#even if twitter wasn’t collapsing you risk not seeing an important tweet or something

[smol-blue-bird]

been seeing a lot of posts lately from people who are upset that twitter is imploding because they use it for emergency news/alerts, and, like, I get it, but I also want to stress that relying on a social media website managed by Apartheid Clyde for vital safety information is a horrible idea. Please, for the love of God, download the FEMA app or the Red Cross app or something. Get a weather app that sends you alerts when there’s an emergency at your location. Do not rely on Twitter Dot Com, a sinking ship that gets lower every day, to inform you when there’s a tornado

[b612sunsets]

Ahhh I’m happy to see someone else loving The Devil Judge - it truly is amazing 😭😭🖤✨ I love Yo-Han and Ga-on’s relationship I swear let them be destructive together!

I hate waiting for new episodes so please tell me one of your theories, it can be about anything! 🥰

Right?! I love it so much, it's really good to have our lilttle fam getting bigger, can't wait until it airs on Netflix, we will have even more people going crazy about it in here! (at least I hope it will become a Netflix series after the show ends like Beyon Evil - another love of mine) and yes, lawful husbands can be destructive together but only to the bad people pls 🥺

It's tough waiting for new episodes every weekend and at the same time I wish for it not to end so soon. It hasn't finished but I already want Jisung and Jinyoung in a second season or working together in another drama. Their chemistry on screen is too good to stop there

About the theories, there's a few I saw on reddit/twitter and I make my own based on it and after watching every episode, but I think it's too early to talk about them. However, since you requested it, there's some that come to mind as interesting enough to mention.

The fire and the story behind it narrated by Yohan

1- Some people think Yohan did start the fire because he found out about the dirty politicians real intentions and decided to destroy them all in the same place before Isaac could donate the money bc he is "a devil" and capable of that since he was a kid as told by the priest with the school incident and the nanny with the maid and dog thing. side note: not for pranking some kids who bullied him because that's all it seems like, right? But in terms of observing, thinking strategically and being one step ahead when needing to punish the whole classroom who wronged him even as young as he was and feeling satisfied while watching the result and staying out of it. A type of mentality probably encouraged by Isaac and the books he gave him to read, unlike a regular kid who would just fight back or endure it. And we still have to see if it really was Yohan that contributed to the maid's death or if it was something/someone else and the nanny thinks it was him.

They think that Elijah even saw him in front of the door right before the fire started and smiled at him instead of smiling at her parents, like she did in the gates of the cathedral in the previous scene, so that's why she hates him so much now because she can remember seeing him as the responsible for it. But Yohan didn't intend to kill/hurt Isaac and the rest of the family, thinking he could save them or something, and felt guilty that he couldn't do so. Some even said that Yohan delayed too much in trying to save them after entering the church and seeing Elijah getting her legs hurt, that it may have been shock but why would he remember everything and everyone so clearly if he was in shock?

It's a good theory but I have my own remarks: why wouldn't he tell Isaac about the politicians himself if he knew the dirty about them then? They had a close relationship and Isaac gave him books about punishment and everything, it wasn't like Isaac was too naive and wouldn't believe his half-brother. He wouldn't have donated if Yohan told him. "Oh he was being the devil and finding a way to punish them instead of just letting is slide and not donating" still, Yohan wouldn't risk Isaac and Elijah with such a dangerous plan if he could avoid having Isaac and Elijah at all in the destruction scene by telling Isaac about it. It could have been shock and Yohan wanting to look and commit to mind everyone's face in that day responsible for hurting his niece and not caring about anyone else but themselves, pushing him away and delaying his attempt to get to them in time, leaving Isaac and the family behind (after they almost donated them their money) and things like that. So he can avenge them now, like he did in the school with the kids. That's why as soon as he could, he canceled the donation in the most easy way by saying his brother wasn't sane enough to make that decision before dying.

There's also the theories about Isaac being the insane/evil one, which wouldn't surprise me because I've considered it since episode 3 but at the same time I'll not be touching that topic now and I don't know if I ever will unless proven otherwise in some other episode

2- The other theory I have and saw people discussing (the one I'm most inclined to believe because I'm Yohan biased but again it's too soon to be sure) is that the story Yohan narrated is mostly if not completely true and he experiences extreme guilt for not coming back and saving Isaac when the church collapsed on him, as seen in the character introduction by tvN translated in this tweet that we now know it's about Isaac:

The last words Yohan said to Isaac was that he was going to come back for him, so he experiences nightmares like the flashbacks we saw in episode 1 and that's why we don't see any scene of Isaac in the middle of the church after the fire staring at Yohan or during the fire and turning to stare directly at Yohan when he narrates it. Because they're dreams and his guilty conscience and he remembers them when looking at Gaon. The flashback of Yohan kneeling down and touching Isaac with Elijah's bear close to him could be after he got Elijah out from there and he went back to put the bear next to him kinda like a "Sorry for not coming back in time", a reassurance that his daughter for whom he died for is safe and will always stay with him, a "Goodbye". He wouldn't just let Isaac's body lying there, he would go back even if it was too late.

Another thing is that when Yohan is showing Gaon his scar after telling the story, there's a book fallen at his feet. I think it was the thing that fell when Yohan standed up from the table and choked Gaon (trying hard not to comment on that choking scene as a 🔥 Gahan moment for our delight and imagination bc that's not the point right now lol)

This is the book:

And the first page of this book says "Never again will a single story be told as though it's the only one." - John Berger

I searched about it and it can mean that never again will a story be told as if it's the only one that matters. It could also mean that never again will a story be so encompassing of the elements it tackles that no other story need be written about these elements. A story has many perspectives that cannot be understood by just a single viewpoint. Isn't that what this kdrama is all about?

One of the translations of what Yohan said after Gaon left was:

But there's also another version:

The meaning of what he said changes a bit depending on which translation is more accurate, more so when we add the book quote to the equation.

Kim Gaon and his connection to Kang Yohan

People think Gaon could be Isaac's relative in some way or just a look alike (I think it's just a look alike to contribute to Yohan's obsession/curiosity and their proximity from the start, that's why no one really comments on it, not even Gaon when he sees Isaac's picture). Dear God, let them not be related because it would make shipping our lawful husbands really strange, to say the least.

What I'd like to say and almost everyone is forgetting is that in the tvN character introduction we already have Gaon's past and know he wasn't always a goody two shoes, the man was a juvenile delinquent and can even fight (the rebellious phase he said he made the tattoo in episode 3?). He too sought revenge for his parents when he was 16 because they committed suicide after losing their money and being deceived by multi-level con artists posing as social service workers. But the teacher and Soohyun were able to hold him back.

Yohan's father could be one of the reasons for their death. He was a loan shark and might have lend them money after they lost it all and it caused them to have a great debt, that's why Yohan did a thorough research on Gaon and was interested in him (not only because he resembled his half-brother). They shared one enemy in common and maybe even a place (churches, Yohan's father tended to confess his sins in a church when his debtors killed themselves). Or Yohan might have researched about him at the time he knew Gaon was chosen to be the associate judge sitting on his left side instead of way before, because it's important to Yohan to know who he is dealing with and the dirty of their past if they have any. And then Yohan discovered everything and saw his picture and resemblance to Isaac.

The thing is: they have the same distrust/repulsion of powerful people who deceive the world and had a painful loss because of that. Both of them think they have the other exactly where they want but they get more confused about what it is that they really want from the other and get closer (as said in the summary of episode 5 that tvN released) while figuring it out. They will come to an understanding and probably join forces at some point. We saw it in the end of episode 4, the scene of episode 5 when Gaon says he can understand Yohan's pain but can't trust him if he doesn't tell him everything and then Yohan says Gaon needs to decide if he will get in his way or stay by his side. Gaon might go back to his rebellious days and stay with Yohan to seek revenge together while distancing himself from Soohyun and Jungho who prevented him from doing so

And that's about it! Thank you for your ask and hope my answer is satisfying enough! 💙 The hardest but also most awesome part is having to wait to see.

[mymindwide]

It won’t be long we’ll meet again

Pairing: Ashton x Female reader

Word count: 6775

Warning: angst, feelings, smut

Author’s note: This is the chapter 2 (and closure) to ‘The end of heartache’. I hope you’ll love this too, and would just like to thank the support to those who were kind enough to write any kind of feedback on Chapter 1. :) I hope this won’t disappoint either. Take care and enjoy your read.

*****

You miss him. As plain as that sounds, sometimes the simplest words carry the heaviest burdens.

Six months ago you left your apartment with a sleeping Ashton in your bed, after he fucked you in that bed, and you convinced yourself that you don’t care about his motivation after all. You were glad it happened but eventually it just made things more difficult and painful for you.

Because although he’s never been yours, losing him broke your heart. That night you’ve spent together was… good. Obviously way more than just good. But why did he decide to come after you? He’s been in a seemingly happy relationship, then why? No doubt, he probably just felt pity for you after your confession. He always had a good and caring heart, you wouldn’t wonder if this was the case. Well, it really doesn’t matter now, does it? You took that risk; you knew what you were about to do, and as far as you remember your first thought was that you shouldn’t… yet you did nothing to stop him or rather you doing it. Now you were ready to pay the price for your decision, and you’re doing exactly this, painful or not.

Six months have passed since you left but you haven’t talked to any of them since. Well, not in live. Your communication went through emails, tweets and DMs on twitter, but those were very rare, you tried to keep it that way. After you had arrived and settled in your new living space you sent them an email with your address and the company’s name you were working at, at that time.

One day a delivery guy has left a small package for you at the reception of the building you were living in. The tiny velvet box hid a pretty white gold necklace with an angel wing medal; the gift card attached to it wished you all the best and let you know about a certain protection sentiment behind it, and was signed as C.A.L.M under that with the real signatures of Cal, Ash, Lu and Mike. An immediate smile crept on your face, because knowing the guys too well, this was either Cal’s or Ashton’s idea, and if you had to place a bet, your vote would be for Ash. No offense to Luke and Mikey, but they are not as thoughtful as the other two, and they are perfectly aware of this. This is again something that doesn’t make the disengagement easier for you, but you happily and proudly wear that beautiful necklace since the moment you have received it.

