#even if they say their back is a bit achey and their main issue is the huge knee haemarthrosis

[help-im-a-medstudent]

When your patient insists on walking from the waiting room and then you diagnose them with a broken vertebra

[theanonymousfoxsimp]

Muzan + the upper moons reacting to you on your period(demon reader for the heck of it)

Featuring

- kokushibo,akaza,douma,muzan,daki and gyutaro

18+ content,blood warning,gross things said

Muzan

To tell you he was a bit intrigued more than worried is an understatement, outright asks you why you're bleeding down there

Lowkey wants to lick it

He's nasty yall

After you explain do your demon lord lover,he's immediately making sure you're comfortable and well taken care of

Yells at the uppermoons when they get too close to comfort, especially douma who really wants to take a bite out of you

He doesn't care if you bleed on him,if you find it gross then he won't, HE EATS PEOPLE FOR A LIVING,this man can handle this!

Wants you in his lap,has a lavish pillow for you to lay back on and a hot bag pressed to your stomach to relieve cramps

He's not as used to this so if he says something and your emotions are haywire,he dosen't really see the issue unless you start crying from his words

A bit shocked at how emotional you are?? Mostly concerned on what happens when you get mad

Douma found out,you took his arm off pretty quickly after he tried to take you from your warm basking spot in muzan's room. Muzan was surprised but nonthless proud after you sent douma running for his life

He pauses everything for as long as your period lasts,right now you are his main priority since he cannot go out with you because you'd attract demons(he dosen't blame you for it)

kokushibo

Outright hoists you onto his shoulder to sniff you,probably wants to have a taste if it weren't for you wacking him

Dosen't understand the concept of peroids until you explain in extruciating detail on what it was he dosent show it but he's a bit mortified

Same as muzan,you're his top priority but he'd only bring you out if you begged him to,he understands that you do need food and the raw animal meets won't suffice

He's a bit concerned on why a demon of all things can get this until daki kindly explains that this is normal and doesn't always happen every month like it should be for humans-

Outright asks if he can go down on you,he reads ALOT in his spare time and comes to find out that certian actions can help ease different parts of you.

Him and douma can and will wake you up with their head inbetween your legs,he's not feasting like he normally would, he's being gentle and honestly holds you close when he's done,messaging any achey limbs

Treats you like his GODDESS,if anyone gets too close,even muzan,he is insanely protective

You cannot go anywhere with this man,he's always watching you and following you,even if you don't know

Akaza

He know's what to do the moment you are on your period

Dosen't notice it at first until he smells your blood and is immediately concerned until he realizes where its coming from. Insert concerned spouce noises whenever you insist you'll be fine

Your wellbeing is his top priority,he cannot leave you alone for more than a few seconds without coming back and worrying how you're feeling.

Demons who get too close to you are forced to say muzans name as punishment,he dosen't like getting his hands dirty unless need be because he's more concerned about you

He doesn't ask if he can shove his head down there,he only asks for cuddles and gentle reassuring kisses for you

Hands down out of any uppermoon,know's the most and how to handle it without doing too much

His hands are not as warm as you'd like but he can easily stick his hand on your stomach and ease your cramps if he's warm enough

Gentle back massages,praise,bubble baths with oils that'll help,this man PAMPERS you the whole time.

Finds periods being a warrior thing,that whomever goes through it has fought a long and gruelling battle which increases his admiration and love towards you

Has daki with you whenever he can't be near you,he trusts daki more than he trusts any of the other upper moons and muzan

Brings you the most high quality human meat,makes sure its to your taste and mentally scolds himself when it isn't

Deals with your moodswings like a champ,you need to be angry? Don't worry, akaza is MORE than happy to let you hit him a few times to take out the anger. Need to be sad? Buckle up cause this demon is your pillow,an arm you always had needed to cry on. Anything you say,he handles it

Kisses 100%,stomach kisses while massaging you

Douma

To say this man wouldn't just shove his head down there between your legs is a lie,he can smell any kind of blood and the moment you start bleeding,he will feast

Has to take some time to understand it,yes everyone bleeds but why do you bleed down there?

Lowkey mortified the moment he finds out

Can't hide the fact he literally went down on you to taste it,it felt good but the fact he did it was a bit strange

Nonthless if you ask him to go down on you again as just a way to distract you from the pain

Otherwise,you HAVE to inform him on what is going on and your actual needs. Why does your body insist on bleeding for just a week--it can last longer?

He's ice cold to the touch so don't expect him to be a heating pad,he honestly has to get akaza to help him. Akaza laughs at him until he realizes how serious he is,insert now caretaker douma

Long baths,long happy baths that result in him messaging any limb that hurts,sitting in his lap depsite the blood which doesn't bother him. He's pampering you,highest quality human flesh he can find

He know's you can take care of yourself but just in case,he keeps you around at his side on the less stressful hunts

Cramps getting to you durring a hunt? He finishes hunting for you both and brings you back to your home. If not,he just kills an entire estate so he could just use their hot springs for you

He will honestly joke about it,not realizing how emotional you are and how careful he needs to be with his words. He learned that after angering you and lost a few fingers

Happily encourages napping if you need it,the fluffiest and softest pillows will be provided, a whole room dedicated for your comfort

Allows you to take his clothing and wear it if yours is too tight,his clothing is big on you so don't worry about that. Even if you get a lil blood on it,he dosen't care

Daki

Hands down the best out of everyone, she as a woman understood what you are going through. Shes surprised you still have it while she doesn't

Heating pads,lavish baths,uses anything in her power to make you more comfortable

Biggest cuddler,her sashes are soft and silky so she tends to wrap you up in them and carry you around

Her brother tends to come in asking if theres food but she pushes him out if you can't handle another demon being there

Dosen't handle your moodswings well but tries hard enough anyways,she gets offended REALLY easily

Hands down besides tengen and akaza,the best cuddler

Dosen't understand why you want higher quality drinks and meat,understands after that you have irresistible food cravings that shes very happy to fulfill

Gyuturo

Considering he has a little sister, he know's what to do

Notices it at first before you even do

He's not the cuddling type but if you ask realllyyy cutley he will join

Very happy to provide food for you,he loves hunting and his specialty is strong demon slayers

Daki helps whenever he can't, them taking turns to keep you comfort.

Deadass cannot handle moodswings,you get angry,hes angry. You are sad? He's sad

Akaza laughs at him when he says he isn't doing the greatest job,which fuels his need to help you

Keeps you around even when hunting,he carries you so its not a bother for him despite the little body mass he has

Daki pesters you sometimes so he has to usher her out whenever its too much

Dosen't like bathing as much but will sacrafice his discomfort to assist you in a bath

Isn't one to yell at you durring it,he always asks whats wrong if you aren't speaking as much as you normally would

He's oddly wark so he can sometimes act like a heating pad if you need it that bad

Bonus:

Demon uzui tengen + wives

He has wives,three at that who know what to do. even then,he himself knows how to help you

He hunts for you all the time,forbidding you to leave at all even if its just to get some fresh air,someone is by your side no matter what

Hands down would ask if he can fuck you or go down on you,he is strangley into this and doesn't really give a fuck about the blood. If you say yes,be ready for a night just for you and you alone

He is Warm,oddly warm but he uses that o his advantage. Loves it when you just snatch his hand and press it to your abdomen.

Runs you a bath every day,his wives join you in pampering you . Brings you to the hotsprings once in awhile for the warmth

You want lavish clothing and high quality human? You got it! These four are willing to help you while you're on your period

Suma helps alot,she tends to stay by your side the most while makio and hinatsuru tend to stand gaurd or nap near you both

One time a demon got too close and tengen personally dealt with it,lets just say demons don't come by the estate anymore

Handles your moodswings like a champ,it varies for the girls though

Need to let out pent up anger? He sets up a training area for you to use your blood demon art on,is always amazed with how flashy you are

[daeneryssansa]

GTKY Once edition

I was tagged by @theonceoverthinker! under the cut since it’s loooong

Musical episode: Yay or nay? Yay. I don’t necessary like the plotline in the episode - it felt a bit rushed to me, which they had to do in order to fit all the music in the one-hour episode. I enjoyed the episode overall and loved the songs - I eternally have “Revenge is Gonna Be Mine” stuck in my head, and I love Emma’s moment so much. And you can tell the cast had so much fun doing it. For a lot of shows, musical episodes don’t make sense, but it fit perfectly here.

