#even if you don’t agree with my date for him he’s def a virgo for sure

[arpeggio-the-parrot]

Klaww Gang Birthdates (loosely based on astrology)!

As most of y’all know, I headcanon and observe September 14th as Arpeggio’s birthday, initially due to it being the day Sly 2 was released in 2004. I’ve been loosely into astrology for many years and, while I’m certainly no astrology expert by any means, I always saw Arpeggio as a Virgo based on Virgos I know in my personal life and what I’ve read on them, and a September 14th birthday would make him so. Though I admit that I’m not a huge believer of astrology, I do find it somewhat accurate and use it to help me craft the personalities of my OCs, and to help me come up with birthdays for characters I like from games and shows if their canon birthday isn’t known. Again, I’m not an astrology expert, so I won’t go into too much detail as to why I think their signs are whatever; these are mostly based on my own observations of their personalities and how they compare to what I’ve read about the traits of the zodiac signs.

Dimitri: Mid-late June (Gemini)

-In real life, marine iguanas hatch May-July, but I just think Dimitri comes off as a June Gemini more than a May Gemini. He also gives some Cancer vibes, which is also why I think he’d be born closer to Cancer, putting him on or close to the cusp of Gemini/Cancer, but still more Gemini for sure. Geminis tend to be social, youthful/playful, and expressive; all of which are definitely Dimitri’s vibe.

Rajan: Mid-July or early August (Cancer or Leo)

-Rajan’s birthday has always been a bit difficult for me to pinpoint, since his traits remind me a lot of both Cancers and Leos in my life. His prideful nature leads me to think he might be a Leo (nothing to do with him being a big cat), but Cancers are known to be emotional, and I feel like the way he reacts to things like his gala being crashed and the destruction of his spice temple is more Cancer-esque. Also, he reminds me a lot of my mom, who is a Cancer and no, I will not elaborate LMAO.

Contessa: October 30th (Scorpio)

-The only other Klaww Gang member besides Arpeggio that I have an actual birthday for, but it doesn’t really have anything to do with astrology; I just thought it would be cute to make her birthday the day before Halloween for reasons I don’t think I need to explain, LOL. Her personality as it relates to astrology, though, is a bit difficult for me to pin down, but an October 30th birthday would indeed make her a Scorpio. I know some Scorpios irl though, and one of them has told me that Scorpios tend to be secretive and like to be in control. The Contessa certainly possesses those traits, so it makes sense to me!

Jean Bison: early-mid May (Taurus)

-In real life, bison calves are typically born in April and May, and his personality gives Taurus to me (specifically his hardworking but also stubborn nature), which would place his date of birth sometime in late April and into May. But, since only the last week of April is in Taurus (all the signs start in the last week of the month), there’s just more of a chance that he was born in May. Coincidentally, the sign for Taurus is a bull, and so is Jean! Ironically, though, Taurus is an earth sign, and as we know Jean pre-reformation holds little respect for the earth, LOL.

Arpeggio: September 14th (Virgo)

-Y’all already know this one LMFAO, but it would be evil of me to not include my husbird. Virgos are known to be sophisticated and detail-oriented, which is what made me think Arpeggio is a Virgo before I realized a September 14th birthday would actually make him one. Also, though this point is very biased as I’m a Capricorn; Virgos and Capricorns are considered to be highly compatible signs (side note: Capricorns and Scorpios are also highly compatible, which would make sense why I like the Contessa so much if she is one!) and, of course, my sona who shares my birthday and zodiac sign is married to him sooooo yeah!

Neyla: Late September-early October (Libra)

-I don’t personally consider Neyla as a member of the Klaww Gang, but I figured I’d include her anyway as she’s the protégé of their leader. Interestingly, I haven’t come up with a precise birth date for her (which I should as she’s one of the main characters in my Birds of Crime AU) but I always leaned towards the very end of September. Unlike the other signs I’ve mentioned in this list, I don’t know any Libras in my personal life to ask or draw comparison to when it comes to Neyla, but I do know from my own cursory research that Libras are charming and can be manipulative, which definitely tracks for Neyla LOL.

