#even if the destiny you want is really stupid and makes no sense

[the-meat-machine]

how do you think caliborn would react to trans people? like, i could see him going either way, although i think the idea of someone being mtf would absolutely fucking baffle him. but, like, otherwise im pretty torn on him.

(Content warning for transphobia, misogyny, and binarism.)

So, just to address this right off the bat - I don't think Caliborn would be a bioessentialist. He has less than zero understanding of human anatomy. The idea that gender is in any way connected to what someone has in their pants would be bizarre and alien to him.

That doesn't mean Caliborn wouldn't have incredibly shitty attitudes towards trans people. They'd just be shitty in really weird ways.

The good(?) news is that I think he would approve of trans men. (Whether we want his approval is a different story, however.) Trans men have made the only correct choice with regards to gender and he hopes they get strong and grow lots of manly muscles.

Meanwhile, learning that trans men exist accomplishes the heretofore-thought-impossible task of making Caliborn respect women even less than he already did. You mean all along they could have chosen to be men but instead they decided to keep being women?? SO dumb.

And yeah, he'd be awful about trans women. They were strong badass males and gave it all up to become girls??????????? A literally inconceivable choice. It wouldn't occur to him to disbelieve that they're women, but frankly that only makes his contempt for them all the greater.

He has no idea what to think about anything outside of the binary. He feels that opting out of the system should be against the rules, and it is confusing and frustrating that apparently it isn't. He grudgingly respects that at least they had enough sense not to be women. Except, they could have chosen to be men like the trans men did, right? So what gives. Why didn't they do that. Stupid.

So yeah, that's my interpretation. Basically Caliborn is awful. Sorry.

[xavathun]

i am fucking Thinking about how death is handled in destiny 2 once again.

in regards to guardians it’s almost treated as like a joke or something deeply unserious? possibly even alien in a way due to how we kill and destroy and wreck havoc against our alien foes, but we ourselves never die. it’s really interesting to me cause there really isn’t a lot that can permanently kill a guardian so it makes sense we’d have this perception. like off the top of my head you have weapons of sorrow, hive rituals where the light is drained from a guardian, and paracausal beings which ofc includes other guardians. but that isn’t a lot, most deaths are not permanent and so this perception of death among guardians seems like death really isnt that big of a deal.

we jump off the tower and then get resurrected and have a little laugh about it. guardians constantly kill each other for fun in crucible. we are always doing incredibly stupid shit but we are rewarded because our enemies do not share in our immortality. it’s fascinating bc this not only makes us become riskier as time goes on due to being rewarded (enemies defeated) for our lack of self preservation, but this also makes guardians as a whole uniquely unsuited to handle grief and loss. if you spend your whole unlife winning and thinking that if a friend dies they’ll just come right back, it’s such a shock if (or rather when) they actually do die permanently. and then that guardian has to spend the rest of their immortal, undying life remembering. they have to live with that while they watch the newer guardians flood into the tower with the same naive disposition as they once had.

i’m sure guardians know theoretically they could die permanently at any point, especially because of those like dredgen yor, but i feel like for most it’s one of those things that most would say “well that would never happen to me” until it does happen. guardians seem to just have this inability to let go and it makes me want to bite drywall because i think abt it too long and start going feral. like!! the past may be the past but it sure doesn’t feel like it when you’re immortal and you remember that shit clear as day!!! aghhhh pacing around my room in circles and eating ROCKS

[personasintro]

Mutual Help | #54

↳ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; in order for you to pretend to be his girlfriend, he helps you with your sexual desires ⏤ he calls it mutual help

⇢ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: jungkook x reader

⇢ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fake dating au, fluff, angst, smut, slow burn

⇢ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit language, mature content

⇢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 21.2k+

⇠ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯. | 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ⇢ 

“No.”

“But–”

“I said no. What's not clicking?”

You should've expected this response and reaction. Not even in your wildest dreams you imagined this to go smoothly, the lack of sleep you've managed to get after yesterday speaks for everything. Not only Jungkook and the argument your friends witnessed so openly clouded your mind and made it difficult for you to surrender yourself to tiredness, but also wondering how you will throw your idea at Yoongi the next morning. 

This is all your fault and you shouldn't have spoken when angry and annoyed. The idea of inviting Yoongi to your camping trip is not only stupid but it doesn't make sense either. To be honest, you're aware of Jungkook's dislike toward your co-worker and he didn't fail to show it yesterday either. That's why you stubbornly said he's coming too. 

“He's not even your friend.”  

Jungkook might be right about that, but you're going to prove him wrong. You will drag Yoongi there whether he wants to or not, whatever it takes. You've been determined and pretty confident until now.

You haven't even managed to fully explain yourself before Yoongi straightforwardly dismissed you during the lunch break. Not only have you been bracing yourself to approach him, you feel embarrassed how blunt and rude he is about it.

“You didn't even hear me out.” you exclaim, thanking God there are no other co-workers witnessing this embarrassing moment of you ready to beg Yoongi.

“And I didn't have to,” Yoongi shrugs, taking a sip of his coffee as he cocks his brow in your direction, silently challenging you which makes your blood boil. 

Two people have pissed you off in less than twenty-four hours. And it's not because of your period. Yes, you got it and you never thought you would be happier about it, even though there was a really low risk in the first place. Still, it calmed down your nerves and you wondered whether you should inform Jungkook about it, only because you were too relieved and excited. In the end, you decided not to because that could be potentially weird. All of this was before your argument that took place yesterday. 

“I don't even want to know why you invited me somewhere. There has to be some kind of ulterior motive for it.” He squints his eyes suspiciously at you while you roll your eyes at him. 

“I know it's weird but–”

“Fucking weird,” Yoongi cuts you off, your mouth shut as you glare at him while he takes a calm sip of his steaming coffee. “Now leave me alone so I can enjoy the rest of my lunch break.”

What would you do if you could just kick him in the ass for being such an asshole? You really want to do that and for a second you contemplate on doing that, but then you're reminded what you got yourself into. You're stubborn and you're determined on showing up with Yoongi.

“Yoongi!” you call out to him, your cheeks heating even in a bigger embarrassment how panicked you sound.

But thankfully, he turns around and doesn't ignore you. However, he looks already tired of you and he doesn't fail to not show it. Besides the dark hair that has gotten longer in the back and frames his face, annoyance and tiredness does too. You're the unmistakable reason behind it. 

Taking this chance, you rush back to him, too scared he's going to leave and leave you to your destiny and humiliation. You won't give any satisfaction to Jungkook. It's petty and childish, but you're not backing down.

Your next words are painful and you just can't believe you're saying them to Yoongi – out of all people – but you have no one else to ask. “I need your help.”

His face remains stoic, doesn't give any sort of reaction and the longer he stays quiet with the coffee in his hands, the more you feel like the floor could swallow you whole. You wish it would. The idiot is never going to live it down once you actually explain things to him. Not that you will give him a full explanation, but he won't believe you if you just tell him you want him there. Both of you know that's proper bullshit. 

“You need what? Say it again.”

Argh, this idiot. 

You swallow down your pride, still throwing him a glare before you mutter through your clenched teeth, “I need your help, you idiot.”

“Now, I don't like that. You don't call names, someone you ask for help. Bye.”

For fuck sake! 

“Okay, okay! I'm sorry,” you whine, grasping him by his wrist as he follows your hand with a frown which makes you let go. “I need your help, please.”

He studies your face, frowning before looking away in annoyance and a moment later, he lets out a tired sigh. “What is this about?” 

“I need you to come with me on a camping trip.”

“You said that before.” He points out. 

You didn't exactly say that. 

“I'm going on a camping trip this weekend, I want you to go with me.” Is what you exactly said.

“And my answer is still no.” He turns to leave but you jump in front of him.

“Can you please let me explain?” you whine, pouting which makes him scrunch his nose. You don't wait for a response, knowing he really is about to leave if you won't do something quickly. “I kinda told my friends you're coming and there's no going back.”

“And why would you do that?” He squints his eyes again. 

Poking your inner cheek, you look away for a moment in a mere embarrassment. “I got into an argument with Jungkook. He pissed me off and it somehow came out of me.”

“Ah,” he lets out, emphasizing his realization too much and it pisses you off. “So you're using me because you want to piss your boyfriend off?” 

To be honest, you completely get Yoongi and why he would never agree to this. He has no reason to. Even if he could easily refuse because of you alone, he and Jungkook haven't ended on a good note the last time you can remember. Bringing Yoongi with you could cause some serious problems and it's only now that you think of the possible consequences. As long as both of them behave, there should be no issue. 

But the guys are welcoming and friendly, they surely wouldn't be rude to Yoongi and even though he's an asshole, you wouldn't put him in that position of inviting him to somewhere where people would be assholes to him. You're not that dumb. Jungkook can behave too, as long as Yoongi doesn't provoke him but you wouldn't bet on it. 

“He is not my boyfriend,” you grumble. “And no, I'm not using you. I think. I don't like the sound of that.”

“So how would you explain my presence there if it's not to piss him off?”

Sighing, you scratch your temple. “No. I need you there because I said you will be there in the heat of the moment. And I'm not giving him that satisfaction of showing up without you.”

“Wow,” Yoongi hums, “You're very persistent.”

You only stare.

“And stupid if you think I'm going.”

“Yoongi!” you whine, almost stomping your feet. “I will do anything you want. Please. The food is free, I will pay for everything there and you won't have to pay for anything. Come on, you don't want to spend the weekend in a nice nature with good food?”

His lips twitch in amusement when you're bluntly trying to persuade him. But the pride is out of the window now. “Not really.”

You groan, “Our friends are coming too and they are really great.”

“I've got enough friends, thank you.”

“No, I meant you would have a great time there. And not mentioning you would seriously help me. I'm desperate Yoongi, if you can't see. I'm practically begging you at our workplace, throwing away my dignity. Come on.”

“I don't like camping.” he informs you, not showing any kind of interest of actually agreeing and you're seriously close to crying. He's making it difficult for you. 

“I will buy you breakfast or lunch every day for a week.” you blurt out, wondering what on earth could Min Yoongi possibly want from you. 

“A week? Is that how much my presence is worth?” 

It's not worth even an hour, you want to say. But you clench your teeth instead and take a deep breath. “For a month.”

“Hm, that's better.” he muses, taking another sip of his warm coffee now. The steam is gone, a reminder of how long this begging has been going on for.

“So? What are you saying?”

“I don't know, Y/N. I don't really want to spend my free weekend with you and your friends.” he admits shamelessly, completely ignoring your look of disbelief that turns into a glare. 

“Trust me, I could imagine my weekend without you too.” you grumble and he leans his ear closer to your face.

“What was that?” 

Fucker . He heard you perfectly.

“Yoongi,” you beg. “Please.”

He stares at you, your foot impatiently and nervously tapping against the floor as you give him a look of desperation. He has every reason to say no . 

“Add coffee there too.”

You squeal in happiness, jumping repeatedly in place with your hands close to your chest and you're close to hugging him. Yoongi winces at your disposal of excitement and relief, throwing you an unappreciative glare. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” 

Yoongi sighs, “Don't make me regret it.” he grumbles, brushing past you as you still can't hide the smile. 

“I will text you the details!”

“Don't bother!” he calls out, his back turned to you but you ignore him, too engrossed at your own success of persuasion. 

“Let me get this straight,” Maya stops swirling the straw, not hiding her obvious shock. “You invited your friend because Jungkook decided to invite his own?”

“He's not my friend, more like a coworker.” you correct her.

You still can't believe you've managed to pull it off. Luckily, Yoongi never came to you to cancel the whole camping trip like you feared. Still, you hope he will show up and won't bail on you last minute. He is Min Yoongi. He is capable of anything and you wouldn't put it past him. 

You and Jungkook still haven't talked since that day of your argument. What can't be said about Jimin who showed his obvious confusion, not forgetting to give you another lecture through texts. Taehyung called you both dumb but never really said anything else besides that. To say it this way, you had no one to vent to and when Maya asked to hang out before the trip, you agreed straight away.

She gives you a look, though she doesn't judge while she tries to wrap her head around what you've just told her. She knows about Ester coming, Jungkook didn't forget to inform everyone in the group chat that has been created purposely for this trip. It was two days after your argument and his message made your eyes roll. Namjoon offered to help with the tent situation even without Jungkook asking and you found yourself to be annoyed with him because of it. But you know that's stupid because he's just trying to be helpful. 

Why does he always have to save the day? 

In two days you're leaving on this trip and the closer it gets, you wonder if coming at all is a good idea. Maybe you could cancel it, fake sickness or something. But your friends would never live it down. They would see straight to your lie, not mentioning it would be suspicious as hell. 

“You guys are not talking now?” 

“No, we haven't talked since that argument. We don't have arguments like that often and usually, one of us reaches out first. But it's been days and nothing happened.” you explain, frowning at your drink.

“You're both stubborn,” Maya infers, “This is a mess.”

She causes you to groan as you want to rub your face frustratedly, but it wouldn't be worth ruining your makeup. “Don't remind me.”

“But things were fine before that, right? You guys are still…?” She trails off, doing a weird gesture with her hands but you understand it immediately as your cheeks flush. 

“Yeah, yeah everything was fine. But you should've seen him. Argh, this fucking sucks. I just got so annoyed because he mentioned inviting her all of a sudden. We barely know her, he barely knows her and he wants to play some kind of hero or something, I don't know. I simply questioned him and he got annoyed, making me feel like the bad guy,”

Maya listens attentively. 

“I mean, I wasn't a saint either. I am not a saint in this but he just got me so annoyed. The way he reacted and looked at me. Even the tone he used.”

Maya watches you for a moment, a smile threatening to appear on her lips and it does. She tries to hide it behind the straw but you catch it right away, giving her a look. “What?”

“Sounds like you're jealous.” 

You groan loudly, throwing your head back. “I am not… jealous.”

“That sounded really convincing.” she sings out and you glare at her. 

“I am not jealous romantically .” you elaborate. 

“Has Jungkook ever had any other female friends beside you?” Maya questions, causing you to shake your head. 

“No, not that I know of. No. I'm sure he hasn't. That's if we don't count Jia but she's Jin's girlfriend, well, wife now. She is also his ex's best friend but I don't think they're friends, friends if you know what I mean.”

“Ah, yeah. I totally get that,” she nods. “Well, then it's more than clear.”

You pause. “What is clear?”

“He never had any other female friends beside you and now he does. You feel threatened, therefore you're jealous.”

“I'm not threatened.” you chuckle, but the sound turns into a nervous one as your eyes widen. Are you threatened by Ester? You're sure you aren't. Your friendship with Jungkook is special. He is allowed to have other female friends.

Maya gives you a knowing look. “Maybe not completely. What you and Jungkook have… I don't think he's ever going to have that with her. But still, you never really had to share him with anyone else. Him inviting her is kinda out of the blue, but you're mainly jealous because you've always been his only female friend.”

You can't say she's far off. You admitted it yourself, you did feel jealous but hearing her saying it out loud to your face feels like a proper slap. You do regret acting like a child that evening, you shouldn't have been so annoyed at him inviting his new friend. You're not possessive or overly jealous. You never had a reason to be. But like Maya said, you never really had to share him. Not only him but your friends too. The three of you have been close since you met them. 

You've got a special bond and even though they've got more friends, you know none of them are that close.

“Do you know how I know this?”

“Hm?” you hum, taking a sip of your virgin mojito to shake yourself out of your intrusive thoughts.

“I can relate to you,” she says, “I had this friend back home. We've known each other since elementary school, we grew up with each other and I thought nothing could separate us. You know, the usual childhood friendship?” She laughs at the memory, though she doesn't sound sad at all. 

That gives you a bit of relief for some reason.

“She found this other friend in highschool since we went to different ones. She started hanging out with her more and more, I guess I felt threatened after a while. I was jealous. And I'm not the jealousy type either. I never felt that way before, but I guess it happens when you have a best friend. You get jealous, it's completely normal.”

Maya leans against the chair, giving you a brief smile. 

“We went separate ways shortly after. I'm not saying that will happen to you and Jungkook!” she quickly adds. “But we grew out of each other, I guess. What I meant to say with this, is that I felt similar and you're not wrong for feeling jealous. We're humans for fuck sake. Sometimes we don't understand each other and I see you kinda blame yourself for questioning Jungkook. But I'm sure you guys will be fine. Some silly argument won't separate you.” 

You almost tease her for getting too deep, but you know it would only be a facade to mask your appreciation for her. She always manages to ease your nerves. She understands you on another level. You usually have that with Jungkook. It's nice to have someone else too. What if Jungkook is going to have that with Ester?  

No, stop! 

“He is allowed to have other friends. I don't want to come out as possessive.”

“And you're not,” she assures you. “It's something new for you. Don't blame yourself.” 

You stare at her before a sad chuckle leaves your mouth. “You always make me feel better.” you admit, causing her to smile at you. 

“What are friends for?” she jokes, “But no really. I didn't say that because I'm your friend. I genuinely think this.”

“Thank you.”

She leans her elbows on the table, peering at you with brown curious eyes. “Tell me about you guys. How are you guys doing? Minus the whole argument, obviously.”

Knowing exactly what she means, you sigh and think it through. How are you and Jungkook doing? You're not sure great does justice to what you're experiencing with him. Reasonably, you wouldn't talk about your sex life with Jimin or Taehyung. Despite their openness and closeness in your circle, it would be weird to rave about having sex with their best friend. Even more now that Jimin knows and clearly showed his dislike.

“Jimin knows about us.” you inform her, filling her in with the latest news that involves your relationship.

“No shit!” She widens her eyes as you give her a nod. 

“Taehyung told him, accidentally but told him nevertheless. He didn't really have a good reaction to it, but I guess I expected that.” you explain. 

“Is Jimin not supportive? Or how would I say it? Understanding?” 

“No, no. He usually is,” you quickly go to defend Jimin. “He was concerned about our friendship. He just doesn't want us to ruin it.”

“Hm, I can understand that,” she hums. “But you two know what you're doing best. It's easy to judge or have a say when you're an outsider.”

Maya is right. Jimin didn't mean to hurt you in any way, even though his words were straight-forward and he didn't exactly go easy on you. The little doubt sparkling inside you is all his doing and you realize his words have cut deeper.

After all, this is something you and Jungkook talked about. You settled on having fun on your own terms, knowing it's not the most common thing – let alone it's not something you would imagine happening two years ago. But you trust each other, you're honest with each other and if any of you decide to end it, it's not going to be a big deal. This is something that is going to end eventually, you're both fully aware of that. It's stupid of you to let anyone or anything to get between that. 

And that's exactly what you're trying to voice to Maya who listens attentively and gives you a reassuring smile throughout it all. 

“I'm sure many friends or best friends sleep together. I don't think it's that rare.” she thinks out loud. 

“I would never imagine doing that with Jungkook. And it sort of happened… naturally? We weren't supposed to exactly sleep together, that wasn't the goal or plan. We just left that open. He wanted me to be comfortable with everything we were doing.”

“That's even better. That it happened naturally, I mean.” 

“Two years ago, we literally cringed every time someone brought us, dating. I mean, we're not dating but just the thought of kissing each other made us grimace.” you chuckle at the memory which makes Maya do the same. 

“Oh come on, you never thought Jungkook was a hot piece of ass before?” Maya arches his brow, giving you a look of disbelief which makes you flustered.

“No!” you exclaim without even thinking about it. But she gives you the look which makes you shift in your seat. “Okay, he was hot and I was completely aware of that. I have a pair of eyes, alright?”

Maya smirks in response.

“But I saw it differently. He was my best friend and I never imagined doing anything even close to–he was like my brother.”

“Oh, so he's not like your brother anymore?” she teases causing you to groan. 

“That would be weird if I said he is considering…”

“Ah, considering he fucks you now. I get it.” 

You glare at her, looking around to check if somebody has heard her but luckily, no one seemed to be weirded out. Thank god you chose the table in the far corner. Maya really is like a female version of Taehyung sometimes. Them and their big mouths. 

“It's weird. We have–we have sex together but in other moments it's like nothing has changed. I think that's why it works between us. We have sex but then we tease each other, and go back to being best friends. I know it sounds weird but–”

“No, it doesn't. I get that. It's good that you guys don't feel weird.” she agrees. 

“I trust no one like I trust Jungkook. I seriously can't imagine doing this with anyone else. I know he would never use me and I do feel comfortable with him.”

Maya studies your face for a moment and just when you start to feel weird, she smirks at you. “You're so whipped.”

You gasp, “No, I am not!” you argue. 

“Whipped for his dick at least.” she continues while your cheeks feel like they're on fire. 

“ Stop !”

“Hey, I'm supporting you!” she exclaims, leaning closer to you as she whispers. “Get that dick, girl.”

You hide your face with your hands, not knowing whether to laugh or cry in horrification as Maya laughs at your distressed state. 

“I told you this before. I don't blame you. Jungkook looks like he can fuck well.” Oh, she has no idea. 

“Maya!” you laugh, her lips stretching to a big smile as she shrugs. 

“What, I'm just honest!” she continues to laugh. “I don't think you would do this with him if he couldn't fuck you properly.”

At least she lowers her voice as she says this but you're still mildly mortified you're talking about this at a public place. Luckily, there's no one around you and that brings at least some kind of relief. Not that you care if some stranger hears that you get fucked properly on daily basis. But still, this is the first time you're experiencing this and you're actually talking about yourself, rather than listening to someone else gushing about their sex life. 

“Oh, you have no idea.” you mutter which catches her attention as she blinks through her long eyelashes with a curious gaze. “I've never had such amazing sex with anyone else. I didn't have many partners to begin with, but I still can compare it with my exes. No one even comes close to… Jungkook.”

Maya squeals in excitement, stomping her feet excitedly under the table with her fists tucked under his chin. “Tell me more!”

You give her a look of amusement, shrugging. “I don't know what else to say. Jungkook ruined me for anyone in the future. I'm genuinely scared of that, Maya.”

“Scared?” she questions, noticing the way your voice drops. 

“What if my future boyfriend won't be as good in bed? I know sex is not everything but fuck, with Jungkook… I really hope there's someone else with that stamina and skills.” 

“Hm, I had a fair share of exes,” she says. “I can really tell the difference.”

“No, don't say that!” you whine.

“Listen, Jungkook might be God between the sheets and all, but if you're having sex with someone you're in love with… it's just different. Obviously, you must have the spark with them in bed too. But if it's mind-blowing in bed, plus you love that person, nothing can compete with that.”

You hate how you automatically think about Jungkook and Kiko, wondering if he sees sex with his ex like that too. It's not like anything Maya said is not true. It does make sense, but you've never really dwelled on it before. But now that she brought it up, you hate yourself for thinking about his previous sex relationship with his ex. 

“I've never felt with anyone like I feel with Joon. The sex, oh my god, I never thought it could get better and trust me, my previous ex was a beast.”

You snort, covering your mouth with your palm as her face brightens. You can't even think about Namjoon and sex in one sentence. You feel like it's a sin but clearly, Maya doesn't mind to get explicit about her own sex life with her fiancé. 

Luckily, the waiter comes to grab your empty glasses when she finishes her sentence. You both order another drink plus a cheesecake as a desert. Caramel one for you, raspberry for Maya. Just when you think she's done with this topic as the kind waiter brings you your desert, she digs into her cheesecake as she bluntly says. 

“Have you guys tried anal? You should.” she says silently.

You inhale the cake in your mouth, causing you to cough furiously as Maya tries to hide her laugh. What the hell? 

“It's not for everyone but if you're prepared well, it's actually very nice.” 

“Maya, seriously?” you deadpan, lowering your voice as she laughs. You don't mention Jungkook hinting at this particular topic a few times. Now that you're thinking about it, you haven't heard him bringing it up in a long time. 

“Hey, why so shy now? Miss ' Jungkook fucks me so good '?” she mocks you jokingly, a laugh escaping your mouth as you kick her shin under the table. 

“I'm not sure if I'm interested in that… particularly.” 

“You're missing out, but you do you.” she sings out as you roll your eyes.

“I would never peg Namjoon as…” you trail off, making a weird face as Maya laughs at the sight in front of her. 

“Girl, he looks innocent okay? I'll admit that but when it comes to sex… he's anything but innocent.”

“I feel weird hearing this.” you comment, making her laugh again. 

“Okay, then. What have you and Jungkook tried? If you're comfortable talking about this, of course.”

Thank god this place is clearing out. 

Not only has Jungkook managed to give you some indescribable orgasms, the best you've ever experienced so far, but he has also shown you so many new things. And with what happened recently, the most memorable thing right now is very clear to you. 

“We… um, we tried–recently, for the first time we had sex without–”

“Oh my!” she gasps. “It's great, isn't it? I don't want to see condoms anymore.” 

You cackle at that, slowly shaking your head. It's different with her. Her and Namjoon are in a relationship, fuck they're getting married soon! 

“It doesn't matter. It was a one time thing. It won't happen again.” you dismiss her as her smile drops. 

“Damn,” Her shoulders slouch as if this information somehow affects her. “I admire your responsibility. I shouldn't admit this but I wasn't so responsible in the past. I wasn't dating some of the guys too. Obviously, I trusted them and we were exclusive. I'm not proud of this but sometimes we just couldn't control ourselves.”

Oh god. You're already having a hard time thinking about having sex with condoms. Not that it's amazing either way, Jungkook is amazing at this but the feeling of– fuck .

“Maya, girl, you're not helping.” you nervously chuckle as she giggles. 

“Has he…?” she trails off, making a gesture with her hand which has your cheeks heating up and eyes widening. 

“No!” you exclaim. “No,” you add more quietly. “We didn't risk that. I was already close to shitting my pants like what if.”

Maya hums, watching you as you nervously trace the rim of your glass. 

“Is it… how does it feel? I've never…” you admit, cheeks flushing as Maya gives you a comforting smile, silently telling you there's nothing to be shy or ashamed about. 

Clearly, she has more experience in this field and considering she has a fiancé, you really doubt they have protected sex which she actually confirmed herself just a minute ago.

“I've heard it's different for every woman. Some don't feel it, some do. It depends on many factors. I have to admit I experienced that with another guy before too, not only with Joon… but lemme tell you it was freaking good every time.”

You mentally whine, trying to get that idea out of your mind. Jungkook knew what he was doing when he pulled out. You also never even discussed the possibility of him cumming inside and deep down, you know it's better this way that it never happened. You can't entertain this idea for any longer, no matter how this has been your sexual desire too. You only came out clean trying to have raw sex. You never mentioned the next part, already feeling like what you were asking of him is enough as it is. 

“I was more irresponsible at this than you. Honestly, I don't know what I would do if I ended up knocked by some guy that wasn't even my boyfriend. I was wild back then. But many people do this. I really doubt most people that aren't even in a relationship have protected sex. As long as everyone's clean of course.” 

That's true. You heard many of your friends back home talking about this. It's one of the reasons why you've always been responsible about this. They were having sex with their boyfriends back then, all of them were clean so the only problem was the risk itself. And you're not talking about the risk of catching STDs or something. 

“You're on birth control, right?”

“Yeah.” you confirm. 

“It's worth the try, trust me.” Maya shrugs. “You said you trust Jungkook. You're exclusive and you're having the sex of your life with him. Just saying.”

“I don't know. I don't even know how he would feel about it.” you mutter, almost whining at the thought. No, no, no. You can't be thinking about this. Silly Maya and her sex experiences.

“Trust me, guys love it.”

You shut your mouth, slowly shaking your head. 

“Yeah, but Jungkook…” you trail off, hinting at what happened to him. You never talked about it with Maya but she knows, most likely from Namjoon. Everyone in the group knows by now, they just don't talk about it. Probably not wanting to make Jungkook uncomfortable, plus there's no reason for them to talk about it. It's none of their business. 

“That happens once. It doesn't have to happen again, Jungkook knows that Y/N.” Maya says softly, “I understand why you guys would be hesitant and it's totally up to you. I'm just speaking out of my own experiences.” 

