#even salvaging that convo to tell him let's be friends feels wrong

[what-is-it-to-be-pk-esque]

godddd the act 2 breakups after making him bite Araj are so fucking brutal

Don't mind me i'm just over here hurting myself tonight while I finally muster up the courage to see what he says firsthand in each of these dialogues

[bigskydreaming]

Had a chance to watch Ant-Man and the Wasp finally, and I don’t have enough time to post my thoughts in full now, so making a note to come back to it later:

Scott Lang is Valid. All Scotts are Valid. Scott Lang, Scott Summers and Scott McCall should start a We Are Valid club.

Hank Pym and Hope van Dyne can both go jump in a fucking lake. Yeah I said Hope too, and I meant it. While nothing new, what this movie obliviously shows about how insidiously ingrained classism is, at the  most fundamental levels of our society and entertainment, is....something.

Like, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with Hank and Hope’s passion to rescue Janet. What IS fucked up is how at every turn, their need to do so and restore their family is upheld as sacrosanct and justifying everything done in the name of that mission, while at the exact same time they have absolutely no regard for Scott’s desires to do the exact same thing with his family. Because they are the wealthy ones, the upper class, the patrons of the equipment Scott uses. He’s just their lackey, his heroism conditional on whether or not they even deign to grant him access to their toys, their mission of Family Over All must always be the priority, and when this conflicts with Scott’s own mission of Family Over All, this is either an obstacle or an annoyance in their eyes, or an outright betrayal at other points.

With the insidious part I was talking about being that the narrative supports their assertion that their needs are more important, the writers oblivious to the fact that their own unconscious biases in this regard (Upper Class equals Better or at least More Necessary) have them throwing their own titular hero under the bus in defense of this basic premise...a premise so basic they don’t even REALIZE their story is crafted to make this argument. (And srsly, another thing all these Scott protags have in common, lmao, like wtf is it with main characters named Scott who are treated as the villains of their own story for daring to stand up for their own needs and wants and not being willing to sacrifice everything they care about for the sake of people who would never sacrifice themselves or their wants for them??? Again...Scott McCall, Scott Summers, now Lang. Weeeeeird. Anyway).

But like, Hope literally abducts Scott in order to obtain his help rescuing Janet, waving off every objection he has as to how this could jeopardize his freedom and ability to y’know...RAISE HIS DAUGHTER, because her mission to save her mother, missing from her life for 20 years, is Valid, but his mission to NOT spend 20 years missing from his daughter’s life....she’s like, meh, can’t relate....okay wtfever. Everything Scott says about his concerns regarding potential consequences for his own life are dismissed as trivial and inconsequential. It’s covered and taken care of, he’s repeatedly assured, thanks to their arrangements that they put very little time and effort into crafting...and thus fall apart at like...the slightest provocation, like the very second anything with the rest of their plans starts to go wrong, it all unravels there. So like....his fears and worries are NOT trivial, the narrative even bears that out, it just also tries to at the same time defend their position of treating them as lesser than their own concerns.

Like Scott tells his trusted friend, the person HE values and has every faith in (faith that is born out by the fact that Luis only revealed their location via truth serum), where to find them so he can help Luis with their work plans they need to salvage their own careers and keep their business running, and Hank and Hope AND the narrative are like wtf dude, this is the worst thing you could ever do, and of course now the bad guys found us, what a bonehead move this was.

Even though, again, Hank and Hope literally drafted Scott against his will over his objections and gaining his full cooperation only after making promises to handle his concerns, promises that ARE NOT MET, because they are not infallible....but this doesn’t get acknowledged. Instead its emphasized that the guy who had the least agency here is the fuckup, for daring to prioritize his own needs and wants and job and livelihood and friends and coworkers and family over theirs, when they show zero actual empathy for any of his. Like, its textbook classism, Hank and Hope sniping at Scott all movie about how bad off they are because they’re on the run after what he did in Germany, their lives and careers are tarnished....but because Scott’s job isn’t as important as the things they do, its literally treated by them and the narrative itself as being irrelevant, not worth prioritizing. Scott’s ‘mistake’ in trusting a friend that under normal circumstances absolutely is trustworthy, is spotlighted, while their mistakes, relying on contingencies that aren’t actually able to support how much they rely on them, once things go south....are swept under the rug.

(And for the record, in regards to Scott’s going to Germany with their tech resulting in Hank and Hope’s reversal of fortunes....I mean, Hope basically says to Scott’s face her real issue is just that he didn’t ask her to go along. That its not even his actions or motivations they object to, so much as just his not asking their permission first. Using their tech under his own power, not as an extension of theirs. Even though elsewhere in the MCU, heroes are celebrated for following their consciences rather than upholding obligations they made to the persons responsible for empowering them in the first place - look at Steve defying the wills of those who gave him the Super Soldier serum, look at Dr. Strange defying the wills of his teachers who told him to keep his hands off the Time Gem, etc, etc. But the ex-con given size-shifting tech for the sole purposes of whatever the hell his ‘bosses’ tell him to do with it does the same, and the narrative’s like WHAT WERE YOU THINKING. And Hope’s final parting shot on the Germany matter again isn’t even that he was wrong....its that if she’d gone with him, he’d never have been caught. Like lol wooooow writers, way to obliviously lampshade your awareness that the rich will always have a get out of jail free card that the struggling single father literally does not).

And then back to what I was saying about how the writers throw their own hero under the bus for the sake of Hank and Hope’s wants (and yes I’m aware this is supposed to be Hope’s movie as much as Scott’s, but Scott was very clearly the protag of the movie this is a sequel to, so I’m not attempting to diminish Hope’s significance to the franchise, because again, none of this is me saying that Hope’s motivations aren’t valid, just that them always being elevated ABOVE Scott’s, her co-protag, is not)......like look at the convo Scott has with Cassie after they fake out Woo and Scott has what’s supposed to be his Come to Jesus revelation about his own actions. He literally tells his daughter that he’s a fuck up and he hurts people even when he tries to do the right thing, when like....source????

