#even though it was terribly obvious from context clues

[autistic-danieljackson]

Love the bit in Vegas where Rodney’s like “a Zed P M, sorry ZPM, I’m Canadian” because a. I love when people unnecessarily “translate” things and b. it feels straight out of a fanfic

[cameoliob]

can i hear about the fic attempt please ?? very intriguing :3

Why of courseee

For context: This was a WIP that I started cooking up a while ago when I got hooked on Kallus' backstory with Jovan-- It's written from Jovans POV and it bounces back and forth between 19 BBY, when he and Kallus first met, and 2 ABY, when Kallus is sent to retreive Jovan from prison as a mission from the rebellion

“What in stars is this,” Jovan grimaced as he stared at the sheets of flimsi that had been unceremoniously dumped in front of him  “I can’t read this!”  “Should have come to class, then,” Alexsandr– Jovan really had to find a nickname for him, that was always a mouthful– said matter-of-factly as he sat in the empty seat across the table.  “I was sick!” Jovan shouted over the increasingly loud commotion of the dining hall. “I go to class whenever I get sick,” Alexsandr shrugged, digging through the various pockets on his bag.  “I had a fever!” “Right.” “I did!” Jovan crossed his arms and stared at the crumpled flimsi in front of him once more. “Would it kill you to keep your notes in a folder?” Alexsandr shot Jovan a look– he did that a lot– as he returned from his bag with a ration bar.  “You’re lucky I’m even giving them to you,” he said, pulling back the silver packaging from the bar, “I’m not usually so charitable.”  “Charitable?” Jovan gawked. “Mhm,” Alexsandr nodded, offering no other response.  “I give you my notes all the time! It’s only fair that you give me notes that I can read,” Jovan pointedly spun the flismi around and placed his finger on one of the many intelligible scribbles on the page, “what is that even supposed to say?”  “Uh,” Alexsandr leaned forwards to squint at the thing, “you're smart, use context clues,” he waved his hand dismissively.  “Oh wow, you’re so helpful. What a good friend you are,” Jovan drawled sarcastically, crossing his arms over his chest. “Oh yeah,” Alexsandr mocked Jovans tone, “the best.” He threw his now empty wrapper at Jovan. “What would you do without me?”  “Have legible notes, probably,” Jovan huffed. “You’d be bored, though,” Alexsandr said as if it were obvious. And as much as Jovan wanted to argue, Alexsandr was right.

^ 19 BBY

“Don’t touch anything,” Kallus snapped as Jovan entered the small common area of the ship. Jovan withdrew his hand from where he’d begun to reach for the flismi copy of a book that laid on the holotable.  “I wasn’t going to,” he lied. Kallus shot him a look and snatched the book from where it sat, opting to tuck it under his arm instead. Jovan huffed as he took it upon himself to slide into the seating by the table. He would be lying if he said he didn’t hope that Kallus would sit across from him.  Kallus remained near the far wall.  “You wouldn’t happen to have any spare clothes, would you?” Jovan drawled, pointedly staring down at the ill-fitting orange jumpsuit that hung from his shoulders. “Orange isn’t really my color.”  “Oh don’t worry, you look terrible in every color,” Kallus shot Jovan look that was half-smile-half-grimace. “I’d argue that I look dashing in green,” Jovan took to inspecting his nails. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, seeing Kallus so… irked by his presence. Although, that was a bit of a backwards thought, wasn’t it? Kallus was the reason he was in this disgusting prison uniform, anyways. “You’re colorblind,” Kallus narrowed his eyes.  “And I look great in red too.”  “You know what you’d look great in?” Jovan whipped his head up from where he had been staring at his nails. This is what he's been wanting, finally some banter-- at least, that's what he'd thought until he was met by the unamused expression on Kallus’ face. “The brig.”

^ 2 ABY

AHHHHHHHH I DONT KNOW his was just one of those things where I wanted to make it a comic about it but then I had way too many thoughts so I opened a google doc about it, but then I realized that I don't really write for a reason tbh

[clawbehavior]

Hi and happy new year 🌺🌺🌺

For the wip game:

I'm really intrigued to know more about these : 3,8 and 13 (sorry for being greedy 😅)

Please

happy new year anon!

not only do i love that you asked about more than one WIP (i am greedy with you), i loooove these choices because i just updated the work that is #3, so i'm knee deep in it emotionally. it's 'everything everywhere all at once', my money lender au! i have 5-10 drafts going at any time for this story because writing a new chapter helps me simplify the plot. then i have to write that down and cross reference against the clues i already published.

eeaao is very dear to my heart because it was my second foray into fanfic writing after more than a decade and my first multi chapter work. i get a unique thrill from reader engagement with it. finishing it is going to be a life accomplishment for me because of the amount of time i've spent on it (a year) and the very real plans i made in september to discontinue it. we're all good now though, with things finally falling into place for the remaining 1.5 chaps.

i'm posting a snippet from y's take on things which is his version of eeao, made unique by the context he brings to their interactions. i love this scene so much that i actually use it as a treat, telling myself i can publish it only if i finish the main work lmao. so i'm THRILLED you asked about it anon, thank you 🥰🥰

i will reply to the other WIPs in your asks shortly but for now, enjoy the snippet under the break.

after the breakup, yohan has wet dreams like never before. he dreams of gaon. of laying him on the bed with reverant hands and tying him to it so he can't leave. of ravishing him while gaon moans and cries and begs for more. of releasing gaon at the end, only for him to climb into yohan's lap greedy for kisses and with whispered promises that he'll never leave, that he'll stay by yohan's side no matter what. because he loves yohan.

the dreams are incomprehensible without a structured timeline or form. he cooks for gaon and feeds him with his hands in some. he binds gaon's wrists together under the younger man's besotted gaze in another. they drive down an endless road at night, gaon curled into the passenger seat, his forever companion. 

only once does yohan dream something so terrible that he does something unbelievably cruel in real life to offset the feeling and leads a man to believe his family is burning alive in their home to prove a point. and the thing he dreams of is raising a family with gaon. 

he wakes up thrashing, in sweat stippled sheets twisted around his waist and legs. stumbles out of bed and into clothes and away from a home saturated with gaon's presence. for two whole weeks after that, he avoids his house. isaac picks up on this strange energy within the first week, becomes downright meddlesome by the third. yohan rebuffs his well-intentioned efforts and throws himself into his work, into the hunt, the remaining stronghold of his life because it's where gaon cannot be found. 

or so he thinks. he's just wrapped up a successful negotiation that gives him significant editorial oversight over a prominent but heavily indebted news company, and is leaving the VIP section of the club when he sees him. gaon's on the lower floor, sound and strobing lights separating him from yohan. he's sitting on a bar stool, talking to another man. being propositioned, it's obvious. the man has his hands jammed in his pockets but has leaned close, eagerly making a point and staring at gaon with a desire yohan knows well. 

how could he not? gaon looks lovely, even though he's tied up in a suit while everyone around him is in clubbing clothes. he's swirling his drink one handedly and listening with his head cocked to the side, inviting but not reciprocating. 

from his vantage point on the upper floor, yohan catalogues all this in the brief look he allows himself. then he walks straight out of the bar and to his waiting car. he'd let gaon so could live his life. without yohan. ergo, with someone else. 

yohan's many things, but what he's not is unselfaware. so he doesn't bother berating himself in the time it takes to switch his attire for a different kind of hunting outfit, black sweats and a hoodie. 

gaon's place looks the same, yohan notes from where he's hidden by the shadows across the street. it's also dark. 

which doesn't mean anything, he tells himself with a faint tinge of desperation. gaon could've gone bar hopping. but yohan remembers the closed line of his body even as let the man come too close, how gaon's wrists were concealed by two layers when he bared his skin willingly for yohan. 

maybe yohan wasn't as self aware as he told himself.

this line of thought is immediately blown apart when gaon rounds the bend with his friend, cheeks flushed by alcohol and the cold. yohan crushes his cigarette under his sneaker and stares hungrily. gaon catches yoon soohyun when she stumbles -- a show, yohan thinks meanly, given how sturdy her boots are -- and pulls her into an affectionate one-armed hug, tugging her up the stairs and into his apartment. 

soohyun is my oldest and closest friend, yohan recalls as he watches the house. the bedroom light turns on. we're not romantically involved, nor have we ever been. 

platonic, yohan reminds himself. but a platonic friend could fill a sexual need just fine, albeit insufficiently. this is good, he decides. it means gaon's moving on. somewhat. and not with the stranger from the bar.

he's not fooling himself that the thought of gaon pushed up against his kitchen counter by someone else, for someone else to undo his tie inbetween laughing kisses and mess up his carefully styled hair, tug his shirt out of his trousers filled yohan with sick violence. it was the sex, but it was more than that. it was knowing how unselfconscious and uninhibited gaon was during sex. the experience opened him up in such a way that a part of him sunk into his surroundings, including the body of his lover. yohan felt it every time he left gaon, that gaon had deposited a piece of himself in yohan's hands, permanently changing them both in the process.

the lights in the bedroom go out. 

yohan swallows. 

a moment later, the living room lights turn on, a lithe frame passing near the windows before everything goes dark again. it means he hasn't moved on yet, yohan thinks, drawing his armor around himself again. but the hurt comes from deep within, a feeling breaking him apart like a tree root piercing concrete. 

yohan should've pushed him away earlier. before he got attached. he slinks into the alley and heads home, feeling worse than better.

and then one day, just as chaotically as gaon walked out of yohan's life, he walks back in.

[riddlerosehearts]

🐍 oh my god i had no clue there was a way around the character limit, thanks tumblr for being inconsistent across platforms 💀

Nico was my fave when reading the original series as well! Though I did end up latching onto Leo more when HoO came out, I still always have a soft spot for Nico.

Funny you say that about Jamil, I just saw some super awful takes abt him recently (again) that just made me feel like people are reading a completely different story, though part of that can be blamed on how the EN translation changed some stuff that kind of completely change the context of his situation.. honestly, given what you wrote abt Annabeth I think Jamil would also fit in Athena cabin - he's smart, capable, cunning and a strategist, plus he already has the gray eyes. He'd likely be the head of the cabin too.

I agree! Lots of people have pointed out there's a lack of Leo & Nico interaction in canon despite their similarities and I think that's such a shame, while I don't ship it romantically I really wish there could've been a friendship between them. I wish there was more emphasis on platonic relationships in general in HoO, so many things could've been explored further but we didn't get to :(

Nico being allergic to cats despite liking them is actually so adorable, I'm totally accepting that headcanon now. He tries to hold Grim then starts sneezing uncontrollably.

Me too! I'm usually reluctant to share my thoughts in case anyone reads it and thinks "there's no way you actually think that/that's stupid", but I'm really glad I can share with you and chat about ideas because it's so nice hearing what someone else thinks. Along with that I have made PJO OCs that I have been faaar too shy about showing people, but I they're precious to me and maybe I will post them one day...

Leo just using latest shows as bg noise would fit so well and be so funny lol, he'll know a few things here and there about whatever's going on but be completely wrong about some things that die-hard fans get mad at and give him a long lecture about the series that he barely retains because he didn't expect it. And Leo having fire hair can be uh, just a terrible accident where he lit his own hair on fire, for my "i just want to see it one time" convenience.

Now for a fun question, how do you think Leo & Nico would wear the NRC uniforms or dorm uniforms? Like how Idia never wears the blazer, Jamil wears a hoodie etc - how would they prefer to dress?

tumblr is such an inconsistent, buggy mess it's ridiculous sometimes. recently i discovered that i had blocked someone whose url i recognized but who i didn't ever remember blocking and don't know why i would've, so i unblocked them immediately but i was just like?? how did that even happen?? could've been a mistake on my part but i also wouldn't be surprised if it was a glitch 😭

i latched on so hard to nico as a kid because i was an edgy emo kid who really related to him ADKJGHDK. so of course as an edgy emo bisexual teenager i started loving him even more when house of hades came out. but like i said before, leo is easily my favorite of all the new characters from HoO! i have some criticisms of HoO as a whole but i like leo so much that i used to want to be a hephaestus kid mainly so he'd be my brother (and before that, i wanted to be a hades kid for reasons that are probably pretty obvious LOL).

oof, yeah, i do play twst EN and... okay, i was going to go off on a whole tangent here about jamil and kalim and how the localization watered down their entire fascinatingly tragic dynamic but it got so long that i realized it could practically be its own post. so i removed it and expanded it into its own post. it's here if you'd like to read it, but tl;dr is i agree with you completely lol. jamil is one of the most misunderstood and mischaracterized boys in the fandom and i think the changes EN made definitely have something to do with that, which frustrates me immensely because outside of certain choices made with both scarabia and pomefiore i tend to really enjoy the localization. the way they translate idia's dialogue is comedic gold.

anyway, though, i was also thinking athena might make sense for him! and i know i previously said riddle could be head counselor of the athena cabin, but i can totally see it for jamil too. although, i wonder, how would it affect things if kalim was also present at CHB? would jamil still need to keep his head down, make sure not to outdo him at anything, and reject any sort of position of authority so kalim wouldn't look bad? would he give the head counselor position to someone else (not kalim, i don't think they'd be in the same cabin) if it was offered to him? which reminds me, another idea i had is that i think it could be interesting if jamil was the son of a minor god while kalim was the son of an olympian, possibly giving jamil even more reason to resent him. or it could even be the other way around (say kalim's parent is a minor god and jamil's is an olympian, so jamil is more powerful than kalim but has to act like he isn't) too.

personally i do think romantic leo/nico is cute and it's a ship that i have a lot of nostalgia for since i read a ton of fics for it way back in the day lol, but i'm not shipping them in this twst AU! i'm a multishipper who loves nico and will together too and i really just wish leo and nico had gotten to be friends in canon. i strongly agree with you that HoO should've focused more on platonic relationships, and i actually basically said all of this recently in a post here!

okay, it would actually be hilarious if nico was still allergic to grim despite grim's constant insistence that he isn't a cat. and nico being like, well, i'm allergic to cats and i don't think it's the ghosts that are making me sneeze, sooo. and now i'm also thinking about nico coming at grim like idia in his labwear groovy askjdghd.

i feel like in general i'm so bad at explaining my ideas and i get worried about not making any sense lol! but at some point in the last few years i just sort of started saying fuck it, if i have something that i really wanna post on my blog i'll go ahead and post it and if someone thinks it's stupid then they don't have to follow me. i bet your PJO OCs are great, and you shouldn't be afraid to share them!

