#even if i don't always ascribe to every ritual of it

[ailelie]

Maybe gender is like a cult--a community with its own beliefs, signs, rituals, and costuming to which each member subscribes to different degrees.

And some people, inducted at birth, never realize they are in a cult and never question it.

Some, question, but do not see how they could ever leave (even if they wish to).

Some realize they are in a cult, but realize also they are happy with their placement.

Some are loose in their affiliation, but still consider themselves members, others love every sign and costume, but don't consider themselves members most of the time or at all.

Some are weird about it and get really into the beliefs and everything to the point they condemn anyone who isn't as hardline as they are as not really belonging.

And some people leave, either for another cult or for none at all.

[confusedinfj]

Infj VS Infp

I'm always disowning a lot of so-called infj features and saying they're actually mistyped infp and isfp features, so here's a summary for you. You can mainly tell an infj and an Infp apart by how they are when they're stressed or angry.

I am NOT saying infjs are perfect. They just have different faults than the ones commonly ascribed to them.

Infp

An example of an angry infp. Tom Hiddleston hearing misquotes of Shakespeare 😂

The Fi DOOR SLAM. Yes, you heard me: the Fi DOOR SLAM. This occurs when Fi takes offence and has to cut a person off or ruin its image of self. It looks like a silent tantrum, and it is not a noble thing, no matter how hard fake infjs try to make it sound.

Passive aggression. Wait, is the Infp angry at me, or are they just tired? No, I think that comment was a dig at me. I can't tell....

Silent tantrums. When your infp doesn't speak to you, and manages to cut you out and make you feel excluded while including you just enough that no one else notices. Mad skillz.

Weird thinking. Like the modern Sherlock. Weird positions, weird rituals - just a bit weird really.

Incomplete ideas. Infps are likely to change their mind five times in a debate. Inferior Te can't help it.

Certain about feelings. Fi users will say they don't know what they're feeling, but they can usually have a pretty good guess. They'll usually be able to work it out without too much help, and if they can't it will be evident in their behaviour. If your i*fp cries over spilt milk, it's okay. They probably feel better now.

Short term feelings. Similar to above. Fi users say things they don't mean when they're upset, because, in that moment, they do mean them. Fe users can really struggle with these 'shallow emotions', which are powerful but short lived. I used to think Fi users were lying about not meaning things they'd say while angry, but then I heard of mbti and I was like - oh. They're just not me. Let's just say Fi emotions are like oceans. Deep and intense, but they swimming all over them, so they kinda know what's going on.

Turbulent. Infps lead with feeling, and - particularly when they're younger - feelings can change. That's why infps are on a quest to find their inner selves. They want to understand how they really feel about things.

A need to be misunderstood. Yes, contrary to everything they indicate, infps don't want to be understood. They want you to understood that they're a mysterious soul - that's about it. Fi makes an Infp feel special, and if you crack their Fi code they will instantly feel worthless. (btw infps, it doesn't work that way. You're still special.).

Play the victim to tell you off for hurting them. Aw, poor little infp is upset because I didn't want to do exactly what she wanted. Poor little infp is brooding quietly in a corner. Awww. TOO BAD INFPS. Ignore and they might actually tell you what's wrong 😎 This is the Infp's second shadow function (critical parent) at play here - Ni. It lets them know most people will pity them if the use the victim act, because they feel bad. Critical parent Ni SHOWS YOU WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO THEM. And yes, intps do this too.

Zero Se. They're not even sure if Se is real. What is it? If an Infp is showing signs of Se you should probably take them home, give them a book and a hot drink, and just watch them like a baby. Se in infps is unnatural. They will become even more quickly overwhelmed by stimuli than an infj because of this. But they're more likely to be in touch with their body because of Si.

Snappy control freaks when stressed or down. If you have an inf* friend and you can't call the last letter, think about what they do when stressed or sad. Do they snap at you? Say things they don't mean later? Obsessively try to control your behaviour and their environment? That's inferior Te.

Liked in spite of everything. If you can't type someone and people say they love them in spite of everything, they're almost definitely an i*fp. After all, they're still cupcakes 🎂

Infj

The face of an angry infj... Pewdiepie talking defending how much money he earns 😂 look, it's all in the eyes tbh.

The Infj door ajar. When you make it clear to the infj that they're not wanted, so they go home and close their door. But if you come back and say sorry they open it ever so slightly so you can prove yourself before you come back in.