That framing only works if you, like the writers, take for granted Hank and Hope are in the right when they view Scott ‘ditching’ them/their mission in order to go make sure Woo doesn’t catch him out of the house and lock him up for twenty years as some great betrayal. IT’S NOT! It’s literally just him doing the EXACT same thing they do the entire movie! PUTTING HIS FAMILY FIRST. Every single time Scott talks about his status as an ex-con and his fears about being locked up, its NEVER about his own personal freedom or about all the things he wants to do that he can’t while on house arrest, etc. It’s always, ALWAYS centered around one thing and one thing only - making sure he’s able to be there for his daughter. This is his ENTIRE motivation through the entire film, the movie itself acknowledges it, and THEN it proceeds to INVALIDATE this by saying Scott prioritizing THIS over helping Hank and Hope rescue THEIR loved one is SELFISH.

A refusal to self-sacrifice for the sake of those unwilling to do the same IS. NOT. SELFISH. It’s just not! And the only way to make the argument it is, is by doing exactly what this movie does with its classism - take for granted that the lower class character is EXPECTED to sacrifice for his betters, while them doing the same in return would be deemed exceptional or proof of their selflessness, but it is certainly not something anyone should or would expect them to do.

But nah. The writers just do not even GET that they’ve elevated Hank and Hope over one of their own story’s protags to this degree, so they don’t think twice about making Scott’s prioritization of his family, his daughter, a FLAW he has to learn to overcome, IN A CONVO WITH THAT VERY SAME DAUGHTER, in order to be a true hero, and put others ahead of himself (and his daughter). As long as they’re like, richer or smarter than him, at least.

I mean.....lol.

And let’s not get into the fact that Janet literally engineered a way to HIJACK SCOTT’S ENTIRE BODY AND MIND when ‘necessary’, and the movie just...rolls with this. Hank and Hope don’t even feel a need to point this out to Scott when it happens and he has no idea what just happened. LOL. It’s so taken for granted that his role in all of this is to do or be whatever they want or need him to do or be, that like....the writers literally write his entire body being used without his knowledge or will...being something unremarkable. Not even worth noting. Unlike the incessant way any time Scott uses their tech without their express permission or for his own purposes, this is him having no respect for their genius in making it or their generosity in allowing him to use it.

Course, let’s also not get into the fact that body hijacking as a trope needs to diiiiiiiiiiiie omg, or at the very least NOT be treated as an opportunity for comedy and levity. It’s not. Stop it. Can we please kill it with fire? I know we’ve been doing this for decades, but it doesn’t change the fact that the idea of someone else literally using a character’s body for their own ends without that character having any agency in this whatsoever....like, that is an idea that certainly is worth exploring, has merit as a story....WHEN TREATED AS AN ACTUAL VIOLATION. NOT AS A JOKE. Oy. But I digress.

Moving on, since apparently I lied when I said I didn’t have time so I was just making a note to do this later, lol wow who could’ve predicted that WHOOPS ME....Ava and Bill Were Right.

Isn’t it interesting how Hollywood spends so little time and effort making white antagonists and villains sympathetic....because they know they don’t need to! Audiences will do the work for them! They’ll bend over backwards looking for ways to justify any and everything a villain does as long as they’re hot enough, or charming enough, or smart enough....as well as white enough.

No, Hollywood these days saves the effort of crafting sympathetic backstories and motivations for villains when those villains are marginalized characters. Because they’ve at least figured out that much. That there’s too much backlash in ALWAYS painting black characters like Ava and Bill as villains with no motivation other than greed or a desire for violence or whatever. They get that at least. 

So when they make villains of color - and make no mistake, Ava and Bill were very much framed as the villains of this movie even if they were actually more just antagonists, with the technical villain being that white dude who is so irrelevant who even bothered LISTENING to his name? Like, the entire point of having Ava ramp up from her introduction as antagonistic but sympathetic to increasingly hostile to ‘our heroes’ to outright aggressive and violent at every turn (even though her motivations at no point changed, merely her desperation, as the very situation she was written as being in to make her sympathetic in the first place was actively worsening in a very real and tangible way)....like that’s fucking deliberate. The only point of that, narratively speaking, is for the writers to make the case like, this is WHY Ava does this, but see, now she’s gone too far, her reasons are an explanation but not an EXCUSE, this isn’t defensible at this point.

Y’know, kinda like I pointed out Hank and Hope’s motivations are perfectly understandable and an explanation for their actions, but not an excuse for the way they prioritize them over Scott’s motivations and concerns. Cuz just like Hank and Hope are essentially the villains of Scott’s story in my eyes, for that, the deliberate shift from focusing the spotlight on Ava’s motivations to focusing it on her increasingly ‘unhinged’ actions happens solely to ensure audiences SEE Ava as the villain even if technically there’s a worse, ‘true’ villain and we’re reminded by the end of the story to be sympathetic to Ava’s situation - once Janet has deigned to make that argument in her support. An argument that never would have needed making, mind you, if the narrative had kept the focus on how understandable Ava’s motivations were the whole time, instead of shifting that focus to the effect it had on the heroes, the ‘good guys’ ergo how could anyone hurting them be anything but the bad guy.

But my point here is like, Hollywood at least gets that when they have villains of color or other marginalizations, they have to at least make an effort to make them sympathetic....so long as its implicitly understood that no matter how sympathetic their actions, they’re still misguided. Still WRONG. Still not in the right. Like the good guys. The heroes.

Except....lol. AVA AND BILL WEREN’T WRONG. EVER. AT ANY POINT. THEIR MOTIVATIONS WERE EVERY BIT AS UNDERSTANDABLE, RATIONAL, AND JUSTIFIABLE AS HANK AND HOPE AND SCOTT’S. THE ENTIRE TIME.

And that’s the NEW (not new as in recent, just new as in latest) problem with how Hollywood writes marginalized villains....they put just enough thought into seeing things from their eyes that they’re able to craft sympathetic origins and motivations at all....and then they very firmly and deliberately slam on the brakes the second they’ve done that. REFUSING to go any further, to take that one step more...and not even because they can’t, but because they KNOW....that has the capacity to outright FLIP who is the villain and who is the hero in the story.

Because its literally all just about the framing. Scott and Hope and Hank aren’t the good guys because their needs and wants are better or purer than Bill and Ava’s. They’re the good guys for the SOLE reason that all of those characters have equally human wants and desires, and THESE are the ones the writers chose to present to their viewers as the good guys. To single out and say via their contexts and framing and the choices they WRITE every character making....in comparison, relative to everyone else in the film, THESE are the characters who are MOST right. MOST valid. And thus who you’re expected to support.

