#even when I'm deranged about other shit i keep him in the back of my mind

[overchromatic]

bitches love me for my Allister doodles

[uraniumbones]

For those of you keeping up with the book of Bill and it's accompanying website and the bill cypher backstory. THE PARALLELS GOT ME FUCKED UP.

Spoilers incoming.

people love to talk about the dynamic between Stanford and Bill. Sure, interesting. But you know what people aren't talking about? Stanley and Bill. Specifically referencing the website (thisisnotawebsotedotcom.com)

If you input Stanley a bunch it will eventually open a new document instead of eBay pages. The page mocks Stanley and reveals his secrets or whatever. One of the clickable options on this page is "HOW HE BEAT ME". Each time you click into this is an increasingly deranged meltdown about how it shouldn't have been possible. Calling him a "cheap trick loving, past-denying overgrown child protected from failure only by a force field of denial and shamelessness" among other things. And when further pressed accuses you of acting like "those PREACHY INFANTILIZING AUTOMOTONS AT THE THERAPRISM who are SO OBSESSED with getting me to TALK about my "FEELINGS"." After that he spirals further eventually talking about "how much pain I'm in" and only in code admitting "I can still see through the eyes of everyone I've ever..." presumably killed.

If you don't know shit about Euclydia read the wiki page on it, it's not long. tldr Euclydia is bills home dimension, which he destroyed and killed every single inhabitant of in blood and fire. He did so (accidentally?) in an attempt to show them the third dimension which (because of a genetic mutation) only he had the ability to see (with his eye). Please also note when Stanford asks about his home dimension Bill says it was"destroyed by a monster".

In the website's many documents it repeatedly makes reference to Bill's parents and how much they loved him, his home, his childhood (he wore velcro sneakers it's actually incredibly cute), the ways in which he was different and not easily accepted.

Now knowing all these things. A pattern may emerge to you. Are you seeing it? Are you seeing the patterns yet?

Obviously Bill hates Stanley because he's stupid and still he somehow beat Bill. That's annoying, maddening even. But I believe it goes beyond that. He hates him all the more passionately because Stanley reminds him of himself. The poem at the end of the Stanley password on the website summarizes it best "always dragged his family down / One mistake, disowned, denied, / only thing to do was hide." Destruction of his own family, running and hiding from his own mistakes. "Reinvent, retry, reload" trying again in a new life. "When your actions make it worse, / When they see you as a curse," Making things worse where you have tried to make them better. "Give the wheel one last spin, / Take your chips and go all in" this is what weirdmagedon was for both of them. and this is where their lives differ "And lucky stan- the rolls on black, / he got his life and family back. / His big break it finally came, / Redemption from a life of shame." AND THERE IT IS. Stanley got his family back. Bill didn't. (Which is what it seems he was attempting). Stanley got his redemption. Bill didn't.

Stanley was a lonely kid fuck up just like Bill was. And he absolutely hates Stanley's guts for it because he hates his own guts for it. And all this time they're the same, just trying to fix those mistakes, to have their family back again, to be loved again. They both have this facade of untouchable aloof levity, the same insults Bill hurls at Stanley may as well be hurled at himself. "Protected from his failure only by a force field of denial and shamelessness"? "Cheap trick loving, past denying overgrown child"? You can see Bill goes from being outraged and insulting Stanley, to denying a deeper meaning to those feelings (and calling you a therapist), to talking about how much pain he is in (seemingly over all the people he killed in Euclydia), all without any specific prompting. Just pushing. Bill is the one that connected those things. Bill hates Stanley (at least partially) as an act of self hatred. Because he has made the same mistakes and can never forgive himself for them. AND (at least partially) because Stanley is not only just like him, but now just like him if he had succeeded. Stanley got his "Redemption from a life of shame". and in so doing actively prevented Bills.

Now do you see what I'm saying about THE PARALLELS?!

[diagonal-queen]

Omg you're backkkk<3 I hope uni's going well for you!

Maybe the Hunting Dogs with a s/o who's kind of mean/petty?

Hunting Dogs with a mean S/O

♡ pairing: Fukuchi Ouchi, Jouno Saigiku, Tecchou Suehiro, Teruko Okura (platonic), Tachihara Michizou x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: How are the Hunting Dogs with a mean and petty S/O?

♡ cw: Swearing, u r a BULLY >:((, dw it's pretty chill though, non-graphic NSFW with Jouno, teensy bit of NSFW with Tachihara, mentions of violence, crime and torture

note: ahhh hello yes i'm back! uni's pretty great actually. i love being able to tell people i go to law school lmao, it makes me feel smarter than i am. uhh but i've been swamped and a bit busy, and i'm going back home for a week so i might not be super active over the next couple weeks, i'm so sorry my babies </3 but i'll still be lurking in case you wanna chat! as always, apologies for errors and i hope you enjoy x

Fukuchi:

Mf you think he cares?? He hired Jouno and Tachihara because they committed crimes, and he's more than happy to keep Teruko around. Bro doesn't give a FUCK that you're mean

If you're dating Fukuchi you clearly do give a shit about the welfare of society and world peace, so your individual quirks are just that. Quirks

He will fully let you just be a dickhead sometimes, because...like, why not?

I feel like Fukuchi is obviously often a very intimidating individual who strikes fear and commands respect from everyone else. But you? You just walk all over him

In some ways for him it's probably kind of refreshing to have someone around him who doesn't idolise him at all, or look up to him as a superior. It gets exhausting, for sure. Sometimes he just wants to be humbled and that's so okay Fukuchi, you deserve it actually /mean-spirited and condescending

Don't get me wrong it's not like you're an abusive partner! You're still obviously nice to your partner and you love him, but you definitely don't go out of your way to sugarcoat things or try to avoid any necessary confrontations

And Fukuchi genuinely really respects that about you. He's pretty similar like that, though still definitely goofier than you

I mean he won't want you sitting around with an RBF when he's at formal events and whatnot, because that really wouldn't have the best impression, but he's usually very gung ho about letting you be yourself

You're lucky he loves you man...lmao

Jouno:

He loves it. Full stop.

You two are just sadist central over here. Like he'll be torturing a suspect and you're just watching. Bored. Not a care in the world

(Jouno, I don't think you're legally allowed to invite your partner to watch you do your job- much less one like this, but...eh...)

You two are always just talking shit about people to each other, and like when you're out in public on dates you're just whispering to each other and judging people T-T

Lowkey kinda gets turned on when you guys argue. He thinks it's hot when you get heated and angry. Usually it ends in rough "passionate hugging", and the pillowtalk is when you both actually resolve the issue (dumbasses)

He might even purposefully rile you up sometimes because mf is just THAT much of a horny degenerate. You guys can call him classy and gentlemanly all you want, but we all know he's secretly deranged

Like an angry, horny goblin with a knife...someone stop him

Tbh you should probably bully him a little bit every now and then. I think he needs to be taken down a peg sometimes

Hey, he's more likely to listen to you than Tecchou, isn't he? Besides, it's nothing genuinely malicious. Just couple's banter

Oh, you guys are fucking LEGENDS at the couple's banter. Though you never do it in public, because a lot of the times the things you both tell each other as jokes can come off as really cruel jabs

Nah your senses of humour are just not family-friendly (violent and malicious)

You guys have very strange ways of showing your love and affection. But, hey, it works for you and that's what's important :)

Tecchou:

Ah yes, arguably the least meanie of all of the Hunting Dogs. Yeah uh he doesn't really like you at first

Tecchou doesn't understand being mean just for the sake of it. I mean like, for Teruko, she uses it in her career, and Jouno is sadistic and weird and also uses it in his career. You're just petty because you can be

But the more time you spend together the more he realises that you're really not that bad- you're really just more of the loveable asshole type

An acquired taste, yes, but this is Tecchou we're talking about! That's his thing!

He learns to appreciate the things about you that many others would probably consider flaws. He influences you for the better definitely...

...BUT you also kinda make him worse

He will adopt your 'deal with it bitch' attitude sometimes, but it doesn't hinder his relationships or work so it's fiiiiine

(Jouno isn't a huge fan of it though...but at the same time he kind of respects you)

Tecchou probably won't admit it but he really likes to listen to you rant and bitch about people you don't like. He just likes to listen to you be angry about trivial things, he finds it equal parts endearing and entertaining

If you're mean to someone who deserves it? Well I mean...who is he to stop you?

At the end of the day you're definitely emotionally self-sufficient, so that's one less part of you for him to fret over. All's well that ends well or some shit idk

Teruko (platonic):

You guys are literally the best of friends

She's the loud fiery kind of mean and you are the 'I will straight up meticulously ruin your life' kind of mean

You on some r/nuclearrevenge type shit and she fucking loves that for you

Like she's fully willing to plot and scheme with you and do whatever mean shit you suggest. You two are menaces and she should absolutely not be a military soldier

Teruko WILL smite your enemies. And by smite your enemies I mean she will actively do what she can to ruin the lives of people you don't like, with absolutely no remorse (pretty sure she actually commits crimes to do this)

She LIVES for your cruel one-liners and clever insults. Every time she hears one she absolutely hollers

Teruko enjoys it when you're mean to the other Hunting Dogs (except Fukuchi). They can handle a couple bitchy words so it's not a huge deal, but she's just extra amused by it

For the record you're not *mean* mean, you're just...humbling them (which let's be real they could use from time to time (Jouno, again, looking at you))

Nobody is surprised by your guys' friendship really

You're a dangerous pair. Please stop

Teruko kinda likes that you hold grudges so frequently because she'll never tire of hearing you shittalk the same exact people and events over and over again

She'll shittalk them too

Dia doesn't approve of this friendship

Tachihara:

You guys know that scene in B99 where Jake says that he can't decide if he's scared of Amy or turned on by her and then decides that he's both? Yea, that's Tachihara with you

He is a good person at heart, and outside of his mafia gangster persona he's really not that mean, and as such he does not encourage mean behaviour. But like, when you do it? Mm...

Bro is WHIPPED

Lowkey he probably gets some of his mafia persona ideas from you 💀

His mafia coworkers have no questions about how you two get along, and they generally like you. The other Hunting Dogs have a few more questions

Tachihara isn't some shy, quiet introvert, but he is generally pretty chill and a nice person. They like to playfully tease him about how different the two of you are (though if it gets too far he knows he can count on you to rip them a new one with no issue)

Dw they still like you though! Especially Teruko

He has absolutely no problems with you for being cold and blunt. It's nothing he himself can't handle, and in some ways it actually makes talking to you easier

Again, I'll stress that you're not mean to him, you're just not the most lovey-dovey person out there. But you DO put effort in and that's what Tachihara cares about, even if it isn't in a stereotypical way

If anything else, you're certainly loyal!

Tachihara loves you for all of your different eccentricities, and he's also kinda turned on by them. Win-win? Win-win.

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

On Your Six

Warnings: dark elements, stalking, violence.

Another sidequest complete (...or maybe you want more of this one? Let me know your thoughts!)

