#even shitty people make good posts sometimes yknow

[dickheadcanons]

Your brain is literally gynormous. Do you think Damian's and Dick's relationship is paternal? Because, as someone who has actually had to raise their sibling (do not recommend) it looks more like a guy that had too much in his plate trying to be the best caregiver he could, but not really being a parent, if that makes sense. I feel like the idea of him wanting to adopt him feels like kind of a retcon, couldn't really see it in the og run. But of course, it could be because it's not exactly the same as my experience (abusive father, incapable mother, yknow the drill). What do you think? All your posts are so good.

Also while you're at it, what do you think of Dick as a parent? Some elseworlds have played with the concept, and main continuity did something too with Olivia but T*m Tayl*r fucked that up too. I also wonder how Damian would be as a dad, but I don't think I've ever seen any stories with it.

omg anon thank you and thank you for asking!! this is literally one of my favorite topics!! i was thinking about making a post on this and now you gave me the excuse for it!!

Long story short, I don't think that “parental” is a binary thing. I mean, I know several bio-parents who are just guys with too much on their plates, trying to be the best they can, you know? And people can see parent figures in all kinds of relationships that aren’t blood or traditional moms/dads, especially with people who didn't know each other from birth. There are a million ways to be parented, and a million ways to act as a parent.

The way I think about it is, is Dick Damain's John Grayson? No, I don't think so.

But is Dick Damian's Bruce Wayne? Yes. Totally. Absolutely.

More under the cut bc I have a lot of thoughts.

I think to talk about Dick and Damian, we have to start with Dick and Bruce. So much about Dick and Damian is a reflection of the original Dynamic Duo, and I think that's very much the case with this element as well. From the start of their very long comic history, Dick and Bruce have been dancing around their relationship. We get early comics that say they're "like" father and son, we have Bruce saying he couldn't care about Dick more than if he was Bruce's son, but we also have places where they call each other their best friends, where they act more like brothers, etc etc.

When it comes to who our parents are, I think there is the responsibility, and the result. Certain people have the responsibility, the duty, to be our parents, and sometimes (because death or illness or being shitty people), they aren't able to meet those responsibilities. That never removes the responsibility; they don't stop being the parent. But they aren't able to create the result of us becoming good stable adults. That's where other people can step in, where the parental figure appears, and those are the people that we actually point to when we say "they made me the person I am today."

In fandom, we see a lot of Dick not wanting Bruce to replace his father, of him asking not to be adopted. I think this is a fine characterization that works with who Dick is, but Bruce is actually the one to say that he is not going to replace Dick's father. He says it completely unprompted, too. This is withholding the responsibility of being Dick's parent from Bruce, keeping him at a distance and reserving it as an honor for someone who can't hold it anymore, even as Bruce demands responsibility for literally everything else about Dick.

And I think that it's very telling of what Bruce's idea of a father is. The thing about having a dead parent at a young age is that the person of your parents is still tangled in the role of parent in your life; Mom is mom, not Martha, and because she's dead, the image of both Martha and "mom" is frozen. For Bruce, the relationship of father and son is frozen in the relationship of specifically his father and him. Of course Bruce is not Dick's father; Bruce himself is so different from what his conception of a father is. And as a fellow son, for Bruce, someone who just got back from 7 years abroad studying to be Batman, for whom the nearly 20 year old wound is still fresh, the idea of even wanting another father doesn't make sense, particularly for a boy that Bruce identifies with so hard that he becomes the third person ever to know who Batman is.

This looming memory is even worse when it's Dick's turn to be Batman. While Bruce looks at Dick and sees the memory of his own loss, the shadow of his own grief, Dick is looking at Damian and seeing Bruce. Dick knows very well who Damian lost; Dick is grieving what Damian lost more than Damian is. Bruce couldn't conceive of replacing a father, but Dick is struggling to imagining himself replacing Bruce at his job, much less who he was in his personal relationships.

But even if Damian isn't Dick's responsibility, Dick doesn't hesitate to care about Damian's future. "Who's going to save him if we don't?" At the start of the DickBats era, Dick isn't looking at Damian as a family member, really. He's looking at Damian as a victim, abet a very involved, very dangerous one. It's how Bruce looked at Dick too, before he had any reason to know that this kid would become something more to him. But, like Bruce, what Dick does to save Damian is bring him into the thing that is most precious to him; Batman. The mission. Saving people. A way to live in the world.

I know saying someone is the Batman to their Robin is like, a joke at this point. Something unbelievably cheesy. But you google "iconic duos" and Batman and Robin are one of the first responses. There's a reason for the joke. So imagine you are Robin, and your Batman is dead. And you have to go and find a new partner. Dick making Damian his Robin is heavy, just as heavy to me as adoption papers. Bruce made Dick his partner without any idea of what that meant. Dick, and the audience, had 70 years of expectation on what Dick and Damian could be. Dick making Damian Robin was a very specific claim, far stronger imo than just claiming him as a son would have been.

Because, to be honest (and speak to your other question), I don't think Dick thinks a lot about being a parent. I don't really think it's that important to him. Dick is a leader, a mentor, he deals with a ton of teenagers and kids through his vigilante work, he goes to Tim's sidekick parent's meetings and takes Jason skiing and more than that, he's also young. He's in his 20s. He should be at the club. I think he probably thinks he'll have kids in an abstract way, but it's not something he's looking for, consciously or unconsciously. He's not searching for connection, or to fix his mistakes or his past, the things that lead Bruce to adopting sidekicks. He'd be a great dad, and I think we see him being pretty good with his Elseworlds kids, but Dick is a very practical person, and him taking a kid in (vs finding somewhere else they can go) is not really the practical choice.

Except for one kid. There's just been one kid with legitimately no where else to go, where Dick is truly the only option, because going home meant only bad things for him. Dick made Damian part of his family in the ways that mattered to them both in that moment. With their lives, adoption doesn't really make a huge material difference on custody (if Damian wanted to leave, Dick couldn't have stopped him; Damian has access to basically unlimited money and can feed and clothe and wash himself. and possibly already has a phd.), and Dick wanted Damian to choose, anyway. If I recall correctly, Dick says he didn't think about taking Damian with him until Bruce comes back. He thought about taking Damian with him, thought that Damian might be better with Dick (his partner!!!!) than even with Bruce, his dad, the person Dick loves so much, only in the face of them being separated.

Meanwhile Damian, for all his blustering about how Dick needs to "earn" his respect, warms up to Dick startlingly quickly. For Damian, who had never known a father, who in his initial run hadn't even known his mother for more than two years, whose other male family is Ra’s al Ghul, his father is Batman. Even in Tomasi's kinder depiction of Damian's childhood, Damian only knows the Bat. And when he meets Bruce, the first thing he expresses is disappointment. Bruce the man is underwhelming and then goes and dies. So much for the mythic hero!

And then he meets Dick. Who manages to teach Damian something, who doesn't discount his skills even when he's wrong. Who proves that he is better at being Batman than Damian, and shows that he wants Damian around. And, even more importantly, who doesn't die. Dick is stable in a world constantly in flux. Damian screws up a lot in that run, and he leaves for long stretches of it, but Dick is always there when he gets back. There's no blame here, but the truth is that Dick is the one who stays.

