#even though i have been VERY open on jnstagram about what I'm going through and why i'm avoiding talking to people rright now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fitzhastoomanysideblogs · 3 months ago

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It really sucks having to be bored out of my mind every single day because I have no friends, no job, no way of even accepting money so even if I did get a job I couldn't be paid, nobody to look forward to talking to and nobody who actually enjoys my presence so I'm completely alone and all I have to do is be on my phone, be on my laptop, stare at the wall or the ceiling or take a nap.

I don't even really have a reason to look at my phone anymore and haven't in years because, again, I have nobody to talk to or look forward to talking to and nobody who actively wants to talk to me so all I do is open tumblr and scroll for a few minutes before closing it, and I avoid instagram to the best of my ability so I'm not tempted to contact my fp or think about them or anything

#I'm struggling so hard to come to terms with the fact that my fp seemingly couldn't give q fuck if I were dead or alive at this point #they haven't checked on me even once #and like. I get we really only jsut started talking before I started isolating myself like this #but it hurts. why can't they care about me as much as I care about them???#why is it so much to ask to just have someone love ke and care about me as much as I do others???#why can't it ever be me?? why can't I be loved by them???#why can't it be me?????#sometimes I wonder if they really even want to get close to me #I feelnlike they couldn't give less of a shit about anything I have to say #and they clearly don't care about me enough to check on me #even though i have been VERY open on jnstagram about what I'm going through and why i'm avoiding talking to people rright now #I guess once again I'm too mentally ill to be loved by someone I care about #my ex fp who J trusted and loved more than anyone else and was willing to do anything for couldn't love me #she abandoned me the second she got the chance #I just wish my current fp would abandon me already and get it over with #it's going to be painful enough when they finally realixe how much of a burden i am to put up with #and how embarrassing I am to be seen with #why can't they just do it now. just get it over with so i can go back tk beinf completely alone and unloved as usual #what am i saying i'm already alone and unloved lol

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