#ethan ramsey x sawyer hutton

[themomsandthecity]

Every Baby Name We Could Possibly Think Of

Naming your baby is a big decision, and with endless options, it can also be a difficult one. Whether you're going the traditional route or want something more unique (if so, read this first!) it's helpful to have a little, or a lot, of inspiration. Ahead, you'll find nearly every baby name we could think of (close to 1,000!). These aren't just random names we found in a book or concocted ourselves - they're almost all monikers we've heard being used, or we actually know someone who goes by the name. If we missed any, tell us in the comments! A Aaliyah Aaron Abbie Abel Abigail Abraham Adalyn Adam Addilyn Addison Adelaide Adeline Adley Adora Agatha Aiden Alan Albert Aleph Alexander Alexis Ali Alma Alton Ama Amanda Amaryllis Amber Ameila Amélie Amy Anders Anderson Andrea Andrew Angie Angela Angelica Anika Anna Annalise Anne Annie Ansel Apple April Arata Archie Aria Ariane Ariel Arlee Arlo Arman Arthur Arun Arwen Arya Asha Asher Aspen Atticus Aton Aubrey Audrey August Augustus Aurora Ava Avery Axel Aziz B Bailey Barack Barbara Barney Barry Beatrice Beau Beckett Beckham Becky Ben Benedict Benjamin Bennett Bentley Bernadette Beth Bette Betty Beverly Bexley Bianca Bill Billie Bingham Bishop Bitsie Blake Blue Bobby Bodhi Bonnie Bowie Brady Braelynn Brandon Brayden Brecken Bree Brent Brenton Brett Brian Briana Briar Bridgette Brienne Brig Brigham Brinley Brio Britta Brock Brody Bronwyn Brooklyn Bruno Bryan Byron C Caden Caitlin Caity Cale Caleb Calla Calvin Camari Cameron Camilla Carena Carina Carl Carmel Carol Carrey Carter Cary Casey Caspian Cat Catherine Celine Chandler Chanel Channing Charise Charlene Charles Charlotte Chase Cher Cheri Cheriann Cheryl Chevy Chip Chloe Chris Chrissy Christian Christopher Claire Clara Clark Clary Claudia Clementine Clifford Clint Clinton Clyde Colin Collins Condoleezza Connor Conrad Constance Coolidge Cooper Cora Corban Courtney Cruz Related: 100 of the Most Beautiful Baby Names D Daisy Dale Dallas Damon Dane Danica Daniel Danielle Daphne Darby Darlene Darrel Daryl Dashiell Dave David Davina Davis Davon Dawn Dean Deanna Declan Dekel Delaney Delilah Delta Dennis Denzel Desmond Dev Devon Dexter Diane Dinah Dixie Dixon Dolores Dominique Donald Doris Dorothea Dorothy Dot Duke Duncan Dwight Dylan E Easton Ed Eden Edith Edmund Edward Effie Eleanor Elena Eli Eliana Elijah Elise Elizabeth Ella Elle Ellen Ellerie Ellie Elliott Ellis Elodie Eloise Elora Elroy Elsa Elsie Embry Emerson Emily Emma Emmett Eric Erica Esme Esmeralda Esther Ethan Ethel Eugene Evan Eve Evelyn Everett Evie Ewan Ezra F Farah Fay Felix Ferris Finn Fiona Fisher Fitz Fleur Flint Florence Floyd Flynn Ford Forrest Foster Fox Frances Frank Franklin Frederick G Gabe Gabriel Gaige Gail Gant Garrett Garth Gavin Gem Gemma Gene Genesis Gertrude George Gianna Gibson Gigi Gina Ginger Gladys Glenn Gloria Gordon Grace Grady Graham Grant Grayson Greer Gregory Griffin Grover Gus Gwen Gwyneth H Hadlee Hailey Hal Halle Hank Hannah Harding Harlow Harlyn Harold Harper Harriet Harrison Harry Hart Hartley Harvey Haven Hawk Hawthorne Hayden Hayes Hays Hazel Hector Heath Heather Helen Henley Henry Hillary Honor Holden Holly Holt Hope Hubert Hudson Hugo Humphrey Hunter Hurley Hutton Related: Based Off Last Year's Trends, These 30 Names Will Be Among the Most Popular of 2017 I Ian Ida Idris Ike Imanuel Imogen India Indy Ingrid Inizio Ireland Iris Irvin Isa Isaac Isabella Isabelle Isaiah Isla Israel Ivana Ivory J Jack Jackie Jackson Jacob Jacqueline Jaden Jaelyn Jagger Jake James Jameson Jamie Jane January Jason Jasper Jaun Jax Jaxon Jayce Jayden Jeannette Jed Jeff Jefferson Jenna Jess Jessica Jessie Jill Jillian Joan Joanna Joaquin Joe John Jones Jordan Joseph Josephine Josh Joshua Joslyn Joss Joy Joyce Judith Judy Jules Julia Julian Julie Juliet Julius June Juno Justin K Kai Kaia Kale Kalinda Kane Karah Katharine Kathryn Kate Kay Kaya Kaylee Keanu Keegan Keira Keith Kellan Kelly Kelsey Kendall Kennedy Kevin Khloe Kiah Kiele Kiera Kim Kima Kimberly Kingston Kinsley Kirk Kit Kitty Knox Krista Kristen Kurtis Kyle Kylie L Laith Lake Lana Landon Lane Larissa Larkin Laszlo Laura Lauren Lawrence Layla Leah Lee Leia Leighton Leilani Lena Lennon Leo Leonard Leslie Levi Lewis Leyona Lia Liam Liana Lida Lilith Lillian Lily Lincoln Lindsay Lionel Lisa Lisette Liz Logan Lois Lola London Loretta Lorraine Louella Louise Lucas Lucian Lucille Lucy Luke Luna Lux Lyle Lyndon Lynne Related: 100 Unusual Boy Names M Mabel Mabrey Mac Macallan Mackenzie Macy Madeleine Madelyn Madison Mae Maeby Maggie Mahershala Maia Makena Malcolm Maleeya Malia Mamie Mandy Marabelle Marcus Maren Margaret Margot Mari Maria Mariah Mariam Marilyn Marin Marion Marisole Marisse Marjorie Mark Marlene Marlon Marlowe Martha Martin Mary Mason Matilda Matthew Maui Mavis Maximus Maxson May Maya McKinley Megan Melissa Meredith Merritt Meryl Meyer Mia Michael Michelle Mika Mike Mila Mildred Miles Millie Milo Moana Molly Monica Monroe Montgomery Morgan Moses Muhammad Murray Myles N Nahall Nahla Nancy Nanette Naomie Nasima Natalie Nate Nathan Naveen Naya Neil Neisa Neo Neoma Newt Newton Niall Nicholas Nick Nico Nicole Nicolette Nigel Nile Nimah Nixon Noah Noel Nolan Nora Norma Norman North Nova O Obama Octavia Olly Olive Oliver Olivia Omar Opal Ophelia Ordell Oriana Orion Orlando Orson Orville Oscar Otis Otto Owen P Paige Paislee Paloma Pandora Paris Parker Patrick Patsy Paul Payton Pearl Peggy Penelope Penn Penny Perry Pete Peyton Phillip Phoebe Phoenix Phyllis Pierce Piper Polly Poppy Porter Posey Preston Primrose Priya Prudence Priscilla Q Quaid Quincy Quentin Quinn Quinten R Rachel Radley Rae Ralph Ramsey Rayna Rayne Reagan Rebecca Reese Reeve Reid Reign Remi Renly Rex Rhea Rhett Rhys Richard Rick Riley Ripley River Rivers Rob Robert Robin Rome Romy Ronald Ronin Rooney Roosevelt Rory Rosalind Rosalynn Rosamund Rose Rosemary Ross Rowan Roy Royce Ruby Rue Ruth Rutherford Ryan Ryder Related: 100 Unique Yet Beautiful Girls' Names S Sacha Sage Sahara Saint Sam Samuel Sandra Sandy Sansa Sarah Saul Savannah Sawyer Scarlett Schuyler Scout Sean Sebastian Selena Sena Seymour Shane Shannon Shea Shelly Sherlock Sherry Shiloh Shirley Sia Sidney Sienna Simon Skyler Sloan Sofia Solo Sonia Sophia Sophie Spencer Stacy Stanley Stella Stephanie Sterling Stetson Stuart Sue Sullivan Summer Suri Susan Sylvia T Tabitha Tad Tamera Tamsyn Tanner Tara Tate Taylor Teagan Teddy Terrance Thea Thelma Theordore Theresa Thomas Tim Tina Tinley Toby Todd Tom Tony Travis Travon Trent Trey Tricia Trinity Tripp Tristan Troy Truman Turner Tyler Tyson V Valentina Valentine Vance Vaughan Vaughn Vera Vern Victor Victoria Viggo Vince Vincent Viola Violet Virgil Vivian W Waldo Walker Wallis Walter Warren Watson Waverly Wells Wes Wesley Westley Whitney Will Willa William Willow Wilson Winter Wolfe Wren Wyatt X Xander Xavier Xeno Y Yanet Yani Yigal York Yuma Yvette Z Zachary Zahir Zander Zane Zaylee Zayn Zion Zoe Zola Zooey Zora Zuma Zuri Related: These Are the Most Popular Baby Names of 2016 http://bit.ly/2kR9iwY

