#estinien is a wifeguy in every universe

[theshotsheardacrossworlds]

Blather

Agnes/Estinien. Modern AU. Aymeric + Estinien + sake +access to social media = drunk posting about how hot your girlfriend is 

“So, what’s this then, Aymeric?” Estinien picked up the bottle and attempted to read the label. Too bad it’s in Hingan.

“Rena said it’s sake. Potent, but—”

Estinien smirked. “But we’re Ishgardian men. We can handle our liquor. Well, most of us.” He winked at Aymeric, who groaned.

“Just because I have a more sophisticated palate doesn’t mean that I can’t hold keep up with you, Master of Exercise Science and Nutrition.”

“Hmph, we’ll see, Eorzea’s Best-Looking Defense Attorney.” Estinien poured them glasses and handed one to Aymeric. “Cheers.”

Aymeric grinned and raised his glass. “Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

“Shears!”

“Beers!”

“Fears!”

“Clears!”

“Leers!”

“Weirdsh!” Aymeric shouted as Estinien stared into his glass.

“That’sh notta word, Aym’ric.”

Aymeric rolled his eyes and snorted. “Could be. Schomewhere on the inter’net hic you never know.”

INTERNET?!?!?! Estinien suddenly scrambled for his phone and unlocked it. PASSWORD: BIGB00TYB1GT1TTYAGI$. “Need to do schomething…”

“What?”

“Gotta Blather. Tell EVERYONE Agi ish tha besht.”

Aymeric nodded and poured what little remained of the sake into their glasses. “Good idea.”

@EstinienTheTrainer JUSSSSSSST WANN EVERYONE 2 KNOW I LOVE MY SOFT GF SHE’S HOT #SOFTNHOT

Very quickly, his Blather got likes and replies.

@spicypickles Hey @EstinienTheTrainer that is so cute! What a lucky lady!

@bigmaninsharlaylan My man @EstinienTheTrainer has it got it made! #SoftNHot

@boobooboo @EstinienTheTrainer’s gf is sooooooooo blessed!

Yes!!! I am so lucky and blessed and whatever else Hami says about the Fury. I AM A LUCKY MAN!!!! However, Estinien did not expect to find not wholly positive replies.

@utrdmcgee @EstinienTheTrainer you realize you’re a personal trainer right? and you “glorify” #softnhot smh

@ninjaman22222 I think @EstinienTheTrainer should post a pic of his gf to see if she #softnhot

@fiteelezengirl trainers should not be into #softnhot @EstinienTheTrainer

His eyes bulged. “AYM’RIC! Gotta posht a pitcher of Agi. They gotta schee her.”

Aymeric stared at the ceiling and made a noise that appeared to be an affirmative.

I know…the pic of Agi in the purple dress…booooobies looked good. He attached the picture to a Blather, which said:

@EstinienTheTrainer HERE SHE IS <3 #SOFTNHOT

Within seconds, he got more likes than he did on his fitness photos and videos.

@spicypickles Omg @EstinienTheTrainer omg she’s so cuteeeeee

@bigmaninsharlaylan Duuuude @EstinienTheTrainer has great taste #softnhot

@boobooboo What an adorable woman @EstinienTheTrainer

@freddiesmum That’s my son’s teacher Miss Agnes! She’s just the best <3

@rollinginthebreeze Godsdamn what a lady @EstinienTheTrainer #softnhot

Once again, Estinien did not anticipate negative comments.

@chocoboman43 your gf is ugly @EstineinTheTrainer

@BunnehB0i833 ser ur a trainer and that’s your gf @EstinienTheTrainer time to upgrade

@Theo_Maizellien you call yourself a trainer @EstinienTheTrainer lol

@hydr3ted She got a pretty face but the rest gross @EstinienTheTrainer

@aurasdoitbest7954 YOU ARE A TRAINER AND SHE IS SO FAT @EstinienTheTrainer

“AYM’RIC!”

“WHAT?”

