#even before the dumb twist the way Varric was written pissed me off

[vhenan-writes]

I might be alone in this sentiment but this game genuinely made me despise Varric. And that sucks, because he was formerly one of my favorites. Now just seeing his name pisses me off because all I can see is the utter cynicism and pointlessness of what was done with him.

He just wasn’t Varric anymore. He’d been reduced to a mouthpiece with the sole intention of making another character look bad and then dying pointlessly for the same purpose. Not because it was in character, not because it served the story, but because the creative director was a petty little asshole who’s spite was so massive and so all consuming that he’d waste one of the most beloved characters in the series to accommodate it.

It was mean spirited to the very core, and that’s all that’s left of Varric’s character for me now. A mean spirited little man who champions ignorance and spits on the idea of critical thought. That’s what he represents to me now. Because I don’t see Varric anymore, I just see John Epler’s mouthpiece, and John Epler is a mean spirited, ignorant, spiteful little man.

[calamity-writes]

An AU-dition

A Modern Au.

Millie is back from Orlais where she had bit parts on their equivalent of broadway, but returns 'home' to the university town of Skyhold after she has a baby where she works at Fi's coffee shop/bar.

Blame @shyquisitor

"Thank you again for helping me out with the shift change," Milliara said, hurrying through the door of The Grind. "I'll make up for it this weekend I promise." She shrugged off her leather jacket and scarf, flashing a quick smile at her cousin who stood behind the counter.

The morning crowd was always so different than the evening shift Milliara was used to. Some faces were familiar, just hungover from last night, others were new. Milliara ducked into the back, hanging her coat up and pulling on her apron. She tossed a nod to the quiet cook who grunted back. Sten wasn't much for talking but he always made sure that Nils got extra cookies whenever she brought him in.

From the front, she heard the clatter of cups and orders being made and she hurried out, pulling her hair into a bun on the top of her head. She froze in the doorway, eyes widening as she spotted the man at the counter. Tall and dressed in a blazer and scarf, he was tapping at his phone as he spoke to Fi.

Millie's ears drooped, flushing hot as she watched him flick a smile at her cousin then walk over towards the drinks counter. She watched him for a long moment before realising that she was supposed to make him his drink. Shaking her self mentally, she set about making the decaf london fog, sneaking glances at him over her shoulder. He had freckles and a cleft chin and there was something about the way he looked so thoughtful and...

"One decaf london fog," she said cheerily, setting the the travel mug down on the counter.

"Thank you," he said, glancing at the mug and not up at her. She watched him walk out, and glanced at Fi.

"Who was *that*?" Milliara asked her cousin.

"That? That was Bubbles," Fiowyn said, taking the next order. "One Medium house roast."

Millie nodded, grabbing a paper cup and pouring out the delicious smelling brew.

"Okay but who's 'Bubbles'? Is he a regular?" she asked, glancing over her shoulder. "What's he do?"

Fiowyn looked back at her, lifting her eyebrows. "Bubbles? he's a professor at the University. Why are you asking?" She narrowed her eyes. "Why, are you interested in him?" She asked a slow smile spreading on her face.

"I liked his voice," Milliara said, defensively slipping a scowl onto her face. "And I was looking into classes for this term that wouldn't conflict with my schedule here."

Fi made a dubious 'mhmm' sound, but at least the lunch rush was coming in, and the long line of customers keep the redhead from asking too many questions. And, of course, keep Millie from thinking too much about the man's voice, or the way he'd looked so pensive.

**

The sun had set by the time Millie arrived at the theatre on campus. Nils had forgotten his favourite blanket at home so she'd had to run back and get it for him or he'd have been a handful for Fi, and now she was rushing to make sure she didn't miss the auditions. After changing around her whole schedule today, it would be for nothing if she got there too late.

It was a small production, just on campus and with local talent, but it had been years since she'd been on stage. Three, to be exact. No one wanted to book a pregnant actor for their show back in Orlais, and after Nils had been born, she'd moved back to Skyhold.

