#even though sometimes we butt heads and have significant disagreements

[marnz]

you know, I complain a lot about my union because forming a coalition and building solidarity means you will disagree and navigate a lot of conflict, but I will say that it's also some of the most rewarding and important work I've ever done.

[meibemeibelline]

part 3 (FINAL) of highlights from that 32k word doc i wrote when i marathoned gazette songs (2012-2018)

PART 1 | PART 2

once again:

This is a combo of thoughts on music, lyrics and other random things I wrote while listening. Not every song will be featured, sorry.

I sometimes directly quote translations and when I do, I’ll specify whose it was. Here are the masterposts of lyrics by Heresiarchy , Defective Tragedy and Trauma Radio

I will write song titles for which there are warnings in bold and all caps

So this part will be a bit different because mental health and The Band became really prominent themes in their music in a way it wasn’t really before, so rather than simply writing about songs as they come, I do (attempt to) connect some dots between songs and albums

Also this is REALLY LONG (~5k words)

If you read any of these posts, thank you <3

CONTENT WARNINGS: murder (In Blossom), reference to abuse (In Blossom), suicide/suicidal thoughts (Kagefumi, Deux/Blemish), reference to PTSD (Incubus). Overall LOTS of discussions about mental health.

buckle up folks it’s gonna be a long one

So I listened to Division according to the limited edition version where the songs got split into the ‘story-like songs’ and the ‘hype songs’. Just while we’re on that, I like to think that Vein is the story part because these songs (the blood) are meant to go TO our hearts, while Artery, which is the ‘raw emotion’, is the heart doing the talking and supplying the oxygen that will do its thing. LIKE HEADBANGING.

“Ibitsu is not the first song they’ve written about changes in the music industry, but it’s quite different from others like 13Stairs[-]1 and Dim Scene. They were quite angry about the state of things, lamenting it. But here, Ruki is writing his and the band’s place in all of that. It’s like in the other two songs he’s like, “wow look at all this rubble. This sucks.” But in Ibitsu he’s writing about how he’s also in that rubble and thinks about what HE feels about it in relation to himself and the GazettE. And I find that quite interesting. Also hell YES imagery – skies as ideals, the world around them collapsing into ruin, the band as a flower amidst the rubble that can’t reach the sky. It sounds like he’s trying to navigate how he’s supposed to move forward when his ideals and what’s happening in the industry oppose each other quite a lot. He doesn’t reach an answer in this song and ends by asking whether it is actually in ruins or whether he’s just afraid of change, I think.” - interestingly, he uses this same imagery in Kuroku Sunda Sora to Zangai to Katahane to write about anxiety and not feeling good enough.

Quick disclaimer on KAGEFUMI: I do want to say first that I’m talking about this purely as a piece of art. Not as in, like, “this is peak romance”, but just as an artwork I can have Opinions™ about, even if they’re possibly in disagreement with that of the creator. “The shadow tag metaphor for a couple committing double suicide meaning that they’re ‘becoming one’ and being together in death is A Lot. There’s an incredibly strong belief in an afterlife where they can be together makes (what Ruki describes) this stronger bond between them that literally lasts or even transcends the boundaries between life and death, rather than a tragic end (unlike Tokyo Shinjuu). Musically, I love this song and think it’s gorgeous, the way it’s sad yet hopeful. We over here with that bittersweet stuff again but lyrically it’s a WILDLY different route than others before it.”

“Yoin is such a heavy end to disc 1. The ending lines, “The sea of loss / Understanding of helplessness / That day we grieved” about the Tohoku earthquake/tsunami and the nuclear disaster is just so ……. And not only that, but how even though people still struggle to survive, people are moving on like it’s a thing of the past. It’s SO heavy.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

“I think [Derangement] is about a massive internal struggle between wanting longing for the past, knowing it won’t come back, but also wanting to destroy the past out of self-hatred. There are aspects of the past, perhaps ambition and drive for example, that are good, but other parts that are not. It’s almost like a continuation of Remember the Urge but like…angrier and with more hatred towards his own past rather than only the longing of it. Which is also really interesting.” – this is definitely one of the themes that comes up A LOT from now, ESPECIALLY in Ninth. We’ll get to that.

