#esthread

[allloveisfolly]

open: m

Based on this

Essie's tired. Tired of pretending she's fine when she's not. Tired of making plans with him while already anticipating the late phone call that's going to leave her all dressed up with nothing to do but nurse her own quiet disappointment and attempt to distract herself. Tired of attempting to hold up a two person relationship entirely on her own. She's tired. She's also tired of remembering 'before'. When they were each the most important thing in each other's lives and they spent all day in classes together and went home to continue the conversations they'd already been having before falling asleep on the phone together and waking up to repeat the cycle. This morning, she'd donned a cap and gown, smiled for her mother's camera and spent the entire 2 hour ceremony craning her neck to try and find the one person she'd been looking forward to sharing this with the most. And she hates herself for believing him when he'd sworn over and over again that he'd be there. Blames herself for the pit of bitter disappointment that's lodged itself in her throat. She's choked up as she gives her valedictorian's address but the mood in the room helps her pass it off as tears of joy tinged with overwhelming nostalgia.

It's hours later now, almost midnight. After a celebratory dinner with all her family and friends in attendance (minus one obvious one), she sees his name flash on her phone screen and almost lets the call go to voicemail but the borrowed courage from the champagne in her bloodstream moves her thumb for her.

"I know this wasn't the Grammys or the People's Choice Awards or any of the other things that take up your time nowadays but it's pretty much the most important thing that's happened in my life so far and I wish that that mattered to you." The undercurrent there is that she wishes she mattered to him but she stops herself from saying it. "I know you're probably calling to say congrats so...thank you, I guess, but...I'm sure you've got something better to do."

[allloveisfolly]

"I guess not." From an objective point of view, she can completely see that he's making the 'right' choice...but that doesn't make it sting any less, doesn't make her feel any less like a fool standing in front of him. She tries for a smile but it's like the weight of her disappointment keeps the corners of her lips from lifting fully. She isn't quite sure what she's meant to do with her feelings for him or what she's meant to morph them into but that's a problem that she's putting on hold at the moment. "Right. I should head back...my friends are probably still at the bar and there are at least four more margaritas with my name on them." Drinking isn't her thing, not really, but she's seen Freddie get absolutely sloshed enough times to know that the part of her brain that's dedicated to overthinking and overanalysing might just shut itself off if she doesn't let the buzz subside.

" come on, don't make me the bad guy here. he's my best friend — he would never trust me again. " and he couldn't risk it, not when she and him had never been anything more. they had never crossed any lines, even though it had been hard for him. " you and me ... i guess we're not meant to be. "

[loveisfolly]

Sort of based on: x

Essie knows that she’s being unnecessarily reckless. She knows that she shouldn’t even be at this stupid party surrounded by people that she barely even knows but there’s something about the combination of the thumping baseline and the liquor coursing through her veins that helps drown out the sound of her own thoughts. She’s sprawled across a strange bed in a room she has no chance of recognising in lighting as dim as this and she can’t tell whose hands are running all over her body, stripping layers of clothing off as they go. She doesn’t even care though because at least she’s feeling something other than the all pervasive numbness that she hasn’t quite been able to get rid of recently. There’s the barest hint of a smile pulling on the corners of her mouth as she nods in response to a seemingly distant inquiry about getting more drinks. Then there’s a loud sound breaking the hazy mellowness of the moment and the force with which the door opens startles her. She’s barely pulled the covers up around herself before the light from the hallway comes pouring in. Between the silhouette and the easily recognisable tone of his voice she knows exactly who he is. “Before you say anything, I’m really not in the mood for one of your lectures...and I probably won’t remember anything you say when I wake up tomorrow anyway so there’s really no point.” She exhales loudly, bracing herself for the verbal onslaught that she’s sure he’ll continue with anyway.

[onyxedideas]

@hoodspeare

Essie doesn’t stop to try and flag a taxi down or try to get an uber, not with the way the current traffic situation is set up (gridlock is the actual bane of her existence). She’s moving so quickly that she’s halfway between an excessively brisk walking speed and breaking out in a full out run. She’s going straight from work. She looks even more prim and proper than he’s probably used to seeing her - impossibly high heels, fitted sheath dress and all -but she doesn’t even give it any thought. She simply doesn’t get how Roscoe could possibly be disconnected enough from the reality of his situation to allow himself to get into this sort of trouble without even considering the possible ramifications but he is and the potent combination of genuine concern and flat-out exasperation that she’s been feeling since she’d found out about his jail visit propels her to W12th street in just about half the time it should really have taken. She smacks him on the arm - not hard enough to leave a bruise but with just enough power to make a point - as she brushes off the space beside him and sits. “You actual idiot. In which alternative universe could you possibly think it was a bloody good idea to end yourself up in a jail cell. I swear to god, half the time you act like you really, genuinely don’t give a damn what happens to you at all. Like you couldn’t care less if things turn out well for you or your entire life just falls apart. It’s all just the same to you. And for the life of me I do not understand how that is. I just don’t.”

[loveisfolly]

Based on: x

There are only two things Essie is sure of at the moment. She’s just been dumped by the boyfriend she’s had for the last four years of her life and she is absolutely, unmistakably drunk. She’s at least three martinis past her tolerance limit and she knows it. It took her five tries to get the front door open and now she’s stumbling through her kitchen, fixing herself yet another drink (because at this point, one more really can’t hurt) and an accompanying snack to go with it if she can manage that. There’s a sound to her left that she pivots toward and when she notices her housemate in the doorway, she can barely manage a smile and a wave before she has to steady herself on the fridge door. “You. You’re here...and shirtless...and hot. So hot. It’s really not fair just how hot you are...and I’m very drunk...and apparently very single...and not exactly terrible to look at. We should really fuck. It’s fate. The stars have aligned.”