Bruce was Damian's father, but what does that mean to someone whose never met a father at all? Bruce might have tried to connect with Damian before he died, but he doesn’t do it in a way that works. He doesn’t give Damian trust, he doesn’t encourage him in the ways Damian finds important…the first person to do that is Dick. Dick gives Damian responsibility, makes him part of the team. It could be argued that Damian didn’t deserve it, but we’re not talking about deserving. We’re talking about what worked. It sounds like as good an idea as making a tiny 8 year old acrobat a sidekick, but it undeniably worked for both Damian and Dick. Does that mean that either of these relationships were parental in the way that we think of it in the real world, in the way that a child psychologist would say is good and healthy? I have no idea. But they are the most parental in the absence of any other parents, and I think that means a lot.

Unfortunately, we don't get to actually see the dissolution of Dick and Damian's partnership. DC conveniently skips over showing us Bruce coming back and Dick becoming Nightwing again; preNew 52, Dick is still Batman with Damian even when Bruce returns, and in the New 52, he's been Batman "Before" and we don't really see the end, just a vague aftermath. But if it did take that kind of change to make them realize their relationship had a flavor of "parent and child", had the makings of something like a father and son, well, they'd just be following in the original Batman's footprints.

[lord-squiggletits]

Your Tarn posts make me think about him more

He's a victim but he has so many victims himself, but the person that he is, that cause those victims, was delibrately cultivated. Tarn of the DJD was intentional, and that worse somehow

I have to ask, what do you think it would look like if Tarn, somehow & for whatever reason, decided to take the road of healing, to put whatever pieces of himself back together

YEAH I THINK SO FUCKING MUCH ABOUT THAT, even from my first MTMTE read when I didn't care much about him as a blorbo, I thought it was crazily compelling how Tarn was at once an absolute terrifying monster but also the most pathetic, sad little bully boy in an oversized body at the same time akldjlfksd. Like, you look at Tarn and the horrible shit he did to Pharma, all the victims of the DJD, Skids, the alt. Lost Light, etc and he seems like a completely unstoppable force. Then you actually look behind the mask and Tarn's just so... incredibly short-sighted, blindly worships, really volatile and thoughtless, and ultimately gets his shit rocked by Megatron in what's basically a no-contest loss. It feels really bad like... how can it be that someone so pathetic was able to cause so much destruction before he was put down? In the ideal world, you want to believe that shitty, weak people are powerless, but it turns out that sometimes shitty, weak people can actually be in positions of power (in terms of hierarchy, physical might, politics, etc) and when they do they can hurt an incredibly disproportionate amount of people compared to their actual strength of character as a person. As an example, pre-insanity/mania Pharma was so obviously a better person than Tarn, but look how that ended up: this absolute prodigy of a doctor, next in line to be CMO, a normal good Autobot in all accounts. Gets completely wrecked and turned into a mentally ill, insane asshole that loses everything and everyone he ever valued, and Tarn literally never even thinks about him again. God.

As to how I'd handle Tarn healing arc...

The short answer: I actually want to write about Tarn taking a road of healing, heel-face turn arc in the Pen Pals Tarnma AU I've talked about occasionally on this blog/in asks! So... when I post that fic, literally just (gestures at the whole thing)

The long answer:

If canon-divergent, it'd be Dying of the Light but Tarn and co. stop fighting Megatron bc of how pathetic he is. The DJD basically merge forces with Deathsaurus' Decepticons, and they make a sort of neo-Decepticon movement fighting the Galactic Council/Black Rock Consortia. Tarn isn't really a better person morally speaking (yknow the hating organics and wanting conquest thing), but he'd definitely be put on a path where he divorces his sense of self from Megatron and focuses more on his group of comrades: he finds meaning from a collective rather than from worshiping an individual as a god, and Tarn experiences healing from that fact bc instead of a fucked up grooming/parasocial relationship with a distant, uncaring leader, he's actually having real, tangible bonds with people who are equal to him and love and respect him. So, probably still really fanatical to his ideals, but he's a fanatic who loves his comrades as much as he loves his cause.

In a nonspecified AU, let's say during the war with Decepticon Megatron, I think the only way Tarn could get better would be if Megatron got better and then took the time/care to make Tarn better along with him. Unfortunately, Tarn has been manipulated in such a way that Megatron is literally his entire axis of morality/purpose/etc, and I think he doesn't have enough agency and independence to start healing except unless Megatron says "shittiest of my sons, why don't you deradicalize and maybe you'll calm down." It'd basically take Megatron un-grooming Tarn first, and then for Tarn to get some kind of purpose/relationship outside of him for Tarn to regain the independence he had as Damus, which would then allow him to pull the rest of the way from Megatron and go his own way. (Incidentally, this is what happens in the Pen Pals AU)

In a scenario that I don't even know how it'd happen but I desperately want it to happen: Optimus "I can fix him" Prime and Tarn are forced to work together in some capacity which leads to a slowburn mending of their relationship. Not like Tarn becomes an Autobot, or goes back to being Damus, but like... idk, Optimus is the one to deradicalize Tarn and make him realize that Megatron manipulated the shit out of him. Somehow. I would really like these two to interact so badly, and for Tarn to also have a mentor/paternal-esque relationship with someone besides Megatron. (This also happens in Pen Pals AU ldskfjlsd I told you that fic was the true Tarn Redemption Story dlksfjlsdsf)

[cowpokeomens]

Ayfuckingo, who’s stealing work👀👀👀 (Who thinks stealing someone’s hard ass work is fun? Wtf)

Yknow I thought abt deleting this ask and my post but I’m feeling feisty and fed up today, actually! This is not directly specifically at you anon 🫶 anyways read at your own risk lol

I’m not dropping names because I’m not a gossip blog, but I think the tendency of certain celebrated “authors” to dip into other people’s creative endeavors for their own work is gross and completely diminishes the whole point of fandoms. Like, this is supposed to be a community. Instead it’s turned into a competition that literally no one wants to be a part of where people say “oh yay, another _____ AU!” Instead of “wow, that’s awfully hyper specific and pretty flagrantly rips off of soemthing I’ve seen before?”

I think we, as members of fandom, have become soooooo wrapped up in the culture of needing to “consume content” that we disregard artistic integrity. We don’t care that the idea is stolen because we love the idea so much. I’m not talking about tropes (ie; enemies to lovers, grumpy!character x sunshine!character, fake dating) I’m talking about the actual creative thought that goes into making a fic. I understand loving someone’s creativity; I’m an artist, and I am constantly absorbing and thinking about art from other people. It’s inevitable that some ideas will trickle into your own work. But there comes a point where there is a clear difference between “inspired” and stolen.

I’m not trying to say this as some kind of writing authority - there are SO MANY talented and hardworking writers on this platform who make beautiful work leagues better than my stupid horny rambles. And like I said, I’m not naming names- the plagiarizers are fully aware of what they’re doing. But the way in which y’all treat fic is really disappointing sometimes. It’s not all about the next update, y’all. This is someone’s art. It’s not just a “good idea” in public domain for you to pluck and use in your own work as you please. It is someone’s art.

I just can’t help but feel like it circles back to a deeply ingrained need to devalue artists. If there was any respect for author’s and their work, this wouldn’t even need to be a conversation. Don’t fucking steal from people. Why do you value the work of an author so little that you feel it’s okay to take something they’ve worked incredibly hard on? Obviously you like it enough to try and pass it off as your own, so why steal at all? There’s a reblog button, you can add comments to let them know how much you love it. What are you gaining?