Sudden aggression. Yes, you heard me. SUDDEN AGGRESSION. Fi mistypes have made it seem like infjs are the most subtle, passive aggressive people ever. Well they're not. Infjs will try to resolve their issues before telling you, so the depth of their grievance may overwhelm you. You might not get it the first time they tell you. So they get frustrated and appear to suddenly get very angry. Am I saying this is a good thing? No, but IMHO it's better than not telling anyone what you're upset about. Anyway, infjs only yell at people they really care about, to finally get their point across, so bear that in mind. If an infj is yelling at you they are 2000% done.

Silent anger. Ever so slightly different from a silent tantrum, because... It's anger. Every one who has ever seen an infj in their rare angry state has reported it to be scary (it's rare because an INFJ'S default reaction is sad). If an infj is telling you what's wrong you can fix the problem. If an infj is silent, you probably can't fix that.

No perceivable thinking, until weird questions. This is why infjs can be mistyped as Ne users or Te users. Occasionally they will need to think through an idea aloud (weak Ti), and thanks to the Ni-Ti loop it's probably some weird stuff. Infjs are also perceived as arrogant and thoughtless thanks to Ni- Ti, since it means they've probably thought about most things already and can just ANSWER when you ask them.

Complete ideas. Most of the time when an infj shares a thought it will be complete, which is why infjs often win arguments. Their Ni-Ti hasn't just considered their position, it's also considered your position, and your position on their position.

What R feelingz? Not all F types are the same. Some are Fe users, and let me be clear: they don't have Fi. They don't know why they feel tense - they probably didn't even realise they did feel tense. If your infj displays any form of emotion it is much deeper than it probably appears. Infj crying over spilt milk? Something is very wrong. You have to make them talk about themselves in the third person so they can work it out, because you probably can't. (*applies to Enfjs too, and all Fe users*).

Deep feelings. No, I'm not saying Fi users don't have deep feelings. I'm saying if an infj is crying about one thing, that's probably just the surface. People often complain that infjs and Enfjs in particular are emotionally mean for not sharing the full depth of their feelings, but in reality they don't know it's there. *nfjs are just sailing on the ocean of their emotions, they don't know what's what. So if they do mention something to you, take it seriously and times it by about 1000% in your head for full impact. *nfjs don't say things they don't mean when they're angry, but they may say things they've been keeping to themselves in a way they later regret. So if an *nfj is saying horrible things to you about you, don't assume they don't mean them: they do. Just try and filter the anger out and pretend they said them nicely 😂 Note: saying things in a way they regret means they may imply things they didn't mean. *nfjs don't always hear the full implications of things until they're said aloud, so try to hear the gist of what they're saying rather than taking it literally. It's why *nfjs often accidentally say things that sound dirty. They just don't realise until Fe filters it through people's reactions. 😂

Assertive. Infjs aren't as mysterious as Fi mistypes have led you to believe. In fact, infjs often tell you exactly who they are and how they work, only to be disappointed that most people don't lead with Ni and aren't trying to construct a picture of how they work. So next time your infj is upset because you don't understand them, realise they probably explained it to you already.

A need to be understood. Infjs want you to understand them. They only kind of understand themselves, and they could use some help. Don't accuse an infj of deliberately being mysterious, cos it's not true. They legit don't have a clue, k?

Tell you off for hurting them by keeping you accountable. INFJ'S critical parent is Fi, so prepare to take a good look at yourself in the mirror. If an infj feels the need to tell you off for hurting them, it's going to be calm, it's going to be rational, and it's going to hurt. You will feel guilty, because Ni-Fe will tell you exactly why you did it and why it hurt the infj. For example, maybe you lied to an infj. An infj would tell you it hurt them and go on to say something like, 'why lie about it? You know what that tells me? That tells me you knew you were doing something wrong. Because otherwise you wouldn't have felt the need to keep it from me.' And suddenly you will feel worse than them, as the infj realises the problem is yours, not theirs.

Zero Si. I don't even really know what Si is, that's how much I have it. If your infj is exhibiting signs of Si they're in a crippling state of anxiety/depression where they're trying to micromanage their world in an attempt to survive. It won't work, make them party. Zero Si also means you should take your infj seriously if they say they're sick. Idk why, but infjs NEVER look sick. Even when they're dying, they never look sick. And because of zero Si Infjs don't often feel a sickness coming on. It just hits them, and they wallow in misery, trapped in the prison that is their body 😭

Reckless when stressed or a little down. If you're in doubt about your inf* friend, think about what they do when they're stressed or sad. Do they want to go out with you? Party with you? Just do anything but stay home? That's inferior Se.