“IS KAI GOOD??? That man is NOT human. I swear to god his drums in Required Malfunction are INSANE. ANYWAY, this song is about how people cannot be perfect and we all have flaws, especially in the context of relationships. I like that even though people argue and butt heads sometimes, there’s that Japanese verse where he sings “Let’s send a song without stains / to that innocence without lies / so you can swallow those wounds” and the last lines “Because you are always here, I can advance” to mean like…them being together can ultimately make them better and it can be a good relationship (if they work on it, imo). Also, I love the language he uses here – viruses and malfunctions and inputs – a very non-human way to write about human relationships.” (Cr: Trauma Radio)

(Dripping Insanity) “Solitude drenched in red laughs / in the insanity dripping in silence” is SUCH a good line yes hello I appreciate this. (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“EYYY HAVEN’T HEARD FORBIDDEN BEAVER IN FOREVER. At first I was wondering if this might be judgmental but honestly? I think this is satirical, especially from the line “May the truth you spew on taboos going frantically around / Shred the rhythm of high society”. Like the fact they’re gossiping about a famous woman who has a lot of sex and just TARNISHING her name bc of it, to Ruki, is a load of bullshit. Also, some of the lyrics in the chorus are funny coming from Ruki – “She has a sex addiction / Bang! Bang! / Cute luv machine” – like he does NOT ever write like this and this song is just a huge satirical joke I’m YELLING.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“The transition from Malformed Box to Inside Beast >>>>”

“[Inside Beast] is definitely about having a ‘beast’ inside you that’s like all your demons and ugly feelings and to let them all out. He wrote about demons in Derangement, but the way he writes about acceptance is like…empowering and freeing. Not necessarily through words but through the music and just how hard this song slaps.”

“I really love the lyrics of [Until it Burns Out] and its whole thing about valuing the time they have as a band and to be together making music precisely because it’s going to end someday, and it’s going to be their last shot at living their dreams, which is to make music and perform TOGETHER as the GazettE. Like that’s so meaningful, and powerful in the way they just…grab it by the fucking throat. Breaking down the walls that hold them back, TOGETHER, towards the future in which they see their dreams. Like they’re not letting this be the end. They won’t allow it. UGH. UGHHH. The middle eight is so beautiful and I love the lines “The light that colours this irreplaceable scenery / burns the significance of standing here into me / Until the last” like they just love performing SO MUCH UGGGHHH FEELINGS”. (Cr: Trauma Radio)

“[REDO] IS SO GODDAMN SENTIMENTAL I’M IN MY FEELINGSSSSS. Kai being the composer, I can’t help but feel this is him paying homage to jazz, which is the music his mother plays and he loves her so so much. I’m probably reaching but THAT’S JUST HOW I FEEL.”

“EVERBODY SHUT UPPPP IT’S LAST HEAVEN TIMEEEE. It’s so gd gorgeous and sweet. I’M GETTING REALLY EMO WHAT THE FUCKKKK. BRUH. BRUUUUHHH. THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL //THROWS. SHUT UPPPP. TOO MANY SKY, STAR AND FOREVER REFERENCES FOR THIS TO BE OKAY BITCH. This is Ruki’s love song to the cosmos, wishing to be eternal like the stars but acknowledging that all he can do is chase it knowing his life will end, BUT THAT THEY DON’T HAVE TO GRIEVE BECAUSE THEY WILL MEET AGAIN IN THE AFTERLIFE BECAUSE IN SOME WAY WE /ARE/ ETERNAL. IT’S LOVING AND INNOCENT AND WISTFUL. This song is the goddess to all the GazettE love songs. THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK. “The distant sky, this infinite moment / I now wish from the visible stars / in this youthful merry-go-round / that continues to turn endlessly / I want to be eternal like you” – is just…such a beautiful image. “Let’s stay like this, having dreams we cannot reach / Long road which leads to the calm hill / I go, leaving my sadness behind / Good night…my beloved / Last heaven of mine” – it’s yearning but it’s the yearning for LIFE. And to leave behind sadness…Ruki very rarely writes about pain like this. And to call the ‘beloved’ his last heaven, the last thing in his life that’s just THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO HIM AND THE THING HE WANTS TO BE ETERNAL WITH goodbye………GOODBYE. “Love without shape changing day by day / Close together / we become / one shooting star” – AAAHHH AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. Also, for him to say ‘memento mori’ which means “Remember, you must die” in the middle eight of a song about wanting to be eternal just gives the entire sentiment a new meaning ;-;” (Cr: Trauma Radio)

“There’s a particular sound to Division and Beautiful Deformity (but more in BD). It sounds like rushing water. Loss in particular sounds like this. Like, the sound isn’t just ‘dark’ and ‘heavy’, it moves A LOT and there is sooo much emotionality in the songs on this album. It’s really dynamic.”