Well, there ya have it! I apologize for not being able to provide more thorough explanations or precise birth dates, but if anyone in the Sly Cooper community who is more knowledgeable on astrology than I would like to weigh in with their own ideas, please do!

[deakydeaky]

HC of you meeting of of the boys(preferably Ben or Joe) before COVID and when it hit you stayed with them because you were far from home. Is this too much? Btw I love your posts and just want you to post more again 💀

How it started:

You were traveling around a lot before it was finally after the holidays

You were in New York, staying in a hotel when the news about COVID was getting big

In your final days you were going to a shop everyday, just to grab what you needed for the day

That’s when you ran into Joe. You knew you knew him from somewhere but didn’t say anything until you saw him there the next day

“Are you stalking me?” You would ask as you grabbed a bag of chips. He would let out a loud laugh as he looked at you

“Yeah actually, what gave it away?” People sworned around them.” This is crazy huh?”

“Yeah, I gotta get home soon if this keeps up.”

“Or stay in New York? Maybe run into each other before we turn into zombies?” He joked. “Totally.” You would agree and leave it at that

You two saw each other a few more times and gave flirty smiles through out the week and some small talk. He told him about his place and you talked about where you lived

A few days later when you realized that things weren’t going to get better you packed your bags. You first stopped at the shop to grab a few things because you didn’t know what the airport could be like

When you walked in, you saw Joe with a big shopping cart

“Oh my god, I totally started the zombie apocalypse.” Joe said when he saw you

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” You told him as you walked down the isle

“Are you going to be comfortable staying in a hotel?” You would give him a weird look. “I’m heading to the airport.” You told him with a laugh. “All of the airports shut down. No flights anywhere right now.”

“Oh my god. Oh my god.” You would start to call every hotel as Joe was checking out. Everything seemed to be booked or they were taking anyone new. How caught you outside as you stood by the cab, calling places

“You okay?”

“Everything is booked, Damnit!” Joe would hate to see it. “S-stay with me.” You gave him a look. “You could be a murderer.” You told him before he laughed. “I’m not and I’m serious. You can’t be on the streets right now and I have another room. And I think I have more reason to be worried, get in the cab crazy.”

You stayed in the guest bedroom, and even alone you felt awkward. You thought you should just try to call someone willing to drive all of the way to get you but you couldn’t ask anyone to do that and you didn’t think they would

The next morning you woke up to him pouring coffee. As he gave it to you and started small talk you stopped him.

“Stop. This is super nice but weird. I will call someone and leave. I- I think I should leave but this is great. If you start a bed and breakfast I will def give a good Yelp review.” He would laugh at you.

“Please don’t. Just stay until something opens up and you can safely be on a flight or a hotel. It could be fun. You could tel you kids about it one day or something. I swear I’m not a creep and I really would feel bad if I left you ok your own.”

Staying:

You called your family and told them you were staying with a friend and to not worry

It was awkward at first because either of you knew how to be comfortable with the other but it got better

Making breakfast for each other, being a good house guest, watching a few movies together a week, all around stuff

After two weeks of being in a house together, you thought it time to know each other and started to cook dinner. But horriblely messed up and Joe called his mom for cooking tips

“Mom I’m not joking, no she didn’t add water.” You blushed heavily as he talked to her. He ended up cooking for you which made you feel even worse

“Why were you cooking anyways?” He questioned. “I wanted to be something nice. We’ve been in the same house now for two weeks straight and I don’t know you. You could still be a murderer.”

“I’m an actor actually, pretty sure you knew that. I’m a Virgo, I play bass-“

“And you like long walks on the beach? Real stuff Joe! Also, I guessed Virgo, your earth sign energy is crazy, what’s your moon?”

“I- I don’t know. Ask me something then, anything.”

“Do you like coffee?”

“You crossed the line.” He told you, making you both laugh

Through out quarantine:

Going through 2020 together was the most chaotic thing that happens to you

Watching just about every show on Netflix

Everyday something worse happens you two take a shot and then put a tally on a peice of paper

Having 2020 bingo cards, literally

Ordering a lot of games to pass time

Making bets about what next month will hold

Getting to know Joe in weird ways

Having to explain to where you work that you’re now working from New York

Joe being the most chill person, even with the things that are happening

Him trying to make the days better

Joking about separation anxiety with each other but lowkey if one of you goes to the store for too long the other ones is worried

“What day is it?”

