#espen got shorter

[roo-was-here-art]

Redraw time! Not sure how to feel abt this tbh they both have their issues...

First image: January 2023

Second image: November 2022

[melds]

𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓:  @axeattitude​ 𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄:  💞  (  pull my muse in for a messy/desperate kiss )

fringing on the edges of curtains draped thick from above, cloaked by darkness, espen lingers. in front of him is a stage that yawns long and wide, colours dancing on a neon background, and ...

... him. kerry eurodyne. his voice stretches out along the swaying masses of people, carried like a ship over thrashing waves. waves that could easily engulf him whole if he let them, but he stays strong. he overpowers them all. 

the loud, pulsating thump, thump, thump of music threatens an ache to cradle amid espen’s eardrums, but his mind is elsewhere. thoughts drift away and all he can see is him. everything else seems to melt away into a blur of black and blue, kerry becoming that much more vivid and saturated, all lights on him, swathes of colour lashing on and off his face like a dozen whips cracked ...

espen almost misses the conclusion of the concert. before he knows it, kerry’s waving off the crowd and beelining straight towards him.

kerry’s hand snags his own and the shorter of the two drags him back further into the veil of shadows—possibly to ensure no one in the audience got a cheeky peek of their affections. espen’s mind starts to form words, sentences even, but before they can lunge off his tongue—they’re kissing. the kiss is nothing short of messy. kerry trips partway during his haste and espen thanks his quick reflexes for they catch kerry mid-tumble. better that than kerry’s beautiful mug meeting its maker on the ground.

his thumb sweeps circles fondly over stubbly skin and his voice trickles warm down lips and chin. “min skat, you did wonderful.”

[renaramblesaboutcomics]

Wednesday Roundup 25.10.2017

Reviews this week are going to be a little shorter than usual, but not to worry! I’m preparing to bring the Rambles to a whole new medium by launching a podcast in the very near future with the amazing @theeffar as a guest so that we can talk about her experience making comic strips for the US Airforce, future publication plans, and a decade plus of friendship with yours truly that can be traced back to a single comic.

But for today, we have a whole lineup of comics to dig into with lots of intrigue across the board. I hope everyone enjoys!

Marvel’s All-New Wolverine, IDW’s Ghostbusters: Answer the Call, Archie’s Jughead, Marvel’s Moon Girl and ?, Dark Horse’s Overwatch, Image’s Saga, IDW’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Marvel’s All-New Wolverine (2015-present) #26 Tom Taylor, Juann Cabal, Nolan Woodard

I’ve said it many times before but it still holds true, I’m not a huge fan of diving deep and providing a big consensus in the middle of a storyline, and that is definitely true here where there were so many developments to the current Orphans of X story that Taylor is unfolding for us but also so much left to do. And that couldn’t be more clear than in the fact that we get the hints that Sarah is either knowingly or unknowingly an accomplice to the Orphans, or isn’t even Sarah at all.

My bets are on the latter because Sarah’s death being the status quo for Laura’s story is honestly something I’ve just accepted over the years, but man I would really be interested if Taylor broke expectations by actually allowing Sarah to be alive and a part of her daughters lives now, especially since he finally brought Debbie and Megan back into Laura’s life. ... One also has to wonder how nothing came up from Beast’s scans and medical exam of her but alright.

Another thing I really love is the fact that Daken and Laura act like... actual brother and sister? And are treated as such by everyone around them. There’s not a huge amount of canon supporting this interpretation of their relationship outside of Taylor’s run, but you can definitely argue that the seeds for this have been planted since their X-23/Daken crossover ages ago, and the fact that they do have so much in common and are so similar in so many respects. 

The medical stuff at the beginning, or rather the perversion of medicine that was the torture sequence Daken was going through at the start was incredibly difficult to watch, and the fact that his arm hasn’t grown back is super concerning to me, especially if there is strong hints that the same will possibly happen to Laura as the storyline continues.

