#even if some people are weirdly upset at the thought that we're not in the end times

[statisticalcats2]

There's obviously real dangers that can happen under the next presidency but can people please stop pretending that it's all a well-oiled machine and all Republicans in every branch of the government are just gonna agree and go along with every single thing Trump or Musk wants and Trump will be able to just give any order and no one would ever, ever, ever go against his wishes?

Are you living in the same universe as me?

[prettyboykatsuki]

cause we're, y'know | k. bakugou

✮ tags ; gender neutral reader, fluff, post relationship jitters, bakugou being down bad a little bit, friends to lovers. not 18+ but minors do Not follow me.

✮ wc ; 1k

✮ a/n ; a comm for @euthymiya who gave me free reign to do whatever which i used to write corny bkg fluff... thank u for commissioning me most beloved riv <3

✮ synopsis ; bringing his friend turned lover a lunchbox is normal, alright? plenty fucking normal.

Bakugou taps his fingers along the edge of the bench he's been sitting on since evening - beating to an unsteady rhythm.

He can Sero's voice in the back his hand as he squeezes the wrapped bento a little closer to his torso. The shitty, sing-song teasing lilt when you and Bakugou were less then lovers but more then friends.

And now you're lovers proper, as fucking corny as he finds it. But maybe he's not finding it corny enough because he's sitting in the lobby of your office building with a bento he made by hand. There's some chatter from strangers coming in and out of your office building - the occasional ding of elevators, the passing whistle of a janitor.

The awful, loud, no good thump of his heartbeat ricocheting against his rib cage as he goes back and forth on whether or not this shit was a good idea.

He's... fucking nervous. Which is total bullshit because he doesn't have anything to be nervous about. It's not like this is the first time you and Bakugou have ever met up to eat lunch. It was just that before, he was coming to meet you as a friend.

Some part of him is thinking, so what if he's your boyfriend? Who gives a shit, anyway?

Another part of him feels so mixed about the ordeal he sort of wants to puke.

His phone buzzes from the pocket of his pants and he grabs it - your phone and contact flashing across his screen

(sent 11:12am) coming down :]

Bakugou smiles to himself, at the stupid emoticon. He thinks about just liking your reply but before he gets the chance another text follows through.

(sent 11:12am) missed you <3

He blushes almost furiously. Partially over the text but mostly from his internal reaction. Stupid. This whole thing is so stupid. He types fast.

(sent 11:14am) hurry your ass up.

That's all he can manage to say without feeling like his chest is going to collapse in on itself. He waits another minute before he hears the elevator doors ding again - a crowd of people dispersing as the doors open. He looks for you among them.

He finds you after a minute, hand waving overhead of the sea of people. He huffs, amused at how rapidly you wave your hand, and thinks about texting you again but you're close enough that he doesn't bother.

You march towards him with a renewed vigor after you aren't lost to the sea of strangers. Bakugou snorts as you hurry your way over to him, almost seeming out of breath - like you ran to see him.

"Hey,"

"Hi!" You say, chipper as always. "You're here."

"No shit."

You laugh. He's heard it before. A hundred times, a thousand maybe. It still sounds weirdly different to him.

"Did you have anywhere in mind to eat?" You ask.

Horror dawns on him at the realization you still didn't realize what's in his hand. "I'm up for anything I think. Feeling adventurous."

Your eyes are sparkling when you ask. Bakugou freezes, blue screening momentarily before taking a breath.

He holds the boxed bento out to you sheepishly, a hand scratching the back of his neck. This is way more embarrassing then he thought it'd be.

"Fuck. Whatever. Look," He says, shaking the upset off of him with a frown. " He doesn't look up at you, doesn't even want to know what he might see. Something bright enough to fucking blind him, he's sure. "Don't say shit or I'm never making you one again."

You blink owlishly before letting your eyes flicker down again at what it's in front you. There's a beat of silence between you before Bakugou sees a grin slowly creep it's way up to your face in a way that makes his chest feel tight.

You take the wrapped bento from him, assessing the weight of it in your hand as you give it a good look. You hold it up to admire it and Bakugou feels the blush crawl further down his neck.

"Stop acting like I just handed you a diamond or some shit," Bakugou says lamely, even by his own standards. Your lips form into affectionate pout.

"You made me a bento." Your lower lip trembles all too sudden and Bakugou's eyes go wide. "I love you,"

?!

Bakugou looks at you, mouth agape. You're completely serious. Nevermind the inappropriate timing or the fact this is the first time you've expressed yourself with a word so serious. He's more concerned about the almost tears at your eyes. He pulls his sleeves over his hands to wipe them from your eyes.

"Dumbass, what are you crying about? You're still in the office, get it together."

"But I love you," You say, more whine then coherent word. Bakugou feels a headache coming on.

"Yeah I got that. Am I really such a shithead me bringing you lunch is worth sobbing over?"

"You made it for me."

"Cause I ain't no punk. Anyone can pay for you you but we're," He stops himself mid way, too embarrassed to get the rest out. "Anyways whatever. It's just lunch. I just... fuckin' realized I never made it for you. Dinner and shit is one thing but we're,"

"Dating," You finish before he can. He falls victim to more blushing.

"Yeah. Whatever. This much is pretty standard, at least." He wipes another tear off your face. It's funny. Anyone else pulled some shit like this and he'd rolls his eyes. "Stop cryin' already."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't gotta say sorry either."

"But,"

"No buts. Hurry and wipe your tears before your breaks over so you don't go all puffy eyed back in the office."

You laugh through a sniffle. "They'll think my boyfriend was being mean to me, huh?"

He snorts, voice full of playful sarcasm. "Yeah exactly. I've got a great reputation to uphold and all."

"Katsuki," You say gently. He gives you a look.

"Hm?"

You lean forward, craning up just slightly to press your lips to his. Your third kiss, now. Not that he's been counting.

"Thank you and," You pull back mischievously, brows furrowing. "Revenge."

He's in so deep. Fuck.

"You're such an idiot." He says, fighting off his own feelings.

"You love me,"

Maybe he's an idiot too.

"Yeah." He says, flicking your forehead and watching you beam. "Unfortunately."

[thatdeadaquarius]

About language brainrot. Imagine writer creator reader who finally learns how to write in Teyvat's weird symbols and they want to publish their book. They decided to do it anonymously to avoid the "aaaaaah our creator wrote the holy scripture" sort of situation. Except it didn't work. The reader's style is too different from the rest of the world, so even if they tried to simulate the flowery speech it wasn't effective.

Another thing. Reader who decided to read some local books to practice their reading. They asked for something simple and similar to their speech. But the only books merely similar to it are 2000 and more years old. It's funny how the older text is the more you can understand it. On this note. If reader write something i feel like it would be hard to understand for Teyvat's people.

Imagine a reader who is autistic or has any other NDs imparing their communication skills. They practically trained themselves to say sertain phrases in sertain situation. But it doesn't work in Teyvat. And everything just stacks at each other. Difference in speech, being a God (so people react weirdly to you), bad communication skills, not understanding nonverbal cues and so on. There's gonna be a lot of misunderstanding. I imagine how followers would walk on the eggshells not to upset and angry their God and reader who does the same not to say something people will get wrong. Again.

Reader who regained all their memories of creating Teyvat, they're super powerful and stuff. But they still struggle with the modern language. Because all the memories are like millions years old.

✨️NEXYLAZA UR SO FUCKING SMART AND CREATIVE✨️ UR BRAIN>>>>>> EVERYTHING

GIF Akashi (black hair) is all the people who read the Sagau/Isekai Genshin tag and Bokuto (silver) is STILL ME RANTING ABOUT LANGUAGE IN TEYVAT LMAO

They cant escape me, sorry people who just wanted to read SAGAU normal things, im filling up the tag💀

I HAD OTHER ASKS BEFORE THIS ONE AND AS I GOT THRU EM I WAS "OMMGGGG WE'RE GETTIN CLOSER TO NEXY'SSSS ASSSKKKK EEEEEEE"

YOU ARE A GODDAMN GENIUS

DHALALWKDHDHS

ME ABOUT THIS ASK:

(^ lol biblically accurate deadaquarius)

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGINNNN

BRAINROTTING OVER UR ENTIRE ASK!!

♡

Also, its getting kinda old now, so here is the blunt language v. Teyvat's flowery language post for reference! :)

Hhhhhhhhhhh

IF U WRITE STUFF

AND UR IN WORDY TEYVAT LAND

AINT NO WAY,👏

U COULD EVEN, 👏👏

GET CLOSE👏👏👏

TO THESE BITCHES SPEECH👏👏👏👏

◇

Like,, imagine right now if i told you to write me 4 pages of an essay in entirely early 18th century vernacular.

(For reference: when the story Pride & Prejudice takes place)

... like??

Bitch aint no way u can do that and actually show that to a historian or an actual living person from that time period

and them actually say "wow! An excellently worded 18th century essay!"

💀.

◇

So tying into that whole, "the only simple texts are like literal cunnieform clay tablets or sm shit"

Your writing to them just sounds like if a scribe just copied off what one of those tablets said just onto paper HAHA

And like, if u try and dress it up, it just ends up sounding like its from a slightly later time period

Like if ur casual writing sounds like 1 million years ago, u being flowery sounds like 8-7 thousand years ago u cant win LMAO

◇

Omg ur trying to go to that-

wait whats it called,,fuck i dont know Sumeru good enough yet

The.. HOUSE OF DAENA GOT IT

Yeah so ur thinking "Oh what better way to learn a dialect?/vernacular than reading books by them!"

And u basically snatch Alhaitham at the soonest possible chance to take you there

(Bc when i went in, it was just random lore books everywhere so)

Needless to say you have no clue how this place is organized, so u convince him to direct you to books u can easily read first

Like as close to your speech as possible!! U tell him :)

.

..

...lol

It literally takes like 3 hours to get something readable LMAO

Bc when the poor feeble scribe initially brought you smth he thought was pretty old and close to ur speech, like just first thought,

... It sounded like it was from the middle of the 18th century to you lol

So, with a "hmm" and a squint at the dusty book you'd already given up on

Alhaitham slowly went around the library making a stack of books, dropped them off in front of you... not a single sentence.

...then he made a stack of scrolls...

..nope..

...a stack of stone tablets...

.....getting closer?? it was really weird seeing Shakespearean language carved into stone....

...and then, with a conversation to a second library secretary deeper in the library, past a caged area of shelves to protect them...

...he escorts you behind the restricted section towards the back filled with glass display cases.

(Several of which contain the most ancient looking sets of artifacts you've ever seen)

...Finally, u arrive at a long glass case of several clay tablets.

Half of which sound like they're from the 1910s-20s, and the other, even older half, sounding straight out of the 2000s..

..

....

......

...Good god.

(Good..you??)

These crazy speaking bastard-previously-video-game-characters were right.

...

