#even when they're trying to murder me
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trench-surfer · 9 days ago
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i love you dreadnoughtus you big silly caterpillar sauropod
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vimbry-moved · 1 year ago
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it's sad how many reviews and stuff around tmbg seem to centre linnell as the sole dark and creepy writer of the band, never really crediting flansburgh too. do "hide away folk family," "dirt bike," "rabid child," "black ops," "cloisonné" mean nothing to them, smh.
#tmbg#this rigid dichotomy they tend to get forced into even tho linnell has written some happier songs and flansburgh plenty horrific ones#I'll be honest tho. I fully went into tmbw-interp-tab conspiracy when I first heard ''sleeping in the flowers'' lmao#I thought that song was about somebody getting murdered#the title seemed like a euphemism to me#it's actually. according to flansburgh. just about getting high in central park#and it's inspired by itchycoo park by the small faces which I knew and loved before and it's GREAT go listen to that. it's '60s psychedelia#so the lyrics are prob fantasising about spending time with the crush and essentially playfully talking sweet nothings together#bc they're stoned and in love#but honestly I thought ''you proclaim that you're an island. I proclaim that I'm one too''#''I declare that I am england. you declare that I have drowned''#sounded to me like someone trying to get away and be alone but the other person not getting the hint#esp bc the narrator introduces themself as not wanting to be ''known as the creep''#the part about getting a ride home with a drunk guy ''who showed me how to spin my head round and round''#sounded like the driver helping them get their story straight/take their mind off it#and the narrator feels they came across as ungrateful about their advice in their shocked state#plus the way the instrumental between the verses and chorus changes from fuzzy and gritty to lighthearted brass#like it's catching you off-guard#but it's not about any of that it's about being high#anyway none of that is an example of a genuinely creepy flansburgh song but
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vaguely-concerned · 2 months ago
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permission to be so for fucking real with you for a sec inquisitor
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I love when this particular expression breaks through. capacity to be a bit of an asshole and a little hater when too sorely tried: very much still there. and biding its time for its day of glory.
(second pass at peter adaar that I like much better than my first one btw!
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I wish we got more presets to work with for the inquisitor and that some of the more weathered/aged complexions had worked out for what I was trying to do here (and that I hadn't forgotten his mercenary days scars after a dazed hour in the character creator D:) so I could render cassandra's tastefully aged emotional support twunk part time messiah full time wife guy with more precision, and also ideally some silver in his hair. finally got to give him his long hair and more slender build as the maker intended tho, we take those, let's call it close enough to a victory. adaar, who has actually met hawke in person, is quietly amused by rye at all times. 'yeah okay varric. I see your game here. if it ain't broke I suppose, it's as good a shot as any')
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here-there-were-dragons · 7 months ago
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i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that
#mostly i've just seen like “how dare you ask questions you just want an excuse to murder you're sealioning ect”#or worse some vague and wildly improbable nonsense about like. fake robot animals covered in beyond meat or something equally convoluted#which is a thing i did see someone suggest as a serious answer#i mean i already know they think i'm a genetically inferior hateful vampire that should starve to death for the greater good#because my exact combination of health conditions make meat basically the only semi-safe way i can get close to enough nutrients#i know this because they have repeatedly told me that i'm either evil or should be sacrificed or both#and yelled at me for asking questions by bringing up the whole disabled thing and then they're like#“a lot of vegans i know are advocates for disability!” as if that ever means jack shit in the society that results from anything#no matter what you do a vast majority of people in any given society will *not* be advocates for the disabled. i'm sorry they just won't.#and what do you think public perception of people who physically can't survive like that is going to skew towards#in a society founded on the belief that non-vegan diets are evil?#at absolute best we're looking at being a heavily marginalized class generally seen as something like vampires and our existences taboo.#(as if these type's own insistence that they should be allowed to harass and shame people doesn't disprove their assertion that we won't be#thinking it could possibly go any better than that is a fucking fairy tale. human nature doesn't work that way.#you simply cannot eliminate the human desire to designate and abuse a class of have-nots. the absolute best you can do is mitigate damage.#take it from someone who's been multiple kinds of disabled and chronically ill all my life. people will not “just”. ever.#i get this even from people who are otherwise very aware of and VERY GOOD at avoiding this sort of thinking#“i'm a disability advocate!” no you are not. you are a poster. my experience has taught me that what people advocate for in their free time#means precisely jack shit for how they will actually act when faced with the situations they make otherwise rational posts about#and the fact of the matter is even if you somehow really are the perfect disability advocate a majority of people WILL NOT BE YOU.#a majority of people in society will be margrat from accounting who clutches her pearls when she sees the gays and thinks autism isnt real#and who has never had a nuanced thought in her life and actively does not want to#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will not be you and your friends who march with wheelchair users and volunteer at the shelte#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will be jenny who starved 8 cats to death on broccoli because she can't be bothered#and who thinks that “carnivores” are actual nazis and don't deserve healthcare because she saw someone say that online.#ALWAYS assume your society will be made up mostly of the worst kind of person it can because it WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE and you can't change it#most people seek the low-effort option. and evil is most often banal and low-effort.#i'm just so fucking tired of every single even vaguely lefty-adjacent political movement simultaneously acting like i don't fucking exist#and at the same time that i need to be sacrificed to achieve Utopia. god. at least conservative whackjobs are upfront and honest about#how they think that i'm a burden on society that needs to be Eugenics'd . rather than trying to morally gaslight me about it.