There are a lot of stakes and I think, most importantly of all, there is just a lot of love for the relationships that Taylor has shown in the Wolverine family and I honestly just hope that he handles everything to do with these characters and Logan for the foreseeable future. I rarely get what I want in comics though so, here goes to me looking apprehensively toward Logan’s future resurrection with an “ugh”

This is also a small moment and not really a big part of the review overall, but the sequence I used above? Where Laura and Daken realize that they’re attacking each other and then have that fight of “Get in the car!” “No you get out of the car!” is just... so hysterical to me for so many reasons, but especially because it just sounds like siblings who can’t figure out who’s in charge.  I love it. 

IDW’s Ghostbusters: Answer the Call (2017-present) #1 Kelly Thompson, Corin Howell, Valentina Pinto

I hadn’t realized it had been as long as it had been for me since I was reading a title that Kelly Thompson was on concurrently with it being released, and I have to say, given how strong of a first issue release Answer the Call ended up being, she’s a pretty perfect fit for this series. 

As I’ve said before, the ongoing Ghostbusters IDW universe is one of its longest running and seriously compelling series to date, using the original 80s movies as its baseboard while expanding into all collective universes and mythology to continue what are fascinating and enjoyable stories which sometimes even add debt to a lot of the characters who weren’t necessarily given it in the original two movies. Which is part of the reason I was so excited about Ghostbusters 101 and also why I was really hopeful about Answer the Call. 

One of my major critiques of the 2016 movie is that there were too many concepts with a lot of potential which ultimately weren’t utilized to their full expectations, which is why a comic series with the sort of IDW development and support is exactly what could have been useful to it. Especially where the character of Patty is concerned. And so far, it seems like Thompson is delivering, having put a lot of emphasis on Patty’s history background and her general knowledge and position in the group as the period expert for the ghost they encounter really having a more prominent role (i.e. allowed to have any role) in the comic. 

Thompson has a good sense of comical timing and Corin Howell’s art really helps emphasize that. So while I was initially bummed that the long time creative team was not going to be in charge of Answer the Call, I much prefer what we got which is a different taste, and a different universe, where the 2016 ladies are allowed to truly shine on their own with their own unique voices.  And that’s all thanks to Kelly Thompson.

Archie’s Jughead (2015-present) Vol. 3 Ryan North, Mark Waid, Ian Flynn, Derek Charm

I have actually been really supportive of the relaunch of the Archie comics, albeit mostly in theory since those things tend to be rather expensive, but I don’t think that it was ever fully appreciated by me until this volume of Jughead that I came into a full understanding of just why it seemed like Riverdale needed such a makeover to begin with. 

It also adds to my disdain for Riverdale but that’s a whole other subject.

The point is, the reason Archie comics have been such a force in American comics and, honestly, American culture as a whole for decades is because when my grandparents started reading, the nature of the comedy and relationships between all the kids from Riverdale was something like a modern morality play. Easily read, easily relatable daily situations of the All-American kids of the time who learne respect, love, and friendship from each other through zany and truthfully nonconventional lessons. 

There have been small, subtle modernizations to Archie over the years, from adding to the diversity of characters to allowing Betty and Veronica’s relationship outside of Archie to develop and at times even taken center stage, so having Kevin come out as openly gay. Archie has maintained a progressively changing outlook for American youth for a while, but at the end of the day the style and the roots of being a teenage romantic comedy from the “Greatest Generation” are not something that I can say I ever saw as more relatable and real than, say, a superhero. 

But this update of the last few years has allowed for a complete change in that. It’s not just that clothes and relationships have been updated, it’s that what moralities and what behaviors are being taught in this new and crazy time. Like Jughead learning about internet autonomy and general etiquette. 

It was a fun comic, and if you enjoy Jughead or Archie in general, you obviously should pick it up, but the real value for me this time around was rediscovering what made this particular “reboot” exactly the sort of thing I wanted to see.

