#even though you say that as a good thing. thats rly fucking WEIRD to claim like... ?

[littlebabycrybtch]

bro i am so happy for jojo siwa and proud of her and i dont wanna bring the celebration down already but this isnt just a post for nihilism or w/e, i am REALLY uncomfortable and concerned with all the posts im seeing that have this tone of like. ‘this is gonna be so great for our community’, and ‘everyone loves her and her reach is so big yay’, etc etc etc. girl no im sorry like its ok to be excited ig but pls dont make this moment all about how much its gonna rock for us. she is 17. she does not need to ‘do anything’ for our community, we fully need to be supporting and protecting HER, not expecting or pressuring her to be a warrior spokesperson for us right away??? or ever??? like??? and shes already endured a lot of unnecessary cruelty, theres a good chance she’ll endure more, and frankly very possibly from people in your own space who you’ll need to be willing to shut down for rejecting her even if theyre a trendy funnyman you like, and even if they come up with a blatant bullshit reason to validate their cringe. for the love of god, dont fall for that and let it happen this time around. idk to be harsh man can we pls stop viewing coming out stories as a ‘how can this benefit me’ situation and treating it like wracking up points for your community. nobody, especially not a minor, NOT EVEN a famous one, owes you a role model just for existing as a minority. thats not her responsibility, just be proud, welcome her, and let her be, please.

and just a sidenote here but well tbr uh deepest offense, a lot of yall Were casually and proudly part of the group that was relentlessly mercilessly bullying this child for 5 years straight and solely for acting like a normal wholesome child. so sorry to be bitter ig but i mean i dont rly wanna hear You talk about how excited you are to get some social benefits out of her identity until you feel like denouncing and apologizing for that cruel unnecessary shit, and N O T just because shes fucking gay now you unsympathetic moral gangrene piece of garbage, but bc you should grow some feelings and recognize no child should have had to go through that evil shit in the first place??? like wow somehow a hot take but i think maybe perhaps kids you dont personally assume to be minorities just shouldnt be en masse bullied by grown adults for cringe either. i think either way that shouldve already been inexcusable to you. and like yeah acknowledgement of that or not i want her to get all the support she can now and yeah its fine to be excited at the prospect of this helping you/your community sure, but i have a problem getting over this contrast and if nothing else i think theres literally smth wrong with your head if you were harassing her and making her a joke before over Nothing but now that shes relatable to you in some way you can see her as an ally and wanna pretend you always respected her. the way we’ve normalized that extent of selfish and dehumanizing behavior makes me genuinely disturbed with our community. pls just support her like a regular lgbt+ person coming out. its fine to be happy for personal reasons but dont yall think we should be talking a lil more about.... how this is gonna affect her by now...? imo, we need to slow down on the ‘great for our community’ talk. Great for Jojo.

[ff-imagines]

Can i request some nsfw headcanons for mantis shrimp? I read through your blog and let me just say: I'm a big fan. Btw if you dont wanna do them thats fine as well

Salt and pepper shrimp: nsfw alphabet

I did the whole alphabet bc? Why not! Side note I rly wanna write a fic going off my thoughts ab his experience level >:)

A - aftercare

Look, getting him to release you from his hold to go to the bathroom on a regular night is a battle enough. After sex? Phew I wish you luck. Might wanna just put some water on your night stand beforehand. You would be able to convince him to take a bath with you pretty easily though, he likes how the warm water feels very much. Make sure to cuddle him in the bath still, he's in a very vulnerable state right now and he really needs some good old tlc.

B- body parts

he’s got a weird fixation with your hands. He likes to compare hand sizes, whether your hands are bigger or smaller isn’t what he likes, he just likes to admire them. He loves sucking/biting your fingers while he’s got you in his lap. Lacing your fingers with his with one hand while bringing the other to his cheek, nuzzling into your hand while he bounces you on his cock.

On himself, there is tragically little that he genuinely likes. He views himself as a weapon, getting him to unlearn that will not be an easy process, trust me, Boston has tried. Complimenting his eyes does seem to make him a little more flustered than other praises, and he has a hard time staring you in the eye during sex…. maybe we can start there.

C - cum

His cum is pretty thin but there’s a shit ton of it. Enough that if he cums inside you swear you can feel the warmth as his cock pours rope and rope of his seed into you.

He doesn’t actually care where he cums, just ask him and he’ll comply.

inside you? sounds good.

On your back? Say less.

On the floor? You’re cleaning it, but sure.

He did discover he’s got an affinity for watching his cum on your tongue. I don’t know how you’d be able to swallow it all, but any attempt you make will be met with shrimp getting hard all over again.

D - dirty secret

He secretly thinks it’d be really hot for you to dom him. It’s gonna take a very long time before he’s comfortable letting you have that Linda control over him, just the thought of being tied up, hands behind his back while you praise him for being such a good boy, its a fantasy he’s visited on many sleepless nights.

E - experience

Nope. Nada. To be frank, I think he’s the definition of Demisexual, and he has yet to meet anyone besides Boston and the anti-human gang who he genuinely wants to get to know better. He definitely hasn’t met anyone who wants to get to know better for romantic reasons.

He doesn’t know enough about human customs to know that it can be embarrassing for someone to be inexperienced, but he does feel very very nervous the first few times. He’ll need a lot of reassurance, give him praise and he’s putty in your hands.

F - favorite position

I'm gonna be boring and say missionary. It’s simple, easy, and since he’s brand new to all of this it’s the least mentally overstimulating. He very much likes that he can see your face.

If he’s feeling extra spicy he might grab onto the inside of your knees and push you into the mating press, though he really only does this if he’s upset or jealous.

If you ask nicely he might let you sit in his lap, as a treat. Bouncing on his cock as he litters your chest with bite marks, what a treat it is <3

G - goofy

…. yea for sure definitely. He’s a real jokester.

On a serious note, he himself is not a goofy person whatsoever, but he would actually like it if you were. Outright making fun of him or harsh teasing is an immediate turn off, but light jokes to ease his nerves is for sure welcomed since he’s very tense the first few times.

Give him time and you might even catch him cracking a small joke himself, all the while giving you a weak, nervous smile.

H- hair

He doesn’t trim or shave anything lmao. He’s busy, and also doesn’t care literally at all. He’s got a thin happy trail that can be easy to miss since he's blonde.

He’s got the same energy with your body hair, he doesn’t care. If you do shave he might ask why, just out of curiosity. If your reason is insecurity, he’ll probably suggest you let it grow, he doesn’t care and he’s the only one who’ll ever see it lmao

I- intimacy

It’s an awkward “i hope to fuck I’m doing this right” kind of intimacy. He fumbles and messes up a lot, he might even accidentally miss when thrusting and end up just kinda rubbing himself on you but he’s really trying. Just from the fact he’s willing to try this at all with you is a big sign that he’s really trying his best to be as intimate as he can with you.

J- jerk off

Before meeting you, not a lot actually. He mostly just did it if he ever woke up from a wet dream and knew that if he didn’t take care of it now he’d never be able to get back to sleep.

After your first time together, his first time, he thinks back the immeasurable pleasure a lot, finding himself in need of relief a lot more than he ever did before. You are the catalyst to his drive, and you are also the only thing he can think about that can help him cum. It’s kinda sweet in a perverted way.

K- Kinks

He will bite you. It’s just so easy to bruise you and it makes your relationship status to others so obvious, he can’t just… not bite you.

Marking, going along with the biting kink. This goes both ways, he’d love for you to scratch at his back enough to leave red marks, to bite as his collarbone, grip his hips tight enough to bruise. He likes looking at the marks later, they remind him that he did good, he made you feel good, that’s all he really wants.

He doesn’t exactly have a breeding kink as much as this goes along with the marking aspect. Suggest to him that he cum deep inside you to mark your insides… he might give you 2-3 loads just to make sure you're nice and full, completely claimed.

He also kinda likes to make you cry. Overstimulating you to the point of tears gives him a sense of pride he hasn’t really felt before.

He really likes temperature play as well, dragging ice cubes and hot wax across your skin and watching you flinch and squirm just does something to him.

And of course, light bondage. He probably found out it was a thing after reading some kinda erotic fiction and immediately went to you like “why did you not tell me about this?????” He adores how to look all tied up and stuck, right in the palm of his hands. It makes him feel emotional as well, that you’re willing to give him such a powerful amount of control over you.