“Yeah…” you mutter, taking a long sip of your second mojito. “We're arguing at the moment anyway. The last thing I want is to think about sex with him.” You don't like arguing or fighting with him. Sex is the least of your worries right now.

“Oh, you guys will make up, trust me.” she muses with a knowing look that makes you playfully roll your eyes. “Anyways, I'm excited for the weekend. We're leaving in two days. It's my first time going with you guys! What should I pack?”

The rest of the hour is spent with you talking about the weekend, though you can't help but feel nervous each day it gets closer.

Yoongi hasn't bailed on you. Surprisingly.

You don't think you've ever wanted to see him more than when you had spotted him waiting for you in front of his apartment building. Even when he bluntly ignored your greeting and insisted on going with his car instead. Swallowing down the offense once he eyes your vehicle, you're forced to put your stuff in his car.

Not that information of where Yoongi lives now changes things. However, it does feel odd to know such personal information about him, especially when he has remained mysterious to you to a certain level. You think you know him – not all of him that's for sure – but you don't know much. You're both not the type to talk about casual stuff. That's definitely weird.

Once you get inside the car, you complain saying you've already refueled your car but it gets ignored by Yoongi. To be honest, the road to the camping area is a little on the bumpier side and Yoongi's car is more suitable for it. You don't tell him that though, handing him some cash for the fuel rather disheartedly.

He remains his usual grumpy self, barely saying anything other than telling you to turn on the GPS and put the location there. You try to tell him more about the trip, feeling too awkward to just sit there for a few hours with zero communication. But soon enough, Yoongi tells you to shut up and turns up the volume of the radio. 

Annoying dick.  

You remind yourself, you're thankful for his presence either way. You really thought he would bail on you at the last minute.

You make a short stop at a gas station, Yoongi complaining he needs caffeine if he has to put up with your ass for the rest of the weekend. Not getting discouraged or letting his words get to you, you offer him a sarcastic smile as you send him a flying kiss. 

Not commenting when he brings you a coffee too, you silently thank him. You wanted to tease him about it, but the look he gave you warned you not to. After all, you don't want to piss him off.

“Thanks for coming with me.” you mutter with a straw in your mouth, dodging Yoongi's eyes as soon as they set on you. 

He has decided to sit outside at one of the tables for whatever reason — to be honest you stopped listening as soon as he opened his mouth to complain. But hey, you've kept your mouth shut for the sake of both of you.

“Hm? I didn't quite catch that.”

Even without looking at him, you can tell from his tone that he has definitely caught that and he's just being a menace. Giving him a look, you see his brows raised feigning innocence which makes you roll your eyes.

“I said thank you for coming with me,” you repeat slowly, emphasizing every word which makes him lean back in approval. “It's not like you're doing this for free,” you mutter, catching his glare before you add. “But I appreciate it regardless.”

“I'm already regretting it.” he mutters back.

“Well, you're here, aren't you?” you retort, fixing your sharp tone. “Let's just enjoy it. Everything is gonna be fine and fun.”

You do sound like you're trying to convince yourself rather than him. He keeps his eyes on you for a moment longer, probably thinking the same thing but luckily, he doesn't comment on it as he ushers you to stand up so you can leave. 

The rest of the drive is spent in silence, your own nerves getting to you as you slowly start regretting going. Why, though? Because of Jungkook and your stupid argument? That's not a reason for you not to enjoy the weekend you've been excited about. Sure, it's not under the best conditions but still. Of course, you know you will not be able to enjoy it when you and Jungkook aren't on good terms at the moment. There's tension and an unspoken argument you should talk about. Maya was right. You're both stubborn and you don't plan to be the first one to crawl to him. 

Not necessarily. Depends how he's going to act. 

With each minute and the scenery you're starting to recognize, you consider asking Yoongi to make a u-turn and drive you back home. He would surely be happy. But you don't do that. Not even when it seems like everyone is already here, unpacking and sorting things that need to be taken care of before you can enjoy the proper camping. Jungkook's car is parked there, an awful reminder of him driving your friends.

After the little show you made before leaving Taehyung's place, Taehyung himself checked on you to make sure you really are going to get here by yourself. Petty you responded yes, you're going with Yoongi and Jungkook can drive his new friend in his fancy car. And yes, you worded it out like this. 

When you step out of the car, a set of greetings are thrown at you as Maya excitedly waves from the distance while she seems to be helping Namjoon set up their tent. Even Hoseok greets you with a friendly smile along with Jin, both of them informing you they're about to cook a meal since it takes time to set up the grill and prepare the meat. 

Their curiosity and attention is shown though, looking at Yoongi as all of them greet him friendly once you introduce him as your friend. You ignore the side glance Yoongi gives you and you hold yourself back from slapping his back. Luckily, even though he seems to be his usual grumpy self, he greets them back and listens to everyone as they introduce themselves to him. 

During all of this, all the breath is sucked out of you when Jungkook comes out of the parked caravan, holding a pack of coal in his hands. He looks up, obviously acknowledging the sudden and increased commotion and additional presence. The moment your eyes meet, you're not sure how to react and there's not really a space for you to do so because much to your shock, Jungkook looks away. He fucking looks away after two seconds of glancing at you before he bluntly ignores your presence.

Everyone seems to be too busy to even notice that awkward interaction, or the lack of, yet you still feel embarrassed and pissed by the way he just acted. And it's like the world mocks you because behind Jungkook is Ester, getting out of the caravan with packs of meat in her hands as Jungkook helps her. You watch their interaction as she shyly smiles at him, thanking him for his help as he smiles back at her and puts the packs down onto the small table prepared for Jin and Hoseok. 

They're already getting to work, surprisingly engaging Yoongi in a conversation as it seems he's helping them with cooking. Mentally fuming, you consider asking him for help but you know he would just ignore you or worse. 

“That one is yours.” Taehyung informs you, pointing at the unpacked tent tossed on the ground before he focuses on setting up theirs. He starts cursing while Jimin clutches to his stomach, laughing at Taehyung's distress. 

Glancing around, you find Jungkook and Ester building a tent together. You're not sure how he sorted out their tent situation and with whom she's sharing it. Not that you care.

Watching them setting it up makes your blood boil and you force yourself to look away with a clenched jaw. Not only do you see them right in front of you, you're left all alone with no help. You're not totally incompetent, so you get to work – mentally cursing at Yoongi for not even caring about helping you, not that it surprises you. At least it seems he's getting along with the guys. 

After a few minutes, it seems like you're doing a good job but you're not quite sure what step to do next. Sighing under your breath, you toss one of the poles on the ground. 

“Need help?”

Looking up, you find Jungkook with two bottles of sparkling water, holding them in one hand, tattooed fingers wrapped around its neck.

The tone he uses is cold and it's enough for you to feel too prideful to accept his shitty attempt to help you.

“No.” You respond with the same tone, looking away.

“Fine, suit yourself.”

Your jaw drops to the floor. You watch him walking away, joining Ester in front of their ready tent they've set up together as he hands her the bottle of water. Fucking– 

You did tell him no. He didn't even greet you and now he tried to help you? If that can even be considered as helping you because his attempt was surely poor.

“Do you need help? Maya said you're struggling.” Namjoon asks, standing next to you as he shoots you a dimpled smile as you glance at Maya who's setting up their sleeping bags. 

She shoots you a thumbs up with a big grin as you put your lips into a thin line. “Yes, thank you.”

Namjoon has your tent ready in less than five minutes, you've let him do his own thing since it seems like you're getting in way more than helping. Thanking him, you finally join the others while he goes to help struggling Taehyung and Jimin.

It's when Jungkook and Ester go fetch the water together, someone already gets curious even though they must've been informed about her coming too. “Are the two of them dating?” Jin asks curiously, flipping the beef.

“What? No, they're just friends.” Taehyung answers, giving you a glance which you bravely ignore, equally as Jimin's side glance. 

“Really? For how long? I've never seen her before.” Jin wonders loudly as this time, he looks at you completely oblivious to the argument you and Jungkook had, clearly asking the question since you're his best friend. 

“For like five minutes?” you mutter pettily, hearing Taehyung snort as Jimin nudges him.

Your little remark catches Jin's attention as he looks up again, giving you a weird look just as Hoseok does the same. You clear your throat, swallowing down the embarrassment at your obvious jab. 

“Just recently.” Taehyung tries to rescue you. Luckily the guys redirect their attention elsewhere and the topic of Jungkook's new friendship is no longer discussed. 

Much to your surprise, Yoongi seems to be getting along with Hoseok the most. The two of them have been talking for hours, in fact, you're not quite sure if you've seen Yoongi talking this much. Even his grumpy mood seems to go aside as you're a witness of his grin or anything that's not a frown or a glare. At least he's enjoying his time here. Not that you're not but things feel weird with Jungkook right there when you're successfully ignoring each other.

If any of them noticed it, and you know they did, they don't question it. 

“I see you still haven't talked.” Maya says after you've finished having a quick bite. 

Taehyung just proposed to go to the lake to cool down, since the heat seems to not be coming down even with the sun slowly setting. You and Maya are inside the caravan for some privacy as she walks around the corner in a bikini. You're still wearing your clothes, wondering if you even want to get into the water.

“No.” you confirm, looking away as she gives you a pitiful gaze with a pout. 

“Maybe you should talk to him.” 

Your head snaps in her direction, causing her to chuckle as she puts her hands up in surrender. Sighing, you relax as you scratch your cheek. “I'll just enjoy my time here.”

“You better start because you've been grumpy since you came here.” Maya signs out, cackling when you toss her shirt at her. 

In the distance, you can already hear others laugh followed by water splashing. “Wait up for me. I'll be right back.” you tell her, snatching your swimsuit as she salutes you, shooting you another smirk. 

The white swimsuit you've chosen this time is pretty casual, not revealing too much but still wraps your figure nicely. The top of your breasts are shown but besides that, it's pretty decent. You didn't make the same mistake like the last time, forgetting to pack one and you put it in your bag just in case. You're glad you did.

You don't necessarily feel nervous about wearing a swimsuit in front of the guys, but there is something sitting in the pit of your stomach when you look at yourself in the mirror, trying to see if anything is peeking out. This is the first time they will see you wearing it. It's not a big deal. You're not insecure about your body, even though it depends on the situation. Regardless of that, you don't show it off. There haven't been many opportunities for Jimin and Taehyung to see you in one. You don't count Jungkook since he has seen you naked, which can't be compared to wearing a freaking swimsuit or bikini.

It does feel slightly weird to come out of the caravan revealing more skin. Maya on the other hand looks completely unbothered. Maybe you should take her as an example. She's showing more skin than you do and she doesn't look as if she cares about anyone. 

Like you said, it's not about insecurity but knowing you're revealing yourself to them more than ever. Having their eyes on you and all that… You're being silly. They're your friends and you know they're no perverts. The problem is in you but you decide not to pay attention to it any longer, the heat slowly killing you as you can't wait to get into the water. 

“You're not coming?” you ask Yoongi, finding him still helping Jin and Hoseok with the cooking.

You catch their attention, their eyes respectively moving back to their task as they start discussing something relevant to food.

“Not a chance.” Yoongi replies, scrunching his nose as he looks at the nearby lake.

Chuckling at his evident displeasure, you don't comment on it but still ask. “You're gonna be fine here?”

He stares for a moment, “Yeah, surprisingly your friends aren't that bad.” he replies shamelessly and you gasp, ready to scold him about his impoliteness because there's no way Seokjin and Hoseok haven't caught that.

But much to your shock, they cackle at Yoongi's remark. “Yah, be good to us!” Jin says jokingly while Hoseok laughs while you stare at them dumbfounded. They act like they've been friends for years. 

Giving them a side glance, you consider this conversation done as you join Maya who's been waiting for you. You both walk toward the lake, seeing the rest of the group already there. What makes your breath hitch is not the amount of naked chests and abs you get to see – even though that's a sight to see – it's none other than Jungkook himself. He's in the water that's reaching up to his waist. His black hair wet as he shakes his head, droplets of water flying around him before he brushes his fingers through it. His tattooed arm is on full display as you swallow dryly, slowly averting your gaze to Maya who's gawking just as much as you do.

“Well fuck.” 

“Maya.” you frown, her eyes slowly and not very willingly shifting to you. 

“What,” she mutters. “Joon, baby!” she calls out to Namjoon who's getting out of water, grinning at his girlfriend. 

You raise a brow at her when she glances at you with a grin. 

“What, he would understand. He’s my boyfriend and I love him .”

She rushes to Namjoon as he hugs her, wetting her dry skin as she squeals his name and lets him attack her with kisses all over her face. Cute . Hand in hand, they both get to water together as the loving couple is in their own world. Great .

Stepping closer and taking a good glance at your surroundings, you spot Ester sitting on a towel still in her clothes and a book on her lap. She's not reading though, looking at the guys with a tiny smile. A bucket hat shields her face and head from the heat.

Seeing her like this, alone makes you feel bad for her. You know your stupid annoyance and jealousy is not her fault. God, you're such an idiot. You're close to dropping to your knees and apologizing to her, that's how desperate you're starting to feel. From the looks of it, she doesn't seem to know about what happened between you and Jungkook which makes you feel better. You would feel like the biggest asshole if she knew.

“Are you not going?” you ask softly, catching her attention as she sees you pointing at the lake. 

“Ah, no. I didn't bring a swimsuit but it doesn't matter. I'm not a big fan of water anyway.” She smiles warmly.

You're not sure if that's a lie or not. Apart from Jungkook whom she's friends with, she obviously knows Taehyung and Jimin but they're not very close, she's here with strangers. Not just any woman would be comfortable wearing a swimsuit in front of others when this is her first time meeting them.

“You sure? We could borrow you a shirt or something.” you propose, her face showing you gratitude as she gives you a tiny giggle. 

“No, it's alright. I can't swim, don't want to risk it. But maybe I'll dip my toes in later. This heat makes my skin melt.”

You chuckle, nodding in understanding. For some reason, you still linger around. “Are you…” She looks at you again, tilting her head up in curiosity. You clear your throat before offering her an unsure smile. “Are you having fun so far?” 

“Oh, yes!” she beams happily. “Everyone is so nice to me. I'm happy to be here. Thank you for letting me join.”

Your stomach drops and your smile falters, the corners of your lips almost shaking. Idiot, idiot, idiot. You're so mad at yourself. She's such a nice girl and here you are, feeling like a total dick because you made a scene about her joining you. Couldn’t she be a bitch? It would certainly make things easier for you. 

“Of course.” you feign a smile, your voice tiny.

“Oh!” She lets out, patting the space around her as she searches for something until she finds it. “I've got sunscreen here. Do you wanna borrow it?” 

You mentally groan at her kindness. “Thank you, that would be great. I forgot mine in the bag.” 

She hands it to you, grabbing her book as you stare at her for a moment, the corners of your mouth threatening to turn downwards at your own stupidity. You start applying it, starting with your legs and you do that for a while until your name is called behind you. Turning around, you find Yoongi walking toward you with a displeased expression. You almost want to laugh at how grumpy he suddenly looks. 

“They've sent you guys this to drink.” Oh, right . A pack of bottles of water in his hand.

“Aw, you came all the way here to give us these?” you tease him, staring at him as he puts the pack on the ground as he shoots you an annoyed expression. 

“Stop annoying me.” he grumbles and turns around to leave but you stop him.

You hear some water splashing again, along with Jimin's contagious laugh but you grab the sunscreen again and shove it in Yoongi's direction. It all seems to be bad timing because just as you're opening your mouth, Jungkook walks in your direction, staring at the grass beneath his feet. 

“Can you apply this on my back?” 

Just as you ask this, Jungkook's head lifts up and he's literally two meters away from you as he stops next to Ester. Your eyes meet for a split second but you quickly glance at Yoongi, finding him frowning at your request and the sunscreen in your hand. Meanwhile Jungkook reaches for his own towel that you've failed to notice before. He runs it over his hair to dry them off as he wipes the droplets of water off his forehead. 

Yoongi's eyes shift between your hand and eyes. “Do I really have to?”

You're gonna kill this man. 

“Yes.” you say through clenched teeth, shoving it to his chest as he shifts backwards a little. Then his eyes fall behind you, undoubtedly staring at Jungkook before his lips curl into a tiny smirk. 

Yoongi motions for you to turn around and you do, right met with Jungkook's eyes as he shamelessly stares at your face. You're so surprised that you momentarily freeze on the spot before you shake yourself out of it. 

“You good?” Jungkook asks Ester, both of them having a conversation right next to you and Yoongi as he starts applying the sunscreen on your shoulders. 

“Yes! Thank you again for inviting me. This place is so peaceful, this is definitely better than just hanging out in Seoul.” she smiles which makes Jungkook chuckle in return. But he has the audacity to stare you dead in the eyes right after.

You know what he's doing. He knows you heard her.

“Trouble in paradise?” Yoongi whispers into your ear as you mildly flinch. 

“Fuck off.”

“I will take that as a yes,” he muses behind you which makes you roll your eyes. “Your boyfriend is not so secretive with the glares.”

“Shut up.” 

You both know Jungkook doesn't like him. Actually, they don't like each other especially after their last encounter which you're glad didn't end up with a fist fight. It seems like Yoongi finds it amusing. He is a little shit after all, maybe he's enjoying this more than you thought.

“Ow, don't be so harsh!” you suddenly scold the man behind you when he slaps the sunscreen into your skin. He's not very tender with it. 

“I thought you liked it harsh .” he jokes, pinching your hip but that's the least of your worries when your eyes fall automatically on Jungkook. What the hell is Yoongi doing?

He glares the shit out of Yoongi, tossing his towel on the ground not too tenderly either which makes Ester surprised. 

“Can you two take it somewhere else?” he questions, eyes dark even under the bright sunlight. His tone has an edge to it, though he still makes it sound as if he's asking the most casual thing. 

You can't seem to react, too stunned to speak. 

“No, we're done here.” Yoongi muses, turning you around as he hands you the sunscreen back. He shoots you a wink before he retrieves back and walks back to the camping space. 

You thank Ester for her sunscreen, putting it on her beach bag as she smiles at you, clearly sensing the weird atmosphere in the air but she tries to not react. 

“Is he your boyfriend?” she asks innocently suddenly, asking timidly as if she's scared her head is going to be bitten off.

Before you can answer, not hiding your disgust and surprise, Jungkook scoffs under his breath which makes you frown. “Do you have a problem, Jungkook ?” you say his name with an attitude which makes him rub his finger under his nose as he scoffs again. 

He faces you with a straight face, running his hand over his hair again. You ignore him, ignoring the handsome motherfucker as you turn to Ester and give her your sweetest smile. “No, he's just my friend.” 

Glancing at Jungkook again, you find him giving you an amusing expression. Fucker . You both know Yoongi isn't exactly your friend. You're not even sure how you should categorize him other than your co-worker. He finds it all amusing. He lives for your pettiness because you both know it was the reason why you invited him in the first place. But Jungkook has to give it to you. You've managed to convince him. 

“What?” you ask in a deadpan manner at Jungkook. “Actually, no. Don't answer that. If you have any problem, take it somewhere else.” you feign the sweetest smile, not hiding your face from him when it drops as you make your way to the lake.

You can feel Jungkook's glare burning your back. It's safe to say it burns more than the sun above you. 

Despite your previous interaction with Jungkook, you're trying to enjoy your time here as much as you can. It's tough, the whole situation sits bitterly in the back of your mind and whatever you do, it's just right there . Just like he is. You can't exactly avoid him, it's impossible since you're on this trip together. Whenever you look, he is right there. It's even tougher to ignore his presence, but you two do it successfully and minus the weird stares you get from your friends, nobody seems to question the tension between you and him. 

All of you get called to eat after the fun at the lake. The talking never stops, it's almost impossible with this many people and you're glad for that. No attention is turned to you and Jungkook, so it helps with all the embarrassment of them having to witness you two ignoring each other. 

“Do you guys know the gender?” Hoseok asks Seokjin, lips pursed as he munches on the food they prepared.

Seokjin just ended a call with his wife a few minutes ago. She was kind enough to say hi to everyone when he put her on speaker. That's what has sparked the conversation of their soon to be changed life.

“Ah, so,” Jin sits upright as he wipes his mouth with a napkin. “Jia's cousin was pregnant and they told her she's expecting a boy. Turned out to be a girl in the end,” he chuckles as do some of you. “We've known the gender for a while, we just didn't reveal it. In case–you know. It's silly but yeah.”

“Okay, I know shit about babies let alone pregnancies. But aren't those scans pretty accurate?” Taehyung asks with a full mouth, not even looking at Jin as he stares into his plate, too hungry to engage himself in this conversation more. You hide your smile. 

“I'm more interested in how you know about this.” Jimin teases, laughing when Taehyung flips him off effortlessly.

“Yeah, they are accurate most of the time but there are cases when it's mistaken.” Jin answers casually. “Anyway, we're expecting a little boy.”

The reaction is not what you would see if more women would be around. It's actually funny how the guys stay casual about it, some of them slightly gasping before nodding while the others just congrats. There are no squeals of happiness and excitement you see amongst women and the whole moment is amusing to you. Yet, you can feel they're happy for Jin in their own way as they congratulate him with wide and warm grins.

“Do you have any names?” Namjoon asks, engaging himself in the conversation as he puts more food into his mouth.

“No. It's so fucking hard to name another person.” Jin whines a little, laughing at his despair as some of the guys join. 

“You'll find the one when the time comes, Jin.” Namjoon assures him, squeezing his shoulder in support as the older smiles before he takes a sip of his beer. 

Namjoon takes the topic of conversation elsewhere as he asks about everyone's plans, not forgetting to mention he wants to go, of course, hiking. Apparently he has found a new spot and he would like to check it out tomorrow preferably. He asks who wants to join and you have to bite back a grin when Yoongi silently scrunches his nose, remaining silent as Hoseok, Jimin, Jin and Jungkook along with Ester agree to go. Maya watches him admirably, smiling at him because everyone most likely finds him and his love for nature adorable. Either way, he likes to stay active by walking long paths and mountains which can't be said about Yoongi and Taehyung. 

Either way, Taehyung likes to stay active in a different way and mountains can't give it to him. The last time you remember when you went hiking on last year's trip, he kept complaining along with you.

Seokjin goes to grab another beer for himself, silently excusing himself from the group. You do the same thing when Hoseok mentions something about snacks and you offer to go. He smiles at you in gratitude before he complains about the heat, fanning his face with his cap. 

“Get me one too, yeah?” Yoongi mumbles to you when you pass him, angling his head while he stays seated. 

“Get one yourself.” you reply, wanting to cackle when you see his little glare. Snickering, you poke the side of his head and happily jump away when he goes to slap your hand, frowning because he doesn't succeed. 

You both know you're going to get him the beer anyway. 

When you're inside the caravan, you find Seokjin opening the fridge as he pulls out a full six pack of beer. You exchange little smiles as you go gather the other things. 

“Are you having fun?” Jin asks, filling the silence as he sets the beer on a small counter, showing no interest in leaving. 

“Yeah, don't I look like it?” you chuckle, causing him to do the same.

There's a bit of silence while you rummage through a cabinet, grabbing some snacks for Hoseok not knowing which ones he specifically wants. You get one of each, some of the guys will want to share it for sure. 

“So… Yoongi,” he starts, chuckling when he sees you looking up at him, raising a brow in question.

“Yeah?”

“Interesting guy.”

That causes you to straighten up. “Did he say something? God, I'm gonna kill him if he was rude to you or–”

“No, no,” Seokjin assures you, rubbing his nose as he chuckles deeply. “He's actually nice.”

That makes you snicker and you try to hide it but there's no point. Seokjin's eyes are on you and you're pretty sure his ears are completely fine too. The look of amusement on his face is enough to let you know he has heard and seen. 

“Is he your friend?” 

Is he? You don't know yourself. Well, he's here but that doesn't make him a friend, does it? You still can't believe you've managed to convince him to come. It's not for free though. You can't forget that and fuck, you don't want to think about the next two months and what is expected of you. 

“... yeah.”

Seokjin snorts loudly, clearing his throat to collect himself. “That didn't sound convincing.” 

“What do you want me to say?” you laugh, “We work together.” 

“Oh, yeah he mentioned that.”

That makes your brows raise in curiosity. “Mentioned?”

“Yeah, we sort of played detectives on him with Hobi,” he jokes, “We were curious.”

He has a headband to keep his long dark hair off his face. It sharpens his brows and features.

“Don't worry, he was lovely.”

“That's… hard to believe.” you mutter more to  yourself.

“So, he's not your boyfriend then?”

Your eyes almost jump out of their sockets as you abruptly clear your throat. “Oh my god, no. Why would you think that?” you exclaim, causing him to laugh at your distressed face.

You actually know why. It certainly made some of them wonder if Yoongi truly is your friend only. Little do they know. It actually amuses you right after it disgusted you though. 

“Sorry, I just wondered. I hope you don't find me too nosy or annoying. He's actually nice, we had a good chat with him.”

You ignore the compliments about the most annoying person you know, shaking your head slightly to assure him that it's okay. “No, he's just a friend.”

“And Jungkook doesn't like him?”

That makes your eyes snap to him abruptly, raising your brows before you breathe out a shaky laugh. “Why would you think that?” 

“Come on, it doesn't take much to notice it.”

Your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. The face you make causes him to widen his eyes in a mere panic, shaking his hands as if to stop your embarrassment. 

“I just meant they never talk. Not that it matters, shit, forgot I even said anything.” 

You laugh out loud, “It's fine. They're not buddies, that's true.”

He nods in understatement. ”Well, I think he's a great guy so far. Bring him next time too.”

Yeah, like that will ever happen. 

You shoot him a smile though, “Sure.” 

The door of the caravan opens, Taehyung's fluffy hair is the first thing you see. “What's taking you guys so long?” he complains before even properly shutting the door. 

“We're coming.” You roll your eyes.

“Are you gossiping here without me?”

Seokjin grabs his stuff, brushing past Taehyung but not before patting his shoulder mockingly. “We would never dare to do that, Tae.” And then he leaves, leaving Taehyung with an amused grin.

“Fucker.” he mumbles.

Laughing a little, you start gathering your things. Since he's here, you might as well use his help. But your friend seems to have a different plan because as you look up, ready to ask him to grab some of the things, you find him leaning against the wall with a smug grin. 

“What?” you ask uninterested. 

“I get it you and Jungkook haven't talked yet.”

Sighing, you lean your lower back against the provisional counter. “If you take childish remarks as talking, then yes.”

“You're kidding.”

Chuckling, you shake your head. “No. We had a little… I don't even know what to call it, banter? Doesn't sound right… Anyway, it happened when we were at the lake.”

“No way!” he exclaims, “And I missed that?”

Taehyung's grin turns even more cheeky when he sees the look of annoyance on your face. He straightens himself, scratching his temple. Whatever Taehyung thinks about this whole argument between you and Jungkook, he only shows his amusement for it.

“Did Jin ask about Kook?”

“No, not about that specifically. I mean, none of these people are blind, right?”

He snorts silently, “You and Kook are usually very talkative and affectionate, of course they see something's wrong. But hey, at least they're not putting you in a spot, right?”

“It's not any of their business, is it?”

“That's true too.” he hums.

“We talked about Yoongi,” you say after a moment. “With Jin, I mean.”

“Oh,” Taehyung sounds surprised. “He's kinda nice, no? Grumpy for my taste but none of us is perfect.” 

That makes you giggle as you nod in agreement. “He does seem to be more… relaxed and talkative than usual.” 

“God, can't imagine how he is at work.”

“You don't want to know that.”

You both start laughing. Taehyung is not clueless about your co-worker's specific personality. Not just him, but the three of them had to listen to you complaining about him a few times. You would get so heated up, that in a way it was their source of entertainment. 

“Come on, let's go.” Taehyung motions his head toward the door, but not before he goes to you and helps you without you asking for it. 