Estinen glared at his phone. “Thesh pepple shaid Agi ishn’t HOT!”

“Wankersh.”

@EstinienTheTrainer @chocoboman43 @BunnehB0i833 @Theo_Maizellien yeah i’m a trainer and yeah she’s my gf fu

@EstinienTheTrainer @hydr3ted @aurasdoitbest7954 so wut she’s hot :D

@EstinienTheTrainer my gf is #softnhot and i love her squishy tummy

@EstinienTheTrainer like when we sleep i just cuddle with her and she’s sooooooo soft and warm

@EstinienTheTrainer wanna hold her close give her all the cuddles

@EstinienTheTrainer when were apart i get so sad cause can’t cuddle with my #softnhot lady ☹

***

Agnes was sitting in bed reading a cheesy romance novel when her phone vibrated. “Hmm it’s a bit after midnight. What’s going on?” Agnes asked herself and unlocked her phone.

Rena: AGIIIIII YOU NEED TO GO ON BLATHER RN

Agnes: hello to you too :P Blather? Now?

Rena: YES OMG YOU’LL SEE WHEN YOU GET THERE

Agnes: k one sec

She opened the Blather app and scrolled for a second. “OH MY FUCKING GODS!”

Agnes: O_O

Rena: RIGHT?!?!! :D

Agnes sighed. “Oh dear.”

***

@EstinienTheTrainer Hey @RedbellyF00l my gf is so #softnhot you can’t stand it that’s the truth

@AgiTheTallLady Love? @EstinienTheTrainer what is going on

@EstinienTheTrainer OMG AGI <3 it’s @AgiTheTallLady my gf i love her you so much

@AgiTheTallLady I love you too <3 @EstinienTheTrainer Love, are you a bit drunk lol

@EstinienTheTrainer YES :D and i wanted to say how #softnhot you are cause you are

@RedbellyF00l Hey @AgiTheTallLady you are so lucky! He’s way too good-looking for you!

@EstinienTheTrainer NOOOOO IM LUCKY stfu

@AgiTheTallLady I quite agree my bf is hot! :D He’s also the sweetest

@SpicyJamPie Awwwww @AgiTheTallLady really is #softnhot ser ser ser u r lucky!

@EstinienTheTrainer :D :D:D when we cuddle it’s like rainbows and brownies

@momofthreelimlo Agi @AgiTheTallLady What’s it like dating a trainer as a larger woman? This momma needs to know!

@AgiTheTallLady Hi @momofthreelimlo we’re a normal couple. 😊 Just two people happy and in love.

@EstinienTheTrainer hey @momofthreelimlo agi said it we are a normal couple i think she’s the best and beautiful lady in eorzea <3 she’s like the cutest person ever and such a good heart she smiles when she sleeps and is so pretty i could just cry ;_;

@Model_RenaCalab @EstinienTheTrainer lol i’m taking screenshots :P

@randombuttbot OMG @Model_RenaCalab is friends with @EstineinTheTrainer?!?!? Do you know @AgiTheTallLady?

@Model_RenaCalab Agi is one of my dearest friends! And yes I’m also friends with Estinien. He and my bf are bffs nighty night love you all <3

@EstinienTheTrainer @Model_RenaCalab renaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nn

@AgiTheTallLady @EstinienTheTrainer Love, I’m going to bed myself. Please don’t stay up too late and make sure to drink water! TTYL ILU <3

@EstinienTheTrainer @AgiTheTallLady omgggg ilu too nn sweet dreams <3

@EstinienTheTrainer #softnhot ama ask me anythingggggg

@NUtkin Hi @EstinienTheTrainer would you ever force @AgiTheTallLady to lose weight? I mean, you’re a trainer. Wouldn’t you want to work on her?

@EstinienTheTrainer @NUtikin no no no no no no if she wants she can ask me to help but she’s pretty just as she is okay i love her <3 #softnhot

@SerafinaLomm @EstinienTheTrainer lmao omg you’re actually doing this rena and agi weren’t joking

@EstinienTheTrainer @SerafinaLomm stfu Serafina ask a question #softnhot

@SerafinaLomm @EstinienTheTrainer lmao k when are you taking my fav teacher on a vacation?