“The Stupid Tiny Insect revisits the theme of inner demons. Specifically, in this song it sounds like negative internal self-talk. It’s interesting though, the way that Ruki writes it as an entirely separate being to how he writes inner demons and whatnot in other songs, where it’s either another entity within a person that is part of them OR just…themselves. Here, they are VERY separate, and that probably allows him to feel and express rage instead of helplessness or confusion. I also love the reference to pretending to be okay – “I get high on delusion / And act as if I made them die out / ‘Just like a summer moth to a flame”.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“IN BLOSSOM is pretty fucking brilliant lyrically imo. It reminds me a lot of 32 Koukei no Pistol in that a protagonist who was abused/neglected by the parents kills them, and in the latter’s case only, also themselves. Some other differences: In Blossom is WAY angrier (and a lot more loaded) and the protagonist is trying to ‘make their own life’ (even if the way they choose to do that DOESN’T WORK), whereas the narrator in 32 Calibre Pistol was mostly lamenting that they’ve ‘lost their way’ and deep-down were wishing for their family to be happy together. I can’t say WHY that is. But it’s interesting that in In Blossom, the abuse just…DESTROYED their concept of family that they used to believe in entirely, and the fact they cannot separate themselves from their abusers neither by dying nor killing them is A Lot. So, they try to free themselves and ‘get hope’ by killing their abusers as revenge (“Die away, along with these wounds I’d counted”), but it doesn’t bring them happiness or heal them (“Even if I slash so much it’s unparalleled by the wounds I’d counted, it still starts to ache / It doesn’t even fight off the decay, much less heal me”). It’s very much saying that despite pain, revenge is not the answer. I also love the line “They adorn vividly – have blossomed beautifully / The sun that has started to set makes sure of it” to describe the wounds as the narrator kills their abusers and their loss of sanity as they do so.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“To Dazzling Darkness is about that moment when a concert is over and the lights start to come on. It’s so gorgeous. This is sort of like, the other side of Until it Burns Out. If UIBO is about the band then TDD is about the fans, and the band’s place in the world. I love the imagery in the first verse – darkness is usually associated with bad things, but here darkness is peace, escapism and unity that are part of the happiness of a concert, while the light symbolises the continuation of life. The scenery here is the same scenery in UIBO, which is the scenery of a concert that this band cherishes. There’s also the acknowledgement that time is fleeting and nothing is forever. Like, this is really the other side of the coin and I love it.”

“Dogma defines their new (2015) sound so well, which is HEAVY AND DIRTY AS FUCK. Like, it is SO conceptual and experimental and the painting is just GORGEOUS. I love the harpsichord in this song – as the predecessor of the piano, it was used in a lot of churches and religious music in the Baroque period (1600-1750ish), so using it here in a song where the band is likened to idols (the religious type) is super cool. And to combine it with these really low and heavy guitars just gives the DARKEST image.

And there’s so much going on in the lyrics – MANY MOTIFS, MANY MEANINGS. They bring back the concept of darkness as a symbol for escape from harsh life and of unity during concerts. As for death, Reita has an iconic quote where he said something along the lines of: “we often say in lives ‘to die’, but what we actually mean is to live. Live and be free”. I see death for GazettE as a kind of transformation – and end, yet also a beginning to become something or someone new.

Ruki hasn’t really mentioned god since Ogre in Dim, in which he basically wrote “idk if God exists but I don’t really care – all I need is me”. But here he likens the band to an idol of worship. We as the fans worship the GazettE, and they are also gods to us, their followers, in the sense that they provide us with life and unity (referred to here as death and darkness, respectively). The GazettE as a band brings darkness and death to the world (with their own meanings, of course).

This is also a song about the band breaking away from current gods and dogmas of the music industry, and from its greed. I also love the line, “The rite I must face is cloaked in darkness and isolation” – this process of their journey to finding their truth is lonely, and no one but them can do it for themselves. To do so also isolates them from everything they once knew. It’s them navigating what is expected of them by the masses and those they work with vs doing what they want without getting shunned for it.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

 “DAWN IS ABOUT REDISCOVERING THEMSELVES. I love the number of metaphors he brings back in this song – 13 stairs, death, merry-go-rounds and again dogma. Death here is about the transformation of them as a band, which occurs at the top of the 13 stairs to the gallows. And I find that so interesting because he uses the image of gallows (eg: 13 Stairs[-]1 and Forbidden Beaver) as like…an actual Death that means the end of a genre or a person’s reputation, but here it’s a place of transformation. In Last Heaven, the merry-go-round is a symbol of life – it comes back here but this time it’s red instead of blue (youthful) and is paired with the image of a mad banquet with emotions running wild (ie concerts). Basically, this is about the band’s life and, like, their life being about concerts. My favourite part is “Overcoming a period of confusion, I took those stirring emotions / And hung them up high on the 13 stairs” because there’s also the line “I’ve already had a lethal dose of misfortune / The ruined gallows towers above me” -> WE WENT THROUGH SOME SHIT BUT WE FOUND OURSELVES AND SURPRISE BITCH, BET YOU THOUGHT YOU’D SEEN THE LAST OF ME.” (Cr1: Heresiarchy, Cr2: Defective Tragedy)

Not from my notes directly but I feel like the difference between Bizarre to Juuyonsai no Knife (ie the only two songs about Real juvenile criminals) is a REALLY good representation of how Ruki’s lyrics have changed over the years. He went from taking perspectives of people who perpetrators of violence (to write horror stories, imo, but also to generally Explore their minds through art) to making comments about society and how systems affect people in real life. Not to say he doesn’t write about killers anymore or that social commentary is NEW for him, but just…a big change in what’s PROMINENT.