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pagesofkenna · 9 months ago
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i wanted to make a post about a thing but the more i think about it the more i want to say and it's just going to end up being a big ramble essay, so instead i'll just give the thesis statement, thusly:
as the #1 Ratgrinders Apologist (self-appointed), of course they're the final boss fight to the death. i expected nothing less and the people trying to make discourse about it are ignoring the entire context of this being a Dungeons and Dragons game
#they're not playing 'discuss our traumas and and try to help strangers grow: the game'#they're playing 'murder people for getting in our way: the game'#which i know is now me being snubbing about D&D as a game but like. siobhan said it: theyve committed SO much murder#did the lunch lady in episode 2 deserve to be murdered? did the skater dwarves deserved to be murdered?#did the monsters the school sicced on the kids in their Last Stand deserve to be slaughtered like that??#its literally the name of the game!#the two things that are turning this into a bigger essay are 1) me being actually very disappointed in Burrow's End with how the players#just did not want at all to engage with the moral greyness aabria was trying to bring into the story#it was clear that was a direction she wanted to explore and i wanted to see it explored#but even OUT of characters the cast just would NOT engage or acknowledge the validity of that direction#and there was only so much aabria could do without being labeled a killjoy... because D&D often ISN'T a game for reckoning with#the justification of your character's actions! its a game for killing giant bears and saving the town from cultists!!#baked into the foundation of the game conceit is 'you are the hero and you are saving the day ergo your actions are Right and Just'#thing 2) i just listened to that WWW fireside the other day where brennan goes on about how combat does not get in the way#of story in dnd. that whole stove metaphor? and it rankled me so much lol because like aabria finally says after that:#yeah you bring your own food to the stove but when what you've got is a stove. the food you make is GOING to get cooked#combat and fighting and killing is baked into the system from its foundation. acting like D&D or even just d20 (the system)#is a resolution engine that also allows fighting and not a fighting engine that also allows other skills is. wishful thinking i think#and to bring this back to the POINT: of COURSE they're going to kill the rat grinders! because it's fun!#because thats how you resolve conflict in a combat game! straight up i honestly believe a lengthy conversation trying to win the kids over#would have been a weird energy to end the season on! it would have been a let down!#it would have been a huge tonal shift. because the tone you bring to a D&D game is 'killing this is fine actually'#and if you dont like that you /dont/ play D&D. its not a value judgment#i LOVE getting into moral implications and justifications and ive gotta tone it down when i run D&D games because it can kill the vibe#anyway. i said i wasnt going to write the whole essay and im not. but i did write most of the rant oops
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the-acid-pear · 10 months ago
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I hate vagueposting in fandom give me a direct link and a list of reasons why I'd be as upset as you
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baldurs-gate-official · 1 year ago
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All that trauma and bullshit and he still has the capacity to trust and have a healing journey?? To love? I think a lot of people don't fully grasp just how difficult that is
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fingertipsmp3 · 7 months ago
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Ughhhhhhh I hate writing and I hate not writing and I hate myself
#nearly bought a digital typewriter today. actually i DID buy a digital typewriter today. officially yes i have bought a digital typewriter.#the money for the digital typewriter has left my account but i have emailed them to cancel the order because i can't in good faith buy#a digital typewriter when i don't fucking WRITE#i thought it might help me get back into it. distraction free and while allowing me to not judge my own writing#and be continuously editing while i write and going 'i'm crap i'm crap i'm crap no one will ever read this and if they do they will think#that i'm garbage and that i should feel bad etc etc etc'#but it's too expensive and i have the feeling i wouldn't even like or use the thing once i got it#because the IDEAS! the ideas aren't coming to me. or rather they are but none of them seem to stick#i feel underconfident in writing any of them#and then i have old projects that i've always wanted to get back to like the tennis romance thing but SO much has changed since i first#started drafting it. like i don't even know if i like the main couple anymore. i kind of want to put both of them with different OCs of min#but it'd switch up the WHOLE story if i had a different cast#in fact most of the problem lies in the fact that i have this long-running bedtime story i tell myself every night with lore#and a massive cast of characters that i switch out depending on who i'm most interested in right now and every so often i incorporate new#themes and ideas and motifs and plot points sometimes based on media i've been watching because it's MY bedtime story and it doesn't matter#if i plagiarise in my own brain. but then obviously i can't plagiarise in real life#and none of my bedtime stories are GOING anywhere. sometimes i only get through a scene or two before i fall asleep#all of which means my bedtime story is not so much a sweeping epic novel but a sitcom with way too many characters#most of which are werewolves to be honest and sometimes for my own wish fulfilment one of them will walk out of my head#and take care of my problems for me by lending me £1million or murdering my best friend's ex. in my mind obviously#so it's like. it's a case of getting in there and annexing off the stuff i think i can use#it's like yeah i've definitely written several romance novels in my head in the process of this but does it matter if they're IN my HEAD#to be honest i feel like my main strength is in creating characters. like i have this one family of werewolves i've been slowly but surely#adding members to since i was like 16. maybe younger? no yeah i think i made the first one when i was 12#they're compelling to ME anyway. i care about them. it's just PLOTS. i can't plot#if a book could just be a lot of dialogue and sex scenes and silly moments and character studies i'd be alright#i also can't describe settings. don't ask me to because i can't#and now i'm just annoyed with myself because i sat down at my laptop to try to write and instead i'm here complaining about how i don't wri#and if i had the digital typewriter... i mean i'd probably still be doing this i'd just no longer have £300#i don't have the £300 anyway. i hope to christ they refund my card i'm a fucking idiot
