#even on leave he still working his ass with jade stone (lol)

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seitmai · 23 days ago

Text

Many thoughts

“Still a closed practice, Lev.” “Yeah!” “Ask her who she is!” “Get her out of here!” Fuck them. You were told to be here. “That won’t be necessary,” that took your father long enough. You don’t have to have your eyes open to know that he is looking at you, knowing you’re not actually asleep. All the players hoop and holler at your father. Trying to act all cool now that their team owner is on the ice. “Sleeping beauty over there is my daughter,” oohs sound in front of you, and you know your lip is curled in annoyance. Embarrassing. “She’s going to be watching you, while I’m away.”

It must be a law or something that a dad is employed his daughter lol

“Daddy D we don’t need a babysitter,” jeering. No, they need a kick in the groin. They act like dogs chasing a bitch in heat.

Facts lol

“Your daughter have a name?” “You can call her boss,” you didn’t mind that. He’s looking at you again, so you let a smile lift your mouth.

Period 👏🏻

He smiles skating backwards. His eye contact is both concerning and hot. You shouldn’t look at him either. Players are forbidden, and nothing but trouble. Especially that one. The player. The team captain. The one with the best ass on the team.

Well rules are to be broken, right? (Especially for an ass like that lol)

“It’s a bit weird that she’s at every practice, and she’s rarely watching,” a few of the players grunt in agreement. It’s your cue to fake sleeping. Again. “Her head is in one of those books, or she’s doing that. Who comes to practice to sleep?” “Does it bother you that much, Jensen?” “Well, no,” he sheepishly responds, backing away from Ari. “It’s weird, and unsettling.”

That sounds like it's bothering him, so it's working imo 🤷🏻‍♀️🤭

“An Irish Rugby player.” “So no more hockey players?” You shake your head no, and reach to put your book in the bag, “I like to escape when I read.”

She's so real for that!

“What else is in the book?” You furrow your eyebrows, unsure of what he’s meaning. “I mean is there — my sister reads a lot, too. The most popular books have, um…” “Sex?” “Yep. That — that’s what’s in there,” his cheeks flush the cutest pink color. Talking about smut in books clearly is out of his comfort zone.

It's maybe out of his comfort zone, but definitely not hers lol

“Someone that seeks out human interaction so much, and yet she’s a bit rough around the edges. People using you for your family’s money made you jaded, but not everyone is out for that. Not everyone cares about what you can buy,” he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’s just saying a bunch of words. But words shouldn’t strike you so hard.

Damn he struck a neve with her

No need to say more, I'm in

“What are you doing this evening? Where are you going? Do you have plans?” Ari knows he should let you go. He was told to stay away. But you seem distressed, and he’s bored. Nothing has to happen, just dinner and some wine. “I’m asking because I’m actually a really good cook. I’ve got a great wine selection, and you’ll be doing me a favor.” Plus, if you like him, your dad can’t kill him. “We can carry on with our bantering if you like. But I really don’t want to eat alone, so can you join me?”

“Fish? Chicken? Steak? Grilled cheese? Pizza? I’ve got this great pizza stone. My mom and dad are both in the restaurant business. Mom’s a manager, and dad’s a chef. I can make anything. Depending on what you say, I may have to drive to a store. But…don’t make eat alone.”

That sounds amazing, let's gooo

“You have to keep your hands off me,” Ari smirks. His eyes trail over your body in a not too unpleasant way. You kind of like it. You wish he would look again.

👀🤭

“The boss said you had to leave that one alone,” he gives a hard finger point towards you. “You are a very bad boy. Misbehaving. Time out. Walk away, and nothing will happen.” “And when you kindly fuck off, I’ll be an even badder boy,” Jake dramatically gasps, grabbing at his chest. “Three minutes, you cheeky bastard. Please, Jensen, I’m aching here.” “I’m only leaving because I don’t want to hear about your blue balls. And you,” his face looks up at you, “You could have had this, and you chose that caveman! Don’t come crawling back to me! You could have had it all!” His hands slide over his chest, trying to make you swoon, you suppose.

Hahaha I loved this interaction

“Or,” you let your finger run over his chest, teasing him while also making your need for him stronger. Heat floods your body with anticipation of having Ari. Again. “I could let you take me in the locker room. That way when the big game happens this weekend, you get to stare at the place where you saw yourself leak out of me for the first time. It’ll be good luck.”

Truly Ari's lucky day

You nod your head, and take a step towards the locker room. “He’s more sensitive than you realize,” liar. “This place is his sanctuary. Just agreeing to fuck you here — it’s not just sex, you see?” “What?” Of course it was just sex. It was amazing and fun sex. But there is absolutely nothing more than sex here.

Ohh I think he brings up a really good point 👀

“Don’t act weird when your dad comes back. That’s all I’m asking. Keep doing what you’re doing. That’s all. He’s a good man. A giant big man that is super soft underneath his ultra thick exterior,” your mouth turns into an ‘oh’ as you finally understand. You nod your head. You could tell right away that Ari isn’t all that he portrays. You didn’t want to stop doing what you’re doing. Just didn’t want it so open. Too late now. “Protect him, because he’ll protect you,” he says before finally walking away.

I didn’t expect this thoughtful insight and things to consider by Jensen 🥹

”When you’re trying not to wince because I’m almost too big for this pretty little pussy, yeah, it’s beautiful,” you lift your body up slightly, but Ari pulls you back down. “Stay with me for a while.” “You’ve got me,” you reassure him. Two more days until the big game, and Ari’s strong front is faltering. Leaning forward, you wrap your arms around the big man, and pet over his bare back. Moving to sit up, only to remove your top, and give him the satisfaction of skin on skin. Holding him again. Big giant man, but loves soft sweet touches. Truth be told, it was never just sex even for you. It’s comfort. And this big burly man is the most comfortable man.

And he deserves all the soft touches 🥹🥰

“Do I get a kiss after the game?” “Make it official?” You whimper. Your body starts to seize and it’s not just because of the impending orgasm. It’s the fact that he is ready for the world to know. Ready for you to admit what you already knew. You are a goner. “Yes,” he pants. Grabbing onto your hips, and using them to center himself. His body tightens up, and he tries to fight off the inevitable. Whether it’s his release, or your refusal to give him what he wants. You. No hiding. Official.

🥰🥰🥰

“I want you to be my girlfriend,” he whispers into your ear as you come down from the best high in life. “I want the world to know who you belong to, and who I belong to,” his nose pets along your jaw. “Please?” “Yes,” you whisper. You collapse onto his giant body. Arms going limp as they wrap around him. “I always feel my best when I’m with you.”

Aww that was so sweet and perfect 🥰 I love that for them!

When I'm With You

Summary: Poor little rich girl. Your dad may have been the richest man in Massachusetts, and own the Boston Bruins, but you were utterly alone. Everyone only wanted you for your money the perks you brought them. All but Ari. Who also happened to be your dad’s best friend and the Bruins top player. You sure knew how to make him sweat. And now he wanted to break his one and only rule; never to touch you.

Pairings: Ari Levinson X Reader

Rating: explicit

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content, unprotected sex, PIV sex, creampie, soft!Ari, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 4.1K

Ari Levinson Masterlist

Ice sprays up against the protective barrier and you’re able to slink down just a few extra inches before he notices that you’ve shifted. Keeping your eyes closed because you’re not in the mood to talk to one of the players. You are supposed to be observing, but this is just so boring! Maybe if you actually had friends that gave a damn for you and not your dad’s wealth you wouldn’t be here.

“What’s that?” The fool says, pointing his finger towards you. Don’t move, and don’t engage in the tomfoolery.

“That is this thing we call a woman,” Pigs. The second voice chuckles, while random bits of what you’re assuming are the sticks clapping together sound in front of you. They are gathering to gawk at you. Please just leave you to rot in peace.

“Back to practice,” yes, listen to that voice. Follow along like the good little soldiers you are.

“I thought this was a closed practice,” shit. Other voices join in, agreeing with the man. Have they ever seen a woman before? Legitimately seen a woman in the flesh that wasn’t pawning all over them.

“And she doesn’t look like someone who is stealing plays.”

“Still a closed practice, Lev.” “Yeah!” “Ask her who she is!” “Get her out of here!”

Fuck them. You were told to be here. “That won’t be necessary,” that took your father long enough. You don’t have to have your eyes open to know that he is looking at you, knowing you’re not actually asleep. All the players hoop and holler at your father. Trying to act all cool now that their team owner is on the ice.

“Sleeping beauty over there is my daughter,” oohs sound in front of you, and you know your lip is curled in annoyance. Embarrassing. “She’s going to be watching you, while I’m away.”

“Daddy D we don’t need a babysitter,” jeering. No, they need a kick in the groin. They act like dogs chasing a bitch in heat.

“Yeah, you do, Jensen,” they’re children. And your father wants you to just watch and observe. “Obviously the coach will keep you boys in line,” men. They’re men. “But I also expect you to listen to Ari and my daughter.”

“Your daughter have a name?”

“You can call her boss,” you didn’t mind that. He’s looking at you again, so you let a smile lift your mouth. “Best behavior. And boys,” men. “Keep your hands off,” oh good grief. He knows you don’t go chasing a puck for pleasure. “I mean it,” he hits someone’s shoulder, and there’s a soft pause, “Lev, watch her.”

Oh, no. You don’t need a babysitter. His back is to you, and he’s already walking out of the rink when you bust your eyes open, and stare right back at this Ari. Of all the fucking people to say that to, it had to be the one that you even somewhat thought was attractive. Your little brother had a poster on his wall of the giant that is Ari, The Punisher, Levinson.

Fucking hell. Ari skates the little bit of a distance to the barrier, and bangs his hands up against the fiberglass. “Seems like you’ve been trusted in my care, Boss.”

“Get back to practice,” is all you say before reaching in your bag, and pulling out a book. You don’t know if this is the right intimidation tactic you can think of, but Ari’s eyes flick down to the title. His mouth turns up into a devilish smirk before you look over the pages glaring, “Is there a problem, Levinson?”

“Didn’t realize that you were such a horror fan,” horror? You look at the cover of the book, and he chuckles. What were you thinking choosing The Score as a way to intimidate them? It has a cute cover, and a hockey romance. And was far from horror. “Made ya look, Boss. Alright, boys,” men. “Get back on the ice. And hands off. See you afterwards, Bunny.”

“I’m not a damn, puck bunny!”

——

“She got nothing better to do?” You’d come to know the players better. That one is always talking like you can’t hear a damn thing. No, you don’t have to be here, but where else is there to go? What could be more important than keeping your father’s dream and legacy as a well oiled machine?

“Does it bother you that much, Jensen?”

“Well, no,” he sheepishly responds, backing away from Ari. “It’s weird, and unsettling.”

“She’s got a job.”

“Even the big man doesn’t show up as much as she does,” you didn’t have to listen to this. You had other things to do besides be here. You could — well you could just easily — there is always spending daddy’s money. But that’s not you.

You could always sit at a coffee shop alone, but you weren’t fond of coffee shop coffee. You could easily go watch a movie by yourself. Peeking through your lashes you glare up at Ari who is standing mask to mask with Jake Jensen.

Placing the bookmark in your book, you just get up, and walk up the stairs. You weren’t going to be the reason that the Neanderthals were fighting. There really isn’t anywhere else for you to go, but you’ll find some place.

“See you what you did,” Ari shoves Jake’s arm, while the younger man looks up at you. “From now on, don’t worry about it, okay? She’s a nobody, and she’s not here watching you scabs, got it?” Ari looks back to Jake, and the other man nods a head before Ari looks up at your retreating form.

—

Ari pushes your legs off a control panel, causing you to jump up, and get into a defense pose. Your confused look turns into anger very quickly, and you glare at him. “That’s an expensive piece of equipment. Keep your feet off it. Or do you think you can do that because Daddy can pay for it?”

“Fuck off.”

Ari taps on the panel for a few seconds. His vision goes from you to the ice, and then back again, “Why didn’t you just leave?”

“And miss an opportunity to fall asleep to the best lullaby in the world?”

“You’re not sleeping in the stands,” no, you weren’t. You’re trying to remain as invisible as possible. “You could have called some of your friends, and went to the mall or something.”