When did you start watching Once, and do you remember why? Actually a pretty good story! I started in October 2011, the first episode I watched in full being Snow Falls. I was having a rough week. We had been hit by a monster blizzard out of nowhere, and had spent almost the entire previous week without power. To top it all off, my high school boyfriend had a generator at his house (while my family & I sat in the cold and dark) and didn’t invite me over once that week. I broke up with him (that being the culmination of a lot of problems with him), but since it was my first real “relationship”, I was pretty upset, and my parents were out to dinner, which left me home alone and desperate for something to do. I turned on the TV and saw that Once was on, and remembered thinking it looked interesting. I was immediately hooked, and it turned my whole week around. What made watching Once worthwhile? I think this show has something for everyone to relate to, whether it’s a specific character, a relationship, a particular arc, or just the whole concept of hope, love, and family. It’s also a way for us to watch some of our favorite childhood characters in a whole new light, coping with (some) issues that we ourselves might deal with. I also watched it with my mom, which made it a great bonding experience for us once I introduced it to her right before the Season 2 premiere. First + Current Main Ships? Snowing was my first OTP! I was a bit biased having seen Snow Falls before any other episode, and I think that’s their best episode as a couple. As for current ships, I ship pretty much everyone with everyone! There are so many great dynamics to enjoy, but if I had to pick a current top 3, I would probably go with Captain Swan, Swan Queen, and Rumbelle. First + Current Favorite character? My first favorite character is a tough one, since it’s been almost seven years since I first started watching the show. I want to say it was probably Belle - I adored her from the second she appeared on my TV screen. She’s still my favorite character, joined by Killian & Regina. Favorite arc (Why?)? I love the original arc most (Season 1), but I feel like most people do, so I’ll say Season 3B (the Wicked Witch). It had a lot of the same story elements of Season 1 without being a complete plagiarism of it, and there were a lot of great dynamics that were explored. I also think Bex made a wonderful villain! Favorite plot twist? In Season 3B, I loved Regina being the one to break the curse! Everyone spent the entire arc trying to find a way for Emma to break it, and it seemed like it would be a Swan Believer TLK, but instead, we got all the Regal Believer feels. And this time, Regina got to be the savior by defeating her sister with light magic. It was a great way for her character to come full circle. Speaking of 3B twists, an honorable mention to Snow White casting the Dark Curse by crushing Charming’s heart. Can’t elaborate or I will start crying. Hardest death to watch? I have to agree with Jenna on this one - although Killian’s deaths never really stick, his are the hardest for me to watch because (for those of you who have followed previous rewatch posts of mine) Colin’s mannerisms remind me so much of my boyfriend (not the boyfriend with the generator!!! a several years later and several years wiser boyfriend). So it’s really difficult to watch Emma’s reaction after he sacrifices himself at the end of 5A - Jen’s acting is incredible. And the elevator scene at the end of 5B always gets me too. This character should have gotten more time? *grabs megaphone* RUBY LUCAS! How do you summarize the show to your friends? (max. 3 sentences) Basically it’s a bunch of fairytale characters in the real world. They’re always cursed. They’re all related. Favorite Once specific trope (think Memory Wipe, Family Trees, Glowing Walkey-Talkey Hearts, Head Achey Timelines…) I don’t know if this counts but the theme of finding each other is really special in my opinion. It goes so far past Snow & Charming finding one another. Pretty much every character gets to experience finding someone they love.

Three quotes that mean a lot to you? “I am not nothing! I was never nothing! The power that you have, I don’t need.” “You are not all evil, and I am not all good. Things are not that simple.” “You don’t get to decide what I do or how I feel. I do.” If you could take home any prop from the set, what would it be? Either Henry’s book or Snowing’s ring! Favourite funny scene? One that comes to mind (that I recently watched) is when Charming is helping Rumple look for Belle in Storybrooke after she runs away, and Rumple has to awkwardly ask Charming for dating advice. And then it comes back later in Lacey when Rumple has to get Charming’s help to ask her out. Favorite Platonic Ship: Either Charming & Red or Belle & Red (definitely wish Red Beauty was not platonic even though I love Rumbelle) Favorite dish from Granny’s? I would have to say Granny’s burger! Belle highly recommends.

What part of the newly merged realms would you like to live in? Probably regular Storybrooke, within walking distance from Granny’s. 

[gegenji]

Going Going Kugane, Part 5

A Hot Springs Episode!? - The Travelers Bear All!

After a weary travel, the quartet of travelers had finally reached the popular - and populous, as Denz quickly found out - city of Kugane. The little noodle cart had revitalized them somewhat from their harrowing journey, but the the rest at the Bokairo Inn helped even more - allowing them to more fully recover and unwind. Especially for one Chachanji Gegenji. Even now, they sought to melt off the last of their concerns and their aches in the Inn's famous hot springs, and perhaps catch each other up on the strange revelations that happened in such short order the night before.

Zhara was one of the first to leave their rooms, wearing little more than a rather skimpy bathing suit as she walked barefoot out onto the tatami mat. If she was under-dressed for the springs, Chachanji hadn't notified her - though that could be because he was rather lightly dressed himself; wearing trunks, a light kimono, and the proper sandals for the tatami. The former's outfit was certainly a bit more eye-catching than the latter, however, as it caught and held the attentions of a boy who couldn't have been more than sixteen.

Denz was next to exit from the hall to the main chamber of the inn, having subconsciously put on more clothing than reasonable for the activities of the day - and once more walking over the tatami with boots.  Lehsohmarrn at least seemed to like Denz's bulky clothing, his talons gripping into the tunic for a solid perch, looking fairly regal without trying. Unlike the dragonet and like the sixteen-year-old, however, Y'zhara's choice of outfit stood out rather quickly for the Elezen. So, as he cleared his throat and approached the more lightly dressed pair, his gaze sought to avoid the Miqo'te. "Rest well?"

"'m alive 'gain!" Chachanji chirped happily in response, pausing to stretch with a little contented noise.  "Though... 'm still a bit achey... so I was tellin' Zhara tha' a soak in th' hot springs'd be jus' th' thin'!"

Zhara, on the other hand, remained apparently oblivious to the issues her outfit was causing - smiling and giving a clueless-seeming wave to the teenager, who quickly looked away in embarrassment at having been caught ogling. She then turned towards the rest of the group, giving an affirmative nod to the Lalafell's claim. "Yeah! I'm really excited to see these hot springs."

"Think they are just as healing here as in La Noscea?" came the voice of Jancis, following shortly behind Denz. She was enjoying the fluffy wrapping of a towel and fussing with it, clearly her reason for delaying this time. Luckily, there was not throngs of people hanging around and the awkward teenager was already looking for an excuse to leave. As for the Hyur herself, she looked far better this day, refreshed from the trials that nearly killed them barely over a day before.

"Oh, um... y-yeah, I think so?" Chachan responded as he lowered his arms and looking to the latest arrival. "Th' folks tha' run this place 'pparently talk 'bout th' thin's a lot! One'a th' big reasons ta come ta this inn!"

"Jancis said as much. I cannot say public bathing is, uh... familiar to Ishgardians. Or just myself," Denz affirmed, looking over towards Jancis. "Ah, right. There are those springs up at... Bronze Lake?"

"The springs seem popular enough here, so they must be nice," Zhara chipped in with a nod before turning to Denz. "And yes, there's some hot springs at Bronze Lake. I've taken a few trips there before with Chachan, they're nice." "A-ah, well... there... um... IS a diff'rence fer these sortsa places..." the little Lalafell interjected, looking a bit awkward at having to explain this. "Ya... um... usually go down ta jus' towels... I dunno if'n they do tha' HERE but if'n they do... um... they'll also us'lly separate th' areas by gender so... I-I think we should be good either way?"