@EstinienTheTrainer @SerafinaLomm when school has a holiday ofc gonna take her to kugane or something haven’t decided she deserves the best #softnhot

@NotQuiteDadcred oh dear @EstinienTheTrainer I see someone is doing drunk blathering at 1am and for my question---when are you proposing to agi?

@EstinienTheTrainer @NotQuiteDadcred shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #softnhot

@Father_Hamignant @EstinienTheTrainer Fury preserve. Why hasn’t anyone taken away your phone?! I’m so happy Mum and Dad don’t do social media.

@EstinienTheTrainer @Father_Hamignant HAMI STFU i need my phone to blather obv #softnhot

@Father_Hamignant @EstinienTheTrainer Big brother, as much as the Fury appreciates your affection for Agnes (whom I haven’t met yet but will soon---I hear she’s lovely), let’s forgo #softnhot as a hashtag. How about #softnkind or #softnadorable

@EstinienTheTrainer @Father_Hamignant HAMI STFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

@EstinienTheTrainer @Father_Hamignant #softnhot

@Father_Hamignant @EstinienTheTrainer Fine :P Good night big brother

@EstinienTheTrainer @Father_Hamignant nn hami he’s my lil bro <3 #softnhot

@gingerlala999 @EstinienTheTrainer What made you fall in love with @AgiTheTallLady?

@EstinienTheTrainer @gingerlala999 everything true story #softnhot just soooooo cute and nice and everything beautiful

@MyericADB @EstinienTheTrainer lmao ur so drunk

@EstinienTheTrainer @MyericADB fu so r u :P #softnhot

@uldahbabe6780 @EstinienTheTrainer ru in2 fat chicks

@EstinienTheTrainer @uldahbabe6780 im into agi #softnhot she is so sexy for real and so cute and i love her i love it when i sleep on her tummy it’s so nice the best pillow

@EstinienTheTrainer ama overrrr #softnhot agi is the sweetest and cutest and has a sexy body that is so #softnhot and i wish more people would realize that #softnhot people exist and deserve love like agi i want to cuddle with her rn ;_;

@SerafinaLomm @EstinienTheTrainer you’ll see her tomorrow 😊

@EstinienTheTrainer @SerafinaLomm i know but i’m sad i want #softnhot cuddles

@SerafinaLomm @EstinienTheTrainer yo @MyericADA why haven’t you taken his phone? Lol

@MyericADA @SerafinaLomm right shoooould do that @EstinienTheTrainer

Aymeric grabbed Estinien’s phone and turned it off.

“WHAT?!”

“You. Are. Drunk.” Aymeric annunciated carefully. “I’ll get you a cab.”

“Twat!”

“Asshole!”

“Drunk bitssh!”

“Fucking pain in my ash!”

“YOU’RE A BITSSH!”

“Ssssssshhhhhhh getting cab.”

Thankfully the cab arrived within a few minutes, and Estinien passed out just after he got home.

***

Agnes: Good morning, sexy! <3

Estinien: ….is it a good morning?

Estinien: hi sweetheart <3

Agnes: lol oh dear how’s the hangover?

Estinien: never having sake again x_x apparently i caused quite a stir on blather last night

Agnes: lmao yup you were something else love but so sweet i love you <3

Estinien: i love you too <3 not sure why i felt the need to blast it onto the internet but okay lol

Agnes: because you love me obviously 😉 seems like you were quite proud to show me off as it were

Estinien: yesssssssssss want to show you off you are so sexy and adorable <3

Estinien: but please show off your titties to me :D

Anges: ESTINIEN!!!!! LOL later 😉

Estinien: ooorrrrrrrr rn before i go take a shower 😉

Agnes: lmao be patient :P

Estinien: noooooooooooooo D:

Agnes: seriously you have one in there from last week the girls haven’t changed lol

Estinien: okay hear me out but your tits are like popoto chips---you can’t have just one you gotta have them all :D

Agnes: all two boobs lol

Estinien: TWO BOOBIES BUT MANY PICS!!! :D

Agnes: omg you are out of your mind lmao

Estinien: i just really love boobies first thing in the morning it’s a hangover cure

Agnes: lmao boobs aren’t a hangover cure

Estinien: okay but they might be

Agnes: love gotta get ready for work but ilu <3

Estinien: okay ilu too so much <3

***

Aymeric: My head is going to explode x_x

Estinien: mine too or implode or just not exist

Aymeric: Rena took screenshots on Blather lol

Estinien: I HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF

Estinien: agi deserves to be known as the most beautiful woman in all the world okay

Aymeric: By the Fury, you’ve turned into a fucking sap lmaoooooo

Estinien: fuck you lover boi i just love my lady

Aymeric: fuck you you fucking drunk ass lol

Estinien: TWAT :D is this the year we don’t drink anymore on worknights?

Aymeric: …maybe ttyl

Estinien: ttyl lol

***

Rena: i took all the screenshots lol

Agnes: lmaoooooo and he’s still getting likes and comments

Serafina: thankfully most are positive 😊

Agnes: people are very into me having a super fit bf who loves me for who i am it’s so sweet ;_;

Rena <3 because you’re the best and beautiful that’s why duhhhhh

Serafina: agreed!

Agnes: aww you two <3

***

In between sessions at the gym, Estinien checked his phone. Text from Agi saying she has to take a later train. And how about Blather? He opened the Blather app and saw a new direct message from @Reporter_Reyla.

@Reporter_Reyla Hello Estinien! I’m Reyla Aliapoh from The Times of Eorzea. I write general human interest stories and was wondering if you and your girlfriend Agnes would like to be featured in an article about dating since you’re such a sensation on Blather. Feel free to message me. Have a nice day!

Hmmm, I’ll have to talk to Agi about this. I don’t want her made into some of carnival sideshow spectacle. She’s a beautiful lady deserving of respect, not ridicule. But…I could also show other guys like me that you don’t need to be afraid or embarrassed to have a partner that’s a bit different than you…and promote the gym.

Estinien: hey sweetheart <3

Agnes: hi on the train now sorry things got hectic today

Estinien: no worries lovely <3 a reporter from the times of eorzea messaged me on blather

Agnes: ???

Estinien: she wants to write a story about us and our relationship

Agnes: …oh?

Estinien: up to you if you’d want us to talk to her. i don’t mind myself, but if you’re not comfortable i’ll tell her no.

Agnes: i suppose i’m afraid of this being some sort of cruel joke

Estinien: then i’ll tell her no <3 <3 <3

Agnes: …but i think it would be good for women like me who thought they have no chance at love. give them hope.

Agnes: let’s do it 😊

Estinien: whoaaaa okay :D

Agnes: is that :D for the article or for doing it later lmao

Estinien: :D :D :D :D :D :D yes

Agnes: YOU. ARE. TOO. MUCH!!!! <3

Estinien: you are too sexy that’s why 😉

Agnes: see you soon love <3

Estinien: love youuuuuuu <3 <3 <3

@EstinienTheTrainer Hi Reyla! I spoke to Agnes, and while she has some reservations, we both agree to be featured in one of your articles.

@Reporter_Reyla Awesome! And any questions or concerns you or Agnes have, please contact me. I just saw all your blathers about her last night and thought it was so sweet! It’ll be a great human interest story for sure. 😊 When are you both available?

@EstinienTheTrainer I have a few clients in the morning, but I’m free after that. Agnes is staying for the weekend.

And so Estinien, after a night of drunken Blathering, now will be featured in an article about his lady love.

Weird shit happens sometimes. Could be worse! Could’ve been Aymeric drunk Blathering about Rena.