With an appreciative look, you both get out of the caravan and bring the drinks and snacks to the table. Just as you're putting it down, you lift up your gaze finding Jungkook looking sideways as he empties the rest of his beer can. He crumples the aluminum and tosses it to the bag that's intended for trash. The last thing you notice is the way he tongues his cheek, jaw sharp and clenched, before you go back to your seat.

After everyone's stomachs are full, Maya and Namjoon decide to go on a walk and explore the surroundings a little. Politely, they ask if anyone wants to join and they're met with heads shaking. You're sure they wanted some alone time anyway. 

You and Hoseok clean the small table and gather all the trash, which he goes to throw away. You've been here for a couple of hours and you've managed to fill up the whole trash bag. Ester helps a little too, before she goes inside the caravan because apparently, the heat is not doing her well. You ignore the moment when Jungkook asks her if she needs anything, attentive and caring as always. You ignore Taehyung's subtle smirk that he barely hides when your glances meet in the midst of it. 

And Yoongi? 

The man annoys you to the core. Not only has he barely moved since he came here – which wouldn't be that big of a problem at all – but he doesn't even ask if you need help when you go to the car to grab blankets and sleeping bags for the two of you. You're not able to grab everything anyway, leaving you to grab a piece of each. But when you call out his name, ignoring the little frown on his lips, he finally lifts up his ass and walks up to you. 

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“What does it look like?” you mutter under your breath, already annoyed. “Sorting out our tent?” 

The second you say that, it's not the tone you use that causes Yoongi to almost choke on his spit, but it's what you say. Then his expression relaxes and he lets out a humorous chuckle. “Our?”

You raise your brows and give him a duh look. “Yes?” you ask with an equally dumb tone. “Where did you think you were going to sleep?”

“Not with you!” he exclaims, grasping everyone's attention with his overly dramatic reaction and including Jungkook's who's showing something on his phone to Jimin. It's enough that they both look up from the device, undoubtedly hearing Yoongi. 

“Feel free to sleep under the bare sky, then.” You shrug your shoulders, dismissing him and the gasp he lets out. 

“Are you serious right now?” He grabs your forearm, stopping you in your tracks. “You dragged me here and never told me about this. I thought I had–I don't know, fucking space where I can sleep. Alone.”

“Oh, don't flatter yourself. Is that such a big deal? The tent is big enough for both–”

He lifts his palm up to shush you, currently reliving his life crisis while Jimin timidly approaches the two of you. 

“I don't mean to butt in, but there should be one space free in the caravan.” 

“What? I thought we're out of tents and space.” Confused is what you are. 

“Uh, yeah. There are two single beds in the caravan, Hobi and Ester are staying there. But Ester said she's fine sleeping in a tent if someone wants to sleep inside. Maybe she could share a tent with you?”

Jimin sounds unsure, his attention fully on your expression as you look behind him and find Jungkook staring right back at you. Irritation stirs inside you.

“Caravan sounds better than a tent, anyway.” Yoongi replies.

“Why does she not share it with her friend?” you question instead, fully ignoring Yoongi who carefully eyes you and Jungkook with his sharp eyes. You know Jungkook has heard you, your voice has grown an octave higher and he scoffs loudly enough for you to hear. 

“Why don't you share it with yours?” he questions back, your jaw almost on the floor. You catch yourself just at the right time.

“I don't like camping that much.” Yoongi butts in, voice indifferent.

“Why did you come then?” Jungkook presses, clearly showing his inhospitality. This banter causes Jin to stand up, trying to see what's going on while seated Hoseok tugs on his arm.

“To piss you off apparently.” Yoongi shoots right back and you rub your forehead.

“That's not… that's not why he came.” You try to clarify to everyone. Stupid Min Yoongi! Why can't he keep his mouth shut? 

“Not apparently, it's pretty clear.” Jungkook talks back and you facepalm yourself, just as Jimin tries to get control of this situation. 

“Alright, everyone, let's take a breather. No need for any fights here.”

“I'm not fighting.”  

Both of them speak at the same time.

“Let her deal with it, Jimin-ah.” Jungkook says and you can only gape at the audacity. 

“Let me deal with it?” you exclaim over Jimin's shoulder, glaring right at Jungkook who literally laughs in your face with that sarcastic grin. 

“Yeah. Why should Ester lose her spot because of your friend? You should've arranged it for your friend, just like I did for her.”

Both of you are so fucking petty, but you're not backing down and just as you fume, Jimin squeezes your shoulder to comfort you, but it only does so little. 

“Yeah, you've arranged a lot of things.” you sarcastically remark, seeing him stare deadly at you as he clenches his jaw. 

“God, you're like kids in a candy store.” Yoongi exhales exhaustedly. “I'm gonna sleep in the fucking tent.” He is genuinely exhausted, despite his vulgarism, his tone is calm and tired. He thinks of this topic to be dealt with, but he doesn't know how stubborn you and Jungkook are. And petty. Childish too, but he probably figured that out by now.

“I'm sure you won't mind that.” Jungkook says, causing Jimin to sigh as you start scoffing loudly, not believing his words. To some, it might be just a remark but you know exactly what he's hinting at. He's making you a payback for your earlier remark. It's back and forth between you.

It makes Jimin clasp his hands tightly. “Thank you, Yoongi. These two can be difficult sometimes.”

Not that Yoongi himself wasn't difficult. If he never said anything about sharing a tent with you, you wouldn't be here and having a glaring contest with Jungkook. And you ignore how fucking hot he looks while being worked up. But all you want is to strangle him. 

Yoongi shrugs his shoulders, walking away to join Jin and Hoseok, but you don't see their reaction. Jimin eyes you and Jungkook equally, motioning for Jungkook to come closer. He scoffs but then Jimin says through clenched teeth; “Get here.”

Jungkook glares but listens. Jimin wraps his arms around your and Jungkook's shoulders, pulling you closer to his body. So close that you can smell Jungkook's freaking aftershave and overall scent. It does make you slightly regret opening your mouth. The scent is too nostalgic and it's making you sad.

Jimin forces himself to smile as he inhales a long breath. “I can see how you two are handling this perfectly.” 

You tense. He's talking about the conversation you previously had at Taehyung's place. 

Jungkook shrugs off Jimin's arm around his shoulders, walking away with his jaw locked in irritation. You realize your own jaw is clenched, ignoring Jimin's burning gaze to the side of your face before his arm loosens up. He walks away, leaving you to your thoughts that don't last too long. You occupy yourself by finishing your previous task, tossing the other blanket and sleeping bag rather aggressively into your tent.

Taehyung comes back from whatever place he was, wearing a new shirt.

“What did I miss?” he asks everyone.

He's met with silence. 

Everything and everyone bounces back from the stunt you and Jungkook have pulled. Except the two of you, of course. It might be because they don't want to make things awkward or known , or they simply don't want a trip full of drama. That's where the guilt comes again. The idea of ruining everyone's time here because of your own drama upsets you. What upsets you the most though, is obviously your current relationship with Jungkook.

Ignoring each other has continued right after he walked away as it’s continuing when everyone gathers around the campfire. The mood is positive, alive and even pleasant. It's not different from the last time you were here, and you're sure it's not any different from all the trips they experienced together. There's chattering and laughter, whether it's in a small group or almost everyone, accompanied with more alcohol and food.

The campfire lits your surroundings, keeping you warm as the sun has set a few hours ago and there's a moon above your heads. Therefore you've changed to a pair of old sweats and oversized hoodie, looking similarly to everyone else. You and Maya have been talking alone, letting the guys and Ester have their own conversation. For once, you're glad she doesn't bring up Jungkook again and instead shows you the venue of their wedding. That's what gets your attention for most parts and you're glad from the nice distraction. 

At least you don't have to avoid the direction of where Jungkook's sitting, even though his voice always finds you as he hangs out with his friends. You don't want to wonder how it would be if things were okay between you. You would've laughed with him, or would have something to say when he talks about a convenience store snack, one whose name he can't remember but you do. 

A group of two always leave to take a shower and do their night routine in the nearby building that's a part of the campsite. You've done it the last time too. It's one of the pros of this place. You get to spend a night or two sleeping outside, while still being able to use their services. It's approximately five minutes of walking, still out of sight though since you're surrounded by nearby trees. It leaves enough privacy for you as a group. There are other campsites where you literally have “neighbors” within a few feet away from each other. You're glad about this spot the guys have found. 

Since Yoongi doesn't know this place and literally anyone else could show him, you take it as your responsibility to be the one since you're the one who invited him in the first place. You've known him the longest. It wouldn't be nice to send someone else with him. Not that he seems to care, mindlessly grabbing his small bag of toiletries as you do the same. You're not going to waste the time by waiting for him. You might as well take a shower too. 

The walk there is quiet. No words are exchanged. You look for the right words, but you can't find anything. That leaves you to be silent until you reach the medium sized cabin, showing him the men's bathrooms after greeting the elder man at the desk. 

Much to your surprise, you're the first one who finishes first. For a moment you wonder if Yoongi has already left. You somehow thought you're going to wait for each other, even though he knows the way back by now. It leaves you curious so you ask the man if he has seen Yoongi leaving. He shakes his head and continues to check through some papers he hides behind the desk. You stay seated at the small rest area with two sofas.

Shortly after, Yoongi comes out with wet hair wearing white shirt and simple black sweatpants. He spots you, not showing any kind of emotion but you would've guessed he's surprised to see you waiting for him.

“Finished?” you question, standing up as he gives you a nod. 

Walking outside, you're met with fresh air and luckily for everyone, tonight seems to be warm. The constant silence does make you slightly uncomfortable, or perhaps it's the need to say something. Anything. 

“I'm sorry for dragging you here.”

Not sure where that came from, you stare ahead as you can detect his eyes on you. Yoongi is a tough guy to convince about anything. Deep down you're aware that you had a deal and if he truly didn't want to come, he wouldn't agree to it. It's because you look back to the earlier incident and you do feel bad for dragging him into it. 

“I am not.” he replies, leaving you wide-eyed as you glance at him.

“You're not?”

“No,” he says simply. “Maybe I'm no fan of nature and camping, but it's nice to get out of the city. Besides, some of your friends are nice.”

You roll your eyes at the emphasis, knowing exactly who he's talking about. You bite the inside of your cheek to prevent yourself from saying that Jungkook isn't bad. He is not. He is definitely not a bad person. You know you're the reason why Jungkook was never fond of Yoongi in the first place. He has always had your back, so when he heard you complaining about one specific co-worker that can be extremely rude and grumpy, he was having none of it. Then it's the obvious tension between them.

Both of them don't know when to keep their mouths shut. Not that you're one to talk. It's like they can't help it but get a rise of each other whenever there's a chance. You think it might have to do something with male ego. 

“I almost can't believe they're your friends.”

Snapping your head in his direction, he notices your glare without even looking at you as a playful smile plays on his lips. It leaves you huffing in return. 

“I guess I'm just embarrassed about earlier.” you continue the conversation, ignoring his way of teasing.

“As you should,” he hums and you gasp. “What? The two of you act like little kids.”

Like he's one to talk! “You were provoking him too, Yoongi. And don't say you didn't because you did and you know it.”

The corner of his mouth twitches. “Maybe.”

You huff out, chuckling at his answer mostly in disbelief. “You two are like kids too.” you mutter.

“Hold on, he's reactive too. He's not afraid to say shit. He's infuriating just as he's hot.”

You start coughing immediately.

“I'm gonna ignore that you just said he's hot.”

Yoongi shrugs with a grin, amused by your reaction and mostly the way your nose twitches. 

“Plus, you really are provoking him. I thought you liked it rough ,” you mimic his voice, “Seriously? What were you thinking?”

“I was just messing around!” he exclaims, laughing shortly after.

“It's not funny!” you exclaim back, nudging his side as he barely falters, grin still intact on his lips. “That's not just messing around.” you whine a little.

“Come on, it was worth it. The look on his face.” he continues to joke and you whine again. 

“This is not some contest of who pisses off the other more, Yoongi. It's already hard that me and him–” you sigh, “Are not on good terms. I don't want you to get into a fight. You're pushing his buttons.”

“Are you warning me?” he laughs.

“No!” you exclaim, “Jungkook isn't like that .” Aggressive, is what you mean. “But I wouldn't put it past him. You really are pushing his buttons.”

“Didn't he punch your ex before?” He feigns uncertainty, tapping his chin lightly. “That doesn't sound nonaggressive.” 

“Because he slutshamed me, I told you that.” you justify with a remember? Tone.

“Anyway,” He dismisses you. “You two should talk. Like adults.”

Trust me, I know. 

Surprisingly, he doesn't tease you when he's met with silence that says everything.

By the time all of you sit at the campfire, right after everyone went to clean themselves, you're not even sure what time it is. You've left your phone in one of your bags, not bothering to check any messages knowing there's no one who would contact you. Your family knows you're away during the weekend, therefore they won't call you unless you do. Using your phone while being surrounded by nature and enjoying the weekend from all the hectic noise, crowded places and busy traffic sounds illegal. It's nice to see others not having their noses stuck in phone screens. 

It is something you've always appreciated while hanging out with them. Not that you're against using phones, not at all. You've seen Seokjin calling Jia countless times, making sure everything is alright back home and so is she. That you can absolutely understand.

As much as you get a little compulsion to browse through the internet, anything to make you distracted enough to not think about you and Jungkook. You've decided not to do that. There are other ways of not acknowledging him, even though it's been hard.

It seems like everyone has told you to talk to him. You're exaggerating. It was only Jimin… and even freaking Min Yoongi! Well, it's not like you don't know that. You two should really talk and get things right before you ruin this trip, but mostly importantly ruin your friendship. This is not one of the arguments that could possibly break or ruin it. You don't want to think about it because that possibility scares you.

But you're still hurt. Hurt enough not wanting to talk about it right now. Even if it means you and him ignore each other for the rest of the trip. It's not ideal, far from it actually. You've imagined this trip differently. He did too, surely. 

Stubbornness does the trick.

So you sit, letting the fire warm your cheeks as you laugh here and there at whatever is said funnily.

“Truth or dare?” Taehyung proposes when you're out of things to talk, having one of his arms lazily draped over his lap. He's wearing shorts, feeling too warm to wear something longer since the alcohol is naturally warming up his body. 

Of course he proposes this game. He always does. If it's not truth or dare specifically, it's always something that makes you drink more.

He must be feeling adventurous, considering Hoseok's and Jin's faces are already red. Namjoon had to stop drinking half an hour ago because the alcohol in his system was starting to show up. Maya doesn't care though, she drinks more than her boyfriend, clearly able to hold more alcohol than him. She's giggly and clutches to her boyfriend's side, who showers her with a dimpled smile from time to time. 

“Or never have I ever?” he wiggles his brows.

The horrific memories of playing that stupid game makes you open your mouth before you realize. “Hell no.”

Taehyung snickers, clearly amused by the evident aversion. “Then truth or dare?”

No one seems to share the same opinion like you, and you're left disappointed when hums and words of approval and excitement resound around the fire. Taehyung ignores your narrowed eyes and displeasure he sees across the fire, having a good view of it. 

“Great!” He's already preparing drinks for everyone, making sure everyone has one in their hand while looking excited for any possible embarrassing moments, or even drama you know he loves. He looks like a little kid on Christmas. 

You don't care, stuffing your hands into the pockets of your hoodie as you shift further down your seat. Your cheeks are warm, both from fire and beer you've drank. You're not getting tired which means you're not tipsy or drunk yet.

“Isn't it a game for teenagers?” You hear Yoongi grumble beside you, making you crack a smile. Surprisingly, he still holds his drink and seems to join the game anyway. 

Taehyung calls your name, gaining not only yours but everyone's attention. “The beer.” he chirps in, reminding you. You swallow down the annoyance as you lick your lips.

“I'm not playing.” you simply state, ignoring the eyes of others on you. No one here would judge you for not playing some stupid game. You know that. It does feel slightly uncomfortable to feel their eyes on you at this moment, plus there's undeniable surprise and even curiosity in some of them. 

“What, why?” Taehyung whines like you – not playing – ruins the entire game. 

Well, it might have. You feel like you have a lot of tea to bring to the table. Or fire, if you want to be more accurate. Taehyung can be a little shit though. He knows many things. With him being tipsy, you're not quite sure what he would ask. You've got to be careful around him.

“Because you ask a bunch of shit every time.” you reply casually.

Taehyung's brows raise in a feign offense, knowing something like this wouldn't offend him in the first place. It's the little chuckle you hear from one specific direction, one you've been avoiding for the entire evening. Before you realize it, you're already looking in Jungkook's direction as your gazes meet at the same time. He quickly looks away, clearing his throat as he takes a swig off his beer. 

When you look back at Taehyung, he pouts. “You're no fun. Even Yoongi is playing!”

“Is that supposed to make me wanna play?” You quirk your brow at your friend. 

“I heard his comment! Yet he's still playing.” Taehyung grins as Yoongi shrugs.

“I'm not boring like she is.”

You gasp, huffing beside him. Taehyung laughs, leaving you alone as the game begins.

“Y/N, truth or dare?” Taehyung asks after a few rounds. 

You've had fun, laughed at some ridiculous dares. You've seen Maya licking soju off Namjoon's stomach, leaving him flustered and all red. Jungkook has spanked Seokjin's butt and Jungkook had to do push ups with Ester sitting on his back. The last one didn't exactly leave you laughing for obvious reasons. Ester seemed to loosen up and she giggled all throughout the dare, while Jungkook lifted her weight as if it's nothing. 

“I said I'm not playing.” you grumble, pushing back the burp that wants to be let out. 

“Come on, just one round.” Hoseok chirps in, nudging you in your shoulder gently as you sigh. 

Looking at Taehyung, he gives you a wide smile that makes you roll your eyes. Everyone's in a good mood, not that you aren't, which makes you want to participate at least once. However, it's hard with Taehyung. He's the one asking you a question now. Truth or dare. None of it sounds good to be honest. You're scared of what he might ask.

“Truth.” you answer unsurely.

“Boring.” he sings out, pursing his lips in thought.

“Dare, dare.” You change your mind, not even sure for what reason but there's no going back. 

Taehyung is thinking for a moment. That's good. It means he hasn't thought it through and maybe he will come up with something simple and stupid at the same time. But when Jimin who's sitting beside him tries to help him, the man whispers into his ear as he nods. 

“Alright,” Taehyung claps his hands together. “Go on a walk with Kook.”

The humorous snort that leaves your mouth is unexpected. “Pass.”

Taehyung narrows his eyes, “It's literally the easiest dare there has been so far. Or would you rather do a body shot off Jimin's body?”

“Dude, why off mine?” Jimin reacts.

Taehyung ignores him. “So?”

“The dare is ridiculous.” you comment. 

Even Maya seems interested, nodding at you to accept the dare but you just mentally huff. 

“Don't I have any say in it?” Jungkook grumbles, and you feel how your insides clench in annoyance. 

It does bruise your ego that he clearly showed he doesn't want to do that. Which is unfair because you've shown it first, you've no right to feel that annoyed because of it.

“No,” Taehyung says simply, “Come on you two. Just ten minutes walk in the woods.”

“In the dark? Have you gone mad?” you exclaim.

“Okay, then I've changed my mind. Lick soju off Yoongi's abs.”

“What makes you think he has abs?” 

Yoongi glares at the side of your face as you giggle. “Mean.” You're glad that he doesn't let everyone know that you've seen way more of him.

First of all, you would argue with Taehyung that you've been drinking beer and you're not going to mix a different kind of alcohol. That would leave you sick and there's no need of repetition of you throwing up your guts, like it happened when you were eighteen and had to do it in front of your house, your back then neighbors as your witnesses. 

Second of all, you're actually considering it. Anything other than having to spend time alone with Jungkook. Not now. 

“I've changed my mind. Licking soju off Jungkook's abs.”

You don't comment anything about Jungkook's abs because you know they are very well there. Taehyung knows that. That little shit. 

Trying to stay cool, you let out a humorous laugh, hoping it doesn't sound flustered just like you feel. “You can't keep changing your dare, Tae.”

“That's my final dare. The walk or licking Kook's abs.” He wiggles his brows while Jimin sighs beside Taehyung, obviously not liking Taehyung's second and great idea.

“Maybe you should–”

“So what is it gonna be, love?” Taehyung cuts off Hoseok dismissively. 

You appreciate Hoseok's attempt to save you from this awkward hell.

“Just go take a walk. It's not a bad dare.” Maya butts in and you wish she would keep her mouth shut. She's already tipsy, making it sound like the easiest thing in the world. 

“What if I don't want to?” Jungkook asks, causing you to snap your eyes to him as Ester sitting beside him awkwardly scratches her brow. 

“Yeah, you heard him. He doesn't want to. Not like I want to be alone with him .”

Seokjin sucks in breath, from your peripheral vision Namjoon takes a swing of his beer.

Jungkook scoffs, “Just ask her some shit, Tae.”

“No,” Taehyung says, suddenly frowning as he glares at the two of you. “Raise your asses and go on a fucking walk. Then come back without the attitude and let us enjoy the rest of the fucking night.” 

Your jaw is on the floor. The wood in the fire cracks, almost as if it's just as shocked from his stern tone like the rest of you. You would never expect it from him. That surely left things even more tense and awkward, making you awkwardly shift on your spot. You could argue, or snap back at him for talking to you like this. But seeing everyone's eyes on you, you feel like the biggest idiot. 

You and Jungkook just managed to show more of your drama to them. Clearly everyone knows.

Sighing, you clear the can of beer before standing up. “I'm not promising anything.”

Taehyung then shoots you a thumbs up. “Just a ten minute walk, you two.” He sounds way softer now. You meet Jimin's eyes and he gives you an encouraging nod. 

You walk past Jungkook, turning around when you're out of the circle just to glance at him. He's still sitting, currently having a glare contest with Taehyung before he sighs and stands up abruptly. 

He brushes past you, but not before saying; “Let's go.”

And you follow him. Because it seems like the best idea with everyone's eyes attached to your backs. 

None of you have taken your phones with you, therefore you're walking deeper into the woods in darkness. You don't tell him to slow down while you trail behind him, trying not to trip over anything. Jungkook just keeps walking and walking, and you don't bother to go beside him, keeping your distance as you stay behind him. You wonder if he's just as annoyed by Taehyung's dare just as you. He's a menace. No, both of them are.

Of course Jungkook is annoyed. His reaction to Taehyung's dare is enough of an answer.

But still, you notice from the corner of your eyes Jungkook briefly glancing behind his shoulder, to see if you're still there. That act makes you purse your lips to hide the little smirk. It makes it even funnier that Jungkook has no idea.

Although, it strokes your ego that he cares enough to check on you. Even if you're both mad and annoyed at each other. Perhaps it's touching too, but you quickly shrug that thought away.

Taehyung has sent you on a ten minute walk. Not only is it ridiculous but it seems like the time is going awfully slow. It hasn't been even five minutes of you and Jungkook alone. The more you and him are alone, the worse you feel about how things are between you at the moment. You're mad at yourself for not wanting to do anything about it. All the emotions are too current. Despite your big mouth and the need to be vocal about your feelings, you don't like confrontations. The damage is done and making this right is not simple. You're aware of Taehyung's intentions and in the end, he's trying to help. But you would appreciate it if they left it up to you and Jungkook. Even if you're both clearly idiots.

Jungkook suddenly stops, leans against one of the trees as he also puts a pause to your current thoughts. It's the first time you truly acknowledge him, looking at him. With the lack of light, you don't avoid him as if he was a plague. 

The moon shines above your heads, making some of his features visible. Properly looking at him now, standing just a few feet away, you realize his hair seems to be damp from the shower he took. Just as you and Yoongi came back, he grabbed his stuff and helped Ester just like you did to Yoongi. 

After glancing around and staring at the trees surrounding you, he suddenly glances at you too. It's crazy how this is the first time on this trip that you're just looking at each other. Sure, there have been a few glances but they barely lasted a few seconds, eyes mostly filled with negative emotions. But now you just stare.

Clearing your throat silently, you walk up to one of the trees and lean against it as well. Staring at your feet instead when Jungkook silently scoffs under his breath. You act like you haven't heard it, though. 

“You do realize why Taehyung sent us here, right?” He suddenly asks, breaking the silence with an edge to his tone.

Glancing to your right and his direction, you're the one who scoffs now. “I'm not stupid.”

Jungkook laughs bitterly. “For fuck sake. Get over yourself. Nobody's saying you're stupid.”

“You're asking me as if I was stupid.” you remark childishly, knowing very well this conversation is not leading anywhere. Not for the better at least. This back and forth seems to not end anytime soon. 

He rubs his face, letting out a whine of frustration before he groans. That reaction makes you bothered for some reason and you glare at him. 

“You're unbelievable.” he mutters, rubbing his face again. He's frustrated. So are you, but you don't give him the pleasure of showing it. 

You stay unbothered, on the outside at least, leaning your arms behind your lower back.

“So, you're not going to talk.” he remarks sarcastically, making you mentally gasp at the entitlement. 

“Why the fuck am I supposed to talk first?” you exclaim. 

“I don't know,” he exclaims, voice full of sarcasm. “Maybe because you fucking got mad at me because I invited my friend?”

 Straight to the point. You give him that. 

“Your friend.” you laugh sarcastically under your breath. Pettiness is one of your strong traits. You can't help it.

“Yes, my friend,” he emphasizes. “Or what else is she?”

Your lips stay in a straight line. 

“I don't know, has she ever done something to you?” Rubbing the crease between your brows, you press your lips even tighter. “I'm asking you something, Y/N.” he says deeply, pressing even deeper as you shake your head in annoyance. 

“Maybe I don't want to give you an answer, genius.”

“You're so fucking unbelievable.” He sounds mad.

“And what about you, huh ?” you ask back, raising your voice. 

He pushes himself off against the tree, standing tall and broad, taking two steps before he's standing right in front of you. That makes you straighten yourself as well, arms falling down to your sides before you cross them over your chest. 

“What, because I invited a friend?”

“Your five minute long friend.” you mutter, not able to look him in the eyes when he's standing right there. But you feel the glare in his eyes and he surely has his brows furrowed.

His features relax, slowly studying your face in the darkness of the night as he lets out an amused chuckle. “You're jealous.”

“Like the fuck I am!” you deny, knowing well damn he's right. 

“You so fucking are.” he laughs, though it lacks of any source of happiness or positivity. He sounds bitter and cold. 

“I just don't see any reason why you had to invite her. I thought this was a friend's trip.” you mutter with an attitude, looking back as Jungkook outstretches his arm and leans his palm against the tree you're leaning on.

He's so close. Met with a familiar scent, you wonder if holding your breath would chase away the familiarity it holds. 

Jungkook holds his tongue for a moment before he licks his lips and chuckles. “What about you, huh? You invited someone who's not even your friend. How does that make you better?”

He's provoking you and although his words do hold some kind of truth, it only prompts your irritation. It burns through you and makes your jaw clench painfully. 

“You know what's the difference between us?” he asks, feigning softness as he inches closer to you. So close that you bump the back of your head against the tree, not able to look away from his dark eyes. His thick brows are furrowed, some of the wet strands dangling over his forehead. “I haven't fucked Ester.”

You visibly gulp at the explicit words.

He leans his head to the side, trying to catch your eyes. You look at him, breath catching in your throat when you notice the close proximity. Your noses are almost touching and the warmness of his breath fans your cheeks.

“I haven't fucked him.” you emphasize the word. You might've hooked up with him, but you didn't go all the way. You're glad you didn't, despite all. 

“So what, you only had his cock in your mouth.” he comments, your mouth opening in shock as Jungkook's thumb brushes against your bottom lip. 

You shouldn't feel this way. Despite the shock of his so-called bluntness, his proximity just doesn't do any good. Irritation and anger wants to ripple through you, but that's pushed aside as your stomach clenches in anticipation. It's true you don't know what to expect now. You're both clearly still mad at each other. Nothing has been solved and you barely talked. Could this be even considered as talking? All you've done is talk in complete sarcasm and irritation, blaming each other.

“I haven't.” you whisper just as he pulls away his thumb. Shaking yourself out of your moment of vulnerability and daze, you frown. “What does it matter?”