"Yes. Yes. Another promise still unpaid," Jancis stated in response to Denz's queries, before something that Chachanji said caught her attentions. "Those springs there are- separate? Why separate?"

"W-well... th' whole boys 'n girls bathin' t'gether thin'... I figger..." Chachan responded awkwardly, already starting to fluster at the alternative and his blush only darkening as he spoke. Denz, too, seemed to be having a time musing on the situation. He tilted his head, trying to comprehend the entire situation and painting a -very- inaccurate picture of all of this.

"So Jancis and I will go to one spring and you and Denz will go to another?" Zhara ventured with a smile, seemingly unfazed compared to the two males. "I guess that's fair enough. I'm kind of disappointed... for reasons that are inappropriate to explain in detail. But I'm fine with that."

"I-I THINK tha's how it works?" the little Dunesfolk admitted, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck. "I-I 'unno if'n this place allows fer mixed bathin'r not... so..."

Regardless of whether it was the situation or not, the idea didn't  come across very well to Jancis, at all. "Bronze Lake is somewhat different, then. Very well." Looking over at the innkeeper to see if it was the same annoyed man this shift. "That is fair enough."

What she found was that the man heading up the counter this time around was quite the different fellow than when they arrived. He was an old, wizened-looking Hyur with nary a hair to be found atop his head and with an apparently permanent smile etched into his wrinkled features. He caught Jancis' glance, turning that seemingly ever-present grin her way. "Hm...?"

The old man's voice perked Denz up from his musings, and he gestured to the innkeeper. "Why not ask about the customs? Surely we're not the first visitors to not understand the technicalities of public bathing in a foreign land."

"Sure go ahead," Zhara agreed with a nod. "I think this is a new guy. The other innkeeper must've gotten off his shift."

Jancis, already having the elderly Hyur's attentions, stepped up to the task. Crumpling the towel she had in her hands, she wrung it about herself as she took a half-step forward. "Good morn, Lord. May we ask more about the springs? Forgive me, I am quite new to this land as well as the city."

"Ah, yes, our springs! Very delightful, very nice," the old man quickly crooned in response, nodding his head. "I'm tempted to take a dip in myself after my shift... they just refreshed the rice wine in it, so it's going to be extra delightful..." He seems a bit wistful and lost in thought at the idea, temporarily forgetting the group is there.

"Rice wine?" Denz interjected. "You bathe in drink?"

Zhara seemed equally surprised by the revelation, giving the Elezen a shrug. After all, she didn't know much about bathing customs in Hingashi either. Jancis, however, simply repeated "Extra delightful" quietly to herself. Oddly enough - or perhaps it was just the timing - but it was her murmured repetition that seemed to snap the old innkeep from his daydream.

"Hm? What?"

"Could you elaborate on the nature of these baths?" the Ishgardian pressed, stepping forward to stand alongside Jancis. Zhara, however, was curious enough to wander a short distance away from the group and creak open the sliding door to take a peek at the spring for herself. "Are we to remain clothed enough and seperated from each other, or are we misinformed?"

"Hm? Oh! Of course, of course. The springs are BEST enjoyed in as little as possible, to allow its waters to really GET IN THERE and ease all the pains out of your body..." The old man stated, starting to drift into wistful territory again as he was obviously imagining having a good soak himself. It was hard to say whether it was actually inn policy or the Hyur's personal preference, but he continued regardless. "Ah! Of course, you are provided towels for modesty... and we do have separate pools for bathing. But some customers do enjoy... adding a little extra steam to their baths." An elderly cackle.

Whatever the man might've been implying was lost on Jancis and Denz, however, as they both wore looks of confusion. Jancis simply intoned that "Steam would be good for the skin," while the Elezen simply nodded all the same and responded with a far more simple: "Right... my thanks." His words garnered him a look of confidence from Jancis, assured in the man's ability to speak in cities.

Afterward, Denz unconsciously left a few gil on the man's counter before turning around and walking towards the entrance, giving Lehs a confused look. The dragonling knew exactly when to look back at Denz, soaking in the confused expression. The deep voice was as quiet as it could be for Denz's ears. [[Your Landlord idealism of modesty is a hindrance here. The man is lush in want and sloth.]]

"So I should just give in to the wanting stares of foreigners?" the Ishgaridan scoffed, before blinking and placing a hand on his chin. "Then again, I suppose -we- are the foreigners."

[[You cannot decide what people think, Denzelerrn.]] The only part that stood out was Denzelerrn it seems. [[Your form is taxed from your great exertions.]] He seemed to like the idea of going into the hot water more the closer they got to it.

"Ooo! Hey guys!" Zhara called from her surveillance mission, turning her head back towards the trio and raising her voice a little to grap their attention. "I don't know if this bath is separated into two parts. It looks completely open to me..." She paused, peering back through the steam rising from the springs. "Oh, wait, nevermind... there's some separated pools as well."

"So a couple'a th' pools'r fer..." Chachan ventured, pausing to swallow nervously. "M-mixed crowds."

"Yeah..." affirmed the Miqo'te, smiling as Jancis approached to explore a bit herself at the earlier exclamation. "It's really pretty! So steamy too."

"Matron's Grace. It is lovely!" Jancis beams back, prompting Zhara to wander in a bit further to get a closer look. "The innkeeper was right! No wonder he looked so wistful. We do not have to split up! Unless, unless you would prefer to."

Chachan was still a bit pink in the cheeks at the suggestion of mixed bathing, but followed through the door after Zhara. As the elderly fellow had said, there were several pools. Some seemed to consist of solely one gender - or as one could tell through the curling steam - while a few more remote ones seemed to be more mixed. Off to their right was a series of cubbies with little baskets. Some of the woven containers obviously had clothing in them, but quite a few others were empty save for a towel draped over the side to denote they were free.

"So what would you guys like to do?" Zhara asked, turning her head back towards the others again. Denz had moved in to join the rest now, his eyebrows raised as he took in the sight of the springs with impressed interest. The Miqo'te motioned to the many pools. "Should we split up or go to a mixed gender pool?"

"A-ah, w-well..." Chachanji stammered, the blush starting to darken a bit again. "I-I mean... I-I guess 'm fine fer either...?"

Denz's response was a few shades more eloquent.

"You may decide, my ladies."

Zhara put her hands on her hips, obviously thinking back to what the Elezen had been pretty vocally saying not moments ago. "You seemed pretty in favor of splitting up earlier," she stated, having possibly misunderstood Denz's complaints. "What's wrong with showing some skin to the foreigners Denz? I'm sure you got a lot to flaunt." She grinned and winked at him, garnering a look of shock from the Ishgardian and a wide-eyed look from his Conjury-wielding companion.

"Wh-what?!" came Denz's immediate response. "I am not some statue to gaze upon in want!"

"I-I can't say 'm much fer flauntin' meself..." Chachan added.

"I assure you he is not a flaunter, Zhara," Jancis insisted in a comforting manner." Surely his form shows his immense consitution and health and is quite desirable, but he does not take that for granted. He is quite shy, really." Denz cast his gaze off and away from the group as the Hyur spoke, rubbing at the side of his face as she sought to continue helping. "Modest, more so. Growing more modest than shy. He handles people wanting him quite well, really." The Hyur's declaration causing Denz to cast his gaze off and away from the group as he rubbed  at the side of his face.

"I, uh..."

"That's understandable," the Miqo'te piped up again, unintentionally cutting Denz's response off. "I used to be pretty shy too. Thing is, it doesn't matter what other people think. You should just be happy and confident in your own skin, because you're special. Everyone is."

"Quite special," Jancis agreed, looking over to regard Denz now. Even Lehs warbled at Zhara's words, the wyrm growing more fussy to get in the water but being perched so high up. At this rate he'd start climbing down Denz's tunic if delayed much longer. Though was that really so far from the elezen's own feelings? Clambering down, the tiny silver dragon was the first in the water, slipping away to vanish for a moment before a muzzle peeked out of the steam.