Marvel’s Moon Girl and ? (2015-present) #24 Brandon Montclare, Natacha Bustos, Ray-Anthony Height, Dominike “Domo” Stanton, Michael Shelfer, Tamra Bonvillain

This issue of Moon Girl and... *gasp* Oh no! Devil’s no longer around!!!

So this issue is a collection of stories allowing lots of artists and writers to take a swing at dealing with Lunella in her heartbroken and honestly rather depressed time in attempting to find a replacement for Devil Dinosaur, her best friend who she finally acknowledges as such, and ultimately with deciding that she can’t replace him and will rather work solo after trying out a roster of fellow superheroes who leave something to be desired. 

This comic as always threads the needle perfectly of being for children (read: all ages) while being grounded in mature context and understanding of the world through the eyes of a super genius who is smarter beyond her years but still very much mature for her exact age. And I think that balance is perhaps on its best display here when allowing Lunella the true mark of what makes her character so realistic and believable: smart kids are more prone to anxieties, depression, and having difficulty relating to people, especially their own age. 

This is the first issue where none of Lunella’s supporting cast feature, and that’s such a genius choice because it emphasizes that loneliness and heartbreak she clearly feels, while still stuffing the book full of cameos and guest appearances from adults showing that she is not neglected or not being looked after.

I will someday express how important coloring has become to the mood and feel of comics in the modern era, specifically as rotating artists have become more and more prominent in bigger books and tighter production schedules, but once again Moon Girl proves to be one of the best if not the best in the business at understanding and really utilizing that feature. 

Dark Horse’s Overwatch (2016-present) #11 Matt Burns, James Waugh, Joe Ng, Espen Grundetjern

I cannot even begin to attempt to pretend that I understand how Dark Horse is choosing to release its issues of Overwatch through comixology, but then again that is making it sound like I ever understand Dark Horse’s publication practices particularly with digital media so the next three entries and how they aren’t... remotely chronological is just something we’ll all have to get through together, I guess. 

So I think of the three issues this one, which surprised me by showing up in my New Comics on Wednesday nearly a week after I had finished writing the reviews I had for issues .... #14 and 15.... even though this one is #11... This whole thing doesn’t make sense, moving on. 

In any case, of the Overwatch characters, it’s probably of the least surprise that I adore the adorable and tortured backstory robot because, well, I’m me, so my love of Bastion from his short to this comic release now and the environmental message that goes along with it all just makes me so genuinely happy to read, especially with the icredible art we see in this comic.

And I definitely was not expecting to have as much enjoyment and #feels from Torbjörn coming into the story and basically making the decision to become Bastion’s companion after they have a touching moment of bonding. 

This is just a short and sweet comic I really enjoyed and would recommend to those at least interested in trying out these Overwatch freebies. 

Dark Horse’s Overwatch (2016-present) #14 Robert Brooks, Miki Montilló

Just about any time a comic is free, even if it’s promotional material, I will give it a try, which is why I have been so pleasantly surprised by the Overwatch tie-in comics over the past year. And that’s with me having almost no experience in the game itself. I’m not really a fan of multiplayer or learning curves as it were, but as you know from this blog, I’m a huge fan of superheroes and an even larger fan of character-driven world building which is precisely what these comics provide. 

AND we got two separate ones with different creative teams!

I haven’t been swept up by the intense love that Overwatch fans seem to have for Junkrat and Roadhog, but I found this origin story for the both of them but mainly through Roadhog’s perspective to be absolutely fascinating. I still have qualms with how well a Mad Max-styled Australia really fits into the more technological and advanced world of Overwatch, but it does make a way for some pretty amazing visuals in this issue.

And I have to say, Miki Montilló is the real star of the issue because the style and just beauty the artist was able to find in the grungy and somewhat terrifying world of this post-apocolyptic wasteland is really inspiring. I’m definitely keeping an eye out for their name in the future.  

Dark Horse’s Overwatch (2016-present) #15 Andrew Robinson, Joelle Sellner, Kate Niemczyk

Despite as I said before about how I don’t really have much of a dog in the Overwatch fight, I love the character designs, especially the variety presented for the women. And one of my favorite characters aesthetically who has unfortunately not been given much in the way of cinematics and comic storylines has been Zarya. I absolutely love her.