[allloveisfolly]

"You don't have to do that. He said he wouldn't be long." Essie flashes her boyfriend a sidelong glance and feels a twinge of something akin to embarrassment as she watches him lean in and whisper in another girl's ear. His hand rests a few inches too low on her waist to be strictly platonic and as little experience as Essie has in social situations, even she can tell what's going on. "On second thought, maybe I'll take that ride. I'll just check in with him in the morning, maybe." She tries for a smile as she reaches for her bag but what she manages is much closer to a grimace.

open starter for w/nb muses

     "come on, i'll drive you home. he's not worth all this."

[onyxedideas]

@armoredmoon​

Essie’s energy is slightly frantic; she’s never been the most self-assured person but her nerves hardly ever get the best of her. Or at least not visibly, but this time it’s written all over her face. She’s at his doorstep, shifting her weight from one foot to the other and chewing on the inside of her cheek as she waits for him to come to the door. She isn’t used to taking chances, isn’t used to being the one that has to start important conversations but she doesn’t see a way around this one. Not anymore. So she’s here. Equal parts resolute and anxious beyond all belief.

[allloveisfolly]

"And I'm just saying that it'd be pretty hard to take advantage of someone in the middle of a crowded tapas bar at 4pm. You said the last guy I went out with gave you Ted Bundy vibes and the one before that was supposedly unacceptable because he looked like, and I quote, 'a low rent Ryan Gosling without any of the charm'. I'm no expert but my taste in men can't be that shitty."

                            open to f/m/nb / plot in source !

                            ' m'just sayin' that a thank you , would be appreciated. tinder just isn't a reliable dating and or fucking pool , these days. and i'm almost positive , your match was some sort of weirdo , lookin' to take advantage of you. '

[allloveisfolly]

"Leo...you're my best friend". Essie isn't the girl that gets 'chosen'. She knows this, has accepted it, never questions it. So the words coming out of Leo's mouth don't make sense in the version of the world she lives in. Especially not from him. There's a hollow ache in her chest when she looks at him...it's the cruelest thing, really. Him dangling this in front of her when she knows he can't possibly mean it. Whatever joke this is isn't worth risking their entire friendship. "This isn't funny. It's really not."

open  : f .

"  no ... come  on  ,  don’t  just  brush  me  off  .  not  now  ,  not  when  i  need  you  to  hear  me  the most .  i  gotta  say  it  ,  alright  ?  i  have  to  or  i’ll  go  the  rest  of  my  life  wondering  if  things  could’ve  been  different .  "

[allloveisfolly]

"Of course." Essie huffs slightly and the sound is laced with rueful disappointment. Whatever liquid is running through her veins is predominantly whiskey at this point. It's the only reason she's here, in front of him, trying to find the answers to questions she's been ignoring for months now. "I'm not just Freddie's little sister though...and I know I probably don't matter as much in the grand scheme of things...and I can absolutely just go home and we can pretend that this conversation never happened...but I don't think I'll ever be drunk or stupid or brave enough to talk about this again so I just have to be sure that whatever this is that's been happening between us is all just in my head."

" i can't --- he's my best friend. you're his little sister. "

[allloveisfolly]

"He isn't usually like this. He's just had a little too much to drink and she's...well, she's gorgeous. I'm just...I wouldn't want you to think he abandons me for prettier girls all the time. He doesn't." She can hear the lack of conviction in her own tone as she attempts to make excuses for him but her loyalty to her boyfriend isn't completely dead, even if it's clear that it isn't reciprocated. She's momentarily distracted by the couple in the distance again, hands linked as he leads her up the stairs and out of sight. Essie shakes her head then as if that could ever possibly dislodge the image from her mind. She looks up at Oliver, gratitude pulling the corners of her mouth into a small smile as they exit the room. "I think I am." Her cheeks are still ablaze with embarrassment, her eyes are glassy from the unshed tears she's trying to blink back and her voice is undoubtedly shaky as she speaks past the lump that's lodged itself in her throat but it's the best job she can do at pretending she's fine. This isn't really my thing anyway. I've got 98 pages of reading left to get through before tomorrow...and I didn't get a chance to eat dinner before we left so I'm actually starving."

It's actually easier not to say anything. As it turns out Essie's boyfriend is intent on convincing her all on her own and he finds he doesn't need to point out the obvious, as much as he's tempted to walk over there and shove him. He stands a little taller, brows raising expectantly and then he's nodding as she gives in. "Yeah. Maybe." He echoes that sentiment noncommittally, because he's not so sure she should. Oliver ushers her towards the door, feeling on edge until they pass through the door and cold air hits him, his hand hovering near her lower back making brief contact before he drops it. "You okay?" He asks, fishing his keys from his pocket.

[allloveisfolly]

"You can't do that to him but you can do this to me." It isn't a question, really and she doesn't frame it as one. There's a subtle stinging behind her eyes that signals the beginning of tears and she isn't sure whether they're tears of frustration or disappointment but at this point, her eyes are already glassy. She stubbornly blinks them back but there's a wobble in her tone that gives her away regardless. "You can't hypothetically hurt his feelings but you're more than okay absolutely eviscerating mine."

" right now you are. " he shouldn't be able to see her as nothing else but it wasn't that easy. it was a big line to cross and no matter how clouded his judgement was — he couldn't do that to freddie. dark eyes looked down at her as she rambled to him. " it's not ... all in your head. but that doesn't matter. i can't do that to him, he'll kill me. he'll kill you. it can't happen. "