#evangelism resources

[dirigibleplumbing]

hi jumblr, I'm looking for good resources on intersectionality in the conext of pro-Palestine and pro-peace spaces, specifically on being inclusive of Jewish activists and avoiding antisemitism and antisemitic dogwhistles.

I've found some promising stuff, but also a frustrating amount of things framed as "protecting yourself from accusations of antisemitism" that don't have any examples of actual antisemitism for activists and teachers to educate about and avoid.

[bfpnola]

image description by @swosheep

ID 1: all images are screenshots of an Instagram post by j3wess, and are on a light green background with an even lighter green grid pattern. The first image is a title written in dark green text. It reads: "Evangelicals are the primary supporters of Israel in the US, not Jews". There is two Stars of David beside the words 'not Jews'. A wavy green line underlines everything.

ID 2: the second image is titled "why?". The title is separated from the body by a wavy white line. The body text reads: "the protestant fundamentalist theory of dispensationalism views history as a series of seven events. so far, six have already occurred." An ordered list, in white text, reads: "1 the era of innocence: before adam's fall. 2 the era of conscience: from adam to noah. 3 the era of government: from noah to abraham. 4 the era of patriarchy: from abraham to moses. 5 the era of mosaic law: from moses to jesus. 6 the era of grace: from jesus to today." The green body text continues: "and the seventh and final dispensation will be millennium, an earthly paradise. and millennium requires gods chosen people, the jews, to all be living together in israel. it is there, supposedly, that they will rebuild the temple. then, as described in the book of revelation, armageddon will take place and in the process 2/3 of jews will die and the other 1/3 will accept jesus as the messiah. jesus will then return to earth and will institute a millennium, beginning a thousand year reign over earth as king."

ID 3: the third image is titled "the statistics". a white wavy line separates the title from the body text. The body text reads: "results from a 2017 research study on evangelical supporters of israel indicate that of the 67% of evangelicals with a 'positive perception of israel':" Below, there is a bar graph. The first bar is captioned: "the bible says g-d gave the land of israel to the jewish people". The bar is at 63 percent. THe second bar is captioned: "israel is the historic jewish homeland". The bar is at 60 percent. The third bar is captioned: "israel is important for fulfilling biblical prophecy". The bar is at 52 percent. The fourth bar is captioned: "the creation of israel shows that we are getting closer to the return of jesus christ". The bar is at 80 percent.

ID 4: The fourth image is titled "what's scary about this?" A white wavy line separates the title from the body text. The body text reads: "a majority of christian support for zionism and israel is because it will supposedly trigger the return of christ. in order for this to happen requires for a) all diasporic jews to return to the land, therefore displacing palestinians and b) jews to be either proselytized and abandon their own religion for christ or die." Below this text, a second title reads: "what's even scarier?". Body text reads: "despite israel claiming to represent and protect all jews, it prioritizes the support of evangelicals."

ID 5: the fifth image is untitled. It has a screenshot from an article which reads: "Former Israeli ambassador to the US Ron Dermer suggested Sunday that Israel should prioritize the 'passionate and unequivocal' support of evangelical Christians over that of American Jews, who he said are 'disproportionately among our critics.' 'People have to understand that the backbone of Israel's support in the United States is the evangelical Christians. It's true because of numbers and also because of their passionate and unequivocal support for Israel,' Dermer said in an onstage interview at a conference organized by Makor Rishon, a news outlet affiliated with the national religious community". Green text below it says: "this represents not just the goals of dermer but of israel. he just ended a seven year term in january as the ambassador of israel in washington. he was known as the ears and brain of netanyahu. his words are representing much more than just his thoughts." There is a white arrow pointing from the green text up to the article screenshot.

ID 6: the sixth image is titled "sources". There is a wavy white line separating the title from the body text. The body text consists of four sources, which are as follows: "times of israel: dermer suggests israel should prioritize support of evangelicals over us jews. lifeway research: evangelical attitudes toward israel research study. city journal: why don't jews like the christians who like them? america magazine: understanding the evangelical obsession with israel."

working links include:

[hyperionwitch-art]

Would you mind sharing a little about how you made your website for sharing your art? I want to make one, but I'm not sure where to start.