Last but not least, please praise him. During sex as well as day to day. Let him know he’s so pretty, he’s doing so good, he’s cock feels so so good, he might cum on the spot.

L- location

The first time he’d really need it to be in a secluded, safe area. He’s gotta feel comfy if he’s gonna get into the mood.

Every other time? Babes you’ve awakened a beast, he’ll get random spikes of “if I don’t at least try to fuck them I will scream”. You could be in the middle of a forest running from an axe wielding murderer and this horny bastard would still find a way to pull you aside and rail you against a tree.

There most likely isn’t a spot in your home that he hasn’t fucked you against.

Peaceful moment of washing dishes? Think again, he’s plopping you on the kitchen counter and diving to mouth at your neck.

Writing some papers? Just sit on his lap, you’ll feel much less stressed with his cock buried to the hilt, won’t you?

Doing laundry? Might have to rewash them cause now he’s using the clothes as a bed to fuck you on. He’ll apologize and help you fold them after they’re rewashed bc he feels bad lmao

M- motivation

Like I said, he’s set off by the smallest things. A little stretch, wiping some water off on your pants, humming a song, all of it can randomly make him feel the need to fuck you.

The most intense and quickest way to rile him up is either playing with his hair, or massaging his back. It starts out innocent but he just can’t take the thought of your pretty hands working so lovingly and not at least trying to reciprocate and make you feel good too.

N- no

No sharing. He doesn’t want someone else to see you, and he doesn’t want someone else to see him. It’s just not something he likes.

He also hates humiliation. He… would tolerate it if you asked for it, even if he doesn’t get why you’d want him to outright insult you. But for himself? Fuck no, he hates it so fuckin much. He’s a sensitive insecure puppy that wants your attention very badly, pls don’t hurt him like that :(

O- oral

Oh please give him oral. He’s begging. Well, he’d never outright beg but the way his eyes fixate on your mouth a lot is his way of silently pleading for you to wrap your lips around his cock. His soul ascends a little every time he sees his cum dribbling down your face, he might be even willing to make out with his cum still on your tongue.

As for giving, he’s got no clue what the hell he’s doing but he’s nervously eager to try. Guide him as best you can, he’s good at measuring your reactions so he can handle the rest. Tug on his hair a little bit if you wanna drive him crazy.

He’ll get a lot better with time, his eagerness to please however, does not leave him in the slightest.

P- pace

The first time? Slow and unsure, then he realizes “oh fuck this feels stupid good” and his pace becomes almost punishing. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing, he’s unknowingly going deeper and harder than you've ever been dicked down in your life. If you want him to, somehow, go harder? Grab his hand and place it over your stomach to make him feel his cock enter you through your skin, his hand slides down to grip your hips and slams into you, wiggling his hips without withdrawing to gain some of his sanity back before he’s back to a punishing pace.

Q- quickies

Oh hell yea. He lives for them. Sudden moments of horniness come to him all the time and since this spike in desire is brand new, he hasn’t really… learned to live with it yet. He pulls you aside into closets and alleyways all the time, he can’t help that you feel so warm and snug :(

R- risk

He doesn’t exactly enjoy the thought of a voyeur, he really doesn’t want to share you with anyone. But… there is a deeper part of him that finds a sense of pride if someone were to hear you getting absolutely pounded by him, desperately crying out and whining for him to go deeper, even better if they were someone who pined for you….

S- stamina

Well, to be frank he cums pretty quickly. It’s all so brand new to him, he really can’t help it. Lucky for you, his refractory time is crazy low. He can cum once, watch you do some mindless motion you always do and he’s right back to being hard again in minutes.

T- toys

Not against it, but is again, brand new to all this shit. He’s very interested in using your own toys against you though. Would definetly use a vibrater to edge and overstim you. He’d be interested in a cock ring, only if you were willing to endure a vibrator while he fucks you, he doesn’t wanna be the only one struggling lmao

U- unfair

He can be, yea. He kinda likes edging you, but not as much as he likes overstimulating you.

He loves to hear how you beg under him when he’s pulling you so close to the edge, keeping you just far enough to drive you insane.

Overstimming though? The way you twitch and beg, how your chest heaves and your mouth hangs open into a silent scream, eyes shut tight and watering, now that’s the good shit.

V- volume

Doesn’t talk much, but for sure gives out a lot of groans. This is something he’s never felt before in his life, the first few times you're going to get a lot of whines and surprised yelps, check up on him and make sure he’s still doing alright, he’s just very nervous.

As he gets more comfortable, he gives you quiet praises and promises to make you feel good. He also groans quite a lot, but since his voice is deeper it can be hard to catch.

W- wild card

He really wants to try using his prosthetic arm for temperature play, he’s just not at all confident in himself enough to bring it up. He likes the thought of you jumping and squirming under his touch, for now he can just stick to wax play.

X- X Ray

Mans is actually pretty fuckin big. He’s got no idea how big he is though. If you were surprised and a little nervous about his size he’d be pretty confused, is there something wrong? Did you change your mind? The concept of him being well above average is something you’ll have to explain later. It boosts his ego quite bit, even if he’d never admit it.

Whine about him being too big and you can just see the pride swelling in his chest, giving you no mercy with his thrusts.

Y- yearning

Often. Very very often. He’d fuck you multiple times every day if he had the time. However, you’re both busy, and you’d probably get a UTI with how many times this man wants to dick you down lmao. He’s got his cock buried in you at least 4-5 times a week.

Z- zzz

Actually pretty quickly. Even if he prefers being in control during sex, he kinda likes being the little spoon as he drifts to sleep. Give him some soft praises about how well he did and he’s turning into jello in your hold.

[souljournaler]

shadow check-in

here's some notes from checking in with my shadow. they've been a bit loud lately, & it's starting to become distracting. this is our conversation. I'm blue, shadow is red

whoa hey that's a lot of space you're taking up in here

and whose fault is that?

yeah ok well there's a lot of stuff happening right now in the world thats stressful

yeah well u can't save everyone

I'm not trying to save everyone

sure jan

so what's up? you seem to need my attention a bit more right now

you can't just pop in to say hi?

I'm literally doing that right now actually

ok ok ok so listen listen

fuck you

please tell me what's up

(career doubts due to feelings of personal inadequacy) & (fear of f*sc*st p*l*ce st*te)

idk why you even bother with a career, the collapse of the empire is coming. besides, no one wants your advice, & you've got no other skills. why would people keep you around when everything is going to shit? especially when u benefited from oppressive systems for so long & even strived for a seat at their table? do you even deserve to stay around?

man you know like most of that isn't true, but do i hear you're afraid of being abandoned by people you love who you've put a lot of energy into building relationships with. why do you think they'd abandon you? we have lots of cool friends who have stayed around they all the hard times.

no YOU have friends that love YOU. and theyre only going to stay until things get TOO bad, and then theyll decide we're a lost cause. especially when they see me

we're the same person mate. & the lads have seen you. & theyre still around

most ppl leave though

and plenty will. it sux but it is what it is. you of all people know better than anyone we can't please everyone, where's that energy now?

ok ok shut up fuck you, i get it

ok i have a question for you now

ya?

why are you afraid that something is gonna take over that we can't control?

cuz it might make me do something that scares other people, & you'd never let me hear the end of it if that happened. you'd probably even tell me it was our fault.

lol thats true. you already scare people enough without being hijacked by a scary entity though, so what's the problem?

LOL thats true. i wouldn't want to accidentally hurt someone though

again, you already do that without being hijacked

fuck ok yeah ig thats tru. i just would rather have my wits about me if I'm gonna do something stupid.

i feel like not being conscious or fully in control of your actions is probably a good excuse though if something were to happen

dude

no

why not

dude. autonomy

so you'd rather actually choose to hurt someone while fully present for your mistake?

that's kind of warped. is it a choice if it's an accident?

hm. guess not. is it really an accident if you choose to do the thing that caused it?

i think you just answered your question

so you'd channel again? full shift?

I'd like to. i don't really have an occasion though

you don't really need an occasion

i feel like i need an occasion

why

...

you could just be chilling

who would i even channel?

you could channel me 😈

i could. what would you have us do?

