#even tho my fear isn’t as Ever present n constantly bringing me to tears now i still stand by it sorry i know i know the conceptual issues w

[latinokaeya-moving]

everytime. everytime i talk abt finding the whole immortality dilemma a lil funny/Personally trite bc i’ve very desperately wished i was immortal since i was like. 12 years old. i’ve gotten ppl trying to explain why immortality is narratively treated as a bad thing that has many downsides actually as if i haven’t heard the argument of “but you’ll outlive everyone you know🥺” before and just straight up don’t care that much abt it 😭

when i was watching iwtv this weekend w my cousin i brought it up bc obviously vampires r always talking abt the gift/curse of immortality n when i rolled my eyes n jokingly was like immortality rocks actually she very stiffly was like “you just say that bc you haven’t lost someone yet” and like yeah i guess that’s true but also i think you severely underestimate how much i fear my human mortality lol

[irisallenm]

Perhaps — Kugo Sakamata (Gang Orca) x Fem!Reader

I know I said I had an Aizawa Soulmate thingy buuuuut I got THIRSTY about Kugo, and some HCs that I read here in Tumblr made me change my mind (*coffcoff* @love-toxin, @kazooli , and @fantasydaydreamers *coffcoff*). So instead of that being my first I'm gladly presenting you my try at writing in english, just for you. ENJOY.

AO3 Book

Next | Third | Last (Coming Soon)

Part 1 of 4 in the "Us" Series, (1.3K words).

Warnings: Angst, my bad english, Kugo being the villain he think he is.

During the License Exam Arc — You got yourself an opportunity to finally meet your No. 1 Hero, but it goes wrong...

Keys to read this:

Y/N: Your Name

E/C: Eye Color

If you did not know better you will said that Gang Orca was the best hero ever, even if everyone kept saying he totally looks like a villain, but for god’s sake, why fear someone who keeps saving the city EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

You were angry, to say the least, you have never meet him, but it was your dream. Being a marine biologist yourself, and part of the aquarium staff,  you could not see anything but beauty in him. Someone with a little bit of influence got you a pass to the hero license exam, even tho you were not taking the exam per se. The reason? Watching him being… well, just him.

This was your birthday present, turning 25 years old was something big and this was, in fact, the best present of all your life.

‘What do you think about him, Y/N?’ Said a man with black hair, he looked sleepy.

‘This could not be any better, he is so close that it seems he’s right next to me’. Your voice chirped with emotions. ‘I even bring flowers! That way you can give them to him’.

‘How about we introduce him to you?’ The green haired woman who was trying to hug the other man blurted out. ‘And you give him the flowers in person’.

‘Wait, really?!’ Your hands could not stop trembling. ‘I… I would be honored, I’m really a big fan of his, I admire him with all my heart---

You covered your mouth with both hands, your face red and fully blush.

‘Eeeh, is this what I think it is?’

‘No, Ms. Joke, you got it all wrong’

‘I don’t think so, honey. That was very forward of you, are you perhaps in love with him?’

Silence, a thicc and heavy silence.

Admiration? Yes. Happy? Obviously. In love? You didn’t know.

‘I do not think I could call it that, I don’t know him in a personal way, I don’t even know his real name, nor his favorite color, or what makes him angry, and even if this was not the case, you already know I’m quirkless, he would never look at me in that way’.

Sigh.

Sadness, Ms. Joke tried to said something but was interrupted by commotion.

You ran up to the balcony and saw with fear as your hero was covered in an unstable blazing whirlwind, like a fire prison, but relax at the spot.

‘Are you worried?’ Ask the sleepy man.

‘Not at all, I think he is going to throw water to---’, and he does throw water at himself, ‘yeah, that.’

Surprised look on you, but Eraserhead brush it off and got near you.

‘Maybe my kid will give him a bad time’.

‘The one who constantly breaks his bones?, don’t think so, Aizawa-san. He may be strong but has a lot to do, Gang Orca is stronger than them, even with all that gear up on his body’.

You were really serious, it was as if you have watched the fight before, but it was just your knowledge about him, your fannatism crawling up your skin, your mouth, your e/c eyes.