“Interesting that Wasteland is next, which is about Justice on the Internet. I know Ruki has always been really critical of the internet and the kind of social processes that occur online (see: Nakigahara) and here it’s about morality and justice, but more importantly the way it’s about crowd mindsets and CONTROL. And he just summarises it SO WELL in the first verse: “The thousand eyes that can kill even God / Transform into rebels that lust for control / If the time comes when right and wrong disappear / It will all end with a blood-red moon”. There’s also the line “Innocence gives way to sinful judgment” ie the innocent go along with their ways or it’s the innocent (the weak, as he says later) that are scrutinised. And I think about this a lot considering…some other fandoms I’m in >.>” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

(INCUBUS) “The song is a lot of wondering what they did to deserve their trauma and how they want the dreams/nightmares to go away. I do like that at the end of the song they come to the conclusion that they cannot change what happened and decide “fuck the why”, accepting they didn’t deserve it. Even though the narrator is still stuck in the maze (of trauma), the letting go of asking why it happened is like, a really important step in healing. Because it’s the end of self-blame. So, I hope narrator can heal :( “

(DEUX) “My dumbass never realised this but the music of Deux itself has DUALITY. Metal with solo piano. IT REALLY TOOK ME FIVE YEARS TO REALISE THAT HUH. It’s about two conflicting selves (which to me sound more like intrusive thoughts, considering Blemish’s VERY LOUD “These days I’m better dead”) and the effect that has on like, your emotionality and how it leads to loneliness. His use of nightmares in this song is fascinating – the Japanese word he uses (sakayume) is like…a reverse dream, like if a child has a nightmare you tell them it’s a sakayume so it means what happened in their dream definitely won’t happen AND something good will happen instead. And this is something Ruki prays for.”

(Ominous) “The imagery is really dark in this – “A prayer crushed under wreckage / Reflects in your eyes as you start to fly / I see you in the sky thick with shadows / Spinning around with nightmares” – there’s a desperate attempt to fly and get better and do Well but still they’re surrounded by darkness and nightmares, unable to escape. “Don’t forget that a heart cannot die / Don’t forget that dreams aren’t predictions of the future” –There’s hopefulness in a heart not dying yet a very strong despair when he says dreams don’t predict the future, not even reverse dreams. “It steals away my still-unformed future, and whenever I step forth / I can’t see a thing in that shadowed sky / My screaming can’t save anything / when I’m killing myself with sadness” – oh that hurts, that hurts A LOT. He wants to fly but he can’t. This is just SO MUCH. And they didn’t even have an instrumental outro, IT JUST ENDS WITH ACCEPTANCE OF HOPELESSNESS AND DEPRESSION.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“The drums in Goddess uggghhh UGGGHHH. AND THE GUITAR TOOOOOO. Lyrically, this is really a mid-point between depression and healing. It’s A Lot. He writes about his suffering, wanting to make something of his mistakes and his sins and actually WANTING TO LIVE. But it’s so sad that in the end he still feels really helpless – the subtle changes between “I want to become the stars that fill the silence” vs “I can’t become the stars that fill the silence”. But I think that on some level he knows what the next step is. He wishes in the last two lines, “If only I could share my grief that can’t be put to words / If only I could face reality and live accepting my crippling despair”. THAT’S THE FIRST STEP!!!! THAT’S A STEP!!!! TO HEALING!!!! “These bleak thoughts are my sacrifice that will one day begin to thaw into a selfless, smiling heart” – this line is fucking LOADED. Like, he sacrifices his bleak thoughts by expressing them and by making art out of his pain in hopes that he will be able to acknowledge and accept his suffering and his pain as a means to heal, as a way of allowing him to have a selfless and smiling heart. Like, this is SO much of what his art is about and what it has been for SUCH a long time it makes me so emotional that this is what he’s saying about his own lyrics.” I realise too that the goddess is likely the same goddess from Blemish. I’m still unsure what to make of it because Blemish ends in Ruki writing he doesn’t wants to be reborn, and not abandoned. But here he ends with wanting to heal. Wanting to move on and live.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO UNDYING.