[angstymarshmallow]

never look back - ethan ramsey x mc

[a little note: I’m still drowning in in Ethan feels. Here’s a little something.]

[words counted: 1716]

She keeps thinking she'd feel different. Seeing him again after two months. But the moment their eyes collide, Sawyer feels like the air's been knocked out of her and she’s left reeling to steady herself upright again. She remembers her knees almost buckling from shock, terrified and relieved to find the feelings are all still there.

But within seconds, she stops herself from running to him. She digs her heels into the patchy grass and forces herself to remain still. She manages only a semblance of a smile instead while they swapped stories since he's been gone.

Within minutes, she has to remind herself that he isn't the center of her universe – he never was and whatever's left between them has to die.

It has to die.

Because what's the alternative?

She can’t imagine leaving Edenbrook. She can't imagine losing this once in a lifetime opportunity. But how long can she pretend before staring into those somber pools of blue threatens to be her very undoing? How long can she stave away feelings that’s been buried for two months before they claw themselves out back now that he's here?

How long can she keep it together?

Sawyer shakes her head, blond hair mussed as she swipes her fingers through its fine strands for what has to be the sixth time since this evening.

She doesn't know if she can keep it together. And she thinks missing him all this time is almost as bad as having him here.

Uttering a soft sigh, Sawyer drops the patient’s file she's been staring at for the past hour and gets to her feet.

Her mind is too conflicted. Drawn in too many different directions. Even worse, guilt travels to the pit of her stomach at the thought of paperwork still left until she makes the decision to take a break.

She's no good to anyone this distracted anyway.

She decides to venture to the break room, at this time of night she imagines her chances of running into anyone anyway is slim – let alone the one person she dreads seeing the most.

But fate much like the day is against her. Her heart skips a beat when she spots his familiar impossible height – standing close by to the snack machine.

She freezes for a moment, hand still on the door. There's almost no one else around but them. The last bit of people have trickled out.

The good news is his back is still turned and he looks too preoccupied to notice her slip away - if she really wants to.

You're a coward Hutton.

Her inner voice accuses, but Sawyer would rather be a coward than stare into those dazzling blues ever again.

Swallowing hard, the woman turns on her heels with the intention to hurry back until she hears his voice.

“Sawyer.”

Hearing her name on his tongue does something funny to her chest. It fills up with warmth and she has to suck in a breath a she body starts to feel tingly all over.

Sawyer forces her expression to remain neutral as she returns his greeting. “Ethan, hello.” She's even surprised by how steady her voice sounds.

Her eyes quickly drink him in – the slight wrinkles in his coat, the hard lines of his face she remembers tracing from their last night together and his dishelmed hair from what's probably been a long night – at least for them both.

The glasses hide the dark colour under his eyelids well enough until she gets closer. Even though she’s a few feet away, she doesn’t make direct eye contact. Not yet.

“I was just leaving.” He makes a wide gesture to the machine, “don't let me stop you.”

“Oh.” Sawyer wets her lips, trying and failing to find the right words to say. Is this how it's going to be from now on? Tip-toeing around each other because we're both afraid? “You weren’t.” She protests, disliking how hesitant she sounds. “I mean, it's okay.” She continues, smiling weakly. “I was thinking caffeine probably isn't the best right now anyway.” She rubs her arms, as she rambles on. “At least not so late.”