Not at all!

So, what I did was write my site in HTML and CSS from scratch and then hosted it on Neocities. Which, for a little bit of background, I had a li'l leg up on because I learned HTML in high school and then picked both it and CSS back up recently for my day job, and my partner was a huge help in understanding some of the backend type stuff for editing and adding a bit of Javascript. It has its pros and cons versus using something like Squarespace, or even using a framework to help shortcut the HTML/CSS--some stuff on the page is still a little broken, and I haven't fixed it yet!

If you're interested in going down the same path I did, there are lots of resources available! I started with (the free parts of) Codecademy, but Neocities itself has a page on learning skills for website building, and personally if I was going to start over I think that's where I'd begin. You can find that here: https://neocities.org/tutorials

Otherwise, if picking that up is too intimidating or time consuming (very understandable!) you can look into WYSIWYG ("what you see is what you get") editors like Squarespace, Wordpress, or Wix, which I believe are more built to drag and drop page elements onto a site so you can see it as its being built, and you don't have to mess with the code part (unless you want to!).

I hope that helps! If you've got questions, I can try to assist--though I'm not sure I'm the best at explaining stuff, haha~

[menlove]

have to do a paper focusing on modern religion instead of religious/cultural history i have suffered more than jesus

[cristianpaduraru]

Bible reading week 9 of 2023 Genesis Explained

Peace, this week we read Genesis then meet online 23-03-04 to share from the Scriptures and pray at the Bible study group 🌏 EN RO SP God bless you 🙏 We are fasting for Please the Romanian Bible School Broadcast done by Eforie.Church and the European Gospel Meeting – Thank you for your support reaching more with Relate4ever Resources Facebook Youtube…

[jyndor]

so uh.... what's going on with the ugandan judge

[grison-in-space]

I'm genuinely sorry, I was really tired and couldn't think of the word that mad pride movements use. I'm new to all of this. I thought you would be more open to it because you've reblogged from radical leftists (anarchists and communists both) within the past couple of weeks and they're all for Veganism afaik. The argument that all brains are different but equal and should be treated the exact same is a primary aspect of mad pride from my understanding, and that speaks to me about animals just having different brains, and that they don't deserve to be exploited and killed for us just because they're different. I'm not spamming people with it, but I was inspired by an ask by a nonvegan and started asking popular bloggers why they weren't vegan to open up conversation and potentially change people's views on animals. If I've made you uncomfortable I'm sorry, though I admit I'm really confused by your standpoint. You do know that the only reason communism hasn't succeeded is because of America? Anyway, sorry again, I'm also autistic and I didn't mean to dismiss your legitimate dietary needs. Can I recommend acti-vegan's posts? While I understand that you can't go vegan, perhaps their blog will at least help you understand our points, they're much more well-written than my asks and they have plenty of legitimate science resources at hand. Thanks for listening, I'll take your advice into account. I'm not trying to not listen, it's just frustrating because so many people say they get it but they don't change, and if they truly got it they would, you know?

Okay, I get that you didn't mean to be offensive, and fuck knows I shouldn't throw stones when it comes to forgetting specific words. (This happens to me fairly frequently; it's a thing.)

The argument that all brains are different but equal and should be treated the exact same is a primary aspect of mad pride from my understanding, and that speaks to me about animals just having different brains, and that they don't deserve to be exploited and killed for us just because they're different.

So yesterday I actually wrote out and then deleted a whole paragraph to the effect of "part of my deep, deep frustration with animal rights activism hooks into my commitment to the phrase 'nothing about us without us,' because I frequently see the same kinds of emotional projection without making the effort to listen to animals on their own terms from animal rights activism groups."

The first thing I need to make clear to you is that this--veganism and animal rights activism (ARA) more generally--is not new to me. I am in my mid-thirties and I have never had a job of any kind that did not revolve around animals in some way, I've spent time in rescue spaces and vets and universities, I'm queer and I have spent most of my life in leftish progressive circles, so it's kind of hard to miss.

Essentially, you are proselytizing to me as if you were a newly baptized evangelical convinced I had never heard of Jesus, because if only I had heard and understood his holy word, I would be converted instantly to his light! It's not any less irritating when the belief system isn't explicitly a religion.