You could have written this EXACT SAME STORY from Ava and Bill’s POVs, called it Goliath and the Ghost (Goliath is comic book Bill Foster’s superhero code name)....and Ava and Bill would have been the heroes, while Hank Pym was the villain.

THE. EXACT. SAME. STORY.

Because the thing about Ava and Bill’s actions being understandable, the thing the writers and director KNEW and thus took actual, deliberate steps to COUNTER, so Ava and Bill DIDN’T end up stealing the designated ‘hero’ roles of the film....is that by virtue of their motivations being sympathetic, understandable....THEY WERE AS RIGHT AS ANYONE ELSE IN THE MOVIE.

We are all the heroes of our own stories. We are all the villains of someone else’s. That’s not just a cliche, a platitude. It’s like....a writing lesson. It’s literally JUST about the framing. JUST about who you focus on, who you CHOOSE to uphold as right and wrong, or right and more right.

Ava and Bill weren’t wrong. The movie just put every effort into making sure audiences were left with the takeaway (effectively speaking, not nominally)...that Hank and Hope were MORE right. 

I leave Scott out because again, he was just kinda along for the ride here. His motivations remained as static as anyone else’s....he wanted to help, but as long as his daughter always came first....and thus Scott got pulled along in any direction those with more power and agency than him pulled on those particular threads. Characters can be just as influenced by the focus they’re exposed to as audiences. Scott’s exposure was to Hank first and foremost, thus just like the audience’s exposure was more to Hank than to Bill and Ava, Hank got more chances to explain HIS side of the story, HIS motivations, HIS reasons to Scott than Bill and Ava did. Just as is true of audiences. If Scott had met Bill first, for instance, if Bill had given Scott Goliath tech instead of Hank giving Scott Ant-Man tech, if Bill was the one Scott had more history with, personal investment in, and reasons to hear out...its every bit as likely Scott would have been on Bill and Ava’s side all along. Just like, again, is true of audiences. If every scene where Hank got to explain his version of events, his reasons for doing what he did back in the days of SHIELD and his associations with Bill and Ava’s father....if those scenes had instead been giving to Bill doing exactly the same thing, again.....audiences would have been just as likely to land Team Bill and Ava than the team the writers WANTED them to land on. 

Because when everyone has a reason for doing what they’re doing, especially when everyone has a GOOD and understandable and SYMPATHETIC reason for what they’re doing...and these reasons lead to choices that put them in conflict with each other....

For all intents and purposes, its all the same at that point. Which means the ones who end up being the good guys, the heroes of the story, is PURELY the result of the intentional, deliberate choice writers make as to WHO they push forward and support as the ones whose motivations and choices we’re MOST meant to sympathize with, to identify with, and thus cheer for.

And that’s where Hollywood keeps failing time and time again with marginalized villains. Racism has literally written Hollywood into a corner where they obstinately INSIST on staying cuz racists gonna racist. That’s ultimately what it boils down to. As uncomfortable as it makes people to hear, even something like this film is inherently as white supremacist as any MAGA-hat wearing propaganda spewer.

Because along with the deliberate choice to make marginalized villains sympathetic and not alienate marginalized or socially conscious centered audiences that way......Hollywood continues to make the equally deliberate choice to KEEP those marginalized characters as the villains. Instead of ever pushing that exploration of their motivations, that focus on their choices....just a little bit further....just far enough to tilt the scales, flip the frame, and make them the heroes of the story instead.

And when you’re talking about black villains in particular, like with this story, yup, sorry not sorry, that’s white supremacy. Even if its not the particularly obvious, ‘ugly’ aggressive kind....that’s still a deliberate upholding of white motivations as Most Valid, for no other reason than to keep the white characters the MOST sympathetic...and thus the heroes.

When your black villains are ONLY villains because you literally refuse to LET them be the heroes, if it comes at the expense of white characters you yourself have written to be as not any more or less understandable than them, just that you’ve made the decision to be more personally invested in.....that’s literally upholding the white characters as ‘supreme’, narratively speaking, because they’re white, and you’re white, and that’s all that matters at the end of the day.

*Shrugs* Anyway, ultimately my take is there’s a lot to like about Ant-Man and the Wasp, from certain angles. Scott’s a likable protag with a solid and relatable characterization, when the narrative chooses to uphold and support him. There’s funny bits, there’s nice, soft moments. I like that it was a superhero story where the inciting events and ultimate mission had a smaller, more contained focus than saving the world, that it was ultimately about saving family, using superpowers and superpowered stakes to go above and beyond in rescue or defense of individuals rather than only justifying such powers and stakes in defense of society or civilization at large....I think that’s a good note that a lot of superhero movies moving forward can benefit from. Tighter focus works just as well as broader focus so long as you use either appropriately.

But all that said....nope. Not good enough. Because also at the end of the day, IMO, like I said, its still a racist, classist movie singing the same old song with Hollywood and Marvel/Disney specifically, just willfully refusing to switch to another channel.

Because it didn’t need to be Scott’s story and it definitely didn’t need to be Hope and Hank’s. It could’ve just as easily been Ava’s story. It could’ve just as compellingly been her heroes’ journey. Self-empowerment, saving yourself from what others have done to you, is just as valid and defensible as saving a mother.

And the second they wrote Ava, who they initially had take off her mask to stand revealed as an exhausted and frightened young woman who went and curled up alone in some high-tech chamber to sleep....the second they took that same young woman they’d CHOSEN to write and introduce as sympathetic and understandable, that they’d introduced in such a way WITH INTENT....and then had her threaten Scott’s innocent daughter, with her own ally and father figure Bill then WRITTEN, with intent, as calling her out for this and threatening to abandon her if she does it, literally saying the words that she was going too far and thus signalling the writers’ clear stance that this made her now unsympathetic, this was a choice that was bad and thus she was now less valid and sympathetic than the heroes the writers still stood behind and supported, she was now less likely to ‘upstage’ them and steal audiences’ sympathies and support from them for herself instead....