You are suddenly, viscerally hit with the image of Zhongli's idle, "Osmanthus wine tastes the same as I remember, but where are those who share the memory?" 💀

◇

Alhaitham side eyes you,, (he looks,, very interested, yet also kinda concerned??? HIM, CONCERNED????!!!)

"Ahem, the texts before thy Greatest Lord art the eldest- well, perhaps, more appropriately, the eldest and most intact, pieces of written language known to our humankind."

...

....aYOO MAN 😭😭

...Ur just staring at these half cracked, baked clay tablet thingys, full of slang from like 2003-

Alhaitham coughs.

"Uh, thanks. ...Sorry about all the.. trouble with this..."

BRO HOW OLD DOES HE THINK U ARE NOW-

"This task assigned to mine own person was of no trouble to my mind or spirit, Greatest Lord, fret not about it any longer."

And with a sort of shell-shocked atmosphere surrounding both of you, Alhaitham walks off to check out some other restricted books, hovering nearby yet also trying to give u space LOL

Top 10 cursed images: Seeing "Chillax, bro, dude, and weeb" carved into ancient clay tablets that look like they would be part of the Egyptian exhibit back in ur world 💀

◇

You eventually just kind of end up writing a couple pages after studying the writings, going younger and younger (nothing has ever made u feel more powerful...yet also more old..)

You stretch, just as Alhaitham finally has made his own little stack of creaky old books

He seems very curious to read what u wrote, peaking a glance over the top of his book every so often (lol nerd, cute nerd... but NERDDD)

You just offer the academic lunatic what he wants 🙄

"Haha, wanna take a look? Some drafts are... closer than others..."

The scribe immediately puts his book down, not even saving his page,

"I would be honored, Greatest Lord."

Is he excited?? 💀 omfg

U very slowly hand ur most recent practice pages over, he curls his hand under his chin "hmm" ing

...Alhaitham shakes his head

"My..deepest apologizes My Creator, but this still seems, at the earliest, from when papyrus was invented, and not yet even into scrolls..."

OK BUT ALHAITHAM WOULD GENUINELY GIVE NO FUCKS ABT CRITIQING YOU, HE MAY BE MORE POLITE ABT IT BUT EVEN IF U DID MAKE THE WORLD HES GOING FOR IT

KAVEH HAS A HEART ATTACK BC HIS ROOMMATE GOT ONTO GOD LMAO

U let ur head plop on ur pile of papers, srry babe youll never be as fancy as Mr. Darcy 😕

And as ur resting there, contemplating just walking out and finding smth to eat instead- same

Alhaitham picks up another draft.

Except it's your first attempt.

As in, you didn't even try, first attempt.

You just made some bullet point notes or some Bs, in ur regular. modern. language.

Alhaitham knocks his chair over standing up so fast-

(HE GETS SHUSHED BY THE RESTRICTED LIBRARIAN LOL, also another person unafraid to scold God lol)

...he says its a perfect example of the oldest records they've found of writing on the continent, most of which they haven't even translated yet

He asks u to teach him how to read this/speak like this lol

♧

(^^^not my best work but hope yall got smth outta it💀)

I WAS LITERALLY GONNA MAKE A WHOLE POST ON THE NEURODIVERGENT EXPERIENCE OF BEING A GOD IN TEYVAT

ESPECIALLY OF THE LANGUAGE BARRIER VARIETY!!!

THERES JUST

ACK

aCK HDHAKD

SO MUCH

TO SAY

!!!

AHHHHH

OK BUT LIKE

IF WE ACTUALLY TOOK THIS TO THE EXTREME IM IMPLYING IT WOULD BE

LIKE TEYVAT SPEAKS SEVERAL DECADES BEHIND U- MAYBE EVEN ACTUALLY

CLOSE TO PRIDE AND PREJUDICE TIMES SPEECH

THEY WOULD LITERALLY BARELY COMPHREHEND YOU

IMAGINE TRYING TO TALK TO MR. DARCY 😭

THATS LITERALLY ALL OF TEYVAT

JUST

???¿¿?????!!! <- THEM ALL THE TIME

ESP IF UR NEURODIVERGENT

I THINK IT WOULD BE EVEN MORE PROOF FOR THEM TO THINK UR GOD

BC UR BEHAVIOR WOULD BE "OFF" TO THEIR NEUROTYPICAL ASSES,

YOUR FACIAL EXPRESSIONS,

LIKE UR MASKING MAYBE BUT

U CANT KEEP THAT SHIT UP ALL THE TIME-

ESP IN CRAZY ISEKAI CIRCUMSTANCES

AND LIKE-

(ok ill tone it down before i also get shushed)

U used to be a player!!

Which would maybe mean u got rlly comfy playing Genshin all the time!

...like i know im kinda stimming when im gaming (and my natural stim is rocking so yeah no way they wouldnt notice that 💀)

So, since u may be still yknow unconsciously wanting to be comfy (esp around ur mains/team/favs)

U probably have stimmed a little around them, which, not that neurotypicals dont stim, but like

They would notice after awhile

And esp people like Alhaitham, Zhongli, Ningguang, Xiao, Ei, Aether/Lumine, Kaeya, Diluc, Kazuha, Heizou, Shenhe, Kokomi, Sara, Albedo, Dainsleif- !! GASP- !! <- my bbygirl omg i forgot abt u before now im so sorry </3

(once again i have not checked a character list, forgive my sins my readers)

^^^ Are like pretty focused on you/observant, so they'd eventually pick up on it first probably

..

...

....which allsssooo means they're like, collecting all ur neurodivergent thingys lol to compile as EVIDENCE AGAINST YOU AS TO WHY THEY KNOW UR THE CREATOR LMAO

◇

Honestly the biggest factor against u is definitely social interaction,, srry love :/

(if it helps, its bc i know itd be my downfall too thats why thats there ^ 😔)

Mostly bc i have this idea/theory? obervation? that when I especially met Adepti for the first time

Esp ones that werent as close to human society for as long as some others (like think Xiao vs. Ganyu)

And for literally every other non-human people we've met so far in Genshin-

They kinda- they kinda, radiate neurodivergent energy??

Like, they're not adherring to social norms, and not in like a bad way,

But its still rlly obvious (i mean also its probably exaggerated for us as an audience) that theyre not human pretty quickly

coughzhonglicough

COUGHVENTICOUGH-

oh geez wow excuse me, cold weather must be gettin to me- ahem hem-

Anyway, like what Nexy said in the ask,

...

...Yall are all just tiptoing around each other 😭😭

Bc these ppl arent from Earth countries,

All their behavior is weird to you 😭

U dont know how to mask with them yet 😭😭

THE UNBELIEVABLE AMOUNT OF MISCOMMUNICATION THAT HAPPENS ALREADY WHEN UR NEUROSPICY VS. NEUROBLAND PPL

IS LIKE, ALMOST WORSE??

Bc they cant even understand ur phrasing bc its so simple 😭😭😭

◇

Tldr: "Being Neurodivergent means ur a god, confirmed." - says all of Teyvat's denizens

◇

NEXYLAZA.

MY BELOVED.

I AM IN LOVE WITH UR BRAIN.

IF I COULD GIVE IT A HUG I WOULD🫂✨️👏👏👏👏

BC I WAS ALREADY LIKE IN THE BACK OF MY MIND LIKE-

*rubs my little rat gremlin hands together*

"hmHmHMMMM BuT wHaT iF mAYbE yOU reMeMbeREd cReATinG TeyVAT, hmHMHMMMMM"

AND FOR VERBALIZING IT WITHIN BLUNT LANGUAGE AU- !!!!!!!

(one of my favs, if u cant tell)

I would (platonically) kiss you right now dude.

Instead I give this:

♡ ily

And also, I AM GOING TO MAKE A WHOLE POST ABOUT THIS-

MAYBE EVEN A FANFIC, OR ONE SHOT AHDHAKFHSKLAAL-

UNTIL NEXT TIME MY BELOVED PARTNER IN CRIME <333

PSPSPSPSsppspspspssss Last Time! CLOSES TOMORROW @1pm CST: VOTE on my 100+ followers celebration POLL :)

Tell me what u wanna see me write about! PSPSPSPSpspspspssss

(U can vote even if ur new! :] )

THANK YOU FOR SUBMITTING THIS ASK

THIS IS A TREASURE OF MINE NOW

GONNA HIDE IT IN MY LITTLE CAVE OF SCREENSHOTTED SAGAU POSTS <333 hehehehehehehehehehe

THIS IS LIKE PT2 TO MY ORIGINAL LANGUAGE POST AHHHHH

NEXY BIG BRAIN ILYSM <3

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza lol ur own ask im a menace sorry

[prettysymbiosis]

I'm watching the dan union chapel thing for the first time finally and I have some thoughts - not arguing any points just sharing my takes. Long post 🙃

• I think he was genuinely pissed at phil about the eye emergency thing and the not helping with the event itself thing and he was gratified when we were cheering for him because he just needs a little validation from the girls about his shitty male partner sometimes.

This is just interesting to me because 99% of the time we're like uwu heart eyes they love each other, because they do. But they get genuinely upset with each other too and I don't think they're 100% above trying to get us to take their side even though they're generally very averse to getting too real with us (I do think dan is more inclined to do this overall).

That being said, the stories he shared about phil were genuinely funny and domestic and I'm sure he was sharing them for that reason too.

• I think he was genuinely bothered by the pissyourselffordan thing. I know this could be a hot take because he did mention piss a lot unprompted lol and I DO think he thinks it's funny, but I also know how much he yearns to succeed despite being the deeply unlucky nonbinary popstar that he is, and I think he feels embarrassed and discouraged to some degree when these kinds of things happen.

Like he mentioned that harper collins didn't promote the event on any of their platforms because of it – so he lost whatever exposure and therefore success that would've translated to for his actual work. He kept saying it was a "disaster" and I feel like while he was leaning into the genuinely funny and unique side of it, he wouldn't have chosen for it to go that way.

One thing I will say is that we know dan hates advertising and thinks it's terribly cringe, so when you add that to his inferiority complex this probably felt inevitable and maybe even weirdly welcome.

• I've seen folks discuss the neurodivergent vibes dnp have and some have said dan is more adhd and phil is more autism. Now, disclaimer that I don't think it's usually accurate or helpful to categorize ways of being too concretely and most people have many different things going on, including dnp. But all of that to say that dan reads as very autistic to me sometimes, whereas phil reminds me more of people I know with adhd.

Dan literally says he "can't be normal" during the eyedrops story because of his physical aversion to having his eyes touched. The chapter he reads in his book (the book he's said many times is for his "younger" self) is about working on the need to know exactly how everything is going to happen in any given situation.

This is definitely something that is part of anxiety as well, which he also struggles with, but in the context of all dan's other particularities (his exacting food preferences, the way he obsesses over his interests, that he stims when he's keyed up, etc) it's giving 'tism to me.

Not necessarily saying anything new with any of this but I want to get better about actually posting more :) I'll probably have more takes as I keep watching because I haven't even touched the gender of it all yet

[thefearisoneself]

Jax might be one of the creators?