More under the cut, because this one is long.

Disclaimer one: Veganism isn't synonymous with ARA ideology, but it's deeply entangled with it, and ARA ideology drives the movement of veganism as a (theoretically non-religious) ethical decision. And I object very strongly to the framework imposed by ARA activists. When I say I am not vegan, I am saying that I have considered the ethical framework that underpins veganism as an ethics movement and I have deliberately rejected it.

The second piece of context you should know that when I talk about being a behavioral ecologist, I mean that I'm a researcher who works on animals and that my framework is rooted in trying to understand animals in their own natural ecological context, without necessarily comparing them to humans. There's a lot of ways to study animal behavior you might run into, including attempts to understand universal principles of behavior that transcend species (animal cognition) and attempts to understand how to better treat animals in human care (animal welfare). You know Temple Grandin? Temple Grandin is an ethologist (the field that gave rise to behavioral ecology, also focused on animals within their species context) who worked on animal welfare (finding ways to make slaughterhouses less stressful to livestock, among other things).

Third point: my profession also means is that I work directly with animals--in my case, currently mice--and that I do not think research with animal subjects is wrong as long as all efforts are made to ensure maximal welfare and enrichment for the animals involved. This is another major bone of contention politically between my entire field and ARA groups, and you should know that I have also spent my entire professional career under the shadow of, well, people who care strongly enough about those ideas to invade my workspace and potentially seize my animals and "free" them into a world they do not have the tools to survive in.

So there's where I am coming from. Let's get back to what you're saying. Here, I'll quote again in case you have the same crappy short-term memory I do.

The argument that all brains are different but equal and should be treated the exact same is a primary aspect of mad pride from my understanding, and that speaks to me about animals just having different brains, and that they don't deserve to be exploited and killed for us just because they're different.

Point the first: Even within humans, I don't think that all brains should be treated the exact same. Especially in a disability context! After all, what is an accommodation if not an agreement to treat someone differently because they need certain things to access a space? Accommodations by definition fly in the face of this "treating everyone the same" understanding of fairness. I think all (human) brains are equally valuable, and I think all brains are worthy of respect, but I do not think that it's wise or kind of me to assert that everyone should be treated in the same way. For one thing, I teach students. If there's one thing teaching has taught me, it's that a good teacher is constantly assessing and adjusting their instruction to meet students where they're at, identify failures of understanding, and keep the attention of the classroom.

Point the second: animals do have different brains from humans. That does not mean that animals are inferior, but it does mean that they are alien. There's a philosophy paper, Nagel, What Does It Mean to Be a Bat, that you might find illuminating on this front. Essentially, the point of the paper is that animals have their own experiences and sensory umwelts that differ profoundly enough from humans' that we cannot know what it is like to be a different species without experiencing life as one, and therefore we must be terribly careful not to project our own realities onto theirs. That is, our imagination cannot tell us what a bat values and what it experiences. That is why we have to use careful evidence to understand what an animal is thinking, without relying on our ability to identify with and comprehend that animal. I have watched ARA groups deliberately encourage people to shut their reasoning brains off and emotionally identify themselves with animals without considering within-species context for twenty years. This is a mainstream tactic. It is not an isolated event and for that reason alone I would be opposed to them.

Point the third: there is a definite tendency in lots of people to care deeply and intensely about both animals and people who are seen as "lesser" in status--children, poor people, disabled people, etc--just as long as those groups never contradict the good feelings that come from the helper's own assessment of themselves and their actions. In humans, when the "needy" point out that some forms of help are actually harmful, the backlash is often swift and vicious. This is why animals are such an appealing target of support and intervention. They can't speak back and say "in fact, you are projecting my love of this frilly pink tutu onto me, and I think it's uncomfortable and prevents me from walking." They can't say "I kind of like it better when I don't have to worry about getting hit by a car, actually?"

(By the way: this is also why it's offensive to compare disabled people to animals, because this is generally done at least in part to silence the voices of disabled people speaking for our selves and our communities. We have access to language, and we use it, thank you.)