“You've been running on fumes for hours.” His words are stiff but underneath it all, Sawyer detects another layer of concern. “And you look almost dead on your feet.”

Despite his brusque tone, Sawyer manages a light chuckle. “Even when you’re worried, you know how to make a girl feel special.” Self-consciously, she pulls her hair away from her face. She's mostly teasing but there's a sudden glint in his eyes; a look that reminds her they were more than colleagues, once.

“You never look anything less than damn perfection Hutton.”

His words stun her and for a moment she's speechless until he quickly moves on.

“Besides, if we're going to get answers tonight – caffeine is the best  cure we've got.” He turns away, reaching to grab something from the machine but Sawyer is still reeling from his words.

It has to die.

These are the words come back, like a knife to her heart. It hurts to twist them inside her chest but she knows she must. She knows she has to suffer through it, to fight for composure because this isn't just her life - it's his too and they don’t belong together.

Sawyer tests her own will by stepping a little closer. She thinks she can manage a reasonable amount of proximity without making a fool of herself. It's not the first time there's been lingering tension between them.

Before she can think of a response l, Ethan much larger hand is outstretched towards her; a silent offering of her favourite chocolate bar.

Her heart swells. He remembers.

She mumbles a swift word of thanks;  their fingers meet before quickly pulling away.

But his touch lingers. On her skin. All around her.

She swallows, taking a considerable step back but she makes the mistake of looking at him – really looking at him and the sight of the torn expression flitting across his face has gutted her.

Sawyer sucks in a breath, her knees ignoring her desperate plea to remain upright and nearly buckles right then and there from under the intensity of his stare.

Her breath hitches as he keeps in her orbit, never taking his eyes from her face.

He's almost too close to be safe.

She doesn't know who reaches for who first – only that they've been fused together – limbs wrapping around each other, lips crashing against one another with such reverent urgency that she swears she sees stars.

He sinks his teeth into her lower lip.

A moan leaves her throat. And then another as the cool texture of the wall is pressed behind her, cocooning her against his weight.

He whispers her name; half as a plea and half as a denial but either way Sawyer doesn't want him to ever stop.

God, she missed this. She missed him.

His lips are a blend of passion and demand and she answers every kiss in kind.

Another kiss, another gentle tease of their fingers ghosting across supple flesh as he grows stiff against her wandering hand, moving to cup him. When his fingers tilt her head back, she braces one arm against the wall as continues her fingers keep pace with her light teasing, while Ethan's other hand rests snugly by her waist.

And for a moment the rest of the world fades away.

Just for a moment every voice inside her head that had been screaming for her to stop, is quiet.

Somewhere between all the ardent kisses and nonsensical whispers, they’re the only two people in the universe, basking in stolen kisses and the roaring of their pulses beating in erratic rhythms. When he breaks the kiss, it’s only to drag his lips to find purchase by her throat.

He kisses her wild and frantic pulse as she slams her eyes shut and rests her head against the wall.

It has to die.

The words break her from her reverie and the rest of the world bleeds back into perspective.

Sawyer bristles at the instruction, struggling for air.

She feels Ethan stiffen. She hears him swear before he reluctantly wrenches himself free; his features twisting in agony with the same torn expression that she's buried deeply inside her heart.

“We shouldn’t.” The words are clipped and cold – nothing like the Ethan, Sawyer has grown to know and has fallen heads over heels for. “We can’t.”

“We can’t.” Sawyer repeats but she ignores her shaking hands, ignores the denial in her heart as vehement as his words. She tucks them behind her back instead, before he’s able to see just how much his words hurt. Then she pushes off the wall and suddenly the space between them has become too vast for her to ignore.

Somehow Sawyer manages a nod, dragging her eyes away from his face before he sees the cracks in her armor. The cracks that have been there since his return to Edenbrook.

They step away from each other within minuscule of seconds, neither one of them quite meets the other’s gaze. And deep down, Sawyer tries to forget.

Her hand pauses in mid air, the chocolate bar nearly half-crushed between her fingers as she waves goodbye. “Thank you.”

Her voice has cracks in it too, like her armor that has no business being broken over someone that doesn’t want her – that doesn’t need her the way she wants to be needed, has forced her to change. To walk away.

Sawyer is he's still fumbling to put them back together as she whirls away, keeping a wide berth after Ethan's swift nod of goodbye.

As her hand braces against the door, Sawyer wrestles with the urge to look back. To kiss him and pretend the rest of the world doesn’t matter. But the only problem is the rest of the world does matter, it matters enough to keep them apart. And she knows if she does look at him again, if she lets those crystal eyes back into her heart – Ethan Ramsay will carve his initials and never let go.

With a staggering breath, Sawyer steels her nerves and pushes the door open; never giving herself the chance to look until the door slams entirely shut behind her.

--

[angstymarshmallow]

a line we’ve crossed (ethan ramsey x mc)

[a little note: a short fic right before bed. Once I started thinking about it, I knew I had to get the words out before they disappeared. This is a little bit different from that 30 diamond scene with Ethan last week. It’s roughly right after they sleep together and it’s kind of much similar format...except a little more angsty.  If you read it - thank you! If you leave a comment, bless you! ].

[words counted: 1287]

Their clothes are everywhere; scattered pieces around the room that were yanked and thrown hastily aside in a hurry to be free. Like layers of themselves, they have been stripped down and peeled away. And with so many layers gone, the weight of the outside world has shifted - almost disappearing in the passionate moments they’ve had to themselves. Except now lying naked and awake, Ethan stares at the ceiling for a moment, wondering if perhaps – he’s made another mistake.

In the moment – it meant everything. Her pleading eyes, the desperation in his own voice – admitting that things can be different now that he’s walked out of the hospital and never looked back. In the moment, where all he remembers was the softness of her skin pressed against his, her flushed cheeks, the loud cries of pleasure when he surged his hips roughly against hers; bracing her against the cool glass of his home – both wanting and needing release. In that moment, it was all he needed to keep him going and everything he hadn’t realized he wanted.

Now that his thoughts are solely in charge of themselves, with his eyes still affixed ahead and hands clenched tightly around the sheets which separates them – it terrifies him how much things will change. How much, they will change.

He tears his gaze away from the imperfections of the ceiling and drifts their attention with slowed precision to beside him. Apart of him knows he shouldn’t, but his last resistances had all but burned away hours ago. He watches the rise and fall of her supple chest, the only telltale sign of exhaustion and the slight movement just underneath her eyelids to confirm that she’s still fast asleep.