“WHEN HE BROUGHT BACK “SLEEP, COUNT ME DOWN AGAIN” >>> God, this song is so powerful. THERE ARE SO MANY CALL-BACKS TO DOGMA. I SHOULD’VE KNOWN THIS BUT STILL. BITCH WHAT THE FUCK. It’s a direct continuation of Ominous (“I won’t arise from this”). I think in this song he’s becoming that figure that is flying in Ominous, and the one that is surrounded by nightmares and shadows – the first verses are about how the future is drenched in misfortune yet we must continue to live (and suffer, but WE CAN AT LEAST BE A BIT HOPEFUL). Ruki says this YET HE IS STILL DREAMING, EVEN AS THE END COMES (“My heart starts to disappear along with the spirit of my words / And though it knew the end was near / It dreamt of things it shouldn’t want / And even now I am still—“). There’s also his mentions of sins again that he continues to drown in :( But overall, this song is really about living despite all the pain, which is really meaningful after Dogma ended on such a note of hopelessness. There’s so much power in this song.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“Vacant doesn’t necessarily sound like a romantic relationship breaking down as much as it is about making a mistake and being unable to fix it between you and someone else (or other people), even if Ruki said he wrote it with a band’s image in mind. But the gist is is that there is yet again a struggle within the self (“Self-condemnation distorts the answer / And I lose sight of what I should be / Because of those unconscious actions / I can’t even dream”). The line “In the pain of not being able to tie back the undone thread / The traces left by stopping time keep piling up” really got to me – being stuck in time and constantly wishing for something that was and being hurt by the fact it’s gone is something I personally relate to. But even as the narrator is stuck in time, their grip on the past is loosening – they are forgetting, memories fade, and they lose their strength (“Vacant, you are withering”).” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

(Faling) ““Together, embracing the same pain: it’s only temporary / Don’t forget that this is not the end / So come on, let’s open our eyes and fall / We just believe in ourselves to die / Sometimes it’s okay to be broken” THIS MEANS SO FUCKING MUCH AFTER THE AMOUNT OF TIMES RUKI ENDED DOGMA SONGS WITH HOPELESSNESS AND AT BEST “WE HAVE TO KEEP LIVING AND SUFFERING AND BEING IN PAIN” BUT IN FALLING, PAIN IS TEMPORARY. PAIN IS TEMPORARY. WE WILL HEAL, BITCH. WE WILL GET BETTER, BITCH.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

Can’t find my notes bc it’s somewhere else in my Tumblr drafts but basically: I consider Mortal, Utsusemi and Sono Kore wa Moroku like a Depression Trilogy™ in Ninth. Mortal is about depression, loneliness and loss but like, tying it to a singular person or event in which the narrator felt grief. Utsusemi is about loneliness and depression as well, AND RUKI USES THE CICADA SHELL METAPHOR, WHICH IS THE SAME AS CRUCIFY SORROW (ALSO ABOUT DEPRESSION, BUT SOMEONE ELSE’S). But then, Sono Koe wa Moroku is THE turning point and where he first mentions (in this album) and actual DESIRE to heal and like, ON HIS OWN. IT’S ABOUT BEING STRONG FOR HIMSELF AND THAT MAKES ME SO EMOTIONAL. And as I mentioned before, Falling also ends on a hopeful note about sadness not lasting forever – it’s like he’s prefacing the album with the fact sadness IS temporary and that there IS a turning point.

“Babylon’s Taboo is interesting…so apparently Babylon is a figure of western imperialism and capitalism in the Rastafari movement (an afro-centric anti-capitalist and anti-imperialist movement from Jamaica). The narrator is COMPLETELY aware of the oppression and injustice that goes on around him but confesses to doing nothing. I interpreted this as complacency to violence, which Ruki has written about before. Also, he describes a starry sky (which I presume represents wealth and happiness) as a lie, and that they are actually black eyes that watch and look down upon you. In the context of anti-capitalism, my interpretation is that the ‘guaranteed fate’ he writes about is the life-long struggle to attain wealth and happiness – we are doomed to dedicate our lives to this, futilely, to no end. and there’s nothing we can do about it. Another line that stood out to me most is “all I need is sanity but uncertainty will do”. this, along with the rest of the song, implies that the narrator is PRETTY DAMN SURE that we’re all fucked so like....HAHA COOL.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

(Two of a Kind) Okay so…another motif I noticed in this album is an I and a You. And I know this sounds weird considering almost EVERY SINGLE GAZETTE SONG uses first and second pronouns, but mental health is SUCH a prominent, overarching theme in a way no album concept has been before, hence why I’m saying this. Two of a Kind is really solidifying this for me, but they appear in almost every song (but the You is known as ‘she’ in The Mortal). This pair are connected in an extremely emotionally intimate way. For one, they share pain and understand each other’s pain. Secondly, the narrator falls into depression after they’re gone. A part of me thinks it could be a past self and a current self, considering Ruki’s said this album involved the Most introspection from him and Falling writes about sins and past mistakes again. So, it could be a way of separating a past and current self – a past self that was perhaps lost, and made mistakes, but ultimately creates his current self.

But it could also be another person, as this You figure is also a source of light – someone Ruki shares his wounds with, in Two of a Kind. If it’s another person, it may also make sense that the depression and loneliness written about in The Mortal and Utsusemi is triggered by someone extremely close leaving him. Either way, it is this understanding and connection between the I and the You that also bring hope for the future and I REALLY love the way that hope is conveyed in the chorus of Two of a Kind. There’s so much light in it compared to the parts of the song where ruki calls himself filthy and ugly, and when he writes about negative feelings that never go away and bleed into this other person. but i think this other person understands it, and that’s why he can move on.