HMMM oh man, i'm nowhere near as creative as i wish i was when it comes to fashion because i'm bad at visualizing how things go together lol. but my first thought is that nico canonically insists on wearing his worn out old aviator jacket everywhere up until it literally gets torn to shreds. and then in TOA he buys a black leather bomber jacket and starts wearing that everywhere instead. so i think he'd insist on wearing his bomber jacket over his school uniform like idia does with his hoodie! he'd wear a black shirt instead of a white one, like vil does, and i could see him wearing the vest but i don't think he'd bother with the tie, blazer, or gloves. he'd also wear black converse and maybe he could add some more of his Emo Kid flair by wearing a cool studded belt or attaching chains to his pants or something, i think that'd be fun.

for leo, i would love to hear if you have a different idea than what i say because i'm not as sure about how i think he dresses! but i get the vibe that his main consideration is comfort and how well he'll be able to work in something, like he doesn't necessarily dress badly but he's very casual and doesn't wanna put a ton of time or thought into his clothing. so i could see him maybe wearing the gloves and blazer, but not bothering to put on the vest or tie or button his shirt up at the top, and just grabbing a pair of work boots for shoes.

[monochromemedic]

I had been stuck in the Dark World for who knows how long. The days didn’t seem to matter down here. No sun, no moon, just the vibrant green grid that coated the sky that would twitch and surge with occasional frequency.  When I first got here, I fought hard to get back to the surface, to fight for any sense of normalcy, for home but after a while the dream began to fade. The options began to run dry when compared to the dangers that surrounded me. And so I settled. I survived. I searched for food, begged for shelter from kind Darkners. I did what I had to to live. The Queen was not an option. Whispers from Darkners told me how I was just what she was looking for, that would help her expand her reign to the Light World. As much as that would probably help me, I didn’t want to ruin the lives of others for the chance to see my family, as much as I missed them with every passing minute. The sound of bustling cars and the blinding lights of neon signs stung my senses, my palms pressing into my eyes to drown out what I could. Damn it this place never slept did it? There was always something, some sort of noise. Whatever bags I had under my eyes were probably made cartoonishly drastic with the lack of pure rest I was getting. ‘Supose it was better then being dead... My body felt heavy, and I knew I’d have to find a place to rest or I’d fall asleep mid crossing of a road and get run over by one of those goofy cars I’d seen. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad... I recalled the time one of the car’s rear bumped into a fire hydrant (or at least I thought it was) and made a squeaking sound. The darkness of a certain alley called to me, the silence a sweet lullaby to the roaring around me. Was it dangerous? Oh yeah. Was it stupid? No shit. Was I going to do it? The shadows the engulfed me were perfect and if it wasn’t for the underlying stench of garbage it’d probably be ideal. Still beggars couldn’t be choosers and if tonight was good enough I would have to consider having this as my permanent sleeping spot. My back slid against the cool wall across from the dumpster, eyes half lidded as they read the advertisements littering above. Why the hell did the Queen have ads anyway, if she wanted she could monopolize any products she wanted... Despite the quiet I couldn’t shake the feeling that creeped down my spine. The presence of something other then myself around me. I tried to close my eyes, I was in the city after all. It’d be concerning if I didn’t feel like people were one second from crawling up my ass. Though I had to admit I didn’t expect to actually feel something begin to touch me. My eyes snapped open, elbow prodding into a blurry shape that yelped and tumbled backward, it’s grasp my on shoulder tearing a hole in my already worn shirt in the struggle. “Hey! What the hell?!” I barked, standing over the perpetrator. My shoulders slumped when I saw what looked to be a doll staring up at me with wide eyes, an over exaggerated smile permanently spread across it’s face. The creature’s jaw opened wider with a clack, it’s small body shooting upwards to stand on it’s small pointed feet. “WOAH WOAH WOAHAH- [Live worms]!”   The darkner’s voice was deafeningly loud, a shrill tone that cut the air like newly sharpened blades. “ I THOUGHT YOU WERE [Roadkill]. NICE TO KNOW I WON’T BE [Sleeping with the fishes] T0NIGHT!!” Well he had a certain way of speaking that was obvious. What the hell was going on with him, he talked like he was constantly being cut of random clips of other people speaking. He talked like a youtube poop or any other shitpost that would randomly shove memes into them for a quick laugh. “You thought I was dead? I was just... I was... uh.” I looked around me, eyeing the dirt and debris. “I was... going to sleep... here.”  Dammit, telling people I had to sleep in such ratty places were always a blow to the ego but I suppose it was better then saying ‘Oh I was just sitting down here to die’ The puppet shook his head and waltzed over to the dumpster, his small hand smacking the side with a sense of pride. “ [Finders keepers, losers weepers] HUMAN, YOU PICKED A GOOD SPOT. TOO BAD [so sadd] I GOT HERE FIRST. THOUGH FOR A DEAL I SUPPOSE I COULD [Share the love~]” “Got here first... what are you talking about?” The Darkner let out a laugh, distorted echoes filling the air as he leapt inside, a solitary hand popping out to beg me to come closer. This was a terrible idea, but despite my best judgement I followed, and witnessed what I could only describe to be a makeshift bed inside.  The puppet laid on top of musty mats and raggedy rugs, a single stained pillow resting just beneath his head. My god was he living in here? The creature continued his laugh, lurching only a few inches away from my face. “ [Sweet deal] ISN’T IT? J3ALOUS, [baby]?”  I shirked back, cheeks reddening at the tone of his last word. I was most defiantly not jealous, in fact I was filled with remorse, something his pride did not help with. “It’s... uh something. I guess this means I’ll have to find another alleyway um, sorry for bothering you-” “SPAMTON.” “What?” His hand shot out towards my chest, fingers wiggling for a handshake. “SP-SPA MTON G SPAMTON, [Number 1 rated salesmen 1997]” He announced, an extra flair of bravado laced his titled. His hand was surprisingly warm for what it was made of but nothing that would be described as body temperature.  “Jenna. Also 1997.” “WHAT A YEAR. LISTEN LIGHT nER, I AM DEALSMAN [yes/no?]” “Um... y-yes? I don’t-” “THEN LET ME MAKE A DEAL YEAH? FOR ONLY [many] KROMER, YOU MAY STAY IN MY [Privately owned] ALLEY. IT’S A REAL [steal] YOU’RE ROBBING ME [deaf] HERE!” My brows furrowed as I searched his face for any context clues for what the hell he was trying to say. Kromer? What the fuck was ‘kromer’? The only thing I knew of currency down here was dark dollars not kromer... even if he did ask for dark dollars he didn’t name a price, he just said many. And the amount of dark dollars I had was zero. “Uh I don’t have kromer. I don’t even have dark dollars I’m kinda broke Spamton, in case you couldn’t tell from uh...” I trailed off realizing saying that sleeping in an alley wasn’t a very smart thing to say to someone who slept in an alley.  He seemed surprised by my words, beginning to tug on my coat, flipping my pockets to see if I was really lying. I had to push his mitts off me a couple of times, to which he eventually got the idea the way his hands began to rub at his extended jaw. “NO KROMER... WHAT CAN YOU DO?” “What do you mean?” He seemed to sense my change in tone, his grin beginning to wobble nervously “[Whoopsie daisy!] LET ME START AGAIN. DO YOU HAVE A [trade]? A [skill] TO [Exchange for goods and services]?” he croaked. I eyed the ground, rubbing the back of my neck. What the hell was I good at again? “I mean, I can draw, I suppose...” “ARTIST? WOW OWOW!” Spamton’s face lit up before digging in the dumpster, pulling out a few napkins and a ball point pen and shoving them into my hands. “WHAT A [trade] TELL YOU WHAT. YOU DRAW A [one-of-a-kind masterpiece] AND YOU CAN STAY THE NIGHT!” “You’ll let me stay... if I draw something for you on this napkin. Am I getting that right?” The doll nodded feverishly, basically hovering over my shoulder as I played with the pen. This was certainly the weirdest way to pay someone that I could imagine... well no but one that was in the realm of reality. I had to ask Spamton to give me some space a few time, the feeling of his breath on  my neck making me more then nervous as I drew. God he was like those kids in school that would ask for drawings but ten times worse with the amount of personal space he’d give you. Besides I needed something to draw and with nothing on the mind why not draw the most interesting thing in front of me. I held the finished doodle out to Spamton only to have it snatched out of my fingers so fast I swore we could have started a fire. “WOAH...” The puppet sank inside of the dumpster, his face softening  as for once in what seemed like forever the alley way grew silent. “THIS IS... ME?” “Yeah. Sorry I didn’t know what to draw, you kind of put me on the spot. Besides everyone likes drawings of themselves right?” I shrugged, being pulled away from my thoughts by an overdramatic sniffle. Was he... crying? Not quite, just damn well close. Spamton’s shoulders quaked as a warm smile returned to his cheeks, slipping the napkin into his pocket with glee. “SO GOOD... THANK YOU.” “It’s really nothing, honestly that was a pretty shitty drawing.” “WHAT? YOU’RE [&#!^]ING ME! THAT WAS [BIG SHOT]” He was screaming again, hands gesturing wildly about. “It wasn’t but thank you. I wish I was better to be honest. I’m not very happy with my art, not at all.” I turned away from his gaze, unsure of why I was overcome by a choking sensation building my throat.  Why the hell was I telling this stranger this sort of stuff anyway? I mean I could hazard a guess it was the fact that this was the longest conversation I had had with anyone since I had gotten down here but with how things were it could be some magic power the doll possessed to tell him my deepest darkest secrets. “YOU DON’T THINK THIS IS [Big?]” “No.” “WHY NOT?” “I don’t know. I just... I think it doesn’t look the way I want it to. Doesn’t look good to me, and I don’t know how to fix it. Which I guess is a little funny considering how long I’ve been drawing. Just keep... drawing and drawing and never improving, least not how I’d like. It’s just garbage to me.” Spamton’s face seemed to fall, his glasses fading to a dark inky black.  “YOU FEEL? NO GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO? YOUR [passion]?”  “Yeah.” A laugh ripped from his chest, his head lolling back with each chuckle. I felt my soul began to crack, a shame flooding my body with how hard he seemed to laugh. Did he find this funny? Humorous?  I felt tears prick my eyes as I snapped my head back to glare at him, his head glitching back to stare back at me. “YOU’RE JUST LIKE ME, JENNA. A [slime] A REAL [slime]!” With a quick motion the puppet jumped to the ground, his hand resting against my arm as he spoke.  “YOU’RE A REAL [BIG SHOT] YOU KNOW THAT? STAY AS LONG AS YOUR [Greasy little heart] DESIRES!” Well... that was unexpected. He’d really let me stay here as long as I want cause I was pathetic? Or did he just feel sorry for me? What was going on? And why was he calling me a slime... or us a slime?  “Oh... uh thanks? I didn’t think I was being  much of a big shot whatever that is but I apricate it. Really.” His head clacked with every little nod, leading me to a pile of cardboard boxes and patting them with the grace of a car salesman. “BEST [Seat in the house] ALL FOR YOU. [Night night forever]!” Spamton beamed, awkwardly swaying side to side before stumbling back to the dumpster a few inches away and crawling inside of it, much like a wild animal. I couldn’t help but laugh a little. This guy was weird. Kinda creepy but also kind of funny. I honestly couldn’t pinpoint a feeling on him but at least he didn’t want to hurt me just make weird ass deals and make me ‘big’. Did that mean famous? Was this guy so into my art he wanted to be some sort of manager? I rubbed my eyes and let out a yawn, the excitement of the day finally beginning to fade. God I forgot how tired I was, that little guy made me feel like I was gonna go into fight or flight.  “Hey Spamton?” “YES?” his voice echoed from inside the metal container. “...Thank you.”

[spinster-sisters]

Teaching. CJH, PSH

TW: Exhibitionism, fingering, threesome, uhhhh, general dirty talk, dom seoghwa, sub reader, sub jongho @atinyatinybby this ones for u homie

In retrospect making out with Jongho in the middle of the practice room was a bad idea. But the others had supposedly gone home and it was late enough that the staff shouldn't be there either. But looking back? Still not the brightest idea.

But Jongho was mostly a more private kind of guy, enough so that even the other members had no clue about your relationship. So when he practically jumped you the moment the others left the room, you couldn't help but allow it.

So here you were, pressed against the wall, feet barely grazing the floor, your boyfriend's strong arms supporting the majority of your weight, kissing him with all of the force you could muster. Their dance practice had been pretty strenuous so he was panting, and more than a little sweaty, but that didn't stop either of you.

The two of you finally came up for air for a moment, both of you now breathing heavily. You stared into Jongho's eyes for a moment and he returned your gaze. Finally, the situation seemed to dawn on you and you couldn't help but giggle.

"What are you giggling about?" Jongho asked, fighting back his own laughter.

"It's nothing, you're just cute" you replied trying to silence your giggles.

You were going to continue to giggle, but a smirk and a sudden grind of the hips from your boyfriend made you gasp. You could feel the outline of his dick through his sweats. This wasn't completely uncharted territory for the two of you, as you have had sex a couple of times, but certainly never in a place as open as this. You couldn't help it. It left a more than apparent heat between your legs.

Just as your arms swung around your boyfriend's neck once again to pull him back down a voice sounded.

"What do we have here?" It called, cool and terribly calm.

Both of your heads whipped around and a small squeak came out of Jongho. And though the door came Seonghwa. He was almost too casual as he gently closed the door behind him and slowly turned to face you and your beet-faced boyfriend.

