#even if it is shitty posters lmao

[pluto-sims]

goddddd i didnt even realise how much i missed making silly poster cc,,,,its so fun and relaxing but now im even MORE sad because i havent done it in ages and probably wont do more after this for another hot minute 😭😭

[chloelouygo]

I bought a linkin park cd today and my mum has already stolen it for her car-

[copajay]

how to write a love song

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

masterlist

taro has been heavy on my mind for the last 24 hours and i’ve always wanted to write a fake dating fic so here we are

summary: you have been a solo idol under SM for years now. unfortunately, you’ve seen a decline in your popularity in the last year. sm’s newest boy group, riize, on the other hand, is blowing up in korea and overseas. in an attempt to generate buzz around your upcoming album, your company sets you up in a PR relationship with riize’s shotaro. (not proofread)

date: 04/07/24

scenario themes: fake dating, idol!au, lowkey grumpy x sunshine lmao

idol: osaki shotaro of riize

concept: fluff, angst-ish

warnings: swearing

word count: 5.3k

"fucking hell." you curse to yourself, alone in your private studio. you were looking at the sales for your last mini album. this was the lowest number you've seen since your debut. flopping onto a chair, you opened up youtube to check your streams, then spotify, then naver, and so on and so forth.

you were beginning to become obsessive, looking to numbers for validation. you put your phone down, sighing. looking up at the wall in front of you, you were greeted with your debut poster.

you were so young, so passionate. you didn't care about streams or sales, you just wanted to share your art with the world. feeling a bit ungrateful, you began to gaslight yourself into feeling better: it's not like the figures were that low, and many artists would kill to have half of what you're complaining about.

it didn't work. you felt even more like shit. somewhere along the way you fell in love with stardom. you became used to high-end brand endorsements, sold-out stadiums, and paparazzi everywhere you go. life has changed a lot for you in the last year.

you got so caught up in everything that you haven't been able to produce as much music. and if you're being honest, the only music you have put out hasn't exactly been your best work.

you initially stood out since you were an idol who didn't dance or put on flashy performances but instead wrote and composed captivating songs with meaningful lyrics. this attracted the attention of a nation, and later on, you developed a global fanbase. a fanbase that is currently fighting for their lives to defend your shitty mini-album.

somewhere along the way, you lost your spark. your lyrics which used to be about raw emotion and life experiences now seemed out of touch and cliche. your instrumentals had so much care poured into them, with most of them containing your own playing of the guitar, piano, drums, and more. now, they were created electronically for the most part by multiple big-shot producers.

you followed the formula for success, so why weren't you reaping the benefits?

your phone screen lit up, notifying you of an email sent by your manager:

RE: Staff Meeting

Y/N,

The numbers aren't looking too good. We need another drop, and soon. We’re having a meeting and you can show us what you came up with so far. We brought in the PR team and they're going to share some ideas with us. The meeting's at 6, don't be late.

you glanced over at the clock. it was 4:44 p.m., which means you still have an hour and 16 minutes to come up with something to show your team.

no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't come up with anything. it used to come so easy to you. your love songs in particular were always so easy to write, and guaranteed hits at that.

unfortunately for you, being in love is nearly impossible when you're a full-time idol. between hectic schedules and invasive fans, you can't find the time or place to catch feelings for someone.

before you knew it, it was 5:50 and all you had done was mope about how hard it is to make music. packing your belongings, you headed out of the studio and made your way to the SM company building.

once seated at the meeting, you were greeted by your manager and the PR professionals he invited. "so, y/n. we're looking forward to hearing about any progress you might have made for the album." your manager encouraged, smiling at you.

"i... don't have anything," you admitted. the room was dead silent and you were holding yourself back from cringing at your own words. "I was hoping we could maybe just look at a couple of demos?"

"y/n, that's what we did last time, and it clearly isn't appealing to the fans. they want your music. we need the finished album from you by next month." your manager stressed.

"i know, i know. i'm working on it." you muttered. clearing his throat, your manager looked to the PR team, "since there's no new music for us to listen to, i guess you guys can take it from here."

"right, thank you." an unnamed woman in glasses began, "we were thinking of creating a fabricated relationship between miss l/n and another idol here at SM. his group is having a comeback around the same time you are."

you were about to protest before she cut you off, "the relationship doesn't have to go on for long, just until you release new music. it'll generate buzz and people will be more likely to tune in if they think your songs are about him. just consider it." she pleaded.

"who is it?" you questioned, still apprehensive. "shotaro from riize. the group is still recovering after a member of theirs has gone on hiatus following a scandal free seunghan until it's backwards. the two of you are close in age and he's been an idol for a few years now so he's perfect." she persuaded. you saw your manager nod in agreement in the corner of your eye.

"isn't dating as an idol a scandal in itself?" you argued. "yes, but you would generate more good exposure than bad. fans online have been talking about how good of a couple you would make for a while now." your manager butted in.

great. so you're not only going to get death threats from delusional fans but also affirm crazed shippers' beliefs. as badly as you wanted out, you really did need more attention on you as you were preparing to come back. besides, any publicity is good publicity, right?

"fine." you agreed begrudgingly. "wonderful! shotaro has also agreed, we'll have another meeting tomorrow at 10 a.m. with the two of you to go over everything." the lady exclaimed, clasping her hands together excitedly.

smiling politely, you excused yourself and left the room. your manager rushed after you, stopping you from leaving the building. "y/n, listen. I know this is all probably really uncomfortable, but I think it'll be good for you." he insisted.

good for streams, maybe. "i'll be fine. it's only a month, right?" you smiled. "right." he affirmed, patting you on the back before walking in the opposite direction.

once he was out of sight your smile immediately dropped. you made your way out the doors of the building preparing yourself for the lonely commute home.

despite being surrounded by fans and paparazzi constantly, you felt pretty lonely most of your days. you rarely had time to see your friends and family, and you didn't have any group members to share the burden of loneliness with.

making your way to the parking lot, you bumped into an energetic figure, causing your keys to drop. the two of you bent down at the same time and your heads collided. stepping back, you looked up at the stranger that had just made your already shit day even shittier.

he picked up your keys first before standing straight and looking back at you. laughing, he handed them over to you, apologizing for the inconvenience.

to your surprise, it was shotaro. the man you had to act like you were in love starting tomorrow. he had incredibly soft features and the brownest, biggest eyes that you could get lost in forever.

"hey, I recognize you!" he chirped, "I was told you would be at the meeting tomorrow for..." he trailed off, the air between you suddenly awkward.

"yeah." you added dryly. "well it was nice meeting you." you pushed past him. "nice meeting you as well!" he called out, enthusiastically waving.

he's so sweet it's sickening.

maybe you're being a bit of a bitch, but your life feels like it's falling apart. stepping into your car, you took a moment to breathe before starting it and heading home.

the next morning, you wanted nothing more than to rot in bed, but your annoyingly loud alarm reminded you of your impending meeting with shotaro. you didn't see the harm in getting a few more minutes of beauty sleep so you hit the snooze button and drifted back off.

unfortunately, those few minutes turned into an hour, and the next thing you know, you had twenty minutes until your meeting. panicking, you rush to wash your face and get dressed, sprinting down the stairs of your apartment.

once you're seated in the car, you're greeted with a blaring sign: empty tank. just your luck. you have under 10 minutes to get to the SM building and it's a twenty-minute walk from your place.

you checked the bus schedules frantically but none of them seemed to come in time. mentally cursing yourself, you began running in the direction of the company building.

there was no way you were going to make it in time. but this was better than nothing. after about 5 minutes of sprinting like your life depended on it, you saw a familiar face in a car waiting at a stoplight: shotaro.

you don't know how you managed to bump into him yet again but you couldn't really afford to care at this moment. knocking on the window lightly, you saw him look at you shocked.

he rolled down his window, "are you okay?" he asked, slightly freaked out. "i'm so sorry i promise i'll explain but could you please let me in because the light is about to turn green." you begged.

he stared at you shocked for a few seconds before you practically yelled at him to let you in. unlocking the doors, he watched you jump in. he definitely thought you were crazy.

and you couldn't blame him either. looking in the window, you saw your reflection for the first time since you left home: sweat beading on your forehead from running and your hair frizzy and half out of your bun.

while putting together your appearance as best as you could, he coughed loudly, "you said you were going to explain...?" he cautioned.

"right. I slept through my alarm, my car ran out of gas, and I was planning on booking it for the interview since there were no buses available either. oh, and sorry again for scaring you." you rattled on.

you expected him to react like most people if put in this situation: slightly annoyed but accepting of the situation.

he simply laughed. "well then I'm glad you ran into me!" he cheered with a genuine smile on his face. what the hell was his problem?

you knew idols would put on cheery, cute personas for the camera, but you never met someone so honestly enthusiastic. you would be lying if you said it wasn't refreshing, but it felt too good to be true.

you arrived at the building within a matter of minutes. "thank you, once again." you turned to shotaro once the two of you reached the elevator. "no worries." he smiled.

you’d be lying if you said he wasn’t extremely handsome, and his kind demeanor made him even more attractive.

you caught yourself staring at him intensely, suddenly feeling nervous in the cramped elevator alone with him.

he kept trying to make conversation but you were completely zoned out, only being able to focus on how good he looked in his oversized black sweater.

your eyes kept nervously flitting between him and the elevator door, and you were beginning to sweat. has he always been this hot?

after what felt like an eternity, the elevator door opened and you practically sprinted out, making a beeline for the conference room. never have you been more relieved to see a room full of PR professionals.

you and shotaro sat down a safe distance away from each other. you’re not sure what overcame you in the elevator.

you haven’t had any romance in your life for so long that every little thing gets you flustered, including being alone in a small space with a good looking man.

“thank you both for coming today.” the same woman from yesterday greeted. “if you don’t mind, we’d like to walk you through the month-long plan of your ‘relationship’” she shared, using quotation marks.

