. But it won’t be a bright summer showing off clear skies painting the city with gentle colors. No, it will be harsh and brutal - like everything in this godforsaken city.

The sun will be beating down, baking pavements and glass-facades until each breath in the overheated air will be painful, until each step will be a battle. And the light! It’s never a bright yellow, but a color reminiscent of piss. It suits this pain-filled place, though.

Jim Gordon curses under his breath as exists his car. When putting his feet on the ground, his soles practically fuse with the ground. A wave of hot air hits his chest, and Jim can instantly feel the sweat covering his chest, causing his shirt to cling uncomfortably to his upper-body. Reaching for his sunglasses, he gestures for Harvey to follow him.

The heavier man pulls a face when being ordered to leave the chilled cocoon of his car. Jim ignores him. Sighing heavily, he nods towards the other officers already crowding the scenery.

Despite the buzz, he feels alone. Out here, Gotham is at her worst. For miles and miles, there’s nothing to see but the grey of the concrete and colorless sand. It’s a place where people disappear in the filthy water never to return again. Jim is certain his colleagues will lay him to rest out here one day in the future - he wouldn’t blame them.  

After taking a few more hesitant steps, Jim hears the sand crunching beneath his shoes. If he closed his eyes for a moment, he could easily pretend to be somewhere else. At a proper beach maybe, under a benevolent sky. Instead, he thinks how annoying it will be to get the sand out of his shoes.

“Where exactly are we?” Harvey asks with a slight growl, startling Jim.

Jim tilts his head. He contemplates giving his partner a snarky reply but thinks better of it. So instead of pointing out that he didn’t spend the car-ride blindfolded and handcuffed, he explains, “Common ground.”

Sucking in a shuddering breath, Harvey tilts his head. “That’s bad.”

Jim doesn’t reply, simply grits his teeth. ‘That’s bad’ doesn’t even start to cover how bad this could be.

One of the younger officers picks up on their conversation. Confusion written all over his face, he addresses Harvey. “What do you mean?” he asks.

Huffing out a humorless laugh, the experienced cop indulges the lad. “That’s the land between the turfs.” Pointing across the river, he elaborates, “That’s the Valeska turf.” He turns slightly to the right, “The Siren’s oasis.” Making a full turn, he points vaguely in the direction Jim is standing, “Tetch’s outdoor amusement park for the hopelessly lunatic, right beside the Scarecrow’s House of Horror.”  

At last, he circles his partner fully. “The Narrows,” he says then, ignoring the slight pang of pain on Jim’s face deliberately. “None other than the Queen rules this shitty piece of the city.”

Taking a deep breath, he finishes his quick initiation to Gotham’s inofficial districts. “But they all pay their tribute to the Penguin.”  Adjusting his sweat-sodden fedora, Bullock spits on the ground. “And this crap place? That’s no one’s ground. If a body is being dropped here , the rogues passed their judgment. Together.”

The young police-man gulps. He stares at Bullock and then back at the riverbank where the coroner is already busy taking samples. “So they…?”

Pushing the lad aside, Jim steps forward. “So if a body ends up here without permission here, that means the mob will interfere,” he states grimly.

Approaching the riverbank, the Commissioner finally takes a good look at the corpse before him. Despite all the horrors Jim had been through before, nothing could have been able to prepare him for the sight before him.

For a long moment, he merely stares, unmoving. He has seen corpses before, has been the cause of untimely deaths more times than he’d like to admit, but this is new.

No, in fact, it isn’t. Jim has been confronted with this kind of death before, has tried his very best to suppress that memory as best as he can, but given the context, this is new .

Looking up, he nods for the coroner to start elaborating. Never before has Jim missed the previous forensic, Edward Nygma, as much as this very second. For once, he wishes for someone to wrap up harsh truths in distracting riddles. Jim would give up his year’s salary and then some, if the forensic would give his mind an opportunity to wander off, to focus on something else than the task at hand.

What he gets, though, are simple facts. “Infant. Male. Probably not more than a couple of days old. Maybe not even that. Probably strangled. No severe trauma,” he rattles on, unfazed by the tiny body lying on the dirty ground. Maybe she hardens you to this point.

A baby. Just a little, innocent baby. Jim can hardly breathe as he stares down at what has been a living being, if only for a few hours. His skin is already peeling off due to the merciless heat, turning black and blue beneath Gotham’s sun. Jim wonders if it was rosy, once. He stares down, unable to look away, takes in the little knobs of fat on its upper arms and legs, and tries to suppress a sob.