You have a second shadow. You're not alone. While your pursuer has given themself away, you're in no rush to do the same.

You keep going, slinking from pillar to pillar, balancing your target with whoever seems to have made you one. You keep your back to the wall as you grip your pistol, one ear listening ahead of you, the other behind you. You dip back into a pool of darkness and shuffle your foot to make it sound like you're running, let the noise peter off as you wait

A figure smoothly turns the corner and you stand unseen in the alcove. Shit, you know that goddamn strut. Even when he's trying to be covert, he's a dead giveaway.

What the hell is Hansen doing here? This isn't his kind of job. Unless you're his assignment.

You watch him creep past. He slows as he listens to the silence, stopping completely. You raise the barrel of your gun towards him as you tiptoe out from behind the pillar. He hisses into a cackle, raising his hands.

“Take it easy, toots,” he faces you slowly, “we're not enemies here.”

“Aren't we?” You approach with your hand steadied against your forearm.

“I'm just watching your six. Like a nice guy does.”

“Hansen,” you walk to him until you have the barrel to his back, “what the hell are you doing here? I'm not splitting the fee and I have no problem wasting a bullet in your ass.”

“Oh, I love it when you talk dirty,” he gives a dramatic shiver, unfazed by the gun between his shoulder blades.

“This isn't an open bounty,” you snarl.

“Toots, if you're not gonna use that thing, put it away,” he turns to face you slowly, “at least, that's what I've always been told.”

You shake your head and scoff, lowering the gun halfway. You sneer at him in the darkness and huff, “why are you getting in my way? Again.”

“Again? What– are you talking about San Paolo? I'm flattered you remember–”

“I nearly lost an eye.”

“Really? You're looking good, toots–”

You close your eyes and exhale through your nose, “I don't have time for this.”

You sidestep him and continue down the pillared walkway. You keep along the wall and stop as you sense him following once more. You pull back and holster your gun, just as swiftly slipping free your knife. You spin to bring it just along Hansen’s throat.

“I'll tell you one last time,” you hiss.

“I'm helping–”

“I told you, you're not getting a cent.”

“Trust me, honey, the view is worth it–”

“You are–”

“Deranged. Devoted. A total bottom.”

You bite down another snipe as the stone pillar beside you cracks and powder puffs in the air. Fuck. You dip into the shadows as Hansen shoulders past and raises his gun. Two shots before he crams into the alcove next to you

“Really?” You sneer.

“Tight fit, babe, but always figured it would be,” he chortles as he squints into the darkness. “Think I got th–”

Another shot silences him. You wonder if he's hit but don't really care. You duck down and switch out your blade for your fun. You creep along, listening to the approach of those that pest has drawn in.

You weave in and out of shadows, zeroed in on the echoing footsteps. The first silhouette falls before your silenced shot, the second doesn't notice his comrades collapse until it's too late and he joins him on the stone. The third you don't spend the bullet and use the but of your gun against the back of his skull.

You hear a scuff and raise your gun. Hansen waves and pants as he appears once more.

“Got one,” he puffs proudly, “damn, look at that.” He marvels at the bodies heaped around your feet, “you work fast, baby.. I'm more the type to take it slow.”

“Ugh,” you scowl and turn away.

As you do, you hear Hansen barrel towards you. It's too late for you to get your aim. You dodge as best you can as the rifle levels across from you only to be bowled over from behind.

You hit the ground as a shot fires and Hansen grunts. He fires back and the man lands on the rifle with a rattling gasp.

Hansen hisses and drops to one knee, grasping his side as he wheezes. You sit up, check your gun, and stand. He should've stayed away.

You flinch as suddenly a loud thrum cuts the night air. Fuck. You look above as the helicopter rotor whirls loudly. You harumph and kick a body near your feet.

“Fuck.”

“Don't worry, baby, I can take you on a nice vacation, you don't need the bounty,” he sucks in air and stands, “I got you.”

You look at him and scoff. You sneer and bring your gun up, aiming at his ass as you fire. He yelps and falls back down, grasping his rear. You shake your head and mutter.

“Fucker.”

You spin and walk back the way you came. Dimwit better get the hint. Next time you'll aim higher.

“See ya soon, toots,” he calls after you in a strained grit, “probably in my dreams.”

[fudanshidoublevision]

Double Vision as a father.

Ray better kill him before Double puts his bloody claws on MC and even thinks of forming a family with them. /j

Dude, no, imagine being his CHILD, i feel sorry for anyone who has Double as some type of...paternal figure, LMFAO.

Experiencing parenthood isn't on my “to-do list”. Plus having a child, on this ECONOMY? I'm good.

Parenting is a humbling experience, my parents had taught me AND told me that. Well, that is certainly my fault because I was the devil reincarnated when I was a kid— but they still call me their little devil so not much has changed I guess. ( ͡°з ͡°)

But in this scenario...even if the circumstances aren't ideal, I believe that anyone can do their best if they really want to, it's not easy. It isn't the children's fault that their parents are so troubled. (meaning, if their progenitor is Double Vision in this case, lol)

I've discussed this with my best friend once, a long time ago and they said something about how Double will view his child as a possesion and extension of himself (and yours too, because he would only care about that kid just enough 'cause you are attached to them), i kind of agree with him. But, I mean? If Double Vision has kids with MC, wouldn't that mean he is fond with the idea of having kids? I haven't mentioned nothing about him being capable of “baby trapping” you because everyone else is disposable to him but you aren't. For all he cares, he only needs to held you tight by your throat to remember that he only needs you, he doesn't want or need someone else. In this scenario, your child was planned and wanted.

Even if you loved your child, he will be uncapable of loving them back the same way you love them but he wouldn't be uncaring, dude is deranged and a major bad influence. Mostly because of the way he is and taking in consideration the fact that his parents were emotionally and psychically absent when he needed them around, it's not an excuse considering how in this similar scenario Ray didn't had NO good-present parental figures on his whole life but wants to try his best, it just kind of explains why he acts and why would he act like that. I'm not saying that Ray would be perfect at parenting a child just a bit better than Double for sure, not gonna lie Double gives me “crazy-unstable uncle” vibes.

He is not right in the head, neither i am but hey, this is not a competition for who's more deranged, so...someone has to be the relatively-stable and emotionally available parental figure. (Meaning, YOU.)

Just sane enough to not make a mini Double 2.0. Who can be worse.

He would care...and “love” (the way he “loves you” is pretty different) his own child his very particular way. Yeah, he would be cruel and a piece of shit to you but just a tiny mean and highly authoritarian towards his child.

me if our kid ever asks me why their father fucking SUCKS at giving advice and why is it always has to end up with someone getting hurt:

"Mini-me, if you ever need adivice, you can open up to me and say whatever is bothering that little head of yours. Keeping some ugly thoughts to yourself isn't good, whatever it is, I'll never judge you and you'll never scare me off....What about your dad...? Eh, he...just isn't the best giving out advice. Some people aren't good with their words...and tend to say things that are bad, sometimes it's better to do...whatever you think is right instead of following what others may "advice” you but you can always double-check with me to know if you are doing the right thing.

Why, you ask? WELL... what about if we just...OH, what if we go out for a bit? Would you like that? I'll buy you whatever you want. ANYTHING! Just...dont tell your dad, okay..."

It's sad but it's not easy to explain to children why their mom/dad/parent acts or behaves “weird” or is incapable of doing things their other parent can do.

Oh well, i believe Double's kid wouldn't question what their dad tells them to do or say because...that's their father, they don't know any better than what their parents tell them.

Double's parental skills aren't the best; he is driven by his own emotions and he is the definition of what impulsivity means. He doesn't care much about consequences and who he might hurt to achieve what he wants and what he NEEDS. (You, again, for example. He obliterated the previous Night Crew members because of your “disappearance”. He may or may not broken someone's bones and mayyybe, just maybe! I think... he threatened some people here and there to get your location.)

I thought that maybe he would use your own child as a weapon to tame you so you'll do whatever he says. Emotional manipulation and conditioning...not even that poor kid is safe from that, Double is VERY MUCH controlling and overprotective. No matter how you behave, he stills wants you but of course, he loves a defiant behavior but he can't deny that he enjoys it when you "make things easier".

After all, parents will do anything for their children, right? Oh well, I'll be guessing that you'll do that for the sake of your child. Sorry if I'm wrong.

It doesn't really matter how that child appeared or how they were conceived and brought to you two to form a family. Those little details don't matter, you'll try your best, right? No matter what. You don't have much of an option if you are with Double, I guess. ಠಿ_ಠ

But I have the feeling that this freak will be overjoyed if the kid, shares your and his blood and genes. Just another thing to reaffirm his ownership over you. I don't think he will be capable of harming his own child, psychically, I mean. Maybe he WILL threaten you and say he'll hurt your kid when you “act feisty” so you'll give up.

Double Vision wouldn't be jealous at all of his child if they take all the attention from his most beloved possession off him because they aren't simply a bit of a threat to him and that kid is just trying to bond with you, i don't think Double would even bother to get in between of the parent of his kid and his child. Unless it is to annoy you or just be insufferable, as usual.

I like the idea that he underestimates what his child is capable of doing, lol.

For my own mental peace, i didn't added details like “what if your child had abilities?”. Because I have the feeling Double will be up to NO good with that little piece of information.

But let's just sit and think about it, either way, if your child is an ability holder or not, doesn't really matter if Daddy Double is around. Anything is possible and who is he to deny his child's wish to follow his daddy's step? Villainy, I mean, lol.

He would be overjoyed and proud his child wants to be a villain, like his parents. Well, he still is a villain and MC is not longer in the business because of Double, LMAO.

If you'd like to enter a more dangerous territory well, what if his kid wanted to become a hero? Not even an option, haha.

It's not like they have one, being a villain or just a regular citizen, no child of Double is going to become a hero on his guard. He will be very open about his distaste on the wish of his child wanting to be a hero, he might be ticked off by that.

Maybe he is usually cold-headed when he interacts with his own child, I think it's enough with him having you in edge constantly, at least he wouldn't behave or treat them the same way he treats you. Even though, there are times that his patience runs thin (when annoyed or angry, not entirely directed towards his child) and could say some concerning things that his child may take to heart.

Parents knows best, I've heard from a certain someone say before.

Now, what if that child grows? Woah, they are going through the terrifying, horrifying, traumatizing, horrible phase of adolescence! Amazing, worst years of my life! ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ

They are slowing growing into becoming an adult, they might realize how different everything looks when you are a bit...mature, you become more aware of what's going on around you. They will notice about how some behaviors from their parents aren't normal and not what they seemed, I'm specifically talking about Double Vision but you get it.

Maybe they will develop a rocky relationship with you but I believe that no matter what they will still love you and care for you, maybe you'll become their favorite and appreciate more the way you cared for them, who knows. Maybe they will hate you because you didn't tried enough and had to choose Double Vision as their shitty dad (I think it's for the best if they didn't know the reality of your situation 😁), they will grew and distant but who knows...?

