#even when i can phisically draw i hate it and don't even want to do it
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#i've been in a weird mood for so long now that i actually thought back to when this started#and i think it has been most of the year tbh...#like i always pride myself on watching things till the end#and now i CANNOT for the life of me finish a show even if i'm enjoying it#(that might be why i'm so attached to granada holmes and shitt's creek... because i actually managed to finish those)#i have always had artblock and moments when i couldn't draw#but now is all the time#even when i can phisically draw i hate it and don't even want to do it#i'm not having a good time#and it's weird because whenever i feel like this i usually have like high anxiety and i'm in like a really dark place mentally#but right now? there's nothing going on#head empty#heart empty#no emotion#there is like a dark veil on my days but it's not as noticable as it was years before#if this was idk 2019 i would say this feels like depression but honestly i don't know anymore? cause i'm not misserable in the normal sense#i just feel like i'm in a dream...#i do NOTHING all day. i don't know where the hours go i honestly feel like i'm living in a weird timeless reality#and like it's not a nice feeling at all don't get me wrong. but also i can't say with certainty that i'm bad either?#i have no emotions... i laugh at jokes and memes and i can enjoy a good song but real emotion and connection to things and people? none#i can also cry on cue so i guess i'm not fine... lol#idk i just wanted to put my thoughts somewhere and i guess screaming into the void is as good as anything else#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#who knows#personal#angel talks
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