All forms of animal welfare intervention going right back to the founding of the first RSPCA have been incredibly prone to being hijacked by classist, racist, and otherwise bigoted impulses. This is because animals offer an innocent face for defense that conveniently cannot criticize the actions taken by their champions, and they therefore provide a great excuse for actions taken against marginalized members of human society. Think about the very first campaign the RSPCA ever did, which was banning using dogs as draft animals: a use that is not inherently harmful to dogs, which many dogs actively enjoy, but also one that was specifically used by poor Londoners and which in fact immediately resulted in a great butchery of the dogs that Londoners could no longer afford to feed rather than allowing poor people and their dogs to continue working together. No one was, of course, challenging the particular uses of dogs or any other animal favored by the wealthy. This kind of thing is so, so, so common. Obviously it doesn't mean that all interventions to prioritize animal welfare are inherently bigoted, but it does mean that we have to be critical about our choice of challenges.

On top of everything, the animal rights activist movement's obsession with "exploitation" is a function of the idea that humans are sinful or otherwise Bad in how we interact with animals by definition. For example, take the chicken rescue near me that is so obsessed with the possibility that some human somewhere might benefit from an animal in their care that they implant every hen they adopt out with hormonal implants such that the hens no longer lay eggs--a function that is normally a natural byproduct of a chicken's reproductive system, fertilized or not. A mutualistic relationship involves both parties benefiting, and that is the case for an awful lot of human relationships with animals. In general, the idea that associating with animals is a thing that can only harm animals rather than being a trade between two species to enrich one another is all over these groups. It's just so myopically focused on human shame that it prevents practical interventions that might benefit everyone, and often promotes interventions that don't directly benefit animals but sure do make humans miserable. For example, this kind of thinking is why groups like PETA are absolutely awful at effectively rescuing unwanted dogs and cats: they think pets living in "bondage" with humans are an essentially sad outcome, rather than one that might be mutually enjoyed by all parties.

I'm tired and my meds haven't kicked in, so I'm not currently going to handle the communism thing except to point out that while the US absolutely did destabilize a number of leftist regimes in South America and Africa, Russia and China between them have certainly not treated their own people kindly, either (and more so their own client-nations, as with the former members of the USSR). Please do some reading about the Holodomor and Lysenko in Russia (and frankly all of the details of Stalin's regime) and the Cultural Revolution in China in particular. Khmer Rouge might be worth looking into, too. I am not saying the US's hands are clean, you understand, because they are not; they're as steeped in red as anyone else's. What I am saying is that for people living on the ground, communist revolutions have this nasty habit of turning into bloodbaths and arbitrary slaughters. Do not let your distaste for the US's bloodsoaked imperialism (which, yes, is and was bad) let you fall into the trap of becoming a tankie.

And if you don't know what a tankie is, you really, really should take some time to learn.

[doberbutts]

beginning to really feel like the ubiquitous hatred of men IS inherently tied to racism. just look at the things people point to as why PoC are "scary" and it's usually because of a perceived proximity to "mannishness" and all that entails. it's getting harder and harder to not see a desire to protect the "fragile and feminine" as inherent to whiteness and white supremacy especially when taking into account how femininity is defined. like even setting aside how casting All Men as inherently dangerous or threatening will ultimately cast men of color and other marginalized men as these things, thus reducing their access to spaces, safety, resources, and rights. but i just can't convince myself that "all men are bad" isn't inherently rooted in racism itself, not just a consequence of racism because it might hit men of color as collateral

when you consider then also how in fundamentalist and evangelical christianity (and just christianity in general) male desire is seen as inherently evil and to be regarded with suspicion, the erection is the work of the devil, etc., and how core to white supremacist culture that christianity is... idk this isn't very coherent but i hope it makes some sense

i just really think systems of race require gender segregation to operate as they do and so any reinforcement of ANY gender segregation is going to ultimately further racist causes

Well, my belief is that all oppression circles back onto itself like a giant ouroboros. White supremacy, patriarchy, ableism, classism, all of these hook back together in both obvious and also very subtle ways. I was talking with a Jewish friend last night about how I don't think I've ever heard an antisemite speak that wasn't also antiblack. Including black antisemites. I don't think I've heard an antiblack person speak that also wasn't filled to the brim with sexism. I don't think I've heard a sexist person speak that wasn't also ableist. I don't think I've heard an ableist person speak who wasn't also classist. And I don't think I've ever heard a classist person speak who wasn't also antisemitic. They're all connected. Every single one. Most homophobes are deeply misogynistic, most misogynists are also transphobic, and so on.