About Double, I have the feeling that for their own sake they'll ignore his dad's existence as much as they can, Double is aware of that and doesn't care that much but I won't deny that he might be annoyed by that and oh NO! They ended up being just like you and Double is going to pick on you for that and even say that is your fault why they hate him so much.

Maybe it's for the better if your kid ended up being more like you rather than Double.

Double is an only child so i believe that he'll only want one single kid but I don't think he would be opposed of having another one but MAYBE, just maybe, no!

But there's something I believe that everyone can agree on and that's on the fact that Double looks so fucking HOT with grey hair.

And oh my FUCKING God, his gloves? You can see his tattooed sleeves and his neck? I feel like a Victorian man seeing a woman's ankles for the first time. I want to break his senile back.

Conclusion, could you have kids with Double? Absolutely, will he be a good dad? Questionable but most likely, not. I think he might be like his parents, he exists but he isn't a reliable person for his kids, it's kind of difficult to come a conclusion because he is so complex to me, my opinion on him is always ever-changing.

OH YEAH, you and your child might be the only ones besides some of your family members who probably meet him wayyyyyy before, a long time ago, that know his real name. It isn't that relevant but one of the most important things a kid has to know it's their parents name and last name, right? Not that Double's real name is going to be used as much as you might think.

I wrote this solely because I had a dream where Double Vision was my uncle and he lived on my grandparents backyard??? Sick and I just wanted to post this because I spent three days of my life writing this and then chickened out.

This post in particular wasn't proofreaded (at all) by my friends that usually encourage to post my dusty drafts.

I hope you liked it, I might add some things to this post in the future...

Anyways, Haley bae is next. Maybe even Binary Star because I think having kids with him sounds scary, if you are aware of WHY ARE YOU having kids with him on the first place (canonically speaking).

How would Double actually act if he ever had a kid: /j

I had this video on repeat playing in my head while writing this.

[voidedsoul5]

OKAY HERE WE GO, ANALYSIS AND THEORY TIME.

Spoilers for the new TMP episode (Ep 8)

NOT ONLY did we get my babygirl back (Who definitely has something going on with him but we'll go back to that later) we also got another hint about one of my other working theories about Celia and this universe... I am losing my mind rn and I need someone to talk to about this even if it's just screaming to the internet void. More below cut. Split it because it's a semi-long post.

I think Gertrude is for SURE coming back at some point, literally no reason for her not to especially considering I don't think TMP team is going to pull the 'But this time she's actually just an innocent old lady' thing. It's cheap, and she likely knows stuff that will come up later when (I believe) she still has worked at the institute before it burned down due to her age. Plus, someone had to have cleared out those files.

Gerry is happy and it makes sense. Gerry in TMA was trying to be a kind person, but he'd witnessed too much and seen too much to be able to do that. In this world, if the fears didn't exist Mary would've likely not been AS deranged. OR mary might not have existed at all given Gertrude claimed Gerry as his grandson. Removing Mary, Gerry really doesn't have a reason to be so reserved and abrasive. HOWEVER. I think there's a possibility that isn't his actual personality. The happiness (as mentioned in the unofficial transcript) is maybe a bit too played up. I wouldn't mind if this is just how he was, a slightly erratic messy artist. But pairing him specifically WITH gertrude in this universe stood out to me. So here's my mini theory.-I'm not saying it's drugs, or Gertrude is casting black magic or something, but I do think she's doing something to keep Gerry out of this 'mess'. Even if that's just living with him and helping him have a normal life as a painter. Gertrude has always had a soft spot for gerry in TMA, in this universe where she's probably not as battle-hardened, trying to keep him safe and out of it all isn't out of character. Mostly, this idea just came from the fact that she tried to brush it off, then seemed disappointed when Gerry spoke about the gifted kids program, despite him being well enough able to speak for himself. She probably doesn't want him involved. This however all relies on the context that Gertrude knows stuff. Honestly, she might just be his grandma that he now lives with either for rent reasons or because his parents might be dead. It could honestly be that simple, I just like rattling off ideas.

CELIA KEEPS DROPPING HINTS OF KNOWING SHIT. SHE KNOWS SOMETHING. SHE KNOWS THINGSSSS. I have another post about my TMA theory of these reoccurring characters from TMA beginning to remember things from the TMA world. Its so incredibly on the nose for her to immediately start asking questions about the 14 fears WE KNOW, ask about alternate universes, AND BE THE ONE WHO PUSHED SAM TO LOOK INTO MORE STUFF ABOUT THE PROGRAM (Sam said it was her idea at the end of Ep 8) I don't know exactly how thisll work, but I get more and more convinced each episode that this theory has some merit.

And this is a small one, but blah blah Norris reading a paper about loneliness, isolation, and hostile architecture blah blah blah metaphors symbolism blah blah you get the jist

I rlly just wanna talk about this show to anyone, I don't have friends who've seen TMA or TMP so my only option is talking about it here. PLS feel free to talk about your own opinions and ideas in reblogs and shit. I don't care if they counter mine I just wanna talk about this show I love it sm </3

[rubra-wav]

Further Hazbin Hotel lore/worldbuilding : Tech demons/ Vox-like demons

A/N This is hella disorganised because I'm just kinda rambling my thoughts on stuff so yeah. I was reading back on stuff I wrote and just thunk a really fucked up thought about Vox. Idk how to label this properly - I'll say it's crossed haha.

In Hazbin Hotel, there don't seem to be any demons who are much like Vox (what I refer to as tech demons). This could be because they just haven't been shown - which fair enough.

BUT. What if it's something else?

What if the reason why there aren't any/ many tech demons in hell is because they end up getting chopped up and sold for parts to places like Voxtek or to Carmine's weapon industry?

I mean, think about it.

With the progression of things like social media and how often people use devices in society, you'd think that there would way more demons who are like Vox. So like, why aren't there?

Also, there would be a lot of money in that. Hell is ever changing, and people want to get ahead and protect themselves in whatever way they can, so of course, everyone's going to be fighting to try to keep up to stay alive.

I was looking back at stuff, and this ask really stuck out to me and now i have an extra fucked up headcanon to boot. I mentioned that Vox can't be upgraded in some regards (at least in my headcanon here), and that pisses him off. I say it has angst potential. BUT.

What if the reason why tech demons like himself don't exist/ keep getting torn up is also because he specifically CALLS for them to be destroyed?

Vox doesn't want to be replaced by some newer, shinier model. He's from the 50's, and there are certain things about himself he will never be able to fully adapt in some ways.

There's surely going to be/ has been demons like Vox who are far more recent who are just as or even more capable. So where are they? Why has he stayed the only dominant technology based overlord when there would be demons falling into hell after things in the living world have surely allowed for demons who are higher tech than he could ever be?

I think it's because he is so insecure and deranged about this that he not only has his company purchase dismembered tech demons for his work but actually calls for people to actually kill them.

I'm talking straight up advertises everywhere how much his people will pay for tech demons for experimentation upon them so that he doesn't have competition.

I can also see him having full groups of people working to find them as they show up in hell. He would be terrified of being replaced by someone new. Someone better than he is. So he wants any demons who are technology based/AI-like in any way to be killed as soon as possible so they don't have any time to form a presence at all.

So yeah, now I'm thinking about Vox personally seeing to it that demons like him - who would logically understand him and be able to connect with him in ways other demons cannot - are put down and him getting a sadistic as fuck power trip off of it like: "you're supposed to be better then me yet you're getting fucking killed fucking loser LMAO"

I can see him sitting his broadcast room after hours watching footage of that shit happening and laughing like it's prime entertainment.

Maybe he'd even broadcast it as such himself.

[bloogers-boogers]

Kyle Brofloski/Stan Marsh (Cartman fictional) (SP one-shot)

Hints of KyleBrofloski/ Eric Cartman and a little bit of Stanman~

Summary:

Cartman wrote a style fanfiction as the deranged shipper he is for showing tell.