"Easy for a performer to say. My skin is my armor, removing it leaves me..." He paused to wipe at the sweat gathering at his brow, his train of thought garbled both by Jancis' helpful words and Lehs' whines and eventual departure to the waters themselves. "Halone," he grunted before sighing in defeat and taking a seat to work on his boots, apparently addressing the dragonling as he did so. "Fine. But you're burning anyone who looks at me wrong."

"Well, w-whichev'r choice we go wit..." Chachanji interjected once more, still sounding rather awkward despite Zhara's attempt at a pep-talk. "We, uh... should prolly get our towels 'n, um... y'know. Prepare fer th' springs." He emphasized the last point by motioning to both the available cubbies and the stacks of wooden tubs arranged neatly next to them. "Ya... ya usually douse yerself wit water first a'fore getting inta th' springs, y'see..."

"Well... I want to get in, so I'll pick this mixed gender pool over here so we can talk," Zhara responded, rubbing her chin and looking at the pool Lehs had chosen for himself. There wasn't anyone else in it - nor was there any clear sign that it was one or the other - so it was fairly obvious that the Miqo'te was simply assuming. Still, she made her way over to it, climbing on the rocky edges to join the little dragonling. Thinking of what was said earlier - both the words of the innkeep and her own body-positive message - she stripped of her bikini once she was there and left it on one of the rocky outcroppings before settling down in the water. She had forgotten a towel in her hasty decision, but she still remained modest by hiding her body under the water such that it was just her head and some of her chest above her bust visible.

"Together is best," Jancis agreed with a nod, following after the Miqo'te. However, unlike the performer, the Hyur slipped right in without removing either towel or clothing. Regardless, she was met with a cheerful "Welcome Jancis!" from Zhara.

"Thank you."

Chachan, meanwhile, was apparently trying to follow procedure - or what he remembered of it from the few times he had gone to a public bath in Doma. He had went over to one of the cubbies to swap his clothing for a towel, then filled one of the wooden tubs with water. Dumping it over himself and then shaking his head, he draped the towel around his waist before goingin search for those who had jumped the gun.

"Y-y'guys know there's a whole process fer this, y'know...?" he murmured as he came upon the pair of females, looking away from the two even as he kinda-sorta berated them, firmly holding his towel in place as he did so. "Y-y'leave yer clothes in th' baskets so ya have them nice 'n dry ta change back inta... 'n then ya rinse yerself off a'fore goin' in!" He stated all this as if it all made perfect, logical sense. And it did, at least to him.

Jancis' own towel, meanwhile, was quite readily soaking up the water - as was her shirt - as she turned to address him: "Process? Is. Is putting one foot in front of the other to come down here and join us?"

Zhara's response was a little more apologetic. "There was? My bad.. oh... and I kind of forgot a towel... I guess I'll have to grab one when we're done." She paused thoughtfully, tapping at her lip. "Well, I was just wearing swim wear anyways. It's okay if that gets wet."

"I can share mine." Jancis held her soaked one up. "Or you can borrow it." She looks over at Chachanji at Zhara's comment. "Worry about them for towels?" As the trio lightly debated over proper bathing procedure, Denz was quietly reveling in the sense of relief and enjoyment washing over him via the shared link with Lehs. Working off the rest of his clothes, he hesitated with his small clothes, before following the lalafell's lead and put on a towel around his waist, following out a few moments later. He carefully picked his way across the rock borders of the pool, gesturing for the little dragonling to move out of the way so he might join the group himself.

As he approached, Chachanji simply sighed again with quite a bit of fluster to his cheeks - though whether it was in exasperation wrought from the situation or simply Zhara's lack of towel was hard to say. Relenting to the insisting of the two women, he slowly moved down into the water a few steps away from them and nearer the Elezen. As he sunk into the warmth of the springs, he removed his towel with practiced ease just as it would hit the water and draped it about his shoulders instead; the entire motion keeping anything from being seen. The motion caught Zhara's attentions regardless, and she tilted her head curiously as he descended into the pool. "I've never seen you so graceful before."

"W-well... th-this's what ya do at an onsen..." he explained meekly, positioning himself such that he could protect his modesty from any wayward glances. "'s been a while since 've been ta a proper one but... 's-s what ya do! Ya keep the towel up above th' water so ya can use it ta dry off 'n cover up once yer done!" He sunk a bit deeper into the water before continuing, his voice lowered to a soft murmur. "Plus, y-ya usually dun hafta worry 'bout girls bein' in wit ya..."

Denz was dealing with his own issues regarding the mixed bathing situation as well, his eyes catching sight of the Miqo'te's wayward bikini and biting on his tongue to keep from sputtering. He knew he was being childish, but this was a matter that could only be resolved in baby steps. Steeling himself, the Ishgardian dropped himself carefully into the water - sacrificing some of his towel's dryness to keep modest as he sat down. Once he was in, however, the discomfort melted away far faster than he expected and he let out a long sigh as the heated water worked his way through his scarred body. And scarred he was: several weapon strikes displayed across his skin, making the scar on his cheek look like a papercut in comparison.

Zhara was still caught up in her discussion with Chachanji to notice, however, and she tapped at her chin. "... There's so many rules. This reminds me of the time I drank my sake too early at Starlight dinner.." She paused thoughtfully before her expression faded into a smile and she carefully half-swam her way over to the little Lalafell to keep herself covered. "I'll be okay.... I'll wear my bikini for decency and get a dry towel when we're back up to the cubbies." She pecked him lightly on the cheek. "Forgive me, my Doman prince, for I am just a savage Eorzean."

Denz once more avoided eyeing Y'zhara as she moved over towards the Lalafell, gradually making his way back towards the hyur who was now cut off from the rest of the group. He let out a tense laugh at the singer's words. "Hah! Eorzeans..."

"'s akay... I jus' dun want ya gettin' in trouble," Chachan burbled as he sunk lower into the water, his lips just barely above the surface. He seemed to be relaxing quite a bit quicker now that he was settled into the water, pausing just long enough to move his towel from his shoulders to atop his floof. "Tha' wasn't what I meant anyroad..." he continued, resting his eyes and just enjoying the water now. "Mm. 's no massage... but I def'nitely missed this..."

"Would rather get in trouble than be isolated," Jancis interjected as Denz moved to join her side of the pool. She was becoming more active now, rubbing her arms and legs down one by one in a gentle scrubbing manner that made the water slosh about her, going over the shirt as she wanted to wash that just as much as herself it seems. "Have already been in trouble and survived it."

"Mm... I 'spose so..." the little Lalafell relented once more, lazily opening his eyes again... and then noticing how close Zhara was. He scrambled back up into a more proper sitting position with a fierce blush. "A-ah...!" He paused out of embarrassment. "Ah. Um. Sorry."

"So..." Denz piped up after a moment of awkward silence. "Why don't we address the dragon in the room?"

"O-oh, um... ya mean yer friend there?" Chachan assumed, seeming quite eager to change the subject off the matter of his embarrassing little outburst. "I didn't know ya made friends wit one. Or tha' they could be so... tiny. 'm glad 'e's akay though, after what happened."

The Elezen's vision cuts to the Lalafell, before following his gaze towards Lehs in a moment of realization. The little dragonling itself didn't answer, content to let Denz do the talking - though he did pay attention as he let his little wings half-float in the shallow spring. "Er, not that dragon," Denz corrected as he turned back to Chachanji, who looked confused at the clarification. "... Well, I suppose we should explain to catalyst for that mess first."

"Yeah how did you manage to get him?" Zhara chimed in, also seeming to misunderstand what the Ishgardian meant by the 'dragon in the room'.

"Long story short," Denz said. "Jancis and I found a dying dragon in a cave, and she gave us the egg before we left. That was Lehs."

"Oh, so his mother died? I'm sorry to hear that."