I think the storyline for Zarya’s comic is a lot more inventive and pertinent to the world building, as well as speaks to Zarya’s character. It might seem a little cheap to have her be hateful/racist toward Ominics and then ultimately work alongside and befriend one, but sometimes the tried and true formulas work and personally I think that’s the case here. And I like that we are tying her in to the more “central” narrative that’s been going through all of these anxilary material by having her tied in with Sombra and the growing conspiracy of this world government. 

Also her hacker robot friend was adorbs and we all know how I love robots. 

I will say that the art didn’t feel as unique or mood centric as the previous issue, but at the same time that straight forwardness adds to the really straightforward narrative that was being told. 

So overall really enjoyable. I hope to see more features with Zarya as well as giving the other original heroes who haven’t received focus some attention. Like really, where’s our Lucioó story already?

Image’s Saga (2012-present) #48 Fiona Staples, Brian K. Vaughan

We’re running up against, once more, that difficult challenge of properly explaining why something that is just so universally good is beloved to begin with and that can’t be said enough with Saga. 

This wasn’t the strongest issue to go out on, but it gave us a lot more reason to relate to both Squire and Ghüs, characters we’ve really not had as much time with before now or have mostly related to through their relationships with other characters like Sir Robot. 

I’m still not entirely won over by the reporters but it is interesting to see how they still are exposed to the consequences that I know I forgot about an entire story arc ago at this point. And it’s interesting to have what feels like a narrative guilt for having not been aware or actively considering their lives and what their challenges were in that time because the consequences then felt like we were neglecting them as much as the main Saga crew had been as a result. Which is a nice narrative trick on Vaughan’s part.

Hazel’s narration is a welcome return after missing it from last issue, but it’s still fairly sparse. I’m just excited at the fact that Robot and Petrichor as well as Hazel and Squire are apparently going to have more relationship focus and development to come. That’s so promising.

As for Staples’ art? What can be said? She headlines the credits for a reason and there is no character design, no environment that I don’t love and find horrifyingly surreal all at once, and this issue is no exception. I’m so excited and fearful of what is to come, especially now that the Will is captured and going to be used to take another new foe directly to Alana and Marko’s doorstep.

IDW’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2011-present) #75 Kevin, Eastman, Tom Waltz, Cory Smith, Mateus Santolouco, Chris Johnson, Ronda Pattison

What a landmark issue! 75 issues strong! The longest running, most expansive Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles property to date and it has reached a landmark issue far beyond, I think, anyone’s expectations. I genuinely could not be more grateful and more appreciative of this creative team, the love and hard work they have poured into this comic for over six years now without almost ever missing a release date, and especially for putting together this incredible, extra sized comic which ties up the current space opera and sends us right into the very next arc that I think I and many other turtle fans have been long awaiting: The Triceraton Wars.

In the upcoming podcast, I’m pretty sure that @theeffar and I will have quite a lot to talk about in regards to TMNT and our history with it, but when it comes to this series specifically I think the most outrageous and yet the most true compliment that can be offered to it is that somehow they were able to introduce elements which are common and looked forward to from all TMNT fans regardless of generation or preferred continuity, and not only seamlessly weave the elements together but manage to surprise us over and over again with the twists and turns.

Like who could have predicted that the Mirage dark and angsty Leatherhead, the 80s cartoon maniacal General Krang and suffering Dimension X Neutrinos, and the Triceraton Invasion as it was played out in the 2003 cartoon would not only play out the way it has here, but work together so perfectly that it’s unlike anything long time fans or new have seen before.