The exam comes to and end after all the “civilians” were rescued.

‘Is that so?’ Ms. Joke smirk without you looking.

‘But…’ You said.

‘But?’ She added.

‘Even if the did not have that stuff, he might have been injured at some point in the fight.’

Both of them stayed quite, surprised actually, of the harsh words.

‘She might be right’ A deep voice said, and your eyes met his, red and e/c, not letting go of each other’s gaze. ‘I could have injured myself to the point of being unable to continue fighting.’

Blush again, all the way up to your ears.

He then disappeared, just to reappeared on the same balcony as you, getting handshakes and words from his friends there.

‘Dude’ Said Aizawa, ‘She is a big fan of yours, she is Y/N---

You interrupted him before even finishing.

‘Y/N’, bright smile in your face, ‘just Y/N’.

‘Well, Miss “just ‘Y/N’”’, he bowed a little, ‘I’m Gang Orca, the pleasure is mine’.

You giggled, and feeled like ten again. ‘I know that, I actually came here just to meet you!’

Your tone started slow but turned up the volume, did not realized but ended up almost screaming.

You covered your mouth again, ashamed and blush.

Joke laugh and Aizawa tried not to do the same.

‘I’ve waited for so long, just for this moment’. The smile on your face shy, like the way you felt.

‘Are you not afraid?’ You were mesmerized by his gaze, it was not fear what you feel but something else, something different than you ever felt before. Perhaps this was indeed that.

‘Of course not, I would never be afraid of you, actually…’ quite the opposite. You didn’t say that lasts word out loud, you let them in your heart, for it to sank like his next words.

‘Actually?’

‘Nothing’. He looked.

‘And why are you here, just to say hello? That’s all?’ His eyes changing with every seconds.

You knew something was wrong, he was not like the one you knew. Your eyes searched for the flowers on the table.

‘I just wanted to gave you---’ he interrupted you.

‘How much did they paid you for this?’ His face looked angry.

‘Excuse me?’ Perplex and wondering coming out of your eyes.

‘Isn’t it funny?’ Orca said, this time sounding angrier and for the first time in your life you feared him. ‘Playing with others feelings?’

‘I don’t quite understand’.

‘Ms. Joke, I can’t believe you bring a child just to mock me,’ The smirk on his face irritated as it could get.

‘I’m not a child’ You stated, ‘and they did NOT pay me for this words, the are coming directly from my heart’.

There, you said it.

‘You know I joke’, the green haired girl utter ‘but I will never do something like “use” another human being just for the sake of it, not when the words she is telling you are truth’.

‘You should understand already that there is no one in this damn word who will like me’ the face of his deforming. ‘They don’t call me the number three hero who looks like a villain, and even if it was true, which I don’t believe it, she must be really dumb just to be here wanting to said that’.

It sank, your heart, your words in your mouth, your feelings… You.

The tears were almost out but you bit your lip and swallow that emotions.

‘Yeah, you are right’ your voice sounding dull, hurt, but trying your best not to. ‘I’m sorry Ms. Joke, this did not go as we expected’.

‘Y/N, I’m terribly sorry’ If you looked up into her eyes you will totally cry, so your eyes stuck on the floor. ‘Maybe next time?’

‘Don’t even bother’ Cold words from the one you admire… admired? Perhaps this was the right outcome, someone as quirkless as you would only suffered if this went on, if you got yourself involved with heroes. You hated yourself for being this way, even tho you knew this wasn’t your choice.

‘I will see you around’ the flowers on the table stood there, you could even go near to pick them. You left them there, at the end your gaze met his for the last time that day, and you regretted it. 'I won't bother you anymore, never again’.

You closed the door.

The tears fell down your red cheeks. Flustered, no dignity left, you sob quietly while going back to your car. 

And perhaps this was indeed love, your first one to put it worst. All those years since his debut up until now, perhaps this was how a broken heart felt, you didn’t want the feelings, you wanted to throw them away, but it was also a first time too, that was gonna be impossible.

