#even better the reblog where this was added has a timestamp of may 2018

[totodiletears]

absolutely NOT reblogging that giant-ass post just to complain about one thing in the middle but GUYSSSSS "Best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. Second best time is today" is NOT from 2018!!! It's fucking OLD, I don't know the origin but I know it was an old trite saying when I was a kid and that was WAY BEFORE FUCKIN 2018, STOP REBLOGGING THAT VERSION OF THE POST

[freedom-of-fanfic]

on public block lists, personality cults, and not perpetuating fandom hate

on a side note, I feel it’s important to say this:

the now-deleted post that was created by a popular pro-shipper in the VLD fandom which named out some antis/former antis is a good example of why I do not support making public block lists or 99.8% of callout posts, especially on sites like tumblr where that post is forever the second somebody reblogs it. People can change, URLs get abandoned and picked up by somebody new, etc etc, and unfortunately, when you can’t control distribution of a post you can’t control people who use that post to harass and attack the subjects of it (and there are plenty of people out there eager to do so).

Similarly, I think it was entirely too generalizing of the post to simply blanket-state that all blogs with kl urls or referencing being lesbian are likely to be antis. though the majority of anti-shippers in vld fandom are kl shippers, that does not mean all kl shippers are antis. and while I see what it was trying (and failing) to correlate*, it’s both false and harmful to imply or state that all blogs with sapphic/lesbian url references are anti-shipper blogs supporting harassment.

that said: I’ve seen a number of anti-shippers holding up names on that list as innocent because the blogger is a minor and/or there’s no direct examples of harassment or threatening people, and I need to point out that being a minor and/or never harassing or bullying people yourself or under your own blog name is far from proof that a person is not contributing to or even a principle instigator of harassment and bullying.

first of all: minors are absolutely capable of abusing and bullying one another and bullying/abusing adults, especially on a site like tumblr where our social power is roughly evened out by the site structure. that doesn’t mean I think minors deserve to be immortalized on public block lists - I don’t think anybody deserves that - but being a minor is a mitigating factor, not an excuse.

second: it’s extremely important to recognize that communities with cultlike structures such as anti-shipping circles frequently have popular ringleaders who provoke, encourage, and praise their followers for acts of harassment and bullying, but never participate in it directly themselves. This makes it difficult to point out how they perpetuate a toxic environment because there’s little or no direct proof of their actions. These people form cults of personality and frequently take an active part in cultivating their following, and if they are not always actual predators, they are certainly toxic bloggers that can be difficult to escape from after being drawn into their influence.

(this is not to say that anyone on that post fits this category. there are people both on and off their list who I have seen be toxic in the past, but that does not mean they are acting that way now. I discourage anyone from judging people on behavior from years past, and I highly, highly discourage anyone using a public block list completely blind. the deleted post and the backlash just reminded me to point this out.)

my suggestions to protect yourself from buying into or perpetuating hate in fandom would be: 

avoid generalizations: especially about marginalized groups, but also for non-marginalized groups. no category of people are a monolith.

be very wary of anybody who tells you what to think and/or tries to trick you into thinking the way they want you to, shipper or anti-shipper.

recognize that while anti-shipping communities tend to foster fear and toxicity, this does not mean that pro-shipper groups, anti-anti groups, or any other group is automatically free of abusers and hate.

learn the warning signs for toxic people and the warning signs of toxic groups and judge your fave bloggers and fandom circle based on how they behave and treat people now/going forward.

limit voices of fandom hate and/or salt in your life. salt begets more salt. hate is like a fire: anything that doesn’t douse it can only feed it.

never forget to celebrate what you love.

(timestamp: first posted on March 14th, 2018.)

(EDIT: March 16th, 2018: my wording put too much emphasis on the creator of the (deleted!!) post. I’ve edited it to better reflect that my issue is with the contents of the post itself, which - as OP deleted it - does not seem to reflect their views properly either.

also the backlash against the OP has been WILDLY out of proportion to the offense in an absolutely classic example of how abusers in the anti-shipper ranks feel no compunction or offense over keeping public shipper block lists (that are still up, by the way!**) but draw big red circles around the slightest slip-up of people they hate. because hey - the rules don’t apply to them. only to YOU.

edit repeated under the cut to ensure it’s seen.)

(EDIT: March 16th, 2018: my wording put too much emphasis on the creator of the (deleted!!) post. I’ve edited it to better reflect that my issue is with the contents of the post itself, which - as OP deleted it - does not seem to reflect their views properly either.

also the backlash against the OP has been WILDLY out of proportion to the offense in an absolutely classic example of how abusers in the anti-shipper ranks feel no compunction or offense over keeping public shipper block lists (that are still up, by the way!**) but draw big red circles around the slightest slip-up of people they hate. because hey - the rules don’t apply to them. only to YOU.)

As in: doxxing and threatening family members levels. (Another reason I regret making this particular post.)

*I think the poster was trying to draw a line of association that may exist to some degree, but they did it in a way that’s hurtful to lesbians.  that line is:

anti culture adopts/modifies a lot of radfem - particularly swerf - ideology (porn and kink are always bad/harmful to perceived women, perceived women are harming themselves and one another if they like/participate in it). many blogs that support radfem/terf/swerf ideology - sometimes on purpose, sometimes just by absorbing the rhetoric from tumblr - have urls referencing being sapphic or lesbian. therefore, they suggest that lesbian url = anti-shipper, which is simply too broad a claim to even draw a meaningful correlation.

the truth is: 

radfems/terfs/swerfs as an organization are generally only interested in anti-shipping/fandom in general inasmuch as they can use it to recruit new members. (there are radfems/terfs/swerfs in fandom because they love fandom.)

many people with sapphic/lesbian references in their URL are not radfems or any subgroup of radfem, nor do they support radfem ideology either on purpose or by passive acceptance of radfem lite(tm) posts on tumblr. similarly, many people with sapphic/lesbian references in their URL are not antis.

not all antis are radfem/terf/swerf. In fact, most antis probably believe they are opposed to radfems/terfs/swerfs without realizing that they utilize some of their rhetoric in fandom policing.

it’s understandable that a correlation would be drawn by people on tumblr between lesbian/sapphic urls and radfems/anti-porn blogs, but it just can’t be generalized like that b/c it hurts those with lesbian/sapphic urls that aren’t of that crowd.

**the list itself is private, but because the mods answer questions publicly anyone who was requested to be added by a third party on anon is still publicly listed! HILARIOUS.

PS: i’m leaving this post up because anyone who clicks the readmore will be able to see my edits and I think that’s going to be more helpful than deleting it entirely in the long run. but otherwise I would delete it entirely because this post was brought to the attention of the OP of the deleted post in a way that wounded them, and i am deeply sorry for that. :(