I’ve also talked about how this run of TMNT understands the multi-genre nature of having the four turtles and tie their development to particular genre storylines. This was held true as we got a lot of Don in this arc, especially Don operating outside of his brothers while the three of them worked with the Neutrino forces, and usually that would mean for the TMNT writers to move to a different genre and focal point for the next arc. But since we’re jumping right into a sci-fi storyline, but one completely opposite of the ones that Don has taken center stage in (this being a 1950s-esque Invasion movie), I wonder if we may just mix perspectives all the same. I think Raph’s been due for center stage and as we all know, he has Pepperoni to look after...

And those are the comics for this week! Did you happen to agree with me? Disagree? Think I missed out on picking up a comic that was good? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

But before I let you go, I have to (yes have to) plug once more:

I have exactly a month to pack up everything I own and move halfway across the country again which is not helping those financial crunches I mentioned before either.

As such, I really would appreciate if you enjoy my content or are interested in helping me out, please check out either my Patreon or PayPal. Every bit helps and I couldn’t thank you enough for enjoying and supporting my content.

You could also support me by going to my main blog, @renaroo, where I’ll soon be listing prices and more for art and writing commissions.

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[3one3]

The Sequel - 846

The Depth in The Shallows

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea/BVB players, and random awesome OC’s (okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

“Are you sure it’s safe? I’m not going to break my head?”

“You’re jumping feet first.”

“Am I gonna break my legs?”

“No. I just did it! Jump!”

Christina held her nose and stepped off a rocky bluff into the Aegean blue water below, which was indeed just about deep enough to be safe. She could stand up in it just a few yards from there, so she worried she was doing something phenomenally stupid. Captain Theo brought them in as close to shore as he could get off the northwest corner of the island designated as a national park a bit east of Îles d’Hyères. Lilly XO was anchored too far out to swim into the pretty cove, so Christina and André used the dinghy to get there after her morning diving lesson in the water in between the shallows and the deep. It was great fun. The Fonz helped André remember all he’d learned before, and did most of the teaching. He got in the water with them and led the way to the bottom to check out some rocks, some plants, and some fish. The experience didn’t last that long, but it was still tiring. The rider made the footballer promise they could do it again the next day, wherever they were going to be. They had some lunch after that, and played with Lukas, and did nothing on loungers in the sun while he played inside with Espen. When they grew hot and it was time for his nap, they decided to go swim in the cove and cool off. It was mostly André’s idea. He wanted to be alone with his girl for a little while.

“Did you break anything?” he asked her when she swam back to where he was sitting, where the water came up to his chest. Christina’s lazy stroke brought her right up to his face, and she let herself sink onto the rest of him.

“No. What’s my score? Did I make a lot of splash?” They were competing to see who could create the least amount of splash upon hitting the water. Neither of them was good at diving, head or feet first.  

“I’ll give you a two.”

“Hey! That’s not nice.”

“Three?” The footballer sniggered with a face full of wet girl.

“I was generous and gave you a 7. You could at least kick some of that back to me,” she pouted.

“Maybe on the next one. Or are you staying here?”

“I’m staying here for now. It’s too much work to climb up there again, and I don’t like being alone on the shore. I kept feeling like some tribe of cannibals was going to come out of the woods and kill me.”

“What makes you think they wouldn’t come in the water to take you? Between us, they’d pick you to eat, Prinzessin,” he told her while sitting up off the hands he was leaning on so that he could grab her blue and white striped behind. “This ass could feed a whole family.”

“Gross.”

“There is nothing else to eat on either of us except your boobs.”

“Do you think “We’re athletes- we’re all lean muscle and wouldn’t taste very good!” would convince them to leave us alone?”

“No.”

“Do you think there’s pizza on the next island over? I want pizza. Lulu Schü does too.”

“How do you know?”

“He always wants pizza.”

“I always want his mom.” André leaned forward with his fuzzy face to give her a smooch, and slid his hand up to her lower back to try to bring her closer still. The Up Dog position she was in on top of him made it difficult to move her. “She’s very attractive.”

“His dad used to be pretty attractive, but then he didn’t shave for a week and started looking like he’s been stuck on this island.” Christina stuck her tongue out and drew her knees up so she could kneel on the player’s thighs and get out of the water enough to be able to gather, ring out, and tie up her hair.