I’m coming from the position of an artist, not just a fic writer. This has nothing to do with my writing personally (as far as I’m aware, no one is trying to pass off my ideas as their own.) But as an artist, I cannot put into words how saddening and downright violating it is to have someone look at a thing you made, something you put your experiences and thoughts and emotions into, and think “it’s completely fine for me to take this idea and run with it.” That is insurmountably shitty.

Y’all are too damn smart to not notice. I think too highly of y’all as readers and creators to chalk it up to misunderstanding. You probably already had a fic in mind as you were reading this! I think we, as a community, really need to work on our intentionality and integrity with regards to art making. Stealing ideas is not conducive to making art or maintaining any semblance of community in fandom. Anyways this was long, I apologize for nothing, byeeeeeeeeee

[teddyqd]

20 Questions for Writers

eeee thanks for the tag @fuckyeahfang!! <3 i'm gonna tag @maraschinomerry if u wanna (no pressure tho!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 31! Dang I've been writing fic for a second and a half huh (Note: one of these fics is not mine lol -- I posted it for a friend without AO3)

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 77,138 -- waough

3. What fandoms do you write for? Whatever's rotting my brain most at the moment -- I had a long streak of Critical Role, which went into TMA, and I have a feeling Dunmeshi might get a few fics by the time it's done with me; also original stuff but I don't post that

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

My Lightbringer - 4,891 Hits, Critical Role

[incoming communication] - 3,018 Hits, Lifeline

little blue pills - 2,919 Hits, The Magnus Archives

The Hands-On Approach To Teaching Dunamantic Spells: A Guide by Essek Thelyss (Results may vary) - 2,271 Hits, Critical Role

Shitty Hair - 1,190 Hits, My Hero Academia

5. Do you respond to comments? I try, I really do, but sometimes I'll see one and be like "I'll reply to that later!" and then I don't and then it's been 2 years and I feel bad for replying so late that I just don't 😭 But I do read and appreciate them all I prommy

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? this would require me to finish fics EVER lmao... but seriously probably (Don't) Look Away. Do NOT read this if you haven't played Outer Wilds, but DO go and play Outer Wilds, and THEN read this.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably [incoming communication]? It's definitely the ending I'm most proud of -- it's very self indulgent, but I'm fond of it :"

8. Do you get hate on fics? nah people tend to be chill

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Sometimes, but not often, and I post it even less often. I prefer reading it to writing it, but I do like tossing around ideas I'll never write about the characters' weird and intriguing kinks lmao

10. Do you write crossovers? I don't tend to, unless they're incredibly funny to me. Reading-wise, crossovers just annoy me because there's 2x the chances for mischaracterisation/misunderstanding of the setting(s), but sometimes a really good one can scratch my brain.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not into another language, but I have had a podfic made of Cabin Fever -- which was great since it was a scriptfic anyway! It's really well made, go give it a listen!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Quite a few! Not in a while, but it's fun to work with someone whose brain ticks in synch with mine about a character or ship. I actually started dating my current partner in part because we were talking about a fic we wanted to write together! We'll get to it one day, and get sooo much hate about it it's quite fucked up LMAO

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? MAN. YOU CAN'T ASK ME THIS. it's like picking children. uhhh Shadowgast (Critical Role) is up there for All Timers but they are def not the only one. Probably the one I've thought most about, but now I'm thinking about Blupjeans (TAZ)... JMart.... augh. i love when people love each other despite the very terrible consequences

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? little blue pills! It's a fun concept -- I love fucking with the very rubbish trope of soulmate AUs and making them Weird and Queer, but I am not great at finishing projects and I have also cooled slightly on TMA since I started it.

16. What are your writing strengths? big emotions! being purple prose but like good about it! Weird People.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? finishing things, plotting, writing convincing dialogue -- yknow, just little things (🥲)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? It can be done well, but it needs to be considered deeply. Also, used sparingly. I like throwing in terms of endearment in other languages, but when it's whole conversations, it's not fun to be checking google translate/the AN every five seconds.

19. First fandom you wrote for? the first one that's still up? Layton Brothers! the first ever? harry potter 😔

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? i hate favourite questions i hate favourite questions uHHHHHH You Were My Conscience. fucked up monster lovers trying to moralise their way out of being responsible for a man's mental breakdown <3

thanks again for the tag sunny i love u mwah

[trashmouth-richie]

Ziggy you are a mum? Never knew that!

I try not to let all the tik tok mums get to me because i know half of it is scripted and fake for views but it does get to you sometime because boy do i not have my shit together compared to them.

What you said about losing your identity is real though, and trying to find that again whilst also being a mum is so freaking difficult.

And yeah these past few years since having my son have been the worst for my body image, like nothing is the same, and dropping the baby weight afterwards, even harder, like all I wear is over sized band tees and jeans basically, stopped dying my hair, rarely wear makeup etc

My writing on here is my escape, its where i can just be me and not have that mum label attached to me 24/7. But i am trying to find new ways to get back to me again this year and try get out of that post baby funk.

i am! my kids are 7 & 8 ❤️❤️

it is!!! like i feel like so much of our time is just worrying about whether the baby has this or that and if they’re happy and fed yknow? which duh is so important but you lose yourself in that process and it’s soooo sad and so hard to even realize that you’re just basically walking around like a zombie.

triggering content under the cut: depression, weight gain + loss, suicide ideation etc

i gained so much weight with my kids and being depressed it was terrible, i worked a job that’s i thought i loved but truly made me so miserable that i would have panic attacks on the way to work, throw up in my car, even thought about crashing my car so i wouldn’t have to go in.

i hated myself so so much i didn’t see the point in looking in mirrors or dressing nice.

now, i have a job where i can basically wear whatever i want so i take advantage of that, and it has helped so much. s4 of stranger things and joseph quinn have really opened my eyes to who i am and who ive been hiding away for yeeeears.

getting on the right medication, writing, finding good people to chat with that aren’t fucking insane dickesds— it all helped make me feel confident enough to want to have sex and to feel good and sexy while doing it.

tiktok moms make me feel so shitty lmaaao like? how are you that put together all the time? how do you enjoy scrubbing baseboards? i don’t get it, and a lot of the times i have to limit my time on tiktok because ill spiral out of control of hating myself.

truthfully— if it weren’t for lexapro and wellbutrin i wouldn’t be here today… i don’t do well with therapy but maybe that is something you could also look into?

i truly hope you find a good balance and are able to see the light out of the baby blues— im here if you ever wanna chat! i’m also on discord 😘

♥️♥️ don’t be a stranger

[oysterie]

sometimes i want to tongue-in-cheek post like "you all need to listen to shitty music" in reference to like finding random bandcamp albums and listening to artists w two dozen monthly listeners and appreciating them and adding them to your playlists and enjoying them but i cannot make myself call these artists i listen to shit or bad because i genuinly think theyre good despite sometimes low audio quality/cliche lyrics/undistinguished vocals/etc like. i am a serial low monthly listener artist enjoyer have found some of the best music construction and lyrics in these albums yknow. even putting aside calls to support local scenes and indie music or we loose subcultures and venues and artists these are still skilled people make genuinly good art and i feel bad reducing them to indie playlist titled shitty emo indie or whatever 👍like obvi youre not hurting them by saying such things but it feels redactive.