Slight warning ⚠️ Eh, I really don't have much to warned, after all, this isn't a full on Kyman fanfiction it's just a habit by now whoops 🤷 I'm joking btw, there's nothing too explicit it's just Cartman being the little shit head he is.

~~~~~~~~

Mr Garrison cleared his throat as he gestured Clyde to take his seat again.

"You're next, Eric," he said with boredom as he layyed his eyes back on to the magazine he was reading.

Cartman dashed excitedly to the front giggling like some school gossip girl as he thumbs up towards Kenny who thumbs up back, making both his excluded friends arched a brow confused.

Everyone now focused on him, as he cleared his throat and gave firstly his introduction.

"Ehem, what I have in my hands is a written by yours truly boys love fanfiction," and with that a couple of girls gasped, interest peeking in even Wendy turned his way with a hint of curiosity as the boys just looked his way confused.

"This better not be some creek fanfiction or I'll break your teeth out," Craig blurted out annoyed already.

"Fuck you. This isn't about you Craig!" Mumbling a 'Jesus christ' before continuing.

"It's called: forever be mine."

The girls giggled and sighed already in love with the fic already.

"Oh god," he heard Kyle muster, rolling his eyes incredulous.

"My beta reader was Kenny Mccormick," he gestured Kenny who just waved enthusiastic gesturing him with a rush for he to continue, "it's style by the way girls."

The girls gasped glancing at both targeted boys before turning away, the boys looking confused and unaware, oblivious of what it means.

"Hurry up! The suspense is already killing me!" Bebe eagerly shouted.

"Alright geez, calm your tits," shaking his head incredulous as he flipped to the first page.

"It was morning, the cold weather hitting harder than usual while the sun rises. Stan Marsh; a athletic boy-"

"Hey! Wait that's me? What the fuc-" Stan spoke in disbelief.

But before the raven boy could protest the girls hushed him silent even his girlfriend glared at him for he to keep quiet, which he reluctantly did as he grumbled.

"-heroic, and a total jock. Head his way to the usual bus stop he and his friends had claimed as their own.

A point of town were memories had build up, a place people often resonated with their names in grave in that rusty old sign and sometimes snowy path, the ground somehow printed their steps as‐"

"It is not that deep, you were definitely trying to fill that up weren't you fatass."

'Shhh!' The girls hissed the redhead shut.

"- the boys semblance spread around just that spot.

Stan was a total softy when it came to familiarity; a nostalgic feeling that marked his heart and wasn't easy to die down from.

On the other hand, there was Kyle, Kyle Brofloski; a complete geek, hot tempered, fragile individual and his best friend.

Who he was madly in love with."

"Shut the fuck Cartman! What the fuck!?" Kyle slammed with a fist his table, ignoring the glares from all his girls classmates and Clyde.

"Mr Garrison, Kahal's interrupting me again!" Cartman protested already tired of being rudely interrupted.

"Kyle, please sit your ass down and let Eric finish his gay little fantasy book. You'll have your turn eventually."

Kyle gritted his teeth in boiling anger, reluctantly sitting down as he glared deadly at the brunette evil little douche who snickered his way before continuing were he had left off.

"It was before summer of that year when he realized he had caught feelings for his super best friend.

More like he realized quite late that these hidden feelings were already there, way before he could even grasp the idea of ever liking his friend in such way, repressing them since childhood.

Always being left confused and a fuzzy feeling in his stomach with every touch or brush Kyle did his way, it was inevitable to always feel nauseous around him, sweat pouring out from his hands as he was constantly nervous around him, worried to make himself look like a fool or a moron infront of him even while being one.

A complete wreck when he was around other dudes, jealousy arising as he looked at Kyle whose attention searched elsewhere that wasn't him."

"Wow, Eric's really a good writer," Butters whispered to Kenny, who nodded.

"Yeah, since his last creek fanfiction his writing has gotten so much better," the other blond complimented.

"However, his insecurities got the best of him, preventing him from making any moves or confessing his ongoing long lasting love for Kyle.

Kyle was perfect‐"

Kyle's frown lighten as he heard Cartman narrate his character, isolating the context of it all, only hearing his voice and the description of his fictional self.

"- in every aspect of his being. The type of perfect you'd be worried of feeling for another, so much unasked powered he held on to his weak beating heart.

His wild red curls rebelling to let loose under that worned out; washed green, unique and very familiar ushanka. A very important piece of fabric for his characterization. Everything on him was just like it's supposed to be.

Like it was meant to.

Those cold blue looking eyes that could glare holes on to you, digging through each layer of your skin reaching your guts and on to your soul. So far captivating it's hard to let loose around them, it was like being sucked in a hole.

A complete void with no end, a void he was willing to dive in with all intentions of ever going out."

"Wow," Clyde mustered softly, so deeply focused in the story as a couple of girl were left in awe and blushing faces.

"However, that wasn't the only thing that drawn him in a complete depths of focus, his lips for example being one of the countless features that left him breathless."

"Cartman this is the most gayest shit I've ever seen and heard from you in like the entirety sixteen years of our lives," Stan commented tirelessly as he placed his hand on his forehead trying his best to ease his annoyance.

Kyle was long gone indulged by Cartman's way of story telling and captivating writing. He must admit, Cartman was good. He was already hooked even being just the introduction of the 'characters'.

"Those pink candy looking lips drove him delirious, even if they we're dried up most of the time having small cuts on them, he should definitely use some chapstick, but hey? He's in love and doesn't care for his poor lack of care.

And somehow, it's still felt in character of him.

Just so in character as when he speaks against anyone who goes against his morals; normally Cartman his so called archrival, but that's far from the point.

He was fearless when it came to what was right, hot headed when he was stubborn and being proven wrong countless times.

There was so much of him he can't hold, so much depth in his person he's fallen to know he can't get tired of. Layers and layers to unfold and discovering so many new things of him that just adds to the piles of things he likes about him.

Kyle, Kyle, Kyle..

That cute smile leaves him drowsy, in a memorizing trance that makes him want to see that upward frown rise infinite times on a daily, he wished he could keep it like that forever even if he gets tired, sore and all cramped up for it.

Needless to say, I'm in love with Kyle Brofloski."

Kyle's heart skipped a beat and his heart begin beating loudly, feeling a small rush of heat in his cheeks.

Looking at Cartman so very focused on his reading, his expression seemed so calm and his eyelids were half opened in a dreamy manner.

"Now, speaking of such boy..

Kyle woke up that morning, late than usual and looking with panic at his clock. Forgetting to have set his alarm before six, he cursed himself internally rushing himself to the bathroom and doing whatever teens his age would do before school.

As he finished getting ready, he grabbed his backpack sprinting down stairs not even bothering to eat breakfast as he was found late. He said goodbye to his mother from the door before slamming it shut and heading straight to the bus stop.

As he arrived he visualized his three friends already standing and waiting with a bored tiring expression for the bus to pick them up.

He halted before walking slowly, keeping his cool as his eyes darted on to Stan; his best friend, trustful and loyal mate, his long-time crush.

His messy raven hair almost covering half his face, those eyes that adorned under with a black discolored shade by the countless sleepless nights binge playing online gaming with them, lacking energy as usual.

Sometimes he thought his friend was a mess, but a mess he could fix. Stan had many flaws, flaws that were understandable and fixable for the eye, but there was too many layers in his character.

There's was so much of Stan, a chronic pain and immense sadness in that brain an force smile of his-"

Stan eyes peeked instantly from under his arms as his ears now listened attentively.

"- aching for help, for someone to hold him and understand what he goes through.

Sometimes he wished he was that person, but he lacked skill in that department; being emotionally vulnerable and unable to really resonate with those feelings, how he felt in regard of it all.

However, he could make him feel like he wasn't alone, he was good for making distractions. Atleast he could ease his mind with other things than focusing on the negative right?

Still, Stan was all he needed to make him happy. A full of flaws individual who he was madly in love with. His imperfections made him stand out and yet, still so damn well fitting to be place in his heart.

The name of Stan Marsh was carved around everywhere in that blood pumping organ called: heart, and echoed in his brain endlessly.

Stan Marsh..

With those captivating blue eyes and that playful smile, with the cutest eye wrinkles he's ever seen.

And those crooked teeth with glimmering metallic braces surrounding them and a hint of blue as a personalized choice of his.

Oh how he wished to steal a kiss from him... unintentionally crashing his teeth with his braces and somehow laughing it off as goofy and affectionate.

Two dumbasses in love..

Oh so he wish they were..

He sighed, placing in his spot in between both his best friend and archrival, next and lastly was Kenny their chill so caring friend and important piece of their friendship; the one who hold on to the group as if it we're to be cherish and protected.

Even if their broship was a little messy and stumble with all intention to fall apart, it was still glued surprisingly strong.

Honestly surprised it has lasted this long.

He frowned already listening to Cartman's annoying nagging; something about Taylor Swift and some twitch streamer, he truly didn't care about.

Stan on the other hand, was fighting the urge to shake that twitching feeling in his hands. His protective and defensive instinct perking up as he saw Cartman taunting Kyle in their usual banter.

It was so ordinary for them, but that day, it just.. felt unnecessary.

He disliked seeing Kyle be belittle or being called names. And even if it were their bigoted dick of a friend with Kyle being so unfazed by the common ignorant comments and bashing, he couldn't help but feel bitter and angry at him; wanting to punch his face and tell him off as an ass, forbidding him by ever calling Kyle by any other name that isn't 'Kyle', telling him he isn't even allowed near his best friend.

But ofcourse he couldn't, there was always something preventing him from doing so, a barrier in between the space of him and Kyle."

Cartman continued reading the plot, it was the typical cliché drama/romance you'd see on anime, still, there were quite unexpected moments/sceneries here and there.

"Stan slammed him inside the janitor's room, closing the door shut. Their breathing hitting against each other as two panting animals, the room suffocating, ambient being warm and cozy.

Stan crashed their lips together in a desperate attempt to keep him shut.

"Shh, she won't find out," he hushed Kyle reassuring, as the other hissed by the stingy pain that was left in his gums being pushed the braces against them.

Kyle wrapped his arms around his neck, deepening the kiss even further.

Stan's hand were all over him, gripping his ass oh so slightly before pressing his crotch against Kyle's.

Kyle tugged his hair furiously unzipping his jacket trying to get a touch of Stan's bare skin.

But the door swung open and a silhouette covered them in a shadow.

It was Kenny; who looked at them in surprise as his was left speechless by the display of his two best friends flustered face full of embarrassment and somewhat shame for being caught in a intimate and secretive act.

Oh shit."

"And that waaaaas chapters 1 to 5, if you guys want any more updates you guys can always follow my wattpad account which is @ cArtmanbrah67!" He teased, now heading back to sit down, grinning with pride as he felt the deeply 'what happened next' stares on him.

Archieving his goal of pissing all his classmates off and still somehow get praise for it.

All unpleased for no concrete ending.

"W-what? What happened next? Did Kenny end up cheering them on or-" Clyde mustered disbelief.

"Fuck that, did Wendy ever found out that Stan was cheating on her!?" Red exclaimed in utterly shock.

"No, no, no dudes. What about that shit between Tolkien and Tweek what're those two hiding?" Craig chimed in just as offended.

"Oh please, Craig. It's obvious they're planning a surprise birthday party for you at Tolkiens," Bebe groaned annoyed, still sour she couldn't predict the ending.

"You guys are gonna give me writers block," Cartman grunted massaging the sides of his forehead before resting his head in his arms with boredom.

<<<< —————>>>>

The next day, it was Kyle's turn to present his own showing tell.

"For my showing tell project I've written-" he smirked smugly and glaringly at Cartman who arched his brow already knowing what he had planned next, "is a fanfiction of Butter x Cartman, I call it: an ass away."

Girls gasped enthusiastic as Stan snickered mischievous.

"My beta reader was Stan Marsh."

Cartman face reddened in embarrassment and anger, cussing out profanities at them.

[depressed-sasuke]