In the meantime you have changed a job, because two months ago you left that marketing position for a once in a lifetime opportunity – you were hired at iHeartRadio New York City in a program manager assistant position for one of its afternoon show. Everything was so new and fast and challenging, you had so many things to learn and do and still get used to, that you didn’t find the time and way to let the guys know about this new situation.

 * * *

 That day started pretty usual and normal, though at some point you should have started to suspect and prepare for the opposite. Just not long after you put your foot in the skyscraper building, there was a complete power outage; you had to call firefighters to help the trapped people escape from the elevators. You had to call the building maintenance guys to restore the electricity so the ca. 150 companies (including the city’s biggest radio station) can continue to work. You had to call some technicians to try to resettle your servers and computers. They managed to do that, however some of your fax machines have completely died due to the blackout, therefore you were asked to pass over a few important papers to one of your presenters shortly being on air, that he’d need to interview his guests that are already in the building. The entire 15th floor was your radio’s, so you picked up the folder and ran across the long hallway to reach the glass window studio on time. It was an impressive performance with 3 inches heels on your feet. After delivering the “goods” you joked to yourself that you should consider entering the next sprint competition that’s going to be held in the city. If you can do it on heels you’d have a good chance without them as well. You realized you needed to use the bathroom before returning back to your office, therefore you made a quick left turn on the corridor, but you didn’t get to the women’s restroom, because a familiar figure leaned against the wall next to the men’s restroom typing on his cellphone. You went closer, because you didn’t want to believe your eyes; your heart was pounding against your chest heavier than ever before.

 “Mi-Mikey?!” as you called his name he lowered his hands with the phone in them, turned around and as he realized who dared speak to him, his eyes widened and with that drive you wrapped your arms around his neck clinging to him like a startled sparrow.

“Y/N! What are you…, how?” he hugged you back tight.

“I’m working here” you responded as you let him go and took a step back so you can check him out.

“But we thought you’re at that marketing company.”

“I know and I was, this opportunity came 2 months ago” you started to gaze your feet as you felt your conscience remind you of all the missed chances to let your friends know about this new job. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier” you looked up at him with literal shame in your eyes.

“We kinda got used to it by now…” he smiled at you.

“I…I’m…”

“Just kidding, it’s so good to see you!” a grin appears on his face and that slightly reassures your nerves and remorse too.

“The others?”

“I guard the door while they are inside using whatever toilet they have to” he rolled his eyes. “I swear to you they’re still a bunch of babies, I told them to use the bathroom in the hotel, but nah, we’re good. You can see how good they are…” he points at the door of the men’s restroom making you laugh with his comment.

“What’s up Mike, now you’re talking to yourse…” – the door opened and as Luke came out first he couldn’t even finish the sentence coz after Mikey you appeared in his field of view and you got the same reaction as from Mikey.

“Y/N?!”

“Me” and you took a step towards him too to wrap your hands around his neck.

“What are you doing here?” he stroked your back quickly.

“I’ll tell you everything, just wait for the other two now so I don’t have to repeat myself four times”

“I’ll tell your girlfriends that you two beguile the lady assistants at every radio station we put our feet into…” came another familiar voice from the opening door, and this time you could surprise Calum.

“Man, I think they wouldn’t mind this one…” smiled Luke.

“Cal!!!!!!” you jumped into his neck and he held you tight to himself lifting you up a bit, your feet not touching the ground below you.

“Holy shit, girl, what are…” he started asking the obvious question as he put you down back on your feet.

“I know, what am I doing here, and I swear I’m going to answer just…”

 And this time you were the one who couldn’t finish your sentence coz the door has been opened for the third time and Ashton stepped outside looking confused for a second at the sight of the little group gathering until he found the incongruous member of his band. The others fell silent as if someone has stopped the time and cut you out of this scene. Actually, time has stopped for you too, because you weren’t exactly prepared for this spectacle either, seeing him obviously brought back memories, but even if those memories didn’t exist, he looked so handsome, so good-looking in his set that consisted of a black torn jeans and a black button-up shirt with the first few buttons being unbuttoned leaving a perfect view at his subtly muscular chest, that you felt a little bit lost at that moment.

 “Y/N?”

“Hi Ash…” you bit your bottom lip to feel some kind of pain that holds you back from collapsing inside and burst into tears in front of them. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you, so you took that first step to hug him too, though evidently not with the same vehemence as you did with the other three. Your hands rested on his back and only for a few seconds, his hands mirrored your movements on your back, a few gentle caresses and you let each other go pretty quickly. Quick enough to feel this hug awkward, but you guess that’s what you get when you fuck with someone you consider a friend even though you feel way more for him.

“Hi, sweetheart” he smiled at you and this gesture eased the tension in you enough to get your shit together.

You took a short glance at the other three behind you, and they stared at you two as if they were watching bombs that could explode at any minute. Is it possible that they know something about what has happened between us months ago? Ahh, anyway, I have no time for this now, now that these four stand in front of me, still a total miracle and a quite big shock at the same time. You took a big breath and started telling them very quickly about your job change.

“Who did you come to?” you asked from any of them.

“Greg? Is it Greg?” Lu asked back.

“Ah so it’s you guys who he’s waiting for. Actually I just brought his papers for him, so he can ask questions from you” you grinned.

“I thought it worked a bit more modern these days” Ash smirked.

“It does, smartass, we just had a… bit of a situation in the morning, and all electronics went to shit due to a power outage.”

“And if it wasn’t for that, we wouldn’t have you right here right now” Cal came and gave you a half hug.

“Guys, I missed you so much, you have no idea.”

“Boys, we have one minute left…” Mike warned you and you literally saw the panic in his eyes as he looked around your little branch.

“What is it Mikey?” you asked.

“It’s just… we have to go, and I assume you have to go back to work too, but we’re staying for the night and leave only tomorrow, so I thought we could meet for a dinner somewhere? I mean, only if you want it, too, of course!” he sputtered and was eyeing Cal and Luke, though Ashton got a glance from him too.

“I’d be more than happy to do that with you guys” you shrugged with a smile on your face.

“Since you live here, you can recommend a restaurant maybe?”

“What about Ceci? It’s Italian and it’s only three corners down this avenue.”

“Sounds awesome. When will you finish?”

“At 4.”

“Then 6? Is that good?”

“Then 6, it is.”

“See you at Ceci, baby” Cal hugged you first, and all the others joined him, resulting in you melting in a group hug.

“Good luck and see you soon” you waved them goodbye, and with a huge smile on your face and a long-awaited excitement in your heart you headed back to your office.

 * * *

“Target #1 in the building” Cal made a comment.

“We can see that as well, Captain Obvious” snapped Mikey.

“Dude, calm down, and let me remind you that this whole thing was your idea.”

“I know… thanks again, Captain Obvious.”

“If you won’t stop with the captain thing, I’ll hit you on the head.”

“Would you please shut up for a minute, both of you. I can’t see from the noise you two make” Luke intervenes.

“Anyway, what’s your problem? We’re good so far, aren’t we?” Cal continues.

“But what if Ash sensed something? Weren’t we too obvious with the ‘buying gifts for the girls’ thing?”

“Don’t think so man, last time I checked we do have girlfriends…” Luke tried to reassure Mike.

“But Cal doesn’t.”

“And? I focus on myself right now!” snapped back Cal resentfully.

“Dude, that’s not the point! Good for you. I just want this to work.”

“He’s gonna be here.”

“Young amigos, if we don’t go anywhere I have to ask you to get out of the car” says the driver of the taxi they sat in. “You know I have a big family, have to give them food.”

“Luke, give me 40 bucks.”

“Why me?”

“Coz your net worth is the highest, and I’m just a poor guitarist from Sydney” scoffs Mikey.

“If this is gonna work, Ash owes me…” mumbles Luke as he slaps the money in Mike’s hand at the passenger’s seat.

“Are you sure you don’t have Scottish or Jewish ancestors…?” Mike side eyed Luke. “If this is gonna work, I’ll personally give this back to you, you mean bastard.”

“Oh shut up, Clifford.”

“Does this cover an hour route?” Mike holds out the money to the driver.

“Si senor, it’ll do.”

“Guys! Guys, target #2 is approaching the building…” Cal’s voice warned the quarreling couple, and all four men in the taxi looked in the direction of the restaurant on the other side of the road.

 * * *

 You completely lost your sense of time after you went home from the studio. To your biggest luck you have found a flat incredibly close to your workplace, actually it’s halfway through  between the studio and the restaurant, so you had time to try out at least 20 clothing combinations for the dinner. Based on how the day had started you would not have dared dream that it would end like this. You came here with the thought you’ll never see them again, and here you are, you’ll have a date with four of your best friends, and that makes you beyond excited. The long and short of it is that you ended up 15 minutes earlier at the restaurant, wearing your favorite black torn jeans with a simple V-neck white t-shirt and matching black high heels.

You were checking your phone every minute preparing yourself for them to write you in the last possible second that they’re sorry but won’t be able to make it, but no message has arrived, so you started becoming very excited by every passing minute. You were about to put your phone on the table when you looked up from it and glimpsed Ashton walking towards the table you were sitting at, the table that was booked by Mr. Clifford for 5. You rose from your seat to greet him and grabbed the opportunity to check him out very quickly and hopefully not too strikingly.

“You look wonderful” he hugged you with one hand “…and I like the jeans” he added grinning at you as his eyes lowered to the knee part of your jeans where it’s been torn.

“Well, I have to admit, there’s a slight Irwin impact on my fashion sense regarding jeans.”

“I’ll have a greater legacy than Versace” he joked.

“Ahh as to Versace, have you watched the second…”

“I have and I had no one I could talk about it with” he said semi-sadly, semi-excitedly not even waiting for you to finish the sentence.

“I know, me neither. I missed our regular series talk shows” you smiled at him.

“Anyway, it was definitely shockingly brilliant.”

 He hardly finished the sentence; the receptionist came towards you and stopped next to your table. You looked up at her simultaneously.

 “Sorry for interrupting you, I would like to apologize for the inconvenience, but Mr. Clifford just phoned us and let us know, that the remaining 3 person won’t be joining you, therefore I’d like to escort you to a quieter, more private table for two, if you don’t mind” she has flashed her nicest smile at you two.

 Both Ashton and you looked at your phones at the same time looking for some explanation behind this situation but neither of you got any messages from any of the guys and looked up from your phones as confused as the other.