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kikuism · 2 years ago
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just finished jade war. Um ‼️
#girl. i have never been more stressed reading a book oh my goddddd those final few chapters had me by the fucking throat#i gasped countless times. i had to put the book down and PACE and that never happens ever .......#every moment i wasn't reading my gut was roiling with anxiety wondering what was going to happen next#fonda lee had me on the edge of my fucking seat that's for sure#okay im going to talk about spoilers now so look away if you must#THE DEATH SCARES WITH RU AND WEN AND ANDEN HAD ME SCREAMINGGGGG I WAS SO SCARED WTF#also we Love the poetic cinema of anden’s climactic scene in the first book being him taking away life and then in this book#it's him giving life back#LOVE!!!!!!! and he was always good at channeling so it ties in beautifully#also this is sooooo trivial but even though i was actually kind of heartbroken he broke things off with cory—#i hope he can try something with lott 👀 like. please....he had a crush on this emo kid for the longest time back at the academy. so cute#but i mean they're two very different people now so i'd understand if that doesn't happen but now that anden is back in janloon i really#hope he and lott can like. spend more time together and get to catch up#ANYWAY!!!!!! i need to talk about BERO bc for some reason i ended up getting sooo attached to him#like yeah he's an awful street rat who's done awful things but he's just trying to make something out of his life#also Love how he's bestowed with such turbulent luck as it's stated over and over again like literally Anything could happen to bero#but i was kinda sad when mudt jr was murdered (that scene gave me chills btw it was so horrific...green bones don't mess around)#bc he and bero Were kinda sorta friends and i loved their constant bickering and how they did come to appreciate each other's company :(#also obsessed with how the books start and end with bero like oh shit i wonder what godawful scheme he's trying to pull off now#boy....just let it rest!!!! you have a proper job at a restaurant now you could make a normal life for yourself!!!!#now he wants to ruin the clans by joining the rebellion.....of courseeeee#anyway bero is a delight and i love seeing where fate takes him he really is a plaything of the gods#god i still can't believe kehn is dead :(((( are you fucking kidding me. AND MARO. that was fucked up.#also hellooooo i need ayt madashi pov chapters right nowwwww she's such an enigma she's so scary i need to know what goes on in her head#also. girl. the cycle of violence is going to keep happening over and over as long as rhe clans still stand :/#the mountain and no peak are just going to keep trying to get the upper hand on each other no matter how much they talk about peace#maybe i agree with and support bero after all hfkshfhdh maybe a rebellion is what's needed after all#bc they're just going to keep going at each other's throats#i need jade legacy right nowwww hopefully i get it from the library in the next few days
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the-precious-sugar-chan · 2 years ago
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looking back at my anime crushes i realize there's patterns everywhere, like "i dont have a type" my ass
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the-faultofdaedalus · 2 years ago
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would be really funny to make a relationship chart for all the relationships in aos currently (couple eps into season 3) because its just ward at the center with "hates and wants to kill" lines between him and literally every single other person
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tomurakii · 3 months ago
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Winged men I would hit with my car + reverse back over to make sure the job was done if I saw them on the street
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#todays category is loser ass authoritarian murderers that the fandom pretends are deep and introspective because they think they're hot#the amount of like. “if you hate sunday you weren't paying attention” I see on the internet. no girl I was paying PLENTY of attention#he trapped the entire population of his city in a perpetual dream because he doesn't think humans have the capacity to make their own#choices and so he pretended to care about “protecting” them and acted like he was making some noble sacrifice when really all he wanted was#to let the stellaron drain their lifeforce so he could use it to become god. like he's just a selfish fucking loser who thinks he's better#than everyone and thus deserves to be god and make all their decisions for them. he literally stole their ability to feel anything other#than “content”. not even “happy”. like HELLO???? HE SUCKS#everyone's like “wow he's just so tragic he gave up his freedom to look after them” girl he STOLE everyone's freedom to BECOME GOD#and I've already talked all my shit on hawks' bastard cop ass it's genuinely horrific that this man confessed to murder and became#POLICE COMMISSIONER afterward. he straight betrayed. psychologically tortured. and then “preventatively” killed a mentally ill man#who was just trying to protect his family. and he was voice-recording himself an excuse the whole time he did it#ugh these two motherfuckers piss me off so bad i want them killed with rocks#not character tagging obviously but JESUSSSSS#cops arent meant to kill ANYONE and we KNOW he's capable of non-lethally apprehending people because we SAW him do it. he just wanted#twice fucking dead. he was yapping about how 'some people just won't go down' but he didn't even fucking try and I'm not taking his word for#it given he was recording it presumably to use as defence so he wouldn't get in trouble for the premeditated murder he was committing#bnha#hsr
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arolesbianism · 7 months ago
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The Joshua section of my oni playlist is looking great so far