Kind of a weird question I hope you don't mind dhejeje but hypothetically if Lalo had to face all of the main villains in the dollar's trilogy movies (so like El indio, angel eyes, Ramon etc..)) who somehow are still alive how would it go?

Do you think he'd try to strike unlikely alliances for some ulterior motive? Or that he'd be more likely to seek out revenge for something they did to him? Maybe also trying to get their bounty?

Ok ok so this has to be one of the most exciting questions I've gotten!! My brain has been Turning super hard trying to think of my answer (THAT'S GOOD!!) I'm going to try to not make him a Mary-sue and see that all his fights are unfair and not crazy easy for him

Ookok!!

Lalo (17) vs Ramon, El Indio, then angle eyes! I'll go in order from first movie to last :))

There are ALOT of factors that change each villain! 

Ramon would be the easiest for him to get to know, they're both Mexican, which makes me think Ramon would be more open to him, try to take him in like an apprentice

 Boast how Lalos is better than his little brother. 

His reason for killing Ramon would be more towards justice, he's drifting around and see's the towns gone to shit, Ramon has kidnapped some innocent lady from her family! Lalo can fix that, so he will. 

Lalos is less of a plan guy and more of a shoot and see what happens! He'd keep his killings inside, instead of the back and forth with the baxtors. I'm sure he'd chat with the lovely lady once, and get all the  information she knew about schedules and such, make a deal that he'll kill Ramon for a good amount of money.  

Ramons viewing of Lalo would equal better trust, which means it's easier for Lalo to slip by in places he shouldn't be. After letting the family go he'd get back and  try to pretend he didn't know what happened, but get surprised by Ramon clicking his shotgun. 

Their battle would be a moving one, hiding behind walls and shooting at each other, Lalo having to deal with three other of Ramons men. Lalo keeps nearly getting his chest blown. But he ends up getting Ramon in the head. Towns saved, yay! And he gets good money from the baxtors, he's still young and thinks that's one's better than two, so he leaves it at that. 

El Indios death would be for the money 💰 10,000 bounty!?! He could show off to his dads so hard lol

El Indio is more difficult, joining his gang won't be easy…and getting to know him is even worse. The guy screams crazy and deranged, but Lalo has a pretty optimistic personality, so trying to get along with him for the most part wouldn't be bad. 

Indio would be suspicious, naturally, but Lalo taking his younger status to advantage would say he wants to join a “group” and he knows Indio is really dangerous, which will make his own bounty high when he gets one. Indio makes him fight one of his men to prove himself, and Lalo wins.

Being in a group is torture to Lalo, he's the youngest and new so he's constantly being watched and criticized by the other members. They eat when Indio says, stop and rest, travel, ugh! He especially hates being surrounded by criminals, he's no Saint, but his ego definitely believes he's better than them. He probably gets irritated and shows off by killing a few and claiming it as an accident.It was no problem as Indio kept sending him out in duos, probably to see if he'd still come back. 

I figure Indio would find this a lie when he finds a few of the bodys with two holes in them each…

This time he can't sneak under someone's wing. Indio was hardly sad when his wing man died, why would he even think about taking some random kid under his wing? He'd end up exposing Lalo for being a bounty killer, since Lalo was after him and not the bank notes. Lalo would be too inexperienced to catch on and they would beat him. Indio would do the same thing of letting him leave and tricking his men to go after him. 

One by one he goes through them, and finally he's at his wits end, tired, beaten, standing across from Ramon. I'd love the music to be from when Indio killed the man who betrayed him (or just El Indio theme) 

Lalo wins, and turns Indios body in, winning 10,000$$$  He decides to return the money back to the bank, just left it in the front and road off. 

Angel eyes 😨

The guy is smart, cold and calculating. Nothing Lalo would do could trick him! I suppose if he was still alive, Lalo would be upset at how he beat Tuco. 

Perhaps Angel eyes can see Lalo as a Blondie 2.0 and try to get him to partner up with him, saying they're both strong and such. The two of them can get bigger paying bounties, Lalo going under someone else's wing once again. I feel like lalo is as sadistic as angel eyes, but they both put it away for a better facing personality. That would make a crazy fun little duo!

Except No way Angel wouldn't be planning for those two deaths. They would both know that Angel eyes wants to kill them and in turn lalos gonna want to kill him. 

So the partnership would be futile and would end in a duel.

I don't think that Angel eyes would be the type to run away from someone actively chasing him. He's got enough ego and Age to think he'll outdraw Lalo. 

That's a little boring! What if Lalo himself was after the 200,000!?!

He'd get into all sorts of trouble. Of course he himself would have both the names, after a beating he'd only give up the name of the yard, telling Angel he'd have to kill him to get the name on the grave. 

I'm sure he'd escape from the group for a short period of time, but eventually they'd both end up at the graveyard together. 

I'm kind of seeing why having two separate people knowing two different things is a smart idea. With blondie, he's able to negotiate into a fight by splitting the chances of who'll get the name on the grave.

 With just Lalo, what could angel eyes possibly do at that point? He won't talk if beaten… but being held at gunpoint…I don't think Lalo wants to die that early. But!! He would die after giving Angle the name anyways!! Argg!!🫠🫠 

He could possibly do what Blondie did, though!

It's all hypothetical anyways 😮‍💨 but fun!! My brain was WORKING during this haha! 

I might just have to give Lalo his own little villain huh? Not too good at writing 😕

If I make any errors or if anybody wants further details about any of these interactions/Fights I'd be happy to explain! I'm kinda Bing writing it lol, so don't be afraid to tell me if somethings off!! :]

[dogwittaablog]

I was never a nolpat fan (didn't hate him, he just wasn't one of the guys I was fannish about), and even I was... not devastated, but still felt something of a gut-punch when I read about what he said in these accounts. And it's not because I have some rosy view of hockey - I grew up around it, unfortunately I know all too well how toxic it can be. I try to go into fandom with the expectation that any player (including/especially the ones I admire) can do any of the myriad terrible things that are so common in this sport's culture, fall in step with the also terrible political views of the majority, would generally be a person I would not want to talk to irl. The gut-punch part for me I think comes from 1) plain old sadness/disappointment/horror at the reminder of how awful human beings can be, just, in general, because yes of course I know these people exist and see evidence of it all too often, and even if this was some rando on the internet those comments would be upsetting; and 2) that these comments hit me right in my sense of unfairness, that so much opportunity and privilege was given to someone so terrible. (Of course privilege isn't distributed based on goodness, but it's always infuriating to see shitty people get good things/no comeuppance for being shitty; sure, cosmic justice isn't a thing, but we sure wish it were.)

As many others have said, I do think it's important to understand the reality of this sport's culture and its myriad issues, and take steps back to make sure you're keeping that fiction/reality divide clear in your head, but as you pointed out, some people are new or have less experience with the realities of hockey for whatever reason, and even if they are, people will be upset by news of someone being a piece of shit because someone being a piece of shit is generally upsetting. I don't think it's productive to tear people down for simply not knowing how bad it was. Dismay and the misguided belief that someone being good-looking and talented and quiet correlates to their quality as a person aside, I have yet to see anybody digging in their heels and bending over backwards to defend him (like other anon(s) pointed out, the Kane fandom meltdown was... scarring, to say the least, and I have absolutely no patience for that, that is block on sight for me.) We're all in this fandom community together, do try to give people some grace to be upset, and maybe don't call them deranged or in need of professional help so readily.

(Which is to say, I agree with your stance!)

A little bit of a long read for some, but you broke down even more points and articulated parts I wish I could've come up with in some of my other anon responses.

I'm sure you're specifically talking about P.Kane (There is so many genuine problematic fucks in the league with the last name Kane, ironically). Though don't even get me started on that because I remember hearing stories about P.Kane through my brother even when I was 12 and seeing media gradually expose his problematic behaviours as well over time too. I am truly convinced anyone who's a fan of his new or old, just obsess over how hot he was in his early 20's and that's all they see when they think or hear of him, cause bro my man went downhill after a point, so it's like what are you even liking about this dude, cause I know it's not even about how he plays hockey LMAO... He literally has an open track record that with a 10 second search you can find everything problematic he's done the past decade, heck you even got grown men even saying fuck that dude too. His fangirls are definitely what I'd consider concerning.

[maddiefriendlovesbilly]

Okay actually, I’m gonna be the change I want to see in the world— I Know I’m the only person pushing for this, but can you do a ship review on. Light Zeron and Officer Maloney— if you don’t know enough about either character for that,,,, I dunno— Poppy Soup and Sally Acachalla? - overthinkingtaleblr

you CANNOT do this to me I'm INSANE about both of these concepts and I'm gonna do both you fiend! I'm starting with zeron/maloney because I think the idea of that is just below spooker/maxwell for me on deranged (/pos) ships.

Light Zeron/Officer Maloney

so to start us off let's go over the AMAZING dynamic of "world's most pathetic officer of the law" and "vampire security guard on the run"

we know that maloney is. ahem. SHIT at catching criminals, which makes this whole thing work long enough that they Could form a love/hate relationship

god I want a 5k fanfic on this unironically but I would have to write it!!!!

is this post- or pre-vampire? I'm thinking pre BECAUSE imagine!!! imagine the angst

zeron is acting strangely, super out of character. the only person who knows him well enough to figure it out is the man trying to catch him :sobbing:

(also on an unrelated note, they're both aliens which I think is really cute)

look just like. god I'm just shaking my fists irl because I'm so incoherent about this

theyre like. weirdly similar tbh. something about their egos i feel like would both clash heavily and potentially work really well together

IT'S THE PERFECT ENEMIES TO LOVERS SICK FIC GODDAMN

zeron hasn't drunk any blood in ages, (something-something moral quandary something-something starving) and now he's basically passing out from malnutrition, so of course that's the moment maloney spots him in the alley he's squatting in.

and maybe if it were a stranger he would corner them and feed, (its so much easier to drink someone's blood when you can convince yourself that they aren't actually a person, in a weird, convoluted way) but this is someone he knows, maybe even respects. even if they are enemies.

so he doesn't want to drink maloney's blood, and that leaves him with only one other choice - he runs.

he pushes past him and ducks into the nearest abandoned building, hoping to lose maloney in there, but maloney's right behind him.

and meanwhile maloney, so used to their usual back-and-forth banter during fights, is highly confused (maybe a little upset - and fairly worried - if he's being honest) by this behavior.

zeron keeps running but it's clear he won't get much further unless he drinks someone's blood, and now there's literally only one person around - the guy he cares for too much (even if he won't admit it to himself).

be caught or surrender, that's his choice.

it's made for him when maloney catches his wrist - but instead of cuffing him, he spins zeron around, cornering him.

(at this point zeron is wondering if he's about to die a very painful death, but all he can do is stare at maloney's neck.)

maloney oblivious to his surroundings as always, is currently checking zeron over for injuries, and mentally slapping himself because he caught the criminal, why isn't he cuffing him?

this is around the time zeron's resolve breaks - close proximity to a very appetizing meal while starving makes it a bit difficult NOT to partake.

he goes for the neck - literally - and begins drinking like the world is ending. make this part as gay as your little heart desires.

being stabbed in the neck hurts, even more so when they are draining your blood, so maloney quickly pushes zeron off.

but a meal's a meal, and zeron is gone before maloney can even get a word in.

that's all ive got on that for right now haha, so let's hop over to pros and cons!

pros: very fun dynamic, their shared weirdness and the fact that they're both aliens (of different species) could be a bonding point, and they are both like. so so sopping wet and pathetic, they also have similar personalities in a strange way. great potential for hurt/comfort, enemies to lovers and hurt/no comfort fics.

cons: uhhhh. okay so theyre on opposite sides technically, which means any happy ending is gonna have a lot of rough spots, and there's like SO much distrust between them (and light zeron already has issues trusting others)