That’s the second the movie fucked up and went just from uncomfortably classist but nothing new to just full on Nope, Fuck This Addition, IMO.

Because that was a conscious choice on the part of everyone involved. Willful intent. That was a giant Bat signal advertising that at least on some level, not even that deep, the writers were AWARE of how sympathetic they’d made Ava (how they’d intentionally made Ava)....and them then literally pulling back from that, BUILDING brakes for whatever train of thought Ava’s storyline had people heading down until then. Keeping her, narratively speaking, in her place. As a villain. Where they wanted her to be, and to stay.

And that’s just as fucking evil as any number of movies where the black character dies first or the gay character dies in their lover’s arms or any number of other more focused-on tropes known for their racism, homophobia, transphobia and the like.

When you set out to make your marginalized villains sympathetic and then put a CAP, a CEILING, on how sympathetic towards them you want audiences to be, when you say “I want you to understand them, just not enough to root for them,” when you make every effort to advertise “I see this character’s humanity, that they’re fundamentally no different from me, from any of these other heroes, they’re all the same....I’m just choosing to keep the white ones the heroes anyway”....fuck you. Honestly, that’s as bad as any other more obvious racism. That’s as much propaganda as any other instance.

I want people to care, just not care too much....because they still gotta care about the white character most....

Nope. Fuck ‘em. Burn it with the rest of the MCU’s trashiest takes. Scott Lang is Valid and Cassie Lang is precious, I really truly adore any focus on a single dad whose entire world honestly revolves around his kid, and I’ll read all the found family fic where its the Langs teaming up with Bill Foster and Ava Starr, but  this narrative was bad, These Are Not the Heroes You’re Looking For, and Hank and co. can go fuck off to the quantum realm where their irrelevance can finally be equal to their ego.

[jq37]

I'll be the one that bites the bullet. Fantasy High episode 11--thoughts?

**spoilers for cool kids, cold case**

Hoo boy. 

That could be my entire write up honestly because, geez ya'll. 

Let's break it down. 

Sidenote, I just got mildly into Overwatch so every time I say that and I say it a fair amount, I hear Lucio in my head. 

Anyway, like I said in an earlier post, I'm now pretty sure that the bloodrush fight didn't go the way Brennan expected. Like either he didn't expect them to win or that they would win but not kill Daybreak because there was so much exposition and change and repositioning in this episode. It was a lot like the first session with all the setup. It's like he needed to get them on a new trajectory so he took an episode to time jump and change the status quo before--BAM. But we're getting to that.

In another show or even another episode of this show, the opening convo with Ragh might have been the wildest part of the ep. There’s just so much to unpack there.

Fig making him kowtow to Gorgug and everyone being like dude, stop making it weird. 

Before she did that, Emily paused and you could just see every other person looking like “What insane thing is gonna come out of her mouth now?”

Kristen getting the scoop on his super gay dreams. 

Adaine trying to get him to got to therapy (and also to realize that he's gay). 

The group whole ass making him cry for possibly the first time?

Fabian trying to shut everything down.

“You’re cumming from your eyes.”

 Kristen, please stop. I’m begging you. 

As I suspected, the group reached the point of yeah, we NEED to call Riz's mom this ep. Like, they *had* to call her. You can only realistically take shenanigans so far before it becomes straight unrealistic to not just call a responsible adult. 

And, speaking of, yay! We got to see a little of everyone’s parents just like I wanted/predicted. 

We actually got a lot of stuff from my wishlist. There’s so much time jumping and stuff in this episode I don’t even know where to start. 

This is probably the wrong place to start but I remember wondering what their Christmas equivalent was because they can’t have Christmas because of the Christ thing so when they were like Solstice I was like, oh duh. It’s literally right there. How could I miss it.

OK I guess 

Christmas Solstice party at Gorgug’s house! I knew his house would end up being the hang house.  

Sklonda handled the situation pretty close to how I thought she would. I really think Brennan was forced into a, “This adult is too responsible to not wipe out my next ten plot points over the course of a week,” corner and that’s why he had to pivot. More on that later.

Fabian just refusing to eat any of the fast food she got them.

I totally forgot Adaine has diplomatic immunity. Which actually means she’s the ideal Bad Kid to do anything shady they need done, even though that’s not really her style.

Unlike, other people

We’re getting there

I’m glad Brennan drew the line at Kristen’s parents actively being in a cult. He was like, OK no. They’re willfully ignorant but they’re not PART OF THE CULT.

I also think it’s interesting that they didn’t actually kick her out? Like they sorta kinda did but not really because it seems like she’s couch surfing of her own volition a little and staying home sometimes too? I wonder how her brothers are doing.

Both of Fig’s dads just work at her school now. I wonder is they commiserate about her w/ Goldenhoard.

I can’t believe Brennan is letting her just ruin the life of this random, full-adult dwarf doctor. Like, imagine if any adult in her life found out about that.

Brennan says bud a lot. Almost as much as he says rad.

Gorgug choosing playing the drums as his proficiency, but not well. Just, like, a simple drum beat. Bro. Why.

Adaine’s makeover!

I knew we were gonna get to see that. Or at least I really hoped we would.

And it was in boutique setting similar to what I imagined. A little surprised that she went straight for the jeans and t-shirt thing but dope. I want fan-art. 

Also, if I hadn’t already been convinced, that scene would have convinced me that Fabian got everyone the gifts (before it was confirmed later).

“You’d look nice as a sailor.” Is that like a pirate thing, bro?

Real talk, does Fabian for-real, for-real have a crush on Adaine low key?He’s complimented her looks more than once, which he hasn’t done with the other girls. They’re at a similar social class which might be a factor. And he clearly has a thing for blond elves.

WE’LL GET TO IT. 

I am Concerned about Adaine’s jean jacket, regardless of how dope it is.

Someone needs to talk to Fig about the rat thing. Possibly also Emily. 

42069 LANE (or whatever it was). I hate that I love Brennan for that.

“The worst thing about you is that you’re rich.”

But aww, Fabian. I’m glad it ended up being him (and shoutout to the anon who pointed that out to me). This is exactly the character growth I wanted from him.

When Gorthalax said that tryouts had already happened, I was legit upset for Fabian for a sec. Also, how did I know Gorgug was gonna somehow end up on the bloodrush team?