I could be totally off base here but here's some thoughts I've been having

Our first introduction to Jax outside of his place in the intro is him asking Caine "Is this one of your NPCs, or is this a new sucker? Because if it's a new character, we're going to have to redo this whole theme song."

Now first off, since as far as we and assumably the characters know, Caine is an autonomous AI, the question of 'Is this one of your NPCs?' especially in the way it's said strikes me as if there's an oddly familiar relationship between the pair. If Jax did create Caine and this game his particular flavour of befuddlement at Caine's possible NPC generation would make more sense IMO.

Secondly, Jax seems weirdly invested in the theme song's completion? He doesn't seem annoyed they have to do it in general like Zooble, just that they have to do it AGAIN.

Moving away from this initial moment, he's also the one to suggest the adventure for Pomni. While he's annoyed with what the Gloinks end up being, he again isn't annoyed by the adventures themselves like Zooble, which you'd kind of assume a character like him might be, but if he was the one to set up the idea as the game's developer it makes some amount of sense he'd be amused by these antics because he made it like that to some extent, and he does seem to have fun on the adventures once they get into it as well.

Then there's of course him having keys to everywhere when Ragatha suggests he literally shouldn't be able to do that. Silly joke that the asshole character can do basically whatever he wants? Probably, but it could also be hold over from his abilities as the game's developer.

He's also easily the calmest and most put-together character of the cast, going with the flow of everything and having no real urgency to do anything but enjoy the ride and watch the other characters suffer at Caine's unintentional hands.

Somebody else also noted that Jax is weirdly upset about abstracted Kaufmo being put in the cellar. This could either imply they were friends, or that Jax has a personal grievance with what happens to abstracted people. If we assume it's the latter for the sake of this theory, I can imagine it would be pretty frustrating to have your playerbase go through this game-breaking bug and the only way to 'fix' it is just to sweep it under the rug.

Another thing that could easily be a throwaway but for the sake of this theory is Jax' last line in the pilot "Sheesh, lay off it, since when are you an expert on the digital world?" would also make sense if he's the actual creator of said digital world, it would be a personal offence to suggest Kinger knew more.

On top of everything, if we assume that Jax is telling the truth about having been there for years, that implies some interesting things. We know from Goose's Q&As/Tumblr/Twitter that Jax is the youngest member of the cast, being only 22, along with Zooble.

But Zooble is also the most recent character to join the circus before Pomni, while we don't know exactly how long before, it at least exempts them from the weirdness that this timeline creates in terms of Jax.

If Jax was stuck here for any more than 4 years, he wouldn't have even been an adult yet, which seems pretty suspicious given the ages of everyone else when they presumably would've gotten stuck in the program.

Of course headset aside we don't actually know the circumstances of how anyone else got stuck in the game or for how long, but it does give me pause to consider that detail about Jax.

So ultimately I could see it being revealed later down the line that Jax was some kind of tech revolution prodigy who created Caine and this world, but being young as he was had no real idea of the ramifications of what he created or ultimately how to manage it. I have no clue how he got trapped, or ultimately if he even is, but that's theorizing for when we hopefully have more to work with.

Regardless, take all this with a grain of salt, I fully recognize all of this could just be connections I'm making of nothing, but it's something that's been plaguing my mind and I'd be remissed if I just let it sit and never put it out there if it did end up being true in the end.

Hope you guys enjoy my massive overanalysis of Jax' actions in the pilot and hopefully we get to see more from this gang in like 3-6 months' time.

[neo-somnovem-thirst-account]

Okay I'm not current on CR at ALL (every time I have enough time try and catch-up I'll get through an a handful of episodes and then be inundated with time consuming tasks and have to set it down again, but one day I will catch up) but I'm hearing about some ™️Discourse happening so I'm just gonna say something, but I don't even know if it's at all relevant. (I think it might actually be anti-thetical to whatever is currently happening but I'm having thoughts) I guess let me know if I'm making a fool of myself due to lack of context, this is maybe more about CR in general though so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .

When in real play, TTRPGs aren't always going to flow smoothly or have characters make the smartest choices or even the choices that make sense for them as characters. It's just a fact of how weird the play space that role-playing games exist in can get, especially when it's done in formats geared towards an audience. Sometimes a player will just be in a weird place and it will blend into a session, or time between sessions might get stretched and suddenly you feel very differently about certain in games decisions. If you care a lot about making a perfect story that can be sold as a streamlined story, then it would be an issue, but if your just playing for fun then it doesn't really matter.

I feel like this is exacerbated by the fact that CR in my mind has always tried to be a game/player first situation over being a story/viewer first situation. What I mean by that is, in the game itself they don't always try and force a streamlined well thought-through story, though they definitely do try to make it more polished and well written. It's one of the things I always liked about CR, that the funky amorphous feeling of the role-playing heads pace is way more tangible in the campaign. Characters sometimes make wildly out-of-character decisions, or stories take weirdly convulated and unnecessary turns. It makes it feel more wobbly and imperfect and I love it dearly, as that just happens sometimes in role-playing, Shit gets weird when you let your friends into your brain.

That being said, when you're viewing it as a weekly show, that aspect can be so VERY frustrating because we're used to getting streamlined thought-out storylines from media. It can totally be enough to stop people from watching CR altogether if it bothers them enough. It's almost certainly the reason why people prefer other TTRPG shows like D20 or TAZ (refering entirely to the mini-seasons as ive never made it all the way through the big seasons of TAZ, so major grain of salt on this one), but it's also what makes CR feel different. D20 and TAZ and most other live play shows are usually short-form stories which allows/forces them to cut through the role-player brain fog and just focus on telling good stories.

Obviously CR does sometimes let the fact that the audience is watching 👀 affect their in game moments, and that's okay... because their role-playing, and role-playing is inherently imperfect. CR is more likely to experiences both ends of this dichotomy (being widely unstreamlined/convulated and being very streamlined/railroaded) because they are longer form and trying to capture that role-playing headspace, but they are ALSO a company who has based their careers around those organic (and imperfect) stories they tell, and how they are recieved by fans.

At the end of the day, I guess what I'm saying is, if you want CR but as a perfectly streamlined and well told story, but also maintaining some well-placed and intentional wobbliness, then the live campaign just isn't what you're looking for. Honestly in my mind that's what you'll get from the adaptations of the campaigns (Tlovm, TM9 show when it comes out, the comics, the books etc.) so I bet people who don't like the wonkiness of the campaign love those right!...right?

Obvs I'm not saying you can't be upset with whatever decision the Hells made (or didn't make) that has people fighting, but I also think that this decision they made being wrong, imperfect, or unsatisfying from a story perspective is just what can happen in TTRPGs. Capturing that is, to me, what CR is all about, and what endeared me to it so much before other liveplays. It captures the unique thing that happens during roleplay that is specifically experienced by the roleplayer and not the audience. Which can obvs be a little unsatisfying for the audience member sometimes if we're wanting it to feel like a show and not an experience.

[innytoes]

More Dark Fantasy AU because when have I ever left well enough alone and @jmrothwell made me the prettiest moodboard.

-Rose's great grandmother was a changeling. Her great great grandparents went to the fair folk because they were having trouble conceiving a child and made a deal. They got their baby... only for it to be swapped with a changeling after a few months.

-They went to the fae like: um excuse me we want our child back. No we're not giving you this one, a deal's a deal. We gave you our heirloom music box to grow our family, it's not our fault you gave us two. You still have the music box so no refunds.

-That story had been passed down for generations and Ray always thought it was a sweet fairytale about found family and loving people even if they're not related by blood or a bit different. But nope, guess it was real.

-In true Molina fashion Ray is thus like: welp guess I have four new children now.

-Four very weird new children. At least Reggie is only a little bit out of time, but he's had to stop Luke from getting run over by a car at least four times already.

-Alex came from the 1920s and was promised a life where he could be himself, be as gay as he wanted, and dance the night away.

-Years and years of non-stop dancing, his feet moving against his will, was a very harsh lesson to learn about not making deals with the fae.

-The boys can all go invisible, but Julie can still see them.

-Victoria taking 3 minutes to freak out at the whole situations and shouting about demons while Willie tries to continue having a pleasant conversation with her and Reggie is like: hey, words hurt. ... And then she realises the stories her abuela told her and Rose were real and sets right to feeding these poor kids.

-Yes it takes some convincing that they can eat food here and still leave. Carlos demonstrates by eating and apple and prancing in and out of the door.

-Ray was pretty okay with his four new children. Getting the guys up to speed of Life on Earth In 2020 is... a bit hit and miss. Explaining the microwave to his new kids: great! They get it! They're so smart (especially when it comes to food). Forgetting to mention to take the tinfoil off the stuff Tía left in the fridge: less great! Especially because Willie is strangely enchanted by the fire extinguisher.

-They of course each have their own things they're excited about. Reggie is freaking out over the new Star Wars. Luke discovered Rock music. Alex is deep in a Britney Spears phase, and, to Julie's slight annoyance, a Dirty Candi phase.

-Willie is baffled and delighted by all kinds of odd things, and has fallen in love with waves. He tries to explain that it's kind of like home, without the bad parts: constant, the same, but ever-changing.

-Willie takes up surfing and Alex nearly swallows his tongue.

-Other human and earth things Willie is enchanted by: friendship bracelets, lava lamps, theramins, glittery gel pens, salt and vinegar chips, cats, and of course, skateboards.

-Out of all of his kids, Willie is definitely the one Ray worries the most about. The other boys are just out of time, but Willie has no reference for human culture or... anything.

-Like he doesn't understand that people crying or yelling or being in pain means they cannot do something because... well, that's just what Caleb expected. He doesn't understand that not everything needs to be a trade. He seems weirdly upset all days are the same length.

-Carlos made a sign that says 'it's been 0 days since Willie has done or said some freaky stuff'. The counter has never been higher than 1.

-Willie, staring straight into Ray's soul and is it just him or did his pupils and irises disappear to be replaced by an endless galaxy for just a moment: "The birds say you left a bag of groceries in your caw and your ice cream is melting."

-The ice cream is saved, the birds are fed some sunflower seeds, and Ray decides that Willie picking up language from the crows is not on the top of his list of priorities.

-Until the crows teach him to swear.

[alittlebitofwhimsy]

The Mistreatment of Tom Levitt on SMASH

I know that literally no one cares about this, but I want to talk about it, so I will.

In the short-lived TV Show "SMASH" (2012), which I quite liked and strongly reccomend -- as long as you don't watch season 2 --, there is something that really, really bothered me, and I haven't seen it adressed on the internet. Mainly, perhaps, because the show is 11 years old, and because it had a very niche audience.

But here it is: The show treats the character of Tom Levitt terribly.

I will now explain.

Romantic relationships take up a sizeable part of the screentime of "SMASH". it was a drama series in 2012, after all. We get long scenes exploring the romantic relationships of the two leads, Ivy and Karen. But that's a given. And, you say, Tom isn't a lead. And while that is technically correct, he is one of the main characters, seeing as the show structures itself around an ensemble rather than one or two leads.