“Abhor God is a REALLY dark and heavy take on MOVING FORWARD. Like there’s so much rage in the way he writes about killing his lust, pride and anxiety and stringing up his nightmares in a noose, yet so much power in how he moves forward and sings victory with his music and his art. This is likely connected to Ninth Odd Smell and Uragiru Bero - where he writes about the band’s history and his imposter syndrome as an artist despite the band never going to die just because of that. He contrasts ‘too fast to live’ and ‘too young to die’ like, he’s really in a sort of purgatory where he’s constantly making too many mistakes to be happy but has too much to do for him to give up. So it’s here that he chooses to keep going no matter how weak the beat is. Imagery-wise this feels like.....continuing to live not because you have happiness to look forward to but just out of sheer willpower. Like it’s just so angry. Angry at the world, at yourself, but carrying that anger to try to be better and move forward.”

“And Unfinished is about the fans being his reasons to live and IT MAKES ME VERY EMOTIONAL THAT THIS IS HOW THE ALBUM ENDS!!!!!!! WITH HOPE!!!!! AND MOVING FORWARD!!!!! THEY LITERALLY ENDED THEIR ALBUM THAT’S ABOUT THEM ‘MAKING THEIR MARK ON THEIR WORLD’ WITH LIGHT AND HOPE AFTER LIKE TWO STRAIGHT ALBUMS OF /DEPRESSION/. EVERYBODY GO HOME WE LOVE HEALING IN THIS HOUSE.”

AND THAT’S THE END FOLKS!!!! if you made it here thank you so much for reading my ramblings and i appreciate u so so much <3 i hope you learned something new about the gazette’s music (i sure did - it’s why i went on this marathon in the first place!!) and again i have a list of posts i might write (which will definitely be shorter than these) so! yeah! anyway!! it’s past 11pm and i have no more brain cells. thanks again love ya have a good day/night <3 <3

[bookwormmedz]

Hello! I was wondering if I could please get a match up with My Hero Academia, One Piece and Kuroko No Basket. males characters please.

I am Reliable, Loyal, can Cook but usually too lazy, Quiet, Easy going but stubborn, creative, adventurous, very ambitious. Short tempered, I am loud when I want to be (mature, can be weird). Loves soccer and dance. I tend to daydream, Imaginative. Very down to earth. I can be awkward. Can be witty at times. I spend most of my time in my room, watching other youtube, anime or movies. My strong subjects are math, sciences, and arts. I like long term relationships. I am a tomboy. INTP, and Aquarius. Thank you!

Thank you for the detailed description and those are all fandoms that I love to death! I enjoyed reading about you since I love to get to know my readers! I haven’t done one of these in a while so let’s hope I’m not rusty! <3 - Medinah 

Your My Hero Academia Matchup is: Izuku Midoriya!

Midoriya really does take all comers and deals with them well, but he could also make do with some spice and intrigue in his life, That’s where you come in. Your quiet nature would suit him well when you both want quiet time whilst being next to one another. The boy can sometimes fuzz out and be overcome by nerves so you being the reliable and loyal one can really help a bunch in these situations. Who else is going to drag his butt to hospital every time he goes too far? He doesn’t mind that you get lazy, he would rather let you relax while he takes care of things, he would even determinedly learn to cook for you! Midoriya is a bit of a pushover, so your stubbornness will more often than not win you any advantages you might want in a conversation or outcome. Still, that creative, adventurous and ambitious side is something he needs in order to broaden his horizons. Both of your traits will improve the other, balancing you out and making you stronger. It’s not just give and take, it’s equal exchange. He’s pretty used to short tempered and loud people, he’s got a couple in his class after all. He honestly wouldn’t mind it, he would especially find it cute when you become animated or loud about your passions. You’re both dreamers and extremely imaginative; it may be that very reason the both of you ended up with each other. He would definitely love to watch you dance or play a game of soccer. Getting him to join in may be difficult since the boy gets embarrassed easily. Awkward and down to Earth is something he can entirely relate to, so you won’t feel too alone on that. The boy is literally on YouTube like whenever he has free time, so don’t be surprised if you spend Sundays in and before you realize it, half the day has gone watching movies and videos so stock up on snacks! We all know Midoriya is most likely an anime fanboy, so count him in on the anime binge marathons too; he is probably guilty as charged on that account. You are highly recipient at the demanding subjects, you could both study together and build a greater understanding of yourselves and the world around you. Midoriya isn’t about one-time flings either, he would have to date you for at least 6 months because he is committed and loving. You being a tomboy may help our timid bean out a little, this will make you more relatable and easier for him to talk to as your relationship builds; you can also share clothes! Your constant fascination and the need to continuously know more is something that Midoriya will incessantly fawn over, he just thinks you’re so amazing and awe-inspiring. Your progressive nature and intellect will always help him to gain new perspectives and that’s why you both offer so much to each other. There is variety in the relationship, and that means it has the potential to flourish the longer it goes.