#rat rambles#oni posting#Im sure this will feel perfectly fine to listen to and wont result in me having to skip at least one of the songs involved everytime#I never look for joshua songs I just listen to music and receive visions#well tbf that's how I find all my jackie songs too but yknow#everyday is just me looking for songs for any characters other than jackie and guess whos gangly ass shows up every time#I rly need to find a proper ellie song I only rly have sort of ellie songs#and one of them is mesmerizer which basically doesnt count#and the other one I have is a stretch since its mostly because I have an amv in my head for it#idk maybe she should just try to be as interesting as the joshua lore I made up in my head :/#but in actual seriousness the main problem with finding good ellie songs is that most songs that I find that could fit her fits someone#else better and this isn't even just an oni thing like Ive found songs that have come so close to making it on the playlist but got snagged#by an oc first and in ellie's case marci keeps stealing all her shots at getting more songs#like I Could just slap them on the oni playlist anyways but them I'd listen to it and just start thinking abt marci instead#also they just like. fit her better than ellie.#so ellie is stuck in playlist limbo next to nikola who got his one semi song and nothing more#hey theyre doing better than nails the closest they have is the rabbit au nails clones getting a song#I love my rabbit au clone ocs they are so silly I love making au specific ocs that I put through the horrors#I still think abt my random card au ocs pretty regularly even tho they dont even have names and mostly just exist for worldbuilding#especially the dog lady who I mostly made to get murdered by glitter green shes my beloved#I should try to draw her at some point (won't do that since she has thin long hair and Id rather die than draw that)#rly tho I should design my clone guys theyre mostly easy since theyre y'know. clones.#theres some of them with notable design differences tho#theres the nails who cant sleep whos very disheveled and looks like they're on deaths door at any given time because they are#and theres the joshua who found out abt the horrors and had an existential crisis over it and became emo#and the nikola who found out abt the horros and had an existential crisis over it and put his hair in a ponytail abt it#the latter two are also besties and maybe kiss sometimes idk#and then theres my bestie the jean that's olivia's lackey and is absolutely obsessed with her and is fucked up in the head a lil bit#most of the clones across the story are less notably different from their blueprints tho and even less so visually#and when I say most of them I mean like almost all of the nails clones since the other three only actually had the one or maybe two
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muntitled · 1 month ago
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Blink Twice
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Pairings: The Salesman x Fem!Reader
Summary: After pushing your body to the brink, it's finally giving out. You're rewarded for all your dazzling work ethic with a “nice” dinner. As ‘nice’ as ‘nice’ gets with him…
Warnings: Dead Dove Do Not Eat, Language, Coercion, Murder, Abuse, Male Manipulation, Implied Violence, Age gap, God Complex, Brainwashing, Psychopathy, Blood, Gore, Codependency, Yandere!Salesman, Stalking, Smut (+18) mdni, Handcuffs, Exhibitionism, Blood Kink, Sadomasocism, Dom!Salesman, Sub!Reader, Choking, Rough Sex, Oral Sex, Blood Play, fingering, Degradation Kink, Praise Kink, Sadism, Punishments, Dom/Sub Dynamics, Squirting, Fingering, Somnophilia, Period Sex, Bodily Fluids.
A/n: I'm not responsible for the media you consume
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"H-How do you keep breaking into my apartment?" If it weren't for the fact that you were currently being fingered awake, you might have found it in yourself to sound more angry.
But you weren't awake, and he had taken advantage of your unconscious state just enough to bend down over your sleeping frame, and slip his hands between your legs.
You had promised yourself a quick power nap on the couch, anything that might lessen the pain that had been steadily blooming in your left arm. That nap had stolen you throughout most of the day until, here he hovers over you- the man who is undoubtedly the culprit for all this bodily pain you're in- with his fingers inside you.
“There you are, sleepy head,” His face is so close, you can see the smile wrinkling his face. His smile is bright and kind but his fingers aren't. They're stretching your cunt out, wrenching a moan from deep within you as you stare down at your hips moving off the couch.
“Fuck…” Your voice cracks as he scissors his index and middle finger inside you, still on a mission to split you apart. You drown in the scent of his cologne and his perfectly new suit- a black one today.
You throw your head back, feeling the pressure mount as you grind down against his fingers all while he watches with immense satisfaction.
“Can't- just-” you gasp when your wetness seeps out of you and onto the couch. “Can't-Do-This-” For all those moments you forget that you're nursing a sore arm. As you grind down against his ruthless fingers.
You forget that he might have seriously injured you this time.
“I couldn't help myself,” he whispers hoarsely, forcing an orgasm out of you before placing a kiss on your forehead. “You look breathtaking when you're unconscious.”
As the orgasm passes, you try to wake yourself up and become more aware of your surroundings.
Your body is shaking once he's done with you. Your cunt aches and reality sets back in. “Get out of my house.”
He straightens his tie before standing to his full height again, “You say that like I don't own the place,"
He's smiling stiffly as he stands before you, clutching that bloody briefcase, having come to collect you for another round of games...
Something inside your worn-out soul breaks at the sight of him so unfathomably fazed. You were experiencing another round of those 'realization moments'.
You have actually gone and sold yourself to a sadist.
Especially now that he's gone and done it again. After vehemently expressing that he 'please be a little more gentle with you', he insisted on pushing your body to the brink of its abilities. Toying with you and punishing you and releasing all the workings of those sick, sick, sick games on you, and for what?
It hits you more often than not these days.
A paid apartment? Paid university fees?
You try to keep your sleepy eyes unkind as you glare up at him but even you blanch at how much of a necessary force he's made himself in your life.
"And how often are you going to remind me that all my resources are tied to you?" You rise from lying supine, waiting for the world to stop spinning before you start stretching. None of your limbs protest as much as yours left shoulder that practically howls in pain. He watches you with robotic intrigue.
"I thought I should make good on that promise to take you out.”
"Take me out?" He notes the way your good shoulders tenses and smiles.