“What are you doing to me?” He says the words softly, careful not to disturb what little sleep she’ll have before her hearing. It isn’t like he’s helping, doing this – fighting the urge to cradle her to his chest and swearing to himself to never let her go. This isn’t helping at all. And like Naveen, he’ll destroy what’s let of her too.

He tenses at the thought, glancing anywhere except directly at her as sudden panic seized his chest. It’s weighing him down, and he’s desperate to forget the very notion with a drink. Without thinking, he’s already moving to get away, to place as much distance as he can between them. He shifts his weight in order to sit up in bed - only to jolt in slight surprise when he feels her hand gripping his arm.

“Ethan,” Sawyer mumbles softly.

His body goes rigid. “You’re okay,” the words don’t sound right – coming from his lips. They sound hallow and fake, something a doctor only admits to themselves when they’re alone; when they couldn’t save a patient’s life.

Her eyes flutter and open sleepily.

He avoids glancing at her for too long.

“What’s going…on?” There’s still sleep in her voice and a rustle in the sheets as she tries to pull him back to bed.

“Nothing.” His answer is quick and harsh; a defense mechanism he’s developed ages ago for people who pry too much. “Just go back to bed,” he offers, what he considers to be a smile but it seems to have little effect.

Suddenly, Sawyer is rubbing her eyes and sitting upright in bed to face him. “There’s something wrong, I can feel it.” She says the words softly, her hand curving around his arm as if to stop him from leaving.

She’s always had an uncanny ability to be emphatic – to tell when something is wrong even before someone says it, even before the person’s able to acknowledge it themselves. It throws him off-guard for a moment, before he shrugs candidly.

She senses things so quickly, it’s surprising that she hasn’t guessed how much he truly cares for her. Ethan releases a sigh, dragging a hand through the tousle of his hair. How does he explain his fear for her? For the future they’ve never talked about? “I need something to drink.” He says the words quickly, an excuse that has always served its purpose in the past.

Her steel in her eyes stay resolute in asking for more. They implore him without saying anything to stay.

“I know you’ve got a busy few days ahead of you,” He starts, maneuvering out of her grip. He looks for his pants first, feels her gaze follow his every motion as he spots them across the room. He doesn’t want to be impolite, throwing her out of his place is the last thing he really wants to do. What he wants more is to slip back in bed and slink into oblivion with her. Yet, the sane part of him knows their oblivion won’t last forever.

“That’s true,” Sawyer says slowly.

By the time he’s got his pants on, she’s on her feet – clutching the sheets around her like a shield. “But that doesn’t we can’t spend a little more time together.”

“It’s probably not for the best.” His words are clipped and he winces at how terrible they sound coming from his lips. “I mean, you’ve got a lot of residents to convince.”

“I’ve a fair share.”

She hasn’t moved yet. What is she waiting for?

“I want you to be there. At the hearing.”

He freezes. His mouth makes a small o, before he catches himself and frowns. “I can’t –” he stops short and curses – frustration ebbing away at the thought. He can’t be there right now, not after how he’s left things. Not when Naveen’s life is still at risk.

“Just, just hear me out okay?” Her lower lip quivers, and she hesitates as if she’s searching for the right words to say. “Ethan…your support would mean a lot to me.” She says it in a rush, clutching the sheet closer to her chest as her cheeks turn a rosy colour.

“Hutton,” Ethan wants to decline, he wants to tell her this won’t do her any favours.

“Please.” Her eyes are doing that thing again. They’re soft and they glisten as though they’ve turned into glass, too wet to withstand and not break. “It would mean everything to me if you were there…If you could just –” She takes a ragged breath, “be there for me.”

For a long time, Ethan stares silently at her. There’s no sound in the room, nothing except the sound of their own breaths – emphasizing the uncertainty with regards to their now precarious situation.

“Did you mean it?”

His brow creases. “Did I mean what?”

“What you said tonight. You’ve been thinking of this, of us.” She makes a gesture between them, “that I’ve been all you can think about and despite how much you’ve tried to stay away, how much you care –” she fumbles for a moment, cheeks darkening as she glances away. “Did you mean any of it Ethan?”

Ethan knows there’s no sense in lying; she’s smart enough to see a bold-face lie from a mile away. And what difference will it make now whether he does, or doesn’t? There’s already a line that’s been crossed, a line they can’t pretend and dance their way around.

Instead of answering right away, Ethan offers her the dress he’d been greedy to take off of her not too long ago. The cool satin distracts him from the disappointment in her eyes. Their fingers connect. He swallows a lump in his throat and steps quickly aside, the weight of her stare suddenly too much to bear. Before he’s able to inhale and linger on her scent, he’s already crossed the room, taking every ounce of willpower he still has left. He pauses by the door and whirls back to her.

There’s hurt there, flickering inside her eyes and making it hard for him to look away again. Clenching his jaw, Ethan nods brusquely and then mutters, “I’ll be there.” 

He doesn’t wait for her to respond. With hands slightly shaking, he reaches for the knob and breathes deeply - a sign that he has to get his emotions under control again. Although, as he closes the door of his room softly behind him - he knows he’s left a part of his heart in it.

-

tags: @courtesan-of-garage, @ecb-loves, @universallypizzataco

[angstymarshmallow]

Overworked (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

[A little note: To the anon that asked me for a ethan x mc fic, I’ve been working on one ever since and I’ve refused to stop until it was done. I’m still in the figuring out stage, but at this point where I think Ethan and MC are in their...whatever it is, this seemed like an appropriate place to start and discover that. Thank you for your request, I hope you enjoy :D]

[Words Counted: 2831].

Sawyer knew better than the next to take the case home with her.

She tried telling herself countless of times after every night of leaving Edenbrook hospital; she was leaving work behind her. She was putting aside the job, until she had to do it all over again tomorrow.

It was a lot saner that way.

But the truth was – every case stuck to her; every case weighed her down like cinder-blocks tied to her feet. She could barely see the surface anymore.

Her mother had always teased her about it. She was too emphatic, she always said – she felt too deeply, and cared too much. But Sawyer had never thought about it as a curse. It was a blessing to care about people – she wanted to become a doctor to help people.

