#even tho covid has basically ended my career

[thenighttrain]

I honestly think Simon really wanted to push Liam originally but Harry and Niall had more charisma and presence, Zayn had better vocals and Louis was the behind the scenes person writing songs and managing things (tho he also had more charisma in interviews). Liam kinda ended up more in the background as the "basic" one.

You can even see the shift from the first album being so Liam focused to the second one. Niall and Louis didn't even get to really sing till Take Me Home.

It was Nicole who saw the potential in Niall and Harry, because she saw the charm and presence they could bring. Liam was there to do the actual singing, once the others could also sing the part Liam wasn't as center focus because he lacked the elements the other boys had.

Honestly if Zayn didn't have such bad anxiety he could probably be as successful as Harry. But I think he's happier chilling with his family and releasing music whenever he wants without promoting it or anything, he's already rich so I don't think he needs the money anyway.

Niall had a great album with Heartbreak Weather but he stopped promo once covid hit and it was sad because the songs on that album are great. What I love the most is that while all the boys in 1D were just learning how to sing Niall immediately started picking up other music skills like the guitar, it was Niall that later started teaching Harry how to play. That's I think part of what makes Niall so great he's always trying to get better and learning from other people, and he never releases anything unless he thinks is good enough.

Louis is so talented behind the scenes. He wrote most if not all of 1Ds greatest hits, he honestly had the strongest behind the scenes presence. He isn't as comfortable singing or performing but he's such a chill lad, his concerts are like hanging out with a friend that happens to know how to sing and is on a stage. He's also such a gem in telling fans to pirate his stuff if they can't afford it and lowering ticket prices to the minimum lol. Precious boyo.

And there's Liam who has struggled a lot with wanting to be the Justin Timberlake of one direction but never got there. He was in theory the perfect one to succeed with the singing and dancing... and yet. He also has a lot of personal struggles that bleed into his professional life but that's not our business. I think specially early on he felt like he was owed the success, but he just didn't have that It thing.

Harry always had the star quality, that boy was eating the stage up since he was sixteen. He was made for the stage. They can say whatever they want but all 1D fans knew Harry was going to have the best solo career. He just has the full star package.

-

God I've been in this fandom too long. I talk about stuff like this with my friends all the time, we kinda ended up agreeing that Liam had the basic voice of 1D and all the other boys added the flavour to it. Now that they all have solo careers the other boys developed their unique flavours but Liam just feels basic and generic. I feel cruel saying it but it's how i see it.

omg i strongly agree - we know liam was simon’s favourite. but i think nicole, being a woman, was able to see who would be more popular with teenage girls (aka their target demographic).

zayn is soo talented but yeah, i don’t think he enjoys the spotlight which is fair. i am still SO heartbroken about heartbreak weather, it’s an amazing album and deserves more :( but that’s a good observation about niall- he’s always pushed himself to learn and do better. and i loove louis, he’s so grounded and down to earth, he may not have the best voice but like you said, he does a lot of behind the scenes stuff. i honestly think liam needs a break to get himself together bc he’s been a mess for years now :// and yeah we all knew harry would do the best. liam does have the most basic voice haha and there’s nothing that sets him apart which is a shame, and one of the main reasons why he hasn’t done well

[just-another-ares-devotee]

Lord of the battlefield.

I may pray for success. For luck. For gain.

For relief. For money. For anger. For pain.

I may lie in bed, stuck under hatred I strain

Against metal that burns both me and the chain

Yet when I can rise from where I was lain

My mind and my body I will vow to train

As I pray and I pray and remember your name

All that I ask is to do it again.

[blxetsi]

HIIIII!! can i get a pieck finger dating headcanons if that’s alright with you of course? your stuff makes me soft, stay safe!

yuh ‼️ tysm for your request

pieck finger dating headcanons (modern au)

pieck finger x gn!reader

warnings: literal fluff, no angst or anything i love pieck

- bc pieck is assumed to be like 23-26 this wont be a uni au or anything

- idk i rlly think you guys wouldve met in a mundane way

- like you bump into her on the sidewalk and try to the really awkward "oh im so sorry i didnt see you there- no really it was my fault- are you sure youre okay ?- okay great- no im not hurt- yeah- okay have a good day and again im so sorry !!" thing with her

- and then maybe you guys see each other again at a coffee place, youre there with your friends and shes there with hers, and you dont wanna talk to her obv bc that would be awkward

- then ur friend makes u go and order another coffee for them, and while youre waiting for your order pieck comes and stands beside you

- and shes very observant yknow ?? if she sees a face its very hard for her to forget it

- so she immediately recognizes you and blurts out "its you !"

- and you have to be like "oh yeah ! it is me ! its you too"

- she finds it quite cute and giggles about it

- a very laidback person but also a very blunt person

- she doesnt find any harm in asking "can i get your instagram @" look she doesnt wanna be a creep and ask for ur number right at the start

- and it gives her a chance to find out what kind of person you are

- it would absolutely suck for her if such a cute face was posting fishing pictures and alt right propaganda yknow ??

- so you two do and then both of your orders come so you two give awkward goodbyes before going back to your groups

- her instagram is very pretty, nice themes

- she posted a couple of hours ago, with her and her friends in a park, taking a couple of posed photos while some looking like they were natural

- shes adorable and you cant help but feel your cheeks go warm as you basically stalk her page

- she dms you and says "are you too busy looking at my feed that you havent followed me yet ?" and you see this mf staring at you across the room like 👁️👁️

- okay nosy lets calm down now 🙄🤚

- you try to defend urself but ur typing so quick you keep making errors in your writing, she ends up saying something else

"you know, i was doing the exact same thing. youre beautiful you know"

- thank you pieck 🥰

- over the next couple of weeks thats how you two communicate. she'll send you instagram memes and edits of her favourite shows, movies, games etc. and you find yourself having a lot in common w her

- you check her story so frequently it becomes one of the first accounts on the top of your homepage

- and FINALLY, when she feels she can see you as a friend and not just some pretty stranger she met on the street she asks you out

- it was a simple thing, just to the movies, and she even let you pick which one !! (imagine its pre covid idfk)

- you two go and its an awkward hug before you both head inside

- you pay for your tickets and she gets an extra large popcorn and a drink

- you assume shes just v hungry but before you can order yourself something shes like "what are you doing i got this for us !!"