Furthermore, the relationships of every other member of the main ensemble are treated with importance by the show, given time and thought.

Julia, for example, is Tom's writing partner, and they are equally important to the plot (they are at more or less on the same level vis-a-vis their primary/secondary-ness to the show). And her marriage is a big part of the show. Her husband and her son regularly appear, and she has an affair with an actor that takes up a significant amount of screentime. Not to mention that it brings us the most beautiful and emotional sex scene in the show. Also, her affair has a real impact on the plot of the show.

Eileen, a character who is arguably less prominent than Tom, has an important relationship with her ex-husband who used to produce musicals with her, and a passionate relationship with a younger man that ends up financing the production of Bombshell.

Now, the way that the show treats Derek's blatant abuse of authority is incredibly problematic. The show attempts to adress this in some way in season 2, but no one treats it seriously enough. But, I will say, even he gets to explore different relationships.

Now, Tom has a few relationships throughout the show. The first one with John, a lawyer introduced to him by his mother, the second one with Sam, one of the members of the ensemble of Bombshell, and Kyle, an up and coming writer in the field of musical theater.

There are many things that I didn't like about the way that Tom's relationships were approached. Mainly, they weren't given nearly as much screentime as the other ones on the show.

With Jonh,

Almost every single time they're out on a date, Tom gets a call from one of the other main characters and he has to go solve some problem or another;

Them not having slept together is brought up by John, and it's introduced as a plotpoint, but the the first time they sleep together is off-screen (we're not even shown, like, the lead-up to it), and the show informs us, for seemingly no reason, that it was really bad. They keep dating, but it's weirdly never brought up again;

Other problems in their relationship are introduced but never explored. Not only did they have unsatisfying sex, but John is a Republican while Tom is very clearly anti-Republican, and Tom is always prioritizing the other people in his life (the characters themselves speak on those at some point, but these plotlines are just dropped);

Their break-up is very underwhelming. They've been dating for most of the season, and they have one (1) fight while Tom is like, eating cereal, and then we never see from John again. Tom isn't even really upset.

John is never a priority for Tom. It could be a part of his character, but it feels like the show just doesn't care enough to explore Tom's relationships just for the sake of Tom himself. It acts flippantly about it and doesn't give it importance. Even if Tom doesn't really prioritize John in his life, the show could explore that, but, and here is the bigger issue, Tom is just never allowed to have a meaningful storyline outside of his platonic relationships with the rest of the main ensemble.

With Sam,

The fist time they go out, Tom kisses Sam and he basically slut-shames Tom, making him feel that it's his fault that he's alone even though he's 37 because of his *gay stereotype alert* commitment issues that "obviously" show in the fact that he's "easy";

They're rarely shown alone, and we don't ever see them "finally" having sex, even though they're together for a sizeable chunk of the show;

They have a nice relationship, Tom meets Sam's family, and it seems like they're in love, but Sam breaks up with Tom FULLY OFF SCREEN (like, we knew that he was going on tour for the Book of Mormon, but there's no goodbye at all).

It's strange that Sam is so slut-shamey with Tom when a big plotpoint between John and Tom was that Tom didn't want to have sex with him for an "unusual" amount of time (enough for John to ask him why they hadn't had sex), and it seems like this relationship was just used to shame gay men who enjoy a more bohemian style of life -- it's taking a swing at the gay stereotype of the high-maintenance libido man who has sex with every other man he comes across. Mostly because they don't even try to adress his commitment issues after this (at all! this conversation is literally never brought up again).

With Kyle,

Full disclosure: I couldn't get through season 2. It's really bad. But correct me if I'm wrong, but on episode 14 Kyle f*cking dies and the entirety of Tom and Kyle's relationship is one flashback that's less than 5 minutes in length. And why did they choose to include this secret fling? Tom is barely affected by Kyle's death. And Tom is, like, TWENTY years older than Kyle. Why do this?

The only good thing to come out of this is the audio of Billy Joel's Vienna sung beautifully by Christian Borle (Tom).

This relationship is not only all sorts of problematic, but it's also so short. And the only romantic relationship of Tom's on season 2. It hurts to see that we weren't allowed to see any of it (it had literally no screentime), and that even though the only scene we get to see of it is romantic and cute, Tom is basically unnafected.

This problem extends beyond Tom's romantic relationships.

Tom is basically not allowed to have independence.

His relationships don't matter as much as the other characters'. The only meaningful relationship he is allowed to have is with Julia. They have a really nice friendship. It even seems like he might evolve to have a good relationship with Derek after their big fight where we find out about their backstory (or at least one that's worth exploring), but that doesn't happen.

There are many things that are "almost there" about Tom. They bring up aspects of his character or his life that could be worth exploring, but they're never given any time or care, and the show just sort of forgets about them (his literal character is re-shapeable so that he can serve any purpose in the narrative).

Mostly, he exists on the show to support other characters. He is always sacrificing his own time in being there for Ivy 24/7. And while his relationship with Julia is very nice, he is heartbreakingly attached to their family (he has no family from what we see on the show) while they don't really value him in the same way.

He's always just so worried about everyone else's problems, and not really focused on himself, it's like he's a halfway developed "Gay Best Friend".

He just deserved better.

(This is mostly fueled by the fact that I love Christian Borle so much, and I would like to see him playing fleshed out characters in dramas. He's underrated. Yes, he is great in comedic roles, but he's got range, and he's really good in Smash and Falsettos when he plays more serious roles.)

Anyway, that's that. Tom Levitt had everything to be a good, fleshed out character. But the show didn't really care enough about him.

Also, I hate that SMASH had so may straight sex scenes but was completely unwilling to film two men doing anything other than chastely kissing or laying a foot away from each other in bed half-naked.

[lets-jam]

1, 7, 16

im gonna do this for 2077, tho if anyone else does one feel free to specify a fandom

1 - the character everyone gets wrong

hmmm a tie for me between alt and goro takemura. alt ranges from like a generic 'good woman' to the far more common evil manipulative bitch which like. id be more upset about but given we get NOTHINGGGGGGG in terms of content for her about her like i cant get TOOO mad... I GUESS. i just certainly think shas far more multifaceted or SHOULD be far more multifaceted than.... whatever the hell we got. like i think theres something interesting with her setup being like 'sharp netrunner who got hired to make something she probably very well knew was... designed to kill people and could and would be used to kill people, who had her 'curiosity take over' (some fact i heard somewhere) but then also chickened out n tried to stop it last minute, and ultimately was one of the first subjects it was used on killing her body and forever changing her entire being, being forced to survive in a cuthroat alien world of no human basis despite still 'thinking' like a human, being even more forever changed by that and like kinda playing with this idea that yeah it is unfortunate that like traumatic shit not of our choosing can like irreparably change us not for the better, and that we can have dignity/human-ness given back to us by being treated as such even if its alien to her now. course like then its... id prefer her story not being so weirdly tied to johnnys as like a girl he happened to be fucking because... she was there i guess. and thats our only like reference point for her. which is all to say she has the potential you know? and alot of people dont... get that imo. for a cyberpunk setting shes really interesting case of how/what gets treated as a human and what we do when we dont have that treatment/what we do when we're given it back smthn smthn at what point does a self end (with memories? with how we're perceived by others? etc etc) but of course we didnt get to deal with any of that cause the game refuses to even ask these questions about johnny in any real fun exploratory way. and shes only in the game cause johnny fucked her and accidentally killed her... so yeah. and then GORO god this is mostly just me beefing with all the fucking idiots horny for this guy and like he gets fics n posts made about him how he would 'abandon arasaka for youuuuuu 😚😚😚' no he wouldnt! you are literally peon trash to him! he was chosen by a god emperor and elevated in his mind! he straight up believes capitalistic order is fine cause who cares doesnt affect him anymore and its a necesarry thing! which i like! hes completely head over heels for his corporation like a true 'samurai' ie serving a lord above everything else, even 'warrior code' if that ever mattered to him. hes been deepthroating the boot for years n loves the taste! he has never once thought in his life that you were his equal, and he has never once thought of you as a friend he sees you as a true means to an end full stop! hes not some secretly good bushido samurai man! which like more people should run with! if he was given a choice between arasaka and your life he would choose arasaka 10 times over like, hes terrible and i like that, everyone else seems to not.

7 - what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

fandom antics have really made me dislike this one complete side character like this person has like 2 lines but caused such fights in the fandom that im like i guess this is real to you. some gay guy and some woman fought over this side characters sexuality and one like made some weird kin claim to posting edits of him and like!!!! sometimes i have to remember people are unwell. it was fun for a time to watch ppl bitch about that for a while n see all the vague posting that or goro for reasons stated above

16 - you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

lmao sex god johnny silverhand. and related to that johnnys hologram being able to physically interact with v outside their body... ppl took like some 'its there for the cinema' stuff where he shoves v and like grabs their hands and ran with it now we have hard light hologram sex everywhere... even tho ppl shouldve just gotten freaky with it and had them like possession mutually masturbating using vs body like them as a single...being, cause again vs body is the only real thing in this equation and id like abit more realism if im going into some silverv smut, but those are few and far between the hologram sex featuring hologram cum and hologram fingering it just bugs me casue like the draw for me at least is they cant interact like normal separate people, nor can they 'feel' as in feel things like normal separate people, nor ARE they normal separate people like their whole setup is weird, they are literally the same person!!!! and i hate it when people dont get weird n creative in those paramaters with what we're given. esp when johnny flat out says 'masturbation is the only way for us to have sex' too. plus i love the draw of not being able to love or live or interact like you want to... famously i love a 'love' that cant be for whatever reason, despite it being there real girl what were you doing at the devils sacrement self report but it did bug me

[professionalakazasimp]

Douma x Reader

Part 6

-Interactive game-

[AFAB reader]

Choice made:

"Agree but insist on knowing what he needs you for"

Warnings: Emotional manipulation, brief mention on corpses, messed up thoughts in general lmao

"I'd like to come with you, but I really need to know where we're going first." Your voice had a hint doubt and suspicion.

"Ah, this is a stubborn one." He thought to himself. He couldn't say he felt upset about it. Heck, he couldn't feel anything about it. Though he was a little amused to see you act all careful while already being his prisoner, his slave.

Though he couldn't just straight up tell you the truth to where he was taking you or what he was going to do to you, that would really make you fussy for sure.

"Aw, dear, but that'll ruin the surprise, will it not?

It really saddens me that even though I've done so much for you, you still don't trust me even a little."

You were dumbstruck, him saying this, it leaves you no choice. If you apologize and still wish to know more, it'd put a bad impression on him and he might even kick you out sooner, but if you do go—

You shake your head, repeating to yourself in your mind that if Douma had any bad intentions, he would've already done them, since you were just a defenseless, injured person at an unknown location.