Conclusion: I'm like SOO biased here so give me a sec to find my center and use logic. Do I think they would work short-term? I feel like they would somehow manage it? like despite everything they'd somehow manage to stay in a not-so-secret kind-of-relationship for at least a year (meanwhile all the news stations are reporting about the two gay people fighting in the street again), and then they'd actually start going on the cheesiest dates ever (and causing pure chaos wherever they went), like coffee dates and amusement park dates and all that shit. everyone would just accept that they're dating and that maloney will probably never catch him but it's Buttsville, NC so what are you gonna do?

at the same time though, I'm sitting here like, what's the long-term gonna look like? does maloney become a criminal? do they get married and settle down? both are hilarious yet tragic because undoubtedly maloney would be a better criminal than police officer but it goes against his perception of himself, and neither is exactly built for domesticity. still, I think they'd manage. somehow it feels like they're too much of a force of nature to let something like that stop them, y'know?

[dragonheart1330]

Okay, so. Literally no one on this website will understand what I'm talking about, not even my mutuals, but that's okay.

I have multiple D&D sessions going, and in one of them, there are two characters named Ostro and Astraeus. Ostro is a black dragonborn Warlock, and he was kidnapped to be part of experiments for a deranged cult that wanted to create the perfect dragon soldiers. Astraeus is a vampire Warlock who was been pulled from the afterlife after countless years being dead and is now in a land completely unfamiliar to him, and devoid of anyone he knew before death.

When they first met, they hated each other. Astraeus came very close to killing Ostro, and the other person trapped in the afterlife with the vampire is the only reason that Ostro and his teammate survived.

And Astraeus was very nearly left in the afterlife, alone, but Ostro's teammate convinced him otherwise.

They spent so long arguing and getting increasingly annoyed at each other. Astraeus would antagonizingly flirt, and Ostro would just glare, turn away, and refuse to give him any sort of reaction. They made offhand comments about letting the other die, snipped at each other, didn't trust the other to take watch at night.

Then Astraeus was kidnapped. The party, now down to three, went searching for him, and found him chained up by the cult that had hurt Ostro. A big fight happened, the party got split, and Ostro and Astraeus die. Ostro's original teammate sacrifices themself to bring them back, and suddenly everything is different.

Astraeus refuses to leave Ostro's side for a full week. He even keeps watch outside of the dragonborn's room at inns, and he doesn't really flirt with him anymore. The occasional wink and remark, but for the most part it's tentative smiles, and encouragement during spars, and a nearly self destructive need to keep the other safe.

Ostro is softer with Astraeus, worries about him, tries to get him to eat, insists he stop jumping into dangerous situations, jokes and laughs with him, tries to initiate spars instead of ignoring him, and he easily falls asleep right next to him.

And I don't know, something about that just makes me feel so soft. I know it's different, because it's D&D and roleplay and it's characters played by real people who are friends.

But still.

They check in on each other. Ostro is watching Astraeus and new the member dance around each other and silently urging them to just kiss already. Astraeus greets Ostro each morning and makes sure he eats, and he guards over him during the night, gently shaking him awake if the dragonborn has a nightmare.

Astraeus makes a flirty comment and Ostro snorts and Astraeus smiles so fondly even as he's being shoved by the shoulder. Ostro is calmly and patiently waiting to be told more about Astraeus's past, listening to every detail, offering a friendly ear. Astraeus follows Ostro's suggestions nearly without question, they get anxious if they're separated for too long, they perform double Eldritch Blasts together and high five when they fuck shit up, they spar and help each other off the ground and give each other pointers and they're so competitive but they actively avoid even giving each other nasty bruises.

They're just

They're friends. And I love them

Y'all have gotta get more insane about platonic relationships like you are about romantic relationships. We need to get more annoying about them NOW. I need to see more meta and losing our minds over them. Get more annoying NOW. More than that. More than that also.

[review-anon]

Oh man.

I just finished watching The After Chapter 1.

And it was...something.

So as a full disclaimer I'm not going into this blind. I do know the death order and some of the major events, but more like the spark notes so I don't know the full context behind the situation.

The idea that these are students for a new Hope's Peak but got kidnapped and the world forgot about them is harrowing, now since this is Danganronpa and nothing is cut dry like that, I do imagine some context was missing but it's a disturbing motive, the fact everyone, including your family has abandoned you, little surprise none of the cast react well.

The Konoe and Chisa dynamic, I don't know what to feel about it because while we don't know what Chisa has gone through, she feels she needs to keep running and not look back or ask for help, and when Konoe tries to understand her, she freaks out and attacks her, but this doesn't stop Konoe from reaching out to her.

I was getting quite angry with Konoe for her need to support Chisa even after she freaking attacked her, which is normally a red flag, and while she was right that Chisa didn't kill Yukime, or that Chisa completely misread Yukime's motives, I still wouldn't feel comfortable around her. But maybe its because Konoe is a optimistic and I'm not optimistic.

Either way I'm still very unsure of her as a protagonist as she's clearly not coping well with the situation and on one hand its a relief to see a protagonist who doesn't have their shit together and needs others to help them, I do hope she learns to stand on her own two feet or else I'm not gonna have a lot of love for this character.

I also feel really bad for Miharu, as being a Kirigiri means she must have astromically high expectations placed on her, and the fact she calls herself "assistant" is proof she doesn't see herself as the same levels as say her grandmother. No wonder she breaks down at the end when she realises all she did was lead someone to their death.

Yukime was a okay person, I did find her annoying at first but maybe because I don't like the super high pitched Japanese voice the VA gave her, its really grating. She does redeem herself ironically enough when she dies as we learn more about her, that she can tell someone's character by their writing, and that her ghost at the end does forgive both Konoe and Chisa for the argument eariler.

And then we get to Issei, dear god. Mitch has offically been dethroned as "Worst Chapter 1 Culprit" since this guy is the literal worst. First he gives nudes to people he meets without even asking which is just pure disgusting, I don't blame Marin for burning them one bit. Then when he's exposed as the culprit he is a completely deranged lunatic who's so detached from reality you think he's a regular user of Twitter. Always blaming others for his own flaws, talking about events that never even happened, and even when Koin gives him a VERY deserved The Reason You Suck Speech, he still doesn't relent, in the end implying that he forgotten who he was as he was so engrossed in acting.

But then we have Ryohei and you guys know I hate him. His Chapter 2 actions are deplorable and while I will get the full context later in Chapter 2 when its analysed in its detail, and I'm noticing that the critcism that Creeper had towards Tsurugi where it seems a switch was flipped for him due to how Tsurugi exhibited no symptoms of him being a Knight Templar prior to Mitch having a date with Yellowstone, whereas other emotional twists in the canon series had some elements of foreshadowing, its even worse here since unlike Tsurugi who while reasonable is quite strict and stern, Ryohei is affiable and friendly to others, giving them words of support, sticking up for Konoe when she feels down and then the ending scene with Miharu...

I never felt so fucking conflicted about a character in my life. I know what he does, I know his motives are inexcusable. I know his plan was apparently so similar to what LINUJ's original plan with Nikei was that he had to make last second changes, and I know every single word he says to Miharu is ultimately hollow and will screw her over in the worst way possible...

So why did I like how he was performed in Chapter 1? Its a horrible ugly feeling when you have conflicting emotions of both absolute hatred, and yet you really like how he was done in Chapter 1. I completely despise this feeling within me. Of course I'm sure once Chapter 2 has been fully analysed those feelings will go away and its just the transitional phase now.

Urgh that scene with him and Miharu has really messed me up. And I don't know why, is it because of dramatic irony? Is it something else which is going on? I don't know!

If you cannot tell; The After is a extremely underrated fanganronpa and you guys should 100% watch it for yourself. Not many people know it and the fact its making me, someone who doesn't often feel emotions, feel so many emotions, says a lot.

[deadasstitan]

(Here's a short spooky story about two wendigos friend's which I got inspired by Liam Vickers with let's spilt up but yeah since I'm still new to story writing this is going to be shit.)

A man running scared for his life in a forest while running looks back.

But while the man was still looking behind him he tripped on some human skeletons' remains face planting on the ground. 

“ow … what the hell is this hu-”

Before the man could finish his sentence he was stabbed inches away from his heart by some sharp lifeless fingers.

The man was screaming in agony. A new voice is heard with some wicked laughter.

“looks like we have a new prey for us to play with and also eat” said with some giggling.

 by a girl with a slender like build two antlers and a tail with a tuff off fur at the end.

Another one pops up a boy with the same features as he looks at the man with an awkward smile waving at him.

“Uhh Lila you should probably kill him off now I think he had enough of what you call"fun "."

The boy made a quotation gesture with his finger.

Lila twisting her body with some cracking and snapping noises looking towards the boy twitching her right eye.

“Ugh Henry what's the fun in that when you can just eat them alive I just love the agony from them the way they scream just makes it more fun.”

Lila looks at the man with a deranged smile cackling out loud ripping off the man's right arm and the man starts screaming out of pain.

He keeps on screaming until his throat starts to sore but then silence comes.

Henry ripped the man's head off, blood dripping on the dirt Lila with a frown on her face started to eat the ripped arm blood on her mouth she then wiped off the blood from her lips before yelling at Henry.

“WHAT THE HELL HENRY YOU JUST HAD TOO RUIN THE FUN!!!”

“I'm sorry Lila but I just can't with your so called “fun” I don't mind eating humans I just don't find torturing them pleasing.”

Henry drops the dead man's head on the ground.

“But as friend's we are.”

Henry tries to place his hand on Lila's shoulder but.

Lila slash Henry hands off with her sharped finger bones, her fingers twisted back to normal.

“Friend's? You say well a real friend would have never pulled that crap on me.”

Lila looked at Henry with a disappointed face before looking at the man she grabbed the dead corpse's ankle dragging the body leaving a trail of blood.

Henry looked at his arm watching his hand come back with the bone back then skin growing back.

“I'm I really a bad friend? I mean oh never mind.”

Lila continues to drag the corpse deep in the forests, mumbling to herself she drops the ankle as in front of her is a small river she eyed at a seatable rock she quickly sat down on the rock.

 “Why do I even hang out with him? He always complains about every little thing I do.”

“He's holding you back.”

Lila quickly got up to see no one behind her, her right eye started to twitch again.

But nobody was behind her but when she looked at the corpse they had been ripped right off.

“When your right eye twitches that means you’re irritated?”

Lila had a twisted smile on her face.

“I'm in a pretty shitty mood so why don't you show yourself”

A young boy came out from the darkness wearing a wooden mask and a brown cloak with some patches on them.

Lila noticed the boy had antlers.

“So you're also a wendigo too.”

Her smile got a bit bigger.

“You're kinda creepy with that smile on your face.“

Lila twitched her right eye again, losing her twisted smile.

“Well you should probably leave before I kill you for messing with my food.”

Said with an irritated voice.

“I won't be here for long plus I really only needed that man's spine.”

The boy pulled out the spine from the shadow.

Lila looked at him with a bit of surprise.

“Anyways that other boy Henry is holding you back.”

“What the hell do you mean holding me back?”

“That Henry boy is too civil, we aren't supposed to feel pity for these humans and the only way for you to have your freedom is to kill that failure.”

Lila looked at him with shock.

“I know he can be annoying as hell but I just can't kill him, we are friends.”

The boy pointed the spine to Lila.

“friend you say? That's funny to hear since you said “a friend would have never pulled that crap on me” I'm surprised the way you acted before was crazy but now you are acting normal.”

Lila's right eye twitch, giggling a bit she took a step forward.

“SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!”

She giggles more.

