#even before i got to thunder bringer that line killed me on impact

[cocoa-rococo]

"i'm TIRED, my friend!"

no joke? this line grabbed me by the throat more than any other in "mutiny". holy shit.

eurylochus sounds exhausted. he's been through literal hell and back after facing a war, a cyclops, a god, and a witch, and not a few hours before, JUST saw the captain of his ship, and one of his closest friends, let six of their friends die and did nothing.

after the mutiny, eurylochus speaks like he's dazed, and rightly so. it's that thousand-yard-stare, slow-walking, disassociated headspace that comes with seeing atrocities and not being able to do anything about them. it's that hypnotic influence stemming from seeing something so wonderful you almost can't fathom it, and it's within arm's reach, it's tangible.

all while odysseus is pleading with him not to make a bad decision (after so many of his own), begging him not to go for the feast that's right there, (the wind bag that's right there), even when he's so hungry, he can feel the hollow of his stomach and the stabbing of the emptiness.

but that line? that outburst?

that's real, aching exhaustion, raw and tearful and helpless, the kind you get when you're so fed up and upset at the world for being the way it is you don't want to do anything but collapse on a bed and sleep. you can almost see the way his face is pinched and he's this close to crying from hunger, betrayal, pain, from finally buckling under the weight of their actions.

he's seen so much, gone through so much, lost so much, and now he's being pled with to consider a being who would look at him like an ant for the sake of sparing a perfectly fine cow, and goddammit all, he is TIRED. he wants to eat something real. he wants to sleep. he wants to go home.

"i'm just a man" indeed. and who could blame him for craving something human.