"Ah sorry, I have trust issues because of past incidents. You don't need to tell me where we're going. I'll come along." You finally respond.

The fly really flew right into the web, huh?

"That's great! And it's okay, I wasn't upset anyway." He replied in a cheerful manner.

"I'll send you some nice clothes to wear soon. Be ready by 9, alright?"

He asked, but left before even hearing your answer. That's okay, you wouldn't have been able to answer him anyway. You were too busy processing what just happened.

~•◇•~

The sun went down, as did Douma down the staircase. He is a demon, and he has his own set of "responsibilities", but he doesn't really care. He wanted to have fun with you instead.

His plan for you was to take you to that one part in the forest he threw all the remains of his meals. It was quite a beautiful spot if you ignored the rows and piles of ribs, skulls and other bones.

He couldn't wait to see your reaction. It'll be so funny and cute, at least for him. It wasn't his fault he found it amusing to do this.

He wondered if you'd be terrified, traumatized, angry or all three.

Well, doesn't matter, all of them are entertaining reactions.

He'd decide whether to eat you, let you live or do something else to you after that and he had quite a few ideas.

~•◇•~

Some time passed and you finally got those clothes he was talking about.

A woman wearing a plain white kimono, with her hair tied into a bun brought it for you. She was weirdly quiet like the rest of the people here, and by "rest", you mean that one man you saw talking to Douna a while ago. There weren't many people here were there? Or maybe there were but you never got to speak to them.

Even after you thanked the woman in a cheerful voice, she simply nodded with her head facing facing downward and left. How strange.

"Woah..." you mumbled while inspecting the clothes sent to you. This was expensive stuff.

It was a red kimono with blue and purple lotus patterns in what seemed like water at the bottom. There was a blue sash with it too. It was really sweet to the eyes.

You wondered again why Douma was doing this for you. Could it be that...he likes you romantically? You really don't have many complaints if that's the case. You're willing to give it a shot.

You look at the clock on the wall, its 8:36 pm. You rush to get ready with what time you had.

~•◇•~

Finally out of the unguarded confines of your room, you walk around the mansion. It was kind of eerie despite being so clean and well kept. It had a few bright lights on the ceiling right above the hall accessible through the double staircase. Other than that, there were a few dim lanterns here and there.

Even though it wasn't wrong for you to be here, you felt like a princess trying to escape her prison in an unknown territory like in the books you often read. Maybe it was like that. You knew absolutely nothing right now. Not even knowing where to go from here or where Douma was.

[mainstoryarchive]

Underachievers - 2: Crusher

Aira: Um. uh…?

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Location: Meeting room, StarPro

Aira: Um. uh…?

What? Did I hear you wrong? Did you just say to 'crush idols'?

Hiiro: Yes! Let crush the despicable things known as idols together☆

Aira: Ahaha… Could it be that you're still half-asleep?

Whatever you're saying sounds like gibberish to me—Hiro-kun, was it?

Hiiro: Hm? It's not Hiro, it's Hiiro, however if that is how you wish to call me then that is fine!

Because to forgive one another and love one another is what it means to be friends, or so I believe!

Aira: That so… You—you really are a weird guy, you know? …Ah, now I get it! I see, I see, so that's what’s going on.

Hiiro: ? What could you be referring to? Would you care to explain?

Aira: Umm… ​If—if you look at me with such expectant eyes it makes it hard to talk, though.

Hiro-kun, as I thought, could it be you're a dropout just like me?

Hiiro: …?

Aira: You do your best, you go to practice after practice, and even though you're scraping away at your life doing work, you don't see results even a tiny bit…

There’s nobody to love you. With days like that continuing on, it's no wonder your heart would grow twisted.

It may be unavoidable that you'd grow to hate idols to the point you'd want to destroy them.

I get it. I can empathize. You and ​I are the same, we really might be able to become friends…♪

Hiiro: ? I see! I also thought the same when I first saw you, Aira! Let us shake hands!

Aira: Eh, why? Ah, ow, ow, ow! Why is your grip power so weirdly strong?!

Hiiro: Right, I apologize! In this world it's survival of the fittest. I trained a lot thinking that I wouldn't be able to survive if I wasn't strong. Look, here, trained biceps…♪

Aira: Wah, incredible! How nice, I have trouble putting on muscles so I'm jealous. Ra-vely, can I touch them?

Hiiro: Go on ahead! Touch them as much as you'd like my friend! I warmly welcome skinship!

Aira: Wah♪ (strokes muscles)

…Now that that's over, let's return to the last topic.

I thought it was just some false rumors going around, but it seems the reason we were called here today is because of that.

Hiiro: Because of… what? I'm so sorry for being unable to understand, back in my hometown I was often called an idiot as well!

Aira: Don't apologize for every single thing. It has the ​opposite effect.

…Um, so lately there's been a rumor going around that the agency is planning to lay off a bunch of people.

So we might be part of that. We're underachievers, after all. It's also probably the reason why we got called in here.

Hiiro: ? "Lay off"? I don't know that term. Will you be upset if that happens, Aira?

Aira: I will… I’ve loved idols since I was little. I admired them, I've always been thinking of idols and nothing else whenever and wherever…

I've been captivated, then, and now as well.

That's why I also aspired to become one. One of my much beloved idols..♪

I wanted to sing and dance on the same stage ​as those precious, shining and dazzling people.

Hehehe. Regretfully, it seems like I don't have any talent in it. Despite that, I worked hard and challenged myself countless times without giving up and so made my dream come true.

But reality was different from what I had imagined as a child… And though there are lots of painful and sad things in the entertainment world…

I was able to endure it. No, I was happy despite it… Because I was able to Iive in the utopia I had dreamed of.

I'm so happy and yet… If I get fired, I'll be forced to leave…

In recent times it feels like your future as an idol is pitch black if you aren't affiliated with an agency of ES.

The era of underground idols is over already.

ES is conquering the entertainment world with its overwhelming influence. If they let go of me, then I… I can no longer stay in the entertainment business.

Like a flower that's not given any water or sunlight, I’ll have no choice but to wither and die.

The idol known as Shiratori Aira will die… I can't stay calm knowing that.

Ah, jeez! Now that I’ve said it out loud, I feel really scared. I hope that it's all just a misunderstanding!

And it's your fault, Hiro-kun! It's your fault for making me talk about something that makes me anxious!

Hiiro: I see. Hehe, it seems that whatever I do, I anger you.

However. To be honest I did not understand a single thing you said, but… Let me say this despite that: you will be fine.

I am your ally, your friend. If there is a future that saddens you, I will give it my everything to destroy it.

Aira: Ugh. No, umm, I'm the one who should be sorry, Hiro-kun. I got all excited when talking and took it out on you!

Hiiro: There's no need to take it to heart. I have not been hurt by your words for even a little bit.

Actually. I feel apologetic for being unable to empathize with your pain as your friend.

Aira: Hm, hmm~…? It sounds like you're saying something nice, but… It really does feel like we're not having the same conversation!

Aira: Ah, jeez! And rather, I can't stand being tortured alive any longer!

I'm at my limit! My sanity is being shaved away with each passing second, I feel like I'm going crazy. Won't you just finish me off already?!

Tatsumi: O lost lamb.

I advise you to withdraw such a statement. The doors to heaven will not open to those who have chosen death themselves.

Aira: …!? A—a Weird person saying weird things came in all of a sudden!?

[ ☆ ]

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[golbrocklovely]

I am so fucking jealous of Snc having the life they hve and having it together. I know that it might sound wierd because obv everyone has their own problems. But really if i could be in their shoes, have a huge house ( i just wouldn’t choose las vegas, something rather less loud&around people) , a looot of money and have a job like them … bro, i would die for such life. Because currently i am at uni, having mwntal breakdown every second, not having ANY idea what i want from life, dealing with anxiety and probably depression too ( i am not diagnosed with depression and i do not do self diagnosis, but i can see that recently something rlly bad is happening with me…) , my family have financial problems and we are dealing with a lot of sh*t rn.

I just HOPE that Snc now how lucky and priveleged they are to be where they are and have things that they have.

wow, is this past me writing to myself? lol

anon, i've been in your shoes before 10000000%. and i totally agree with you, snc have it made and it's definitely jealous worthy.

and i think they do know how lucky they are, which i think is also why anytime they complain they immediately follow it with "we're so lucky, we know we shouldn't be complain, ect ect".

if i can give you any advice, even tho you didn't ask: if it makes you feel any better, older ppl also don't know what they're doing either.

when i was in college, i thought i was gonna do theater or be making art or idk, and now… that's not really the case. i loved what i studied, bc i don't think i would have gotten the knowledge for the subject any other way, but i don't use it all that often in my everyday life. it's a bit of setback but i'm not upset about it. the job or career you want doesn't have to be a death sentence, if that makes sense. you aren't signed to that for the rest of your life. you can move around from job to job, picking up things here and there. no one is gonna look at you like you're a failure just bc you don't stay in a job for 20+ years.

i mean, some might think that way, but don't listen to them.

also, once i graduated, i was really able to get my mental health in check, along with my self esteem to some extent. some of this type of stuff just takes time. which i know sucks to hear, but honestly 21 year old me would not believe what 27 year old me thinks of myself. i thought i would hate myself forever and would always be sad or depressed. and while the latter half still happens occasionally, the first half isn't really true anymore, and that in itself has helped so much make my life better.

i'm not saying all of your problems will be easier to deal with once you finish college. if anything, my life has technically become harder since then, but weirdly, a lot of things in my life have been put into a perspective that i can appreciate them in now. even if nothing is easier.

i wish you the best of luck on all your endeavors. please remember to treat yourself kindly and to not be so hard on yourself <3

[kyetalksshit]

my dream last night was chaotic and difficult and I only remember glimpses. I was just reminded of a moment with thorns because I was checking my rune app and it mentioned poems that talked about thorns.

so I remember at one point traversing some kind of land to get... somewhere? (will go deeper in a sec) and I have this very vivid memory of, in my dream, accidentally touching thorns and getting them stuck on my right hand. it was very painful (and I almost remember physically feeling it...) and the people I was traveling with (p sure one was my cousin crystal) had to stop and turn back to help me. I unstuck the thorns from my hand as best as I could and met them halfway, incredibly distressed, but there were still thorn slivers that were stuck in my finger, and not only that but somehow the base of that finger and also a part of my wrist were wrapped super tight and cutting off circulation and physically warping my skin, even though it was just thorns. the people I was with (again, my cousin I think and maybe my little sister?) tried for a second to help but there was some kind of sound that alerted us to danger and that we had to keep going and rush to our destination, and only once we were hidden could they help get it off. so we're running and I just keep staring at my hand and freaking out and being upset that I can't detangle it myself because I can't even see the strings that are wrapped around my finger and wrist cutting off circulation. like the thorns suck but I can get those out later, these strings could make me lose my entire finger or hand???