"'is name is Lehz?" Chachan echoed, looking at the little floating dragon. Digesting Denz's quick explanation, however, brought a frown to his lips - one that he shared with Zhara. "Oh no! So 'e's... like... an orphan?"

"It's okay, I can sort of relate. I never had a mom either," the Miqo'te chimed in, forming a smile. The response got a bit of a wince out of the little Lalafell, though, as he realized his minor faux pas there. He sunk back into the water a little out of embarrassment.

"W-well, 'e lost 'is Mama 'n ya guys took 'im in, right? So yer like... 'is adopted parents, right?"

"-Technically- speaking... no?" Denz continued, his teeth visible in his stressed expression before clearing his throat. "Halone, how do I explain all this without having to explain another complicated topic?" He paused. "I... told you two about this tattoo on my forehead, right?"

"You are quite complicated," Jancis added helpfully, though the Elezen winced a bit at her words.

"Not exactly a good thing..." he stated, rubbing some of the spring water over his face before turning back towards Chachanji. "In any case, it's more than that... but one complexity at a time. Perhaps it would be easier to discuss your... daring rescue of our ship, first?"

"A-ah..." The little Lalafell sunk deeper into the water out of embarassment. First the faux pas, and now this. His lower face was in serious risk of dipping below the surface of the pool again. "D-do we hafta...?"

"Oh, well, sure..." Zhara chimed in, seemingly far less bothered by the idea of explaining the whole 'giant Lalafell' incident. "About two or three moons after Chachan and I got together, I gave him some aether concentrated berries that grow in the Shroud. I use them for my spell power and my carbuncles like them too, and he was curious about them. It turned out Chachan reacted to the berries and grew in our old apartment. So, from that, I found out that Chachan drank a potion a long time ago from this shady dealer, who promised Chachan that he would make him bigger... since Chachan was tired of being picked on for being so small."

"I-it wasn't a fun time... " Chachan burbled quietly, making little bubbles in the water. "Th' growin' hurt 'n it wouldn't stop..."

"But Jancis knows about that better than I do," the Miqo'te added, finishing up her tale, "because she was there at that time."

The Hyur in question was continuing to enjoy the water, dunking her towel in and wringing it out on herself with the shirt having a nice cooling effect to counter the heat. Though, it stuck on her own scars; not much of a second skin as Zhara's discarded outfit. "The initial reaction to the brew was alarming," she explained as she dunked the towel under the surface again. "He would gather aether much like. Like, well, a dragon. And it would make him grow larger. It took some time to figure out how, the man who sold it to him had mixed a bunch of items from the alchemist guild together."

"So you... grow in the presence of concentrated aether?" Denz ventured, glancing over at Jancis. "I'm surprised this never came up. Then again, your growth-spurt lalafell friend doesn't exactly make dinner time chat's top fives..." He returned his attentions back to Chachanji and the original topic. "And you never found that man again to attempt to reverse it?"

"W-well, it was more I would jus'... grow in general, but would grow faster wit magicks involved...?" the little Lalafell admitted weakly with a small shrug that was only visible by the ripples it made in the water. "I-I dun really get how it all worked. B-but we DID get it fixed... kinda... by tha' mean ol' Alchemist lady that was tryin' ta learn how th' potion was made. She wanted ta make an army'a giant soldiers'r somethin'..."

"Yeah," Zhara piped up with a nod, the tale reminding her of another useful tidbit of information. "I used that lady's notes to shrink Chachan back down to size when he ate those berries."

"She put you in a cage! Fury's Scorn upon her," Jancis interjected with a frown, less thankful for the Alchemist's intercession than Zhara. "We finally did learn of a way to release the stored aether, but the affect has not been removed. And the man responsible for the brew fled."

"Y-yeah. I... kinda thought th' pro'lem had been solved..." Chachan agreed, continuing to slowly ramble his way through his own explanations. "A-at least 'till th' aetherberries... I was worried it was all gonna happen 'gain but... it didn't... kinda..."

"After we found out Chachan could still grow, we experimented a little," Zhara added with a smile, again the one of the two more willing to provide the details. "I would take Chachan to deserted areas and give him elixirs to see how big he would get. And I'd also cast spells on him too. We've managed to control it, for the most part."

"I... see," Denz said finally after swiveling his head back and forth to take in the conversation. "Well,  I will say this, my friend. You used that detriment to save lives, yesterday, turning your curse into something good."

"W-well, I should say tha' we nev'r really got me as big as last night..." Chachan murmured, flustering quietly at the praise and scratching at his cheek. "'n-n I 'unno if'n I'd call it a 'curse' neither. I mean, I dun really grow outta control anymore? I jus'... get bigger dependin' on how strong th' thin' I'm givin' is...?" He paused, looking to Zhara for clarification.

"Yeah," came her response, the more knowledgeable of the two on how the whole thing worked. "The more aether that's concentrated in his body, the bigger he gets."

"In either case," Denz continued, holding out his left arm - the forearm of it showing the mottled flesh of a burn scar. "As someone who did that as well, it is the best use of a bad situation."

Chachan was still nodding at Zhara's answer when Denz displayed his arm, his attentions flitting to it. "W-wait... so ya can make yer arm bigger?" The question took the Elezen by surprise, and he blinked as he too looked at his own arm for a moment.

"What? No!" He blushed slightly, shaking his head as he leaned back against the nearby rocks. "No... I once wielded some... dark aether. Aether that I was not born with and was forced to shoulder so that others would not feel its corrupting touch. Add in some tragedy to let it break free and you've got yourself a... dark knight?" He put a hand on his chin at the thought of the term. "... Regardless, despite the allure of power, the whispers of the  damned wishing for me to follow their example, I turned as much of that strength as I could into good. But eventually, with some..." He paused again as he turned to Jancis. "... council, it was determined it was best left sealed away."

"For now." It was Jancis piping up this time. "That will not be enough in time, but it is better than you harboring it as if you are a vessel to be used. You and Chachanji are alike in that. Testing such limits."

"A-ah, yeah... tha' sounds pretty... dangerous," the Lalafell in question agreed. "I-I mostly get worried tha' I might... hurt someone'r break somethin'... tha's why me'n Zhara did all this testin' ta figger out what causes it 'n what doesn't..." He paused to fidget awkwardly. "P-plus th' whole... not havin' clothes is real embarassin'..."

"Also feeling embarrassed," Jancis added without missing a beat.

"Well that's good, I'm glad you tried to use your strength... curse... whatever you want to call it into good," Zhara stated with a nod before chuckling at Chachan's comments. "I certainly can understand...  while we're on this topic I have the polar opposite problem as Chachan does. I did a magic experiment last winter and it went really wrong, so for a few good weeks I was shrinking at random."

That got another blink out of Denz. "... And here I thought you were the normal one in this group."

"Now I think I have the hang of shrinking and have it under control but, em..." She paused to chuckle nervously at Denz's comment. "No, unfortunately not. I wish I was."

"You were tryin' ta turn yerself inta a Lalafell ta make Papa like ya more," Chachan corrected chidingly, apparently still a little miffed at the reasoning behind it. "I still dun really get why..."

"Yeah..." Zhara looked down at the water in embarrassment. "Yeah... I tried to make myself into a lalafell."

"Forgive my words," Jancis said. "That sounds awful."

"Wait, truly?" came Denz's more emphatic response, glancing between both Miqo'te and Lalafell before looking worriedly over at Jancis. "You haven't attempted turning into an Elezen, have you?!"

"I-I hope not!" Chachan interjected quickly, sitting up a bit in the water again. "I like Ms. Jancis th' way she is... jus' like I like Zhara th' way SHE is. We're gettin' Papa ta accept 'er... WIT'OUT changin' 'er inta somethin' she's not."

"Yeah... and I think I'm getting close," Zhara agreed with a smile before sinking her body in the water until it was up to her neck.

"We're really close, 'm sure!"

"My outer skin would make me no less unpure, no? A facade. You are not grinning at all." Jancis could only stare at Denz, before she started actually believing he had asked his question in earnest. "I like Zhara as she is, as well. And who she will change into without the work of spells and magicks. Though it is fun to see when her hair changes. The night she asked about your father Chachanji it was a vivid blue, like the ocean."