 “We haven’t ordered yet, so it’s fine for me…” he told the receptionist but he looked at you all the way waiting for an approval.

“Yeah, it’s okay, of course” you blinked still confused.

“Thank you very much. As a compensation for the inconvenience, tonight’s drinks are on the restaurant.”

 You stood up and followed the lady in front of you, while looking at each other conspiratorially, because you knew something that the management of the restaurant did not - namely neither Ash nor you drank any alcohol, so the worst that can happen is the mineral water stock will be less with a few bottles.

As soon as you put your bottoms down on your seats, a waitress came to take your order, and to your waters you ordered a Caesar salad and Ash stayed with a steak though he chose salad as garnish too.

“Never thought you were the salad type” Ash noted.

“Believe me, I am still not, but you should have seen the food I was poisoning myself with since being here. My body really can use a lighter meal now. I’m literally craving it.”

“Can’t blame you. I guess everyone’s first thing to do when arriving in New York is to try all the food we see on Man vs. Food.”

“Yeah, that’s how I got to know the city, basically” you laughed. “Uhm, as to those three bastards you call your bandmates and I called friends… I assume you didn’t know about this” you cocked an eyebrow at him.

“No, I didn’t. They told me they’re going gift shopping, and that they’ll join us in time.” “Obviously they won’t now” the right corner of your mouth pulled in a sarcastic smile.

“If you don’t feel like it, we don’t have to do this…”

“Ash, no, it’s not why I…” your hand has swung quicker than you thought and by the time you realized, it already rested on Ash’s forearm, trying to keep him from standing up from the table. As soon as you saw why he’s looking at his arm you jerked your hand back.

“Hey, I didn’t plan to go anywhere“ he smiled at you seeing you blushing as he really just adjusted his chair.

“Sorry…” you whispered feeling ashamed, not exactly knowing why though.

“No, it’s okay… Actually, I’d like to talk to you about something.”

 You swallowed as if you had known what’s coming.

 “Can we talk about us?”

“Us?”

“Yes, us and that particular night. Should I remind you of…”

“No. It’s not something that just disappears. Not after how we said goodbye” you tucked your lips between your teeth as an automatic reflex because you felt your pulse getting higher, and your anxiety creeping up.

“I wouldn’t exactly call it a goodbye…”

“But it was.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up when you left? We could have talked.”

“You know, I thought about it a lot since then. Even felt certain guilt. But that day was emotional enough for me, besides my life here was already pretty much prepared. At that moment it felt right.”

“And now?”

“Ash… Why did you come to me that night in the first place?” you started losing your patience as you felt him calling you to account. You wanted to show him he’s not the only one with questions.

“What do you think?”

“For months I was convinced it was out of pity from your side.”

“Out of pity… But did that really feel like it though?”

“I don’t know, Ash. Again, that day was hard enough and you didn’t make the things easier either.”

“Did you know you left a mark on me? Nail scratches on both my shoulder blades” he smiled. “A few days later I became single.”

“I didn’t want to get you in trouble” you told him with honesty and worry in your voice. You really had no idea that they are no longer together.

“It has nothing to do with it; I just thought I’ll let you know, since it made me smile when I noticed it at home. And as far as I remember it was me who knocked on your door…”

“But I could have told you to leave…” you quickly closed your eyes as instant memory moments rushed through your mind about the exact scene you were talking about. How he kissed you and picked you up in his lap, and how much you didn’t exactly protest against it, but kissed him back and wrapped your legs around his waist instead… About how your body reacted to his in a millisecond.

“Did you regret what we’ve done back then?”

“No” you said after a few seconds of silence. “But it just made things more difficult for me.”

“As of?”

“Leaving behind what I wanted to leave behind. Forgetting you” you felt a sudden sadness as you uttered these words aloud.

 You didn’t even notice how easily you eased into your conversation and that the anxiety you felt at the beginning just disappeared most likely thanks to the calmness that flowed out of Ashton, the soothing tone of his voice, the way he spoke to you.

You loved how honestly and openly you could talk about this, when it could have turned out enormously awkward as well.

 “And you? Did you regret that you came to my apartment that night?” you rested your elbow on the table while supported your head with your palm.

“No. It made me realize a few things.”

“As of?” you smiled.

“You know I don’t believe in too many things, but what I believe in is that there are no coincidences. Us meeting here, totally accidentally, has to have a greater purpose. And I’d like to tell you something and I’d like you to listen to me. I want you to know that I liked you all along. From the beginning. I always thought we had a special connection and we understood each other quite well. But I was stupid and thought we’re friends, and it’s not gonna lead anywhere, you know, you don’t shit in your own backyard… And this is what I regretted. That simply out of fear I didn’t even try to give it a chance, and when you confessed six months ago it kinda slapped me in the face. The only thing I could tell you was that I was sorry. That’s what I felt sorry about. Not you. My own self and my missed opportunity. That I was satisfied with less when I could have something more valuable too. You helped me open my eyes and as it hit me, I wanted to see you. That’s why I visited you that night.”

 As he said all these things to you, your heart just wished to leave your body. Never in your wildest dreams could you imagine that he, in any way, could feel the same like you, and now here you are.

The whirlwind came and you looked down at the table, lips trembling and the first stream of tears rolled down your face. He reached for your hand, gently grabbed it with his and you squeezed it letting all the remaining tension and anxiety go, as his thumb brushed your skin.

 “So now you know. Pity never was on the table.”

 Wiping those few stray tear drops you smiled at him as you still hold hands.

 “This whole situation is because of me, coz I fucked that up, and for this I am sorry too.”

“Ash… it doesn’t matter now. I’m glad you’re here, I’m glad we’re here. And I’d just like to hug you now, so bad” a liberated shred of laughter escaped your lips.

“I can promise you we’ll get round to it” he flashed a smile at you squeezing your hand once more before he let it go, as your ordered meals had arrived.

 * * *

 While eating you could continue with much lighter topics; he let you into their plans and ongoing work with their new material and all the shenanigans you missed while being in the other side of the states, and you told him about the musical legends and celebs you had the pleasure to meet thanks to your last two months at the radio.  It was around 8pm when you left Ceci, and tried to find a secluded place on the sidewalk where you aren’t in the way of others and they aren’t in yours.

 “Can I collect my hug now?” you smiled at him and just hoped you don’t sound too desperate, though you were not sure whether he would care at all if you did.

 You certainly did not care. Your heart got lighter, your eyes shined brighter after your dinner, and just feeling him this close, like never before, filled you with such happiness you never thought you’ll feel again. He pulled you closer and you went upon your tiptoes to wrap your hands around his neck while his arms slithered around your waist wreathing you into a tight hug. Your senses were looking for the familiar feelings - his citrus scent filled up your nose, your arms rested safely on his wide shoulders providing you the sense of security that you felt only with him.

You very slowly let go of him and stood back on your feet, as your eyes kept holding onto each other’s.

His fingertips ghosted along your arms going down to reach their destination in your palms.

 “Can I kiss you?” his eyes hiding a slight insecurity were searching yours.

“Are you really asking for permission when…” you smiled.

“I am, because this is our first date” he wasn’t waiting for you to finish.

“Then please, kiss me” you whispered still smiling.

 His hands let go of yours and found their new place on your waist pulling you closer and on the side of your neck angling your face slightly upwards so he can attach his lips on yours while your hands slid up to rest on his chest.

This kiss was different from what you shared the last time, of course no wonder, since that night wasn’t exactly about the most extensive and deepest exploration of the other. You simply didn’t have time for that, and weren’t in that particular headspace.

This kiss was feathery, gentle and exploratory – the kind that makes you lose your mind.

You felt yourself in a dream and as the seconds went by, you sensibly became needier; his fingertips pressed harder on your waist while your hands grasped his shirt on his stomach. A sense rushed through your veins, a recognition, that made you feel almost ashamed and shy for wanting to be with him again.

 A loud honk reminded you that you’re in the middle of the street, so you slowly let each other go, and still feeling the ghost of his lips on yours you leaned your forehead against his collarbone slightly shaking your head as you let out a heavier sigh.

 “Damn…”

“What?” his tone gave away that he’s smiling.

“I feel like I should be ashamed of the thoughts that are filling my mind right now.”

“If they are anything similar to mine, then yeah, you should…”

 His remark made you chuckle into his chest. You lifted your eyes on him and you felt exactly the same way as you did six months ago that night when you stood in the hall of your apartment staring at each other, trying to read from the other’s eyes and face. And again, just like back then, there was no question to which the answers couldn’t have been found in your eyes.

 “Come…” you intertwined your fingers and took a few steps backwards never breaking the eye contact.

“Where are we…” he asked as you started heading down the road.

“My flat is two minutes away.”

 * * *

 “Wake up you two! They are out!” Cal shouted, and the other three gentlemen in the car hoisted in their seats. “Not you, Pedro, you can sleep back.”

“This is my car, I wanna watch!” the driver stared out his window sticking to the windowpane, and Cal just shrugged.

“Awww, they are hugging”

“Thanks for the live broadcast, mate, but I’d rather check it myself” Luke just tried to push Cal out of the way so he can see something with his own eyes too.

“Oh, that senorita is la belleza; I’d hug her too…” Pedro remarked and his passengers shared a quick glance that made obvious what they think about their plus one – they managed to get stuck with a perv.

“Woah woah woah, oh my god, come on Ash, you get it dude!” shouted Cal as they watched their two targets embrace in a kiss.

“Yesss” Luke cried out joining in the celebration.

“Could you please move over, that’s my friend, I have to see them” Mike tried to push the driver away.

“I wanna see, I wanna see” their ad hoc driver fought back, and as he did, his elbow pressed the honk on the steering wheel.

 All four of them pulled their heads down immediately, searching for cover behind the doors of the vehicle.

 “Man, you can ruin everything” Mikey yelled at the driver grumpily.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to cause trouble” their driver justified himself.

 Carefully and very slowly they all rose from their cover, and saw the targets still standing on the sidewalk, although not kissing.

 “Let’s just hope they’ll find a hotel, if I were them I’d do…” Cal made the comment.

“Dude, you need to get laid soon…” Luke shook his head in response to Cal cocking his eyebrow.

“Just like he will be…?!” Cal indicated out the window, pointing at the pair as they hold hands and the girl takes a few steps backward still facing their bandmate.