“I’ll shave before we go to St. Tropez if you make an appointment to get your hair done there,” her partner suggested with a pointed nod at the knot she was making. “Surely a place like that has someone who can handle it.”

“What about the length of my hair is so trying for you?” she asked back, incredulous. “It’s not like it’s on my face, or my chest.” She grabbed a tuft of his chest hair when she was done securing the hair elastic, to illustrate that he had more problematic hair growth than she did.

“Nothing at all. I just want you to have, like...the salon experience. You never have time to go get taken care of. You can get your manicure at the same time, yeah? You want to get our toes done together?” Have to use vacation while you have it, André thought. He wanted his wife to take advantage of all the free time to go get pampered a little, both because he knew she’d been wanting to kick back at a salon and let someone do her hair and nails for her instead of for a photoshoot or public appearance, and because he knew she started to feel a little gross living on the boat after a while. There was no point in making her hair nice when it was just going to be blowing around in the salty wind and in and out of the sea, getting dry and sun-bleached. Her feet got dry wearing sandals and walking around barefoot on the wooden deck, or in sand. Her skin was constantly slathered in sunscreen and then lots of lotion, which in general just made her feel dirty and oily and unpleasant. He already wanted to take her someplace nice for dinner in glamorous St. Tropez, and figured it would be perfect to send her to a salon for some primping first. With all the luxury hotels, it seemed safe to assume there would be plenty of high-end places with good stylists and “nail people”, as he thought of them.

“Are you trying to say I look rough around the edges, boyfriend?” Christina turned her nose up at him and appeared skeptical of his motives.

“No,” he laughed. “Haven’t you been wanting to go get all of your nails done?”

“Yeah.”

“So do it. I’ll go with you.”

“Mkay.” She crawled off the player’s lap and stretched out beside him to enjoy the cooling effect of the water on more of her body. The sun beating down on her shoulders and back was too hot after just a minute sitting there. She had to inch a little closer to the beach though, because the chest-height water on André was hit-her-in-the-face height when she tried to sit the same way. He laughed at her when a small swell bombarded her in the face. They both got up and moved backward a yard or so to where it was more comfortable for the shorter one, and the taller one continued to laugh at her because she kept turning around to make sure there were no cannibals emerging from the vegetation. Switching directions was vetoed on the basis that the only thing worse than a cannibal sneaking up behind her was a shark doing it. André then recommended that they sit parallel to the beach, so that they could see both the woods and the rest of the sea, and keep an eye on each other’s six. That was out because, Christina claimed, the ebb and flow of the tide would try to pull her over sideways and she’d constantly be fighting it just to sit still. It was fine when it was going the same direction as her legs, apparently.

To André, if the most significant thing plaguing her was figuring out how best to sit in the shallows off a nature preserve in the south of France with a view of her $26 million apology letter from her dad, then everything was great. Day three on the Riviera with his wife was when he turned his corner. For the first time in as long as he could remember, they could just hang out together and not think of the other layers of their lives, not worry about what was coming next or what they’d been through, not maintain a running internal commentary for analysis of how they were interacting with each other and what it meant for their marriage, and not pretend everything was fine in hopes that it would make it so. In fact, he didn’t even notice that all of that was out of the way. He didn’t reflect on anything at all until he sat there in the water with Christina and began to ask himself, rhetorically, how anyone could put so much thought into how and where to sit or lay in 18” of crystal clear water. Then he sort of absently reminded himself that that was nothing- that there were tons of other things for her to fret so much about.

“Have you talked to Mario lately?” she asked equally as absently while lifting each of her big toes up from the surface of the water in turn.

“I talk to Mario like every day.”

“Oh. Well how is he? Is he coming back for preseason?”

“Yes. He’s been training a little with his fitness coach. Actually, he told me to ask you if Stefanie is home next week or in Monaco with us.”