“firstly, we want the two of you to be spotted out together. going to cafe’s, the movies, even just for a walk. hold hands, hug, kiss if you feel like it.” you couldn’t help but look at shotaro for the last bit and you were shocked to see he was already looking at you.

“we’ll call on paparazzi and companies like dispatch to ‘catch you in the act’ and post your photos online for people to catch on.” she continued, nodding at a man next to her.

“then we’re going to make an official announcement on behalf of the company that you two are officially dating. you know, ‘the pair are getting to know each other and we would appreciate your privacy bla bla bla’” the man said, far less professionally.

“right. you two will continue your outings for another week or so after and then you come back, and we will make a statement on behalf of the company that you have broken up to focus on your schedules. how does that sound?” the lady wrapped up.

“sounds good to me.” shotaro replied coolly. “yeah, um, sounds good.” you sputtered, a bit overwhelmed.

suddenly, you heard a loud ping on the woman’s phone. she looked down and looked up again between you and shotaro, “well, it looks like you two have already set the plan into motion.” she chuckled.

looking closer at her phone, you saw an online article showing pictures from just an hour ago of you in shotaro’s car titled “y/n and shotaro: potential lovebirds?”

what the hell? how did those photos get out so fast… and when were they even taken?

although you were growing increasingly anxious about your lack of privacy, you had to admit the PR team knew what they were talking about, people were going insane over the article.

“since you’ve already been spotted together today, you might as well go on a ‘date’ later in the afternoon to seal the deal.” an older man opposite you added in air quotes.

you and shotaro simply nodded in agreement and before you knew it, the meeting was coming to a close.

grabbing your bag, you prepared to speed-walk out of the room and avoid shotaro until your inevitable ‘date’ but he seemed to have other plans.

“wait up, y/n!” he hollered, catching up to you. “i know we’re kind of being forced to hang out, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy each other’s company!” he began, “what’s your favorite coffee shop? mine’s-”

“look i appreciate you trying to make light of the situation, but this is just a marketing strategy, nothing more and nothing less.” you cut him off, “let’s just go to the bakery across the street, make lovey dovey eyes at each other, and go our separate ways, yeah?”

his smile faded a bit which made you feel guilty, but he recovered quickly and nodded, following you out the company building.

once you arrived at the bakery, you tried to seem as interested as possible in whatever shotaro was talking about, but your brain was still foggy from the hectic morning you had.

“anyways, what about you?” the singer excitedly asked, “…what about me?” you repeated through gritted teeth, forcing a smile in case any cameras were on you.

“i was asking if you started preparing for your new album.” he smiled. “oh. um, yeah.” you shrugged, avoiding eye contact.

“you know i’m a big fan of your music,” shotaro started, “i loved your debut album, i listen to at least one song from it every day.” he shared shyly.

well great. now you felt even more bad for being so unnecessarily rude to him. softening your demeanor, you replied with “thanks… i really liked ‘get a guitar’, too.”

his eyes lit up upon you mentioning his track, which you took as a sign to continue, “but i can never get the dance quite right.” you added, grinning.

“i can always teach you!” he beamed.

“that would be nice-”

“oh my GOD, is that shotaro?” a stranger gasped, causing both your and shotaro’s heads to snap in opposite directions.

even though you were technically trying to get caught, old idol habits die hard. dating scandals are every idol’s biggest fear: an entire dedicated fanbase turning on you just for experiencing romance? true nightmare fuel.

“and i think that’s y/n with him! why are they here together?” another stranger spoke up. you and shotaro swiftly picked up your belongings and left, worried you’d attract more attention.

“i’ll-um-see you, bye.” you mumbled with your head down as shotaro gave you a small thumbs up underneath the table.

the two of you set off in different directions and you began dreading the long walk home. you were wearing a mask and a beanie, which meant your chances of getting recognized were pretty low, but they definitely weren’t zero.

however, you loved walking through seoul, especially this time of year. the weather was nice, and the streets were bustling. you used to love brainstorming song lyrics and melodies during walks.

deciding to take advantage of your situation, you racked your brain for any potential lyrics.

nothing.

how could you have lost all your creativity? did your songwriting talent just disappear? how would you get it back?

doubts filled your mind as you realized you were already halfway home and failed to come up with a single verse.

maybe you were lacking inspiration. your life was filled with romantic endeavors prior to your debut, which filled your mind with several ideas for new songs.

but you seemed to have forgotten all of them, and as cheesy as it sounds, you might have forgotten how it feels to be in love as well.

nearing your apartment, you felt a vibration in your pocket. taking out your phone, you opened up an email from your manager:

Re: Dating News

Hello Y/N,

Seems like your bakery date is already going viral on SNS. A pair of fans spotted you two and uploaded a photo of you sitting at a table together. Keep up the good work.

[1 Attachment]

clicking on the attachment, you saw a screenshot of a tweet exclaiming ‘RIIZE SHOTARO AND Y/N L/N ON A DATE???’ with a picture of the two of you smiling and sitting across from each other at a table.

it freaked you out how happy the two of you looked in the photo, almost like a real couple.

shutting off your phone, you couldn’t help but smile as you entered your apartment, maybe shotaro was starting to grow on you.

in the next few weeks, you and shotaro would go on several public outings, getting spotted almost immediately.

before you knew it the two of you were the hottest topic in k-pop, headlining several media outlet articles and trending on social media.

you would periodically receive correspondence from your manager and PR team praising you for how well you were pulling the stunt off.

although you wouldn’t admit it, you were really starting to enjoy shotaro’s company as well. the two of you began texting until late hours at night and planning ‘dates’ without instruction from your team.

you’d be lying if you said you weren’t starting to feel a bit attached to him but you reminded yourself that this was simply a work thing. besides, it’s not like he’s interested anyway… right?

you couldn’t read shotaro at all. he always had a sweet smile plastered on his face and seemed excited about everything and anything.

weirdly, you felt your writing ability start to come back slowly as well.. but it obviously has nothing to do with shotaro!

it’s just a coincidence that you draw on your memories of him to come up with lyrics; that you describe his mannerisms to a T in your potential choruses and scribble about how he makes you feel in your notebook on your off-days.

yup! definitely just a coincidence.

“y’know i used to love these growing up,” shotaro shared as the two of you stood at a street food stall indulging in dango.

“you must miss japan a lot, huh?” you asked, staring at the side of his face. his expression faltered slightly.

“of course i do, but i’m glad i chased after my dreams. it sounds cliché but it paid off. i get to do what i love, even if i’m hundreds of miles away from home.” he replied softly.

you don’t know what it was, but in that moment you wanted nothing more than to kiss him. you stared at his lips for a few moments before he caught on.

“do i have something on my face..?” he questioned, raising a finger to wipe his mouth.

you leaned in, centimeters away from touching your lips with his when he stepped back.

shit. way to go, y/n.

“sorry, i just- i don’t think we should…” he stammered,

“no, i’m sorry. i don’t know what came over me. we-i should go.” you said awkwardly, biting your lip.

you headed off before he could reply, mentally cursing at the world and wanting to crawl into a hole and die.

how could you let your guard down like that and embarrass yourself?

that night, you didn’t receive a single text from him like you usually do, so you tried reaching out.

no response.

every time you contacted him afterwards or tried to set up another ‘date’ he would flake last minute or respond dryly until he full-on ghosted you.

you stopped heading out together and your manager seemed content with it as you had already generated enough anticipation for your comeback.

the next time you saw him would be at a company meeting, discussing the end of your ‘relationship’.

you zoned out the entire meeting, barely hearing anything coming out of anyone’s mouth. you focused on trying not to look at shotaro and keeping your thoughts preoccupied so you felt less embarrassed just being in his presence.

your manager briefed you on the contents of the meeting afterwards, sharing that all you had to do was release a joint statement that confirmed you were now broken up.

“it’s easy enough, you mostly leave it to the social media managers. just send them your virtual signature and be sure to post it on your instagram as soon as possible. got it?” the man asked.

you nodded wordlessly with your head still in the clouds. for the first time in a long time your mind was filled with new ideas for lyrics, ranging from lovestruck to heartbroken to enraged.

you opted to walk home that day, even taking the longer route, furiously typing in your notes app and recording several voice notes on the way. you must’ve looked insane to everyone else around you but you didn’t care.

if you couldn’t get your mind off shotaro, you’d at least make it work in your favor. that night, you wrote an impressive 10 drafts of different songs, staying up until late and getting up early the next morning to head to the studio.

you drowned yourself in your work, hoping you’d forget about the boy whose presence was still all around you in both your thoughts and lyrics.

eventually, you refined and recorded all 10 songs, ready to release them in your new album.

shortly before your album announcement, you posted your official ‘breakup’ statement, feeling empty as you tapped on your screen.

you never would’ve predicted the somewhat annoying and yet incredibly charming guy that you were forced into a relationship with would haunt you this much.

you even found yourself looking through old posts and articles about the two of you, reminiscing on your time as a fake couple.

it stung knowing it was completely one-sided, and it stung even more knowing you could’ve still had him as a friend if you didn’t stupidly act on impulse.

you saw him here and there entering and leaving the SM building and the two of you would share a polite smile and bow before rushing off.

the response to your breakup announcement was unprecedented, and the amount of people heartbroken for the both of you took you by surprise.

riizeandrealize: ‘love isn’t real after all 💔💔’

y/n4eva: ‘at least we know the new album is gonna hit’

y/ntaro: ‘NOOO MY PARENTS’

tarosho28: ‘awww… so that means shotaro’s single again? 😁’

scrolling through the comments absentmindedly, one in specific caught your attention:

user1129399: ‘she always seemed more into him than he did. he’s probably the one that broke it off’

you felt hot with rage, what does a stupid netizen on the internet know? and why is their comment making you so upset?

maybe because they were partially right. you obviously were more into him or he would’ve been more receptive to your humiliating attempt at a kiss.

your album was set to come out in a week and you had a set track list recorded and ready.

and yet, you felt compelled to add one more song.

you went to work immediately, writing so fast your words were barely legible but you could read it perfectly fine.

you wrote as intensely and specifically as you could about everything—from your first encounter to your last. you tried to keep your other songs vague enough to avoid any suspicion on shotaro’s part about the subject of the lyrics, but you didn’t care anymore.

you were in love with osaki shotaro and you needed to express it in the only way you know how.

