#even though i still dont know how green and silver interact. kinda. like i dont know how can they connect. except for having stupid bfs

[twildflower]

[a-lonely-tatertot]

numbers & i don't knows

THE FIC BREAK IS OVER

@enbies-and-felonies and @an-absolute-travesty THIS IS HOW TO NOT BREAK PEOPLES HEARTS GUYS

pairing: titz (tam/fitz)

word count: 1807

warnings: two swear words and one mention of alcohol

A/N: This is for titz week the first prompt Winnoning Gala! It ended up longer than it was supposed to whoops. I read through this exactly one time and grammarly wasn’t working so beware @titzweek

Numbers filled his vision. They didn’t anger him like he feared they would. The taunting black #21 on a yellow background only filled him with a deep sadness. The dresses, the colors, the golden numbered badges, none of them would ever mean anything to him. Fitz knew his father was watching him, eyes tracing everywhere he went, watching to see which girl he interacted with would make the perfect wife. And that, that one thought filled him with anger. The people who were labeled with numbers that came from an imperfect list deserved more than what he could ever give them. All he wanted was out. Right now, out of that room. 

Biana was trying to help, she didn’t know why it all bothered him so much but she was trying. Chattering excitedly with the other girls, trying to distract them from their goal. The boy who wandered with an unwanted spotlight on him. 

Somewhere in his masked misery, he had wandered to the bar that held snacks and punch, for once he wished it was real alcohol. Maybe that would make the night somewhat better. 

A knee-length, silky, green dress, with gold sandals and matching gold #4 clipped to the top of the dress. She was polite, well-groomed, she knew exactly what to say, exactly how to laugh. Back as straight as a stick paired with a smile as soft as cotton. He should’ve wanted to be something to her. To mean something, other than just a Vacker. Other than a number. But he knew by her eyes that she was like him. Maybe she did want to be here, but it was all for status. The enticing stare would fool anyone, not Fitz though. Because he knew exactly how to stare back. 

The girl was good at carrying the conversation and annoyingly enough couldn’t pick up on the fact that Fitz just wasn’t in the mood. Maybe he was too good at hiding it. His thoughts wandered from one topic to the next through her ramblings. Counting the minutes she talked referencing the giant clock on the far wall that was behind her. Around three minutes he mused again that his father would be happy if he chose her. She knew her manners at least. When five minutes had gone by he rethought that because there was no way he was choosing her. By the time seven minutes had passed he started wondering if he spilled the punch on himself he could leave. At ten he prayed for the sweet release of death when he finally heard her voice falter and felt a presence behind him. 

Never in his life had he been as happy to see the silver tipped hair and vaguely threatening face of Tam Song. “Hey man you made it!” he yelled way happier than he should’ve been.

“Pretty sure you would’ve killed me if I didn’t,” Tam pointed out. They had gotten closer, bonding over shitting parents and being vaguely annoyed with the constant PDA from Sophie and Keefe.

Fitz winked, “Anyway, Tam this is Mika, Mika this is Tam.” The two shook hands, Mika giving her full smile while Tam gave only a nod. 

“Nice to meet you, if you don't mind I need to steal him for a bit,” Tam said and Fitz was flooded with a wave of relief. Mika nodded and walked off to go bother someone else and he didn’t have the heart to feel bad for them. 

“Oh thank the Ancients,” Fitz said spinning back to face the smaller boy after Mika was around the corner. “I thought I was going to have to fake a heart attack.”

Tam chuckled quietly, “Yeah Biana thought you might’ve needed some help.”

They stared at each other for an awkward moment, and Fitz thought that might be it. Tam would go back to shadowing Biana and he would be left alone to face the masses.

Fitz didn’t notice he had started fidgeting until Tam reached up to grab his hand before it ran through his hair for the fifth time. “You wanna get outta here?” 

“I think there's a rule against leaving your own Gala,” Fitz said sadly.

Tam shrugged, “Biana can deal with them. Plus you look about a minute away from a panic attack. We could head to my house, Terigan wouldn’t care.”

“Please.” It was Tam’s turn to wink. Wrapping his hand around Fitz’s he dragged them both to a corner and quickly covered them with shadows. They stuck to the walls, moving quickly and quietly. It was nerve racking, Fitz Vacker was the Golden Boy. The Golden Boy wouldn’t leave his own Gala, this was a tradition. This was a birth right. He should’ve been honored, excited! Yet here he was, one hand against the wall, the other wrapped in Tam’s. In that moment he was the farthest thing from The Golden Boy he once was but he had never felt more alive. Every inch of his skin was on fire. With nervous and fear, excitement, and he couldn’t stop the grin that spread when Tam raised the crystal out in the courtyard. 