[redacted]

ok see, that is exactly why im afraid of full shift channeling, cuz you might do some shit like that!

I'm just kidding! unless...?

no. no [redacted] yet

yet!!!

yet. see this is why i have to rely on our higher self so much

i actually think [redacted] is a good idea if you're trying to [redacted]

please don't, that's really not helping right now

right right, ok, bye

bye

bye bitch

so you're afraid that whatever spirit we channel is gonna exploit my energy to make you do stupid shit?

yes

lol, again, u dont need me to do stupid shit, you'll do that all on your own

thanks

i just mean, the fear is pointless. at the very least, you don't have to be afraid of me, specifically, making you do stupid shit. you stop me all the time, even when our state of consciousness is hella altered. i TRY to get you to do stupid shit while we're out of it. sometimes i succeed, but if we end up too fucked up, even when you're literally unconscious, you know who steps in every time?

higher self?

higher self. remember that time we were drugged?

yes. i mean no. but yes

the driver's seat was wide open then. & higher self stepped in to protect us

that's nice of them

yes. "nice." 😬 anyway i can't rly answer for other spirits outside of us, since i still always have u falling for my bullshit (lol btw. you have GOT to stop doing that, or keep doing it, idc) but i think we're stronger than you give us credit for. between me & higher self, we wouldn't let anything happen to us. you need to trust us more.

ok. that's actually really nice, shadow. thanks

yeah, you know, it's just true, ok? you don't have to thank me for stating a fact

shadow you know you can just take the compliment right?

fuck you. anyway just, if you wanna channel, just do it

but ppl might think im weird & crazy!

ppl literally already think you're weird & crazy, get over it

you know we care a lot about what ppl think.

no. we don't. we care about someone sending cops after us.

ok true. what do you say about that tho?

easy, don't talk to cops

yes bc that's SO easy in these united states of america

ok ok, i hear you. so let's think, what IF the cops came to get us for channeling? all someone would have to do is claim you're violent or a danger to urself & others, then what? death by cop?

that's the fear, yup

what, so you're afraid of being murdered by a cop?

yes

hm. well, i would just [redacted] in that case

which would probably get us killed faster, actually

maybe! ok probably. what if they took us though? what would happen then?

probably a mandatory 72 hours, maybe longer if they wanted to keep us locked up

& we've gotten thru that before, right?

right. it's worse now though than when we were a teen

what are you afraid of there? other than being held against our will longer than the mandatory 72 hours, of course

you know, same shit grandma went thru. sedation, r*pe, & shock "therapy"

why would they do that to us though?

idk, i might not be able to mask that long & have a meltdown or smth. also not much we could do if one of the employees was a r*pist.

ok yeah that would suck. how likely is that actually, though? or are you just scared because of confirmation bias?

probably confirmation bias.

ok well then maybe realize that's not a likely enough scenario for u to spend so much energy on a block of fear like that. we don't need it right now. if it ever becomes useful, it'll still be here for one of us to put it back. but for now, what do you want to do?

i want to be able to channel again, full shift

ok then. I'll hang onto this block until we need it, if ever. ok?

ok

thanks. i know you & higher self will keep me safe

yeah, whatever. you'd better.

ok im a bit tuckered out from that. good convo though, i think

toodles

Sol

[chelsanitys]

anon post

for all 3 of my fans

i live for ur wit and sass

thx n same

Dont fuck with the best! Kate works hard to get the craziest anons to post in her yard, and I've got nothing but respect. There's no fan in the fandom as genuine and earnest as she is. Wishing her and her cats a long and healthy life!

lmao yall need to quit

you've probably answered this already but what do you think will give vm the best shot at the OG?

a good short dance + a good free dance + gui missing the catch-foot on his twizzle again

Are you taking the bar exam this summer?

no i just finished my first yr

I will cry if T&S end up together, They would be a horrible match. Surely I'm not the only one who sees this??

i am ashamed that this is the level of trollin i get. step up ur game!!

"i hope tessa marries semple so i can see all the shippers cry tbh" Poor Alex! Marrying him would probably restore his self confidence and prompt a return to the cfl! Still holding out hope!

honestly alex was the hottest of all her bfs. fedor is balding, has a dad bod n is wearing khakis on the beach now. and semple was always fug. also rl talk i didnt know canada had its own football league until this guy came around. thats so cute for canada

"i hope tessa marries semple so i can see all the shippers cry tbh" I want her with the Bitove guy. His family looks like the type that will post tons about them on sm afterward.

lmao yall know his grandfather started the toronto raptors?? i knew this brodie’s last name sounded familiar. also apparenty he and his fam golf at trump’s resort @ mar-a-lago VOM. tessa is 500% going to end up with a smarmy, filthy rich trust fund kid like him like its not even a question

Hey now. I want shippers to get overthemselves, too, but Tessa marrying Semple, god no. Basically, Tessa, open your eyes and save yourself.

lol i actually wish she was still dating him so all this mindless speculation rn would stop

Bitter and hateful is what I come here for. Anons should just fuck off and go to the Disney website if that's what they want.

vm fans are so damn soft n sensitive about everything lol, i rly wish some of yall would stop taking everything i say so seriously

Please come back, without your snark the fandom is controlled by the most delusional shippers.

i’ll post more when there r actually things 2 talk about. being around here when nothing is happening and ur all screaming into a vacuum about the same things over and over is like being institutionalized in a loony bin

why are you always up so late?

nhf for this east coast bias, it is a perfectly reasonable time in california

Which of the current/rising juniors do you see making tbe most impact next quad?

carreira/ponomarenko are going to win a olympic medal in 2022. even if the shibs, h/d and bock don’t retire, i see them easily rising through the pack - they just have the Look and aren’t without talent. i’m iffy on the rest - mcnamara/carpenter are too creepy and weird, parsons have no height difference and are siblings, both are coached by an unproven staff, everyone else are varying levels of mediocre. hawayek/baker will go to worlds 2018 if they’re lucky and prob never again if no one else retires.

i wouldn't take h/d's music choices as an indicator of what vm will have. they are the c team and vm are the a team in that camp. look at last season... h/d got stuck with marie-france's lame ass idea of the evolution of music and vm got prince.

true..... altho i think personal taste is important too. tessa would die b4 she ever approved an ‘evolution of dance’ sd

I want Tessa to steal Fedor back from Meryl. All that drama would be hilarious. Fedor lost his looks and is butt ugly now so he is exactly Tessa's type, even more so than in 2009.

i nvr thought he was that cute but he literally looks like he goes door to door selling pool cleaner now

I noticed that when Tessa shakes hands or kisses someone on the cheek (like during medal ceremony or interviews) Scott often puts a hand on her lower back even though there had not been any physical contact between the two of them before said handshake or kiss. It just always surprises me and I'm not sure I understand why he'd do this. What's your take on it ?

lmao ik u want me 2 say its bc his subconscious is screaming out in jealousy and he wants to covertly claim her and show the world she still belongs to him but i rly think they r just touchy ppl who like to touch. or hes makin sure she doesnt lose balance and fall off the podium as she’s leanin over

moulin rouge would've been a much cooler choice in 11/12 for their musical fd instead of funny face, but i don't see them doing it for their olympic fd. it's a bit tacky and overdone. i figure they'd want to do something that's a little bit more special and unique then that.

ia it wouldnt have been a bad filler fd for an off year. i just dont see it doing it for their Last Ever and for the olympics. its such a warhorse - what could they possibly say with it thats original? and its such a character piece - they r such overly emo, earnest ppl, i dont think they’d want to do something that different from themselves for their Last Ever. 

huh what, vm don't stand a chance against moonlight sonata?? Pls... that would be a flop, such an overused piece of music everywhere, it's like Für Elise - hearing the first notes of it makes me vomit in my mouth a little

ya bc no one’s ever won a gold medal skating to a warhorse before

it sounds more believable to me than vm and moulin rouge tho

What interpretation? PC will just float around. They can do that in any key and judges will eat it up.

true, gui gui is a demon

No way. The judges will think they're watching Gordeeva/Grinkov again and just hand the gold to them immediately.

remember when pc said they didnt even know who torvill and dean and g/g were lmao