I think this also hooks directly back into the theories of intersectionality and CRT, because for so long we have stagnated discussing how these are all completely separate and individual social phenomena when really most of the time where one stinks they all reek. These are all systems upon which society has built itself up in layers, and the reason it's so difficult to fix is because they are all hooked into each other and so you can't wiggle one piece free without toppling the whole tower. The tower still has to come down, but it's sure as hell going to put up a fight getting there.

[bfpnola]

thank you seré, i love you so much

absolutely furious at the response of the internet at large to what's happening in palestine. everyone on this fucking website is all for violent revolution until it's palestinians doing it.

i don't have many words right now but i'm taking this opportunity to spread awareness of the general situation and hopefully push back against the tide a little. here are some resources provided by the wonderful people over at @bfpnola.

Free Palestine Study Guide for Beginners

Decolonize Palestine

Palestine 101 Carrd

Israeli Apartheid for Beginners

Evangelicals are the Primary Supporters of Israel in the US

[runawaymun]

Two takeaways right now that I really cannot stress enough: 1) We cannot afford to keep spouting the "The American public is fucking stupid" and "Republicans are dumb and uneducated" rhetoric. I have already seen a new resurgence in the past 24 hours. Yes, it's true: One in five Americans are functionally illiterate. Many of them live in states like New Mexico and Mississippi, below the poverty line, with underfunded educational institutions, and very little access to resources to help them. A staggering amount of USAmericans read below a sixth grade level. This is not a moral failing. This is not their fault. This is a societal failing, an infrastructure failing. We've been failing the rust belt for decades and it's only getting worse. And it does not help our cause if we continue to turn up our noses and say they're all stupid cousin-kissing hillbillies who deserve what they're getting. That only helps Trump. That is how we got here. The division only helps the people in power to keep up the grift. As long as we continue to disparage and underestimate working people from the Midwest and the American South, we will continue to lose. They are tired of being condescended to, and that is why they like Trump. He at least pretends (badly, but he at least pretends) that he cares about their interests.

Remember this bit of propaganda?

All the way back from 1754?

We have to stop fighting each other. We cannot afford to continue saying 'Trumpers are stupid and hateful and uneducated' and continue this us-against-them mentality. It is JUST as bad as my Midwestern parents who say that Democrats are evil satanic child-killing communists. I grew up steeped in that environment. I fully believed it. Many people are just as scared as you are. They are working with the information they have. They believe they are doing the right thing, just as you do. They are watching their communities literally disintegrate and the only person that promises to bring them jobs is Donald Fucking Trump. And he is employing every propaganda tactic in the book to grift them. A big part of the lies the Republican party loves to spout is that they're persecuted and they're underdogs -- I grew up in this environment. It stems from an Evangelical worldview that to be righteous is to be persecuted. Disparaging these people, insulting them, condescending them, only feeds this narrative. The only way I got out of this mentality was by having access to community college, meeting kind people outside my bubble who were willing to have a conversation with me, and finally getting education that wasn't steeped in evangelical propaganda.

I invite you all to go and watch Megan Phelps-Roper's TEDtalk (or read her book, it's excellent) about how she left her family's cult. The only thing that broke through that fog of 'We are persecuted and therefore righteous' was when people stopped throwing cups of hot liquid and piss at her (when she was a child!), and started being kind and empathetic. We all can stand to learn a lot from stories like hers. The second that evil god-hating people started being kind to her was the second she began to question everything she'd been taught.