Still, Sawyer knew it was hard. She had already seen her fair share of people try and fail doing the same. She saw cracks in their armor while they were on call, saw some of them fall apart almost completely when she ventured and caught another intern inside a storage closet – crying or taking a moment just to breathe. She didn’t want it to linger, the way it was now. But in her vow to help people, came the responsibility of such a task. It came with putting overtime hours and heading back home too late to eat anything more than a midnight snack. It came with overworking herself.

Although she knew – she was still here, doing it all over again. Despite the warnings. Despite her friends’ and her mother’s insistent. She couldn’t help it; it was just simply who she was – and it was why she was currently going through Kyra Santana’s file.

Her patient might have given up; but she wouldn’t. Cancer is something they could fight; something Sawyer took too deeply when she considered her own family. She wouldn’t abandon Kyra – even if she couldn’t see how much she needed her, herself.

It was why she was currently at her desk; reading over Kyra’s charts – analyzing her blood work.

It didn’t look good.

The cancer was aggressive, already spreading further than Sawyer anticipated. Sighing, she tapped her pen against her clipboard. Treatment was the only option – and Kyra would keep fighting her tooth and nail about it.

Rubbing her eyes, Sawyer dropped her clipboard by the corner of her desk.

“A penny for your thoughts?”

She hadn’t heard Ethan, which spoke volumes for how tired she was. At the sound of his voice, she jumped before glancing up warily at him. She met his impossibly crystal eyes with a blank stare until he emphatically repeated his question.

“Oh!” She smiled ruefully, “sorry. I’ve just been…” she trailed off, gesturing at her clipboard and biting her lower lip before staring back up at him. “Going through a patient’s blood work.”

Well, ex-patient at the rate this rate. Kyra hadn’t been back since they talked.

Ethan searched her face before making a motion behind him. “Follow me rookie.”

Blinking, Sawyer hesitated for a moment before dutifully following behind him. She kept her gaze rooted to his back as they disappeared within an empty hall. It was mostly quiet around this time at the hospital anyway; with only the overnight staff still present.

When he turned to face her, Sawyer had nearly ran into him. “It’s Kyra, isn’t it?” His face softened a fraction and for a moment, Sawyer could see the softer side of him – the side he often buried in front of others. It was only too bad that within seconds it was gone.

Sawyer stood, stretching and wincing at how sore her muscles were from being on her feet all day. “Yes, and it’s not good news.” She sighed, “it’s worse.”

“I’m sorry.” He offered simply, slipping his hands into his coat. “I know… how hard this must be on you.”

She nodded absently, but she was bracing for it. She was waiting for the I-told-you-so from him. He knew from experience. She was starting to learn what he preached and in her first few months here, she was starting to feel worn and rundown. “You warned me this would happen,” she took a deep breath. “You told me to be prepared for the inevitable, and I’m…” she was fighting for the right words, “…hallow, numb.” She ran her fingers through her bright hair; shaking her head after she glanced away. “Kyra isn’t gone but already I feel like I’ve failed her.”

“You haven’t failed her.” He said a matter-of-factly, taking a step closer. He was suddenly crowding her vision. He was close enough for her to see the slight flecks in his eyes.

Sawyer blinked up at him in alarm when she felt his hands on her shoulders.

“She’s still here.”

“But she wants to stop fighting. She wants it to win.” Grief had changed her voice; made it crack as Sawyer dropped her eyes to her feet. “I want her to keep fighting but – she doesn’t want to anymore.” She knew how bad it could, how much cancer took from everything. She’d seen it nearly destroy her family. “I know I should respect that. I know and yet…yet I - She’s tired, and I –” she cleared her throat, “I can’t stop myself from going over her file – wondering what we did wrong, what I did wrong –” She felt his arms around her then, felt his quiet breath atop her head as he hugged her tentatively – as if to ask is this okay? But it was more than okay, it was what Sawyer hadn’t realized she needed until she buried her face into his chest and simply breathed the comforting scent of his aftershave.

“It’s alright.” His tone was uncharacteristically gentle. “It’s alright.”

She took a moment to listen to his steady heartbeat, letting the sound of it become her guide to breathe. She inhaled deeply, clutching onto him; her knuckles going white while he continued to repeat the same words, over and over again against her ear.

It wasn’t until Ethan interrupted the silence between them with a clear of his throat that she realized her mistake. She had overstepped again. Her fingers froze and slowly she unclenched her hands from his shirt. “Sorry,” Sawyer mumbled, pulling away first.

He had been very clear about their boundaries since the first time they kissed. Boundaries, she did not share.

“Don’t be.” There was a splash of colour to his cheeks. “I offered.” He took another step back, creating more distance between them and making it much easier for Sawyer to find her footing again despite the surge of disappointment at the motion.

“I figured you needed a moment….to put yourself back together again.” Ethan’s gaze turned solemn, “and what you’re going through is something we all go through. Sooner or later we spread ourselves too thin, when we care so much.” His eyes searched hers’ and she felt her throat go dry from the intensity of his stare.

Is that how you feel about Dr. Banerji? She had almost spoken the words aloud before biting her lips firmly in an attempt to stop herself. That was the second subject she had almost breached today – and in public none the less.

As though reading her thoughts, he looked away. “And I know better than most.”

Sawyer ensured her voice was low as she spoke; keeping her attention half on him and the other half down the hall as a nurse appeared. “Has Dr. Banaerji’s condition – ”

“No.” He interjected. “Not since the last time you saw him.”

She relaxed a fraction, absently placing a hand on his arm for comfort before thinking better of it. “There’s that at least. No change is still good news.”  

“And yet not very reassuring.” He murmured. It was his turn to look a little desolate, a little more lost than Sawyer felt after the day she’s had. And to think – she used to believe he didn’t care about anyone or anything. Now she knew better. She understood how much he cared about people, even if he wasn’t in the habit of showing it.

Without thinking Sawyer stepped closer to Ethan, watching the way his eyes widened in surprise as she gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “It’s alright.” She uttered softly. “He has you, he has us.”

There was a question in his eyes as his free hand reached between them, almost as though to cup her cheek. At the last second, he went completely still – stopping his hand in mid-motion as the breath in Sawyer’s throat left in a barely cohesive sound.

Ethan cleared his throat, the strain visible along the smooth lines of his face as he withdrew his hand out of her solid grip. “You should get some sleep, Hutton. You can’t save people when you can barely save yourself.” Almost a little awkwardly, his other hand patted her on the back.