- rlly cute bitch omfg

- during the movies, after she eats literally most of the fucking popcorn, she pulls your hand out of your lap and holds it with her buttery one 🥰🤚

- this bitch had crumbs and didnt even think to wipe them off

- you still held her hand tho anyways

- after that night you parted ways in front of the theater after making sure you two would be getting home safe

- and that became routine for a couple of weeks, not going to the movies obviously bc thats expensive but watching movies together !! youd go over to her apartment or she would come over to yours

- one thing about pieck is that shes very touchy

- one way or another she will end up cuddled with you on the couch

- it doesnt matter if its you being forcefully pulled on top of her body or her draping herself over you like shes a blanket, you two WILL be cuddling and you WILL enjoy it

- but finally, as if the gods gave you mercy, she finally kissed you

- it felt so nice, her lips were soft and sticky from her lip gloss and she tasted like the swedish berries you had gotten for her to munch on

- and the rest of the movie you two just sat there, kissing each other and giggling like teens

- she ended up staying the night, and complimented your bedsheets

- your relationship moved pretty fast after that

- she had already told all of her friends about you, they werent very surprised

- when you got officially introduced her friends zeke and porco tried to do that whole "if you hurt her.." speech before she slapped them and had marcel pull you away to safety

- other than that the night was very fun, you got to talking about your career, why you moved to the city, and other mundane topics

- pieck is actually a graphic designer, and everytime she comes to sleep over she just HAS to bring her laptop with her

- its basically just her laying in between your legs while she types away, youll pet her hair and lay soft kisses on her neck, and occasionally ask what shes doing

- she likes to tell you, has no problem in answering the questions you have, even if you think theyre stupid ones, shes very soft with you

- also a bit of a trickster

- for your first april fools together she slept over, you didnt have anything planned for her bc youre a good person and wont hurt the ones you love

- she stuffed your breakfast muffin with mustard 😁👍

- you gave her the cold shoulder for the rest of the day until she apologized by getting you a new muffin

- now she always dropped the l bomb to you, but she never needed you to say it

- thats why, when you were helping her cook dinner at her place you softly said "see ? and thats why i love you" she kind of,,, stopped what she was doing

- you realized why she wasnt washing the knife she used to cut your vegetables and tried to backtrack, but it was too late, she was already tackling you into a hug and taking you down onto the floor

- she just gave you kisses while repeating "i love you i love you i love you" over and over again

- bc of her you burnt ur fucking chicken smh

- you spent that night eating junk food and watching movies

- piecks a very observant person, so she always knows when youre sad too

- when you give that little huff when you come home to your (new !) shared apartment she knows something is up

- she'll slowly trail behind you as you walk to your bedroom, stripping to your underwear and changing into your pajamas

- you crawl into bed just wanting a nap to forget about the day, and she'll crawl in with you and hold you

- you never like to cry but youre so frustrated and upset at your coworkers, at that rude customer, at those deadlines, that you just breakdown

- and she lets you, she lets you almost suffocate yourself in her chest with how much your pushing your head into it, she strokes your hair while you choke on your own cries and hands you tissues when you need to blow your nose

- "what do you need my love ?" "i just need you" "okay baby"

- communication is a big thing in the relationship, and because shes been so open and honest from the beginning, talking about how you feel has never been easier

- in fact, you like talking about how you feel about your relationship, or how you didnt like what pieck said to your friends the other day, this and that, you feel comfortable and safe with pieck no matter what, which makes talking about even the most hardest things seem so simple and natural

- all in all, even when she wakes you up with spontaneous ice cream dates or asks that you put raisins in the popcorn during movie night, even with the fights and the crying and the exhaustion the next day, life would be much duller without her, and you only have to thank your clumsy self

uhh i feel like this is very short but yeah ❤️ requests are open so go crazy mfs ‼️

[eveningclouds]

ok well i guess i’m just wondering how you decided which school was best for you. i feel pretty overwhelmed because i have to make a decision by the end of the month and i can’t help but think that if i choose one over the other i wont reach my full potential or i wont ‘become who i’m meant to be’ if that makes sense. i feel like im already grieving all the memories/friendships i could have developed and i haven’t even settled on a decision yet. i also didn’t expect to get into the schools that i got to because the acceptance rates were so low this year. but for some strange reason they seem to want me lol. and now i have to face the reality that i could actually attend schools that i never thought i would be able to go to. my parents just want the best for me but i know they want me to go to a top school and follow in my brother’s footsteps. i’m just scared i’ll make the wrong choice and regret it. sorry for the rant… i just feel helpless :(

firstly congratulations on ur accomplishments !!! 🥳🎊💗 very happy for u

here are some things i considered when deciding where to go, & some things i wish i considered in retrospect

one thing to keep in mind is that rankings are hiiighly manipulable. universities r rly good at gaming their stats to inflate their (already subjective) ranking on usnews/wherever. & just bc a school has a large endowment doesn't necessarily mean they'll Actually Spend that money on their students. what's more indicative of ur future success, imo, is the availability of resources ur school offers.

for example: how big are the libraries? what's the ratio of therapists to students? how accessible is career counseling? what's the gym like? how does the school tangibly support first generation students? & most importantly (!!!): what kind of financial aid package/scholarships are u working with?

i would also suggest considering what degree of independence/freedom at which u thrive. my friends at nyu for example all have their own apartments and are basically adults bc nyu is like. directly in the city. most upperclassmen at my school, however, still live on campus, & therefore don't have to worry abt maintaining groceries/utilities/etc as much, but also have to deal with more rules about like owning candles or whatever. my friends who stayed in state for college usually visit their family every month, which can either be a relaxing escape from campus, or can be stifling. being out of state, it's more of a hassle to visit home (which was a huuuge mess during covid).

finally, think about what ur interested in pursuing in the future (this can and will change over time!). if ur uncertain about what u wanna major in, how easy is it to change majors at each school? specialized schools for tech or arts or wtvr tend to make it harder to switch majors around, which sucks if u wanna experiment more, but is great if u need more structure/focus in ur field. if ur degree is like, not super stable in the job market or requires grad school (ex psychology), def give a lot of thought to how feasible it is to double major & tuition (u can always go somewhere 'prestigious' for grad school & save money now!). + does ur school offer a dual bachelors/masters program (if ur interested)?