Tam didn’t let go when they arrived. Fitz practically held on tighter. Neither commented on their interlocked fingers.

“So,” Tam said, creaking the door open and falling behind Fitz to the marble gray kitchen. This wasn't his first visit. “Why did you hate being there so much?”

A take it or leave it question. It was his decision to answer or not. That was something he knew with Tam. Somehow he had earned the boy’s trust, and there was a unsaid contract that said Fitz didn’t have to explain himself ever again. But Tam deserved to know, know that Fitz wasn’t normal. That he was wrong in ways that wasn’t just his family. He pulled out ingredients from the cabinets as Tam took a seat. “I dont like girls,” he said with a shrug. “Guess I’m broken like that. Romantically or sexually.”

Fitz was too caught up in his head to notice Tam had moved. It was easier when he was across the counter. Farther away, he could focus on his recipes, on what he knew. Tam was a whole new type of he didn’t know. But there he was, next to him measuring out dry ingredients like he had commented on the weather. There wasn’t a tension in his hands he stirred, nothing about him suggested he was angry. Another thing Fitz just didn’t understand. “Hello?” he asked finally, partly out of annoyance. He just spilled a deep secret and Tam had the audacity to ignore him.

And he continued to. It was like he wasn’t there entirely. Going through the motions of baking (even though Tam didn’t actually know how to bake) without actually thinking. 

“Are you going to at least look at me?” Tam said nothing. Tam did nothing except continue to stir. At this point Fitz was angry. Angry and tired and scared and he just wanted to be yelled at. That he knew. That he understood. 

Without thinking he grabbed Tam’s shoulders and spun him to look at him. Forcing himself into the boys mind, breaking a few laws in the process, he screamed as loud as he could into the boy’s head, LOOK AT ME! 

Tam finally did, but there was stone in his eyes. Get out. Fitz did, he even stumbled a foot farther. 

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean too, just you were kinda freaking me out,” Fitz rushed out.

Tam’s face softened and he stopped fearing for his life. “So you don’t like girls,” he said slowly, “do you like guys?”

It hit him like a slap. Could he like guys? Hell he didn’t like girls that was already breaking some unspoken rule might as well go the full nine yards. That sounded like his luck. But Tam didn’t sound angry when he asked, only curious. (And maybe hopeful but Fitz didn’t want to have more things he didn’t understand.)

“I-I’ve never thought about it,” he admitted. It wasn’t a no. An unsaid maybe. Tam bit his lip. Fitz watched transfixed, he didn’t want to move because the thought of this all shattering and Tam getting angry was too much to bare.

Tam held his gaze, his eyes were strangely challenging. Whatever he was about to ask he was daring Fitz to say no. (Fitz wasn’t going to say no to Tam, whatever he was going to ask.) “Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Fitz didn’t know how that fit into this conversation, but he didn’t think about it. He didn’t have time to.

In one move Tam wrapped his hand in Fitz tie and yanked him down. He only stopped to look Fitz in the eye before smashing their mouths together. Fitz stilled, not quite wrapping his head around what was happening (and because ow), but quickly he moved with the other boy.

Neither really knew what they were doing, and it definitely wasn’t perfect. But Fitz had three realizations in that moment. 

Tam’s lips were softer than he ever thought they could be, even if they were cracked and torn. 

Finally he understood why so many people made such a big deal about kissing girls. If he could Fitz wouldn’t have stopped for the world.

He only knew this one because a loud cough came from his left. Terigan had walked into the room.

“Hello,” he said politely. Tam had jumped feet away from him as if he’d been shocked; Fitz was very pointedly not looking at either of them. The counter had become very very interesting in that moment. 

“Uh, hi,” Tam responded. “I thought you weren’t going to be home for another hour.” For a fleeting moment Fitz wondered if Tam had planned this. 

“Got done early, I was going to make dinner but I guess you two had different plans.” He tried not to choke on his tongue as he remembered how Tam’s mouth felt on his. How he tasted like the chocolate from the snack bar, realization 4. These numbers were better than the black numbers on gold that would decided his future.

“Ha, uh yeah,” Tam pulled on his bangs a desperate attempt to hide his furious blush.

“I’ll tell Linh to find a place to stay. Goodnight boys,” Terigan said with a small wave. Fitz waved back more out of habit and panic and the fact that Tam was too busy wishing himself away to wave. 

When he was gone a heavy silence filled the room. Both boys tried to look anywhere that wasn’t each other. At some point they looked at each other. At some point the silence broke and they laughed. At some point they kissed again. And at some point Fitz realized it had been a better night than he ever thought it was going to be.