Guys I feel like there’s still a million more things to talk about.

Adaine finding out about Riz’s dad. God I hope there’s a heart to heart soon but she won’t just drop that info unless she has a really good reason.

GILEAR. I can’t believe that was him on a NAT 20. God, he has zero game. Also, imagine Fig and Riz as siblings. Lord.

The return of Tracker. I was concerned that she was in college but she’s like a Sophomore so Kristen is good to go as soon as she stops being a total disaster so actually that’s probably a moot point. 

Sidenote, kinda surprised that she’s a cleric. I thought she was off religion totally but I guess she just switched. But I feel like it’s hard to be totally non-religious in a world where gods 100% for sure exist?

Adaine going, “Mrs. Gukgak. Actually Captain Gukgak,” to her racist-ass dad gave me life. 

OK so re: the whole conversation about perditional contradoxy and treaties and war and such. How much of that was in the plan and how much of that was last minute retooling by Brennan? Because, I’m going to be honest. If it wasn’t for that comment by Siobhan, I would never have guessed that we were off the rails. But, with that in mind, this feels like the work of a GM who needs to keep the game going because things ended up moving too quickly.

It does answer the question of where the story is going now that the Harvestmen seem to be taken care of. I was a little surprised when Brennan was like, “Yeah Riz’s mom gets them all arrested,” because I’d assumed that the bad guy was going to be just the higher guy on the totem pole. 

OK, I’m sure I’m missing some things because this was a JAM PACKED ep so, if I missed something you wanted my thoughts on, please tell me and I’ll be super happy to write more words but let’s get into that scene. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OK OK OK

Before we start, I’m so pumped about all of this development but I hate how often I’m going to have to type the word Eolwyn because my fingers refuse to accept that that’s how that’s spelled.

ANYWAY

Dude, the pacing, switching between Adaine and home and the rest of the gang at the party. Like, I knew what the reveal had to be as soon as she walked in but I was still like, “Oh my God. Oh my GOD.”

Sidenote: It was very convenient for Brennan that Adaine never actually read those books because it was an easy and non-cheating way to dole out exposition now, later in the game.

What were the mechanics of Adaine not being invited to that party? Did Eolwyn specifically get her not invited? Did she actually get invited but couldn’t go because of the dinner at home? Did all her friends still decide to go, knowing she wasn’t invited? Was she OK with that? How exactly did that go down?

EOLWYN

BUSTING into that party

Magicking up a bunch of LOVE SLAVE PUPPETS

SNORTING magic coke

Playing Spin the Bottle DEATH ROULETTE 

MAKING OUT WITH FABIAN

CUT TO: I’M GOING TO KILL MY SISTER

DAMN BRENNAN, I did NOT Expect you to go THAT hard.

AND THEN IT KEPT GOING

Assuming they all live, I can’t WAIT for the, “YOU KISSED MY SISTER????” conversation. 

Which means they’ve either never met Eolwyn or only in passing and not enough to remember her. 

Shoutout to Riz for being the only person to give Adaine a heads up. 

Her eyes glow blue when she does certain types of magic so I’m just picturing her walking into that room, eyes blazing blue, ready to F up her sister (even BEFORE she finds out what’s going on).

I don’t remember if she called Eolwyn a c**t in this ep or the promo for next but I was like, “Oh damn.” Like you got her to escalate her cursing that much that quickly? Damn.

Also, I love that when she’s really upset, Adaine skips the magic and just starts hitting people. 

OK, so remember in the first ep when Eolwyn tried to have Adaine steal that book? The book that I’m pretty sure is the one they mentioned as having wards on it to keep monster stuff from happening at school? So, here’s what I want to know. Has Eolwyn always been a part of this? Because, clearly, it looks like she is right now. But it’s possible the original intent was that she wanted to get Adaine to do it as a prank, not knowing it was important and then, Brennan checked his notes while salvaging the plot and decided to work it in.  

Also, unlikely, but imagine if Eolwyn somehow induced Adaine’s panic attack during her entrance exam to Hudol specifically so she would fail, have to go to Augefort, and steal the book for her. Wouldn’t that be wild?

Idek what else to say about that last ten minutes or so that isn’t just incoherent, Ally-esque screeching.

I have to say, battle eps are never my faves but I’m looking forward to this one more than any other one so far. 

Man, I can’t believe I thought Eolwyn asking for that textbook might turn into a sister bonding moment. Lol @ past me.

Anyway, kick her ass Adaine!

[goodestboyryuji]

“are you ever gonna stop with the personal posts” nO

hey there demons. it’s me, ya boi. kinda just gotta get a bunch of shit out of my head rn so no pressure to read or respond!!!!!!!

had a funny/weird couple of days. i think i’ve been cared for in the highest capacity over the past few days than i have over the past few months, and yet have also been treated worse than ever??? 

been spending a crapton more time with friends from work: wonderful idea. we went out on thursday and it was nice to see them outside of the work environment, esp bc all the interns were there and they’re so cute and little (but also only like 2 years younger than me) my best work friend (the neighbor) and the one that offered to beat up boyf had a convo about protecting me and shared contact info for that purpose. very weird, surreal feeling to watch two people care for you in front of you without directly involving you. haven’t felt something like that in a long time. attractive new hire was there and lookin good in a black sweatshirt #killme my neighbor/coworker/friend literally came out at 10:30pm despite the fact she worked the morning shift on friday, bought me all my drinks (3), drove me to her place bc i could no longer drive (or form coherent sentences...i should mention the drinks she bought me were fishbowls), tucked me in on her couch at 1:30pm, WOKE UP AT 4:30AM FOR WORK, came out to tuck me into her BED along with water and advil, helped me change into comfy clothes of hers, locked her kitties out of the room bc she knows i’m allergic, THEN ON HER BREAK AT WORK ONCE I ARRIVED TO WORKOUT (despite being very hungover) SHE WENT AND GOT ME A SMOOTHIE, THEN-THENNNN STAYED 3 HOURS AFTER HER SHIFT WHILE I WENT TO A MEETING SO SHE COULD DRIVE ME TO MY CAR