Your One Piece Matchup is: Eustass Kid!  

Being a pirate, having those who are reliable and loyal around you is scarce to come by, especially when you’re someone as notorious as Eustass Kid. Those traits are already of great value to him, but if you can cook now and then, that would help too. He thinks there’s a certain charm about food cooked with a female touch, so he would appreciate if you cooked for him now and then. Since you’re quiet and easygoing, he would respect your space for the most part but the ambitious and adventurous side of you is what gets him all riled up. Ambition and drive is the name of the game here; if he’s going to have a significant other, he wants them to have a vision as big as his, if not bigger. The stubbornness may lead to many disagreements, though he will admire that you have the chagrin to stand your ground with someone as terrifying as him. He can’t really relate in the way of creativity, but he gives you your props for it. You’ve probably helped him escape many a time from sure danger with your quirky ideas. Do expect temper clashes and loudness with each other. Conversely, if he sees you angry or bothered by anything, that may be enough for him to go on one of his “sprees”. He doesn’t like to see you angry, since he thinks he is n’t doing his job right otherwise. Your maturity would be needed at times where he needs to make big decisions, both for himself and the crew. He’s not the sporting or dancing type, so he’d most likely let you enjoy your hobbies such as those on your own, but he’d secretly watch you from afar. Eustass will most likely tell you to get your head out of the clouds, saying that those men who achieved greatness went to grab it with their own hands. It sounds harsh, but he doesn’t want all of your dreams to just stay in your head, he wants them out in the world, where he can share in them. Since you’re down to Earth, you could really help in giving him advice or listening to him when he wants to express himself. Poking some fun at him by being witty could be a bit risky and also a bit awkward, but since he is your man, he would tolerate it to an extent. He doesn’t like anyone besting him though. You enjoy watching anime, movies and YouTube videos, but he’d tell you to get your ass out and go see the sights for yourself. According to him, there’s a certain ambiance to it. Your academic skills could aid them in drawing maps and reading coordinattes, so in that respect you’re very beneficial to the crew. You being a INTP and Aquarius makes you the ideal fit for someone he wants to achieve his dreams with, only someone as unique as him can join him on that helm. Tomboy, girly, whatever. The only thing that matters is how much love you show him when the lights go out… 

Your Kuroko no Basket Matchup is: Kise Ryouta! 

The type of life that Kise Ryouta leads, it is very uncommon for someone to stick with him even after finding out he is not perfect. That loyalty and the reliability is something that would act as solidarity in his experience. He finds it cute that you can cook but he won’t be too forceful for you to do it anyway; he would much rather spoil you to takeaway or dates out to the best restaurants and food courts. Being quiet, it may make him want to tease you more and rile you up, but he likes it also that you’re not so chatty like other girls he knows. He can get a little exasperated trying to get you to budge when you’re stubborn but he eventually gets content with letting you have your way. He finds it to be very refreshing to find someone who is creative, adventurous and ambitious, and someone who will essentially pursue what they love and enjoy without restriction. He thinks you have the skills to hold the world in your hand, and he will do his best to be the supporting act to that. He won’t lie, he gets a little frightened when you lose your temper with him or even if you lose it in general, but he finds it entertaining when you’re loud because he’s a loud mouth himself! He needs that touch of maturity to help him grow both mentally and spiritually. Kise is super sour that you like soccer and not basketball but he’s the type to learn soccer and then challenge you at it. If you like dancing, he could probably learn the choreography from you and dance with you until you both get exhausted or have cramps. When you daydream, he likes to boop you on the nose a lot. That, and he finds your imaginative nature to be very fascinating; he asks you to share whatever interesting thoughts you conjure up for his entertainment. If you’re awkward, chances are that Kise will make things even more awkward until you have no choice but to burst out in laughter. He won’t fault your flaws and instead, will show you that they are natural and everyone has them. You being down to Earth makes him feel normal, for the first time in forever. Wittiness is going to help out with Kise who can be a total handful with his flirtiness and teasing. If you like spending time in your room, he’ll scoot you up and dump you on his bed so you can enjoy your videos, anime and movies while he smiles and watches you. If it’s like action or rom-com, he likes to watch it with you and pretend you’re both the main characters, especially with shoujo or romance anime. He just doesn’t get science or maths, but arts he can appreciate. He always gets you to try on his clothes since you’re a tomboy, and your INTP personality is one that will help him to widen his scope on the world and try and understand others better. As you are an Aquarius, he would make you feel like you’re both a friend and lover and would never let you feel lonely and he will always, always keep his promises! 