“are you insane?” your manager’s voice boomed over the line.

“it’s already recorded, and i have the backing vocals done too. i just need one more day to get the production team together and it’ll be done and ready to add to the album.” you pleaded.

“fine.” he sighed, “this better be worth it.”

“it will be.” at this point you weren’t sure if you were assuring him or yourself.

this was your most personal and emotional piece of work yet, and you were worried shitless about what response it would receive.

luckily for you, it did amazing on the charts and with your fans. in fact, your fanbase almost doubled in size and you were experiencing even more success than you were already.

unluckily for you, you still felt like shit.

your life felt empty without shotaro in it and no amount of fans, cameras, or praise could fill that void.

as you were preparing to go out onto stage for a music show, you ran into a familiar figure heading out of the green room.

of course it was none other than the one person you have been thinking about nonstop for the past month, wrote an entire album about, and the same guy who probably cringes every time he hears it play on the radio.

you gave him a polite smile before rushing towards the hair and makeup room.

“wait. y/n, can we talk real quick?” he began nervously.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfu-

“y/n?” he repeated, snapping you back to reality.

“yes. of course.” you responded, trying to sound as collected as possible.

“i-uh listened to your new album. it’s amazing. i loved track 11 the most.” he smiled softly, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

of course you liked that track, it’s obviously about you.

“thanks! is that all?” you rushed, preparing to sprint away at any moment.

“no! honestly, i wanted to apologize for the way things ended.” he confessed,

you knew how this was going to end. he was going to give you some bullshit excuse for ghosting you instead of just telling you he wasn’t interested and waste 5 minutes of your time.

but you don’t have 5 minutes to waste. you need to get up on stage and sing about how bad he hurt you.

pathetic, but at least you’re self aware.

“save it. i know you don’t feel the same way and that’s fine. but you could’ve at least told me. you didn��t have to shut me out, I thought we were friends at the very least.” you exploded, suddenly feeling a burst of adrenaline.

“but y/n-”

“and i’m not in the mood for excuses. you had a month to think of a good excuse but i guess there just isn’t one. you know i just hope you can take this experience and learn to never do this to some other girl because-”

“y/n you’re not listening to me.”

“why should i? you didn’t bother listening to me when i called you all those times. and about track 11, yes it’s about you. the whole fucking album is about you and i bet you already knew that-”

your petty rant was cut short when you felt something press gently against your lips… but he definitely wasn’t kissing you.

oh my god. did he just physically shush me? he carefully removed his finger from it’s place in front of your now-closed lips.

“did you just shush me?! have you lost your damn mind-” you began again,

“y/n!” he practically yelled, now gaining the attention from several staff members.

“i know what i did was shitty and I’m sorry. you’re right, i shouldn’t have ghosted you. but it’s not because i didn’t feel the same way. i’ve loved you for a while now.”

your jaw dropped, along with several eavesdropper’s jaws throughout the now dead-silent hallway.

“i was scared that you didn’t see me in that way but when i found out that you did… i panicked. i was too scared to tell you how i felt and i know i’m an idiot for it.” he looked down. “i’m not going to beg you to take me back or anything, but can we at least go back to the way we were? friends?”

“y/n, you need to get to hair and makeup NOW! you’re running out of time before your performance!” a staff member called out before you could respond, dragging you away.

well great. now you have to pretend everything’s alright and sing a little song on stage when your whole world has been flipped upside down.

as you sat in the makeup chair, you pondered over what would happen if you did agree to start over with shotaro, would you be happy?

before you knew it, you were on stage facing a crowd full of people staring right at you. you usually wouldn’t mind, you’re an idol after all. but the whole situation was just overstimulating you.

luckily the backtrack began playing before you could overthink and you were able to escape from reality for a few minutes to sing and perform.

you missed this feeling. you missed staying up writing, listening proudly to your new music you poured your heart into, and giving your all on stage every performance.

at the end of your song, the crowd erupted into cheers. you looked onto all the banners with your name and face plastered onto them gratefully.

whether you liked it or not, shotaro brought your spark back. yes it caused you immense pain and suffering, but it also gave you moments of joy, including the one you were experiencing right now.

once you wrapped up, you headed backstage, surprised to see shotaro standing by the monitor. was he watching your performance?

“i made up my mind.” you announced, walking up to him.

“are you sure you don’t need more time?” he asked, nervous.

“you’re a dumbass for what you did,” you started, noting how his face fell, “but i’d be an even bigger dumbass to pretend i don’t want to be with you.”

the contagious smile you’re used to seeing slowly reappeared on his face, causing you to slowly smile as well before you quickly corrected yourself.

“but… i want a proper apology. maybe you could give me one at the bakery tomorrow morning?” you mused.

“it’s a date.” he responded warmly.

[euphoricfilter]

For the drabble game could you write fluff with youtuber bf jk ? I am not creative so I couldn’t think of a sentence sorry😭 but maybe he does one of those 24hr streams, I love your writing!

youtuber boyfriend! kook headcanons:

tags/ warnings: none. just a lot of fluff and feelings <3

notes: when i got sent this idea ages ago i got so excited. and i wrote three fics for it but hated them all and then made sure they were to never see the light of day. so my solution is to write some cute boyfriend headcanons instead to make up for it!! simply because i absolutely love this idea and i need to write anything for it to sate the need within me.

notes 2: this got slightly longer than i’d intended LMAO sorry 🕺

𓇻 i feel like jungkook’s channel has a plethora of videos, though he specializes in gaming.

𓇻 its probably one of his biggest passions. though i do see him dabbling in commentary, or even review type videos. maybe he’s a bit of a collector as well and goes on hour long rants about rare items or hauls of what he purchased over the years.

𓇻 i see the both of you probably meeting at one of those second-hand game and film stores.

𓇻 maybe you’re just milling around. more content to browse the movies than the games because you only own an old console (something cute like a nintendo DS) but they don’t really sell the game cards commercially anymore

𓇻 and jungkook loses track of why he was even there in the first place when he spots you. slowly scooting towards the corner you’re in.

𓇻 jungkook might not exactly believe in love at first sight, finds it a little hard to imagine loving someone so soon. but he definitely believes in destiny, even fate. and some small part of his mind had convinced him that surely this was just that.

𓇻 he’d be a bit shy about trying to approach you, mouth opening only for nothing to come out because what was he supposed to say? and maybe he accidentally startles you, offering to pay for the few dvds you had hugged to your chest as a lame sort of compensation

𓇻 he’d be the one to ask for your number, he’d be the first to text. you’d tell him later on it’s because you didn’t want to come off too head-strong. worried you’d scare him off messaging only hours after meeting. and then he’d tell you he had worried about the same thing

𓇻 jungkook wouldn’t straight out tell his audience he’d gotten into a relationship. it’s not that he was embarrassed about you, quite the opposite; he’d love to flaunt you to the world. it’s just he’d worry about the reaction from fans.

𓇻 he’d have a pretty hefty audience, a well established one even. and he wasn’t blind to the mean comments that would occasionally show up beneath videos or social media posts. he, himself, never found much issue in dealing with them, on occasion he’d get a little down but he knew that really he put himself up for this. he chose to show his face online, and with that would come some backlash. however, that didn’t mean he wasn’t worried about you or how shitty comments would effect your well being.

𓇻 definitely the “in a relationship but it’s private” sort of photos would slowly creep their way onto his IG posts. maybe of little date nights— candles on the table with a dinner you’d cooked together (2 glasses, 2 plates and 2 sets of cutlery), or your favorite cake he’d tried to bake himself with the lego flowers he’d spent the previous evening trying to make (because at least you could look at the lego ones forever and they wouldn’t die). or maybe even your hand snuck in a photo or simply your silhouette beneath a sunset.

𓇻 maybe a few of your own collectible items had made their way onto the shelf in his studio. an obvious beanbag in the corner (you’d often sit there and read as he went through emails or scripted videos). valentines cards that he’d never thought to take down, or posters of yours that never exactly fit in the bedroom

𓇻 it would become apparent that he was in a long-term relationship when he’d film a moving video. so much of your stuff mingled with his own, split seconds of the shared rooms he’d add to the video before showing his audience his new office space. the extra shoes and cute little additions to his home; soft cushions on the couch, ceramics you’d begged him to buy. your hoard of plushies that took up half the bed or the stupid amount of skin care products stacked up in the bathroom. all a sure way of telling his fans that he was serious about you, even if they had no idea of your name or face

𓇻 maybe with enough comments he’d make a little announcement at the end of a video.

𓇻 “i know you’ve all probably guessed by now, but i am in fact, in a relationship”

𓇻 and then proceeded to talk about you for 7 minutes because really he wanted everyone to know how much he loved you. and truthfully he never knew when to shut up when it came to you, not when you were what’s on his mind most of the time. he’d tell them how you’d met, and how he had been absolutely enamored by you almost instantly. he’d show everyone the matching bracelets you’d made. grinning as he showed off the receipt he’d kept in his wallet from your first date together at a small cafe in town, mentioning how he kept a baby photo of you in the back of his phone too.

𓇻 the first time you’d show up in a video, he’d plan for the both of you to do some crafts together one afternoon. a hobby you’d been trying over the last couple of weeks, and jungkook liked to indulge you. loved to watch you sprawled across the floor of an evening with glue coating your fingers and way too much glitter imbedded in the carpet.