“No need to yell but remember this either you kill him or I do.”

The shadow the boy was on took him down and disappeared to the shadow.

Lila got on her knees, her giggling turned into a wicked laughter, but Lila was crying a bit and some of the tears dropped onto the ground.

“Uh Lila, are you crying? It's been a while since I saw you cry.”

Lila wiped the tears off her face and got up.

“Shut up, I wasn't crying, I just saw something funny.”

“Oh well I know you would love to kill me if I try to talk to you again but I wanted to apologise.”

Lila walks past Henry looking down.

“Forget it, let's go before you piss me off again.”

“Oh I guess I should drag the body.”

“Actually, let's just eat here. The river has a nice view.”

Lila goes back to the seatable rock she then pointed at the ground next to her.

Henry walked up to her and sat where she pointed at.

“Look I'm.”

Lila started to laugh. 

“Man you must really want me to kill you.”

Henry looked at Lila and nervously laughed with her.

“Look man I'm I'm.”

“Are you apologising? Ha well that's new.”

Lila right eye twitches.

“Just shut up dude.”

She punches Henry's shoulder and they both laugh.

Somewhere else in an old abandoned shack with some candles and a pile of bodies the wooden mask boy placed down the spine he stole with the other spine that formed a circle.

The masked boy took his mask off and the door shut, leaving the candle's fire to blow away to complete darkness.

[morgana-ren]

on this lonely day of valentines, scrolling through your blog to catch up on posts is great. i'm not sure if you answered a question like this before- but what would your four think about being drawn? one thing i do when i get to know someone is sketch them out, since i like how unique faces are. my sketchbook is full of doodles of my friends lol

It's actually a very big, very intimate thing for all of them. It's often done between them all when they're trying to give a legitimate gift to each other.

Reaver is a very talented artist. He doesn't always use it for the... best things (his sketchbook is filled with porn sketches and bdsm and all sorts of deranged shit) but he's also highly capable of doing remarkable work with pencils and charcoal (it's also the only time you'll see him intentionally dirty his hands.) You can tell he's started to fall for someone when sketches of them that aren't pornographic start appearing in his private sketchbook.

He has been known to draw the lads as a small token of affection. For birthdays or special occasions, he will really go all out for it. Golden frames, lamination, some incredible work, really. While he can sketch something very quickly that is extremely high quality, when he takes its time, it can be almost heartbreakingly beautiful. Some of the portraits that Astarion has of himself that he values the most were actually done by Reaver.

He can be insecure about it, while also being very arrogant at the same time. It's very strange. Probably because it's one of the few portals into his mind that he isn't very good at covering. He can have a smile on his face but depending on what he's drawing, it's a good way to tell what exactly he's feeling and about whom.

He also fucking loves having artwork of him done, but because he's so goddamn obnoxious about it, the others rarely indulge. Especially because he can never settle for a normal portrait. He always wants some heinous, debauched shit. (He very much does love the regular portraits of himself that they've done, but he has a reputation to maintain.)

Corvus is a remarkable painter. A lot of the paintings in Reaver's house were done by him, and most of the ones on his ship as well. It's not quite something you'd notice at a glance, but he has a specific style and once you notice it, you can't unsee it.

He doesn't tend to do portraits of people, and no one is quite sure why. No one wants to ask, either. However, he will when he feels strongly enough, whether it's for a friend or a lover or his family.

He tends to like to paint scenery, such as his ship, or the ocean, or certain views of places that he travels. He has an easel and paints he keeps on his ship for when the urge strikes him. You can tell how he feels about something based upon how he paints it if you know him well enough.

He will also paint the other lads, although not quite as frequently as they do. He's more likely to paint Reaver's manor, or Wraithmarsh, or some place that means something to them. He loves getting portraits of himself done, however. Back again to the 'beautiful and he knows it' bit. He isn't opposed of getting 'tasteful erotic art' of himself done, or even sketching it himself, and he gets more willing the drunker or more feral he is.

Astarion actually wasn't much of an artist when he initially joined up with Corvus, but he learned simply for something to do when there wasn't much to keep him busy on the ship. He tends to steal Reaver's supplies now, so he works mostly with pencil. He didn't quite take to it as naturally as the others did, but he's gotten quite good watching Reaver work, and he's actually quite talented.

It's not exactly his chosen way to express himself (it's hard when your brothers are absurdly talented when you're making stick figures at first), but it's great for a quick gag or a gift. He also likes to add small details to Reaver's sketches and see how long it takes him to notice. Sometimes he'll draw stuff and sign Reaver's name at the bottom, and he can tell he's getting better when Reaver can't tell immediately.

When he actually tries, he is capable of creating incredible works of art. He's done some great candids of Corvus, and even some of Reaver that were supposed to be goofy ended up being pretty remarkable.

That being said, portraits of him are actually one of the kindest gifts you can give him. It means the world to him, since he can't exactly see his reflection anymore, and as the years pass, he forgets more and more what his face looks like. His brothers have a way of painting and drawing him in a way that makes him feel loved and adored, and you might think he's vain because he has so many portraits of himself hanging around, but truth be told, it's more indicative of how much he loves seeing himself through his brother's eyes.

Ilya is big into art, but it's very hard to get him to be honest about just what exactly he can do. It was one of his escapes when he was very young, and he sees the world in an artistic way. Sometimes he just does something out of the blue that you had no idea he knew how to do.

He doesn't specialize like Reaver and Corvus do, but he's a jack of all trades. He can sketch and paint and tons of other mediums, but it's almost like he has trouble picking. He even owns an art tablet, but he finds it frustrating and cumbersome. He's the most likely to get frustrated with his own work and is the least likely to do it in front of anyone else unless he's very confident in that particular medium.

He's fine if people want to paint him portraits, but truthfully, he just enjoys anything he gets from his brothers. He saves all of it, even though he would never let anyone on to that. He has small scrapbooks full of Reaver's 'joke' drawings and Corvus's abandoned half paintings and even Astarion's little doodles. If he's going to do something for them, he's going to start months in advance and they won't get it until it's absolutely perfect.

At the end of the day, they all love getting sketches of themselves. They're all varying degrees of very, very vain. If their lover wants to do something like that for them? Oh, they'd adore it. All of them would actually love if they showed an interest in learning or asking them for lessons too. Literally hinting that you want to sketch them can have them all up in their feelings and feeling very arrogant, and you might even be able to use it as a distraction.

However, if you have a sketch pad, don't expect it to stay private. They're all looking through it when they think you're not going to notice.

[moralorelarchive]

to reiterate my first point from the last post:

I'm not concerned with whether any character in the series was "redeemed" or not. the show was cut in half, and so was every character arc. hence we end up with a show that got cancelled when all the main characters were at their lowest point of development in the narrative, and all the surrounding characters getting half developed to a point of mild satisfaction.

I don't think Clay is misunderstood in this fandom so much as misinterpreted. namely the overt focus on his abusive incidents and qualities drowns out any analysis about how and why they emerged in the first place. and the insistence on reading him through this over the top evil villain tunnel vision- Clay is an antagonist, in that his actions are in opposition to Orel's, but he's not a villain. I actually don't think there are designated villains in Moral Orel, just a lot of damaged, self destructive people who rationalize, deny and repress the harm they cause. humans, as Dino called them.

put succinctly, I think we often forget that Clay has a disease, that it is life-threatening, and no one around him is educated enough to see the warning signs- because drinking culture is so ingrained in their social circle that there's nothing to do but repress whatever harm it causes.

earlier on in the show, his drinking is less pronounced. This is not to say he didn't have a problem, because its clear from Help that his binging started early in their marriage. I do think there is a gradual descent beginning with him drinking the boozy milk in church, slowly until Bloberta calls him a "self-destructive alcoholic", and then a rapid plummet after he walks out on Christmas eve. This feels in line with a relapse.

I went back and forth on whether Clay had actually never touched a drop of booze before he met Bloberta- he lied about his father being dead, he must have been shitting her about "isnt drinking a sin?" because even he knows that his mother used to drink- and also the way he keeps on looks like someone who tried to stop before and that this is his relapse. but then he goes on about his "new found superpowers" and thanking Bloberta for helping him come out of his shell so it definitely seems like alcohol is providing him with a burst of sociability and extraversion that he otherwise didn't think he had in him before.

Clay genuinely believed that drinking was making him a better person. This is reinforced by what others say to him: by Bloberta saying "it makes us better people", or Danielle telling him, "you're better when you drink." The word "better" is used directly in his rant- he mimes the alcohol telling him: "I'll make things better, dear! drink me, put me inside you!" in the following dialogue, its very clear that he associates drinking with his relationship with Bloberta, and women in general. And also that the sex he has had with Bloberta might be less than consensual and not pleasurable for him. More on this later.

That's the rub of alcohol. You drink a little to feel good, and you do it until that amount doesn't do it for you anymore, and the tolerance builds up until you need to drink enough to black out, and being black out drunk is where your inhibitions completely disappear. Black out drunk means you might whip out your dick and piss on someone's computer- knew a guy who did it- does this mean you hate that person, or computers? no, just that your senses were no longer functioning to keep you from carrying out every insane impulse you have.

alcohol addiction isn't a moral failing, its a disease. Clay's true moral failing was that he wasn't responsible or mature enough to be left alone with his son in the wilderness. He wasn't a horrifyingly inept father in the past episodes, mostly just spanking Orel before asking him why he (impregnated women in their sleep/sold his piss for profit/did crack/stole his booze/etc). Then he imparts an entirely deranged moral because he feels like he needs to explain to Orel some justification for his punishment, which he might be doing to bond with him the way he used to bond with his mother.

Clay was not properly fathered (or mothered, for that matter), and is not equipped to be a good father. His version of fathering Orel is an attempt to undo the neglect of his boyhood- he is physically present in his life, "a boy needs his father" so he says, he converses with him- while he did spank him, he's never slapped him or battered him, which is interesting to note because Arthur only ever hit Clay in the face. The actual, major fuck up in his life happened when he was black out drunk.

Its notable that after the incident we get an episode of him reflecting on the death of his mother, and how he never got to go on that coveted hunting trip with his dad. the road to hell truly is paved with good intentions.

but he gets worse. He starts ditching work to drink. he ditches church to drink. he's calling up his situationship midday to drink. he has ditched the shot glass and is drinking his brown booze straight from the bottle now. this is ruining his friendships, his professional connections, even the barmaid hates him now. Because he can't reconcile his self-image with what he did to his child, his only narcissistic impulse is to deny it happened, lie about it, to himself, to the doctor, to everyone around him. Then when he can't deny it happened, he hides from his son out of shame, and avoids talking to him for 6 months, only speaking to him again when it becomes clear that his son has publicly sided against him. Right after that he emotionally regresses and becomes susceptible to the manipulations of a seemingly older woman. Clay is in the middle of a mental breakdown.

then the show gets cancelled.

of course they killed it. why would adult swim want to air a show where a character suffers from a realistic depiction of alcoholic dependency? one where a guy pisses his bed because he's too drunk to get up at night, one where a guy almost kills his child (not played for laughs)? the audience doesn't want to be told that they need to kick their habit. they'd prefer a mad scientist who can just grow himself a new liver any time he needs to replace it. Or a cartoon crow who gets into hi-LAR-ious out-RAG-eous hijinks because of his drinking. do you see what I'm saying?