“I’m not seventeen,” of course he would think all you’re capable of doing is shopping. It’s what everyone thought. You were to be seen and spoiled, not heard.

“Then you could have gone to a bookstore. What are you reading today?” You lift up the book, and Ari tilts his head to read the title. “What’s it about?”

“An Irish Rugby player.”

“So no more hockey players?”

You shake your head no, and reach to put your book in the bag, “I like to escape when I read.”

“What else is in the book?” You furrow your eyebrows, unsure of what he’s meaning. “I mean is there — my sister reads a lot, too. The most popular books have, um…”

“Sex?”

“Yep. That — that’s what’s in there,” his cheeks flush the cutest pink color. Talking about smut in books clearly is out of his comfort zone. And you’re not entirely sure why he wants to talk to you about books at all.

“Why are you concerned if I’m reading a smutty book?” Ari shrugs his shoulders, trying to remember the title of the book. He didn’t want to read it, he just wanted to know what it was about. “Why are you concerned about why I’m up here?”

“Practice is over. Figured you needed to wake up,” he’s very strange and different when he’s not being the captain. “Why do you come to practice?”

“You told Jensen yourself, I have a job.”

“Yeah, but your job doesn’t really entail being here every practice. If I didn’t know any better I would think that you’re checking us out,” you roll your eyes, starting to stand. You can go home and sleep. At least there’s no one there to bother you. “Especially me.”

“You’re very full of yourself, Levinson,” you say as you stand up. You almost thought he was going to be different. But they’re all the same. They think they know everything about you. About how easy life must be because you grew up rich. It was isolating.

“Or is it because you have no friends, and nowhere else to go, so at least you’re not alone when you’re here.”

“Goodnight, Ari,” he didn’t know anything about you or about your life.

“You keep talking about things you don’t know or understand,” you keep walking, but he stays behind you.

“I know because I’m just like you. It’s why I make a good captain.”

“Goodnight!” Ari jogs up in front of you, stopping, and making you halt your exit. “What?”

“I can’t lock up myself, so I have to leave first.”

“Then go.”

“What are you doing this evening?”

“What?” That came from nowhere, and you’re intrigued.

Plus, if you like him, your dad can’t kill him. “We can carry on with our bantering if you like. But I really don’t want to eat alone, so can you join me?”

“You don’t have some puck bunny you want to have dinner with?”

“No, but you sure like to judge and insinuate I’m just like every other hockey player. We come in all different shapes and sizes, and I don’t much care for a woman chasing my money and fame. I’m going out on a limb to say you’re not going to do that, and this is just dinner.”

You aren’t. You didn’t need to. You had enough wealth from your father, “What are you cooking?”

“You have to keep your hands off me,” Ari smirks. His eyes trail over your body in a not too unpleasant way. You kind of like it. You wish he would look again.

“Of course. I made a promise to your dad.”

“And this doesn’t change my watching practices.”

“I wouldn’t ever think it would. Kinda like you watching me,” he’s not wrong, but he’s so full of himself.

“Stop flirting,” Ari smiles, and you point down the hallway for him to go first. If you have to lock up the stadium, he must lead the way. He’s the forbidden fruit. Don’t fall for a hockey player. They’re nothing but trouble.

——

Ari looks up at you from the ice, and then back to his team. He tries to hide the grin that perks his mouth up, but a few catch it. Even the nosy Jensen rests his chin on his hockey stick smiling like an idiot at his captain. “That’s going to be all for today. Rest, drink your water, work out your muscles, and be ready.”

“Exactly how do you work out your muscles, Lev?” Jake’s eyes drift towards you before returning to Ari with a shit eating grin.

“Shut up, Jensen.”

“So that means that you and…”

“Jensen!” Another team member cuts in. “Shut up.”

“But we were told to stay away,” everyone groans, starting to walk off the ice. Each one knocking against his shoulder, and grumbling as they walk past. “Yeah, yeah. I get it. So Lev…”

“Shower quickly, Jensen,” Ari says, looking towards you. His mouth gets wider with a devilish grin. Jake starts to say something else, but Ari pushes him playfully again without looking away from you. Grunting something inaudible.

“I wish people would stop doing that.”

“Then shut up, and shower quickly. You bastards have five minutes.”

“Why five?”

“Because I have a meeting with someone,” Ari’s grin goes wider. Jake starts to say something, but Ari covers Jake’s mouth with his giant hand, and finally breaks eye contact with you, “Four minutes.”

“The boss said you had to leave that one alone,” he gives a hard finger point towards you. “You are a very bad boy. Misbehaving. Time out. Walk away, and nothing will happen.”

“And when you kindly fuck off, I’ll be an even badder boy,” Jake dramatically gasps, grabbing at his chest. “Three minutes, you cheeky bastard. Please, Jensen, I’m aching here.”

“I’m only leaving because I don’t want to hear about your blue balls. And you,” his face looks up at you, “You could have had this, and you chose that caveman! Don’t come crawling back to me! You could have had it all!” His hands slide over his chest, trying to make you swoon, you suppose.

“Jensen!”

“I am going!” His voice is nearly a whine as he marches away. “You get none of it!” He throws a hand up, emphasizing his point. Goober. He is loveable, but a goober nonetheless.

You start making your way down the bleachers, and lean over the edge, “What? You think I was going to follow you into the locker room, and you can have your way with me?”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “I don’t know the idea of you sucking my dick while I wash off sounds amazing,” you shake your head no, “You really don’t like sucking dick, huh?”

“Sweaty dick, absolutely not. While also being drowned by the water doesn’t sound like a fun time. But,” you step out onto the ice, and Ari’s eager eyes look up and down your body. “I could let you fuck me on the ice,” he shakes his head no. “In the stands?” Still he shakes his head no.

“I like that option. It’s the game that your father returns,” Ari knew you had a penchant for wanting daddy’s attention. He might have used it to his advantage. Who could blame him when you looked like that.

“I’ll give you two minutes to get cleaned, Levinson. Time starts now,” he smirks as he skates away from you, and you exhale a long breath. There would be no keeping the relationship secret when the entire team knows you are willing to drop to your knees for Ari.

You head towards the locker room, watching as players start heading out one after the other. It would be Jake that is last. You give him a cheesy grin, but he stops you. “I know what you’re doing,” no, he didn’t. “Lev can handle himself, and obviously you can, too. But — you’ve involved the rest of us in your affair.”

“What?” Of course it was just sex. It was amazing and fun sex. But there is absolutely nothing more than sex here.

“He’s had a thing for you for a while,” Jake shrugs as he starts to walk away. Ari didn’t even know you. “It was just a crush, but he did some instagram stalking. And he saw something in you. It’s not just sex, okay?”

“Okay,” you timidly answer. Jake’s face grimaces, but you don’t know what else to say. He’s not supposed to be the serious one here.

“Protect him, because he’ll protect you,” he says before finally walking away.

You gather up some courage to walk into the locker room, and spot Ari sitting down. Leaning over with his forearms resting on his thighs, looking like the most delectable meal you’d ever seen, and wrapped in only a towel. You turn around to lock the door, and remain with your back to him as you kick off your shoes, and shimmy out of your leggings.

Giving him the view of seeing the the cheeks of your ass. He sucks in a hard breath at the show you’re putting on display. His body is begging him to just have his way with you, but his head is wanting you to lead today. He’s tired physically. He needs you to.

Making your way over to Ari, you wait for him to sit up. Ari’s beefy hand grips his cock, and you crawl into his lap. Hissing as his thick girth pierces your body. And you don’t stop your descent until he’s fully sheathed. You take a few deep breaths, letting your body adjust to his size. You’ll never tired of this feeling.

“You look beautiful trying not to wince.”

“That does not sound like I look beautiful.”

“You’ve got me,” you reassure him. Two more days until the big game, and Ari’s strong front is faltering. Leaning forward, you wrap your arms around the big man, and pet over his bare back. Moving to sit up, only to remove your top, and give him the satisfaction of skin on skin. Holding him again.

Big giant man, but loves soft sweet touches.

He never lets anyone see this side of him. Worried that he won’t be the captain that he needs to be. Worried he’ll let his team down. Arrogant to a fault, until he’s seated inside you, and then he is the softest man you’ve ever met. You like the two sides of him. And love that he fells comfortable enough to give you this side of him. That this part is only reserved for you.

You paint his freckled shoulders with your lips. Relaxing and easing him into a vulnerable state before rolling your hips. Taking him balls deep. He moans in satisfaction. The most beautiful sound that you could think of happens when his tip kisses your cervix. A pleasured pain of him bottoming out.

Your upper body worships him so softly, but your lower body is taking him for all he’s worth. He bucks up, his hips meeting your own in a sinful dance. No words are exchanged as you give freely, and he takes greedily. Allowing you enough control, while also spearing up into you with so much need and ferocity that you go brainless.

Ari.

That is the only thing in your head. The only thing that truly matters. In this moment.

The two of you work because you each get what you need from the other. A safe place to land when you need it. No judgement when you let your vulnerable sides out. And still such a need for the other's body. The need to be all in. And you mean all. A few short weeks, and you want more. You crave more.

Truth be told, it was never just sex even for you. It’s comfort. And this big burly man is the most comfortable man.

His hands grip to the bench, and he stabs into your body so fiercely that you lean up off his shoulders. “You’ll be at the game, right?” You give him a head nod in response, and grip to his shoulders. Using his body as reigns as you hold on for the ride of your life. Planting your feet firmly before you fuck him. If he wants it hard, he’ll get it.

Raising up of him, and slamming yourself down over him again and again. Each time with more force and ferocity. Each time letting him go deeper. Letting him take more of you because you don’t care anymore. You know that he could take all of you, and he would protect it.

“Do I get a kiss after the game?”

“Make it official?” You whimper. Your body starts to seize and it’s not just because of the impending orgasm. It’s the fact that he is ready for the world to know. Ready for you to admit what you already knew. You are a goner.

“Yes,” he pants. Grabbing onto your hips, and using them to center himself. His body tightens up, and he tries to fight off the inevitable. Whether it’s his release, or your refusal to give him what he wants. You. No hiding. Official.

“So…we’re…”

“I’d like to think that we are,” he soothes. His mouth attaches to your neck, and he kisses your most tender area. Nipping and suckling onto body like it gives him life. Pleasure builds up in your core, and you don’t know if you can hold on much longer. Or deny anything anymore.

“Say it,” if he wants you, let him tell you. If he wants to be public, he better be honest with you first.

“Be mine. Only mine. And I’m only yours.”

“Wrong answer,” you grit your teeth. Getting pissed off at him not wanting to make that final fall.

“Being my girlfriend sounds childish,” you cock up one of your eyebrows. That is definitely the wrong answer. You can’t fight off your pleasure anymore. There’s too much pressure, and you careen off course. Letting your body soak up the euphoria that only he’s been able to give you. But you can’t stop. You want him to feel the same way you do.

Punishing yourself with pleasure you bounce on top of him. Mewling out his name, and wanting to curse him for his stubbornness. Asshole. If he wants you. He can do it the right way. He can say it. Scream it. You didn’t care. Just admit it.

“Oh god,” he screams, and clenches onto the bench harder. “You’re so fucking amazing,” his voice is so hard as he fights off his own pleasure. “So fucking perfect,” he repeats, and allows himself the release that you are aching for.

Moaning as ropes of his warm cum paint the inside of your body. The feeling of him so deep inside of you makes you come again. Your walls clench down around him. Holding him in place as you pulse around him. You black out from pleasure. Eyes lulling in the back of your head, speaking in tongue and you look up at the ceiling. It’s just too much. He’s too much. Nothing can ever feel like that.

“Yes,” you whisper. You collapse onto his giant body. Arms going limp as they wrap around him. “I always feel my best when I’m with you.”

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @rnurse-kole @peaches1958 @seitmai

@smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989

@pandaxnienke @kmm-fluv @donutloverxo @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @bambamwolf87

@rogersbarber @distractingbeth @musingsfromthemitten @theinheriteddutchess @buckybarnesisdaddy

171 notes · View notes

dreamii-yume · 4 years ago

Text

New Episode Update Let’s GOO!!!

Warning : This is just Yume having a mental breakdown, seriously. This episode update was WHACK.