Yes, it's very easy to look at these people spewing hateful rhetoric and label them as evil. But they're not. The people exploiting all of us are evil. The people exploiting fear and division are evil. We need to call for accountability with news outlets, to fund grass-roots efforts to give adults with educational gaps access to help. Many of them simply could not continue going to school because their families were impoverished and they had to work so they could fucking eat. Many of them have undiagnosed disabilities because they do not have insurance to even go to a doctor. To be ignorant is not a moral failing. Willful ignorance? Absolutely. But ignorance, no. The only thing we can do now is be kind, invite people into discussion, and remember that the only enemy is the oppressor in power who views everybody as pawns and dollar signs. We are all the same to them.

2) Please do not fall into the trap of thinking this means that your vote does not count. Voting is more important than ever. You need to vote in your local elections. You need to. The Senate and the House are the lawmakers and the people in charge of declaring war. They have term limits. They are not untouchable. They are the only people now who are capable of checking Trump. And your local mayors, councils, etc are the people who are going to make the real difference between public healthcare, good education, censorship, civil rights, housing, etc. States have an immense amount of freedom to operate. That is how I have access to incredible free healthcare in mine. That is how we have one of the best public transit systems in the country. That is how we placed penalties on industries and got rid of smog and heavy pollution in the 70s. That is how we have gay bars and drag brunches and well-funded libraries. That is all local-government stuff. If you want your communities to change, you HAVE to vote locally. Please, please, please do not give up and think your vote doesn't matter. It does. It matters immensely.

[pannaginip]

DZRH News on Twitter @dzrhnews:

JUST IN: Drag artist na si Amadeus Fernando Pagente o mas kilala bilang Pura Luka Vega, muling inaresto ng MPD

RH29 @/boy_gonzales

2024 Feb. 29

Bahaghari on Facebook: Pura Luka Vega's rearrest highlights LGBTQI's non-enjoyment of freedom of expression and artistic freedom

After months of being released on bail, drag artist Pura Luka Vega has been arrested again, this time by a different court but with the same complaint.

Bahaghari once again condemns the weaponization of the law against Pura and their right to freely express their relationship with faith through art. Evangelical groups have allotted resources to further marginalize an LGBTQI+ person in the court of law. Similarly, many city councils across the Philippines have declared them "persona non grata," following a viral video where they, dressed as Jesus Christ, performed Ama Namin remix in a bar.

It has not gone unnoticed to Bahaghari the double standards at play in this case. Pastor Apollo Quiboloy of the mega-church Kingdom of Jesus Christ was indicted by FBI for alleged crimes against women and children but none of the city councils who have declared Pura "persona non grata" are mum on this issue. Until now, Quiboloy is in hiding even with summons from the Senate in their investigation on the abuse allegations against him. Furthermore, the complainants for the case are all affiliated with the Philippines for Jesus Movement (PJM) founded by Eddie Villanueva, the father of Senator Joel Villanueva, whose office has deployed disgusting tactics to delay the SOGIESC Equality Bill.

The art of drag and other similar acts of expression by LGBTQI+ people are under attack around the world. In the United States, legislations have been passed to criminalize people based on gender identity and expression. In the Philippines where a national anti-discrimination law is absent, LGBTQI+ individuals are subject to gender-based violence.

Pura Luka Vega's case is an attack on LGBTQI+ people's expression on their relationship with faith and religion and the expression of their artistic freedom. LGBTQI+ individuals have different expressions on their faith. Many are still practicing their religion. Some have abandoned it altogether due to the trauma and marginalization they felt in the presence of their religious leaders.

#DragIsNotACrime #FreePuraLukaVega

2024 Mar. 1

[apologynics]

The intersection of rural healthcare and women’s healthcare is incredibly important to me. The closest Planned Parenthood to where I live is nearly two hours away, and this is a “blue” (swing) state. Meanwhile, Evangelical-bankrolled “pregnancy resource clinics” that distribute Christian literature to women in crisis operate in nearly every town in the county, including mine. *I* have access to a gp and a major hospital, but many of my friends, family members, and hundreds of other women living and working in rural areas do not.

And no, I don’t care what their political views are. All women, even the farmer down the street with the Trump sign painted on her trailer, deserve access to reproductive healthcare. That is a fundamental human right.

[saysaraelle]

Another great resource on this topic is Chrissy Stroop, an exvangelical who writes for Religion Dispatches and is actively trying to shift the media narrative on Christianity today.