The taller man walked to the side of the room, the clacking of his shoes was deafening in the now silent room. He picked something up from the table and held it up in a small wave.

"You know I came back looking for my phone, little did I know I would find our maknea up to no good." Seonghwa turned to the two of you with an amused look.

"Honestly Jongho, I didn't know you had it in you,"

At this sudden jab, your boyfriend seemingly awoke from his stupor. He shook his head to clear it before returning,

"What's that supposed to mean?" he complained, though it came out much more like a whine than a comeback. You were still at a loss for words.

"Oh, I'm not insulting you. You're a perfectly handsome and charming young man. I just figured that you would be far too reserved to be engaging in any kind of sexual activity, much less with our very own Y/N." His voice was steady, despite the situation. But now that you had been addressed for the first time you were finally compelled to speak.

"Sorry," you muttered meekly, clutching Jongho just the tiniest bit tighter.

At the sound of your voice, Seonghwa finally turned his attention to you with a concerned look.

"What on earth are you sorry for, sweetheart?" It was a common nickname the boys used for you, but in the current context, the way it sounded coming from him practically burned holes in your ears. No longer able to handle the prolonged eye contact you buried your face in Jongho's chest.

"Don't go hiding away, not after that wonderful show you just put on," you could hear his smile through his voice. Jonghos hand came down to your head in a comforting touch as your burned even brighter.

"What do you mean show?" Your boyfriend asked affronted.

"Exactly what I said, it was kind of cute seeing you two all over each other. I just hope you know what you're doing,"

At this, you dared to look at the man again, though you were still safely huddled in Jonghos arms. His attention was on your boyfriend for the time being.

"I would love to see in action,"

Oh.

It seemed to dawn on both of you at the same time what it was exactly that Seonghwa was referring to.

"W-wait so," you spoke, voice shaky, "you want to watch"

Seonghwa met your eyes again with an impossibly kind smile.

"I would so more than just watch If you would allow it, yes. Just to make sure you both are getting the most you can out of it anyways." As he spoke Seonghwa moved closer to the two of you where a metal chair sat. He positioned it to face you and Jongho before sitting down.

You looked up at your boyfriend to gauge his reaction. Honestly, you would be lying if you said you were opposed to the idea, but it would be a hard no if Jongho looked uncomfortable.

Jongho's face was still dripping sweat from earlier, and his tanned skin was glowing under the fluorescent light, but he seems to be deeply considering this offer.

After a moment he meets your eyes. All it took was a small nod on your behalf for Jongho to turn to the older man and speak.

"I guess," a long pause, "I guess that would be ok"

Seonghwas face morphed into satisfaction as he fully reclined in his metal chair. Honestly, neither you nor Jongho knew exactly what to do next so you both slowly pulled away from each other, waiting to be directed.

Seonghwa sized the two of you up for a moment.

"Come here," he motioned to the room. Both you and Jongho glanced at each other, unsure who the command was directed at.

"Both of you please," the man asked politely.

You took Jonghos had and together you made your way twords Seonghwa. He waited for a moment before speaking.

"Well, how are you supposed to do anything when she is still so covered up," as he spoke one lithe hand came out to snap the waistband of your shorts.

Jongho blushed but turned to with a shy smile and once you returned the gesture the strong hands of your boyfriend made quick work of pulling your athletic shorts down your legs. They pooled around your ankles. Honestly, you had never thought any other member would see your body like this but looking at your boyfriend's face you could see a small light of pride in his eyes because yes you were so beautiful and now someone else knew exactly how beautiful his girlfriend was.

In a sudden movement, Seonghwas hands reached out and pulled you by your hips into his lap facing your Jongho. A surprised squeak left your mouth and a reserved chuckle came from deep in Seonghwas chest. One of his hands came down to your knee and gently urged your legs apart. The wet spot in your underwear was far too obvious for either of the men to miss and your hands instinctively flew to your face.

Seonghwas gentle touch stroked its way slowly up your thigh, carefully to not get too close to the wetness, the stain now growing embarrassingly large. A hand came to your wrist and when it successfully urged your own away from your face you saw it was Jongho who was smiling suspiciously bright.

"Don't worry baby, you're doing just fine," he spoke in gentle reassuring words that calmed your racing heart. You took this moment to truly look at your boyfriend, who dawned a fitted t-shirt and his pair of sweats that made it all too obvious he was enjoying the view. A sudden sigh came from behind you.

"You two are just too cute together, honestly." Despite the sweetness of his words, it was at this moment that Seonghwa chose to dip his hand to cup your heat. You choked and your eyes flew to the door, suddenly all too aware that it was not locked, absolutely anyone could walk in just as Seonghwa had done and witness this unfolding scene. You couldn't help it, you felt your hole twitch. Seonghwa could feel it too. His gaze followed yours to the door.

"Oh, that's interesting. Seems your little girlfriend gets turned on knowing anyone could see her." Seonghwa leaned in close to your ear and whispered, "who knew such a sweet girl could be so dirty."

"Oh," was Jonghos response. Looking back at him you noticed that Seonghwas words likely did not have his full attention as his gaze was locked onto where the older man was stroking your folds over the damp material. Your hips were twitching every time his fingertips made contact with you.

"Jongho are you even listening? These are important things to know if you're going to be fucking her regularly." Seonghwa chided.

Jonghos eyes snapped over your shoulder where the older man was. Jonghos eyes were big and doe-like. You were suddenly very thankful you could not see Seonghwa over your shoulder as Jongho looked more than a little embarrassed.

"O-ok" he sputtered out.

One slim finger gently pressed into your hole over the material and you gasped.

"Now that I have your full attention, Jongho, do you have any questions for me?" Seonghwa was speaking in that same dangerously relaxed tone he had been this whole experience and it made your body shudder as he teasingly pressed a digit into you again.

Jonghos eyes fell down to your core again. Your underwear was sticking all too obscenely to your cunt and even through the material, you could see every twitch your body gave at Seonghwas gentle strokes.

Jongho looked up at Seonghwa again.

"How do you do that?"

At this, the older man chuckled at full volume.

"What? This?" Seonghwa punctuated his words by pressing two fingers onto your clit then giving it two tight circles. You audibly moaned for the first time this evening.

"I mean, you haven't even done anything yet, not really, and she's already so.." your boyfriend trailed off.

"Responsive?" Seonghwa finished.

Just to make something clear, sex with Jongho was never bad. In fact, it was great by all accounts. The only real "qualm" you had was that it had always been very vanilla, which was mostly because Jongho himself was inexperienced and usually needed a push to do something. This was that push.

"Jongho, please tell me your fingerings your girlfriend." Seonghwa sounded almost exasperated as he continued his ministrations. Jongho was quick to explain.

"I do, it's just. You seem to be so good at it." Your boyfriend was watching with rapt attention as his oldest member toyed with you in such a way that you were already panting with anticipation.

"Now that, my sweet boy, is all down to practice." You could hear the smirk in his voice, but you were far too concerned with the pleasure he was giving you to pay too much attention.

His hand pulled away for just a moment to slip beneath the hem of your soaked underwear and pull them off your body. Your thighs stayed pressed together for a moment, but this time it was Jonghos strong grip who pried them apart.

You were now bare for both of the men to see and also suddenly aware that your wetness had been leaking into Seonghwas pant leg.

One of his slim fingers dipped back down and slid through your folds, collecting your wetness. You shuddered a gasp at the first full contact. Seonghwa rubbed the now glistening finger against his thumb, and in a deep rumbling voice called out.

"Kneel down"

Jongho reacted almost a little too quickly, falling to his knees before you, eyes transfixed on your leaking hole. Seonghwa presented his slick-covered fingers to your boyfriend.

"Go on, have a taste."

Drool almost fell from your mouth when your boyfriend's plush lips wrapped around Seonghwas finger. He sucked in clean with a groan before popping off with a groan. Jongho looked up into your eyes.

"Your so sweet baby," he complimented all too kindly. Your mouth hung open in surprise.

"I bet she is," Seonghwa remarked, "now watch closely," he commanded. At this, the man plunged a long finger deep into your hole. You whined in surprise and Jongho watched with full attention.

Seonghwas fingers were long and slim compared to your boyfriend's thicker ones, so the stretch was not an issue. Instead, it was the skill with which he chose his actions. His finger pumped gently in and out of you, each time prodding your walls looking for your most sensitive places.

"Jongho, do you know why we do this?" Seonghwa asked the man. He responded with a simple shake of the head "no"

"Well, while it obviously brings her pleasure, the goal is to make sure that she is aroused enough to take a dick without any pain," Seonghwas spoke evenly over the now constant noises you were letting slip. Jongho nodded absently.

After just a moment Seonghwa found what he was looking for. His finger brushed against a spot inside you that made your legs twitch and cry out far too loud that was wise, but the man didn't seem to care. Your head fell back onto his shoulder as he continued to massage that particular spot.

"Ah, there it is." He spoke through his smirk. Slipping in another finger he continued to rub at your walls all too skillfully, allowing you to moan freely at the waves of pleasure coming from your core.

"Jongho, bring your hand here," you heard his call out distantly. Jongho brought his hand up to your body. Seonghwa pulled his fingers from you, and taking your boyfriend's hand gently in his own he urged the younger man's two fingers inside you. The feeling was altogether different but certainly not unwelcome. Seonghwas positioned Jonghos hand in a way that with the slightest push on your boyfriend's behalf his thick finger would be curling perfectly against that same spot.

All it took was an anticipated whine from you for Jongho to do exactly that.

"Ah! Jongho!" You cried your boyfriend's name as he found his rhythm. His face screwed in concentration as he focused on bringing you as much pleasure as possible and oh boy was he succeeding.

"See Jongho? It's not that hard. Once you find that spot she'll be putty in your hands." You turned your head to look at the man. Seonghwa finished his remark by popping his wet fingers into his own mouth sucking your juices off his fingers. Feeling your gaze he looked over to his shoulder where you still lay helplessly spent, letting out a train of obscene noises.

Seonghwa smiled at you far too kindly. As he did so his hand came down and you watched as his kind smile turned mischievous. His two fingers found your clit once again, rubbing tight slow circles onto the bud. Your practical blubbered as you felt your orgasm approach far too quickly. Seonghwa seemed to notice this first.

"Jongho, it seems like your girlfriend is about to cum. Should we let her?"

At this Jongho looked up at the man with an inquisitive look. And you let out a desperate cry of 'yes please!' That was largely ignored by both men.

"Why wouldn't we?" He asked still massaging your walls with his delightfully thick fingers.

"Because, sweet boy, the longer you make them wait for it, the better it will feel when they finally cum." Seonghwa explained. You have officially decided that Seonghwa is the devil.

"Oh," Jongho thought about it for a moment. But you were dangerously close. Just a few more moments and you would surely snap, as you couldn't seem to catch a break from a constant stimulation the two men gave.

Just as it seems like Jongho was going to deny you your hand came down to clamp on his wrist, and with a look of pure desperation directed at your sweet boyfriend he seemed to desire.

"I think she can cum, she's been such a good sport." He said with a smile. You heard Seonghwa chuckle.

"She really has."

As soon as you had their confirmation it seems like your body could no longer hold back. You were practically spasming and your email would likely have been heard by anyone left in the building, as white-hot pleasure radiated out from your core. You faintly herd Seonghwa urge Jongho to not spit pumping you till you were finished as it would amplify your sensation. Your mind went blank as your orgasm just kept coming, and when you finally came down you all but collapsed onto Seonghwa.

After several long deep breaths on your behalf, as well as your boyfriend rubbing your legs soothingly, your brain finally returned to normal. Looking at your boyfriend now, you saw his pretty face watching your own with interest and as your eyes moved down you saw his own impressive tent in his sweats. You lick your dry lips, deciding you needed to return the favor.

[omegawolverine]

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

[painted-crow]

Hey I hope this isn’t awkward but that post about your burned badger (lion?) secondary really hit home for me. I’m pretty sure I’ve had the same burned model in the past - I think I started off with a healthier badger/lion model (I can’t figure out which and am still figuring out my sorting anyway) and some external life stuff going on later, I’m really just pushing through and getting stuff done with all the delicacy of a brick. And same here with the emotional rollercoaster ... 1/2

And same here with the emotional rollercoaster of it between panic/apathy. And the burnout. And the ignoring physical pain. And I can see now how this was uh. Pretty unhealthy actually but it really was just so. effective especially given the circumstances and I kind of miss it in a way. It would be nice if I could get back a healthier version of whichever model it was. Anyway I love reading your blog you always have such insightful things to say thanks for reading this ramble <3 2/2

💙💙💙 :D

Not awkward! I'm glad that was useful for someone, rather than just being an angst dump on my part lol

Emergency secondary mode, Badger or Lion?

Links to previous posts:

- post describing my emergency secondary mode (cw for burnout stuff)

- the worst version of this post (cw for terrible memes)

So, after a lot of consideration and chatting with some lovely SHC people (looking at you @mooglesorts and you @magpie-of-a-birb), I've come to the tentative conclusion that I have a Lion secondary performance.

Which is not something I ever expected to say! I've long had a knee-jerk "aaaaa scary!" reaction to Lion secondary, but actually I think that's because I have this performance and I've had to use it in unsustainable ways.

I should probably put a trigger warning here for self harm through overwork... yeah.

So, I found this song:

(While it is a bop, it is also x2 trigger warning combo for self harm ahaha)

This song's primary is exploded Glory Hound Lion--that's not what's relatable about it to me tho. What I wanted my friends' opinion on was the secondary that's displayed here. Sounded familiar. So I brought it up on the SHC Discord server (which is out of beta, dm me for an invite link if you wanna join!).

I was thinking it might actually be the fully Burned "anything that works" secondary, but Magpie was like "no, that's a Lion sec with a Snake model" and I went "huh..."