~ MAJOR SPOILERS FOR 68-75 ~

I know we ain’t participating and all but the game reminding you that there’s 10 minutes left to prepare is seriously bad for my heart.

Aah, shiet. Vil is still hurt.

He still has small wounds and scratches that he hid make up. Daddy, I’m worried.

Apparently, yeah, I’m not the only one cause my homeboy, Epel just asked to switch the center role with Vil. THE CONFIDENCE.

Aw, he’s worried about him falling over during stage (And make the performance look bad) Come on, Epel just be honest-

...He finally became the ideal poisoned apple that Vil wanted, huh?

Vil being proud a mom.

But the queen inside him is STRONG.

He’ll embrace the villain in him, OUR QUEEN CAN STILL GO. INJURED, WHO?

...AAND he proceeds to roast Epel again lol Typical Vil.

I love how Epel just accepted a nickname like “Doku Ringo-chan” lol It’s so cute, senior-junior relationship goals right there.

HERE WE GO.

Everyone is actually really confident hahaha

I really wish Deuce’s mom, Ace’s brother, Jamil’s sister, and Vil’s dad were here in person to watch.

HECK I WANT KALIM’S WHOLE FAMILY HERE WHY NOT

T-THEY’RE REALLY LETTING US HEAR THE FULL SONG.

IS THAT JAMIL RAPPING.

Look at Jamil’s solo SD dancing. LOOK AT IT.

I really fucking love Vil’s singing voice aaa

HIS VOICE IS SO GOOD.

Album when disney.

Is Vil okay.

...aight im hearing some high quality panting here

...dont mind me listening to it a bit too much...

...they’re going to be great reference for some spicy- leave me alone

Vil panting is making me feel SOMETHING.

ANYWAY. THE CROWD IS A MOOD.

IS VIL OKAY.

Unmei no megami is giving me idia ptsd here.

Heartslabyul Senpais are watching their kids, looking all proud *sniff

Oh god, after playing Obey Me, it just occurred to me how similar Cater and Asmodeus’ voices are...

Watch these Senpai dorks act like Ace and Deuce’s second family. Trey being the dad, Riddle being the mom, and Cater being the supportive big bro. It’s so beautiful.

Riddle’s voice is a lot more softer now, I just realized...It’s so soothing...

God i miss u too octavinelle never change

Yeah, why tf did Floyd not audition for this

Bro, can you imagine Nobuhiko Okamoto in the squad as well??? IMAGINE-

Of course, he wasn’t in the mood back then. Of course. Why did i even ask.

IMAGINE FLOYD BEING IN VDC NEXT YEAR.

Omg i miss u too octavinelle never change

Azul’s gonna overblot again with Floyd’s marketing skills lol

Jade coming in like welp i guess thats that. Too bad, huh Azul?

GOD i miss u too octavinelle never change

SAVANA BITCHES HI

I wonder if these mfs knew that Vil just overblotted and malmal was the one who fixed the stage lol

oooh Leona’s sus about something he a sharp boi

Speak up my guy—

still so weird leona taking his job seriously

Malleus looking happier seeing this performance rather than Lilia’s lol

I miss the simpery in Sebek

Silver’s not in the verge of falling into a coma for once wow

Chenya’s so cute.

AND WE’RE BACK TO CUTE HEIGH HO TEAM

fcking shotacons man...im not one to talk

Aw, they didn’t show Neige performance...

The simping in the crowd is a MASSIVE mood.

WHO WINS TELL ME

These night raven fuckers better vote for us and not pull a “oh shie my hand slipped lololol” i swear to god- im gonna throw hands

*me holding my phone and pretending to vote as well

Suspense music intensifies be like-

HAAA

BOIS, ITS ONE VOTE DIFFERENCE WHO IS IT AAAA

WHAT.

HOW DARE- HOW!? HOW DID WE LOSE!?

WE LOST BY ONE VOTE!?

EVERYONE’S SO SHOCKED LOL

vil pls dont overblot again-

Noooo grim’s tuna cans-

WE REALLY LOST TO A LEGIT KIDS SONG.

These children do not have the right to be this cute. I wanna take Timmy, Toby, and Shelpie home.

I swear to god one of these dwarves sounds like Cheka lol Is it Toby?

EPEEELLLL DONT CRRYYYY

KALIMMMM DONT CRRYYYY

KALIM HAVING THE AUDACITY TO SOUNDING LIKE A BIG BROTHER AND THEN CRYING HIS OWN RIGHT AFTER LOLOLOL

I HATE THIS EPISODE YALL MADE MY TWO BOIS CRY IM FIGHTING THIS EPISODE. BURN THIS.

This background music too though im deeeeddd

KALIM IM SO SORRY FOR MAKING A SINFIC ABOUT YOU PLS DONT CRY-

Jamil impressed about Vil being “calm” and Vil just going “h e h. you dont even know.”

....ha...

Monsieur Rook. WHAT did you say.

ROOK VOTED FOR ROYAL SWORD. Are you kidding me. You snek how could you- i loved you

WHAT DID I SAY- Ya’ll night raven fuckers shall not slip by their fingers when voting rook.

Vil is in the brink of passing out aaaaa

I have never heard Ace this pissed before whoa- lol he sounds like Deuce in his delinquent mode

Aw...Rook felt that Neige’s performance carries a stronger bond than theirs :’( it’s hard to put the blame on him when he’s saying all these stuff

It’s just like what they said in the past episodes that it’s really hard voting for your own team when you know the opposing team is better.

Aww...He just wanted Vil to believe in himself more...Rook is such a best man. Im crying-

Oh noooo is Vil gonna cry too nooo- daddy turned to baby really quick SOMEONE GIVE HIM AN EMERGENCY HUG

Well- at least...at least the 100 year record of not being able to win is still going, yeah? Um...bad joke? Sorry, i’ll see myself out-

NEIGE NOT NOW AND YOUR VII-KUN BULLSHIT- we’re having a moment here

Neige is such sweetheart but aaaahh— This makes it worse, we can’t even hate him aaa—

OMG JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THINGS COULDN’T- AAAAA

MONSIEUR ROOK. YOU’RE A FAN OF NEIGE!?

MOTHERFUCKER just got exposed by Neige himself lol

Going to Neige’s shake hand events, sending him letters, buying all his merch and shie- HE’S A FULL BLOWN NEIGE STAN

WTF YOU SNEK GET OUT OF THIS SCHOOL-

OOOOHHH THAT FUCKING ALBUM- HIS “LIFE’S WORK” or whatever bullshit IS FULL OF NEIGE

...actually- my japanese is lacking- im not sure lol what is a ブロマイド??? Lol I feel like a clown.

Rook is sweating profusely LOL

...what do you have to say for yourself, monsieur rook.

Wait- huh is that-

IS HE GONNA CRY-

WHY IS EVERYONE CRYING!??!?!?!

HE’S SILENTLY CRYING AS HE INTRODUCED HIMSELF TO NEIGE WHAT. THE. FUCK IS THIS EPISODE.

Neige fanclub??? Eternal Snow??? What kind of creepy-ass- OH, HE EVEN HAS A MEMBERSHIP NUMBER TOO-

Props to Neige with his :) expression unfaltering.

I’m- I’m speechless.

Vil is just looking down at Rook in disappointment like- “you’re more pathetic than I am”

Queen just went “I think you need this handkerchief more than I do now” THAT’S RIGHT. REPENT MOTHERFUCKER.

Rook crying is cursed.

But damn, I’m kinda liking this new relationship this bitchy relationship they have

Neige just dragged everyone’s ass back on stage and his snow white energy just said “LETS ALL BE FRIENDS AND SING”

NEIGE IS FUCKING GREAT- HE REALLY DID GOT THESE BITCHES TO SING HEIGH HO LOL

ACE’S RELUCTANT SINGING AND DEUCE LOOKING LIKE HE’S HAVING FUN

KALIM IS SUCH A MOOD, SINGING EVEN WITHOUT KNOWING THE LYRICS AND JAMIL JUST HAVING THAT “i want to die” ENERGY

AIGHT. ROOK IS HAVING WAY TOO MUCH FUN AND EPEL IS TRYING HIS BEST. HE’S SO CUTE-

OMG NEIGE AND VIL HAVING SUCH GOOD HARMONY—

YAHOO Y A H O O TANOSHIINDA~~

YA’LL SURE ABOUT GIVING ME THIS BLESSED MOMENT??

What a somewhat happy ending, even though Rook just backstabbed us I’m crying Beauté 100 points!!!

LOL Vil realizing he’s having fun singing with Neige- “SOMEONE JUST END ME RIGHT NOW-“ The desperation in his voice-

I love how Neige’s yahoo yahoo is messing with everyone’s head, even Vil wants to pass out lol

haha Crowley is so depressed lol

WHA- WHO-

HEADMASTER OF ROYAL SWORD!?

He looks like your typical grandpa- and his outfit looks like that one mickey mouse wizard outfit but blue—

Old man just went “we won lol” just to piss Crowley off I like this guy’s energy already-

Crowley being most likely as old as this guy—

ooohh this man just sensed something in this stage- Leona did too, didn’t he???

* Damn. Crowley talking so fast sounds like he’s making a load of bullshit lol

Anyway, I’m just glad that it’s not mickey mouse who’s the headmaster— I would’ve lost my shit.

We’re back in our dorms and I forgot that the squad doesn’t live with us anymore. It’s suddenly so lonely now...

Grim is getting the yahoo yahoo ptsd too lol it’s too goddamn catchy

oooohh shiet- mickey is calling us again

YES we finally got a good picture of this motherfucker

It seems like nothing is disrupting our communication this time, so MC thought to call Grim but—

Grim is not here.

Uuhhh...Grim? Where you’ve gone??? We’re getting flashbacks of the first parts of the game.

We went out to find Grim and HE’S CHOMPING ON ANOTHER BLACK STONE ON THE STAGE-

GRIM SPIT THAT OUT YOU LOOK TERRIFYING

AAAAAHH GRIM HAS GONE FERAL— He’s attacking US

Is this because we didn’t win his tuna canss nooo

NoOO SWEET BABY COME BACK.

Legit I’m sad, please baby don’t overblot like this...

He learned a new move though- SCRATCH

Ooh— We’re seeing some Ignihyde scenes here~

P U H I H I

Idia getting a lot of emails from bigshot companies whoa—

THAT OLYMPUS—?! EXCUSE ME??? Ortho what- Are we finally getting that Hercules episode—

Damn getting a hot chance in olympus only to put them down the recycling bin oof— Idia why edit : Yume was informed that olympus is kind of a company that sponsored VDC sorry she was mind-fucked at this moment and the ability to understand proper Japanese just went whoosh lol Thanks to @starshiningsirius for pointing it out for Yume~ ♥︎ HONESTLY YUME’S JUST GONNA WAIT FOR ACTUAL PROFESSIONAL TRANSLATORS AT THIS POINT LOL Don’t trust me for important situation too much lol

Aaaahh...We’re getting this shut-in out of his room in the next episode, are we?

And that concludes the whole Pomefiore Episode! JESUS CHRIST 75 CHAPTERS ALL IN ALL!? How long is the Ignihyde chapter going to be, huh!?

This was a really, really fun episode lol I’d consider this a fan service episode actually cause of all the things we get to experience— The singing, dancing, and the new songs, THE DRAMA. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

But then, the plot thickens, no? What’s going to happen to Grim? In the Ignihyde episode? And those reoccurring memories of us? And our relationship with Tsunotarou lol ALSO WE NEVER REALLY DID FIND OUT WHAT ROOK’S UNIQUE MAGIC IS. DISNEY EXPLAIN—

Thanks for reading this shitpost of Yume losing her shiet lol See you all in the Ignihyde Episode~ ❤

#twisted wonderland #spoilers #episode 5 #Talk with Yume

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softasheijis · 6 years ago

Note

Hi! I recently finished watching bf and I loved every second of it. I want to know at what point you think Ash fell in love with Eiji? I personally think he started catching feels after Eiji pole vaulted lol

thanks for the question! i think in order to understand when ash fell in love, you have to understand why and how. i’ll try to break it down for you without accidentally writing 50 pages worth, haha. to begin with, i often think of ash’s relationship development with eiji as that one famous quote from john green:

“I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.”

sure, they’re star-crossed, and over the span of 24 episodes it doesn’t seem like it, but it was fast. ash didn’t even see it coming, and there’s really only seven stepping stones before it happens.