u mention future friendships & missed opportunities & i do want to reassure you that you are going to have friendships & opportunities wherever you go (🧿🧿🧿). although party schools in the idk cornfields with a huge drinking culture and small liberal arts schools where everyone wears trench coats will have different Vibes, there are really cool people anywhere and everywhere. (for Vibes, look at students' like, day in the life vlogs on youtube! not college produced vids tho). u cannnnnn see this as infinite missed opportunities, but u can also see this as a guarantee of (eventually) fulfilling experiences!

this is getting long already but one final note is that even if u pick The Best School Ever For Ur Fullest Potential (which is a bit of a myth), u will probably have at least a few weeks where u feel super lonely and insecure and regretful of ur choices. esp when ur younger i think it's really easy to believe that Every Choice You Make is Ruining Your Life Permanently. but u can't rly live ur life on trying to predict the whims of ur future self. take into account what will provide a stable, fulfilling, supportive environment for who you are today & then remain confident that nothing is permanent, that becoming/understanding who ur meant to be will happen anywhere bc it's. who ur meant to be (tho some environments r def more conducive than others), & that ur making the best decision for urself Now based on the information u have Today. 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽

[mercury-retrograde-concept]

sm anon here! at the end of last year lee soo man + other sm acts gave an introduction interview as to how this would work. apparently, it's planned to be an universe (much like Marvel's lmao) where all artists are somehow connected to each other through their cinematography. apart from the teasers, it seems that aespa's black mamba and nct's 90's love have intersected lyrics referring to a place called "KWANGYA", idk what it means but the link is def there lol i have no idea where 1/2

this project is going and how everything is supposed to fit together tho. if you're interested, i'd suggest reading this article monicaaldea.medium.;com/smcu-is-k-pop-ready-for-a-marvel-inspired-shared-universe-d220ffe1aa47 (without the semicolon). i would love to see an aespa reading! i have my own suspicions as well. once again, thank you and have a good day 👍 2/2

Okay this ask (and that article) definitely sent me down a google rabbit hole, hahaha. Among other places I ended up on this reddit post. I also tried to see if Shinee’s Don’t Call Me was par of this SM Culture Universe (SMCU) and got a resounding “¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe the train meant something? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” from the internet at large.

I ended up like this at the end of it all:

So yeah this question is right up my alley, hahaha!

Disclaimer: This tarot reading is for entertainment purposes only. All speculation comes from my interpretation only.

Sidenote: I thought about having a section about what the different idol groups and artists think about this idea whole concept, but I’m currently trying to avoid reading for groups where they might be an overwhelming number of clashing interests within the group. And I think putting SM idols all in one category would be potentially misleading. I can see idols further in their career have very different opinions from the rookies. The best way would be to go group-by-group and I might even look into that someday. But ... not tonight, hahaha.

Motivation for SMCU: Six of Swords (reversed), The Hanged Man, Ten of Cups (reversed) Future plans for SMCU: Two of Pentacles (reversed), Knight of Swords (reversed), King of Pentacles

It’s worth noting that the majority of these cards are reversed. We even have the Hanged Man in the mix there. That card is upright, but the imagery itself is upside-down, traditionally. King of Pentacles is the only fully upright card. Obviously individual cards have their meanings and you should be aware of them. It helps to also look at common patterns and narratives created by the imagery. And I’m looking at all this and thinking this ends of giving off the impression of a powerful, money-focused man throwing everyone and everything into a chaotic state.

So... the cards are being highly literal again.

Anyway, the motivations for the SMCU are interesting. In some ways I found them weirdly relatable. The pressures and struggles of COVID basically threw everyone’s goals right into the garbage, and that’s just as true for the entertainment industry. I feel like it was pretty common for people to turn to off-kilter plans and ideas in order to make the isolation and stagnation feel worthwhile. 

Not that this turn of events is completely unexpected. As the article above points out, SM Entertainment has been circling the idea of connecting their artists’ MVs for well over a decade. Likewise, SuperM was a big crossover event. From this reading, it feels as though SM was building to the SMCU for years, but the last year’s struggles likely accelerated these plans. SM is already well-known for having a certain vibe - to use a very scientific term - across all their creative output. They really want to further cement that concept, particularly as performance spaces open up again. While all idol groups exist to make money for the company, it appears as though SMCU is basically about building a fan culture around that idea. Their idols are expected to work together to broadcast the message that SM is the pinnacle of creativity and success and that it will reward repeated fan engagement better than other companies. SM believes that if people are scouring music videos in order to look for connections that will only heighten people’s attachment to SM products in particular. However, this will only work better if their idols are conveying this message because fans are more likely to trust their idols than press releases from the company.

That being said, not everyone in the company is feeling it. In fact, it seems like a lot of people are annoyed by this! However, the resistance is just making the powers-that-be dig their heels in further. They’ve been building to this idea for a while and are determined to make it work. While businesses exist to make money, I’m also coming across a strong contrarian streak in here that’s not entirely rational or solely about revenue. 

And, honestly, the SMCU will probably pay off in the short-term. Even if some aspects of it have annoyed kpop fans deeply (see; all the resistance to the AI aspect of aespa) it certainly gets people talking and looking for clues and hints at future directions. Audiences might even end up appreciating the distraction during the ongoing boredom of COVID. 

However, the aforementioned contrarian streak will also come into play and lead to soome problems. Now that upper management at SM has decided this will be a thing they will be pursuing, they will be pushing the idea pretty strongly. They might do some pretty cutthroat or backhanded in pursuit of the SMCU idea as well. Upper management might also play favorites with the idols who are more into the idea, while benching idols who criticize it. In addition, it also appears that they don’t really have a long-term goal for how the SMCU will play out.While they want idols to commit to this idea in a united front, it appears as they have no planned timeline for how they continue to expand the SMCU. 

[brighterluv]

10 for 10 for 10 Tag Game

Tagged by my love, @cuddlememerrick  Rules: Answer the 10 questions, write your own 10 questions then tag 10 people!