“She’s going to Rotterdam to ride in the Nations Cup, which is soooooo great for her. I hope she kills it,” Stefanie’s coach smiled. Her grin wasn’t as pretty as some of her others because she was squinting against the sinking sun. “Holger is bringing a groom for her, and she’s taking Dezzy too to do some really low classes, and she gets to ride with Marcus and Marco and Andreas, who you don’t know but never mind, and so it’s not like the other times when she only gets to ride with the B Team. Rotterdam is a big deal. I wish I could go with her, but Heiner and Holger will look after her. I can’t wait until we get to do one together!”

“Aw it’s cute that you’re so positive about that right now, when you know when it happens you will turn on her and be worried that she’s going to beat you,” André teased.

“Nah because we’ll be teammates.” Christina rolled her eyes. “You want your teammate to ride well. She’s a long way from being consistently good enough to compete against me in the big stuff as an individual. You can hide a little in the team. There is always a drop score. We don’t want to put her in top, top classes too much and have her lose and have it damage her confidence. She has time. It’s best for her to just keep getting as much experience as she can one level down and then do these cameos when the conditions are perfect. Ya know what I mean? I don’t want to over-class her too much. It can get demoralizing. Plus she only has one horse that can compete at that level. Jelly Bean can handle being her second horse at a Nations Cup weekend but just barely. Once we get Dezzy fully fit then we’ll see. She has more natural ability than he does, and she’s a little bit more rideable than he is, but it took us a while to get to that and we lost some of it while she was out injured. We’ll see. But you should tell Mario to never mind where Stef is and what she’s doing. She’s head over heels for this Michael guy, and I see it in her riding. He should leave her alone.”

“Riding trainer cock block, ouch,” the riding trainer’s partner chuckled. He had no intention of passing on her message though. Mario should focus on himself, he thought. He’s doing fine with the support of his family, and his friends. He doesn’t need a girl right now, but he also doesn’t need to hear that the one he’s interested in is thriving with someone else. Nope. I’ll just tell him she won’t be home.

“Gotta do what I gotta do,” Christina shrugged. “I feel responsible for her. She could be one of my greatest achievements,” she winked. “Consider my looking out for the whole girl and not just the rider like a way of protecting my investment- my time spent working with her.”

“I get it, Prinzessin. No argument.”

“Kyle will be in Monaco with us though. He’s doing the 2* with Cartito and Calvin.”

“Have you ever called that horse by the same name twice?”

“Probably not. I’m still looking for one that feels right.”

“Uhhuh.”

“Do you wish we invited friends with us this week?” the girl in the striped bikini inquired, thoughtful. She kept having to fight the instinct to fill the time. It was difficult for her to do nothing, or do the same thing for an extended period. She constantly felt like it was boring for André and that she should do or suggest something to do next. The main thing fueling the feeling was an anxiety inside about conversation. Unless she was speaking about herself or something to do with her riding, she didn’t have a whole lot to say to him. It made her slightly uncomfortable. It wasn’t like she was deliberately avoiding certain topics and thus limiting the choices. She just didn’t have much to say. It also wasn’t like they were experiencing awkward silences. They’d been talking all day- just about nonsense. Christina wasn’t used to feeling like that wasn’t enough. She kept reminding herself that they didn’t normally have deep, philosophical or intellectual chats every afternoon at any time during their relationship. But she still felt unsettled. She still felt like she was supposed to be more entertaining.

“Absolutely not,” the chief source of her anxiety snorted. “Why would you even ask that? Espen and the 6 people working on the boat are already too many. I had to drive you away on a little boat to this island to be alone with you!”

“Oh. Well...I dunno,” she squirmed, lifting her hand out of the water to fiddle with the bracelet on her wrist. It was burgundy and black cotton string in a tight fishtail braid, secured with a tiny button. She made it the week before while doing nothing with Juan, with string stolen from grooms at the show who had it on hand for mane braiding, and the extra button in the little plastic baggie that she cut off with the tag from her new show jacket. It was a lot easier to do nothing with him. There was no compulsion to entertain him when they were sitting around outside her horses’ stalls and killing time between classes. There was no struggle for conversation. She made her bracelet on the packing list clipboard and he played with the dogs.