1. episode 24 provides us with some insight into ash’s first impressions upon their meeting. when eiji asked to see his gun, he was mostly thinking things like, “oh, this guy is too innocent. he’s weird. he doesn’t know a thing about the real world.” his face was carefully blank but he was studying eiji underneath. he didn’t see ibe and eiji as threats and/or equals in any way. the interview was tedious, but there were more important things going on at the moment with arthur anyway, so none of it really mattered. this was just another stranger entertained by his glamorized life of crime, and he was indifferent to it.

2. that changed when eiji pole vaulted over the wall to save ash and skipper in an act of bravery. his feelings towards eiji became recognition. he was so taken aback, he couldn’t stop staring. eiji was unpredictable. this guy could fly. he was a bird, he was free. it was clear then that eiji was everything ash wasn’t, and everything he wished he could have been. suddenly, he was an equal. they lived in two completely different worlds and ash was so envious of that, but on the other hand, he actually liked him. no one had ever bothered to help ash out without wanting anything in return, and his disposition was gentle and kind. although ash thought he was the one who was saved, eiji still thanked him for saving his life and even cried for him. because ash had no reason to hurt someone like eiji, who wanted nothing from him, and because eiji was too trusting and innocent to hurt anyone at all, ash let his guard down. big mistake.

3. consequently, he gives eiji a chance. he kisses him, sends a message, asks him to get something done. clumsy as it was, eiji delivers. he meets ash’s best friend, shorter, and they get along great. i believe shorter is a good judge of character and he’s also a best friend to ash, so that’s significant. at this point, ash is aware he can depend on eiji.

4. next, they visit his childhood home in cape cod. i believe the following moments they share indicate the start of ash beginning to feel something for eiji, regardless of whether that something is a small crush or just strong friendship and solidarity. the arc starts off with eiji learning of his past and ash spending quality time with him. they laugh, they talk freely, and eiji asks him questions no one has really bothered to ask him before. interestingly, eiji seeks him out (as seen right before jennifer is killed and they haul ass) and he looks happy to see him. i’m sure this isn’t the only time he’s done so, and this has to be something unusual to ash. he is used to people seeking him out for business or to kill him. eiji also becomes a sort of catalyst in ash making friendships with others. it’s because of him that ash starts to lean on others more often rather than doing everything himself.

so after all this, he starts to like eiji a little more. their relationship suddenly shifts and deepens. it’s so obvious, ibe and yut-lung take notice of it quickly. ash trusts him now. he doesn’t tense up when eiji sneaks up behind his back, he’s comfortable with letting eiji know what he’s working on, they rejoice together and high-five like children when successful, etc. they’re a team. he starts to like eiji a little too much, in fact. by the time he tells eiji to go back to japan, it’s too late. he allowed himself to slip, and now ash, a gang leader, has to actually resort to drinking in order to get his shit together because he can’t stop feeling guilty. he’s so in his head about it, he doesn’t even notice max is right next to him and clumsily drops his glass in the sink. this is rare. this scene, however small and funny it is, is intentionally put there to show you just how easily his defenses around others are brought down when it comes to eiji. it’s clear that ash didn’t want to hurt him and that he knows he did. naturally, yut-lung sees this as a weakness and promptly carries out his mission.

5. eiji gets kidnapped. in the height of danger things become a lot more clear to you, and so ash is now forced to face how important he is to him. he’s given a choice: kill your best friend or let eiji die. this is the biggest turning point in their relationship. after this, eiji becomes his rock while grieving. he becomes more important than anyone else. since ash is convinced he’s so monstrous and evil, he decides he can at least protect the one pure thing that’s been in front of him all this time. he can keep eiji from going down the same road he has. eiji doesn’t have to get blood on his hands, because ash can do it for him.

6. shortly after this cognizance, eiji reveals he’s worried about ash and that he feels strongly for him as well. not only does eiji tell him he isn’t afraid after ash had just killed a man in front of him, he tells ash he’ll wait for him forever, and that he’ll go crazy if he loses him too. the look on ash’s face here is so telling. eiji’s honesty and genuine worry for ash’s safety leaves him so surprised and vulnerable. after the confession he almost can’t tear his gaze away from him, and immediately orders alex to protect him, twice. alex notably raises an eyebrow and finds this odd, but doesn’t question his boss. this is when ash begins to realize the definition of their relationship and how he feels about him romantically.

7. after spending intimate time together away from the world, everything finally clicks into place. ash opens up, crying and spilling his guts out to him in the middle of the night after a nightmare. in the midst of his sorrow, eiji declares that he’ll stay by ash’s side, even if the world turns on him. eiji will stay by his side, even if he’s a murderer. eiji will stay by his side, even if ash doesn’t deserve anyone. and it’s these words that break a dam inside of him that has been kept shut since he was eight. this is when he absolutely, completely falls in love.

ash latches onto his promise without any hesitation, like it’s all he ever wanted to hear. he tearfully pleads for him to stay even if it’s not forever, to which eiji reassures, “forever”. if i had to pin point an exact scene, i’d say it’s definitely this one in episode 11.

ash has been waiting. he’s needed comfort and warmth for so long, and finally, eiji is here. eiji accepts his pain and helps him work through it. eiji listens to him. eiji treats his wounds and protects him. eiji falls asleep with him. eiji is patient. eiji cooks for him and nags him like a mother would. eiji’s touches are soothing and have no awful motives. eiji believes in him and his future. eiji gives him a glimpse of a normal life and makes him feel like he could be someone other than a worthless street punk. eiji is his shelter.

you have to understand that ash has never, never had that. he’s said it himself before to blanca. everyone has feared him in some respect. everyone has needed and expected something from him at some point, or taken it from him by force. he grew up on dino’s demands and manipulations, and even his friendships were first formed by alliances and/or beneficial circumstances.no one has simply done things for him.

eiji has no obligations to be there for him. he just wants to be next to him, even if that means he’s in serious danger. eiji is so different from everyone else, and he stood out to ash from the very beginning. ash just didn’t know why at the time.

we’ve gone through when and how already, now here’s the reason why:

since they met, eiji is the first person to have looked into ash’s eyes and only seen a kind soul, hurting. not a beast, a cold-blooded monster, a sexual weapon, a leader, a murderer, or a wild lynx. just aslan jade callenreese, lost to the world.

so after such sweet words and actions, of course ash falls.

and he doesn’t stop.

#yayayay i love it when you guys ask me stuff #asheiji #anonymous #answered #personal #meta

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thefangirlslair · 7 years ago

Text

PERPETUAL WINTER (A Sasusaku Fanfiction) Part II

Note: It’s finally here. Wow, the last time I updated this was last May. Time flies so fast. Thank you to everyone who patiently waited for this. I hope this is okay. I don’t know if I did a decent job in making their emotions real but let me know please. Thank you! Their whole conversation wasn’t really the way I planned it. But it just happened as I was writing it, like it has a mind of its own. I hope it was okay. I’ve been anxious about this ever since I typed the first word. Aaah! So yeah, here you go. I hope I finish the whole PW series before this year ends. Thank you again for reading! Xo

PS. Been listening to a lot of sad songs while I wrote this so I included some songs. But I was listening to Back to You by Alex & Sierra and I got emo. Lol. This is also up on my ffnet!

Excerpt: "Can I kiss you?"

Her mouth opened in surprise, her eyes widen in shock. Her breath comes in puffs, visible in the winter cold. Sasuke waited patiently, offering a silent prayer to her. He doesn't pray to any god now for he believes there is none. But if Sakura heeds his prayer then maybe there really is one.

Seconds felt like infinity until she firmly answered, "No."

Sasusaku Pairing (10,304 words)

(Disclaimer: The lyrics aren't mine but from the writers of the songs I used. See author's note at the end. I feel so fucking horrible right now so I haven't reread this since I finished it. So I'm sorry for the typos and such.)

A Poor Attempt at Writing Fics

SasuSaku Edition X

Perpetual Winter Part 2

"When will we ever be truly happy?"

A quiet hum was the reply from the other line, his mother probably contemplating about what to say to him. He didn't mean to be this vulnerable but this is his mother, the only person he could trust with his whole life. More than his best friend, of course.

Few seconds passed and he heard Mikoto say, "Maybe when we accept that things aren't always meant to be."

He sighed, looking outside while leaning back on his first-class seat inside the plane headed to New York. The sky is a bit dull, thanks to the winter of the upcoming Christmas.

"Yeah," he quietly agreed. "Maybe then."

He heard his mother sigh in return and asked, "Did you at least talk to your father before you leave?"

He closed his eyes and thought about his talk with his father earlier, "We're okay now. He called me while I was with Itachi."

At the mention of his brother's name, he's sure he heard a quiet hitch in his mother's voice when she spoke. "I can't believe it's been 10 years. Time flies so fast."

10 years since Itachi died and yesterday was the anniversary. He went to Itachi's grave and stayed there for hours, talking to his dead aniki once in a while and just thinking about everything. Before he went home, his father called him.

There's no question that he loves his father, but they just don't get along really well ever since he was a child. Their relationship was forever scarred when he agreed to the heir position. He thought, and probably his father as well, that their father and son connection was truly lost.. until yesterday when Fugaku called him.

He couldn't even remember the last time they talked on the phone, or the last time he heard Fugaku as a father, not as the Uchiha patriarch.

"I'm not proud of most things," Sasuke remembered his father say. "I've done things I regret and will forever haunt me. But if there's one thing I'm proud of.."

He held his breath as he waited for his father to continue. Then he heard his emotionless father in a strong but cracked-on-the-edges voice, "It's the two of you. I'm proud of your brother, and I'm proud of you Sasuke."

If he could cry by then, he would've cried. But there are no tears left to cry now for his last tears were already shed years ago. But nonetheless, he felt his heart ache because of his father.

His father added, "I'm sorry. For everything."

It's nothing new, this ache that's been living in the beating organ of his body for so long now. His heart will always ache because of his family. Most of the time, it's in a painful way, but not this time. This ache is the kind you feel when you know something heavy is being lifted from you. Sasuke sighed.

"Tou-san," he whispered through the phone, and looked down at Itachi's grave. The snow lightly falling around him touching the stone and his hair.

He heard Fugaku softly gasps on the other line, definitely shook by his address. But then later replied, "Yes, Sasuke?"

He smiled softly, feeling the air around him shifts as if comforting him. Nii-san, he thought by then.

"Thank you," he sincerely said. "And I'm sorry, too."

Looking back from yesterday as he opened his eyes to reality, he felt warm. He said to his mother, "Yeah, it is."

Mikoto asked, "When are you coming back?"

"Just in time for the Christmas ball. I have to be there," he said gruffly. He heard his mother laugh softly.

"Will you bring a date?", Mikoto asked in a teasing voice.

He snorted, "You know I don't do that, right?"

Mikoto sighed. 9 years have passed since her son broke down that December night, following the shattering of Sasuke's heart. She will never forget that night. She knew as she held him on the floor sobbing his heart out that it would take an awfully long time to heal, but not this long. Her son is 29 now — driven but tired, strong-willed but fragile, loved but lonely.

"Do you have at least any plans? You can even bring just a friend, you know that," Mikoto pushed.

There was an announcement that the door of the plane is closed and now ready to take off. All electronic devices should be turned off and Sasuke exhaled inwardly for he has avoided his mother's prying. Mikoto also heard the announcement and nearly rolled her eyes.

"I need to go. I'll call you when I get there," he said to Mikoto.

"Okay, son. Take care. Don't overwork yourself," concern and love evident from her voice. Sasuke smiled gently.

"Aa. You too."

Sasuke finally turned off his phone and waited for the plane to take off. He thought about what his mother implied earlier. Bring a friend?, he thought. As if I have a lot to choose from. I only have Naruto and-

He sighed. That "friend" is definitely unavailable. She's probably off somewhere in America where she's happily living her life with her husband. The last time they met, she was newly engaged. He didn't bother to know how she's been doing for the past 3 years. He didn't want to risk the longing he might feel. Only God knows he does.

But he remembers that it was winter, as it always been for the both of them. Green eyes across from him, pink hair blowing in the cold wind, red lips on his skin — he remembers it all.