What was the first video game console you remember playing?: it was the really old gameboy that didn’t even have its own light like if you wanted to play in the dark you needed to but an attachment. 

Favorite book?: Aimee I hate you for asking this. I read so much and can’t keep track of anything anymore YIKES. but! there’s a great memior called “Because We Are Bad” by Lily Bailey about her journey with OCD which is important to me as someome with OCD and similar experiences to her. I need people to know what OCD is really like....so read it.

What does your dream home look like?: OOF ok nothing like giant, but a decent house with enough room for me, my s/o (assuming i have one), some pets, and an office/studio for me and that hopeful s/o. lots of natural light, open concept, funky decor and colors, PLANTS, decent backyard for aforementioned pets. lovely patio space. the studio would be for some cool photo stuff and post production etc. idk man im 20 and never planned to live past 16.

Who was your first concert and your last?: first concert: Green Day, I was like 7 years old lol. most recent: All Time Low NP anniversary show in December 

Why did you join Tumblr?: some new friends i met at camp had one and they were like you should really join!!! even tho they were deep in 1d stuff and i didnt care about any of that so i just memed until i found an interest. but i was like 12

What is something good that has happened to you recently?: FUCK MAN WHAT THE WORLD IS ENDING but I guess getting an internship for the summer (that may or may not still happen depending on the COVID-19 situation) but its my first internship!! (this happened in like February lol) I also got a 98% on an exam before school imploded!!

What’s your go to comfort outfit?: Listen...I have outfits specifically for when im feeling lazy but still want to look decent. One of which makes me look like every dude on campus (T-shirt with a zip up hoodie over it and a jean jacket over THAT, black probably ripped jeans, and converse) I also have one where it’s a mens flannel over a band tee with jeans and converse but the flannel is tied at the bottom

Do you believe in aliens?: statistically they HAVE to exist. the concept of infinity is so powerful and the universe is infinite....so there is no way there aren’t aliens. 

Favorite classic Disney film?: I don’t know tbh. I watched them all maybe once or twice when I was a wee one but haven't since and don’t remember much of them. I think the story of Mulan is the coolest tho

Favorite thing from a different era?: I am a fashion nerd and a fashion history nerd so I love the style (even tho so many designers and brands were nazis so that makes me big sad). I also just like the general aesthetic of certain periods (art deco, flapper culture, 50s diners and cars....) the only bad parts to me is all the racism and sexism and homophobia and antisemitism and bad mental health care and......basically i like the idealized version of the past that is shown through movies and stuff

Here are my 10 for yall:

1. What skill would you love to have but don’t?

2. Dream travel itinerary?

3. If you could succeed and live very comfortably with ANY career, what would that be?

4. What do you think is the best thing about you? (in these trying times we wanna be positive)

5. You get $1million BUT you literally wear your emotions on your sleeve. Example, you are at a friend’s performance and “BORED” is displayed and glowing on your arm or outer most layer of clothes, no hiding it. Would you take the money?

6. What is one album you never get sick of listening to?

7. Favorite platform to consume video content (youtube, hulu, netflix, etc) and what is your favorite show/channel on that platform?

8. If you could be best friends with any celebrity, who would it be and why?

9. What was the most memorable/bizarre dream you’ve ever had?

10. Favorite hobby/pastime? 

TAGGING (but dont feel obligated): @edge-oftonight @knucklxpuck @eukelades @icecave @damydevito @takethistyourgrave @glowysheen @webrakeforcows

Hope yall are doing ok during all this craziness!! much love

[kwon-eunbi]

No, that sounds so interesting! How many languages do you speak then? I graduated a while back, but I also got a degree in language and social sciences, it’s so much harder than people think. Like yeah there’s the speaking part of it, but it was around my third weekend in the departmental library getting ready for an oral project in a language not spoken since 900 that I really wondered what I was doing there. How did you get into informational sciences? What’s your favorite class you’re taking (or have taken if this term’s dull)?

I don’t know if you know A.C.E at all, but Jun covered “12:45” about a year ago and I annoyed everyone with my insistence that this is IT this song has PEAKED no one else even BOTHER trying to cover it, but then Wooyoung dropped his and I was like OKAY they can SHARE IT. (The fact that they’re both short kings makes it even better) He’s really got the vocals and is so underappreciated for it.

“Inception” was so good! I know they were teasing “Guerilla” era at the end of the “Answer” video, but in the end I’m glad that was delayed (San’s vocal growth especially over those two years), and that we got something as good as “Inception” as their first derailed-by-covid-comeback. Hongjoong with his blue hair and little half skirts was truly exceptional. And “Say My Name” was also truly Such An Era omg Wooyoung in his little cropped fur jacket go baby go.

It sounds like you like their more melodic songs, what did you think of the tonal shift into “Guerilla”?

I started watching Lucifer, but fell off when I didn’t have time, if it’s good I’ll check it out again! Recently I’ve just been rereading books I loved when I was about fourteen and getting entirely different experiences out of them now. Mostly Discworld, but also quite a bit of Salinger and Rilke, and right now I’m rereading Water for Elephants on the bus every morning.

Sorry to write a whole essay, but I hope you have a wonderfully restful weekend~

--🎅

i mean it is interesting, but i'm just tired of the constant assignments and studying lmaoo. well i do speak two fluently (croatian, my native language, and english), but i do know swedish and german well. i also do know some korean but i definitely need to work on it more haha.

ohhhh wait did you study latin? tbh i loved latin, i had it for two years in high school. but social sciences sounds really interesting, and i definitely agree, it really isn't as easy as people think, especially when you're majoring in certain language you also need to learn everything about the language and the country and culture, not just the language. and well information sciences... actually i thought i'd have some programming subjects but i was wrong about that lmaoo but i can go to become a librarian from it (which i really hope i'll get in) since that is one of the careers i did always want. honestly all subjects this term are boring af.... but i think the ones i liked the most were swedish in the first two semsters and web design basics (which was kinda easy for me since i learned the basics of coding on my own lmao). what about you tho? how many languages can you speak?

ohh yes i do know a.c.e but i didn't know he covered it omg, i'll have to check it out! and sooo true.