...and then Moogle was like no that's a snakesec with an unhealthy Lion model, the masks aren't working so they're busting out Lion--and especially there's the focus on the character feeling powerful because they can hurt themself with it and keep going anyway

And I was like "oh shit that tracks more than I was expecting it to... whoops"

Badger hits different without unhealthy pressure

I do have and use a Badger secondary model, and I used to think my emergency secondary mode was just my Badger model taken to unhealthy extremes. But I don’t think so now.

First, because I actually think that my emergency mode is/was often a product of my exploded Badger primary model, which itself idealized Badger secondary.

I'm still picking through that thing's shrapnel and finding its influence in old memories and automatic reactions I still have and stuff like that--not to mention rooting it out of my system. Which is to say, now that I know what I'm looking for, I'm still discovering how far back this thing goes! Turns out I've been trying to whack this piñata for years, and it used to be so much worse.

The self-destructive "I'd rather run myself hard into the ground than fail" nature of my emergency mode makes a lot of sense in retrospect. When you tie your self-worth to achievement... well: the lyrics "I'll never lose / I'll never die" from the song seem less "I have achieved immortality!" and more "I basically equate failure with death." This song really straddles that edge of relatable but also obviously messed up. It's... something.

Second, my Badger secondary model is very different when it's not under pressure from the 'splodey primary model. I'm kind of having to figure out what it's like without that and it's weird. It seems to be a whole lot more chill and also I'm getting more Courtier than I'm used to?

Yeah, turns out if you dig out "you should help other people to justify your existence, but don't accept help back or it cancels it out" from your system (because damn, there's a system piece I didn't look at closely enough) it might have been holding up Courtier potential you haven't been using.

What's the difference?

I don't know who pointed this out first, I think I read it somewhere, but Badger secondary is very process focused and Lion secondary is very results focused. (Bet you this was from @wisteria-lodge. I'm not sure, though.)

Badger usually shows up as a few main things for me: mirroring, chipping away at big projects, picking up life maintenance and self care type tasks (especially when Bird secondary is burned), and caregiving/service stuff. It can also Burn on its own, which is its own brand of "motivation is a cryptid" exhaustion. None of this looks like Lion, so where does the confusion come in?

The only time my Badger model starts to look like Lion--and here the line really blurs with the performance--is when I've tried to get it to do tasks it's not really meant for. There are things I need Bird unburned in order to tackle (perhaps it's the presence of burned Birdsec that gets in the way? That injured confidence can be really debilitating) and I can't do them with just Badger.

I'm sure actual Badger secs know how to, say, learn Adobe Illustrator's unbelievably complicated controls while under deadline using Badger, but I have no clue. I powered through using probably the least efficient controls possible. (If you're using the nudge tool as a form of measurement, you're probably doing it wrong. I'm guessing.)

Needless to say, that's exhausting. I think there's some point in the project timeline where it stops being "well it's not efficient but at least I'm making progress!" and starts being fueled by raw stubborn determination and a little bit of spite. The contentment with the process goes out the window. I'm fighting my own perfectionism (and usually losing) because I just want this thing done.

Which, that's not necessarily a bad thing! Sometimes it's really useful to be able to go "screw it" and charge. It becomes a bad thing when you ignore all your other needs to do it, possibly because you've tied success and/or productivity to your self worth, and also you're still clutching your perfectionism and hissing "my precioussssss."

also:

It's not always obvious, but I sometimes use Lion secondary in ways not connected to the splodey Badger primary model.

(Occasionally it is obvious though... haha)

I do have this one story about realizing my younger brother might be in danger and charging off to find him, armed with a heavy wooden coat hanger against potential assailants. I went from Bird situational analysis to "this is the best weapon I can find on short notice" in like 30 seconds. In my defense, I was very sleep deprived at the time.

(It makes more sense in context.)

(Sort of.)

so.

I think the emergency secondary mode is a Lionsec performance.

This post took me like a month to write even after figuring it out. And then another few weeks collecting dust in my drafts, because how do you edit something like this

But I've been sitting on it for way too long and I'm tired of saying I should finish/post it, and tonight I'm feeling bored and a little impulsive... so, screw it--I'm calling this done.

(can you hear it? it's there... fighting my Birdsec/Badgersec model perfectionism again.)

(this time, I will listen.)

[natsumiheart]

I look at a lot of stuff on Pinterest and one of people's reasons on why Oumasai is toxic is because Kokichi made Shuichi want to kill himself? Something tells me this is wrong but I'm not sure what proves it wrong. (I mean they also point out that Kokichi mocks Shuichi for mourning Kaede-) I'm asking about this because its been eating at me and trying to prove that it isn't toxic.

Hooo boy this is gonna be long so buckle up! I’m sorry I couldn’t make this shorter I just really go all ace attorney mode when it comes to this type of stuff.

Sorry if there are any mistakes or some parts are too confusing my internet might go soon so I can’t proofread and edit anymore!

I think what they’re referring to is how Shuichi got really depressed after discovering that the world had ended, but how can it be Kokichi’s fault? He literally wasn’t the mastermind, he didn’t make all that stuff up. Heck, he was the first one to even see that motive and on his own it was way worse to deal with. His behaviour was so out of line that Kaito got fed up with him and punched him for the nonsense he was saying.

The motive was supposed to make everyone fall to despair, it’s purpose was legit what happened to Miu where she NEEDED to go out to help out the world before everyone was gone. The motive was MEANT to be seen to make the game “More interesting” but Kokichi didn’t let the others see it until he finally convinced them that he’s the mastermind. If he didn’t the Mastermind would find a way to show it to them in a different way and there’s no knowing what could happen, and if he showed it to them himself they’re bound to believe what he’s saying considering the fact it’s obvious he already knew about this. He took that motive to basically make everyone give up on trying escape by killing each other, since as the mastermind he said “The game’s over now! There’s no point.” to prevent another murder from happening. AND IT WORKED, for a long while no murder took place but of course the actual mastermind couldn’t just sit idly and let the game be “boring” (Which was Kokichi’s goal) So they made a flashback light that Maki ended up seeing and calling the others to see, and the flashback light made everyone including Maki believe that Kokichi was a remnant of despair. They wanted to get rid of Kokichi for messing with the game and taking over their position, and this was their way to do it.

So, after all that, if others see that KOKICHI was the reason Shuichi wanted to give up for a second there. Then I really don’t know what to say. Shuichi has went through so much already because of the killing game and Kokichi’s attempt to stop the killing game is not the reason he wanted to give up. It was because he lost a lot his friends and because the world was most probably all gone. At that point he had nowhere to go back to and everything he has worked so hard for was for nothing because there’s nothing left. Kokichi didn’t do anything to Shuichi for him to be the sole reason he suddenly wanted to die. His depression got the best of him after being all alone with his thoughts for a couple of days, not eating or moving just sleeping the entire time. If anyone is at fault it’s the mastermind for making up such a cruel lie that even made Gonta commit murder to “save” the others.

And for the mocking him about Kaede’s death part (Which is literally one line after Shuichi removed his hat) Kokichi at that point had witnessed that the killing game was real and it was going to get him eventually. He wasn’t alright either and he had already started to make everyone hate him, acting more hostile and annoying so they all stay away (since anyone who groups up everyone or brings them hope will end up like Kaede did) He didn’t want to be the next Kaede or Rantaro. It started with that line but in the end he cut off all ties he had (if he had any) in chapter 4 so that they have no doubt that he is only full of malice and that he is indeed the mastermind.

“But how do you know that he has been devising that plan since back then?” Remember the “horse a” message? the first letters were added to it right before the next morning after the first trial where Shuichi entered the dining room without his hat. If you don’t believe me, here’s a paragraph from well written wiki!

Sometime between the end of the first trial and the morning of the next day, Kokichi would begin to devise of a plan to get everyone to think that he was the mastermind of this killing game, willing to be seen as evil for the sake of ending this madness. To begin this plan, he would leave a subtle message in the courtyard "Horse A", which he would later fill in with more letters as the killing game continued.

And here’s the source if you wanna check for yourself: Click here!

If it wasn’t already obvious, Kokichi is a LIAR. And his biggest lie of being the mastermind started after he saw the deaths of Rantaro and Kaede. That first chapter affected Kokichi a lot, he lied and lied to hide it but he was shaken up by the sudden death of Rantaro and was devastated by Kaede’s death. Though all he could say at her last moments is that she wasn’t boring. Because he knew, if he was truthful? Eyes would be on him immediately and he would be in danger.

Kokichi did his best to be the person he would hate the most, he lies so much yet says he hates liars, then says that’s a lie. Making everyone confused as to what the hell is right or wrong in what he’s saying. But he couldn’t keep up his facade forever especially when he was starting to get interested and even attached to Shuichi. In one completely optional scene in chapter 3 he legit says that he doesn’t want Rantaro to be the one who gets resurrected (Though he probably was more interested in him because he obviously knew more than he let on in chapter 1. Asking everyone about the Ultimate Hunt when no one else remembered it until they say the flashback lights, his fight with Hoshi, and how he was so sure that he WILL end the killing game. Kokichi even had his effigy in his room because he saw it as a clue or evidence that can help later, he needed to know what he was hiding and what his talent was.) and despite all that when Shuichi asks why he doesn’t want Rantaro to be the one, he says “Because you’d rather have Kaede back.” Of course he writes it off as a lie, but then right after that he SHOWS Shuichi his interest in Rantaro saying he might be working for the mastermind. The exact lines are:

Kokichi: “What if Rantaro was working for the mastermind? Bringing him to life might be a bad idea.” 

(Trying to make Shuichi believe that he really did lie there about his reason why he didn’t want Rantaro to come back by making him believe that THIS was the real reason. I don’t know exactly if he entertained the idea or not, but he most probably did not believe Rantaro to be the mastermind here. He might have even made up that killing game anime he was talking about. Its’ real for us but might not be for them.)

Shuichi: “N-no that’s idiotic! Rantaro couldn’t have been working for the mastermind...:

“But is it really impossible? We only knew Rantaro for a short time. He did seem as though he was kind of used to the killing game”

The “used to” in that sentence was highlighted. THIS was Kokichi’s intention, to make Shuichi realise that Rantaro knew more than he let on. Which reinforces Kokichi’s interest in him. But Shuichi fell for Kokichi’s trap earlier and didn’t notice at all that he slipped the fact Rantaro would give more information.

It’s confusing I know, Kokichi’s thing is mind games after all. But what I’m trying to say is that for Kokichi’s goal to figure out this killing game and how to end it Rantaro would be most ideal to bring back but he just wanted to tell Shuichi that he’d rather have Kaede instead just so he’s happy. The evidence for that is how even after he says its a lie he lowkey shows Shuichi he’s more interested in Rantaro instead. It reminds me of those scenes where he says “WAAAHH I THOUGHT YOUD KNOW I HATE COFFEE” then right after he’s like “I’m tired of all that crying can I have a cup of coffee please.” Or “I actually can’t taste anything!” then “anyway my faves are spice and sugar!”

Kokichi did say something insensitive when he said “Is it cause Kaede died or whatever?” but it didn’t bother Shuichi at all he just brushed it off since he saw how he acted in the trial earlier. It wasn’t a surprise to him. Kaede’s death affected Kokichi too, and that line doesn’t match up with what he said about bringing Kaede back.

You never know what’s the truth and what’s a lie with Kokichi, everything he says contradicts each other. So how is it that all these people who hate Kokichi and call him toxic take his worst lines or moments as the truth when the context of his entire character and motive says otherwise. When he had to crush Shuichi the most so he believes that he is full of malice without a single doubt. To make him believe he was really the mastermind immediately, so he doesn’t go all detective on him like he usually does.

Kokichi’s actions were terrible yes but they were LIES he did it for a purpose that’s what makes him a grey character when in a KILLING GAME. It’s shown in salmon team that under normal circumstances the two would get along and Shuichi would want to learn more about Kokichi and his true self.

TLDR; Leave these children be, they were in a killing game. No ship is toxic unless it’s shown that person was terrible / messed up from the start and would hurt whoever they’re with. Those users just obviously don’t like Kokichi and hate seeing him with anyone XD and it’s obvious with how they blame him over a motive Monokuma/ the Mastermind has created and straight up ignoring the intentions behind his actions.

Now without evidence and stuff, truly speaking from my heart from here with full on bias XD

I get hating a character or a ship but oh my god can you not spread misinformation for others to feel obligated to agree? Toxic is such a strong word and I hate how people keep associating it with every ship they dislike. Making others feel bad for what comforts them! If Saiouma was so toxic how come it makes so many people happy? How come it makes people literally calm down,  stop crying, and feel warm. Saiouma is one of the most adorable and realistic ships out there... Don’t ruin it for everyone else just because you don’t agree with how we feel. Just say you’re not a fan and move on!

Anyway don’t worry your ship is very valid! You can continue supporting them without feeling any guilt and if anyone calls it toxic they can see me so I break their kneecaps.

[verifiedhawke]

drabble under the cut 😌

Anders watched Hawke pace the Skyhold courtyard restlessly, alternating between tugging at his hair and beard and scratching at his arms.

He looked terrible. Greasy hair, untrimmed beard, sunken eyes, the works. Though Anders couldn’t see much more of him with how many layers Hawke was clothed in. Almost every inch of Hawke was covered in some sort of fabric or leather, from his boots to his high collared doublet. The only parts of him Anders could see were his face, neck, and hands and Anders got the distinct impression he’d have covered those too if he could.

Unkindly, the thought crossed Anders’ mind that whatever was left of Hawke under there mustn’t be very pretty. 

Still, Anders might have dismissed it for anxiety, had it not been for the muttering.

Hawke tread the courtyard spastically, cutting across the dirt path with jerky motions, kicking rocks and talking to himself. From what Anders could tell, he would alternate between talking aloud and signing. The signing, Anders could almost make out. It had been a while since he’d used it and though he was a little rusty, he could still pick out a few gibberish words. It was possible Anders was missing important context clues between the muttering and the signs he couldn’t catch, but what he could make out, coupled with his overall behavior, made it seem like it was nothing but nonsense.