“Thursday.” Joe would question everything he’s done all week but can’t remember a single thing

Becoming rather close and very chaotic

“This is everything we need to do after it’s over.” You would tell him

“An aquarium?”

“Well it’s that or we could get high and watch Jaws, your choice.”

“I’m glad we aren’t those people that go on walks and zoom with their families, that’d make us seem way to normal.”

Trying your best to pass the time, April and May being the worse

Getting a lot of little arguments

“You called me a child when I bought them, and then you took HALF!” You would yell

“You’re fighting with me about this?”

“Yes because you made fun of me. You either get more or we fist fight.”

Neither of you know how to shop for food in the beginning because everything was being taken from the shelves

“You bought two packs of energy drinks?”

“Everyone was taking the water and soda, I had to act fast.”

Catching yourself falling for him

How could you not? He took you in, cooks dinner, helps ease your pandemic anxiety

Him being the biggest goof

“Joe, it’s 1am, I’m not making a fort with you.”

“Why not?”

When the summer came you two held out hope for better things to come but they just seemed worse

Meeting the boys over zoom

“Sorry, we’ve all been really surprised when we heard the story. It’s very Joe but we were scared some weird things would happen.”

“Yeah, I don’t watch him sleep or anything like that.”

“Really? I’m a beautiful sleeper.”

Making him tea

Hearing him over sing in the shower

After the summer with numbers rising again, going home seemed like a dream

You didn’t want to risk your family getting sick but staying with Joe more seemed too much

Wishing you had met at another time because it seemed too weird to make a move. You were getting almost a middle school feeling crush. This ended up in a debate with yourself, talking about pros and cons and leaving and all of the things you have wanted to say since March

“You can do this. You are a strong woman, you are to the point and the worst thing he could say is no and that’s okay, you’re still that bitch.”

“Who’s saying no?” Joe asked you as he came in

“No one, maybe you, I don’t know, wanna watch a movie?” Joe would look at you as you stood awkwardly.” Don’t look at me like that.”

“What’s happening right now.”

“I’m sorry, it’s not you. It is but it’s like your fault but I also have some blaming but you did it.” Joe would nod his head, trying to make sense of anything that was happening.” I have developed, a sorry of, very tiny and minor, crush. That I’m sure it just because another man hasn’t looked at me since March but at the same time I think it’s because you’re a really great person and now I’ve made this awkward and we won’t talk about it ever again.”

“A crush?” “I just said we won’t talk about it.”

It worked out because he ended up liking you back but it was definitely weird for a little

You two felt more in the way or each other than living together

But after a few weeks you two realized how weird you were being and figured out it was nothing

“Trump got COVID.” “Shots?” “Yep!”

As you two were drinking you looked at each other and laughed, spitting the drinks everywhere.

“Wanna order in? Act like this week didn’t happen?”

“Yeah.”

Felt like you were living out a literal movie

Making the best of 2020 although it was weird

Dating:

The same as before but now it’s this new part of Joe

He’s more romantic but still funny and himself

Having “date nights” once a week. That just meant he would light candles and turn the lights out and pretend it was a fancy restaurant

Finding out a lot about each other

Him telling his family about you and how it’s been with you. Making you freak out a lot on the inside

The boys all telling him they were calling it

“You can’t just threaten to lock yourself in the bathroom just because I said I didn’t want pasta tonight.”

“Watch me!”

Still tiny agruments but nothing serious, ever

“It doesn’t matter why! He just did!”

“Then where did the hammer go when he left! He took it with him but when he came back old all he had was the shield!”

