#even tho i poured the ofher half down the drain what they don't tell you is that yr like...cravings? get worse | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

eveningclouds · 2 years ago

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i think i might start journaling agaun jnstead of meowing in fhe tags of various posts. you're welcome

ok edit i typed waymore tags than i thought i would so if you click see more hou will get a whole wall of text that isn't really worth reading but for reasons elaborated upon below (in the wall of text not worth reading) i'm still clicking post bc thisis the internet i can do what i want

#for one last hurrah: 1 i have realized it's so easy to make friends if you actually talk about your feelings i feel #like i made more friends last week than i did thru all of last semester (didn't make any new friends last semester)#2 i did end up breakinf my stupid sobriety challenge on 4/20 with half a white claw & a baby edible and #even tho i poured the ofher half down the drain what they don't tell you is that yr like...cravings? get worse #if you start again by even a little bit. (they literally do tell you this)#3. i think i am realizing that my anti carceral & restorative beliefs have to apply to myself as well #beyond love & beyond a supposed intrinsic value & even beyond forgiveness #4. i keep thinking about my therapist's visible anguish when she saw my sh scars & my roommate's worry wheb she saw me #asleep at the kitchen table bc i didn't wanna interrupt her call. & it hit me today like ohhhh. i get it #like ooohhhhhhh...people are connected to each other & i am a person #& my own repeated denial of my humanity denies/d other ppl of theirs as well...ohhhhh #5. i have been taking gorgeous walks and today i walked past the er on the way to the park and #realized i was retracing backwards the times i walked/crawled back home from there alone & afraid #& realized thst processing trauma Outside of the limited framework that ptsd offers is so so necessary #it's honestly way less humiliating typing all this out rather than writing it out physicaly #but maybe i'll transfer this to an actual journal and delete #it's weird bc i like to treat online like a journal but um getting flagged as a suicide risk has really made me aware #of i guess the value of privacy that isn't contingent upon anonymity #OK BYE 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽#kidding doing 6 bc of reasons but i think that this is honestly the best way it could have ended up happening like #idk. *understanding*

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