“Uh right,” Sawyer forced a laugh, tucking a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “I suppose it is getting rather late.” She checked the time on her watch. Shoot. She wasn’t getting any sleep tonight – maybe a nap, if she was lucky in traffic.

“I’ll walk you to your car.”

She glanced up at him.

The offer surprised her.

He looked taken aback himself at the words but made no move to deflect. Trying not to sound eager, she agreed. “Uh, sure…just let me get my stuff on.” She swallowed back the sudden excitement. Get a grip Hutton. But the thought of being alone with Ethan made her heart race a little faster, made her fingers shake as she tucked them behind her back. Smiling timidly at him, she managed a little wave before she backtracked towards her desk, “I’ll meet you at the front?”

Ethan nodded, offering her a small sample of a smile in return before retreating in the opposite direction.

-

The walk to the entrance hadn’t helped.

In fact, it seemed to draw out the anticipation somehow– although what for; Sawyer couldn’t decide. She knew better than to hold onto any semblance of hope after their last conversation. He wanted her to succeed and her success meant they could never work, not even in her wildest dreams.

Still, she wanted him – wanted him to want her, and he was beginning to take him too much space inside her head. She couldn’t let go; she was stubborn that way and his offer to walk her out felt more than something you did for a simple friend.

Maybe she reading too much into nothing.

No. She shook her head vehemently.

It was the way he blurted out the words and the surprise in his eyes afterwards which made her think differently; gave her hope that he was beginning to change.

There was a flutter in her chest as she discerned his familiar tall figure by the front of the building.

His lips were pressed into a firm line when she spotted him, and made her believe she had caught him thinking. From the broody look on his face, she can’t imagine it was anything good.

The smile across her lips faltered. “Ethan?” She asked uncertainly, “a penny for your thoughts?”

“Hmm? Oh.” His brow creased.

“Still thinking about our patient x?” Although there was no one around as they walked, she still kept her voice down – just in case.

“That and among other things.”

When he didn’t continue, Sawyer prompted him with a questioning stare, “…such as?” Did she dare believe? Did she dare think the discussion they had closed off weeks ago was still playing inside his head like a loop in hers’?

Ethan didn’t answer, not right away. Instead, he tucked his hands inside his jacket as they crossed the nearly empty parking lot. His voice was soft when he spoke again, causing her to almost lose her footing. “We’re not fools, Hutton. We can both see what’s going on.”

They were nearly to her car – three empty rows ahead. Sawyer tucked her hands inside her jacket as she turned to look at him. He was talking about them – the one subject that they had tittered across the edge on; dangerously before. When stopped short the same moment he did, her car was only a foot away. And the look in his eyes, stole her breath away.

Those piercing crystals held a mixture of longing – loneliness that made her want to reach out and touch him. She clenched her fingers around the soft texture of her pockets in order to stop herself from giving into the sudden temptation. “Ethan, if we’re talking about what I think we’re talking about…”

“But that’s just it. There can’t be anything Sawyer.” His throat had gone a little hoarse as he drew in a visibly long breath of air. “You have so much potential, so much and I would hate to see it jeopardized by anything…even if that anything is –” his eyes dropped lower – to the slight gaping of her mouth and then back to the startled expression in her eyes, “me.”

Sawyer sucked in a breath. Words that she would have said were now lost as she scrambled to keep up with him. “You’re forgetting something – that isn’t only just your choice. You don’t get to decide for me, I do.” She lifted her chin defiantly. “You think I don’t know the risks? You think I don’t rationalize all the reasons why I shouldn’t be thinking about you –” she poked a finger to chest angrily, not realizing the amount of distance between them had almost disappeared. “I get it, I do – but I’m still here. I still want to smile every time I see you; I still want to run my fingers through your hair and laugh whenever you make a snark remark –” her voice had lost it’s steam and every word she spoke grew softer and softer. “- I want to hold you close and bury my face into your shirt –” it was all spilling out too quick for her to take back - all the feelings she had to repress and when she felt his hands suddenly cupping her cheek, she stopped short to peer up at him.

“Sawyer…I can’t.” Agony shone in his eyes, burning all the way through her heart.

Feeling bold, she stood on her tip toes and enclosed her slender arms around his neck. “You can.”

He kissed her then, with a strangled gasp he slammed his mouth against hers and brought her to his chest with an impossibly strong yet gentle grip. He kissed her soundly, relentlessly – plunging his tongue in between her parted lips as she uttered a quiet gasp of her own.

His lean hips guided her against the hood of the car and without releasing her, he sat her atop as she buried her fingers in his hair.

Sawyer felt her desire for him grow with every kiss; yes yes – every nerve inside her seemed to whisper as longing for him welled inside her chest.

“What are you doing to me?” His breathing was ragged and he groaned as she sunk her teeth into his lower lip, nipping gently as he pressed intimately into her.

The rationale side of her knew they should stop, knew that he was right in placing some much-needed space between – but the rest of her didn’t care. She had never felt like this before; never felt such a constant pull to someone that refused to be ignored. “The same thing you do to me, Ethan.” She replied in between kisses, “and I want more.”

The sudden alarm of Sawyer’s car caused them both to jump at the same time.

Ethan scrambled away, cheeks flushing as Sawyer slid down off the hood. He avoided her gaze as he cleared his throat and made a considerable amount of room between them.

She did the same; and wanted nothing more than to bury herself under some kind of rock – after losing control completely. She hadn’t meant to voice so much of her thoughts. Oh god, why didn’t he stop me? That was unlike her, to be so forward someone she barely knew!

Ethan couldn’t even look at her.

Humiliation made her cheeks stung. “I – I should go.” She stammered, breaking the silence first. Stepping past him, she shakily grabbed her keys from out of her pockets and started her car.

“Hutton –”

She paused by the door handle. Don’t look at him. Just get in the car and drive. But she couldn’t stop herself. It was like something cosmic had overcome her better sense and she looked back.

He was standing where she left him, with his hands tucked inside his jacket – with a flurry of emotions in his eyes before he pressed his lips into a firm line. “Have a safe trip home.”

“You too.” Swallowing back her disappointment, Sawyer slid inside her car and closed the door behind her.