yes yes i couldn't agree more! and yes hongjoong in say my name era was def sth else. honestly that era is so iconic! and to think it was only a few months after their debut...KINGS!! and ikrr wooyoungs jacket and the hair and that specific line he has in the chorus oooof forever obsessed with it

yeahh i do like more melodic songs but i did love guerilla! honestly i'm a fan of everything they release. whatever they put out i will devour hahah. but i do like their songs that are more like answer and treasure and inception. wbu tho? what songs of theirs do you like?

ohhh i definitely recommend continuing lucifer. s5 fell off of a bit but it was still good nonetheless. ohhhh i hope you enjoyed rereading them! honestly i was thinking of rereading some of my favorites too (it's not like i don't have a huge tbr list lmaoo) that's not just heartstopper which i reread idek how many times already in the past 3 years lmao

and dw, i love when people talk to me <3 even tho idek who you are yet hahah but i do apologize for even a longer essay in response hahah and i hope you have a good and restful weekend too <333

[srlkiller]

today was a lot. i had a 1on1 therapy thing that was supposed to be like an INTRO TO UR RECOVERY WOO!!! LETS GET UR MENTAL HEALTH IN CONTROL!!! But instead it turned into me having 4 panic attacks constantly crying while venting to a social worker in a room w no air con for 2 hours about ‘how my month has been’ and ‘why i haven’t been attending any of my group therapy?’ well sue sweetie.. u asked me…n boy did i give u the answer ur career as a social worker has been WAITING 4!! then i got my 1st covid shot & briefly spoke to my doctor who was rude asf so i was like ok today fucked. Centrelink also called me and told me wrong info which fucked me over. then i see my dad calling and im like OFC HE IS!!massive fight as per n he hangs up but then continues via text bc hes petty asf.

BUT not as petty as my mom bc that is literally how the fight started. bc of her. like this bitch omg. she purposely runs off to my dad and tells him every little thing i do ‘wrong’ bc she knows his temper and how afraid i am of him due to past events so she uses him to basically do her dirty work for her n ‘scare me’. like that’s how manipulative and fucked up she is in the head. she made up a whole ass lie and told my dad that i said to my mom the only reason i was trying to stay in contact with my dad was so that i remain in his will as like the sole beneficiary or whatever….. how sick and twisted must you be to lie to someone directly in their face about something so serious INVOLVING UR OWN CHILD that you share with that person????? i would NEVER! say that about my dad. EVER. this happened months ago btw. as soon as i spoke about it w my dad and i was like “what.. dad i would never say that you know i don’t give a fuck about money like that i don’t care about your will why would i even be thinking about your will?” he was like wait actually that’s fucked up ur right. It was actually HER who made that comment. she got my dad to go and fix fencing at my nans house for free (using him) n my dad mentioned he had a girlfriend. my mum came home & SAID TO ME “u better hurry up and get in ur dads good books now that he has a gf.. before she gets a hold of his will and u end up w nothing” and i simply told her that my dad would never take me off his will regardless so why say that to me. once she got exposed she backtracked and was like “oh it was just a joke” & both my dad and I were both saying that even as a joke how is that funny? how does your mind even start to think in that way? how is this funny to you? then she flips it. her scripts are so repetitive now that ive caught on that i can actually predict what she’s gonna say before she opens her mouth. she manipulates u into thinking ur reality isn’t correct.. saying things like “ omg ur over reacting lol ur so dramatic no wonder no one takes u seriously in life, grow up, i have no idea what ur going on about, have u taken ur medication for the day, have u lost it, are u high on something?” like what in the fuck?

i never once mentioned anything about anyones will.. when i was younger i made the mistake obviously of telling her that my dad was leaving me his house. when my nans will was getting exposed she became overly obsessed w wills in general and changed hers. im guessing behind my back she has actually taken me off now but i don’t want her dirty ass money which is stolen from my accounts anyway. my nan left all her grandchildren a large sum of money that was supposed to be equally split among us, its now been over a year since my nan passed & i noticed a group text come up on my moms phone from her sisters talking about what they did for their children with that money. one of them paid off their entire hex debt so it must be a substantial amount. i have not seen a cent which means she has taken it for herself, put it in her name and placed it into a secret account without my knowledge. if it’s as much $ as i believe it is, this could seriously help me move out and better my situation which she constantly tells me she wants me to get the fuck out ect. yet you are holding the key to the door in ur hand? that’s twisted and very sick. they fought for a year over my nans money and all i asked for was an old XXXX gold stubby holder that was my grandads bc it was very sentimental to me. instead, they chose to have a garage sale and sold all of my nans things and sold that stubby holder to a random person for 20 cents………. i was in shock when i found out.. and they laughed and were like get over it omg it’s just a stubby holder you can just buy another one. these people are so fucked up but they all made me feel like i was losing my mind my whole life. money isn’t shit without sentiment. i could have given you 20 cents if you need that shit so bad. im only attached partially to these evil ass roaches by some genetics but to me none of them are my family. not once have i ever felt cared for, loved, accepted, safe or happy in their presence. i am only ever wanted when they can gain something from me. that is not family. my grandad was big on family n my nan and my grandad are the only two people i claim as family from my moms side. my nans two blind siblings who i admired & adored + a few of my grandads siblings were the only ones who actually showed interest in getting to know me & didn’t look down on me in any way. i was never considered ‘less than’ or not good enough yet i was the family disappointment to my mom and her sisters. but they have never seen her like i see her. the way she acts in front of family is not the person i know. she’s very good at acting. the way she pretends to be a ‘mother’ in front of her own family is actually scary. she’s like the ultimate con artist except she’s too fucking dumb to actually scam people and get rich off of her ability to manipulate whoever she wants. what a shame ur not intelligent.. that sure must suck huh. my nan gave me that maternal love i never had from my mother and my grandad was always that man who held us all together as a unit. when he got sick everything changed and started to go down hill. they had to give up their entire property, his big beautiful garden and vegetables he was really passionate about, the horses and land ect. my nan planted a rose bush and it grew big and blossomed big red roses and she said this is for you, my little rachel rose 🌹 🥺 she said she wanted to take the whole ass bush w her and replant it 😂 but my grandad was like we are not taking a fucking huge ass rose bush w thorns in the car w us Gloria.. i only remembered this today during that therapy session and i hyperventilated so bad n just started crying.. bc i couldn’t believe my brain had blocked that memory for so long just to recover it now that she’s no longer here to share it with.