“It matters because he's not your friend. We both know you invited him because you wanted to piss me off.”

He doesn't move an inch. The proximity starts to feel suffocating and you don't know if you want to push him away to catch a breath, or pull him even closer. Which is crazy because you're upset, but if it's the only way to be close to him so be it. 

Jungkook has the upper hand, the corner of your lips lifts up as you look at him with mischief in your eyes. “Did it work?”

You could've easily denied it, knowing damn well he would just call you out on your bullshit. And you would continue on your lie, preferably pissing him off even more. It's the disadvantage of knowing each other too well. You both know what strings to pull to annoy each other. Just like what you did by inviting Yoongi. 

You're an idiot. You acted upon your feelings, letting the frustration get the best of you. You should've controlled yourself better. 

Jungkook frowns, but that's until he breathes out a light chuckle. You stare, eyes meeting in one intense moment as yours dance across Jungkook's face. You can't see the small details on his face but that doesn't stop. You're aware of Jungkook staring, yet you still allow your eyes to drop down to his lips. Fucking weak! 

Just as quickly you've looked, you look away at his eyes finding him staring at you. He's fighting back a smirk. “So that's it? No explanation?” he asks amusingly.

“You're so fucking irritating.” you spit through clenched teeth, but that only seems to amuse him more. 

“That's rich coming from you.” he hums, poking the inside of his cheek with tongue. 

You watch the motion, even as his tongue darts out to wet his lips. Shamelessly staring at them as he sighs, leaning so close that his nose touches your cheekbone. “You're driving me insane.” he mumbles.

He pulls away, just enough to get a view of your face again before he's closer again. His mouth hovers over yours, your breath hitched in your throat as you automatically lean to him. Your bottom lips touch, almost in a kiss but it's so brief that it makes you want to whine. You hold yourself back, growing impatient. 

Talking or the previous argument is not on your mind. It's crazy how you can forget about everything, focusing on the lust slowly simmering in the pit of your stomach. Looking at Jungkook, there's no wonder. It doesn't help that there's evident tension. You just want to kiss the idiot, even if it's not a solution at all. You wish it would. 

Kiss away that annoying smirk of his, preferably. 

It's embarrassing how you lean toward him to connect your lips. You can't help the sensation within your body, kiss him in pure fury that you feel. What's even more embarrassing is how he pulls away his face, sabotaging your kiss clearly. That has never happened. Not under these circumstances. 

“You think I wanna kiss you after the stunt you've pulled?” he chuckles coldly, cocking his head to the side as you stare.

Cheeks flaming hot, you look away in distress as you press your hands against his hard chest. Trying to push him away, he doesn't budge. You frown. “Fuck off then.”

He chuckles deeply. “So what's it gonna be… will we talk or you want me to fuck you?”

He what– 

You visibly suck in breath, eyes widening as you collect yourself. “You think I wanna fuck you after the stunt you've pulled?” you ask breathlessly, no way sounding as confident and annoying as you planned. 

He throws his back, letting out a deep laugh that sounds oddly cold. “Fuck off then,” he cheekily repeats your words, causing you to deepen your frown. He leans down and for a moment you think he's going to kiss you. That it's one of those times he just teased you to see your reaction – but no.

He nibbles on your jaw instead, down to your neck. You hate how out of breath you already are. And then he stands tall again. You barely get a glimpse of his face before you're turned around. Gasping in surprise, your palms stretched against the tree's trunk. 

His warm breath fans against your ear, lips brushing against it. “What did he do?”

“Who?” 

“Your friend.” he mocks. 

“I'm not telling you that!” you manage to exclaim in distress. His hands appear on your hips, pushing your ass flash against him . Fuck. You can feel his bulge against your ass, slowly hardening. “Does that turn you on?” you try to ask mockingly.

“Fuck no.” His answers come quickly.

“Why's your cock hard then?” Hardening but details, details. 

“From imagining how tight your cunt is.”

You curse under your breath, leaning your forehead, not caring how scratchy the tree trunk feels against your soft skin. “I guess you'll never know.”

Jungkook chuckles. “Oh, I already know.”

“Don't be so cocky.” you tell him through clenched teeth.

“Did he make you cum?”

You pant, nails digging into the tree. “Does it matter?”

“Did he make you cum?” he asks sternly, arousal leaking onto your panties.

“Yes.” you whisper. Yoongi is not the one you want to talk about. You want to tell him none of that matters. 

“What did he do?” He presses again.

You keep your mouth shut, gasping when Jungkook shamelessly circles his tattooed arm against your frame, fingers playing with the hem of your sweatpants. “Am I gonna get an answer?”

You stubbornly shake your head, giving him an answer. 

Stupidly cute, he thinks. Right after he sneaks his hand inside your sweatpants, under your panties too as you feel his flesh against you. At the littlest touch as he cups you and rubs your naked pussy, you let out a not so quiet moan. When he feels your wetness, he chuckles under his breath.

“Did he use his fingers?” he asks, still rubbing you before circling your wet and clenching hole. 

“Argh, fuck.”

“Y/N.” he warns.

“Fuck, no.”

He presses his thumb against your hole, not entering you just putting a slight pressure which makes your head spin. 

“Mouth?”

“Mhm.” You bite into your lip harshly, pushing your ass against him as he dodges your attempt of feeling something more. 

“Yes?” he presses, causing you to groan.

“Fuck, yes. Yes.” you whine, causing him to nod behind you.

His hand is out of your sweatpants before you can catch another breath. Swallowing down the disappointment, you're ready to curse him out. However, just as you open your mouth you're easily interrupted by Jungkook tugging both your sweatpants and panties down to your ankles. You gasp, muttering Jungkook's name as a warm breeze hits your wet core. 

Looking across your shoulder, you see him dropping to his knees as he pulls your ass toward him. He angles your body just so your entire backside is arched for him, giving him a front view of your pussy and ass. 

“I told you I'm gonna fuck you in the woods.” he says before he bites onto your asscheek. 

You whimper, panting. “If I let you.”

“I don't know, Y/N,” The usage of your name brings an odd feeling. “It seems you're letting me.”

“Shut up oh–fuck ,” Jungkook's mouth is buried in your wetness, tongue latching at it.

You haven't touched yourself for a long time. There was never time and to be completely honest – no need to when you had Jungkook. Nothing, not even you, could not compare to the pleasure he gives you. You would rather wait days for him to touch you, have sex with you or anything that could bring you an orgasm, than do it yourself. Even after the argument, you busied yourself with work and binge-watched like TV shows. Then you got your period which exhausted you. 

Whenever you jerk your backside, barely able to endure the magic of his mouth and tongue. He's not going easy on you, grabbing your hips and holding them tight, and you in place. He growls against you, almost as warning you to stop moving. Just when you think things can't get more intense, his tongue enters you and two of his fingers rub your clit in fast circles.

“Holy shit!”

You cum on his tongue within seconds, adding it to the list of embarrassing things you've managed to do in only ten minutes. Your lungs are on fire, all Jungkook's doing as he licks off some of your cum before you feel his hands on your ankles. That's it?  

“You want more?” he chuckles, not the usual type when things are normal between you. In fact, they aren't and the distance in his tone reminds you of your current issue. You haven't realized you said your thoughts out loud. 

Looking across your shoulder and down, too scared to move at the moment, you glance at him. “You brought me here to eat me out?”

“That wasn't the plan.” he points out, “You don't deserve more.”

That makes you scoff loudly, ass bare. You should probably dress up, but his hands still remain at your ankles. “You're right. Maybe I should tell Yoongi.”

That is so fucking childish! But you can't help it. The truth is Yoongi would probably never touch you again. What you've done previously was a drunken mistake in the heat of the moment. Alcohol was involved. You can't say your relationship has progressed much since then, but you know each other a little bit more. It would surely make things even weird to even consider it. If he heard you, you're not sure if he would want to vomit or would laugh – probably the loudest you would ever hear him. 

Jungkook stands up abruptly, pressing his front against your back which makes you straighten up. He grabs the back of your neck, not too tight but you feel his hand there. “Good. Imagine me when he fucks you.”

You let out a sarcastic and humorous laugh. “You're all talk, Jeon. Thought you would fuck me in the woods.”

“Desperate much?” he laughs bitterly, “Tell your friend.”

You elbow him, enough to let him know to get you some space as you quickly pull up your clothes, ignoring how your underwear digs into your butt crack uncomfortably. 

“Y'know what?” He doesn't because you don't await his response. “When you want your cock sucked, tell Ester.”

“I will. Maybe she'll do a better job at it.” he says fast. Too fast. 

Something happens in your chest, it burns and it makes your anger rise. “You piece of shit!” You curse, venom present in your voice as you go to push into his chest. He doesn't move.

“Two can play this game, Y/N.” he reminds you. 

You glare, watching the way he swipes his bottom lip with his thumb, putting the pad of it into his mouth. All while his eyes stay on you. 

“Is this game to you?” you ask in disbelief. 

He drops his hand in annoyance and rolls his eyes. “You're the one who started to threaten me with your co-worker.” he points out. 

“Threaten you? Please.” you scoff dramatically. 

Suddenly, your jaw is cupped and grabbed harshly as he presses you into the tree again. “You want me to fuck you?”

You gulp, mentally scolding yourself for feeling aroused by such a simple question. You're mad. In fact, you should tell him to fuck off and leave before you still can. But you stay rooted in your spot.

“Not anymore. I will ask Yoongi, he will do a better job at it than you.” 

He chuckles, knowing that's not true and you wish you could refute the statement. But you don't want to. 

Jungkook tightens his hold, rougher than before you're turned around once again. This time your cheek pressed against the hard tree trunk as your underwear and sweatpants are roughly pulled down. You almost fall but hold yourself at the last minute, surprised by the roughness. You provoked him. Truth to be told and admitted, you want this even if it makes you out as desperate. 

“You sure he will?” he prompts. 

“Mhm,” Is all you manage to mumble back. 

“Does he know you're my little slut?”

“I'm not yours.” you pant, shutting your ass when another slap is delivered on your ass. 

“You're right,” he hums, parting your legs slightly as he cups your pussy tightly. “This cunt is.” He slaps you there, earning a long gasp mixed with moan. You're not sure if he has ever done it. The pain and pleasure shoots through you and you're close to whimpering, begging for more. 

“Who said that?” You're playing with fire. But you enjoy this. 

“I did,” he laughs as if it wasn't obvious. “Didn't you say my mouth is yours to kiss?”

You did say that. You were drunk. No wasted out of your mind. But you don't justify it out loud. 

“That dirty mouth of yours?” you chuckle, hearing him do the same behind you. “Who knows what you do with it.”

“You know it.” You blush at his words. “Now, should we get back or you want to get fucked?”

“My ass is bare, what do you think?” you retort smartly, yelping when he pinches your clit. What the hell. With seconds passing, it does feel good. Argh! 

You hear clothes rustling, your walls clenching just from the thought of him taking off his clothes and getting his cock out. Fuck , you suddenly hate that you're turned with your back to him. 

Then his tip pokes your puckered hole, moving further down to separate your folds. He's at your entrance, causing you to quietly moan as you arch your ass for him. You even part your legs, hearing him curse behind you. 

You thought it's because of you, and maybe it is, that's until you hear a little groan. “What's wrong?”

Many things, he wants to say but he presses his lips tightly. “I don't have a condom.”

You release a disappointed breath. Fuck! You scream inside your head before you arch your ass again, feeling his cock against you as he lets out a pleased sigh. “It's okay. Fuck me without it.” You say it too quickly, almost as if you didn't give it a thought. 

“Fuck, you serious?” Jungkook pants, sounding out of breath from the single thought of fucking you raw again. 

“Yes,” you breathe heavily. “Just fuck me. I can't stand this.”

His answer doesn't come verbal, he presses the tip of his cock against your entrance but not quite entering you. One hand on your waist and the other on his cock, he circles his tip against your entrance and then rubs it along your folds up to your clit. Fucking hell. 

“Kook.” you whine. 

And then he presses in one movement, knocking the breath out of you. He's fast, despite you being not stretched out you shiver against him. The burn mixed with pleasure makes you press your face even more to the tree, ignoring how it stings. 

He doesn't ask anything, he doesn't wait for you to get used to his size, having him filling you up to the brim. He pulls out and then harshly thrusts in. Before you know it, his hand moves to the back of your neck. Holding you there, the other goes to the side of your ass as he gets a good grip of you. Thighs hitting against yours, the sound of your skin slapping and meeting fills up the space. You realize this is the first time you're having sex in a complete open space – the thought of that arouses you to the core.

Jungkook's pace is animalistic, leaving you all whiny and a complete mess, as your wetness gushes out of you. Even the way his cock thrusts into your wet walls is clear to your ears. Eyes scrunched tightly, you can't control the noises that ripple out of you. Your entire body is burning and there are no thoughts in your mind. For the first time since the argument, you don't think. There is no feeling of guilt, anger, annoyance and everything you've felt for the past week. You're so full of him, feeling every inch of him despite his ruthless pace as soft grunts of his own pleasure are heard behind you. 

“S-so good.” You're out of your mind, not even grasping at what you're saying. It doesn't matter that you stroke Jungkook's already big ego. He knows very well what he's doing to you – and what he's able to do to you.

“Yeah?” he pants behind you. “I couldn't tell.”

“You piece of–”

“Ow!” you whine, your skin sensitive from the third slap your asscheek has gotten. 

Suddenly, the tip of his fingers sneak between your open legs, rubbing your clit which makes you whimper even more. 

“Fuck–so close–I can't–so good.”

It's too much. His cock is wrapped around your walls, thrusting the spots you never knew you had, his fingers are on your clit adding just the right pressure while his balls smack against it too. A few more rough thrusts and you're cumming, your entire body shuddering as Jungkook groans. You're going through your orgasm, close to the end of it when Jungkook pulls out all of a sudden and cums on your ass. You feel the warm liquid covering your skin, dripping down with some of it down your ass cheeks. It's messy but so fucking hot that you hum shamelessly.

Feeling empty despite the intense orgasm, you hear a little rustling behind you and then Jungkook's hands on your ass again. A second later, Jungkook draws out his tongue before you feel the soft and wet muscle on your skin. He licks his cum off it, your mouth falling open at the amount of dirtiness behind his actions. You didn't think he could get any hotter.

He cleans you off and tugs your sweatpants along your panties up, where you take it from them and dress up. He does the same, tucking himself back into his boxers as he hides any evidence of your sinful actions. 

Everything dawns upon you, slowly but surely, once the remains of orgasm no longer clouds your mind. It's like a movie that flashes right in front of your eyes, reminding you of what has just happened. There's no regret though, even when all those negative emotions come back and you realize you haven't made anything better. Just like a bunch of teenagers, you fucked the anger out of your system for the time being, until it's over now and nothing between you is okay. You haven't talked.

You actually made no progress, which was Taehyung's last hope and the reason why he has sent you away from everyone. What are you supposed to do now? Come back there and act like everything's fine? Continue to ignore Jungkook because there's still a lot that needs to be said. Oh god , you really hope none of them went to look for you. You have been gone for longer than ten minutes. You wouldn't be able to live it down if one of them caught you. What if they did and saw you? 

Different scenarios (embarrassing ones) fill your already messed up mind. As you turn around to face Jungkook, fully clothed now, you're constantly reminded of your actions. His hair is messy, he tries to fix it by running his fingers through it a few times. The sour taste on your tongue and the clench in your chest defines the disappointment you feel. Disappointed at yourself. Since when the hell do you solve your problems by having sex? Angry sex at that. And you solved a major shit.

Sure. You remember the time when you and him had sex, rough and angry once when you were arguing. But that time seems like a faint memory. You would've guessed you got better at that. Instead, you're ashamed that this is what your friendship looks like. If you and him weren't hooking up, what would happen? Would you finally talk? Even when you didn't feel ready. You're still not, especially what happened now. 

Again, there's no regret. The sex was amazing and definitely helped with the anger (partly). However, looking back at this now, there's an empty hole in your chest. You and him are still arguing over something completely stupid. But it's not stupid enough for both of you to let it go. 

You two are fucking idiots. 

Jungkook lifts up his gaze, brows frowning all of a sudden and you wonder if he has the same thoughts, disappointed at himself for fucking you in the woods. To be fair, you asked for it. And you're ashamed how easy those words left your mouth. 

He surprises by lifting his hand, pads of his fingers slowly touching your cheekbone. “You're hurt.” he informs softly. 

You had no idea what he's talking about, but as soon as his fingers make contact with your skin, you recognize the little stinging. You touch your skin, feeling its surface slightly damaged and scratched from the tree. Great, now you not only will have memories of Jungkook fucking you outside in a darkness, but you will have an actual reminder and proof of it as well. 

Automatically, you frown and slap his hand away. “This,” You motion between you and him. “Didn't happen.”

He doesn't argue, nor do you give him a space for it because you brush past him, making your way back. Usually, you wouldn't be so confident walking in the darkness, let alone be in front but the urge to get out of here is strong. Luckily, you hear Jungkook following you, now him being the one who's behind you. 

You have no idea how you've managed to get back, remembering the exact route Jungkook has taken. Your memory when it comes to this is not bad at all, but still you're quite impressed – and relieved – when you spot the fireplace and laughter nearby. 

You know the moment you fully come back, their attention is going to be on you and Jungkook, expecting something. Analyzing the atmosphere between you two. And that's exactly what happens when all the chattering dies down as soon as they spot you. 

Taehyung's eyes are curious and a grin threatens to spread, until he notices your face. “What happened?” he asks, “Did you have a physical fight?” He tries to joke, met with a glare from you. 

“I fell.” you reply dryly, snatching your bag of toiletries. 

Jungkook plops onto his old spot, leaning his elbow against the armrest as he rubs the space between his brows. 

“Jungkook?” Jimin asks confusingly, expecting some kind of explanation from him. You act as if you don't hear him, grabbing more of your stuff as you ignore Maya's eyes on you. 

“Y/N, where are you going?” Maya asks, quietly and softly but loud enough for some of them to hear. 

“To take a shower. I'm covered in dirt and I need to clean this off.” you mutter, hearing her stand up as she stumbles. Little does she know you have to clean the mess between your legs too.

“I'm going with you.” she says. 

“No, it's okay.”

“Fine, but it's dark. Someone should go with you.”

You frustratedly scratch your forehead, groaning a little. You don't want her to question you. You're not in the mood to talk, let alone to share what has happened in the woods. 

“Stay here. I'll go with her.” Namjoon helps her to sit down, standing up as he offers you a comforting smile. 

With a tight grip on your towel, you walk away in total shame. Confused and miserable than ever.

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part fifteen

authors note: i hope everyone has recovered from the last chapter! just remember, there's, typically, light at the end of the tunnel!

status: in progress // masterlist

warnings: violence, angst, language, suggestive themes

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

faceclaims

words: 7k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @southerngirl41 @wanderingreigns

Alexis is going to jail.

She’s accepted as such and doesn't really care about that as much as she's curious about what the charges will be. Aggravated assault. Attempted murder. Actual murder. It’s all up in the air, each a very much real possibility. 

Truth be told, she’s wanted to put the paws on Mariah for years. And not even because Mariah has done anything outright, not close to this level anyways. It was just something about her that screamed fake and inauthentic. However, she recognized what friendship and loyalty meant to you, and while you’d mentioned a few arguments over the years, nothing was major enough for her to act on her violent urges.

Now though? 

Now, she’s ready to rain fire. 

She doesn’t give a flying fuck about traffic laws, well exceeding every speed limit she zooms through in order to make it to Mariah’s house. It’s an address that wasn’t too hard to find. Google is such a wonderful thing. She would have asked you for that information, but she also wants you as separate from what she’s about to do as possible. Especially with DCFS in the midst of an active investigation.

Just thinking about it pisses her off even more. It’s one thing to call DCFS on someone who’s arguably one of the best parents on this fucking earth, but it’s another to accuse said parents of the things Mariah accused you. 

It’s unforgivable. 

It’s also why Alexis won’t feel somewhat content until she spills Mariah’s blood. Pulling up into the driveway behind the parked Camry, Alexis shuts off the car, reaches for the bat in the passenger seat and slams the door behind her as she marches up the three steps to the front door. Her fists immediately start banging on the door. “Open the door, hoe!” More banging. “I know you in there! Come outside so I can crack ya’ fucking head open!”

Alexis isn’t stupid. She knows no one with common sense would open the door to anyone yelling such things. Cue: the bat. 

Moving across the porch, Alexis doesn’t hesitate to give a solid swing to the window, effectively cracking it. The second blow is the one, however, that shatters it. She kicks through the remnants and proceeds to climb in. 

With a possible element of surprise, Alexis opts to remain quiet, looking around the living room. She’s tempted to smash the TV but decides against it, as she’d much rather save her strength for blows against Mariah’s body.

Moving throughout the house, she’s lucky enough for the first door she kicks open to reveal her victim. 

But Mariah isn’t alone.

In a pleasant surprise. Alexis just so happens to walk in on Mariah receiving backshots from a man who quickly stumbles and looks back over his shoulder at her entrance. Alexis immediately recognizes him. 

Amir.

“Now ain’t this about a bitch!” Alexis' smile is wild and crazed as she watches Amir stumble to cover himself, Mariah’s eyes also wide with horror and shock as she holds the sheet to her chest. “A two for one special. My lucky fucking day.”

“What the hell?” Amir has managed to pull his boxers on and is standing near the bed, close to Mariah in an almost protective manner. Like that’ll keep her safe from Alexis' wrath. “Alexis? What the fuck are you doing?”

“I would ask ya’ll niggas the same thing, but ain’t no sense in stating the obvious.” She motions between the two of them with her steel bat. “How long?”

Mariah screams, the fear in her voice and eyes music to Alexis soul. “Get out of my house!”

“Oh, Imma leave, but not until you’re unconscious.” She looks toward Amir. “And if you try to get in my way, Imma knock your ass out too.” Alexis' hands are rated E for everyone. She fights females and males with equal smoke. “Now, I’m not gon’ ask again, how long have ya’ll been fucking behind Y/N’s back?”

Truth be told, Alexis wouldn’t trust a single word out of either of their mouths, but she’s curious. The answer regardless will aid in the intensity of her beating. 

Amir is the first to ‘answer’. “I don’t owe Y/N shit. She’s not my girl.” As if he has a right to be upset, he continues, anger painting his face. “I tried, but she chose to be with that nigga.” 

“And will every single mother fucking time because unlike you, he’s actually worth something and deserves her. Not like you two snakes.” It’s the fact that Amir thinks that he’s been done wrong in some way that blows her mind. He might be as delusional as the bitch he was just fucking. “I’m tired of talking. Get the fuck out my way, so I can knock this hoe’s head off.”

It’s when Alexis takes a step toward the bed that Amir extends his arm out, “wait, before you do this—”

“Do you even know what she did?” Alexis demands, grip on the bat tightening as she remembers holding you as you cried into her over having your child ripped away from you. The fear in Callie’s eyes. It enrages her all over again. “Ask the bitch! Go on, ask her!”

Amir is still understandably cautious and pissed at this intrusion, but his gaze still falls on Mariah. “What is she talking about?”

Mariah pauses and shakes her head, stuttering. “I–I don’t know. She’s–she’s crazy.”

“She’s a liar!” Alexis shouts, explaining to Amir. “She called DCFS on Y/N and made up all kind of lies!” She juggs the bat in the direction of that slime. “They took Callie away from Y/N because of her!”

It seems like there’s a sudden shift that Alexis recognizes as the tide gradually turning. She still thinks Amir is a piece of shit, but it does count for a tiny something that he looks absolutely disgusted by this revelation. His eyes narrow at Mariah. “You did what?” Mariah’s face gives away her guilt as he demands, “what the hell is wrong with you? Why would you do that!”

Clearly adept at deviating, Mariah attempts to redirect the focus. “You really gon’ believe this bitch over me!” 

Alexis laughs, throwing her head back. She’s really going to enjoy breaking this bitch jaw.

Amir seems heated now. Again, not that Alexis really cares. He’s not much better than this hoe in her book. “You got her child taken away from her, Mariah! What part of that do you not understand is fucked up! You’ve gone too fucking far!”

“If Callie got taken away, then she should have been doing a better job making sure her kid was straight instead of chasing a married around like a desperate who—”

Alexis lunges, literally lunges, across the room before Mariah can even finish her sentence. There’s a sickening crack that enters the air when her fist collides with Mariah’s nose. Mariah’s cry is sounded out by Alexis snatching her by her hair and banging her head into the headboard. “Say it, bitch! Say it so I can knock ya fucking teeth out your mouth.”

“Get off me!” Mariah screams, but it’s no use, Alexis blows are powerful and focused, knuckles burning from the impact with bone, not that it makes a difference to her. She’s only seeing and hearing red.

“I been wanted to stomp your hoe ass!” And Alexis does just that, dragging and tossing Mariah onto the floor and stomping her feet into Mariah’s side. 

Mariah is crying like a little bitch, screaming, “help me!” 

But Amir does nothing, just stands there watching as Alexis rains blow on top of blow, kick on top of kick to the broad he was just balls deep in minutes ago. It speaks volumes of his character, not that that was much to behold anyway.

However, it’s when she cries out again, “we got a fucking son together, Amir!”

This actually takes Alexis by surprise as she realizes what Mariah just said. She knows the bitch has a son, but she also knows this woman is married. Though estranged, still married. Is…..is Amir the biological father of her son? Has she really been messing with Amir long enough for him to possibly father her baby?

Is that why she’s estranged from her husband?

That’s a whole other layer that adds to the betrayal. Alexis starts mixing on Mariah again, ignoring the splatter of blood on her fists and the possibility that her child might be just a room or two away.

At least she still has her kid. 

“That’s enough.” Amir’s voice finally sounds from behind her, but Alexis is in the zone. She’s not letting up off this hoe. “Alexis, that’s enough!” And then he makes the cardinal mistake of trying to interfere, reaching to pull her off Mariah. Instantly, Alexis reaches behind and lands her fist against his face.

“Fuck!” He calls out. Alexis grabs the bat, swinging it across his knee. Amir cries out and falls on his back, cradling his knee. “You crazy bitch!”

“That’s right, I’m the crazy bitch that’s gon come back and fuck both ya’ll asses up again if you ever in your life try Y/N!” Alexis realizes Mariah is on the verge of losing consciousness, so she ensures she grabs her by her raggedy tracks. “You stay the hell away from her, you hear me? You even so much as utter her name, utter Callie’s name, and I’mma put you six feet under!” A final stomp to Mariah’s jaw is the last thing she sees before being knocked unconscious. 

Breathing heavy, Alexis looks around, pleased with her carnage only to see Amir starting to stand up, knee obviously fucked up. “I didn’t—I didn’t know.”

Alexis marches over to him and punches him square in his nose, satisfied with the crunch sound that follows. He curses loudly, hands over his nose that’s started to spurt out blood. 

“Bitch ass nigga,” she mutters, taking one final survey of the room and walking out, pleased with the results. She suddenly feels so much better, hungry but deeply satisfied. Curious, she asks a groaning Amir.

“Ya’ll got a McDonald’s in this town?”

—---------

The knock on the door is probably the first thing to make you feel anything in hours. You’ve just laid on the bed all day, staring at the empty wall across the room. The apartment is quiet. It’s never quiet. 

Not since you first brought Callie home from the hospital. You miss her giggles, her loud singing, the patterning of her feet as she runs into your room, jumping on the bed, rambling about the most random of things.

You wished that her being with your mom and not some random family would provide more comfort than it does, but as soon as you try to find some relief in that, your mind goes towards why she’s with your mom and the fact that you are legally barred from speaking to and interacting with the child you birthed and have raised since she first entered this world.

That’s when the tears come. You’re not sure there’s many left to be honest.

So, a knock on the door is the closest thing you have to hope, hope that someway, somehow, someone with enough pull was able to make all of this go away, make this nightmare of a reality a thing of fiction. 