𓇻 he’d have been worried at first. asking you over and over if it was truly okay for you to be on camera, and after your reassured him with a kiss, he’d settle down slightly. though his anxiety had still clung to him, eyes flitting your way throughout the afternoon

𓇻 he could tell how shy you’d been, and had reassured you that really you didn’t even need to address the audience. he’d do all the silly little things you giggled at him for. and all you had to do was sit there and be pretty for him. you’d been a lot quieter than usual; itching to give him a kiss each time he was just so awfully jungkook. eyes like those of galaxies when he got something right, or the happiest smile on his face when you asked him for help

𓇻 the day he did a 24 hour charity stream would be when his audience sees you the most. milling around the house, making sure your boyfriend was fed and watered. maybe even sitting down and reading the chat when he wanted to shower. or answering questions while perched on his lap. he’d want to smother you with even more love when you’d catch his eye— a silent question if you were doing okay, that you answered all the questions correct. and he’d squeeze your thigh in reassurance, head resting over your shoulder as he listened to your voice, humming to let you know he was still listening

𓇻 you’d startle him at 4am, a little pouty that you’d had to fall asleep alone. dragging a chair from the kitchen to sit on as you watch him play a game you’d never seen before.

𓇻 “go back to bed, baby” he’d coo, “you’ll fall asleep sitting up and get a bad back”

𓇻 and maybe after that he’s a lot more open to showing you on camera. filming you on beaches, eating cakes and ice creams from a million different restaurants or dancing around hotel rooms or sitting on the balcony with the sun warming your skin when he takes you on holiday. short films dedicated to you with your favorite songs playing in the background

𓇻 maybe he even makes a playlist on his youtube channel, titled “my love” for every video that he includes you in

𓇻 idk just very much in love boyfriend kook who wants the world to love you almost as much as he does (because in all honesty, no one would ever love you more than he does)

[sageistri]

ngl can't wait for MUSE era to be over dawg it's like FACE era again with the shitty company and mass hate train but without the success to back it up 😒

I was one of the only people to not want another album so soon and while he was away because I just knew it was going to be rough

Y'all are so weird lmao. This is such a terrible thing to say as a fan and I've taken to ignoring asks like these since the song dropped but I'm replying to you so you see this and read what you sent again.

And I also hate how this isn't even about you not liking the songs but rather about how there's no "success" to make supporting him palatable to you. "Success" for an album that hasn't even dropped?

And I'm tired of arguing with people who are saying they are pjms over how successful sgmb is or not. Because how did we go from expecting that it might not do well and even thinking it was going to be YouTube only to now expecting it to perform better than other songs that got more promo.

There was no poster or teaser, it was so bad that even these chart accounts had nothing to post about the song. And trying to compare the performance of set me free pt2 that was jimins FIRST debut release to anything is insane because if smfpt2 was marketed the way sgmb was, it would have performed worse.

Also I already said that the success of any solo song from bts from here on out would be determined by the replay value and how much the song resonates with listeners. And obviously sgmb didn't do that on top of not getting anything the first week so in my opinion it still did great for a song that appears to be largely carried by fans alone.

I've said it that y'all should keep your doom and gloom posts about charts to yourselves.

Also y'all did the Same thing during face era and acted like jimin was flopping until like crazy and the album dropped because smfpt2's performance wasn't good enough for y'all so let's not rewrite history.

Anyways kpop pre-releases aren't successful 9 times out of 10 unless it later picks up because people like the song like aespa's supernova or you have a big fandom to support. Pre-releases only work when it's released as regular singles before the album like western artists do, a move that has been employed by hybe for jk and yg for blackpink.

When who drops and it's a song that people like, it'll do well. But if not then we probably will be having this discussion again so you better get ready to unstan him if "success" is the only thing that makes everything palatable.

And I'm not having these thoughts at all because I can think and see why things happen the way they do.

One of the problem with pjms too is the fact that y'all always go into releases with insane expectations and then get mad when they don't happen. Like you know the circumstances surrounding these releases, heard the songs (ctt and sgmb) realise what it actually entails(that they're obviously geared towards the fandom and wasn't meant to be too serious of a release), know that ok this doesn't appear to be for the gp and they might not resonate with it, also that the song has no promo and still expect the song to be a hit by a miracle because its what you want to happen.

[ineffabildaddy]

Hi sam! since the new year is approaching rapidly, i wanted to ask my favorite creators (that includes you! your fics and your posts delight me) how they look back on their 2023 tumblr year and which blogs made them happy to be here. i am very happy to follow you and hope you'll have a great 2024! 💘

hi!!! thank you so so much for this, a few months ago i couldn't even imagine being so active in the tumblr community again, let alone anyone's favourite anything!!!!

i've been very fortunate to receive the warmest of welcomes back to tumblr after a 7-year absence, and i've received so much support for my writing (and my shitposts lol) that this whole experience of finally joining the good omens fandom has genuinely given me a newfound confidence in my creative self, and in myself as a whole💙

in terms of the blogs that make me happy to be here... they are many!!! i shall put the rest of this post under the cut

@raining-stars-somewhere-else thank you for being my first go friend and now one of my closest buddies!!! i can't wait for us to finally write that fic together (lol) and for us to get up to some irl london shenanigans at some point✨ ur hilarious and kind and so correct about literally everything and i love u. literally everyone needs to read ur posts bc they're so well-thought out and unique. also your fics are really moving and human (even though they're about crowley and aziraphalekldfjgjl) and i adore them

@sad-chaos-goblin we literally just Get Each Other, same brain and all, and i absolutely love it!!! i couldn't ask for a better horny consultant bc after all it is Our Pornography™. you're also just an extremely understanding, open and lovely person, not to mention very fun and exciting to be friends with hehe. ur headcanons are so fucking interesting (and sometimes sad, how dare u do this to me) and i'm looking forward to hearing more when u eventually get round to writing all those fics you've got ideas for<3

@foolishlovers i'm really really happy we've got to know each other better over the past couple weeks!!!!! your xmas fic is one of my absolute favourite fics ever and i'm in awe with your skill and craft, i hope to write something as well-rounded and enjoyable as that someday<3 also you're one of my favourite posters, so fucking funny and u just make points left right and centre. i hope we can share our writing and our thoughts about life in general more in 2024!!!

@crowleyslvt i'm very happy i barged my way into your dms to be horny on main bc i definitely wouldn't've explored half the things i've explored in my writing if not for our discussions and your encouragement!!! i absolutely love talking writing and sexy headcanons with you, but above that i love that i'm now mates with such a talented, considerate, hilarious kiwi lad. i am honoured to be one of the little guys in ur phone who gets to hype up u as an exceedingly great porn writer but also as a legend in general

@voluptatiscausa no one understands my feralness for michael sheen like you do. i can go batshit insane in the dms over ms and dt with u and that space is important to me dlgkljdgldfjgl. i'm really glad i started reading ur writing this year bc it's very enjoyable, but it's also healing for me as a person who's [whispers] a traumatised and cripplingly shy person in terms of sex lmao. thank you for bestowing it upon ao3, and by extension, upon me!!!! also tho, you're a really nurturing and interesting friend to have, not to mention a Very Cool one so continue to be that pls and thanks

@bowtiepastabitch i've felt very honoured to hear about parts of your life as you share them with me - Knowing The Lore is so important to me and i'm humbled that you've trusted me with some of the stuff that's been happening in your world<3 on another note, your fanart may be quick but it's never shitty, it's always so expressive and fun and gets my brain Thinking Thoughts. i can't express how wonderful it was when you made a wee bit of fanart for one of my fics, and i hope i continue to see ur creativity shine✨

thank you to my favourite blogs for Existing Throughout 2023 (some of whom i know i can call friends, and the rest of whom i'd like to call friends in the future!!!) @sabotage-on-mercury @crowleys-bentley-and-plants @ineffableigh @celestialcrowley @queer-reader-07 @crowleyraejepsens @teddybearbutchh @crowleyholmes @ineffable-rohese @createserenity @quoththemaiden @procrastiel @sentientsky @genderqueer-hippie @beelzzzebub @lineffability @fellshish @greenthena @brainwormcity @opscuritas @tangerine-ginger @iammyownproblematicfave @crikey01 @crawley-fell @vroomvroomwee @bildads-shoes @shoemakerobstetrician @romansmartini @wraithee

i know i'll have forgotten people so i'll add em as i remember em hehehehe

[jrooc]

✨ Weekly Tag Wednesday ✨

Thanks for the tags @mybrainismelted @heymrspatel @creepkinginc @deedala @energievie @darlingian I'm having a bad mental health day and reading through your responses is bringing me a lot of joy ❤️

Name: Jess

Age: A Nosho and a half

First Pet? My dog Chelsea

First Word? Absolutely no idea. It was probably something sarcastic.

First Celebrity Crush? Jonathan Taylor Thomas (JTT!), followed quickly by Leo and Joshua Jackson. Ahh the days of Tiger Beat posters.

First IRL Crush? Gary, he did not know I existed. BUT he grew up to be even more handsome so no shame.

First kiss? Ryan (I think his name was Ryan? I can picture his bleached hair. It was an awful kiss.)

First Car? A white Jeep Cherokee Laredo with pink and teal stripes fondly called the 'Super Jeep' by everyone in my class

First apartment/house/dorm/whatever away from your parents? A truly horrible basement apartment my sister found me in Montreal. The vibes were NOT vibing.

First time on a plane? I was very lucky and travelled a lot from a little age

First cellphone? Ummmm some shitty LG probably?

First concert? Sheryl Crow came through my tiny town for reasons I don't understand

First Foreign country you visited? England or Hawaii (guess that's 'Merica), can't remember

First sport you ever played? Cycling at 28. I did not sports before that, I read books like the dork I am 🤓

First career aspiration? A writer

And finally… tell me about the first time you wrote/drew/created/whatever something that made you think "wow": Hmmm never really been proud of my writing until now. I used to write I was just well aware it was awful. Or it was like a press release and there was nothing 'wow' about it.