Around him, the rest of his mercenary group lounged in the grass, completely unconcerned. They were laughing and talking animatedly about something Anders couldn’t make out, and didn’t seem to even register Hawke or his episode. 

Anders furrowed his brow, trying to read Hawke’s lips on his twentieth pass back toward the keep.  

“What’s he saying?” Anders finally asked, tearing his gaze away from Hawke with some effort and turning his attention to the mercenary group’s commander. A hulking Qunari with horns as wide as his shoulders were broad. 

The Qunari, Metal Bill or something, shrugged in answer, eyes — eye— fixed on a point somewhere over Anders’ shoulder right, presumably where Amell or Nate or Oghren were no doubt watching him back. 

Despite the obvious tension in the room, the large commander appeared relaxed. He leaned heavily on a support beam Anders wasn’t sure was going to hold out much longer, thumbs hooked over the lip of his belt and legs crossed at the ankle. For all intents and purposes, his posture was nonchalant — friendly, even — but something in his expression was off enough that Anders didn’t feel comfortable letting his guard down.  

Anders cleared his throat to get the Qunari’s— Maker, what was his damn name? — attention. 

“Well?” Bill asked, “We heard you guys knew how to fix this.” — He said as he gestured vaguely through the large window — “We’ll contract our services out for a cure.” 

“A cure?” Anders asked, bewildered. “Who told you we had a cure?” 

“It’s the talk of the countryside. Some miracle in Kirkwall, blessings in the Hinterlands, a smattering of marvels at the coast.” 

“Miracle in—” Anders snorted. “I don’t think they’d call it that.”

“Don’t care what they call it if it works.”

“It’s not that simple,” Anders said, shooting another nervous glance out the window to Hawke. He was still in the courtyard. Still pacing. Still far away from Anders.

“Some of my men are infected,” the commander pressed. And that, at least, wasn’t a surprise. When Anders had last seen Hawke, he had been more lyrium crystal than man. And now he wasn’t. It didn’t take a genius to connect the dots.

Just being in the proximity of red lyrium was enough to corrupt a person. These men had not only carved Hawke out of his initial rock prison, but been sleeping next to an activated plague for who knows how long. It was a wonder all of them weren’t infected.

“We got one who’s out of it, but the others aren’t far along,” the Quanri continued. “No one is glowing or growing yet.”

“... That makes it a little more simple,” Anders relented. It was true, if the corruption hadn’t begun manifesting physically yet, Anders might still be able to cleanse it. There was always a chance it would come back anyway, but it was a smaller one with new cases. 

“What if we ain’t want your blighted men?” Oghren said somewhere behind Anders.

“Then we’ll pay,” The Qunari said. 

“We would never charge—” Josephine started from somewhere else in the room. 

“Nugshit we ain’t chargin’! They’re gonna bring that motherhumper round here and we ain’t get to put a few spears in ‘em, then we better get somethin’ else for it!”

“Oghren,” Nate chided at the same time Amell said “He’s right.”

That surprised Anders enough to drag his attention from the courtyard and into the room. It was one of the few that had been cleared out so far. Ancient, rotting banners still clung to the walls and much of the debris had just been pushed to the corners or tossed into the hall, but it was the closest thing they had to an assembly room so far.

Amell stood with Oghren and Nate at the doorway to the Great Hall, Josephine had taken a position at a desk near the front of the room, Cullen was leaning against the remains of a fireplace and Bethany stood with him, her arms crossed uncertainly over her stomach and her eyes on the floor. Leliana stood primly in the corner opposite Anders. The tension in the room felt like a physical weight on Anders’ chest, but he tried to ignore it.

“What?” Anders ask, looking to Amell. “What do you mean?”

“He’s right,” Amell repeated in the same inscrutable tone. “Hawke shouldn’t be here.”

“Shouldn’t be above ground, if ya ask me,” Oghren huffed.

No one disagreed. It had been years since anyone had seen Hawke, but not long enough for anyone to forget about him. Kirkwall was still in shambles and the relief efforts weren’t making enough progress to see the city returned to itself for years still to come. Some of that was Anders’ fault. Most of it was Hawke’s.

Now to find out Hawke had been slumming it with some second-rate swords for hire? Poisoning them too? It was almost laughable.

“Floor?” The Qunari asked when no one responded.

“Floor?” Anders said, melancholy giving way to confused. “What about it?”

“Florian,” the commander said. “Twitchy guy you have your archers trained on? Hard to catch, easy to knock down? Floor. Think he said his surname was Hawke once.”

“Florian…” Anders repeated slowly, rolling the name across his tongue like he was tasting it for the first time. “It’s Hawke. Garrett Florian Hawke.”

The Qunari shrugged. Like he didn’t know. Like he didn’t care to know. Like the name didn’t mean anything to him. Anders felt a swell of anger blossom in his chest. 

“The Champion of Kirkwall?” Anders said a little too fiercely. “Mad Viscount of the Blighted City? Host of the Red Nightmare? The bloody Dark Sun Saint? That Hawke?” Anders yelled, feeling his veins split and blood run hot.

“The one who tore an entire port city apart? Put it on lockdown for a year? Poisoned his own people’s water supply? Strung men up in the streets like cured meat? The one who burned an alienage to the ground? Who hunted apostates like game? Who turned his people to cannibalism before he would surrender to a siege? Who fled the city to escape justice when it was finally overcome? That Garret Florian Hawke?”

Justice’s voice echoed through Anders’ vocal cords with their shared rage, their skin tearing with veilfire and ripples of chaotic magic pulsing threateningly throughout the room, but the Qunari didn’t so much as blink.

“Could be. Didn’t ask.”

[moved-danganronpamess]

Hiya! It's funny that the last ask is like this too, but could you do Kyoko, Aoi, Sonia, and Peko with an S/O who survives an attempted murder? ♥️

That's a pretty funny coincidence, I love it!

I'm going to take it as if it's in the killing game, dear. I hope you'll like it. It took me some time to figure out what I want for each one.

Thank you very much for requesting and don't forget to take care of yourself and stay hydrated!!! - mod Chiaki

Kyoko, Aoi, Sonia and Peko with an S/O who survives an attempted murder in the killing game

Kyoko :

♡ Would be investigating around the school once again, if there was anything that would help to get you out of this hell

♡ Every minute was vital, she or you could get killed at any second or heavily injured

♡ She didn't know if Monokuma would help in the second case, you were on thin ice, all of you

♡ She went to the Physics Lab, hoping to find any clue or anything that could help

♡ But instead she saw you sprawled out on the floor in the middle of the room

♡ "S/O?"

♡ You weren't breathing, but there were no wounds on you, nothing that would signal what killed you

♡ Was it a poison then? That can only be taken from the Chemistry Lab. There must be some clues there

♡ She didn't want to leave you, honestly she tried to be calm and keep her head clear, if she got ahead of herself she wouldn't be able to discover the killer

♡ And when she turned around ready to search for clues, she heard a tiny gasp behind her that turned her right back around

♡ You were desperately trying to breathe, coughing a few times in between

♡ "But you were-"

♡ "Someone gave me something... I-I don't know... what it was, but I trusted them," you responded, slightly out of context and with a difficulty speaking.

♡ "Then that person must have tried to poison you, but judging by the fact that you're alive S/O. It means that dose must have been smaller than it was supposed to."

♡ "No shit," you could already feel your stomach turning inside you, making you nauseous.

♡ "You'll probably end up vomi-" She wanted to warn you, but it turns out that your body reacted by itself at the right time. You vomited all over Kyoko, who was seated before you.

♡ Would be incredibly nervous about leting you be somewhere alone, so she would rather have you trail behind her

♡ She didn't want to find you again, just dead this time

♡ She wouldn't be able to live with the guilt from letting you die

Aoi :

♡ Like always, she decided to go swimming while Sakura accompanied her

♡ You excused yourself saying that you weren't feeling really well, which they both understood and told you to make sure you locked your door

♡ But when Aoi and Sakura walked up to the water, they quickly saw something in the water, floating with no real problem. Only some blood mixed in with the water was visible.

♡ but there was no mistaking it, it was your body

♡ Aoi stood on her place, frozen from fear. She covered her mouth, letting out a silent scream that threatened to go out in the open.

♡ Sakura jumped into the water, quickly retrieving your body from the water

♡ "They aren't breathing," Sakura put her head to your chest, straining her hearing. While Aoi fell to her knees, tears welling up in her eyes. "But their heart is beating!"

♡ "What?"

♡ Aoi leaned over you, quickly placing her hands on your chest trying to get you to breathe again together with trying to breathe in the oxygen into you through your mouths

♡ She did everything that she knew, when you suddenly coughed out some water and rolled onto your side

♡ "S/O? S/O!"

♡ "What happened?" Sakura asked you once you seemed okay with talking again.

♡ "They invited me out here, I thought it would be rude to refuse so I went. I tried to fight back, but before I knew it they already tried to push me into the water."

♡ Sakura and Aoi would try to guard you as much as they could, they wouldn't move even a single step away from you afterwards

♡ Aoi loved you very dearly and she didn't want to feel the same fear as back then

Sonia :

♡ Was talking with Gundham whilst they were on a walk to your cottage to pick you up, only to see blood before the motel on the third island

♡ "Do you think-?"

♡ "Some mortal must have done terrible deeds at this place," Gundham commented on it in his own way, already making his way towards one of the rooms in the motel where the blood led to.

♡ Sonia could vaguely remember what each room looked like from the time where they stayed there, her room being the one where the blood led to in an obvious fashion

♡ There your body was leaned onto her previous bed, blood dripping down your face together with a paper crown hanging off your head

♡ "S/O!!!" Sonia screamed out, even Gundham stopped in place.

♡ They both moved closer to you, Sonia crying as if there was no tomorrow and Gundham with regret written all over his face together with anger

♡ "Such blasphemy, was this supposed to be a threat by the blackened?" He pointed to the crown on your head, the lower part slightly soaked in your pink blood.

♡ "I hate this! I hate this! I hate this!" Sonia hid her face in her hands while she wept for your death. "Why did it have to be S/O?!"

♡ Then your eyes fluttered open unbeknowst to the two who sat before you as tears filled their vision

♡ "Sonia? Gundham? What is it?" You asked in such a weak voice that Sonia thought it was only her imagination. But she wanted to believe that perhaps, you're not dead. That this is just a prank.

♡ She looked up only to see your slightly hazy eyes look right back at her

♡ "S/O!" She hugged you close to your body, your crown falling from your head as the threat the killer planned disappeared.

♡ Wouldn't think of leaving you ever again and Gundham will join as well, both of them will protect you

♡ She will most probably despise the person who did it to you to her last dying breath

Peko :

♡ Would probably try to keep both you and Fuyuhiko safe, which is hard when you two don't spend that much time together

♡ So when she finds you bleeding out from multiple wounds, you better bet that she freaks out

♡ "S/O... NO!"

♡ She would feel so guilty, you were her S/O and even though her master told her to stay away from him she still kept thinking that she needs to protect him as well as resulting in this

♡ If only she had been here when you were attacked by the killer

♡ But... Wait! Were you actually b r e a t h i n g?

♡ Would immediately take you to Mikan to try and save you, you weren't dead yet that was a good thing

♡ She'll hold your hand while Mikan patches you up as best as she can

♡ She would try to keep you safe at all times from then on, making no exceptions

[ginmo]

How do you think the Bran and Jaime’s meeting will go in the books? I’ve read theories guessing he might end up as King Bran’s Hand, meta where the writers want him to become a mentor or father figure to the Starks in a full circle of his redemption arc, while others don’t want or think he should be involved with the Starks long-term either because of his and his family’s sins against the Starks or because they view his arc as reclamation rather than redemption or atonement. 1/2

This is what GRRM said about Bran and exploring time. 

“It's an obscenity to go into somebody's mind. So Bran may be responsible for Hodor's simplicity, due to going into his mind so powerfully that it rippled back through time. The explanation of Bran's powers, the whole questions of time and causality - can we affect the past? Is time a river you can only sail one way or an ocean that can be affected wherever you drop into it? These are issues I want to explore in the book, but it's harder to explain in a show.” - Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon

Hodor’s name reveal is neat and all, but Bran’s power to manipulate the past doesn't exist just so we can randomly learn Hodor’s pointless name origin. That would be ridiculous unless the scene was used to introduce that ability. Hodor’s name reveal is important to the narrative, and I believe its purpose is to set up a much bigger event/reveal involved around Bran interfering with the past, not just observing it. I’m pretty sure GRRM was hint-hinting to D&D about this, which is why he told them about the random ass Hodor scene that was already written, thinking it would be obvious what that means for the overall plot and letting them run with it but………………..

Because of this, I think it’s possible Bran brought himself to where he is. 

IF Bran isn’t involved in The Push, then he could have been involved with Jaime killing the Mad King. I kinda like the idea of Bran playing into Aerys’ madness, causing him to stock up on wildfire around the city, because then the wildfire would be an essential future plot element for a bigger purpose towards the end of the series and it would be a question of time, “a river you can only sail one way, or an ocean that can be affected wherever you drop it,” but for the entire series. (And, as someone with a passion in astrophysics, I’m a sucker for discussions around time. BUTTHAT’SJUSTME) 

Do I totally subscribe to this theory? Eh. I’m still not convinced Bran is King of All of Westeros for reasons, but I’m open-minded. I DO think Jaime is surviving the series, for reasonsssss, so I’m putting that disclaimer out there right now. I will never claim with absolute confidence that he is surviving though because, I mean, nobody fucking knows, and there’s an argument for death. I’m just going off of narrative clues that I perceive to be clues, and taking other character arcs into consideration. After literally drawing up a table because I’m weird, the column for Survive has more evidence and justification than the column for Dies, so that’s why I lean the way I lean. SO with that being said, I think it’s possible he has more of a political future.

IF this is what GRRM is writing, Jaime would still be responsible for pushing him, of course, but future Bran would want to be pushed. He'd be setting everything in motion to create the butterfly effect that makes it happen. 

