#even tho I said to them tht our friendship has never been super close bc we don’t talk regularly and it’s always been on and off
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#i feel bad#one of my friends told me i make them feel bad sometimes bc they struggle to communicate w me#bc they don’t talk regularly and#n I get anxious when I haven’t heard from someone a while I worry tht ive upset them or somethings wrong#I have bad emotional permanence#I don’t like the idea of making a friend feel bad bc they struggle w the expectation of being in contact regularly#even tho I said to them tht our friendship has never been super close bc we don’t talk regularly and it’s always been on and off#I don’t expect someone to talk to me all the time esp bc I know they are busy and they live far away so I don’t seem them often#but I still like to talk to them now and then and know they’re doing okay#I wish I wasn’t an anxious person it feels like I just make ppl feel bad bc of my own anxiety#I have struggled a codependency and while I’m better w my own boundaries I don’t want someone to feel like they can’t talk to me when#theyre feeling bad abt not being able to keep up the friendship#ik for some ppl they can not see them for ages and then when they do the friendship is normal again#whereas I just don’t have tht if I don’t see someone for ages I lose the ability to care for them in the same way bc tht#emotional connection has changed#feel like I just need to pull away from them now tbh we don’t even talk tht much but now I just feel like I’m just gonna overwhelm them :(#journal
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