“Damn, I’m a genius…” grinned Mikey.

 * * *

 While waiting for the elevator in the building you hardly could let each other catch your breath, being able to kiss him without any heartbreak or shame felt beyond liberating.

 “Waiiiit, shit” he pulled away from you.

“What’s wrong?”

“This time I don’t have any condoms, I wasn’t expecting… the whole press tour or this evening to take such a turn” he whispered.

“This only means… you have to… pull out in time…” you kissed it on his lips. “Can you do that for me?”

“Do you trust me?” he cupped your face looking in your eyes with his very serious ones. After all you were about to play a dangerous game, that can have consequences, so you had to be sure, you take this risk. But you trusted him more than anyone.

“You know I do.”

 After getting back to your flat, between passionate kisses you helped each other get rid of your clothes and shortly you found yourselves naked on the couch, discarded clothes here and there on the floor around you.

Ash sat on the couch; you stood in front of him as he, kissing the skin on your stomach, pushed your last piece of cloth you had on -your panties- down your legs.

Straddling him you were holding onto his shoulders, and you slowly ran down your nails on his chest to his stomach very lightly. He most likely worked out more in the last six months; his abs became more defined than what you were remembering.

He reached up to pull you closer by the back of your neck merging you in a kiss that you were getting so many in the last 20 minutes from, and yet you couldn’t get enough.

You slid your hand lower to take his hardness and as you wrapped your fingers around it he moaned into your mouth just fueling your desire to give him as much pleasure as you can. You quickly started caressing him, smearing his pre-cum on his tip, before you lifted yourself on your knees enough to position his cock over your entrance.

 “Wait, are you rea…”

“Am I ready?” you smiled at him and lead his tip over your wetness a few times. “I couldn’t be readier” you leaned towards him to kiss him again rewarding him for his thoughtfulness, since last time he made sure you were ready for him, now your kisses and touches ensured it.

 You leaned your forehead against his as you lowered yourself on him, and a soft whimper escaped both of you at the same time.

 “Fuck, woman…”

“God, you’re magic…” you gasped.

“We are” he tilted his head back against the headrest of the couch, leaving his throat free for you to lick and kiss.

 After getting used to feeling his size inside you again, with the guidance of his hands on your hips you started to grind your hips, first just slowly, up and down, then slightly increasing the pace you were riding him harder letting him fully fill you up.

Your nails scratched down from his shoulders down to his chest leaving a light mark.

 “Old habits die hard?” he breathed out making you smile with it as you brushed your fingers over the marks and you leaned forward to lick into his mouth, your hips never stopping with bouncing up and down on him.

„Is this good?” you asked him as you reached behind you, running your fingers around his balls squeezing them a little. Although you already knew the answer seeing the look in his eyes and hearing the hitches in his breathing. His body gave obvious responses to your touch.

„You haven’t been this chatty last time…” he swallowed back a groan.

„Well, last time you haven’t been this single, either…”

You were like fire on fire, perfectly igniting each other’s arousal. It was like you never felt yourself this alive.

He cupped your breasts in his hands and as you slowed your hips he took his time to caress and massage them, kiss them and suck on your nipples, circling his tongue around them sending you into hyperspace with all this sensation. Now you had the chance to discover what you couldn’t six months earlier.

Your movements slowed down as your thighs started to tire, and Ash sensing this took control over the things from then. His hands found their way back on your hips and he started to pound into you in the same rhythm you moved on him. It’s been a new sensation and his name fell from your lips like a prayer as your pleasure started to build in your core.

 “Please don’t stop, I’m so close” you whispered in his ear whimpering before you took his earlobe with his earring into your mouth pulling on it a little.

 He kept your hips in place and this time it was really just him moving his hips a bit faster than before and you screamed as your walls spamsed around his cock in you. He threw his head back and as his grip loosened on your hips you started moving again riding out your own climax.

He looked back at you and you smiled at him in your delirium, kissing him deeply for the pleasure he gave you.

Reaching under your butt he stood up and took you into your bedroom, putting you down on the bed.

 “Where do you want me?” you asked as you really were ready to give him anything he wants or needs in any position.

“Just lie down. I’d like to see your pretty face as I take you.”

 With only this one sentence he sent a jolt through you again and you did as he told, lying on your back you were waiting for his promise to be fulfilled.

Leaning over you he entered you again and with a louder moan you welcomed back that now familiar and oh so good feeling of having him inside you.  This time he picked up a quicker pace that he slowed down on purpose from time to time, you saw him struggling more and more as he tried to lengthen our moments as long as he can, but six months was six months for him too…

 “Ash, don’t hold it back” you caressed his face. “You can come. I need you to. We’ll have plenty of time to do this…” you brushed his lower lip with your thumb before he leaned down to kiss you.

 After a few more thrusts, he pulled his cock out of you, rested it on your abdomen for a second, and looking down, seeing his length lying under your stomach you wished he could put it back to feel him finish off inside you.

He took his cock in his hand and started to pump it slowly until you reached down almost immediately to replace his hand with yours keeping your constant eye contact. Seeing the lust still shining in his eyes and hearing his groans through his gasping as your warm palm covers his soft skin lightly twirling and moving on it back and forth, paying special attention to the sensitive part right under his tip was the crown of this night for you. Without moving your head, only your eyes wandered down to capture the moment of his cum spilling out onto your stomach, your eyes immediately found back to his, your teeth grazing your bottom lip. Ash’s soft moans filled the room, the moans you could hear with your ears but feel with your soul. Not stopping with stroking him, you slowed down with your movements and he leaned down to kiss you while you still kept his length in your hand, your thumb wiping the last drops off of his tip.

 “I’ll bring a cloth” he whispered on your lips after taking a look down at your stomach covered with the drops of his cum.

“You’ll find some in the bathroom cabinet.”

 You heard him run the tap and soon he came back with a wet cloth helping you get clean, then wiped himself too. After taking it back to the bathroom, he came back and lied down next to you.

 “I like your necklace” he stroked your jewelry hanging around your neck.

“It’s so beautiful, and I love it so much, I didn’t take it off since I received it.”

“Could we give this a chance? Maybe the timing wasn’t right back then, but it can be now. I want this. I want us. I want you.”

“If you’re working on to see me cry again, you’re doing it right” you smiled at him.

“I’m dead serious” he reached out to you and stroked your face.

“I know. And I’d like this too.” you took his hand in yours kissing into his palm.

“Come home to us.”

“I want to. And I will. But I have to close my barely begun life here first” you laughed.

“I won’t let you out of my reach again.”

“You better not, Irwin.”

 He drew a cross over his heart with his pointer finger.

 “In the morning we can work everything out. And this time I’ll be around.”

“Promise?” he smirked.

“Promise” you drew a cross over your heart too and leaning over him you sealed your promise on his lips with a kiss before he playfully pulled you onto his body.

 Caressing and kissing each other you slowly quieted, and with tangled limbs you finally fell asleep in each other’s arms.

* * *

 I can’t recall the last time I was this happy in my life.

Imagining a life where I open my eyes in the morning and the first thing I catch a glimpse of is the beautiful and peaceful face of the man I love was only a dream for me for so many years.

But it’s funny how life can make up for its own mistakes.

I remember the girl from six months earlier. How bad she wanted to touch him, how bad she wanted to kiss him awake, how bad she wanted to put her hand over his heart just to feel its even beating.

And now I’ll just do exactly that.

[theravencroft]

Survivalists and the Proletariat Apocalypse

This began life as a Metafilter post and has been cleaned up and lightly edited.

(To me there is a difference between prudence like having some canned goods and stapled and flashlights and whatnot and planning to survive the EMP burst with a dedicated SUV. There's prudence, as in preparing for a storm and bad local events, and then there's pretending you're going to be Immortan Joe and not one of the people begging for water).

I love making fun of preppers.

I think part of it is obviously the just world fallacy at work.

"When the hordes come for me, I will simply shoot them. But I'm just built different."

And some of it is fending off the fear of death and oblivion with telling yourself you are already prepared for every situation.

And there's a good chunk that's what I'll call the Libertarian Fallacy where every Libertarian assumes he will be the triumphant Captain of Industry and not one of the Voluntarily Indentured Servants carrying his palanque. It's like the old Bob The Angry Flower where the Captains of Industry get to Galt's Gulch and realize *somebody* forgot to invent the labor saving robots to do the dirty work like tilling the soil.

But part of it is when something doesn't happen for a while, people assume it didn't happen at all or at least not recently. It's the old "oh well if measles is so bad, what did they do before vaccines, huh?" Well, sometimes they just fucking died. Like it's not that long ago that even in very modern industrialized countries people had families of 8-12 kids and it wouldn't be all that surprising if maybe 6 or 7 made it to adulthood. Because they just died. Of stuff. Of Things. There was a Twitter that would tweet medieval death records and it was kind of funny because it's like "guy fell in a river and died." "Guy got hit on the head and died." "Guy got run over by a horse and died."

We're not really used to that anymore because of this invisible web of medical technology and public health and sanitation.

I obviously don't have a rigorous demographic breakdown of preppers but I suspect a lot of these guys aren't training for, say, the rigors of "No power tools at all," old school, walk behind the plow farming. Can you imagine the heart attacks and strokes? And even the pharmaceuticals a rich prepper can get don't compare to what a small town Walgreens has on hand for an ordinary Tuesday, not to mention the weird stuff they can order.

Oops, your precious kid to repopulate the planet has a rare birth defect. Used to be a 20 minute surgery, now you just die.

Got bitten by a snake? Ah, yes, I too remember antivenom. Would be great to have some of that now. But it turns out it wasn't profitable to produce so it was impossible to find even before total collapse. And even if we didn't have antivenom we could run fluids and machines to support your organs but we don't have that now, you just die.

Oh it turns out without mosquito control, mosquito born disease is a lot more common. And if you get the wrong one, you just die.

I mean how many totally well meaning people buy land in the country thinking they are going to run a little hobby farm and it is going to be so cool and they will have big colorful produce not like the crap you get in stores and then oops it turns out farming is hard work and it never ever ends and honestly a lot of times, you know, it takes a few crop seasons to really get anything going. And I know it's not really cool to admit, but a whole lot of modern farming is huge agribusiness companies with modern chemicals and whatnot for things like pests. Subsistence farming is hard, brutal labor where you barely make enough to survive until you screw up and die.