If scott doesn't cut his disgusting gutter frat boy hair I'm renouncing my Canadian citizenship and moving 2 Peru

was legit lookin @ pics from autumn classic n skate canada and i cant believe how short his hair was then, i can not believe i was complainin so much. i am honestly such a whiny bitch lmao this is my punishment

i have mixed feelings because Prince is the best short dance of VM's career so far but then Latch was one of the worst lol. It dragged in a lot of areas, especially the middle, and it never felt complete. I don't hate it by any means but considering we only had 2 free dances left and that was one of them... :| so I'm torn between trusting MF, and then thinking she's one misguided song choice away from ruining VM's swan song.

the thought of mf picking out the music for vm’s last ever fd makes me kind of sad. like yall have no ideas? at all?? ur relying on instagram suggestions and mf’s adult lite fm spotify playlists for inspiration? im surprised n disappointed tbh, like they arent kids anymore, i thought they would take more ownership of their careers. 

but idk we’ll see. whenever i complain a lot, i usually like their material later lol

why do i feel like vm are gonna come out in their sd with despacito... the justin bieber version...

ok who is this person who keeps sending me despacito questions?? you sound like you want it to happen more than anyone else and are trying to will it into existence

It's funny because Tessa is SO cautious about everything she/they say, that she comes off/is rehearsed--I don't understand why she cares so much. They are not politicians or even super famous. Plus most people who watch (excluding Tumblr fans bc they're all extra) watch during high times like Worlds and Olympics. Most people don't watch interviews and press conferences. If they do watch one, it's usually only the fun "game" interviews or the mainstream ones like etalk which they are not tons of

idk what this is in reference to but ok lol. it prob matters to her bc its her life and she cares bc its happening to her? just spitballin here

Oh no what has Max Trankov said I'm scared to know now. If he's a Trump fan I might have to #nopeout lol he’s russian and a male chauvinist pig. he once said he wouldnt do a quad with tati until she had a baby for him...”and then maybe we try”

still gonna stan his trash ass to the end of time tho

Speaking of bad music cuts I could not stand the way HD's music was cut this year. Like I like all the songs they used individually but it just felt so weirdly put together like the songs didn't flow well into the next. The only part I liked was the last part with earned it.

really? i thought earned it was the part that seemed completely out of step with the first 2 pieces of music. the transition was way off and the tempo was so much faster than the other 2

The Facebook q&a is the first time I felt vm are actually compatible enough to be a couple.

should’ve published this steaming hot take when u sent it a month ago bc i have no idea what this is in reference to now

what do you look like?

tired mostly

haha funny how we went from vm are in a relationship to they hate each other.

dont ‘we’ me bitch i have nothing to do with this fandom’s daily emotional yo-yo-ing

Can you explain the Tessa/Kaitlyn Weaver friendship? Are they really friends? Kaitlyn seems like the kind of girl Tessa would make fun of behind her back.

more like kaitlyn weaver is tracy flick and is trying to bring down everyone in her path tbh

I get a bit of a superiority, cold vibe with Tessa, don't you?

no but i dont have self esteem issues

I think people who find Tessa cold and snobby do not get her at all. Yes, she is far from perfect and her feminism is all (...) but to call her cold and unfeeling means you haven't been paying attention at all. Like get off her dick and/or stop following her career.

i dont think shes cold either. standoffish maybe, but i dont feel like thats from superiority or aloofness. some ppl just want to mind their own business and chill?? not everyone’s a chatty cathy like scott

Music stresses me out. The only thing I've gathered from all of the various discussions is they should be exciting but not too exciting because it's an Olympic season. But they shouldn't also be too safe. Like I know you have mentioned various choices that would be good but what would be in your mind the ideal program, both SD and FD. It's their third Olympics, so how do they build on the past while still being fresh but also them. Or do they just not and give the audience what they want?

something original thats not a warhorse but is also audience friendly and is instantly musically palatable to a lot of ppl

so basically mahler

Which songs from moulin rouge should they use?

if they were doing mr (which i doubt), the orchestral score is 500x better than the cheesy ass nonsense from the soundtrack. like come what may with nicole kidman’s tremulous bird vocals and ewan mcgregor literally straining not to pop a vein would almost be too dramatic and Too Much. i think that kind of thing only works for a v specific kitschy, performative kind of team (a la russians) and wouldnt vibe with vm’s super earnest approach at all. but the orchestral score is genuinely moving and effective in a less garish way

but i dont think they’re doing moulin rouge lol

"the movies honestly made it hard 4 me to interpret hermione’s undying loyalty and devotion to harry as anything other than latent sexual attraction tbh lmao" Hahaha, pretty much. Plus, the whole Harry and Ginny thing, even more so in the movies, seemed to come out of nowhere and was cliche as fuck.

is bonnie wright still acting? i’ve seen dead fish more alive than her on screen

LMAO someone posted a clip from VM's show when they were having dinner with WP and they were talking about how WP live together and they ask VM how they deal with one another and LOL I stg I started loling cause their reactions were #priceless. S literally just had a WTF look on his face while he said something hella awkward & T looked like she wanted to slap him. Her follow up that she doesn't think they could ever spend all their time together just cements why they'll never date for me.

lmao that whole scene is so stupid. kaitlyn n andrew r such good friends i swear

Thanks for setting that anon straight. Set some boundaries so that they don't egg on shippers?? WTF. They're fine with doing what they're doing, and if they're dating others, those others are obviously fine with it too. Besides, it's not like they're filming porn or something. If you can't handle it, stop watching them.

idek what these r in reference to anymore but it sounds dumb as hell lmao

Wow I cannot believe that people actually think VM owe fans any explanation for their relationship/partnership. Like we don't know them, we're never going to know them or be friends with them? Why the fuck do they owe fans a detailed explanation of their personal business? I stg these shippers have lost their damn minds. As long as VM continue to put out good programs and do well I couldn't care less what they're doing off ice. Whatever it is it's clearly working for them. You do you VM.

the entitlement of some fans is insane. its STILL happening now with tessa’s ig now too. why dont yall just let her live n let her white-girl post to her hearts content. she is literally doing nothing differently to what every other skater does, idg this absurd criticism

Fr tho both of them have such nice teeth and I've never seen pics of them with braces, like how??!?!

tessa’s r so nice i cant believe she’s never had braces. and they r such a natural white? like u can tell w most skaters that they get it professionally whitened but hers dont have that artificial look at all

Are you in college? Your bio says 23 but it said that last year too.

i actually turned 24 a while ago im just 2 lazy to change it. im in law school currently

I just read an ancient interview with vm where they said Mahler was about getting married or something... WHAT

ya i cant remember if it was them that said or marina that said it tho. i remember a story about a guy who wrote them saying he and his gf were watching mahler at the olympics and once it was over, he was so moved he got down on one knee and proposed to her and marina was like ‘thats what that program is meant to do’ lol

Do you think Zach is a good skater and partner? I keep changing my mind on him.....

he is such a bland, wet noodle - no taste, no flavor, just empty white carbs. its up to madi to add any spark to the team bc she’s the real star, he just stands there and is tall and can lift her

Why the fuck are so many people freaking out because Tessa did not attend a wedding with Scott. 1. They are not dating so there are no reason for Scott to bring her. 2. She has people visiting 3. I bet they don't even hang out off ice 4. I think Scott has a secret girl in Ilderton. 5. TS not dating. I wish people would claim down.

this is so far back in my inbox i have no idea whats happening

I love it that whenever Tessa posts an IG story the fandom goes crazy analyzing and speculating about Scott what there even when he is clearly not Then there there are talks about TS wedding. WTF Soon it will be TS having babies. I am wondering if maybe the fandom (new fans) are mixing reality with those fanfics.

honestly no clue

I know this has been discussed before but I don't get how Scott and Jess even communicated. Jess could barely seem to understand English back then and Scott couldn't speak French. I wonder if them not being able to speak to each other is part of why they lasted so long actually

lol bryce davison actually learned french so he could communicate w/ her. not scott tho lol

I don't think T cares too much about fs friendships the way other skaters do. Of course she's friendly with a lot of them but she's not really close with anyone except her partner, which doesn't really count lol. She has her own friend group outside of skating and that's what she seems to stick to. It's funny you mention Meryl, Brooke, Tanith, and Lauren because they're all still really good friends.