i can feel the love my dad has for me even when he’s temperamental.. you can see it in his face and his eyes. when i look at my mom i try desperately to find some sort of just fucking anything and… i see nothing. i can tell that she doesn’t feel anything. but she does for other children. just not me. so i know she isn’t a heartless bitch and is capable of emotions of all sorts.. but anything to do with me it’s almost like im invisible or she cannot see fault in her self. she cannot in any way accept anything she has ever done, she has never said the words ‘I’m sorry’ for anything ever in life involving me, she has stood by (literally stood and watched) while her own sisters verbally abused me as a minor calling me out my name AND one even texted my best friend at the time who was about 14 saying that i was a bitch. meaning my mom gave my aunt my friends number to text that message.. my friends mom was livid about this bc what grown ass woman texts a random 14 year old girl paragraphs of shit like that swearing at them and saying that their friend is a rude ungrateful bitch. her mom reacted as a mother should. as i would love my mother to stick up for me just once in life.. u kno.. ever? i still remember my first SUI attempt at like 16 after being abused and this person told me they were leaving and coming back so i had about a 10 min window of time and i panicked as any 16 young girl home alone would.. i called my mom for help bc ur parents are supposed to protect you. her wording was “well what did u do to make him hit you?” “you know that you deserved that”. i was in disbelief that she would react like that.. she was talking so calmly while i was crying hysterically having a panic attack telling her this man was coming back in 10 mins asking her to please help me.. and all she could say was.. “you probably deserved it”. ive never been the same since then tbh. im not blessed enough to be a parent yet, i may never be.. but i know for a fucking FACT that i would NEVER say any of the shit that she says to me to ANY child let alone MY OWN?!?

you had me at 36 years old. you had time to think about this and evaluate whether you thought you would be able to care for a child and make a good parent. If you “didn’t want to deal with me” then you had other options.. you could have sent me to foster care, you could have adopted me out, you could aborted me, shidddd you could have mf swallowed me bitch let’s be real. no, you chose to have a child. there’s no 18 year contract.. she loves to play that card. “UR AN ADULT NOW”, what about me makes me an adult, my age makes me an adult to you? yet you’ve kept me so childlike, so codependent & haven’t taught me basic life skills despite me asking to learn. like im deadass watching YouTube videos to teach myself basic ass life skills… that is sad as fuck. when im 48… guess what??? i am still your child and unfortunately for me!! you are STILL my parent. there’s no changing that bc you made that choice. you can’t just b like yeah i change my mind nvm i want to return it…… like that is really her attitude. i was born with a lot of health issues that have escalated a lot and only continue to get worse with age both mental and physical. guess what tho… if ur child is born with defects u don’t get to just b like omg ew i don’t want it now this one’s too difficult. like trust me.. if i was one of those lil sperm rn i am not about to fertilise u for NOTHING if this is the consequence I’d rather jus keep on swimming lmao.

[amma-af]

mid-life crisis fast approaching lmao.

bruh moesha made 30 seem hella old. im freaking 29, im definitely not old.

do all 30 year olds feel this? is this fucking cliche? is this what being a millenial feels like?

freaking. andell seems like she should be at least 45 shes had a business forever, she looks oldish, hella independent with ehr own moneey, yeah she keeps getting played by her lover but the d is probably great and she doesn’t need “love” bc she’s not dependent on it for basic necessities. but she needs love so she has hope. she’s woke but understanding when someone who doesn’t understand yet. she supports the kids but says it like it is. i can def see some bits of myself in her but bruh, at least 35? bc im 29 and 1 im not as independent, and 2, im def not as old.

but i also kind of get how shes a 30 year old but do 30 year olds get the respect of older people? does andell get respect from older people? idk man tv makes teens look like 20-something and 30 eyar olds look like my mom. dee hangs with andell, she’s def not 30. but then again we hang with older people, no?

are 30 year olds friends-ish with teens and like older folks all at once a millenial thing? i mean i def have older friends bc of work, and hang with my siblings who are a generation older and as a teacher i talk to kids who are teens but i wouldn’t be friends with them? unless you consider my nieces and nephews, and some much younger coworkers.

but if im “superior” to them in some way im basically a mentor and ugh. maybe andell is 30.

that same moesha episode has gotten me thinking about highschool. and what a fucking shitfest it was. i mean, why the hell was i so pressed instead of just being a fucking kid? like, i def ended up where i wanted to and realized it sucked even more (college), esp the way i did it initially, but once i got over the fucking ivory tower and american dream bc i reallized it was never made to include me to a certain extent (the whole identity crisis over foreclosure of identity from the every day--being unwanted by the same thing interpellating its allegiance to you, how all that crap felt of being a --insert almost every pressed identity grouping here-- at a fucking --insert ever agrandized fucking included, repressive identity force here--insitution. high school wasn’t bougie enough i think. like everyone was like closer to the ground class wise so maybe it didnt feel like a big enough ocean yet. a friend told me post highschool or maybe at graduation that im going to be the big fish in the little pond trying to swim in the ocean or some quote like that. fucking i was, if not socially which i honestly didnt even try and fucking got ostracized from anyway, def on top academically and fucking TEACHERS were trying to push me down but like i still got to exactly where i wanted to go. and i fucking had a wonderful time there. got kicked out but became a whole ass human being who found so many homes with people and so many loving arms and caring friends and fucking insane moments and memories and fucking became who i am today--a fucking cool as andell like adult with a full and complete social life if not financial or career life like im ok dude. ive accomplished enough even if capitalist might make me feel like i havent accomplished anything. much like the racist ass teachers made me feel and the racist ass kids made me feel about being smart in a fucking shitfest and where the other brown kids were just in competition with me. i had no friends. i lie, i had a few. and i had the respect of a few. and i guess that makes like maybe a dozen people--hold on let me count, i think 9 people, that im cool with from high school, 3 who are close to me, 1 who fucking hates me post-college life and would try to talk shit or ruin me maybe but i miss her and we were fucking close at some point. and then a bunch of people who probably dont give a shit no longer bc we’re all adults who need to move on with our lives. i hope theyre not petty and hate me just bc of high school.