Yeah, yeah, organic, but lots of times farms fail and you just die.

Until relatively recently it was pretty common for entire regions and even countries to have massive famines because the crops failed and you Just Died.

Good thing we have modern distribution networks to get wheat from, I dunno, China when the Midwest crops fail because because there's no Army Corps of Engineers maintaining the levees anymore so a good chunk of the farm belt is underwater and never will be above ground again. Oh we don't have that anymore? What do we do?

Oh, we just die.

I mean, let's be real, most of these guys aren't picturing themselves as stocking up to spend the rest of their lives being an old timey sodbuster scraping out a living. They probably don't outright say it publicly (some do I'm sure), but the guns are so they don't have to do the manual labor. That's for the slaves/completely totally voluntarily indentured contract labor (depends how Libertarian they are).

They picture it more like, you know, because I was the one who was smart enough to get all these guns, then people will have to come to me, and THEY will do the work, and I will sit on the throne and have big ideas. It's being the Ideas Guy for the post apocalypse.

I would wager not many of these guys spend a lot of time studiously learning to spin and knit and weave or mastering growing flax or cotton or what have you to make cloth to turn into clothes. What do you think happens when your sicknasty BDUs that only True Operators wear rip from stem to stern? Goddamn clothes, nobody makes them to last anymore. Good thing there's a massive manufacturing and distribution network where child labor makes plenty of this in my size that wind up in my local Cabela's and...oh, I forgot, that doesn't exist anymore. Okay, let's see, we have 500,000 rounds of .223 and 55 years of MREs and...goddamn it Gary did you forget the go bag with all the clothes? Well how are we gonna survive? Winter is coming. How do we stay warm without clothes or blankets?

Oh, we just die.

That's not even getting into the monied classes. Do you think THEY are signing up for the manual labor. It is kind of funny imagining the billionaires emerging from their bunkers into the brave new world. Imagine Zucc swinging a scythe to reap grain or Bezos spending 8 hours a day bent over to pick cotton to eventually make clothes. Or the billionaire CFO and airport novelist teaming up to hand-dig the irrigation trench because we are getting low on stockpiled seeds and this is going to be it.

It's absurd. It's like the Hitchhiker's Guide ship entirely full of useless people.

The would-be Immortan Joe has a shot but how in the hell are you still going to be a billionaire when your money is a line in a bank database and "money" and "banks" and "databases" don't exist anymore. You're a computer programmer, dipshit, that requires electricity at the very least.

No, no, no. What they are picturing is, basically, the Proletariat Rapture. "I will retire to my comfortably appointed bunker where I will still get to be a big shot business guy and take meetings and be extremely important and all my guards with explosive collars to assure their loyalty will call me sir, and then something will happen and all the homeless and poor people I see on the streets of San Francisco and all the other poor people, the rabble, the useless, (include the races they don't like as appropriate), will be gone, preferably violently, with lots of suffering. And then me and my buddies will emerge, all 12 of us, all Big Shot Business Guys, will take our robot cars into San Francisco for Meetings and we finally, FINALLY won't have to risk soiling our $5000 hand made Italian dress shoes (new Chucks, in Zucc's case, man of the people) stepping in a pile of human shit. And everything will be exactly the same as it is now including a global electronic trade network and people thinking "apps" are life-changingly important, but even better, because the people I don't like are all dead, and we can finally settle in to the most important work of all, disrupting the convenience store industry by putting a little kiosk in the lobby of apartment building with some essentials, like a Bodega but see there's an app and it's automated."

That's not even getting into the lack of knowledge transfer!

We can't even get people to believe things like "okay so a lot of illness is caused by tiny things you can't see, and believe it or not the best treatment isn't thoughts and prayers or willpower or even bootstraps, it's covering your mouth and nose when you're sick or cough or sneeze and it's rubbing your hands together enthusiastically in clean running water with a mild detergent of some kind smeared on them" NOW!

By the shock collar thing isn't a joke. There's an article where the writer goes to one of these rich guy survivalist conference/seminar things and the conversation is pretty much literally...

"Okay so obviously we hire these mercenaries and private security and they've got the guns and we've got the money but, you know, how do we make sure they stay loyal"

"Well...you could try treating them really well and also including their families and taking care of them, so they have an incentive besides a paycheck, build actual loyalty."

*silence*

*hysterical laughter*

"Nice joke but seriously like I saw this movie where they had explosive collars and if they didn't like you or you turn against them or whatever, they blow your head off, does that actually exist yet?'

Say what you will about the robber barons of the 1920s but at least they realized some basics like "give back to the community a smidge so they don't remember they outnumber you" and "generally speaking our beloved capitalism requires other people to have at least a single wafer thin mint of money so the whole thing keeps going." These guys are like "okay but I could have all the money and also more capitalism enabling me to have even more money?"

Okay okay, work with me.

You are Reebok (some shoes they gave you, it said Reebok, that's your name) Smithandwesson (your gun, which you were issued at birth, as this is post apocalyptic Libertopia). You are a gate guard for the Republic of Cleveland, which is a thing, and isn't really a republic, but since you were born post-Event you don't have much of an understanding of what a Republic even is. But you have a job and that is okay because you have a weapon and a bunk in the barracks and you are basically fed and supplied. Maybe if you fantasize, you think about running one of the outer satrapys some day. But you are not a Founder. The idea of Moving Fast and Breaking Things seems odd, because things are hard to fix and replace.

You don't have an inkling or idea of what "shareholder value" is. You poor dumb son of a bitch. You will never earn incredible returns and work a 4 Hour Workweek and retire at 35 to give TED talks about ayahuasca and microdosing hallucinogens to crush code and design Wireframes for cutting edge AR devices to stream Burning Man and meet new angel investors.

You know some of these words, but they are words and the important ones are different for you.

Your job is actually kind of interesting. You don't really make the final decision about who gets to be a citizen or a concubine or a slave or even a fellow gate guard. You just kind of do a screening to see, you know, does this person seem more or less healthy and useful. Because even glorious Cleveland requires a certain trade of useful labor of some kind in exchange for the hassle of getting you clothes and food and shelter, all of which are in short supply.

Sometimes you vaguely wonder who Cleve was and why this is his Land, but not deeply, more daydreaming between people approaching, petitioners, traders, madmen, the occasional raid. It's interesting enough, every day is a little different, and it beats the poor wretches who toil in the field. You don't get to do deep evaluations but you kind of pride yourself on deciding who gets to enter. Really deciding who will be a future citizen or slave and who gets gently herded away or shot at or shot depending on a variety of factors. You're not a murderer exactly but killing is a casual decision, sometimes a matter of self defense, sometimes an act of compassion like putting down a mad animal.

Zucc or Jack Dorsey or Jeff Bezos have emerged from their bunkers tanned and rested and ready to deliver a ton of value to the post-apocalyptic shareholders, especially now that the idea of "national government" is gone. Free at last to disrupt, unhindered.

But...

There's not a Ted Talk in sight. You wonder whose job it was to maintain the ATM network. Jim Cramer isn't returning your calls. Actually, you can't get any calls. Nobody seems interested in having a breakout session. There are definitely NOT butts in seats at the office, much less meetings or presidential runs. Elon is unreachable. Weirdly, nobody seems to know how the whole Mars thing is going. Or what Mars is.

Over a period of time even the most promising 30 under 30 begins to break down and admit that okay, I cannot find a single sushi restaurant of any kind.

Nobody seems to offer you a kombucha.

There is plenty of raw water but there also seem to be a LOT of people dying of waterborne disease, which is odd, since this is the most pure and organic and unfiltered water possible, especially since toxins seem to be unknown. Nobody knows what they are anyway or that Gwyneth had a great way to shit them all out and get it over with.

Using acai, isn't that cool? It's a superfood.

Through time and necessity and plot device, Bezos or Zucc or Dorsey have arrived in front of you, reduced finally to asking for refuge or sustenance or food it doesn't have to be organic but it would be nice, you know.

There is an air of desperation about them but you know enough to put it down to hunger and theist and some loss of status perhaps. But you steer the conversation to the thing you really care about: what skills do they bring? How can they be of use?

They do seem to think they are extremely important but don't seem to be able to tell you what they actually do. You sort of get the idea of "thought leadership," But telling other people how to be in charge when you don't have a rifle, much less 300 mounted troops, seems odd. Why would they listen? They plead with you but you don't really get why it's important all voices be represented in the conversation about Star Wars, even those we find loathsome. You didn't even know the Stars were at War much less who they were fighting.

But it's kind of fascinating.

They don't quite sound completely gone but they do seem deeply convinced that they "deliver shareholders value" by optimizing bottom lines and making tough choices.

You snort.

Whether to try the "meat" on Wednesdays, now THAT is a tough choice.

While this is an interesting bit of novelty for a while, you soon grow bored.

Maybe you send them away.

One tells you he is the richest man in the world but seems to be offering you stock options but you can't figure out why you would want the chance to maybe buy some things at a reduced price and then sell them later at a high price if Previous Performance Indicates Future Results which it definitely DOES NOT wink wink.

Maybe you send them onward because they seem reasonably lucid despite being convinced they went to Space as a Real Astronaut, whatever that meant. Many "important" men found out their choice now was to shovel shit or starve. Most shoveled. Some starved.

But you always wonder if you were missing something. It was kind of weird how convinced they were that you should've heard of them or a book of...collected faces, apparently. To say nothing of the very odd man convinced getting a wide array of opinion on the gender of some manner of knight was of life or death importance. Knights were hard to find. And who is Jed I. anyway?

Oh, well, another day on the gate.

[cryptoevent]

Bitcoin nerves, Tesla told to dump crypto, NFT madness

Every Saturday, Hodler Digest helps you stay on top of all the important news of the week. The best (and worst) quotes, rules and highlights, predictions and more – one week on Cointelegraph in one link.

The best stories of the week

  Bitcoin traders are concerned now that the price remains below $50,000.

After reaching a low of $43,500 last Sunday, Bitcoin made a comeback and managed to reach $52,000 on Wednesday. There has been some optimism that the correction is over and that BTC can return to temporary highs.

Unfortunately, the best laid plans of mice and humans often go awry. Fast forward to this weekend, and Bitcoin is once again struggling to break through the $50,000 mark – a psychologically important milestone. The nerves are starting to work.