“Why do you look like the kid lying about her dog eating the homework?” André asked knowingly after leaning all the way over to bump his shoulder into hers. He saw the squirming, and he saw the anxiety before that too. Christina could be as transparent as glass at times, especially to the footballers in her life. She usually knew it too, and it kept her from lying.

“I keep thinking we should be doing something more than...sitting in the water,” she admitted while still turning the bracelet around on her wrist. “Like going diving, and playing games with Luke, and go-karting. That stuff is great and I can tell you have fun. I can’t tell if I’m boring you or not when we just lay out on the boat, or here, or, whatever.”

“Why would you bore me?” the player asked back with furrowed brows. What on Earth is she on about now, he groaned inside. “Why would- I- Don’t get it...”

“I dunno. Sometimes I get anxious,” his girl confessed in a quiet voice streaked with sadness. “I worry that-“

“Since when do you care if I’m bored or not? I think you have planned shopping trips with boring me to death specifically in mind.”

“Yeah but, that was a long time ago...”

“Not that long ago.” I hate this. No guy wants to hear his girl say she gets anxious around him and not mean it in some sexual context. We were doing so good...

“I’m just telling you how I feel,” Christina bristled.

“Okay. Calm down. You’re getting defensive like I reacted badly. I didn’t. I’m trying to understand,” André explained. He was trying to stop her from pulling the pin out of the grenade. To him it was as if tension cropped up out of nowhere and then grew exponentially by the word, but all on her side. She was sliding the pin out for no good reason. He thought she wanted the explosion.

“And I’m trying to tell you that- That I- It’s like...I don’t know,” she sighed. “Sometimes I feel this pressure to entertain you and make you visibly happy, and then I guess I get upset because I never felt that before. That’s like how you feel on a first date or something.”

“I don’t get how you end up in these terrible thought spirals. A minute ago everything was fine. For three days, everything was fine. We’ve done a lot of nothing in three days. Why just now are you feeling pressured?”

“I have no idea! I just want not to.”

“Okay. Well take a deep breath and relax,” the BVB man advised, a hand kneading at the nape of her neck. “I really like being alone with you, regardless of what we’re doing. I don’t want to hang out with friends, or do activities 24/7. This is my holiday. I’d be happy to spend this entire week on a towel next to you. Shit, Chris. Where do you find in your head that I don’t want that? Where does that idea come from? I don’t get that. I don’t get what I’m doing that could make you think that.”

“You’re not doing anything, and I don’t know where it comes from. That’s why it’s so frustrating.” Christina puffed out her cheeks and then sat up Indian-style to relieve a budding ache between her shoulder blades. “I just want it to go away,” she added, eyes on her legs.

I don’t know what to say to that, her partner realized. I think maybe she’s getting anxious because SHE doesn’t like doing nothing with me. You have to let the guard down and fully relax and be real, and you can’t do that with just anyone. You can’t hide behind a detailed conversation, or an activity. Especially her. She doesn’t get comfortable with most people. That used to be our thing. You feel good because you’re the one she loves to be herself with.

“I’m sorry. I hate that my inability to be a normal, emotionally stable person gets in the way of so much stuff.”

“You’re not getting in the way of anything. I’m glad you’re talking instead of hiding everything,” he told her. It took real effort to keep the indignation out of his tone. She was right. She could be very frustrating. “And I’m not bored, and you don’t have to entertain me, and you’re not unstable, and it’s not a problem that you have feelings. Everybody has feelings.”

“Can we go out into deeper water? My face is so hot.” And you’re making me feel like a foolish child, the rider added to herself. I hate how whenever I try to tell him, or Juanin for that matter, how I feel and what’s going on in my head, they have to talk me down like I’m some kid who needs reassurance. I hate how all this emotional garbage is back again. Half an hour alone with him and it’s back. What does that mean?

“Yeah, let’s go.”