Somebody should hold this little thing in their arms. It should still be alive, making happy noises, as one gently pinches those tiny rolls of fat. It should squeal with delight, and only cry if it’s hungry.

At last, Jim has to turn away. This is not right. Nobody should discard a child as if it was trash. Especially not here, at this godforsaken place.

His fingers itch to pick up the small body, to hold it, if only for a moment, the way it deserves. In another life, he would know exactly how to go about it. He and Lee would have awaited their child’s arrival with excitement. Would have picked out a crib, toys, rompers, and books, maybe. They would have laid in bed, Jim’s hand on Lee’s belly, waiting for their kid to move, knowing full-well it’s still shielded from this city, from her .

This reality never happened, though. Will probably never happen to Jim, for he doesn’t deserve such happiness, he knows that. But still. It’s unfair. This infant lies there on the ground, discarded like trash, and it’s everything someone like Jim has ever wished for.

He bends down, almost touches the tiny cheek before remembering he’s still a cop. Swallowing heavily, he disguises the motion by wiping the sweat from his forehead.

A heavy hand lands on his shoulder. “You alright, partner?” Harvey asks quietly enough that nobody else hears them.

Jim’s chest constricts, he has trouble taking a breath, and still, his jaw is set tight. Nobody but Harvey would ever catch on, would note that anything was wrong. Jim is thankful for the warm hand, the solid weight on his shoulder. He’s grounding him in his pain, forcing him back to reality, when all he wants to do is float away and wallow in his grief.

“Of course I am,” he replies, a tad bit too quickly.

Harvey arches an eyebrow at him, but doesn’t reply. This is neither the place nor the time anyway.

“Won’t you finally pack up the evidence?” he snaps when the coroner gives them both a look that is too curious for Harvey’s taste. The coroner squints in disdain, but does what he’s told. After all, Bullock has a natural authority to him, he’s a character only Jim questioned successfully so far, and today, he’s glad for it.

They get back into their car, where it’s cold and sterile and death is but a memory at a riverbank. He blinks as he tries to wrap his head around what he just saw: an entire life, wasted in the sand. Neither of them talks as Harvey drives back to the city, back to the living.

Finally, Harvey glances over at Jim, now and then beating nervously the devil’s tattoo on the steering wheel. “That’s the third,” he whispers.

“I know,” Jim replies. He’s too exhausted to say anything else. Over the course of the last three weeks, they found three dead infants. All scattered around the city. The first two had been siblings according to their DNA-analysis. Jim wouldn’t be surprised if the third one is related to them, too.

“You want me to drop you off at the weasel’s place?” Harvey asks, and Jim flinches.

“What am I supposed to do there?”

The other man shrugs. “We found it on Common Ground.”

Jim hums in agreement. “Doesn’t look like a mob-job, though.”

Tilting his head, Harvey acknowledges the statement. “He could still know something,” he states petulantly and both men know he’s reaching for straws there.

“This case is getting to you,” he adds after a moment. Jim rolls his eyes but can’t find it in him to disagree. “You could at least get a free drink.”

The blonde snorts. “I think I’m outta favors.”

Harvey scratches his chin. “Still. Maybe one of his goons has seen something.” He clears his throat, looks over at Jim. “And it wouldn’t hurt for you to let off some steam. You always seem to be better off after pushing the Penguin around for a while.”

Jim sputters. “That’s not true!” he protests.

Holding up his hand, Harvey interrupts him. “It is. Go there. See what he knows, rough him up, arrest one or two thugs. You’ll feel better.”

Horrified, Jim stares at his partner’s face. “You make it sound like I’m harassing an innocent citizen for nothing. You’re still aware we’re talking about the Penguin?”

Harvey snorts in response. “That’s exactly why I’m suggesting.” He clicks his tongue against his teeth. “Not accusing , just to be clear.”

Jim falls silent as he clenches his fists. He’s so damn tired, he doesn’t even want to put up a fight.

“He’ll find out anyway,” he demurs. “And he’ll want answers. You don’t simply drop off a body at the riverbank and expect Cobblepot to keep his hooked nose outta your business.”

“This is a police investigation,” Jim snaps back, unfazed, and Harvey’s jaw drops.

“Even after becoming the Commissioner, you still sound like a petulant rookie on some days.

Leaning back against the seat, Jim closes his eyes. Even before today, he had been exhausted to the point of not being able to sleep properly for weeks. This city just won’t let him.

And now there’s a body on Common Ground.