i remember at some point getting to a safe spot (not to our destination but a hideout of sorts) and crystal (?) turned to me and explained that the thorns I touched shoot out strings of cotton when someone gets stuck in them, like a defense mechanism. she was going to try to help me detangle them but something happened that she had to focus on. but after she told me about the cotton I suddenly could see the strands I couldn't see before? it looked like a spiderweb at its thinnest, but as I started to gently unravel myself, it started to look more like floss. as it turned out, there was even more than what was just cutting off my circulation, there was also some draped around my shoulders and wrapped lightly around my arm before the intense wraps around my finger and wrist. but I DID finally get myself free before we continued on.

before that, I remember being on the interstate in a hay bale ride type thing? it was flatter than that but that's the closest I can describe it as. and I (and the few other people riding there with me) was laying flat and gripping onto the sides. weirdly, it was also on the front end of the truck which doesn't make any sense to me but yk. and at one point my cousin crystal was in a drone plane above me. I saw it and thought "omg that's probably crystal lol" but didn't say anything bc I was in a flat truck bed on the interstate, but then she backed up and I saw a camera come out and look down at me. knowing it was her, I risked letting go of the bar for a second to wave at her, and she waved back and then the dumbass just jumped straight to the road from her drone plane (which... either disappeared or had other people in it that flew it away? idk lol) and I was like whAT ARE YOU DOING YOURE GONNA GET YOURSELF KILLED BRO and she ran and hopped on the truck bed with me and the strangers I was on. not sure what exactly happened right after that,

but at some point I met up with family and also was waiting for a car to be given to me. I also was dressed up in business clothes and about to apply for a clerical job inside the brick building in the parking lot I saw everybody in. I was on my way inside when my car was delivered, so I walked back and then drove it into the parking spot beside my mom's car, but it kept turning funny so I kept trying and got it parked before going inside. my mom said she'd meet me at her house. when I opened the door to the building though the lights were off and I almost closed the door right back behind myself except I saw someone in there look up at me. so I opened it back up (it looked like grandma earley's house) and apologized and said why I was there. they told me to come on in. the lights stayed off but we did do an interview. I don't remember if I got the job or was told to wait or what, but it was time to leave and meet my mom at her house. I believe I completely forgot about my new car or maybe it disappeared I'm not sure, but I started walking and crystal was there again, and i'm pretty sure my little sister appeared shortly after as well to walk with us. I don't know when it turned into a run, but it may have had something to do with the weather?

although at some point I was in a truck (can't remember if I was driving or not but I think I might have been) with Heather and crystal, and we were looking for somebody specific. I'm not sure who irl but I knew them in my dream and it was very hush hush but we had to deliver a message to them or something. so we went to the meeting spot we all knew of behind a shack of a house, and when we didn't see them, we walked down the sidewalk to the place that they were supposed to be living. but the woman who answered the door didn't know who we were talking about, but she let us in anyway. the house was a bit of a maze and it was very... like political intrigue meets supernatural lol it was a dangerous place to be in and after a little while we were sure it was just a ruse and we had to escape from there. I think after that is when I got stuck on thorns while we were running.

anyway fast forward to after I unraveled myself from the "cotton" from the thorns, we go a bit further and FINALLY find my mom's house. when we get there and get inside, my mom is like omg I was worried about you getting here in this snow! and it had been a warm California day lol so we were like snow?????? and she opened the curtains to the picture window in the living room and sure as shit it was a full foot + of snow outside. she had her books out and some coffee and said something about how harsh and cold it is outside and how much she loves it. I just remember seeing the snow covering up a bag of garbage, and then looking up to stare at the icy tree branches. at one point I even tried to brush some of the snow off the front porch (we somehow entered through the back door or a side door that doesn't actually exist idk it was almost like we opened a door to a different house but the door was a portal and we just appeared at my mom's) but even though a little bit fell, I didn't actually make a dent.

and then I woke up.

[eskelwolfed]

this is just some thought that keeps on being replayed in my head, so please ignore and cw mental health and cw health issues, hospitals and the second worst illness that takes away lives...

when my grandma got sick and had to have surgery for a benign tumor in her breast, we all thought it'd be fine. it's benign, not malign, right? means it's not cancer, right?

i don't know why, but when we visited her after the surgery, my grandma was in tears. she was that kind of person to have an excessive case of depression, so called "agitated" or "whining depression". i'm not sure if that is the right term, but it's some kind of depression in which you literally complain, whine and cry day in day out.

my youthful mind was really taken aback by seeing my grandma having these symptoms in hospital, but i knew her state of mind from home very well. i kind of thought, hey this is how depression looks like, right? she's just upset about the surgery.

but she wasn't. they found out it's malign, and it was the third time in my life i saw someone perish due to cancer.

this day at hospital when she told us it was probably cancer, i felt myself retreat into my shell and i haven't come out of it ever since. i remember that i was weirdly opposed to hugging her, comfort her - but that was also something i was used to. i always had to comfort her, she 'was just like that.'

she took her last breath five days before easter two years later. and i still remember how that invisible illness, cancer, just made me coil and writhe and even unwilling to touch my grandma. i remember how her tears felt when i leaned in for a hug and how these tears felt like the real enemy.

i don't know why today i have to think about this moment, but it fills me with dread and guilt and ...how could i possibly disgusted by tears? it took me ten years to understand that my grandma wasn't just depressed, she was also abusive and manipulative and used her mental state as a hall pass for all my life to justify that i was her "favorite grandchild", or she even used it against me in the end.

maybe i'm just revisiting that trauma like an old friend, like, we're not friends anymore but i still haven't come around to tell them to piss off.

tears can be so powerful and it sucks that people know

that cancer sucks...i guess i don't need to tell anyone.

[alexandrahoney]

Trans dude anon is back :D

So on Friday I finally sent that WhatsApp group message and came out to the rest of my workplace. I had coordinated with two coworkers who knew I was trans so they immediately sent short, positive messages to set the tone for everyone else. And it worked, I got a bunch of positive responses, people being like “okay, I’ll change your name in my contacts immediately” and my boss welcoming me with my new name. I’m so relieved. And today my superior already used my new name in some written, company-wide interactions.

I also came out to my parents a week ago and they were shocked, but immediately supportive. There was some awkward “you’ll always be our little girl in some way” but my mom also went “your dad won’t carry your stuff to the car anymore cause you only do that for women!” So I’d say they’re a bit confused but they got the spirit 😀

I also had my second session with my specialized therapist today, I need him to get hormones (in about 6 months) and surgeries at some point.

So the past weeks have been rather stressful and tbh I sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed and even upset. It’s not doubt or anything, just some weird, dreadful “omg what am I doing?!” Luckily it only spikes when something huge happens, I think I just gotta chill and get used to all of this.

I hope your journey is going well too!

Aaaaah, I am so stoked to hear it! Congratulations, I hope that means you've come out to about everyone by now? Wonderful news, so glad you're sharing them with me! :D

Oh, trust, I've been having those exact same emotions ever since I came out to my colleagues. I have this weird feeling of guilt whenever I think about starting the process to legally change my name, as if I'm somehow betraying my parents or being ungrateful. I've never felt that my deadname was "me", always felt weird when people called me by it, but I guess it's enough "me" that now that I'm about to give it up, it feels weirdly melancholy. I think it's very normal, honestly, to have those moments of doubt and fear and even sadness. It's a huge change. In some ways irreversible.

It reminds me of when I got my first tattoo. Took me months to work up the courage, weeks more to actually get it. Getting it was easy. But once I got home and sat down, I looked at my arm, and had a momentary spike of panic. "That's going to be there *forever*," I thought, and for a second my world crumbled.

But it was just that. A moment. And now I have half a sleeve on the other arm in addition to the first one. We're fighting years of ingrained programming from a heteronormative society that doesn't necessarily want us to change. Fighting that - the ways we've internalized those lessons - is what's making us doubt. It's not rational. You know more than anyone that you are a guy. I know more than anyone that I am a girl. Moments of doubt are only further proof of that. Because the doubt leaves us. And we realize that looking in the mirror and seeing the person we were meant to be, that's what matters. Recognizing the face in the mirror, being able to smile at yourself and mean it-- That's the key. My journey is going well. I came out to everyone, and live full time as a girlie now. Waiting for my first appointment at the hormone clinic, in 2½ months. A wait since February, and hopefully I'll get to go on E come spring. Fingers crossed.

Please keep me updated, dear Anon. I feel we are kindred spirits in this now, on a journey together. I don't know your name or your face, but I know you are my brother, as I am your sister. And god damn it, we're making this shit look good. <3

[foxybananaaaz]

hey can I request elucien hc or oneshot for fwb but the "it's not just sex for me anymore" fight or fake dating but the "we're not really together, this is just pretend" fight

Speak Up

Main Pairing :: Elain Archeron/Lucien Vanserra

Summary :: “Weirdly enough, I actually understand you. I just told my sister last week that I needed to move out, because I needed more privacy with my boyfriend, who doesn’t exist. Funny how I didn’t seem to think this far ahead.”

Authors Note :: Another Prompt FanFic, thats Super Late! But Alas! I am getting to it! I am going to include Bitki, to further feel her out as a character, but yes. Let’s get to it! Anon who submitted, I know this is forever late, but I hope you enjoy! MODERN AU

Word Count :: 5.2k

Elain was running late, knowing that she was. Her phone made the pinging sound of a new text message in her bag making it incredibly obvious. But this time it wasn’t her fault. She genuinely was at the store planning to get some cat food for Renarde, before going to meet up with her friend. This was the only thing she had planned before going to meet with her friend until she met with her sisters while leaving the store.

They of course wanted to talk to her about the large party they were planning for her birthday, even though it wasn’t for another month. How many people? What colours should they go with? There was a reason she had asked the two of them to take care of it all, yet the way they refused to leave her alone asking all these questions when they would see her. They would even call in the middle of the night sometimes.

Nesta and she had been living in the city for a significantly less amount of time than Feyre. But even then, Elain had chosen to stay in, keep herself away from anyone in the city, other than her sisters friends. It wasn’t until just over a year that Elain had moved out of her sisters place, and into an apartment of her own.

It had gone well, except for, well—

“You can't just leave. You live here.” Feyre had said, looking at Elain, shock, and a mix of pain and anger shining in her eyes.

“Yeah, actually, I can. I’m an adult, older than you, actually. I do have somewhere to go, the money I’ve gotten has been given as a down payment. The lease has been signed. I also got a job. Which is a five-minute walk, from my new apartment. So yes, I can leave, and I kind of have to now.” Elain responded looking into her sisters eyes. “Feyre—”

“You can’t be alone. You’ve never been alone! You don’t know how to live alone!” Feyre responded in a sharp, quick tone that took Elain off guard, so much so that she forgot what she was going to say, and fell back on a lie. She could always get away with lying to her sisters. The was the best at lying, simply because they had never expected her to lie. Never thought her able to lie. So the fact that the next phrase she said was both unplanned, and a lie, she knew she would be upset with herself later.