A drop below the recent low of $46,000 could open the door for further declines and threaten the upward trend that has been underway for nearly a year …. , at least in the short term. The pseudonymous trader Rekt Capital estimates that BTC could reach a bottom between $38,000 and $45,000 if this level is not maintained.

Traders are now beginning to speculate that Bitcoin may continue to trade sideways. The sluggish macroeconomic environment, dominated by rising bond yields and falling technology stocks, certainly doesn’t help.

On the other hand,there are always measures to ward off the gloom…. as long as everything is in order. TheGlassnode Reserve Risk indicator suggests that the BTC rally is still in the – phase from start to finish after this week’s setback. Oh, that’s great. Then there’s nothing to worry about.

analyst advises Tesla to buy back Bitcoins as shares plummet in

Tesla is now under pressure to sell its $1.5 billion stake in Bitcoin. Since the electric car maker announced the acquisition of its cryptography business, TSLA shares have fallen 30.8%.

Gary Black, former CEO of Aegon Asset Management, tweeted that Tesla would generate positive momentum if it switched to cryptocurrency, adding: Very unlikely, but the shareholders would be very helpful.

The price correction of Bitcoinalso affected MicroStrategy, a business intelligence company with over 91,000 BTC. In less than a month, the MSTR share price has fallen from to 52.8% .

The company doesn’t seem too concerned. MicroStrategy bought another 205 BTC this week, spending $10 million to coincide with the latest drop.

Although the software company began investing its existing assets in BTC in 2020, when Bitcoin was trading at around $ $10,000, recent purchases have yet to bear fruit.

  Les Rois de Léon release an album titled NFT

Buckle up… We have so much news from the NFT. One of the most exciting songs of the week was the announcement of the release of Kings of Leon’s eighth album – and that’s just a taste.

Three types of TNFs are offered, the rarest of which offers lifetime front row seats to Kings of Leon concerts, a private driver, and the opportunity to hang out with the band before shows.

The excitement in the TNF industry doesn’t stop there. The rarest of them all, Homer Pepe, was tested this week for .205 ETH …. which, at the time of writing, is worth 323 000 $ . Meanwhile, the NFT, consisting of 100 individual works by 100 different artists, sold out at Rarible in minutes.

Aavegotchis – the NFTs inspired by the Tamagotchi devices that were so fashionable in the late 1990s and early 2000s – were broken in less than a minute. And while NBA Top Shot sales continue to rise, Michael Rubin, CEO of Fanatics, said: It’s almost too crazy what’s happening now.

As if that wasn’t crazy enough, Banksy’s original work was burned and turned into NFT. Ironically, the piece is called Idiots and is about buyers at an art auction selling a piece that says: I can’t believe you idiots actually buy this crap.

  Tether has been hit with a ransom demand for 500 BTC, but says he will not pay.

Tros, who is still recovering from his confrontation with the New York Attorney General, is really struggling to rest at the moment.

This week hackers threatened to release secret company documents that would have belonged to Tether…. would have belonged unless you paid a ransom of 500 CTBs, a whopping $23.8 million at the time.

Tooser announced the event on Twitter, under the title We Don’t Pay.

The deadline has passed, but it’s still unclear if the extortionists are just trying to get their hands on the money, or if it’s all part of a larger effort to undermine Terah and the rest of the Bitcoin ecosystem.

In any case, those who seek to harm the Tether are becoming increasingly desperate, the society adds.

No prohibition of cryptography in India: Minister of Finance provides a very calibrated view

There is a new twist in the Will saga, isn’t there, about the proposed ban on cryptocurrency in India.

Indian Finance Minister Nirmala Sitharaman said Saturday that reports that the government is seeking a total ban on cryptocurrency are exaggerated. He stressed that the rules would not be as stringent as had been previously reported and that the authorities were determined to adopt a very calibrated approach.

The comments will certainly be useful to crypto entrepreneurs and investors in the world’s second most populous country after years of uncertainty.

At one time, India was considering introducing prison terms of up to 10 years for those caught trading cryptocurrencies – in addition to a hefty fine. The country’s central bank also banned banks from offering services to crypto entrepreneurs, which led to the collapse of several of these companies. These restrictions were sensationally overturned by the Supreme Court last year.

Sitharaman’s recent comments contradict a Bloomberg report last month that said crypto assets will soon be completely banned in India.

Winners and losers

At the end of the week bitcoin is $48,445.86, ether is $1,607.45 and XRP is $0.46. Total market capitalization is 1,484,740 419,357.

Among the first 100 cryptocurrencies, the top three altcoins of the week are the Chiliz, the Enjin and the Flow. The three best altcoiners of the week are: Cardano, 1inch and Stellar.

For more information on cryptocurrency prices, don’t forget to read Cointelegraph’s market analysis.

Most memorable quotes

You have to look for relative strength when others are weak. Global Macro sold out yesterday, and BTC doesn’t care.

Kyle Davis, co-founder of Three Arrows Capital

Bitcoin is dramatically opposed to macroeconomics.

Lex Moscow, Director of Moscow Capital

The fact that Bitcoin remains strong, even as the GBTC acts as a resistance group to slow it down, is very reassuring and shows me that the global story, the story of accelerated adoption, remains intact.

Chad Steinglass, CrossTower Business Manager

I think there is a tremendous amount of value being created, but also so many people that I don’t think everyone will succeed.

Michael Rubin, Chairman of the Board of Fanatics

This is the beginning, but I think this is how people will leave their mark in the future: If they sell for $100,000 each, they only make $100,000.

Josh Katz, CEO of Yellow Heart

I think Reed Hastings is a very innovative man, he has a lot of creativity and I think he still holds the reins of Netflix, so I think this could be the next big project.

Time Draper, Series Investor

What we see built today with cryptography is just a proof of concept. As the technology improves, becomes cheaper and faster, there will be new applications and maybe even something that will replace what we now know as cryptography.

Cuban Mark, billionaire

I consider HOMERPEPE to be the most important TNF in the history of art because its sale in 2018 influenced many artists of original cryptography to believe that we can align our art with the work by creating a market and a belief around this new technology.

Matt Kane, artist

Is Bitcoin a currency? The property? Active? Maybe I’ll do all of the above with a 3% portfolio.

Kevin O’Leary, Shark Tank Investor

Bitcoin has earned almost 200% (almost triple your money) every year for the past 10 years, *shortly*.

CaseBitcoin

We are sending a clear message to the whole sector: Either you play by the rules or we lock you up.

Leticia James, Attorney General of New York

Those trying to harm Tether are becoming increasingly desperate.

Cable

There are many risks and obstacles to Bitcoin’s progress. But when you weigh these potential obstacles against opportunities, you come to the conclusion that Bitcoin is at an inflection point.

Citi

Outlook for week

  The price of Bitcoinwill be infinite – Kraken CEO

Hodler’s Digest has predicted pretty high bitcoin prices over the years – $ $500,000 $ here, $ $1 million $ there. Determined not to back down, the Kraken’s CEO has gone on the offensive…. The prediction that BTC would cost infinitely.

Jesse Powell believes that one day humanity will simply stop pricing Bitcoin in U.S. dollars – he told Bloomberg that a price of $0.9 to $0.9 million is appropriate 10 years from now.

Maybe the research of the company he runs is a little more realistic. Kraken’s latestanalysis suggests Bitcoin could reach its next peak between $75,000 and $306,000.

FUD of week

  Arthur Hayes and Ben Delo of BitMEX agree to surrender to US authorities

The former CEO of encrypted derivatives exchange BitMEX is due to meet with US authorities next month.

Arthur Hayes and his fellow directors are accused by the US Department of Justice and the Commodity Futures Trading Commission of violating the Bank Secrecy Act.

The transcripts of the virtual court hearing show that the 6. April in Hawaii to travel to the United States – six months after his escape.

  McAfee is charged in a New York State court with cryptography fraud.

For John McAfee, the charges are piling up. The pioneer of monetary cryptography and Internet security is now accused of fraud and conspiracy to launder money. The allegations relate to two systems where cryptocurrency was fraudulently advertised to investors.

Prior to today’s news, McAfee was already facing accusations of tax evasion and initial coin offerings by US regulators, which he allegedly announced for a fee without properly informing the public.

After fleeing the U.S. government in 2019, McAfee was arrested in Spain in October 2020.

  Dev says Meerkat’s $31 million financial abuse was a test and the funds will be returned.

The alarm was sounded this week when Meerkat Finance, a decentralized financial protocol based on Binance’s smart channel, lost $31 million – just hours after its launch.

The team first claimed to be victims of exploitation, but then deleted all of its social media feeds. Because of the nature of the crime, some people think it’s a cowboy scam.

But there may also be good news for the victims of this exploit, which is one of the most significant in DeFi’s short history. – Developer Meerkat Finance published an article on the newly created Telegram channel, revealing that the exploit was a test of user greed and subjectivity – adding that the team was preparing to compensate all those affected.

Best coin features

  DeFi who? NFTs are the new heads for cryptoblock.

NFT picks up where DeFi left off, and data suggests asset symbolization will dominate through 2021.

  Crypto Pepe: What kind of a frog is that?

Cointelegraph magazine interviews BarnBridge founder Tyler Ward, who accidentally created the craze for Pepe the Frog NFT memes.

  Hype Price: Billionaire cryptocurrency companies on the rise

Songs that hit the nail on the head: Analysts and industry experts have looked at encryption companies like Coinbase and Kraken, which are valued in the billions.

Related Tags:

Privacy settings,How Search works,new cryptocurrency,cryptocurrency prices,is bitcoin safe,bit coin price

[scottadamsblog]

Are the Hurricanes and Temperature Records Confirmation of Catastrophic Climate Change?

It wasn’t that long ago that climate scientists and their supporters mocked the critics who looked out their window, saw snow in the winter, and declared “global warming” to be a ridiculous hoax.

The climate scientists were right about that. You can’t predict the future by looking at today’s weather, even when the weather is setting records.

Likewise, my latest understanding of climate science (which is always sketchy at best, and certainly in need of updating now) is that we haven’t yet seen the “signal” of climate change in the hurricane data or the weather extremes. But that view is perhaps a year old. Has science updated its opinion to say the two super-hurricanes and our heat extremes are indeed a credible signal of the beginning of a climate catastrophe?