WHAT THE FUCK???? I DON’T DESERVE HER I WORKED TODAY AND MENTIONED I STARTED MY PERIOD THIS MORNING AND SHE JUST SHOWED UP WITH SNACKS AND ENERGY DRINKS I DON’T DESERVE HER Y’ALL

on the flip side, boyf has been extra. i brought up last weekend again and i may have already mentioned this in my last text post but i was asking if they stayed till last call (bc bars close at 2 and he didn’t come home until nearly 4 so i knew he was spinnin lies) and he was like “oh no we went to the arcade after.” like i love how his story keeps changing in significant-yet-insignificant ways. so what does ya girl do??? i googled the hours of the arcade. IT FUCKING CLOSES AT 2AM TOO. like boy if you’re gonna lie to me??? do your research???? wtf so anyway that kinda made me sad but also i’m like....what else is there now, y’know? even when things were shitty i knew i could trust him. what’s left to salvage? this is further worsened by the fact he like, sat me down and was like ‘ok i need you to touch me sexually more’ and i was like ‘uhhhhhhhh....’ bc i don’t want to lol and he was like ‘i’m a sexual being i need sex and you’re not giving it to me and i’ll find it elsewhere if i need to’ and i was like WELL WE ALL WANT THINGS WE’RE NOT GETTING LIKE BASIC FUCKING DECENCY

jk i didn’t. instead i sat pinned to the couch by his feet bc that’s his newest method of cornering me and just felt very afraid he was gonna try to pull something. then he got all emotional and i was trying to explain why i feel sexually repulsed like 99% of the time when i used to be voracious and he was like ‘i don’t want explanations, i want actions. you can fix this right now’ and it felt like he was coercing me into sex in order to keep him from getting increasingly agitated SO THAT’S FUN. i didn’t give in tho bc everything in me was just...cringing. having a horrible time. he then said “if you’re not into that anymore i need you to tell me” and i was oh shit ok here we go and then i open my mouth and he goes “you better not fucking tell me that” and i’m like...wait....??? and he goes “i moved here for you, you better not fuckin feel that way”

so that’s cool. good to know i’m being threatened over leaving him bc this shit wasn’t hard enough.

i slipped in the kitchen today and said “fuck” and he goes “RIN.” and i’m like what? and he goes “you’re not being very ladylike. it’s time you behave.” and i was like...weirded out but i laughed nervously and i go “ah that’s bc i’m not a lady.” and he goes “are you a MAN? i’m not interested in dating a MAN.” and i’m like...no...i mean i’m just a person....and he goes “are you GENDERLESS? i’m not interested in dating someone who is GENDERLESS?” and i was like wtf are you ok?? he was legit angry. what the hell.

an hour later he had one of those weird moments of self-awareness that he only gets in a blue moon. he said “i think something’s wrong with me” and i was like “okay let’s get you help i know some great resources” and there was a long pause and he was like “no” and snapped out of it.

BACK TO THE GOOD STUFF THO:

my dog now growls if boyf says my name or turns to me. my dog is my best friend. doing really well taking over for my manager while she’s away. lot of last minute shit that keeps popping up but i think i’m handling it alright. went grocery shopping!!! got healthy things!!!! told my brother about what i’m going through. he’s younger than me but like....so fuckin wise and kind and he was exactly what i needed. my family is super, super terrible at communication like my parents didn’t tell us they divorced each other until almost a year after it happened L O L so it’s hard to talk about real shit. lucas has always been good at it tho and as much as i love the “let me kill him” responses lucas was just like “wow are you taking care of yourself?? are you believing what he says about you? bc it’s not true” and idk just...good sib stuff FINALLY GONNA PLAY MORE PERSONA TOMORROW thank fucking CHRIST been in a weird writing funk during all of this. feeling like i’m getting ready to write again tho

that’s about it sry that this is all i talk about rn just...a weird transitional time for me. got a lot goin on in my head.