Pausing at the door, Milliara took a deep breath and forced her shoulders to relax. Going inside, she looked around for a sign pointing to the auditions waiting area. A tabloid sized piece of white paper with block letters written in red sharpie. Not too late, she realised, checking her phone. But she'd still be at the tail end of the open auditions. Which, well, there wasn't much to be done about it.

She ran a hand through her hair, ruffling it to give the mohawk some pouf after it'd been pulled up all day. Unfortunately she hadn't had time to do anything with it, and the makeup was going to have to be rushed while she was in the waiting area. Hurrying in, she checked in with the overly-cheery man with a clipboard who pointed her towards the half-empty room full of chairs.

"Oh," said a familiar voice. Milliara's head snapped to face the woman who'd spoken. It'd been years, but the woman looked the same, just a little more world-weary, a little less starry eyed. Well, shit. "I hadn't expected to see you...here," Leliana said, and motioned to the empty chair next to her.

"How've you been?" Milliara asked cautiously, taking a seat next to the redhead. When was the last time they'd seen each other? Leliana had been... oh right. She'd gone off her meds and, things hadn't ended well.

"Better," Leliana said with a small smile. "let me fix your hair, you can hardly go on stage like that."

**

"Milliara Lavellan?"

Last in the waiting area, Millie had been fiddling with her phone and warming up her voice a little as she waited to be called. Now that she was, she swallowed hard and stood, nodding at the perky man.

"And you've practiced the song?" he asked, opening the door for her. "We've had a few auditions that, er, haven't."

Millie nodded, slipping through the door, setting her phone and purse down in the wings as she stepped out onto the stage and froze. The tall man from earlieri that day was sitting in a chair on stage left, one leg crossed over the other, ankle to knee. He looked bored, glancing up only briefly to see who was the last lamb to slaughter. The corner of an eyebrow tugged up at the sight of her mohawk, though it was in a much better state than it had been when she'd arrived. She owed Leliana a few free coffees for the help.

"So, Millie, right?" a gravelly voice said from the audience. "Solas here'll be reading opposite you, that's not going to be a problem is it? Our normal reader had to leave, family emergency."

"No," Milliara said, shaking her head. "not a problem." So his name was Solas. She just had to shake off the awkward feeling of being a school girl and- wait. No. Don't shake it off, use it. She would be playing a high school girl, young and idealistic and dumb. Use that feeling.

"Cue music," the gravelly voice said, and Millie rolled her shoulders, clearing her throat one last time before she waited for her cue.

She'd only found out about the auditions late, and she hadn't had time to rehearse as much as she'd like, and it wasn't like she could sing this in front of Nils but... but the thrill of being on stage was filling her once more.

"The Demon Queen of High School has decreed it," she sang, shoving her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket, walking along to centre stage. "She says Monday, 8 AM, I will be deleted."

She looked up at the darkness beyond the stage, and imagined the seats full. Friends watching, strangers watching her sing for the first time. As the song changed tempo, she tore her jacket off and tossed it aside.

"I need it hard, I'm a dead girl walkin'!" she said, pointing at Solas and crooking her finger at him and winking. That's right, seduce the stranger who had caught her eye earlier. "I'm in your yard, I'm a dead girl walkin'."

She sauntered over his way, hips swinging before she stood in front of him, knocking his leg off where it rested on his knee, and leaned over pressing a finger to his chest.

"Shh, sorry but I really had to wake you," she said, catching his chin with her finger and tilting it up to look at her, his nose near hers. To his credit 'Bubbles' was a damn good singer, and his voice had just cracked. Had that been on purpose? "See, I decided I must ride you till I break you," she sang, grabbing a handful of his shirt and pulled him up to stand, chest pressed to hers.

"Let's go, you know the drill, I'm hot and pissed and on the pill," she said, kicking her leg out and wrapping it around his hip. "Bow down to the will of a dead girl walkin'." No, his ears were definitely tinged pink now, and this close she could see that look in his eye. She had him on her hook, she just... needed to reel him in. For, the, uh. Part. Clearly.