[getitoffyourchestofficial]

hi this is a lot im sorry. i love to say words and dump shit that upsets me with no real correlation. my bad /gen (genuine) (idk if you know tone indicators im sorry ough)

you dont really Have to cook up a proper response to this i just need to put it somewhere where i wont immediately get piles of advice that i cant use. i know its well-meaning but ultimately the whole situation is ou of anyones control

(also putting this 🎪 here so i can try to find it later)

im stuck in a sisyphean nightmare of a weekly cycle: i have a good day -> my mood skyrockets -> i have a bad day -> my mood plummets -> rinse and repeat. at this point i think it might be a mental condition bc something doesnt even really have to Ruin My Day, i just have to face a minor inconvenience and then suddenly im all doom-and-gloom depression for 3-5 business days before springing back up as if nothing ever happened to do it all again. my mom says i might have bpd or bipolar disorder (i always get the two confused) because she has it and we just havent seen anyone about it, mostly because we dont have the money to see any doctors most of the time. i also kinda dont wanna have either of them? not in like an asshole way but in a these-people-face-stigma-that-i-dont-know-if-i-can-emotionally-handle way. in a im already queer and fat and poor and disabled in multipled ways and overall unsavory to neurotypicals/cishets/Default Settings way. yknow

todays inciting incident was a shitty shitty halloween carnival that didnt even have the thing i was excited for, didnt have any food, had lines that were miles long (hyperbole), was too hot, and i only got 8 shitty halloween things from -- half of which were lollipops, with half of those just being the same 2 flavors but Again. we stayed for 2 hours before my mom decided she didnt wanna be out of the house anymore as usual. i cant be too mad at her because shes mentally ill in the direction of "i dont want to go anywhere because my anxiety will spike" but unfortunately im mentally ill in the direction of "if i cannot leave the house to Do Things at my own pace at least once a week i will fall into a deep depression" so we clash pretty bad most of the time. this was also following multiple minor inconveniences mind you. and was also trailed by multiple minor inconveniences. it just has not gone well. this halloween is just shaping up to suck bc i was supposed to have a whole party but we had money issues so it had to be cut down to just 2 people for a sleepover, then one of them went out to see his grandma in another state and the other is apparently in the fucking hospital right now??? at least according to his posts. and i cant blame them for these either! schedules conflict and sometimes you go to the Fuckig Hosital. its out of anyones control but it still feels like shit. so its looking like my only shot at having any fun this halloween is the trunk-or-treat at my school and idk if im even allowed to go bc i had to drop out for mental health reasons and they told me i wasnt allowed on school grounds anymore. idk if that applies here. which btw. way to make a depressed kid feel worse. you can NEVER come to this high school again or we'll ARREST YOU. fuckin bullshit. BUT thats off topic the synopsis is that this halloween sucks so far and i dont really expect it to get better which extra sucks bc im turning 18 next year and i dont wanna let this be the last hurrah for my number one favorite holiday. i cant host fucking parties for my friends after then. im gonna be busy trying to fuck off to the other end of the country. i wont have TIME for it. idk. it sucks. this sucks. fuck art and fuck you /ref (reference) /nbh (nobody here)

Ik you don't want advice for this so I'll just put it on the blog.

And idk if you want it but here's a tea

☕

[didwho]

Hello! You mentioned looking for more info about labels and stuff, so, if you're interested, here are a few things we've personally learned from several years as a "Origins Are Weird And Confusing" system who has been in therapy for A While at this point, in case they're useful to you: - you deserve whatever support you need, regardless of origin or dx or anything else. Therapy, friends who listen to you and support you, academic or workplace accommodations, the right to be unhappy and having a shitty time--you don't have to prove anything to be allowed to want/have those things. - trauma is a subjective experience about how your brain processed something difficult--not about whether the events were 'objectively bad enough to count', because there is no externally defined threshold. (There are certain types of negative experiences that are statistically very likely to be traumatic to the average person, but that absolutely does not mean that only those types of experiences "count".) - if you are experiencing lasting negative impacts from something that happened to you, 1) there is nothing you need to prove in order to be 'allowed' to get support for it; 2) anyone telling you that it wasn't bad enough to affect you is wrong. (This is true even in contexts completely unrelated to syscourse, btw!) - DID in specific is predominantly associated with chronic trauma/adverse experiences during childhood. However, if you have struggles with mental health issues and feel like a system, your options are not just either "100% Definitely DID" or "You're Making It All Up". Whether the label that happens to fit you and your experiences best is DID or any other label (OSDD, MaDD, PTSD + system, "stuff is shitty rn" + system, "who even knows", etc.) is between yourselves and the people on your support team--it's not the business of internet discourse randos trying to tell you whether or not you're valid. (Besides, figuring out what labels fit you best often isn't actually easy or obvious right away, for any number of reasons--including the fact that sketchy and/or 'muted' memories of awful experiences is a big part of many CDDs--and that's okay. Really. You get to figure stuff out at your own pace.) - you are allowed to use/benefit from CDD management strategies and ways of thinking whether or not you have one. (People without ADHD can use bullet journals. DBT isn't just for people with BPD. Etc. If it helps you, the important part is that it helps you.) - don't let the haters get you down. (There are folks out there in syscourse with complex and nuanced opinions, legitimate critiques of communities, etc.! And also, there are sometimes people who just want to be 'allowed' to feel hateful towards someone, aren't in good faith, and aren't interested in listening. What those people think of you or say about you Does. Not. Matter. They are howling at the moon.)

Good luck out there <3

thank you so so so so so much for the kind words!! i preach all of the same things yet sometimes its hard to believe it for yourself, so i genuinely really appreciate the reassurance.

i am looking for a label as of currently because i dont really know whats what, yknow?? its hard for someone like me because despite preaching all of those things, i struggle to understand what defines trauma!

a lot of my headmates tend to agree we do have trauma, but those who dont tend to feel very strongly about not, so it kinda pushes that positivity away!

it really sucks to be both your own supporter and your own enemy at the same time (not calling my headmates enemies its just the best way i can describe it)!

the vents i post are usually when im feeling fired up or upset over things, and again, for that post/ rant i had earlier i spread misinfo, which i feel HORRIBLE about, but i will keep the post up because someone else made a point on it and had the patience to help educate me!

i am still learning and alla that, its hard to navigate this community because theres so many terms, and due to general amnesia, whether it be the fact im a system or due to my ADHD, its hard to get a grasp on all of those!

anyways, sorry for the ramble and thank you so much for the kind words! i hope you have an amazing day ❤️

[cherryblossom-heart]

Hi! I just read your response to my comment and I wasn't aware that you were even getting shit for the fic you put out until I saw the replies, but I just want to reiterate that your writing is just as valid and incredibly intricate. And you know this already considering you continue to pump out immaculate fics regardless. Your complexities with these characters proves that you know damn well how to tear right into our most inner fears and demons by showcasing the unexplored topics of tragedy, grief, and pain. I know a lot of people use fics to escape the reality we live in, but you seem to encompass both fictional and reality— I mean we're talking about an 106 super soldier here yknow. I love that you can blend both together because sometimes the fluff doesn't always cut it. Your angst forces us to FEEL something and allow us to closely examine our relations with these characters. That splash of reality crashing down on us in this temporary daydream is what makes your fics so fun to read. They give us an out of body experience that is so immersive you forget that it's fictional because it still feels indescribably real! And I really appreciate your contribution to review(s) as well because you took the time to consider my thoughts and feedback. It feels good when the writer tells you that the story is meant to be seen in that light! I'm just saying that despite the hate you're getting, the fic was spectacular. I hope other people come to realize this same revelation because it feels so refreshing seeing the messiness of reader's journey to acceptance.