Planning out where you two would travel next

You two having the weirdest comfort level with each other

Talking about what would have happened between you two of the pandemic didn’t happen

Game nights becoming twice as better now that you’re both more comfortable with each other

Making both of your guys friends join a zoom to play with

Flipping coins to see who makes dinner

Whenever you don’t eat what he makes he always threatens to never cook again

“Have peanut butter and jelly everyday, I don’t care. You’re missing a real Italian man right now!” He said, coping an accent

Coping each other all of the time just to see what the other one will do

Having the most fun you’ve ever had with him, even with you two stuck in a house

Realizing the a pandemic made you find the love of your life

[adambstingus]

Which Fuckboy You Should Date Based On Your Horoscope

As modern women, we are all doomed to hit it with a fuckboy at least once in our lives, if we want to maintain the steady stream of sexual attention TV and movies say we should be receiving at all times. But which type of fuckboy is the best for you? Well what better way to find that out than to base it on the approximate locations of the planets when you were born? Honestly, seems like a much more accurate system than basing it on the two best photos of someone that may or may not be from 15 pounds ago and a bio that their best girl friend wrote that is almost 100% lies. 

  ARIES: THE EMOTIONAL FUCKBOY

Aries betches are all drama, so they’re going to want a fuckboy who can keep up. What’s the point of having a drunken screaming match in the middle of an Arby’s if the guy you’re yelling at isn’t even going to throw fries at the cashier? Aries enjoy bringing excitement into others’ lives, and what could be more exciting than showing up at someone’s window with gasoline and a lit match demanding to know if he’s sleeping with other people? Your friends will absolutely hate this guy and dedicate entire groupchats to how to get him out of your friend group, but they shouldn’t worry. You will eventually get bored of this fuckboy and impulsively block him on all socials so that you can start the process all over again with one of his closest friends.

TAURUS: THE WEIRDLY OLD FUCKBOY

Taurus betches are down to earth and don’t like inviting instability into their lives. For this reason, they’re going to need a fuckboy who is a little bit more of a fuckman if they want their relationship to work. Sure, his hair may be receding and there’s gray in his beard, but he also has a savings account with over $5 in it and a real apartment that he like, owns. Tauruses are also notoriously bad at breakups, which is why it might be better for you to find someone who is more likely to die before that happens. Don’t make the mistake of thinking this guy wants a real relationship, though. He may be old enough to be your dad, but that doesn’t mean he actually wants to  a dad. You know? 

  GEMINI: THE FOREIGN FUCKBOY

Gemini betches are unpredictable and need constant excitement to avoid being bored, which is why the best fuckboy for a Gemini is one that fully does not even go here. This fuckboy can slip in and out of your life without doing something annoying like becoming friends with your friends or “wanting to know what you’re up to.” Hooking up with this fuckboy is always exciting because you know your time is limited, and his accent is so thick you’re not 100% sure what he’s saying most of the time. If one of you does make the mistake of catching feelings, all you have to do is say Trump won’t let you leave the country and stop answering his texts. Ghost this bro with impunity knowing there’s almost 0 chance you’ll awkwardly run into each other at your local bar.

CANCER: THE MAN-BOY FUCKBOY

Cancer is the mommy of the zodiac, meaning a Cancer betch is going to want a fuckboy that she can take care of—aka “tell what to do.” The best fuckboy hookup for you will be one where you somehow end up staying all day and cleaning his apartment after. For whatever reason, you want a man who needs help setting up his own email account. Luckily, thanks to Judd Apatow & Co., the man-boy thing is very popular amongst men these days so you should have no problem finding one of your very own. Seriously. Just go to like, any bar with a $5 beer/shot special and you’ll be picking his ass up from soccer practice in no time.

LEO: THE AGGRESSIVELY HONEST FUCKBOY

As a Leo betch, you are proud AF and have no time for people who want to fuck with you. That’s why the fuckboy in your life needs to be the rare kind that are aggressively honest about everything. Like, the type of dude who will stop you mid-bone to tell you he’d prefer to have your pelvis at a 45 degree angle. Coded messages and random 3am sad face emojis are not going to work for you. You’d rather have a guy whose dating profile says “My girlfriend doesn’t know I’m on this site” than some d-bag who waits three dates to tell you he’s actually in an “open relationship” by which he means “My girlfriend doesn’t know I’m on this site.” Honesty you can work with. Bullshit mind games you cannot.