I mean, what if Clay stopped drinking?

("Yeah, what if?")

there's this thing called withdrawal, where if your body is at the point where it is dependent on alcohol for stability, alcohol every day every hour, all year long- like Clay is- going cold turkey can actually end your life.

a caricatured depiction of withdrawal can be seen happening to Orel in the episode "Grounded"- he isn't just "going crazy", Church is an addiction that he needs to feed to feel normal. It's a very silly take on it, but the insatiable cravings, sweats, nausea, shakes, clamminess and the feelings of unmanageable suicidality are the same.

Other effects of alcoholic withdrawal include (not in order) seizures, hallucinations, acute anxiety, mood swings, tachycardia, and in worst cases delirium tremens. with the way Clay drinks he would definitely end up with pretty bad DTs.

And it goes on for at least 6 months.

when this happens, a person needs to be hospitalized. and knowing the medical staff at Martin Luther Hospital, I can understand why he would want to avoid it. I don't think he has the willpower to wait past shaky hands before he reaches for his next drink.

another part of overcoming an addiction to alcohol is community support- support from family, friends, spouses. this was described by Kabi Nagata in one of her memoirs as a kind of "foothold in the world" to keep the patient stable and focused. but as of the start of season 2, Bloberta doesn't care. Clay perceives Bloberta as not being on his side- if your own wife isn't on your side, what hope do you have needing her when you're vulnerable? fuck, even Clay isn't on his own side.

On Bloberta- I get the feeling she might have supported him to stop drinking earlier in their marriage. Or at least to get his drinking under control (as in, not publicly visible). Maybe before Shapey was born? but when he started again, she was through being "on his side" so to speak.

(and I do think his drinking has some correlation to his sex life. according to Bloberta, "when does he ever remember?" and based on what little Orel said in that one promo, Clay is never sober enough to be on top, like he so insists upon being the "right" way. in his rant Clay graphically describes PIV sex with open revulsion. call me crazy, but I kind of get the feeling he's gay.)

but the real reason I think he was triggered to drinking to excess, is Danielle.

its pretty clear from the get-go of season 2 is that Clay was carrying on an affair with him, at least an emotional one if not a physical one. and I can imagine that his attraction to Danielle unsettles him, to the point that he needs to reinforce his concept of masculinity with the markers of it; hiding in his little man cave and collecting hunting equipment- and drinking hard liquor to excess. Everything he accuses Orel of during the hunting trip- being sensitive, soft, a sissy- is just something he projects because he's insecure about it in himself. and the root of it is his fear of loving Danielle.

despite the humiliation he subjected himself to in Honor- him admitting that he loved Danielle was a brief moment of growth. albeit closeted, fearful, it was a revelation of what was really in him. closest comparable moment of honesty in the series was him admitting to Orel that his identity as a father is central to who he is, and without it he would be nothing. and then there's his academy award winning drunken rants.

where could his character have gone... I think leaving his family, aka Orel, aka forgoing his identity as a father, might be the best he could do. that and getting sober. but there's no getting sober without leaving his family, because he associates his wife with drinking. and there's no getting sober if you don't have a friend left in the world. it was sad to see him still with her in the final scene because they both really could've thrived in divorce.

more thoughts: Clay and his alcoholism

to reiterate my first point from the last post:

I'm not concerned with whether any character in the series was "redeemed" or not. the show was cut in half, and so was every character arc. hence we end up with a show that got cancelled when all the main characters were at their lowest point of development in the narrative, and all the surrounding characters getting half developed to a point of mild satisfaction.

I don't think Clay is misunderstood in this fandom so much as misinterpreted. namely the overt focus on his abusive incidents and qualities drowns out any analysis about how and why they emerged in the first place. and the insistence on reading him through this over the top evil villain tunnel vision- Clay is an antagonist, in that his actions are in opposition to Orel's, but he's not a villain. I actually don't think there are designated villains in Moral Orel, just a lot of damaged, self destructive people who rationalize, deny and repress the harm they cause. humans, as Dino called them.

put succinctly, I think we often forget that Clay has a disease, that it is life-threatening, and no one around him is educated enough to see the warning signs- because drinking culture is so ingrained in their social circle that there's nothing to do but repress whatever harm it causes.

earlier on in the show, his drinking is less pronounced. This is not to say he didn't have a problem, because its clear from Help that his binging started early in their marriage. I do think there is a gradual descent beginning with him drinking the boozy milk in church, slowly until Bloberta calls him a "self-destructive alcoholic", and then a rapid plummet after he walks out on Christmas eve. This feels in line with a relapse.

I went back and forth on whether Clay had actually never touched a drop of booze before he met Bloberta- he lied about his father being dead, he must have been shitting her about "isnt drinking a sin?" because even he knows that his mother used to drink- and also the way he keeps on looks like someone who tried to stop before and that this is his relapse. but then he goes on about his "new found superpowers" and thanking Bloberta for helping him come out of his shell so it definitely seems like alcohol is providing him with a burst of sociability and extraversion that he otherwise didn't think he had in him before.

Clay genuinely believed that drinking was making him a better person. This is reinforced by what others say to him: by Bloberta saying "it makes us better people", or Danielle telling him, "you're better when you drink." The word "better" is used directly in his rant- he mimes the alcohol telling him: "I'll make things better, dear! drink me, put me inside you!" in the following dialogue, its very clear that he associates drinking with his relationship with Bloberta, and women in general. And also that the sex he has had with Bloberta might be less than consensual and not pleasurable for him. More on this later.

That's the rub of alcohol. You drink a little to feel good, and you do it until that amount doesn't do it for you anymore, and the tolerance builds up until you need to drink enough to black out, and being black out drunk is where your inhibitions completely disappear. Black out drunk means you might whip out your dick and piss on someone's computer- knew a guy who did it- does this mean you hate that person, or computers? no, just that your senses were no longer functioning to keep you from carrying out every insane impulse you have.

alcohol addiction isn't a moral failing, its a disease. Clay's true moral failing was that he wasn't responsible or mature enough to be left alone with his son in the wilderness. He wasn't a horrifyingly inept father in the past episodes, mostly just spanking Orel before asking him why he (impregnated women in their sleep/sold his piss for profit/did crack/stole his booze/etc). Then he imparts an entirely deranged moral because he feels like he needs to explain to Orel some justification for his punishment, which he might be doing to bond with him the way he used to bond with his mother.

Clay was not properly fathered (or mothered, for that matter), and is not equipped to be a good father. His version of fathering Orel is an attempt to undo the neglect of his boyhood- he is physically present in his life, "a boy needs his father" so he says, he converses with him- while he did spank him, he's never slapped him or battered him, which is interesting to note because Arthur only ever hit Clay in the face. The actual, major fuck up in his life happened when he was black out drunk.

Its notable that after the incident we get an episode of him reflecting on the death of his mother, and how he never got to go on that coveted hunting trip with his dad. the road to hell truly is paved with good intentions.

but he gets worse. He starts ditching work to drink. he ditches church to drink. he's calling up his situationship midday to drink. he has ditched the shot glass and is drinking his brown booze straight from the bottle now. this is ruining his friendships, his professional connections, even the barmaid hates him now. Because he can't reconcile his self-image with what he did to his child, his only narcissistic impulse is to deny it happened, lie about it, to himself, to the doctor, to everyone around him. Then when he can't deny it happened, he hides from his son out of shame, and avoids talking to him for 6 months, only speaking to him again when it becomes clear that his son has publicly sided against him. Right after that he emotionally regresses and becomes susceptible to the manipulations of a seemingly older woman. Clay is in the middle of a mental breakdown.

then the show gets cancelled.

of course they killed it. why would adult swim want to air a show where a character suffers from a realistic depiction of alcoholic dependency? one where a guy pisses his bed because he's too drunk to get up at night, one where a guy almost kills his child (not played for laughs)? the audience doesn't want to be told that they need to kick their habit. they'd prefer a mad scientist who can just grow himself a new liver any time he needs to replace it. Or a cartoon crow who gets into hi-LAR-ious out-RAG-eous hijinks because of his drinking. do you see what I'm saying?

I mean, what if Clay stopped drinking?

("Yeah, what if?")

there's this thing called withdrawal, where if your body is at the point where it is dependent on alcohol for stability, alcohol every day every hour, all year long- like Clay is- going cold turkey can actually end your life.

a caricatured depiction of withdrawal can be seen happening to Orel in the episode "Grounded"- he isn't just "going crazy", Church is an addiction that he needs to feed to feel normal. It's a very silly take on it, but the insatiable cravings, sweats, nausea, shakes, clamminess and the feelings of unmanageable suicidality are the same.

Other effects of alcoholic withdrawal include (not in order) seizures, hallucinations, acute anxiety, mood swings, tachycardia, and in worst cases delirium tremens. with the way Clay drinks he would definitely end up with pretty bad DTs.

And it goes on for at least 6 months.

when this happens, a person needs to be hospitalized. and knowing the medical staff at Martin Luther Hospital, I can understand why he would want to avoid it. I don't think he has the willpower to wait past shaky hands before he reaches for his next drink.

another part of overcoming an addiction to alcohol is community support- support from family, friends, spouses. this was described by Kabi Nagata in one of her memoirs as a kind of "foothold in the world" to keep the patient stable and focused. but as of the start of season 2, Bloberta doesn't care. Clay perceives Bloberta as not being on his side- if your own wife isn't on your side, what hope do you have needing her when you're vulnerable? fuck, even Clay isn't on his own side.

On Bloberta- I get the feeling she might have supported him to stop drinking earlier in their marriage. Or at least to get his drinking under control (as in, not publicly visible). Maybe before Shapey was born? but when he started again, she was through being "on his side" so to speak.

(and I do think his drinking has some correlation to his sex life. according to Bloberta, "when does he ever remember?" and based on what little Orel said in that one promo, Clay is never sober enough to be on top, like he so insists upon being the "right" way. in his rant Clay graphically describes PIV sex with open revulsion. call me crazy, but I kind of get the feeling he's gay.)

but the real reason I think he was triggered to drinking to excess, is Danielle.

its pretty clear from the get-go of season 2 is that Clay was carrying on an affair with him, at least an emotional one if not a physical one. and I can imagine that his attraction to Danielle unsettles him, to the point that he needs to reinforce his concept of masculinity with the markers of it; hiding in his little man cave and collecting hunting equipment- and drinking hard liquor to excess. Everything he accuses Orel of during the hunting trip- being sensitive, soft, a sissy- is just something he projects because he's insecure about it in himself. and the root of it is his fear of loving Danielle.

despite the humiliation he subjected himself to in Honor- him admitting that he loved Danielle was a brief moment of growth. albeit closeted, fearful, it was a revelation of what was really in him. closest comparable moment of honesty in the series was him admitting to Orel that his identity as a father is central to who he is, and without it he would be nothing. and then there's his academy award winning drunken rants.

where could his character have gone... I think leaving his family, aka Orel, aka forgoing his identity as a father, might be the best he could do. that and getting sober. but there's no getting sober without leaving his family, because he associates his wife with drinking. and there's no getting sober if you don't have a friend left in the world. it was sad to see him still with her in the final scene because they both really could've thrived in divorce.