As the plane drifts, so does he — where the memory of their last reunion lives.

3 years ago

Love is just a state of mind.

This was his mantra every single day since the day he left Japan. Yes, there were doubts, but he strengthens his resolve every damn day when he wakes up. He remembered saying it to himself yesterday, and even earlier when he woke up. He always tells himself that maybe it's just all in his head now — that he already moved past every shit he went through, that he's not stuck loving the same person for only god knows how long; the same person he broke in front of him that first snowfall of that year's winter and he's now reunited with, wearing that smile and that fucking ring.

'Love is just a state of mind', he repeated for the second time today as he watched her talk outside. 'You actually don't love her anymore. You're just nostalgic of the memories. You're just being dumb.'

The little jolt of pain from his chest says otherwise. He's been telling himself that line since he went to study business the following year when they broke up. But today, Haruno Sakura managed to put all Uchiha Sasuke's progress he worked hard for more than 2000 days in just less than an hour within her orbit. She's so lethal.

'Love is just a state of mind, my ass.'

He watched her talk animatedly outside the café. In her rush to talk to that 'Neji-kun', she mumbled a quick 'excuse me' to Sasuke and forgot to bring at least her scarf outside. Sasuke watched as she repeatedly hunch her shoulders to her neck and run her gloveless tiny hand on her arm.

And even though he saw how her hand holding the phone shake a little because of the cold, he could also see the happiness radiating from her smile and the brightness of her jade eyes even from where he's sitting.

It stings a little, but he couldn't tear his eyes away. Not when she looks that way — not his anymore, but still so beautiful.

Timing is a funny thing. Once you thought you're over it, one pink-haired beacon of spring will bloom in your eternal winter and blow all your progress into next week. What a woman. He will never find anyone better.

Sasuke fought with himself to look away from her and when he did, he looked at the chair that she occupied a few minutes before she went outside. It reminded him of a time when sitting across from her bright eyes and even brighter smile once annoyed the hell out of him. Not because he hates it but because he's started to like it; he even craved for it.

Innocent coffee hang-out as they do algebra, group study with some of Naruto's friends for an upcoming english quiz, spontaneous pizza parlor visits after watching movies — all of them ending up across from each other. Never beside her, no. Always across, right there in front of him, as if saying 'look at me'. She never did say it, but he looked nonetheless.

Always.

Sasuke was pulled back to reality when he felt a tap on his shoulder as she moved towards her recently vacant seat, "Hey, sorry about that. Someone just checked in if I'm still alive or not."

She said it so lightly that someone might think she's only talking about the weather. He wanted to point out her ring finger and wordlessly ask if the caller was the same person who gave her that ridiculously huge piece of shit, ('she was never the flashy type. she hates the offending thing,' he thought) but he didn't. He just nodded and sipped his coffee that's as bitter as the taste of the truth is.

"It's fine," he added quietly.

He watched as she shivered on her seat as she takes a bite out of her muffin. "So," she drawls on. "How have you been?"

'So it begins.'

"Good. Business is doing great. Economy is booming as ever. Foreign investors are st-"

"Oh c'mon, Sasuke," she interrupted. "I'm asking about you, not your company or Japan's economic state."

He paused for a second to look at his coffee and say, "There's nothing to say."

Sakura actually snorted out loud for that, something that she did a lot when they were younger. "6 years and nothing happened to you? Only your business? Oh please, you know I know shit about business and all that."

That made him smile a little, "You know a lot more than you think. You're the smartest person I know."

A look of surprise and something he couldn't put a finger on flashed in her green eyes, and for a moment he thought she would blush like she always did when he pays her a compliment. Instead, she answered back steadily.

"Thank you. But still, I'm more on the medical field than your corporate expertise. I want to know about you."

It's making him frustrated. There was a time when he could catch her off guard and make her blush like crazy that makes him go crazy himself. Now, the woman sitting in front of him is so hard to read and so poised and feels so unattainable that even Uchiha Sasuke, the Uchiha Sasuke, feels inferior.

He swallowed the slight insecurity that suddenly gnaws at his bones for talking to this newest version of Haruno Sakura. She looks different; she sounds different. He now wonders if she smells, feels and tastes different too. He halted his thoughts before it goes worse.

He leaned back on his seat and shrugged a little, "I'm okay. Busy as always. I rarely have free time like this one."

She offered a small smile, "I bet. How's Colonel Mustard?"

He smirked at that, "Still grumpy and lazy as hell."

"How does he look like now? Do you have any pictures of him? I wanna see," she exclaimed with a tiny hint of excitement. How could he stand a chance to that face?

'You're hopeless, aren't you?', his own thoughts mocked him.

Sasuke took out his phone and scrolled down to his photo gallery. When he saw the picture of his cat taken by his blond idiot best friend, he tossed it to her and she caught it as naturally as a pro. He hid a smile.

As she scrolled away, he asked her back. "How are you?"

She briefly looked at him just then and answered distractedly, "I'm fine. I'm still pursuing my medical career and it's all good. Hard, but I think I can manage."

'Of course, no doubt about that,' he silently praised.

"I'm not so homebody anymore so I got a few friends. I got them when I started to attend a music class because I wanted to learn piano. I could play it really well now," she added. A hint of pride could be heard in her voice. "Oh, and guitar too. I didn't know th- oh!"

He heard the coo from his companion and silently watched her smile and comment on how his pet seemed to be weirder than before.

"All of his positions are so weird and funny," she said, her fingers covering her lips as she laughs. "And I guess Naruto can't be a photographer even if he wanted to. These photos are terrible."

He smothered a chuckle, "You know he's an idiot at everything." He paused for a moment and asked her, "How did you know it was the dobe who took it?"

She gave him a look that says 'Really? You're asking me?' and he immediately knew. Do you honestly think Uchiha Sasuke likes taking pictures of his cat? Hell no.

'You're so predicable, Uchiha. You think you're so sly, aren't you? Look at you now, asshole.'

Sakura returned her eyes to his phone, still browsing for his cat's terrible photos, until he saw her flinch a little and stopped scrolling. His brain automatically went from zero to 100mph and racked itself for what could've made her act like that. He's also annoyed that he noticed her flinch. It's because he's staring at her. Idiot.

She finally raised her eyes to meet his and said, "I guess you still kept it, huh?"

She brought his phone back to him and his eyes fell to what was displayed on it. Sasuke fought a shiver inside him because he immediately knew what she was talking about. He regrets that he decided to save it instead of ignoring it.

It was taken maybe 4 or 5 years ago in his apartment in London where he was studying business, and was recently sent by Naruto ('#flashbackfriday when your cat was still a bitch and you were still a workaholic ass. oh wait, you still are!', the blond captioned) through text. The photo was simple — Naruto taking a selfie with his cheeky grin, Colonel Mustard obviously scratching and struggling on the blond's arm as they lounge on Sasuke's room, and Sasuke in the background typing with his one hand and holding a cup of coffee on the other.

He didn't know Naruto was taking ridiculous selfies with his pet, but he did know that his best friend has this annoying habit of barging into his house and his room without a care. He already gave up scolding him.

But the one that made Sakura flinch and Sasuke's heart clench was the tiny and a bit blurry object on Sasuke's bedside table in the background — a frame with their picture together when they started dating. The said frame is currently in a box hidden somewhere in his old bedroom in their family house. He hasn't seen it in years. But seeing it now after so many years through a selfie photo of his best friend made him relive the said picture.

It's the only thing he kept from all the physical reminders of what once was. He was aware that it wasn't good, that he shouldn't have kept it on his bedside table and see it every time he wakes up. But it's the only thing he could look at without hurting much, because it reminded him of a good and innocent time. And with the life he had after their break-up, lonely and bleak and just plain cold, that picture gives him a hint of warmth and spring.

Or maybe he's just a masochistic son of a bitch.

It was a picture of them on Christmas Eve, the first one they shared as a couple, with them only just a few days of being official. You can say they were drunk — with liquor, with each other, with love. They weren't wearing fancy clothes nor inside a fancy house in a fancy party. They're in Naruto's apartment with a couple of their high school classmates, sweaty and lit and inebriated, counting down the seconds to Christmas.

Both their faces aren't shown in the picture, but you'll know it was them. Sasuke was facing away from the camera wearing a plain black t-shirt; his wide shoulders, blue-black hair peeking through his cap, and tall height as a give-away to his identity. The slight curve of his arm indicates that he was holding onto something. Or someone, rather.

Around his torso was a pair of arms, coming from a petite form that's obviously standing at his front. Then there is something peeking from his shoulder. The only things you can see are her bright pink hair, and her equally bright green eyes staring straight through the camera. You can tell she's smiling even if you can't see her mouth.

His face was sideways, so anybody would see the slight curl of his lips partially hidden through pastel strands of Sakura's hair. Throngs of people and their red plastic cups with confettis falling around are all a massive blur in the background. The only clear picture was the picture they made together — drunk in each other's arms but sober to know that it's all real.

God knows he would kill just for them to be back in that moment. It's foolish, it's dumb; but it's what his heart wants. He knows it deep in his gut and in his soul. He had never wanted anything ever.

But then, things change. People, too. And Sasuke is aware that this Sakura sitting across from him now is getting married to someone she chose to be with; someone she said 'yes' to; someone who isn't him.

Truth hurts. These are the facts, and he can't argue with them. No matter how much he shield himself from the onslaught of emotions running through his whole being as they look at each other 6 years after the worst time of his life, the truth is hitting him on the face. It's sitting on her left hand's ring finger and it's blinding and suffocating and god, he wants this misery to end. When will this ever end?

'How do I unlove you, Sakura?'

Sasuke wanted to maintain their eye contact, but he needed to breathe. He looked away and closed his lids, took a breath and held it for a few seconds as he thought hard before releasing it. He hoped that Sakura didn't find it weird.

As expected, she patiently waited for him to speak up. She obviously still remembers his habit of sorting out his thoughts first before blurting them out. He wanted to laugh. Sakura and the world have clearly moved on with their lives while there's him stuck on the same shit he's been doing since forever. So predictable, so pathetic.

He fought the frown that was threatening to form on his face and opened his eyes to look at her. "Yeah. I kept it," he finally said.

Sakura was just looking at him, analyzing him with those eyes of hers. 'Stop looking at me,' he thought.

Sakura finally replied, "I kept mine, too." His heart lurched for a moment. He remembered her own copy — same night, same party, same drunk picture; but in a different angle. Sasuke gritted his teeth to fight his urge to bite his lip. It's a habit of his when he doesn't want anything to spill from him and she knows it, so he just nodded stiffly in return.

She then added, "Why?"

He shrugged nonchalantly, hiding his nervousness and anxiety. "It reminded me of a good time," he truthfully answered but used with a light and careless tone.

Sasuke saw her frown at that. He felt the gears turning in her head as she prepares her next queries. Sasuke thought, 'I gotta divert this conversation.'

"Don't worry about it," he blurts out. "When my mother saw it, she told me I should not dwell on the past anymore. So I think she kept it hidden in our ancestral home."

He almost sighed with relief when he saw her face changed expression and settled with a small smile, "How's Mikoto, by the way? Does she still have insomnia?"

"She's doing okay now," he answered her, thinking about his mother and her insomnia when Itachi died. "She's good, don't worry. Her pies are still the best," he managed to give her a tiny smirk.

Sakura smiled, "That's good to know. The last time we saw each other, she looked worn down."

He frowned at that. 'They saw each other? When?'

His confusion must've been written all over his face so she said, "Didn't Mikoto tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

Her eyes widened a bit for a split second and softly answered him, "She sent me off at the airport before I went to the States. Mikoto was actually the one I saw before I boarded the plane."

Sasuke didn't know what to say, what to think. His mother? Why would she do that? What did they talk about? Why didn't Mikoto tell him?

He just continued blankly looking at her, lost for words. Sakura looked back at him with an awkward expression. Apparently, Sasuke wasn't the only one who felt uncomfortable all of a sudden.

After a few silent seconds that felt like hours, Sakura broke the silence. "We just briefly talked for a few minutes before the gates closed. She asked me what happened to us that time and how you were doing then."

Sasuke clenched his fist under the table and scoffed, "I hope my mother didn't tell you how miserable I was."