"I already said I've got no plans to kill you. You're the most fun I've had in years and years." He says "I want you to go to dinner with me."
"You wanna take your abuse victim out to dinner... looking like this?" you try to lift your arm but it protests, sending a sharp pain through your entire left side.
"I think you look rather beautiful."
"You would think this is what beauty looks like."
A tense silence falls.
"You're angry." He tilts his head, "And in pain."
You scoff venomously then, "Whomever might the culprit be?" You ask sarcastically before picking yourself up from the couch. You're cradling your arm, dragging your worn body across the floor to the adjoining kitchen.
"My fucking arm still hurts." You nearly cry as you squeeze the words out. Shooting a teary-eyed glare at your sadist from the kitchen.
"Tonight is your celebration dinner and it's way overdue." He busies himself by folding up the quilt that had been draped along your sleeping frame, "All my virtues rest on giving credit where credit is due, and you my dear..." the gaze he arrests you in is warm, and penetrative, like you were being reminded that he owns your body and soul, "-have done stellar work for me."
It's said in a wave of reverence you didn't really expect.
"Let me take you out,"
Sure he was sociopathic, and deranged, and everything you should most definitely be seeking refuge from, but the sentiment in his voice is genuine. As if, after 40 years on this earth, with the violent tendencies he had undoubtedly been born with, here is someone that's actually helping him. That's what you're doing, you're helping him. But it comes at a steep, steep price.
"You have virtues?" You ask sarcastically, causing the once intense moment to scatter and lighten.
"And your humor would be missed if I killed you. Where else would I find someone with such a stellar sense of humor and almost no sense of self preservation?" He asks aloud, as he walks towards the counter that separates you both. "You should've asked for help the first day you met me-"
"You offered to pay my shit if I played your games, who would walk away from that?”
"You should've." He smiles. "But I'm glad you didn't." His smile reaches those dead, almond eyes, "And tonight we have a celebration dinner."
"I can't go out," you say, turning your back on him to drink water.
His voice is dark when he says, "Can't or won't?"
"Can't." You slam your cup down against the sink, earning a thick wave of silence. You were never angry with him before. Never. "I think you broke something." You say, turning slowly, still cradling your arm like a baby.
There's a jarring amount of care in his voice as he rounds the counter to walk closer towards you. He examines your arm with deceptively soft eyes as he softly says, "I really did a number on you, didn't I?"
You look up at him with blank eyes, "Try not to get off thinking about it," you snip back. Sarcasm was your only weapon.
"I couldn't help myself," He rests his large hand on your arm, "you know that right?
"Y-Yes," your resolve falters and you're back to being his submissive. "I don't blame you."
"In fact." He nods along with you, conditioning you to accept his view of the events as he says, "Our session this past week had been nothing short of magical."
You're not quite sure if that was a reliable portrayal of the events but your weak mind is already fitting the memories to be so.
Somehow, you're thinking of the events with less anger: how he had snapped real, silver handcuffs on your wrists, resting them behind your back while you were being fucked from behind. It had been blissful until he pulled too hard on the left and you screamed and you blacked out.
Now here he stands before you, drenched in the afternoon sunlight, wearing a brand new black suit, smelling of fine cologne, telling you it was magical.
He came when you broke your arm.
"Alright, I'll come with you," he decides with finality, prompting you to snap out of your daze.
"No, I can go myself!" You move around him to gather your things.
"Unless you've magically obtained the ability to communicate in Korean then I suggest I come with you." He watches you race across your tiny apartment, gathering your things.
"There are English speaking doctors I'll be f-uck." As you were searching for your phone between the couch, you angered the arm, causing another wave of pain to blossom.
"I'm taking you." He stands by the doorway, "Let's go."
Your nostrils flare as the real reason for your discomfort rears its head. "B-but what if..."
You let the words die on your lips. Choosing instead to look at him, hoping your eyes relay the severity of the implications that might arise from a simple trip to the hospital. All those questions.
"Don't tell me you're worried about me." He says, still smiling.
"Worry?" You snort as you make your way to the front door where your sneakers sit, "If you go to jail who's gonna make me cum?"
He clutches at the space where a heart ought to be and says, "And here I was thinking you were falling in love with an old man like me."
"You can't love anything," you shoot back coldly.
"I can't," he confirms, "but you can."
You move away from the conversation like It's growing teeth.
"Let's just go," you mumble quietly, heading out the door, not looking back and knowing he'd follow.
𓂃
The hospital is bombarded by the smell of antiseptic and busy bodies in white coats whizzing all around you. It's dizzying actually being here as the severity if it all comes hammering down on you. You didn't like being around so many people at the best of times- even attending university everyday was met with its fair share of anxiety. Almost on instinct, you curl a little closer into his side, letting your right hand slither over his wrist. Surprisingly, he lets you.
"What should I say?" It only strikes you now that you probably should have rehearsed some script since 'I'd like to seek medical attention because I'm meeting with a homicidal sadist weekly who pays my bills and my body is finally giving out,' probably wouldn't be a good way to go.
The confidence in his stride leaves you brimming with nervousness. Your less than orthodox dynamic has already made a few passers by stare but here, inside the hospital, you feel like the only two humans to exist.
"I'll do the talking," he reassures and something inside you sighs. This is what made him such a necessary force for you. He handled way more than you ever could. He moved through the world, headstrong and in charge. He was everything you weren't.
"Good day-" he says to the nurse manning the front desk, "I'd like to get my wife treated for a possible fracture or broken bone-"
Wife.