-

tags: @cora-nova

[angstymarshmallow]

infallible (ethan ramsey x mc)

[a little note: thanks to the anon for getting my inspiration flowing with number 7 from those soulmate au prompts. I kind of played around the idea a little more of them having an emotional link when they touch because I thought it would be too overwhelming to have it as a constant thing even without touching. This kinda became bigger than I anticipated but I’m happy enough with it to post it and I hope this comes close to what you were looking forward to].

[words counted: 2739]

The nights at Edenbrook hospital had been filled to the brim with people lately. Not that Sawyer was complaining. She loved people, and was always thrilled with the knowledge of providing the best support she could – even if it were sometimes as simple as reading their charts or checking up on patients early in the morning.

Still, Sawyer felt the pull of panic and stress coming from all directions. No matter where she was, there seemed to be something that needed doing and not enough time to do it. In fact, she barely had a moment to catch her breath before she pushed herself head first into another task, another responsibility and coffee could only stave away hunger for so long.

The biggest problem had been there wasn’t enough people on staff. The graveyard shift was quiet and the halls consisted of a few residents scrambling like headless chickens instead of dignified doctors to find an attending.

Still, Sawyer kept her spirits up and smiled whenever someone new had ushered her into another thing that needed doing.

Secretly, she hoped it was about time for her to run into him. They weren’t enough of them to go around after all and from the quick skimming of the schedule posted today, she knew he was working double-shifts tonight. But as luck would have it, Dr. Ramsey’s schedule was even worse than hers’ and she barely caught a glimpse of him within last two hours. And if she were in the habit of being honest with herself, the ache in her chest when it came on to him – hadn’t lessened. In fact, it seemed to be getting worse knowing they were in such close proximities with each other.

Perhaps it was better this way.

This way, it was easier to pretend the lines they’ve crossed never happened. This way, she had no reason to hold her breath – no reason for her cheeks to be shine bright red against the paleness of her skin; despite the deep longing in her heart to see him. To touch him.

Something recently had changed between them, and the shift made it harder for her to forget. Harder for her to pretend.

Sawyer forced her eyes closed for a moment, stopping inside one of the less active hallways to breathe. She repeated the motion, in and out. She tried to force herself out of the habit she’d somehow develop in thinking about him while on the job. There was no room for Ethan when she had other people depending on her.

Steeling her composure, Sawyer dipped into another hall with a new determination in her gait only to come face-to-face with the culprit himself. She hadn’t been paying attention to his approach and bumping into him caused the chart she tucked loosely by her side to fumble and clatter to the floor. She blinked.

Her body was still playing catch up with the rest of her brain as she tilted her chin to stare up at him. Her heart begun a thump thump - hammering wildly inside her chest as one of his hands came up reflexively to steady her.

“Careful, rookie.” His voice snapped her out of her daydream.

Cheeks turning crimson, Sawyer dropped her stare meekly to the floor before she scurried forward to try and desperately grab the blasted thing. “Sorry.” She mumbled.

But his touch had stunned her the most. The moment his fingers brushed her forearm, she had felt his stress. As though anything could be louder than her own – his was almost bursting at the seams. And yet, somehow his face managed to remain mostly impassive when she pulled back to stare up at him.

How could he do that? How could he bury even stress under a layer of nothingness?

She would never know.

But he was still standing in front of her, staring intently and she hadn’t an inkling of what to say. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips and his eyes followed the motion.

“You need a break.” He said the words a matter-of-factly; indicating there was no room for an argument.

“So, do you.” Her response had been instantaneous, a reflexive gesture from his dismissive snort. Heck, she even sounded tired when she spoke but she discreetly tried to clear her throat. It wasn’t just about her.

A flicker of surprise flashed before just as quickly vanishing from his eyes.

She understood why, truthfully – unlike herself, he didn’t visibly look it.

Ethan had a way of burying everything underneath the surface that rivalled anyone else she had ever met. And the fact that the strain on his face was barely showing as some type of coping mechanism – shouldn’t surprise her anymore. How often had he done that? She couldn’t count on her finger how many times he managed to keep his expressions visibly neutral.  But today of all days she wondered – how long can he keep up this façade?

It was taking every bit of her willpower to keep smiling with patients, to keep the bubbling energy she was known for around her peers. If she smiled too much, maybe they would see the tiny cracks in her armor, but she refused to be broken.

“I’m fine.” His response was just as terse, if not automatic. He seemed to hesitate, lips forming into a perpetual scowl before he uttered a resigned sigh. “I’ve handled worse.”

Of that, she had no doubt. Ethan was still one of the biggest reasons why she wanted to become a doctor, the fact that the starstruck knowledge of working along with him had mostly worn off was something expected overtime. Still, Sawyer kept a frown at the edge of her lips, letting her gaze linger on the sudden crease in his brow. “If I need one, then you need one too.” It was bold. Telling him that of all people. She might have reconsidered if she hadn’t been this tired, nearly swaying on her feet. “Besides, there’s a lot of people who need attention – so if you could just excuse me –” She stepped past him, determined to get back to work until his fingers brushed her wrist.

It was almost as though he was second-guessing himself, but she could feel it the moment they touched again. Some kind of emotional link that allowed her to feel his anxiety, his stress as deeply as if it had been her own.

She swallowed as she turned to face him, his eyes growing wide with an awareness that made her heart flutter.

Did he feel it too?

Then his lips pressed into a firm line, and he was glancing away. “You’ve been on your feet all night. You’re stressed. Tired.” His words were clipped but Sawyer’s heart does a little flip. Some of his gaze lost its cautious edge. There was worry clouding those stormy seas of his. Worry for her. “You need a break.”

His causal touch turned intimate when his thumb begun brushing absently across the inside of her wrist. It wasn’t just that he was tired, he was lonely too. Longing for something –

Then just as abruptly, Ethan dropped his hands. “Don’t be stubborn about this Sawyer.”

Her throat tightened at the way he said her name.  His own tone betrayed him. He spoke with a softness that drew her out of her own thoughts. She was staring up at him again, watching him without really saying anything.

It wasn’t just that he was worried for her, there was pain that came along with it too. As if he was trying to hold himself back.

She squinted at him. Maybe if she looked hard enough, she could see past his façade completely. “I can’t.”

His jaw clenched. “You won’t.” He retorted back.

“You get it, don’t you?” She shifted on her feet, dropping her eyes to the chart that she rested snugly against her chest.