Proving once again I cannot do one word answers lmao

Tagging you wonderful humans. No pressure, just saying hi! @gallapiech @mickeysgaymom @francesrose3 @sandrashaine @ninjacrowworld @sgtmickeyslaughter @gardenerian @stocious @transmurderbug @transmickey @tv-obssessions @ms-moonlight-inn @rayrayor @samantitheos @blue-disco-lights @sluttygallavich @batty4steddie @such-a-barbarian @gallavichsuperfan @guinguin1984 @doshiart @spookygingerr @ifallonblackdays @bellezabelize @callivich @look-i-love-u @krysmiss @palepinkgoat

[woodchipp]

Looks like the OMORI subbreddit found me lmao. I was notified of it by an ask that seems to have disappeared (Tumblr being Tumblr, ig), so I'm including a screenshot of the ask here for posterity

Whether or not Omori's judgements are grounded in reality, they don't mean Sunny should kill himself.

I didn't say that. In fact, I wanted to emphasize how absurd it is that Sunny's irrational and suicidal self-loathing makes this much sense.

The game's failure to provide solid evidence against the arguments Omori makes is a fault of the writing itself, not Sunny.

His arc is about him coming to grip with what he has done, not where he grows to be a good person. Sunny being a good friend or something isn't really important to whether he should live or die.

We don’t really get to see if Sunny really changes beyond getting the words alone out. Because that’s not the point of the game. The entirety of the game’s narrative is about finding the courage to take the first step toward real healing; it is about the act of grasping what is real, to face in the direction of reality and therefore pain, suffering, and loss, but also happiness, growth, and change. But we only get to see the initial act of facing in that direction. And that’s what makes the game so powerful, is that it explores a process that is often so overlooked or seen as just a vehicle to a different, better story. But as the saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. What we see is the first step, and barely that.

Why should I be invested in said arc if the game gives me no reason to root for him? That literally was the point of the post the OP linked.

Sunny feeling bad for the shitty thing he did just isn't worth getting invested into. It's a start, sure, but if he takes a roughly 25 hr game just to muster up the courage to confess to a crime, and he does so only for his own peace of mind, why should I want him to reach his peace of mind in the first place?

Mind you, this is not the same as "I want Sunny to kill himself." What I'm saying is "OMORI wants me to care about Sunny, but doesn't put in the effort to give him any sort of personality, so why should I care about whether he kills himself or not?"

I actually agree with the OG post on the claim that Sunny is an extremely passive character [...] it’s incredibly frustrating to watch, which is kinda the whole point.

"which is kinda the whole point" Never heard that one before.

I understand the point just fine. In this case, my issue is that the point is conveyed very poorly.

Sunny has lost the ability to externally express himself, and doesn’t know what to do.

He doesn't know what to do, but he can run circles around his bestie while the latter's having a breakdown just fine! weeeeeeeee

Or so it would seem. The entire point of Headspace, as far as narrative function goes, is to demonstrate that Sunny in fact is taking very active internal steps to enact real change

Source?

Headspace was literally constructed to prevent any sort of change. it isn't shown significantly changing over the course of the game either.

Whether you believe spirit Mari or the backstage trio of Kel, Aubrey, and Hero were real or just a manifestation of Sunny’s mind,

The Backstage trio definitely isn't real, though.

they nevertheless demonstrate a significant overhaul taking place within Sunny and therefore a significant amount of character development!

Source? Any examples?

What is that even supposed to mean? What, should I consider Omori randomly seeing whatever that black-and-white apparition of Mari is supposed to be at North Lake solid character development?

I've previously explained why Headspace doesn't really matter much and why Backstage makes no sense story-wise, but it seems like I'll have to reiterate.

I'm not going to care about Sunny just because of what he thinks or says (and he doesn't even say much lol). What defines you are your actions. Sure, Sunny can say he'll miss his friends and dream about them all he wants, but if his love for them isn't backed up by what he does over the course of the game, I won't be inclined to believe in it.

Likewise, Backstage doesn't demonstrate character development to me. It's just Sunny shoving words of comfort he wants to hear at the moment into his friends' mouths, which is what Headspace was. The only thing that's different is the sprites.

What's the point of having your character trying to kick an addiction and framing said addiction as a bad thing only to have the character indulge in that addiction once again and frame it as a good thing at the end of the story?

By the way, I love that the comment's rebuttal to my first gripe - that Sunny doesn't do anything in real life that counts as actual character development - is basically "he changes on the inside!", which misses the point that he doesn't do anything substantial in real life. peak

The tragic irony of it all was that a depiction of someone suffering terribly was criticized for not being a “model” depiction of said suffering - as though there’s some kind of standard unit of measurement for that. I think in similar fashion, Sunny takes a lot of heat by players precisely because his situation is so extreme.

I love when people make no attempt to actually engage with what I'm trying to say and instead create an entirely different argument in their head because it'd be easier to argue against.

I'm not criticizing Sunny because his situation is extreme. I just don't like him because the game doesn't give you much of a reason to and because his actions towards the people we're supposed to see as his closest friends throughout the story paint him as very unpleasant at best. That's all there is to it.

Also, I've never seen The Whale. Looking it up on TVTropes, though...

lol. lmao, even. rofl, if you will

Let’s be honest here: even if you struggle with some kind of mental health issue, you probably won’t - hopefully won’t - really be able to understand what Sunny is experiencing. That doesn’t make for a very relatable character!

Yes, because I've never committed manslaughter.

I'm not one to measure how good a character is by whether they're relatable or not. In fact, I despise the notion that a character must be relatable in order to be well-written. However, in this case, I need to ask - if Sunny isn't supposed to be relatable, what is he supposed to be? Again, why should I care about him?

Unlike Charlie, who is apparently nice to people even when they treat him like dirt, Sunny doesn't have any notable character traits besides his mental illness. We're repeatedly told he's nice and supportive, but he's never shown doing anything substantial for his friends other than being "the baby of the group" before Mari's death, nor do we see him trying to be supportive to them after it.

Sunny makes no indication that his friends must accept his apology or that he expects their forgiveness,

but the secret ending shows that he did in fact forgive himself.

And everyone he hurt by letting them believe in Basil's lie are glossed over, but hey, who gives a shit about these people, right?

Aubrey’s reaction and her pushing Basil into the lake is a great example of this; a very similar scenario plays out, only potential tragedy is avoided. Does that still make Aubrey a killer? Is she solely to blame for the push, even if it was fully intentional?

"Is she solely to blame for the push, even if it was fully intentional?" Yes. What kind of question is this?

What about her upbringing

"Her upbringing" can only excuse so much. At some point, a Freudian Excuse stops being an excuse, and Aubrey pushing Basil into the lake was that point. The game doesn't bother delving into her upbringing much either, so, again, why should I care?

and, not nearly mentioned as much, Basil’s own continued choice to keep the truth hidden and allow people like Aubrey to remain in unnecessary pain and suffering?

Aubrey didn't even know the truth when she attacked Basil, though. She just flipped out at him for no reason.

It's easy for the player to grow attached to the main character because they're playing as them. Summing up Sunny's character traits as, in the critique's own words, "#relatable traits," is unbelievably disingenuous. Sunny isn't just "depressed and quiet." He is a traumatised child who is borderline neurotic and suicidal.

Okay. Aside from him being traumatized and being the protagonist, why should I care about him? These are not enough.

Trauma does not constitute one's personality - it informs it. I've said as such in the post the OP linked, and yet everyone seems to omit it in their rebuttals to my arguments. Convenient!

Sunny obviously cares about being forgiven by his friends, that's kind of the reason why he lied in the first place?

Oh yeah, he cares!

In the sense that he was more concerned with losing his friends' love than what they might think and/or feel about the truth, which is why he went along with Basil's lie. He cares only in terms of how it affects him.

It's more so... you know, that Omori was wrong and that Sunny's friends will forgive him and love him regardless? 

...The whole point of the true ending is that there is no definitive answer to whether they forgive him or not.

I'm kind of starting to doubt whether the people lambasting me for not understanding the game actually understand it themselves.

Oh, but of course

It’s not that Sunny didn’t go through a “legitimate character arc”; it’s that he went through an unconventional character arc

that post calls sunny an empty husk of a character yet refuses to analyze him or read into any of his actions beyond complete surface level and instead opts to demonize him at every opportunity. complete media literacy failure in understanding show don't tell. wild.

Anyone who can spend 70% of a game in the depths of a single character's complex, ever-changing psyche and then say that character is a husk concerns me

His development is certainly nuanced, but to say it’s nonexistent you would have to play with a blindfold. 

If I'm being honest, the more OMORI fans insist on the writing being too Unconventional™/Nuanced™/Complex™/Symbolic™ for people to understand and that everyone who has problems with it is lacking media literacy, the less believable and more obnoxiously pretentious they sound.

Also the words of encouragement Sunny receives during the Omori boss fight are all in-line with the characterisation of his friends and the overall narrative of the game, something the author of that critique happily omits.

That... wasn't even the problem I was talking about?

"There's just a problem with this, though - Sunny's friends offered him their support without the knowledge of how Mari actually died. They were convinced that Sunny is struggling with Mari's suicide, not that he's wrestling with well-earned guilt over committing manslaughter. We don't know whether they would've supported him all the same if they knew the truth, and the game doesn't provide an answer either since the group's reactions to Sunny's confession are left ambiguous." "Simply put, Sunny is twisting his friends' words, taking them out of context to make himself feel better. The support Sunny received is built on a lie."

I don't think anyone in that comment thread took the time to actually read my post. Unsurprising.

”Every character in Omori is an empty husk, because I’ve never played the game!”

I've seen this refrain pretty frequently. The funniest thing about this is that I was a fan of the game myself until I scrutinized its writing a tad closer than I used to and consequently realized how dogshit it is.

Well, whatever. I've said what I wanted to say.