It rings through your ears.
Meanwhile, kind eyes- genuine, human eyes- look at you from across the desk. You realize then how little contact you've had with anyone normal. Anyone real.
"Poor thing," the nurse murmurs and your heart tugs at the kindness drenched in her voice.
"Alright, Sir, it's just-" the nurse gestures towards the rest of the waiting room, "We're just busier than we usually are for a weekday so you might have to wait a while-"
"You have medical aid?" You enquire softly, letting your side bump against him. "Who the hell are you?"
He stares down the small woman as he reveals a glistening card from his wallet. She quickly looks at you before she tentatively takes the card and types away at her computer.
Somehow, up until this point you had fooled yourself into believing you were on the road to autonomy, that going to university and being a woman in her 20s away from home meant you were finally obtaining sweet sweet independence but in actuality... you were just a little girl, deluding herself into thinking the city might be kind to her. It's swallowing you whole. And you're being left to watch.
It made you aware of how completely vulnerable you had really been. You could barely afford rent, let alone something as luxurious as medical aid. For all your time in this city you tried not to get hurt because medical bills would eat you alive and here he was, whipping a card out.
"Right this way-" The little nurse moves from behind the counter, and almost immediately, you hear a distinct uproar in the waiting room behind you. "I think doctor Park will see you, but we'll first head over for X-Ray and-"
"Hey!" The sound startles you, causing your shoulders to tense as you grip on your Salesman's forearm, making sure he's still there, "We've been here for 4 hours," You meet the haggard glassy eyes of a middle aged man. He's scowling at you as if you've committed a grave murder right before him.
"I'm sorry, Sir." The nurse begins, her voice filled with concern, "This hospital is legally obligated to help out those with medical aid first-"
Shoes click against the cold floors. A shadow descends as your Salesman steps forward as if protecting you from the man's vehemence. Time stands still in the moments he makes his venomous proposition. A proposition so vile it nearly had you vomiting here all over the hospital floors.
"My wife needs a new heart-" he begins, gesturing to a woman- a ghost seated in the chairs behind him. Her skin is practically translucent as she stares off into space. "Who knows how much time we're wasting while we're being forced to wait here-"
"Are you up for a game of rock, paper, scissors by any chance?" Your salesman asks, causing your heart to sink. The man examines him as if he's grown a second head.
"If you win a single round against me, I will pay for your wife's medical treatment. New heart." At the peroration of his incredibly insensitive and evil proposition, your Salesman smiles.
"One round." He says, before his eyes snap to the woman pulling at her husband's arm.
"She doesn't look too well," The Salesman pouts and you walk up towards him, limbs shaking as you whisper-yell in his ear, feeling all your nerves being shot out of you.
"Jesus, you're fucking disgusting."
"Birds of a feather-" he whispers back, before refocusing his attention onto the man.
Meanwhile the nurse tries to pull you away but you're rooted to the floors. This whole ordeal makes you realize that you've never actually seen him interact with normal people. It makes you wonder where he goes when he's not with you. You'd almost believed that he's a fragment of your delusions, something your lonely brain cooked up to make you believe someone in this city cared about you. But he's real. And he has a life outside the two of you.
"Don't you wanna help your wife?" He continues to tempt the man, "Look at mine-" the Salesman said, gesturing to you. "She's a little battered and bruised but she's alive. You're not dying any time soon, right honey?"
You rip your eyes away from him just as your nurse returns. She places a warm arm on your forearm and in the midst of the game, she places a card in your hand. "Let's go for your x-rays,"
While they play their game, you look down at the piece of paper.
Blink twice if the man you're with is the one who assaulted you.
Call it female intuition.
You have no idea what could've led to the fact that he was the one but the nurse is watching you with a heavy gaze and bated breath. You almost drown in the concern she holds for you, a mere stranger.
In another life, you might've had a friend like her. She's relatively young, budding with youthfulness, actually. You imagine she has a boyfriend. An actual one. One who holds her bag while she's shopping. One who kisses her. These kinds of people develop empathy. The ‘fixed people’. You can tell she knows love.
“I-”
“Rock, paper, scissors-”
You blink once before looking away and the nurse sighs in relief.
"Better luck next time." You watch with bated breath as the man draws a rock to the Salesman's paper.
𓂃
An oblique fracture, they called it. The thing that's been plaguing your left arm for a week has finally been given its name. You're walking out of the doctor's office feeling light and remarkably relieved to leave this place and all its people. He walks confidently beside you, having sat through the whole ordeal. He had been there as they fashioned the pink cast over your arm and he walks beside you now, like your own personal well-dressed shadow.
On your way out, you pass by the receptionist's desk, she smiles over at you but glares at the Salesman. Just as you're about to make it out, you hear her voice.
“You said she's your wife,” the woman speaks up, causing you both to stop. “I don't see a ring.”
Cold, white, fear runs down your spine and your hand that was in his, squeezes as silence envelops you both.
“Good Day,” is all he says with an amicable smile before pulling you along.
Silence enveloped you on your taxi ride over to the Japanese restaurant comfortably situated in the Gangnam district. He had been remarkably quiet in the taxi driver over and he is remarkably quiet now as you're being led to a booth in the restaurant. It's adequately filled with its patrons. Families and couples like perhaps you two were. You wonder if he has these thoughts…
“She did make a good point,” you mumble as you take a seat in the booth, watching silently as he slips in beside you. “If you're going to be telling people I'm your wife and they don't see a ring…”
He sets his briefcase in the booth beside you both, sighing softly as he mumbles, “People don't usually marry their toys, do they?”