"O-oh, hair color'n stuff is fine..." he responded with a little shake of his head, oblivious to the pale tinge that overtaken Zhara's face. She hadn't ever told him that she had gone to Jancis for advice on his family. He didn't seem to overly mind the fact, or - at least - hadn't heard it. "I jus' don't want 'er tryin' ta turn 'erself inta a Lalafell again... o-or feel like she has ta act any way 'sides how she is."

"She would not be the woman you love otherwise!"

"Your heritage should not make you unpure," Zhara added quickly, returning to that subject. "If someone has a problem with where you came from then that's on them."

"Your lack of an obnoxiously long neck and ears does not make you -unpure-, Jancis," Denz cut in, his eyebrow twitching still from Jancis' earlier comment. He let out a sigh shortly thereafter, throwing his hands out in front of him. "Sorry, we are here to -not- pine over the worries of Eorzea. Halone knows we did not need to carry the weight of the world on us when we got on that boat."

"I know. It is my heritage that does," Jancis responded with a weak smile, tapping her soaked shirt. "I like your neck and ears. I can fit my palm almost the length on them."

The situation was getting a bit heavy again and little Chachanji could feel it. He glanced between the two, until the last bit of what Denz had said caused his eyes to light up a little. Shifting back into a full sitting position, he suppressed an awkward giggle before interjecting with: "I didn't need ta carry th' weight'a th' world. Jus' had ta carry th' weight'a th' boat."

That seemed to do it - Jancis' smile smushing into more humor at his comment, her hand coming up to blur the sight of it on her face. Denz, too, looked to be preparing some long-winded speech before the Lalafell's sudden interjection. Whatever he had planned dissolved into throaty chuckles, and he placed a hand over his face as well.

"We got carried across the ocean by a Lalafell..." he snorted, the laughter getting worse as he realized the sheer ridiculousness of the situation that had unfolded not even a sun ago.

"I-I think we might'a overdid it though..." Chachanji continued, trying to keep the mood positive. "I-I dun think I needed ta be THA' big..."

"Resting on your hand was oddly soothing, though. I think in coming suns I will look back on that with some sense of fondness." Jancis nearly holds her breath before laughing more at Denz's snorts, amazed by it, stuck in an loop at laughing for each she heard.

Chachan flustered a bit at the strange complement. "A-ah, w-well... I guess we could do it again sometime...? I-I did kinda like when we watched th' sunrise on th' island from ov'r th' cliffs..." He settles back. "'n... i-it ain't so bad now tha' it's... kinda under control? We know wha' causes it 'n how ta undo it..."

Zhara had been looking up at the sky through the steam, lost in her own thoughts. When she spoke up again, she returned to the topic that Chachanji had awkwardly attempted to divert away from. "I mean..." she breathed. "Yyou know a lot about the Twelve, you're a very good person who cares about others. What could be more pure than that, Jancis? It's who you are that makes you pure, not where you came from."

The little Lalafell tensed at the revival of that topic, but Denz instead let out a relieved sigh as his hand finally left his face. He sank further into the water. "Thank you, Y'zhara. You took the words from my mouth."

Jancis, on the other hand, regarded the Miqo'te with a flustered look - having been caught off-guard by the impactful words. Or it could be the hot spring. Or not. Her laughter died down and a thoughtful smile remained as she followed Denz's lead and sunk further into the water as well.

"You're welcome," Zhara responded, resting her eyes and letting out a relaxed sigh. "Ah... this is nice.."

"This is nice," Jancis echoed in agreement.

"'s kinda like th' hot springs in Eorzea... b-but it has its own kinda experience ta it..." Chachan murmured, resting his eyes as well. "I think I can act'lly smell th' rice wine a lil' bit on th' steam..."

"Yeah... it smells nice. Almost... floral, kind of?" the Miqo'te agreed. There was a long silence before she spoke up again. "So Chachan, I'm curious about something... what made you think of the name 'Gojirafell'?"

"O-oh... um... it's... uh..." He sits up a little. "'m-member th' story I mentioned a'fore yer Free Company's beach party? Th' story'a Goji? I... uh... kinda panicked 'n went wit tha'. I-I mean... it kinda makes sense if'n ya know th' tale..."

"Oooo yeah I do remember! That makes a lot of sense."

Denz remained quiet as he let the other two talk, his hand floating in the water to seek Jancis' own. The Hyur was a bit oblivious, taking in a deep breath as the water did its magic, until she felt the graze of knuckles. Stirring, the back of her hand touched Denz's, fingers tapping at his lightly. "How long is the story, Chachanji?"

"Can't be longer than the story of the De'bayles and why we all get tattoos as babies," Denz sighed in chagrin, and getting a squeeze of the hand from Jancis in response.

"O-oh, um... it's not too long from what I 'member. I... jus' dun think I 'member 'nuff ta really... retell it," the Lalafell admitted bashfully, but by the clearing of his throat it seemed he was going to give it a try anyway. "Th-th' point'a th' story was there was a Kojin named Goji... who, when 'e was born, was th' smallest'a 'is clutch. He got picked on 'n bullied fer it, but when 'is clan got in trouble... he still prayed ta th' kami ta help save them. Th' kami, touched by 'is selflessness, blessed 'im wit power and 'e grew ta th' size of an island! Wit tha', 'e was able ta help protect 'is tribe by havin' them live on his shell 'n they roamed th' sea like tha' until they found a new home. Th' story says tha' after 'e passed away, 'is shell was used as a vault ta store all their prized possessions 'n gifts ta th' kami. That way 'e'd protect 'em like 'e protected 'is tribe."

"That is beautiful," Jancis stated. "The name suits you well. Even if you do not have a shell. You have beautiful hair instead."

"Yeah his hair is kind of like a shell," Zhara agreed with a chuckle, fluffing said hair a little with her fingers. "It's a really pretty story."

"A-ah... y-ya think so?" the little Lalafell queried with an awkward shrug as Zhara played with his floof. "But yeah, i-it jus' kinda came ta mind from me carryin' th' ship. Goji 'n Lalafell make Gojirafell." He paused for a beat. "W-well, I 'spose it makes 'Gojilafell'... but tha's what I ended up sayin' so I jus'... stuck wit it?"

"So..." Denz piped up, having opened his eyes from Jancis' hand squeeze and listened to the chatter from everyone that came from the end of the little story. "Not to bring this up already, but... How long are we staying here?"

"In th' onsen? Um... well... ya shouldn't stay in too long because ya can overheat 'n pass out..."

"Wh--" the Elezen started trying to shake himself awake further, his eyes scanning the water for his draconic companion. Lehs wasn't far and was fairing better than Denz's wrinkling hide. He was adrift, wings spread out, floating on the steamy water. Denz finally laughing and relaxing himself made the beast look lazy, the same thing he had chided earlier in the old innkeeper. His dragonling sighted, the Ishgardian ran a wrinkled hand over his eyes before clarifying. "Nay, in the East. I know we've but arrived, and apparently this -isn't- Doma, so..."

"That is the same question as on the ship, is it not?" Jancis ventured, though she clearly had a look about her that gave some truth to Chachan's words as well. Her skin was flush from far more than just Zhara's sweet heartfelt words. "O-oh!" Chachan chirped a bit sheepishly. "Um... well, we went through all th' trouble'a comin' out 'ere... so... a few suns at least? Did ya want ta head back sooner?"

"N-no, I can stay as long as necessary," the Elezen quickly assuaged, holding out his arm. " I just wondered if we were following a plan. Are we to spend all that time in this city?" As if to emphasize his point, he craned his head up towards the tower in the distance beyond the hot springs' front gate.

"There were other shops here. There might be books. Or a map. Dark ale?" Jancis stated. "I could do with refreshing some of my supplies as well. Not sure what grows around here to make my own. That would make the trip easier on us to restock here at least."

"We could go to the mainland of Othard if you guys want to get out of the city for a sun or two," Zhara suggested. "It's just a matter of finding transportation over there.."