[sanderssideswriting]

ok. i've never really mentioned this somewhere and i will try to get screenshots as soon as i can to tell you that i am not bullshitting this but.

when the tss patreon first became a thing i was. so excited. mostly because i thought that the idea of a writer's room would be fun (Oh how wrong I was..) and being able to contribute to faster higher quality content (LMAO!!!!!!!!) but also because of the janus t-shirt. i wanted that goddamn t-shirt so bad.

so i did it! became a patreon for about.. a year? i think? roman level due to me wanting that t-shirt which is. actually just a little ugly (i've never really thought the merch design was actually nice looking though, ppl just want their smth of their fave side which is fair enough, ykno? christmas sweaters are kind of ok tho) BUT ANYWAYS janus is my fave and i wanted smth and i thought: "hey! cool! i can support my fave creator, get extra content (again lmao) AND get smth of my fave side??? DEAL 🤝

months pass

got the message that i was one of the first people to sign up and that i would be getting the t-shirt! GREAT 😃👍

got a forum to sign with my size, adress, name and whatever else and yay janus merch very soon!

right?

see ppl starting to get their t-shirts and i hadn't yet but that's fair cause i live in a completely different country and a completely different continent even.

2 months pass by

i thought at least that i would be getting the shipping information by now but.. nothing. so i go and message the patreon, and VERY nicely may i add, asking them if it's gotten shipped yet. get a message back from them that was basically them sending me an e-mail and for me to message them instead because they were the ones with the actual merch..

huh that's kind of weird.. couldn't you do that?

whatever. i send a mail to the email i was given and got the response that the tss crew are the ones who are supposed to be doing that. message their patreon again and they give me the e-mail again. i go back and do the same thing. get the same response from that e-mail again. go back to their patreon and... no reply? huh.

this thing goes on for month.

in the end i came out of the whole ordeal with no poster or stickers i was promised, no janus merch and basically no extra content.

and i lost around $320.

i never raised a fuss, i still supported him and his crew and in the end i was the only one who lost.

my respect for him and his crew got so much lower after that but still i watch his content, still i love his characters (or at least what they used to be), never have i mentioned this cause i don't want to sound like someone having a tantrum over a goddamn t-shirt and also cause his fanbase would probably kill me if i told them that their precious tommy and his crew fucked me over.

but i am so tired of this shit and seeing his fanbase complain about ppl being critical of that patreon and him + his crew is driving me MAD!!!!!

ok wow phew ty for letting me get that out

love your tumblr and all you critters in general <3

Oh wow that’s shitty. I looked it up just to see how much the roman tier is now and it’s the second most expensive one at $50 currently. Not sure if it was then but that’s a lot if money per month.

Most egregous is not sending you that shirt. Maybe there was an issue with shipping since you’re in a different country but you should’ve been told there were issues instead of being sent around in circles.

I am going to take this with a grain of salt though as there are no screenshots and I don’t want to just take it as fact. But yeah, shitty situation and like usual it all goes back to Thomas and co needing to be more transparent especially to people directly paying them.

[thedeathdeelers]

what is your take on bobby? like, the easy answer is obviously "he stole luke's songs and never looked back" but i doubt that's the WHOLE story? either way he did a shitty thing, but i'm curious as to your thoughts on him

hello!

hmmm tbh most of the time i don’t have any thoughts on bobby- i just forget he exists since he isn’t a member of the core 4 - julie luke reggie and alex (though that’s funny to say since he is a big part of the plot ie stole luke’s music and gave us a glimpse into what kind of person luke is, not wanting to be forgotten and erased by time and using his music to make sure he’s remembered but then you get bobby literally wiping his name off every song he ever wrote and having him be forgotten..ANYWAY TANGENT)

imma base all of this on show canon- i don’t really consider any of the books that came out after as “true” canon cause they weren’t kenny and the writers etc but ye; my mini disclaimer

so i am aware that bobby was a teenager who had lost 3 of his band members and friends in one go. it must’ve been traumatising, esp right before a huge gig that would’ve changed their lives forever.

but grief….thats never an excuse to be a shithead. bobby knew how much music meant to luke; to the boys and sunset curve in general. he knew the struggles luke was going through at home — heck he was there when they practiced unsaid emily!!! even if he wasn’t close to luke (though there’s debate about this again due to the non-canon ‘canon’ books that he was the closest to luke but it doesn’t make sense since they straight up forgot about bobby until well into the plot) bobby being there to witness that song is huge! he knew that much about luke!!

and i know there’s the argument of “but he was just a kid the companies took advantage of him!!” lmao no. that’s not an excuse. unless he was desperate to get famous he could’ve just…not done that. and let’s say he was bullied by the big bad music execs. man is obviously a rockstar in his own right now and could’ve easily either unearthed a “long lost song” and dedicated it to his bandmates or said it was written by luke or SOMETHING (which still wouldn’t have absolved him of his shitty actions but at least we’d know he has a conscience)

he obviously just rose to fame as Trevor with luke’s music skills and kept riding that wave — so no matter whether he had moments where he felt guilty or constantly thought about his dead friends…..he’s still a pretty shitty person as far as canon is concerned. the show ended with him just being like “oh shit” cause well. he might finally get caught lol

(also the way his entire house is decorated with massive posters of his face and the way he is with carrie and the kind of person he raised…..doesn’t say great things about him as an adult either. just a narcissist)

but ye…..these are my “i don’t have many thoughts about bobby” thoughts…,,,,,,…,,;

[pluto-sims]

Follower Gift - Rootin' Tootin' Posters and Smells Like Teen Spirit Posters

well i did NOT see this coming but here i am with some cc???? so uhm! i recently reached 10k followers which???? was ridiculously unexpected, especially as i have been pretty much MIA these last few months. i sadly still dont have time to be active on here, or to make much cc, which makes me beyond sad but i really wanted to at least make SOMETHING for you all even if its just some small wall art cc. simblr, and getting into making cc, has given me so much joy over the years, and given me motivation and a community when life has been really shitty, so.....yeah, thank you all so much for enriching my life! i could go on, but i'll stop now before i write a very overly dramatic essay.

anyway, here's two sets of simlish posters as a small token of my appreciation. details under the cut! love you all >:)

@maxismatchccworld @emilyccfinds @mmfinds @mmoutfitters

Rootin Tootin' Posters

BGC

16 swatches featuring icons from the Horse Ranch pack, simlish text, and colourful backgrounds

Custom thumbnail, correct colour tags

Smells Like Teen Spirit Posters

BGC

27 swatches featuring icons from the High School Years pack, simlish text, and colourful backgrounds

Custom thumbnail, correct colour tags

aaaaaaand i? think that's it? i am so out of practice of doing this lmao. anyway, it was genuinley so much fun to make some cc again, i really and truly miss it SO much and even just this lil bit was so enjoyable. i hope you all like them! and thanks once again to everyone, you're all awesome and im so thankful to have met so many kind, talented and creative people in my time on here!

Download: Curseforge / Patreon (both 100% free to everyone, always.)

(p.s thank you to those who tested this!!!! its been a Hot Minute since ive made cc and i feel so rusty so the extra check was really reassuring)

[putterphubase]

this was the best scene thus far i am gonna go ahead and put that out there first

the way the entire world faded out around them to the point they didn't even notice the taxi pulled up until the driver had to say something

but also the way that jaewon seems so comfortable doing this type of thing where he fixes/helps jihyun pull his backpack up and PULLS (not lightly either) jihyun closer to him just to what??? stare into his eyes???

he seems somewhat comfortable initiating this but as soon as things get "too real" he seems to get overwhelmed. when jihyun was helping him draw and moved closer to jaewon he had to back away from the situation and make an excuse to get jihyun to go away for a second. this is one of the only times jihyun has initiated this type of contact himself also, other than maybe ep. 1 where he passes the lighter.

(which we saw how jaewon just stood there stunned for a while lmao) i think it's worth noting that maybe jaewon feels more in control even though it's kinda like he almost can't help himself but initiate this type of thing but also when jihyun kinda shows interest on his part jaewon is like hey woah woah woah..........like you can see the world fading away from him in his eyes when these moments happen or when he looks at jihyun.

it seems like jaewon has this own little world with jihyun like in this moment, he basically completely forgets the world is moving around them and other people exist. it's not like he's the character saying "oh but people will see us." he doesn't even seem to consider that really, because they're not even there? which goes back to how jaewon has these superficial relationships with people around him in his daily life.

then he gets snatched back, like it is a visible difference and moment when he gets pulled back into reality. and that is when he starts to pull himself back and kinda push jihyun away even. i would say most of jaewon's pressures seem internal because of all this, even though his "friends" definitely contribute to it. i don't think most of whatever is going on with him is about his friends or outsiders though because i don't think jaewon is even considering them at all? i don't mean in a selfish way. i talked about this briefly in the tags of the great post by this scholarly poster where jaewon always contradicts himself. because he is not being real with anyone including himself at the times we have seen him because that is his entire character and will be his character arc. pretty much everything i said in the tags was confirmed by these eps where he talks to the surf club president who seems to be his only friend he can be somewhat himself with and his therapist.

i mean that as frustrating as it is to watch jaewon's friends be shitty people......jaewon knows that too. but with jihyun we are seeing him put some type of effort into a relationship whereas the friendships he has... although it may be hard for him to be with jihyun because of whatever internal battles he has, it is probably harder for a character like jaewon to confront that everything else in his life is superficial and he's just been going along with it.