Before you're able to respond, a waiter walks up to your booth, having his pen and notepad at attention as he asks for your order. You watch your Salesman expertly lay down your order, everything from yakitori, to miso soup to onigiri. It's mesmerizing watching him order for you and you suspect it had the same effect on you. His hands on your thigh squeezes slightly, while you silently let him order. In a moment the waiter vanishes.
“You're so old,” you say suddenly, trying to make up for the silence and the nervousness raging through your heart. This is the first time you're out with him in a public setting and its setting you alight with worry. “I'm sure you remember when Korea was under Japanese occupation,”
“Keep making your little jokes,” he says, sipping on his complimentary water as he allows his back to rest against the seat, “And I might not be so forgiving…”
His hand rests his hand on your thigh, it's the only thing you're able to focus on. How his fingers cover so much space. The sheer size of it. The sheer size of him. You feel so completely small beside him, you almost don't realize that he's begun talking again.
“My father fought in the war when he was ‘round about your age,” that brings you clean out of your thoughts. Your eyes snap up to meet his but he's staring aimlessly ahead, as if reminiscing on something beautiful.
“Jesus I-” you swallow thickly, “That was a bloody war,”
He nods, momentarily removing his hand from your thigh to undo the buttons of his blazer.
“More than 3 million dead.” He says taking another sip.
“Right.” You nod, heart hammering when he places his hand back on your thigh. “2 million soldiers and 1 million civilians,” he places the glass back down on the table and he shakes his head slightly, twirling his index.
“Swap the numbers around.”
“Right…” you clear your throat, keeping your gaze locked on your lap, “That's... heartbreaking. I'm sorry.”
He turns his head, finally regarding you under the dimness of the hanging light fixtures. He tilts his head to the side in that way he does when he's particularly intrigued by you. “You are sorry, aren't you?”
You nod.
“But I have no idea why, you're not a Japanese fascist from the 40s.”
“No, but I have empathy.”
“Curious.” He replies back, before letting silence fall.
“Spread your legs,” he says so suddenly it gave you whiplash. Your head snaps up to him as you begin to plead.
He couldn't do this. There had to be some sort of refractory period in which he let your body recuperate.
“I’m in pain-” you grit out through your teeth, but his large hand is already seeping to the center of your closed legs, trying to pry them apart.
“Your legs work just fine.” He whispers, letting his mouth graze your ears, “Your cunt works just fine,”
You place a hand on his forearm. “The doctor said no strenuous activities.”
“Do you listen to the doctor or do you listen to me?” He asks, staring at you deep into your frightened eyes, forcing you into that liminal space of submission. Your eyes were brimming with not only fear but embarrassment.
“Spread your legs.” He whispers,
“I'm on my period,”
Another troubling moment of contemplation falls between you both and you're left to stare deep into each other's eyes as the restaurant's cultural music makes the ambience swell. It could be romantic, this energy that's festering between you two.
Even though you know it's anything but, you allow yourself to dip into those pools of delusion.
“You were fine this morning,” He says, and you note the grogginess that's begun to veneer his voice as he looks down at you.
Young, impressionable, darling you.
“I got it before we left, that's why I asked to use the bathroom again- point is,” you tug on his arm, “We can't.”
His eyes soften and for a split second, you think you see kindness there. Your gaze falls to his lips, anticipating the words they'd form.
“Spread your legs,” he says once more, before applying the necessary force to pry them apart yourself. “Let me in, Doll.”
A small whimper escapes you as you open your legs. You let him drift his hand under your skirt. His fingers are cold to the touch, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake as he inches them towards your cunt.
The second his fingers graze over your mound you gasp slightly before sitting forward with your head bowed. Your cast is behind the table as you hide your head in your hand. He watches you with heavy eyes, “It's rude to have your elbow on the table.”
“Shut up,” you mumble, trying to muffle yourself by the palm of your hand. You feel him swipe your underwear away. You feel his fingers dip into the pool of wetness at your entrance. Wetness you knew was not arousal.
“Don't look at me like that,” you mumble, staring down at the table as his fingers rub against your slick folds.
“Like what?” He asks.
In your periphery you can see him hunched over you slightly, his eyes on you and you alone. It was tiring having his attention. And so incredibly dangerous.
“Like you wanna eat me alive.”
He bends down, letting his fingers graze over your clit as he whispers, “I do. That's all I wanna do.”
The waitress returns with your food and you mumble a quiet ‘thank you,’ While your Salesman keeps his gaze locked on you.
“Grind down on my hand,” he urges and you shake your head,
“Do it.”
“Or what?” That was probably the worst thing to say to a sadist who looks like he's brimming for you to give him a reason to hurt him.
“Fuck my hand or I'll fuck you.”
You were feeling particularly stubborn today. The injury, the nurse, the hospital, the man and his wife… you're disgusted with this man beside. It dawns on you then that you have to get away from him.
“You can't do that-” you begin to whine but his voice is like steel when he reolies, “I thought we've established that there are many things I can do and very few I can't.”
All is quiet.
“Fuck my hand or I'll fuck you, I've been dying to play in your blood.”
You're still wrestling with either of your options, trying to outweigh the good against the bad was impossible when both choices just seemed bad. It puts you at an unfair disadvantage and you are drowning.
“W-Wait-”
“Times up.” He mumbles before removing his hand from your underwear. You're utterly horrified to find it stained in crimson.