i wonder if any respect me now lol. aside from those i know, do any of them like feel bad kind of for not being a better person to me? maybe i was a bitch too though. but thats only bc i was lowkey power hungry and just wanted to get into fucking the college of my dreams and had been fed that academic success led to fianncial success and overall joy de vivre  or however oyu fucking spell it.

id still be down to be friends with whoever wants but dont have the time or energy to deal with the pettiness. i think this year was supposed to be our 10 yr reunion and idk if theyll do it bc of covid or not but fucking would i even wanna go? im still so traumatized from it idk if id wanna be judged that hard again.

fucking, i wish i was chiller back then. had realized i could be creative and look good and be more confident if i wanted to. but i guess i wouldnt be who i am had that shit not happened but i also suffer from extreme anxiety adn depression now so like maybe, people could ease up on the judgement and hatred and constant barriers and shit talking and like, lowkey bullying down a notch. these white and white washed brown kids had me fucked up.

i wish i had just like, been able to chill and be accepted a little more. but i wish the people who were chill with me couldve been more  comfortable or confident in being who they were. 

i remember ending freshman year, confident that i would have friends at the end of high school sitting between the coolest and queerest two people i could imagine showing off my hot pink ipod 3G or whatever. and then hanging out in the city with a few people on the last day. i dont even remember what we did. maybe olive garden in times square? it was def times square. the big toys r us in the city with the dance dance revolution. who the fuck were the people with us? was that even freshman year or is that a memory from some other time? i dotn fucking remember much of the good times in high school anymore. more shitty times.

but fucking, if people had been loyal would i have been a diff person? def s j and j and then later n but w during the first year and d all hugn out with me in college. and made freshman year bareable and some sitll continue to make life bareable and for me to feel loved in this day adn age adn i know the freindshipsare genuine now but i wonder if id have more people from high school as my friends just bc i fucking get attached to people bc of the whole empathy thing and like we knew eachother for good chunks of our lives, we should keep up with eachother and make sure we’re ok. but also like, did we even show care back then?

i wish id lived the teen life a little more though. like my husband did. like so many of my more normal than me feeling friends did but i wonder how many of my college friends actually liked their high school years lmao.

fucking. whatever. i probably wouldnt go to the reunion if it happened tho, fucking miss me with that shit.

andell is cool. she didnt get mad at moesha for missing her party since hs ehad a great time on her birthday thanks to her, and instead was proud that she put out a good newspaper. im def like, maybe if aliha missed my party id be happy and proud of her for her acocmplioshed but id still be pouty adn idk if that makes me much younger tahn andell or if thats just the whiny cancer gemini in me.

omg we need andells chart to udnerstand if she’s actually 30 lmao and just mature for her own age or if that show is trippig about depicting her as 30 bc shes def oldr. wonder how old the actress was.

thats an easy google fix but im just gonna keep watching and pondering lmao.

man there were some teachers at that fucking school who did not wanna see me succeed in life. and to have your advisor be that teacher really fucks with you. what a fucking bitch i think she hated me. the other people im friends with loved her tho but i think she was really just a racist. she pushed me hard but made things harder for me for no reason. thank god i got out of there in one piece, and with some confidence left in me. 

i need to go to therapy again fuck. 

[perfectirishgifts]

Charlotte Japp Gets Older And Younger Professionals To Network Together

New Post has been published on https://perfectirishgifts.com/charlotte-japp-gets-older-and-younger-professionals-to-network-together/

Charlotte Japp Gets Older And Younger Professionals To Network Together

By Richard Eisenberg, Next Avenue

Charlotte Japp, the 30-year-old founder of the uplifting CIRKEL community platform for intergenerational networking, drew inspiration for it from what happened to her parents.

“Growing up, I saw both of my parents get aged out of their careers and pretty much get forced to pivot and start their own businesses,” she recalls. “So, for me, it seemed normal that after you hit a certain age, you just worked for yourself in this age bubble, or silo, at home.”

That didn’t seem right to Japp, who was recently named one of the nonprofit Encore.org’s 2020 Gen2Gen Innovation Fellows. Through CIRKEL (the Danish word for circle, since workers need to close the intergenerational loop), Japp is helping older and younger people to network with each other, one generation assisting the other.

Next Avenue: What made you get interested in intergenerational mentoring?

Charlotte Japp: It was a personal revelation when I started working for the first time after college [at the media company, Vice]. I saw how age-segregated our world is, but more specifically how age segregated our work lives are.

I said to myself, ‘There’s no one around here who’s more than ten or fifteen years older than me. That’s not just weird because we all look kind of the same, but it’s also weird because there’s no one here to guide me in this really foundational moment in my career.’

So, I thought: Is that really so crazy to have someone in your life who’s older than you, who can give you guidance?

My parents ended up being that for me, they gave me a lot of ideas and a lot of kind of coaching about navigating your first job — my first office experience. And I was giving them a lot of tips and tricks and intel from my life working at this cutting-edge media company as well.

“Ageism is a huge issue and it pushes people out of the workplace before they’re ready to retire or before they want to retire.”

So, for me, it wasn’t just that multigenerational workplaces need to be normalized and that mentorship should be more accessible. But that also mentoring needs to be a two-way street — and my parents needed that support and guidance in their careers, just like my friends and I did.

So, what did you decide to do about this?

I decided that I wanted to put something out there and see if people liked it. And that was the first CIRKEL event, in New York City, in June 2018.

I just wanted more spaces where there were people with different ideas, different experiences — life and work experiences — in a room and have a drink with them and see what happens. And it turned out that a lot of other people wanted those spaces, too.

And the first event was a hit. People wouldn’t leave at the end of the night, they couldn’t stop talking. And it was really refreshing. You know, it was just such a simple concept.

Tell me more about that first event. How did you do it? Who showed up? How did you find them?

I wanted to feature a woman that I looked up to who already had a successful career, but a career that evolved with the times. I thought that was really helpful to both younger professionals and older professionals. So, I tapped my best friend’s mom, Diane di Costanzo, who is in her late fifties.