'Still am,' he corrected in his mind. 'How miserable I still am.'

Her eyes were steady on his when she answered, "She did, actually. She knew I was as miserable, too."

He's now regretting the vulnerability in his words. There's a pang of pain he felt in his chest where his heart lays beating weakly by the minute. He fought the need to clutch it like he did that night when he broke down in front of his mother in their living room.

'Why are we here? Why am I fucking here?'

Sasuke swallowed the sudden lump in his throat and concealed his true fucked-up feelings with a humorless smirk. "Aa. That sounds like my mother," he quietly replied.

He needed a minute. It's only been what, an hour of being reunited with his first love, and she's slowly but surely breaking down his armor with little to no effort? He wanted a drink or a smoke; anything but this already cold bitter coffee in front of him and this girl, this stranger, that has the face of his long lost love.

Sakura offered him a tiny smile and said, "Yeah. I hope I can see her before I leave again soon. Would it be okay to have her number? Or is it the same as before?"

"No."

Sakura blinked and looked taken aback at first with his abrupt answer, "No to what?"

"All of it," Sasuke dryly replied.

Sasuke couldn't take this any longer. He couldn't understand a thing, much less feel anything at all. All he has is this numbness slowly gripping his whole being.

Green eyes flashed for a second and he heard her say, "Why not?"

He countered with, "And why should you?"

Irritation can be heard clearly in her tone as she spoke, "She's not just another person in my life, Sasuke. I just want her contact number so I could talk to her."

"And I said no," he said. "There's no reason for you to reach out to her anymore."

He knows he's being irrational and being a bit childish to be honest, but he couldn't understand why she's doing this. Add that to the gnawing leech of ache in his cold and broken heart, you could say he can't think straight at the moment.

It doesn't help that she looks gorgeous while breaking his heart all over again.

Instead of being angry like he anticipated, Sakura's face turned concerned. 'That face,' Sasuke inwardly sneered.

"Are you okay?", Sakura calmly asked him.

He replied, incredulous. "Am I okay? Really?" He scoffed, "Yeah of course, you just told me my mom spilled my guts to you and now you're here trying to reunite with her like nothing ever happened. So why shouldn't I be okay?"

Sasuke was trying to compose himself because he could feel his voice starting to shake and rise from too much emotions. The last thing he wanted to do is create a scene in this coffee shop. He kept his face as blank as possible.

Sakura just stared at him for a long time before answering, "It's been 6 years, Sasuke. You should be okay." Then like just an afterthought, she added. "We should be."

'How is that supposed to mean?', he screamed in his thoughts. 'You're perfectly fine, absolutely okay. You're getting married, you got your life altogether and planned out, you still look amazing and I'm here wondering what the hell am I doing with my life."

With all those thoughts, only few words came out, "And what makes you think I'm not?"

"Your face says it all, Sasuke. I know you," Sakura replied, still using that calm tone she has.

It's grating on his nerves so that's why he didn't fight when he abruptly slammed his fist on the table as his voice rose slightly, "Stop it!"

Her eyes widened in response and darted around the place. In his peripheral, he saw some customers glance at them curiously. Fortunately, there are only few. It dampened his rising mood and slightly pulled him back to himself.

His eyes were boring into hers when he said through gritted teeth, "Stop saying you know me, Sakura. Like you said, it's been 6 years. Many things changed."

Not all of them, he could admit. Just like his feelings.

She sighed in response, "Yeah, I could see that. Just like when you opened the door for me. You never did that before." She concluded it with a small smile.

His insides were in a turmoil. Is every word she's gonna say will continue to rattle his emotional and mental state? Is everything gonna remind them of their past? Is everything gonna slap him in the face that they never had a closure in the first place and maybe that's why?

She continued talking, "I noticed that you're taller, and that you've gotten a bit of tan. You're not as pale as before. Your hair is longer. You've become more tight lipped, but I guess that's because it's me you're talking to. I mean, after the way we ended I could unders—"

"I said stop it," he said quietly.

Her eyes remained the same, calm and collected. But he could also see a hint of determination and question in them. He couldn't understand. Why does she look like a girl on a mission? Those eyes are steady and serene but piercing and brave at once.

Sasuke inhaled deep and softly asked, "Why are you saying these to me?" His eyes are still looking through hers, "Why are you here? Why did you drag me here?"

He just wanted to drink his coffee and read his books in peace. He did not ask for her to be there at the other side of the road before he crosses it nor ask for her to come along with him. He did not want to see her engagement ring on her finger nor see her drink her black tea.

He did not ask for Sakura to come back in his life and remind him of what he lost when he let her go.

"I want to catch up with an old friend and have coffee with him," Sakura answered casually but softly, her eyes still seeking his as if wanting to see his thoughts.

His anger started to come back and he blurted out, "Friend? We're hardly friends now, Sakura."

"But we were once."

"Yeah, before I fell in love with you and you fell in love with me," he said with his voice shaking from too much restraint. "Before we kissed with the intention of something more than being platonic. Before I introduced you to my family as my girlfriend and you brought me to your parents' graves."

Sasuke heard her softly gasped at that last statement but he continued, "Before that night when we broke up. Before right now where we're here, acting as if none of those shit happened to us."

'Before we made love. Before we argued like kids and fucked like adults. Before we stayed up all night just talking about our dreams in the future and woke up in the morning realizing that our future was already right fucking there, staring at us in the face,' he all but screamed inwardly.

He leaned forward to look at her directly and fought the urge to grab her face to reiterate all of what he's saying. Then he whispered to her with a voice laced with longing and regret and desperation.

"Before right now where I'm asking you.. why you are here. Why are you here, Sakura? Why did you come back?"

Sasuke saw her eyes and her whole face soften as they continue to look at each other, until he saw them cast downwards towards the table. He followed her line of vision and saw her left hand.

Several thoughts came running through his head, all jumbled and don't even make sense. But one thing stood out to him even without her saying anything — she came back to Japan because of her engagement.

His eyes flicked back towards her face and saw her looking at him, almost apologetic and tender that he felt his chest tighten. Then Sakura spoke, "I think you already know."

He did; he does. Ever since she picked up her call and he was almost blinded with how fucking shiny her ring was and with how he felt like being punched to the gut, yes he knows. He will never have her back.

Not now, not ever.

Sasuke stood up abruptly, forgetting everything except picking up his coat. In his mind, he only wanted to get out of there. Get out of this café, get out of her life.

And so as soon as his hands found his coat when he stood up, he quickly strode towards the door. The faint noise inside the café was all but a noiseless background in his mind. He was actually expecting Sakura to call out to him, and when he finally opened the door to exit, all he heard was nothing but the howling of the cold wind outside as it snows.

The door of the café closes and so does his door.

—

He never paid attention to his surroundings. He just kept on walking and walking under the slight fall of snow around him. The streets are busy and the people are busier, all of them trying to make it through the day. Sasuke is the same. He just wants to make it through today of all days.

He never once imagined their reunion would be like this. He had this brief fantasy before about them seeing each other again, and finally realizing that they were meant for each other. They will throw away all the bullshit they went through and start again, fresh and new. They will never part. Never again.

But he didn't anticipate the fact that Sakura could be loved by someone else, too. And in return, she could love that someone back.

Sasuke should've known better. She was the smartest, most patient, most beautiful person inside and out that he ever met. He should've known that one person could see and appreciate that as much as he do, and will do everything to fight for her love.

And that's what Sasuke didn't do — fight for her.

He released a pained breath and watched as his mouth formed puffs of air because of the cold. He then noticed that he was in a playground, sitting on a swing in a nearly deserted park. His tall frame was hunched down on the tiny swing, his long legs bent as he stared into the ground.

He had no idea how he got there, but it may be a subconscious act. He always liked things that remind him of a much simplier and innocent times in his life. He also didn't know how much time has passed, but with the faint glow of the sun in the west he could tell.

"I thought you'd be here," a voice came and knocked on the closed door of his heart. He turned his face towards it, he saw her and suddenly his doors came opening again.

The winter sun was directly behind her, giving her this eerie glow. Like a nymph; a spring nymph being born in his perpetual winter. He shivered inside.

Sasuke couldn't see her face properly but he knows she's looking at him with those eyes of hers. He couldn't see them, but he could feel.

He watched her as she approached him slowly as if he's a wounded animal. In a sense, he is. He feels like it. He's wounded for the longest time, deep and real that he's full of bandages. And now, she's here to rip it all off and pour salt in his wounds.

"You left these," she said as she passed him his paper bag full of books and his scarf on her other hand. He never left her face but silently took the things out of her grasps and placed the books down as he held onto his scarf. After a few silent seconds, he finally looked away from her and stared at the thing on his hands.

She spoke again, "I knew you'd be in a playground. You have always been like that."

He heard the chains rattled as she sat down on the other swing beside him, facing the other way. They sat there in silence, watching as the sky took a break from crying too much snow and families in the park prepared to go back home.

If you ask Sasuke right now, this might be the only thing that haven't changed between their dynamic — the silence. They have never needed words ever since they became friends and silence is a comfortable companion back then. When they became lovers, it was like their platonic third-wheel aside from Naruto.

Right this moment, it's a bit different. The silence is there, but it rang like no other, begging to be noticed. An obnoxious loudmouth bother, a deafening pierce of a non-existing noise; it's right there between the two of them. And with a heavy heart, Sasuke took a breath and broke it.

"You're getting married."

Sasuke saw in his peripheral that she whipped her head towards him. He kept his face straight and forward, his eyes trained on two little boys riding a bicycle with their parents following behind. He felt his heart twitch in nostalgia.

Sakura returned to her original position facing the other way from Sasuke. You can hear the amusement in her voice when she spoke. "He finally said it," she softly said, as if she's talking to an audience.

He frowned, not caring anymore and looked back at her. He saw her fiddling with her scarf around her neck, noticed that she's not wearing her gloves. He can see the ring, subtly reminding him of why they're here.

"I was wondering when will you talk about this," she said while looking down at her ring, her voice still soft and quiet. She put down her hands in her lap, "That was the reason I said all those things back there."

She then looked back at him and he met her round and honest green eyes, "It was a bit childish of me, I know. But.. I just had a feeling you weren't being honest with me back there."

'Oh fuck,' he groaned inwardly. 'No, we are not doing this. You are not doing this to me.'

Outside, his face scrunched up in confusion and frustration. "Why? Why would you do that?", Sasuke's voice is as quiet as hers.

Sakura kept her eyes glued to him, "I hate seeing you like that. It reminds me of our last night."

All thoughts evaporated. Heartbeats stopped. Breath halted. Sasuke could only do one thing and that's to stare right at the love of his life. He felt something sting behind his eyes and he looked away.

"I know you weren't being completely true that night. Like I said, your face says it all. I know you good enough even before we got together."

"It kinda hurts when I saw you doing the same back at the café. It brought back sad memories," she looked down. "And also because.. I already know, Sasuke. I already know the whole thing why. Naruto told me."

He fought a groan that tried to came out of his lips. First his mother, and now his best friend. Who's next? His father?

"He came to visit me in the States right before I started attending Harvard. He told me everything. The company, the merger.. the arranged marriage."

Sasuke remembered drinking with Naruto a few months after their break-up. And the next day, Naruto told him that his father wanted him to go to Massachusetts to attend a conference. He didn't bother to ask for details because he was still hungover from the night before.

"He told me you're a mess; that I should go back and fix our relationship because he can't stand to see you that way. Mikoto actually told me the same thing in the airport before I left but in a subtle way. Naruto was pained and sad for you, but Mikoto was scared and concerned."

He knows she left a week after their break-up in December. Before the year ended, he remembered his mother ask him if he will follow her. He said no. He wanted to, but he didn't.

"I want you to know I understand, Sasuke."

He gripped the chains of his swing hard. He couldn't even feel the cold of it anymore. He's overwhelmed by so much information that two of his precious people tried their hardest to save him in the lowest point of his life by begging her to come back.

How pathetic can he be?

"You weren't supposed to know," he finally spoke. His voice was gruff and tired. He feels so tired.

"It's impossible though," she answered. "I would've known it when the news of your marriage comes out." After that statement, she looked up again and asked him. "Now that I think about it.. why haven't I heard anything about your wedding?"