He calls over the waiter, at least having the decency to hide his bloody hand behind your back as he politely says, “My wife is quite sick, could I be pointed to the bathroom, please?” He sounds so amicable, so deceptively kind, of course the waitress quietly urges the two of you to the bathrooms nestled at the back of the resturant.
“I'll do it-” you breath heavile as he urges you past tables, “I'll do just-”
“You picked too late," he whispers in your ear as he steers you into the female bathrooms. “Disqualified.” He says before pushing you into a sta. You could only thank your lucky stars that the stalls are empty but that is where you luck runs dry.
It's only you and your monster who's fervently unzipping his pants before locking you both in a cubicle.
“My arm hurts-” you begin but he turns you around, pushing your back against the door.
“Your cunt still works.” He repeats, “I didn't get to drive a knife into it the last time-” he whispers hoarsely as he plays drunken kisses all across your collarbone. You hate to admit how dizzying the effect of his kisses are. How they carry you off into a completely different mental state- where everything becomes morally grey. You felt like you could get off to almost anything in this state and so you don't bat an eye when he says, “I need to see your blood on my cock,”
In fact, you moan, trying to find your bearings as you slip so far into subspace. “You're not allowed to pass out on me-” he says, manically, breathing oh so heavily as he pulls his cock out over his slacks. “I'm not even using any of our favorite toys, you do not get to pass out.” He warns before slotting himself between your legs.
“W-wait- pull your pants all the way down, otherwise-” you hiccup, “I'll make a mess.”
A deep and low groan reverberates through his chest and you watch him lower his pants all the way down, revealing sculpted legs before he brings his cock to your cunt. It's wet enough to allow him to slide in smoothly, and he looks down between you, pressing down on your tummy as he watches your blood soak his cock.
“Here taste your blood,” He's prying your teeth open and you let him. Crimson floods your mouth and you moan around his fingers. There's a manic sort of edge to his laugh as he admits, “I’m not gonna last quick.” before he's kisses you deeply, grinding himself into you
“Fuck- you're filthy.” His eyes are absolutely insane as he drives his cock into you setting an unforgiving ppace. He snaps his hips against you, trying to drive his cock in further and further.
“Cum- I'm gonna cum-” He pulls back to urge, just as you hear someone walk into the bathroom. He's breathing heavily, surprisingly being mindful of your cast as he dips his hand down to your cunt. His fingers drag across the blood like it's the most fascinating thing on earth, and that has you cunt tightening around him.
A toilet flush, just as a whimper seeps through your lips. Your eyes are squeezed shut as you take his brutal fucking, watching him stab your cunt with his cock like he's daring himself to break you.
You place a hand on your mouth, muffling your violent cries as you buck your hips against him. Your own period pains that were flooding your system is beng fucked away. Your thighs and his pelvis are absolutely stained in crimson and his eyes are rolled back. Thankfully, the door opens and closes and you are alone once again.
“I love playing in your blood-” his voice cracks. Meanwhile, he's using you like a ragdoll. Through it all, you manage to ask the question plaguing your mind.
“Did he…” You moan, squeezing your eyes shut as the tip of his cock grazes your cervix, “Did your dad make it back?”
He rears his teeth, smiling in that twisted way that was far different from the smiles he gave everyone else. Only you got to see him like this. “Yes, Doll, he did.”
“W-What happened to him-oh god-” he picks up his pace grabbing your hips and pulling your cunt down on his cock.
“I killed him.” His eyes roll back into his skull and your mouth falls open. His cum floods your system and in that same moment his pelvis grazes along your clit, triggering your orgasm. You cum with tears in your eyes and it fills you with unmistakable dread.
If this man was capable of ending someone in his own bloodline, who were you in his eyes? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
“Don't look so scared.” He whispers, still grunting as he emptied himself inside you, “He was useless. You- you're not useless.”
He kisses your face. Everywhere he can.
“You look like you're about to have a panic attack. Compose yourself.”
You breathe in thickly.
In and out.
In and out.
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sassyhazelowl · 1 year ago
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Quail Group Person: my quail is being aggressive to the other quail *shows video of a very DEFENSIVE quail telling the other quail to piss off and the other quail failing to do so because its in panic mode and climbing all over him/kicking him in the head* Other Person: cull him he's aggressive
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g0sts · 3 months ago
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sorry to peer review tags on someone else's meta but @andiforyou spoke true:
Tumblr media Tumblr media
So let's talk about The ep3 Interview *real quick* (I say, like a liar)
Nandor seeing again the 19 y.o. naive, gullible, overjoyed Guillermo gushing about cool vampires and his desire to work for him.
Nandor choosing the present 30+ y.o. grumpy, sassy, annoying Guillermo who hasn't talked to him in months and keeps pushing him away INSTEAD.
Because he wants them to be equals and not to have advantage over each other. Because he loves the present Guillermo even if it hurts sometimes. Because he understands that for both of them these years were worth it. Because love for Nandor is not something about only him anymore; now his love is about Guillermo's happiness.
That's why he waits. It's not something new for him but now there's no anger, annoyance or aloofness. He's made a new peace in his heart and is waiting for Guillermo to be ready. And there's no pain if he never gets there - now his love lives in the present, not in the future. In every moment they spend together, whether it brings happiness or sadness. It's not a hot, passionate, sometime painful campfire that always needs fuel to not to burn out - it's a dim and warm fireplace that requires just a little log at a time.
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