Omg here come the tears again. Thank you so much ❤️ I really can't tell you how happy it makes me to see this. I do this in my free time, as a hobby, as something that relaxes me and as a way of learning but I still try to put my best in the things I write and the thing about this is that to me both CICYHN Steve and I loved you once Bucky did shitty things and may be similar in some way (I'm talking about the controversial cheating) yet they are so different characters. I could've easily just had this end the same way as CICYHN but with this story it just didn't feel right, you know? It did make me kinda sad those replies I told you about cause they just hit me right in my morals and ig my feminism too lol cause I have never wanted to put out the message of women should always forgive and forget for a man, and I thought that maybe the way I wrote it just gave off that message but with you seeing it just as I wanted it makes me so happy. Seeing your message just gives me more comfort and confidence in what I try to do cause your reviews also guide me in ways to see what I'm doing right but also to learn about myself as a writer because at the end of the day thats what I want to do, make people feel something (mainly angst but who knows maybe someday I'll go to pure fluff lol)

I hope you'll like the next fics that I post and again you're an amazing reviewer and I'll always appreciate your feedback ❤️

[iatrophilosophos]

I cannot stress enough how many people in the notes of posts like this one are engaging in the same kinds of dangerous doublethink as the woman described.

Don't cede ground to appeals to authority just because the topic is medicine and somebody is pushing something laughable (e.g. masks drop ur blood oxygen). Medical science is a tool and a process, value and truth-neutral at its core, that is codified into a party line (whats in all those textbooks) by institutions. The same institutions that taught entire generations of doctors that Black people *literally* have thicker skin and continue to employ and enable people that believe it. The same institutions that teach practices that lead to shocking rates of maternal death in the imperial core. The same institutions that published the fucking CASS review for fucks sake. How long did the CDC ignore evidence that COVID is airborne and not surface transmitted? How many people at the start of covid--ppl with licenses and ppl without--spent dozens of hours a *week* reading every study, evaluating the quality of evidence, and writing autonomous reports with their best educated guesses as what could be done? How many of those reports differed from the CDC line?

Most, most importantly: the world is fucked. Supply lines are getting fucked. The field & industry of medical research is teetering on the brink of a couplefew logistics & supply failures that could decimate the processes that we in the dominant culture in the west use to generate and evaluate medical information, and with that consensus is gonna start rotting away too. We cannot, and have never been able to bet our lives on trusting the party line of the medical industrial complex and absolutely not on public health departments and NGOs. The surgeon general that whoever the fuck next appoints is not BETTER than some dude screaming in his drivers seat. We just cannot actually trust institutional medical authority like that--something that is reflected in people's lived experiences and something that Alex Jones et al KNOW and are capitalizing off of.

You know how the horse paste grifters do what they do? They tell people that they aren't stupid. I'm not surprised that people who work in health care are suspectible to this shit, sometimes even MORESO, because they've been behind the curtain. They have participated in systemic medical abuse. They know all the stupid shit that hospitals do that hurts more than it helps (e.g. heavily sterilized closed air spaces breeding extremely hard to treat pathogens--cuz yknow, the germ theory of disease is true and has its moments but has also lead to some fucked and dangerous practices!) and they've lived the pissing contests and the power struggles and they KNOW shit is fucked...so somebody validates that and makes it easier & feel better to believe than towing a party line they already KNOW has so much bullshit in it.

That is how a lot of cults work. The dominant authority is shitty and sketchy and sucks and a new one offers an alternative. We don't win that by reifying the dominant authority and we DEFINITELY don't insulate ourselves from it by Rationalizing why it's OK to say "no dummy the textbook says--" a few breaths away from talking shit abt how that textbook is full of awful racist, misogynist, transphobic, ableist, saneist, sizeist lies.

The pulseox experiment is good. That's critical thinking. It's something you can look at with your own eyes and evaluate. Medical literacy is not John Hopkins dot org and mayo clinic, it is building in your own head a working model of how bodies and diseases work and constantly interrogating it's validity. And it is hard, and it takes curiosity, it takes research skills a lot of ppl might not necessarily have when they start, it takes a lot of reading boring books by assholes and rotating the information around in your mind until you understand it. Its a process and a culture shift, especially when most of us were taught that we don't NEED to know these things, we just need to find a nice doctor who seems like a good man and trust him. But we fucking gotta because otherwise we will get eaten alive. We at LEAST need enough of that to vet people we might want to outsource the more detailed work to.

Last thing, tangential: we gotta bring up every time it comes up that pulse oximiters give false-high reads on people with darker skin because, yknow, *gestures at all of the biases and bullshit that go into developing modern medical knowledge and technology*. A lot of people, including a lot of people working in medicine, don't know that.

[who-gives-af]

so v aggressive positivity post that is ranty and came to me while listening to bruno major. involves cursing and such but in the most positive way yknow?

so i was in the car earlier and i just got hit with how fucking beautiful humans are. like everyones unique and pretty and gorgeous and fuck anyone who says otherwise. like looking at the way people are made, the way theyve changed since they were born. maybe you arent conventionally attractive but by god are you absolutely gorgeous. no matter what you look like, you should know you are incredible. handsome beautiful ethereal divine incomprehensible and any other word you can think of applies to you. look at yourself. look at your face and you body, the way you move. that is all uniquely /you/. so what if its different from whats normally considered attractive. who gives a fuck about normalcy. you are uniquely you in the best way fucking possible. you are the culmination of uncountable mixes of recessive and dominant genes and they made you. the you people see every day. the you people fall in love with. the you who deserves unbreakable love. the you who makes their way through life, strong enough to make it to where you are now. maybe its been hard, maybe its been easy. either way youve made it to where you are and thats something to be proud of. you are surviving and making your way in the world and sure things are fucked. but theres also beauty in every fucking thing and sometimes we need to see that. look around you. look at the way people band together to help others. look at the way people will protect others with their lives. look at the jobs people do that risk their health and safety to help others. look at the connections you make in every day life. you are living a life full of ups and downs and that is so fucking commendable. life can be shitty. really shitty sometimes. but you are surviving. you doing your best every fucking day and that is something to be proud of. maybe youve saved someones life and didnt even know it. what if that one time you smiled at someone on the street and they felt some hope that things would be ok. what if you held the door open for someone and reminded them that people are good. you never know what you accomplish in another person’s life unknowingly. who knows? all i know is that you are an amazing human being and so uniquely incredible. you deserve happiness and unconditional love and to thrive. and im convinced youll make it one day. i believe in you. sure im a stranger on the internet but who cares. i believe that everyone holds insurmountable value and that sometimes we need to love one another. we need to tell people we love them. we need to remind each other why we strive to be better. why we live

[ultraqueer]

man... honestly might go back to the good old days of ignoring everything in fandom beyond pretty art, fun fic, and stupid memes. yes i’ve made this pot before but it remains to be said that i just..... miss experiencing things in my own lil bubble where i wouldn’t catch shit for something inconsequential someone else seems out of character lmfaooo

[miiilowo]

reading all the tags on this is making me really fucking emotional man. in a good way. its a lighthearted post and wasnt that deep when i made it, but ive always felt a deep connection to the countryside and it intermingles with my identity in ways i find difficult to put into words; and what is my identity without the queerness?

theres this sense of alienation with me from other trans folk and other gay folk, because collectively, most of us have rallied against people who we typically perceive as being rednecks or whatnot. see them as all bein bigoted, even if its not necessarily true. the idea of queer people being out here in rural areas isnt addressed often, and i dont see it too often myself; theyre far and few inbetween, and they always hate living in places like this because of that belief that everyone around them is an enemy, yknow?