This city doesn’t seem to rest when it comes to her sinisterness. If Gotham doesn’t want to swallow her entire population whole, she now goes for her most vulnerable inhabitants. Jim wishes he could for once simply search for stolen paintings or chase a burglar. But no, there’s always something bigger, or something more diabolical lurking in the shadows.

Jim’s shoulders slump as he gives in. “Let’s do the paperwork first,” he suggests, cause he’s still the commissioner. “And then we’ll inform the Penguin like the good, little cops we are.”

[plantanarchy]

the audubon society plants list finally loaded kids let’s do a brief (haha) cold medicine induced analysis of what the heck they’re recommending for my local area (western PA) and whether it could grow in my shitty yard (if i’m unfamiliar with it i’m skipping it just to be fair)

It’s alphabetical by common name I guess so ok i’m doing this under a cut I supppose

Allegheny Monkey Flower (Mimulus ringens) - this plant is indeed one you see kinda often...... on the very edge of the Allegheny river literally growing as a marginal plant. not ideal unless you got a pond or live in a swamp

Allegheny Serviceberry (Amelanchier laevis) - this is one you see growing in the woods near swamps so nope, not in this drought hellscape of a yard

Alternate-Leaf Dogwood  (Cornus alternifolia) - another understory moisture loving tree/shrub... next

American Beech (Fagus grandifolia) - again, moisture loving woodland tree. European Beeches are overall more drought tolerant so if you see a beech in the city or suburbs, it’s probably not an American Beech. also, in my area, you can’t find an American Beech that isn’t suffering from Beech bark disease unfortunately

American Black Elderberry  (Sambucus nigra ssp. canadensis) - These are good plants and grow all along the shady woodsides here. Same issue though, they like moisture and at least partial shade. And the ornamental varieties you can find at garden centers tend to be European hybrids with fancy leaves

American Pokeweed (Phytolacca americana) - shadey woodland lad again. They’re also very very weedy idk that anyone would want this in their garden.

American Witch-Hazel  (Hamamelis virginiana) - a good plant. still needs moist soil but I think would probably be ok. It looks really cool planted near grasses because it blooms in fallish

Big Bluestem  (Andropogon gerardi) - finally a prairie plant!! it’s my boy big bluestem. unfortunately, it can look kinda wild and weedy for a suburban garden unless you do it right.

Black Chokeberry (Aronia melanocarpa) - handsome, good, nice berries, good fall foliage, excellent choice, prefers full sun but still likes it a bit moist and will drop all its bottom leaves and turn fall colors early if you underwater it oops i definitely  never was responsible for that at work with b&b aronias.

Black Raspberry (Rubus occidentalis) - oh word we got these in our garden and the birds actually like the red ones better rip

Black-Eyed-Susan (Rudbeckia hirta) - that’s right babey it’s Susan. this baby will reseed all day in sun or shade and birds love that shit. downfall is the species plant is prone to rust and cultivars do a bit better.

Butterfly Milkweed  (Asclepias tuberosa) - Good and Wholesome friend. I don’t recommend this as baby’s first milkweed though because they can be slow to establish and kinda disappointing and small and if you get caterpillars on it the first year, it may not survive.

Cardinal-Flower (Lobelia cardinalis) - my mom actually has managed to keep a Lobelia alive in the shadiest, wettest part of her garden but listen...... this is a marginal or swamp plant. Put it in the swamp.

Common Buttonbush  (Cephalanthus occidentalis) - it’s the bae

Common Milkweed (Asclepias syriaca) - do not try to buy this as an established plant at a garden center, they will look at you funny and point at the roadsides. Either wait until fall seedpod time and go harvest some or buy some seeds online

Common Snowberry (Symphoricarpos albus) - I had no idea this was native actually but it’s cool because it gets big white ORBS

Common Winterberry (Ilex verticillata) - it’s got stems. it’s got berries. it can grow wherever. what more could you want??? english holly who?????

Common Yarrow (Achillea millefolium) - actually often confusingly hybridized with European Yarrows so no one knows whether they’re ~true~ natives or not. Who cares they will survive anything except a swamp. They will live in a drought ass no topsoil suburban neighborhood like a CHAMP. they were made for this.

Dense Gayfeather (Liatris spicata) - just including this one because it sounds like a Good Omens joke

Flowering Dogwood (Cornus florida) - put that baby tree back in the moist woodlands where it came from or so help me

Gray-Head Mexican-Hat  (Ratibida pinnata) - ayyy prairie plant, though this isn’t the species you commonly see for sale at garden centers and this one is decidedly less phallic than R. columnifera so that’s a bummer.