honestly i think skating stressed (stresses?) her out so much back then that she really hated being in that world for too long. i dont blame her for wanting to disconnect and not having to hang out with skaters who just talk about other skaters and skating 24/7

I don't mean this in a mean way. Watching Avatar.  If you paint Meryl's face blue she could be in the movie 

it kills me when ppl say she looks like a disney princess? ya the ant queen from a bugs life maybe

I think Tessa sometimes forget that Scott is a huge part of why they are successful and she wouldn't have all of these deals w amazing brands if they weren't so strong+didn't win everything. it's easy to put her on the pedestal bc she's gorg and can dance, but he should get/deserves just as much credit-- i mean he is the one lifting her and she could not do any of this by herself. sometimes i get the vibe that she thinks she's too good for him. maybe he's not as fancy, but he has a heart of gold

i’ve literally never gotten that she thinks she’s too good for him...? they go out of their way to pay each other compliments all the time and dont even jokingly diss on each other. its actually kind of weird that after knowing each other so long their relationship isnt just one long roast section where they talk shit about each other bc thats what my relationship w/ all my lifelong friends r like....but then again im a flinty bitch and they’re super earnest and emo like all the time. like i bet they both cry during sex

i find it kinda gross, disturbing and a bit pathetic that so many people feel the need to write erotic fan fiction about Tessa and Scott--like they are real people not characters, and it's kinda creepy that people spend so much time writing and reading them. Also, i would pay a million dollars to have someone show TS what people write about them--they would literally die and so would i--some fans are kinda extreme crazy

u know how on graham norton when he’s always showing celebs really erotic fanfic and fanart of themselves and they’re just dying of embarrassment?? i would literally pay everything in my bank account (so like....twenty dollars) for someone to do that to vm

omg it's gonna be so awk when tessa and scott have to see klawes...poor klawes, she just could not hold a candle to tessa. still don't know why klawes still follows tessa's insta--like i would unfollow and would not wanna see some of the pics t posts of TS giving each other lovey looks/touchy regardless of whether ts are together or not. also, it's never like t and klawes would actually be friends bc they're polar opposites

v disappointed that the olympic summit did not deliver on this #drama

tessa and kl were real friends tho, i think its sweet. and its nice they still keep in touch even tho scott is a dog

Are you a fan of tessa's style? She wears so much expensive yet ugly shit in my opinion.

lmao no. i think some of her casual wear is cute, but she wears some of the most hideous high fashion shit ever when she’s going out. like that blue carpet jumpsuit? yall know wht im talking about. those hideous trousers??? also she wears an unbelievable amount of boring black dresses

also gf needs to do smth with her hair. tired of her high bun and slick pony. she looks way cuter w/ her hair down imo

Do you think Tessa pays for all the Adidas stuff she wears?

no she def gets it for free. i was a walk-on my freshman yr of college for half a second and even i got a bunch of free shit from nike

How do u as an ed sheeran unstanner feel about ts doing these songs their obviously using him for the sd next season and i wouldnt be suprised if they use him for the fd as well

reading this made my cholesterol go up

really hope they're exhausting all the ed sheeran options now so they won't actually use it for comps lol

ngl i do kind of dig that embarrassing white boy rapping galway girl song but that cld prob just be my girl saorise ronan hypnotizing me like she always does

Minus the horrific man bun, do you think Scott's hot? Also, do you think Tessa finds him attractive?

no and probably yes now that hes so fug

Do you think Scott's attractive?? Also, do you think Tessa being told she's beautiful constantly on sm has made her get a big head--she often comes across as a bit cold and stuck up prancing around in her $1000 + outfits? Love her and she's gorgeous but...

some of yall need to stop projecting your shit onto tessa for real 

Power plays of the figure skating journalists. Inside Skating does a very literal interview and article with P/C which blows up and then they go to Jackie Wong so he can basically write up a damage control press release. Kind of fascinating to see both journalists doing their thing with the same content. Hard to believe Inside Skating didn't think their article would create a storm. Interesting.

speaking of jackie, skaters r really going to him for their exclusives now huh? dying that ashley gave him her big la la land fluff piece instead of tsl. pays 2 be nice and kiss ass

Doesn't look like KH/JLB will have much of a chance to advance cuzis so crowded with the current seniors not retiring and juniors moving up. KH/JLB needs to work on their twizzles, thier lines, skating skills, chemistry looks promising. Some of those junior and senior teams should consider representingif they want a chance at aCanada doesn't have any promising teams once VM-WP retire. I feel like CB, SS, HD ain't retiring till they win Wch or OG which may never with PC around.

hawayek/baker could prob skate for gb because jean-luc has citizenship and carreira/ponomarenko could prob skate for canada bc she’s from montreal but i doubt the us fed is letting either of them go. they’ve invested way too much at this point. i don’t think c/p need to move tho, i think they’re talented to rise organically through the ranks. i think they’re more likely to be us #1 instead of not tbh

I don't understand the whole David and Tessa affair; like some people say it happened after he was separated and others talk like it was a full blown affair. The only thing I do know is that her being called a "homewrecker" or anything else of that nature makes me want to punch something because it's disgusting, and it's society go-to response. Be cruel to the woman and basically give the man a free pass. But maybe he received shit, too? I just never heard about it.

i think he was basically separated but not divorced when it happened

Do you think if TS and Cappelini and Lanotte switched partners they would be a good team?

lol no. anna’s not a great skater and luca looks like he’s shorter than tessa

Wait is that Tessa's ex Semple in that photo you posted of her pre and post nose job? Cause if so damn does she lowball herself. Like she could have such better looking guys I do not understand. Girl is very pretty she needs someone to help her pick better guys.

~we accept the love we think we deserve~~

I think T is cringeworthy as a speaker bc she's sooo gd rehearsed. Not a things she says comes across like she didn't practice it in the bathroom mirror 75 times that morning. She would be pretty good if she could lose even half the pretension in her delivery and tossed out the eye rolly words she keeps littering the sentences with like privilege and journey.

they honestly both suck. she’s worse than he is, but they’re both super stiff. and they always do this forced banter bit at the start which just seems so awkward lol

That one anon pointing that some have denied the nose surgery - this is exactly what annoys me about those shipper blogs, not that they are shippers (you can want them two to be together- that by itself doesn't bother me), but their ways and how they always have to insist on vm's perfect image - they all get so upset and aggressive when you point some issue out, like why would you deny Tessa has done a nose job... so out of touch! vm are interesting exactly cause they're real people with flaws

i can not believe ppl r denying her nose job. like yo its right there. it does lend credence to my theory that all shipprs r just hallucinating n seeing things that arent there tho

If Tessa and Scott did hook up while officially with SOs I have a feeling they wouldn't consider it cheating.

ok lmao??? im sure something extremely profound i said provoked this

how rich do u think scott and tessa are???

prob millionaires by the time 2018 comes around if they get their sponsorships

-

i might do part 2 later if i can be bothered... but nothing really makes sense out of context lol, its like watching charlie kaufman do slam poetry

[haeroniel-doliet]

thbleugh but what bich is gonna fight me for me

idk im just gonna rant again, im sorry if youre on mobile just like, give it a big flick and fly past this i tried i actually have a read more this time

anywy im feelin shitty an dumb n weird an its not fun?? like do we try categorize these feelings: 

1. i have 3 days to pass a course and all the course work i failed to do in fucking march 

1.b. all those emotions to do w unis great! but also ive been solow and sad and dysfunctional its not rly even funny, grades dropping many levels in half a year like. sure grades dont define my life but considering how easy it is for me to get those grades to see them consistently and kinda dramatically dropping isnt helping (even though like i actively know i got lower grades bc i didnt fucking attend class or take in any knowledge. i realise hahah im making a psychology reference bc im a smart psychology uni student.... hmh oh yeah we, we learned about this, i dont know it. my peers do. oh. oh i didnt, i didnt learn anything. oh no. im here to learn abt the subject im supposedly loving and thats the best fit for me bc like hell id be an artist. anyway i have a lot of shit down here i havent figured out who to talk it out to. the mental health advisor didnt have the time for it rly and w counsellors its been different topics but now were in summer and id rather spend the spare money i can rattle off my parents on ballet than a psyhc i could see 2 times best. im just gonna have to wait till septembet bc my dumb white wall subscitption expired too damnti. ugh im just, okay lets move on

2. inadequacy thats not justified? like it is obvs bc it bothers me and i know i can do better and i am better than this all and i clearly have smth stopping me. while to others im doing just fine if not better than them who are really struggling and kinda dont have sympathy for me who goes ‘ugh im doing so badly and struggling, i mean i write perfect essays in one go but its just so hard to do thattt and i know im smarter and better than this’ esp bc say putting words together in that way is difficult on them and not been good at school

2.b. like being good at school but noot being good now, classic phenomenon or has my school system always been the softes most coddliest and where in the normal or worse school 1would have performed average and maybe learned to study and the worth of it to do better, ive just been good enough that caring became so unnecessary i need to waste my time on pointless but constant other things. like youtube and rpchats. constant monotone stimulation for hours. andhours. 