Her face softed, and her leg slipped down as the music softened. Reaching up she brushed her fingers over his face, looking at him through her eyelashes. "You know, you know, you know," she sang. "It's cause you're beautiful."

She was sure that he was blushing now, just along his ears. He wasn't the only one, but she had the rest of the song to get through. As they reached the intrumental section, she let him go, and looked over at the gravelly-voiced shadow in the audience. Would he cut the music? She didn't get a chance to wait and see as a hand grabbed hers and pulled her into a tight dance embrace. Solas twisted, lowering her into a dip, and Milliara tipped her head back with a grin.

"Yeah! Full steam ahead," she sang, arching back as he pulled her back up. "Love this dead girl walkin!"

Somehow she made it through the rest of the song and grinned at him as the music stopped. She let go of his arms awkardly, and tucked her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. She looked out at the shadowy guy (she was sure now that voice belonged to the dwarf that hung out with Garry), Varrian?

"So," the dwarf said, and she could see him get up and walk over to the edge of the stage. "Where the HELL are you from and why are you on some podunk stage instead of out in Kirkwall or Orlais making the big bucks?" Yeah, V...something. Varric.

"Oh, uh," Milliara said, turning pink. She was accutely aware of the warmth of Solas by her shoulder. Like he was radiating heat, and she was struggling to not turn over to face him and melt into it. Professionalism and shit. "I used to understudy in Val Royaux..."

She shrugged and bobbed slightly, glancing up at Solas then back at the dwarf.

"No shit," Varric said, and laughed. "Well, if you want it, the part of Veronica's yours. I don't know what it is about Skyhold that's brought us two Val Royaux vets, but hell, I'll take it."

"That would explain how you knew the song so well," Solas said, and Milliara felt a small shiver down her back at his voice so close to her ear. "You were very... commanding on the stage."

"Well, you know me, commanding's kind of my thing," Millie said with a shrug and then frowned. "Wait, you don't know me, that's- that's not a good saying-"

"Well I'm curious to see what would be needed to take control over such a presence," Solas murmured. Milliara's eyes widened, and she cleared her throat. Had she heard that right? Maker's tits, how was she supposed to respond to that? Unfortunately reflex kicked in before she could process a response.

"Guess you'll just have spend more time around me to find out." Oh Gods. Had she just said that? She needed to get out of here before she said anything that would cost her the role.

"Hah," Varric said. "Chuckles here is the music specialist. He insisted on reading opposite the auditions so he could get a feel for what he'd be working with." Was she imagining things or had he stressed 'get a feel' a little bit too much?

"Well, that's great, when will rehearsals start?" Milliara asked. "The sooner I know the sooner I can arrange it with work."

"We'll send you all that later," Varric said. "You gave Seamus your contact information, right?"

Millie nodded. "If that's all, I should get going," she said, stepping back from Solas and the heat he was radiating. Also, Fi had Nils and he'd been a bit of a terrible-three-year-old that day. First daycare then babysitting, she was in for quite the night once she got home.

"Well-" Solas started to say. Millie lifted a hand in a wave.

"Great," Millie said, "I look forward to it!" SHe had to get out of there before she dissolved into a mess. The nerves always hit the hardest after, and normally she wasn't stuck standing next to a handsome elven man talking about her past. She needed to get home and grab a drink.

Snatching up her phone and purse, she hurried out the doors, slowing down only as she reached the chilly fall night air. Taking a deep breath, she hurried to her car, climbing inside and turning it on and cranking the heat in hope that it'd warm up the car before she got all the way back to the house she shared with Fi.

SHe was halfway home when she realised she'd forgotten her jacket on the stage.

"Gods damnit," she said, hitting the wheel with the heel of her hand. It was too late to turn around now, she'd have to hope that Varric or Solas would drop it off next time they went by The Grind. Still, she *liked* that jacket. It was one of the few things that kept her from feeling like she was only a Mother, not a person.