Disliked for no reason. If you can't type someone and everyone dislikes them, but no one really knows why, they're an infj. After all, they're just so... Not normal🐔

Edit: here are some pictures that symbolise for me what an infp-infj relationship of any kind is like. This is an over-idealised relationship, because fake infjs (infps) often talk about being friends with the real infps, and it's really just infp-infp 😂

And here are two which way seem contradictory. The infj is on the right in both pictures 😋

[nana-glass-chillhop-radio-hour]

I like the above response! I also think that Hayward and Faulkner have some parallels: both see themselves as better than the system while still participating and falling to it...

(Faulkner sees himself as a prophet/special compared to others in the faith but still seeks validation and follows Mason/elders' orders. Hayward sees himself above having faith and doesn't seem to ascribe to gov't ideas about false faith/good and bad faith as much as just regulating faith in general but still does his job and fears "the stink")...

Furthermore, their ending points are notable to compare. Faulkner, who was always ready to do what was needed for the trawlerman, faltered in the final moments and could not go through with the ritual. Hayward, lenient and indecisive throughout the season, makes up his mind in the whole "resist and comply" thing, and decided to truly comply with the system, now ready to go through with it and apprehend people like Faulkner and Carpenter without hesitation...

Faulkner, in trying to find his niche, became displaced, and Hayward, in his resistance, found his way to a calling

@the-cairn-maiden This is a very big-brained take and I had not at all considered how Faulkner and Hayward are foils. But you are right! (They have even less interaction than Hayward and Paige. I think they have actually 0 interaction. Faulkner is in the car when Hayward pulls Carpenter over and that's about it.)

To your point about Hayward's character arc, I am not sure I see it the same as you do (to me it's more ambiguous what, if anything, has changed for Hayward) but I do like your read on it! I'm very curious to see what's in store for Hayward next. I could absolutely see him being more cold-blooded and willing to do what it takes to make his case (he does give Carpenter a speech to that effect as she's driving away with Paige lol) but also (spoilers for Whispers!) I am kinda not sure he'll still be on the force after the fiasco of losing Carpenter and Faulkner, so, if he makes it, I could actually see him going the other way and leaning into the 'resist' side of the equation. (Or maybe it'll be a classic 'the cop can't solve the case until they take his gun and his badge' -- or maybe it'll be something else entirely! Who knows! I certainly don't!)

I'm also very intrigued by this idea of Faulkner's last-minute indecision at Marcel's Crossing being a foil for Hayward's late-found decisiveness. I think we actually see more evidence of Hayward becoming more indecisive and more disenchanted with his career/religion/life, not less. That's definitely the impression I got from the foiling against Daggler, as the super-cop who is too violent and unhinged even for Hayward. I saw Faulkner's decision to leave the Withermark unfinished as a foil for Carpenter's decision to come back for Faulkner (no reason it can't be a foil against both character, of course -- I just love how neither Carpenter nor Faulkner can ultimately fully bring themselves to commit to the decision they want to be able to make.)

(I hope this does not sound like I'm shooting down your read on the story -- I really like it! It's making me explore the ending in a different light, which is very fun.)

Also! This raises the question for me of how, if at all, Paige and Faulkner serve as narrative foils. I think the answer is they kind of... don't? The only commonality I can really think of is they both seem to have pretty messy and bad relationships with their fathers, but I don't think it's really foiled much directly. (No moms in TSV! Only shitty dads and homicidal grandmas!) They're both like, outwardly polite, compared to Carpenter and Hayward's worldly gruffness? Every time Paige and Faulkner interact, it's genuinely comedic how little common ground they're able to find. (Deeply underrated moment of the show for me is when Paige says "you're right... how unfair of me" because Faulkner complains that she's stereotyping him and Carpenter as religious maniacs... directly after they kidnap her and Faulkner tells her he can't promise they won't kill her. Comedy fuckin' gold.)

So Faulkner and Carpenter are obvious character foils (Faulkner is as devout as Carpenter is dubious about their faith but they share a common religion) and Paige and Carpenter are also character foils in a sense (Paige is secular and Carpenter is religious but they both are having their own sort of crisis of faith and both seem to want to find a version of the divine they can love wholeheartedly) and Hayward and Carpenter are character foils (Hayward is aligned with the urban centers of power/law and order whereas Carpenter is an outlaw in opposition to said powers but they both are deeply jaded and cynical of their respective religions and abide by their own moral code)... but Faulkner, Paige, and Hayward don't really serve as character foils for one another... what's that about, folks?