2.c. asking for help bc im struggling w actually getting over the fuzzy and struggle and self hate and blegh feelings to do some work thatd allow me to pass the coursein my 3 days of the very last extended time. and then realising, ah either youve slaved over your work and stressed and panicked to have it good and on time and have no pity left for me and my foolishness, or you never got to uni/struggled to go to uni and think im wasting my opportunity by being an ungrateful lazy piece of hsit. and i know ia m. and 2.d. its the reason why im not doing extra volunteering or serious extra curriculars thatd give the headstart in my lfie. bc, even tho on one side i wanna be that kid and owuld scoff at ppl not doing it who are here for fun and get a degree on the side, rn i see it as not stealing away dedicated good peoples spots who deserve to get the extra recognition for being clever and independent, meanwhile knowing htat probablyill be just fine. worst case scenario for me is literally (ok theres worse but v unlikely) living w my parents and ending up at a mediocre service job to another mediocre office job or smth and never get to a lab bc i wasnt sufficient enough and i never got the cotton balls out of my head and cleared up again to be smart enogh

okay what next, shitty privilige, crying abt my cotton ball head or not being smart

3. okay were gonna do the smart first bc my chest hurts and i kinda feel like crying or smth abt it. like in a dumb (fun) chat im playing athena known for wisdom and all this shit, and though i can throw out a quip or two or cleverly use smth to keep the smartass wisdom stick going on, every now and then i realise how dumb i am and not smart enough that another person could clearly fill this in much better. like. you know all the hilarious posts abt mansplaining and women being pushed out of their fields by dumber men who think they know better bc the others a woman and like, yeah? things where they are confident enough to say, actually i am way smarter than you and i know this bettr. here i am feeling like even if i spent years researching smth i wouldnt have the confidence to feel smart and knowldegeable abt it. like rn, i cant even hold arguments anymore bc im a fool. and i come off as dumb and i dont want to be, i still wanna be the smart kid, but im not working my brain im not doing work or research or learning, im jsut floating by w my cotton ball head thats getting fuzzier and fuzzier and though i can do tasks and would probably b v compeittive if it came to that and need to prove myself as smart, i can no longer feel like id hold my own, esp when people poke holes so easily, trap falls, “hah you dont know what to say ive bested you you dumb bitch” vibey things i just. its horrible? i wanna be smart and be confident in my smartness and feel recognized as smart by other people and live up to that expectation of actually being clever. and not just, knowing im smart enough in some ways bc school ive  passed so easy w always good remarks and participate well in class discussion and all, and im sure nobody thinks im rly dumb bc if i have to ask things im v friendly and try to be attentive. and idk if nobodys expecting more than me, bc again if i cant answer ive developed to be v chill about it and come off as average i guess. 

anyways 4. privilige; like thers multiple inc. the fact im fucking finnish aka my education system was supposedly one of the best, i grew up international so i wasnt even confined to one shitty school in one shitty town, ive had varied school experiences and switching so much i think has given me confidence in myself and shit like that. also bc im finnish i get grants in uni, like free money. and so far i have barely had to use it bc surprise my parents are togther and decently well off bc they got lucky w a job being fancy ppl for 3 years and my older brother is already  adulting and slowly doing his own thing so i can have more money from them. aka. catch my dad paying all my rent and food and everything i need/ ask for on the condition we keep a good releationship. and im reasonable bc he raised me smart apparently idk. but that still means im living at home i have no intentions of becoming an independent home owner bc idk how i would esp since ill be with my parents most holidays for years to come and idk even when or how ill become a real adult being in a real home w real comapnionship. bc rn idk who im even gonna live with, hopefully be civil w them maybe even make a bit of friends but im not gonna have a significant other to move in and support me for a while bc thats a thing idk if were getting into today in this why im feeling shitty rant. 

4.b. so im priviliged in everyway to go to uni for free (damn i gotta apply for that again) in a nice country and a nice and supportive school and get funding from both my parents and my country and not worry abt money and just get a degree all supported and babied again. im also, idk. priviliged bc, fuck writing comes easy to me, i know nayone reading my rants would be like... yeah this is barely legible and terrible writted and mind blurts so i say it is yes bc its mind blurts but i can organise my htoughts into fancy essays surprisingly easy and critical stuff like psych and english came  mad easy to an extent. sure, i wasnt talented in math but i still made it, i am not talented in science but sometimes the concepts click and i can . but then, im also talented in art. and im not ashamed to say its privilige disposition or talent or smth, bc damn. i do not practice or dedicate enough love to claim that. sure, ive drawn always, sure, ive practiced more as a kid thatn other kids and thats probably carried me thru pretty far, but i think ive just had a natural disposition to be good at art technique (creativity maybe not so, or inspiration) but i know what looks good and sometimes how to achieve that. cue montage to art class where i sit w my friends who are talking about bands or making outlines w nut shells bc there i am beside them doing the work in half the time twice as good. mostly bc the teacher wasnt great and would assign essentially copying a picture from a4 to a2 u know like drawing the same thing. and thats not easy. and youre supposed to build up really light layers and slowly refine it.  and ppl who listened only ended up w shitty light drawings that either look like potatoes or vaguely like the picture, while i with boosting confidence would go, we only do one super light sketch one medium sketch and one dark layer. bc by the medium one everything is in its place and looks abt like everyone elses and i need the dark hues to show it accurately even if it isnt perfect, and my work would like almost always stand out on the wall bc it was so different/advanced. i wont lie it influenced my friends to not draw as well or as much sitting next to me, and ofc id feel bad and i could never boast bc i felt bad that they didnt try bc they saw me, thought mines not gonna be like that so im just gonna fuck around and do whatever. and i obvs needed praise but would always feel bad bc it was obviously me who was the best in that class and its so self conceited but, it kinda just was true in that small class half of whom didnt want to be there. me butt kissin and trying to impress myself w my skill. catch like, that first day he asked us to draw the person next to us, and i made my partner draw me first, bc i just knew if i went first theyd look at it and draw me a potato stick figure in 5 seconds and say i cant draw like you. and true. while the rest of the class made sketchy circle guys, some looing so childish, here i went and said, okay i find it awkward having you stare at me and if  you move a lot it makes it harder to be accurate, so, like take out your phone and get comfortable and look down at that for a while hence drawing3/4 unlike anyone else w eyes cast down and damn if i dont remember it being beautiful and identifiable as that friend, even tho the teacher told ppl around me like, ah yes she did it this way, 3/4 not face on which is much easier. which is true but bitch you never said. sides it looks so much better and was so much less frustrating. anyway, even now in that chat i go and like drop my drawings in bc partially i just wanna draw more and showing people makes me draw? u know. and i kinda wanna get compliments. but ive figured im pretty humble abt it. and sure i get comments that are like god i wish i could draw like that from someone that doesnt draw arms or legs and theyre v bublehead cartoon. and im like. you could. but yours is still middle school level, so just, keep working at it, get confidence to break your mold. 