queer people are out there, and its good to connect with them, but sometimes it doesnt mean much if you cant see yourself reflected in the other. it creates a disconnect.

ive lived in places like this my whole life. maybe ive never lived in the south or the midwest, but ive always lived in the country, surrounded by forests, fields, farms. surrounded by people who were just like myself, and all too different at the same time.

my gender identity is a massive part of who i am, and it, along with my heart, belongs to the mundane dirt of the pacific northwest.

maybe its a bit silly, but seeing all the people in the notes talking about how theyre lgbt and truly and deeply adore the same things i do, the same places i grew up in, the same dumbass hick activities, the farms and the 4 wheelers and the grass and the mud and the bugs and the shitty rusty cars and old train tracks and the trees and the fields, going fishing, any of it and all of it;

it means a lot. maybe im not alone afterall, and maybe i am crying a little bit.

there needs to be more content specifically aimed at people who grew up in the middle of rural bumfuck nowhere who love the shitty worn down rusty pickup truck unclean gas station bigfoot sighting 200 degree weather dirt-eating redneck vibe of it all without the whole homophobic white christianity thing

[kudzushadow]

There for You | Part 1 of 3 | A Harlivy Fanfiction

Summary: After Harley finds Ivy in tears on the floor of the bathroom, realization dawns on her about how hard the past year had been on Ivy, from literally dying (1x12) to mind control. (2x12) They have a heartfelt conversation about the events leading up to the moment, and learn that sometimes it's ok to confide in the ones you care for. (Based on the scene from Eat Bang! Kill Tour: Issue #1)

Hurt/Comfort | TW: Past trauma mentions, slight hints of past abuse. | Spoilers for Harley Quinn: The Animated Series & Eat Bang! Kill Tour: Issue #1

See bottom for extra notes!

-

"...Ive?" Harley's eyes widened as she rounded a corner and was greeted with a sight that made her heart ache.

Ivy sat on the bathroom floor, head buried in her hands as her whole body shook with sobs. 

Harley was immediately kneeling by her side, arms wrapping protectively around her girlfriend without a second of hesitation. "Shh. It's alright, Ive. Everything's going to be ok…" Ivy had been acting strange since the wedding, but she hadn't been willing to open up to Harley. Now Harley was beyond worried, it was clearly more serious than the redhead had been letting on.

Ivy immediately relaxed into the blonde, tucking her face into Harley's chest. Eventually her sobs quieted down, but Harley could feel her trembling as she held her. While she tried to figure out what to say, she rubbed Ivy’s back comfortingly. 

After a couple moments of silence, after holding Ivy, feeling her tremble, listening to her uneven breathing… seeing her tear stained cheeks… realization began to dawn on Harley. God, she was so stupid and oblivious! She’d been so focused on her own feelings, she hadn’t even begun to consider Ivy’s… and how hard it must’ve been, being stuck in the middle of everything. 

“Ivy… I'm sorry. I’m so sorry… I’ve been so caught up in my own feelings, I hadn’t given any thought to how heavy all of this must weigh on you…” She brushed a strand of hair from Ivy’s face before continuing. “You’ve been through so much this past year, and I’ve been a pretty shitty friend. I should’ve been there for you, I should’ve helped you, should’ve protected you… and if I could go back in time and do it all differently, I would. A thousand times over.”

“...but I can’t, and that’s something I’ll regret as long as I live. Yet you’ve always been there for me, even when I created huge messes… when I joined the Legion of Doom, when I went back to Joker, when I released an army of parademons, when the Injustice League froze me… god, that last one sucked. Yet you rescued me. You always rescue me, Ive. Always help me. Always take care of me, even though I’m not sure I deserve it most of the time…” Harley looked away, shutting her eyes for a moment before forcing herself to continue. “...Ivy, you don’t have to pretend to be strong in front of me. You’re hurting… and that’s ok. We all hurt sometimes, but that doesn’t make us weak… or… or less human. I’m here now though. I want to share that burden with you, if you’ll let me.” Harley looked back at Ivy, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “I love you, Ive. I love you so much… and if you ever… yknow, want to talk about… well, anything at all, really… I just want you to know I’m here.” 

Ivy turned her head away, and the next few minutes passed slowly in silence. Harley held Ivy, didn’t once let go, but with each passing second she became increasingly worried she’d done something wrong. Was it something she’d said? Oh god, had she made it worse? 

“Ive, I didn’t mean-”

“Harley.” Ivy pulled away slightly, raising her head so she could meet Harley’s wide blue eyes. “I-” She paused, choking back a sob. “I hurt you, I hurt Chuck… I hurt so many people… all because I didn’t know what I wanted then… and to be honest, I’m not sure what I want now, either…”

Harley’s heart dropped, and she opened her mouth to respond before Ivy cut her off.

“-...but Harley… so much has happened. You’ve made mistakes, I’ve made mistakes… and you’re trying to change… that’s good, and I’m proud of you… but you're right, we can’t change the past, no matter how hard we try.” Ivy shut her eyes, letting out a shaky exhale before continuing. “Opening up… relationships… hell, just being around other people is… is hard for me… but you showed me the good in humanity. That not all humans are… are monsters. My life before I met you… was… lonely. Even with all my plants, I had nobody to talk to. Nobody to confide in… but I liked it that way. It was safe. Nobody was going to judge me, or… or abandon me... and I guess that’s why I… why I chose Chuck… because he was the safer option.”

I trust you, with my life… but I don’t trust you with my heart.

Harley winced inwardly, but she understood where Ivy was coming from. Harley definitely didn’t have the best track record with… well, anything really. 

So I… I’m marrying Kiteman.

“I was… I was scared. Scared that if I… if I went with what my heart was telling me, it was just going to get broken… and after everything, I just… I couldn’t stand the idea of that happening. Of losing you again…” Ivy trailed off, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.

You were my one friend, and I asked you for one favor, but instead you ditched me for the Joker, who treats you like shit! 

“Ivy… I had no idea you felt that way.” Harley spoke softly, using her free hand to lift Ivy’s chin so she could look into those beautiful green eyes… eyes whose depths she often found herself lost in. “I… didn’t know what I really wanted then. It was like… like I was trying to fill a hole inside me… like part of me was missing… and then, that night at the pit…” She smiled, using her thumb to brush a tear from Ivy’s cheek. “That was one of the most amazing nights of my life. I hadn’t realized… I hadn’t realized what it felt like to have someone else care about you. To have someone love you. Joker definitely never cared about me… not in the way you do… and... y'know, maybe I didn’t deserve it. Like I said, I haven’t always been the most reliable… but that changes today… if you’ll give me a shot, that is…”

Ivy looked up at Harley as she brushed the tear away, and smiled sadly. “...You’re trying to change… and that’s what matters. Harls, I do love you. A lot…. More than I care to admit… and… this whole relationship thing is new to me, but… I’m… I’m willing to give it a shot. To give you a shot… and today… today was proof of how much you’ve changed. How much you’re willing to sacrifice for others…” Ivy rested her head on Harley’s shoulder, but her mind was clearly wandering.

“...but that’s not all that’s troubling you, is it?”

“...perceptive as always.” Ivy chuckled halfheartedly, then looked away again. “It’s… it’s fine. It’s nothing important…”

“Well, I am a psychiatrist… but seriously Ive, you can tell me anything.” Harley stroked her cheek. “You know that.” 