"I mean... I guess we could go out onta th' Ruby Sea?" Chachan agreed tentatively. "Or, if'n... yeah... I guess if'n thin's've calmed down enough, we might be able ta head inta Yanxia... if'n we can find a way there, yeah..." He was either suddenly oblivious to the fact that he could be their way over, or actively not mentioning it. Perhaps to keep even more people from potentially witnessing the Gojirafell.

"Hey, yeah! We could go to Yanixia. Isn't that where you're from?"

"Th' mountains 'round there, yeah... though there wouldn't be much ta see... what wit th' razin'."

"You did not plan on returning to your place of origin during this trip?" Denz asked, weighing in on the discussion as well. Chachanji had lapsed into silence at the memory, however, recalling how he had felt when he had heard of the razing while he was far away and safe in Ul'dah. The silence slowly started to spread to the rest of the group, but was suddenly broken by a roar from out by the front of the springs and the bustle of feet against stone.

[ernmark]

how does juno's power work in the soulmate au? can he only read nureyev's mind or is peter's just especially noticeable to him?

I almost feel like answering a question in fic form is about equivalent to answering it by bursting out into a random song-and-dance routine. I don’t know if this is a good or a bad thing, but I’m gonna roll with it regardless. 

Superpowered Soulmate AU | Part 2 | Part 3

Sleep is hard at first.

That’s what happens when you can suddenly read minds and you live in an apartment building with more than a hundred other occupants. 

Sure, it’s easy enough to tune them out during the day, when you can blend them all into the ambient chatter of a crowd. But then night comes, and slowly minds blink into unconsciousness, one after another. As the number of voices goes down, each individual one becomes more distinct– and as it turns out, I’m not the only one whose thoughts get darker as the night gets later. Three in the morning is the hour of the overworked and miserable: the college student who’s up studying until the words stop making sense in her own head; the little old man who counts the cans in his pantry and wonders how he’ll make them last until he gets his next social security check, the single parent who tries to look carefree for their kids while they’re wearing away into nothing. It’s bad enough dealing with my own issues without getting caught up in somebody else’s spiral. 

For weeks after I met Peter Nureyev, I can only manage to sleep after I’ve driven himself into exhaustion. Eventually I train myself to tune them out into a faint hum, and then to shut them out entirely, but it takes a constant effort to make that happen. Even then, sometimes other people still manage to slip into my dreams.

It’s wearing on me. I’m used to going with a few short hours of sleep– hell, when I was fresh out of the Academy I pulled all-nighters all the time– but I’m thirty-eight and my body can’t take this for much longer. What I need right now is rest. Real rest. You’d think that between Sasha’s promotion and Vicky’s ex, I’ll have covered my quota on stressful situations for a while, but I know better.

These things always come in threes. Right now the best I can hope for is that whatever happens next will come and go while I’m passed out in bed.

It takes less effort than usual to keep out the ambient voices as I trudge out of the elevator and into the hallway. Maybe it’s because it’s after goddamn midnight and most people are asleep for once. Maybe it’s because I’m so tired that nothing else is seeping through.

– should be here any minute now. Assuming he didn’t need to stop anywhere along the way? Vicky didn’t say anything about him being hurt–

Only one voice seeps through, and instinctively I try to shove it out of my head while I’m digging for my keys. It’s a loud one, though, and clearer than most. Funny, really. It almost sounds like…

Realization dawns on me just as I push open the door.

“Hello, Juno.”

The hotel must be soundproofed or something. And yeah, that makes sense, rich people have a lot of secrets and a lot of money to spend on things to keep those secrets a secret, but you’d think that they wouldn’t necessarily know to soundproof against mindreading. I don’t even know how you’d go about doing something like that. Where would you even start? Lead sheets in the wall, maybe? I’m pretty sure that would violate health codes.

But despite the fact that this resort is about as packed as a high-rise apartment building, it’s weirdly quiet inside my head. Sure, other people’s thoughts are there, but it barely takes anything to shut them out. 

All but one.

I don’t notice until I step out to call Rita. At first I’m glad to be rid of Nureyev and the hurt and resignation that’s radiating from him. The farther I go down the hall, the softer his voice gets, and the more it gets lost in the chatter of other voices in the surrounding rooms. I duck out onto the fire escape, but the fact that I’m alone makes no difference. It still feels like I’m in the middle of a rush hour crowd.

I try leaving a message to Rita, but my sentences are rambling and convoluted, because I can’t hear myself think anymore. Before I can spit out a single coherent thought, the voicemail ends my message. I stare at my comms in frustration for a few moments, debating whether I should call her back and try again.

Would it make any difference? I don’t think I’d be any clearer the second time. Besides, she probably gets the idea.

My knuckles tighten around the classy cast iron of the fire escape’s hand rail. Now that Nureyev has his coordinates, he doesn’t need me anymore.The garage isn’t too far from here. I could grab my car and go, and then drive out into the desert. Sure, it’s cold and desolate and completely empty, but at least it’d be quiet. 

Too quiet, sure, but right now I’ll take what I can get. 

Instead, I make my way back to the room Nureyev rented for us. 

I’m maybe three rooms down before his mind rises above the noise. It’s an oddly melodious mind: the main tune is steady and even, going through the routines of evening ritual. Every now and again it’s interrupted with staccato stabs of worry or hurt or anxiety, but just as quickly they’re tamped down and pushed to the back of his mind. The elements are still there, but they’re no longer driving the song. 

How does he do that?

The anxiety hits a crescendo when I open the door. I can feel him carefully positioning himself so he can grab the knife on his thigh in a single motion, and the mental list he’s making of people who might be coming through the door, along with plans of what he’s going to do for each one.

I raise my voice. “Hey, Rose. I’m back.”

The anxiety drains away, but the tension stays behind. He may not be worried about me trying to kill him, but he’s still bracing for the next accusation, or the next slap in the face, or the next...

Okay, so maybe I’ve been a bit shitty to him.

He’s still in the bathroom, washing his face. With most people I only really get surface thoughts and extreme feelings, but I can feel the cold water on Nureyev’s face and the sting of soap in his eyes.

There’s a door between us. That’s probably for the best. It’s easier when I don’t have to look him in the eyes.

“Hey, Rose?” I say, loud enough that he can hear me through the door. “Listen. I know I’m not--” Ugh. What am I trying to say, even? I’d blame it on the ambient voices, but they’ve all blended into an unintelligible babble. “You put yourself on the line for me earlier. I can be a bit slow on the uptake sometimes, but I do appreciate it. You... We make a good team.”

I’m not even sure if it counts as an apology-- and if it does, it’s a shitty one-- but Nureyev’s dread softens.

He opens the door with a smile so alluring that you’d think he’d forgotten the whole thing. I can feel the reality underneath, but I go along with his facade. 

“Why, Detective. Does that mean you’re actually going to try trusting me?” 

A part of me wants to tell him no, just because I’m an asshole. Instead I manage a grudging, “It means I’m thinking about it.” 

His smile warms -- and Jesus, how does he look just as good without a full face of makeup?-- but he doesn’t make anything of it.

“I’m finished in the bathroom if you need it,” he says, slipping past me.

I can feel him as I get ready for bed. Maybe that should be a bit more uncomfortable than it is, but mostly it’s just... nice. A companionable silence, or close to it. The other voices are so far gone that they feel almost like they’re on the other side of a concrete wall. I can’t even feel awkward about slipping into the bed beside him; after all, he’d feel just as close if one of us were to curl up on the couch for the night, and I’d still be feeling sore and achey afterward either way. We might as well use the big fancy bed while we’ve got it, right?

That’s all it is: purely practical, and nothing at all to do with the warm affection that rises from Nureyev when I lie down next to him.

For the first night in six months, I fall asleep without a fight.

[ellieptical]

Getting a little self-indulgent

I often see that post going round about women being misdiagnosed because Drs don’t listen to them or think they’re being hysterical and I add bits to it but I kinda just want to talk about my experience here. This is going to be kinda graphic and teeth related. 