that andtheres this one chick that,,,, gawd, well they admit to being a sociopath in chat which is great and seem real attention seekery in general (theres a surprising amount of people, while in midst of rp and getting compliments go “well i guess im a shit rpr because nobody wants to rp with me ://) post art and then be like dramatically UGH i hate it it looks so bad im terrible at art, literally poster girl for fishing for compliments. and even if i dont like the style at all, i try give in anatomical pointers or smth abt the drapery or smth technical i can complement. bc id want the same i guess? and i dont love let alone like the art itself. and then, while getting so many of those theyre like “yeah well nobody likes my art, say it reminds them of this character (jessica rabbit while all hers have big hips big tits tiny waists massive lips massive eye, but just one eye bc the otehrs covered by hair like theres obvious similarities) which means im totally not original like i thought so why even try!” and other melodramatic things that i can argue, but they dont wanna hear it they want attention and praise and i just ughhh i could preach you about how no art is original and its all from influence, or how someone doesnt have to like your style to appreciate it, or someone might love your style and like. basic stuff ive figured out myself. and it gets frustrating trying not to get a superiority, or to start shoving my own art in there to try compete or smth. and its just. hard. idk. id k. i know theres people who are averse to art and never tried to be good at it who are obvs gonna be omg thats so good i cant even draw and ill be like, hah yeah sure dude if you tried maybe btut thanks. 

also drawing man its so weird, whenever i see someone elses drawing a part of me goes “we must draw so that we can show were better than that” like, either to get complimetns and shift it to me? or to just show them off. to be like. i can do it better. which i kinda hate about myself? that i draw mostly bc of that and a need to show off? like amxxs art or smth, them talking like yeahh ugly art is good art, drawing is so healing i feel great or im so proud of myself for improivng so much look at my art, and a part of me goes, awh yes! my theorys proven working on art for yourself improves and can cheer you up, another goes, yesnow i must draw to show how good i am and show how i too feel fulfilled by drawing but also make it about me by weeping how i hate drawing myself. literally smths wrong w me seeing others pot abt their midrift, or learning to accept their curves or drawing themselves or smth, and theres a gremlin of me going like yeah but i cant draw myself bc i tried once and it looks like shit and ill only highlight my flaws and im slightly afraid of someone saying it looks exactly like me or other dumb shit, or i dont have curves to accept bcim not big hip big thic thigh girl im just. my legs are big but mostly ugly bc of the skin on them not bc of their size (ankles tho oof) and i have no hips i have no butt bc it allwent to my stoamch thats also ugly and my broad   badly postured back thats also ugly w these spots and marks and scars soon probably. and saggy boobs dont forget those. bc theyre literally fat sacks aiming for the ground i guess. anyway. no cute curves,  no beautiful skin no nth its just tough and i cant help but feel the negativity towards myself in almost every glimpse of someone elses positivity. i dont always air it which would be horrible of me to do, but its still there. making their happiness about my misery. maxx loves their boyfriend?> i hate them bc i dont like him and its rining it> i hate them havingsuch a dreamy but fake seeming ‘soulmate’ relationship bc its not true and i think itll end up terribly> im neveer gonna have that and im jealous of them i guess having someone theyd dedicate so much to and who loves them so much theyre all over the place making sappy things> well theyre an oveer romantic whod do it over the smallest things this wasnt a great example. 

anyway yeah extra note, even if i felt comfortable enough for sex im not comfortable enough in my body for that and idk how thats relevant to anything but i guess thats smth id also talk w a therapist abt whod probably tell me, then dont have sex! like yeah thats my plan.but im talking never gonna be able to form a relationship bc even having a friend for a sleepover makes me uncomfortable having them see me in an uncontrolled clothed position. u feel. 

anyway i have a lot of little problems that amount and i guess when i start addressing one the rest pop up their ugly heads and this is why i never getanywhere. this all comes from  how shitty i feel from how i have literally not even 3 full days to complete those tasks and pass, and i know i need to, though nothing in me actually feels like itll actually do the work u know, that spiraled through that chat into privilige of being at school and how i should tryy a bit that turned to im priviliged to be smart to pass and in my talent in art despite not being an artist that spiraled to another way i disliked myself and thats my fucked relations to myself my body and relationships (esp including me that dont exist)  

side note, though no surprise if for some ungodly reason youve read this shit i wrote at 8.30 am when i have a docs appointment abt my very ugly skin at 12.45 i over share. easily. if somseone asks id give them all. look at this. even in that chat i spiraled from, hah fun fucked up thing im almost failing my course bc im a shit, to my  heads filled with fuzz and i hate that i cant live up to my potentia. and im surprised how much i like this one guy, though who with his character ripped into my athena and make me question all my smartness, really makes me feel better ooc??? like theyre genuinely nice and just too informed and funny and playing the dick for a very well thought out reason (drunk doesnt mean it etc) and while the sociopath gal is giving me the side eye after they tried to help but figured out im a prviliged kid whos in school for free and not making the most of it and how easy school has been forme when for them despite their hard efforts they failed high school.u know not reallly helping kinda making me fele worse bc i know i should be doing better and could be and not only bc i have a priviliged opportuntity to and ability, i would benefit so much more if i did it for myself. but here comes by weird guy who slips on a freudian approach and claims they love helping ppl through their problems so i drop another overshare paragraph if he rly wanted to help but lighten it by taking thetopic off, he doesnt return and never address my post bc now its onto talking abt the big rp thing. im not mad. i just, idk i kinda wanted their support, another poor stranger to inflict w my extremely troubled wordy lengthy and i guess complex thoughts and feelings and lack there of sometimes and other shit. 

anyway im not doing great but im gonna grab 3 hrs of sleep before the doc, come back, nap, go to ballet again, come back, ad.... do smth.. work. maybe. one can hope. i hate it will it actually work only time can tell and i hate myself already.ugh. i hate i hate im not okya with this why cant someone else deal w me for me. deal with all these feelings and botherings and make me do my work and be satisfied doing it and do it all in time and feel a little success and reward myself like i should for work done and not just when i want. idk. someone,t ake over my life, you might be better at it. help me dela with school that i currently hate the most even if im meant to end up a scholar or smth

[voidwizerd-archive]

WIZ: Talk awkwardly??

[[ some convos with @valorousimperial leading up to Date Night With Val, wherein wiz is awkward, anxious, and extremely flustered in turns ]]

voidwizerd okay so.... sorta a troll protocol question here i guess??? um

valorousimperial Sure?

voidwizerd is it okay fr me to give you somethin? unsure if th quadrant week timin makes that, uh, not okay

valorousimperial How about the night after tomorrow?

voidwizerd is that when its over??

valorousimperial Uhm. It's a Pitch night.

voidwizerd oh

voidwizerd is.... is that okay? are we okay for that??? im sorry im so questionin i jus. never know where things sit w us or where th lines are at shrugs??

valorousimperial It's fine! I'm going to get you something, too!

voidwizerd oh oh!!! well shit!!!!! i might add somethin extra bc lookin at th logs i made this a while ago but somehow forgot to get it too you??? omg

valorousimperial Material gifts aren't normal on quads nights, but I'd feel just terrible if I didn't give you something in return.

voidwizerd wait then what r normal ones?? im so lost on this whole holiday rip,,

valorousimperial They're for togetherness!

voidwizerd so jus..... bein round each other ?

voidwizerd that almost sounds like a date holidate

valorousimperial Yes! I spent the first night wit Delphine, loving on her and just Petting my egg

valorousimperial And the second with Iron, playing with Karsis and kissing on my robot man And the third with Tyfora, and we did skin treatments. Sugar scrub for her, pumice for me. Tonight I'll be with Gamzee! Dinner and piling is on the agenda, it seems.

voidwizerd man thats all jus real sweet also kinda funny fr me quad, quad, quad, quad, n..... *wiggly hand gesture*

valorousimperial Right. I had been thinking about it all last week.

voidwizerd ....did my joke attempt jus flop into somethin serious again

valorousimperial No!

voidwizerd ówò;;;

valorousimperial I was lauging about it Laughing

voidwizerd lauging

valorousimperial About if I spent a quad night with you it would be like saying that we were confirmed.

voidwizerd ....fuck dude im sorry but i cant take that word seriously

memes have ruined me

valorousimperial Pfft.

voidwizerd though i guess like.... th quad night thing could make it weird?? i dunno :y you could jus not say anythin bout it if you wanted to keep it simpler, i wouldnt rly mind > Okay, that's a lie. You promised you wouldn't lie. .....okay so i would mind a little but eh, feelins are sensitive > Nailed it.