Running to the front door, that hope is both dashed yet sustained when you rip it open. 

Turns out you��re wrong, there are definitely more tears left.

“Joe…”

You’re not sure who makes the move first, probably him, because the moment his eyes land on you, his expression softens into something sympathetic. 

He’s holding the back of your head as you cry into his chest, comforting you. And then it hits you. You pull away, holding onto his shirt, “did you see her? H-how is she?”

You made sure to emphasize that Joe needed to check in on Callie before coming to see you, not that it was something he needed to be told. You’re certain his first and foremost priority was checking in on Callie. 

He wipes at your eyes. “She’s okay.” It’s a safe answer, one that’s probably both partially and impartially true. How okay can she be in a situation like this? His response is more for your comfort than anything, you’re sure. “I got her down for bed before I left.” His eyes give you a one over. “When’s the last time you ate something?”

You’re certain you must look a mess. You also don’t care about that. You don’t really care about much to be honest. 

Still, it’s a valid question that takes you a second to contemplate. “I–I don’t know.” And before he can say something further, you inform, “I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat something.”

“No, I–what I need is to start getting this place together.” Pulling away from him, sniffling and wiping at your eyes, you motion around your apartment. “They’re doing the home inspection tomorrow.”

In between tears and depression, you’d received formal notice regarding the home visit where they’d evaluate the environment to ensure its appropriateness for a child as well as your emergency court date. 

Joe’s gaze is on you and lazily scans the room that’s more or less spotless. “It looks fine, Y/N.”

“Fine isn’t good enough, Joe,” your voice is firmer, a hint of irritation. “It has to be perfect so they can—” Without even realizing what’s happening, another unexpected set of tears arrives, your voice cracking. “—so they can give my baby back to me.”

He guides you back into his chest, comforting you as the next set of waterworks overcomes you. You’ve always hated crying, always found it irritating because it was hard to control, even harder to stop. This is all of those things. 

“I can’t believe she would—would do this to me.” That’s the part you still can’t wrap around. How could you not see what kind of person Mariah was? You’ve always thought you were a good judge of character. This was Callie’s legal godmother for fucks sake. “Do you know what she said about me? What she said I was going to do—” Your mouth watering and stomach twisting alerts you to what’s about to come, and you dash away from him to the bathroom where you fall to your knees, vomiting into the toilet. 

Joe is behind you not even minutes later, hand on the small of your back as you cry over that same toilet. There’s a level of appreciation for him being here with you in this moment, but it still doesn’t wholly ease that dull ache in your chest. 

Getting cleaned up, Joe doesn’t take no for an answer when he says that he’s going to make you something to eat and you’re going to eat. Deep down, you know he’s right. Not only are you teetering on sleep deprivation, but the lack of food in your system is eventually going to take a toll. And you need to be at your absolute best the next few days. 

However, even with his delicious cooking and emotional support, it’s not enough to keep your emotions at bay because you end up right back at that toilet, depositing everything you just tried to consume.

You just feel so off, so incomplete, because you are. 

Because you don’t know you’re supposed to proceed without your child. How you’re supposed to proceed and act like your world hasn’t been turned upside down, like you’re not in a position where you have to prove that you’re a fit parent. 

Something you could have never imagined you’d be having to prove. This whole situation, nightmare, has pushed you so much farther in the direction of wanting to move.

Mariah’s play has stolen your sense of security in this town, the place you’ve always called home. It feels like you’ll never be able to feel comfortable again so long as she’s also a resident. Blocking her on all platforms isn’t enough. You don’t want her to have any access to you or Callie whatsoever.

And that can only be done with moving. 

A small part of you considers talking with Joe about you and Callie staying at his place in Florida for the time being until you find a house. And you hate that, the idea of uprooting your and Callie’s life so suddenly. Not even being able to stay until the end of the school year, not being able to give your students the proper time to transition and adjust to your departure.

But you have to think about your family, your child, and what’s best for her.

It's starting to become more and more clear that the best thing you can do at this point is leave.

If not the only thing. ________

“She finally sleep?”

After treating herself to McDonalds, Alexis casually reached out to her legal team to let them know she could be facing a couple of charges and to be ready to bail her out once the warrant was issued. They were already fast ahead in working towards a plan to get said charges dismissed, so she's honestly not concerned at all.

And even if they aren’t dismissed, she doesn't mind. 

She’d do it all over again if she had to. 

So, after getting cleaned up and settling her affairs, she headed back over to the apartment to check on you. Alexis wasn’t surprised to find you still heavily upset, but the physical sickness was hard to watch. She’s so grateful that you listened to her and called Joe. She can’t imagine you going through this without his support.

“I got her to agree to take Benadryl.” Joe’s eyes are focused on the island as he sits down at the barstool and leans back. Alexis hasn’t been around Joe a ton, but that’s not needed to tell he’s a myriad of emotions right now, primarily anger. He adds, clearly concerned, “she can’t keep anything down.”

“She’s a wreck,” Alexis says as kindly as she can, because it’s the ugly truth. She’s always known you to be so calm and composed. This is anything but. Yes, there were a couple moments where you lost your temper. But post Callie? You’ve been the textbook definition of what it looks like to be a picture of calmness in a storm. 

Now….now you’re just a disaster.

Not that a single soul could blame you.

“How is Callie? Like, really?” Alexis isn’t sure if asking him this right now is the right move, but she’s genuinely curious. She’d take a bet that he played it down for the sake of your current mental state.

“Confused. Sad as hell. Doesn’t know why the fuck she’s just been ripped from her mother for no reason.” His anger is palpable and completely understandable. 

Alexis listens, working to control her own anger. Mariah’s beating wasn’t good enough. “It’s fucked up. That’s for sure.”

His jaw is clenched as she states, boldly, “I’ve gotta get them out of this damn town.” 

Alexis looks at him, partially not following his statement. “Aren’t they already moving to live with you?

“Yes, at the end of the summer, but that’s not soon enough.” She hears what he’s saying, but she isn’t quite sure about the realistic aspect of what he clearly wants at this point. “I need them out of here now.”

Alexis takes a second before responding, not wanting to further upset him. Typically, she doesn’t give two shits about how her words are perceived, but this is an entirely different situation. “You’re not wrong, Joe, but Y/N can’t just up and leave—”

“We don’t have much of a fucking choice, Alexis.” His tone, if not for the current circumstances, would be completely unacceptable. He’s talking to her like she’s a child, but Alexis knows emotions are high, so she sets aside her pride. “I don’t want that bitch anywhere near them.” 

Careful with her words, she counters calmly, “you know there’s a chance Y/N's not going to like that.” 

Alexis knows you, and knows that you like order. You’d want to properly close out the year, have time to say goodbye. Then again, after something like this, she’s not actually 100% sure where you’d stand on moving sooner than initially planned.

Joe then brings up a valid point. “It’s not about what she likes and doesn’t like. It’s about Calista and what’s best for her.” He’s not wrong, Alexis won’t deny him that. “Mariah is fucking psychotic, and I’m not taking any more chances with her pulling anymore shit like this. I’ve already contacted my lawyers to see what options we have there.”

Joe lawyering up makes all the sense in the world. It’s probably the smartest decision for him and Y/N, which is why she’s so grateful she stopped you from catching an unnecessary charge. “I can beat her ass again once she gets released from the hospital. It was quite therapeutic actually.” Alexis is slightly pleased to hear Joe chuckle at her words, even if she’s being completely honest. “I’ll tell you this, but don’t tell Y/N. She’s got enough she’s dealing with.” 

Joe is quick to assert. “I don’t like keeping things from her.”

Ignoring his counter, Alexis supplies, “Mariah was fucking Amir when I got there. Like, I literally caught them in bed.” 

As expected, Joe looks taken back, “what?”

She nods and adds, “but that’s not it. When the stupid bitch was begging for him to help her, she said they have a son together.” Lowering her voice in case you somehow fought the powers of Benadryl, she concludes, “I think Amir is the biological father of her kid,”

“Son of a bitch,” he mutters. Joe is suddenly wishing he acted upon impulse instead of logic and beat the shit out of Amir that night he had the chance. That bastard really was a scumbag. He’s also partially wishing he’d tagged along with Mariah. Joe would never put his hands on a woman, but Amir? He’d be laid out in the hospital just like Mariah is. “Just how long have they been messing around?”

“Long enough for her to get knocked up by him.” She shakes her head, trying to settle the growing anger. “God, I hate her ass. Him too, but definitely her. How do you just fuck your best friend’s ex like that? When you know she’s fucking him too? Fuckin nasty ass hoe.” 

He won’t disagree, sharing, “you probably already know this, but Mariah used to mess with Randy Orton, and he'd said she ended up being clingy and crazy when he broke it off.” 

“Really?” Alexis remembers you mentioning to her that Mariah was sleeping with a wrestler around the same time you first got with Joe but nothing about how it ended. “That lines up.”

“I never really paid much attention to it, because she wasn’t relevant to me, and Orton was an ass back in the day, so I took it with a grain of salt.” A heavy frown appears on his handsome face. “Clearly, that was a mistake.”

Realizing what’s happening, she shakes her head. “Oh my god. Not you too.” She jumps into her therapist mode, nearly repeating exactly what she’d said to you this morning. “This is no one’s fault except for Mariah. Not yours. Not Y/N’s, just that raggedy hoe.” 

Joe tries his best to heed to Alexis’s advice. “You’ve never liked her, right?” Alexis nods aggressively. “Why?” 

“I always felt like she was jealous of Y/N. Like….she benefited way more from her friendship with Y/N than Y/N did. When we were in college, Y/N was popular and well liked, and I get the sense that that’s always been the case. Mariah clearly benefited from that, so the jealousy wasn’t as bad, not enough for Y/N to notice it anyway.” Alexis starts to speculate, though she feels it’s more fact than hypothesis. “But then you come back in the picture, and the tide turns. Y/N gets the guy, the kid, the happy family. And then on top of all that, homegirl finally gets exposed, so Y/N, rightfully, cuts her off. But psycho-riah wasn’t having that.”

Laying it all out like that makes sense to both Joe and Alexis. It’s obvious Mariah is disturbed, because only a person not right in the head would do what she’s done. All of the things she’s done. But maybe it never got this bad because she and Y/N were always around the same level, both living in this small ass town, just raising their kids. 

Then he came in the picture, and she got jealous. 

It makes sense.

It also pisses him the fuck off. 

“This probably isn’t the right time to ask this, but I’m gonna do it anyway, because you never know when my warrant is gonna become active.” There’s such a casualness and nonchalant manner regarding how Alexis refers to her pending arrest, like it’s not that big a deal. And for her, it really isn’t. She knows her lawyers will most likely have her out on bond and charges dropped or dismissed by the end of the week. Hence her prying. “But just when in the hell do you plan to propose to Y/N?”

It’s definitely a 180 in topics that Joe wasn’t expecting, especially when she continues.

“I know it’s gotta be coming soon, because it’s obvious you love the mess out of her and want to be with her forever, but when, sir? Don’t be having my girl out here as a glorified girlfriend for too long, cause I don’t care how big you are, you can catch that Mariah Edition beating right along with her.” Joe smiles, shaking his head. It’s a much needed break from all the heaviness of the day. “And you best not get her knocked up again before it happens.” She considers her words and retracts. “Then again, ya’ll both freaky as hell and fuck like rabbits, so maybe that one is a stretch.”

With a casual shrug, Joe goes for his response. “Who says I don’t al—”

“Wait. Don’t say anything.” She interrupts, hands up as if remembering something. “I suck at keeping secrets, and I’m sure you’re gonna go all out for the proposal, so don’t tell me shit.” She nods, as if trying to convince herself that this is the safest and best route. “Just make sure I get an invite to the wedding. Then again, I’ll just show up anyway regardless.”

He has zero doubt she won’t.

But while Alexis' random tangent brings about brief relief, his mind easily switches back to the major issue at hand. 

“You know I’m right, Lex.” He looks at her, again reiterating, “they can’t stay here.” It’s in expressing her theory about Mariah aloud that helps Alexis realize Joe’s even more valid in his stance than she thought. “I can’t have this happen again. Y/N and Callie can’t have this happen again especially. They’re both a mess.” He looks down, jaw clenching. “I can’t see them go through this again.” 

There’s no desire or basis to argue. Alexis can’t imagine how difficult this must be for him as well. To see all this happening, to see the two people he loves the most be in pain and not be able to do anything about it. 

It’s gotta be torture.

She finally settles on a simple, basic answer. “You’re right.”

Joe is quiet for a few moments, expression indicating he’s searching and trying to navigate something. Alexis watches as he suddenly pulls out his phone, typing hurriedly. She figures he's sending a text to someone when he finally says, “I need you to do something for me.”

There’s not a second of hesitation. “Consider it done.”

“Good.” He doesn’t waste any time, recognizing every moment that passes is precious. “How quickly can you get a flight out to Florida?”

________

Before agreeing to take the tiny pink pill of sleep damnation, you made Joe promise to wake you up at 7am sharp. The home inspection was scheduled for 3pm, but you have something you need to do before then.

And Joe is true to his word, stirring you awake not a minute past 7.

Despite his protest and disagreement, you skip breakfast. It’s going on two days since you’ve actually had and retained a meal, but you can’t bring yourself to do so, your abs already sore from all the contractions that come with vomiting.

So, you settle on coffee and get to cleaning. Joe helps you, though there’s not much to be done, just little things that the average person wouldn’t pay much attention to. But, you’re not taking any risks. Your place needs to be as spotless as humanly possible. 

And you need to look as good as you can, so you spend much more time than necessary in the shower, scrubbing your body clean, shaving every piece of hair that doesn’t need to be there. All very much over the top, but you don’t care. You need to feel prepared. 

You even take on the daunting task of laying your mass of curls into a slick top bun. In your opinion, it’s always made you look ten times more professional. Even if it does take ten times as long to accomplish because of all your hair. 

Still, worth it. Everything is worth it if it means having your daughter back in your custody. 

It’s why you dig through your closet for the nicest set of business professional attire that you own, some nice dress pants and a white blouse that beautifully compliments your complexion. 

The top has always been a little snug around your chest, which is expected, even if feeling a little tighter than usual.

What you don’t expect or need is to slide on said pants only to find out you can’t get them to snap. Even the jump and wiggle to better adjust it over your ass and thighs isn’t enough to secure the button.

You stand there for a moment, only briefly stumped. You’re realizing that one of your earlier assumptions before this whole mess was correct.

You’ve put on weight.

It was something you first started to notice when you looked again at the post Alexis made of you on your Instagram. You could see it a little in your face, but mostly your ass and thighs. Thankfully, you’ve always typically carried your weight in all the right places. And it isn’t anything too crazy, maybe something only you notice because you know your body better than anyone.

But, it’s enough to where your go-to pants no longer fit. 

It’s not too concerning, especially with everything else you have going on. You’ve always yo-yo’d a bit with your weight and interestingly enough, the same happened in the months after your first meeting with Joe all those years ago.

“Happy weight,” you’re sure Alexis would call it. 

Sliding them off, you settle on another pair, close to your favorites and a size bigger. They snap closed, and that little thing makes you feel instantly relieved.

It’s another thirty minutes before you finally exit the bedroom, face beat in neutral yet professional makeup. Joe moves from where he was texting on the sofa and approaches you.

Concern is etched in the crinkles around his eyes. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?”

“No. I—I got this. Go—go spend the day with Callie.” Because I’d do anything to be able to do just that. “You probably shouldn’t even be here around me.”

It’s partially true. Joe isn’t even on Callie’s birth certificate, so as far as the law is concerned, you’re the only parent under investigation. Still, the irrational fear is strong that they’ll find some reason to add him to the investigation if they find out he’s been interacting with both you and Callie.

You can’t even think about what hell it would be if Joe was also barred from having any engagement with Callie.

You couldn’t handle it. Callie couldn’t handle it. And Joe wouldn’t stand for it. You know that for certain. He wouldn’t give a damn what the law stated.

“Yeah, that’s not fucking happening.” His dismissal is swift and firm. You have a feeling there isn’t a force on earth that could keep him from being with you right now. From being around Callie. “Are you sure you don’t want to try to eat something?”

Shaking your head, you explain. “No. I can’t risk vomiting again. I drank some Gatorade. I’ll be fine.” You don’t have a choice. Voice softening, you apologize again. “I’m so sorry about all of this. I had no idea she could ever—“

He stops you before you can get choked up. Joe's hands are on your face, comforting, “none of this is your fault, and I don’t blame you for anything. None of it.” His thumb brushes softly against your cheek. “But….but I do think we need to discuss moving up the move date for you and Callie.”

“I know.” You're certain he expected more of a push back from you, some level of argument, but he won’t find it. Mariah has taken that right away from you. “We—we can talk about it more later, okay?”

Understandably, he’s pleased and brings his hand to your hip, giving a gentle squeeze. “You should get going.” He’s right. The sooner you tackle this, the sooner you can focus on nailing this visitation. 

He kisses your forehead, lips lingering as he murmurs, “I love you.”

You’ll never get tired of hearing those words leave his mouth, needing to hear them now more than ever. You’re so grateful for him and all he does. “I love you too.”

You’re grabbing your purse and keys off the key holder on the wall when he calls out your name. 

“Mariah didn’t say anything to you before this, right? Outside of the exchange that day you told me about?” His question takes you by surprise, and he adds, probably not wanting you to feel like you’re on the witness stand. “My lawyers want to know if we can establish a paper trail.”

He’d mentioned reaching out to his legal team to see what recourse was available, but it isn’t something you’re overtly thrilled about. You understand where he’s coming from, but that’s not a route you’re sure you want to go down. Legal battles, from what you know, can get really ugly. And there’s a massive fear that somehow Callie will get dragged into the mess, forced to answer to lawyers and judges.

Your baby’s been traumatized enough already.

It’s why you decide on an answer that’s not the truth, but what you feel is best for your daughter. Once this is all said and done, you just want to put this all behind you and focus on your family.

Besides, there’s nothing else Mariah can do at this point, no lower she can stoop.

“No.” Even as it leaves your mouth, there’s a deep, nagging feeling that you’ve made the wrong decision not being honest with him. “She never said anything.”

—---------

“Is Dr. Sawyer available?”

Your voice is strong, firm, the exact opposite of everything you’ve felt over the past 48 hours. It’s a great display of fake confidence. 

The receptionist looks up with a surprisingly friendly smile. “I’m sorry, do you have an appointment or—”

“I’m an old friend. I really need to talk to him. It’s, uhh, it’s an emergency.” It may be a bit of a stretch to call your desire to get some questions answered an emergency, but you’ll say and do whatever it takes to get Kai’s attention. “Tell him it’s Y/N.”

She asks you to give her a few minutes, and you decide to take a seat in the waiting area. Pulling out your phone, you text Joe to let him know you’ve made it here and ready to text your mom when you suddenly remember.

That’s been the other hard part of this debacle. Going through one of the hardest things you’ve ever endured and not being able to talk to your mom about it. If you had to choose between her guidance and your daughter being put under her care, you’d go with the latter every single time.

But that doesn’t take way the sadness you have at not being able to talk to your own mother. 

“Y/N?”

Lifting your attention form your phone, you’re met with Kai Sawyer’s signature smile. 

He looks both surprised and relieved to see you.

“Hi. I’m sorry to bother you—”

“No. Not a bother at all.” He sits down on the seat opposite of you, and given the only couple people in the ER are on the other side of the waiting room, you decide this is a safe place to talk. “I’m actually happy to see you Y/N.”

There’s something wary about his tone of voice, like he’s hinting at something he won’t outright say. That’s when you remember the sole reason Kai was even inserted into your life again, and it hits you. “DCFS spoke to you, didn’t they?”

It makes all the sense. Callie was rushed to the emergency room and had to undergo emergency surgery. You’re certain her medical records are also being reviewed, that kind of incident standing out to investigators.

Kai might be aware of the anxiety that’s starting to grow and proceeds to explain. “Yes, and I told them it was absolute bullshit.” His face takes on a look of disgust and irritation. “That it’s been years since I’ve seen a child so deeply connected and bonded with a parent like I saw with you and Callie. Her appendicitis and subsequent surgery was completely happenstance, and you did everything right.”

His words bring tears to your eyes. You know you’re a good mom and did the best you could that night, but it means a lot that Kai would defend you so staunchly who are trying to determine just that. “Thank you, Kai.”

“I didn’t say anything that was a lie.” His expression is sympathetic. “I’m really sorry this is happening to you, Y/N. Do you have any idea who made the call?”

“That’s actually why I’m here.” You blot at your eyes, not wanting to test the hold of this waterproof mascara. “Do you remember when you told me you were happy I got away from Mariah and Amir?”

“Yeah, why?” His eyes widen with shock. “Wait, did they—“

“It was Mariah.” Swallowing, there’s a bit of an edge in your voice as you explain. “That’s why I’m here. I need to know just who the hell I’ve called a best friend all these years, so much so that I made her Callie’s legal godmother.”

“Whoa, I thought—-you were still friends with her after all these years?” You shake your head yes, and he looks truly apologetic. “I’m sorry, I just thought—”

“That I’d been smarter? Yeah, me too.” Aside from depression and apathy, you’re struggling with beating yourself up for not recognizing sooner what kind of person Mariah truly is. How your oblivion could be strong. “Please, tell me what you know.”

He blows out a deep breath and leans back into the chair. “Well, I mean there’s no easy way to say this, but Mariah and Amir have been messing around since we were in high school.”

Your stomach drops. 

That’s…..that’s not what you were expecting to hear.

In a whispered, pained voice, you ask, “what?”

He sighs and runs his hand over his face. “I don’t mean to get too personal, but I know it started around the time Amir was trying to pressure you into sleeping with him.” If not for the nature of the conversation, you’d find it a little adorable how he’s obviously trying his best to remain respectful. Kai has always been a genuinely decent guy. “He would constantly complain about you not ‘putting out’ around the locker room and during practice. And once he started hooking up with Mariah, he’d always brag about sleeping with the both of you.”

There’s so much to digest here. You’d figured Mariah and Amir were messing around after his slip around Christmas, but you figured it was a recent development. Now, you’re hearing that the girl you’ve considered a sister almost your whole life has been sleeping with the boy you once thought you loved from the very beginning?

“The times you couldn’t make it to parties, they’d be all over each other, but no one said anything because—”

“Because it was Amir,” you finish for him with a whisper. “He was the king of the school. No one would snitch on him, especially not his teammates.” You’re very familiar with the hierarchy and patriarchy of high school. You were the queen, just as much as he was the king, and everyone knew that you and Amir were always back and forth. They probably figured that you knew, or maybe they didn’t. You’re not so worried or stunned by just how many people knew and didn’t say anything. It doesn’t matter at this point.

What matters is that Mariah has always been a snake, a snake you brought around your child.

The child she got taken from you.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t say anything either—”

“No, don’t. You didn’t owe me anything.” It’s the two people who claimed to love and care about you who should have been honest. “I should apologize to you for dragging you into that bullshit. I’m really sorry, Kai. You didn’t deserve that.”

“We were kids, Y/N. Didn’t know any better.” Kai is clearly as uninterested in an apology from you as you are from him. “I’m sorry if this is too personal, but are you and Amir still….”

“No.” Just the thought alone nearly has you back to retching into the nearest toilet. “We were on and off friends with benefits since, well, high school. Outside of when I was with Callie’s dad for three years, but now Joe and I are back together. Have been for months.” There’s a small hint of excitement, the first non-sad emotion you’ve experienced in the past two days as you inform, “Callie and I will be moving to Florida to live with him.”

“Good.” Kai seems genuinely happy and pleased to hear this. “Hell, as a man, I can imagine he’d get you both on a plane out of here today if he could.” A small, sad chuckle leaves your mouth at his words. He’s probably not wrong. “You should have been left this place, Y/N. You deserve better. Always did. Get out of here and have a fresh start.”

The encouragement isn’t required but deeply appreciated. His openness and honesty provide you with a slither of relief. The information shared is something you’ll have to process at a later date and time, but it does answer some necessary questions you needed answered.

There’s no doubt in your mind at this point that leaving is absolutely what you need to do.

You just need to get through this nightmare first.

[olivianyx]

WAKE UP CALL CUS Y'ALLS THICK ASS SKULLS NEED IT

⚠️ tough love rant, I prob won't be nice to y'all atp, swearing ⚠️

Y'all better stop asking others to manifest for you. Like wtf? You're the fucking creator. Tf are you asking to create it for the creator?? You're God. Just stop whining and complaining. Omfg just stop. Who said you can't manifest? Who said you can't have all the things you desire?? Nobody but you. Like aren't you stupid asshole just tired of that shitty life you're living?? How long are you gonna fucking live this life? It doesn't even benefit you, and you dumbass just keep complaining and thinking about the same old story again and again, and are repeating the same shit again in the 3d 🤦‍♀️ but still would go on complaining and complaining. Who's the ultimate power in here? YOU.

If you don't keep your thoughts in check and change your reality, who else will? You think a prince Charming or Flynn rider or Marilyn Monroe or mulan will walk into your life and change your entire destiny?? Gross. You're the one in charge and you should work on your mind set. You are the ultimate problem. And with this mindset you're never going anywhere but stay in the same loop until fAtE decides what's gonna happen to you. BULLSHIT. You only gotta work on your mindset alone. Like you don't have to climb the goddamn mount Everest or run 40 miles or do 1000 pushups a day to change yourself. Tf, you only just need to ignore unwanted thoughts and feed in thoughts which is favourable and live in the end, keep yourself fulfilled, that's it. No more bullshit.

Is it that hard?? Like just switching a thought with something favourable is hard? Bitch don't gimme that shit anymore. Trust yourself and move on. You are the only problem here. You don't focus on improving yourself and tell others to manifest or affirm for you. Like tf??? Why tf would you give free will to someone else that's not you? Why do you trust that person so much that you don't trust yourself? Nobody's gonna come with you till the end. Everybody and everything is a chapter and it'll keep moving forward, and you'll still be left behind still figuring out what went wrong.

STOP. JUST. STOP. STOP WITH THAT AND DECIDE THAT YOUR DESIRES ARE HERE AND EVERYTHING IS GOING ON IN YOUR FAVOUR.

Even if you're doing everything and nothing is working out, you haven't fulfilled yourself internally and just forcing the 3d to change. Wtf? You know the 3d obeys the 4d, then why are you inducing disgusting thoughts in the 4d and expect something like a miracle to happen in the 3d?? Make it make sense. You dumb dip shit, I'm gonna slap you in your dreams. I mean you're really dumb. Like just think whatever you want is already yours and it is. Cus the 3d should obey. Like whatever tf you want to happen is possible. Everything is possible. You ugly ass bitch just stop with that complaining and just go do whatever you want to change your thoughts.

Just fucking decide that whatever you want is already yours. It doesn't matter at all. The past doesn't matter at all. What you did 10 years ago doesn't matter. What you did 5 months ago doesn't matter. What you did 4 minutes ago doesn't matter. Only now exists. No past, no future. Just the present moment and that motherfucking concept called time doesn't fucking exist so stop stressing about that shit. Just decide. Bitch just decide that you just have what you want and the past doesn't matter. Just fucking be as if you already have it, don't stress about it. Suppose you have your phone with you, do you affirm for it everyday that it's yours? Or visualize? Hell no. Your phone is just yours. How do feel about it? Actually you'd feel nothing, you just KNOW it's yours. The same concept here you absolute idiot.

If you forgot to do sats, or you didn't affirm or if you wavered 3 minutes ago, or you had negative thoughts, like bitch those things don't matter as long as you come back to the track. It doesn't matter. Stop fucking stressing about methods or affirming. You already have it. Get that shit into your skull. I don't care what you do, I want y'all to start it today, start now. Just decide that's it. You're so dumb that you don't even make mental efforts that lead you to experiencing miracles dumbass. You're like really really dumb that I'm done. Like gimme a break.