And perhaps, maybe perhaps this was for the best.

And you didn't look back.

You just drive away.

Sad.

Broken.

Glad to be alone, so you could cry all your heart's content.

[generallynerdy]

Smoke (Sherlock X Reader)

Summary: Reader is Sherlock’s longtime girlfriend and one of the few people in Lestrade’s division who likes him. Sherlock and Watson take her on all their adventures, as she is the one who presents cases to them and represents them in the police force. She finds herself awaiting their return to Baker Street often, but none have ended up like this. What does she do afterward? Can she find closure?

Key: (Y/N)-your name

Today’s Playlist: Hmmm...so many options… My original inspiration was Viva la Vida, though it doesn’t quite fit (still a good song tho :3 go listen to it) as well as I Was King (ONE OK ROCK) and I Want You Here (Plumb). As always, I usually listen to the nightcore versions and those are the ones linked as they are my inspiration, but I highly encourage you to listen to the original songs, too!

Cast: YOU! Sherlock Holmes, Greg Lestrade, Mycroft Holmes, John Watson, Mrs. Hudson, Anderson, Mary Watson, and brief mentions of Donovan and Lestrade’s Ex-Wife

Warnings: Language? I think? Too lazy to check…. Smoking Habits, Depression (minor, nothing super serious other than brief mentions of grief and tragedy) Angst, Grief

Status: Complete (May consider prequels or a part 2 if requested and I can find the inspiration)

    “Or, or, or- hear me out on this one- a bungee cord! That would have worked! I mean-”

    It’s been almost a year to the day since his death, yet Anderson still holds hope. How? I’ve no bloody idea.

Even I lost hope a long time ago and I was quite possibly the closest to him, besides John. You’d think that being his girlfriend would dub you automatically closer to him than his best friend, but that’s not the case. John has known- knew him far longer than I did. Still, I loved him very much.

“I mean, obviously he had to have help from his brother, right? Because if not-”

    It’s been hard without him. What has? Cases, for one thing, talking to people, waking up in the morning, and how about living? How’s that for an answer? He was part of me. He was my other half. We were both clever, but I’m a sweet talker and he was...antisocial, to say the least. He was a sassy bastard and a pain in the ass while I was sneaky and persuasive. We made an interesting couple, for sure. We definitely gave my dad headaches on the regular.

    “So he had to have done that or else he would have-”

    Dad. He’s taken his death pretty hard, too, though not only for his sake. He can’t stand to see me like this. He’s started smoking again. He thinks I haven’t noticed, but I’m not that blinded by grief. I tend to notice the little things. Besides, he’s not the only one with a pack of cigarettes under his bed.     “See what I mean? That’s absolute bollocks!”

    I’ve detached from everyone. Dad and I don’t talk. I haven’t seen John in a while. He’s probably moved on at this point. I wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to cut ties after what happened. Mrs. Hudson checks in on me often and I take care to call her at least once a week for fear that she might come after me if I don’t. I haven’t spoken to Mum since the divorce. She never cared for me, anyway. Never wanted a kid, much less a daughter wanting to follow in her dad’s footsteps. It was kind of a blessing when she left. Donovan doesn’t dare even think of talking to me. It was all her fault after all. I doubt I’ll ever be able to forgive her. It’s a miracle I can tolerate Anderson after that. Anderson is one of the few who dares to approach me, though I’m sure he’ll stop once I give him what for.

    “What do you think? (Y/N)?” He asks, holding out his coffee in questioning.

    I turn to him with a frustrated sigh. “Stop it, Anderson. Sherlock is dead. He’s not coming back.”

    “But he-” He starts to argue with me, but I can’t take it anymore.

    I shout, “I saw him fall with my own eyes! I identified his body, Anderson! Don’t tell me for some bollocks reason that Sherlock is alive because he’s not.” I glare him down as he goes silent, glancing down at his feet. I desperately have the instinct to bring up how Sherlock’s death was partly his fault in the first place, but I don’t. He’s already expressing his guilt through coming up with theories and acting as if there’s hope, not to mention starting the fan club. “Sherlock is dead and it’s about bloody time you accepted that because he’s not coming back.” I storm off, choking back a sob.