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Word to the wise, McKenna, get your missus off the streets unless you want her to get hate crimed Buster: Like I care what happens to her Buster: Hospital bills aren't in the realm of what I pay for unless they're Jay's Rio: I can assure you I care even less so regardless of how little you feel for this one Rio: get her out of my face, yeah, cheers Buster: Handle her yourself Buster: I'm out of the habit of doing favors for you Rio: Why should I? Rio: She's your mess Buster: She's never been mine Buster: Nothing to me, like Rio: Of course not Rio: 'cept the mother of your child, like Buster: Jay's not gonna wake up and scroll Chlo's social feed. I reckon we're fine Rio: Luckily for you too Buster: What the fuck's that meant to mean? Rio: Hardly keeping it PG are you Rio: at least Chlo has the deceny to keep it fake Buster: Why should I? Buster: None of them are sticking around for playdates Rio: Exactly Rio: don't need to keep a catalouge running for anyone but yourself Buster: If you've got something to say, say it Buster: Don't make it about my daughter when it ain't Rio: Well yeah, it is Rio: Won't be that long before she can use an iPhone Rio: put money on her figuring it out before you get a clue, anyway Buster: Fuck you Rio: Yeah, fuck you and all Buster: You wish, babe Rio: Still out here with the same shit chat Rio: a miracle you can keep Chlo invested nevermind the rest Buster: Not trying to keep anyone invested Buster: It's your problem that it still works on you Rio: Please Rio: Just keep all your bullshit out my face Buster: Says the girl in my inbox seeking me out Buster: Block me. It's well easy Rio: I know it's hard for you to process, but this ain't about you Rio: anyway, if you took your own advice, these messages would be falling on deaf ears so Buster: I know that you knew I wouldn't care before you even said her name Buster: But here you still are, like Buster: And it's my bullshit, yeah? Okay Rio. Whatever you say Rio: Yeah, truly my bad for reckoning you still had some decency Rio: How are you gonna blame me for this one? Buster: Never claimed it Buster: Your bad for seeing what you're desperate to see Buster: I can blame you for not playing by the rules you made up to suit yourself and leaving me alone Rio: You mean my bad for seeing through your bullshit Rio: I'll claim that, happily Rio: Come on, there were never any rules, it was the fucking opposite from the jump Rio: and you've hardly been alone Buster: You'd have more credibility at seeing through me if you weren't so full of shit yourself Buster: But go off if you wanna Buster: 'Cause we both know what it's really about, yeah? Buster: You wear that jealousy well though, babe, don't worry Rio: Fuck off Rio: I have standards, unlike yourself Buster: They ain't high enough to brag about though Rio: You've got that covered too Rio: Maturity of a twelve year old Buster: And? Buster: You're so mature, it's all just playground games what you do, but 'cause there's cash in it you tell yourself it ain't Rio: And, you're a grownass man with a child so sort yourself the fuck out Rio: This ain't about my job Rio: which you have no idea about so don't even go there Buster: It ain't about me as a dad either, which you know even less about Rio: Yeah, 'cos not everything you do affects your kid Rio: think on like Buster: She's a baby and she's protected from this as much as her psycho ma will let her be Buster: Catch yourself on and stop trying to cross new lines with me now that I won't fuck you Rio: Sure, that's your thing, wait until everything's totally fucked before getting out your cape Buster: Rather that than stress something that ain't a thing Buster: Life's too short, babe, you gotta calm down Rio: Shut the fuck up Rio: I know how short it is Rio: its you that's acting like that means it don't matter Buster: 'Cause you've got all the answers, yeah? 'Course Buster: Ask yourself why you're so obsessed with my kid Buster: I know exactly what matters Rio: Yeah? Then fucking act like it Rio: reckon you're so smart when it's obvious why the fuck I care Rio: don't recall how this goes when you mess it up? Rio: 'cause none of us can fucking forget Buster: Then act like it your fucking self Buster: If you gave a shit you'd know that I ain't nothing like that cunt Rio: Not me you have to prove that to Buster: And I already prove it to her Buster: So fuck you Buster: She ain't Edie and she never will be Rio: Fuck you there was nothing wrong with her Rio: it was him Buster: And I'm not him Buster: So stop Rio: You stop Buster: What? Having a life Buster: Didn't reckon being a dad meant I have to book myself into a monastery like Rio: You don't have to or get to treat people, women in particular, like shit Rio: and act as if that's never coming back on you, and fucking her up Buster: I've never treated a girl anything other than how she wants me to Buster: They ain't asking me to get down on my knees with a ring Rio: Whatever, Buster Buster: Not whatever Buster: You know it firsthand don't act like you don't Rio: I'm not accusing you of being a fucking rapist here Rio: but you're gonna sit here and act like you've never turned a blind eye to a girl's feelings just 'cos it suited you Buster: With Chlo, yeah, and I'm still paying for it Buster: Every girl I've been with since knew exactly what was happening and not. I know I'm hot but they are capable of having a convo with me sometimes Buster: If you wanna think different, chat away to my fucking sister, she's been in that camp way longer, properly knows her way around Rio: Jesus Rio: Just get her on the first plane out of here, yeah Buster: If it was that easy she'd already have gone Rio: Yeah well Rio: Good luck Buster: Well, what? Buster: What do you want me to do? Buster: Whatever it is, take more than luck Rio: I'm not here offering solutions Buster: Just saying you care and doing fuck all to prove it, yeah? Buster: I got that Rio: What can I do? Christ, wasn't as if it was a friendly chat Rio: can hardly wave her through customs Buster: You could help me Buster: Instead of being a bitch Rio: I'm not being a bitch Rio: but go on, how? Buster: Whatever Buster: Forget it Rio: No Rio: I'm being serious Rio: Go on Buster: So I am Buster: I'll sort it myself Rio: Alright Buster: Salvage what you can of your night Rio: Whatever Rio: Will she seriously not leave? Doesn't she...do anything in London or what Buster: She can shop and have brunch here too Buster: Swap my parents for hers, with the bonus pair of hands that's me Rio: More tragic than my life and that's saying something Buster: Shut up Buster: You're alright Rio: Don't worry, not looking for sympathy Buster: Not giving it Buster: I don't need to Rio: Hmm Rio: doesn't she have a dog? Rio: could stage a kidnapping Buster: Wouldn't wish that on her parents, they'd get all the blame Buster: They ain't that bad Rio: Alright, just ransom one of her shit friends then Buster: Like she'd actually care Buster: I'm ringing her, once she has enough missed calls from me she'll come running back Buster: Gotta raise the tally to the highest it's been or what's the point, like Rio: Gets her out of town, yeah Rio: but how are you gonna get her out of yours? Rio: maybe your 'rents can Buster: Not your problem Buster: Neither is the fact my parents would have to be around themselves to notice that she is Rio: Guess even their best stern phone voice ain't really going to cut it Rio: Surely there's a social occasion she's missing? Create a fake one, like Buster: Nothing to top her plans to seduce me into playing happy families Buster: But I'm the one who'll mess Jay up Rio: Alright, I didn't compare you to her, come on Buster: Nah, just the biggest cunt, going Buster: Cheers Rio: Not you as a