JUST FUCKING DECIDE LIKE RN THAT YOU HAVE WHAT YOU WANT, AND WHATEVER YOU'RE STRESSING ABOUT DOESN'T MATTER.

YOU ALREADY HAVE YOUR DESIRES BITCH.

Like why would you assume that nothing is changing?? There's always movement and you dumbass don't notice it. Even if you see that there's no movement, that's because you idiot assumed there wasn't any. You gotta take matters in your own hand you dip shit. Don't fucking get triggered by the 3d cus it's just your older thoughts and nothing else. Your new thoughts that you focus on should also be reflected in the 3d like instantly. There's no time in between, like really fuck that shit. The minute you affirm, it's already manifested in the 4d bitch. You don't gotta stress at all you dumb ass. The 4d is the ultimate reality. You just gotta be fulfilled here. How? By LIVING AS IF YOU ALREADY HAVE IT OR LIVING IN THE END. The 3d will catch up as you remain fulfilled in the 4d, like almost instantly. Is this a harder concept to understand?? For example, you wear a green dress and look in the mirror, you see the reflection wearing green dress too. Cus it's a fucking mirror and it shows you what you wear. Suddenly you wanna wear a purple dress, and you change your dress and look in the mirror and the mirror shows you purple dress cus you're wearing it. THE SAME FUCKING CONCEPT HERE. THE GREEN DRESS IS THE 4D AND THE MIRROR IS THE 3D. YOU CHANGE THE 4D (DRESS) FIRST IN ORDER TO SEE DRESS YOU'RE WEARING IN THE MIRROR (3D). HOWEVER, YOU GOTTA CHANGE THE DRESS TO SEE THE CHANGE IN THE REFLECTION. What y'all do is, go fucking break or beg the mirror to show you that you're wearing a purple dress when infact you're still wearing the green one 🙄🤦‍♀️ and complain that it's not showing what you want. Like which planet are exactly from?? Like tf is wrong with your dumbass brain?? Make it make sense. Change the dress and go see the changed reflection of the dress.

Just fucking stop with that bullshit and go fucking have whatever you want. You're God. Like what validation do you fucking need?? You're the validation. Your validation is enough. If your desires don't manifest instantly or like in less than a day, then you aren't fulfilling yourself internally. You aren't fulfilled yet. Cus it's impossible for the delay. Time doesn't exist. There's no fucking delay. It should be instant. Like just fulfill yourself, do whatever you think works. Don't go so something someone posted on the internet and complain about not getting results dumbass. You already have it all. You're the main character, so stop behaving like a stray dog.

Peace out <3

[moodcrab]

Fixing Delphine

This bitch.

I actually like that they made a character that is on your side but is somewhat unlikable, Delphine is Team Dragonborn, but she's not really one of the good guys. And that's cool, conflict means drama. So what's the problem? Well unfortunately, this drama is surface level and isn't used to drive the story, so It's kind of just annoying.

People oversimplify their hatred of Delphine into "She wants you to kill Paarthurnax," because unlike Delphine, people actually like Paarthurnax. Understandable, but barely scratches the surface. We'll get to The Paarthurnax Dilemma in time, but that quest is a symptom, not the illness itself.

If I could sum up Delphine in a word it would be "inconsistent." For example, she's a fugitive waging a one woman war on the Thalmor from the shadows, who's only survived this long from sheer paranoia - but she also uses her real name and leaves a note in Ustengrav for whoever happens to pick it up with directions and a pass word to her secret hide out.

She needs to go through her super secret contact Farengar to use the Jarl's resources to go into Bleak Falls Barrow, a tutorial level dungeon she can see from her house, and she's impressed that you did it - but she also goes personally to the other side of the country to delve alone into the massive Ustengrav to steal the Horn of Jurgan Windcaller, no issues, just a quick in and out twenty minute adventure.

She takes the fact that you found her Ustengrav note as proof you're the Greybeard's new guy and not some Thalmor plant even though she herself, a non Dragonborn, had also completed Ustengrav and taken the horn proving it's totally possible. She even points this out in her own dialogue then demands we prove who we are, even though that was the whole point of the Ustengrav note. It's also a pretty big assumption that just because I'm the guy the Greybeards call Dragonborn that I can't ALSO be with the Thalmor.

We are left with this awkward sense that the writers are flailing to make us think this woman is competent and objective, without actually having her do anything that clever. Just act like the dumb thing was smart and have her act like a cocky brat if questioned about it.

Inconsistency. It's her thing. Does she hate the Thalmor? That would make sense given what we know about her. But that gets dropped half way through the main story and suddenly she hates The Greybeards, for absolutely no reason at all. She gives a reason, but it's bullshit.

In her own words, "If the greybeards had their way, the dragonborn would sit on a mountain talking to the sky." But that's not true is it. We know The Greybeards, they encouraged us to fulfill our destiny. Even if you say you want to follow their Way of the Voice, they'll be glad to hear it but warn you not to let it get in the way of what needs to be done. Delphine even uses Tiber Septim as an example, which is even stupider because The Greybeards actively encouraged Tiber to conquer Tamriel. Have I read more in game books than the dialogue writers??

But that's not the end of it, when it becomes convenient for the plot this hatred is flipped once again from The Greybeards onto dragons. Not Alduin. All dragons. Despite the fact that, as a Blade, she should know about Nafaalilargus, a dragon ally of the Empire and the Blades for thousands of years, and the Blades don't just indiscriminately kill all dragons no matter the circumstances, and that Tiber Septim himself almost certainly met Paarthurnax at some point, she suddenly seems to be acting like she has a personal grudge against dragons. Which brings us to the Paarthurnax Dilemma...

See here's the thing, you could easily write off the frustration everyone feels towards this quest as Bethesda's crappy design, where there is no conclusion other than to kill Paarthurnax, or else leave an unfinished quest languishing in the menu. Bethesda apparently didn't consider the idea that anybody would actually prefer to turn on the Blades, even though the Blades have become a bit of a running joke among the fans, or that anyone would take umbrage with Delphine giving out orders and ultimatums.

But no, it's so much worse than that. Delphine being a surly unlikable c u n t from the day we met her is one thing, but the fact that she has been wrong about almost everything she's ever said in game, and still having the AUDACITY to treat us like her work bitch and us never, not once, getting the opportunity to put her in her place... That's not poor quest design, that's the game gaslighting us.

Let's do a quick list of every one of Delphine's theories, and how many were actually correct shall we:

You are not the Dragonborn ❌

The Greybeards shouldn't be trusted to identify a Dragonborn ❌

The dragons aren't just coming back, they're coming back to life ✅

The Thalmor have something to do with the dragons returning ❌

Esbern is dead ❌

The Greybeards just want the Dragonborn to sit on a mountain and meditate ❌

The Greybeards wanted Tiber Septim to just sit on a mountain and meditate ❌

Paarthurnax, having lived in exile for thousands of years, deserves corporal punishment ❌

As ACTING Grand Master of the Blades, she gets to boss around the Dragonborn ❌

She deserves a seat at the peace negotiations ❌

And these are just the things that are factually wrong, leaving aside opinions on her morality and shitty attitude. This is the woman the game presents to us as a shrewd strategist.

BUT I CAN FIX HER!

Like I said I like the idea of a character who is on your side but is somewhat unlikable. It actually won't take much to make Delphine endearing to the fans. We have to do a Boromir on her. A Lot of people dislike Boromir throughout the Fellowship of the Ring but weep at his death. We have to tweak three things to have the same thing happen to Delphine:

1. Make her actually competent and useful so that while we don't agree with her we can see why she does the things she does, and desire to keep her around.

2. Have her mistakes called out and have consequences.

3. Have her redeem her mistakes with a badass honourable death.

[iambicpentameterhamster]

Every umbrella academy character ranked (seasons 1-4)

After that shitshow of a fourth season, i felt it necessary to redo this.

#36 -The Sparrows (Jayme, Alphonso, Fae etc.)

The show had no clue what to do with these characters. They sit around being evil for a little while only to promptly die within four episodes. Also one of them is a fucking cube?!? Whats up with that?

#35 - Sloane

How come she disappears in season 4 but not sparrow Ben? So much of this makes no sense.

#34 -Sparrow Ben

I hate this character with my whole being. He goes around calling people emo as if HE DOESNT WAKE UP EVERY MORNING WITH A SCOWL ON HIS STUPID FACE AND EMO HAIR ON HIS STUPID FOREHEAD. He's so rude and awful and i'm given no reason by the show to give a shit where he ends up.

#33 -Carl Cooper

This one speaks for itself.

#32 -Reggie's wife

The two of them annoyed me so much.

#31 -Viktor

Moochy emo sod. Elliott Page's acting got progressively worse throughout the series (and i like Elliott Page, but this wasnt his best work.)- season 1 Vanya was tolerable, beyond that i couldn't stand this character. All his jokes land flat and he has the charisma of a piece of cardboard.

#30 -Season 4 Five

For the sake of this ranking, i am treating seasons 1-3 Five and season 4 Five as seperate characters. Seems like the writers were doing the same. What the fuck, guys? How do you bulldoze a character this badly?

Season 4 Five was unfunny, selfish, cowardly, and most of all on a different plane of being from the Five we all knew and loved. Screw you, season 4 Five, you're not canon.

#29 -Season 4 Lila

I'm treating Lila the same way. Season 4 Lila was an injustice to seasons 2-3 Lila.

#28 -Harlan

Couldn't care less about him. He represents to me when the umbrella academy started going to shit in season 3.

#27 -Jennifer

Again, we are given no reason to care about her.

#26 -Pogo

He was just there for the exposition. They never explained why Reggie was doing experiments on monkeys??

#25 -Reggie

He was quite a good villain but i still hate him. Really goofy at times, too.

#24 -Jean and Gene

They were quite good actually. If season 4 wasn't a dumpster fire, i reckon they'd have been able to really shine.

#23 -Cha Cha

This is getting into better territory. I liked Cha Cha, she was badass, but not well developed.

#22 -Detective Patch

Again, i liked her, but she wasn't given much time to develop as a character.

#21 -The Swedes

They were funny, whimsical villains that were fun to watch on screen. Funny and whimsical are two adjectives that TUA used to embody.

#20 -Elliott

My guy just wanted to eat fish and be a conspiracy theorist 😔

#19 -Sissy

Welcome back, Sheldon's mum.

In all seriousness, she was well acted despite Viktor's actor giving her nothing to work with, so props to her.

#18 -Dave

WE GOT ZERO MENTIONS OF DAVE IN SEASONS 3-4?!? DESPITE HIM BEING A HUGE PART OF KLAUS'S CHARACTER?!?! WHEN I CATCH YOU WRITERS-

#17 -Destiny's children

I am in fact an active member

#16 -Luther

I have bumped Luther up my list because in seasons 3-4 he sort of embraces his goofiness, but in seasons 1-2 he is an insufferable, incestuous moron. He is up here for good character development and i wished he could have ended up with Sloane.

#15 -Agnes

She was really cute and sweet, i liked her a lot. RIP season 1, you were peak.

#14 -Herb and Dot

They were sweet and funny too, and i miss the whole idea of the time commission.

#13 -Kenny's mum

An honourable mention

#12 -Grace

Grace was super well performed and poignant. I have no issues with Grace.

#11 -Stan

Live, laugh, love Stan. I hate that the trauma of losing him was never mentioned in season 4 for Diego or Lila.

My top 10

#10 -Lenoard Peabody/ Harold Jenkins

I stand by him being one of the best-acted and most cleverly written villains of all time. He is not only a well-executed surprise villain, but a scarily accurate one, and the actor plays him to perfection. We even start to like him before the cracks show. Also he looks like a creepy version of Lin Manuel Miranda.

#9 -Ray

Season 4 did Ray DIRTY. It was completely out of character for him to just walk out. They could have at least have him die in a tragic accident or something. Season 2 Ray is the perfect, most charismatic, ideal man and i hold him in my heart forever and in my head Alison and Ray ended up together.

#8 -Hazel

He had one of the best arcs on the show, period. Continues to represent everything good about the first two seasons of TUA. He was flawed, he was human, he was loveable.

#7 -Umbrella Ben

He seemed like he could have been a brilliant character with more screen time. His sacrifice in season 2 was a genuinely moving moment. The backstreet boys moment is SO FUNNY and his and Klaus's dynamic is something i really miss.

#6 -The Handler

We don't appreciate The Handler enough. The show started rolling downhill as soon as The Handler was gone. She was the glue that held the show together, one of the best villains/antagonists in TV history.

#5 -Allison

Yes, season 3 Allison made some stupid choices and did some terrible things, but a lot of it came from grief and she redeemed herself in season 4 imo. Seasons 1-2 Allison was one of the most charismatic, endearing and empathetic characters on the show.

#4 -Seasons 1-2 Lila

I love you. I miss you. Come back to me.

#3 -Diego

Bumped up the list for being a CONSISTENTLY good character who is flawdd but still extremely loveable and hilarious.

#2 -Seasons 1-3 Five

Seasons 1-3 Five would shoot season 4 Five in the face. He is the daddy here, and season 4 Five is the creepy uncle.

Original Five is a masterfully crafted, hilarious, unique, intelligent character and i will not let season 4 ruin it for me.

#1 -Klaus

This needs no justification.

What do you think? How far do you agree?

[fanfictiongirlie]

Twilight: Some Soulmate - Chapter Six

Click here for masterlist

Parings: Paul Lahote x Reader

Description: Y/N a member of the Cullen family is imprinted on by one of the wolves, she is shocked, he is shocked. She is struggling with drinking animal blood over human, and he is disgusted by a vampire for a soulmate… But maybe it could work..?

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: None

Words: 1,374

I didn't come back. 

I stayed away from home. 

My family went back to Forks. After Edward nearly killed himself because he thought Bella had killed herself, they all went home. I just couldn't, I felt sick being away from Forks. But Paul made it clear to me, he didn't want me. Why would I stay somewhere, knowing that. 

So I've been exploring, and by exploring I mean, I had a little cottage in England. And I've been reading, I even got a job. As a book keeper, it was actually a nice little life I built in a short amount of time. 

But there was something missing.

Imprinting was a stupid thing. It sucked, knowing there was someone out there who was your perfect half. And they wanted nothing to do with you. Why did my soulmate have to be a werewolf. It didn't even make sense that he was my soulmate, what if I never became a vampire. Then again, Alice said it must of been destiny that I became a vampire. Rosalie says I should be happy it happened when I was still young and not when I was old. 

Paul hadn't tried to message me, or call me. Which hurt, I knew it was hurting him too. I could tell, I could almost feel it. Which Carlisle said was silly. 

They had visited me a few times; my family, before the whole Edward walking into the sun event. Since moving back to Forks I hadn't seen them. 

Esme was begging for me to come back, but I just couldn't. I had a little life here. 

----------

I left my house at 5am, before sunlight, and made my way to my little book shop. Which luckily was located inside a big shopping centre, so no sunlight would hit me throughout the day. I entered the shop, and picked a book at random to start reading. The shop wouldn't be opening until 8am but until then I can read. 

I checked my phone a few times, No new texts from Paul. A few from my family. 

Alice: It's going to be very sunny today, be safe. 

Jasper: Sending calm vibes. 

That one made me laugh. 

We may need you home soon, unfortunately there may be a fight 

That one was from Carlisle. I felt panic, I called him.

"Carlisle what's wrong?" I say, putting my book down. 

"Alice has seen a group of newborns heading our way" He spoke in his quiet soft voice. I had missed it. 

"I can come back and help if you need me Carlisle" I spoke, I didn't really want to come back, it had been ages since I had been there. But if it meant keeping my family safe.

"I'd feel a little bit more confidant if you did, but there's one problem" Carlisle said. 

I waited for him to speak again. 

"The wolves will be helping us, we met with them a few days ago" Carlisle explained. "Edward said he could hear Paul thinking about you, looking for you in our group" 

"Oh, really?" I asked, surprised. 

"Edward says he still hasn't forgiven you, he could hear the anger towards you. But I believe he wants to see you" Carlisle finished. 

I nodded, as if he could see me. 

"When will the new borns be there?" I asked. 

"In one week" Carlisle answered. 

"Okay, I'll leave now, hopefully it shouldn't take long. But I'll see you soon" I say, I put my phone down and frown. I guess I couldn't be opening the shop today. 

I headed outside, luckily the sun hadn't quite left the clouds, but I drove home. Packed all the important bits, and then put a headscarf on. 

And headed towards the airport. 

-----------

The flight was quick, and the drive to Forks was uncomfortable. I didn't want to see him. Or maybe I did. 

I drove quickly, not looking away from the road. I could faintly smell the wolves, and it hurt. 

I pulled up into my house, parked the car and ran quick into the house. But it was empty. Now I was confused. 

I pulled out my phone and dialled Carlisle's number. He answered after one ring. 

"Y/N, are you home?" He asked

"Yes, where are you?" I asked. 

"In the woods, follow my scent, it should be fairly easy to follow" He said, and the call ended. 

Carlisle wasn't wrong, I followed his scent and I saw them soon enough. I also saw the wolves. I knew where Paul was, our eyes met. I could feel the anger. 

I missed him. So much. 

"Y/N" Esme smiled widely, as she came over to me to hug me tightly. 

"I missed you" She whispered into my ear. "I missed you too" 

Carlisle started what ever this was, and then Jasper proceeded to start showing off his fighting skills. 

"Y/N, your turn" He said smirking at me. 

I stepped forward, finally taking my eyes off Paul. 

I watched Jasper, waiting for his first move, he went to punch and I dodged, grabbing his arm and spinning him. He jumped and tried to land on me, but I dodged that by jumping up and wrapping my arms around his chest and pulled him down. 

"That was a good example of what the newborns do" Jasper explained "They will wrap their arms around you and squeeze, do not let them do that"

We all fought a little bit more, except for the wolves, they watched. Carlisle called it to an end as we had been doing this for hours. I stepped forward towards Paul but he growled and ran off. I frowned, I had hoped if he saw me again but with my amber eyes back maybe he would forgive me. Obviously not. 

I joined my family in our walk back to the house. 

"Will you stay after the fight?" Emmett asked me.

"I'm not sure" I answer. 

"You should to see me become a vampire" Bella smirked, I nodded. 

"That's definitely something I wouldn't want to miss, the worlds first clumsy vampire" I joke. Everyone laughed at this. 

I walked closer to Edward so I was next to him. 

"Hey, Ed, was he thinking about me?" I asked. 

Edward nodded

"He only thought of you, when you were fighting Jasper, he kept thinking 'If that vamp actually hurts her Ill kill her'" 

I smiled, it was something. Better than him wanting to kill me.

"It'll be okay Y/N" Bella smiled at me. 

Hopefully it will be okay. 

Previous Part - Next Part

[mylifewasamazinguntiliwasborn]

So why do I think Dual Destinies is a dogshit game @elzux?

It all boils down to one very simple thing - almost nothing about the game feels like Ace Attorney.

I think the first important thing to note here is that by the time Dual Destinies came out, Ace Attorney had been my special interest for over 5 years. I was extremely familiar with the original trilogy, as well as Apollo Justice and both Investigations games. At that point I didn't dislike any of the games I had played, Apollo Justice was my least favourite but I still loved the game a lot.

Now to the meat. Why doesn't Dual Destinies feel like Ace Attorney? Let's break it down.

The dialogue - lacks the usual humour and snark. The game can't keep me focused on the dialogue. In a game where reading the dialogue is required to play the game. The dialogue is so, so boring and often nonsensical that I found myself skipping huge blocks of text, just because I either couldn't or didn't want to read what was going on. It's a massive drop in quality in a series that is known for its top tier dialogue, which usually effectively furthers both the plot and the characters. Here we instead have dialogue that feels like someone who only knew Phoenix Wright through early 2010s Youtube memes had written it. My favourite example is from DD-1 where Phoenix's inner dialogue reads (Noooo, come back my beautiful contradiction!). First glance, it's okay. Maybe even funny. Second glance, hold up. Phoenix would never think that. He might have used this as a punchline after 4-6 text boxes of lamenting, not just as a single one sentence reaction to one Objection by Payne, of all people.

The characters - closely tied to the dialogue. The returning characters don't act like themselves. The new characters are paper thin and without agency. The side characters are so boring I still barely remember anyone's names. Phoenix is stupid. Why is he stupid? Phoenix is goofy, yeah. He's a silly little guy. Sometimes he's slow, although his literal character arc of the first 3 games is becoming The Best Attorney Ever. He can't be stupid 10+ years into his career. Especially remembering that he JUST tried to reinvent the entire court system in his country (more on this later). That's simply not something an idiot or an incapable lawyer fucking does. Apollo isn't Apollo. He's given three new backstories here and in result, Apollo Justice ceased to exist. He was kind even if a little sarcastic, he was unsure about himself, and he was so willing to learn. And here? Here he's just a mean prick and a know-it-all. Yeah okay he's traumatised yadda yadda then why is he like that in DD-2 as well? You know, BEFORE his bEsT fRiEnD died? Also what fucking best friend? How about you talk about his mother instead? Why turn his cute speech patterns into some traumatic goddamn mess? Literally no one asked for that. Athena is an awful character for the first half of the game, then gets some meat, and is then devolved back to 0 by giving all her agency to Simon Blackquill. Amazing. THIS is the game series praised for its strong female characters? Give me a break. I don't know anything about Athena except that she's a polyglot and has PTSD. That's not a character, that's a plot device. Simon Blackquill is kinda okay but he's also the first major overstepping a line Ace Attorney does. His character is too ridiculous. Why is a death row convict a prosecutor. Even within the AA universe it just doesn't make sense. He's just too much. Bobby Fulbright/Phantom is the 3rd worst character of the entire series. Where is Klavier Gavin. And let's talk about character designs while we're here! They're awful! Not only are the 3D models ass, but Pearl Fey's aged up design is fucking horrendous! Also this is the first game that really feels like it was made for cosplayers. The characters don't feel like characters anymore. This is an anime convention in a courtroom, now.

The plot - again closely tied to the dialogue as dialogue is the main device used to move the plot along in Ace Attorney. It fucking sucks. The cases don't make sense. It's a trend started by AJ, but DD takes it a step or a hundred further. Every case is so deeply uninteresting that even after having now freshly played the first 2 cases, I couldn't really summarise their plots for you. Where's the motivation, or the motive for that matter? Who cares? Who are these people? The only interesting case is the last one, and it's only interesting because of the last half of it. That's where the game peaks, I'll admit it's even good for a moment there. Then it's of course brought down by the whole Phantom thing (refer to section "The characters"). It's so one-dimensional, something Ace Attorney has barely ever been before. It's like Berry Big Circus: The Game. I'm miserable writing this thinking about how I still have four more cases of this to go. But most importantly: WHY give Apollo all these fucking backstories? And WHY erase everything Phoenix did in AJ? Where's the jury? Why was it buried? What happened? What? Where's Klavier Gavin?

The game mechanics - this is huge. First off, let me go back to the beginning where I said by the time DD came out, I had already made Ace Attorney my entire personality. I knew those games through and through. There's this very specific Ace Attorney logic that one either has/learns along the way or doesn't. Like when you're cross examining and you can Just Tell what to press, or what to present, even if you're not entirely sure why. The games are intuitive, so to speak. Well, not DD! DD remains the only game in the series beside PLvsAA where I have to look up stuff in a guide or save scam to save my ass. DD diverts from the AA logic so much that playing it doesn't feel like Ace Attorney. I can excuse PLvsAA, it was a PL game to begin with so I can understand why sometimes the writing would be lacking, but the 5th installment of the main series!? No way. Also, the mood matrix is easy and stupid and comparable to how Pokémon for the past 10 years has tried to one up itself with each generation when there was no need. Mega evolution was great, why would we need all that other shit. Magatama was great, we don't need Perceive or Moods or Seances. Fuck you. Sorry I'm getting really riled up now. And finally, of course, the elephant in the room. Why. Why can you not examine each location? What? What the fuck? That's where the best dialogue happens. That's where you build the characters you fucking morons. In the background. That's why we have the entire stepladder thing. You can't just take that out. The moment I realised they had done this I lost all hope for the game and haven't seen it since. But Unski, there must be something you like about Dual Destinies, right? It can't all be that bad, right? Right?

Correct. Here's an exhaustive list of all the things I liked about Dual Destinies. -The OST was only the 3rd worst in the series. This isn't entirely on the composer though, it's also that while I like the orchestral arrangements well enough, they just don't quite hit the intensity I fell Ace Attorney deserves. Yes this includes DGS. -Speaking of OST, probably the best Truth theme of the series, and also some of the best Reminiscences are here. -Aura Blackquill is a solid good character with an interesting backstory and her own agenda. She is easily my favourite character in this game, and A tier in the over all series as well. -Phenomenal, haunting artwork. If you've played the game, you probably know which one I'm talking about. -Sometimes the cutscenes weren't entirely awful. -They brought back the black Psyche-Locks. If only they could have done that on someone more meaningful.

[thelunarfairy]

Hi there! This is probably a stupid question, but it's been bugging me for a while.

My question is about the very beginning of the series, when Hanako swallows the mermaid scale to make Yashiro (mostly human)

He explained to her before that the scales are called matchmaking scales because they not only link souls, but they share the curse together. And that she would still have some fish-like traits when splitting the curse between two people.

So here's my question: If Hanako is able to lessen the effects of the curse by swallowing the scale, does that mean he may also have fish-like traits too? I know this is never shown or mentioned, and the most likely answer is it had no effect on him because he's an apparition. But since swallowing the scale still linked their souls and lessened the effects on Yashiro, I can't help but feel that the curse must've become split between them so that Yashiro could become human, and Hanako has some traits from it that he doesn't show.

But what do you think? If this question/theory sounds stupid, plz ignore haha. I really enjoy your content and wanted your perspective on this, as you're great with deciphering all the mysteries of tbhk. So I dont want to waste your time. Either way, thanks for reading!!

Hello!!! ohh dear, it's not a stupid question, it's okay, your question is quite interesting and I thought a lot about this issue with Hanako, they share the mermaid curse, but why isn't Hanako directly affected like Nene?

I never talked about this on the blog because I had no clue initially how this would coherently connect with any deduction, but now we have a glimpse of what might be happening.

The mermaid is a very important factor here, besides her sealing their destinies, this connection between them allows Nene to see Amane's past and even future, in addition, the connection of fate must do something very important in both of their lives, it can completely change his destiny (as it did once).

This importance of the scale and the mermaid's connection suggests that it is extremely important to the overall story, so, considering this, how can Hanako lessen the effect of Nene's curse?

I've been wondering lately if the entity has any direct connection to the mermaid, because everything that involves the entity is related to water.

In the red house, you see those sacrificed souls on the other side of the window asking Mitsuba and Kou to escape, and we see air bubbles coming out of their mouths, suggesting that they were submerged in water.

Just like we saw a fish once when Kou was there with little Tsukasa.

The entity is also known as the "creature of the well", since it apparently lived there.

So, we have Amane with tentacles on his face, once again implying that it is an aquatic creature.

So, in short, there is a possibility of a connection between this entity and the mermaid. Maybe Hanako is already cursed because of the entity, but since the entity has the ability to change shape,

Hanako can probably hide it or deal with it better than Nene.

Inside Hanako we see tentacles, something theoretically harder to hide than Nene's scales.

In addition, Nene becomes a small fish, while Hanako is with the entity, a very powerful creature that could simply remove or camouflage the mermaid's curse easily, that is, if he is affected by it.

I still think about this "matchmaking scales" part. I have doubts if Hanako did it on his own or if it was something planned by him and Tsukasa to use Nene and make that wish come true.

I still wonder if he can really remember Nene from the past or not.

Anyway, little by little the connection with the mermaid is making sense.

Thank you!!!!!!!!!! Awww how sweet!!! you are so kind!!! you made me happy!!! It was fun talking about this, thanks for the question!!!

[centrally-unplanned]

I'm curious, how do you feel about harem tropes in anime and vns as a straight (for now, we will get you one day!!!) poly dude? Does the "genre" hold any appeal to you, and are there any standouts you would point to to say "yeah they really nailed what I like here"?