“Harley, I really don’t want to talk about it… can we just… can you help me out of this dress?”

“...yeah. Sure thing.” Harley stood up before reaching out a hand to help Ivy up. She definitely wasn’t going to let this drop that easily, but Ivy clearly didn’t want to talk anymore right now… so instead Harley busied herself with the zipper of Ivy’s wedding dress and the sights underneath.

- End of part 1 -

I think all of it copied and pasted? If it looks like anything is missing please lmk!

This... this is what quarantine, lack of sleep, and having covid does to you. Helps you get over writers block. This is my first work I've gone public with, and originally I wasn't going to post it but a friend gave me the confidence to share it! So... here it is, I guess?

I was going to post it on Archives of Our Own too, but I have to wait till the 14th to get an account. 😐

Comments mean the world, even if it's just a couple words. I'll even take criticism to heart! By commenting you all can let me know what you think, and if you want to see the other parts...

Any interaction is appreciated, and my inbox and dms are always open! Thank you, and have a great day! (Or night!)

[reonagisolos]

yknow, i love jaya and all, but the writing for them hurts me so badly because they do nya so dirty and I'm like NO so here are some of the changes I'd make without jeapordizing the actual plot (from the perspective of someone who watched from s1-7, sort of a rewrite? But not really. Just this one pet peeve I have with the writing here, from someone who loves drama but hates lobe triangles 🤟)

-The love triangle has to go away. i hated watching any type of moment with that cause it felt so forced like..Why would you do that?

-Instead of that, I'd rather have it first establish whether or not the feelings from jay to nya and vice versa were mutual. I'm sure it is and honestly I wish the triangle never existed but if I'd rather have it happen in some other way, I'd honestly want other characters to push it, instead of nya herself. It doesn't even need to be a full fledged arc, just something that happens for one season but affects how she acts in the future

-Doesn't make sense? Let me explain. It's especially apparent in s6 but nya? Yeah she's a GIRLBOSS who can STAND ON HER OWN!! I'd find it more interesting for a reinforcement to her character if she was suddenly pressured by the students or maybe by the other ninja that hey~ since an ai is all powerful and such, maybe they'd tease her about it, pretend like there's something there when there clearly isnt.

-she'd be mad of course (someone on some other post about doing nya dirty said something along the lines of objectifying her as some trophy and honestly I agree but we'll touch on that again later) but let's get to jay and cole.

-Jay, first and foremost, would definitely be overprotective of nya, in the way that kai would be as a naturally overprotective brother, and would likely misinterpret said teasing into cole actually being a "love rival" to him, which obviously isn't going to be his intent cause he's his friend and understands that jay really likes nya, BUT realistically, he'd question their friendship a little because while yes, nya is friends (jay idk man?) with the both of them, he's hurt that he'd be so defensive and angry about something so silly.

-Anyway they would definitely fight about this the same way it happened in canon (and ends about the same way in canon) because man for people who monologue a lot they can't with feelings and probably cope with it the same way.

-Post s3 and into s4, I feel as if their friendship would be even more strained than in canon (One because in this au I want to at least have a year of mourning for their dead friend like cmon) and they'd fight a LOT (moreso because of the instability of their feelings because of zane's death) with cole, it'd be how he made it look like he didn't care for their friend's death plus some leftover feelings from the nya thing.

-For jay, (god let me have enough energy to finish ranting about this because I love him) I see him as the kind of guy that'd carry guilt with him about past shit all the time because he thinks too much when he's alone. (which is a lot at this point) Now, he tends to think very quickly without thinking things through, mainly because stress builds up quickly and he has to do it now or never (kind of like the nature of his power) but when he has time to think he goes very far with it. It's muddles those thoughts of his, cause its been a while since he's talked to any of the other ninja, but he would probably realise on how stupid he was on being unnecessarily protective of nya (of course a little before climax when they had a moment to talk alone she'd tell him about this and boundaries, but he'd mainly kept it on the back burner, definitely staying away more, but sometimes overstepping it) so becuase of that he becomes way more withdrawn—Which shows when he meets the other ninja again for retrieving zane.

okay gonna give you a breather for a moment cause as you can see i yell a lot

-Back to that, it would likely be about the same from there, except cole would be talking a lot more than jay would be, instead showing mostly empty insults and glaring (at least until the the bruise battle which would happen in about the same way tbh)

And anyway, long story short since this was supposed to be about nya, and the end of arc 1 rewrite, they make up and post s4 but a bit before s5, they talk and become good friends again, enough so that they even joke about their stupid rivalry, to the relief of nya becuase damm. those boys stupid but you gotta love em

ANYWAY BACK TO NYA BECAUSE YEAH I NEED MORE WORDS FOR HER

First of all, I don't actually mind the jay seeing into the future and jaya and stuff and making it stupidly obvious he likes her, however...I would've loved if nya actually kept the thing about them being just friends for the rest of the season and a little after (with little moments here and there, but nothing more than platonic in terms of canon) because m/f relationships are fun and cute and while the basis for jaya is definitely there I want more development then maybe some questioning of feelings and then boom after the halfway point of that they come to a conclusion

(It's one of the reasons why I bruiseshipping)

That tea scene where she drops jay into the traveler's tea portal is a decent example of that. Though I wish there was less monologue in that scene cause it dragged on and shouldn't have been so long in a high tension scene where they try to decide who goes in, just one powerful line from her then drop him.

Also I want more moments where nya ripped the dress apart or something with either a weapon nearby or her definitely high power water jets to tear it a bit so she could fight better and kick jin (gin?) butt

or just more scenes of her fighting/training with samurai x or her herself prior to learning about her being the water ninja but if you wanna see that go see my shitty tags ig

okay I'm done now

[karasunology]

⸙ ˚₊ ➷ KAGEYAMA TOBIO & OIKAWA TOORU AS YOUR OLDER BROTHER ! ❞

╰─ ─ ﾟheadcanons of two of our pretty setters being your older brothers !

✐ . . . BIG BROTHER HEADCANONS.

[ MIYA TWINS & BOKUTO KOUTARO VERSION. ] [ SUNA RINTAROU & KITA SHINSUKE VERSION. ]

-ˏˋ ➶ character(s) ━ kageyma tobio, oikawa tooru <3

[ trigger warnings ━ manga spoilers !! ]

-ˏˋ ✉️ REQUESTS ARE ALWAYS OPEN.

⇣ please read the RULES before requesting.

KAGEYAMA TOBIO.

➜ the type of older brother that acts as if he doesn't care but he actually does.

��� he acts as if that one time where no one from his family but you actually came to one of his volleyball games ─ well, besides from your guys' grandfather; but ever since of his passing, the clostest ─ tangible and most concrete reminants of him were just lingering in the form of a volleyball.

➜ he acts as if the absence of most of his family members didn't affect him and yet, he usually found himself looking for them in the stands ─ hoping that they'd be there cheering him on

➜ he was used to always being left alone when it was just him and his older sister but then you came along

➜ when you were young, you would always cling onto him for your dear life for some reason

➜ and ever since tobio was young, he somewhat had difficulties expressing himself so it was no surprise that he usually shakes you off violently off your tight graps

➜ like how can someone with so little hands be so strong at holding him down??