whole Rio: just some behaviour but yeah Rio: said what i said still sorry Buster: Are you? Rio: Don't push it, I ain't gonna repeat the s word Rio: but yes Buster: You can, I won't tell anyone Rio: Yeah? Forgo the social media for that one Rio: Typical Buster: Hardly the first exception I've made for you, babe Rio: Lucky me Buster: Least you can admit that Rio: Idiot Buster: Behave Buster: I clearly ain't as smart as you want me to be but can't go that far Rio: Alright, ain't the first to not be on my level Rio: sure you won't be the last Buster: Shut up Buster: That's the biggest lie you've told me yet Buster: I easily match you Rio: And that's the most defensive you've been Rio: Oh, boy, some things never change Buster: Good. Things weren't that bad how they were Rio: Yeah Buster: You should go, reckon I've got through her thick skull finally Buster: Have some fun Rio: Oh, ain't even thought of a decent plan yet Buster: Don't worry about it Buster: No reason we should both have a shit night Rio: If I was anywhere Chlo could hunt me down, unlikely I was having a rager, isn't it Buster: Yeah well, you were the one trying to say you had standards, babe Buster: You working or what? Rio: Also saying shit was tragic, if your recall's that good Rio: Nah, rare night off Buster: All the more reason to fuck off and do something good then Buster: Ain't too late yet Rio: Do my best, McKenna Buster: Have one for me, like Rio: Done is done Buster: Sláinte Rio: I miss you Buster: Rio Rio: Sorry Buster: Don't Buster: That isn't how I wanted to hear you say sorry Rio: I know Rio: I didn't mean to say it Buster: I know Rio: Okay fuck Rio: bye Buster: Wait Rio: Yeah? Buster: I miss you too Buster: I'm not sorry Rio: Swear? Buster: Yeah Rio: What do we do? Buster: Do you really want me to answer that? Rio: Guess my answer depends on yours so Buster: You already know there's only one thing I can think about doing Rio: Me too Buster: Fuck Buster: Tell me we can't Rio: Can't now Rio: for real Rio: but I can't say never Rio: it feels as shit as it sounds Buster: I know Buster: That's all I'm sorry for, like Rio: I tried Rio: but it just fucked everything else up too Buster: you and me both, babe Rio: Jesus Rio: what's wrong with us Buster: Nothing I wanna fix Rio: Seriously? Buster: I want you Rio: I know Rio: it made me mental Rio: and that's only the shit i saw, never mind all the stuff i could imagine, and couldn't stop myself from Buster: Good Buster: 'Cause you gave me nothing to go on Rio: Not good Rio: I could fill you in if that's what you want Buster: Is it gonna be worse than what's in my head? Rio: Safe to assume if it was I wouldn't be in your inbox now, would I Buster: No telling with you Rio: Charming Buster: Well, can't be, can I Buster: Not now Rio: I got this far resisting you, sure I can manage a few more days Buster: You reckon? Rio: No but you know Rio: if I ain't got a choice I ain't got one Buster: You could race Chlo to my door Rio: You'd love that, twat Rio: though doubt she's gonna be fast in those heels Buster: How pissed is she? Not gonna love that, am I Rio: Completely white girl wasted Buster: 'Course Buster: Come over a few minutes after she gets here then Rio: We can't do that Buster: I know but I really wish I was being serious Rio: Same Rio: Just have to see you around, like Buster: I'll call you when she gets mad enough at me to go Rio: Sounds like a plan Rio: She's determined but you're annoying as fuck so Buster: Fuck off Buster: You love it Rio: For my sins Rio: I give Chlo 3 days tops Rio: she's fake and we know it Buster: I'll get her to leave tomorrow Buster: You'll see Rio: You talk a big game, babe Buster: If it was all talk I wouldn't be saying it Buster: The proof'll come Buster: I'm determined too Rio: You're cute Buster: You won't be saying that when I'm right Buster: Then I'll be hot as fuck Rio: to yourself or me, like? Buster: Hilarious Rio: You know I got jokes Rio: and you know you're always hot as fuck to me too Buster: Tell me what else you've got for me Rio: Only all of me and whatever you want Buster: I'll take that Rio: Good Rio: not got the holiday home and yacht perks like your usual, soz like Buster: Shut up Buster: You know I don't care about any of that Rio: Giving you some credit, like Rio: Dunno what else you're seeing in 'em Buster: You really wanna talk about them? Rio: Not my first choice but as discussed Rio: not yet Buster: It's easy that's all Rio: You don't need to explain yourself Rio: I'm just jealous Buster: I'm just saying you don't need to be Rio: Not now I know you feel it too Buster: Did you actually think I didn't? Rio: I don't know Rio: Maybe Rio: I told you, couldn't stop thinking all kinds of shit Buster: Idiot Rio: Shut up Rio: said in this very convo that you won't fuck me anymore Buster: And you said you saw through my bullshit Rio: You know, being cocky is your thing Rio: but honestly, always said it, headfuck, yeah? Hardly been here before Rio: don't know what I'm doing or feeling half the time Rio: except I want you, that's all I know Buster: That's all I need you know Buster: It's alright Rio: Yeah? Rio: Good then Buster: It'd be better if you were coming here instead of Chlo Buster: Not to speak of the devil 'cause fuck knows when she'll appear Rio: She did stumble out a while ago so Rio: probably soon, assuming she ain't fallen in the river Buster: I ain't that lucky Buster: Had my share for tonight anyway, like Rio: I won't tell anyone you said that Rio: nothing but god given 🍀 Buster: Cheers Rio: People you don't wanna see are like buses forreal and the 2nd just showed up eurgh Rio: Don't get the wrong idea, Chlo, not following you out but I gotta dash Buster: Who's got you running? Rio: Just someone I owe a second date Buster: Where are you gonna go? Rio: Onto the next bar and hope I ain't been spotted Rio: though no one wants to leave so I'm gonna have to make new friends, cheers lads Buster: You could always come here Buster: Have a drink with me instead of for me Buster: And celebrate Chlo's impending departure Rio: Hmm Rio: How much space can you feasibly put between you and me, whilst still serving me a drink? Rio: 'Cos I don't trust myself at all Buster: Try me Rio: Alright, Tom Cruise 🍸 Rio: no need to try to impress me i'm there Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: Can always just go down on you Rio: Stealth mode Buster: Good to know you've got a plan Rio: Always thinking, babe Buster: Can't deny that I ain't Rio: Then you'll owe me for missed time and then some Buster: Fine Rio: Seal the deal when I get there, like Buster: Promise Rio: Promise Buster: How soon can you be here Rio: Gotta give Chlo time to get in and leave you alone, so you tell me Buster: Just come now Buster: I wanna see you before I have to her Rio: How we gonna explain that one? Rio: Unless you want me to hide Buster: She won't remember Rio: I think she will Rio: Stalker of the highest order Rio: shocked she even knew who I was Buster: You've got a point Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: I know, babe Buster: [An annoying amount of time later] Buster: Okay Rio: Persistent bitch Buster: I don't wanna talk about her any more Rio: We don't have to talk at all Buster: You reckon? Buster: When have you ever stayed that quiet Rio: Sounds like you missed me and all my talk Buster: Yeah Buster: I wanna hear everything you've got to say to me Rio: Okay, work on my whisper Buster: Not that you're gonna have long 'cause you're gonna hurry up, yeah? Rio: Duh Rio: Wish I could say the blue dress has made an reappearance alas Buster: I don't care Rio: Trust, gonna make sure you don't care about anything but what my mouth is doing Buster: Christ Rio: I missed you so much Buster: I can't wait to show you how much I missed you too