Even if that isn’t what GRRM had intended with exploring time, it’s highly likely Bran’s character development is taking him down a path of apathy over it, meaning he wouldn’t be needing Jaime to do something for the purpose of redemption for him. 

Speaking of Redemption…

-deep breath-

I’m going to go off on this a bit because it IS relevant, I swear. 

“Limits of redemption” is probably the biggest wtf interpretation fandom has when it comes to what GRRM actually said. I’ll try not to go off on it too much here but -

Interviewer: Both Jaime and Cersei are clearly despicable in those moments. Later, though, we see a more humane side of Jaime when he rescues a woman, who had been an enemy, from rape. All of a sudden we don’t know what to feel about Jaime.

GRRM: One of the things I wanted to explore with Jaime, and with so many of the characters, is the whole issue of redemption. When can we be redeemed? Is redemption even possible? I don’t have an answer. But when do we forgive people? [...]  I want there to be a possibility of redemption for us, because we all do terrible things. We should be able to be forgiven. Because if there is no possibility of redemption, what’s the answer then?  [x]

I bolded “we” from the interviewer, because it gives context to GRRM’s answer with “we” being the readers, not the characters or Jaime himself. (I think there’s another interview where he says “limits of redemption” but it’s in the same context. I could be wrong but I SWEAR I heard it. Anyway…) 

“I kind of tried to ask, ‘do you think he’s changed?’ to get him to talk about Jaime’s redemption arc, so he said something like he wanted to explore the concept of forgiveness and whether it’s possible to be forgiven for doing such horrible things, and that his goal was to ask the question, not give an answer.” [x]

Fandom thinks this is the characters giving Jaime forgiveness, and maybe there will be a small element of that in the books, but the question is for the readers. No, Jaime is not actively seeking redemption from people. His redemption is for himself, through living his best life, by rediscovering the person he used to be. Yes He Will Be Redeemed and No He Will Fail assume redemption is some arbitrary checklist determined by One Big Act, and they’re answers to a question GRRM doesn’t want to give an answer to. 

The purpose of Jaime’s POVs is to ask the readers, and the most obvious moment of this was the bath scene. GRRM smacks us over the head with the Aerys confession, and then as we’re introduced to more and more of his POV chapters, he slowly chips away at the Jaime illusion that was intentionally established the moment he pushed one of the perceived child protagonists out of a window. It’s brilliant, and I’m sorry GRRM that a large chunk of your fandom is too dense to get it. How frustrating lol. I’ll be insulted for him. (I’m legit wondering if his recent angsty tweets about grey and redemption about real life stem from a concern that his fandom won’t understand the point of the series.) 

To give you an idea of where these people are coming from, at least one BNF idiot on Twitter believes redemption hasn’t been explored with Jaime yet. 

But uh… 

GRRM mentioned his intent is to “explore redemption” after delivering Jaime POVs, because... it’s... not a spoiler… he’s already exploring redemption, because the question is being asked TO US. We were supposed to have an “oh shit” moment, realizing this is more complex than the surface level, biased perspective we were delivered at the beginning of the story. “Maybe Westeros and my protagonist have it wrong.” -cough- the people in the village in BatB -cough- 

No matter how much fandom likes to pretend they love GRRM for pushing the boundaries of fantasy, they secretly fucking hate it. They love to be comfortable, dude. That’s why they read this series as if it’s a clear cut Good vs. Evil, because a) ego and b) that’s easy. If GRRM was writing Jaime as doing everything with ill intent then…. his… question isn’t being asked. They think everything he does right now is selfish and Bad, so they’re waiting. They want it spoon fed to them. They want classic fantasy. They want Starks = Good, Lannisters = Bad. 

But… if the author sees Jaime’s actions as grey and complex, enough to ask the question to the readers if he’s redeemed in their eyes or not, then he’s not going to write an endgame that punishes the character for narrative payoff, because he doesn’t see his actions as “sins” or “crimes” in the same way that these people are. Once upon a time, a person on tumblr reblogged one of my posts and said that Jaime will rape Cersei before he kills himself and that will be his endgame. But GRRM doesn’t view Jaime as a rapist, so he’s not going to write Jaime as a rapist. I’m bringing that up, because it’s the same phenomenon. People can ignore authorial intent all they want, but NOT when it comes to predicting narrative trajectory. The general fandom is terrible at that lol. 

The exploration of redemption for Jaime comes in the form of confronting his disillusioned self and everything attached to it. Before someone thinks, “lolllll he isn’t disillusioned” 

 “he actually was a very idealistic young man who was disillusioned by life” [x]

Jaime’s redemption is the path of returning to that idealistic man for himself. It’s by feeling ashamed of the things he’s done to hide his love for Cersei. It’s by gaining independence and detaching from the toxic relationship that caused a mess outside of them. It’s by wanting to be like the knights he admired in his youth, and like the woman warrior that inspired him. 

So when I think about narrative payoff for Jaime, I don’t see it framed as him being “punished” for actions viewed as “crimes,” when GRRM clearly established those “crimes” as complicated and grey with a character already going through some positive development, and especially when the characters judging are written to be flawed as well.

On the other side, having him be “punished” by succumbing to hatred and anger is for sure giving an answer (this just… -sits on hands- don’t even get me started on THIS fucking hot take). That answer would be a clear, solid, “No, no matter how hard he tries to turn his life around, he can’t be redeemed, because he’s a hateful, angry, fucked up person.” I’ve legit seen people think “limits of redemption” is a boundary of redemption drawn in the sand that Jaime is walking towards but he won’t be able to cross it. I-......................... 

And what’s even the point of his handchop if scenario number 2 happens?  

“And Jaime, losing a hand, losing the very thing he defined himself on is crucial to where I think I want to go with the character. And he questions what do you make of yourself if you’ve lost that.” - GRRM [x]

(I’m going to put this quote in every post sorry not sorry) 

So he’s going to take Jaime on this big identity journey just for him to be like “lol nah he isn’t that” …?? That makes the loss of his hand meaningless, not “crucial.” Is it really crucial for him to lose his hand if he’s bringing him back to the beginning? Is it really crucial for him to lose his hand to make himself realize he’s hateful and a failure and murder Cersei and then himself? No. He could have still met Brienne and been inspired by her knightly ways, attempted to live a better life, found out about Cersei’s affairs, etc. He doesn’t need to lose his hand to reach a point of fucking murder/suicide lmao fuck (not saying he’ll do that but I KNOW people are thinking it). 

The loss of his hand is “crucial,” because GRRM has bigger endgame plans for him in the form of politics, and the journey to believably get there requires the forced loss of his warrior identity and everything that the hand symbolized. 

AS FOR THE ACTUAL HAND THEORY...

Even though I’m undecided on it, I CAN see it IF Bran is King. I get it. Jaime’s missing his right Hand, he becomes the Hand to the kid he pushed out the window. Hardy har har. I understand how that would be pleasing.

And we all know GRRM said something about how the best ones for power are the ones who don’t want it…  

And… this suspicious scene at the very beginning of the series… 

“You should be the Hand.” 

“Gods forbid,” a man’s voice replied lazily. “It’s not an honor I’d want. There’s far too much work involved.” 

Bran hung, listening, suddenly afraid to go on. -AGOT

BUT IF that happens, it wouldn’t be there as some sort of #atonement #forredemption. It would be there because of Jaime’s growth as a character after developing into a political player, after asking himself, “what do you make of yourself if you’ve lost [the swordhand]?” He’s no longer the warrior he once was. He dislikes any sort of political position, because he feels most alive with a sword in his hand. But that was Warrior Jaime, and the point of “what do you make of yourself after you’ve lost that” is Jaime going down a different path after discovering that Warrior Jaime has died. I mean, he’d never be actively seeking power and thinking it’s the best career ever, like he’d probably be all -sighhhhhhh- about it, but he’d be doing the responsible thing and what’s necessary. He’d make himself useful in a new way. 

“The Warrior had been Jaime’s god since he was old enough to hold a sword. Other men might be fathers, sons, husbands, but never Jaime Lannister, whose sword was as golden as his hair. He was a warrior, and that was all he would ever be.” - AFFC (Do I really need to make a post about how GRRM foreshadows? Mr. Bran: “I never fall”...?)

Jaime losing his hand was the narrative consequence for The Push, making all of his development post handchop -ALL OF HIS POVS- the redemption theme. It was the hand that pushed Bran, fucked his twin, killed his king, swung the sword against fandom’s Precious Protagonists… 

“You ought to be pleased. I’ve lost the hand I killed the king with. The hand that flung the Stark boy from that tower. The hand I’d slide between my sister’s thighs to make her wet.” - AFFC

So if Jaime becomes his Hand, it would be the two characters meeting in the middle, not Jaime groveling at his feet, begging for forgiveness, framed as a punishment for sins - “sins” that fandom views as “sins” that need narrative payoff, because they don’t understand intent. 

[katyobsesses]

I've decided to do that fic ask thing that's been floating around even though I haven't been tagged <3

how many works do you have on AO3?

22... apparently? three of those are fic book covers though.

what’s your total AO3 word count?

139,883 words

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

On AO3? 3. In general? 4 or 5 i think? I currently write for Glee and Marvel on my AO3 (there's also one Yuri On Ice fic) and I've previously written (and published) for Harry Potter on FF.Net. I do also have a few outlines/ideas for Merlin fics floating around my google docs but I've never posted any, and I used to write Twilight fics back in the day.

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Ain't No Grave (Can Keep My Body Down) Book Cover with 222 kudos (Marvel published 2016) --A book cover for a popular Stucky fic

A Punch In The Face with 101 kudos (Marvel published 2014) --A Young Avengers drabble of sorts, Teddy/Billy meet cute

Express Your Love with 81 kudos (Marvel published 2014) --I cannot remember what this is, I think it's Stony? Something about Tony never saying 'I Love You' to steve but instead showing his love through actions?

In A Previous Life with 77 kudos (Marvel published 2014) --A drabble of sorts. Billy and Tommy talk to Wanda about their life with her before they were reincarnated.

Putting a Punching Bag in the Workshop was Tony's Best Idea Ever with 64 kudos (Marvel published 2014) --Basically what it says on the tin. Stony. Tony is distracted by Steve's arse as he boxes.

Annoyingly these are all fics I'm not that proud of, but they're older so the kudos amounts make sense i guess 🙄 the next most Kudos'd is one I am proud of though - “You took EVERYTHING from me.” with 58 Kudos (2019) - Basically a little oneshot of what I thought could have happened in the 5 years everyone was dusted and how I thought they might have introduced Billy and Tommy into the MCU, it was going to create a whole 'verse but then we got confirmation on things like Kate Bishop and Cassie Lang and Spiderman Far From Home came out and I dropped the ideas. But I still like this fic.

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

most of the time, yes, though sometimes I leave them sitting for too long and then feel awkward about replying to them and i don't (*cough* most of my comments on WTNY(ibwfy) *cough*)

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

probably In Paris With You which I'd forgotten about until scrolling through my fics! I wrote this, orginally, way back in like... 2011 based on a poem of the same name that got stuck in my head as i studied it for my English GCSE. but it's been updated and changed like 3 times since then.

Also my fic As long as I'm here as I am, so are you is rather angsty. Basically Kurt is listening to Ben Platt's album Sing to Me Instead and one song reminds him of Finn. (because it reminded me of them)

do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I've never written a crossover, though I think I once toyed around with some sort of Harry Potter crossover that never made the light of day, I can't remember what it was with though... maybe Merlin?

have you ever received hate on a fic?

not on AO3! But I did have someone call my OC in One More New Direction a Mary Sue on FF.net which wasn't nice, and someone else said they hated my characterisation of Mercedes in a chapter which was weird because Mercedes wasn't even in the chapter it was just my OC talking about her and her impression of her.

do you write smut? if so what kind?

I've tried, multiple times, in my 10+ years of fic writing, but i just can't do it. Maybe it's because I'm Asexual? it just always feels weird even after I've read smut as, like, revision. I feel like a lot of the characters are, like, ace by proxy because i don't know how to write characters being motivated by sex.

have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope! Not that I know of anyway

have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

have you ever co-written a fic before?

not that I remember? I vaguely remember being a Beta for someone like 10 years ago though.

what’s your all time favourite ship?

I honestly don't know! I've definately written mostly Klaine, but I'm such a multishipper that I have no clue. I'm really loving writing Hevans rn mostly because we are lacking Hevans content which is criminal. actually, fun fact, my fic Welcome To New York (it's been waiting for you) was originally going to be Klaine, but as i was writing the outline I fell back into the Hevans hole and decided to switch it up. I'm glad i did because it would have gotten nowhere as a Klaine fic!

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

If i don't think I'll finish something I don't post it. I have a graveyard of fics half drafted.

what are your writing strengths?

I honestly don't know. I like writing dialogue and I know I'm good at portraying something with a small amount of words but you'll have to ask my readers 😊 (in fact, if you've read my stuff please let me know what you think my strengths are! I'm honestly curious!)

what are your writing weaknesses?

I'm terrible at stretching a scene into something bigger if it warrents it. Like i said I'm good at portraying something with few words but sometimes I feel like that throws the pacing off. I use a lot of paragraphs because of that, to make the reader pause and reflect until the next line or to show that the character is pausing and reflecting. idk man. I also hate writing dates, which is annoying because WYNY(ibwfy) is mostly dates. I've been on one in my life and it was shit so i have no idea how to write one lol.

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think that, unless you don't want the reader to know what is being said or the words used are obvious in context, that you should write it in english EG: --"Merci!" Kurt said.-- is fine but if you want to write something longer I would do something like --"hello my name is Kurt Hummel and I love scarfs" Kurt said in french-- or something, it depends on the context.

Actually, going back to In Paris With You. Kurt is french in that, and it's from Blaine's POV so when Kurt speaks french it's in french with Blaine translating what he can in the narration. He's not meant to be able to understand Kurt perfectly, so the audience doesn't either. But if I was writing, say, Kurt and Sebastian talking to each other in French from Kurt's POV I'd write it in english so that audience can also understand that Kurt understands.