“I also want somewhere I can spend time with my boyfriend, that isn’t out in public, but also does not have my baby sister, or her husband for that matter, hovering like hawks.” Elain kindly shot back she kept kind, though there was a bite to her words, a warning bite. She’s still the older sister, even if she rarely pushes the fact.

“I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.” Feyre responded, backing down only the slightest amount.

“That’s been the whole point. Hovering like hawks. Besides, it’s not like I can bring him here when there's really no safe place in the house. You and Rhys can enjoy yourselves however you like, there's nothing wrong with what you guys do behind closed doors, or with no doors. Or even in the hallways. I would however like to be somewhere I can go pee at night, without having to keep an ear open, each step of the way to the washroom.” Elain responded, simply trying to lighten the mood, and tease lightheartedly.

Elain then smiled at her younger sister warmly. “I will get a cat, so I won’t be completely alone.” It was then that Elain had pulled her younger sister into a hug, knowing it would help calm the nerves that were building in both of them down.

That was just over a year ago, and Elain had been doing just fine, despite Feyre’s concerns before she had left. The way her sisters had such little faith in her living on her own stung, but she had proved them wrong, and she was on their own now and thriving.

She finally made it to their table, and as she was sitting down all she heard was “It’s not hot, and it’s not cold. But it’s still coffee.”

Elain then took a rather large sip of the coffee, deciding not to mention how the coffee was not the way she took it in the least, given how she had been the one who was late. Putting her cup down, Elain simply groaned. “Sometimes I really do wish I were an only child.” Elain exclaimed, before sighing deeply, and looking into her coffee.

“Well, ‘Hello’ to you too then,” Bitki responded sarcastically, looking towards Elain, a smile hidden behind her coffee cup.

“You’re one to talk. ‘It’s not hot, and it’s not cold. But it’s still coffee.’ Where was your hello?” Elain asked, lifting an eyebrow at her friend, which simply resulted in Bitki butting her cup down and smiling even more.

“Oh, yes. I do love how we can skip the pleasantries. There really is no time for them anyway.” Elains friend commented looking above her head. At what? She didn’t even think Bitki knew. “So why is it today you wish you were an only child? The last time you were thinking this was when you moved to your apartment when they wanted to meet Mr. Doesn’t-Exist. You are always so close with your sisters.”

Elain tried to hold back a sigh, she really did. But she did end up sighing before she responded to her friends question. “Yes. You’re right. Though while I found a solution to, Mr. Doesn’t-Exist, and found someone in a similar situation, so we formed a fake relationship.” Elain explained, ignoring the look Bitki was giving her. “And now, that they’ve met him and gotten to know him, they’re asking if they should plan time during this god-forsaken party for a proposal.” Elain finished, refusing to look at her friend knowing what she would say.

“I told you from the beginning Elain. It was and is a stupid idea. Things get messy, and now they’re messy. You’re going to have to tell him about this before your sisters attack him with these questions like they did you.” Bitki explained, looking at Elain seriously.

“Bee, please don’t. Not right now.” Elain simply sighed in response.

“Elain. If you want my support, you’ve got it. All the way. But I’m not going to just sit here and sugarcoat things and coddle you by saying it's all going to be okay when I have no way of knowing that. Saying that just to make you happy, docile? That’s the kind of shit you wanted to get away from. Them treating you like a child. And you lied about having a boyfriend when Feyre threw in your face her doubts that you could make it and survive on your own, without ever giving you the chance to do so.”

Bitki reached across the table to take Elains hand in her own. “I’ve never seen you do better though. You’re thriving on your own. Just, you should have rectified the lie right away. Instead of a fake relationship, you probably could have been in a real relationship with him. You guys went in with the mindset of fake, and it wasn’t smart. And it’s starting to blow up in both of your faces."

Elain looked across the table at her friend, feeling a thankful smile crossing her face. It wasn't forced in the least, but that didn't stop the smile from feeling that way. Forced, stale. Fake. Elain did not need to wonder why this was, the knowledge was as simple as that of how to breathe.

In the year of fake dating 'Mr. Doesn't-Exist' as her best friend so lovingly called this whole situation, called him, Elain couldn't help but develop real feelings. The situation had truly gotten messy, especially since she could tell 'Mr. Doesn't-Exist' was all about business, and making sure this relationship remained so. She reminded herself before and after every fake date. She never expected it to sting, and it did. It stung, like nothing She had ever felt before.

Elain was about to speak up in response to Bitki, when her phone had gone off. One glimpse at her screen, seeing her boss's name, had her heart sinking, knowing exactly how this conversation would go.

"I need to take this sorry." Elain said to Bitki, before looking down to answer her phone. "Hello, Mr. -"

"I thought I told you, I needed the floral arrangements first thing." Her boss spoke. So he was in one of those moods. This should be an exceedingly fun phone call for her then.

But, Elain didn't want to be pushed around, so she simply tried saying, as professionally, and gently as she could, "Well, since it's my first day off in two and a half weeks, I thought first thing meant fi -"

"First thing means 'First Thing the Following Morning.' Also, you don't get days off unless I tell you you get a day off. Get in here, you're late. That is two strikes already today alone Elain." And with that Elain heard the other side of the line go dead as her boss had hung up.

"I don't know why you continue to work for the asshole and put up with his bullshit." Bitki had asked, looking towards Elain with knowing eyes, before sipping her coffee still lounging in her chair.

"I continue to deal with him, because he was the most famous florist in the country, remember. When people would fly hundreds of miles for a single bouquet, and thank him for his attitude. He's someone I could really benefit learning from." Elain explained to her friend, exasperated after having this conversation many times.

"Yes. But he was also dropped by everyone for how he treated his ex-girlfriend when the news broke. No one respects him anymore except others like him." Bitki threw back, again with a knowing expression.

So, Bitki may be the only person to know that Elain used her family name to blackmail her boss into hiring her. But to become the new best florist, Elain had to learn from the best florist out there. Praised, or, as he now was, severely shunned. She felt awful about it, especially considering her sister didn't exactly know who she worked for. But one day she would make sure no one knew his name ever again.

Just as Elain was on her way to work, her phone made the pinging of a new message, so she went to check it after getting on the bus.

Don't bother coming in. A has better designs you could come up with anyway, and has the respect for the job to show up to work every day, on time.

- 9.47 AM

In fact, don't bother coming in anymore at all. Nothing you have to say can ruin me more than your ungrateful sister did.

- 9.48 AM

*** *** ***

As Elain was just getting back into her apartment, closing the door behind her, Renarde came padding over, rubbing up against her shins in greeting, with the usual purrs. Not having anything else to do, but going to put the few groceries away, Elain then picked up the attention-seeking cat who hadn't left her side since she walked in.

"Well Renarde, it seems we're going to have to look for a new job. The problem is, there weren't any florists hiring a year ago when I got that job. I'm sure there aren't any now. What are we going to do?" Elain asked her, otherwise clueless, cat.

"I don't want to go back to Feyre's, I'm not even whispered to start my own floral business. I just, don't know what to do. As soon as Feyre and Nesta find out, they're going to be all I just knew you weren't cut out to live on your own." Elain was starting to spiral and was not talking to her pet, but more so to herself.

"If they find out about this, and that I don't have plans for what to do now, they will for sure expect me to move back with Feyre. It's not like I can just expect them to believe that I will be moving in with-"

"Me?" Elain heard before the apartment door closed again.

Elain quickly turned around and was confronted by the man she had been developing real feelings for, in a fake relationship the past year. The man she met out of pure coincidence in a similar situation as her the year prior. Lucien Vanserra.

"You do realize this is a fake relationship, right?" Lucien had asked her, welcoming himself in, not that she minded. They were each used to it. Not knowing if there were others in the apartment who believed them together.

“Yes, I do,” Elain responded, looking over towards the man with his long red hair, falling loos today, rather than slicked back. She did know, all too well, and to hear it again, especially coming from Lucien cut rather deeply at her heart. Her true feelings were a closely guarded secret, that even Bitki was unaware of them. “It’s just been a hell of a day.”

Elain couldn’t help the soaring of her heart when hearing Luciens mock reply. “Elain May Archeron. I thought you a Lady. A proper Lady. Yet you speak such foul language.” Lucien had even moved a hand over his heart as though to accentuate his feigned shock.

“There are more layers to me than you may ever understand.” Elain replied, with a hint of a mischievous tone lacing through her voice.

“Alright, care to tell me about your day then? Even though the day is only half over.” Lucien asked sitting on the small couch on the other end from her and Renarde. Her cat, ever the traitor since Lucien started coming over, jumped out of her arms and hopped right onto his lap, curling up for a nap. The slight jealousy that Renarde could curl up with Lucien so freely, alongside the longing that Elain could do the same, had honestly shocked her when she had first realized it.

Pushing the feelings aside, Elain took a deep breath before deciding to explain the easier part first. “So, I was fired today,” Elain explained. “Because I didn’t show up on my day off. Bus Driver refused to accept my monthly bus pass, on two different occasions, even though I just got it last week. Oh, and I ran into my sisters this morning while getting Renarde food. They’re expecting a proposal at the party.” Elain explained. She knew she had to explain that last point, but also knew she did not want to explain it like that. It was too delicate a conversation.

“Proposals are very real, and very public. On top of that, marriages are even more real, and incredibly legal. Some places require a minimum amount of time married before you are even allowed to file for divorce.” Lucien said. Just like that, within a simple second, the conversation between them had grown tense. His voice was cold, growing an edge. “And to reiterate what I said before, this,” Lucien said, moving his pointer finger between the two of them, “Isn’t real. We are not dating. This is fake.”

And he was angry now as if she were using her sisters to try and push this past a fake relationship into something more. And what he had said, his words, speared through her heart, stating that even when they wouldn’t need each other anymore for this fake relationship, there would not be any chance to grow into something real.

“I know that Lucien. But they don’t. You’re family doesn’t. That is why we started this whole thing to start with. To get our families off our backs. I’m not a stupid little girl who doesn’t remember what we’re doing. You’re the one, you, even when no one is around and we’re alone, you keep up the act! You’re the one who seems to pretend this is real. The way you act, it's not the way someone acts when it’s just friends Lucien!” Elain knew she was projecting. She had no right to throw her feelings onto him, as though he were the one who was feeling them and not her. But the way his eye flashed at her words, and not in anger. It even seemed like his glass eye flashed as well.

Both standing by now, Lucien took a step back, and then another, and then another. “This whole thing between us, this whole fake thing between us? I think it’s time we ended it. It’s already gone on far too long. As you said, your sisters are already expecting a proposal.” Lucien stated before turning around finally and making to walk out.

“Lucien, wait!” Elain called after him, suddenly feeling bad for projecting onto him. But it was too late, he was already gone. She would assume he was already walking down the stairs, just to avoid her having to wait for the elevator. So Elain stood there, in her apartment, alone, save for Renarde. But it wasn’t long before even Renarde left her for his cat tree. But not before a sound of frustration at her, for making her favourite man leave so soon.