Look someone has to be a straight guy on here, affirmative action to ensure we get a diverse community! Overall I think they are fine as a concept - essentially harem is too "basic" to have like any one opinion on it, right? It can take on a million different forms, some will work and some don't.

For me most of the time they don't work, primarily because the typical deployment is in some weird asexual abeyance state where the protagonist has a dozen girls who are into him but they never cross the threshold. It is essentially a piece of media with no progression that substitutes in lateral quantity of girls for interesting narrative. Even this can work though, if the work is a sufficiently silly or weird sex comedy - those don't need any progression, right, the fun is in the jokes. The key for me is to make the lack of progression actually part of the humor. Few land this honestly, but while I am cheating because here the MC *does* date all the girls, The 100 Girlfriends Who Really Really Love You is a good example - he has to date all the girls or THEY DIE because God fucked up their destinies. Totally stupid, great premise for a comedy. Or My Next Life as a Villainess, where the heroine is isekai'd into an otome is obsessed with not being murdered like in the game, so fails to realize that she has dodged that bullet so successfully everyone wants to bone her (that show isn't good for its own reasons alas).

The other path is the "ancillary" harem, where the story has some other primary plot going on, fantasy wizard war or w/e, but the main character also has 4 hotties in the crew who are in various degrees of thirst over him. Normally still dumb ofc but this is less offensive because it isn't the main story, so it can have more logic. Additionally, you can use their role in the main story to make them cool/attractive, such that you have more investment with them. "I want to date you" is not a great pitch for why someone would want to date you, after all. Still, it is all better if you get like Mushoku Tensei and actually date them, since then you can have very interesting multiple-relationship arcs that intersect the main story. At the rare peaks this is authentically great, and never seen in TV outside of anime.

Visual Novels, funnily enough, are not that commonly harem! Because of split-routes you set up the harem "premise" at the beginning, but then you "choose a route" and the other girls fade away and it becomes a mono romance. Obviously they do exist, but VNs just typically have other genre conventions - and the ones that do exist I just tend to have not played. Maybe some out there do cool harem stuff! I am open to recs.

Being poly honestly effects this very little, because most harem anime just isn't poly. It is too far divorced from any level of "poly rep" for my own life experiences or w/e to come up beyond the occasional joke. Which makes sense - the audience isn't poly! Very similar to how the average yaoi is made for women, not gay men. And just like gay men enjoying yaoi, I can still enjoy a good harem even if it isn't For Me in that way.

[aachria]

i was rereading sssbmty and I realised smth, well not realised but yeah. as I was rereading I noticed somthing. Ed was bitch. not like 'omfg Ed ur such a bitch' but like 'wtf Ed? ur such a fucking bitch! jesus...' and then I got to alabasta.

ur a genius, I've read other fics like this for example divergence and another one I cant remember the name of (going to read this bites soon... maybe). but what really puts your fic at the tippity top is giving Ed character development, not a whole fucking arc to them obvi but giving them actual character development. Ive read so many what if I was in... but I rarely see authors giving the oc development because they don't think about it or they don't think they do.

but in alabasta, Ed was saying how no one listens to them and saying how they're always right (kind giving ranpo from bsd) but then the straw hats tell them that they don't say anything with conviction.

they basically tell them (incoming poetry made by mwah) that we cant hear you screaming if youre the one keeping your mouth shut.

yeah you can use that for future reference I'm an amazing poet fr fr but its really an eye opener for ed, so far Ed was making theories with no support or little evidence and everyone went along with it. so it doesn't really make any sense to Ed why no one is listening to them. because they haven't realised that even tho they're right about where to go, its vivi's country. vivi isn't their friend because she doesn't like Ed which further dampens ed's theories on where to go because it ties into vivi and hope. there's an analysis on YouTube by MelonTree (I reccomend her entire chanel) which gets deeper into this. but the straw hats trust vivi and want what's best for her. so when Ed is screaming about where to go, they don't say WHY. they don't further in on how vivi's destination is wrong or how there's other possibilities. instead, Ed tells vivi that's its stupid, we're wasting time, I know where to go, why wont you listen.

they aren't listening to Ed because Ed isn't even listening either. Ed was making bets on vivi's country which is a funny gag, is INCREDIBLE dark to her. she has spent years invading buroque works and when she encounters this strange pirate crew they want to help. but this one crew mate isn't serious and theyre laughing and screaming at her because she's wrong. that is the pov of vivi towards Ed.

so Ed and vivi talk it out and here comes Ed, they realize that even tho I'm on the crew, that doesn't mean I'm likable. its seen through the fic that they start to work on themself and provide more evidence to theyre theories.

another thing, the title was familiar, idk why so why when I ask chatgpt what the title is: it doesn't talk about the fic but a fucking poem from the 1920's!?

"Surely some star binds me to you" is a line from the poem "Tea at the Palaz of Hoon" by Wallace Stevens. This poem, found in his collection "Harmonium" (published in 1923), explores themes of self-identity, imagination, and perception.

The line suggests a mystical or cosmic connection between the speaker and the addressee, implying that their bond is predestined or influenced by the stars. It evokes a sense of fate and the interconnectivity of all things, typical of Stevens' abstract and introspective style.

In this context, the "star" symbolizes an inescapable connection, potentially representing destiny, love, or an elemental link between individuals.' WHAT THE FUCK? anyway I'm burnt out and finished rereading the fic so imma go have ice cream like the dumbass I am ;p

Oh this is a fucking mammoth. For your dash's sake I'm putting this under a break lmaoooo

Ed having ✨issues✨ they had to work through was important to me. Hell Ed still having ✨issues✨ they're working through is still important to me. You know when people do those comparisons of a character at the start of a season and the end and they're just so much sadder and fucked up? The goal was to make that Ed. We'll see how that goes. I'm gonna 'to be loved is to be changed' this bitch if it's the last thing I do.

Ed has that kid in your math class that only writes the answer because showing your work is for cowards inside them. Ed fights that kid inside them like they want his lunch money.

I've watched a couple of MelonTree's videos, they are very good.

Idk what the hell ChatGPT is on but like... that is not correct? I went and read the poem, it's quite nice, but there isn't a single use of the word star in it and the line definitely isn't from it. THIS IS WHY I DON'T TRUST AI AIGHT????

I've mentioned it a couple times before, but the title comes from Persius's Satire 5, it's in Latin and there's a couple translations here and here (neither of which have the line as I have written lmao) and I'm sure plenty of others. The line is about his teacher and is very beautiful ok I like it a lot. I went and did a bunch of digging into it a while ago (because of course my stupid ass didn't do more than preliminary research on it before I NAMED MY FIC AFTER IT) and like... y'all....

(I'm paraphrasing because I'm tired and can't be assed to do more than reread the wiki page this shit) Persius's satires critique societal morals (he also gets upset people like other people's poems more than his but that might be ironic idk these things are DENSE and HARD TO READ), discuss themes of what you can ask of the gods, why you should have goals, why you have to know yourself, MOST IMPORTANTY and in the satire the line comes from; Stoicism and freedom (Stoics believe all men are slaves except Stoics, who are free), and how you should use money. Also very interesting, there's a lot of scholars who believe his satires (mostly the first one, I think??) have anti-Neronian sentiments — which is really fucking funny to me specifically because do y'all (if you're caught up) remember Iva talks about the 20 founding members of the WG and about Nerona Imu? And how empty throne Imu could totes be him if he had the eternal youth surgery thingy??? Idk if Nerona actually has anything to do with the emperor Nero (because of translation diffs and any subtleties in the original Japanese I'm too English speaking to understand) or if they just sound similar in English, but it's a hilarious coincidence to me either way.

OK RANT OVER GANG I'M SORRY.

[destiny-aesthetics]

Destiny 2 - Weekly Story Quests

Disclaimer: I do not play Destiny 2 religiously everyday.

Some days I might jump on once or twice during a week to finish things. Other days my ADHD has me speed running last two weeks of a season cause I've lost ALL sense of time and could have sworn this season just started. There is no in-between.

I'm also not against being critical of the game. I to have my disagreement with it.

--------------

I'm just going to talk about some of the points I've seen mention from my last post.

( 1 ) Fetch Quest Steps

Fetch Steps in weekly Quest lines, I agree with not liking this.

I also thought it was stupid that I just had to fly down to a location and just picked up an item or talk with a NPC. Even more so when I have to read. Voice lines would be nice. If it's picking up items I would prefer it them to reuse Lost Sectors because there's at least fighting enemies involved, but not when they reuse the SAME one over and over. If I going into an area of the that's not used a lot in game, even better. If I'm fetching something make it take some time to get, not an in and out job.

( 2 ) Returning weekly for more story

I don't really mind this.

It gave me a reason to come back each week and if it wasn't a Exotic mission, usually only took an hour or two. Even the most casual of players would be on for an hour or two. Most activities take between 10-15mins so you're already giving up that time.

This also lets players sit with the story. If Bungie dropped it all at once, then players that rush through everything would complain there's nothing to do for the next several months, and the casual players would complain it's too grindy and taking up time. This season players are talking about the quest was to short, but it's what they wanted. No weekly, no grinding. Do some players just want a cutscenes Lore dump, then you go off and do other activities? Then in that case what's the point of playing the game? Or asking for more story? I feel this is a 'have your cake and eat it too' moment Players want story, but not to work on story?

( 3 ) Wasting the player's time

I don't see, other than the SHORT fetch quests, how it's a waste of players time.

The only time I have felt a season has been a waste of my time when it was either poorly written or reused too many previous assets.

You're getting more story You're getting more game modes/activities It's not mandatory to finish the Quests to play the rest of the game, sometimes not even to play the season activities. Explain to me how OVER ALL, it's a waste of your time?

Sometimes it feels like Destiny's player are asking too much from it while it's already giving more than other games.

I really do want this to be a discussion. Explain your thoughts in the replies/reblogs about the weekly quests.

Please keep it civil though

At the end of the day Destiny 2 is JUST A GAME

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part twelve

authors note: you guys are seriously the nicest and most supportive. the comments always make me stupidly smile and laugh cause not a single one of ya'll is gonna let bdj die off. 😭 also, i know a couple of people have commented and asked about the backstory with joe and jadah, and i promise it'll be explored deeper. there's a subplot i'm working towards unveiling here, and it's nearing the reveal part, but we're not there yet! i promise, though, it's gonna be touched on!!!

i also had to chop this chapter in half, because it's honestly so much stuff, so the next update shouldn't take as long cause it's almost done.

the next two are gonna be so fun. maybe some shit will go down too. we shall see.

status: in progress // masterlist

warnings: fluff, language, some angst, suggestive themes

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

words: 8k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @yolobloggers @southerngirl41 @msbigredmachine @wanderingreigns

“So let me get this straight, in the time that I’ve been gone, you and Joe told Callie he’s her dad, you found out Amir and Mariah been fucking behind your back, and you had a semi mental breakdown after running into your father and, plot twist, long lost sister.” She counts each off with a finger, then asking. “Did I miss anything?”

Nodding, you take a scoop of your ice cream before adding, “Joe told me he loves me.”

In true Alexis fashion, she randomly arrived in town the night before, completely unaware of all that transpired in her absence. So, you take this time while Callie sleeps to catch her up. 

“Did I miss anything that I didn’t already know?” You give her a look, and she rolls her eyes, also eating some of her Rocky Road. “Come on, Y/N. Ray Charles could see that man is in love with you. You’re the one being stupid by not reciprocating.” Before you can push back against her, even if she isn’t entirely wrong, she switches topics. “Now when are we gonna go beat Lieriah’s ass? I told you it was something about that girl. She’s a snake.”

Typically the one to defend your friends, it’s hard to find it in you to come to Mariah’s aid. Nevermind the fact that she knows the shitty things Amir has done to you over the years, it’s the fact that she’s supposed to be your best friend but is messing around with same ain't shit ex? You would never do something like that to her, but maybe your loyalty to her has always been stronger than hers to you.

“I’m not worried about him or her. They’re not worth it.” That’s partially true, but the sting of betrayal is slow to pass and even slower to heal. You’ve always had mid to low expectations for Amir, but Mariah? That’s a crushing blow. “I have more important things to figure out.”

She studies you, leaning back against the headboard. “Your sister.”

“Bianca,” you correct. It’s too uncomfortable referring to her as such, even if that’s exactly what she is. 

In the weeks since the big fireworks show—both metaphorically and figuratively—you’ve tried to slowly return to your sense of normalcy. Focusing on Callie—who is an entirely different issue in and of itself that you really need to talk to your mom about—being more on top of things at work, and navigating your relationship with Joe.

He hasn’t been back to visit since Christmas, but you figured as such. Wrestlemania season has arrived, and you know better than anyone how crazy that time is, especially with him main eventing. 

But the one thing you haven’t really allowed yourself to think too much about is Bianca. You’d sent her a vague apology text a few days after your mad dash and explained that you were dealing with some things and just needed time to sort through them. That you’d reach back out when you were ready.

That still hasn’t happened, and it’s entirely intentional. 

“I remember you mentioned that you always wanted siblings?”

“Yeah, cause we have so much to bond over,” you mutter, bitterly.

“Well, you actually do have a lot in common. She’s a teacher, like you. She has a daughter, like you—” 

“You know what we don’t have in common?” You interrupt, feeling the agitation growing again. It’s not directed toward Alexis, just the situation in general. “A father who loves us.”

You were done referring to that man as your father. A father shows up. Like Joe. That son of a bitch isn’t even in the same universe as Joe. 

Her expression softens. You didn’t tell her everything, just enough for her to get the gist that he’s a piece of shit. And you definitely did not tell her about the time you went to see him. You’ve never told anyone that story. Joe is now the only one who knows, and you’d like to keep it that way. It’s just….it’s just too painful. “I had no idea that was the situation there…..I’m really sorry, girl.”

“It is what it is. I don’t need him.” And you’re not too sure if you need Bianca either. “I’m just trying to figure out if I should power through this for Callie’s sake. You should have seen how she and Taylor clicked. I would hate to take that away from her.”

“I get that,” she acknowledges. “You have to make the decision that’s best for the long run, not necessarily how you’re feeling right now.” That’s very easy to say and nearly impossible to do. “Even if you just allow the girls to interact while you keep some distance with Bianca.”

You’re partially intrigued, spooning some more cookie dough. “How would that work?”

“They don’t live here, right?” You nod. “Maybe the girls can talk on Facetime or even play some game on their tablets. That won’t cause you to interact much with mom outside of coordinating virtual playdates, and Callie still gets to spend time with her cousin, or, not cousin."

You sit on her words, not expecting to be as open to the idea as you are. It’s a pretty genius compromise. “You really do give some great advice sometimes, you know that?”

“That’s what I’m here for,” she smiles mischievously, and you just shake your head. “Now, who’s gonna knock this bitch Mariah over the head with a steel chair? Me or you? Or should we hit her with a bus, Regina George style?”

“Alexis!”

________

You clearly don’t love yourself because you decided to do both yours and Callie’s washday on the same damn day. A Sunday, at that. Meaning, you have no choice but to get it done because you have work the next day.

And Alexis being in town would be even more of a benefit than it already is if she actually knew how to do hair. Natural hair. She can lay any wig down better than Tae, but caring for coils and curls is another story. It’s why you declined her offer, and she lays knocked out in your bed, while Callie is fast asleep in hers. 

Thankfully, you have an insanely generous and sweet man who’s offered to talk to you while you power through this debacle, noodle arms, sleep deprivation, and all.

“Oh, before I forget again.” You grab the bottle of leave-in to apply more to the next section of hair. Shingling may give you the most definition, but it also gives you the most discomfort. “Can you be here May 8th?” A smile falls on your face. “Our baby is graduating preschool, and I know she’d want you there. I do too.”

“Shit, they have preschool graduations?” He seems genuinely taken back before answering. “But, of course I’ll be there.”

“I know. I used to think they were stupid, but now it’s my kid, so it’s the best thing ever. Her cap and gown should come some time in March, so I’m gonna have one of my old teammates who’s a photographer take professional photos of her.” It’s literally just preschool, but that’s still something she’s accomplished, and you want to commend the occasion the best you can. It’s been years since you’ve had professional photos of her taken anyway. Not since she was first born. “And yes, I’ll get extra for you.”

“How much—”

“Anyways, let me show you the tattoo.” Joe has already done so much, the least you can do is cover the photo costs. Even though you know him well enough to know he’ll find some way to contribute. Thankfully, the side of your hair that still needs to be shingled is clipped at the top of your head, so all you have to do is turn around and push down the thin strap of your shirt to reveal your latest ink. “He did an amazing job.”

“Shit, he did.” Joe’s agreement and approval somehow makes you even more satisfied with the outcome. Your Christmas gift to yourself was finally getting that Moana tattoo Callie has wanted to see on you since you told her you were getting one damn near a year ago. It’s on the back of your left shoulder, a black manta ray, some blue ocean-like coloring with one of your favorite lyrics from the movie: I will carry you here in my heart. You remind me, that come what may, I know the way. 

It’s one of Callie’s favorite songs but also feels like an ode to your grandma as well. 

He then asks, “do you want more?”

Readjusting your shirt and turning back around, you answer, “of course. More Disney but also….” This discussion triggers something for you, something that seems a little out there, but also maybe not. “I saw this tattoo on Pinterest that I want to get for Callie.” You grab your phone. “Let me send it to you.” It’s saved in your favorites folder and thus an easy send. Placing the phone back on the counter, you wait for him to receive and see it.

“I like it.” It’s a baby’s footprint with the name written in cursive and date of birth in print right underneath it. You’ve always wanted Callie’s name on you but couldn’t settle on a design until you came across that one. Something about it just resonates with you. 

Licking your lips, you suggest, “why don’t you get it with me?” Couples getting matching tattoos isn’t something you’re entirely against, you just don’t agree with it for people who are only dating and not married, if marriage is the goal. You remember when Amir once suggested you do so, and you literally laughed in his face. You’d soon rather get branded with a tramp stamp than have that man’s name permanently burned into your skin.

But, matching tattoos for the child you created together with the man you love. That is something you could get behind. 

And apparently so can he.

“Let’s do it.”

“Really?” You’re not sure why, but the ease of his agreement shocks you. It’s not too far-fetched when you think about it. He loves his daughter, and you’ve always known Joe to only get tattoos that have meaning. He could give you a detailed explanation for every piece of ink on his body. 

“Yeah.” There’s almost a sense of excitement in his voice, like he’s eager to have her name on him, to share this with you. “Same location?” At that, you make a face. He laughs. “Inner bicep does hurt, I’m not even gon’ lie to you.”

Yeah, you’ve definitely heard as such, and considering his entire right side is tatted, he’d know. “I don’t know. I have to think about it. I might need to squeeze your hand the whole time, or I’ll end up punching the tattooist.”

He laughs, “you can squeeze my hand.” Joe then asks, “when do you want to get em’ done?” You start to think about it logistically, as well as financially. Tattoos aren’t cheap. “Do you want to go to the Super Bowl?”

His question surprises you because it’s such a change in topics but also….what? “Yup. And Hawaii and Puerto Rico. And then maybe if we have time, stop by Alice in Wonderland.”

He’s too good at matching your sass, retorting, “I can make the first two happen easily. The last one may be a stretch.” Rolling your eyes, you grab for the gel. “I’m serious though. My tattoo artist is based out of Vegas. The game is in Vegas this year. It’ll let me see Callie too, cause I’m having a hard time finding a gap to visit.” As he continues to speak without laughing or chuckling, you realize he’s dead serious. “I’ve been meaning to ask you to go anyway but kept forgetting.”

You need extra clarification. “Like this year's Usher concert where there’s apparently a game too?”

He rolls his eyes, providing the guest list. “It’s me and the twins, their family, some other fam…..we have a whole section, cause you know it's a bunch of us.” It’s still hard to sit on the fact that this man really just invited you to the fucking Super Bowl like it’s dinner at Golden Coral. His eyes soften. “I wanna see her. I wanna see you.”

Joe’s closing statement, so true and vulnerable, is what breaks you from your temporary state of shock. You get the sense he misses ya’ll just as much as you miss him. “Of course, we’ll go. I’m sorry, I just—I wasn’t expecting that.” And it’s true, you weren’t. “How will we get fl—”

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll take care of everything. I just need you to show up at the airport.”

That seems to be such a recurring theme with this man. He does everything he can to make things as easy for you as possible. It’s tremendously appreciated and doesn’t go without notice. 

“This is the first time she’ll be meeting the twins,” you realize aloud. Hell, his family at all. 

Joe nods, chuckling. “Yeah, they’ve been on my ass about that anyway. They want to meet her.”

Pinning down the section you just finished, you take down the next. A little over halfway done now. “Whoever you want her to meet is fine with me, Joe. I don’t even really have a say in that. She has every right to meet your family just as much as she’s had to meet mine.”

And it’s true. Unless it could present some harm to Callie, you don’t really feel like you have the right to object to things like that. You have zero desire to interfere with Joe and Callie anymore than you already have. 

“I know. I just wanted to tell her the truth before introducing her to anyone else. Less lies.” Makes sense. Thinking about Callie meeting more family brings a small smile to your face. It’s what she deserves. Family members who actually want to be in her life.

The conversation brings something else to the forefront of your mind, partially due to Joe’s confession to you on Christmas but also a question you’ve wanted to ask him for much longer than you’d like to admit. 

“So….” This shouldn’t be as nerve wracking as it is. “There’s something I want to ask you, but I don’t…..I don’t want to overstep.” If he were to tell you that he’d rather you not, that’d be fine with you, one less stressful thing on your plate. But, of course, he’s silent, meaning he’s not going to object. So….you decide to bite the bullet and go for it. “What happened between you and your wife?”

You’re certain he wasn’t expecting that to be what you asked, but to your surprise, he answers. “We were young and got married for the wrong reason. I was 22. She was 21.”

Unsure but taking a big risk regardless, you ask in a small voice. “What was the reason?”

His answer isn’t what you’re expecting either. “She was pregnant.”

It takes a second for you to process what he’s saying. Your stomach is suddenly in knots, chest feeling tight. There’s no way he’s kept something like that from you. No way in hell. “Wait, does Callie have—”

“No.”

And just like that, you know. He doesn’t need to explain. It’s painfully obvious, especially as he looks away from the camera. You have a feeling you've unlocked a painful memory he’d most likely kept tucked away. 

“I’m sorry.” It feels so stupid and unhelpful to say. What does that do for him? It doesn’t take away that experience, that loss that you can’t even begin to imagine. But, it’s all you can offer. “Just—forget I asked, let’s change the subject.” Do you have more questions? Of course. Like, why was there such a gap between their loss and the divorce? But, this is understandably a difficult and sensitive subject, and the last thing you want to do is trigger him more than you already have.

You know better than anyone how awful that can be. 

He agrees with the subject change, going along with the transition of topics, clearly grateful for your understanding. But, in the back of your mind, you can’t help but think about the fact that this man lost his firs child before he could even meet the them, and the child he had who did survive was kept a secret from him for nearly five years.

There’s a sudden sickness and disgust you feel. And it’s not towards anyone but yourself. 

Joe had every goddamn right to be furious with you about your subterfuge.

He still does. ________

“Mama, something is up with Callie.”

You’re thankful Alexis agreed to keep Callie preoccupied in the living room while you have this conversation with your mom, because Callie had another incident just this morning, slamming her door when you told her she needed to pick up her toys.

She’s never done that.

But she has done other things in the past two weeks or so, rolling her eyes or pouting her mouth at you when you say something she doesn’t want to hear, beyond typical tantrums. 

Your mom stops her stirring at the pot to turn around and look at you. “What do you mean? Is she sick?”

“No,” you answer and then realize you’re not entirely sure how to explain it. She’s not being bad, per se. Just….difficult. “She’s just been…..off.”

Genuinely intrigued, and partially concerned, you watch your mom turn the fire on low as she joins you at the kitchen table. “Tell me.”

Shaking your head, you explain. “I thought it was just me, that I was just being overprotective and hyper-vigilant, but when I picked her up from preschool yesterday, her teacher pulled me to the side and asked me if she’s been having sleep problems. I told her no and asked why, and she told me Callie has been irritable. With staff and other kids.”

“Callie?” Your mom seems just as taken back as you were hearing these words. “That doesn’t even sound like her.”

“I know, and that’s what I said at first, but then I thought about it, and she’s been crabby with me too. It’s not horrible, but it’s unlike her.”

A small part of you wonders if it has something to do with you running off on her on Christmas. It would make sense. She was doing absolutely fine before then, but it’s the timing that throws that theory off. You’ve noticed this change only in the past two weeks, well after Christmas day passed, so why the delay?

“What does Joe think it is?”

“I haven’t told him.” It’s not that you don’t want to. You’d just like to have a better grasp of what it is before doing so. Have more actual information to provide him.

“He hasn’t seen the behavior for himself?”

You shake your head. “She’s fine with him. Matter of fact, after his calls, she’s like a completely different child.” It’s watching your mom’s face settle into a look of realization that makes you ask, “what? What is it?”

“Honey” she starts with a soft chuckle. “She’s missing her daddy.”

Her answer catches you by surprise, painting your face with confusion. You’ve had a lot of theories, but that definitely wasn’t one of them. “What?”

Reaching across the table, she places her hand over yours. “Think about it. How would she react if you were gone as much as he is? She’d be a mess, cause you’re her mama, and she has a strong attachment to you. Look how easily she attached and connected with Joe. It’s always been there. Except she knows the truth now, so her attachment is even stronger.” You heed to her explanation, wise and sensible. You hadn’t even thought of it that way. “And isn’t this the longest he’s been gone without her seeing him? She’s acting out because she misses him and probably doesn’t know how to verbalize it, so it shows in her behavior.”

As relieved as you are to have an explanation that makes sense, it’s an explanation that makes you incredibly sad for your sweet child. You know how hard it is for Joe to get away right now, you understand it. It never crossed you that she wouldn’t. 

Devastated, you ask, “what do I do?”

“Talk to her. Try to help her understand. It may not make a huge difference, but it’s something.”

You nod, so so grateful for her, for all that she does for you, for Callie. For all that she’s done. Reaching across the table, you hug her tightly. “thank you, mama.” As much as it devastated you to not have that man in your life, your mom made sure to go above and beyond to make sure you knew you were loved. She played both roles beautifully, and you’re not sure you’ll ever be able to make her understand what that meant to you. 

You still haven’t really sat her down and explained everything that happened Christmas night, nor has she asked, but you know it’s because she’s trying to respect your space. It’s appreciated, but you also know you’re gonna have to eventually tell her.

Just not now.

Right now, you’ve gotta take care of your baby.

________

Even the energy in Callie’s playroom feels off.

You’re so used to walking in and finding her with that million dollar smile that makes your entire day better. Instead, you walk in and she doesn’t even acknowledge your presence. She just continues to color. 

“Hey, baby….” Disappointed, but refusing to show as such, you welcome yourself in and approach her table. “Is it okay if I color with you?” 

She still doesn’t say anything, just nods, and you do your best not to hide your sadness. You hate seeing her this down, it’s so unfamiliar, and you’ll do just about anything to fix it. 

Sitting down in the uncomfortable seat, you take a couple of her pages and pull out a crayon. “I have an idea.” At that, she looks up, slightly intrigued. “Why don’t we draw how we’ve been feeling lately? I draw me, and you draw you.” 

You scold yourself for not selling it to her better, for not telling her it’s something you sometimes do with your students. Some level of innocent peer pressure. However, she surprises you by agreeing with a simple “okay.”

It takes a second for you to register that it was really that simple. Step one is done. Now for step two. 

Grabbing some crayons, you don’t really concern yourself with skin tone, just getting something out on paper. The two of you color in silence, and you start to offer to put on her favorite playlist but decide against it. 

You want her to really think about what you’re asking. 

It’s when you see that she’s placed down her crayon and is just staring at her picture that you ask, “you done?” She shakes her head, but her eyes are on the table in front of her. “Is it okay if mommy sees it? I’ll show you mine too.”