one, to confront that makes it real. if you just let it happen then it's whatever. but to tell someone to stop treating you badly even when you know they won't because the friendship isn't real, it's easier just to leave it as is. but also his character literally says it's his flaw, that he doesn't speak up or show his real self. but he also says that it is exhausting living like that so i suspect he's gonna blow up eventually. honestly when he confronted his friend in the bathroom i was like dang hope he bashes his head in the sink weak hero class style

jaewon even started his relationship with jihyun like this too. everything was oh i'm a senior that will be your friend, call me when you don't even have my number....he's stuck between this performance and persona he has vs real genuine interest in someone. when it gets in that grey area in between his persona (especially when he's around others) and how he really feels and what he really wants these contradictions occur. it's easier to play things off in jest too than admit something is real to you. he probably doesn't even know how to navigate that honestly, when he's been playing this part and just letting things happen to and around him. (he also says that the military was an escape for him since he didn't have to deal with all this). i wonder if his relationship with his ex was a performance as well. just to be "normal" amongst his friends and peers, but who knows.

i am willing to bet the closest we get to jaewon's "real" self is when he is with jihyun and even then it is only glimpses so far. that and when he is truly alone like we saw in the early eps but those moments are few and far between. i am glad he is in therapy lol because that seems like a lot for jihyun but also for jaewon too. i am also willing to bet that this will be a central conflict/plot point when jaewon stops performing and loses pretty much everything he has. and who stays will be who truly cares for him and confronting that is scary as hell. either that or something will happen with the friend or his ex where he will be forced to (probably his relationship with jihyun but at this point everything is fake around him except his relationship with the surf president, but even with her i don't know if he thinks he can be completely honest), and he's gonna react badly and i can't blame him

[toxic-mothers-tourney]

Round 1: Match 2

Odalia Blight (The Owl House) vs. Marisa Coulter (His Dark Materials)

Odalia Blight

- She's literally guilt tripped and tried to control every aspect her kids lives as well forced one of them to dye her hair so it was the same as hers - Consistently put her own children in danger for the sake of money. Tried to kill her daughter’s girlfriend. Emotionally abused her husband by threatening to harm their kids if he didn’t do what she asked. Gets her daughter’s friends expelled from school because her daughter messed up a product launch. Terrible mom. - cringe - read more here

Marisa Coulter

CW: nonconsensual medical experimentation, child death - she is intensely manipulative, even managing to leverage some influence over the goddamn church at times. she weaponizes her maternal relationship with her daughter in an effort to control her, and uses “mother’s love” as a way to justify her actions. notable shitty moments include sending magic spy drones after her daughter, torturing enemies for information on the whereabouts of her daughter, drugging her daughter into sleep for weeks to “keep her safe,” and kidnapping/overseeing experiments on other children that involve severing their connection to their souls. - Oh she’s terrible and so complicated. No qualms about doing evils to lots of children (luring poor children off the street to be kidnapped for a soul-splitting experiment that was likely to result in their deaths) But when she realizes the same thing is about to happen to her own child she snaps and stops the experiment. Her daughter hates her. She loves her daughter terribly but knows she is (rightly) hated. She’s allied with the evil church, not because of her beliefs but because the church is politically super powerful. Her daughter comes into her care later in the books and she drops everything to go hide away in the mountains with her daughter to keep her safe. But she also keeps her daughter drugged with a sleeping potion because she knows if her daughter wakes up she will run away. She loves her daughter but it’s in such an absolutely toxic way. I think she should win this whole bracket. - read more here

mod notes: mrs. coulter terrified me as a kid. also 'she’s fine with her daughter being a lesbian…just as long as her gf’s not on wanted posters' that is so lan qiren of her. lmao.

[unagidevi]

WHIMSICAL DREAMSWAP FACTS REVISED (whs ds for short) + long post

-Nightmare goes by Nightmare, Man of the Moon, Man IN the moon and Akli. He doesn’t care what you call him as long as it’s something along the stars and moon.

-Nightmare helps people, or well, better should say- monsters like Blue to escape the JR and to have safety.

-Nightmare is based on a crow, despite looking like an elf he has wings that hide under his cloak for the most part so usually he can get away with being in villages if the wanted posters aren’t plastered around.

-Nightmare and Error work together to help others and their emotions to be a little better after the JR attack, like now they are working with Blue.

-Nightmare loves spicy foods, but he also likes savory food. He also tends to test the limits of his cooking and has Cross eat it for him as the test subject.

 (Cross does not mind, and actually enjoys it even if it’s really bad)

-Nightmare can play the ukulele and the violin, he tried to learn bass but he wasn’t very good at it and he didn’t have any space to keep the one he rented for a little while.

-Nightmares' pet raven, Kevin, has many different names that are all joking. Kevin doesn’t mind, besides, at least he’s being called michael myers for stalking them outside the house.

-Sometimes Kevin escapes the house, not like Nightmare minds, but Kevin ALWAYS comes back in the end.

-His cloak is usually draped over his shoulders but sometimes he uses it to catch his balance or mock one of his friends in a joking manner. (He also has a spare cloak that has slits for his wings to be free so he can fly around, which isn’t often.)

-Nightmare is NOT a careful person physically, he is emotionally but he is always getting hurt here, there, everywhere.

-If you asked Nightmares favorite food he’d probably say Salad mostly because of the tomatoes and how much dressing he puts on it.

-Nightmare doesn’t really exercise his wings much because if he’s in the sky he can easily be found by the JR, instead he walks like a normal person.

-Nightmare and Cross are best friends, they helped each other through the littlest stuff and are easy to talk to.

-Nightmare does his best to keep the monsters alive he’s met past and present, he doesn’t wish a horrible fate upon the JR either. He just wishes they could fix what they have done to the creatures.

-The apple incident was more of a, ‘i don’t wanna be friends with you anymore so i’m gonna be petty and turn everyone against you’ type thing. Kinda like elementary playground dramas, but thats like how unhinged i’d put it cuz it’s really childish (lmao)

-Nightmare likes playing chess and card games, the video gamer is Cross. Nightmare has a small limited edition glass chess board that he hides and puts up so it doesn’t break

—-

-not keeping the stupid harpich idea where they were harpies sooo… Dream is now an Horned Barn Owl! I thought it worked better since the old idea was some shitty harpy concept that didn’t go very well.

-Dream is very formal, but there are times when the act breaks and he just talks out-of-character.

-Dream is usually very warm, he doesn’t need many layers but he wears it anyways in the JR. He does have some casual, normal outfits but he just wears the checkered one in the JR.

-Dream has a really poor sense of fashion, so sometimes Ink chooses outfits for him (even if Dream doesn’t like it very much.)

-Dreams Justice Reigns is actually called Valor Affiliation, so it’s VA instead but for this I’ll refer to it as both.

-Dream is aware of Ani here, but Ani is just a traveling trader with a giant turtle friend. (in the works still!)

-Dream still adores kids, monsters or elves, doesn’t matter- he thinks they are all equal.

-Dream doesn’t mean to harm the monsters around him as he is a monster himself, but he does it anyway by accident.

-Dream plays a little bit of the harp, but he did it in the past and isn’t very good at it now.

-Dream does his best to treat VA like human beings instead of co-workers or servants because oh my god the amount of DS Dream ‘i’m a bad guy’ i see is going to make me go feral- excuse me.

-Dream has a ton of trust in Ink even if Ink is a little bit suspicious and mischievous. (ink does not care, he likes the power.)

-Dreams favorite foods vary every other week, so he just decided what he likes that week.

—-

-Cross is an albino raccoon, and genuinely a sweetheart.

-Cross cannot draw for shit, so when asked to draw his feelings out it’s mindless scribbles or things/stories he’s heard from others to put on paper.

-Finders keepers man, fuck off.

-The fridge is always stocked because of him (error buys groceries from monster shops), he’s always getting into food but he always asks permission beforehand.

-His nails can come out sharp, or dull, it’s a personal thing that comes with his species and a sign of protection.

-Cross is always washing the food so Error and him can cook together. They do the best work together, but if one is cooking (cross is not allowed to cook alone because where’s all the ingredients going to go?) It's probably just Error.

-Cross has minor anger issues, sometimes they get in the way of his friendship with the trio but other than that he’s able to manage it!

-Cross (sometimes) digs in the trash if he’s looking for something he lost, mostly because he has a tendency to throw stuff away that shouldn’t be thrown away.

-Cross used to ‘collect’ (he stole it) jewelry and set them on a stand in his bedroom, however Night found out and he had to return most of it. He kept a few cherry picked.

 (he doesn’t even wear jewelry…)

-Cross uses make-up to put the circles in his design on his face, as most of his markings are under his outfit instead of somewhere on his face.

-He plays an alto flute, and usually it attracts raccoons in the area who sit and watch. Sometimes he has leftovers to give to them to share!

-Instead of multiplayer games (he’s really bad at that), he plays singleplayer games. His favorites are something like stardew valley and the sims 3.

—-

-Error is in the insect category with Blue, he’s based on a yellow garden spider.

-Errors very insecure of his fangs, which aren’t poisonous but can do major damage. He has problems with them, and worries people will hate him.

 (Cross and Nightmare always stick around to cheer him up!)

-Spiders are more afraid of you than you are of them.

-Error cannot stand smoke, it makes him cough really bad. He’s extremely sensitive to it and it tends to make it hard to breathe for quite awhile.

-Error still has haphephobia.

-Error likes coffee still, but he’s very particular about it and what it’s in it. (two sugar, one cream)

-Error can hypnotize other people, but he really doesn’t use that power because he doesn’t want to harm anyone or anything.

-Error loves the little spiders that appear in the winter in the Meme Squads base, it makes him feel welcome.

-Error can speak to other spiders through chittering (he doesn’t do this often, he usually just speaks normally to them)

-Error can play a little bit of the ukulele and a little bit of the kazoo, he has more experience with the ukulele though thanks to Nightmare.

-Error has a problem with overthinking, but his friends always reassure him that everything will be okay.

-Error is usually really helpful when it comes to helping monsters attacked by the JR as he was attacked by the JR previously, and saved by Nightmare (not blue).

—--

-Blue is a moth creature, again, insect category. He’s genuinely skittish after what happened with Ink.

-Blue is extremely flexible, the only problem he has is his wings when doing such things because they help him balance.