Jews aren't involved in a widespread conspiracy to control American society, but you know who is?

Rich white evangelical christians.

[cristianpaduraru]

Vaykra Leviticus Explained Bible reading week 11 of 2023

Peace, this week we read Leviticus then meet online 2023-03-18 to share from the Scriptures + pray at the Bible study group 🌏 EN RO SP God bless you 🙏 Euro-American Gospel Meeting @ Eforie.Church – Thank you for your support reaching more with Relate4ever Resources Facebook Youtube…

[olderthannetfic]

I've been trying not to go there, but I'm past my limit with the "porn addiction is really a thing" people. They keep prioritizing personal anecdotes, so fine, here's my personal response. (I'm not looking for pity or emotional support here. I'm just really angry.)

Stop appropriating the pain of people with actual addiction and those who have suffered from having caretakers and others they're close to with addiction.

My father is addicted to alcohol. One of my first memories is of when I was about five years old, begging him to stop drinking if he loved me. He was so-called "high functioning" (yeah right) for most of my life, but it still blew up his life and mine multiple times. It took me decades, and becoming the only person (apparently including himself) who cared if he lived or died, but now I don't care any longer.

I'm now, finally, very low contact with my father. I'm not going to be saving his life again. He loves alcohol and nothing else.

Porn addiction is not real. The idea of it is appropriating something real, something incredibly harmful personally and societally, for the sake of cult control. I'm sick of it. People with actual addictions, and families that have suffered from them, get virtually no resources whatsoever. Meanwhile all these evangelicals are spending their time and money wanking over their fear of porn. Fuck off.

--

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey sex witch!

I’m in my first relationship and neither my bf or I have had partnered sex. We both come from evangelical purity culture backgrounds. I’ve done years of work on educating myself and reconnecting with my sexuality. We’re both on the same page that we’d like to have sex. But I recently realized (after months of dating) the extent to which he is not in the same place as me.

He hasn’t done much at all to discard his sheltered upbringing. He admitted he knew very little about sexual anatomy or how arousal works. He has a hard line that we don’t do anything sexual that involves genitals until he isn’t freaked out by the idea. Obviously I’ve respected that boundary and I sympathize with it, but the idea is that we’ll get to that eventually.

I’ve asked him to do the self-work required to get us both to where we want to be sexually, but he gets weirdly defensive about not knowing stuff and really isn’t making any progress on educating himself or getting more comfortable with his sexuality. I recently told him that I don’t feel very secure in his seeming lack of curiosity and initiative in this area and he took it pretty personally.

Is it reasonable that this has shaken my faith in the relationship? Should I keep waiting for him to get it together? Do you have any good resources that cover basic sex ed for adults, or talk about dealing with sexual shame and self-image?

Thanks for all you do on this blog (Batfam takes included)!

hi anon,

I remember reading this right before I took my little inbox hiatus and really looking forward to answering it, so thank you for your patience.

based on the information I have access to, it seems seems like there's a definite need for a check-in here. if the current understanding in your relationship is that there are certain places where you're paused barring certain criteria being met - you would both like to have sex, but he needs to get to a place where he's able to engage with that comfortably - and he's not doing anything to meet those criteria, then that warrants a conversation about where exactly he feels like he's stalling out.

seeking out new information can be daunting, especially if it's information that someone feels like they're "supposed" to already know. it can be embarrassing and shameful, and having that lack of information pointed out can compound that embarrassment.

it might be fun for you and your partner to start seeking out information together. you could watch Lindsey Doe's Sexplanations videos to start nailing the basics of anatomy and arousal, or check out a lighthearted and bingable series like Sex, Explained, How to Build a Sex Room, or the Principles of Pleasure to get sex into the conversation in a way that's low-pressure and fun. maybe you could even start a book club - maybe something like Ruby Rare's book, Sex Ed for Adults?

of course, if all of this leads to a whole lot of nothing and your boyfriend remains uninterested in learning alongside you, it may be time for a serious conversation about the future of your relationship. it's all fine and good if he's a reluctant learner and isn't ready to have sex quite yet, but you also have the right to move on when things are moving at a pace that's gotten to be too slow for you and is no longer meeting your wants and needs.