I watch a lot of news, continuously sampling both sides. I haven’t yet seen a climate scientist weigh in on our recent weather extremes. (Perhaps I missed a few?) So I have no idea whether we are seeing something statistically meaningful right now or not.

Let me put this in more stark terms.

If the recent hurricanes and weather extremes are meaningful in terms of climate change, we really, really, really need to know that. THAT is NEWS. In fact, no news is bigger than that news. Even the risk from North Korea is smaller than the risk of total climate catastrophe. So if the current weather extremes are statistically meaningful, and science confirms, why-the-hell isn’t that the lead story everywhere?

On the flip side, if climate scientists do NOT believe our current weather extremes are meaningful in terms of climate predictions, I’d say THAT should be the lead story too, simply because so many people believe they are seeing the beginning of the end times, climate-wise.

So why is the biggest story in the world conspicuously missing from the news? Keep in mind that climate change is still the biggest story even if the hurricanes are NOT telling us something new. The public wants to know how big the threat is. We’re scared!!!

Instead of that news, we get mostly crickets.

But why?

My working hypothesis is that science doesn’t know one way or another whether the current weather extremes are predictive of things to come. And if they are not yet sure, they would say as much. And that would be a problem for news organizations dedicated to reporting climate science risks as real and dire. If you think the world is best served by convincing the public that climate risks are real, your most socially responsible play in this case is to ignore climate scientists at the moment and let the public believe (without the benefit of scientific support, at least right now) that current temperature extremes are a clear sign of climate collapse.

Take this guy, for example. He’s typical of the what I am seeing on Twitter and even from my friends.

[If Tumblr were not broken right now, you would be seeing an image of a tweet that mocks climate critics for thinking the hurricanes are not proof of climate change. But instead you see this boring text because Tumblr won’t accept an image this morning.]

This fine gentleman believes our current hurricanes are indeed a clear signal of climate change. To be perfectly clear, he could be right. But if he is right, it is not because he is well-informed or smart. It would be a coincidence in this case. As far as I know, climate scientists are not onboard with Roger. They might confirm his gut feeling at some point soon, but for now, Roger is doing his own climate science by watching CNN.

So we have an odd situation in which news organizations can report the most “truthful” version of the reality -- according to them -- by NOT reporting the best thinking on the topic. Here I’m assuming the best thinking is that it is too soon to know how important recent weather extremes are to our predictions of climate change. But if that story is reported, viewers will get the wrong idea and conclude that climate change is not such a big deal even though these weather extremes are clearly a big deal.

Conversely, by not putting climate scientists on TV, and avoiding the trap of having them say, “We can’t tell yet,” which would be over-interpreted by skeptics, news organizations might be doing the most ethically defensible thing they could do. If they believe climate change is a big problem, and they want the public to agree, these hurricanes are doing a great job of persuasion without the benefit of science. It’s hard for the public to see what is happening right now as coincidence, or a normal variation in weather. It just doesn’t feel like normal. It feels like the first big signal of climate change to many observers because they have been primed for confirmation bias on that topic.

If you are a producer for CNN, and you believe climate change is an enormous problem that the public needs to understand, you would hesitate to allow any segment on the air that conflicts with that objective. For example, you would not give equal time to climate skeptics. And while all attention is on the hurricanes, you might not want a climate scientist to come on the air and say some version of “We have no idea whether these specific weather extremes mean something. We’ll need more data to know if this is a real trend or a blip.” That message would sound to skeptics like confirmation of their skepticism, even though it isn’t. Not even close. But it would be received that way by skeptics because of confirmation bias. Everyone hears what they want to hear.

So the biggest story in the world is largely ignored by news organizations because -- and here I speculate -- reporting any uncertainty about climate change is not as persuasive as allowing the public to look out the window and generate their own illusions of certainty while also frightened to death.

What would Sam Harris say about the ethics in this situation? Should news organizations lie by omission when they sincerely believe doing so is good for the planet? Or should they put scientists on the air to say “We don’t know yet” and give fuel to the climate skeptics whom they believe are jeopardizing the future of humanity?

I say give us the truth in this case, even if the truth is “We don’t know yet.”

---

You might like my books because hurricanes.

Follow me on Twitter at @ScottAdamsSays. Otherwise you’ll miss all the good stuff.

[giantsfootball0]

Diego Costa return is a good thing for Diego Simeone and everyone associated with Atletico Madrid

Extra Time is all about Diego Costa as the guys respond to your tweets about the Spanish striker’s return to Atletico Madrid. Paul Mariner reflects on how Chelsea’s agreement to move Diego Costa to Atletico is mutually beneficial for club and player. With Diego Costa sealing a move back to Atletico Madrid, the FC panel discuss the impact the striker will have come January. Chelsea manager Antonio Conte has given his best wishes to Diego Costa ahead of the striker’s move back to Atletico Madrid. Diego Simeone insists he’s focused on facing Sevilla despite a deal being agreed to sign Diego Costa.

At last Atlético Madrid have found a replacement for Diego Costa. His name, as you might have noticed, is Diego Costa. The Brazil-born Spanish international striker arrived in the city on Friday is back after Chelsea agreed to a sale worth €65 million. It is the biggest transfer fee Atlético have ever paid and by a long way. A third more than they paid for Radamel Falcao and a €27m mark-up on Costa’s price three years ago, it pushes the limits of their budget to the edge of the league’s financial controls and may yet precipitate sales, but it is what Diego Simeone wanted. Badly. It is what Costa wanted too, just as much.

Simeone felt that there is no one out there quite like Costa; he always suspected as much but that conviction has deepened since the striker left. It has only been three years but Mario Mandzukic, Jackson Martínez, Fernando Torres, Kevin Gameiro, Ángel Correa and Luciano Vietto have all arrived. There were sales and signings and players they unsuccessfully pursued — Alvaro Morata and Edison Cavani, among others — but Simeone never stopped lamenting the one he lost.

He wasn’t entirely satisfied by the replacements: Jackson never quite settled, Mandzukic didn’t have the dynamism, Vietto vomited in the first sessions (although that’s normal), Gameiro is swift, but small. They all had something, but not his thing. Simeone never found someone who did quite what Costa did, who could stretch the game, occupy defenders and score goals like him.

Still the search went on. Eventually, it led back to the start. It is not that those strikers failed – not all of them, anyway – and some still have a future. But, consciously or not, they weren’t what Simeone sought. At times, he looked for something different — you can hardly see Correa or Gameiro in the same mould, for example — and styles have shifted, but eventually he came back to his original idea.

Of all the signings since 2014 only Antoine Griezmann can be seen as an unqualified success and even he didn’t change the desire to recover what they lost. Instead, he deepened that feeling: Imagine if we had them both? Signed in the summer that Costa left, the French international has been a gigantic success, perhaps even more so than Costa. He scored the first goal at Atletico’s new stadium last weekend and Simeone likened him to Luis Aragonés, calling him a crack. Griezmann, his manager said on Wednesday after Atlético defeated Athletic Bilbao, “is different — he makes us fly.”

It is tempting to respond that Costa makes them fight. There’s something about him that fits, that’s very atlético. There’s a reason — there are many, in fact — that Simeone wants him. There are plenty of good players out there, but he wanted a bad one. That’s simplistic and unfair but there is something in it: With Costa there’s the temperament as well as the talent, the particular skills he brings. And no one knows better than Simeone what those skills are.

As for Costa — teammates insist that the player and the person are not the same thing — Atlético was his place. His Chelsea rebellion is not just about Antonio Conte’s rejection, it is about his desire to find a route home.

Costa was a huge success at Atlético, but it is more than that: He was made there. He had come to Europe having barely played structured football, rough and raw. His manager at Valladolid, José Luis Mendilibar, talked about how he could occupy four defenders on his own: “He has this trick of not looking as good as he really is.” At Rayo Vallecano, Costa’s manager José Ramón Sandoval said, part conviction, part motivation, that he was the best striker in the world. Teammates said he was “frightening,” even in training.

Diego Simeone and Diego Costa, who achieved success together in the past at Atletico Madrid, will reunite.

But it was at Atlético where he really took off and it was at Atlético where he definitively became a centre-forward. To start, they had expected to sell him and only a knee injury prevented one summer move. Then Simeone saw him in training and was overwhelmed; Costa was absolutely everywhere. His first outstanding season, 2012-13, saw him play off Radamel Falcao, usually from wide. In the Copa del Rey final, Costa scored at the Bernabéu on the night that a 14-year wait for victory over Real finally ended.

When Falcao went he took centre stage; Simeone saw the striker in him when he didn’t. The next season he scored 36 goals: He got 27 in 35 league games and, in the Champions League, eight in nine. Atlético won the league title and, although everyone has assimilated that, it really was an astonishing achievement. However, they lost the European Cup final to Madrid in Lisbon and Costa lasted only eight minutes before succumbing to injury. It says something about his importance that Simeone risked him at all. It is a decision he may regret and, with hindsight it may appear foolish, but they felt they needed him.

Soon the fate of many an overachieving team befell Atlético, as along came Chelsea to pay Costa’s buyout clause. In England, he won league titles in his first and third seasons. In Spain, meanwhile, Atletico didn’t collapse — another Champions League final followed in 2016, bringing with it another cruel defeat to Madrid, this time on penalties — but they missed him. Simeone, especially. They went to Jackson, Mandzukic, Vietto, and Gameiro but only Costa is Costa. Even Torres isn’t and, at Atlético, Torres is everything. And so Costa came back, three years later. Everyone, but everyone, is delighted. Atlético fans think he may be the missing link.

Things have changed. They have a new home now and Griezmann is the focal point of the team, although the doubts about his future linger. Tiago is a coach not a teammate. Arda Turan has gone. Thibault Courtois, who went to Chelsea with Costa, isn’t coming back, unlike Filipe Luis, who did. Gabi, the captain, looks like he may be slowly phased out. Correa and Carrasco are there now and Vitolo is on his way in January. Some of the mechanisms have changed but the identity remains; it is still home and a simple idea has driven much of this: The sense that Costa is the right player in the right place, that he is theirs. He fits.

“I had a special understanding with him,” Koke said on Thursday. “Every time I had the ball I knew what movement he would make and he knew that I would give it to him. Every pass was almost a goal.”