(does that make sense?)

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter. definately Harry Potter! It was how i got into fanfiction, and how i got into glee <3 JKR is a horrible person, but her books - and especially the fandom surrounding them - mean a lot to me.

what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

I have no idea. I'm really liking my Love and Friendship series right now, and I love One More New Direction because it got me through - is getting me through - this crazy couple of years. so probably them? I also really love (that makes you) The Scarlet Witch which is kind of like a character analysis of Wanda that I wrote after watching WandaVision.

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

family meeting

A/N: this was requested by anon, I hope you enjoy! Sorry it took so long, I’ve been sporting a pretty bad migraine for the past couple of days. Let me know what you think! 

Summary: Can you do one where Richie has a daughter and Eddie meets her for the first time and she put up a fight to make Eddie think she’s doesn’t like him

Richie’s sudden departure flabbergasted you, more so because he didn’t give you any warning or explanation why, only that it was a friend emergency and that the only option was for him to go. The way his voice cracked down the line when you called him in a panic solidified the fact that something bad occurred. With a promise that you would take care of yourself and a final I love you, he disconnected the call, leaving you in disarray.

After two days he contacted you again, this time to inform you that he was on his way back home, and that he had a certain type of friend with him that he wanted you to meet.

You’ve been aware for a long time that your father is gay, not thanks to Richie himself, but thanks to the fact that you’re not an idiot, the context clues painting a clear enough picture that it’s obvious without him having to utter the actual words. Richie remained quiet at all times about this fact, and so you did as well. Richie refrained from bringing any girlfriend home with him, though you heard about his conquest from gossip tabloids anyway. The overabundance of ‘my girlfriend’ and ‘your mom’ jokes obviously an effort to hide his true self, even from his daughter.

A sneaked glance every once in a while led you to believe that Richie knows you know his secret, but any conversation you attempt to begin about it gets shut down faster than a blink, and so despite hating it, you started to accept that your father may never be ready to reveal every single thing of his being, always locking away that part he feels is most revolting.

That’s why it’s such a surprise that Richie reveals he’s bringing a friend along, for you perceived that the empathizes on the word friend means that said ‘friend’, is perhaps more than Richie would prefer you to understand.

A hushed conversation draws your attention, peering outside your bedroom window to spy on the first person your dad allowed you to meet. You don’t dare to draw up the curtain, to avoid getting spotted, so your view is limited, but you watch as Richie opens the door of the passengers seat, like a real gentleman he never bothered being to previous lovers.

He pauses for two seconds, then bends down to presumably say something, his hand egging the person out like a cat that gets shuffled away, until his hand is slapped and Richie retracts it with a laugh.

Richie’s laugh is loud enough to be picked up on from the second floor, holding his hands up in surrender and making way so that his friend has room to get up himself. The first thing that is noticeable, even with your obstructed vision, is that the man is sporting a scowl, so terribly annoyed and done with Richie’s shit that he is at the point that he apparently doesn’t energize enough to cover up. You can relate, since you are no exception to your dad’s ability to drive people crazy.

Luckily or unlucky depending on your point of view, such a feature is inheritable, and by god do you use it to your advantage.  

Richie slides his arm across the lower back of the man, pulling him close enough that they’re taunt against each other. The man pretends to wriggle away, but as soon as Richie loosens his grip he grabs his arm and places it neatly back where it belongs.

The angry frown lines vanish, replaced by a thoughtful look that captivates Richie, and the emotion behind the stare tells you exactly one thing, your dad and the man are absolutely smitten with one another.

Your feet tick loudly on the wooden boards on the floor as you bolster down the stairs in anticipation of your dad coming home.  

The door opens and before Richie has the opportunity to greet you, you tug him into an embrace, your hands fisting the fabric of his shirt in an iron grip.

‘Hello pancake, I missed you.’ Richie says, hugging you back equally as fierce.

‘I missed you too’, you admit softly, not yet stepping out of the way and making room for his friend to come in, simply because your sole focus is on your father.

‘Don’t you ever do something like that again old man’, you threaten with a steel voice, ‘or I will shorten your curfew, don’t you try me.’

Richie chuckles, shaking his head solemnly, and lifting one hand in an oath motion, ‘I wholeheartedly swear I will never commit such a hanus crime ever again.’  He promises, a British accent coating his words in his intended way.

‘Holy shit your voices have gotten better.’

‘Told you Eds.’ Richie declares proudly as he turns to face his friend, the both of you stepping aside so his friend can walk in.

The man standing in the hallway beside your father had to be the most uncomfortable person you had ever seen. He shuffles from one leg to the other, filled with a nervous energy and no way to get rid of it.  

‘Hey, my name’s Eddie’, he says lumbersome, one of his hand tucked stiffly in his back pocket, the other doing a vague motion of a halfway wave.

You cock an eyebrow up, tilting your head slightly sideways to absorb the smaller man, watching as he looks to Richie for guidance. He’s a lot smaller than your dad is, with him barely reaching his shoulders, but from their interaction outside, you determine that he’s a fire cracker who has no problem pointing out things as they are. You like him already. You must be somehow intimidating though, he’s barely able to hold eye contact with you for over two seconds, and the figure of speech of someone shaking in their boots is no longer only figuratively.

You try hard to keep your smirk hidden at the prank that is forming in your mind, a little messing with someone has never seemed so appealing. Besides, if this man plans to date Richie, he needs to know what he’s getting himself into.

‘Hi’, you draw out, imitating the movement from the man to taunt him a little.

‘Look at you, you look just like your dad’, Eddie tries to strike up a normal conversation, pulling out all the cliches. You vaguely wonder if he spend his time reading through a parenting book on the way here.

‘I resemble a forty year old, single comedian guy? Thanks for the flattery.’ Eddie fake smile slides of his face, producing a gawky chuckle to hide the unease that’s very clearly present.

‘Okay now that’s just cruel Y/N, I am so much more than that. Try handsome, successful and courageous.’

‘Courageous? Dad, eating a rotting hot dog is not courageous but plain stupid.’

The two of you stare off, provoking the other to add another comment, but then Richie knacks the tension by lolling his tongue out, a laughable face resulting in you laughing.

‘Now that I’ve reestablished my roll as funniest in this family, this is Eddie. Eddie Spaghetti is an old friend from Derry.’

He points to Eddie, then slangs his arm around his shoulders, tapping a melody into his shoulder blade and throwing a grand smile his way.

Eddie swirls around to face him, his eyebrows drawing in close and his mouth opening in protest. ‘Don’t fucking call me that dickwad.’

A dark red color spreads across his entire face, peeking a glimpse of you from the corner of his eyes, gauging your reaction. You summon all the willpower you posses to stave off the hearty laugh bubbling up right beneath the surface, maintaining an perfectly poker face.

‘Nice’, you eventually say as it becomes clear that Eddie is flabbergasted at the way he said that right in front of you.

Richie eyes twinkle in amusement, catching up to what your intentions are. ‘I’m craving food, you want some too Eds?’

‘I-I guess I could eat’, Eddie stammers nervously, shutting his mouth with an audible click to stop the anxious word stream threatening to let loose.

‘I’ll get some food, Y/N can show you around okay?’

Richie begins his journey to the kitchen, and Eddie, only now realizing that would mean he’s left alone with you, attempts to grab Richie’s sleeve. He misses by an inch, and he dejectedly drops It back down and whips his clammy hands on his jeans.  

You smile slightly devious, the fact that Eddie throws his all in getting you to like him is pretty entertaining.

‘So childhood friends huh?’ You inquire, leaving the task of getting to know the house up to Richie. You doubt Eddie would appreciate you showing him around the house while interrogation him, at least if Richie leads him around they have an opportunity to create new memories.  

‘Yeah’, Eddie response, not elaborating further on the topic.

‘You guys weren’t very close then, he never once mentioned you, and you guys didn’t keep in touch in either?’

‘No we were best friends as kids’, Eddie defends tempestuous, though he bites his tongue and urges to hit himself over the head because of his stupid admission. He comes up blank with explanations why they forgot about each other, and there was no way in hell that he elucidates the Pennywise situation.

Thinking back to old days during which Richie and him rode their bikes in a race, or running to the edge of town to locate the beginning or end of a rainbow in hopes of finding a pot of gold triggers a protective side in him, and Eddie sets his heart out to convince you how much he appreciates all those short moments that meant nothing to them back then.

‘Richie bought me a slushie once, than after we finished it he proceeded to turn us around on a UFO ‘till we both threw up. Before we left that day he got another one anyway. The heaten deprived of self-preservation even then.’

You give him a pass and decide to forgo the subject, smiling with crinkled eyes, the first genuine one you grant him since he arrived, because that does remind you a lot of your dad.

Eddie perks up, his back straightening and allowing his hands that cramped up by his side to relax in retaliation.

‘On to the real though questions, what do you do for a living? Are you planning to sleepover a lot? Are you accepting of all his quirks.’ You fire off rapidly, acting like a parent interrogating the first partner they bring home, which may or may not be payback to the time where Richie humiliated you in front of your classmates at prom.

Eddie blanches, reforming his scattered brain and considering what questions to answer first. You add one more for the hell of it; ‘How did my dad and you reconnect?’

It’s confusing, the duality between angst and pensiveness that strikes Eddie’s face, making you wonder what the story behind all of this is.

‘Y/N, get your ass over here and help me please’, Richie calls out from the kitchen, so out of nowhere it spooks you.

You sneak a peek at Eddie, then the door frame, and wondering if you said something wrong and if you should leave Eddie alone in this state. Another yell of your name decides for you, darting out of the room and hurrying beside Richie, halfway done with peeling an orange.

‘What the hell are you doing?’ You snort, unimpressed with the obvious attempt to appear healthier than he really is.

Richie gazes up in surprise as if he didn’t call to you, but then he shrugs. ‘Eds obsessed with these, so I’m giving it a go.

‘An orange? It’s a fruit dad and not even an exotic one. Lying isn’t a good feature, I know you zeal for it as well.‘

‘Okay little miss, hid the attitude and help your old man. I aided you in changing diapers and stuff, now it’s your turn to step up.’ A squirt of orange juice trickles from the side of the tabletop, staining your dad’s shirt and leaving a spot you’re sure is not going to wash out.

Refusing to acknowledge his stupid claims, you were a baby for god sakes, you snatch another orange and strip it from it’s shell, demonstrating to your dad how it’s done without massacring the fruit.

‘Thanks, I knew there was a reason I had you. Also lay of Eds a bit, the lasted for ages and you’re scary if you set your mind to it.’, Richie expresses his gratitude by planting a kiss on your your temple leaving residue of the orange he apparently wielded with his mouth behind.

You wipe at it with the bottom of your sleeve excessively, removing as much as you can.

‘Like you don’t find it funny to mess with him.’

‘Fair,’ Richie admits’, you coming?’ He asks right before he leaves the room, holding the door open and clutching the orange and a few napkins in the remaining hand.

‘I’m going to grab my own fruit and I’ll be right there. Oh and dad?’ Richie nods, listening intently to you.

‘I love you no mater what. There’s nothing you can say, do,’ you pause to let the words really sink in, ‘or be that change that. My love for you in unwavering.’

His eyes turn wet, and he stares far off-ish taking in your words, sniffling and then swallowing past the lump in his throat.

‘Thank you’, he remarks, letting the door pound shut as he shuffles Eddie’s way.

Smiling to yourself, you pause and count to five in your head, persuading yourself that you should not snoop on your dad and his potential boyfriend, but the curiosity wins over. You stagger to the door, unlatching it from the lock, and generating a peep whole that allows you to eavesdrop.

‘Really Richie? What about a plate or something to eat this on? All the juice is going to spill on the floor and it will be disgusting and dirty and you’ll have to clean it up.

‘Relax Eds, it’s no big deal. Just be careful and I’m sure you can avoid sloshing.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Eddie challenges, ‘so you didn’t obtain that speck be peeling it?’

Richie must be debating if it’s worth it to lie or not, and concludes that lying to Eddie is never a good idea. He sighs exaggerated and stomps his feet like a petulant child.

‘Fine your majesty Spagheds, you’re lucky I love you.’

‘Don’t fucking call me that Rich.’

Instead of moving away from the door, you freeze, the words your dad uttered repeating themselves in your head. Never in a million years did you think the day was going to go like this, with your dad proclaiming adoration to a guy he forgot to hint at to you, but you’re weirdly okay with it.

Richie laughed more now then ever with someone other than you, and if Eddie pitched in Richie’s happiness, you accept him already.

The entryway unrolls, you jumping away in the nick of time before hitting you full in the face. You stare up at Richie sheepishly, twinkling at him with innocent eyes.

‘Snooping much, buttercup?’

‘I learned from the best.’

You walk back with him to the living room Eddie sits in and watch as your father hands over the plate. He’s leaning against the backrest and showing sings of tranquility, but when he notices you his posture goes rigid, nervously balling his hands up by his sights.

You snicker, deciding to put the poor man out of his misery and finally welcome him into your home.

‘Do you hate his stupid nicknames as much as I do?’ You ask him, finding common ground to strike up a conversation.

‘Yeah they’re the worst.’ Eddie admits, decomposing at the turn of events.

‘Eum I’m seated right here. Is this how it’s always gonna be? You two ganging up on me?’ Richie whines.

Peering Eddie’s way, the both of you nod excitedly.

‘Yeah it is.’

[amethystpath-writes]

A Gentle Blade Part 12

Part 11 here

The queen is back, folks!

Tag list (if anyone wants added lmk!):

@tears-and-lilies

Tw: character getting slapped, threats of torture,

******

Leera woke up screaming. She wished it were the queen's fault that her throat was sore as her eyes opened and she jumped into consciousness. It wasn't.

The assassin's breathing was quick and shallow and she broke into sobs that felt like they could gorge holes into her body worse than the heretic's fork collar.