Great Blue Lobelia (Lobelia siphilitica) - we half killed this at work because it doesn’t love pot culture or me but someone still bought it all. don’t put this in your dry ass suburban neighborhood or she will hate you too

Northern Bayberry (Morella pensylvanica) - i call this myrica pensylvanica but whatever. birds love it. so do japanese beetles unfortunately

Pennsylvania Sedge (Carex pensylvanica) - it’s a sedge

Red Columbine (Aquilegia canadensis) - unlike other columbine, this bitch likes full sun and probably will grow and reseed anywhere

Redbud (Cercis canadensis) - another understory-ish moisture loving tree but a lot of the cultivars do just fine in the middle of sad suburban yards. also good. blooms wherever it wants while nakey.

Scarlet Beebalm (Monarda didyma) - you will only ever find cultivars of this but who knows, they may slightly more mildew resistant for at least a little while

Shag-Bark Hickory (Carya ovata) - big, handsome, looks like it’s seconds away from falling apart at all times. just how i like my men.

Smooth Oxeye (Heliopsis helianthoides) - please let the one in my mom’s yard know that it’s meant to survive dry soils in full sun

Spotted Beebalm (Monarda punctata) - my favorite bee balm but doesn’t have the Wow factor of M. didyma cultivars. It likes the sun and dry though

Spotted Touch-Me-Not (Impatiens capensis) - wholesome friend! But no one in their right mind would plant this on purpose in their garden also it would be wilt-city out here in the drought ass topsoil-less surburbs. these babies used to grow between the greenhouses and I used to water them like some kinda of bleeding heart

Swamp Milkweed (Asclepias incarnata) - she can actually live pretty well in the middle of drought ass suburban yard and spreads easily by seed but expect half the lower leaves to yellow and drop off by midsummer. poor darling. put her back in the swamp. This is the most reliable commerically available milkweed you will find because it takes to pot culture way better than other milkweeds (rip all the butterfly weed horticulture land kills yearly)

Sweet-Bay (Magnolia virginiana) - more like sweet bae am I right???? actually she wouldn’t live in my yard. needs some afternoon shade and moist, rich soil.

Sweet-Scented Joe-Pye-Weed (Eutrochium purpureum) - It’s Joe!!!!! Will grow all over. Will get 7 feet tall with massive flowers just because he can. Will grow in a swamp, will grow on a hillside, will grow beside Wal-Mart. Joe don’t care. I still call it Eupatorium because I resist change and actually I’m not 100% sure if this or E. fistulosum that is most common around here.

Tall Tickseed (Coreopsis tripteris) - coreopsis is a really popular genus to see on native plant lists but there aren’t many native to my area of Pennsylvania and you won’t find anything but C. verticillata or C. lanceolata cultivars in garden centers. BUt  apparently this bitch can get NINE FEET TALL i’m swooning

Trumpet-Creeper (Campsis radicans) - ok, i’d avoid planting this baby unless you know exactly what you’re doing. she may be native but she can and will do her best to eat your home and foundation and your garden in general. she will do her rhizomey best to runner away from you into the wilderness. fun to grow across a pergola though but she will EAT your TREES and your HOME

Virginia-Creeper  (Parthenocissus quinquefolia) - ????? no one is going to deliberately plant this, Audubon Society

Wand Panic Grass (Panicum virgatum) - this is why I think making these lists with common name first is so hilarious because what????? I know this as “Switchgrass” which sounds nice and normal wtf is a Wand Panic Grass. that’s what i’m going to call bad bottom dysphoria episodes from now on

White Turtlehead (Chelone glabra) - likes it wet and shaded so wouldn’t do nice in my yard. also why even BOTHER planting this plant unless you’re going to do the cultivar ‘Hot Lips’ (jk probably the white one is more native insects friendly)

Wild Hydrangea (Hydrangea arborescens) - she’s cute and all but if you want a Hydrangea just go full cliche H. paniculata cultivar or nothing. This plant would hate my whole entire yard and then die

anyway, that’s all the plants on the list I felt like rambling about on this fine Tuesday morning. Overall, idk how helpful a list like this would be for first time gardeners, because they would run into the issue of not being able to actually their hands on most of these plants.

Very few on the list would actually be suitable for growing in a new suburban neighborhood or an urban garden. This is an area naturally full of sensitive, woodland, rich, moist soil-loving plants... and unfortunately, those areas are disappearing more and more under new developments and the native pollinators and wildlife are going along with them.

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Install Visual Young boy Advance.

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