He exhaled, "She called it off."

Yes, Karin Uzumaki decided not to marry Sasuke Uchiha. He remembered the furious face of his father, the relieved exhale of his mother, the anxious fidgeting of Naruto, the wide eyes of Kushina and the amused smirk of Minato. But most of all, he remembered the determined eyes of Karin and the gratitude behind her slim frames when she looked at him.

"Oh," Sakura softly said. "What happened?"

He played with the scarf bunched at his lap as he replied, "She fell in love for the first time. I told her to decide what she wanted to do and I will respect it. She decided not to pursue the engagement then."

Karin was there for him when he and Sakura broke up. She was his companion in social events, casual dinners, drinking alcohol; but that's just it. A companion, a friend; and to Karin, he is the same.

Yes, they did try to become something more. They kissed once or twice, tried lunch dates, and went to movie theaters. But there was no passion, no spark. There's only mutual respect and comfort, and those aren't the only things a relationship should have.

When Karin told him that she met someone that she used to be classmates with in high school and they talked, she asked him about how did he know he was in love with Sakura. He answered with, 'It has always been a subconscious thing, I guess. You just know.'

So he wasn't surprised when after a year, she told him that she's finally in love for the first time. He told her to do what she wants, and she did. She fought for her feelings, fought for her love. And now she's free, married just a few months ago. Sasuke was her best man because he was her bestfriend. Naruto was pouting the whole ceremony.

Sakura didn't reply this time but she nodded as she looked away. Sasuke turned his head towards her then, silently looking at her side profile. Her cheeks are pink from the cold and her breath is visible. Pink strands are blowing in the wind making him smell apples. Now he knows that she also smells different; she smells like flowers back then.

Looking at her after 6 years felt like a blessing and a curse at the same time. He felt like he was in a reality show, cameras are around him watching his every move and emotions that will run across his face; ready to laugh at him for the biggest prank of his life.

This is his reality. This is real and she's right there, wanting him to be completely honest with her. Say all his thoughts unlike that night; unlike back there at the coffee shop. He could do honest. He will be honest.

"You're still beautiful," he blurted out.

Sakura's eyes widen for a bit and she looked back at him. She blinked a few times, completely taken aback by his abrupt statement.

"I'm glad I haven't taken all your good parts," he continued. "I'm glad you've been able to move past the things that happened. I'm glad you're doing fine. I haven't told you I was proud of you that night when you told me you got in to Harvard so I'm telling you now — I am proud of you. I'm glad you're back.. even if it's because you're getting married."

Her green eyes were steadily shaking looking back at his black ones. Sasuke could see them shining and he hoped she doesn't cry because if she does, he is done for. He will be annihilated right there in the middle of a fucking playground.

With his eyes never leaving hers, he asked her. "Does he love you?"

Seconds stretched out and she finally managed to croak out a yes and a nod. Suddenly, Sasuke felt this incredulous urge to laugh. In the end, he let out a small chuckle.

He gave her a barely-there smile, "Of course he does." His voice was soft but it cracked in the end, "Who wouldn't love you?"

Sasuke saw her eyes gather tears and his fear of seeing them was finally falling from her eyes and right there staring at him in the face. His chest felt tight and his throat burned. He was only whispering his words but he felt like he shouted them to the heavens.

He twisted his swing with his legs to finally face his whole body to her form. He reached out to the chains of her own swing beside her thighs and moved it to face him. His legs widen and put hers between them so he could support the two of them.

As he looked at her face to face, from head to toe as they sit in an empty playground within an empty park, Sasuke felt alive. Given that he knew this woman silently crying in front of him is crying because of him, he felt alive for the first time in years. The dull colors of winter faded in the background and all he could see is the pink of her hair, the green of her irises and the gold of the sun slowly setting down behind her.

Tears kept flowing and her red-stained lips are shaking. Sasuke didn't fight it when he wiped her cheekbone with his thumb, and neither did Sakura. He used the back of his fingers as he wiped the other side. Sakura let him. It felt so surreal to Sasuke.

He was finally touching her again after 6 years. This was what he wanted to do when she was crying that night on the side of the road where they broke up. She feels different, he realized — softer, more delicate. Even though he knows the past few years haven't been nice to her, she still managed to become more than what she was before and after they ended.

Sasuke knows it was long overdue, and that these next words should've been said that night, and all the nights before and after that; but he says it anyway.

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head no and opened her mouth, "No, you don't have to Sasuke-kun. I understand, you d—"

"No, Sak. You need to hear this," Sasuke interrupted. He looked at her intently, "I need this. We both do."

Right then, he realized that this reunion wasn't supposed to be the time where they would get back together as he wished for the last 6 years.

This reunion was for them to finally go their separate ways, to finally accept that things aren't always meant to be; and that includes them.

Onyx eyes bore into jade ones as he spoke freely, vulnerably, and longingly. "I'm sorry for not being the type to open the door for you. I'm sorry for diverting the topic when I felt like being too exposed. It's because you scare me with how much you know me and I was afraid you'll see how ugly I am inside."

She was shaking her head no as he continued, "I'm sorry for ignoring your calls when it all turned to shit. I didn't wanna hear how lonely your voice sounds, that's why. I'm sorry for bringing up your parents when we were arguing that night. It was insensitive of me and I was truly sorry as soon as I said it."

"Sasuke-kun, stop."

He couldn't hear a thing and his voice started to shake but he pushed through with all the pent-up remorse, pain and love bottled up inside him.

"I'm sorry for making you feel insecure, for making you feel less of a woman when we were together. I'm sorry for making you cry then and even now. I'm sorry I'm so messed up inside that I feel ashamed being able to talk to you right now."

He's blurting out his words and his eyes started to blur simultaneously. Sasuke couldn't see her clearly anymore, only the faint glow of her weeping eyes and the halo on her head made by the sun.

"Stop."

"I'm sorry for not fighting for you; for giving up. I'm sorry for breaking your heart, Sak. I'm sorry for breaking us. Not only that night but all the nights after I accepted my role in my family. I broke you when I said yes, and I broke us when you said it's over and I'm so, so sor—"

Sasuke felt her arms around him, her head against his shoulder and her tears on his sweater. He felt all the air inside him dissapear as his tears finally fell when he closed his eyes.

His face reached her head, and he buried it against her hair. And as he wound up his arms around her and crush her into him he whispered, "I'm sorry for letting you go."

—

They cried — for the loss, for the death, and for the love of them. They embraced for a long time, both of them not uttering a word. When their storm finally calmed and both aren't crying anymore, Sasuke opened his eyes and stared at the almost setting sun.

"Do you remember when you asked me before what my favorite song was?", his head was still against hers.

Sasuke felt her head move and put her chin on his shoulder, "Yeah, I do."

He reluctantly let go of her so he could look at her tear-streaked face. He offered a gentle smile, "I have an answer now."

In his pocket, he flashed out his phone and then he whipped out an old-looking earphones from the other. He earned a small gasp from Sakura.

"You're still using it," she said quietly.

"Hn. I barely use it anymore, but I always bring it with me."

It was the same earphones she gave to him on a random day after they listened to her favorite album which he loved. She taught him the power of music and how it moves people; and taught him how to appreciate it in any form.

Sasuke plugged his earphones to his phone and looked for his favorite song. When he found it, he gave the other earpiece to her and watched as she put it on her ear. It reminded him of that lazy, cold morning listening to Bon Iver and sharing earphones and body heat with Sakura.

He could see the anticipation in her eyes as she looked at him gently. He wished that she would understand that he is dedicating this song for her.

"Listen well." That's all he said before pressing play.

Guitar plucks started to flow through their ears and Sasuke saw the recognition in her eyes. He heard her whisper, "Death Cab, huh?"

He just nodded in return and earned a small smile from her. He felt a lot better now than he ever did before.

When the singer, Ben, started to sing, he was reminded of how he first heard this song while he was cleaning up his room in their house before he left for London to study. Along with their picture of their first Christmas as a couple, he also brought the album that contains this song that he found in his room.

It was obviously hers and she must've forgotten that she brought it there or she purposely left it. Eitherway, he brought it with him to London and listened to it almost every day for the first year of being alone in a foreign city.

He pictures Sakura every time he hears this song, especially when a certain part of the song comes.

All the girls in every girly magazine

Can't make me feel any less alone

I'm reaching for the phone to call at 7:03

And on your machine

I slur a plea for you to come home

But I know it's too late

I should've given you a reason to stay

Maybe that's why he loved this record so much, most especially this song, because he relates a lot to it. Their relationship was never perfect. Yes, their love lacked color but only on the outside. Inside, it's bursting at the seams.

But then, sometimes it isn't enough. When fact and fiction blur together, it could end in tragedy; and that's what happened to them. Sasuke didn't give her enough reason to stay other than the quiet love he has for her. Sakura was never the demanding one, but she deserved more than what he gave. She deserved an explanation, an apology, and a love that fights for her. That's one of his biggest regrets.

The song ended and the next song came, and then the next. Song after song, he silently dedicated them all to her. Every hook, every line; it's all for her. They sat there, hunched over his phone playing all the music, shivering from the cold but warm enough because of each other.

"I just wanna feel alive

And get to see your face again"

"I'll make it without you

Though my body's laying here

It's my mouth that must be lying now"

"I'm talking to what's left of you

Watching what I say

Counting all the freckles on your perfect face"

"I need to hear in black and white

That you don't need me now

Say you don't want me

That it's not like it was for you before"

"So don't go away, say what you say

But say that you'll stay"

"I'll be the one that needs you again

And I'll be the one that proposes

In a garden of roses

And truly loves you long after our curtain closes"

"When you're young you just run

But you come back to what you need

This love is good, this love is bad

This love is alive back from the dead

These hands had to let it go free

And this love came back to me"

Words flowed, lyrics lingered; Sasuke dedicated and Sakura listened. Together, they forgave; together, they let go.

—

"I need to go," Sakura whispered.

They're both silent after a few minutes from listening to his playlist. He could tell she understood. Her misty eyes and her lips swollen from too much biting are a few giveaways. She was nervous and anxious about saying something. Sasuke waited.

"I.. I wanted to say.." she stammered. She was fiddling her engagement ring as she find her words. Then, "It was good to see you again, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke-kun. He felt like he finally redeemed himself because of that added suffix. He finally earned it back. She knows all that happened, she understands, and she listened to his apologies and regrets.

He will never ask for anything more.

She finally stood up from her swing and started to turn away towards the setting sun when he found his voice.

"Are you happy?"

Sakura looked back at him, her eyes soft and dreamy. A little red from the crying they did earlier but her vivid green still stood out from the dull hues of the snow.

She nodded her head, "I am. And I hope, you are too."

From the lonely swing he was sitting on he answered her, "I will be."

Sasuke watched as her green eyes flooded with moisture and she closed them as she took a deep breath. She was trying not to cry again.

"Is this the last time we'll ever see each other?", he asked.

When she opened her lids, she straightly looked in his black orbs. Their eyes have always been their best assets, and they use it well. Especially at times like this when words don't seem to flow easily.

Her voice was quivering when she answered him, "Maybe." His heart sting a little but then she added, "I don't know.. I hope not.."

He stood up, "Can.. can I be selfish for one last time before you go?"

He was aware that he decided to never ask for anything from her again. She went through so much just by being with him and even right now as they speak. But like she said, maybe this is the last time he'll see her — beautiful and ethereal with the setting sun bathing the snow-covered world behind her, making her rose-colored hair burn in the right way and her glimmering emerald pools pop out with emotions.

Sasuke watched her swallow first, as if sensing that he's gonna ask for something he wasn't supposed to, and she was right. He knows this is ridiculous and inappropriate because she is getting married to someone she is happy with, and she has every reason to deny him of this which he will respect if she does.

But he is Uchiha Sasuke; and he is selfish, and arrogant, and compulsive when confronted with feelings, and irrational when he wants to be.

He is Uchiha Sasuke and she is Haruno Sakura, and only God knows how much he fucking missed her and longed for her and cared for her and loves her.

He loves her. He always will.

And so he took one step, then two, up until he reached her shaking form. With anticipation crawling in his veins, making his skin prick and his lips tingle, he asked his final request.

"Can I kiss you?"