valorousimperial I mean I Don't know what to say to that...

voidwizerd i mean like. not exactly pretendin it aint happenin so much as like.... jus not makin th little announcement post?

voidwizerd if #confirmed assumptions/suspicions are somethin you dont feel comfortable dealin with i wouldnt wanna put you in a position you dont like

valorousimperial I Of course I'd announce it I'm not ashamed of you.

voidwizerd i oh ....i didnt even realize i was thinkin that shit, im sorry

valorousimperial No, it's alright

valorousimperial Whether you were or weren't.

voidwizerd it is ?

valorousimperial Is it?

voidwizerd :x

voidwizerd if were respondin to questions w questions then im already bewildered >_>;;;

[[ annnnnnnnd there was radio silence until val posted this, and wiz posted that ]]

valorousimperial I, um. I know we mentioned this and got a little lost Are you home?

valorousimperial *Are* we going on a date? I can delete it if not.

voidwizerd no! i mean yes!! i mean! babssndjsksmsbdks it wasnt on my mind at th moment so i saw th thing n my whole brain is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA aaa

voidwizerd huffs okay so. in order

voidwizerd yea im home yea date is a happen no, dont delete it its. i do like seein it

valorousimperial Excellent. Breakfast, and go from there?

voidwizerd y yea!!

voidwizerd yea sure we can do that that sounds great i mean obviously why wouldnt it no dont answer that thats me bein rhetorical why was i even bein rhetorical bout that thats pointless anyway so breakfast! sounds good!

valorousimperial Do you know where the little dining room is?

voidwizerd oh yea i mapped out p much th whole place n saved like six copies on my phone n in some assorted notebooks ahem yes

valorousimperial Are you nervous?

voidwizerd n what would possibly for any reason give you that kind of impression??????????

voidwizerd im doin super duper top notch absolutely fine up in here

valorousimperial You seem like you're nervous! That's cute!

voidwizerd dhdhsssdnsnsnssjsjsjsnzhzbxbd

valorousimperial Going to kiss!

voidwizerd BAJAHEJSKSMSMICJFKGKFODLSKD

valorousimperial I am more and more of a giggly bitch every time you keysmash.

voidwizerd Well now, would you just look at all this perfect grammar up in here.

valorousimperial So cute.

voidwizerd thats all i got typin proper feels weIRGD FFFJK

valorousimperial You did really well!!

voidwizerd dont patronize me u dink menace

voidwizerd rood scoob

voidwizerd rood scoob..... smh.... i coulda done better.....

valorousimperial I love you. I'm almost to the dining room. What do you think is for breakfast? (This is rhetorical, I know what is for breakfast)

voidwizerd oh shit!!1! is it actually breakfast time?????

valorousimperial Let's see, Super early in the evening, I'm wearing a robe and slippers, I haven't eaten since I woke up... Yes, I think so!

voidwizerd FUCK i didnt notice time did th time thingie i gotta put on pants n a shirt

valorousimperial Mmmmmaybe just pants and a robe? And slippers? We'll match.

voidwizerd sjhdhddmanndksj

voidwizerd is it rly matchin if only one of us actually fits in their robe

valorousimperial It's basically the same robe, so it matches.

voidwizerd jdbddbj

valorousimperial It looks better on you, it's okay.

voidwizerd inACCUR A ETE????

valorousimperial Your claim of inaccuracy is false!

voidwizerd NO?????,,?? GGHGHVB

valorousimperial We'll take a poll when you make it to the dining room.

voidwizerd unfair,,

[[ super unfair ;) ]]

[skiasurveys]

Tell me about...

tell me about your crush He is funny and i mean really funny. He knows how to make me laugh really hard. He likes to wrestle with me and I love it because i like to be manhandled in a way hahah, he is 6 years older than me. He knows how to deal with me and my mental health even though he doesn’t quite understand it. He loves to play video games, he is really tall which is awesome, he’s part turkish, or like quater idk on his dads side lmao. He has really nice eyelashes like wtf, I love his eyes and his smile. He makes me feel warm and safe and i love him alot. He makes me feel special,  He gave me a look the other day that I honestly have been looking for my entire life and it was honestly so nice, and we have only been dating for like 9 months but I am in love with him.  We’re gonna move in together soon. He was first so hes really important to me. I don’t think i could live without him, to be real with you. He is the first person I have ever fallen in love with extremely hard, and Im so happy he’s mine.

tell me about your ex He claimed he was austisic or whatever but apparently he wasn’t, he just had symptoms of it. He tried to understand me but he failed at it. and He always blamed his disorder on it. He was really mean to me in really weird ways. Like he would text me and be all weird and then say he didnt wanna talk to me and then later tell me he was just having “Heart issues” like wtf??? He was super boring. He played LEAGUE OF LEGENDS ( fucking causal). He wasnt a bad boyfriend, but he wasn’t a good one either. He broke up with me last valentines day after our dinner. ( stupid right?) he wasnt overly attractive tbh, he was very tall like 6′5 so that was kinda cool. He took me to a staff party and i got wasted and he acted so much better than me because he only had “one” drink. Like fuck off.  We broke up because apparently I was too invested, like oh sorry I cared??? But then like 3 weeks later he tried to be Friends with Benefits and I was like Nah, and then he would date other girls and they all failed and when I started to Date my current boyfriend he got all weird and jealous and then he would still try to hook up with me. like go away please. and we only dated for 3 months too so its like dude fuck off.

tell me about your day I didn’t really do that much, I had my friend over for like 3 hours, we went out for lunch and to best buy. I came home, played video games, edited my youtube videos, and been doing surveys today and I had pizza for dinner. 

tell me about your dreams Im not sure if this is about my dreams when im sleeping or like my “dream” my “passion”. Imma go with the latter version. I just want to make people happy. I like art and I just want to make art..whether its painting/drawing or making videos with my best friend. I want to make peoples lives better and more enjoyable. I want to be able to live happy, ive been sad my entire life, majority of it and I honestly hate it, and  I love seeing people being happy, and thats what I want for me and I want to be able to do that for other people.

tell me about your drama  I don’t have any drama in my life to be honest. I don’t think so at least lol

tell me about yourself :-) Im a poor art student who is crazy in love with her boyfriend, who loves to make videos on youtube with her best friend. 

tell me about something awkward/embarrassing  I thought I was finished my period and I had sex with my boyfriend and like after..well I wasn’t done my period and it was so awkward and I was so embarrassed because there was   blood on his dick and so I like ran off to pretend to clean but i rly ran away cus i was awkward and wanted to cry. He didn’t care that i bled on his dick though soo..

tell me about a funny story or something  When i was like 16 years old me and my one friend went to this thing called YC. Youth conference. There are speakers and concerts, well on the second night, she needed to go to the washroom and so I went with her and it was crazy busy. There was a huge line up, and I went first and she went right beside in the stall. I came out after her and then she did and she was like “Hurry WE GOTTA GO” and Im like “dude what the fuck?? “ and so well after I left the stall a girl went in after me and we had the same color shoes and pants and my friend thought that was still me in the stall so  my friend grabbed this STRANGERS FUCKING LEG AND THE GIRL WAS FREAKD OUT and to this day I can’t stop laughing, like it’s just so fucking great and I don’t let her forger about it.

tell me your favourite band/artist/album/song  Air suppy- Making love out of nothing at all.  tell me about your favourite meme  my entire life is a giant meme.

tell me a secret ;)  I almost ran away to be with a 34 year old when I just turned 18. Yeah, I was a fucking moron and I dont tell anyone this, can I just be happy I didn’t fucking do this.

tell me a lame joke/bad pick-up line “ is there a mirror in your pants..cause i can see myself in them..”

tell me about your favourite tumblr user(s)  too many to name.

tell me about your least favourite tumblr user(s)  forget their url but they believe shop lifting is good for the economy ( ok??? yeah..sure) and they think communism is good like wtf

tell me what you’re thinking about thinking about nothing really lmao

let’s talk about the sex because sex ed isn’t talked about enough   I mean what is there to talk about??  Its sad though so many young girls don’t know anyting about their body or their vagina because sex is so shunned upon for girls especially when youre young. if I was a stereotype in a movie what would I be?  id be the side kick who has so much shit happen to them..and ppl would prob feel bad