She didn't bother looking for Sir Guard to see his reaction, or even to make sure the queen wasn't soaking up her despair. Leera only let the tears fall, soaking into her raggy clothing, let them clean away any dry blood they came into contact with.

Eventually Sir Guard did come over to the sobbing assassin on the cell floor. He said nothing, only put a hand beneath her back and urged her to sit up. There was no way she could breathe the way she was sniffling and Sir Guard figured that laying down couldn't possibly help that problem.

Her body had been limp, heavy, but she didn't resist as her guard guided her into a seated position. She did, however, continue to cry. At one point she squeezed her eyes shut, trying her best to rid the image in her head.

It wasn't often that Leera dreamt of her father's death. It wasn't often that her brain conjured a random man's voice to make up for her father's, whose voice she'd forgotten. When it did happen, it was always miserable and he was always dying. He was being hurt and tortured until death, just how it was said he'd been in real life, only Leera's brain liked to venture into forms of torture she never knew existed.

"I never want children," the assassin muttered with a sniffle following.

Sir Guard hummed. "Why's that?"

"Because I'm afraid she would be a third generation of Unfortunates."

He didn't respond to the part Leera imagined he would. "So you would like to have a girl if you had a kid at all." It wasn't a question.

"I guess I would."

"You said you would."

"Not directly."

He shrugged. "Didn't have to. Some people don't care to read into words and wordings. I do, and you told me you don't want a daughter to suffer the life you and a parent of yours has."

Leera sniffled again. A sting returned in her eye, letting her know she needed a second round of sobs. She didn't want to cry again. She didn't want to the first time.

Sir Guard regarded her carefully, taking several steps towards her after having retreated when sitting the assassin up earlier. He knelt in front of Leera, touched her cheek and barely pushed on it, a signal for her to tilt her chin back. She complied. "Do they still hurt? The puncture marks?"

"They've healed by now," she explained, "Only scabs. If I scratched and reopened them it'd hurt, but otherwise I hardly notice them anymore."

"Good," Sir Guard said. The next thing he spoke as he let go of her cheek baffled the assassin. "You always ask who I am. I want to know who you are."

"It's no fair you get to ask and expect an answer if I can never get one from you."

"I'm a prince," he replied easily.

Leera laughed. She laughed and laughed, and by the end of her laughter, she felt an ache in her chest. This time she was thankful it wasn't the pain from the forked collar. "Fine, don't tell me then."

He smiled. Leera lost what little breath she had left. Teeth, she thought. They're how I imagined. "You asked who I am. I just told you."

Gathering herself back together, she scoffed, "You're not a prince."

"Why can't I be? I'm Rennera's future king, aren't I?"

"Well- well yeah. But-" The assassin shook her head. "But I would know if it were- if a prince had-had been guarding me this whole time, who-who had captured me in-in the woods." Leera paused. "I would know," she declared, but it was far from confident. "You're joking with me and it's cruel. Stop it."

"So you won't tell me who you are."

"I'm an assassin. That's all."

"An assassin who does, but doesn't want a daughter because she believes she's cursed."

"I never said I thought I was cursed."

He reminded her, "Didn't need to. It's in the wording."

Leera was slightly annoyed. What was Sir Guard playing at? First he conversed Leera's having a child, a daughter. Then, he asked who she was as if he didn't already know. She was an assassin, and well- it seemed like he'd already figured out her past. And not only this, but he was calling himself a prince. How dare he kid Leera like that?

"I take it you were dreaming of whichever parent went through your same situation now?"

"Wording?" Leera asked.

Sir Guard nodded. "I guess I just like using context clues. You woke up screaming and sweating, and the first thing you said was that you didn't want children. Basic deduction."

The assassin squinted. "Are you a general, a commander?"

"In some way, yeah. I told you what I am."

"You lied."

"I didn't." He looked her straight in the eye. Without wavering, he said, "I wasn't lying."

Leera huffed. "You can't be. You can't be a damned prince."

"Why not?"

She shook her head. She would get a cramp in her neck if she kept doing that. "Because," she said like it was obvious, though she realized she had little to no reasoning. Fine. It's fine. I'll just wing it. "Because you- Because! You refuse to be the queen's husband. Why would a prince be here if they weren't marrying? Why would they capture runaway assassin prisoners and return them to queens they hated?" Finally with full confidence, Leera stated, "You're not a prince. How's that for your deductive reasoning?"

Sir Guard shrugged. "I would be impressed-" There was a sound of footsteps, a clack clack clack. It was the queen. "I'm sorry," Sir Guard said, "If I weren't so close to you I'd have time to get back to my spot."

"What do you-" He slapped her. Hard and right across the cheek he had tenderly touched earlier. Leera gasped and put a hand over her cheek. It stung badly enough that her eyes teared up.

The cell door creaked open and sure enough Queen Rennera stepped through. She clapped as she always did when she saw her greatest prisoner. But a look of confusion crossed her face. "What are you doing so close to her, my future king?" She didn't seem angry, just utterly baffled.

Sir Guard stood up from his kneel and threw a hand in Leera's direction. She flinched away instinctively. "The assassin wouldn't shut her trap so I took action."

"Strange," the queen said. "She usually only ever speaks when I'm doing something to her. What was she going on about, I wonder?"

"Complaining. Her chest and chin still hurt."

"Oh, how unfortunate for her that I am bored today."

Leera remained still on the floor as to not provoke the queen. She was grateful for her guard's lie. Leera hadn't complained about her marks at all, she only ever groaned when they hurt, but they didn't hurt anymore. He'd even asked if she was still in pain. She wasn't, but he said she was to the queen to save them both some misery.

"Your Majesty, forgive me if I am speaking out of place, but I would be appreciative if you gave her at least another day." He casted a glance at Leera. "She has been terribly annoying. If you put her through any more then I know she will never shut up."

"I could cut out her tongue?"

The assassin couldn't help the whimper that rose in her throat. The thought of- of what the queen suggested was too horrific to fathom.

"And prevent her from ever begging?" Sir Guard shook his head. "I don't mind her voice. It's the complaining I cannot stand." He added, "And anyways, wouldn't you think it is more fun to break her down after being fully restored? What's a better sense of false hope than that?"

Rennera hummed highly. "I suppose that's a good point. If she hurts enough that she's complaining though...that means several days longer of wasting away untouched. Ah!" Her hand came up suddenly, a finger pointed at the ceiling. "You hit her, yes? That is why her face is flowery?"

Flowery, Leera wanted to scoff. What a polite way of saying my cheek is bruising.

Sir Guard nodded.

The queen clapped excitedly. "Good, good. You shall do it again. When she complains that it hurts, you will strike her until she stops. Eventually she'll deal with the pain silently and when she does, we'll know that pain isn't so unbearable that we can't put her through something else." Rennera looked to her prisoner on the floor. "Do you have any objection, my dearest assassin?"

Leera swallowed, said nothing.

Rennera repeated herself and Leera looked at Sir Guard, weighing her options.

If she accepted, her guard would be forced to strike her more often and she knew he wouldn't want that. He would do it to protect her- for whatever reason she still didn't know- from the queen's personal torments.

If she refused the idea, she would be maimed and broken now rather than later, but Sir Guard wouldn't be forced to do something he didn't want to do. He felt badly enough about Leera's position. She had no doubt he would apologize again for slapping her when the queen left.

"What will you do to me if- if you take me today?" she asked Rennera.

The queen smiled, "Telling you would defeat the purpose of our goal, wouldn't it?"

Apologize to the king. Leera could apologize easily, but it was the truthfulness the queen wanted that she couldn't give. The torture was pointless. It only made Leera apologize to the queen instead of the dead king. So agreeing to be hurt by Rennera was pointless for Leera when she could opt out of it, but...it wasn't pointless to Sir Guard who would otherwise be forced to harm her.

"I'll take it. Whatever it is, I'll take it."

Sir Guard's face dropped into despair. Why? it asked. Why would you commit yourself to this when you had a choice not to?

Leera wanted to say back, You've done enough for me. Now I'm doing something for you.

"Good," the queen purred. "Good. But before then, I would like to reward my future king for his duties."

Now it was Sir Guard who swallowed nervously.

******

Part 13 here

[shoreabove-moved]

JESSICA RE: HER IN GAME PERSONALITY TRAITS.

underneath the cut is a meta i wrote a long, long time ago about what jessica’s in game characteristics ( confident, trusting, irreverent ) mean re: my portrayal.

CONFIDENT;

i’d like to think that the confidence comes the easiest in terms of how i write jessica. it’s obvious throughout the game that she’s proud of who she is, even if most of it (in terms of physical looks) is a front. which makes sense, because she’s a teenage girl, and you’d be hard pressed to find someone who’s completely confident and happy with who they are at age seventeen. still, it’s a delicate balance – she’s strong willed, and she knows when she’s got the upper hand. and when she does, she rightfully uses it to her advantage. she doesn’t try to pretend to be good at things she’s not, either – when it comes to academics, she’ll rightfully admit that she’s out of her league, and her confidence mostly stems from the things she knows she can excel at – her looks, for the most part, and her ability to use body language to get what she wants. this sort of thinking often translates into annoyance when she’s face to face with someone who’s too afraid to get what they way – like chris and ashley, for example. if she were around for that discussion, i imagine plenty of eye rolling and scoffs from her corner of the room, if only because she can’t understand someone wanting something and doing absolutely nothing to get it. she’s has a lot of untapped ambition, and i think that makes her a strong person before the events of the mountain eventually break her down. though, it should be said that post-mountain jess loses her confidence due to the fact that her body is physically harmed beyond repair, and her strength was pulled from her looks (with plans to be a model post high school). so, she changes a lot in the sense where she needs to learn how to rely on things that aren’t her looks – she works on her personality, she becomes more empathetic, and she tries to better herself without becoming someone else.

TRUSTING;

this one is a little harder to manage, if only because people want to assume that someone like jessica is a natural gossip, and therefore has loose lips because of it. i think it works in two ways – she’s trusting because she’ll easily put her trust in other people. it’s part naivety, because growing up she didn’t have a lot of stable relationships to rely on. she didn’t have the chances to make mistakes, so she never learned how to protect herself from terrible things, or a moral code in the sense that her version of a joke isn’t always everyone’s versions of a joke (re; the prank). because she made her first friends in high school, she’s desperate to please them and fit in, which means she’s eager to latch onto anything they say, and any promises they make, regardless of their intentions being good, bad, or in the middle. i also think it works in reverse, too – despite her tendencies to appear as someone who’s ‘selfish’ and ‘manipulative’, i honest to god think she means well. she just doesn’t know what to do with the information she’s been given. she wants, more than anything, to be that person that someone confides in, and she doesn’t spill secrets or spread rumors about her friends, because she wants them to trust her, and like her, and support her. and, if she betrayed them like that, nothing good would come of it. the prank is another situation entirely – it’s not a secret that hannah had a crush on mike, and through a lot of headcanons and writing things out, i think it’s pretty clear that jess and hannah weren’t very good friends, if only because jess finds her quiet demeanor off putting, and her pursuit of a taken man disrespectful. the person she’s absolutely the most loyal to is emily, and when/if emily expressed a concern about that, jess would be willing to toss a minor friendship aside to keep her best friend happy. it’s how her brain works – she doesn’t know any better, and doesn’t understand the repercussions that could (and would) occur.

IRREVERENT;

this is something that’s also kind of hard to balance. i’ll be honest – when i first watched the game, i had no clue what irreverent meant. i was like these game developers are making shit up right now bc they’re lazy as fuck what the heck. but!! the google machine cleared away the clouds, and then it all made sense. irreverent means 'showing a lack of respect for people or things that are generally taken seriously’, and we see that on more that one occasion in the game (i.e.; 'are you guys having a really weird stroke?’ 'who needs grades when you have all the natural advantages you can handle?’). it’s in the way she speaks, and thinks, and was raised. she didn’t have parents who were big on discipline, therefore she was never reprimanded when she said something out of step. she gets it from her mother, too, no doubt, who tends to be judgmental of the smallest things. jess doesn’t have that same sort of stance – she doesn’t care about things like money, for example, and won’t think less of someone for being lower class – but she follows the same sort of pattern where she’ll say something without thinking it through. crass comments are often made without realizing or knowing the context of the situation, and her phrasing tends to be a little.. poor. there’s also a line, though, that i often have to debate in my head. because she’s so tactless in the way she speaks, would she say offensive things without knowing that they’re offensive? as a writer, you want to stay true to who your character is, and a large part of that is doing so without censorship. however, you also have to know your audience, and i’m afraid that – when i make her go through with the thoughts that i know she has – people will think it reflects on me, as opposed to on her. and, furthermore, i don’t want them to stereotype her, either, as nothing more than a dumb blonde. because she learns – it doesn’t help that most of her time is spent with mike, who’s also a little questionable with what he says, but if she said something and someone called her out on it? she’d take note to not repeat herself. she just needs the chance to grow!

i try to implement these things into my writing, both pre and post mountain. it’s a tricky balance, and i never want her to turn into a trope, or a stereotype, even if that was the intention with the game. because i can totally respect and understand that, and i get it! that’s the point. it’s a horror game w/ cliches, and that’s why it’s so cool. but, in terms of bringing these characters to life and expanding them outside of the twelve hours we play them in the game, it’s important to me that i showcase the kind of person i think jess could be. and i don’t want to make her perfect, either, or victimize her, because she does some shit. the prank was her idea, and she had a very heavy involvement with making sure it went off without a hitch (i think she wrote the note??). she also dates her best friend’s ex-boyfriend like, a week after they break up, and that’s not cool, either. that’s where irreverent comes in, and that’s where confidence helps her get past the nasty things emily says about her, and that’s where trusting becomes muddled because she wants to trust mike due to the way he makes her feel, but her trust with emily is broken by giving into something she wants. it’s a vicious circle, fam. but! it’s fun. and i love my tiny daughter so much, so it’s always worth it.