So when I was 7 I’d had some headaches/toothache for a little bit but not really done or said much about it and then one day my top gum started leaking pus and blood. A lot. Mum took me to an emergency dentist who said I had an infection and gave me some antibiotics. A few weeks, maybe even only a week later it happened again, a lot. So mum took me to the dentist who said it looked like some sort of cyst or something in the gum area, but sent me to the hospital to check. X-Ray or two later and it was diagnosed as a cyst in my upper maxilla with an adult tooth that had grown up instead of down and was pressing on the nerves around my eye .The orthodontist shortly before slipping and sending the anaesthetic needle through the front of my lip rather than into my gum used this exact phrase to a 7 year old “if we don’t remove it you’ll go blind” so I had it removed through a Caldwell-Luc operation (don’t google this when eating or about to have one), they removed some jaw bone and removed the cyst and tooth.  Boom all fixed. 

At 13 I wanted straight teeth, so I went to the orthodontist who took an x-ray and told me I couldn’t have a brace (I already had a retainer) because there was a gap in my jaw bone and I’d have to have a bone graft from my hip. So I declined this. I wanted straight teeth but not that much, this will very much come back to bite me in the arse later. 

I felt lethargic, unwell, sore, headachey, nauseous, tired, angry, achey, tight in the jaw for a while, through uni, and early work days. It got worse and worse, my jaw started to get stuck so i couldn’t open it, my neck would start burning, I’d feel like my shoulders were on fire, I’d feel so impossibly exhausted. I started going for tests it was not: thyroid, cancer, a tumour on my adrenal gland, kidneys, diabetes, ME, CFS, Fibromyalgia, hypoglycaemia. Ferritin stores result came back very low. Took iron tablets, this didn’t fix it. Was referred to Maxillo-facial (henceforth macsfacs) who deemed it to be temporomandibular joint disorder. The consultant who diagnosed me also had TMJ and said on a bad flare up he’d rather get booted in the balls. Well that pain level seemed to tally with the pain I was feeling. So I took the tablets and hoped I’d learn to live with it. I did not. The pain got worse, I missed days and days of work. I would have attacks of pain for no reason, nothing would trigger them, or there’d be a draft at work and all of a sudden I’d lose three days due to pain so bad I couldn’t speak. I’d forget how words worked, I told someone I liked their sheep - I meant shoes. I’d start trembling, and lose feeling in my hands and feet, I start slurring my words, I’d pass out. Then I’d be mostly fine, sore and achey but fine really. But I kept going back to my doctor, and off for the next round of tests. I finally went to see macfacs and I saw an old, white male consultant, who sat in front of me as I cried hysterically and explained to him that the pain was so bad that I was going to step in front of a bus because it was intolerable and I will never forget what he said to me “well, I think you’re probably exaggerating, it’s not that painful or you wouldn’t be able to do half the things you do” I sort of gold-fished, and he said he was standing by the junior consultants diagnoses of TMJ and that I’d “get used to it eventually”. A few months later I was sitting outside my BSL course when I had one of my fits, I couldn’t feel my feet, I couldn’t say anything, I couldn’t ask for help. I was terrified. It passed, I was exhausted but I got through the class. I walked home. 

I called my mum at 2am the next morning, screaming down the phone that I was dying and didn’t know what I was doing, I kept asking her for help but gave her no instructions or anything, largely because I didn’t know I’d called her and left a voicemail on her machine. I think somehow texted my housemate with just the word ‘help’. She came bounding upstairs and helped. She tried asking me questions but I was out of it, I was just screaming, and she called my Mum who was already panicked trying to get a taxi after being woken up by her only child screaming into her answerphone that she was dying. I guess my dad was in respite at this point I don’t know. Eventually my housemate called an ambulance and they did the usual questions and determined I was probably having a stroke. Spoiler alert: I was not. The ambulance came, and the little man on the bike, and the slightly smaller ambulance - it felt unnecessary for 4 people to come out but they did and it cost me not a penny BECAUSE THE NHS IS FUCKING INCREDIBLE!!!!, and they took me downstairs whilst I flailed about and reassured my other housemate whom I worked with that I’d be ‘in tomorrow just a bit late’. I don’t really remember too much except a) gas and air is fucking incredible! b) i kept telling my mum and the man with the bleeding face next to me that I’d left my keys at home and I wasn’t wearing a bra. I eventually got seen and by this point the pain was subsiding and I kept apologising profusely but the A+E doctor pointed out that I’d experienced pain severe enough that a dispatcher and 4 paramedics (one of whom really thought I should have been admitted for a brain scan not put through A+E but it was 3 am so...) thought I was having a stroke. Not to worry but here were some lovely drugs. 

A few weeks later I saw my doctor again who this time thought it might be ME as nothing else was tying in but wanted to just rule out anything neurological so referred me to another Dr who as I described things listened and then sent me for a different scan. I got a referral through to ENT because it turned out there was a piece of bone in my face that shouldn’t be there. Basically the boney part of the cyst from when I was 7, they’d only removed the soft tissue. So I had an operation and they removed that. Some of the pain stopped. I didn’t have the same issues but it still didn’t feel right. I ended up seeing a locum as my doctor was off with their own medical issues. I kept saying it feels like there’s some swelling in my face and so I got two courses of antibiotics because eventually they referred me back. Another scan. Then an appointment out of nowhere with macfacs. 

Turns out macfacs has done a lot of reshuffling because everyone is new and when I mention the old guy they all go ‘ah yeah, he’s gone now’ with the strong implication that he was a cunt - possibly my inference but whatever. Turns out I had a tumour in my face. It’s benign in almost all cases, mine included thank god, but it’s rare 3% of the population get it, and almost always men, and it’s aggressive it’s main deal is that it recurs. I had one when I was 7, in 2012 and in 2015. It gets into bone and takes over. It’s why after my first operation my bone didn’t heal and I have a hole in my jawbone now. Like I said... shoulda got that brace! They’d have seen what was going on then. So I had another operation at Xmas in 2015.  I had the bone inside my upper maxilla, removed and sanded down, the nerves scraped or removed, and painted with essentially embalming fluid, I lost a tooth because the fluid touched it. It was a joint op between ENT and macfacs. I have to go back every year for 10 years and there’s something lurking but it seems to be just the weird shape I’ve healed into but I’m not taking it for granted. I still get some pain and flare ups because my bone is still regrowing. I can’t feel my top left lip at all or a lot of my cheek either. I have a permanently damaged shoulder because of hunching with the pain. I know now because they told me that I had trigeminal neuralgia as a symptom of this tumour, which it’s rare that it would have a tumour as an underlying cause but I did. It can flare up from eating, from the wind on your face or from nothing at all. I explained to person after person what I was feeling and it took so long to get a diagnosis and a fix. The only reason I got it was because of my Doctor who listened and persisted. She’s a female doctor. There are three other female medical professionals in this story. The paramedic who thought I should have a brain scan, the A+E doctor who told me my pain was valid and the neurologist who listened and thought to send me for a different type of scan. They all listened to what I was saying, or slurring. My doctor kept trying, she didn’t abandon me, she really did everything she could. Including handing me copious amounts of tissues whilst I hysterically sobbed at her. So many of the male doctors I saw and see regularly now are lovely and so kind but I had to fight to get them to listen, they had to be shown evidence before they’d believe me. 

I am so grateful that this whole debacle was on the NHS it didn’t impact me financially, I was able to work, I am very aware of the privileges I have but it’s only now as I start to feel fully better (well, the iron is still an issue), and have a friend experiencing migraines so look up things for her that I start to realise how much shit I went through and how angry I am that something that should have been solved when I was 13 was only solved when I was 29. If you know something isn’t right with your body keep persisting, get someone to come in with you - preferably a man, change doctors if you have to and you have that luxury, ask for a second opinion. 

And finally, if one more person says ‘oh it’s like having a wisdom tooth out’ I am going to fucking put pressure on their trigeminal nerve!!!!