  VIRGO: THE FUCKBOY FROM CLASS

Virgo betches are highly intellectual, meaning that you’re going to want a fuckboy who can stimulate both your body and your mind. That’s why when a scruffy looking semi-hipster from your Politics of Developing Nations class slides into your DMs, you won’t hate it. The two of you can be boning one minute, then discussing your professor’s latest lecture series the next. He might even be down to Netflix binge all the fucked up documentaries you usually save for private time. Just don’t be surprised if he starts asking to copy your notes, and def don’t expect this guy to stick around into next semester, no matter how good your thesis is.

LIBRA: THE RICH FUCKBOY

Libra betches have expensive tastes, meaning that any fuckboy who even dreams of hitting it with a Libra better come correct with the budget to do so. If a guy wants the honor of sporadically answering your texts for a period of several months, then he needs to make sure that when he does finally decide to answer he’s inviting you to dinner at the nicest restaurant in town. Any man who thinks he can bring you back to the shitty rowhouse and mattress on the floor that he shares with his 15 unemployed roommates and still get in your pants is fucking delusional. You’ll be uber-blacking home before he can say “Sorry, we’re out of toilet paper.”

SCORPIO: THE HORNY AF FUCKBOY

Scorpio is the horniest of all signs, meaning that scorpio betches are going to need an equally horny fuckboy if the relationship is going to be even remotely rewarding. If he’s not down to exchange nude snaps at work, he is not the fuckboy for you. You don’t even really need to know this fuckboy’s name, TBH. All you need to know is if he’s up and has a semi-functional dick. The two of you will get exactly what you want out of this relationship, and part ways on good terms, until one of you has to inevitably call the other three years later to let them know they should probably get tested for HPV.

SAGITTARIUS: THE PARTYING FUCKBOY

Sagittarius betches are aggressively fun, so you’re going to need a fuckboy who can keep up the pace. You don’t need some lame-ass dude who is going to show up to the club and immediately start badgering you to go home and smoke weed. You need someone who is going to show up with a stolen bottle of Everclear and a friend who says he knows where you guys can “get a boat.” Just please try to remember to tell your friends where you’re going because you two might seriously end up dead in each other’s company.

CAPRICORN: THE INSTA-FAMOUS FUCKBOY

Capricorns, like Slytherins, are very ambitious betches. That’s why you’re going to need a your man to have a certain amount of social credibility before you agree to be his fuckwoman. Anyone with less than two thousand followers on Twitter and Insta, with an average of 3 LPM (likes per minute) is not going to cut it. If you’re going to be hanging out with some dude all night, you need to make sure that dude’s Snap stories are being seen by DJ Khaled levels of people. Otherwise, it’s just not worth it. This way you know that when you unfollow him, he’ll definitely notice and be pissed off for weeks.

AQUARIUS: THE FRIEND/FUCKBOY

Aquarius betches DGAF what anybody thinks of them, which is why you are more than down to break the cardinal rule of not fucking your friends in favor of totally fucking all of your friends. You like to have deep connections and personal history with the people in your life, which is why the friend/fuckboy is perfect for you. The two of you can hop into bed together knowing the full catalogue of shitty things you’ve said about previous lovers, and when you’re done you can just roll over and commence talking shit on The Dud or that kid you were friends with in high school who is like, super Christian now.

PISCES: THE REFORMED FUCKBOY

Dating a fuckboy is tricky for a Pisces betch because pisces, generally, are looking for a real commitment. That’s why you’re going to need to find yourself a fuckboy who has turned his back on his fuckboyish tendencies and is ready for a relationship that also exists outside the hours of midnight and 3am. Does he still wear a flat brim and pounds of body spray that somehow smells both good and bad? Sure. Is he going to freak out when, one week in, you casually bring up that your parents are in town? Nope. He’s all about it. In fact, he has personalized gifts for each member of your family and already knows all their names from memorizing your social media profiles. Just don’t expect him to be good at texting. No man is actually good at texting. 

  from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/which-fuckboy-you-should-date-based-on-your-horoscope/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/183585300987