[aliveandpleasant]

4th of July and the disagreement.

One of my most unforgivable dates with my boyfriend was 4th of July. We went to Richmond, he drove for 4 hours in total that day. How awesome was he. I mean I wish I could contribute to driving but I really don’t want him to have the burden of my driving anxiety. Also, I just haven’t gotten the chance to learn driving myself.. I just always feel like I have other priorities, but I will soon feel like my inability to drive will resurface sometime soon in a more serious manner.

We then went to a science museum, in which we acted like 2 lost children. It was $15 for entry so you can bet we took a fucking advantage of it. We got like 2 stickers (one each) for proof of entry. Unknowingly of my boyfriend, I put his sticker on his butt cheek (ok just to clarify, not on his LITERAL butt cheek, he was wearing pants, really short ones at that). When he found out where it was, he proceeded to put it on his asshole instead (ok to clarify ONCE MORE, it was NOT on his literal asshole).

It was fun. Then we rented some electric bikes and biked from the science museum to the slave trail. There wasn’t much going on in the slave trail. It’s just a trail. But yeah I do feel somewhat humbled by how it was used back in the days. Makes me grateful for what I have now. 

I’m not sure why we were stupid. We ignored the fact that it was going to rain. So when we tried to head back to the science museum, it rained so fucking hard. I felt like one of us is either gonna get hurt, or just flat out die. Eventually we found a closer bike dock, made out in the rain, and then Ubered back to the science museum, because that’s where we had parked. 

I was amazed by how my boyfriend was not just freaking out by how I was freaking out during the rain. I just felt like I was gonna die. That’s all.

After surviving the rain, we went to a thai restaurant. I ate drunken noodles. I was craving those drunken noodles so fucking bad. It was the best drunken noodles ever. I was just glad I was out of the rain at this point. And I was hungry. They could have been shit but I’m okay with it.

During this time, we were talking about previous relationships. I was probably making a lot of assumptions but I felt like he wasn’t over his past relationship. The reason why I say this is because he kept referring back to his past relationship and kept saying that it changed him forever. Probably because he never really talked about it. I want to know how this changed him to he is now. I wanted him to talk about it, and so during the 2 hour drive back home, he did.

I felt like he got a bit emotional. I wasn’t sure if I had asked him the right thing to do, by talking about his past relationship. Usually talking about my past, helps with my present. But when he was talking, I started to second guess myself whether or not it was the same for him. At some points, he raised his voice, as if this was taking him back to a time he didn’t like. I felt bad for asking him. We were too far in the conversation, it didn’t feel right to ask him to stop.

What got me was, when I asked “so are you over your past relationship then?” He said, “I think so, 99%” I’m not sure why, but that bothered me. I know it shouldn’t. He said the other 1% is if the girl came back to his life, he wouldn’t know how he would handle it. I don’t know, maybe I’m just being overdramatic. But hearing that makes me really sad. I’m not sure what he meant by that. Does that mean if his ex came back to his life somehow, I should start to worry? Should I actively try to make sure he never sees his ex again? Why am I starting to worry right now? What am I supposed to do with this 1%? Is there a threshold in which I should start worrying? I would be happy even if he maintained a healthy relationship with his ex. But the fact that he couldn’t say for sure that he was over it, somehow just bothered me. I think I just find security in knowing that somebody is not holding baggage from the previous relationship. I know he doesn’t. But for some reason I just wanted that as a definite statement. It just hurts me somehow that he doesn’t want to say it. It’s like when you feel like you know somebody loves you but they refuse to say it. What does that even mean? Whenever we talk about it, it just becomes semantics. It’s just pointless.

He says that if he doesn’t believe it, then he won’t say it. I mean, I get that. He solely believes this 1% contains the possibility of his ex shaking the boat. And I have been working on to find peace with that. But I still can’t hide the fact that it is still painful, just having uncertainty, not being able to get the definite green light. I don’t want to fight to him about this because I don’t want to take the effort to change his mind. I respect what he needs to think like, even though it hurts me whenever I think back to this argument. I just need to find peace with it. I’m still trying to. I just cry whenever I have to. 

While we were talking about this. He said that it’s like I’m just looking for problems, and I feel like he said it was my fault when he says stuff like “well, you asked and you didn’t like the answer.” I don’t know. I just can’t deal with that. Maybe I was. But is the answer to “are you over your ex” something that I don’t have the right to know the answer too. By god, I am his significant other. I deserve to know. I guess it’s now on me to decide if this is a red flag or not. Because he won’t give me the green flag. I don’t know. I just need to think about it. I always have this attitude that if I don’t like something, then leave. But that survival mode may not work this time. It seems too much to break up over something like this. Or is it?

Well on the bright side, if I break up with him, I’ll learn a lesson. And I’ll just go fuck girls or something.