*** *** ***

It was the night of the party her sisters had planned for her birthday. Elain had not seen, nor heard from Lucien since the afternoon of their argument. Bitki had come by to help her get ready, and try to cheer Elain up, given what her sisters had hoped would have happened tonight.

Having been completely caught up, Bitki looked over to Elain in the mirror as she had been applying makeup, before pausing. "We don't have to go you know. It's a party for your birthday yes. But that doesn't mean you owe everyone an appearance. We can stay here, attack the ice cream you have hidden in the back of your freezer, and watch cheezy romcoms." Bitki had commented, concern written on her face, without even attempting to hide it, knowing how much Elain hated that.

Elain offered a small thankful smile. "Thank you, Bee. I appreciate that. But I do have to go. I have been avoiding my sisters since that day. It's time to explain to them what's happened." Elain said in response before the smile fell off her face entirely. "Oh, God. How the hell am I even going to begin doing that? They're going to t-"

"Elain." Bitki cut in, "Elain. You don't need to worry about that. When you are ready, the words will come to you. And I'll be right there, to tell them off if you need me to." Bitki reassured.

When the two of them got to Feyres house, Elain was shocked at how many people were there. She shouldn't be shocked though, as her brother-in-law was a very high-up politician, and he would probably use this to invite political allies over. At least her sisters planned and decorated with her in mind.

Elain was about to walk forward until, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a familiar head of hair. Long, red, tied back low, and formal.

"Bitki, you go ahead. Don't say anything yet. I'll catch up shortly." Elain told her friend, without taking her eyes off the man on the other side of the courtyard.

Vaguely aware of Bitki following her gaze, but not her friends shock, Bitki did nod, before walking up the stairs and into the manor.

Slowly, yet cautiously after their last conversation, Elain started making her way towards Lucien, wanting to know why he was here. Because if they were done, he would have no reason to show up, his only reason would have been her.

"Elain." Lucien sounded surprised as if he wasn't expecting to see her at her own party.

"I'm almost afraid to ask." Elain whispered. "You said we were done. Whatever we had was done." Even though she was whispering, they were still in public, and no one else was supposed to know it was all fake.

"Elain, can we go somewhere to talk?" Lucien asked, sounding, was hesitant with nerves in his voice? She could see the nerves in his real eye too. His glass eye, which he had got as a stupid teenage boy, doing stupid teenage boy things at fifteen, showed no emotion. But again, Elain swore she saw nerves in it as well.

"Follow me," Elain said, before walking to the secret lounging area in the gardens here she had made sure existed. She wouldn't look back to make sure Lucien was indeed following her. She couldn't, because she didn't know what she would do if he wasn't.

Sitting on the bench in the quiet private, closed-off garden, Elain was pleased to see that the red-haired man sat next to her. "What is it you need to talk about, that you wanted to do so in private? Plan a public break up, at my birthday party that my sisters worked so hard on?"

Lucien started at that, but he didn't look surprised as if realizing that was a fair expectation after how he left the last time they saw each other. "No, that isn't the reason at all."

"So what is the reason?" Elain asked, looking at some of the flowers.

Feyres new garden employee did not know how to properly take care of the flowers, even with explicit, simple instructions from Elain. Sure they looked watered, but they looked hungry as well. They weren't getting the nutrients, only water.

After a few moments of silently judging whoever was taking care of her gardens, Lucien spoke up. "You remember our teacher in grade five?" Lucien asked. "Yes he was horrible, and no one liked him. I know I hated him. But there was one small thing I was, and forever will be thankful to him for." Lucien commented, with a soft smile, as if the memory brought him joy.

Elain looked at him as if he had grown another head. She couldn't fathom why anyone would have a joyful memory from that year, with that teacher. Let alone want to thank him for anything. "Were you in a different class with a different teacher I don't know about?"

Elain watched, pain crushing her heart as Lucien couldn't help but laugh softly at her comment. "Nope, same class. Same teacher. Mr. Hybern was definitely the worst. But I was still thankful for his Makes-No-Sense-Assigned-Seating. Because that's when I met you, really met you, and started to get to know you. Every pair's project was with your desk partner, so I was with you. Lunch was with you, everything in that class was done with you." Lucien explained, not looking at her, not looking at the flowers, or anywhere around them. He was lost in the past. Flying through memories. Elain though continued to sit there, not wanting to say anything, seeing where this went.

"Grade four, I had the biggest crush on you. But because you and your sisters lived out of the city, and commuted in, I never had the chance to get to know you. Mr. Hybern made us desk partners, and I had the chance to get to know you, and my crush only deepened.

"When High School came, we were closer friends. You were my best friend, and I was still in love with you. But you had started dating Greysen, so I kept quiet. I was grateful to be your friend. It was breaking my heart to see you so happy with Greysen, who ended up playing you and breaking your heart.

"We weren't hanging out as much then. I'd made other friends, you were so wrapped up with Greysen, and you had also met Bitki." Lucien paused in speaking.

Elain knew something difficult was coming up, so she gently bumped her shoulder against his arm, and looked up at him. "Take your time."

"No, I need to continue, before I cower out." Lucien said. Shaking his head. He took a deep breath before continuing. "Then I met Tamlin. He was great, an amazing friend, at first. But he has this way, I mean, you know. Feyre has probably told you more than enough. So I slowly started dropping all my other friends, believing Tamlin was the only friend I needed. He made me believe that. Isolated me from my other friends. From you. Just around the time, Greysen broke up with you. This is around college now.

"It was the two of us. Tamlin and I. Tamlin loved the control he had. He would ridicule me if I spoke my opinion differing from his, or spoke out of turn when others were around. I'm shocked he wasn't as upset with me for the normal things when he started dating Feyre." Lucien kept his eyes closed as he talked about this whole part.

Another deep breath before he continued. "After Tamlin dropped me when Feyre publicly broke up with him, It broke something in me. I lost trust in everyone. I couldn't make new friends, I had lost all my old friends. Because I was still so deeply in love with you, I thought of you every day, but was too afraid to reach out to you then." Slowly, Lucien opened his eyes to look at Elain.

"It wasn't until a year after that, that I bumped into you, and you were in a situation of needing someone to pretend to be your boyfriend. I didn't need a fake girlfriend. But helping you? That was a perfect way back in with you." Lucien paused for half a second before continuing. "And you were even more beautiful than you were in college. So, still so deeply in love with you, fake dating you, well that was better than nothing."

"Lucien, I-" Elain started before Lucien barreled on.

"I'm incredibly sorry for misleading you. I'm sorry for the way I left things last month. But I thought you had known how I felt all these years, and you were just ridiculing me. I thought you were mocking me. I would love to still be friends again. So I bought you a promise ring, to promise that I will never try to toss you to the side again." Lucien stated, and opened his hand, showing her a delicate ring, with flowers, her favourite flowers, delicately decorating around the ring.

Elain gently picked the ring up, turning it around to get a better look at every detail. The ring felt as delicate as it looked. "Oh Lucien. You really didn't have to go through this trouble." Elain responded, looking up, seeing pain lace through his features.

"What I mean is..." What did Elain mean? How could she put her thoughts into words? How could she express to him that yes, growing up, she did view the two of them as friends, and no, she never knew how he felt. But over this past year, she had found that she had fallen in love with him as well.

"What I mean is," oh screw it. Elain thought, as she reached behind his head to pull it down in their sitting positions. She pulled his head down until their lips met, in What could only be described as a blunt, yet soft kiss for the ages, that melted the nervous mess that had been forming in her stomach, in her heart, in her mind over the past year.

The kiss remained soft, silent, yet it had said everything she needed to tell Lucien, and more so. It hadn't taken more than a second or two for Lucien to respond to her kiss, as Elain could feel him smiling against her lips.

While the moment may seem like any other normal kiss, Elain had never experienced this before. She was warming up, she didn't feel like she needed to breathe, though she knew she would need to soon. It felt like she was invincible. Just weeks ago, just days ago, Elain thought this would never happen, and here she sat kissing the man she had found herself falling in love with all through a fake relationship. She couldn't be happier if she tried.

The two of them never did make it to Elains birthday party, choosing to stay in the private gardens instead all night, just talking, or kissing.

*** *** ***

*** Five Years Later ***

*** *** ***

After that fateful party, Elain had gotten an earful from no less than three people. Bitki, for leaving her alone to deal with her tyrant sisters, and said tyrant sisters. But Elain really didn't seem to care much that night for getting the earfuls. She couldn't stop herself from telling Bitki what had happened, and while her friend was supportive, she also was cautious and extra protective of Elain around Lucien now.

But this was Elain's 29th Birthday, and there was no big party, Elain stopped any plans from brewing before they started. She planned it. A small get-together. That was it. Bitki, her sisters, all partners, herself, and Lucien.

She had planned everything, so she would not be surprised, as she had grown rather disapproving of surprises. But even with her meticulous planning, there was still time to fit a surprise in there, as she turned around to get the teacups ready before everyone had shown up, to find Lucien behind her, half kneeling.

"Elain May Archeron." Lucien started, looking up at her.

"Lucien, what are you doing?" Elain asked, a flurry of emotions rushing through her at once. "There aren't supposed to be surprises today."

But Lucien only smiled, ignoring her question and statement. "Elain May Archeron, you truly are the love of my life and have been since we were in elementary school. These past few years have been, a lot, to say the least, and since moving in together, there are few things left I can think to experience for the first time with you. With you, because you are the only one I want to experience them with." Lucien spoke, sounding the most honest, loving and nervous he ever had, including the night he had confessed his love.

Elain had not noticed, just too stunned, but when Lucien was opening the box, to reveal the ring, and continued to speak, she finally realized what was going on.

"So, Elain, my fairest lady. Would you do me the honours of experiencing everything life has to offer, with you by my side, and marry me?"

When had Elain started crying? Those were tears on her face right? They had to be, because she just felt one drop, landing on her collarbone.

"Oh Lucien, you know I don't like surprises! And there wasn't supposed to be any today. Today was scheduled to the minute. Now everything is off schedule, and it's your fault. But I don't care. Yes! Yes I will marry you!" Elain responded in earnest, her annoyance at the surprise, the schedule getting thrown off, and all the love she had in her heart.

Elain sat on Luciens leg just long enough to kiss him, a truly happy kiss. It would have lasted longer, if the front door hadn't opened as Bitki and her boyfriend walked in, calling out her hellos.

That fight about the two of them only being in a fake relationship, and how it would never move past had been long since forgiven and forgotten, but that fight had played a very crucial part in their relationship where it stood today.

*** E N D ***

Post Fic Authors Note.

So this may not have been exactly what the prompt asked for, sorry Anon asker, if you're even still here. BUT I did include the fake relationship bit, and an argument a short bit.

Anyways, I hope everyone likes this fic. It's the first bit of writing I've done in just about a year. Please don't hate on it too hard.

Glad to be back.

-Shae.