Of course, he got it. It was the same selfless drive that had him spending his off-hours here instead of the comfort of his home. It was the same selfless drive that kept those dark circles underneath his eyes and the smell of faint brandy on his breath. “There’s too many people counting on us for me to take a break. For you to take one.” She lifted her eyes, saw another flicker of surprise when he met her insistent gaze.

Ethan was suddenly tugging her wrist and Sawyer nearly tripped over her own two feet to follow him. “You’re no good to any patient tired.” He blew out an irritated breath, then lowered his tone. “None of us are.”

Abruptly, the link between them had shifted. All of a sudden – all she could sense was his urgency. He was feeling anxious not just about the countless of people waiting on them. It was about them too – just the two of them.

She wanted to ask. God, did she want to really ask. But she bit her lips hard in effort to stop herself. She shouldn’t. She shouldn’t. What did she even expect him to say? Could they move past never happened?  

Was she prepared for the answer?  

Instead, Sawyer kept mouth firmly shut until they were safely tucked away in the lunch room.

Despite the lateness of the hour, they were still a few stragglers around. As her eyes scanned the room, she was oddly surprised and relieved to see most of them with their heads buried in their arms; taking what she assumed to be as a momentary relief from the hustle and bustle of being on their feet.

Ethan dropped her hand as they entered and halted in front of the snack machine. Within one fluid motion, he tucked a few quarters in. “Here.” He pushed a chocolate bar into her still open palm.

The contact this time, sent another rush down her spine and heat flooded her cheeks. “Thanks,” she mumbled. Glancing down at the chocolate bar, she smiled briefly. It was the same kind of chocolate bar she bought him on her first day.

So much has changed since then, she mused to herself. If anyone had told her she would have become this self-assured and strong version of herself a year ago – she would have withered underneath the praise. But now, she could hold her chin up high because, Sawyer felt more than ever that this was where she belonged – helping people who needed it the most.

I’ve changed.

But the change didn’t just stop there. She wasn’t the only thing that had changed. Her friendships, her peers – were all changing too. Could she have been the same person today without them? Without him?

He pushed her to the best doctor she could be, and if anyone had changed her the most – it was him.

We’ve changed.

She fumbled to wrap her head around it, but there was no other answer. Nothing to quantify the kind of relationship that developed between them. Dr. Ethan Ramsey didn’t seem the sort to have his life spiral out of control – but she had been there to pick up the pieces and he had done the same. They weren’t the same people last either.

And maybe it was time for her to face it. To face the reality that she had been dreading all this time. They weren’t just two co-workers, or even strictly unprofessional – such terms couldn’t define what he meant to her. He was her confidant. Her friend. Her home. Wherever he was – she wanted desperately to be. They were…too much of everything.

Sawyer felt his eyes trained on her as she went completely still at the sudden realization. Cheeks flushing, she hoped more than ever that her own emotions weren’t betraying her. It was one thing if she was the only person that felt this way. If she had to bury her feelings deeply to never reach the surface again – to maintain what was left of their professional working relationship she could.

But if there was any hope of him feeling the same.

Sawyer’s brain fumbled again at the thought.

Slowly, she opened the wrapper before finally allowing herself to stare up at him. “Aren’t you going to get one?”

“I don’t need it.” His answer was as usual – dismissive and short.

Shaking her head, Sawyer broke it in two and handed him half. “Here you go.” She watched his lips draw back to protest, but she quickly beat him to it. “You need it as much as I do.” She mumbled, stubbornly. “Ethan, please.” Look out for yourself, she added silently.

Something in her expression must have changed his mind. With a sigh, Ethan reached for the piece of chocolate she held out expectantly.

As much he looked infallible – all it took was a simple touch to prove differently.

The second their fingers met; Sawyer felt it in an instant. He was tired, immeasurably tired and stressed under the weight of all his responsibilities as the leader of their diagnostic team. “Ethan –” Her words died in her throat.

As their gazes lifted from the chocolate bar and onto each other again, Sawyer’s breath hitched. His earlier urgency returned in full force – but it shifted solely onto her.

A flurry of emotions whirled inside her chest – hunger, passion, pain, love - she could no longer distinguish hers’ from his. It had all melded together somehow, leaving her ragged and hardly able to catch her breath.

Can you feel it? His eyes seemed to say. They had gone from their unnerving and cool reflection of the sea, to something piercing – almost insistent in a way she couldn’t look away from.

I can feel it. She wanted to say, but she couldn’t find her voice. I can feel it so much. There was something wet on her cheeks. She tried to swipe it away, but he beat her to it.

Instead of dropping his hand, his thumb lingered across her cheek.

Maybe it was because she was suddenly too tongue-tied and exhausted to pull away. Or maybe it was because she simply felt too damn tired of holding herself back and pretending - but Sawyer couldn’t have stopped herself even if she wanted to. When her knees buckled and his arms came to  catch her before she could fall – she allowed her arms to reach for him. She allowed the tears to blur her vision as the impact of their own feelings – melded together as one.

He didn’t speak. His lips did for him. They found hers’ as she managed to draw a breath, drawing a soft moan from her slightly parted lips. 

He kept his fingers splayed across her back, suddenly clutching onto the lapels of her coat when they slid further down. He held her in place, but it didn’t matter because Sawyer had melted completely against him.

All form of resistance died when he touched, when his feelings spoke louder than anything he could  have said to push her away. And he would have pushed her away if he hadn’t kissed her first.

Her grip was clumsy as she held on. She wouldn’t let him go again - not now, not ever. Her own heartbeat seemed to rang with the same amount of clarity as Ethan uttered a soft groan.

She could taste the desire on his lips – tasted how much he missed her with every sense of her being as their kisses grew deeper, more insistent until her back felt the cool surface of the snack machine. As the seconds ticked by from the clock across the corner of the lunchroom, her arms slid to his neck and she kept herself tightly wounded against him.

There had to be a word for it.

A word that could describe this. This all-consuming need to not just hold him, but to be with him no matter what. No matter the cost. And it would cost them greatly, loving each other as desperately as this, Sawyer realized. But no matter what people said about them, or no matter Ethan’s own self-destructive tendencies to try and ruin what they have - they were always pulled back together again.

It was because she loved Ethan Ramsey. She loved him in a way that she used to think was impossible.

“You’re my soulmate.” She whispered the words against his lips; felt his shudder ripple through her as an answer. “You’re my soulmate Ethan Ramsey, and I’m never letting you go again.”

-