It’s hard to accept, but I know he’s dead. There is absolutely no possible way he can be alive after that.

I go home after that, not wanting to bother with anyone for the rest of the day. I’ve left Baker Street by now and moved back in with Dad. I can’t stand living in a flat completely composed of things that remind me of Sherlock. At the same time, I can’t fully move on.

He was the first person to truly see my potential and help me to use it. He wasn’t like Dad, who refused to bring me on dangerous cases because he was so scared for my well being. No, Sherlock was the exact opposite. He wanted me to be there. He wanted my opinion and my help. He wanted to hear what I had to say. He wasn’t like Donovan or Anderson who doubted me and turned on me within milliseconds. Even when his reputation was tarnished, he was careful to make sure I was safe and that Moriarty had no idea how close I was to him. Even when it meant that we couldn’t be seen together in public, he kept me safe. I wasn’t like other people in the force. I didn’t think he was a freak. I thought he had an amazing talent that could change the world and I so desperately wanted to learn it. He was astonished by this and, after some suspicion and time spent together, started to teach me the science of deduction. I have learned a lot, though by no means have I mastered it. I only wish he could have taught me more before…

I find the door to the apartment unlocked, surprisingly, which means Dad’s home. We don’t cross paths a lot anymore. In fact, it feels like we avoid each other. I just can’t face him after all that’s happened. I’m afraid that if I do...well, there’s no avoiding it now.

I climb the stairs and enter the living room, barely glancing at Dad, who’s sitting on the couch staring at nothing with a blank look on his face. He looks up as I enter and close the door behind me. I toss the keys onto a nearby table nonchalantly and turn slowly, pausing there with my hands in my coat pockets. “Hey,” I mumble quietly, not making eye contact.

Dad mumbles a reply that I can’t hear, running a hand through his grey hair and sighing. Suddenly, he notices a pack of cigarettes peeking out of my pocket. His head snaps up, “Have you been smoking?!”

I don’t answer, glancing away and furrowing my brows in slight frustration. I don’t feel guilt. I turn back to him with a huff. “Yeah. So have you.”

His gaze softens as he takes his turn to glance away and lean back onto the couch. I’ve caught him. “Talk to anybody today?” He asks, casually slipping concern into the conversation rather than facing up to my accusation.

“Anderson,” I mutter quietly with a sigh, something Dad quickly picks up on.

“He badgering you with his theories as well?” He rolls his eyes and scoffs. “Of all people he had to-” He mutters a few incoherent thoughts as I stand there awkwardly. Then, he’s silent.

There’s a tense air filling the room quickly as neither of us wants to talk about it. We don’t want to talk about the fact that Dad had to help in the events that killed my boyfriend. We don’t want to talk about how he died. We don’t want to talk about the idea that he might be alive. We just don’t even want to bring up the topic of Sherlock.

“You can talk to me, you know.”

“Huh?” I turn suddenly to him, not sure I heard him right. He can’t mean that…

He stands and starts toward me. He looks unsure, though his eyes are full of love and hope. He stops just in front of me and continues on, knowing I heard and acknowledged what he said. “I’m worried about you.” He puts his hands on my forearms gently in a loving motion. “You don’t talk anymore, (Y/N). At least talk to me. Please?”

I’m silent as he pulls me into a tight hug. He closes his eyes and holds me close, resting his head on top of mine.

“I love you.” He whispers, “This scares me.”

I blink a few times as tears come to my eyes. I bury my head in his coat and mumble. “I miss him.” I start to sob as Dad pulls me closer and rubs my back, comforting me the only way he knows how. He understands loss, sure. I mean, he felt it with Mum. However, he doesn’t know what it’s like when someone you love with your entire being dies unexpectedly, especially not in the way that Sherlock went.

“I know.” He whispers. “I know, love. I miss him, too. We all do.”

“What will you do when you tell her, then?”

“Tell her?”

“You don’t seriously think you’ll be able to avoid her?”

“...”