Seconds felt like infinity until she firmly answered, "No."

His shoulder sagged. He anticipated it, but it still hurt a little. He understands and he respects it, but he still wanted it. He looked down and forced a smile.

"I know. It's okay, I understand. I shouldn't have asked. It's ridiculous and completely absu—"

"Can I kiss you?"

Head whipped upwards as fast as it could that it gave him a sudden whiplash. He saw her soft smile and her even softer eyes and she's just so fucking beautiful it hurts and she's gonna kiss him.

All he could ever manage was to give her a nervous nod. He was like back to zero, no experience with girls and how to act with them. He was like a child being promised of being brought to an amusement park or given a new toy. He was like a high school teenager realizing for the first time that he was finally getting to kiss this girl that he really really likes.

Sakura stepped forward and looked up at his face, eyes roaming around as if watching for a shadow of doubt in it. Sasuke looked back and gave her a look of someone who will never get to have this chance again.

Her bare hands went up and held his face. He helped her by leaning down and pressed his head against hers. He closed his eyes and waited for her kiss.

Sasuke felt her breath on his lips and heard a murmur laced with strawberry scent. Her cold fingers against his jaw tighten for a bit as her words sank in him.

"Thank you, Sasuke-kun."

His heart stopped as he waited for her soft lips on his eager ones, but it broke altogether when he felt them on his forehead.

If it wasn't a sign of them really over; if it wasn't a sign for him to really let her go, then Sasuke doesn't know what it is.

He understands it now. She chose to be with this person she's marrying and she chose to be faithful to him. She chose to settle all tangled knots from her past to get ready for her future — her future without him.

He wanted to cry again but he didn't. He fought it hard, feeling his eyes water behind closed lids as he feels her lips linger on his forehead. He could feel her lips shake as she presses them harder to his skin. He clutched at her waist and gripped her coat hard.

No matter what happens in the future, he had this. He had this last moment with her, and he will be forever grateful.

All that happened was a blur after that. In the end, he remembered not watching her go. He immediately turned around as her lips left him. He wanted his last memory of her to be her smiling face close to him, not her retreating figure in the lonesome park.

No words were said after that. He sat in the swing again, noticing that the sun had finally set. Winter night came howling in and he is alone again.

Sasuke never saw her retreating back, nor her crying eyes, nor her last attempt to look back at him.

He will never know, because he will never see her again.

Sasuke took a deep breath as he walks out of the airport, finally in New York soil. He saw the car that was supposed to pick him up right there in the front. He watched as the driver took his suitcase and put it in the trunk.

All the while, he cracked his neck. He was tired. The flight was long and his brain was fogged with those memories from 3 years ago.

He can say he's doing better now. He really let her go that day, wishing her all the love and happiness she deserves. He really meant every word he said and every thing he did.

To say that he's not missing her would be a lie, though. She still manages to plague his mind sometimes and make him think of what she's doing right now. Where she is, how she's been, how happy she is; all those things. But for his welfare, he decided not to dwell on those things too much.

He's 29 now. 9 years have passed since they broke up, and 3 years since they had their closure. He dated once or twice, but it never really worked out. He really tried those times, but there was just something missing. It didn't feel right.

He isn't rushing through anything. Right now, he's just trying to make his way through every day, one step at a time. Who knows? Maybe this coming year might be the year for his love life. Maybe he will meet someone in his almost 3-week long stay in America. Maybe it's the time to finally open his closed door again.

As he opened the door of the car, he took another deep breath and silently hoped so, too.

~fin~

(A/N: Songs used are A Lack of Color - Death Cab for Cutie; Echo - Jason Walker; Make It Without You - Andrew Belle; Bulletproof Weeks - Matt Nathanson; Let You Go - Jason Walker; Don't Go Away - Oasis; Happiness - Rex Orange County; and This Love - Taylor Swift (please also listen to Ryan Adams' version of this because it fucking hurts) Thanks!)

part 1 | special chapter

#sasusaku #sasusaku fanfiction #sasusaku fanfic #ssfic #ssfanfic #ssfanfiction #uchiha sasuke #uchiha sakura #naruto fanfc #naruto fanfiction #naruto #naruto fandom #perpetual winter #fangirl's fanfiction #i am so nervous #about this shit #fahljfnbdhefjnhakf

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sorrymomandcat · 5 years ago

Text

Wed. November 6 2019

12:21AM I need a new lighters

8:09AM

I woke up with that feeling.

Surprisingly not tired.

I might be after I cry.

Goodbye past.

4:33PM I'm starting this in my car on my anxious pressured 'break' at the ever busy Budapest. I'm gonna not. Brb.

4:55PM Okkkk, I’m going to be real with you.

I had a lot of clever ways to open this conversation but I have forgotten them since sitting in my Ferrari having not 1, but 2 smokes. You ever feel like you’re chewing on your own teeth? No? Good, that means you haven’t smoked meth for the past 255 days. To be clear- Cobain, Lampwick & The Joke are all synonyms for a former co-worker. Although the same person, they’re sort of not #mentalhealthawareness. TLDR; the more evolved part of me really hopes this guy is just a mean, jaded fucking asshole because the alternative is that they’re deeply psychotic and likely the permanent kind. Both leave little hope for improvement but the former at least KNOWS that. KNOWS I know. I could do a whole bullet-point slideshow fucking presentation on the red flags I had been seductively blindfolded to through exploitation of deepest nature and a stubborn unwillingness to accept pain and anger & I just might. I might. I might need to! I processed most of it as it was happening, denial was a bitch though. If you come from a place of; neglect, abuse and chaos but decided to assess your damages rather than project them on to innocent and typically pretty wonderful people.. then you need to equip yourself. Even if you took the more outward approach, leaving everyone in your path as empty useless collateral damage.. you could benefit as well. Tell yourself 'I’m only self-improving to gain further access and a tighter hold of my victims’ It doesn’t matter. Educate yourself on the impact of trauma/abuse/upbringing. See what happens to you. @ me.

5:53PM There’s a lot of Construction Boyz here tonight. They hit on me and I’m all like ‘omg I smoke crystal meth and I’m in an over-sized hoodie at work with obviously contrasting roots growing in.. you have no idea how much I needed this’ hahah. Still, it’s nothing quite like the validation I get from making humble jokes to myself in my neurotic head! Where was I? Oh yeah. The Joke; Lampdick. This motherfucker fucking pulls out a REAL LIFE meth pipe, Chief Leaf right there. Of course CL is through-n-through up to date and real time a best friend without judgement, so it doesn’t reflect on me, but I’ve been fighting tooth (lol) and nail against obvious (but not blatant) disapproval toward this endeavor with Joke.. (of course gaslit with remarks like ‘fuck the haters’ ‘you’re really going to care what they say’ ‘it isn’t their relationship’ .. you’re the hater.. they treat me with consistent respect so duh.. you’re absolutely fucking right-it’s ours-and it fucking sucks because you’re an abusive psychopath.. shove that isolation groundwork technique up your) ? No respect. To pull out a fucking meth pipe after:

Day 1 appreciating we had a different DOC (drug of choice) and agreeing that use needs to be controlled in the best harm reduction sense possible & I firmly disclosed that I am 100% in no fucking way ever going to be okay with anyone-ever smoking meth near/with me. I still barely forgive the fuckers that ever let me do it - and I know full God damn well it was my choice/fault/willing action. I barely forgave myself! For letting them let me! Or that I even let me let them do it! So. No. It was immediately made clear. Day 1.

Throughout this treachery The Joke made here-and-there comments about like “pass it this way” and “why don’t you save me any” and other repulsively ignorant and juvenile comments and my stance toward the matter remained firm. Which he always met with “yeah I know! I’m obviously joking! I agree! I would never do that to you” Like I was crazy for hardening my responses. Fucker, fucking fucker.

Seeing/hearing what I have vulnerably shared and experienced since the first day I made this choice (and I know not everyone who has/will make that choice is going to have MY experience. I’m not claiming that. I’m claiming ‘I don’t give a fuck what another person’s experience may be - I am not fucking here for it’ - ‘it’s a no from me dawg’

Knowing how desperately I am trying AND want AND try to want (some days it really do be like that) to stop smoking crystal. To end-all repair the damage it has done to myself, my relationships and my life. To prevent the inevitable damage that waits if I don’t.

Not to mention all the attempts at ‘crazy making’ by exploiting my guilt and fear of potential harm: caused by crystal meth. ie; “you’re definitely sleep-stealing my keys and/or moving things because YOU’RE smoking crystal meth, and that shit is BAD bad + your traumatic childhood,’ (that he doesn’t give a fuck about unless using it against me in similar scenarios) ‘so come on. You can’t deny engaging in these behaviors, that I refuse tell you about. You meth-trauma black events out.. you’re not conscious of it because of YOUR big bad drug.” (which it is and I don’t intend to downplay it)

Seriously. These are real events & that’s just scratching the fucking surface. Note: this blog intentionally has NO followers and is ran anonymously. My intention is only to self-vindicate the man made madness I've enabled. Yet STILL it manages to drag into a month and a half of my God damn precious and OBVIOUSLY seriously fucking sensitive time. I feel NO shame for that; for struggling right now. For falling the fuck on my ass/face/faceassfuckhands onto a SERIOUSLY cemented floor! that manages to also be falling upwards into my fucking face! So instead of ceasing upon impact; continuously bashing my fucking FACE in. It fucking happens man. I fucking know that and I fucking own it as shamelessly as is safe to. Not as a way to justify where I am right now - but to foster a belief that I am worth the insidiously meticulous effort that's required to be better. In a better position to improve the quality of how I serve myself and thus actually beginning to serve those around me. Jesus shit what a Joke. I can’t believe I let myself: be treated this way, be ignorant to it, be willing to entertain the idea that maybe it was OK (even warranted).. but between you and me: I find it even harder to believe that another human being - one who has clearly been deeply wounded as well - can see the genuine sincerity of another human being’s soul and heart.. compulsively bleeding from a profundity raw enough to captivate a nihilist.. and humbly exposes it.. with nothing but purity in the regard of inherit human good.. and could intentionally stick their dirty fucking arms vigorously inside and tear at the exposed gauge made faithfully available. I’m not innocent here. But there’s no blood on my hands. I won’t point my fingers but my eyes are staring right at you. I know what you did to me. I did not agree to it. I agreed to taking the risk. Do you know what you did to me? Educate yourself. Wash your fucking hands.

I didn’t bring any crystal to Budapest today. I didn’t know I was going to begin opening this, or I would have.

= I’ve got to go for a smokes.

That’s enough for now.

7:55PM I don’t know wtf but Doug offered me to get stoned and so I did outside but the guys who needed to switch rooms came back and then outside too because they insisted on my break.. Golf was looking for tape and offered me a Tim Horton’s, I said hot chocolate. Then Striped Vest guy also forever chatted and offered me a Tim Horton’s; I said hot chocolate. Still no tape and I tell him about Striped Vest and hot chocolate. He says ok. Meanwhile, Doug and his friend Chevy Lover are shooting the shit too and Doug asked for my number. Well first he asked if I was single. He asked if I was dating anybody LOL first of all I’m stoned and second of all the literal words out of my mouth were ‘everybody’ sincerely believing it as a reflection of my innocent love for life and immediately realizing that was a stupid answer so on reflex I said “no, myself. ha ha no. nobody. nope. that’s a. this guy who was my boyfriend died once. like a long time ago. no. weird. yeah it was wicked. wait what? why? but no. I don’t. not.” and I’ll never forget that or this hot chocolate.

8:03PM Golf asked me to put his poppy on (dude you’re 51, you’ve definitely done this more than me and I HATE war) so I asked him like, when the war was and what it was called - “Oh no, I don’t know a lot about history” meanwhile a second ago he was like “I guess I should put one on because my Grandpa fought in the war” no that was you. anyways so I’m learning about WW1. You say you remember so much, name 5 of our veterans? #therealneverforget

Disclaimer: I still haven’t read anything about it, I’m sorry to all relatives of dead soldiers I deeply condolence and RIP. No disrespect. We out here.

8:07PM Damn I really wish I had another hot chocolate.

8:39PM How is it not midnight?

#fuckyou #inhumane #livingtumbstonefeels #enemiesnotfriendsintokyovibe

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