She’s an editorial director at Meredith Corp. MDP [a media giant that publishes magazines and websites] and has become way more digital. She talked about how the industry had changed and how she had to evolve with it. And so, she gave a presentation to a multigenerational audience from age twenty-one to late seventies.

People wanted to know what was next. They were like, sign me up for your newsletter and I didn’t even have a newsletter. So I did more events from there.

What happened next with CIRKEL and where are you with it today?

For the next year, I continued to put on these events, each one focused on a different industry. We’ve done everything from tech to fashion. And I brought on a co-founder who had more of a finance brain. And we started working together on a problem — kind of a good problem — that we were seeing at the events. People of all ages and professional backgrounds turned up and they wanted to find the right people in the crowd to talk to.

So, we developed what is now CIRKEL Up, our member platform, to help people find relevant connections, people who are relevant to your next step, who can teach you that skill that you’re missing out on or if you want to make a pivot into a new industry.

It was just in New York a year ago. People were getting matched over email; some people would meet up for coffee or a cocktail and have these one-on-one conversations that were so eye opening.

We’ve had CIRKEL Up going for a year and we’re continuing to grow. And we went virtual with Covid. The blessing to that was we’ve been able to open up to global members. So, we have members in fifteen countries and all over the U. S. and it allows us to really find those overlaps, those kinds of people all over the world that you wouldn’t normally cross paths with, across generations, that we think you need to connect with.

The meetups were only in person for about a little over six months. I miss those times, having a glass of wine with someone who has so much wisdom and great stories to share. Now, people say things like: ‘Okay, well when we’re back to normal, we’re getting a drink in person if we’re both in New York.’

I can understand how this is all really helpful for younger people. What’s in it for the older people?

Ageism is a huge issue and it pushes people out of the workplace before they’re ready to retire or before they want to retire. We’re living longer and we need to work longer to fund that longer life. So, we’re seeing a lot of people in midlife who are seeking a paycheck because they need to continue to work, but they’re also looking for purpose. And sometimes the thing that they need is some mentoring of their own.

And it’s amazing how someone who’s younger than them can actually fill in any gaps that are needed for them to take on that next step in their career.

I really love how we’re empowering longer careers, whether that’s helping you set your foundation when you’re younger or continuing to power your career as you’re taking on a new stage in life later.

“Everyone has something that they can teach.”

So, you’re finding the mentoring is really helping the younger people and the older people in different ways.

Exactly.

We just had a multigenerational future of work conference and Chip Conley [a former Next Avenue Influencer in Aging] was one of our speakers. He’s the perfect example of how we need to stay curious, to have that growth mindset and to be a mentor.

He started his own hospitality company at twenty-six and in his fifties started working with Airbnb’s founders in the early days. He found that he was also an intern, because there were so many things that he had to learn about working in the tech world. So, he was teaching about hospitality and running a business and at the same time he was learning about how to ship new products. So, he’s become a real figurehead for two-way mentoring. He wrote the book ‘Wisdom at Work: The Making of a Modern Elder.’

Now you’ve also started an online learning service, Learn With CIRKEL. Tell me about that.

With Covid, this crazy time has opened up a lot of questions about what’s next. If you got laid off, how are you going to equip yourself with the tools you need for the next job application? What is the game plan moving forward? And so, we noticed that a lot of our members want resources. They want inspiration.

And Learn With CIRKEL is a program where our members who are all very experienced in different ways, whether they’re twenty-five or seventy-five, they all have skills they’ve accumulated over time.

And this is the platform for them to share that knowledge in a very short lesson.

So it’s a virtual lesson where anyone anywhere in the world who’s a member can experience it. Everyone has something that they can teach and the audience of other CIRKEL members can learn something.

What are they teaching?

The first lesson was about drawing, from one of our artist members.

Some lessons are more technical. I taught one about Squarespace [a website building and hosting company]. A lot of people use websites as a business card basically. So, if you want to sell a product or a service, you really need to have that online real estate.

We had one about Google Analytics, which can be very intimidating. We had one about personal branding, which I think was a big hit. That’s pretty big these days.

What would you say you’ve learned about intergenerational mentoring since starting CIRKEL?

Sometimes it’s a hit, sometimes it’s a miss; mostly it’s a hit thankfully. But sometimes, the younger person feels like they have to take a back seat and just listen and learn. And I actually have to remind people you’re here for a reason; everyone has something that they could be learning or improving.

And sometimes you need to listen as much as you’re speaking. That seems simple, but you have to say it over and over again to remind people how to approach a simple meeting when you’re talking to someone from a different generation. So, we often encourage people to ask the question: ‘How can I help you?’ What are you dealing with right now that I could potentially offer some advice on?’

And what are you finding that older people are getting from younger people?

A lot of times, people who are over fifty work for themselves or as consultants or freelancers, and so they can sometimes feel a little out of the loop. These little tips and tricks that help people feel like any disadvantage that would be caused by their age can be smoothed over.

Any final thoughts?

Our lives are enriched by diversity, and that’s a big topic right now. And age needs to be included in it.

Research shows that multigenerational teams perform better and are happier and more productive. But are all these generations doing their best work if they’re not talking to each other, connecting and trusting each other? At CIRKEL, we’re starting to talk to businesses, trying to bring all the magic that we’ve created to work world.

Two Questions for Our Influencers

If you could change one thing about aging in America, what would it be?

I would like to see an America where the more life and professional experience you have directly correlates to more career opportunities, not fewer. Unfortunately, over half of Americans over fifty years old get pushed out of their jobs before they choose to retire. If we’re going to change that paradigm, we need to create more ways for older and younger professionals to connect and exchange their different, but equally valuable, knowledge. 

How has the Covid-19 pandemic changed your perspective on aging?

Covid-19 has not only been a public health crisis, but it has also been a period of immense racial and political tension. At a time when people of all ages had to self-isolate, it was also a time when people so deeply needed to come together. While I’ve always believed in the power of intergenerational connection, I was reminded how much networking can address so much more than just career development — it’s good for our mental health and overall well-being for all ages. During the pandemic, I’ve connected with people ages eighteen to eighty-four and it’s been clear that we all share so many vulnerabilities and fears that can be addressed when we have open, cross-generational conversations.

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