But will it still be the same? There is a hint of nostalgia in this signing and questions remain. Three years have passed; it’s not a long time but nor is it nothing. There’s the fact that he can’t play until January and that he has been largely inactive for three months, while it will be interesting to see how he fits alongside Griezmann, who responded to the news with a tweet that sang: “Is coming hooome, Is coming hooome.” 

Costa has already been working with a fitness coach from Atlético for the last three months. And now, under the guidance of the legendary Profe Ortega — a man who some smilingly say is a sadist, a man who can drive 25 younger men to desperation and exhaustion and emerge with a grin on his face, a man who spent the morning of the Champions League final doing laps round San Siro — the real work begins.

His weight will come down, his fitness will go up and he will be immediately incorporated into sessions with the rest of the squad; not just physical, but also tactical. Emotional, even. He will soon be part of the group, one which he largely already knows and one that mostly welcomes him. And on Jan. 1 he’ll be available, in time for the second half of the league season and, more importantly, the knockout rounds of the Champions League. That is the club’s real target, this season and next.

At Atlético they recall that his breakthrough in 2012 came after missing the first half of a season with injury, so trust that a six-month break is not insurmountable. The mechanisms should not take him as long to learn as it took others and, besides, they will be tailored to him. He, like no other, should make them work. He will give them an extra dimension.

That, at least, is the belief. There are also those who believe that, never mind the fear he won’t be as good as he was last time, he will be better. England will have improved him while his “rescue” will be the perfect motivation. There was no striker this good on the market for Atlético this summer and certainly no striker so suited, nor so familiar. Better the devil you know and, in part, it’s precisely a devil that they sought.

And then, beyond all that, there is something else, the simplest thing of all: Simeone. If there’s one person everyone trusts at Atlético, one person they will listen to, one man they would follow to the end of the world, one man who knows, it is him. And Diego Simeone wanted Diego Costa. He has done since the day he left.

Sid Lowe is a Spain-based columnist and journalist who writes for ESPN FC, the Guardian, FourFourTwo and World Soccer. Follow him on Twitter at @sidlowe.

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[brixie19]

Rock the Boat, Baby

I’ve been fairly quiet on social media about the current political situation for the most part.  I share articles that I find to be either informative or mind-numbingly insane, but other than that, I keep my mouth shut on Facebook.  Twitter is a different story - my entire timeline is filled with political retweets and one-sided conversations with our new President.  I keep that to Twitter for one big reason - I don’t have family members or many friends as followers.  On Facebook, everyone I’ve ever gone to school with or spoken to more than twice can see my posts - and, although I pride myself on being respectful and open, the few opinions I’ve shared have still led to public fights with family members and acquaintances.  

Everyone wants to believe- or at least hope- that, with time, the heightened emotions of the past few months will fade.  That things will return to normal, or some semblance of the normal we once knew.  I believed it myself for a while - on my darkest days after the election, I would think, “we’ll be fine.  How bad can it really get?  How much can things really change?”  But now, more than 2 months later, I am still angry.  I am still sad, disappointed, shocked, and terrified that this happened.  That it’s still happening.  And while I won’t bore you with the minute details of every offense Donald Trump has committed - the list would be far too long, as they seem to occur on an almost hourly basis at this point- I am remaining vigilant and am going into his term with my eyes wide open.  While I don’t love making myself angry every day or wanting to pull my hair out every time I read the responses to his tweets, I feel that it is so imperative to remain informed and educated.

For that reason, among many other obvious ones, I attended the Women’s March in Downtown Los Angeles yesterday.  If you know me, you’ll know that I do not like crowds, people, or walking - but this felt big and important and life changing, so I wanted to be there.  I NEEDED to be there.  The experience was unforgettable.  A day and a half later, I can still feel the energy, the positivity, the unity.  I don’t wax poetic very often, but what I witnessed yesterday - what I was a part of- was beautiful and powerful.  It was inspiring and empowering and will stick with me for a long, long time.  

But then when I turned to social media to share my joyous feelings, I instead- as with everything else that has happened over the past year- found so many distorted facts and outright falsehoods about what I and millions of others had just experienced.  Stories of violence and desperation- I even saw a quote that called the Marches a “total collapse of the social order.”  Something in me snapped.  I can’t stand for this anymore.  I won’t.

On the day of Trump’s inauguration, there were protests in the streets of Washington DC.  Thousands of people peacefully protested what could very well be the worst president in our lifetimes.  They protested his words, his lies, his plans.  They chanted and made signs.  They marched through the streets together, passionate and united.  

And then one group of people fucked everything up.

A group of people who do NOT represent me or anyone I know decided to go full blown anarchist and create chaos.  They broke windows, they threw bricks, they set a damn limo on fire.  I think everyone, from all sides, can come together on this one and agree that these types of actions - protests, riots, whatever you want to label them as- are absolutely not ok and is the opposite of what liberals and anti-trump protesters are trying to convey.  But even the Chief of Police admitted that it was one small, organized group who just wanted to come in and cause mayhem.  And it worked.  Because now, in the minds of Trump supporters, those people represent the thousands of people who peacefully protested.  And even worse, the 2.9 million people who marched across the globe yesterday for the Women’s March are being lumped in with them, too.

I can’t speak for other marches around the world.  But I can tell you what I experienced among the hundreds of thousands of strong women and their supporters:  Thousands of people peacefully protested what could very well be the worst president in our lifetimes.  They protested his words, his lies, his plans.  They chanted and made signs.  They marched through the streets together, passionate and united.

And no one fucked anything up.

And yet I see these tweets and these stories from “news” sites I’ve never heard of that people are desperately googling to fit the agenda Trump has created for them. Liberals are “soft,” we’re “elite snowflakes” who are “triggered” by Trump’s strength and vision.  We’re angry and pathetic, making mountains out of molehills and being too politically correct.  

Well fuck that.  FUCK THAT.  No one is going to tell me that wanting equal rights for everyone makes me weak.  You’re not going to call me a baby killer because I want Planned Parenthood to continue to receive federal funding.  Wanting to see our President’s tax returns doesn’t make me a crybaby.  Supporting Black Lives Matter doesn’t mean I hate cops and therefore veterans and anyone performing a public service.  I work hard.  I pay my fucking taxes and I love my country.  I am grateful for our service men and women.  But we need to do better.  And I’m going to keep shouting that from the rooftops for as long as Trump holds office.  

I support Planned Parenthood, 100%.  I think it is so important for women to have affordable health care, whether that means education, pap smears, screening for ovarian cancer, or STD testing.  It is so much more than what these people are focusing on.

I had an abortion once.  Talk about burying the lead, huh?  I was 20 years old.  The father was someone older than me who was in a long-term relationship.  When I told him, he told me I couldn’t have the baby.  While some of you may be grabbing your pearls in horror right now, let me assure you - I was agreeing with him before the words were even out of his mouth.  I could barely pay my rent.  I couldn’t (legally) drink yet.  He wasn’t mine - he never was and he never would be.  There was no future here.  There were relationships to destroy, lives to stall, and an unwanted child who I couldn’t - and didn’t want to- provide for.  

I called Planned Parenthood immediately.  They asked a few questions and made me an appointment right away.  Once I got there, I had to go through several therapy sessions and medical tests.  They MAKE SURE you are ok with this.  Almost ad nauseam.  I honestly got to the point where I wanted to scream, “can you just DO IT already so I can go home?!”  The doctor who performed it was kind and not at all judgmental.  And I assure you that he also was not a mustache twirling villain who scratched a mark into the wall to count off the babies he had killed that day.  This was not fun for anyone involved.  But it was my right.  It IS my right.  I was not raped. I was not a teenager or a victim of incest.  I did not have medical issues or any indication that the pregnancy would be high risk.  I was just a 20 year old idiot who didn’t have the emotional or financial capabilities to have a child at that moment.  And I own my mistake - I got pregnant, I own that.  I do not advocate for abortion as a form of birth control.  But here we are, 14 years later - and I’ve never gotten pregnant again.  And had Planned Parenthood not been able to legally perform my procedure, I would have had a very different life.  Can I say that it would have been a BAD life?  No, of course not.  But no matter what happened, I would have a 14 year old right now.  And even now- even right now as I sit here typing this as a wizened, more mature 34 year old woman living in Los Angeles and happy in a relationship- I can say that I don’t regret it.  I regret that the entire situation ever happened, of course.  But I don’t regret my decision.  

I don’t ever want a scared 20 year old to go through what I went through and not have a way out.  Because what happens then?  Nothing good, I assure you.  Life is not an uplifting coming-of-age movie.  Life is hard and ugly and unfair.  So don’t tell me that I can’t voice my opinion when things that make our short time on the earth just a little easier are being threatened.  I won’t listen to it anymore.  We need to support each other, to help our fellow man.  This is basic human decency.  

I stand with my fellow women.  I stand with the gay community.  The black community, the muslim community- with the immigrants and the people just trying to get out of bed every day and make something of their lives.  I stand with people who just want to marry the person they love, the men and women who want to use the public restroom that coincides with the gender they identify with, the couple who wants to order some goddamned cupcakes without being asked what their religious beliefs are.  I stand with women who are scared, women who are strong; poor women and the Meryl Streeps of the world.  

Women’s rights are human rights.  If our country is as great as many of you want to keep screaming, then it should be great for each and every one of its citizens - not just the ones you pick and choose.  I’m tired of being polite to hold on to relationships that weren’t very strong in the first place.  You think liberals are too politically correct?  Alright, let me fix that.  Fuck you for not wanting to help people.  For wanting to take away people’s health care, for denying scientific evidence of climate change.  Fuck you for victim blaming and trying to pass laws that discriminate against the LGBTQ community.  Fuck you for trying to use the government to try to tell me what I can and can’t do with my own body because a deity you’ve never seen tells you so in a book that was written a million years ago.  Fuck you for electing this horrid excuse for a man into our country’s highest position.  I pray it works out for us.  For ALL of us.  But until we know that it will, I will no longer be censoring myself.  I will wear my anger and my anxiety for our future on my sleeve and on my Facebook page.  You don’t like that?  Too bad.

To quote the words of one of my heroes, the strong, beautiful Amy Poehler; when a male comedian told her to be more ladylike because he didn’t like the raunchy joke she was telling, she replied:  

“I don’t fucking care if you like it.”

And neither do I.