“She hasn’t forgotten you, Sherlock.”

“I hope not.”

“You have to talk to her.”

“What for?”

“Don’t be so selfish, Sherlock!”

“Me? Selfish? Well, that’s just irony at it’s best, isn’t it, Mycroft?”

“Talk. To. Her.”

“She’s better off without me.”

“And why is that?”

“She won’t have anyone on her tail, won’t be constantly watched by my government official brother...I don’t know.”

“The sarcasm is overwhelming, brother mine. Despite your best efforts and ignorance, I will always keep an eye on her.”

“Then you admit you care?”

“No. I simply know that you do, though you ever refuse to act on it.”

“What do you mean you haven’t told (Y/N), yet?!” John whisper-shouts, floored by Sherlock’s admittance.

“Exactly what I say, John,” Sherlock mutters, uncomfortable speaking about this around Mary. He barely knows the woman and now she’s going to hear about his girlfriend- ex-girlfriend?

“You can’t be serious!” John is even more furious with him now.

“Completely,” Sherlock assures him.

John lets his jaw drop in anger. “You have to talk to her. She is in absolute ruin, Sherlock! She wouldn’t speak to Lestrade- her father, mind you- for a year! A year, Sherlock!”

Sherlock tilts his head ever so slightly upward, cocking an eyebrow at John. He doesn’t show it, but that statement concerns him. Surely (Y/N) would have moved on by now. Surely she’s found happiness elsewhere.

John quickly realises what Sherlock’s thought process was and leans back into his chair with an angry smirk, the token expression of a Watson’s fury. “You bloody idiot. You thought she would forget you?” He leans back onto the table, pointing his finger angrily at Sherlock. “She is worse off than when her Mum left. In fact-”

He just saw her the other day at Baker Street, meeting with Mrs. Hudson. He immediately smelled the smoke on her when he first walked in but was even more shocked when she walked out the door and started to smoke right away. She didn’t care about the consequences nor what anyone thought when they saw her smoking. She needed it. It was her coping mechanism, if you could even say she was coping at all. She hadn’t talked to John at all, which Sherlock quickly deduces was because she was envious of his relationship with Mary and his ability to move on from him. All of this shocks Sherlock. He can’t believe that she’s so hung up on him...Why?

“Because she loves you, Sherlock,” John tells him fiercely.

He rings the doorbell cautiously, taking a deep breath as he does and preparing himself. As the door creaks open, he greets her casually. “Hello.” He can barely catch a glimpse of her shock and overwhelmed emotion plastered on her face before he closes his eyes, ready for her fist to come in contact with his jaw.

To his surprise, it never comes. Instead, she wraps her arms around him in a tight hug, immediately starting to cry into his coat. Sherlock opens one eye, glancing down at her curiously before comfortably wrapping his own arms around her tightly. She doesn’t say a word at first, just holds him close as if he’ll run away if she lets go. “I thought you were dead.”

“Yes, well, a lot of people did.” Sherlock jokes lightly as (Y/N) looks up at him, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. He hates to see her cry. “Now then, stop that. You’ll get me started.”

To her shock, she sees a few glistening tears in his eyes. She stands on her toes and presses her lips to his, holding his cheek in her gentle hands. Once she releases, she leans against his chest. “I love you, Sherlock.” She knows he won’t reply. Sherlock isn’t one to say those things, especially not out loud.

He doesn’t even hesitate. He shocks even himself. His emotions overwhelm him to the point where he has to say it or else he might just die then and there. He doesn’t know what it is. It’s a feeling he’s never experienced, only heard of before. At least, he strongly believes he’s never felt it quite this way.

“I love you, too, (Y/N).” They’re frozen there for a few moments before he reverts back to his bastard self. “But really, you should stop smoking. Not exactly pleasant for physical contact.”

She giggles lightly, shaking her head. “God, I hate you.”

Note: I love the idea of Dad!Lestrade so much!! Seriously, if I ever have the opportunity, I will write with him as a dad again! There are just so many options! Anywho, hope you enjoyed my first Sherlock fic!

Requests are always open!