Handing you the page, you expect an influx of emotions, but actually seeing her literal representation of how she feels is simply heartbreaking. 

She’s drawn herself, frowning, surrounded by broken hearts and a blue tear leaking from her eye. Callie did what you asked. You just wish it didn’t have you feeling so helpless.

“This means you’ve been feeling sad, huh?” You hate how your voice gives away your emotions. This is about her, not you, but it’s so difficult for you to not be impacted. No mother wants to see her child hurting, and Callie currently is. It kills you. “Callie….” Moving up from your chair, you move across to kneel in front of her, taking her hands in yours. “Have you been sad because you miss your dad?”

All you need to hear is one sniffle, and instantly, you’re reaching for her, holding and comforting her.

“It’s okay,” you soothe, kissing the top of her head. “It’s okay, baby.” She cries into your chest, and you have to hold back your own tears.

“Why doesn't he come back?” She asks in between tears, wiping her eyes. “He’s been gone a really long time.” It’s only then you realize that she’s not entirely exaggerating. Joe was last here for Christmas. It’s now the end of January. For a child like Callie, that must feel like an eternity.

“He would if he could, Callie. I promise you he would. Daddy just…he gets really busy with his job this time of the year, and he can’t leave or he’ll get in trouble.” It’s so difficult to explain this to her. WrestleMania season is inarguably chaotic and stupidly busy. Even back in the day, Joe’s trips to see you were most far and few in between during this time of year. And that was before he even had a title. You can’t even imagine how busy he must be as the literal fucking face of the company.

Enough to keep him from being able to come see you and Callie. 

You’ve just gotten so used to the dynamics of him being away for periods at a time that it never occurred to you Callie hasn’t had the same experience. That at the end of the day she’s still a little kid who just wants to be with her dad. 

It’s then that a thought crosses your mind.

“What if…..what if we went to see daddy?” For the first time since you stepped into the room, her eyes actually light up and you notice her tears lessening. “Instead of him coming to us, we go see him?”

“Really?” There’s the faintest smile on her face, and you know then that you’re going to make this happen. You don’t know how or in what way, but it will be a reality. No matter what it takes. 

“Yeah,” you answer, brushing away some of her tears. “You can go see him at his show. He’d love that.” Not as much as she clearly loves the idea alone. “Now, we’d only be able to stay a day or maybe two but—”

“Please,” she interrupts, and you get the sense that she fears you’re going to find a way to say that you couldn’t or shouldn’t go. “I’ll be a good girl. I promise.”

“Baby, you’re already the best girl.” You push back some of her hair, resting your hand against her cheek. “Mama’s gonna make it happen, okay? I promise.”

If you have to sell one of your kidneys, then you’ll just be less one organ, because you’re getting your baby to that damn show. Matter of fact, you don’t say anything to her, but you’re wondering if you can make it to this week’s upcoming show. It’s only Sunday, and that gives you a couple of days to make arrangements and secure tickets. It’s doable, but you don’t want to get her hopes up, so just in case, you say nothing.

And yes, in the back of your mind, you know she’ll see Joe in a couple of weeks for the game, but that’s too long. Your child is hurting. You need to do something now. She can’t wait that long. 

“Thank you, mommy!” She wraps her little arms around you, and just like that, you see the spark and joy that fills your days with light and laughter. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, baby.” Kissing her temple, you release her, realizing something else. “Now we can't tell your daddy because we’re gonna surprise him, okay? Can you do that for me?”

She nods, happily, unaware of the real reason. You know that you can’t tell Joe about this. Well, not now at least. This is not something to be discussed over the phone or even video chat. And if you tell him you want to take her to see him as soon as possible, he’ll know something is up. 

So, you have to move in silence. 

Coloring with Callie commences for a little longer as you value and cherish your time with her, but as soon as she’s down for her nap and before you wake Alexis from hers to tell her the news, you need to do something. It’s in that time bonding with her you realized how you’re going to make this happen.

You’re suddenly immensely grateful for that random conversation you’d had with Joe a while back regarding the fact that he and the twins have had the same phone number since they were in high school.

Pulling out your phone, you scroll through your contacts until you land on the one you need. You type, backspace, and type some more, only sending out the text once you’re fully pleased with it.

You: Hey, Jon. This is Y/N. Can you call me when you get a chance? Preferably sooner rather than later. I need your help with something. And please don’t tell Joe. It’s a surprise. 

________

God clearly wants you to bring Callie to see Joe. 

There’s just too many things that have lined up perfectly for that not to be the case. The discussion with your principal went well, though that wasn’t entirely surprising. You’ve always had a cordial relationship and know she respected your grandma. The whole school system in your town did. That was just her level of impact. But that respect has slid down to work in your favor as your principal told you to take as much time as you need.

“You’ll always have a job here.”

While not a huge concern, it’s reassuring and not entirely unsurprising. Again, your grandma’s impact definitely granted you a level of nepotism. You were slightly surprised when she actually encouraged you to take more time off, pointing out how in the almost nine years you’ve worked there, she could count on one hand how much PTO or vacation time you’ve used. And, it’s true. It was really only when Callie was sick and your mom couldn't help or you wanted to stay home and nurse her back to health that you called out. For the most part, you had damn near perfect attendance.

But, that’s certainly about to change, and you’re thankful you have a job that’s flexible enough to accommodate the change. 

And then there’s the actual getting there. You should have known when Alexis was asking questions about when you and Callie were leaving that she was up to something. You naively chalked it up to her planning her flight out, as there was no way you expected her to wait around for ya’ll to get back. Instead, she was busy buying not just her ticket to come with ya’ll but yours and Callie’s as well.

You instantly felt bad when she forwarded you the itinerary information. You couldn’t see the cost, but you weren’t stupid either. Getting flights out with such short notice had to be expensive as all outdoors. You were just going to put the bill on your credit card and work to pay it off. And, of course, when you offered to pay her back, she nearly cussed you out. As if such an offer was insulting. 

“What good is a trust fund if you can’t spend it on your college roomie and pretend godchild?”

So, while you still felt slightly uncomfortable, you were able to push it to the backburner for the sake of Callie. This is all for her, and you don’t care what it takes to make it happen. Even if it means sucking up your pride. 

And deep down, you know if Alexis didn’t do what she did, Joe would somehow find a way to compensate you. The same way his ass somehow got his card on file at the hospital and covered all of Callie’s medical bills without ever even asking you if you needed help.

You still haven’t talked to him about that, not really having or finding the right time, but it also feels a bit bitchy and ungrateful to be upset with the man for covering his daughter’s medical expenses. 

Then there’s the actual show itself. One thing you were initially concerned about was if Joe has a match lined up for this upcoming week’s show. You two have only had a couple of discussions about it but still enough for you to learn that he’s extremely hesitant to expose Callie to his wrestling persona. 

“I don’t want her seeing me like that, thinking that’s who I am.”

And you understand him fully. Roman may be a fascinating character, but he’s equally narcissistic and ruthless as he is intriguing. The complete opposite of Joe and who he is. 

Still, you’ve worked to help him understand that talking to Callie, explaining to her that he’s playing a “character” could help her understand better. You both are in agreement that she’s too young to watch actual matches, especially his as they tend to get brutal, but she can see certain promos. And she does. You let her watch a couple where the dialogue is safe enough to go over her head. And truth be told, she’s so focused on watching Joe that she's not really paying attention to what’s being said anyway. 

Needless to say, you were massively relieved to hear from Jon that Joe doesn't have a match lined up and his promo is reportedly tame and safe enough for Callie’s eyes and ears. He didn’t give specifics, but from one parent to another parent, you trust his judgment. 

And the most important thing of all is the fact that Callie has done a complete 180. She’s no longer as irritable, just the usual attitude when she’s sleepy or hungry. Just like her mama. And there’s that spark of joy in her eyes. She’s even started packing what she wants to bring with her. She knows you’ll only be there for one night, but even that can’t seem to dim her joy. 

It makes your heart swell. 

All of this brings you to your conclusion that you’re doing exactly what you should be doing. 

“Ahhh, and here it is.” The old woman’s voice breaks you from your inner dialogue as she walks toward the counter, returning from the back. “Sorry about that sweetheart.”

“No worries, Mrs. Ella.” Your eyes light when you see the item in her hand, even if it’s covered by a cloth bag. The fact that it’s ready is more than enough to make you smile. “Thank you so much for agreeing to this.”

She waves off your concern, offering a warm smile. “Your grandma was one of my best friends. As far as I’m concerned, anything you need is a done deal.”

That warms your heart. Mrs. Ella has been the town seamstress for longer than you’ve been alive but doesn’t look a day over 50. She’s not lying either. Your grandma always cited her as one of her “life” sisters. 

“Why don’t we take a look to make sure it’s alright?” She offers, removing the item from the garment bag. She takes the hoodie and turns it over so you can see the back.

In awe, you acknowledge, “it’s perfect.”

Among the many things Joe has gifted Callie, WWE apparel hasn’t really been included in that list. You’ve chalked it up to his hesitation about familiarizing her with his Roman persona. However, you know that girl loves her daddy and will support him in all the things, so you took it upon yourself to pick her up a few items over the holidays. One of those things being a black hoodie with Roman’s picture on the front with him wearing one of his head of the table shirts. Wanting to make it special and personal, you had the idea of customizing it. Thus, asking Mrs. Ella to add to the back, Acknowledge my daddy!, and she did a fabulous job. It looks like that was the original design. 

Pulling out your wallet, you ask, “how much do I owe you?”

“It’s on the house.”

Your eyes snap to her. “Mrs. Ella, no, this was a rush—”

“Don’t argue with your elders, child,” she scolds, and you smile warmly. “Just show me a picture of her wearing it, and we’ll be even.”

Moved by her generosity, you offer your gratitude again. “Thank you, Mrs. Ella. Seriously. Thank you.” 

Hand over yours, she just nods and then ushers you out the door, “well, you better get a move on child.” 

With a small laugh and one more thank you, you leave out with the hoodie, excited to show Callie and even more, to see Joe’s reaction when he sees her wearing it.

“Y/N?”

Fuck. You’d know that voice anywhere, have known it since you were five years old. 

That doesn’t mean you have to heed to it.

You keep walking. 

A stupid decision, because the footsteps behind you become louder and faster as she asks, exasperated, “would you just talk to me?”

You spin around, suddenly pissed at her repeated question. “Why? Why should I talk to you?” 

You’ve dodged and ignored her texts the same way she did yours, so what’s the issue now? Being on the receiving end must be one hell of an unpleasant experience for her. Not that you give two shits. Mariah is the last thing on your plate right now.

Mariah seems taken back, and that just pisses you off more. How can she not see her wrong in this situation? “You’re my best friend, Y/N. We’ve been friends since we were in kindergarten. Does that mean nothing to you?”

“Did it mean something to you when you were fucking Amir?”

Something you can’t identify flashes in her eyes followed by apparent hurt. “Are you serious right now? You’d really believe him over me.” It’s hard to tell how sincere her watery eyes are or if they’re performative. You’ve never known her to be fake, but then again, maybe you’ve never really known her at all. “That’s fucked up.”

Finding some level of compassion and understanding for the woman you called your best friend for almost your entire life, you try to offer her the benefit of the doubt. “Okay, let’s say you’re not fucking him. At the very least, you’ve been telling him my business while ignoring my texts and calls. Like, what the fuck, Mo?” 

She shakes her head. “He came to me, worried about you—”

“He came to you nosy and upset because I cut it off with him, and you fell into his trap.” How she can possibly fall for Amir’s bullshit is beyond you. She knows how he is. Hell, she’s been right beside you, up until recent weeks/months, dealing with his bullshit. So, her excuse is just that—an excuse. “And even if he was, as my best friend, you should know that’s still girl code violation.”

It feels almost silly citing that, but the morals behind it still ring true. You would never talk to Caleb about things going on in her life when you know they’re not on good terms. And you damn sure would never fuck him. 

“Girl code?That’s funny coming from you, because you didn’t seem to to care about girl code when you were fucking another woman’s husband and had a whole ass baby for him.”

Her words stop you dead in your tracks. Any facial expression you may have been showing is dropped and neutral. Even your voice is softer, less accusatory. “Excuse me?” 

For her to say that to you, knowing how sensitive a subject that is truly takes you by surprise. Truly. 

It doesn’t stop there though. “I mean, forreal, Y/N. You’re up in my face about Amir, but aren’t you still fucking Joe? Shit, how many niggas do you need?” It’s hard to believe the words coming out her mouth, so angry and hostile. But, even her volume rising has you stumped. It’s like she wants to draw an audience. “It’s not enough to be one man’s whore, but you still gotta have another on the side?”

Truly baffled, all you can ask is, “where is this coming from?” 

She sucks her teeth, just as irritated, if not more by your question. “It’s always been this shit with you. You do whatever the fuck you want and don’t care who you hurt or betray in the process!”

And now you’re just straight up confused, because what have you ever done to her? Cause that’s what it sounds like she’s implying. Like you’ve done her wrong. Like you’ve been doing her wrong. “What are you even talking about?”

“You got Joe. You got Amir. Shit, when is enough enough for you?” She scoffs, and it’s hard for you to even look at her let alone listen to all the hurtful things she’s spewing. “Like damn, find a new hobby. Focus on raising your kid—”

And that…..that is the moment that you’re no longer confused, or hurt, or saddened to hear your best friend say such awful things. You’re pissed. Cause one thing no one can convince you you’re not, is a good mother. You’ve dedicated your entire life and being to taking care of Callie, making sure she’s straight. That’s always been your priority, and for her to suggest otherwise….those are really fighting words. 

You step toward her, finding all of the will in the world not to shatter her jaw. “You and I have so much history. It is the only reason I’m not whooping your ass right now, but know this, Mariah. This was your freebie. Fuck with me again, speak on my child again, and I’ll bash your fucking head into the nearest wall.” It’s not a threat. It’s a promise. “Stay away from me, bitch.”

You don’t give her time to respond or even yourself the chance to lay her out, you instead rush to your car, locking the door and speeding out of the parking lot. 

Your knuckles are nearly white with how tightly you’re gripping the steering wheel.

It’s been a while since you’ve been this hot. Years maybe. Amir would piss you off, sure, but never to the extent of your emotions in this moment. It truly took all resolve and imagining Callie’s disappointed face at not being able to see her dad  because you got yourself locked up for aggravated assault to keep you from beating Mariah’s ass. She knows better than anyone that you don’t play about your daughter, so for her to include Callie in her mud slinging is not only repugnant but hurtful.

She’s supposed to be Callie’s godmother. 

But beyond that, you’re having a hard time reconciling with the rest of the things she was saying. It didn’t feel like something that’s been building up over the past few months. No, this was different. Much…..deeper.

Regardless, you don’t have time to deal with this shit. You need to put your focus on preparing to bring your little girl to see her dad. 

Mariah can fuck off. 

She’s always been all bark and no bite anyway. 

________

“Mommy.”

Callie doesn’t even have to say anything else for you to know a request is to follow. 

“What's up, sis?”

She climbs on top of where you lay on the sofa, you and Alexis watching some random dating show she swears up and down is the best thing since Love is Blind. So far, you’re entirely unimpressed. Granted, reality shows of any kind have never been your cup of tea in the first place. 

Your YouTube history is mostly crime documentaries and Bloodline videos. 

She climbs on top of you, throwing her arms up and shouting, “dance party!”

Of all her typical requests, that’s one you haven’t heard in a while. 

You’ve always raised Callie with music, even back when you were pregnant, you would take your Beats and place them on your belly. It’s seemingly worked because this child loves music, so much so that you two would have random “dance party’s” where you’d blast music and dance around, no care in the world, just the two of you.

You haven’t had one in a while, but seeing Callie so happy, a stark contrast from how she’s been is more than enough to get you up and on your feet. You look over at Alexis. “Come on, Lex, it’s dance party time.” 

She feigns a gasp, looking at Callie for approval. “Do I get to come to this party?”

Callie giggles and jumps on the sofa. “Of course! Everyone can come to dance party!”

What’s also ironically funny is the fact that you and Alexis used to have dance parties all the time in your dorm, just often with much more explicit Travis Porter, Speaker Knockerz, type music and a lot of ass shaking.

“Well tonight, it’s just the three of us,” you laugh, grabbing your phone and opening your Spotify to figure out what will be your kickoff song. It’s when your eyes land on that one though, you know you’ve found it.

Connecting your phone to your Bluetooth, you confirm the connection and hit play. 

We're a thousand miles from comfort, we have traveled land and sea

But as long as you are with me, there's no place I'd rather be

“My favorite white girl song ever!” Alexis shouts, starting to dance with Callie who’s just as excited about your selection. Together, the three of you dance and sing when the iconic chorus hits. 

If you gave me a chance I would take it

It's a shot in the dark but I'll make it

Know with all of your heart, you can't shake me

When I am with you, there's no place I'd rather be

At some point, Alexis grabs your phone, recording and capturing the laughter and joy you experience dancing and being silly with your very, very best friend. Callie’s laughter could revive any soul, and it’s so genuine. Even more, you know a large chunk of it is her excitement to see her dad in a couple of days.

And that makes it all the more special. 

Eventually needing a break and time to catch your breath, you laugh as the song ends and the next one starts. Lex and Callie immediately go at it for round two, spinning around and dancing to Dance the Night. 

You take a second to check your phone, seeing that you have a Snapchat from Joe. Frowning, you open the message confused as to why he’s using that and not just text. He only has the damn app because you made him get it. He’s not very big on social media outside of occasional Instagram posts. 

Swiping it open, you see why he was messaging you on there.

Because your wonderful best friend sent him the video she recorded of the three of you dancing.

Joe: How do I save this?

Joe: Fuck it. It’s too confusing. Just send it to me.

Laughing, you chew on your bottom lip and type out a reply.

You: You’re such an old man. 😩 

You: But yes, I’ll send it, even if I didn’t know Alexis was recording to send it to you...

You: Callie loves “dance parties” lol 

Joe: I love her laugh. She looks so happy…

You: I know. ❤️ She loves music. Def my kid.

You: Skillet is next on the queue, btw. 🙃

Joe: Don’t know what that is, but if I had to take a guess, it’s some rock shit.

You: You know me so well. 😊

Joe: Of course, baby.

Leaving his thread, you realize that if she sent it to Joe, she probably posted it to your private story as well, which is fine. You only have people on there you know and trust to keep the contents within that space.

But, it’s in checking the views that you see Mariah not only watched but screen recorded your story. It’s strange, normally you wouldn’t think twice about it. She’s always screenshotted and screen recorded stuff you posted, and you did the same with Micah. 

But now…..

Now, it feels wrong to share these moments with her. She’s lost that privilege. 

Moving to your contacts, you ignore her old Snapchat name she never uses anymore and instead just block her primary one from seeing your stories, and that includes close friends. And interestingly enough, when you check your texts, you see one from her muted thread that momentarily causes you to pause.

Mariah: Kinda stupid to ice out the one person who knows everything about you. 

But the pause comes and goes, Mariah always says shit, and that’s where it stops, the saying. She’s always been the mouse of you two, and that shit ain’t changed.

Closing up the app, you switch back to Spotify and focus on what’s before you and not behind you.

You have all the people you need in your life. 

Mariah can fuck off.

[shinehyuk]

(G)I-DLE reaction to S/O saying they love them for the first time

‣ Genre : yandere

tw/cw : obsession, heavy themes, toxic relationships, abuse, mention of panic attack, i do not support this type of behavior, don't read if uncomfortable.

↳ request : hi! could you do yandere G(IDLE) reaction to their s/o saying "I love you" for the first time?

Soyeon :

— She searched for any sign of dishonesty in your eyes; trust me, if you were lying when confessing your love to her, she would know. And there is nothing Soyeon hates more than dirty little liars.

— She's so proud of you for finally coming around; of course, she knew that it would happen sooner or later - how could you not love her, when she does so much for you?

— Once she made sure you were, in fact, telling the truth, she cracked out in a big smile, showering you with her love and affection

— “See, was that really so bad, my love? Let's love each other forever~”

Miyeon :

— Well, admitting that out loud took you long enough, didn't it? Of course you love her; you have no other choice, after all.

— She was so sure that it was love at first sight for the both of you, and that you have loved her from the very start; of course, your way of expressing your love for her was kind of.. odd sometimes, but she figured you were just shy

— As much as she wished you'd have said it much sooner, she praised you for overcoming your "shyness"

— “Mm, of course you do, dear. See, there's nothing to be scared of, is there? You can't hide your love for me~”

Minnie :

— “Is that so?”

— ..Was all she had to say, followed by a smirk; if you wanted to prove your love for her, you'd have to work for it. Otherwise, how can she be sure you're not forcing it out of you to get better treatment from her?

— Once she decides that you've proven your love enough, she'll reward you, glad that you finally came to your senses, accepting your destiny with her

— “Good~ It's about time you stopped fighting your fate, love.”

Soojin :

— Soojin smiled brightly, throwing her arms around you and showering you in kisses to the point you thought you'd suffocate from her love

— “I'm just so happy, my flower~ Let's love each other even after we grow old and die, alright?”

— You can expect to get spoiled rotten every single day; she won't leave your side for a second, even more than she did before your confession

— Her obsession with you will significantly worsen, to the point she physically cannot live without you - when she's away from you for not even a minute, she becomes short of breath, getting a panic attack while thinking of all the things that could happen to you while she's not with you, even if you only went to the other room for a second

Yuqi :

— She couldn't be happier when she heard those words come out of your lips; finally, all her efforts have gotten recognized in the end - she almost couldn't believe it, staring at you with parted lips and eyes wide open in surprise

— “A-Are you serious? You.. love me? Baby, that makes me so happy!”

— Get ready to be spoiled day and night, with her treating you like royalty 24/7, you're the apple of her eye after all

— But if you're not careful, she may spoil you just a bit too much; her obsession for you has no limits and she might go a bit overboard if you don't stop her, completely forgetting about herself and everything else only to worship you - she'll do everything to maintain your love

Shuhua :

— She never would've thought that those three magic words would've come out of your lips. You? In love with her? After everything she's done to you, to your loved ones? Either you're stupid, lying or have developed Stockholm Syndrome

— She won't believe you at first, obviously - you'll have to prove it to her if you want her to believe that you'd really love her after all that happened

— Once she finally believes you, she may be just a tad bit nicer to you; even though she denies it

— “Tsk, you're really something, aren't you..? Don't think your love will get you out of punishments, sweetheart.”

thank you for requesting! i hope you liked it <3

→ Taglist : @atiny-chocolate-chip @lmaoskz @nyukyujs @heemingyu @nikipedia07

[flowers-of-io]

I *can* tell you why Neztea: When his brother Set cut him up into pieces after killing him, Osiris' wife Isis assembled all the pieces and wrapped his body up, enabling him to return to life.

I *can't* tell you why it was Mithrax and us collecting the bits of Nezarec instead of Saint. I *can't* tell you why it was bits of Nezzy in the canopic jars instead of bits of Osiris himself.

I *can* tell you we went through the whole song and dance of Osiris being functionally dead and then functionally revived, as tedious as it may have been, simply because that's the myth of Osiris and that's what Bungie does.

Full disclosure: I'm still perplexed about why it was Nez brew as well, but I personally call as of yet unclear Savathûn shenanigans. One of the biggest motifs associated with her specifically is tea and teacups. Don't believe me? Go do a search on ishtar. Saint's got his suspicious mystery teacup. You know what bone china is made from? Literal bones.

(There's also the Calix Summus emblem, which once again points us back towards the hive and their alchemy and nezzy (with the pyramid line thingy coming out of the cup). Calix = cup, but calix also = calx, one of the products of calcination (if that doesn't ring a bell, look back at the context of the calcified fragments). Summus here probably means something like key or paramount, so... the most importantest cup. Check out the secondary part of them emblem! That's a syzygy!)

If I sound like a lunatic, well... that's fine. The fun thing about Destiny lore is that it *does* reward you for putting in legwork to understand the mythologies and theologies and philosophies it draws from, even if you sound like a maniac to most people.

If you're really curious and want to figure out what happened or is going to happen with Osiris, I'd start looking into the history of Osirian cults and their practices. You might find absolutely fuck all, but you might also find something interesting. I'd do it myself, but I'm balls deep in Hive names and writing systems for the foreseeable future. Oh, and keep an eye on Saint. I'm still not convinced he's gonna make it all the way to the end based on what we know about the story of the phoenix and the turtle dove pigeon

Last thing: If a garden grows in both directions and that garden is a metaphor for the story told in a parable, then the story probably requires as much tending in the past as it does the present.

Good luck, I love you, have fun, pirate books if you have to, and keep your third eye wide fucking open.

(A reply to this post)

First of all, I'm so sorry for missing this message somehow. I've been having issues with not getting (or overlooking?) notifications about new asks and it's driving me a little mad by now.

(Putting the rest under a read more, because it's A LOT)

Second of all, I feel so stupid lmao. Of COURSE it's the Osiris myth eh? I genuinely didn't make the connection AT ALL, despite noticing the damn canoptic jars and being like, huh, interesting! And then my brain didn't follow on it ever. What probably threw me off is what you mention, the fact it was Misraaks and us, and not Saint, collecting the pieces, and that these weren't even Osiris' pieces to begin with. And besides, he wasn't even dead.

There's quite a mix of symbolism in the whole thing here, overall? Nezarec is the Nightmares guy, which makes sense in terms of him being the cure for a guy stuck in a coma--but this acknowledges Osiris' status as *asleep*, not dead, which then throws off the whole myth thing. And remember that one piece of Nezarec is, or is in, the Delicate Tomb--and that gun is very long-time nuclear waste warnings-coded, y'know, the whole "This is not a place of honour" thing. "The danger within is repulsive to us" is as far as you could go referencing to "What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us" while not quoting it verbatim. (And also the Delicate Tomb states "within" because the danger--Nezarec--is literally inside the gun.) The name of the catalyst quest, The Form of the Danger, is a direct quote.

What interests me is the thought process Misraaks and Eido must've gone through to arrive at the conclusion that they should brew this ancient corpse and serve it as tea, but okay, let's suspend our disbelief and say they just studied the remains for a long time (which they did) and within the context of Nezarec being the Nightmares dude, it made some sense.

It's also really funny of Savathûn making *that* the cure for the coma, and very 5D chess for her. She could have reasonably assumed the Witness would go looking for Nezarec's remains when shit hit the fan, in order to have its powerful Disciple back; though how it wanted to revive him I'm not sure, seeing as it was the Traveler's laser beam that inadvertently did the job. But then of course we Guardians would try to stop it, and most likely succeeded, and once Nez's remains were in our hands, we'd obviously study them. And so we'd find the cure. It's so brilliant and so, so unserious.

And yeah, her and tea!!! I'm not sure how to connect Saint's teacup (if you mean the one from Quintessence) here, but "Dûl Incaru serves you poison in a fine tea set of Ahamkara bone" from Truth to Power is iconic. *Ahamkara* bone china!!

You're also so big brained about Calix Summus because I literally didn't know this emblem existed. (For the record, it was included in the January 2024 Prime Gaming bundle.) And yeah if we interpret the graphic as planets and orbits, that is indeed a syzygy... And yeah. Calcified fragments. Gosh this rabbit hole runs so deep.

Bro I NEED to know about what you're cooking regarding Hive names and writing systems!!!!! Your brain is so big and I want to pick it about everything lol.

Oh, I never interpreted the garden growing in both directions as a metaphor for the story told in a parable, but rather the paracausal forces' ability to change past and future + the Black Garden being a four-dimensional thing where space is time, but. BUT. The thing about parables and myths is they bend time, in a way. They connect the past to the present, and so by extension the future. Time there is always circular; they keep happening over and over, regardless of linear history. They aren't physically *real*, but they are true. (Also paging @svedupelle here bc I know he'll be interested.)

Thank you!!! My third eye is so open it's like half of my forehead now.