➜ he wasn't used to these affections, and the start of your guys' sibling relationship was quite rocky

➜ but now when he remembers those times where you hated to jog but you would always, ALWAYS, find yourself catching up to him

➜ slowley, gradually & subtly

➜ just to match up to his pace so you guys would jog together

➜ and then he realizes, that he wasn't alone anymore

➜ bb boy had you right next to him

➜ ugh enough about angst people

➜ LETS GET TO THE GOOD GOOD

➜ SPA DAYS ARE A THING

➜ SORRY YOU DON'T MAKE THE RULES

➜ I DO

➜ since he is a setter, he needs his fingers and nails in tip-top shape yknow?

➜ since you're one of the only persons he trusts his life onto, he makes you do it

➜ like it's not even because of whatever gender you are

➜ you will do his nails, and you WILL learn to do the best manicure this boy could ever get

➜ because all you want was the best for the best older brother ever.

➜ and that's how he always had healthy clean nails & is always manicured

➜ and it's ON YOU

➜ he would never, NEVER let anyone else do his nails

➜ you would 100% go along with his finger exercise thingy

➜ and these spa days usually ends in a sleepover with facemasks on miwa-nee left in her drawers

 ➜ kageyama may not show it, but he really appreciates you

➜ like alot

➜ you had all the reasons to deny him of his spa days, matches, etc.

➜ but you choose to stay, to learn how to manicure, to skip school and go to his matches & give him the support he was deprived off

➜ like if this blueberry boyo ever offered to share you his mILK, while you guys already have seperate milk cartons in the fridge

➜ you know that he holds you so close, and so fucking dear to his heart that it's going to make me crYyyY

➜ he's not good at expressing his emotions, but he will do everything in his will to make it known to you that you are important to him

➜ he'll always walk with you to school and go home with you whenever he doesn't have volleyball practice

➜ if he noticed that you're feeling down or stressed he'll take you away from whatever that is & will force you to play volleyball with him

➜ just so that you could get your mind off from it

➜ if you forget your lunch money, he'll buy you two mini milk box with curry buns on the side

➜ and then when you guys go home he'll force you to make bento with him until it's late at night in a school night with tons of food on your closed because y'all forgot to use an apron lmao

➜ he's always so stiff with receiving affections and giving one

➜ but he's so good at giving headpats

➜ and he only does it on you

➜ his warm huge hand in comparison to your head, and it'll always be the best way he could convey his emotions

➜ it's through the familiar, homey feeling of the palm of his hands

➜ he's the type to have one picture with you and his grandfather together that's literally so old, it doesn't need those vintage aesthetic effects to make it look vintage

➜ he'll also the type to carry it around in his wallet ALWAYS, but forgets to bring money?? for?? some?? reason??

➜ 11/10 would recommend as a brother

➜ in conclusion, he may not be the best at showing affections and giving them, but you'll always be reminded in different and special ways that he loves you so much; you'll always have each other's back & would stay in each other's side, always.

➜ like harry potter typa shit always.

OIKAWA TOORU.

➜ he's the type of brother that is ALWAYS UP YOUR FUCKING BUSSINESS

➜ he already has his head up his ass,  you don't want him to be up on yours as well

➜ he'll always be up on your room & he's very very clingy, like a lot

➜ fights are an ALWAYS

➜ y'all would fight about many things honestly

➜ probably most of the reason would be because you're just fed up on him

➜ you would DEFINITELY JOIN IWAIZUMI ON BULLYING HIM & WOULD DEF JOIN ON HITTING HIM

 ➜ but even if things are serious, like that one time where he's just so exhausted of EVERYTHING, because why the fuck won't his serves be good enough?

➜ and he'll just breakdown in front of you, pouring his heart out on how they lost again to ushijima in the semi-finals

➜ he'll also spill out all his insecurities about volleyball because even if it may not seem like it, he gets insecure too 👉👈

➜ and you'll just be there, listening since you know that he wasn't looking and asking for advice ─ he just wanted someone, anyone to listen to him

➜ you'll let him cry out whatever was bothering him for the past few weeks while comfort his huge frame since he collapsed onto your shoulder

➜ oKAy ENOUGH ANGST I AM SO SORRY

➜ i hate myself too, don't worry💅💋

➜ while you guys were young, he'd always be up on your room, and would be playing dolls or cars or shit with you

➜ he's just so used to being with you

➜ that when you got sick and had to go to a hospital and they wouldn't let him visit you, he cried for the first time in years

➜ he'll be stuck on your side by the time you were discharged

➜ he plays volleyball with you along with iwaizumi

➜ he'll also make you come with him while along with iwaizumi to meet his volleyball idol

➜ you'll also be the first person to know what his plans for the future is

➜ and you'll support him through and through, you guys would even consider going with him to argentina

➜ and he wouldn't disagree

➜ he's the type of brother that knows 12762 of your crushes, your passwords, that page 24 of tour diary he stole that says “ tooru-nii isn't kinda that annoying ” that he framed up on his bedroom

➜ he has a shit ton of blackmail material on you

➜ since it's canon that he adores his family, he'll have many polaroid pictures of your guys' family up on his wall

➜ and of course of you guys seperately on picture frames on his desk, ranging from that one time you almost drowned taken at the right timing, to that picture of you and him when you graduated junior high.

➜ speaking of pictures

➜ he'll be SPAMMING YOUR PHONE WITH PICTURES OF HIM

➜ weird ass selfies of his and those forced cute faces that you wanted to burn in hell

➜ and a LOT of selfies with you guys on it

➜ since he knows your password to your phone, he'll change your lockscreen wallpaper to a cute selfie of you guys

➜ he'll never make you change it

➜ reason #1672 why you don't have a bf/gf

➜ you'll ALWAYS find him scrolling through YOUR phone

➜ he'd be watching tiktoks not giving a fuck

➜ while you're just there like

➜ that's MY phone sir 👁👄👁

➜ 11/10 would have a section of his family scrapbook of you guys & it's either showing your attractive oikawa genes

➜ or it's shitty photos of you guys

➜ nothing in between

➜ since we talked about your phone, let's talk about his

➜ you would not let him spam your phone and ruin your phone storage with pictures of him and selfies of you guys without doing the same with him

➜ like DUH

➜ his phone would be FILLED of crazy crackhead pictures of you guys

➜ and he'll have one of your cute selfies as his lockscreen wallpaper

➜ matching the one he set up on your phone

➜ and of he ever has a girlfriend/boyfriend, you HAVE to meet them first

➜ and even if you may not see it, your opinions is held quite mighty high for oikawa

➜ and of course he's like that with you too, he better know the address of your boyfriend/girlfriend, their number, and he WILL do a whole ass background check on him

➜ but you know he does that not only to have your underwear in a twist, he kinda 👉👈 cares about you & as you care about him

➜ 12/10 would recommend as a brother

➜ in conclusion, you guys may sometimes be up on each other's ass, but you guys care a lot about each other and will not hesitate to beat someone's ass for the other because no one but him could bully you, and vice versa ( + iwa-chan )

-ˏˋ playing soleil's tape ˊˎ-

[ 📼 ] . . . will be making this a mini series of big brother headcanons bECAUSE WHY NOT, like WHY NOT; ya get me?? i fucking love wholesome family headcanons & would 1000% write domestic hcs and dad! hcs.

again, requests are open !

one request = one more reason to stay sane

watch out for new dating headcanons of two cute setters 💅

send me an ask or even a comment on you want to see next in the big brother series because i'm wh0re for that, also i finally revived my phone but without it being formatted so i have to redo the requests i wrote. so before i post them since they are not quite done yet, have this.