-Blue still does yoga, instead he does private classes so that he can help them. That and it’s mostly monsters he helps, but sometimes elves come in.

  (He doesn’t want any conflict.)

-Upon first meeting Cross and Error, they were like ‘wtf why’d you bring this person home they don’t seem very injured’ but they soon realized what happened, and where he was damaged at so they welcomed him into their home (they would’ve anyway, but, yknow)

-Blue doesn’t really do weapons, or fighting. After what happened with Ink he kinda gave up fighting and meeting people, kind of shutting himself off from the world. The meme squad is helping him open up though!

-By what happened with Ink is that Ink ‘befriended’ Blue, and when Blue got most comfortable and vulnerable he pulled out a small dagger he carries around and sliced part of his wings and damaged his eye. Now he is unable to fly and his eye is blinded with a nasty scar in the place.

-Blue is a very skittish being, he is very afraid and is always trying to listen in to whats going on around him so he knows what is going on and not to fear.

-Most of Blues trust is in Nightmare, but luckily there is some in Error and Cross

 (Error is a little more than Cross, but that doesn’t really matter.)

-Blue is a very non-picky eater, there's just specific stuff he doesn’t like: doesn’t mean he won’t eat it.

 “He asked for no pickles”

 “It’s okay-”

-As mentioned before, Blue never saved Error: it was Nightmare who had done so: they don’t have any previous bonds before said meeting present-time.

-Sometimes he wears cloaks, but most of the time he just wears his citizen design because he now lives in a monster-only town ran by Nightmare.

—-

-Inks nickname is Swindler, or The Man with a Sharp Tongue

-Inks not a stupid hybrid elf thingy. He’s a Western Rat Snake, I did my best to incorporate that into his design but we’ll see how you guys like it instead.

-His civilian design is usually used outside of the JR that way he isn’t painted as a citizen inside his workplace.

-Ink is not a good guy in Whimsical Dreamswap, he has alternative motives that Dream does. He actually means to harm.

-Ink genuinely does not care what you think of him, just what your actions are.

-Ink likes to nitpick workers every now and again just to irritate them and get on their nerves. Finch is so used to this it isn’t so surprising to him so he jokes around about it.

-Ink likes to do leatherworking and crafting as a hobby, nothing much more than that but he genuinely likes creating things out of work.

 (work kinda bums him out)

-His weapon is usually a tiny dagger that he keeps in a boot or on his belt, used to hurt or collect: either or.

-Ink has little trust in Dream and just wants the power place, he’s power hungry but he doesn’t make it obvious.

-He considers Dream a friend though, so he won’t force his way to the top.

-Inks not very sensitive to hearing, but it is enhanced. Same thing with smell.

-Probably the only OTHER creature besides Dream in the JR.

—-

-Finches name is different in this AU, it’s Lorcan Ruth or just Ruth works (Lori works as well, he doesn’t care.)

-Finch is a forest elf, and is very loyal to his job.

-Finch was previously saved by Ink, but instead Dream took the role of taking care of him as Ink didn’t do a very good job.

-Finch is the same age as Ink, there’s no doubt about that.

-Finch likes the quiet, he does his best work when it’s quiet and no one else is focused on what he’s doing.

-He’s not very close with Dream, but more close with Ink in a playful/teasing manner. Sometimes they throw joking insults at each other, but they do appreciate both of their presences in the same room.

-Captain uniform is different from Officer, Chef and Janitor.

-Finch made the coat, which isn’t part of the VA uniform, with Ink because they needed a bonding lesson and Dream offered to give them an idea.

-Finch is loyal no matter what, even if he knows what the JR is doing is very wrong, he just does his best to do things differently than everyone else would.

-Finch sometimes smokes a pipe, mostly because it’s stressful to do the job he’s doing but Ink knows and sometimes smokes with him so he’s not alone.

 (sometimes other guards join in.)

-Finch is very respectful and respects boundaries, he doesn’t see the monsters as threats.

-He’s very good at communication, sometimes he uses that speciality to get the guards to lay off attacking the Monsters for a little bit. It works most of the time.

—-

-Randy is a female, and a mom in this instead! I will be referring to Randy as Rana, this way it’s easier to understand.

-Rana is a coyote, for the most part she's very helpful and adoring.

-Her oldest designs she was created by a stupid wheel challenge because I didn’t know what to do, now she is fully developed.

-She usually wears rags, that way she can’t be pointed out very easily.

-Rana has a southern accent, sometimes it influences Bobby and Hacker.

-Rana cares more about the people around her than herself, hence the outfits Bobby and Hacker have and then you have hers.

-Rana has two outfits I draw her in! A Dress and one more cloak like.

-Ranas cooking is one of the best, she works as a cook in a monster restaurant in a separate town.

-Rana has very bad paranoia, but she doesn’t let it control her.

-Rana once had a lover, that lover is unknown and long gone. By long gone, I mean dead.

—-

-Hacker is both male, female, and non-binary. She’s all of it.

-Hacker is a night elf, they were taken in by Rana for safety, and because her parents abandoned her in a forest near Ranas old home.

-Hacker has a very close relationship with their mom and is happy to say has a good relationship with Rana.

-Hackers relationship is very healthy with Bobby too, her little brother might be a pain in the ass sometimes but they don’t mind very much.

-Hacker will buy any game for Bobby as long as it’s okay with Rana. Hacker also sometimes plays with Bobby if he’s okay with it.

-Hacker and Cross don’t exactly get along, in fact, they aren’t really friends either when Hacker and Bobby went to a meet up. They have trouble getting along– probably due to Cross's hate for elves.

-Hacker is really good at make-up and prosthetics for make-up. They wish to be a make-up artist but for now they just do it in her freetime.

—-

-Bobbys literally a squirrel in this. I have no other words, he’s a squirrel and that’s final.

-Bobbys natural hair color is Brown instead of Black, give it a different pop.

-Bobbys a streamer and has a pretty good audience doing so, his audience wides from humans, elves and monsters. (humans are in like, another world. They just think it’s a vtuber or something)

-Bobby is on very good terms with Cross, they sometimes stream together that way they grow both of eachothers audiences.

-Sometimes he uses Hacker as a junglegym, and other times he uses trees.

-He loves piggyback rides, no questions asked.

-Bobbys very affectionate, it just depends on the person.

-The type of person to be quiet when you first meet them, then loud and happily talkative the more you know them.

[putting-the-lulu-in-delulu]

Lowkey it bugs me that Angel Dust is like the poster child of “The Prospect of Redemption” when he is just an abused sex worker who has issues with addiction—which is all NOT reflective of how “good” someone is.

Yeah, yeah, I’m woke and think those things are completely morally neutral. It’s his JOB + uuuh an actual physical dependency? And since in this version of Hell vs Heaven it doesn’t seem “accepting Jesus as your Lord and savior” or worshipping “God” is a factor…. but also like it seems like Angel displaying “good enough for heaven” behaviors was just moderating himself and looking out for his friends (which I think he’d do no matter the point in his journey????) Like he is downright selfless, and while getting utterly obliterated on drugs to cope can seem selfish depending on the context—With Angel it is purely self harm. (Poor baby.)

It also seems like sticking up for himself/having agency is the main factor in showing Heaven he is “worthy.” Which is kinda shitty!!! Because self-actualization should never be a condition of receiving love…even divine love? (“You need to love yourself before you can give/receive love to/of someone else.” Which is yucky to me.)

I AM RAMBLING. IS WHAT I’M SAYING MAKING SENSE? Obviously, the whole point is that Heaven is hypocritical…but YEAH. I’m half asleep typing this lmao.

Like sex and drugs bad, I get it, but none of those parts of Angel fundamentally changed when he “checked all the boxes that [they] said would show a person deserves a second chance.” Which, arbitrarily, were “Act selfless. Don’t steal. Stick it to The Man” (Ironic lol.) Also, I know apparently no one knows what gets someone into Heaven, but STILL. I don’t so much care about the “logic,” it just makes me overthink/over-care.

Anyway, TLDR: it sucks that someone basically trapped in a cycle of abuse is considered “unholy”.

[highway-stars]

2023 man

- went on 3 different hiking/camping trips, one of which got me stranded on an island with a capsized kayak. I'm realizing I'm truly at my happiest when I'm hiking so I'm gonna try to train and get out there more . I'm actually inspired to exercise for once in my life

- got engaged! In a botanical garden while my partner tried playing tears for fears really loud on his phone to drown out the taylor swift fountain show

- DMed an 8-month campaign. Coulda gone deeper/longer but it was originally only gonna be 4-5 months. The final battle itself took multiple sessions which I really enjoyed. I put a lot more thought into the writing than I've done in the past and I was happy with it and the gm style I've discovered for myself

- got to work on a bunch of really fun projects, event posters, lots of murals and now I get to go to a candy factory every few weeks for work. Not a bad gig. Cost of living still kicking my ass though so I have another new job starting in Feb :')

- saw some of the best shows I've ever seen including the Cure, New Order, Molchat Doma, Sextile, and the War on Drugs

- discovered a lot of cool new places to hang out. The soviet bar knows us by name now lmao and lets us sample their experimental shit and dick around after hours. It's weird cause spots I considered STAPLES pre-covid I NEVER go to anymore, some are gone, two literally got destroyed in floods. I can't tell if the bar/club scene here is changing or if I'm just 29 and not impressed by the usual shit anymore and also really really don't wanna get bovid in a shitty and cramped indoor club

- really started taking the initiative in terms of planning outings with my local friends. Got really sick of hearing "its so hard to see eachother now that we're all adults" no fuck you we're flying kites

2024 I just wanna have the most low key wedding ever where I just get super drunk w/ my friends, hike more, play yet more tabletop and become an even BETTER initiator of plans. That's it. I don't have lofty goals man, it's hell world and I just want my buddies to have happy times, and to bask in that beautiful orange vitamin D orb in the sky, that's literally all I need. Noel out.